#but I am the guy who takes care of morning things and I'm crabby as fuck

[troonwolf]

also insert rant about how a framework to identify something is just that - a framework. kind of irrelevant anyway because I can clearly see how endos would fit into the BITE model based on the info I’ve been gathering in that tag/personal experiences (which would have been interesting to talk about if anyone had approached me with good faith and not just acted like I’m an idiot)

but even if it didn’t it’s irrelevant because there’s legitimately like 6 different frameworks that can be used to identify cults and the point of a framework isn’t “something has to fit into every aspect of this to be called that”, it’s a guide to help people realise the situation they’re in and leave it

if your usage of any of these cult frameworks is “oh well it fits into all the aspects except one! So i guess it’s not a cult :3″ you’re doing it completely wrong. that’s like looking at an abuser-red-flag checklist and being like “well he does all of these things except one so I guess it’s ok that he takes my car keys and won’t ever let me go outside, because he doesn’t beat me :)”

and with endos specifically, the only aspect that doesn’t fit into cult frameworks is they don’t have a singular leader. (which not all frameworks even require- the BITE model being one of them, because it’s directly about thought programming, which doesn’t require a leader, only a group consensus) but they do have a very fucked up hierarchy they self-enforce. which is. the point.

[timeoverload]

Today was ok I guess. The morning was boring. I was just going through the motions as usual and I didn't want to be there. I tried to distract myself with music. I haven't been listening to music as much lately and I think it's because I hate using tidal now. It's really hard to find new stuff to listen to on there. I started using spotify again and I missed it. That made my day a little more bearable.

The afternoon was also pretty boring. I was ok with that because I didn't feel like doing a ton of shit. It was also 80 degrees in our department because the air conditioner wasn't working correctly again. One of the doctors got crabby because the sharp westcott scissors in his set weren't sharp enough. They had to open 7 peel packed westcott scissors because he wasn't happy with any of them. Some of them were labeled as sharp, but they were actually blunt. It's so hard to tell sometimes because they have been sent out for sharpening many times and the tips on the older ones are a little warped. He told the tech that whoever put the tray together needs to relearn the instruments. I think I was the person who wrapped it, but it was also a new tray that the coordinator had set up so I didn't look that close at it because she said it was good to go. It probably wasn't my fault but it irritates me that he talks to people that way. He is just grouchy all the time like a lot of the other doctors. I understand that they have a hard job but they don't need to take out their stress on other people. I just don't care for him too much because he has a history of being rude to everyone, including patients. One time he called a patient and he yelled at them. He told them they needed to get to the hospital now or he wouldn't do their surgery for them. Their surgery wasn't even scheduled until later in the day so he had no right to do that. A couple years ago, he ran into me super hard because he wasn't looking where he was going. I almost fell over and he didn't apologize. He just kept walking. He's a jerk with no manners.

The guy that has a crush on me was being weird again. He came up to me earlier and started talking about going to the movies. He asked me if I like going to movies because there's a new one coming out that he said looks good. He didn't ask me directly, but I could tell that he was trying to see if I would go with him in a roundabout way. He was very nervous when he was talking to me about that so it was pretty obvious. I told him I would just wait until that movie was out of the theaters so I could stream it instead. He got disappointed and backed off. I don't care. I don't get paid enough to deal with his shit. I'm still upset about what he said to me last week. I also catch him observing me often and it makes me uncomfortable because I feel like he is studying me or something. He makes comments about the little things I do that I don't think anybody else notices. Later in the day, he came to ask me for advice. He was asking me why people don't take him seriously and he asked me how I think he could fix that. I told him he needs to stop joking around constantly and maybe people will. He acted like he was surprised, but maybe he will listen. I still want to get away from him.

I am glad that I got off work on time and I didn't have to scramble to get shit done before I left. Tomorrow morning is also going to be easy for me. I only have 3 cases. I have 15 in the afternoon so that is going to be lame. I'm not going to think about it anymore right now. I'm sure it will be fine.

