#bodhi in a bottle

[brighteyedspitz]

not feeling very well today so Apollo, bodhi, and I decided to sleep in

[marvelsmylife]

Breaking Point

Pairing: Bodhi Durran x reader

Plot: you start ignoring Bodhi after he lets it slip he let Violet borrow his flight jacket before she goes to see Xaden.

A/n I’ve had this idea in my head for a few days. Let me know if you would be interested in a part two

Masterlist

Request

Ever since you started dating Bodhi, you’ve asked him if you could borrow his flight jacket. You knew it was silly, seeing as you had your own. Still, you just wanted to show off that you were with Bodhi, and there was no better way than to wear his clothes.

Unfortunately, each time you asked, he would have an excuse for you not to wear it. You told him time and time again if he didn’t want people to know you were together. He, of course, always denied it. He told you that he did want you to wear it but then proceeded to give you every excuse under the sun as to why you couldn’t wear it.

So you were shocked when he let it slip that he let Violet borrow his jacket when she went to Samara. Sure, he had a valid reason to give it to her; you would have to if you were in his position. It didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt that another girl got to wear his jacket before you, his girlfriend of two years.

You tried your best not to show it bothered you, but Bodhi noticed you were quieter than usual and decided to bring it up during lunch. “Come on, I know something’s wrong. Please tell me so I can help,” Bodhi tried to get you to speak to him for the fourth time in the past twenty minutes.

You were about to reply when Violet strolled into the dining hall and handed Bodhi his jacket. “Thanks again for the jacket,” Violet gave Bodhi a slight nod before she sat next to Rhiannon.

You stiffened when you noticed Bodhi’s jacket, and Imogen put two and two together. “Oh, gods. Are you fucking kidding me, Bodhi?” Everyone looked over at Imogen confused, before Imogen added, “You let another girl use your flight jacket before your girlfriend.”

Bodhi’s eyes widened, and he tried to drape his jacket on your shoulders, but you yanked it off. “I don’t want your stupid jacket,” you threw Bodhi’s jacket back to him and decided to unleash all the anger you’ve been bottling up. “I’m fucking mad at you because I’ve asked you if I could borrow this jacket for the past two years. You’ve had an excuse not to let me borrow it each time, but you give it to Violet like it’s no big deal.”

Bodhi felt himself shrink at your words as he realized he fucked up. He hadn’t realized how important it was for you to wear his jacket. Looking back, all the times you had asked were when other guys would give their jackets to their girlfriends. Bodhi was about to reach out to you, but you stood up and stormed out of the dining hall.

Everyone around Bodhi was telling him to go after you, and he was about to listen to them when Violet said, “You are probably the last person she wants to see right now. I’ll go talk to her.” With that, Violet got up and followed you out of the room.

Violet apologized profusely to you the second she stepped foot inside your room. “Violet, you have nothing to apologize for. This fight was a long time coming, and unfortunately, you got stuck in the middle of it,” you reassured her.

You then spent a solid hour explaining to Violet why you were so angry with Bodhi, and by the end, she started to get upset on your behalf. “I swear, men are such idiots,” Violet commented as you both stared at your ceiling, “Xaden acts like that sometimes, too. Maybe it’s genetic.”

You laughed at Violet’s comment, “I wouldn’t be surprised. Ugh, life was so much simpler when we used to believe boys had cooties.”

“Yup” Violet replied with a sigh, “I wish-”

A loud knock interrupted Violet and caused you to sit up. “Y/n, please let me in,” a frown appeared when you heard Bodhi’s voice. “Sweetheart, please.”

“You have to talk to him eventually,” Violet got up and started walking towards the door. 

She stopped at the door and waited for you to give her the ok to open the door. “Ok,” you whispered and braced yourself for the conversation you were about to have with your boyfriend.

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

@ablev92 can't leave the boy hanging with nothing. This is not exactly your idea but something that hopefully will still scratch the itch. 🤍✨

His girl

"It's beyond me how you stomach that guy," Violet breathed out, her body slumping onto the mat. You couldn't help but let out a chuckle. Xaden was desperate to keep her alive. Wasn't hard to see why especially considering that he had so openly brought her to train away from the rest of the group and with the rebellion bunch.

"Less talking more working, give me five more", you tapped Violet's thigh, urging her to do a couple more sit-ups. The girl's muscles were nowhere to be seen. It still was beyond you how she wasn't swept by the wind while crossing the Parapet. She huffed as she pulled up time after time. Then maybe the brain was the better asset to possess. "Rest for a bit, I don't want to see your lunch all over the floor", you threw a water bottle her way that she barely caught, chugging it down in no time.

You let yourself sink to the floor as you too started your warm-up. Itching for a real tassel. You haven't properly fought in a couple of weeks. Even since during one of the patrols you got mixed up in an ambush. You slid down your dragon and injured your shoulder. It was nothing major but the boys were mother hens so you were not allowed to do anything.

"Do you ever fight with him?", Violet gestured to Garrick once more. Your eyes moved over where both Xaden and he threw punches at one another across the room. Shirts were already discarded. But then most of the time these boys trained shirtless. Too much body heat they said. "Shouldn't you only have your eyes set on Xaden? He's a jealous type", you asked her teasingly. Leaning forward to stretch your back. You couldn't see her face but she no doubt was red like a tomato. Violet couldn't hide her emotions for shit. That was another thing Xaden should teach her.

"I thought Xaden was the scary one but...", she breathed. Her yapping was starting to get on your nerves but then Xaden chose you for a reason. The rest of the group would have already broken the girl or she would be crying in the corner. "Don't say it out loud Garrick's ego might explode", you chuckled, reaching to put your hair up into a messy bun. "But do you?", Violet urged. You could understand her fascination this group was quite a sight for sore eyes. "I fought with all of them. Imogen, Bodhi, Xaden, Garrick", you said casually, eyes locking on the person you hoped would finally look your way.

"And you walk off the mat?", you could feel her eyes on you but you were already shrugging your shirt off, leaving only a tight black sports bra on, "Well, I'm standing here, aren't I?", you winked her way as you stepped closer to the mats.

"Looks very fun but I'm borrowing Garrick", you said casually, motioning with your hand for Xaden to step away. The guy simply brushed his hand through his messy hair as he smirked. "I ain't fighting with you", Garrick said coldly, turning his attention back on Xaden as if you weren't standing right in front of him. You could hear oo's sounding all around the room. Even Xaden snickered. "I ain't got all day Riorson, let's...", Garrick grumbled but you struck first, fist colliding with his hand and making him drop his dagger.

"You little...", Garrick bit back as he turned towards you, his big shoulders flexing as he quickly threw a punch of his own. One that you quickly dogged. Elbowing him in his stomach as you turned. It almost looked like a dance as you both swirled around the fight mat. Eyes blazing. You managed to throw him off balance slightly hoping to deliver a final blow with your leg. Unfortunately, it was Garrick we were talking to. He was the best for a reason. His hand quickly wrapped around your ankle as he tugged, your back met the floor as an airy huff slipped past your lips.

"He will kill her", Violet nearly shouted, her knuckles pale as she gripped the water bottle. "Relax, enjoy the spectacle," Imogen mussed. And she wasn't wrong. Everyone had stopped to watch. "He will...", Violet was about to argue more but her eyes caught the smiles painting both of your lips. You had quickly wrapped your legs around Garrick's torso, arm logged in his throat as you managed to turn you both around. Chest heaving for air.

"Want to tap out?", you mussed, leaning closer to him, locking eyes with the man beneath you. Garrick had a proud smirk on his face. You watched him slowly lifting his hand off the mat, fully prepared to walk away from this. But that same hand quickly wrapped around your neck, throwing you off balance as he once again pinned you right beneath him, "Nice try baby", he breathed right by your ear, sending goosebumps down your spine.

"Press harder, I like it", you purred back, making him rare back as you stared at you, "You will be the death of me", he released his grip around you but his warning finger was still pointing at you. "Go fuck it out", Bodhi shouted across the room, making some people laugh. Garrick shot him a death glare. "Be careful, you might be laying beneath him next", you teased back, making Bodhi bite back a laugh as Garrick shook his head.

"Am I off bed rest now?", you asked as you followed him across the gym. "No", he breathed simply, "You're still in pain, your left hand twitched multiple times. It hasn't healed yet", Garrick said plainly as he reached for his water but you quickly kicked it out of reach. Garrick stilled for a heartbeat. The rest of the group was used to you both nagging at each other so almost no one paid you any attention.

"Let me train", you said firmly, only to let out a yelp as Garrick yanked you closer, pushing you against the walk as his frame toward over yours. "I said no", he hissed back. But you knew what this was. You had gone missing that night. They looked for you for two days straight. Well... Garrick did. Against all orders. No sleep. No food. His clothes were damp as he flew over and over. Followed by your dragon. You reached up to cup his face and Garrick instantly closed his eyes.

"I promise you that I'm well", you said softly, "nothing hurts, it's slightly sore, that's all", you tried to reason with this big broody man. "And your fingers", he reached for your palm, you knew what he was looking for, so you quickly moved each of your fingers around. Bending and flexing them. Garrick let out a sigh. "Fine", he breathed. "I can train with Bodhi...", "Like hell is anyone else touching you", Garrick hissed back, making you roll your eyes.

Stepping on your tippy toes you wrapped your arms around his neck, Garrick rose to his full height, making your feet dangle as you held up. His hands instantly reached down to cup your bum as you wrapped your legs around him. "You're lucky that I love you", he muttered as he carried you back to his preferred corner. You gave him your best angel smile that he only shook his head at. "I love you too, thank you for trusting me", you kissed the side of his neck softly, before your eyes darted back to the room. "If you feel..", Garrick started but you cut him off quickly, "Even the tiniest sense of pain I will tell you and we will stop". He nodded at your words, frown disappearing. Violet stood there with her big eyes still on you two. You quickly saluted her. "They're like...", she breathed out, making Imogen let out a chuckle, "Dating, fucking, loving - all of it", the female mused, "Just don't stare too much Garrick doesn't like it". Imogen tapped Violet's shoulder making her turn for the mat that exclusively belonged to Garrick. She knew without having to ask that your roll of training Xaden's girl was now her responsibility.

[she-whatshername]

A Tyrrish men headcanon you did ask for

Prompt: beach day.

For the lovely @itsbeenmyhonor

Garrick:

Prepared and prompt as usual

Has the bags packed with necessities, a cooler with all the drinks

Snacks and sandwiches included

Packs a bottle of whisky because of course

What’s he doing at the beach: lounging mostly. He needs a break. May partake in a game of volleyball

Yes will flirt and make conversation with everyone

Beach foul: gets a little too tipsy and skinny dips / tries to catch the sea creatures with his bare hands

Bodhi:

The one you gotta remind several times to get up and get ready.

But once he’s up he’s ready to go. Packed last night. Probably will be the one to also bring a change of clothes.

What’s he doing at the beach: in the water the whole time, skimboarding or just floating in the water.

He’s probably the one dressed the best for the weather. Sun hat, reflective shorts, long sleeves. Sunscreen. His mother taught him well about taking care outdoors

He’s the one with the aloe gel taking care of everyone

Beach foul: feeding the animals, he gives the local birds one snack and all the creatures flock to their set up

Xaden:

It’s a toss up if he’s prepared or not. He’s either hyper organized, like everything has its own pocket and place, or he’s got a towel and is like, meh let’s go.

What’s he doing at the beach: napping under an umbrella or brooding somewhere lol

If it’s just a guys trip with Bodhi or Garrick, whole different story

What’s he doing at the beach: He’s on the skimboard, he’s surfing, he’s beating Garrick and Bodhi at whatever game they make up

He probably is the person who goes to the beach early before everyone for a run so he knows the best spot to set up.

Beach foul: getting to competitive, thus starting a fight with other beach goers. It’s not his fault no one can win against him and the others at volleyball

Probably would get grumpy about having too much sand on him at the end of the day lol

Liam:

Bless. He’s just rolling up to the beach hopping everyone brought a spare towel, sunscreen, etc

Hes just happy to be at the beach with everyone

Literally when everyone’s packing it’s like “and bring an extra one because you know Liam’s going to forget his…” lol

But he did make sure to put frozen snacks in the cooler.

What’s he doing at the beach: frisbee. He at least remembers to pack that. He’s Just running up and down the shoreline having a blast

Beach foul: not telling anyone where he’s going when he wanders away from the group.

100% naps in the car on the way back

[tearsaura]

Until the end and beyond // Bodhi Durran x reader

A/N: Based on this request. I tried my best, I hope you like it!

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: Angst, obvious Ironflame/ Fourth wing spoilers, possible grammar mistakes (it will be the death of me :()

Picture is from pinterest: torysacrux

Jealousy was an ugly feeling. But it became even uglier when it was over something so nonchalant.

--

Y/N knew the marked riders wouldn't be thrilled with her even before she signed up to become a rider. It would have been odd if they weren't at least a little biased towards her, considering she was King Tauri's niece.

She never resented them for their hostility towards her and was understanding. She would’ve probably hated herself too.

One morning though, she ran into Bodhi Durran. Verbatim. She had forgotten her books in her room and was racing back after breakfast to get to class on time when she bumped into Bodhi, his hand shooting out to keep her from falling.

Of course, she knew him before that, his beauty always mesmerizing her, and when he smiled, she melted.

From there, history wrote itself: they became friendly with each other, then friends, and by the end of their first year, they finally became a couple.

--

She couldn't force his friends to like her. However, it still hurt. They were Bodhi's family and although he was quick to shut down Imogen's or Xaden's snarky comments, he was powerless to do anything when he wasn’t there to witness them.

Violet's arrival didn't make things any better. Y/N knew the others were friendlier to Violet because Xaden's life depended on hers, but she couldn't suppress the jealousy: it was unbearable to see how easy they talked to her when her mother had done just as horrible things as her uncle had done. She envied Violet and felt terrible about it.

-----

''My muscles have been aching all day,'' Violet grumbled as she massaged her left arm. ''You should tell Imogen to ease up on the training.'' Rhiannon replied. The students, both riders and flyers, stood outside the house, all waiting for their respective professors.

She was in the second wing at Basgiath College, but since few of her wing had come with her to Aretia, they were spread out and she ended up in the fourth wing, at least that way she was always close to Bodhi.

However, she earned angry looks not solely by the marked ones now, but by the fliers too.

''You should look out for lavender and make an oil out of it. Rubbing Lavender oil on the sore muscles can help relieve the pain.'' Y/N said in a timid voice and gave her a shy smile.

,,Oh god! I completely forgot about that. Thanks!'' Y/N was about to say something back when Imogen approached them. She grabbed both Rhiannon and Violet and pulled them away by the arms. ''We have work to do''.

-----

That evening, she layed with Bodhi as usual, her head resting on his chest and listening to his heartbeat. He ran a hand through her hair and breathed kisses on her head consistently.

"How was your day, darling?" he whispered. ''Like any other, the best part of my day is when I'm with you.'' She replied, which made him grin. ''Coincidentally, that’s the best part of my day too.'' ''Hm…That is a weird coincidence.’’

He tickled her side and broke into a grin once again when he heard her giggle. He could be having the worst day of his life, but the sound of her laughter would make it a good one. ''Did my friends act like immature little children today?'' he finally asked, and Y/n shrugged. ''I didn't really see them today,'' she answered, and Bodhi nodded thoughtfully. He left it at that and decided for now not to call her out on her obvious lie.

