#bob is 100% correct

[quill-pen]

Ebenezer: *grumbles* Can you please stop doing that for five minutes so that I might finish my work? You're distracting me.

Bess: *completely confused* Stop doing what?

Ebenezer: *blushes and melts* Being so wonderful.

Bob:

[breegadey]

this fan-cast is silly and self-indulging ( actors names in alt )

[loveforbobandeliza]

Eliza and Bob at Conageddon 4 (x)

[br1ghtestlight]

i love the five minute gap between these uploads where u can tell i was desperately trying to find the actual name of the yiddish song tina sang in the outro

[jellyfishoreo1206]

Fun in the Sun (Sebastian Solace x Reader)

Notes: Part Four! This was a requested idea by @fishwitthouteyes, who had a wonderful idea for this part of the Slice of Life series! I hope you don't mind that I added some extra parts ^^ Lots of fluff upcoming, ugh I love writing this fishy so MUCH

Also, this is NOT smut. I repeat, it's NOT smut. 100% fluff

Also I forgot to mention that this is an established relationship! I apologize for being neglectful :<

Credit for the divider to @cafekitsune

It's early in the morning, 8 AM in fact, Sebastian, you and Painter all in the living room. Sitting on the worn-out couch while nursing a mug of coffee in your hands, bringing it up every so often to your lips to take a quick sip, the hot beverage waking your senses a tiny bit. The sun shining brightly through the windows and sheer curtains, the rays of light giving the place a cozy feeling, watching as the light reveals the particles floating through the air. A certain glow that can't be achieved with simple lights.

It was a slow morning really. Sebastian was lying on the rug all curled up—like a cat—directly in the sunlight, eyes closed. You watched as his chest rose and fell with each breath he took, it seemed a lot slower than an average human, could be because of a bigger lung capacity. You feel a small ping of jealousy, oh how you wished to at least hold your breath for that long.

His angler lure twitches every so often, along with the fins on the side of his head. If you listened closely, you could hear a low rumbling-gurgling sort of purr coming from him. It . . . it kind of sounds like someone drowning for some reason.

Ah whatever, it's cute.

Painter seemed to be feeling the sleepy early morning vibes as well—despite being a computer—their screen dim as they lazily draw something on the tablet only to erase it out of frustration with a few sleepy grumbles.

Downing the rest of your coffee, you slammed the cup down onto the table, standing up from the couch with a sudden determination filling your veins; your fast movements and loud noise startling both Sebastian and Painter awake, Sebastian's tail hitting the coffee table with a loud *SMACK* as a yelp left Painter. You winced at the loud sound, especially at the loud 'FUCK' that Sebastian lets out, his hand immediately going over to smooth the part of his tail that was just hit.

"Sorry." You immediately say, a glare being all that returned your response, an apologetic smile on your lips. Shrugging it off, you walked over to your room, changing into more comfortable clothing suited for walking, grabbing a bag with some extra clothes and towels in it on your way out to the kitchen, packing plenty of snacks and drinks for the small outing.

Sebastian looks at you in curiosity when you came back into the living room with a different change of clothes and a bag, your hiking shoes in hand, "Where are you going?" He asks with a tilt of his head, his lure bobbing slightly with his movements, eyes narrowed a fraction.

"Correction," A grin tugs at the end of your lips, an air of excitement surrounding you, "-it's where we're going! Now get changed, we leave in 10 minutes."

~~~

The crunch of small twigs and the rustling of leaves filled the air as you walked along the well-worn trail, Painter held firmly in your hands as you avoided all the dips and rocks along the trail to the best of your ability. The sun peaked out from the trees, bringing light down to the forest floor, the life of the forest seemingly becoming livelier.

Sebastian trailed behind you, swiveling his head to take in his new surroundings with of look of amazement and curiosity, stopping every once in a while to observe something for a little longer before catching up to you. A smile stretches across your face when you risked a glance back at him, a feeling of joy buzzing throughout your blood as you continued forward.

"You never told us where we're going." Sebastian mutters, catching up to your side. In his hands was a Baby Blue Eye, bringing it up to his face to examine the delicate bright-blue petals closer. Eventually, he tucks the flower behind your ear, making sure it was secure before taking his hand back, face flushed a pretty blue. "It looks prettier on you . . "

A flush floods your face, averting your eyes away from him as a wobbly smile threatens to break out on your face, "Oh, thank you!" The beating of your heart was loud in your ears, you wouldn't be surprised if Sebastian hears it. Quickly trying to shake off the feeling, you answer his previous question, red still tinting your cheeks.

"We're uhm, we're going to a place I used to frequent before . . before that." It seems that he understood what you implied, nodding before looking forward, his hand occasionally brushing against yours as you walked deeper and deeper into the woods, sun slowly climbing up higher and higher in the sky.

The sound of rushing water could be heard, getting closer and closer the more you walked, your pace slightly increasing in excitement once you saw the familiar tree you used to climb came into sight. Finally coming to the end of the path, a massive grin now present when a large waterfall greeted the three of you. It still looks the same as it did before you left; moss-covered rocks of all sizes scattered around, plants still flourishing as they glowed vibrantly—colors of all sorts dotting here and there, trees towering over the whole entire area as they swayed gently to the breeze, frothy white water gushing towards the lake below surrounded by a shore of gravel and sand.

It's good to come back to this place.

Carefully placing Painter down on a rock without moss and away from the water, you quickly stripped yourself of the clothes you were wearing. Sebastian sputters, looking away hurridely as the blue flush from before comes back in full force, "What are you DOING?!" A look of confusion overcomes your features at his sudden outburst—taking off your shoes and socks, putting them in the bag you brought—before a look of realization washes over you, a teasing smirk now present.

"I have swimwear on, dummy~" Hesitantly, he looks back at you, seeing that you were indeed in swimwear. Embarrassment floods his body once again, a scowl overcoming his features. "I didn't know you had swimwear underneath!" Crossing his arm, he grumbles out a, ". . at least warn me next time." You couldn't help a small snort slipping past your lips, walking over to the grumpy fish, cupping his face once you got close enough.

"Sorry, sorry-" Standing on the tips of your toes, you gave a small peck to his chin as a way of apologizing for the small misunderstanding, giving him a big smile when you moved away. The fins on the sides of his head twitch at the gesture, his features softening just a fraction. He looks at you for a few seconds more, expression unreadable, before grabbing you with all three of his arms. A yelp slips out from you only for it to be interrupted as his lips meet yours for a proper kiss.

Shock fills your senses at what just happened, before smiling into the kiss, eyes fluttering close as you let your hands caress his cheeks, butterflies erupting in your stomach. It's not everyday that Sebastian decides to lead, so you'll savor this.

"AHEM." Or maybe not. Quickly breaking away from the kiss, you both look over to the AI still sat upon the rock, unimpressed look on their screen. You felt a little bit of embarrassment forgetting that Painter was there, but you couldn't help the chuckles that left your mouth, sheepish smile on your lips.

"Sorry, Paints."

"You seem to be saying that word an awful lot today, aren't you?"

"Oh shush! Put me down!"

A low chuckle leaves him as he places you back on the gravel-sand floor, playfully sticking your tongue in his direction as you walked over to the water.

You know the water will be cold, it always was whenever you came here, so without hesitation you took a running start—jumping straight in. For a few seconds, you were surrounded by cold water, prying your eyes open as you observed your surroundings. Everything seemed so peacefully quiet—save for the silent roaring of the crashing water—flickers of sun gave way to the greenery at the bottom of the lake as they gently swayed to the soft current, rocks big and small wedged into the wet earth, a few fishes swimming past you only to flee once you moved.

Breaking the surface, you took a deep breath of needed air, letting out a laugh of joy as you float in the water. Swiveling to face where Sebastian was—about to call him over to join you—only to stop short in confusion when you didn't see him there, only his shirt on the ground and Painter, who had a look of mischievousness when he saw your face of bewilderment.

"Wait, wher-?" A shriek interrupts your sentence when you were lifted up from the water, looking down only to meet those smug fluorescent eyes you've grown to love as he sets you atop his bare shoulders, looking very pleased at what he done.

"Sebastian!"

"Hehe, sorry sweetheart~" Oh he so wasn't sorry.

~~~

After several hours spent within the water, the two of you finally decided to take a break, the sun now high in the sky as it shined down on the two of you. Painter was now atop a towel you brought along in the shade, peacefully drawing with a look of content on their screen.

Not too far away from them, you laid stretched out on Sebastian's tail directly in the sun, the light feeling great on your skin after being in the cold water for so long. Drops of water still littered the both of you, mostly on you since they seemed to literally fall off Sebastian quite quickly after you left the water.

Watching the clouds pass by, you munched on a few snacks that you brought with you—offering Sebastian some every now and then, who happily munch on them. The man seemed to preen in the warmth of the light provided, that same purr he made earlier in the morning coming back full force, you could practically feel them.

Though, it does make sense that he might like sunbathing, since he's quite cold. Like, very cold. It doesn't seem to bother him much, though.

"You really remind me of a cat." You tease, popping a chip into your mouth as you continue watching the clouds high above, watching how some of them began to take on shapes. Hey that one looks like a fish.

"A cat?" He mumbled out, cracking his eyes open a fraction to look at you, a bemused smile on his face. He looks so handsome when he smiles, his hair framing his face perfectly, eyes gleaming with joy.

"Yeah, you purr like one, sometimes you act like one too." Another tease, offering him another chip before continuing, "Grumpy but always looking for affection."

"I'm not grumpy."

"Uh-huh, sure gramps. Let's get you back to bed."

"Oh you are just begging to be thrown into the water, aren't you?"

"Nooooo?"

"Mm, not convincing enough."

"WAIT WAIT WAI-!!"

Last Part, Next Part

[sometipsygnostalgic]

Adventure Time new episodes

This is for "Destiny" and "Winter King". I am not making a big analysis, honestly I have no idea where the miniseries is heading, but here are a couple of points I want to make.

So, to start us off, this is obviously Snake on a Nokia phone... the controls for this thing were absolute garbage but it did the job. Is the snake eating little bunnies????

It's interesting that designer bags are the same in both worlds, but that makes sense because this is just another future version of a world Simon lived in.

When I first saw Jay, I assumed he was Finn's baby brother from the Farmworld universe - wouldn't the baby brother be about the correct age??? - but he's actually Finn's son!

Jay and Bonnie are a reference to the episode Puhoy! Their mother was most likely Roselinen. Our Finn had specific reasons for naming them Jay (Jake) and Bonnie (PB). Farmworld Finn named them that too but unless he knew a farmworld PB it's more of a reference than anything else.

Also... against all reason, Farmworld Jake is still alive! Barely!

Finn had a LOT OF KIDS and also his wife his dead. Damn, even in this world. Most of his kids have his or Rosalinen's hair colour but the boy on the right looks a lot like Hunter from the first episode.

Take that as you will...

Like in the original S5 episodes there are farmworld versions of some characters like Choose Goose, Starchy, and Wildberry Princess. So there was probably farmworld versions of most of his friends. We already saw what happened to this version's Simon and Marcy, who both died brutally.

The crown is in the giant crater because it was evaporated by the goddamn nuke. Incredible that any part of it survived, really.

The rest of this episode speaks for itself. It was a fun look at an alternate universe where Finn lived a very different life. His personality here is nothing like our Finn who is a lot more adventurous. Farmworld has taken its toll on our boy.

Onto Winter King...

This penguin boy doesn't seem to be 100% ice. It's possible that his beak was stuck on like a snowman, but it's also possible this is a transformed version of Gunther.

This Ice King's history is very similar to our Ice King's. Most changes were 100 years ago when he transferred the twisted madness to PB.

Can someone explain to me why there is a naked chicken here???? I do not like this at all

I checked out two designs that I thought this place might be referencing. It doesn't look like either but, eh.

Below is Candy Kingdom concept art from 2008.

Below is Candy island from Flapjack!

And below, ironically the most similar looking, is Candy Island from Bob's Burgers.

Some interesting things about this alternate Simon...

This young Marceline with the axe has implications for why this Simon might've turned "evil". Marceline either ran away from him after what he did to PB, or she died at some stage. He made an "Ice Marcy" to replace her.... Young and adorable, just she was when he was Simon. This seems to be his method for dealing with any problems.

His science in this room was interesting... it reminded me of Princess Bubblegum's technology, or the stuff that Simon and Betty were able to make when combining science and magic in the land of Ooo. Honestly I don't feel that he'd have been successful in duplicating the crown, but he was immediately willing to try.

