#birdie bribery

[satireinfo]

Trump Declares Himself 'World's Greatest President' After Winning A Rigged Mar-a-Lago Golf Tournament

Trump, You’re Fired—From the Golf Course! Trump’s Latest Triumph Proves He’s Par for the Presidential Course Palm Beach, FL — In a stunning display of athletic prowess—or at least, that’s how he’s telling the story—former President Donald Trump has declared himself the “World’s Greatest President” after securing a controversial victory at a Mar-a-Lago golf tournament. The tournament, which Trump…

[wileys-russo]

Mary earps in the date to remember series “I’m beginning to question whether you only married me for my ass” idk about location, maybe home or out shopping?

part of the a date to remember series gentle pat II m.earps

"okay! shopping bag, keys, list, phone, backpack leash, snacks for bribery. are we ready? i think we're ready." your wife clapped from the front door as you gave her a look.

"mary." you deadpanned, raising an eyebrow as she looked on uselessly. "forgetting something?" you egged her on as again she seemed dumfounded, going through her checklist and shrugging.

"me!" delilah came barreling through from the bathroom as your wife blushed slightly and you shook your head.

"from putting yourself to bed instead of her, eating half her dinner before she even got home from dance last night and now nearly locking her in the house alone...better pick your game up earps." you squeezed your wifes shoulder, snatching the keys from her hand, grabbing the shopping bags from the floor and walking out the front door.

"yeah mama, pick your game up!" delilah grinned cheekily as mary scoffed, easily scooping the four year old up and tossing her over her shoulder. "pick my game up! righto cheeky i've had about enough of this little parrot routine aunty tooney taught you." mary rolled her eyes, delilah for the last week finding endless amusement in doing and saying whatever she did on a dare from ella.

you of course also found it hilarious given it wasn't you that was being copied, not even lifting a finger to try and help put a stop to it.

"i'm not a parrot!" delilah huffed banging her fists against marys back who stepped out and locked up the front door. "are too, gonna change your name from delilah to...feathers? or maybe chirpy? squawk?" mary pondered as you watched on from the passenger seat with a smile.

"no! not allowed to do that mama." you heard your daughter scowl, turning around with a grin and tickling her stomach as mary buckled her into her car seat and delilah giggled kicking away your hand.

"good news babe i've decided we're changing her name. we've got options; feathers, chirpy, squawk?" mary pondered sliding into her seat and starting up the car as you hummed and delilah continued to protest from the back.

"oh! could call her tweety? or maybe birdie?" you joined in as mary backed out of the driveway with a grin. "no! delilah delilah delilah delilah delilah!" the four year old chanted over and over.

"okay okay! you can keep the name delilah...for now." mary teased as delilah huffed and pulled a face. "lilah we've talked about this. if you make an ugly face and the wind changes you're stuck like that forever." you warned as she quickly slapped a smile on and started to wiggle around happily as you flicked on her favorite playlist.

~

"don't wanna wear it! please mummy?" your daughter looked to you with the puppy dog eyes that normally broke both you and your wife but today all it earned her was a shake of your head as mary helped her slip on the backpack.

"sorry babe, you lost that privilege the last time we went shopping and you ran off. remember mama and i had to come and get you from the big security man? and we were very very worried." you clicked together the straps so it sat securely on her as mary grabbed the leash part.

"sorry." delilah mumbled kicking a rock, though spotting a pigeon land a few metres away she sprinted off as mary was almost taken down to her feet at the sudden tension on the leash and you covered your mouth to cover your laughter.

grabbing the shopping bags you winced seeing your wifes training bag shoved in the back, the girl currently in mid season break you knew it would have sat there for awhile.

"urgh mary!" you groaned, pointing it out as she near dragged delilah back toward you, smiling guiltily and kissing your cheek, promising to do the washing the very moment you got home as you hummed.

"hey! my turn." delilah stomped her foot, tapping her cheek expectantly and making you laugh as your wife rolled her eyes playfully but ducked down to kiss all over your daughters face making her squeal.

"alright. off we go!" mary nodded as you closed the boot and locked the car, gently tapping you on the ass as you passed her causing you to glare at her over your shoulder and delilah to giggle as mary only winked.