--

The straw that broke the camels back came about two weeks later.

Y/N had just packed a lavender oil mixture in a small bottle and set off in search of Violet. Her feelings of guilt over the jealousy gnawed at her and she decided to help the girl. She spotted Violets distinctive brown and silver hair in the great hall, where she stood by Xaden, Imogen, Garrick and Bodhi. The latter smiled when he spotted her and held out his arm to her.

"There you are, my dear. I missed you.'' she grinned and let him pull her in his arms and he pressed a kiss to her temple. Y/N didn't miss Imogen's eyeroll ''What do you have there?'' ''Lavender oil. Violet? For your sore muscles.'' She said, holding out the small bottle to the younger girl. ''Oh, thank you! You're a savior-'' Before Viole could reach for the bottle, Xaden knocked it out of her hand.

"Xaden!" "What are you doing?" Bodhi and Violet both exclaimed at the same time, one angrier than the other. ''Don't trust her! Who knows what's in there!'' he hissed, and Y/N felt tears welling up in her eyes. They would never change their mind on her, no matter what she did, they would only see her as an enemy. Never an acquaintance and certainly not a friend. She disentangled herself from Bodhi's arms and gave him a forced smile. ''I'll see you later.'' she pressed another kiss to his cheek and with that, she left without waiting for a reply.

''She made me a lavender oil for my aching muscles! "And that doesn't seem strange to you? ''Why should it when I told her myself that I've been having problems lately?'' 'I've been telling you; you can't trust her!''

"What are you implying?" Bodhi interrupted him in a calm voice as he turned back to his cousin. ''You know what I think of her. So you know what I meant, too''

"Are you being serious right now?" Bodhi asked with a humourless laugh. 'I'm sick and tired of you treating her like this. She has never done anything to you and has always treated you with respect, even though none of you deserved it. You should know how shitty it is when people treat you badly because of your family. We all welcomed Violet with open arms when she was General Sorrengail's daughter and not Xaden's girlfriend, but you couldn't do the same for my girlfriend? I love that woman more than anything and I couldn't even protect her from you. I failed as a boyfriend in every way. It's a bloody miracle she didn't break up with me until now! And to be honest I would not blame her if she did: She has every right to,'' Bodhi's voice broke and he turned his head to the side. The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of those assholes. Xaden paused, Imogen sought Bodhi's gaze, and Garrick stared at the floor. Guilt crept through all three of them, one more than the other. "Honestly I can’t stand to see any of you right now. I'm very disappointed in you guys.''

-----

Was she such a monster? Did they think she had so much hatred that she would deliberately poison someone?

Violet stood outside her room door shortly after the incident and begged her to let her in, apologizing repeatedly, but Y/N pretended not to hear her. Violet had given up and shortly after that, Bodhi arrived, whom she also left standing there.

The embarrassment was running too deep, and the thought that she had put Bodhi in such an awkward situation with his family time and time again made her sick.

Bodhi, being the understanding and wonderful person he was, left too, understanding that she needed to be alone.

When the knock came for the third time, hours later, Y/N was still holding the pillow to her face to stifle her sobs.

"I know you're in there, open up, I want to talk to you." Y/N froze when she recognized Imogen's voice. She still hesitated and swore she heard a sigh from the other side of the door.

''I'm not here to insult you any more than I’ve already done. I'll be nice, I promise.'' Y/N thought about it for a moment, but then decided to go for it. What else did she have to lose that she hadn't already gambled away?

Without worrying about her swollen eyes and red nose, she pulled open the door and stared at Imogen. "Are you going to let me in?’’ she wordlessly stepped aside and gestured for her to come in and closed the door.

Y/N sat back on her bed and looked at Imogen expectantly. The pink-haired rider sat down next to her.

"No matter what I say, it won't make up for the way we've treated you for the past two years, but I'll say it anyway: I'm sorry." She said, looking at Y/N. Even though she would never admit it to anyone, her heart broke at the sight of her shaken form.

''Why the change of heart?"

"Realization. We made Bodhi's life difficult; we made it difficult for you and that only because you guys fell in love. It's no excuse but pretty much all the rest of us follow Xaden's way of thinking. We owe everything to him, and his intuition has rarely let him down. If he sees an enemy in someone, it's usually true.''

'Not all of you follow his way of thinking,' Y/N replied, glancing at Imogen, who gave her a sad smile.

''Liam was a great exception in every way possible. None of us will ever live up to him.''

''I expected even before I started at the quadrant that we wouldn't necessarily be the best of friends. I totally understood where you guys were coming from, but it's one thing to avoid a stranger and another to make your best friend's life a living hell because he fell in love with the wrong person. I don't care how you treated me, but I will never forget what you did to Bodhi. Just as I will never forgive myself for being the cause of his suffering.'' Fresh tears sprang to her eyes and Imogen placed a hesitant hand on hers.

I have never seen Bodhi as happy as he is with you. We all have a long way to go to make it up to you. I'm not good at this emotional stuff, but I want the people who are important to me to survive. And you are now one of those people, which is why I'm expecting you for training tomorrow morning before breakfast. You can never work enough on your fitness and physical strength.'' ''Only if I can give you a crash course on medicinal and toxic plants afterward. I don't want a repeat of the lavender oil incident.'' Y/N countered, and Imogen snorted out a laugh. ''No, you should be bland I can’t actually start to like you! Otherwise, I'll feel even worse than I already do.''

''You're forgiven. I want to put this behind me and concentrate on what's in front of us. My only condition for my forgiveness is that you apologize to Bodhi, too.''

''First thing in the morning-'' Imogen was interrupted by a knock on the door. The girls both looked at each other puzzled, and Y/N went quietly to open the door, only to reveal Bodhi standing behind it. His hair was tousled, he was already in his pyjamas and he had a hopeful look on his face.

"Can we talk? '' ''Yes, yes of course come in.'' When Bodhi stepped into the room and caught sight of Imogen, he raised his eyebrows prompting.

''I came with a white flag and will leave you two alone. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" Imogen asked, heading for the door. ''Well-rested and ready to go. Have Good night.'' ''You too.'' With that, she left, and Bodhi and Y/N were alone in the room. He turned to his girlfriend curiously: ''What was this about?''

''She asked for forgiveness.'' Bodhi couldn't help the grin that spread across his face and Y/N swore she was falling in love all over again.

"Really?" she nodded and swallowed.

''Bodhi, I'm sorry I didn't open the door for you earlier...'' ''Hey, it's all right, you don't have to apologize. You needed time for yourself, and I totally understand that. If anyone must apologize, it's me.''

''Bodhi-''

"I love you and I can see what their behaviour did to you, and I should have done much more about it. I should have stood up for you more. I failed and I am so incredibly sorry...''

'Bodhi, I would never blame you for that. Don't say that you can't even think that, I love you. I'm sorry that our relationship has put you in such a position with your friends in the first place.'' She murmured and Bodhi closed the distance between them with two steps, taking her face in both hands.

'I've never had doubts about our relationship. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and ever will. I thank every god that there is and heaven for you and not a day goes by that my love for you doesn't grow. I want to spend my life with you and never be a day without you.''

''I don't want that either.''

''Good, because I'll be yours for as long as you want me.''

''I want you until the end and beyond that.''

'Until the end and beyond it is then.''

[garricks4thwingqueen]

*Whispers* angry love confession with Garrick after years of pining?

After All This Time Garrick Tavis X Reader

Word Count: 1950

Irish Gaelic for old Tyyrish: Princess - banphrionsa. 

Trigger Warnings: Swearing, a little bit of angstyness.

 Two years prior to Fourth Wing 

                                                                       Y/N POV

   You woke up at 5:30 a.m. the morning that Garrick had to leave for Basgiath. You looked over to your right where the gentle sleeping giant teddy bear lay. No you and Garrick weren’t a thing even though you had a crush on him for as long as you remember but you remember overhearing Xaden’s warning speech to Garrick that you as Xaden’s little sister were off limits for well forever. And now after the uprising of parents you and Garrick were now foster siblings so anything more should be pushed to the back of your minds right? Wrong. Your heart felt so heavy this morning as Garrick stirred awake. He was leaving to start the school of hell; and you were going to be stuck here in a foster home that was probably the worst placement for all 107 of you.  At least Garrick was going to get to see Xaden again. You just hoped that they would both survive their  first two years so you could see them both when you started your first year at Basgiath War College. 

                                           Garrick’s POV

   “Good Morning Princess.” “Tis not.” Y/N huffed, crossing her over her chest. “Oh come on please don’t be pouty for me. We aren’t going to see each other for another two years.” “Or never.” I sat up in bed cupping her cheek. “Hey let’s not think about that yay?” “Yay ok sorry.” She mumbled with a sigh. “Let’s go get some breakfast before I have to leave in three hours.” She nodded her head slowly getting out of bed. “Come here.” I said holding my arms out. “It’s going to suck for us both but it's going to be ok. I promise. My banphrionsa. I will always find you no matter what and maybe one day we can truly be together.” 

                                            Y/N POV

   Garrick had said to you after breakfast that morning after breakfast placing a soft kiss on your forehead before leaving for Basgiath. It took everything in you to not run after him and get a real kiss. A real kiss that you may never get.

                                                  Y/N POV

                                             633 August AU 

    It had been almost three full weeks since you had been reunited with your brother and Garrick as well as Imogen, Liam and your cousin Bodhi. But gods was it hard keeping your true feelings for Garrick pushed down. You weren’t 5 year old little kids anymore; even Imogen was starting to pick fun at your not so subtle glances at Garrick or your subtle reactions or over reactions when other girls started to flirt with the now third year cadet. 

                                                          Garrick’s POV

   It was now three weeks since I had seen you again. I was shaking out of my wandering thoughts by Bodhi as I stood watching you spare another first year cadet. “Like what you're seeing Tavis?” Bodhi chuckled. “Lay off Durran. At least she can still fight.” I smirked as I watched you walk towards your water bottle after you had won the match of the Matthias girl. “Like what you see Tavis?” You smirked at me on your way back over. “I-” “Oh he absolutely does.” Bodhi chuckled. “Wanna take a picture so it’ll last longer?” She asked and did a twirl that landed you in front of my chest. I chuckled deeply. “Miss me princess?” “Terribly.” “Careful your brother is in ear shot.” “Maybe  I don’t care what Xaden thinks anymore.” “Maybe you should care what he thinks.” Xaden huffed from my right. “Maybe you should stop pining after the Sorrengail girl if you want to care about mine and Garrick’s relationship.” I chuckled at your remark and how quickly the smirk faded on Xaden’s face. “I just care that you're safe. Is that too much to ask of my little sister?” Xaden snapped. “You know I could choose to be with any of these other cadets in this hell hole; say Ridoc perhaps. You should be lucky I’ve been pinning for Garrick since we were kids, foster brother or not.”    

        I growled at your response to Xaden. “You will not be with any other cadet in this god damns school.”  “Overprotective Gary?” She giggled. “Damn straight for gods knows how many years I’ve been wanting you and god forbid that I’ll let being foster siblings or your actual brother get in the way of us anymore Y/N. I swear if anyone tries and stop us now I will have Chradh char them right where they are standing.” “You're mine and mine alone and finally safe with me.” 

                                                   Y/N POV 

   Damn this was hot. You thought to yourself. You knew it would be heated, maybe a tad bit of anger in the air when you and Garrick finally confessed feelings for each other. But god's damn was he really your over protective Gare Bear. “Safe in Basgiath. That’s kinda ironic isn’t” You smirked slowly wrapping your arms around Garrick’s waist, making sure to look at Xaden; who now was standing arms crossed angrily over his chest. You smiled as Garrick chuckled softly; “Yeah, I guess it’s ironic, but you're safe with me. No one will touch you while I’m around, no one can say anything harmful. You understand that banphrionsa?” You nod your head burying it into his chest. “No one but you.” You said quietly. “What was that princess?” “No one but you. I’m yours.” 

   “That’s right, princess. Only I get to be this close to you. Only I get to touch.” As Garrick spoke to you noticed it shifted to a tone that you weren’t quite used to. One that was dominant yet serious, but oh hells did it do things to you.    

     “I don’t care that you’ll always be my foster brother now. At least you're not Xaden and not my actual brother. But now, we don’t have to push our feelings for each other way down below the surface.” You said in a tone you tried matching Garrick’s with but it wasn’t quite there. Looking at Garrick you could now tell there was a hint of possessiveness in his eyes as he spoke to you next: “Yes my princess, we don’t have to push our feelings down now. I am not pushing my feelings away for you anytime soon love, because you're mine now.” 

  “I’m all yours Tavis. Whether Xaden likes it or not.”  You made sure to glance at your brother who now looked like he was fuming. But you quickly looked back at Garrick as he started to rub his hands against your hip, a wide smile on his face as he spoke: “Damn straight You are. Xaden’s going to have to learn how to share you. Because I won’t be giving you up anytime soon.” 

   God your heart fluttered. You knew Garrick had always been protective of you and Xaden and those he considered close friends. But damn, now that it was solely directed to you as his; it was doing things to you in your lower abdominal region. “Gods I missed you.” You breathed. 

       Garrick stood looking down at you which was a good two feet difference with Garrick being 6’ 6” and you just 5 feet even. “And I missed you, princess. A lot. Putting up with Xaden for two years on my own….” “But you; I also thought about you every goddamn day Y/N. I never stopped thinking of you. Thinking of you being stuck in that foster home all by yourself.”  

    “Same.” You admitted in a tone that was much softer than Garrick’s. “When I got your first letter knowing that you and Xaden were still alive after you finished your first year here. It was like the greatest breath of fresh air ever.” 

          You didn’t think it was possible but you could have sworn Garrick’s expression darkened a bit at your words. His hands still on your hips giving them a tight squeeze as he began to speak; “The first year here was a nightmare, Princess. You wouldn’t believe the hell Xaden and I went through during it.” Your eyes softened as you gripped his waist tightly. “I know being the oldest of the rebels you both have-” You started to say as Garrick cut you off “Hey, focus on right now, with me, my banphrionsa.”

    You sighed “That whole first year you left. I made a calendar on the wall marking the days so I’d know when to expect the first letter from you or Xaden after your first year here ended and you were able to send letters.” “You made a calendar Y/N? A whole entire year?” Garrick asked, speechless. “Yeah I made two actually. The next one marked every day a letter was sent and received and of course when I could see you again. Right on their cream walls.” You smirked. “I bet they were pissed off by that.” Garrick chuckled. “Yeah I kept it hidden when I was there. I'm sure they could have wished they could punish me for it. Maybe toss some more verbal slurs out about how we are rebel trash.” 

  Garrick chuckled. “You made two calendars on their precious cream walls just because you missed me, missed us.?” “Yeah all because I missed you. And I knew when we slept together in that house it had just been as friends. But after all that time of almost four years sleeping in the same bed it felt so cold after you left.”  “You were alone in that cold house without me… god’s it drives me crazy; Knowing you were alone and cold while I was here. While Xaden was here.” You hummed in response “Like you said we are here now. We have each other finally I get to say I love you and mean it with nothing holding us back. 

