#but I knew it wouldn't work and I'd end up having some kinda hyper paranoia trip or something instead

[laurelindebear]

Why don't I know anything??

I just don't know enough, do I. I keep trying to write about things I just don't know or understand and it's ridiculous. I'll never be able to research and learn enough and still finish anything. If I'm actually going to do this, it has to be something I have some expertise in, which would be a lot easier if I weren't a goddamned flighty dilettante who can't commit. I'd have that damn PhD I always wanted if I could, wouldn't I?

I mean I can write about depression and anxiety and religious trauma and self-loathing but I don't even wanna read that, let alone write a story about it. I know shockingly little about the place where I live and I'm not sure I care enough to learn. If I ever knew anything about the place I grew up, that place is gone now. (Chrissie Hynde would know what I mean, I guess, except at this rate I'll never go back....)

I was actually writing a little again for the first time in weeks and now one stupid little metaphor comparison has tanked me. (Well, and a fresh reminder that anything I can do, someone else can do better.)

Fuckity.