"you're in trouble." delilah warned wagging her finger at your wife as you took off ahead of the pair of them. "you're in trouble." mary parroted shoving her head to the side as delilah tried to tackle her and mary dodged out of the way with a grin.

turning around to see them left behind and chasing one another about you rolled your eyes and cleared your throat loudly, raising an eyebrow with one hand on a shopping cart as mary scooped up your daughter and hurried over to catch up.

"divide and conquer." you ripped the list in two and handed her half as you entered the supermarket, marys grip on delilahs leash tightening as delilah held up her hand expectantly.

"where's mine!" she frowned when she wasn't handed a list making you smile. "you get the most important job tiny." you warned as her eyes lit up and she nodded. "babysitting mama and making sure she doesn't get distracted." you whispered as delilah nodded, hugging your leg.

"go mama! hurry." the four year old barked, tugging on your wifes jumper where she was stood reading the nutrition information on the back of tub of protein.

"yeah mama, hurry." you teased, giving her a wink as you took the cart and headed off to start your own shopping, though not before a hand collided with your ass.

"mary! for god sakes we're in public." you hissed in warning as your cheeks burned red and she only grinned and headed off in the opposite direction with delilah ordering her around as she went, hitting her every time she deemed her as distracted.

you met back up every now and then, trading delilah or the shopping cart as you went, your daughter for once incredibly well behaved which earned her a few extra treats tossed in when mary thought you weren't looking which made you roll your eyes with a smile.

you were staring at the freezer section trying to find the specific brand of dinosaur chicken nuggets you knew were delilahs favorite and also the easiest way to get her to eat vegetables if mary smothered it all with gravy.

but a sharp slap to your ass had your body whipping around with a glare however the face you were met with wasn't the one you expected.

"deliah!" you exclaimed in shock as mary stood behind her with somewhat of a proud smile, your daughter grinning cheekily up at you. "mama does it." your daughter shrugged as if that was excuse enough, racing over to the freezer and pressing her face against it in wonder.

"you're a terrible influence." you glared at your wife who was tugged closer as delilah moved toward the ice cream section, pulled back a little by marys grip on the leash.

"me? my love i simply don't know what you mean." she winked, reaching around to squeeze one cheek in her hand as you smacked her chest and pushed her away.

"i'm beginning to question whether you only married me for my ass." you sighed with a shake of your head, grabbing the leash as your daughter continued to pull and struggle, determined to reach the ice cream section despite barely moving an inch.

"of course not darling i married you for your mind, your wit, your passion...and your ass."

[missaengg]

An Ikevil Secret Santa

Day 2 of Ikemen Advent: Secret Santa Made for Ikemen Advent hosted by @queengiuliettafirstlady and @candied-boys Featuring: All the Ikevil Men & GN!reader Tags: crack fic, humor Word Count: 1538

Huffing, you stood at the head of the impressive dining table, nine pairs of eyes staring back at you. You were sweaty and out of breath, but it didn’t matter because you felt a sense of immense pride at your most recent accomplishment – gathering the nine members of Crown into one room, a difficult, if not grueling task.

It had taken you an hour… an hour… to gather the nine men into one dining room.

It had required bribery – unlimited rounds of ale the next time you visit the pub with Roger, negotiating a week’s worth of being worked to the bone by Jude, and a giant glass of strawberry milk for Harrison.

It had required fending off seductive teasing – Alfons and his inappropriate suggestions on what the two of you should be doing instead on the table, though thankfully, he dragged Elbert into the dining room with him.

It had required shameless begging – pleading with Ellis and Liam in your quest to get all the members to stay in the room once you got them there.

The only two members who came and stayed willingly while genuinely anticipating what you had to say were Victor and William.

But you did it, and here they were… seated and waiting with pots of tea – now likely cold — placed along the table length before them.

“Thank you for meeting,” you greeted them, wiping the sweat off your brow and clapping your hands together. “With Christmas coming up, I have a proposal–”

“A ten way romp?” Alfons languidly interrupted. “Naughty girl.”