   “Say it again.” Garrick breathed, threw a raspy breath as his eyes darkened and the grip on your waist tightened. “I don’t get to hear it from you first Gary? You giggled. “You want me to say it first? Garrick chuckled. “I mean I’ve said it once it’s only fair if you say it again before I say it twice.”  “Stubborn runs in the Riorson bloodline, I swear.” Garrick chuckled. “Then my early threat stands. Should I go find Ridoc?” You smirked.

    Garrick let out another low growl. “Damn it no.” He chuckled. “I love you Y/N Riorson. Damn it, I always have and you know how damned hard it's been keeping that to myself all these damned years?” “Yes I know; I’ve had to do it myself and the feeling of finally getting to say I love you. Feels so god damn freeing.” You both earned a huff coming from Xaden but ignored it; as Garrick said earlier he was going to have to learn how to share. 

    “Say it again.” Garrick said through a rasped breath. “Now I’ve said it twice. Is it really fair for me to say it a third time before you say it twice?” Garrick chuckled; “I love you; Y/N Riorson and your right it feels so gods damn freeing to be able to say it.”  

       “Take me upstairs, Garrick.” You smirked, running your fingers through his hair. “You want me to take you upstairs princess?” Garrick rasped. “Take me to your dorm on the third floor, Garrick. I’m still bunked in a massive room with a bunch of first years so no way in hell is that happening.” Garrick chuckled as he picked you up bridal style and started carrying towards the stairs that lead up to the third floor dorms. 

A/N: I hope you enjoyed it. Stay tuned to a spicy part two!  (Also I should apparently not post synopsis before I start writing the physical fan fic lol)

Part 2

[oh-no-its-dragons]

Playing Games

So I challenged @suebswrites to a sprint and then she beat me, so here is the 250-word drabble I promised for her prompt: "please write me a drabble of Ridoc flirting shamelessly with Violet while Bodhi and Xaden grump with jealousy."

I'm not sure this fits but I want to get back to working on actual fic now.

"Flirt with me, Vi."

Violet stared at Ridoc. "Do you want Xaden to murder you?"

"I want Bodhi to murder me. In the little death way. I want to make him jealous. Just laugh."

It wasn't hard; Ridoc launched into a story about cotton candy oil he'd bought and tried on Tyvon. He had the bottle in his pocket and showed it to her.

"Was it good?" Violet asked.

"His cock was delicious."

"Is this working?"

"They look identical right now," Ridoc whispered in Violet's ear. 

She laughed lightly. "I didn't know Bodhi got jealous."

"I knew he was into me. Now he'll admit he wants to be exclusive." 

"Are you ready for that?" Violet turned her head, which gave her a great view of the storm in Xaden's eyes. The look on Bodhi's face was nearly as intense. 

She hoped Ridoc knew what he was getting into. Possessive Tyrrish nobility could be a lot. 

"Absolutely," Ridoc answered. She realized he was staring openly at Bodhi now, walking away from her. Game over. 

Xaden stood to approach her as Bodhi and Ridoc started talking. His smirk said he'd figured out what they'd been playing at.

"You could have told me," he murmured to her. "You know I'd play all sorts of games with you."

Violet looked over his shoulder to assure herself that Bodhi and Ridoc were leaving together- they were.

She smiled at Xaden. "I've got just the thing," she said, slipping Ridoc's cotton candy bottle into her pocket.

[dilf-din]

Let Down Your Guard, Lover (Open Your Door)

Rebelcaptain Fluffbruary day 16: neighbor, horse, desire

WC: 11.5k

Warnings: language, alcohol mention, pining idiots

A/N: here’s something to make up for the pain I dropped on Valentine’s Day! This one really got away from me. I hope you guys enjoy it!! I’ll try to have this cross posted on AO3 later tonight 🫶🏼🫶🏼

Day 1

Everything smelled like dust and sweat. A thick summer heat made the air feel as stagnant as it was stale. Even with the windows in the living room opened to the twilight sky, there was no wind to stir it around.

Jyn sank against a pile of boxes with two cold beers in her hands, offering one to Bodhi who gladly took it. Their foreheads were damp, long strands of dark hair plastered to each one.

“Well, we did it,” Bodhi said, still cheerful somehow.

All of Jyn’s cheer had bottomed out by their fifth trip up the narrow staircase and had yet to return.

“Thanks for all your help.”

“I’m just glad to have my best mate in my favorite city,” he smiled back, pressing the bottle to his lips and taking a long drink.

Jyn picked at the peeling wrapper with what was left of her nails. They had been chewed down to uneven nubs during the process of agonizing over checking and double checking every mental and physical list she had accumulated before packing up her small life and moving across an entire ocean. She and Bodhi had met years ago in a Uni exchange program. He had come to stay with her and her uncles for a term, and they became fast friends.

He checked his watch and sighed, “I’ve got an early morning. Think you’ll be alright?” he asked, pushing himself off the ground and offering her a hand.

She took it and hoisted herself up next to him.

“I’ll be fine. Just gonna shower and deal with this mess in the morning.”

He gave her a quick high five and let himself out the front door.

Jyn sighed and took a moment to really take in her space. Her first apartment.

The wooden floors had deep dings in them from decades of use, and nail holes had been sloppily plastered over leaving uneven textures on almost every sickly white wall. It was clinical and old, but it was hers.

Every room had wide windows that let immeasurable amounts of light in and looked down on the crowded streets. Her new bed had been delivered today, and she and Bodhi had even picked up a black velvet couch from someone on Facebook marketplace earlier that day. Jyn had a few pieces of furniture, a few pots and pans, a few mismatched plates, and a deep well of hope for the future.

Her stomach let out a low growl, and she decided to phone in a pizza from the place that had been eying them from across the street during their seemingly endless trips up to her flat. She also decided to fish out her bedsheets and some fresh clothes while she waited, shuffling through the towers of boxes and cursing herself for not labeling them more clearly.

Jyn showered in lukewarm water, washing away the sweat and grime that clung to her. The air here felt thicker than it did in London, like a second skin she had yet to get used to. She swiped a clear spot in the steamed up, segmented mirror and tried her best to detangle her hair before piling it on top of her head in a haphazard, still too wet bun. For clothes, she had fished out an old pair of cotton sweats and a navy shirt with her uni’s name across the chest in thick white lettering. It was a little short on her from a washing mishap her second year, but she was too fond of it to toss it just yet.

A soft knock hit her ears from the front room, the empty walls carrying it to where she stood in her bedroom.

“Coming!” she called out to who she assumed was the pizza guy as she hurried across the gritty floor and regretted not pulling on a pair of socks.

She pulled the door open and was face to face with a shy looking man with deep brown eyes. In his hands was her pizza box.

“Um, hi. I’m your neighbor. They delivered this to our place, but we didn’t order it,” he awkwardly held the box out for Jyn to take.

“Oh bollocks. I must’ve told them your number by mistake, sorry. I just moved in. You probably heard me fighting with the elevator this afternoon.”

He chuckled but didn’t respond, a small smile gracing his lips. He had hair almost the same color as his eyes dancing just beyond his ears and curling around the nape of his neck.

“Well thanks. I’m Jyn,” she smiled.

“Cassian.”

They shared a moment of unwavering eye contact, only breaking it when another tenant on the hall hurried out of their door, excusing themself as they squeezed behind the pair.

“Right, well. I’m gonna go eat this I guess.”

Cassian nodded, “Welcome home. It’s a pretty wacky neighborhood, but we try to take care of each other. We’re just next door if you need anything,” he gave another small smile and a half wave of his hand.

Jyn smiled and closed the door behind her, her attention almost immediately going back to the pizza as her stomach let out another noise like a sad cat.

In the hallway, Cassian became alarmingly aware of the pace of his heart and the sweat that was coating his palms. He wiped them quickly on his jeans and headed back into his apartment. Meshi was perched at the counter with his feet tucked under a stool. He didn’t look away from his computer screen as he heard his roommate re-enter their home.

“All good?”

“Yeah,” he smiled dreamily, sliding off his slippers and nudging them next to the shoe rack that sat by the entryway, “All good.”

Day 2

“Shit,” Jyn hissed looking at the half assembled coffee table and the snapped off piece of metal hanging from one of the screw holes. “Shit. Shit,” she leaned back on her legs and braced herself with her hands tapping the ground in thought.

Cassian had said to ask if she needed anything, and not that she was looking for an excuse to see him or anything, but she thought this definitely qualified. Besides, it couldn’t hurt to ask.

She brushed the dust off of the front of her jeans and slipped on a pair of sandals before exiting her door and approaching the one right next to it. Jyn smiled at the welcome mat they had placed in front of their entryway. A little faded, but a nice, warm touch nonetheless.

She knocked and stepped back to wait, suddenly feeling less bold.

The door opened quickly, but she was met with a man who wasn’t Cassian. He had much shorter hair and a bit of a confused look on his face.

“Hi, um, I’m Jyn. Your new neighbor?”

His eyebrows softened with a knowing look.

“Do you by chance have an allen wrench I could borrow? Mine cracked off in my bookcase,” she said pathetically holding up what remained of the handle.

The man chuckled and invited her in, “Sure, just one second.”

She crossed the threshold and stood in the doorway trying to take in as much as she could without looking too curious. Everything was more neat than you would expect for two men in their twenties. Not a book out of place, not a dish in the sink.

In the living space, the curtains were neatly drawn, and there were even some throw pillows on the sofa. The kitchen counter was spread with folders and pens next to an open laptop, and she guessed that Cassian’s roommate worked from home. And judging from his high and tight faded haircut, she reasoned he was ex military and at least part of the reason for the flat’s pristine condition.

The man had crossed over to the kitchen to rummage through a drawer.

“Cassian’s at work today. I’ll let him know you stopped by.”

“No need,” she said quickly, “Just needed to borrow this,” she hoped he wouldn’t notice the pink that was teasing at her cheeks.

“I’ll do ya one better. You can keep it”, he smiled, crossing the space once more to place the small tool her hand, “Name’s Melshi, by the way.”

“Melshi,” she repeated, “Well thank you, Melshi. I appreciate the kindness.”

He nodded and smiled as she let herself back out the door and into her own apartment.

Day 12

It was a while before Jyn and Cassian saw each other again. She started to wonder if he really existed, or if he was just a perfect figment of her imagination.

Imagination. She had to remind herself that she didn’t know anything about him, and that getting to know him as a friend was the best course of action. She had spent a lot of time her first two weeks wound up in daydreams about the boy next door with the dark hair, so she decided to make an excuse to see him.

The rotting bananas on her counter were begging to either be thrown in the bin or turned into a bread. So she went with the latter option and decided to add in some cinnamon and walnuts. Jyn had never been one for cooking. She learned enough to get by in Uni and resorted to ordering takeout whenever possible, but how hard could banana bread be?

She quickly prepared the batter and poured it into the two dingy loaf pans she had inherited from her mother. They were dull in color and covered in small dings on the inside and outside, but it was one of the few things Jyn had left of her, so she couldn’t bring herself to part with them even if they didn’t get used very often.

While the bread baked and filled her flat with the sweet smell of cinnamon, she put one of her dad’s old records on to play while she cleaned the mess in the kitchen. Humming to herself softly, she scrubbed each dirtied dish, wiped the counters, and even emptied the overflowing bin.

It was a Friday evening nearing dinner time, so Jyn decided to let the bread cool and bring it over first thing in the morning. She heard what she was pretty sure were two voices through the brick wall of her living room and hoped that Cassian would still be there in the morning.

Just as she was beginning to wonder about her dinner plans, her phone buzzed from the kitchen counter. It was Bodhi.

“Hello there!”

“Jyn! What are you doing for dinner?”

“Nothing yet, I just realized how late it was.”

“Want to order some Chinese? I’m at the video store up the road to try and snatch a copy of the new Conjuring.”

Jyn smiled, “I’ll phone it in.”

She ended the call and pulled the menu to the nearest Chinese spot off of the fridge where it hung with a faded snoopy magnet from her childhood.

Bodhi arrived about the same time as the food, quickly filling her in on all of the latest drama from the office. Jyn would be joining him in a data analysis role come Monday, but the way he had talked to her for years about his coworkers made her feel like she already knew everyone.

She listened to his stories complete with enthusiastic hand gestures and couldn’t help but laugh. Neither one of them noticed that they hadn’t paid a second of attention to the horrific goings-on of the movie on her small tv. The food in front of them was picked at until not much was left but some lo mein and a few egg rolls. The credits had long rolled when Bodhi checked the time, “Geez, almost eleven. Want me to help you clean up?”

Jyn shrugged him off, “Just got a few boxes to toss in the fridge. You’re good, Bo,” she smiled.

The clattering of plates stacking told her he had intended to help no matter the answer.

“What’s this?” he called from the kitchen.

She turned to see him gesturing at the two loaves of bread on the cooling rack.

“Oh, just some banana bread.”

“But you can’t cook.”

“Shut up!”

“Why two?”

“One’s for the neighbors.”

“For the guy?” Bodhi suddenly seemed very interested, “I thought you wanted him to like you, not die of food poisoning.”

“Shut up,” she repeated, crossing the space to defend herself. “It’s just banana bread. An idiot could make it.”

“Let’s hope that luck came through for you,” he said with a teasing smile.

“Good night Bo,” she said pointing at the door with an annoyed but fond smile.

Day 13

Jyn paced back and forth in her entryway for several minutes trying to garner up the courage it would take to walk twenty feet to the right to knock on their door. It was half past nine, which felt like a reasonable enough hour to drop off a late morning treat on a Saturday. She took a deep breath and knocked, shifting back and forth on her heels, trying desperately to get all her nervous energy out before someone, hopefully Cassian opened the door.

After several seconds, there were no signs of life. She knocked once more and almost instantly regretted it when she heard a muffled voice call that they were coming.

The door opened to a very disheveled looking Cassian who must’ve rolled out of bed to answer her knock. His eyes were still heavy with sleep and his long hair was sticking up at angles that Jyn would’ve never thought possible. He was wearing faded blue plaid pajama pants and the softest grey tee shirt she had ever seen.

“Hi, so sorry. I um, I made some banana bread last night and thought you guys might like some,” she stammered suddenly feeling like crawling under their welcome mat and hiding.

She held the plate out awkwardly and turned to leave, but Cassian grabbed her wrist with a gentle hand.

“I love banana bread”, he said with a sincere smile, “Come in for a cup of coffee?”

“But I already woke you,” she said regretfully.

“I needed to wake up anyway,” he shrugged it off, inviting her in with a sweeping motion of his arm.

“We stayed up too late playing a game last night,” he admitted a little shyly, a chuckle spilling out of his upturned lips.

Jyn took in the state of their living area. The previously tidy space had been overtaken with a game board, dozens of cards and small tokens, a stack of empty pizza boxes, and some notebooks with scribbles in them tossed in the floor.

She smiled at the thought of them staying in on a Friday night to a rousing game of, whatever that was, as opposed to going out for drinks or dates. She had also noticed during her other brief visit that none of their pictures seemed to show a long term girlfriend (or boyfriend), and she counted that as another quiet victory.

Cassian had made his way into the kitchen, bare feet softly padding against the tiles. He moved quietly and surely, pulling out a bag of freshly ground beans from a local spot and filling a long necked kettle with water. The click of the gas igniting was the only noise in the room as he placed the kettle on the stove before turning to face Jyn once more. It was a comfortable silence, and she started to wonder why she had been so in her head about seeing him again. She pulled out a stool to sit at the counter opposite him and was the first to speak again.