The reason Simon doesn't remember Betty as his great love is because this was an important part of his madness. When he transferred his madness to PB, he also transferred his obsession with Betty.

This is why Candy Queen is so obsessed with kidnapping Ice King and Simon, it's the exact reason why Ice King used to kidnap her!

Also, 10 out of 10 to Hynden Walch in this episode. I was convinced there was a different voice actress for Candy Queen, but upon checking the credits, it really is her. You can recognise her singing well too.

This version of PB has a lot more mastery over her candy elemental magic. It's probably a result of being possessed by the Crown's madness for so a hundred years. You see her doing all sorts of crazy stuff as Candy Queen, though in that state her abilities are a lot more like Ice King's than they are like the insane PB from the Elements miniseries.

It's really funny that PB is like "I'm trying not to dwell on it" about the hundred years thing. AT is very casual like that. Though she's gonna be very sad when she realises Fionna and Cake ripped the faces off most of her candy people. Brutal scene.

And it's funny how she kissed Fionna. She just does that with all her knights. I wonder if there is a Finn in this universe? Ice Prince seemed to expect the Ice girls to save him...

I found it sweet that Ice King really wanted to save someone else he saw as being possessed by madness. It was entirely possible that CQ was just "like that", but he was right on the money, and it shows how he contrasts to his alternate self, who is actively benefitting from this situation even if he gets regularly kidnapped. And it's not like Fionna is doing anything that Finn didn't do to Ice King!

This scene was brutal. Funnily enough I watched Infinity Train book 3 with Kim last night, this reminds me of the moment THAT Simon-- Oh my God, does this always happen to characters named Simon?

Fionna removed the magic from the crown, so Simon aged rapidly, just like in the episode "Betty". Though this time it happened instantaneously rather than across 11 minutes.

I think this is the part where Fionna realises her rampage across the multiverse is genuinely hurting people.

It was VERY CUTE watching Gary Prince (holy shit that name) show off his little Candy Kingdom. There's a lot of elements of PB there, and it parallels how ultimately the Candy Kingdom was PB's own version of the cake - she made all these characters and made little stories for them, which we know from the show was her way of dealing with the world.

What was REMARKABLY FUCKED UP was the shots to Fionna murdering possessed versions of these beloved characters. I mean... they're PROBABLY all still alive, but they are very fucked up now.

I also enjoy how the Lemoncarbs - Tree Trunks calls them that!! - are both here and alive, and superior to Gary lol. And I think Jinx Monsoon's voice acting here fits a lot better than in episode 4 where they tried to do a straight imitation of Lemongrab.

I haven't said much about these two but you can see how they contrast - Marshall just Does things, while Gary procrastinates constantly. And Marshall's behaviour can seem reckless but Gary would've never taken that big step forward without his help. It's funny how Marshall can just call his mother to summon the Lemoncarbs in the middle of the night, and sweet how he'd do that to help Gary.

Then he listens to the autistic boy gush about his characters. Awww.

This world here is obviously a joke about the elusive Adventure Time Babies show that Muto was terrified he'd be asked to make. Hell it's possible he pitched this show to CN once or twice. But Baby Looney Tunes and Tiny Titans are both famous spinoffs of this ilk, and Craig of the Creek got a spinoff about Craig's baby sister.

Simon is still determined to become Ice King again but he wants to "do it right". I still think he's HORRIBLY MISGUIDED but he is starting to realise that, maybe, he is the best version of himself. He could've been a huge ding dong like Ice Prince.

Also Chan is going to be so sad if that's the only time we see Young Finn and Jake.

[calaisreno]

May Prompts 2024

Dear Writers:

It's nearly May! The month of merry little thoughts, divine mistakes, and frivolous whims.

Time to set aside that fantasy trilogy that's been stuck in the mud all winter, the six-act tragedy in blank verse you've been labouring over--and write some random bits and bobs!

Visit your mind attic. Pull open the drawer where you hide your terrible ideas and scenes that are waiting for the right story. (I know you have such an attic and such a drawer because I do as well 🙄) Dig around— not with the idea of spring cleaning, which will only produce an empty drawer and a tidy attic— but because it's a treasure hunt.

Dust off the lawn furniture, put on your sandals, take your laptop outdoors. New environs, new inspirations.

The point is this: Last year* some of us wrote and shared a month of little daily fictions. There were drabbles and 221Bs and flash-fiction and mini-epics. There were prompts, which some of us used as a starting place, and sharing of minifics amongst ourselves, which led to more inspiration. 

Wanna see some more?

I've been hoarding ideas since last year and am now opening that drawer. I plan to write a short something every day in May, and will share my words with whoever wants to be tagged. If you'd like a daily prompt, I will be supplying that. 

No pressure. While some structure creates opportunity and creativity thrives within structure, this exercise is not meant to create anxiety or trigger your inner completionist. (My internal taskmaster is taking the month off.)

No judgement. No prizes for reaching 31, no awards for creativity, no certificates of participation. Just cheering one another on.

No rules. Use the prompt or don't. Write 100 words or 1000. Any fandom, any characters, any headcanon. Or your own original creation. Write every day or whenever an idea strikes. Share or don't. 

No guilt. Fail gleefully, write terribly, get out of the boat and swim.

Correction. One rule: write some words. 

*Credit goes to @notjustamumj for last year's inspiration. Eternal thanks for that idea!

Please reblog! I'm tagging a few people who participated last year or expressed interest, but I’m sure I’m leaving someone out. Let me know if you'd like to be tagged for prompts and sharing.  

@raina_at @lisbeth-kk @keirgreeneyes @allsovacant @totallysilvergirl @meetinginsamarra @jrow @elwinglyre @bertytravelsfar @helloliriels @gregorovitchworld @peanitbear @mydogwatson

[bistaxx]

The break has just been me agonizing over lore related to the past/what happened before the 2023 experiment, like I'm just staring at all these puzzle pieces trying to make sense of it all- okay we've got:

Abueloier and the forgotten ghost were around 40 years ago, they did something to end up in prison and the forgotten ghost had a son and it's unknown if abueloier had any kids at that point

20 years ago is when the "welcome to quesadilla island" commercial was launched

Cellbit and Bagi moved to the island at some point in their childhood and lived there with their parents

Cellbit was kept and monitored by the feds for an unknown amount of time after he went 'missing' and then at some point escaped

Their parents worked with the feds but we don't know for how long or what they helped with specifically- did they ever get IDs?

Elena has been working long enough to be an s-rank but prior to that she had a partner who died

Walter Bob had a partner and a child- they lived together on the island

The unnamed worker who dislikes the way the main Cucurcho runs things and wants the fed to back to the way things were in the 'old' days

Baghera was there as child as well alongside other hybrid experiments before she escaped

Jaiden is said to have been working with the feds at some point in her past- she is respected enough to be trusted with the Cucurchos

Kameto has been working with the feds for an unknown amount of time and intentionally crashed the plane onto the isand ( I don't remember if this one was 100% confirmed or general fan consensus)

The existence of old run down buildings- including an old broken down nether portal discovered months later

Assuming the theory that the prison event was suppose to end with the players all being locked away in ice is true this further implies that's what happened to the 10 people in the prison crew at some point of time in the past for some reason

This is particularly interesting regarding Pol who also worked with the feds in the past

At some point a Cucurucho went rouge going against order in favor of chaos

The existence of the "Hope" egg in the past

Books left behind by what is assumed to be a former fed worker that talks about digging and a "grave error"

In the books left behind by one of Zeno's owners (unconfirmed if this was Bagi specifically) a big looming wall is mentioned- possibly the same one destroyed on day 1 meaning. It's unknown when or why it was built.

Madagio at some point lost "connection" to several islands including quesadilla

The existence of Boo a formless ghost who lingers on the island

The mysterious pasts of Sunny, Em, and Pepito- who were found already named on egg island

Whenever this happened:

(feel free to correct any info I got wrong here or add any other points)

[duhnova]

wedding present - wen junhui

newlyweds! husband!junhui x wife!fem reader 

word count: ~3.2k

synopsis: junhui gets to unwrap you like a present on your first night together as newlyweds. 

warning(s): smut under the cut (mdni!!), unprotected sex, creampie, breeding kink, there’s a small lingerie kink but it’s almost nonexistent (it’s there tho), light hair pulling, mocking (in a playful way), a lot of pouting, easing, praise, slight degradation?, slight manhandling, spanking, jun has a small daddy kink but we don’t get into it too much here, begging, reader is called wifey/wife/my wife & baby & my love, jun is called hubby/husband/my husband & baby & daddy, tiny bit of a marriage kink but not really (I’m implying they have one tho), mentions of the ER (but nothing bad), let me know if I forgot anything! - don’t mind grammatical errors (I tried) 

this is 100% @onlyhuis fault after what she put me through with her wedding fic, also thank you love @onlymingyus for proofreading and for giving me the spanking idea!

“jun!” you giggle as your newly appointed husband drags you down to the private condo sitting on the water that was waiting for you two. “slow down!”

“i haven’t seen you in fourty-eight hours.” he pouts as he fumbles with the keys, trying to find the correct one. 

“well, that’s a lie. we’ve seen each other all night.” you grab the keys from his shaking hands and find the correct one almost instantly. 

“that doesn’t count.” he pushes the door open and drags you in quickly, laughing when you squeal about losing your balance after you smack into his chest. 

“what do you mean ‘doesn’t count’?” you try to smack his hands away as he messes with the corset ties of your dress. 

“we haven’t had a moment alone for fifty-two hours, fourty eight minutes, and twelve seconds.” you snort at the exaggeration of time, finally giving in and letting him untie the way to expensive dress that adorns your body. 

“we were alone yesterday.” 

“yeah, then our mothers swooped you away because ‘it’s bad luck for the bride and groom to sleep in the same room the night before the wedding’” he mocks your parents with a high pitched voice causing you to full on laugh. his eyes crinkle as he smiles, enjoying the way you shake your head at his antics. 

“you’re such a goofball.” he pretends to look offended before he pulls the corset strings loose, your lungs taking in a giant breath of air as you sigh in relief. “that.. felt better than any orgasm i’ve ever had.”

“any orgasm you’ve ever had?” jun pouts for real this time as his hands grab your hips to pull you flush against his body. 

“well…” you’re hands run through his hair as you rest your forehead against his. “it’s definitely a close second.” you mumble before jun is kissing you roughly. his hands move to rest on your back as he tries to keep you as close to his body as he possibly can. 

“i’ll give you the best orgasm of your life baby, just you wait.” he growls against your lips before he’s kissing you again. his fingers work on loosening the corset enough so he can slide the tips of his fingers against your bare back. 

“jun..” you moan into his mouth, gasping when he nips at your tongue. he gives you a sly smirk when he pulls away. 

“what's wrong, wifey?” he raises an eyebrow at you playfully, his adams apple bobbing when you cross your arms and give him the same playful smirk back. 

“oh nothing, hubby.” junhui knew he was in for a long night now that the brat was showing.

“really now.. how bout you get on the bed for me then.” he tilts his head a little. 

“how about you get on the bed,” you tilt your head in the same way as him causing him to smirk. shaking his head he decides to listen to you, he has all night to fuck you into submission after all. “good boy.” you coo, humming in satisfaction at the quiet whine he lets out. 

“what’re you gonna do to me, hm?” he gets comfy on the edge of the bed, his legs spread open and his hands planted on the bed behind him as he leans back to watch you. 

“i’m going to give you your first present as my husband.” you turn to face him, the skirt of your dress swooshing around you like a giant cloud. 

“oh?” he watches you fondly as you nod your head. humming quietly you slowly slide your arms out of the sleeves of your dress, thankful that jun had untied it enough for you to take it off on your own. 

junhui’s breath hitches quietly when he sees the pale pink bra peek out from behind the white fabric. his eyes followed your every move as you methodically shimmied out of your wedding dress, peeling away the layers of fabric like you were unwrapping a present. 

“fuck,” he groans when you finally get the dress all the way off. carefully you step out of the dress that pooled at your ankles, your arms coming to wrap around your tummy as you start to feel a little shy at jun’s lack of words. “can’t believe i just married someone as beautiful as you.” 

you can’t help but whimper at the compliment, your body heating up as he reaches forward to rest his hands on your waist. he toys gently with the belt of your matching garter before he ghosts his hands down to your thighs where the garter connects to your sheer socks. 