I really hope I hear back about that job sometime in the near future. I want to quit so bad. I have been waiting for the right opportunity to leave and this is it. I knew I didn't want to settle on just any job. I want to be somewhere that I will be happy and be respected. I want to be able to pester my favorite person/boyfriend every day. ;) Hopefully everything will get sorted out soon.

I also want to have fun now. I don't want to be in this room anymore. I am tired of bugs. I realized that I haven't been getting spider bites at night like I thought I was. The bites are too small to be spider bites. I'm not covered in them. There are just a few little spots on my legs but they are so itchy. I actually think I have some kind of mites living in my bed. I guess that's what happens when you have a 16 year old mattress. I know it's not bed bugs or fleas, thankfully. I can't see whatever it is that is doing that. I'm glad it's not too serious but I am uncomfortable. I don't think I am going to be able to get rid of them unless I take everything out of here and deep clean. I am going to do some cleaning this week so hopefully I can make it a little more bearable. I don't think it will affect anyone else in the house because everyone else's room is a lot cleaner than mine is. I can't wait until I can throw this bed in the dumpster where it belongs. I think I would probably cry if I could sleep in a nice bed. I don't want to live like this anymore.

I don't want to do anything the rest of the night as usual. I think about all of the shit I want to do all day and then by the time I get here, I don't have any motivation left. It's so annoying. I wasn't always like this. I already took a shower so now I just need to make food soon. I am going to relax and I will try not to stay up till 11:30 like I did last night. I hope that tomorrow will be a good day.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow. Thanks for listening to me vent about stuff. :) 💖💖💖

[cocomaxley]

The Start of Forever

This is a part of a TRR A/U called Cordonians Gone Wild, a collaborative effort by @ao719 @speedyoperarascalparty @leelee10898 @riseandshinelittleblossom and yours truly. Catch up HERE.

Summary: A look back to when Rashad proposed to Genevieve and the couple’s engagement party.

Rating: NSFW, mature and very bad decisions.

Tag List: @hopefulmoonobject @fullbeaumonty @brightpinkpeppercorn @katurrade @krsnlove @alj4890 @zaffrenotes @annekebbphotography @carabeth @moneyfordiamonds @give-me-ernest-sinclaire @3pawandme @indiacater @ooo-barff-ooo @ownworldresident @tornbetween2loves @perfectprofessorherokid @stopforamoment @editboutique @wannabemc2 @enmchoices

Flashback to One Night in Vegas…

Rashad led Genevieve out to a waiting limo and they both got into the backseat.. He laced his fingers with hers and smiled at her. “Where are we going, honey?” she asked. He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it, “You'll see. It's a surprise.” They arrived at an airfield and he led her to a waiting helicopter. He helped her into the front seat before getting into the pilot seat. “A helicopter ride? Just like our first date,” she said with a big smile on her face. “The past year and a half has gone by really fast hasn't it?” She asked him.

“It's been the best year and a half of my life, Gen. Do you remember how hard I fought my feelings for you? I think it's because I knew...I knew you were the one and I was terrified.” He looked at her with such love on his eyes it made her own well up with tears.

“Well I'm glad you finally gave into those feelings. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you, Rashad. So…are you going to tell me where we are going?”

“You really don't like surprises, do you?” He said with a chuckle, “I just thought it would be nice to have time just you and me and see the Vegas lights at night.”

She looked around, it truly was a breathtaking view of Las Vegas. He turned the chopper and flew over the main strip. She pointed, “There's the Bellagio fountains. It looks amazing up here. Oooh look at Caesar's Palace, the sign looks like there's a proposal…” her mouth fell open and he laughed. She turned to him with wide eyes, “Rashad...that says…” she put her hand up to her mouth.

“Genevieve Sanchez, you are the most amazing woman I have ever met. You are funny, caring, kind, beautiful inside and out. I have known from the moment I saw you that you were the one. My only regret is letting my fear stop me from being with you sooner. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you...will you marry me?” He looked at her with vulnerable eyes as tears streamed down her face.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! I can't wait to marry you, Rashad!” He landed the helicopter and pulled a box out of his pocket revealing a gorgeous round cut engagement ring with a criss cross band that he slid onto her finger. She unbuckled her seat belt and launched herself into his arms. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a passionate kiss. She put her hand at the back of his neck deepening the kiss. When they finally broke apart, he put his hand up to her cheek, “You have made me the happiest man in the world. I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to make you just as happy.”