“So, wild night?” she teased, leaning an elbow on the counter and cupping her chin.

He smiled shyly and looked down at the floor before meeting her gaze again, “Same thing we’ve done every weekend since college. Neither of us have ever been big party guys.”

“I was a wreck in uni,” she said wrinkling her nose.

“Were you now?”

“Well you know, lower drinking age and all that.”

“Sounds like you could give me a run for my money,” he laughed.

“I’m not sure that’s something to be proud of,” she raised an eyebrow and flashed a smile to match his.

“How did you end up here?” he turned to continue preparing the coffee, wetting a filter and placing it in the top of pristine chemex.

Jyn puffed out a breath of air while her mind spun, trying to summarize the last few months of her life.

“I was just ready to get out of London, so a friend put in a word for me at their office. And before I knew it I was on a plane and shopping for hand towels and lugging a heavy arse couch up a way too narrow stairwell,” she paused, “It all happened rather quickly. I’m still getting used to the time difference. I’m not usually an early riser.”

“A party girl like you?” he asked in mock surprise.

Jyn laughed, bright and clear showing all of her teeth, and Cassian’s heart skipped two beats. This conversation was quickly becoming a game to him of seeing if he could get her to laugh like that again.

“Well we can’t all be Monopoly jockeys,” she quipped.

“Hey now, Rivals for Catan is much more sophisticated than Monopoly, but I could easily beat you at Monopoly as well,” he countered.

They went back and forth, gliding through conversation topics like seasoned dance partners. Picking up where the other left off, following each other’s feet without ever breaking eye contact. It felt effortless, like how talking to someone you’ve known your whole life would. The kind of friend you stayed up whispering secrets under the covers in a twin bed with, laughing till you felt it in your ribs.

Jyn was mesmerized watching him work with his hands while he talked, carefully portioning out coffee grounds, adding bit by bit of water and taking the time to inhale as it bloomed and filled the kitchen with a warm, rich scent. Cassian seemed like a person who was full to the brim with passion for everything he touched. Jyn could tell he liked to put his whole heart into things. He didn’t seem fast paced and half assed like so many people she had met. Even the way he listened was completely engaged as they swapped stories of professors and classes and horrible group projects.

Cassian picked two mugs from the cabinet to the left of the stove and placed them on the counter in front of Jyn. One looked like a tourist mug from the Statue of Liberty, and the other was shaped like Darth Vader’s helmet. Jyn smiled at the little pieces of his life she was getting a glimpse of, and reached out eager hands for the Statue of Liberty one while he poured a golden brown stream into it, not nearly as warm as his eyes were when they caught a shot of the sun.

Cassian leaned against the counter and took a thoughtful sip from the remaining mug.

“Colombian,” he smiled, “One of my favorites.”

“Would it be a crime to ask for a spot of cream?” Jyn asked hiding her nose behind her mug.

“Ugh, you’re one of those people,” he feigned a chest pain, clutching at his shirt with his free hand.

“What, a normal person?” Melshi’s voice called groggily as he exited his room and joined the pair at the counter. His accent was extra thick in the morning, the sounds of his vowels were particularly drawn out.

He crossed to the fridge and pulled out a white and blue canister and offered it to Jyn, “Almond milk okay?”

“Yes, please,” she smiled gratefully, popping the top open with her thumbnail and dumping in a generous amount.

“Cass is a coffee snob. Don’t let it get to you,” Melshi smiled.

“Jyn brought banana bread,” Cassian gestured to the plastic wrapped plate on the edge of the counter.

“You can stay,” he said eagerly reaching for a stack of plates and forks.

“Oh no, I’m good. I have a whole loaf in my flat waiting for me,” she said declining the offer for a slice while the boys carved into it.

As they were taking their first bites, the watch on Jyn’s arm buzzed a tinny tune.

“Shoot, I’ve got to go give Lady her walk. Thank you for the coffee,” she drained the last of her cup and walked by them to set it in the sink.

“See you around. You’ll have to come over for game night one of these weeks,” Cassian called as she let herself to the door.

“I’d like that,” she smiled, giving a small wave before disappearing back into the hall.

Melshi waited until the lock clicked and spit a mouthful of bread directly into the trash can.

“Oh my god, what did she do to that?”

“It’s not that bad,” Cassian said completely unconvincingly.

Melshi wiped his mouth with a paper towel and scraped the rest of his slice into the trash, “Oh you’ve got it bad.”

“Whatever man,” he looked down at the plate of bread that was somehow impossibly wet and dry at the same time.

Melshi grabbed his shoulder and squeezed it as he laughed on his way to the bathroom.

Day 14

Sunday came with steady drizzles and low thunder. Not enough rain to flood the busy roads, but enough to make sure the bottoms of your pants were always wet. Puddles of grey water filled each crack and uneven spot in the pavement, rolling off of Jyn’s rubber boots, but sticking to Lady’s white fur.

Jyn didn’t mind the dreary weather. Lord knows London was rainy enough for a lifetime. She liked to imagine she was in a film scene, that she would stumble into the love of her life in a downpour. Maybe they would share an umbrella or squeeze in together at a bus stop. Maybe she would drop something and they would bump heads leaning down to pick it up. The cold air coming on definitely brought out the side of her that longed to cuddle up by the fire with someone.

She was still learning the area and definitely took a wrong turn or two on the way back to their building, but Lady didn’t mind the extra steps, though she was sure to take a long nap as a reward after the pair dried off.

Jyn decided to stop and check the mail room before heading up to her floor. She was expecting a package from her uncles of some tea and goodies. The key stuck multiple times in the stripped lock, and the hinges creaked loudly telling stories of years of use. With a smile on her face she plucked the brown box out and looked at her uncle Chirrut’s scrawling font addressing the package to her.

“Jyn?”

The call of her name pulled her attention to the door, and she quickly shut the small locker.

Cassian stood behind her with some bags in hand and his hood up. Specks of rain dotted his shoulders and the tip of his nose.

Lady gave a low growl and Jyn shushed her.

“I thought you had a dog not a horse,” he said with a small laugh, trying to mask his nervousness.

“She’s a Great Dane,” Jyn said with a toothy grin.

Lady came up to Jyn’s ribs. She had stark white fur with smoky grey markings and drooping red eyes, and she was sporting a yellow raincoat that covered part of her front legs and secured around her middle. Cassian had never seen an animal so huge.

“She’s very friendly,” Jyn assured.

Lady’s demeanor softened as she noticed Jyn talking to the stranger as if he was a friend. She pushed her big wet nose and towards Cassian’s hand to get a better whiff of his scent, but he retracted it quickly.

“She’s pretty,” he stammered, “Well I won’t keep you,” he nodded and backed out of the room.

“Wait, we’ll go up with you,” she followed him to the elevators.

He shifted the bags in his hand to call an elevator down and they stood in wait. Jyn almost thought she saw his hand shake as he reached out to push the button, but she wrote it off.

“Feels like home when the weather’s like this,” she remarked and he nodded.

“You just missed the snowy season. It should be pretty mild the rest of the year.”

The elevator gave a deep, faintly buzzing beep as the set of doors to the right opened up to let them in.

There was barely enough room for the three of them. Cassian swallowed hard as Lady stood between them, his skin pricking beneath his jeans from where he felt her fur brush up against them.

Jyn made a few more remarks about the weather and their walk that he barely registered as he prayed for the climb to go faster. When the doors finally opened, he rushed off, apologizing over his shoulder for leaving so quickly.

Jyn wondered if he was okay, watching as he dropped his key ring clumsily and fumbled with his door handle.

“I didn’t say anything weird, did I?” she asked out loud, mostly to herself. Lady cocked her head and followed her to their doorstep.

Day 26

Cassian had stopped by a few nights prior to invite Jyn to game night. She had offered to bake some cookies, to which he quickly declined and assured her that they would provide all the food.

She had been buzzing about it to Bodhi for days, and now that the evening was here, she was curled up with a flu. Her skin was a sickly shade of grey, and sweat coated her entire body while she simultaneously shook from chills. She had extra blankets piled on, but just a sports bra and sleep shorts on beneath the cocoon to try and even out her temperature.

A glass of tepid water sat untouched on the table beside her, the only thing she had had the strength to get on one of her trips to the restroom. She laid defeated, her mind in a thick fog and her body heavy with fatigue.

Bodhi had left work early yesterday for a long weekend upstate with his boyfriend, so she was left to her own devices. Hopefully it was something she could sleep off in 48 hours and crawl back into work on Monday, good as new.

She had spent the entire day in a fever dream trance, slipping in and out of consciousness, reliving some of her worst moments on repeat. She saw her parents, and longed for the cool touch of her mother’s hand on the burning skin of her cheeks and forehead, dreamed of the way her father had fed her soup when she was younger and unable to hold the spoon on her own. The ache of her heart rang loudest of all as her body groaned beneath the weight of whatever virus had laid claim to her cells.

——

Cassian checked the clock obsessively, wondering what might’ve held Jyn up. It was nearing eight o’clock, and he wondered if maybe she got stuck at work, or if something worse had happened.

“It’s all right, mate. I’m sure she’s got a good reason,” Meshi said softly, feeling too bad for his friend to even tease him.

They ended up watching Back to the Future and working their way through two large pizzas instead of introducing Jyn to the world of Catan, but in the back of his mind, Cassian couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

Day 27

Cassian woke early on Saturday morning to a noise he couldn’t quite identify. It sounded like scratching at the front door, thick nails against wood over and over. In a sleepy haze, he tried to decipher what it could be, when he heard a high pitched whine.

“Is that a dog?” he asked out loud, as he kicked off his covers and exited his room to find an equally tired looking Melshi heading towards the front door.

The pair opened the door to find none other than Lady, Jyn’s Great Dane standing at their door looking particularly distressed.

“Lady? Is everything okay?” Cassian asked cautiously, stepping out into the hallway, only for the large dog to bound back towards the open door of Jyn’s flat and whine anxiously.

Seeing the door wide open made his stomach drop, and he rushed after the dog with Melshi close behind him. There were claw marks on the door frame and next to the knob. It must’ve taken her a while to get it open. All the lights were off and everything seemed tidy at first glance. He quickly ruled out a break in, and tried to figure out what was wrong.

Lady led them into the kitchen and nosed at her empty food and water bowls before stopping in the hall and huffing in the direction of the bedroom. Cassian walked past her and peered in the doorway to see what he thought was Jyn, wrapped in blankets and shivering violently. He checked the thermostat outside her door to see it was set way too low for this time of year and switched the heat on.

“Jyn?” he asked quietly.

“Hello?” she called back fearfully through chattering teeth.

“It’s me. Cassian,” he entered slowly and knelt by her bed.

Her eyes were glassy and skin damp with sweat, with hair mussed and matted on her forehead.

“Lady came to get us,” he explained softly, “How long have you been sick?”

“Yesterday morning,” she mumbled, drawing the blankets around her small frame, trembling.

Melshi poked his head through the door, “I’m gonna take the lass out to wee. Looks like she held it as long as she could, just cleaned up a spot in the kitchen.”

“Can you pick up some medicine? And soup?” Cassian asked quickly, “My wallet is on the counter.”

“Sure thing,” he nodded and retreated down the hall.

“I’ll be right back,” Cassian said, laying his hand on top of hers for just a second.

The space was already heating up. He checked the vents to make sure warm air was pouring out, pleased that her unit was still functional as sometimes theirs was spotty in the winter. In the kitchen, he filled a kettle and set it out, hoping Melshi would think to get some tea, then grabbed a rag and wet it, and poured a new glass of water.

Cassian crouched back by her bed and wiped at her forehead with the rag. He carefully cleaned her face, washing it of the dried on sweat, and smoothed her bangs back. She looked at him with thankful eyes, as green as ever, but missing the fire he noticed the first time they met.

“Can you drink some water for me?” he asked softly and she shook her head.

“C’mon, we can’t have you getting dehydrated.”

“Stomach hurts,” she muttered.

“Just a bit,” he pleaded, reaching his hand out to rest between her shoulders and prop her up enough to take a few sips of the glass he was holding out.

When she was done, she hit the pillow hard and another round of chills ran down her spine from the temperature of the water.

Cassian leaned back on his heels and pulled his hoodie off in one motion.

“Here,” he said offering it to her, not wanting to dig through her closet or intrude any more than he had to, knowing it would help to warm her up.

She reluctantly unwound herself from the blankets and pulled the hoodie over her head.

“Do you have another set of sheets?” he asked.

“Closet,” she pointed to the door in the hall.

He grabbed a fresh set of navy blue sheets and an extra quilt and exchanged them for the old ones he had found her in. Even with the hoodie that was still warm and smelled quite a bit like him, her body continued to shake.

“Hold me?” she asked in an impossibly small voice.

Cassian swallowed hard, “Of course, yeah.” He walked to the other side of her bed and scooted the quilt a little closer to her, not crawling beneath it though he desperately wanted to. The mattress sank beneath his added weight and the metal frame creaked as he adjusted his limbs and rolled onto his side, tucking himself around her. He pulled the lump of blankets against his chest and tentatively draped his arm around her waist. She pressed back into him, desperate to share the warmth of his body. The back of her head tucked under his chin, the hood was still pulled up cocooning her. He nuzzled his nose into the it slightly as he closed his eyes and willed her to stop shaking.

It wasn’t until this moment that he allowed himself to exhale. Being woken up by a horse sized dog and walking up to her door wide open had sent his heart into a panic that he had shoved down, not wanting to lose his cool and compromise whatever situation it was that she was in. He had felt a twinge in his gut since last night, like he knew she needed him.

“I got you,” he whispered against the hood on her head.

Jyn’s breathing steadied, and exhaustion overcame her. Within two minutes, she was open mouth snoring, just a small growl coming from the back of her throat as she slept in his arms.

Cassian thanked whatever god might be listening that she was safe in his arms right now. He didn’t know much about her at all, and definitely wasn’t familiar with her sleeping habits, so he did his best to stay as still as possible. Just deep breaths and a heartbeat against her back, no matter how badly he wanted to trace her arms, wipe her bangs from her forehead, press a kiss to her shoulders. From the clock on her night table, he could tell about an hour had passed since they first arrived when he heard Melshi and Lady come back through the front door.

He heard the clack of Lady’s nails on the wood floor and the clink of her leash hitting the kitchen counter when Melshi laid it down. Then, he heard kibble filling her bowl and the rush of water from the tap. There was a rustling of bags as well as he heard Melshi sorting through everything. Then the floor creaking slightly as his friend made his way down the hall.

He peeked into the room, face softening when he saw the sleeping girl in Cassian’s arms.

“Food?” he mouthed.

“Not yet,” Cassian mouthed back.

Melshi gave him a thumbs up and let himself back into the rest of the apartment. He decided to watch some tv with Lady until Jyn woke up, then they would both probably head back to their own flat for the day.

Cassian felt his body relaxing against hers. It wasn’t yet eight o’clock. Lady had woken them up almost two hours ago which was early on a weekend for him. His eyes grew heavier from their shared warmth and proximity, and he allowed himself the reverie of imagining this would one day be how they always woke up. Early Saturday sunlight, hazy feeling of love.

