#but 'Batman: Sex-Positive Role Model' is a hilarious concept to me

[suzukiblu]

"Then everyone would think you had sex with me" NOT TO MENTION VOLUNTEERING AS A COPARENT? ohhh kon bby 🥺 lowkey want clark to recommend bruce as a sex-positive role model. batman knows exactly what its like to enjoy sex and have a surprise child

"Dude, the only reason we've never had sex is because you guys all still think I'm four," Bart says, rolling his eyes in exasperation. "Which is really funny coming from a guy who's technically even younger than me, for the record, but whatever. And, well, also I guess we've never had sex because you were keeping a lid on all this anyway. But otherwise I would've climbed you like, a million years ago, subjectively speaking." 

"When you thought I had a dick, yeah," Kon says tightly. 

"Actually I didn't really know what you had?" Bart admits with a careless little shrug. "Like I usually assume that Cassie has a cunt and Tim has a cock, but I always just make up random stuff when I jerk it to you, because like what do I know about Kryptonian genitalia or whatever, right? And also it's fun. But I do kinda prefer the options where I'd get to fuck you so this isn't really a dealbreaker for me. Actually this is pretty much the opposite of a dealbreaker for me because this implies I could fuck you, well . . . you know. Full speed. Since presumably your, like, natural lubricant would stand up to that a lot better than the store-bought shit does. Like just given your specific set of superpowers and everything." 

Kon briefly glazes over at that thought, because that thought is . . . a thought, alright. 

"Uh," he says.