He helped her out of the helicopter and pulled her into another deep kiss. “I love you, Rashad. So much.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

He took her hand in his and said, “We should go find the others and share our news. Then you and I are having a private celebration.”

The Engagement Party…

Genevieve looked at her reflection in the mirror. She was wearing an off the shoulder, fitted white lace dress with long sleeves. Rashad walked up behind her and kissed her neck, “You look beautiful, wife to be.”

She turned around, “You're looking quite sexy yourself, husband to be.” She walked to her jewelry box and put on the ruby and diamond bracelet that Rashad had given her some time ago. She was about to put on a necklace when he stopped her. “I have something for you.” He handed her a black velvet box. Inside was a necklace with marquise and pear shaped diamonds and round cut rubies. She turned to him wide eyed. “Rashad, this is beautiful. Is this from your family's collection too? It matches the bracelet.”

“Actually no, it's new. I had it designed for you. Let me help you put it on.” He stood behind her and clasped the necklace around her neck. They both took a moment to look at it in her reflection in the mirror.

“I have something for you too,” she walked over to the dresser and pulled out a wrapped gift box. He opened the box revealing a pair of cufflinks. “Is that our house crest on there?” He asked as he started replacing the cufflinks he was wearing. “Anitah told me about a place that does custom engravings, so I thought the Domvallier crest was perfect. She picked it up for me when she went to China last month.”

“I can't wait to marry you, Gen,” he leaned down and kissed her lips. “Now let's go before my father comes looking for us,” he chuckled. Genevieve loved Demetrius. Since her family was so far away, it was nice to have a father figure in her life, especially one as kind and good natured as him.

They walked hand in hand to the estate’s ballroom to greet their guests and start the party. After dinner, Rashad and Genevieve walked around and mingled with their guests. “Lord Rashad, Genevieve, it's nice to see you again,” Sebastian walked up with a pretty woman with dark hair and dark eyes on his arm. She felt Rashad tense up next to her. “You remember Alexis, don't you, Rashad?” Genevieve turned to him and his jaw was clenched in anger.

“Genevieve, meet Alexis. Rashad's former fiancée,” Sebastian said with a smirk. “It's nice to meet you, Alexis. Thank you for coming today,” Genevieve said with a smile.

“Sebastian, may I have a word?” Rashad said in a cold tone. After they left, Alexis stood next to Genevieve, “Ah so you are the one he settled for...Sebastian told me he was getting pressured to marry so he had no choice but to finally propose.”

Genevieve turned to her and smiled coldly, “Spoken like a true scorned woman. Rashad asked me to marry him because we love each other. It's funny he never once mentioned your name. Sounds like you didn't mean all that much to him.”

Before she could walk away, Alexis grabbed her arm, “Maybe he didn't mention me because deep down he wishes that we were still together. I'm here to remind him of that.”

“Bitch…” before she could finish her sentence, Sebastian walked up and led Alexis to the other side of the room. Genevieve walked into the hall and sat down trying to calm her nerves. She and Rashad didn't discuss his prior engagement in great detail. He never told her how he felt other than that the breakup left him in bad shape, which is why he didn't date for a long time. His father decided that he would step down once they were married which meant that Rashad would be taking over as Duke and she would become Duchess. She couldn't help but feel like Alexis may have been right, that he was settling or worse. What if he never truly got over his ex-fiancée?

A short while later, she felt the bench seat next to her sink as someone sat down. She looked up and saw Sebastian sitting next to her. “Are you alright? You look upset.”

“Yes, I'm fine. I just needed to get some air and clear my head,” she stood up and he held her arm.

“Please stay. I didn't mean to intrude it just looked like you needed someone to talk to, especially after all those things Alexis said to you,” he gave her a comforting smile. “Judging by your reaction, it seems like he hasn't been honest with you about his relationship with her. They were together for three years. He proposed after two. They were so happy together, so in love. After he started his company, they started drifting apart. He was gone more than he was home. So she broke up with him, but I don't think he ever really got over her. He told me one night that he would always love her, and if she ever gave him another chance, that he would take it. No matter the circumstance.”

She felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. “Excuse me, Lord Sebastian. I must check on something for the party.” She got up and walked down the hall into Demetrius’s study. She sat in the chair and tried to keep the tears from falling. She heard a knock on the door and she quickly wiped the tears away, hoping her eyes weren't red and puffy.

Pam poked her head in the door, “Hey, why are you hiding in here? What's wrong, Gen?” She entered the room followed by Anitah, Alicia and Stephanie.

She smiled, “I'm fine. Just a little overwhelmed, that's all.” Pam gave her a look and she knew that Pam wasn't buying her act. She hung her head and said, “Do you guys think that Rashad...that he settled by being with me? That maybe I'm not good enough to be Duchess or even his wife?” She couldn't hold the tears back anymore and they started to fall down her cheeks.

Anitah had an angry look on her face when she asked, “Who the hell told you that?”

Pam looked at her, "Why the hell would you think that? You have never once questioned your relationship...why now, Gen?"

She wiped her face and caught her breath. She explained everything that Alexis and Sebastian has told her about Alexis being the love of his life, and how heartbroken he was when she ended things. Sebastian adding salt to the wound with the comment that he would run back to her if given the opportunity.

“Aw, Gen don't listen to them. They’re just trying to screw up your night,” Stephanie said, patting her shoulder.

Alicia crossed her arms, “I'm going to punch that bitch in the face!”

“Besides, that man loves you so much. He puts up with your crabby ass every morning, and he still asked you to marry him,” Pam giggled.

Genevieve laughed, “Thanks, guys. I'm so lucky to have my squad.” She pulled all of them into a group hug. They walked back into the ballroom and Rashad walked up to her with a big smile on his face.

“There you are, I couldn't find you, and I was starting to worry,” he said placing a soft kiss on her cheek. “What's the matter? You look like you've been crying.” She shook her head, and her eyes welled up with tears again.

Rashad gently took her by the arm, led her into the hallway and into an empty room. “Are you alright? I didn't know he was bringing her.” She faked a smile, “I was just surprised. You never really mentioned her before...” she tried to keep her voice even as she continued, “She said some things…Sebastian said some things and they got in my head.”

He tilted her face to look at him, “What did they say? I can tell that it's bothering you, and I want to set your mind at ease.”

She told him about her conversation with both Alexis and Sebastian. His face contorted with anger and then turned to concern, “Sweetie, none of that is true. Yes, I was engaged to her, and at the time I thought I loved her. After I met you, I realized that what I felt for her was nothing compared to what I feel for you. I love you. I am not settling. If anything you're the one settling because I don't feel like I am good enough...for you.”

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. She rested her face against his chest, trying not to cry. “I love you. I'm sorry for being silly and feeling insecure.” He chuckled and kissed her forehead, “You're not being silly or insecure. Alexis and Sebastian are the worst kind of people. I know for a fact that he still wants to court you, even though our engagement is official. So bringing her here as his date was probably part of his plan to try to rip us apart.” He sighed, “I might kick his ass tonight. I was close during the auction, but he crossed a line today by upsetting my fiancée during our engagement party.”

“Well I might bitch slap her because I hate her,” she said with a laugh. He placed his finger under her chin and tilted her face up to look at him. He leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on her lips. There was a knock on the door and Demetrius walked in, “Come on you two love birds. The guests are looking for you. My darling girl, are you ok?” He walked up to her and pulled her into a hug. “I'm fine now, all I needed was a hug from my future father in law,” she hugged him tight and they returned to the party.

Rashad led her onto the dance floor and held her close while they danced. She looked at Alexis who was staring at them with narrowed eyes. Genevieve flashed her a smile before pulling Rashad into a deep kiss. “I love you,” he whispered into her ear. She looked up at him, “I love you too.”