“you wore all this for me baby?” he looks up at you through his lashes as you nod your head, resting your fingers in his hair. he trails his hands to rest behind your thighs where he gets a good grip so he can yank you forwards. in one swift movement, he has you straddling his lap, and in an even quicker movement, he has you pinned to the bed under him. 

“i don’t know what i like you in more, your dress of this.” his hands trail up your legs, over your hips and across your waist before he finds the underside of your bra. “actually…” his voice trails off as he tugs the cups of your bra down so your boobs spill out the top. “i think i might like you better without anything on.” 

“you don’t wanna fuck me in my pretty, and expensive set junnie?” you fake pout, trying to get junhui to appreciate the beauty and intricacy of the set. 

“baby… if you keep this on i will rip it apart and i really don’t wanna do that,” he coos quietly as he works on unhooking your bra without lifting you too far off the bed. “it might be my favorite now.” he smirks when you whine, his words weren’t remotely dirty at all but it still went straight to your core. 

“well then, can you hurry up and take it off of me.” 

“ah ah ah, so impatient.” he giggled quietly but complied with your wishes anyways, making quick work to carefully remove your lingerie, tossing it all across the room for you two to pick up later and remember what happened that night. “i’ll let this one stay.” he left the garter belt around your waist, the way it hugged your waist gently made his mind go crazy. 

“you know,” you start, moaning quietly when jun squeezes your boobs in both of his hands. “it’s not fair that you’re still fully dressed.” you just put your bottom lip and give him the best puppy dog eyes you could muster. 

“you want me to take my clothes off?” you nod your head so quickly, wanting to see and feel his body against yours. 

laughing quietly at your desperation, junhui sits back on his knees, slowly pulling his coat off. he makes a show out of untying his tie and unbuttoning his shirt just like you did with your dress. as he untucks the ends of his shirt to undo the last buttons you sit up to unbuckle his belt, hoping to expedite his undressing.

“hey now, i didn’t help you undress now did i?” he pulls your hands away from his pants and stands up causing you to whine. “let me put on a show too baby.” he gives you a fake pout that looks so god damn attractive as he yanks his belt out of the loops in one swift movement, his abs and arm muscles flexing as he does so. 

“god you’re so fucking pretty.” your voice shakes a little as you watch him undo his pants and slip them off his hips, your mouth watering at the sight of his boxers hanging low on his hips. 

“i could say the same thing about you too, my love.” he pushes his boxers down inch by inch until his cock springs free, smacking his lower stomach - precum splattering around his belly button. 

“how do you want me?” 

“on top.” he licks his lips before he crawls back onto the bed, stalking up to you before he smashes his lips against yours. you moan into the kiss and grip onto his shoulders, giggling a little when he grabs your hips and flips you over quickly so he’s on his back and you’re straddling him. 

“is this your present to me?” you joke breathlessly as you pull away from the kiss. 

“no, my present to you will be breeding your greedy little cunt and giving you a family.” you mewl at the thought of him fucking you so full of cum that you’ll be dripping for days. you two had talked briefly in the past about kids, both of you having breeding kinks definitely opened the doors to those conversations but now. being married to him? the possibility of actually having a family was bigger and it made you so incredibly wet just thinking about how he’ll keep fucking you until he gives you a baby one day. 

“yeah? you wanna give me a family junnie?” you lean over his face, far enough where he can’t outright kiss you but close enough that your breath fans over his face. 

“fuck yeah I do.” he breathes out before grabbing your hair to pull you down so he can kiss you hard. his hips buck up into yours causing your kiss to break as you get jostled forward. 

you whine quietly as you rock your hips slowly, his cock nestling between your folds as you situate yourself better. junhui can’t help but moan loudly at the feeling of your warmth dripping all over him as you slide along his cock, the veins providing stimulation to your clit. 

“baby please.” jun whines quietly as his fingers move to dig into the flesh of your sss cheeks. 

“please what my dear husband?” you smile when he looks at you with so much love, his bottom lip sticking out.

“will you ride me please? i need you baby.” his hands move from your hips to your boobs, squeezing them with a smirk on his face - that quickly gets wiped away by a moan after you rock your hips again. 

“need you too.” you mumble. bitting your lip, you sit up enough so you can reach between your two bodies to grab his painfully hard cock. you rub the tip through your foals, moaning loudly with your husband before you finally line it up with your entrance. 

slowly you sink down on his cock, your warm plush walls squeeze him perfectly. junhui moans out brokenly as he throws his head back, his mouth wide open and his eyes closed. he uses your boobs like stress balls, squeezing them harshly as he tries to control himself while you move at your own speed. 

finally bottoming out, you rest your hands on his stomach so you can catch your breath - which you hadn’t realized you had been holding the whole time. 

“fuck you’re so tight baby, so fucking perfect.” he babbles quietly, your pussy clenches around him at the praise and you can’t help but mewl when he bucks his hips up at the feeling. 

digging your nails into his abs you finally muster up the strength to move. you start off with a slow grind, your clit dragging against his perfectly trimmed pubic hair causing your eyes to flutter. 

“that’s it baby.” jun groans quietly as he watches you, through hooded eyes, pick up the pace. your slow methodical grinds turn into your hips circling around his as you find a rhythm you like - and if jun had any sense left in his brain at that point he would’ve picked up on you trying to spell out the word ‘husband’ with your hips, a trick you learned from social media. 

“so big.” you moan out, your nails scratching gently at his abs as you clench them into fists. you finally find the strength in your legs to start bouncing, a loud squelching echos in the condo as his cock slides through your slicked pussy with ease. 

“fuck,” his hands don’t know what to do as they travel all across your body, trying to find somewhere to rest. “just like that.” 

you pick up the speed a little, your leg muscles already starting to scream at you after all the excursion you put them through at the wedding but you could care less about that - the only thing on your mind is getting jun to cum. 

“ah! right there!” you whine loudly, your body almost falling on top of jun’s as his cock hit that spongy spot that had your toes curling and your stomach tightening. 

“right there?” junhui finally finds a spot on your hips that he wants to keep his hands on as it allows him to hold you in place while he plants his feet on the bed. he begins to jackhammer into you, breaking the steady rhythm you had going on. you breathe leaves your lungs as you lay against juns body, allowing him to fuck into you however he wants. 

“wanna… wanna cum.” you babble as you begin to drool all over his chest and collarbones from the sheer amount of pleasure he was bringing you. 

“wait for me…fuck,” he hurried his face in your neck as he moans at the feeling of you clenching around him, making your pussy feel even tighter than before. “‘m almost there.” juns cock began to twitch as he wraps his arms around your waist so he can keep you close as he continues to fuck up into you like there’s no tomorrow. 

“‘m so close,” you whine, your nails digging into his shoulders as you try yo ground yourself. “pleeeaase.” you begging got dragged out into a moan when he slammed his cock against your g-spot rather harshly before he went back to his original pace. 

“you can wait a couple more minutes baby, I know you can.” he coos quietly, groaning when you clench around him. 

“can’t, junnie please.” junhui doesn’t listen to your pleas though as he continues to thrust his hips at a bruising speed, your whines and moans becoming music to his ears as he grips at the garter belt you still had on. 

“do you wanna cum love?” you nod your head, your moans blocking out any coherent words. “how badly do you wanna cum?” he knows he’s gonna get it later for making you beg.

“bad.. want it so bad please!” your nails drag down his shoulders to dig into his biceps causing him to moan lowly. 

“how bad do you want my cum?” he breathes out, his mind filling up with bliss at just the thought of you being so fucking cock drunk and hungry for his cum. 

“want.. want your cum,” you choke on your moan. “fuck, daddy, please. please fill me up.” junhui can’t help but laugh a little, his hand coming down on your ass cheek before he’s grabbing a big handful of the plump flesh. 

“yeah? you want my cum darling? want me to fill you up and breed you like the good fucking girl you are.” he groans, his legs tensing as he wills off his orgasm long enough to hear your response. 

“please! please give it to me daddy,” your sobs mix into a moan. “want it so bad! ngh~” you can feel the hot release of his cum shooting deep inside your cunt before you’re shaking and cumming with him. 

“that’s it, baby, milk me dry.” he groans as he rubs at your back gently. 

you both breathe heavily as you try to catch your breath after the mind blowing orgasm you both just had. something about the fact that you two are newlyweds really made it feel like you had sex for the first time all over again. 

“are you ok?” Jun whispers as he brushes the hair out of your face so he can kiss your forehead. you still laid in your previous positions with your head on his chest and your mouth hanging open as you tried to feed your lungs.

“just need a second.” you mumble smiling softly. 

“god.. you look so beautiful.” he watches the way you get shy at the compliment, smiling wider as you hide behind your hand. “you’re my wife now, you should know better than to hide from me, my beautiful beautiful girl.” 

“if you keep calling me beautiful i might just suck your soul out of your cock in the shower.” you huff playfully as you finally will yourself to sit up, hissing quietly at the dull ache in all your muscles - the toll of the day and sex finally hitting you. 

“as sexy as that sounds, how about we take a nice bubble bath and watch ratatouille before we fall asleep?” you can’t help but giggle at how childish your husband could be but you could never say no to something that sounded so tempting. 

“that sounds even better.” you smile gently, squealing when he stands up sickly with you clutched in his strong arms. his softening cock has long slipped out of you as you wrap your legs tightly around his waist, laughing at how enthusiastic he’s being. “you sure have a lot of energy still after all the shit we’ve been through today.” 

“you always give me energy baby,” he kisses your cheek before he’s grabbing a towel to sit on the counter before he sets you on top of it, not wanting your ass to get cold from the marble countertop. “now, do you want lavender or rose in the water?” 

“mm, rose.” you smile at the way jun nods his head while you unhook your garter belt.

“good choice m’lady.” he gets the hot water running as he grabs the rose petals and oil to put in the tub along with a splash of bubbles. it didn’t take long at all for it to fill up and the next thing you knew jun was picking you back up to gently put you in the water. 

“how does it feel?” 

“like heaven.” you sigh, the stresses of the day and month leaving your body as you sink deeper into the water until only your nose and above were visible. 

“i’m glad,” he’s careful when climbing into sit across from you, giggling at the way you almost inhale some of the bubbles. “don’t drown my love, I don’t think starting our honeymoon off with a trip to the ER is going to go over well with our mothers.” 

you roll your eyes playfully at him before you grab a hand full of the bubbles to blow into his face. he laughs louder before he grabs your wrist to yank you gently towards him so he can softly kiss the tip of your nose before giving your lips a quick peck. 

“i love you, my wife.” his voice and smile are gentle. 

“and i love you, my husband.” your expression matches his as you settle back against your side of the tub, humming contentedly when he starts to message at your calves. 

feedback + reblogs are greatly appreciated!

[helloheyhihowdyheya]

Pity Party | p. 2

Carmy Berzatto x gn!reader

Masterlist Part One

Summary: Carmy takes you home, but you find yourself not ready to go yet

Word Count: ~3k

Warnings: Swearing, kissing, some mushiness, fluff, possibly incorrect info about cars

A/n: hi. I’m sorry for taking a million years on this. and I’m sorry it’s not longer. Thank you to anyone that read the first part and shared their interest <3 and thank you for reading this one. You all are the best

“Holy shit,” you said, food still in your mouth and hand wrapped around the taco. Your wide eyes glanced up to Carmy’s.

“Right?” He swallowed down his bite before grinning, his head bobbing up and down in an approving nod.

You’d replaced the claustrophobic party with a small taqueria that, despite the occasional yelling between the front person and cooks, was much more peaceful. It had too few people in it for how good the food tasted, but you wouldn’t complain about the lack of noise or drunken singing.

“All the dishes were created by Rosa. She owned this food truck back when I was a kid — way before she could open up this place. If you come back–”

“When I come back,” you corrected.

“When you come back,” he said with a grin, “Their shredded beef is top shit. She spends hours getting it just right. Or the nachos. Even their fucking nachos are insane.”

You laughed, suddenly wishing you’d ordered nachos — maybe if you had more time here. As you ate, you listened to Carmy continue telling you about the restaurant and Rosa and how the tastes come together just right. You didn’t think you’d ever thought that hard about food before, but you just listened to him explain.

Well, mostly. Sometimes you watched his eyes light up as he spoke. Or you focused on the smooth way his mouth formed around the words.

