#blazeshardcat found crying over characters who hide their true selves deep inside because they think it's better for everyone around them-

[blazeshardcat]

one of the things that always gets me with merlin is how the show handles the concept of self-sacrifice/trust...

i think of the consequences of lancelot's sacrifice- it denied merlin the only friend that knew about his magic (gaius was more of a father figure), and i think that loss was one of the biggest factors in how sad and worn-down merlin gets in S4-5. it also denied gwen the chance to choose her partner, not to mention how lancelot decided to "sacrifice" his chances with her for arthur's sake well before his actual death.

there's balinor, who never went back for hunith. he had reasons to be concerned for her safety, but hunith knew the risks when she first housed him- wouldn't she want to know he was alive, even with the danger? it's another example of how this kind of emotional martyrdom denies their loved ones the choice to share their risks and burdens.

there's arthur. born into royalty, he was awarded many luxuries, but still denied the chance to safely choose whether or not he wanted to be king. so he makes the sacrifices leaders do, unable to make friends and love without the watchful eyes of the court & the constant threat of betrayal- after all, that's what kings do, right? in uther's words, a king must rule alone.

and of course, that leads us to merlin himself. he sacrificed everything for arthur- a chance for other magic-users to be free, a better position than a manservant, a home that wouldn't burn him for his gifts, and a million smaller pieces of joy he denied himself along the way. but what was it for? after everything, arthur still died, and it's unlikely magic returned either.

like all the other instances of self-sacrifice in this show, merlin had valid reasons- he loved arthur, and the prophecy gave him the purpose he'd been seeking his entire life, but he never confided about his magic due to incredibly real fears of execution or exile. so he chose to burn himself in silence, rather than risk arthur's feelings.

yet that's the thing about arthur- he doesn't destroy himself completely for the sake of camelot, doesn't follow uther's advice to he bone. he DOES learn to be better, to judge people based on their actions instead of labels, and to keep people he genuinely loves near him. i think arthur positively changes the most of anyone in the show, and it's largely because he actually opened up when merlin provided opportunities to do so. he didn't simply accept that a prince should suffer in silence, but learned to share his emotional burdens, which is why he got closer with many characters over time.

it's merlin that keeps himself closed off, locks everything away because he thinks it'll keep arthur safe & happy. it's the choices merlin makes at his most isolated that doom arthur in the end.

that's what i think the ending is trying to say.

to save someone, it's not enough to sacrifice yourself, to choose them over your well-being every time as it quietly kills you. because if you love someone enough to die for them, you should take a chance. do the scary work of being honest, and brave the uncertainty that follows. you've got a lot of good reasons for staying silent, but if they're worth dying for, they should get a say in it, too.