Roger snorted, and you felt your eye twitch, but you settled on glaring at the raven-haired scoundrel instead. “No,” you responded stiffly. “I was thinking we could–”

“Sounds like a waste of my time,” Jude grumbled.

Your eye twitch intensified. “You haven’t even heard what I’m about to say.”

“Don’t need to,” Jude quipped. “Comin’ from a silly lil birdie like ya, it’s gonna be stupid.”

From beside Jude, Harrison cracked open a sleepy eye, “This sounds troublesome.”

An exasperated sigh left your lips, and a vein pulsed on your temple. You knew not everyone at Crown would be onboard, but it occurred to you in that moment that you may have… underestimated their level of enthusiasm.

“Now, now, let’s listen to what our beloved Fairytale Keeper has to say,” Victor, ever the mom of the group, admonished the men.

You glanced at Victor’s beaming face, your heart glowing with gratitude. Victor might be over exuberant and over enthusiastic at times, but you could always count on him to be kind and supportive.

“Please, continue, dear Robin.”

“Thank you, Victor.” You smiled at him. “As I was saying, this year, I thought it’d be fun to hold a Crown Castle Secret Santa!”

You cheered, holding up your arms, expecting to hear… well, something… anything really other than the absolute silence that hung in the air.

“Secret… Santa… Yay?” you tried again, waving your arms around in a half-hearted cheer.

Nine pairs of eyes stared blankly back at you. 

Your arms drooped, though they didn’t fall down all the way. You wondered what you should do to assuage the awkward silence, whether you should double down and pull a Victor or if you should shrug and throw out a ‘just kidding’ before hightailing it out of the room.

All of a sudden, the room exploded in a thunderous cacophony of noise.

“Oh, what a delightful idea,” Victor exclaimed, clapping his hands.

“Knew this would be a waste of my time,” Jude snarked.

“What’s Secret Santa?” Ellis and Liam asked.

Roger simply broke into a raucous guffaw.

Harrison groaned.

William hummed, sitting back in his chair, an amused twinkle in his eye.

“Only if I get you, my delectable Robin,” Alfons taunted with a sultry wink.

You froze, your brain attempting to process the jumbled mess of words hurtling towards you all at once. 

“Quiet! Quiet!” you shouted. The noise died down, and you held up the bowl containing ten folded scraps of paper with the names of those present written inside. “The rules are simple. We each choose someone from the bowl, which we keep a secret, and we buy that person a gift for Christmas. Gifts have to be a minimum of five pounds and no more than twenty pounds.”

“Oh, this sounds like fun,” Ellis remarked.

“Thank you, Ellis.” You smiled at him gratefully, relieved that there was someone other than Victor who seemed excited for your idea, but your relief was short-lived because at that moment…

“Tch, I’m not doin’ this,” Jude snapped and crossed his arms, glowering at you.

“Jude,” Ellis called to the surly man. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”

Jude looked like he was about to retort something back, and to prevent any more of his biting sarcasm, you hastily blurted out, “Another week as your gopher.”

His amethyst eyes snapped to meet yours, narrowed into dangerous slits. After a palpable pause, he relented. “Fine, but I’m workin’ ya till ya drop.”

“What if I don’t want to participate?” Harrison then asked.

You exhaled slowly, which did nothing to calm the rising cortisol running through your veins. “I’ll treat you to that strawberry dessert you like. In fact, I’ll buy you all the strawberry items on the menu.”

That seemed to satisfy the minty man because he slouched back in his chair with his chin propped on his hand.

“Anyone else?” you asked, looking around the room. Alfons raised his hand, and you squeezed your eyes shut. “Yes, Alfons?”

“Can we gift something indecently fun?” he asked.

You opened your eyes, staring at him incredulously. “No, you may not. Please keep it rated, at the very least, PG.”

“Can we gift alcohol?” Roger piped up, a shit-eating grin splayed infuriatingly on his lips.

“Only if they like drinking,” you answered pointedly. 

“Does it… have to be… beautiful?” Elbert asked in his hauntingly tragic voice.

“No, Elbert,” you replied before asking, “Anyone else?” No one else spoke. “Great, I’m going to go around the room and have everyone choose a name.”