“Sorry, this can get annoying,” he said after a minute of explaining the flavor profile of the tres leches cake a past restaurant he’d worked at had, and how it was a twist on Rosa’s tres leches cake he’d had as a kid.

But you shook your head, your expression dropping into a frown at his sudden cynicism. “No, no. Keep going,” you offered, hoping your tone sounded as sincere as you felt. “It’s fascinating stuff. Does Rosa know that she inspired you?”

You kept asking him questions. Most of it was to feed your interest, but part of it was to hear him keep talking.

Taking a sip of water, you washed down the different flavors of the taco. “Thank you again for taking me here. You’re a two-time lifesaver now,” you said with a tired but grateful laugh. Your eyes glanced down to your phone, seeing that Richie gave a thumbs up to your message saying you got a ride home from Carmy.

“Course. And thanks again for paying,” he said with an almost incredulous laugh. “Though I still can’t believe you paid the guy before I could see what you were doing.”

You nodded, happily chewing. It was the least you could do since he saved your night from complete disaster. “You can grab food the next time you drive me home from a party while I’m covered in beer.”

“Christ, I hope that doesn’t happen again for your sake.” He wiped his hands on a napkin, balling it up onto his plate. He gestured a finger toward you, saying, “The guy that spilled on you sounded like a total douche.”

A smile broke out across your face as you swallowed down a bite. “He was. He had the ugliest polo and cargo short combo I’ve ever seen doing the grossest hip thrusts I’ve ever seen with a full cup. And that wasn’t even the worst part!” You couldn’t contain the giggles popping up through your words now. “I looked back at him while walking away — from the most half-assed apology I’d ever heard — and saw his toe shoes… The fucker was wearing toe shoes!”

Carmy almost spit out his water, choking on it as you spoke. When he finally recovered, he shook his head, saying, “Nah, you’re fucking with me. There’s no way.” His grin went wide as he laughed harder.

“No, I’m 100% serious. I nearly ran into someone cause I couldn’t take my eyes off of them — like a goddamn trainwreck or something.”

You relished in the sound of his laughter, letting it replace the image of that guy’s horrible footwear.

“Christ, that’s horrible.”

“You’re telling me,” you muttered, finishing up your food. Standing, you held out a hand for his plate. You threw away the trash, stacking the plates in a dish bin with the remnants of laughter stuck to you. By the time you came back to the table, Carmy was standing and putting his jacket back on.

He stared at you for a second, and you couldn’t read the look in his eyes. You smiled nonetheless. He just said, “Ready?”

“Yes,” you breathed out. It didn’t feel as cold walking to the van this time with a full stomach and being next to Carmy. The tender fuzziness wrapped throughout your body didn’t wane until after a few miles of driving. On a side road meant to take you to the freeway back into the city, the car began to lurch. Your gaze slid over to Carmy as the van gradually slowed.

You found his expression sinking into a frown as he pulled off onto the shoulder. The skin of his knuckle stretched taut, his hands gripping the wheel tight. Parked, he shut the car off and tried turning it back on. Your stomach sank when a click-click-click sound hit your ears.

His fingers firmly wrapped around the car keys stuck into the ignition. He tried turning them again, which only produced that clicking sound once more. One final try, a hail mary as you held your breath, as he tried again. But you let out a half sigh when the engine kept turning over.

He slumped back into his seat, his hand dropping from the keys to lie beside his leg. “Fuck…” he breathed out, wiping the other hand across his forehead and along his hairline.

You opened your mouth, hoping to say something helpful, but nothing worked its way past the worry lining your throat. So you pressed your lips back together. You just nodded when he told you, “Let me see if I can look under the hood,” and made his way to the front of the van. Your eyes flitted between looking at the way his face wrinkled as he felt for the hood release and your fingers picking at your nails.

Flickers of the flashlight from Carmy’s phone passed from either side of the popped hood. A few minutes later, your eyebrows rose expectantly at him as soon as he came back. “What’s the prognosis?” you asked.

He sighed while closing the door, glancing to you. “It’s been a while since I’ve worked on cars, but there’s definitely a leak. With how hot it felt under there, I’d guess it’s the coolant.”

You breathed out, your eyebrows sinking into a disappointed frown. “So a tow truck it is.”

“Yeah…” he said, “I’m sorry, let me- I’ll order you a ride.” His words sounded defeated as he fished out his phone from his jean pocket.

“Oh, you don’t…” The words slipped past your lips before you could register what you were saying — before you could recognize the sharp feelings in your chest that sparked the words. Carmy turned to look at you, his attention fixed on the end of your sentence. Beneath his stare, you found it hard to think much beyond how much you weren’t ready for the night to end.

Clearing your throat, you slowly said, “You don’t have to do that. I could, um, wait with you.” With your heart beating against your ribs, you added, “I mean, if you wouldn’t mind me sticking around.”

His finger paused, hovering over his phone screen. After a beat, the corner of his mouth lifted into a hesitant smile. “Uh, no. ‘f course not,” he said. “But it could be awhile before a truck gets here.”

Smiling, you shrugged. “Okay.”

And you watched him nod as a bigger smile spread across his face, like sunshine sneaking through the crack of a door. Your gaze flitted around the van’s interior and the dark side of the road while he called the towing company. But your attention was back on him when he hung up.

A small sigh accompanied his words. “They said it could be an hour. Maybe more.”

“Okay, well,” you started but paused, feeling warm all over. You hadn’t quite thought this far ahead. And now, in the soft silence of the van, his attention sat entirely on you. Quickly, you glanced into the back of the van, eyeing all of the boxes that sat there. With a slight grin, you continued, “Well now that we have some time to kill, I have to ask what’s all back here.”

Carmy shifted, looking to the back as well. “God, sorry about the mess. Most of it’s just supplies for The Beef… And Richie’s stupid fucking shirts for the restaurant.”

Your eyebrows raised. “Well shirts aren’t so bad. They can be good advertising for–”

“They say ‘The Original Berf.’”

“Oh.” You let out a small laugh, which grew with each breath because of course they said that. The way Carmy shook his head only furthered your giggling. Eventually, once your laughter died down, you eyed the back again. “How many shirts are in there?”

He looked back again, reaching a hand back to flip up the top of a box behind your seat. “Uh, maybe 20? Why?”

Pursing your lips, you asked, “Do you think there’s a shirt my size in there?” And at Carmy’s laugh, your mouth pulled into a smile.

“Let me see…”

He stretched toward the back, his hand gripping the side of your seat. With his body just a few inches away, waves of warmth rolled off of him. Your eyes couldn’t help trailing the curls of his hair or the dips and wrinkles of his sweater around his body.

When the rustling stopped, and your gaze elsewhere, he finally pulled back with a dark navy shirt in his hands. “Here you go.”

Giving a quiet, “Thank you,” you unfolded the shirt and held it up. It looked to be about your size, so you began unbuckling your seatbelt. “Um, could you– I mean, do you mind?” you asked, holding the shirt close to you, unsure of how to ask him to give you privacy in the car.

Thankfully, he got the message and turned the other way. “Yeah, yeah. Just, uh, let me know if it doesn’t fit.”

Hesitantly, your fingers wrapped around the hem of your shirt. You briefly relished in the feeling of finally taking off your beer-stained shirt, enjoying the air from the car’s vents against your skin. You pulled down the new shirt and said, “Okay, you’re good to look.”

You shifted it this way and that until it felt right. As you looked down and read that it did indeed read “The Original Berf,” another laugh slipped from your mouth.

You looked at Carmy as he said, “Richie calls it a collector’s item.”

“Of course he does,” you muttered with a grin. The feeling of a dry, smell-free shirt had you thanking him again. “This might bring you up to saving me three times tonight.” You turned to look at him, the left side of your body resting against the back of your seat. Your head tilted, leaning into the headrest.

“Well, you’re spending tonight waiting for a tow truck with me, so I’d say we’re about even.”

You let out a quiet hum, pursing your lips. “If we’re even… then could I ask you a favor?”

He was now turned toward you, his head tilted the same way. His hands sat in his lap, his fingers fidgeting every couple of seconds. Yet his expression looked almost calm as he said, “Yeah, anything.”

–

So there you both were, lying on the hood of his van looking up at the stars. With a sturdy enough box to use as a step and a thermal blanket beneath your bodies, you and Carmy set up a place to stargaze side by side. The night air and moonlight kissed your skin as you raised a hand, pointing out another constellation.

The occasional car passed by. A soft siren echoed in the distance. But sitting far enough away from the city, you could hear as the frogs and crickets sang their songs in the grasses nearby. You couldn’t help but think they sounded nice beneath the rumble of Carmy’s voice as he spoke.

“My family didn’t take road trips or anything like that, but uh, my brother took me west one night — when we were young. Honestly, I think he was just pissed at our family and wanted to get out,” he explained with his hands clasped together over his stomach. His chest rose and fell while his gaze stayed fixed on the Hercules constellation above. “But he drove the two of us out of the city and woke me up after. And it was just some field. I was so mad that he dragged me all the way out to a cornfield in the middle of the night.” He shook his head and let out a soft laugh, one filled with a sort of fondness, as if the memory played before his eyes.

“He told me to shut the fuck up and look at the stars. So we sat there on the hood of our mom’s piece of shit car, and he told me about the constellations.” He paused, a soft smile playing on his lips. “But he didn’t know shit about constellations. He made it all up. I started to catch on when he pointed out the little dipper for the third time.”

A smile of your own spread across your face. You turned your head to look at him better, to watch the creases wrinkle around his eyes. “That sounds really nice,” you whispered. “To get out and escape once and awhile.”

“Yeah. It is…” Like now. The words seemed to dance between the two of you.

“Can you point out the little dipper to me?” you asked. “We wouldn’t want all his hard work teaching to go to waste.”

With a laugh, Carmy nodded and looked back to the sky. His hand raised, pointing to stars off to the right. “You see those four stars there that make a rectangle? That’s the cup. And those three,” he said, tracing his finger up in a curve, “make the handle.”

You nodded along. “I’m surprised you didn’t do much stargazing in your fabulous Copenhagen days,” you teased.

A groan left his mouth. “Cooking in Copenhagen leaves you no time for stargazing.”

“Sounds like cooking in Chicago leaves you without any time, either,” you whispered, watching as his hand dropped back down, his eyes locking onto yours.

He didn’t say anything at first, and an icy uncertainty began to creep up your spine. He turned his body onto his side to face it. “It leaves time for some things,” he said, melting away the worry and replacing it with burning hope. You turned toward him, too.

“Like what?” you breathed out, letting your fingers inch closer to his in the space between you. With him so close, you became acutely aware of everything around you. The bumps of the hood beneath you, the crinkle of the blanket with each movement, the intensity in the way he listened to your every word.

His gaze skipped around your face as he said, “Like a first date.”

You raised your eyebrows, turning your nose at him. “We just had our first date. Doesn’t a private dinner and stargazing sound romantic to you?” you asked. But you could only tease for so long, could only keep the sincerity at arm’s length until you were weak to it.

“Let me take you out for real,” he answered, grinning at you. His eyes continued to glance down to your lips. You felt your heartbeat in your ears. You barely ignore the uneasy excitement building in your chest. “Let me kiss you.”

Brief moments passed like hours before you nodded, before his hand brushed along your jaw and cupped your face. In an instant, your eyes shut as his mouth pressed to yours — like they were made to fit together. Your body molded to his, your muscles melting at his touch. Your fingers gripped his shirt, then his hair when it wasn’t enough. An almost desperate groan came from the back of his throat when you broke away to breathe.

He kept kissing you, only letting you get small gasps of air here and there. And the comforting feel of him nearly felt more important than breathing anyway. It left you in a dizzying addiction to his touch.

His nose nudged against yours with each kiss, his hold on you solid and unmoving. You didn’t know how much time had passed there in his embrace before lights hit your eyelids. Slowly, the sound of a car approaching reached your ears, making you pull away from Carmy.

A truck came closer as you sat up, your body already missing the warmth of Carmy. The lights on top of the truck told you it was here to tow the van. Looking back at Carmy, you watched as he adjusted his shirt and hair before hopping off the hood. You took his hand to get down yourself, smiling as he squeezed your hand.

He left your side to speak with the tow truck driver, but his eyes never left you for long. The butterflies in your stomach never left either, not with the soft way he looked at you.

