#but I'll throw in pining!sam too bc what nonnie says does make sense

[meowmeowmessi]

You know in season one ep 19 (I’ll paste the trascript)

[DEAN: (Softly) And... I don't mean any disrespect but I'm sure this is about Jessica, right? Now I don't know what it's like to lose somebody like that.... but... I would think that she would want you to be happy.

SAM is quiet and listening now, tears in his eyes.

DEAN: God forbid have fun once in a while. Wouldn't she?

SAM: (softly) Yeah I know she would.

SAM gives a half smile, then sighs heavily.

SAM: Yeah you're right. Part of this is about Jessica. But not the main part.

DEAN: What's it about?

SAM refuses to answer. ]

Like whats the main part Sam? Is it wincest? Is it pining!Sam how am i suppose to interpret this??? And what was the secret he was keeping in at the end of the bloody mary episode?

I was sooo confused when i first watched it (before being a wincest shipper) but now allll im seeing is pining!wincest in season one. Like???

I'm glad wincest made you see the light, nonnie!!! Welcome to the family! We have cookies :DDD

It's 100% pining!Sam on the first one for me. After all, the night Dean whisked him away from Stanford was the happiest night of his life, we all know this now. But I don't think he realizes his own feelings yet. But he knows guilt, because his girlfriend burned to death on a ceiling, yet his heart soars at Dean's off-key singing, at the way he drums his fingers on Baby's wheel in tune with the music (even though he complains about it, like any little brother worth his salt should). Even something as inane as Dean scuffling with him over his laptop sends warmth shooting through his chest, and that has him frowning, because as much as he loves his annoying big brother, his girlfriend just died, dammit. So maybe there's hurt in there, too, because here's Sam, trying to sort through his jumbled up emotions, and then there's Dean, adamant on pushing him into the arms of yet another woman.

But little does he know, Dean's pining, too. And worse still, he knows he's pining. Been pining for years. What made Sam's eyes bleed is the secret of his psychic powers, but Dean's not sure what made his eyes bleed: he's got too many damn secrets, too many to choose from, some darker than others. The trucker in Tennessee who'd looked at Sammy in his sweet sixteen for a minute too long, who'd been swiftly sent to the hospital with a wrung jaw; his selfish happiness at Sam's life burning away to ash because that means he can keep him; the ache he felt at every smile little Sammy threw at him finally clicking into place when his little brother wrapped his arms around him under the 4th of July fireworks.

The ache he feels even now as he watches Sam kiss Sarah.

"That's my boy," he says to himself, smiling, but his voice sounds thick to his own ears, too far away, mind screaming this is it this is it you idiot you pushed too hard and now he's falling into someone else's arms and, this is where you lose him this is where you finally lose him-

But then Sam's walking toward him, giving him a questioning look, and Dean moves away from the passenger side door -the one he'd been leaning against- on autopilot, mind in a haze. Sam's already folded himself into the passenger seat that still knows every groove of his body so well, and he's looking up at Dean with wide eyes.

"Dean? Aren't we leaving?"

And Dean's fingers unclench from around the impala keys at that, chest feeling light. Like a hand that had his heart in a fist had finally let go.

You get to keep him, the same heart sings.

This time, at least. Just for a little longer.