#blackwall: i'm a terrible person and you should leave me here to rot

[wardencommanderrodimiss]

I think a lot about the "What would you have me say? That I was the great adversary in your people's mythology?" "I would have had you trust me!" exchange in Trespasser because with Ena and Solas it's like. Solas knows how Ena responds to horrific revelations about the lies being told by someone she's close to. Blackwall's right there!

And the thing is! Ena wasn't even that close to Blackwall! They got along fine, they didn't really have any disagreement on the choices Ena made, but just on a personal level, they had nothing in common. Ena got along with everyone, but her closest friends were Dorian, Bull, and Josephine. She'd probably call Blackwall her friend, sure, just by virtue of all the time they've spent fighting and traveling together, but she's not like, spending a lot of her downtime hanging out with him the way she would some of her other friends.

But when he disappears with only a vague message left behind, she goes looking for him, and when he confesses the truth and ends up in an Orlesian jail - well, Ena's still reeling, she talks to him and comes away and tells Cullen she's not sure what she'll do, but then she thinks for a single second and is like well. either I do something or he gets executed by Orlais. That's it. I don't like that thought, so I have to do something. She tells the Inquisition to pull some strings to put him in her custody, because for all the horror he's confessed to - for all that she is, personally, appalled by what he did - Ena still trusts the person she's fought alongside. She trusts that a man who confessed his lie when he had nothing to gain and everything to lose from it is worthy of her trust, and of the pardon she grants him. And she knows that Orlais is going to be mad, she is warned of that and it's there rattling around in the back of her skull, but - is she a hypocrite, is she abusing her power, maybe, maybe, but Blackwall is one of her people and she does not let her people hang when she is so sure that they are more than the worst thing they ever did.

Even with her conviction that he should have this second chance, their relationship going forward is...uncomfortable, for a while, because of course it is. How can it not be? You think you know a guy. But Ena still checks in with him, takes him on missions, lets him rebuild that trust with her.

And Solas is right there and sees all of this and maybe his confessions are, how do you say, even a bit more than Blackwall's, but Solas still has a damn good idea of how Ena is going to respond! And after the Temple of Mythal, that conversation with Abelas, she already knows that the history of the gods and the ancient elves is different than she thought it was! She hasn't rejected that truth! She's confused, and wants to know more, and, well - Solas chickens out of giving her a different truth.

And Viddasala is the one who gives her the truth, instead. Or at least part of it, and Ena figures out the rest, and even still - having just been told Solas gave Corypheus the orb, her response is still "Whatever else, Solas was one of us. I won't leave him for Viddasala." Like she wouldn't leave Blackwall to the Orlesians! Those are her people.

And even after Solas tells her what he plans to do, and her response is "I never thought of you as someone who would do that, Solas" - Solas is straight up telling her that he is not the person that she thought he was, and yet. She still chooses to trust in the person that she knew, and fought alongside (and loved in Solas' case), no matter the horrid truth that they are currently telling her.

This is because she is deeply loyal but also a little deranged about it.

Basically, even if Ena hadn't romanced Solas, she absolutely still would be pursuing the "I can change him" path, because she does not give up on her people, even when they are actively telling her to give up on them. There might be something wrong with her.