The journey home passed in a blur, the tired goodbye and quick kiss as you parted ways. Not even Richie, who arrived home next door at the same time as you and immediately noticed your changed shirt, could dull the smile on your face. Though when he asked how your night with Carmy was and obnoxiously wiggled his eyebrows, he came close.

You merely muttered, “Shut up,” before closing your door on him. And finally back in your apartment, you could shower and change — relishing in the clean and dry feeling. Even the sharpness of the vinegar you poured into a bowl was a relief. Diluting it with water per Carmy’s instructions, you mixed it together before dipping your shirt in.

And you thought of him the entire time, unable to keep a smile off your face as you washed off your shirt to find it stain-free

[tornrose24]

In honor of pride month, I will share a TGAMM fact I learned when I rewatched part of the Project: Enhappification encore video regarding everyone’s favorite gay ghost couple.

According to Bill and Bob, while Geoff and Jeff have been partners for 100 years, they’ve actually lived in completely different times. Geoff is the oldest of the two and died around 150/160 years before Jeff died.

This is what I’m getting from that fact:

-Jeff and Geoff became a couple around the 1920s if their 100th anniversary is in the early 2020’s.

-Jeff likely died around the 1920s or just before that.

-If the math is correct, then Geoff was in fact alive around or just before the American Revolution. Yes, really.

-This would explain why Geoff’s assigned town for scaring was in Connecticut (which was hinted at in the ‘Jinx vs’ episode) because it was one of the original 13 colonies around the time he would have been alive.

-This also explains why Geoff is so clueless about President Lincoln, because Lincoln was only around AFTER Geoff passed, and there’s no telling how busy Geoff was with his scare reports to know about Lincoln while he was around.

-I just did a quick research and considering how Geoff was said to have died…. Chocolate actually WAS a thing in America during that time period. So everything still lines up with what little was given about Geoff’s death in the show.

[cardboardheartss]

Short PAC : Would your celebrity crush want to date you?

⚠️DISCLAIMER! TAROT CARDS ARE NOT 100% ACCURATE! TAKE EVERYTHING WITH A GRAIN OF SALT! IF MY INTERPRETATIONS ARE INCORRECT FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME!⚠️

remember to take a deep breath, and think about which pile you feel most connected to before you pick a pile to read!

Pile 1 : Real flowers

Pile 2 : Painting of flowers

Pile 3 : Exterior of café

Pile 1 : Real Flowers

You and your celeb crush MIGHT date but to be honest, it’s giving a bit of a situationship vibe. Your celeb crush may see you as someone who’s really independent and wise, but unfortunately due to some confusion on their end, it will sooner or later lead to miscommunication and conflict.

the hermit (yes), PoW rx (maybe), 4oC (no)

Pile 2 : Painting of flower

You and your celeb crush MIGHT date, this piles gives me “bob the builder” vibes to be honest. You would be there for them, if they’re struggling in life and once they get right back up on their feet, they leaving you due to THEIR own insecurities and commitment problems.

the tower rx (yes), the star (maybe), 8oW rx (maybe)

Pile 3 : Exterior of café

You and your celeb crush would NOT date at all. They might feel like, they will be unable to keep their facade for too long, they can foresee unseen problems and they can tell that the relationship will not end well and you might ruin their reputation!

the moon (no), death (no)

Thank you for reading!📦

(19/01/2024)

[ohtobeleah]

How about Ex!Husband Hangman being protective over Hawk?

No but you don’t understand just how far he’s willing to go for you. And we’re 100% going with this whole cross over universe with Chaos because I’ve gone too deep into it now. BUT you also don’t have to read Chaos! Just take it as a stand alone series if you want! After the shit show that was Clover Club yesterday please take this 5k chapter as my sincere apology.

Anyway—here’s the To Have & To Hold Masterlist

“I'm sorry I decked your husband.” You were sitting up near the Hard Deck on your laptop. Enjoying the sun but more importantly the show that was definitely more distracting than you ever thought it would be. Jake Seresin was many things, and a hot head with an ego the size of the entire posting of Miramar was definitely one of them. But watching as he paraded around, shirtless, glistening as the sun beamed down, surely cooking his skin to that nice tanned colour you enjoyed too much–it was hard to hold it against him. “He kinda deserved it though–”

“I'm inclined to agree with you lieutenant.” Finishing up your sentence before you looked up the figure who was now blocking your son. Lieutenant Chaos Kazansky. “My ex husband–” Correcting the Lieutenant who seemed to almost be remorseful for her actions. “Should know better than to bring childish nonsense into the workplace, especially when there is so much at risk here.” Sighing, you stood to meet her height. “If he's not careful he’ll end up with noone in his corner.”

“Ma’am?” Chaos was completely and utterly stunned when the rath didn't rain down on her like she was expecting it to. “Are you not going to chew me out?” From what you knew, Pete Mitchell had already done a pretty bang up job bringing the just as egotistical pilot back down to earth after Jake had egged her on. Knowing the Admirals were already hot on her tail, you decided Chaos didn't need shit from you too.

“You've already got the Admirals on your back Lieutenant–you don't need me as well.” It was a nice moment between two powerful women. You respected Chaos just as much as she respected you. Oly have known of each other's existence whenever Jake and Bradley were stationed at the same bases. Aviators like to talk. “I just trust that there won't be any more physical assaults?”

“No ma’am, none–” Chaos beamed as she smiled your way. The cheers of the squad getting into the game of dogfight football down by the water interrupting the moment you were sharing together. “I better get back to it then, Bob’s the only one on the shirts teams, don't wanna leave him hanging.” Turning on her heels, Chaos sent you one final look over her shoulder.

“Hey Chaos?” You caught her attention before she could get too far down the beach.”

“Yes, Lieutenant Commander Seresin.” God you hated the formalities. Rolling your eyes at the title you held before stepping closer.

“Don't let whatever is going on between you and Bradshaw distract you from being an exceptional pilot.”

“If I may, speak candidly ma’am.” Chaos waited for you to nod in agreement before she said what she needed to say. “You can do an awful lot better than Hangman–” It was almost venomous the way Chaos said it. Like she was warning you in the only way she knew how to. With honesty and forwardness. “He tried to hit on me at the bar before he knew who I was, I wouldn’t wanna be known as the women who’s husband wants to fuck anything with a hole.” Chaos didn't let you reply before she was turning in the sand again. Making her way back to the game. Pointing out Fanboy who had pointed her out first. Trying to shake off what you had just spoken about you tried to go back to your work.

Somewhere between your night with Jake and the confrontation you had had in your office a few hours before you found yourself sitting out on the deck of the hard Deck. Your wedding band had made its way from your dog tags to your ring finger. Absentmindedly twisting in around your finger as you worked and sipped the lemonade Penny had brought you a while ago. The ice had mentled, watering it down a little. It caught you by surprise then you had realised what you were doing and with what. Your wedding band was always something you tried to keep close yet hide at the same time. Being separated from the man you loved so dearly was confusing at the best of times. But it seemed as though your subconscious had taken over at some point in time. Doing the dirty work for you.

“I'll bet you twenty bucks Bradshaw and Kazansky are gonna be an item by the time this whole detachment finishes.” Jake's voice brought you out of your own head as you hid your hands under the table. Sliding your wedding band off your finger before placing it in the top pocket of your tan service uniform. “Just saw them sneaking off–” Coming to sit beside you. Inviting himself over.

“Oh I don't think either one of us are in the position to be judging other people's relationships.” Chuckling at how stupid Jake sounded. His shirt still balled up on the table, aviators covering his eyes, protecting them from the raise of the sun. “But if I had to make a bet I'd bet on the fact Bradshaw is in over his head.” Turning your attention back to your laptop. Running algorithms Jake didn't understand. “Chaos is a force to be reckoned with, she’ll be the death of him if he's not careful.”

“Damn, you’ve really got a horse in the game huh?” Jake snickered as he tried to understand exactly what you were working on. He knew enough to know that he could read the proposed egress climb. “Is that ten G’s I see?” pressing your tongue to the inner part of your cheek as you turned into Jake as he turned into you, the gap between you next to nothing as he sat beside you close enough for his slightly damp shorts to be pressing against your outer thigh.

“Can you not try and read classified material?”

“Sorry, sorry.” Jake smirked as he fished the wedding band he’d seen you place in your top pocket out. Grabbing your left hand gently as he slid the ring back on your ring finger. “Ah, that's better.”

“You're the epitome of annoying you know that right?” You couldn't help but to smirk, trying to hide your smile behind a stern look. Trying to hold your ground. “Surely there's some other hopelessly clueless girl you could be wasting your time on.” You really hoped there hadnt been. But after what Chaos had told you? You weren't so sure anymore.

“Kinda have my hands full with you already, wifey.”

“Wifey huh?” You teased, shutting your laptop so your full attention was on Jake. “Was I still wifey when you tried to hit on me at the bar without knowing it was me?” Jake rolled his eyes as he pulled you closer, sending one of his legs over the seat so you were between his legs.

“You have always been and will always be wifey–”

“Was I still wifey when you tried to hit on Chaos at the bar after I left?” Wait, who told you that? Where did you get that twisted information? Watching as Jake looked at you stunned into silence you knew you had him cornered. “I don't blame you for wanting to seek solace in other women, we’re separated Jake. You don't owe me anything, but don't play pretend and tell me I'm the only one when I'm not.” Jake had asked you to be honest with him, he said he’d respect it if you were seeing other people. He’d hate it. But nevertheless he’d respect it because he loved you too much to not respect the ever living shit out of you. You just wanted the same from him. He said it was hard with the tattooed wedding band, but he didn't say it was impossible. “You never really specified if there was anyone else and I'm okay with the fact there may have been a few women in your life in the time we've been separated.” Damn, were you about to cry? Why was your chest so tight? Why were your eyes threatening to water? “But I just wanna know before you know, before another woman shows up pregnant with your bastard child or something.” Leaning in to kiss your shoulder with gentle and subtitle kisses, Jake Seresin realised he’d been living a lie for far longer than he should have been.

“There's been a few.” fuck you knew it. Your heart physically ached at the idea Jake had been with other women, but you had absolutely no room to harbour hatred when you had been the one to walk away. “But I wanna be perfectly clear here, none and I mean none of them ever came close to comparing to you.”

“Oh I'm sure they still satisfied.” Trying to stand Jake held you down, he wasn't letting you run away this time. “Jake–”

“You left me, Y/n–” Jake hissed as his grip on your forearm tightened. “You were the one who walked out our front door in the middle of the night and never came back.” He wasn't lying, that's exactly what you had done. It was too hard to leave when Jake was begging you to stay. So when you knew he was down and out for the count? You slipped out of his grapes and left with just a few suitcases of clothes and photographs. “That was a decision you made in our marriage, you can't hold it against me if I slipped up and just needed to feel something every once in a while.”

“And I'm not holding it against you!” You were quick to argue. “But it still hurts knowing the truth.” Pulling yourself out of Jake's tight grip. “I am still very much in love with you, unbeknownst to all my instincts to run as far away as I can and never look back. I've tried that and it nearly killed me.” Jake's eyes lingered on your lips before he looked back up at your eyes, near watery and oh so full of inter turmoil. “But despite how much I love you, a marriage needs more than that, what if this marriage isn't worth saving? What if we’re just better off as friends?” Sielce lingered between the two of you before Jake broke the heavy atmosphere that had settled.

“A true blonde wouldn't overthink it as much as you are.” His childishness made you chuckle, of course that's the kind of reaction he would give you when you were discussing the state your marriage was in. “Look, I'll tell you what.” Tilting your chin up slightly as Jake looked at you with so much love in his eyes. “I don't know if you know this about me but I can be incredibly difficult and don't really like to lose.” Oh yeah, no you knew that already. “And I'm not ready to let you go yet.” It made your heart swoon as Jake left a soft lingering kiss on your lips. As soft as a kiss could ever be. “Whatever it takes to win you over, to prove I'm in this, I'll do it–I promise.”

“I'd rather you not make promises I already know you can't keep, Bagman.” Taunting and teasing his callsign, Jake pulled you into his chest. Kissing the top of your head. “At this point we’re just going around in circles.”