You turned to Liam who was sitting closest to you on your left, holding the bowl out to him. Liam gently smiled at you before reaching in and pulling out a scrap of paper. You smiled back, stepping to Harrison who sat beside him with the bowl, when Liam suddenly cried out.

“Oh, Harrison, I got you!”

You sighed, turning around to face the cat-like man. “Liam, you’re supposed to keep who you got a secret.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Liam apologized, his rose-colored eyes wavering.

Your heart twinged seeing the downcast expression on his face. “It’s okay. We can just start over.” You held the bowl back out for him to return his current slip and choose another. “Keep it a secret this time.” “Ok,” Liam said sweetly and unfolded the paper close to his eyes, shielding it with his palms.

You turned back to Harrison who reached in and pulled out his selection. Then Jude, who grabbed his with a rough, scornful swipe. Then Ellis, who uttered a small thanks. Then Elbert, who remained silent. Then Alfons, who ran his fingers sensually across yours much to your chagrin. Then Roger, who flashed you a rogue grin. Then William, whose eyes still twinkled with amusement, and finally Victor, who exuded a child-like jubilance.

You glanced down at the last remaining piece of paper in the bowl and then looked up at the members of Crown who were reading theirs. “Any questions?”

Some of the Crown members were scowling at their selection. You chose to ignore the scowls, choosing to focus on those who were beaming back at you or shaking their heads in response.

“Wonderful!” you chirped. “Remember, keep who you got a secret, and don’t lose your paper so you don’t forget who you got. We’ll trade gifts at Victor’s Crown Christmas party.”

“We’re done now, yeah?” Jude didn’t wait for you to answer, standing from his chair and moving towards the exit. “Ellis, ya got three seconds to follow me ‘fore I double yer workload.”

Ellis hastily stood up. “Thanks for organizing this,” he sweetly uttered before following the rude, sadistic man out the door.

One by one, the members of Crown shuffled out of the room.

As Harrison and Liam left towards the end, you heard Liam ask, “Hey, Harrison, what do you think Alfons will want for Christmas?”

You sighed again, groaning as you plopped down into Victor’s empty chair. You had anticipated it wouldn’t be easy, but never did you fathom it would be this difficult to corral nine men into what you thought would be a fun activity for Christmas.

The room fell silent. Eagerly, you reached for the last remaining piece of folded paper, carefully unfolding it. You bit your lip, wondering who you would be shopping for tomorrow when you went into town. You prayed for it to be Ellis, Harrison, Liam, or Victor – four of the members you figured would be the easiest to please.

You held the slip between your shaking fingers, and as your eyes traced the curl of the letters, your eyes bulged and your mouth dropped open.

Because... on the piece of paper, written in your neat handwriting… was your name. 

“God damn it!”

[olympiantea]

Have you met Paris?

A little birdie tells me that he's going to solve Zeus' lil situation. It seems that his local shepherds all believe him to be good man. He believes in truth and making fair decisions. He isn't one to fall for bribery.

Of course.... he's never had to choose between three goddesses before, has he?

[chaos-in-one]

I offer a little birdie drawing as bribery /hj

lmao convince me to vote for you so I have a reason to be able to see the percentages

[whaleofatjme1920]

That sounds so cool. Bribery works best. That's how I got got out of 3 tickets with the cops butt that's a story for another time. I hope you have fun when you go. 😭😭

Also all my pets says hallo<3 How is your birdie btw?

My birdie says hi and he loves you

What now o need to know the story—

[seasaltmemories]

Never Love an Anchor

Rating: M

Summary: There was a familiar restless energy to Sylvain, the same tense composure she saw whenever he was flirting with another girl who he’d throw away a week later. And for all the wounds she hadn’t been able to heal in time, for all those she had been forced to leave behind, a slow creeping voice in the back of her head told Mercedes that she might be able to at least fix this problem.

~

 “When next we meet, I will kill you without hesitation.”

Those words rattled around Mercedes’ head like a stubborn coin that refused to leave its pursue no matter how hard she shook it. Usually she wasn’t quite this good at turning over her thoughts for so long. For schooling, it was a curse, but for the rest of her life it was a blessing. She had seen the way those who had truly suffered grew bitter and resentful towards the Goddess, unable to let go of their pain. And well, maybe her life hadn’t have been all sunshine and roses, but Mercedes had never wanted to be like that. Life was easier when she relaxed and let Her divine hand guide her through life.

