#both because it's just not realistic for a human never ot be negative and maybe because I'm a hating-ass bitch IDK

[wakingfromthewater]

This is mega-cringe but developing self-esteem backfired and over the last few years instead of being convinced that I'm not connecting with other people because I'm somehow being socially awkward or rude without knowing it, I've instead become convinced that there is something Wrong with me, that it radiates off me like an aura, and that other people can sense it. It's on the level of an intrusive thought. I try really hard to remind myself that it's false, that there is no such thing, that I'm probably just experiencing the one-two punch of being socially awkward and having a weird affect*, but then every meaningless social slight just puts me back to square one.

*I honestly don't think my affect is that weird, my emotional range is just kinda blunted right now because I am severely depressed. But anyway.