“I reckon if we actually have that dinner we’d end up on the same page.” Jake cooed as he let his arms wrap around your shoulders as you let your back rest against his exposed chest, now dry from the heat of the sun. watching the sun set over the water that some of the team still swam in. “ill even show up this time–”

“Oh yeah, no that would be a good start.” Chuckling together, you couldn't help but fall a little more in love with Jake Seresin despite all the warning signs. “But I could do dinner.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

It was a relatively quiet night at the Hard Deck. Jake had however still gone to the effort of actually booking a booth out at the back of the dining side of the bar. Ringing Penny approximately five minutes after you’d said you could do dinner begging her to set the table all fancy.

Beside herself at the desperation in his voice over the phone—Penny agreed and played the part she was meant to play. Jake Seresin was on a mission to save whatever was left of his tattered marriage. She wasn’t about to be a reason why things didn’t plan out the way he hoped they would.

“Penny my dear—“ Jake beamed as he looked over his menu at you. Your eyes just popping over the top of the menu. “What’s on the special board?” Penny had come over with the drinks Jake had ordered for you. He’d gotten his regular order, an old fashioned. For you? He ordered a Long Island iced tea, with lemonade squash as the base. Yep—there surely had to be some intention behind that order, a Long Island was lethal.

“We’ve got baby back ribs, house salad and fries for twenty or slow cooked lamb shank with mash and greens for eighteen.” Penny held the empty drink tray against her hip as you and Jake mulled over your decisions.

“Lamb shank sounds really good, thanks Pen.” You smiled softly as you handed her back your menu. “And don’t let him order me another cocktail—“ Teasing Jake as he handed his own menu back, glaring at you as he did so.

“God I am just damned if I do and damned if I don’t these days huh?” Jake smirked back at you as he took a sip of his old fashioned. He really did scrub up alright. The fresh blue jeans, crisp white T-shirt and brown Bomber jacket. A simple outfit that he just looked oh so fine in. “I’ll have the steak please Penny—pepper sauce on the side.”

“Coming right up you too.” Penny sent you a slight all knowing smile as she turned on her heels. Playing the drink tray back on the bar before making her way over to the pass—sending your orders through. For a while you both just sat in comfortable silence, listening to the music that played in the background. Both people watching absentmindedly.

“So, what actually made you change your hair?” Jake asked as he stood from his side of the booth before slipping in beside you. He felt too far away. Watching as you slid across towards the window.

“Um—“ You wanted to just say something like you needed a change but that would be a blatant lie. “Truth be told?” Taking a sip of your drink, the burn of all the different shots of alcohol mixing in your chest as you swallowed. “It was either go blonde or shave it all off—you know full Brittany.” Jake couldn’t help but chuckle as he let his arm rest up and around the back of the booth. Keeping you close. “I tried to do a box job over the brown which ended up orange, so I made an emergency appointment to see an actual stylist and this is what we ended up with.”

“Oh so you DIY things now do you?” Jake teased, you’d never really been one to do your hair or nails yourself. You liked to feel pampered when you had the time and chance. But when your marriage began to crumble into a million pieces those things just didn’t seem worth it. “Could’ve just gone a darker shade—“

“Yeah well I didn’t, you saying you don’t like it?” Taunting Jake back you watched as his eyes trailed down to your lips then back up. “Hey, eyes you here Seresin, this is only our second date.”

“I love everything about you.” Leaning in to gently kiss the nap of your neck. Whispering sweet nothings into your ear as you tried to hide the giddy smile plastered on your face. Biting your bottom lip. “And I vividly remember our first date being unintentionally sexual—“

“That’s not happening tonight.” You were quick to reply, your hand coming to rest just shy of Jake's clothed length. You could feel how strained he was against his jeans. Huh, you could have a little fun with this.

“How much do you wanna bet?” Jake pulled back just in time, Penny had been walking your way with your orders. Placing them down gently as you and Jake separated slightly. “Thanks Penny.” He cooed, acknowledging the kindness she’d shown, how far she went to make the meek booth seem a little more romantic.

“More than what you wanted to bet on Chaos and Rooster.” Opening your utensils from the carefully wrapped napkin, you sighed as flavours danced on your tastebuds. “Oh fuck that’s good—“

“Well, usually Rooster would be here by now.” Jake looked around the other side of the bar, majority of the patrons as always were aviator’s currently stationed. But to no surprise two were missing. “And considering Chaos isn’t here either I’d say they’re together.” Down the rest of your drink you turned to Jake, tapping him on the shoulder as you chewed on the ice cube that you’d taken in your mouth. “What?”

“Move, I gotta pee and wanna get another drink.”

“Go pee and I’ll get you another round.” Jake grinned ear to ear at the reaction you gave him as he stood to his feet, letting you slide out of the booth.

“Oh absolutely not!” Slapping his chest slightly, he faked being hurt. His hand coming to cover his heart playfully as he sat back down. Popping a chip into his mouth. “I know you’re trying to get me drunk—“

“Oh I don’t need to get you drunk for you to come home with me doll, you’ll do that on your own accord.” You'd admit he was quick but you were quicker.

“Ask Chaos to go home with you, Bangman—“ Teasing your husband as you leaned into him as you stood. Cupping his cheeks. Keeping his chin pointed up your way.

“I think I’m good, don’t wanna catch something.” Sending you a wink as you glared down at Jake. His eyes the shades of all the perfect blues in the world. Swirling pools of unambiguous love.

“Like intelligence?” You smirked back before letting his face go, knowing that the moment you turned away his eyes were glued to your arse. “Be back in a few.”

“Hurry back or I’ll eat your shank!” You really wouldn’t put it past him. Making your way to the bar. Sitting on the stool as you waited for Penny to finish with her other paying customers. Jake sat back against the booth just drinking in the sight of you. So beautiful, all his.

He hadn’t really had a chance to see you dress up, or dress casually? Whatever you’d call the cute ensemble you put together. The ripped boyfriend jeans, the cashmere sweater with the white silk collar popping out the top. The sneakers that matched the pastel cream of the cashmere sweaters. A few gold rings. Nothing too fancy—but fuck your looked good.

“Can I just get a midori sour please Pen?” You asked nicely as you tapped your card on the bar. “I’ll get Jake another old fashioned while I’m here too.” Leaning on the bar as you watched her make your drinks.

“You too seem to be hitting it off?” Penny smirked as she poured the liquor into the shot glass she was using to measure your drinks. “Hangman seems—unusually likeable around you.”

“He’s trying his best—“ Looking back over your shoulder you locked eyes with Jake as he looked back at you. His eyes never leaving yours as he watched you by the bar. Your protector. “He really wants this to work.”

“Do you?” You weren’t all that sure if it was going to, but you wanted it to. So badly. You wanted Jake Seresin back. With every fibre of your being. Your husband, your best friend. Watching as Penny fixed your drinks, you sighed softly. “That’s all that really matters right?”

“Jakes never been one to back down from a challenge, I’ll let him squirm a little.” Chuckling, Penny turned her back as she wiped her hands, looking for the nearest soft drink gun.

“What’s a pretty little thing like you doing in a place like this?” The man who slipped beside you groaned as he downed the rest of his drink. “Another round bar keep—and put whatever she’s having on my tab.” Penny was about to step in for you until you sent her a warning look. One word. Don’t. “You come here alone gorgeous.”

“Sorry pal, you just aren’t my type.” He was so not your type. Rough around the edges biker dude with what looked like cheeto dust still prevalent in his beard.

“Enlighten me sweetheart.” Oh god was he really gonna play this game? Did he not know you were here with someone? Your husband for a matter of fact.

“Listen.” Turning your full attention to the man who now had his hand on your knee. “I couldn’t count on both my hands how many men in this bar would jump to my aid if I cried damsel in distress right now.” Pulling his hand off your knee before he had a chance to move it any higher with a look of grotesqueness and hint of disgust. Gesturing to the handful or so aviators who were crowded around playing darts and pool. “So unless you wanna see how far they’re willing to go I suggest you back off before the blonde one sitting in the booth behind you decides to use your head to ring that there bell.” You felt pretty confident that you’d given him the hint you really weren’t interested in his advances. Smirking as Penny handed you the two cocktails you’d ordered. Picking them up as you hopped off the barstool—you sent old mate a Cheshire cat smile. Holding your midori sour up in the chairs like fashion. “Have a good night, sweetheart.” Mocking the man who’s tried to hit on you.

“You fucking little bitch.” The guy had his hand twisted in your hair quicker than you could step away. Turning around in pure and utter shock you threw your drink in his face just to get him off you. Your scalp on fire.

“HEY!!“ Jake bellowed throughout the Hard Deck as he jumped out of the booth. Marching over with intent to kill. No one put their god damn hands on his fucking wife.

“Bar fight!” Javy, who had been paying more attention to the pool game in front of him than what had been going on at the bar shouted when he heard his friend's voice in a tone he only knew when things were about to go now. “Bar fight!” Throwing his pool cue absentmindedly as he took strides to cross the length of the Hard Deck. Watching with complete shock as the man who’d been trying to hit on you took your face in his hands and brought your face against his. Head butting you with the force of a thousand. “Oh fuck!” Javy paused as he tried to wrap his head around what just happened.

“Piece of shit!” You swung a right hook at the man before he could step out of your line. Connecting your first with his jaw. It didn’t do much, but the bar erupted in cheers before you went down to the ground on your knees. Blood pouring out of your mouth and nose. It was unbeknownst to the man that you weren’t alone, you were a part of a double act. Jake Seresin was enraged and completely blinded by the need to protect the woman he loved so dearly. Consequences be damned as Penny rang the belly loud and long. Grabbing the man who smelled of bourbon and cheese wiz by the collar of his shirt before throwing a face shattering punch straight into his nose. Holding him up so he couldn’t fall down.

“You don’t fucking touch her.” *Whack* There goes another one. *Whack* and another. “That’s my fucking wife you just assaulted you god damn mother fucker!” Throwing the guy down onto the ground Jake was quick to throw himself on top of the bloodied man. Laying punch after punch after punch. “Don’t you even touch a lady again!”

“Are you alright ma’am?” Bob's soft and gentle nature stuck out like a saw thumb amongst the chaos that had broken out. His hands on your shoulders somewhat protectively as he crouched beside you. “Hawk?”

“I’m fine!” You had to shrug Bob off as you tried to stand back up, a little dizzy at first but you managed. “Javy! Get him off of him before he kills someone!” You hissed as you held your nose.

“C’mon man he’s not worth it—“ Coyote tried to pull Jake off the man who looked about one more lunch away from meeting his maker. “Get off him.”

“She’s worth everything!” Jake didn’t go without a fight. His knuckles bloodied, his chest heaving. Javy had to drag him kicking and screaming out of the bar. “Fucking let me at him so help me god I’ll kill him Coyote, I’ll rip his throat out!”

“Well I’d rather you not do that.” Javy tried his best to calm down Jake as he blocked the front door. Keeping the clearly hot headed aviator from entering. “You've done enough—“

“Jake” instantly at the sound of your voice Jake was softening his shoulders, his eyes became less clouded with rage and anger and instead filled with devotion and heartache. “Can you drive me home?”

“Are you alright?” Cupping your cheeks as he assessed your nose. Your free hand cupping his. The other holding a makeshift ice pack. “Shit he really did a number huh?” Jake would throw himself in the line of fire for you, no hesitation.

“I’m fine, promise—just wanna go home.” Jake didn’t like the way you sounded dazed. He hated the blood you spat out of your mouth as he held the ice pack against your nose to contain the swelling.

“Okay sure thing.” Kissing to top of your forehead gently before wrapping his arms around your shoulders, pulling you into his side as he walked you to his car. You’d come back for yours at a later time. You couldn’t drive right now. No way no how. “But first we’re gonna stop by the emergency department and get you checked out—“

“Jake.” You sighed in disagreement as you stopped in your place. “I promise I feel fine.”

“Y/n—“ Oh he was hitting you with the legal name huh? Shit. “I mean no disrespect, but physically that man was twice, maybe even a good three times your size—I'm not sure how you're standing right now let alone talking coherently.” Jake was concerned for your well-being, that’s all it was. He wanted to make sure you were alright. That you were safe. “This isn’t up for debate, I’m taking you to emergency so they can clear you of a concussion, which will give me peace of mind.” His nostrils were still flaring as Jake stood before you. Reaching out for your hand—still looking over your shoulders at the Hard Deck in case someone else wanted to try something with his wife. “I just wanna make sure you’re alright.” His voice grew softer at that last sentiment. “You’re my everything, I can’t lose you to something I didn’t take the time checking out, emergency, then mine.”