——

When he felt Jyn stirring in his arms, he peeked at the clock to see it nearing ten. Jyn rotated to where she was now facing him. Lips parted, breathing softly against his cheek. He felt his own breath hitch at the sight of her. Even sick, she was breathtaking. He drank in this moment greedily, knowing any minute now, she would wake, and he would be apart from her again. Now that he had known proximity, distance would never do. He craved the nearness of her orbit, to know the touch of her mouth against his. He suddenly felt like he needed to take a cold shower and jumped from his spot next to her, exiting the room as quietly as he could.

He closed the bathroom door behind himself and splashed cold water on his face. His cheeks were flushed with desire, and he hated himself for not being able to swallow it down. She was sick, that was all. He wouldn’t be in this situation if she wasn’t vulnerable, if she wasn’t in need.

Cassian gripped the sides of the sink tightly, doing his best to steady his breathing and rein in his thoughts. This wasn’t the time or place to be having these feelings. He switched back into caretaker mode and headed into the kitchen to see what Melshi had brought back from his outing.

“Matzo ball soup in the fridge, NyQuil on the counter, oh, and I got some Gatorade,” he called from the couch where lady was sprawled with her head in his lap.

“Perfect, thank you,” Cassian responded, opening her cabinets in search of a pot to reheat the soup in.

“Enjoy your nap, lover boy?” Melshi asked with a small quirk of a smile.

“Shut up,” Cassian, turned to face the stove, hoping to hide the heat in his cheeks.

“What? You look good together is all I’m saying.”

Cassian ignored his comment, dumping the soup from the plastic container it came in into a small saucepan and finally putting on the kettle he had filled earlier.

“Is she up?”

“No, but I think she will be soon. I heard her stomach growling. I’m not sure when the last time she ate was.”

“We’ll get her set up and head on back. I can stop by and let Lady girl out again later.”

“I’ll probably stay a while if she wants,” Cass called back, crossing his arms over his middle and leaning back against the counter while he waited for everything to heat up.

Melshi decided not to comment, and instead just smiled at the large dog in his lap, turning his attention back to the local news that was droning in the background.

——

Jyn woke to a pounding headache. The sun streaming in through her drapeless windows stung her eyes as she tried to piece together the last 24 hours with blurry vision. She buried her face in the hoodie and breathed deep. Everything came trickling in like a gentle stream. Cassian. The sound of his voice. The softness of his eyes. The feel of his arms around her. She felt lightheaded. Maybe it was the sickness, but maybe it was him.

She struggled to a sitting position and ran her hands through her hair. A warm shower later would help her to feel almost human, but she didn’t have the strength for that just yet. She pulled a pair of leggings off the pile in her chair and labored to pull them over her bare legs before padding down the hall, leaning against the wall for support.

Lady scrambled across the living room when she heard Jyn groan softly, drawing Cassian’s attention to the edge of the kitchen.

“Hi girl,” Jyn said with a small voice, a weak hand reaching to stroke Lady’s face while she wagged gently and pressed her nose into Jyn’s stomach.

Cassian felt like he had the wind knocked out of him seeing her standing there in his hoodie dwarfing her frame. The sleeves fell way past her hands, and the hem hung below her hips where it rested smugly above his. She looked like she was about to keel over, and he ducked under her arm just in time to give her more support.

“You shouldn’t be up walking around,” he chastised.

“I’m hungry,” she grumbled softly. All of her weight rested against his chest as she leaned her head in and closed her eyes.

He scooped her up with ease and carried her across the rest of the flat to the couch. Melshi was rearranging the cushions and holding up a blanket to drape over her while Cassian nestled her into the warm spot that his friend had been sitting in.

“Thank you,” she said with a small smile.

Jyn hated needing people. She loathed feeling helpless or inept, but she would be lying if she said she wasn’t thankful to have someone there with her when the prior night she had been quite certain she was dying.

The boys scooted the table closer to the sofa and set her up with everything she could need. There was a steaming bowl of soup, two DayQuil tablets next to a glass of water, a bottle of juice Melshi had picked up from the deli, and a sleeve of crackers.

After about half a bowl of soup, she started to perk up a little bit, her body thankful to have energy again. She then placed the two orange pills on her tongue and swallowed them down with greedy gulps of juice. The pallor of her skin started to fade back into her normal coloring.

“Wait, so how did you get in?” she asked again, her brow furrowed tightly as she listened to the pair recount the story from that morning.

“My dog came to get you?” she asked skeptically.

“Swear on my life,” Melshi laughed.

“I felt so bad that I couldn’t take her out. I didn’t know who to call,” she lamented, reaching out to pet Lady’s head which was perched on the edge of the couch keeping a watchful eye on Jyn.

“She and I are great friends now,” Melshi smiled cheekily, “I don’t mind helping out with her while you’re on the mend.”

“Thank you,” Jyn smiled, suddenly feeling the weight of sleep overcome her again.

“I think I’m going to take another nap.”

“We’ll get out of your hair then,” Melshi announced, clearing the dishes from in front of her and carrying them to the kitchen.

Cassian didn’t feel right leaving just yet, and decided to listen to his gut like he should’ve last night.

“I’ll stay a little while longer if you don’t mind,” he said with a small smile.

Jyn gave him a dopey smile of her own as she sunk back into the pillow nest they had made for her, “I’d like that.”

Cassian rose to meet Melshi at the door, “I’ll be there in a minute,” he said in a low voice.

“Yeah yeah, Romeo,” Melshi muttered with a wink.

Cassian rolled his eyes and locked the door behind Melshi.

“Do you want me to help you to bed?” he asked, taking a seat next to her and feeling her forehead with the back of his hand to check for a fever. She leaned into the touch and closed her eyes, lamenting that she wouldn’t be sick forever and soon this attention would end.

“Just stay close,” she asked quietly, nestling her pillow against his thigh and pulling the blanket up to her neck. Her body buzzed with warmth from the combination of food, medication, and affection.

Cassian reached a tentative hand down and smoothed it through her hair. The side of her cheek turned up in a smile, and he took it as permission to keep going. His fingers ran along her scalp, separating out tangled strands of hair and brushing through them. Just as quickly as she had fallen asleep this morning, she was softly snoring again, relishing in the gentle touches he was offering her. She wanted to reach out with greedy hands and take every bit she could. She felt like a kid seeing a piñata burst for the first time, taking every bit for herself. But the rational part of her reminded her to pace herself, reminded her there was time. Time to know him. Time to be known.

She dozed in and out for a few hours, just content for her body and mind to be at rest. Cassian stayed beside her like a sentinel, strong arm resting down around her shoulder and cupping her elbow. His thumb absentmindedly rubbed circles over the sharp bone.

At one point she head the low timbre of his voice speaking softly to Lady. She kept her eyes closed, but listened closely to his words.

“You were a very brave girl this morning, you know that? Taking care of your mom like that. Smart girl,” he praised gently.

Though he had previously been apprehensive of her, she quickly proved that his old fears were not a good metric to judge people, or animals, by.

He looked fondly at the sleeping girl next to him and started to open himself up to the possibility of future days spent in each other’s company. Maybe he wouldn’t always wake at night clutching his chest, aching desperately for the things he lost. Maybe he wouldn’t always be waiting for the other shoe drop, because maybe, this time, there was no other shoe.

Day 37

That weekend came and went and so did a whole other week before Jyn really started feeling like herself. It took a while for her appetite to come back and for the fatigue to really let go of its grip on her.

Just the simple act of riding the train to and from work in the mornings and evenings depleted all of her extra energy. Her flat was in desperate need of a cleaning, and all of her messages were going unanswered. It wasn’t until she was finally folding a pile of laundry that had grown nearly as tall as her that she fully caught Bodhi up on the weekend he had been away.

Her phone sat on the edge of her bed, his incredulous voice coming through the speaker.

“He gave you his hoodie? He stayed to watch while you slept? He walked your giant dog that he definitely does not like? Babes, he likes you.”

“He does not. He was just being a good friend,” she scoffed as she turned the arms of his hoodie the right way and laid it across her lap. She hadn’t wanted to wash it and lose what was left of his scent, but she knew she couldn’t keep it covered in her germs forever. The last thing she wanted was to get one of them sick again. Her arms almost moved to pull it on over her old tee shirt, but she stopped herself. It was best to give it back to him, to not get caught up in a runway fantasy where he was her boyfriend come to save her.

She didn’t need saving, but she did need looking after sometimes, and she would be lying to herself is she said she didn’t wish he was the one to look after her.

——

“C’mon Jyn, you stupid girl,” Jyn chastised herself in the mirror. She had been laboring over a text to Cassian for two hours. Two. Hours. Staring at a phone screen and fretting about wording and whether or not to use emojis.

“It’s just a text message,” she reminded herself as her thumb hovered over the send key before pressing it with a sharp inhale.

Hey Cassian, I was wondering if you would like to join me for dinner tomorrow just to say thanks for everything. 7 o’clock at Barbuto. Let me know.

He replied almost immediately, causing her to fumble with her phone when she saw the bubbles indicating he was typing.

Wouldn’t miss it. I’ll be there :)

“Fuck yeah,” she whispered to herself, doing a little dance in her bathroom, unknowing that he was on the other side of the wall pumping his fist in the air.

Day 38

There was never a stage of her life where Jyn enjoyed dressing up. Not for her father’s achievement dinners when she was a child, not in uni for formals, and not now, getting ready for a semi kind of date with the boy who took her breath away. She just felt more herself dressed down in a casual setting. Fancy restaurants were too high stakes for someone who swore as much as she did. But still, she pulled on her one nice dress and a pair of boots with a small heel. She fluffed out her bangs to make sure they were even, and even attempted a basic smoky eye. Her old roommate taught her the beauty of smudging everything and making it look intentional rather than messy.

When she was in her taxi on the way to the restaurant, she began to wonder whether or not they just should’ve rode together. That would’ve made sense, but what if it was awkward? Suddenly, a barrage of doubts started ringing in her ears while she glanced at the time nervously. She woas somehow early and would therefore have plenty of time to rethink every decision she had ever made while she waited for Cassian.

She ordered a gin and tonic at the bar while she waited for her table to be ready, hoping a small buzz would calm her nerves. One drink turned into two and then three as she waited and waited with no word from Cassian.

The waiter approached with a sympathetic smile, “Would you like to order anything, miss?”

“No, sorry. You can pass it on to someone else who actually cares enough to show up,” she said with an air of bitterness, fishing in her wallet for a pile of cash and leaving it on the table. She tipped back her glass and finished the last of her drink, ice clinking loudly as she set it back down unceremoniously.

Jyn staggered out of the restaurant, half hatred, half alcohol, completely embarrassed. She felt like a fool for thinking the story could end any way but this.

When she entered her flat again for the evening, she beelined straight for her bedroom to scrawl a message on a pink sticky note. With a slap, she stuck it to the front of Cassian’s hoodie, and marched it to their doorstep, leaving it for him to find whenever he made it back from whatever was clearly better than spending an evening with her.

Back inside for good this time, she peeled her boots off by the door and almost broke the zipper on her dress from yanking it down her side so hard. She wet a rag and tried to scrub the makeup from her eyes, ending up looking like an even more pathetic drunk girl with every swipe. With eyeliner still smudged beneath her tearful eyes, she pulled on a pair of sweatpants and an old tee shirt, and resigned herself to the couch. She checked her phone one last time to see still no text from Cassian, and threw it on the table, finally breaking down. The tears spilled eagerly down her face, big and wet like a sad cartoon character and she felt even more ridiculous and embarrassed for getting worked up over a boy. She cried herself raw while Lady looked at her with a concerned gaze.

“I should’ve known I was making it up, Lady. I should’ve known better than to let my guard down,” she lamented, a weary hand rubbing across her forehead.

Between the crying and the alcohol, her head began to throb, and she resigned herself to polishing off the pint of chocolate chip ice cream she had been saving for as a midnight snack in lieu of the lasagna she had spent all day thinking about. She turned on some movie she had seen a dozen times before and tried to ignore the creeping anxiety she felt when she thought about the awkward encounter that she would have when she inevitably had to face Cassian again.

Around eleven, she heard footsteps in the hallway, first to their door, then rushing back to hers.

A tentative knock.

“Jyn?” his voice was muffled by the door.

She bit her tongue, not wanting to make any noise to signal that she might be awake.

“Jyn, if you’re there, I am so sorry. I have a reason for not showing up tonight, and I’m sure you’ll never believe me, but I really hope you’ll give me another chance.”

A fresh wave of tears started falling without warning as she clamped her hand over her mouth to muffle the small sob that squeaked out.

Cassian pressed his hand against the door, hoping that he could make it up to her some day. He walked back to their apartment with heavy shoulders and leaned down to scoop his hoodie up off the door mat where it he had found it sitting with a note that simply said, “thanks for everything,” and then he broke too.

Day 49

Jyn had not seen or spoken to Cassian since that night. He never texted, never called. By now, she had a good feeling of his schedule, and made a point to only take Lady out when she knew he was at work or not around. Sometimes she would watch the sidewalk from her window until she was sure she saw a glimpse of him exiting, wait five minutes, and then leave herself.

She was utterly humiliated and numb from the whole ordeal, deciding it was best to continue on as if they were strangers, which they practically were. Strangers that had shared coffee and childhood stories. Strangers that slept in the same bed that one time. Strangers that felt like they were touching a live wire every time they made eye contact.

Bodhi had no explanation for what could have happened, but he kept urging her to give him another chance.

“Please at least give him the chance to explain himself,” he pleaded as they split an Italian sandwich in the break room.

Jyn gave him a dead panned look that said “are you fucking kidding me” as she peeled the pepperoncinis off her half.

“Why didn’t he text me, Bodhi?”

“I don’t know! But I trust this guy. I know he isn’t an asshole like the rest of them.”

“He certainly isn’t going above and beyond to make me think that,” she grumbled.

“He wouldn’t have done all those things if he was an asshole. That’s a lot of effort to go through if you’re just trying to get in someone’s pants.”

“Gross.”

“But true,” he raised his eyebrow and bit into his sandwich.

“I don’t know, maybe. I just don’t even think I can look him in the eye.”

“Couldn’t hurt to try.”

“Shut up,” she snorted.

——

Jyn trudged through the door that evening in defeat. Her week had been hell. Just today on her way home, a car splashed stagnant water on her just before she reached her apartment building, she had snagged her skirt on something and torn it all the way up the side, and her favorite dim sum place had been closed for a family emergency.

Her sour mood was inevitable, and she didn’t even feel like faking happy at this point. Her legs were sticky from sweat and the puddle she got bathed in. She hoped her shoes weren’t ruined as they squished beneath her with each step. She carefully peeled off her wet clothes and kicked them into a pile in the corner to deal with later. A hot shower would solve at least a dozen of her current problems. She struggled with the loose shower knob and prayed tonight wasn’t the night it broke off completely. Before the thought even left her head, she heard a pathetic crack as it came off in her hand.

“Oh come the fuck on,” she said through gritted teeth, grasping at the stump of a knob and trying to turn it any way to no avail. Cold water drenched the rest of her as she cursed, now completely soaked and full to the brim with rage. She felt and looked as pissed off as a wet cat.

She knew there was nothing in her tool kit she could grab to twist the handle and turn it back off.

“No, no I won’t do it. You’ve got to be kidding me. Fuck.”

She swallowed down the last ounce of pride she had that by this point was clinging to her with a white knuckle grip, pulled on a pair of sweatpants, and walked to her neighbors’ door in defeat. Her hair was stringy and wet, sending streams of ice cold water down her bare shoulders.

