#btw emotions aren't like. moral. nobody is automatically a better person just because they feel love or empathy or whatever

[sparky-is-spiders]

Okay I'm actually obsessed with the idea of Jon not really feeling the emotions of love or compassion or care or what-not. They want to help because they know its the right thing to do, because helping people matters to them on a moral level, but it was always a struggle to remember to consider other people even before eldritch forces rendered everyone else food. They care because they know they should. They care because they want to be a good person, they want to do good things, but the emotions have just never been there, or Jon has never really been able to recognize them.

Jon spending their whole life trying to be all the things they aren't. The familiar comfort of being an avatar, not because they were always a monster but because they always felt that so many essential parts of being human were already forever out of their reach.

Jon whose monstrous feelings make more sense than their human ones. Jon who has always felt alone, two-steps removed from their peers and the people around them. Jon who struggles to voice their emotions, to even understand them, unless they are coming from this terrible thing growing inside them. Jon for whom emotions have always been a powerful, hostile, alien force. Jon who is constantly reaching for all the feelings that everyone else seems to have and understand naturally. Jon holding their own feelings up to the light and feeling frustrated and empty until they see something else staring back. Jon who has never felt whole or fully present in reality until the birth of the new world, when they are finally perfectly grounded and present.