It felt like a whole new feeling. Being loved by Jake Seresin. He was a tool on the best of days and still a hot shot on his worst. But he loved you, so much. He’d lay down his life for you. And that was something you had forgotten in your time apart.

He had a thing about working as a team—but you? You were his other half. He’d forgotten who he was when you left. He was only just now starting to find his way home.

“Okay.” You reached up to kiss Jake's cheek. “Hey, thanks for uh—thanks for having my back in there.” All Jake did was open the passenger side door in response, watching as you slid in and worked to clip your seatbelt on. Leaning into the car via the window that had been left down, Jake looked at you so seriously and with so much love in his eyes it nearly gave you a heart attack.

“You don’t know how far I’d go to protect you.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

Tags: @justanothermagicalsara @alexsisrebekah @stinkyjax @starkleila @luckyladycreator2 @love2write2626 @shanimallina87 @dempy @mintellaine @kiarabellerum31 @abaker74

[wing-ed-thing]

Man in Uniform (Erwin x Reader)

Synopsis: After a cut in the budget, your signature is the only thing that stands in the way of the Scout’s funds. Erwin is a selfish bastard, and unfortunately for you, you’re a sucker for a man in uniform.

Word Count: 3.7k

Tags/Warnings: Fem!Reader, Noble!Reader, Fluff, Flirting, Alcohol, 100% self-indulgent 

Notes: This played in my head like a vintage black-and-white movie. I hope it does for you too! I’ve had this sitting in the drafts for about 2 weeks aaaaa

You were a vision coming down those steps. 

The way the people in the room stopped to stare truly felt like a fairy tale. Erwin was no different. He sipped his champagne by the cocktail table that the Scout leadership wordlessly claimed, watching as the subtle train of your gown slinked down the marble stairs with each step of your high heel shoes. Erwin himself could have easily been mistaken for a prince in the Scout’s formal attire, but he seemed to be the last person holding your attention. You bashfully looked off to the side, an attempt to ignore that the entire ballroom seemed to stop for you. 

“A little extra for a charity event, don’t you think?” Levi muttered, staring down at the cup of tea he bullied from the kitchen. Tea and coffee were supposed to be served after dessert, but he found his ways to be persuasive.

“Nobility will do as nobility does.” Erwin took another sip of his drink, eyes glued on you as you were swiftly swarmed by politicians, businessmen, and other nobles. He felt a harsh tug on the back of his dress uniform. 

“You’re not actually going to do it, are you?” Levi pulled at the collar of his shirt. The Scout’s dress uniform— which consisted of a decorated dark olive green blazer and slacks with a complimentary collared shirt and tie— served to be far tighter than the functional field uniform designed for movement. 

“Doesn’t hurt to try.” He adjusted a few pins on his jacket and ran a thumb underneath the thick belt around his waist. He corrected the orientation of the wide collar. “How does my tie look?” Levi gave it a once over before coming around the small table to adjust it. He pulled it extra tight with a scowl.

“You think she’s going to hand you a fat stack of cash because she thinks you’re pretty? Stupidest idea if I've ever heard one. She has the power to take away what little funds we’ve got if she doesn’t get you suspended for harassment first.”

Erwin shrugged.

“Stranger things have happened.” He played with his cufflinks, his attention fully on you. A trio of women Erwin recognized from past events greeted you enthusiastically. “According to my sources, I have a pretty fair shot.” Levi rolled his eyes along with a few choice words.

“At least wait until she’s done the rounds.”

“Doesn’t hurt to be prepared.”

Erwin heeded Levi’s advice, sipping his drink as you made your way around the ballroom. A diplomat had one of your hands in both of his as he shook you violently, which Erwin took as a cue to set down his empty glass. He made his approach. 

He knew you well on paper. A descendent of a noble and respected family, you were the darling of Sina. With your pedigree, you held quite a powerful place in government. The two of you had brief exchanges during your fair share of meetings, important government decisions, and of course, charity events.

He maneuvered through the small group around you, addressing you by name. Your audience parted as Erwin strolled up to you, looking as neat and militant as ever. Inwardly, he chuckled to himself at your dreadful expression. He could see the semblance of it in your otherwise pleasant demeanor. Surely, he looked like yet another official vying for your attention, and you weren’t wrong. 

You offered your hand cordially, and Erwin bowed at the waist to brush his lips against your knuckles. 

“It is a pleasure seeing you.” He rose, your slender fingers still in his. “If I may, you look absolutely radiant tonight.” Your laugh sounded like a sigh as you bobbed your head lightly and withdrew your hand.

“Commander Smith, aren’t you as charming as ever?” Erwin shook his head and touched the front of his uniform. 

“Please, call me Erwin. Smith was my father,” he nodded with a polite smile. Levi rolled his eyes somewhere in the background. Erwin made a show of looking at your company, who tried to keep friendly faces. He focused his attention back on you. “Would you allow me to steal you away?” 

You opened your mouth to deny him but met his bright blue irises as the words died on your lips. They flickered to his right, left, and back at you for the briefest of seconds. You gauged the faces surrounding you as the corners of your lips tugged upward into a gentle smile.

“Certainly.” You giggled nervously, quickly slipping your hand around the crux of his elbow as you allowed him to escort you away. You glanced at a set of open doors, giving Erwin’s sleeve a light tug. “Would you mind if we head toward the balcony? The view of Sina is simply wonderful from up here.” Erwin offered you a slow nod as he gestured.

“Lead the way.” 

You crossed the ballroom, attempting not to appear too hasty as you offered gracious smiles to the important people who made sure to catch your eye. A waiter passed, and you stopped briefly to take two champagne flutes between your knuckles. Erwin raised his thick brows in amusement at the sight but said nothing.

You handed him one quietly as soon as you stepped onto the balcony. Lit by a few lamps, the outdoor area was dark enough and in a position to seclude the two of you without the appearance of hiding away intentionally. The whole of it wrapped around the building. Blooming bushes lined the railing down to a set of stairs to the gardens on your right. You released his arm, moving forward to take in the scenery. People continued to bustle inside. You took a breath. 

“Did I look like I needed rescuing that badly?” you let out another laugh-like sigh. He wondered if you could breathe in that dress. You approached the decorated railing, taking a sip of your drink. The weather was warm tonight.

“Someone once told me that the way Stevens shakes hands looks like he’s trying to make himself a cocktail.” Erwin leaned back against the railing; one arm crossed over his chest. He held his glass in his opposite hand, twirling the stem between his fingers.

“Oh no!” you laughed, cupping your face with a hand as you let your neat demeanor drop for a moment. “Think he should have become a bartender? He’s got a mean shake.” Erwin didn’t answer your rhetorical question as he studied you, taking in everything from your hair to the intricate pattern that graced the bodice of your gown. 

“I’m glad we have the opportunity to chat. I imagined it would be impossible to get a moment alone with you.” You hummed to yourself.

“Something tells me that you don’t just want to shoot the breeze, as they say?” You studied him out of your peripheral. You knew this game well. Like every other person in the ballroom, Erwin wanted to bend your ear to something or another.

“Can I not enjoy the company of a beautiful woman?” He placed one of his elbows back against the carved stone. You stared at the various pins and metals he wore across his chest. The side of your face found your palm as you leaned forward. You enjoyed the whole ensemble if you were honest with yourself. “One’s deprived of such pleasures on the battlefield, you know.” You resisted the urge to scoff.

“You sure are laying it on thick, hm, Commander?” you muttered into the rim of your glass. You took a half step away, more straying in the space than trying to escape.

“Erwin, please,” he corrected gently, gesturing with his glass. “Unless the title pleases you.” Your glance away was all the confirmation he needed. Your shoulders dropped as you huffed. 

“Surely you know—” You frowned. —“You shouldn’t expect to get funding from an attempt to charm me. It won’t work, so please, let’s just enjoy the night.” You trusted that out of all the people who would bother you about work, Erwin was one you could be the most straightforward with. Based on your limited interactions, it was an educated gamble. 

“You think I’m trying to pull a ploy?” He cocked a brow, staring into his drink. You crossed your arms with a single nod of your head. You looked awfully sure of yourself.

“I wouldn’t put it past you, yes.” 

“I’m hurt you would see me in such a light.” Erwin feigned offense which you ignored. You cocked your head to the side haughtily, staring back into the ballroom. Golden light shone onto the balcony from the rich chandeliers on the intricately crafted ceiling.

“On the contrary, I expect nothing different from the Commander of the Scouts.”

“And yet you’ve allowed me an audience with you.” Erwin pushed off from where he leaned, circling you slowly. He stopped in front of you. The glow from the chandeliers inside outlined him in a warm gleam. “Alone. Away from everyone else.” You almost frowned at the suggestion but forced yourself to maintain your cordial demeanor. You tightened your posture.

“Too much hollow chatter for me,” was your excuse. “At least with your presence, many others who seek things from me will surely leave me alone.” You nodded to yourself, convinced of your justification.

“You find me intimidating?” Erwin clasped his hands behind his back, surely a purposeful display. You tried your best to appear unimpressed. He cocked his head to the side. 

“Some are under the impression that the Scouts are audacious. That with humanity’s strength comes… conceited self-assurance.” You shrugged daintily. You took a long sip of your drink, letting the tiny bubbles pop down your throat. “Perhaps you intimidate someone else. Not me.”

“Audacity and strength,” he cherry-picked in consideration, clearly entertained. His peering eyes searched your face for a response. “Do you not think so?” His real question crept within the subtext.

“I keep my politics close to my chest.” 

“Less politics and more of an opinion.” His retort was quick and held a hint of harshness. You couldn’t help the acute look of surprise as you warily narrowed your eyes at him. He could practically see you choose your words. 

“You certainly are brazen, Commander Erwin.” Your heels clicked against the tile below. His gaze followed you as you drifted. “I never knew the Scouts were so guarded of their reputation.”

“Ah, so the title does please you.” He lit up in amusement as bashfulness burned under your skin. “I’ll have you know that the reputation of the Scouts is a reflection of her leadership.” You locked eyes, and you didn’t miss a beat. 

“So it is ego, hm?”

Inside, the hired collection of instrumentalists played a romantic song. Famous in Sina, you recognized it right away. It almost made you wish you were back inside, but another stray consideration of the people you would have to talk to made you refrain from such thoughts. By the time you snapped from your distraction, Erwin had already put his glass down on the stone railing as he outstretched his hand to you. 

“May I?” The music swelled in the background. 

You gave him an almost exasperated look, but not wanting to waste a good song, you placed your drink beside his and took his hand.

Erwin Smith was much more proficient in dance than you had anticipated. You draped one arm over his shoulder, and with your other hand in his, Erwin led your dance around the balcony in perfect time with the music. The slow and intricate waltz was another signature of the innermost wall. You learned it as a child, as did all children of Sina— poor and rich. You wondered where Erwin learned it.

Clearly, he was trying to pander to you.

“I thought I made myself perfectly clear that your charm will not get your branch the funding you desire,” you said quietly, careful not to miss a step in the dance. You looked up at Erwin, who didn’t appear to be listening. You continued more forcefully. “Everyone’s budget was slashed, not just the Scouts. Things have been very tight. It wouldn’t be fair—”

“Believe me; I’m not trying to seduce you in any sense of the word.” Erwin manipulated you into a twirl, catching you and pulling you into his chest as you tripped on your heels. “Although, it’s reassuring to hear that you think I’m charming.”

“Don’t you go around throwing out words like that. Someone will overhear and get the wrong idea.” You composed yourself quickly, retreating from Erwin’s embrace a slight distance as you continued your movement to the music.

“There’s no one around to hear anything, my dear.” You scowled disapprovingly, your footwork not faltering for a moment. 

“Being slapped around by Titans has surely made a few screws rattle loose in that brain of yours,” you jeered. The vibrations of Erwin’s laugh reverberated from his chest through yours. He stared down at you, brows slightly raised.

“Do Titans terrify you?” “Of course,” you puffed in annoyance. “You likely have reason to fear them more than I do.” Amusement and self-assuredness radiated from Erwin in waves. 

“Have you ever seen one?”

“Don’t patronize me.”

“I wouldn’t dare.” 

Erwin’s slight grin melted slowly from his face. You watched it intently, wondering what he was thinking about at the mere mention of Titans. You softened in his grip. Your words were true; Erwin likely had more reason to fear the giants that roamed outside the walls. He had seen them. Fought them. The moment of acute vulnerability passed quicker than a shadow. 