This time, she didn’t even try to work up courage to knock, knowing how pathetic she would look to either party who opened the door, but she really hoped it was Melshi.

The door opened almost instantly, and she found herself face to face with the man she had been avoiding.

“Jyn? What happened? Are you okay?” Cassian’s face was painted with ten levels of concern as he took in the sight of her for the first time in weeks.

“I just need to borrow some pliers,” she said, trying not to make eye contact, “My shower handle came off.”

“Hold on, let me help you,” he turned to grab their toolbox from the top of the fridge and she groaned internally.

“I just need the pliers, if yo—“

“Let. Me. Help. You,” he said firmly, and added on a, “Please,” with those eyes that made him look like a kicked puppy.

The day she had been dreading was here. And not only was it here, she was half dressed, soaking wet, and starving. Par for the course for her life.

She turned wordlessly on her heel and led him through her apartment and into her bathroom.

“It’s been on the verge of breaking for a while. It was brittle and stuck a lot when I moved in,” she explained, crossing her arms over her chest as he tried to assess the damage.

All that was left was a nub barely a centimeter long. He tried a few different angles and grasps with the pliers, but each one slipped right off.

He grunted in frustration as it became apparent to him that the only way to get a secure grip was to stand under the stream of water.

“I can do it,” she offered.

“Please let me,” he said again, a firm hand reaching out to hold her wrist, not letting her dodge his eye contact this time. Deep regret sat heavy in his dark irises as they bore into her own and pleaded for a shot at forgiveness.

She nodded almost imperceptibly, hoping the tears she felt creeping into her vision weren’t as obvious to anyone on the outside.

Cassian climbed into her shower and gritted his teeth as he yanked on the fixture three times before it switched off with a loud groan. The tan henley shirt he had been wearing was soaked along with his hair. He pushed it back from his forehead and sputtered out a mouthful of water, and Jyn couldn’t help but laugh at the sight.

“Let me get you a towel,” she leaned into the hall to pop open the linen closet and pull a stack of clean towels out for the both of them.

They both started with the ends of their hair, scrunching out huge pockets of cold water.

“The fixtures in this place are shit,” he commiserated.

“You can say that again,” she laughed lightly.

“Jyn,” he started.

“You don’t have to,” she began.

“I do though,” he said firmly with pleading eyes, “Please, you have to let me explain.”

She swallowed hard and leaned back against the cool tile wall, raising her eyebrows as if to say “out with it.”

“So that day, I got held up at the office. Just for a few minutes. One of the interns accidentally wiped a hard drive while trying to recover a corrupted file. Everyone else was leaving, I didn’t want to leave her there alone. She was terrified,” he started, and Jyn’s heart thawed the smallest bit listening to him talk about helping a scared college student out.

“That only took a few minutes though. But, it took long enough that I missed my first train and had to wait another twenty minutes for the second one. I was just pulling my phone out to text you that I would be late, and a fight broke out on the platform. These two guys started throwing blows and tumbled over onto the tracks. I jumped down to pull them up before another train pulled in, and my phone fell out of my pocket. I saw it get obliterated and there was nothing I could do to stop it.”

So that’s why he hadn’t texted her. The fear of rejection loosened another prong from her tired heart.

“Then the police showed up, and I got taken in for questioning and as a witness. They didn’t let me go until after ten that night. And when I got home and saw my hoodie, I just knew you must’ve been so hurt,” he lamented. He had made his way closer to her now, closing the gap that had been separating them, mending the wound in her heart as well when he spoke.

“Jyn,” he brushed the still damp hair back from her eyes, “There is nothing on the planet that could have kept me from you. You have to believe me,” he whispered.

“Of course I believe you,” she looked down at the ground suddenly feeling dizzy from his closeness and the familiarity of his scent that she had missed every night since she gave him back the hoodie.

His lips inched closer to hers, hovering so she could feel his breath falling on her chin and the prickles of his mustache.

“Your move, Jyn. I need to know you want this, because I want it so badly,” he whispered hoarsely, lips brushing against hers as tried to hold on to his resolve.

A breath hitched in her throat as she finally allowed the band of tension to snap and pulled him into her hungrily, fervently.

Kissing Jyn was like coming home after a long day. She was warm against him, tongue sweet and welcoming. He allowed one of his hands to dip under the hem of her shirt and roam up the expanse of her back, pressing his wide palm flat against her soft skin.

Jyn tangled a hand in his hair and the other rested at his hip, her pinky finger dipping into the waist band of his pants and sending a heat through his body.

Cassian could feel a newfound tension welling inside of him. Now that he finally had a taste of the thing he had longed for, he wanted to dive in headfirst, to be completely submerged in their collision. Their hands started to get more desperate, pulling at clothes and dragging nails across skin. But what really did him in was the breathy moan that fell from her lips when he nipped at the skin between her neck and shoulder.

He didn’t want to, but he needed to pull away.

“Wait, wait.”

Jyn was suddenly afraid she had gone too far too fast.

Cassian read the look on her face and immediately tried to dispel any fear, “No, it’s not like that. If I don’t stop now, I’m afraid I never will.”

Her lips quirked into a mischievous smile, “And if I say that’s okay with me?”

He held up a finger, “Ah, wait. You need a shower. And so do I. Let’s start there and pick up where we left off after dinner,” he smiled.

Jyn frowned, bottom lip puckering out in a way that drove him crazy. Cassian leaned down to press two more kisses to the swollen pink skin before telling her to go grab clean clothes. He pinched her ass on the way out the door, and she swatted at his hand half heartedly.

He finally felt like he could breathe again.

She finally felt like she could breathe again.

——

Walking in to Cassian’s apartment with half wet hair and disheveled clothes drew quite a look from Melshi.

“I see you two made up,” he grinned from the couch.

“Man, shut up,” Cassian hissed.

“My shower broke,” Jyn explained lamely, her arms full of toiletries and a fresh towel.

“It’s just through here,” Cassian said softly, his hand on the small of her back as she disappeared down the hall.

As soon as he heard the lock click in place, he turned on his heel to stare daggers into his roommate.

“Don’t fuck this up.”

“I was gonna say the same to you, mate.”

Cassian leaned against the kitchen counter and rubbed his face in his hands as he tried to process the last thirty minutes of his life.

“Do you want me to disappear? ‘Cause I can disappear,” Melshi offered, already grabbing his phone and the bag of chips he had propped next to him on the couch.

“Nah, stay. I don’t want to make it any weirder than it’s already been.”

“Good weird? Bad weird?”

“Great weird,” Cass smiled almost wistfully, causing his roommate to snort.

In the bathroom, Jyn’s heart pounded as her imagination ran wild. Though their last interaction had been pretty hot and heavy, she was caught up in thinking about the sight of her shampoo next to his. She thought of his bare feet on the tile, trimming up his beard in the morning while she showered. She thought of shared kisses with still wet noses and cheeks flushed from the steam, and when the time came for body wash, she reached for his instead of hers, hoping the scent would linger and lay gently on her sheets tonight while she tried to sleep thinking about the boy next door.

Day ???

Spring faded into summer, and summer into fall. The days grew impossibly longer, than too short to feel like you had ever gotten enough done.

The clock was nearing midnight as Cassian tiptoed through his dark apartment with a plate of warm cookies in hand. He bumped his bedroom door open with his hip and saw Jyn adding an extra blanket on her side the bed. She turned to smile at him when she heard the click of the knob closing behind him. He wasn’t sure when it was that she took his grey sleep shirt, only that he liked the look of it better on her than he ever did on his own body.

The bedside table on that side of the room now held her fan that she ran year round because she liked the noise, hence the extra blanket. Beside it sat her phone charger, allergy medication, and a book she had been thumbing through in her downtime.

His space had become her space and vice versa. They took up an unapologetic amount of space in each other’s homes and hearts, one of those couples who made eyes at each other across every room at every gathering.

Just earlier tonight, they had dipped out of a gathering early to go watch the newest installment of a docuseries that they had been looking forward to.

Cassian climbed into bed and nestled the plate of cookies between the two of them while Jyn flipped through the channels, pointing the remote at the tv on top of his dresser. She pressed her face up against his shoulder and he breathed in the scent of her freshly washed hair and the moisturizer she applied before bed.

“Thank you for going with me tonight,” he whispered into the crown of her head, leaving a lingering kiss there.

“And thank you for leaving with me when things got loud,” she angled her head slightly to look into his eyes.

“I’ll always follow you home,” he murmured.

She pressed her lips to his before turning back to face the television.

In the room next door, Melshi was sprawled on his bed with Lady taking up the other half, both of them snoring into the night.

[siobhanbooks]

Sneak peak Sunday

one from like daylight and one from a new WIP because you aren't getting a new chapter of like daylight this week and I feel mean for not posting

Bodhi walked over and plucked the bottle from his hands. “Yeah. Because I'm not a little kid.” “Never said you were.” Xaden remarked as Bodhi took a swig, wincing as it went down. “You implied it, though.” Bodhi pointed out. “Well, you are my baby cousin.” “Only cousin.” “Still the baby.” “Come on. We’ve got an entire fortress to ourselves and a practically unlimited alcohol supply. I’m spending it listening to you two bicker. I could do that when the parents are home.” Garrick said, swiping the bottle off of Bodhi before turning to head back up to Riorson House. “Yeah Xaden.” Bodhi stuck his tongue out at his cousin, then ran off after Garrick. “He was talking to you too.” Xaden called after his brothers.

and a new WIP, Bodhiam modern AU

Bodhi Durran was 22, a final year nursing student who never wanted to settle down. He'd seen his parents do it, and it destroyed them and their marriage. He was on placement at Seattle Pres, studying at the University of Washington. One day, he was exhausted, working the night shift in the ER for no pay. He didn't sleep well, hadn't since his parents and uncle had left for the trip that had cost them their lives and him his relationship with his only living relative, his cousin. He ended up in a café, Coffee and Runes, to study and chug as much caffeine as he could before his shift started at 8.

[ubiquitouslyme]

The Odyssey of Imrrick

The big reveal!! I've been working on this fic for over a month! I'm so excited to post the first chapter of this 10-chapter adventure! Dedicated to the lovely @alexandia03 for the @rq-gift-exchange.

I'll be posting every Monday and Friday until August 1. Stay tuned for more!

The Odyssey of Imrrick - Chapter 1 - Ubiquitously_Ubiquitous - The Empyrean - Rebecca Yarros [Archive of Our Own]

Summary:

Imogen Cardulo and Garrick Tavis have circled around each other their entire lives. First, as kids, learning to co-exist in Aretia, challenging each other. Then as teens, realizing their attraction to each other. Later, denying their feels in the wake of the apostasy and the hell that followed. And finally, accepting their feelings and admitting they loved each other.

Now, five years after the dissolution of Navarre, Imogen and Garrick are getting married. Finally. In this multi-chapter adventure, on their wedding day, Imogen reflects with Bodhi and Quinn, and Garrick with Xaden and Ridoc, on the history of Imrrick, on how they fell in love.

Each chapter will switch from Imogen's and Garrick's POV, and will include a present-day scene as well as a flash-back.

Major spoilers for FW and IF, and a made-up ending to the series included.

Chapter 1 Snippet:

“Why can’t I just wear my leathers again?” Imogen grumbled.

“Because it’s your wedding day,” Quinn exclaimed, coming to stand beside her and admiring Imogen’s reflection.  “I did a fantastic job, if I do say so myself.  You’re welcome.”

She bumped her hip against Imogen’s.

“Now come on, Bodhi snuck in a bottle or three of something called champagne that Ridoc keeps in his and Bodhi’s place.  By the end of it, you’ll barely be able to walk down the aisle,” Quinn said with a wink.

Bodhi chuckled.  “Ridoc loves that shit.  It’s all bubbly and it makes him super giddy.  And horny.”

Both Quinn and Imogen curled their lips.  “Ewww, Bodhi, gross.”

“We could talk about what you and Garrick are doing to do on your wedding night, then,” Bodhi said, wiggling his eyebrows as they all sat down in the seating area.

Imogen flung herself back across the couch.  “That’s even worse.”

“Then let’s tell stories,” Quinn suggested excitedly.  “I want to hear everything about you and Garrick Tavis.”

“You mean, like, when he finally admitted he had feelings for Im?��� Bodhi asked.  “Or like, the first time they kissed?”

Quinn grinned.  “Oh, I want it all.  Everything.  From the very beginning.  None of you talk about your childhood much.”

“That’s because we were busy fighting a war, and before that, our parents were fighting a war and then were put to death in front of us,” Imogen summarized succinctly.

“As rosy as always, Im,” Quinn grinned.  “Come on, now, spill.  Tell me about the very first time you met Garrick.  You were five, right?”  Quinn popped a bottle open and poured glasses of the bubbly liquid for each of them.

Imogen sighed.  “Fine, it started like this…”

[nepentheisms]

Trimax Volume 8 has one of my favorite Vash quotes in it.

"Only the victims of violence can truly describe its essence."

Really, this whole exchange with Knives that happens in the first chapter of this volume sounds very Buddhist in its language. I'll do my best to parse out some of the concepts I think are at play here, but I should make it clear that I do not have as extensive a personal history with Buddhism as I do with Christianity. I was raised Christian growing up, but my experience as a Chinese-American kid with immigrant parents meant a lot of early childhood exposure to works of fiction with Buddhist themes (think Journey to the West). Also, because we lived in an area with a sizeable population of east and southeast asian immigrants, I developed a surface level familiarity with Buddhist iconography and terminology thanks to friends who were raised Buddhist and regular encounters with Buddhist artwork in local businesses. The rest of my knowledge comes from informal self-study. If anyone out there has more relevant experience in this field, feel free to correct me if I get anything wrong.

Here we go: LONG POST AHEAD

What first caught my attention was Knives' word choice - "I was enlightened." I'm curious what word in the Japanese text was translated as "enlightened" here. A lot of foundational Buddhist literature was written in Sanskrit, and the Sanskrit word that is often translated into English as "enlightenment" is bodhi. This word carries connotations of waking up and coming into awareness and knowledge. In Japanese, the words I've seen for this concept are satori and kenshō.

According to Thomas Cleary, who translated many pieces of Zen Buddhist literature throughout his career, kenshō is the "Zen insight into the essence of one's own being," and satori is "complete kenshō" (1) . Kenshō is written using the Chinese characters 見 (jiàn) which means "see" and 性 (xìng) which means "nature" or "character." This is of particular interest for the above panels, because Knives is saying his pain "revealed [his] true self," and he wants humans to likewise look within to confront the reality of what they are.

Now, at this point in the story, it's pretty clear that Knives' ideas about both who he is and the nature of humanity as a whole are flawed. He's insisting that he has attained enlightenment - some transcendent insight into reality - but from a Buddhist perspective, he's very far off the mark because his mindset was skewed from the start. In fact, Vash gives a keen diagnosis of how Knives is going wrong when he says "We've suffered, but you bottled it up, keeping yourself from feeling the pain and never finding the true source of it." Vash's point is that after obtaining the knowledge of humanity's capacity for evil, Knives only sought to avoid further pain at all cost instead of seeking a deeper understanding of how he's been hurt. The conclusion Knives drew was "the fundamental nature of humans is that they are a threat to me, and they are my inferiors. If they cause pain to me, it is because of their inherent evil, and the only way I can eliminate the potential for suffering is by killing them all." But contrary to Knives' perspective, the path out of suffering in the enlightened Buddhist perspective isn't through forcibly imposing your will on the rest of world until you've destroyed everything that could hurt you.