Demetrius walked up to the microphone and the crowd quieted down waiting for him to speak. “I want to thank you all for joining us to celebrate my son and future daughter-in-law's engagement. As a father, I can't express how proud I am to have you as a son, Rashad. You are driven, ambitious, dedicated and loyal. After we lost your mother, we only had each other. I did my best raising you on my own, and I can honestly say that I've done a damn good job,” he chuckled before continuing, “I love my family more than life itself, and I am so happy that in a two short weeks, it will expand to include this wonderful woman. Genevieve, I have never seen my son so happy as I have in the past two years. When he came home and told me that he met ‘the most amazing woman’, I knew that he had found his other half. I knew that because that's how I felt when I met his mother. Thank you for making him happy and for loving him. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness because you deserve nothing less.”

Rashad wiped the tears from his eyes before pulling his father into a hug. Genevieve had given up on wiping her face and her tears flowed freely. She joined the two men and wrapped her arms around both of them.

At the end of the evening, Rashad and Genevieve bid their guests farewell. Alexis and Sebastian approached them. Demetrius was the one to address them, “Thank you both for coming today.”

“Demetrius, it was wonderful to see you. It's really too bad, I know how much you would have loved for me to be your daughter-in-law,” Alexis said with a wicked smile.

Genevieve took a step forward, and Demetrius placed his hand on her shoulder as he spoke to Alexis, “My dear, you really need to move on. Rashad found the love of his life and quite frankly, I prefer her as my daughter-in-law.” He squeezed Genevieve's shoulder. Alexis’s jaw dropped, but no words came out.

“Good night, Alexis. I'm afraid your RSVP for the wedding has turned up missing,” Genevieve said with a smile, “don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you, darling.”

“Thank you for that,” Genevieve said to Demetrius. He smiled at her and kissed her cheek, “No need to thank me, it was the truth. Besides, I never did like her.” He laughed and wished them goodnight. “I love your dad,” she said to Rashad as she laced her fingers with his while they made their way back to their quarters.

When the door was closed, he pinned her up against the door and kissed her hard. She pulled the lapels of his jacket to deepen the kiss, her tongue gaining entrance into his mouth finding his. Their lips remained locked together. He lifted her leg around his waist and she could feel him harden against her. “I love you, Rashad.”

“Let me show you how much I love you, sweetheart,” He lifted her up by the backs of her thighs and carried her towards the bed. He set her down and unzipped her dress, allowing it to fall at her feet. Rashad let out a growl, and he quickly removed her bra and thong. She pushed his jacket off of his shoulders and made quick work of his shirt and the fastenings on his pants. He kicked off his pants and boxers and lowered her onto the bed. He kissed her neck and slowly trailed kisses down her body. He stopped at each breast and licked her nipples into hardened buds. “Mmmm, Rashad,” she moaned, running her fingers through his hair. He continued to move lower, settling between her legs, placing feather light kisses on her inner thighs. He slipped a finger into her wet center, and she let out a moan as he pumped his finger at a steady pace. He added a second finger and his tongue found her sensitive nub. “Oh God, Rashad!” His tongue continued to swirl around her clit and he felt her body tensing. She gripped his hair as he continued to lick and suck at her clit. Pleasure coursed through her body and got more and more intense until she came undone yelling, “Yes! Yes! Oh my God!”

After he felt her body relax, he made his way back on top of her. He lined his long hard length with her wet entrance and thrust into her slowly. He groaned at the feeling of her stretching around his hard cock. He thrust into her at an agonizingly slow pace, enjoying the feeling of her around him. “Gen, you feel so good,” he moaned. She wrapped her legs around his waist, making him go deeper, hitting that spot. She could feel another orgasm building and she moaned, “Rashad, I'm…ohhh!”

“Cum for me, Gen,” he said in a low tone, increasing his pace until she came apart again screaming his name. “Fuck, Gen!” He felt her walls pulsing around him and his movements became more erratic until he came, spilling himself inside her. He leaned down and captured her mouth in a passionate kiss before lying down next to her on the bed. He gathered her up in his arms, and she laid her head on his chest. “I love you. I can't wait to make you my wife.” She smiled at his words, “I love you too.” They both closed their eyes and fell asleep in each other's arms.