“I’m curious to know what you’ve heard.” His voice sounded low and gentle. “From a political figure such as yourself who grew up in Sina.” You paused, not quite understanding the goal of his question. The music changed inside, and wordlessly, so did your dance.

“That there are giants outside. Man-eating ones.” Naivety coated your words. Your body moved in tandem with Erwin’s. He held you in his striking irises, listening. You smoothed your hands over the firm, thick material of his blazer. “I heard they grow up to ten meters tall.”

“Some are fifteen.”

“Really?” One of your legs rose gracefully off the ground as Erwin dipped you low. You caught sight of the garden through the gaps in the balcony’s siding. “How horrifying.”

“I’ve seen dozens,” Erwin said, no louder than a whisper. You assumed an upward position as you continued the waltz. The side of his lips brushed up against the side of your temple. You held onto the low timber of his voice. “Ridden into the field just to see young soldiers eaten alive.”

“Does that weigh on you?”

“It does.” You felt him nod against you. A few strands of your hair came out of its updo, not that you minded. “You need not worry about such things.” You frowned as you were spun. Erwin’s hard chest met your back. Your hands were still in his, one pinned to your waist while the other floated in the air adjacent to your shoulder. 

“Because I am from Sina?” You bowed your head the slightest bit as you felt his warm breath on the shell of your ear. The dimness of the balcony only made the traditional dance feel more intimate. More intimate than it should have been between two government officials. “You think I don’t have to worry? I have lives in my hands just as you.” 

“Of course not; you misunderstand me.”

Erwin twirled you slowly and gracefully back around. You held him at arm’s length, connected only by intertwining fingers. He tsked, shaking his head as he pulled you back.

 “It’s my job to worry about the Titans. Put your trust in me. I assure you—” Your palm rested on the layered fabric at the back of Erwin’s neck. His lips brushed the skin of your cheek as his voice dropped low. “I’ll protect you from the monsters.” 

Your breath hitched in your throat as you came to a complete stop. Your voice stalled in your throat as words dissolved on your tongue. 

You pulled away from Erwin completely, taking a few steps back. You clutched parts of your skirt in your clammy palms as reality— the reason Erwin had sought your time in the first place— quickly set in. He stood, hands again behind his back, as he awaited your response. You coiled your arms over your chest.

“You’re full of shit—”

“Quite the mouth on you, my lady.” His forehead wrinkled in amusement. “Is this how nobility is brought up?” Erwin closed the gap between you in just two broad steps. You bumped into the stone railing, knocking at least one of your champagne flutes into the flowers as he did little more than cage you in.

You couldn’t help the way your eyes widened.

“What do you think you’re doing?” You nearly gasped, a nervous shiver freezing you where you stood. The warm lantern light sparkled off your eyes. “Commander… Erwin…?” He corralled a few pieces of hair behind your ear, tracing your jaw until his fingers reached your chin.

“Rest assured; I am more than capable of keeping a foul-mouthed princess like yourself safe. Do you not think so?” You remained completely still, and as he moved his head forward. He tilted your chin up, and your lashes fluttered closed. 

But the kiss you anticipated never came. 

You opened your eyes to see Erwin looking about the same as he did all night: thick brows raised and the corners of his lips curving into a subtle, almost boyish smile. His touch left your face as he quirked an eyebrow.

“Yes, my lady?”

You gasped in horror, the shock quickly melting into outraged embarrassment. You sputtered, and when your words wouldn’t come out, you shoved his chest hard. 

“Erwin!” He stumbled back as you stormed away. “You despicable man!” He called after you as you hurried down the garden steps, completely mortified with yourself. The laugh in his voice made you just about boil. Erwin caught your wrist on the first landing. You spun around in rage.

“I apologize for my forwardness. It was all in jest.”

“If this is your strategy for winning over a lady, I weep for the future of the Scouting Regiment.” You delivered a swift slap across Erwin’s face. Caught off guard at the force, Erwin released you and staggered back. You covered your mouth, the weight of what you had just done crashing down on you all at once. 

A few strands of his bangs fell into his face. He tenderly poked at the skin of his cheek as he flexed his jaw; a certain amount of awe was written on his irises. Much to your surprise, his disposition was completely void of defensiveness or anger. If you didn’t know any better, you would say that Erwin looked pretty damn impressed. 

He let out a single satisfied snort and a resigned sigh. His fingers raked through his undercut as he seemed to ponder to himself.

“I apologize for offending you. That was very unprofessional of me. I hope we’re even now.” He offered you a contrite look. “I do not wish you to feel further discomfort, so I will take my leave.” Erwin gave a slight bow of his head before turning to walk back up the stairs. “It was a pleasure having a conversation with you.” 

You watched him as he went, emotions swirling around inside of you. You took a step forward; an arm outstretched in front of you. You recoiled somewhat, unsure of yourself. 

A moment passed. Other guests seemed to have also stumbled upon the balcony’s availability. Their meandering shadows moved in front of Erwin, just about where the two of you had been. You froze at the sight of what looked to be Stevens’ silhouette cast by the lamplight on the side of the building. 

You cleared your throat, squaring your shoulders to recall your diplomatic appearance.

“Uh… Commander Erwin…!” you called. He stopped mid-stride with one boot settled on the elevated step above and the other on the stair below. Erwin looked over his shoulder, standing sideways on the steps. 

“Yes?”

You cleared your throat again, smoothing out the front of your dress. 

“I would not be opposed to a walk in the garden.” Erwin glanced out into the extensive gardens, then back to you with a few bobs of his head.

“Ah, yes. That sounds like a wonderful way to spend the night. I do wish you a wonderful stroll.” He took a few more steps back up toward the balcony. You scurried up a few yourself, clutching your skirt as you called after him again. 

“E-... Erwin…?” He stopped again. You glanced off to the side. You played with the lace in your hands. “I more meant that I wouldn’t mind if you accompanied me.” Erwin adjusted his collar with a shrug. You resisted a glare. You knew very well what he wanted you to say.

“I couldn’t possibly intrude. After my distasteful joke, I couldn’t possibly—”

“Get over here and escort me through the gardens, and I’ll revisit your stupid little funding proposal!” you huffed. Erwin snickered at the little stomp of your foot. You witnessed another satisfied raise of his eyebrows. You had a mind to pay more attention to those than his actual words.

“Very well, if I am being commanded to do so. Who am I to refuse?” He descended quickly, and you took him by the arm as you entered the gardens. Other guests seemed to follow your lead as they chatted casually with each other. To anyone else, it would appear that you and Erwin came out with the crowd rather than hiding away.

“Look at them.” You stared up at the balcony full of people with a scowl. You faced him with a pout. “Vultures, the lot of them. You may be insufferable, but at least I can stand you.” Erwin didn’t protest as you tugged him along.

“So much for your closely-held politics.”

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed, and supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

Notes: What’s reader’s title? God if I know. I see Erwin very capable of walking the line of guilt and manipulation to get what he wants. Don’t they say the best lies have truth in them? He’s so dynamic and I feel like he’s a master code-switcher

[mrs-monaghan]

OMG Tae did way worse than I expected 💀💀💀

Slow Dancing - #3 on Billboard's Global Excl US. Jimin did #2 because of that Morgan whale

#4 on Billboard's Global 200 this week! - JM #2

BB 200 - Tae - #2 100K album, JM #2 164K.

BB 100 - Jm #1, Tae - #51 💀💀

the way most popular member charted below than Suga is crazy lol. Even Jimin's all hated Bside SMF ate it up so bad (#30 BB). This is answer to his rabid stans than internet popularity doesn't give you a shit irl. First outchart supposedly unpopular rapline before getting Park Jimin's lowest numbers lmao

Before I comment on this I would just like it to be known; I AM NOT A V ANTI!!!!!

This isn't a disclaimer. I am only stating this because of the asks I've go10 shitting on him. I will not be posting those. I don't blame anyone but myself. I know I have allowed people to vent about him here before and I was definitely among the people getting pissed at the JK name dropping but I'm pretty chill these days. So V's antics don't bother me and also there is something about binging all that Layover content continously that just reminds you that V is not the monster people paint him out to be.

If you haven't had the time i recommend this video. It was my favourite and I quite enjoyed it.

He is funny and honestly I also wanna say adorable 😂😂

Sure, the way he treats those around him could use some adjustment. But those around him seem to love him just fine so who I'm I to be mad at him, you know?

Now that that's out of the way, let's indeed talk numbers. I've said multiple times the 2 most popular members are Jimin and JK. Not V and JK. We've seen this before but sure, let's revisit the topic.

So a friend of mine who quite enjoys keeping tabs on numbers did the following math:

September 9th Streams, Thailand percentage compared to overall Streams:

Seven: 17,6 %

Slow Dancing: 29,6 %

Like Crazy: 8,7 %

So this is the amount of Streams Thailand had for the Maknae line Main Tracks on September 9th, Compared to worldwide Streams.

😁

Maknae Line, Main Track Streams Debut Day. Global vs USA vs Thailand

Debut Streams "Seven":

Global: 15,99 M

USA: 2,064 M (12,9 %)

Thailand: 1,3 M (8,13 %)

*

Debut Streams "Like Crazy":

Global: 6,6 M

USA: 0.997 M (15,1 %)

Thailand: 0,165 M (7,5 %)

*

Debut Streams "Slow Dancing":

Global: 6,14 M

USA: 0,388 M (6,3 %)

Thailand: 0,970 M (15,8 %)

These are the Streams for each Main Track's Debut Day. Global vs US vs Thailand

In conclusion:

-USA and Thailand looooooove JK. BUT Seven is charting in 71 out of 72 (wow) eligble Spotify countries. So it's a bob and a hit globally.

-USA loooooooooves Jimin. Thailand, not so much 😬

-Thailand absolutely looooooves V. USA, not so much.

But we kinda already knew this no? Alot of vermin are in Thailand, Vietnam and Philippines, etc. SouthEastAsian is Taekook domain statistically speaking. But the thing is, its still mostly V they prioritize. SEVEN experienced global success coz JK appears to be a fan favourite everywhere. So that helps him even when the SouthEastAsians decide to mostly support V.

So assuming these calculations are correct, which they should be since they are from Spotify Global, (feel free to go do your own) I really don't understand how it was concluded V is the most popular member. And there is many more countries to choose from, my friend only used Thailand coz its one of the countries that stream the most.

People assuming V is the most popular coz of his followers on IG, Guys, Instagram is only one app. V solos n V biased Armys can convince themselves that he's the most popular but numbers do not lie. Chapter 2 has shown that that, is not the case at all. I mean if you've been on twitter you've seen V hasn't even been able to beat Suga in certain categories and records. Like anon said.

The purpose of my post is not to say V isn't liked. That would be a lie. I'm just saying if anything JK is the most popular BTS member. And that's on fax 💯💯💯💯 with Jimin being a very, very, close second. And I know by saying this I am beating a dead horse atp but if Jimin had go10 the push JK did they would either be head to head or he would have surpassed him. So imagine what a big deal it is, that Jimin is doing so well right now and he didn't even get that huge company support.

US album sales were 3K according to Billboard, thats like 30k singles. China did 800k 😱 Asia loves V. US however, which is where it counts for Billboard, do not. Billboard sabotaged all Asians after Jimin won, which means if JK hadn't go10 radio play he never would have won. So, without radio play, V was never going to get that number 1. Those who aren't dillusional already knew this. So we aren't surprised

[i-am-autistic]

If Jonathan who didn't take too kindly to Bob him just magically being ok with Hopper is not gonna happen. I gotta say this. I seen people say Jonathan should get a talk from Hopper or something of the like. Nope. It makes very little sense, there is no way he's going to immediately accept him as a father figure like that. They have their moments in s1 I know but it's different. I'm sure they have a positive relationship even but they would not be a cute father and son duo like that. I don't even think Hopper should be a father figure to Jonathan at all. He has not been a part of his life in any capacity and he's about to go to college. I feel like people don't pay attention to the show or something when I read about Hopper on Tumblr and Reddit say he should snap Jonathan out of smoking weed like he has any room to talk on that as if s1 didn't show him having actual drug problems himself. I feel like if Hopper said some of the things people want him to say to Jonathan, Jonathan would legitimately tell him to fuck off and be 100% correct. Consider that Hopper is probably one of the men in Jonathan's mind when he is wary of Bob and then think about how he'd react if one of the guys who he thinks of when he is wary of Bob is with his mom instead of Bob.