Instead, Buddhism considers dukkha (suffering) the first of the Four Noble Truths and emphasizes that we should accept the reality that as finite beings in a world constantly in flux, unpleasant emotions and experiences will always find us. There always will be elements outside of our control, but we don't have to allow the hurt they cause to create persistent negative states of being. What we need to do is to not run away from suffering but to understand the cause of it (find "the true source of it" as Vash says) and develop an awareness of how it arises within us - this is the second Noble Truth, called samudhaya. In Buddhism, the origin of suffering is linked to desire and attachment, and Buddhist philosophy posits that by following the fourth Noble Truth, known as the Noble Eightfold Path, the practitioner can experience the third Noble Truth, nirodha (cessation of the desires giving rise to suffering).

With the way Knives currently is, this cessation is something that'll be out of reach for him even if he succeeds in his goals, because he hasn't reckoned with the fear and need for control that is motivating him. He can't complete the path to enlightenment, because his view of the path is obscured by self-delusion. Knives constantly acts as though his goals and feelings are the only ones that matter, but suppose he does realize his vision and kill every human being on the planet. What then? Isn't he effectively alone since there is no one else around that he considers his equal? And where does all the hate that he has purposely cultivated for over a century go? It's doubtful that he'd be able to let go of his attachment to such emotions so easily.

(1): The Thomas Cleary book I'm referencing is Kensho: The Heart of Zen

[tegantales]

Basgiath U chronicles: Part 2 of Lumberjack Garrick

He chops wood. I really need to stop and go to sleep now.

“Hey! It's open,” Garrick stopped short just inside. “Whoa, check it out!”

Imogen pushed at his right side to get by. “Let me in and I'll check it out.”

“Sorry,” Garrick stepped to the side and ushered her in briefly touching the small of her back. Had he always made gestures like that?

The cabin was quaint and well kept. It was a single room, maybe 300 square feet. There was a small kitchenette, a wood stove, a table with 2 chairs, a loveseat, and a bookshelf with a number of books, games and puzzles available. And what looked to be a queen sized bed. How convenient.

Imogen paused just inside the door, she could feel her heart rate pick up as she continued to look at the bed. It was unmande but there was a chest at the foot of it that presumably held linens and pillows. She swallowed and turned her gaze towards Garrick, who was rummaging through the two kitchen cupboards.

“We just had Subway an hour ago, Garrick. What are you looking for?”

“Just looking. I can't not look now that we are in here. And my efforts have been rewarded!” Garrick turned around triumphantly, a tin of Tim Hortons hot chocolate held up like a trophy. His triumphant stance made slightly awkward when he smashed the tin on the ceiling. That made Imogen laugh. Serves him right for being such an idiot. A tall idiot. With an idiotic grin on his face.

Imogen shook her head at him, still laughing. “You're such an idiot. What? You want to actually drink that hot chocolate? How old is it?”

“Who cares. But it can't be that old. Bodhi's uncle comes up at least twice a year,” that's right, it was Bodhi's uncle on his dad's side who owned this place. Garrick opened the tin to look inside. “Besides, we might as well stay, there's a bed and everything. You said you didn't want to drive back.” He looked up from his hot chocolate tin perusal expectantly. Did he think she'd put up a fight?

Imogen made a point of looking at the bed, then back at Garrick, working her jaw as she did so. She shrugged as if it made no difference to her, “I guess so. I'll get water bottles from the car for your hot chocolate. How are we going to heat it?”

The cabin had no running water or electricity. They'd have to heat it in a pot in the wood stove.

“I'll go see if there is any wood for the stove,” Garrick set off around the side of the cabin. Imogen retrieved the water bottles and set them next to a pot and two mugs she found. She heard something that sounded like a crack outside and ran to check on Garrick.

CRACK.

Time stopped. Imogen knew she'd always remember this moment.

Garrick Tavis was chopping wood.

Her mouth went dry, her heart fluttering in her throat as she tried to catch her breath. She'd never pretended not to appreciate Garrick's physique. She knew the effort he expended to maintain his build, shoulders that could carry her with ease, abdominals she could play like a piano. It would be rude of her to not notice. And maybe she'd been noticing a bit more acutely of late.

He had the sleeves of his flannel rolled up to his elbows, showing off his tanned forearms, corded with muscle. He was turned slightly away from her and she chose not to interrupt him. For safety reasons, of course. She swallowed as she watched him wind up the ax and came down again on the log.

CRACK

The wood didn't quite split and the ax stuck, Garrick slammed down twice more on the stump. A few dark curls fell onto his forehead as the log finally split. Imogen licked her lips before pressing them together as he turned towards her to get another log.

“Hard wood?” she asked. Her voice came out rough, lower than normal, and she resisted the urge to clear her throat.

[crisalidaseason]

Tenth entry: Accept protection and care.

Sometimes we are so used to protecting that we forget to be protected. Accept help as much as you would offer, lean on your friends and family. Nobody should burden anything alone.

_________

“Is it Deigh?” Garrick asked.

The pocket knife was quick and precise on Liam’s hands, the rough shape of a daggertail taking shape.

“No, I’ve carved him already. This one is Feirge”

“Rhiannion’s dragon, right?” Imogen chimed in.

Liam nodded, eyes still perfecting the back spikes of the dragon. He noticed as she sat beside Garrick on the dustless stone ground of Xaden’s room.

“She’s gorgeous, I’ll give you that” Garrick muttered, winking at him.

Liam had to swallow a groan when Imogen sent the man a death glare. Ugh, those two could be just as insufferable as Xaden and Violet. Liam was surrounded by idiots in love.

“I’m not hitting on her” Liam chuckled “but she is indeed pretty”

“He gave one to Sorrengail too” Imogen said “I think our boy Liam took a liking to my squad, which is expected since I am in it”

Liam softly kicked Imogen, to which she responded with a full force one. He yelled, rubbing the spot in an attempt to ease the pain.

“You’ve never done Chradh” Garrick put a hand on his chest “I’m hurt”

“Neither Glane” Imogen protested.

“I’ve only seen Glane a few times and never laid eyes on Chradh” Liam defended himself “Also, excuse me if I have other duties aside from taking commissions. I’ll make them eventually”

Interrupting their conversation, Xaden swung the door open and quickly pulled Bodhi and Masen through his wards. About an hour ago they were all waiting on the rest of the summoned marked ones to arrive until Xaden suddenly left the room in a hurry and asked them to wait for his return.

“What the fuck?” Liam blurted.

Bodhi’s face was bruised all over, left eye completely shut and a still bleeding split lip. As soon as the door closed, he collapsed, Masen and Xaden barely catching him.

“Shit” Imogen whispered, standing up and going through Xaden’s dresser in a practiced motion.

Liam left the bed, giving space for Bodhi to lay down. Garrick took rolls of bandages and a dark stained bottle from Imogen’s hands.

“Where do you keep cotton?” she asked Xaden.

“I ran out, use a clean bed sheet”

Liam did not understand what the fuck was happening, but he helped Imogen tear pieces of the sheet. He occasionally sent looks at Bodhi, who seemed to be out of danger but in a considerable amount of pain. What puzzled Liam was how calm everyone was - even Imogen - it seemed like he was the only one about to lose it.

“Imogen…” he whispered.

“Hey” she put a hand on his shoulder “It’s okay, he’s fine”

Yes, but why was he beaten to a pulp? Bodhi was not one to pick fights often and if he occasionally did, the other person was unconscious in a matter of minutes.

“I’m alright” Bodhi groaned as he pressed the cloth onto his split lip “no assassination attempt”

Liam trusted his friends, if they were not freaking out then he was not going to. He simply watched as Bodhi stripped his shirt - showing a variety of bruises and little wounds on his chest - and Xaden wrapped his cousin’s ribs with Garrick’s help.

“Tell me you have painkillers” Bodhi groaned.

“I don’t feel broken ribs” Garrick concluded.

“I ran out” Xaden groaned “I haven’t been able to stock up lately”

“I have it in my room” Liam offered “strong ones”

“I fucking love you, Liam” Bodhi laughed, but soon grimaced due to the effort on his ribs.

Liam sprinted to his room, careful not to be caught but fast enough that Bodhi would not be in pain for much longer. He quickly and silently entered his room, opening his warded drawer and pulling a vial of painkiller Violet had given him days ago.

“It’s actually a painkiller, but it knocks me out in a matter of minutes. Just don’t use more than two vials per month, choose wisely, and please do NOT use it if you’re not going to sleep immediately after” she had told him.

He knew from experience that the medication was potent, Bodhi would sleep like a princess. Liam sent a quick kiss in Violet’s general direction, hoping the girl was having a blessed sleep, and sprinted back to Xaden’s room.

“Here” he handed it to Garrick, gasping for air.

Bodhi took the vial and swallowed its contents in seconds, laying down again and waiting for it to take.

“Now, would someone kindly explain to me what the fuck just happened?”

None of them spoke, but he noticed the discreet shudder of Imogen’s frame. Xaden’s eyes were glued on Bodhi and that was enough for Liam to know that there was something serious about this.

“We might as well tell him” Garrick whispered “the earlier he mentally prepares, the better”

Xaden’s gaze remained on his cousin, but he nodded.

“It’s RSC classes” Imogen spilled “Rider Survival Course, it’s a second year requirement where they fucking torture you”

Liam felt the ground sway and nausea build in his guts. Fuck. This place was sick, this place was fucking sick. Of course leadership would not stop the high kill count in the first year.

“were you…like Bodhi?” he reluctantly asks “were all of you?”

The silence of the three third years was all the answer Liam needed and his mind began to spiral. He could not help but panic over the future, his future. Over her future. Bile rose up to his throat at the thought of Violet, Rhiannon, Sawyer and Ridoc going through it. Fuck, he thought about Imogen and Bodhi who were going through that shit.

“We got you, Liam” Masen said, most likely noticing his panic rising “we got each other’s back, in every single shit they put us through”

“We’ll patch you up when it happens” Imogen reinforces “You’ll be fine”

I’ll be by your side when it happens, boy. Deigh’s voice filled his head.

Liam nodded, but the disturbing images of his imagination were still fresh. He sat on the ground, shoulders giving up to the weight of his fate and life. He was so fucking tired, so fucking angry.

“Guys” Bodhi spoke, speech slurring “don’t wanna break the depressive mood, but I feel weird”

Xaden's eyes widened, assessing his cousin for any signs of danger.

“Does it feel like you have no bones?” Liam offered.

“Fuck man, exactly” Bodhi’s words were almost incomprehensible “what the fuck”

“It’s the painkiller” Liam explained “I felt the same, but Violet said it was normal”

Four heads turn to stare at Liam, Bodhi not being able to even find where Liam was.

“Why would you need a strong painkiller?” Imogen narrowed her eyes “and why is Sorrengail involved?”

Xaden, Garrick and Masen were inquiring the same with their eyes.

“Had trouble sleeping, she offered help”

“And you trusted her?” Masen exclaimed “she could have poisoned you!”

Xaden snorted and Garrick burst into laughter - to Masen’s shock and indignation. Even Imogen seemed to think the idea was ridiculous, despite her dislike for Violet.

“I doubt it, Masen” Xaden replied.

“Excuse me, Riorson. She might not try to kill you, but there is nothing stopping her from harming people dear to you” he insisted.

“Can you not talk about Violet like you know her?” Liam snapped “She’s not even here to defend herself!”

Masen could not be more shocked at his words, but Liam had no regrets. He was already fed up with people jumping to conclusions about Violet, at some point the fucking prejudice had to break. Violet was doing her part, it was about time the marked ones did theirs.

“And do you know her?” Masen gritted his teeth “how can you trust someone who was raised by that fucking murderer?”

“Enough” Xaden’s voice rumbled through the room.

Xaden’s features were unreadable, but Liam knew that he shared the same opinion as Liam’s.

“All of you, go back to your rooms” his brother ordered “Bodhi passed out already, we’ll reschedule the meeting for tomorrow”

Liam looked at Bodhi, who was indeed in a princess sleep. Masen left with a huff, not addressing any of them goodbye. Liam hated to be on bad terms with a marked one - they needed to be a unit after all - but he could not be a hypocrite and not offer Violet the same loyalty he offered to his other friends.

“Good night” Garrick clasped Xaden’s shoulder and patted on Bodhi’s leg “let’s go, woman of the hour. I’ll walk you to your room”

Imogen rolled her eyes at him, but offered her goodbyes, following Garrick. Liam was about to leave, but Xaden stopped him.

“You stay, Liam”

He nodded, standing up and crossing his arms. Xaden simply sat on the chair nearby, groaning in relief as his legs finally got to rest after such a hectic day.

“You know Masen is just looking out for you” his brother said.

“I know, but I’m not stupid. I know who to trust” Liam’s tone was still upset “she’s trying”

“She always does” Xaden’s eyes were distant, as if his words referred to something else “I’ll talk to Masen, I don’t think he’ll stay mad at you for long. Nobody does”

“Okay”

Liam noticed the block of wood and pocket knife on Xaden’s table, walking the few steps to retrieve it.

“I still have yours” he smiled “Sgaeyl says you could have made her meaner”

“I’ll take the constructive criticism” Liam chuckled.

Xaden sighed deeply, arms crossed loosely on his chest and eyes on Bodhi’s sleeping weight.

“What’s been keeping you up?” he finally asked “don’t say nothing, whatever Violence gave you must be strong as fuck for Bodhi to be out like that”

Liam debated lying, but it would be useless considering Xaden always knew when people were lying.

“Nightmare” he simply replied “my brain has new creative ways to plague my sleep”

Xaden huffed, surely not a stranger to the bad imagery of the human mind. Liam still remembered the night terrors in which he would wake up screaming, calling for his father. Something Liam also experienced alongside his brother.

“Some nights are hard for me too” his brother whispered “you can knock on my door if it happens again. Let’s refrain from using…medicine”

“It’s fine-”

“No, It’s not, Liam” his eyes locked Liam in place “I remember those nights-”

Xaden stopped, breathing unevenly.

“I remember” was all he said.

Liam did not reply, but nodded. If it gave Xaden an ounce of peace, he would take the offer every once in a while.

Previous chapter

Next chapter

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Hi! Sorry to bomb you with another idea ( and absolutely no rush, as I know you probably have a full plate currently!)

But here's a cute idea for Garrick fluff content. It's that time of month for reader and she can't get a break with training etc but Garrick makes it his priority for cuddles and interrupts a training or something to make it happen. I just feel Garrick would be the prefect guy to have around for the not so lovely time of the month.

warning: period and period blood

Dragon weeks

Everything hurt. Everything. There wasn't a part of your body that wasn't aching. You had woken up in the middle of the night with a dull pain in your lower stomach but you simply were too exhausted to care and it also wasn't all that bad back then. You had simply pulled at your boyfriend's hand. Carefully nuzzling his warm palm on your stomach as you cuddled into him more. That had been enough of a relief for you and sleep had taken over you almost immediately.

Just your luck had run out by the morning. You had woken up feeling so uncomfortable and sore that even the thought of moving was irritating. Not to mention the ice-cold bed now that Garrick was gone. A sharp pain shot through your stomach as you twisted into yourself. Already feeling the dampness between your thighs. Maker if you will have to wash the sheets too...

