#brennan seemed so much more ashamed after Rue's speech than I expected him to be

[secondhandjokess]

"I had planned more to say, to speak to the nature of your character and the bravery that you have exhibited in this Bloom, but I now know that my stature is of a nature that those compliments would be unworthy. You deserve this more than I."

Hob is accustomed to humiliation, but it stings worse now than ever. Listening to Rue's words about how the Goblin court had used, and continued to use him to their own ends, one phrase kept repeating in Hob's mind.

Blunt instrument.

That's all he is, and he knows that, and he's made his peace with it. Or he's attempted to. He's a servant of the Goblin court, he serves at their pleasure, and he is to be used to further their aims. And what does it matter if a hammer doesn't like the tasks it is used for? It is fulfilling its purpose, and there has to be some contentment in that. There has to be. And he has often been reminded that nothing good can ever come of any attempt he might make to be anything other than a tool in the hands of his masters.

But hearing it from Rue is mortifying in new and horrible ways. He's been used, Rue said. Used in a way, judging by Rue's implication, that compromised Hob's honor. And all Hob can think is that of course he's been used, he's a blunt instrument. He is meant to be used. It shouldn't feel this shameful to hear it said out loud by someone he admires. But right now, there's no peace to be found in his purpose, in serving his betters, with no thought to his own desires. Rue implored him to protect himself, and to consider his own feelings, and he feels nothing but the humiliation of abject failure. He had only been trying not to fail his court, and now, suddenly, he realizes that he's been failing utterly to possess even a sliver of the integrity and courage and strength of character that Rue has demonstrated.

He had wanted to express his admiration for Rue's bravery. He had wanted to apologize for the role he played in instigating a false rumor. He had wanted, maybe, even though it's so far above his station as to be absurd, to express a feeling of camaraderie with Rue. But no. No, he truly has nothing in common with them. They are self-possessed, self-reliant. To express his admiration would only serve to point out the insurmountable gap between them, and to express camaraderie would likely amount to an insult to Rue. Someone as courageous as Rue could have no fellowship with someone who would allow himself to be used, again and again, by people who gave him no consideration in return.

Hob had wanted to give Rue his Medal of Courage is symbol of the esteem in which he holds them. But that thought is gone from his mind as he presses it into Rue's claws. All he can think now is that he knows what true courage is, because it stands before him, and he has never once in his life demonstrated it.