#but I think it would lend toward a “sinner��� position which would be crazy because that Atsushi would then probably be the reason why Fyodor

[alxastrx]

When you're one of the most selfish mc who only saves people because it's part of a job you never wanted and did not get to chose or you would've died, who took your co-workers' morals and ideals because you didn't have any and desperately wanted to fit in somewhere, be it with the heroes or the villains, who's activelly haunted by one the most tragic past to have been created and suffer from a psychosis so bad (dare I say schizophrenia) that even your enemies acknowledged that you are mentally ill and objectively flawed in your judgement, never hesitated to try to kill anyone and has the most egoistic reason to be a good person but the fandom still thinks you're just a kind crybaby "I don't know what a gun is" homosexual twink.

[mividadelicioso]

Musings and Turkey Chili My Way

Day #8289273479 of quarantine and a Monday, at that, trying to maintain my sanity and catch up on world news...which is nothing but COVID-19, as is the norm. The new norm of our world; a virus that is ravaging everyone, on a physical side, financial side, mental side, etc. What a crazy time it is to be living in, thinking back 3 months ago, would I have ever thought we would be in this position? 

I mentioned this to homie yesterday, how crazy it is to think that, had I NOT quit my traveling job last year, that at this point in time, we would’ve been states apart from each other, for the most prolonged period of time than either of us are used to. Not only that, but that, MAYBE, our relationship wouldn’t have weathered this virus either. It makes me think about the universe at large and who moves these pieces around in our lives, and the idea that our choices, and our paths have already been predetermined. Or even the thought that if it’s meant to be, then it’ll happen; I feel like there are so many holes in that theory. In the end, everything seems to be cyclical in one sense or another. For instance, the saying, “things happen for a reason...”, but the things that happen, happen in large part, because of the decisions we made toward that particular path, or event that has occurred. So, does it happen, because it is meant to be? Or does it happen, because I made the choice to make it happen (whether it is the correct path or not)? The saying lends itself to fate, essentially, but there really is no fate involved, when we are consciously making the choice on our own. Or does fate lead us to that choice? I suppose if you follow that vein of thought, then the saying might make sense, and be applicable. In the end, it all comes down to what a person believes, and we all believe different things, right? 

I have never been a religious person; I mean, like almost every child, I’m sure, I was raised in a household that believed itself to be a firm believer in a particular faith, in my case, it was Catholicism. Both sides were/are firmly rooted in that faith, and so by proxy, so were my parents, and by proxy, myself (even though as a child, and preteen, I had no idea what it meant to be Catholic). I never got Communion, so obviously, at some point we fell off. It was when I was young, probably around 9 or 10, and it was myself and my mother that pulled away from it; we decided to try out the non-denominational route, and found that the same 2-faced people we encountered in the Catholic church, we encountered in the non-denominational churches as well. All this to say, and realize, that it doesn’t matter what faith you’re in, or what church you are going to, you will always run into those people that believe they are holier-than-thou, or are trying to convince themselves they are, and will belittle you as much as possible to make themselves feel they are closer to their God. At that point, we stopped going at all, and I was fine with that. I took Biology 2 in my junior college career, and that was when I opened my mind to the possibility of no actual god existing, that maybe Evolution could be a thing. And I remember hiding my belief in shame, because I thought my parents would be mad, would be ashamed of me, and that, it would make me a sinner. Somehow, I was open to this idea, but still feared the wrath of a G/god. Eventually I had this conversation with my Mom, I distinctly remember, at a table, next to Auntie Anne’s pretzels, in the middle of a mall. I remember the relief in her voice, when she said she felt the same way, and that she had read different books regarding religion, that she had read the Bible front to back, and that she didn’t feel there was a one, true God. She also said not to mention anything to my Dad. Since that time, I’ve gone back and forth in my mind; in the beginning, I think it was ultimately laziness. I had other priorities in my life than religion and being devoted to something bigger than myself, that I couldn’t see, and there were no confirmed facts that it existed. Why would I waste my time going to church, worship groups, reading the Bible, all in the belief in this invisible individual that had the power to create everything we touch, taste, smell, hear, and even think? I moved on from that thought and have been sitting in this purgatory of thought, this thought that H/he may exist, and I respect that, but I do not presume one way or the other, and based my actions off of that. I guess this could be another way of saying I’m lazy, but it is truly how I feel. And the fact is, the likelihood that any evidence will turn up in regards to this, is very slim...the slimmest of the slim shadies (couldn’t help myself lol). 

Sometimes I do feel bad, because when moments are the hardest, or I am struggling the most, I turn to prayer...because I guess putting my distress and burdens on someone else’s shoulders, even if they may not exist, makes me feel better. I make no promises to this thing or individual, this entity that I’m praying to, because I’m not going to ask for something and promise I will worship them after, I just say that I give many thanks. I don’t really know where I was going with this post, except to say, that I’ve often felt like religion is used just as a thing to make people feel better. Human beings often need an explanation for the shitty things that happen to them, and need to feel like such a shitty thing happening has a deeper meaning, as if to justify why it happened, so they can eventually get over their anger and depression. Unfortunately, I am guilty of the same sometimes. 

We are in a time of reflection, of not only the age we live in, and what we have contributed to the world, whether positive or negative, but also of what we really believe in, and what do we truly value and appreciate in this world. Technology is not always the answer. 

No food photos today, even though I did cook a meal. Sorry, folks. 

-FoodieOUT-