That had been the first thing that had made you cry that morning. Hands submerged in ice-cold water you scrubbed at the stains, desperately trying to get them out. The logical side of your brain kept telling you that it was fine. Things like that happen. And most importantly- Garrick didn't care. Your periods had never been on cue. It had always fluctuated - a couple of days give or take. So accidents like that happen if your body didn't send you a warning prior. And it had happened with Garrick too. I mean you two had been together for four years now it was almost inevitable.

"I'll get it", he had muttered that absolutely awful morning when you had got out of bed only to be met with a giant red stain. "No, please, get out", you had tried to push at his chest but it was like moving a mountain. "That's not happening because I'm taken care of this", he said softly scooping you up in his hands and carrying you towards the bath. You had shrieked as his hand brushed over the stain on your clothes as he lifted you but he muttered the same thing, "Still don't care, darling".

After another cry over that you had managed to pull yourself together to get down to breakfast. You knew that neither Garrick nor Xaden would be there because the two had been going on morning patrols. Then probability a handful of meetings. You had a class of first-years to teach and to say that you weren't looking forward to that would have been an understatement. "You good?", Bodhi asked as you slipped to sit next to your friends. "How do I look like?", you said with a roll of your eyes, scrunching your nose up at every food that was on the table. Everything looked and smelled disgusting this morning.

"Well, truthfully like sh-", Imogen's hand came in contact with the back of Bodhi's head. "You just look tired. Have you been sleeping?", she asked instead, an oddly concerned look on her face. Right, so you did look like shit then. "I'm fine, don't fuss over me", you waved her off, standing up to get away from all the smells. "Hey, you didn't eat anything yet", Bodhi protested. "I will later on", you promised with a smile. "Garrick would not be happy with this", Bodhi pushed, pointing to a plate that was for you and still was untouched. "Good thing that he's not here then", you shrugged your shoulders and walked away.

You were more than happy that most cadets had enough respect to not comment on your sloppy performance today. You had ushered them to the mats and for the most part, only commented on their on one combat skills. Casually leaning against pillars or a wall. Water bottle clenched between your fingers. teeth gritted as you tried to keep standing upright. "You'll break your knuckles if you punch like that, engage your wrist", you called out right as the gym door opened with a bang.

You swayed slightly. Catching a pair of pretty, pretty but pissed eyes. "Class is over, out", Garrick called out firmly. Probably making at least a couple of the newbies shat themselves as they hurried away. "Hey, you ain't in charge here", you crocked out but that only earned a deathly glare from your boyfriend. "Move your asses, how long would it take for you to mount if we were under an attack", he snarled, pushing some of the slower ones out himself. "Garrick", you called out in a warning manner.

"Oh don't you Garrick me", he turned with a scowl, "What the fuck are you doing today?". He was a couple of steps away from you now. "I'm working just like you", you said through gritted teeth. You knew that he would see through your bullshit. This was Garrick after all. "You have pain sweat all over your face, and you're hunched over, do you need me to continue?", he was firm but you knew there was nothing but love beneath it. "Geez you sure know how to hype a girl up", you sassed back, brushing your fingers over your face. The movement instantly sent daggers through your body as you whined.

Garrick's arms are around you in an instant. "I'll lift you, might be slightly uncomfortable at first", he informed you not waiting for your approval. "You're not carrying me through the halls like some injured deer", you grumbled, trying to push away from him but only causing yourself more discomfort. "Love, you look like you are about to faint so just give up the hero act and let me look after you", Garrick pressed you closer to him. "How did you even...", you breathed out. "You had pulled my hand onto your stomach", he said simply. "But I do that constantly", you argued back. "Yes, but you had that uncomfortable pout too".

No one even dared to look at you two. Well, considering that Garrick kept his frown on even if he spoke softly to you. "Shower, bed, food, cuddles", he stated as he kicked open your bedroom door. "Was that an order?", you teased him, already feeling slightly better now that he was with you. "One that you better obey or I will tie you to the bed", he grumbled, kneeling to unlace your shoes. "Kinky", you breathed making Garrick chuckle. "Get your cute ass into the shower. I'll fetch you some chicken soup", he muttered, leaning in to kiss you a couple of times. "Can you also ask for something to ease the pain?", you would do it yourself but the thought of going up and down the stairs. Garrick reached for his back pocket, pulling out a little bottle, you gasped in surprise. "You didn't", you muttered. "I keep on one me at all times, love. You should know that by now", he said with a smug smile. "Garrick Tavis you are one of a kind", you muttered leaning in to kiss him once more. "Only for you baby, only for you", he muttered against your lips.

[andorerso]

Rebelcaptain Trees for @captastra: Fantasy AU (with bonus mutual pining) (reposted because I figured out the problem)

“Take off your tunic,” Cassian said as soon as the door closed behind them.

Jyn’s eyebrows rose up to her hairline as she watched him carefully place his staff in the corner, ignoring the throbbing pain in her shoulder where the star-damned dragon had scorched her. Normally, Bodhi’s healing magic could take care of that in a matter of seconds, but he was off visiting his mother on the other side of the realm, so it’d be a few days before the injury stopped hurting. A little healing balm will do wonders though; it might not even leave a scar.

“Excuse me?” she asked.

“I saw the dragon scorch you, Jyn.” He lifted his head to give her an unimpressed look as he rummaged through their medicines and potions, his cape fluttering with movement. “So take off your tunic, I’ll treat you.”

“Ugh,” Jyn groaned but complied. It was better not to argue with Cassian when he got like this, all doom and gloom. He rarely yelled when he was angry, but his silence and disapproving glares spoke louder than if he was shouting. She would rather avoid that if she could, even if the situation was already heading that way.

But when he turned around with the healing balm in his hand, he stopped short and stared like he’d seen a ghost. For a moment, Jyn didn’t get it. She even looked behind her to see that there weren’t actually any spirits in the room with them, because by the stars, one could never know. But no, she realized as she turned back, he was staring at her. He was staring because she was standing in front of him in just her trousers and breastband and not much else. A flush colored her cheeks as she resisted the urge to fidget.

Stars damn it.

Thankfully Cassian shook himself out of it before it got too awkward, his eyes darting away from her chest and to the bottle in his hands. He unplugged the cork and stood in front of her.

Except that wasn’t much better.

Because now he was so close, she could smell the earthy aroma he always brought with him, could feel his warmth envelop her in a warm hug, could feel his breath dance on her cheek. Jyn tried very very hard to concentrate on her breathing to keep it steady, in and out, in and out, but goosebumps rose on her arm anyway that had nothing to do with the cold.

Cassian thought it did.

“I’ll be quick,” he promised as he got to work. As soon as his fingers touched her bare skin, she was lost. She barely felt the stinging burn of her injury anymore; all her senses were dominated by Cassian, the rest of the world falling away. Her eyes fluttered closed, her fists clenching and nails digging into her palm as she fought to urge to let out a quiet sigh.

Embarrassing. It’d been too long since she laid with someone if a mere touch of a man could bring her such pleasure. Which was quite true, actually. Now that she was thinking about it, she hadn’t been with anyone since she and Cassian crossed paths a year ago. She didn’t want to think too hard about what that meant, but deep down, she already knew anyway.

No one else seemed to live up to him since they met. No one she looked at twice or wanted or even thought about wanting. Her thoughts, her gaze, her attention always wandered back to Cassian in the end.

Something had to give, Jyn thought as her eyes opened again, taking deep breaths to steady herself. She couldn’t go on like this anymore, wanting him and pushing it down at the same time.

“You shouldn’t have rushed into the fight like that,” Cassian told her, oblivious to her inner turmoil. His voice was quiet, his eyes trained on what he was doing. There it was; she’d been expecting it. Jyn rolled her eyes, her annoyance momentarily outweighing her longing for him.

“Spare me the sermon, Cassian. I know what I’m doing.”

He looked up at her for a brief moment, his eyes flashing. “So do I. I told you I had it handled.”

“You needed a partner.” You needed me. She didn’t say it.

“Fire magic doesn’t work on a fire dragon, Jyn,” he pointed out, and that one snapped whatever thin patience she was still holding onto.

“That goes both ways, Cassian! Fire also doesn’t work on me.”

Well, that wasn’t completely true. She wasn’t immune to fire, but she was far more resistant than Cassian with his ice magic, or any other ordinary person. Fire simply didn’t damage her as much. And yes, he had a point; his ice magic was far more effective on the dragon they were fighting than hers which must have just felt like light tickling for the creature. But the dragon’s fire was also far more effective on him than on her. This could have been a much more serious and painful injury, or worse, if he’d been the one who was scorched. Which was why he needed her.

They were a team. He fought the dragon, and she protected him. It’d always been like that. She didn’t understand why he was resisting it now.

“You’re not immune to fire, Jyn,” he said, a dangerous note in his tone. Finally done with his task, he pulled away and carelessly threw the bottle to one of the beds. Even in the circumstances, Jyn mourned the loss of his hands on her skin. “It can still kill you if you’re not careful.”

“But it didn’t because I know what I’m doing. I don’t understand! Why are you suddenly treating me like a child?”

There had to be more to it. The way he was looking at her now, face withdrawn, eyes wide, hands shaking… He was worried about her, that much was clear, but why? The fear on his face didn’t make sense for the injury she suffered. He’d seen her in far graver circumstances before.

There was more this and she just had to push him a little.

“What is it, Cassian?” she whispered, far gentler than she’d been a second ago.

Cassian’s eyes briefly closed, a defeated sigh on his lips. “Chirrut had a vision,” he began, his voice very quiet. Jyn waited patiently, watching as he stared at the tacky rugs on the floor, clearly struggling with how best to say this. Or perhaps he just didn’t want to say it aloud at all. Avoidance was the easiest way to cope, Jyn would know. But she wouldn’t let him weasel out of this one. If Chirrut had an important vision, she needed to know. “He said… He said he saw your death. By a dragon.”

Finally, Cassian looked up at her, and the fear in his eyes now made perfect sense. Jyn could only stare for a second, heart in her throat, unsure how to react to the possibility of her impending doom. That was always in the cards for her, for all of them, roaming the realm and fighting monsters, killing bandits, helping villagers. But it had never been as clear as it was now, her own death staring her in the face.

And it was terrifying. With a painful twist of her heart, she realized she wasn’t ready for this.

“By a fire dragon?” Jyn asked, the first thing that came to her mind. Her voice was a little strained. Cassian gave her an unimpressed grimace.

“Jyn… I don’t know, he didn’t say. By a dragon.”

“Chirrut’s visions don’t always come true,” she pointed out, trying to reassure him as much as herself. Chirrut was an incredible seer, the best of their time, but even he was fallible. More often than not, although he didn’t like to advertise that. The reason was simple. The future was ever-changing, every decision creating a new fork in the road, a million paths and possibilities stretching out ahead of them. That was all Chirrut saw. Possibilities that may or may not come true.

Apparently, one of these paths could lead to her death at the hands of a dragon. Another path could mean she’d die in bed when she was 90.

“Yes,” Cassian said, his voice insistent, “so if we want to make sure this one doesn’t come to pass, we should make sure you stay far, far away from dragons, don’t you think?”

He might have a point, she admitted begrudgingly. She was reckless, but she wasn’t a fool. It was better not to tempt fate, not unless there was no other choice. But…

“How did you expect me to know that if you weren’t going to tell me about this?”

Cassian rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding her eyes again as he shifted on his feet. “We wanted to. I wanted to. But Chirrut said the less you knew about this, the better. Something about a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don’t know.”

Yet he went against Chirrut’s advice anyway. Jyn herself wasn’t sure if that was wise or not, but she could only feel grateful for it. She’d always preferred cruel honesty over a kind lie. And how could she trust him if he was keeping secrets from her?

“Alright,” Jyn nodded, taking a deep breath. “I’ll stay away from dragons. On one condition. You stay away from them too.”

“What? Why?” Cassian’s mouth pulled into a confused frown. It was honestly a little laughable that he didn’t get it.

“Where you go, I go.” She gave him a small smile, lifting her shoulders in a shrug. “I’m not going to let you run off to fight dragons without me. So if you want me to stay away from them, you’ll have to follow my example. That’s the deal.”

“I…” Cassian trailed off, then let out an amused huff. His eyes were fond, sparkling as he looked at her.

Stars… He was beautiful.

Soon. She would tell him soon. But not today.

“Alright, yes. You have a deal. No more dragons.”

“No more dragons,” Jyn echoed, her heart beating a little easier now. They were in this together, all the way.

[callsign-rogueone]

Hey beautiful! How are you? ♡

I loved Liam and Spark chapter 2 so much, it was really good.

Liam is such a caring guy. He knows something is wrong with Spark instantly. Understanding her fear for water and helping her. And when she gives the bottle back and he says he's proud of her 😢🥺 I teared up cuz I related to her reaction ❤️‍🩹

She builds this wall up for everyone to show that she is strong which she is, but afraid? To show emotion. To me it's such a relatable character in certain aspects. I love their story, out of my head I think liam and spark are in my top 3 from the girlfriendverse so far ♡

I'm wondering what else you have in store for us/what else you're working on ❤️

I don't know if you remember the the request I send from bren about the nightmare? ( plus my entire rant of my other issues. Sorry for that ❤️‍🩹)

Would you mind (if you have anything for it so far, don't feel pressured please) sharing a sneak peak of that or maybe the razor thing from the misc from bren and duchess? Don't feel pressured you don't have to

Also bodhi alphabet ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 he's such a softie compared to Xaden. Underrated as hell but such a softie I could totally see bodhi in every letter. It's just so him. You have an amazing talent of describing them in a way that's so them and realistic.

I hope you're doing well. I'm proud of you. Keep going with the amazing ideas. Stay hydrated + healthy ♡ Love ya ❤️💖🥰

hi lovie!! I’m doing well. another day off today 🤩

I’m glad you liked it 🥺 Liam is so observant, especially with his favorite girl! he knows her very well (or he did, pre-Basgiath), so he is very good at identifying when something is wrong. and of course our sweet boy has to fix it immediately 🥹❤️‍🩹

I’m currently working on:

another Garrick and Angel chapter (~4k of just smut, but so tender and loving…)

and some of the couples I’ve been neglecting… Ridoc and Sweetheart still need to go on that date!

and Aaric and Sunny haven’t even met yet… I’m not good at writing the beginnings of stories, especially people meeting, because I don’t like to just throw information at the reader… so I have 6k of them becoming friends and then not being friends anymore (interpret that how you will) ready to go, but I’m procrastinating them meeting / conscription day / all that. 

and also these, for you 🧡⬇️

the nightmares 🥺

“M’okay,” you rasp, reaching out for something to steady yourself — you sat up too quickly, and now the whole room is spinning.

He gathers you into his arms, sitting you in his lap and holding you close. “Deep breaths, sweetheart. You’re safe with me, okay?”

the razor 🤭

“Now, are you sure you have absolutely no idea where it is?” he asks again, in that soft, stern voice, raising an eyebrow, and you fold immediately.

“Under the sink, behind the bath salts,” you admit in a whisper, cheeks burning under his gentle touch. “But please don’t use it.”

doing the alphabets is so fun for me hehe. I’m gonna need to do some re-reading for the next few, to figure these boys out...

ily 🥰💗💐 I hope your week is going well!