But after eighteen long years of hanging onto memories of her sweet baby brother, it was difficult to not grasp the few scraps this Death Knight gave her like a vice. She didn’t know what good carrying them would do, but if there was one thing she couldn’t hand over to the Goddess so easily, it was Emile. Letting go of his hand to run away with Mother had been the worst choice of her life. Even if all that these remnants of him brought was guilt and anguish, she feared more what she might lose if she let go of them too.

What would it feel like if you didn’t resist and instead let his scythe slice right through you? You’ve seen doctors cut through flesh to remove deadly diseases. Maybe if you didn’t struggle, he’d have pity and only carve out your regrets.

Mercedes’ eyes flew open. She didn’t know what inside her broached such a morbid suggestion, but she knew she didn’t have the courage to turn back and face it. She only realized where she was turning to instead when she the cold air began to nip the back of her neck. Her body was better at taking care of others than herself, so if she couldn’t sleep it must have decided without her that she might as well help the others rest more easily and get some chores done.

She floated like that for a while, letting everything from the cool stone of the floor to the silver moonlight take her attention away from the day's events. When Mercedes found herself in the kitchens, everything clicked. A few days ago, she had bought extra baking supplies from an Alliance merchant. It had cost more than the allowance the Professor suggested, but in the heat of the moment she had been so excited to gift Annette some of the sweets she had been craving. Maybe she hadn’t intended to sneak away and bake it in the middle of the night, but a breakfast surprise should be as good as any kind.

As she gathered her ingredients Mercedes hummed a wordless tune. There was a degree of practicality to it--singing helped her keep time and keep from getting too focused on one task--but it also had the nice side effect of calming her nerves. It was easier to control her breathing when there was a pleasant melody to entertain herself with. Her hands shook less when she had eggs to crack open with a precise touch. Loneliness was easier to swallow down when you knew people’s love wasn’t that far out of reach.

“So there’s our nightingale.” Mercedes almost dropped the mixing bowl from her arms out of surprise. It was only once she managed to field it onto the table that she was able to turn and face her eavesdropper.

“A little birdie like you should be careful about staying out this late. Never know what kind of animals would try to snatch you up.” Sylvain leaned against the doorway, grinning like a cat that had just spied his favorite meal. Since they had reunited, she had almost let those honey-brown eyes get to her. With his new height and bulk it had been easy to wonder if his flirtations had gained any weight as well. Still over time their old Monastery banter had returned to her.

“Hello Sylvain,” Mercedes smiled as she let all his innuendo fly past her without a second thought. “If it is so dangerous to be up, then what is your excuse?”

“I’m trying to climb back into any bed I can,” Slowly he made his way to the wine cellar. “Just need a drink to help me rest easier.”

“I wouldn’t do that if I was you.” On instinct she placed her body in-between him and the door. “Instead why don’t you try sticking to more traditional sleeping aids?”

Sylvain paused, a strange expression flitted across his face. She tried to decipher it, but it was gone in an instant and replaced with a cool regard.

“I don’t remember when I asked for your permission.” His voice was light and teasing, but that gaze of his cut through her with the same precision he’d take down a foe.

“I’m a medic, and I’ve been your medic several times.” While battlefield white magic was different from the work Manuela did, Mercedes wasn’t about to refresh him on the details. “Drinking yourself into a slumber is imprecise at best and can put your life in danger at worst.”

Sylvain didn’t say anything at first, just kept studying her like she was some battle map he was trying to commit to memory. It occurred to her then that she hadn’t put on a robe and her nightgown left very little to the imagination. Immediately she crossed her arms in an effort to regain a shred of decency, but then Mercedes began to wonder if drawing attention to her breasts when the night was so cold, when he was around riling her up was a good idea, or maybe--

“When did you get this?” While she had been caught up in her fretting, he had closed the distance between the two of them to play with Rafail Gem. It was another matter she had forgotten to attend to after today’s trying events. Or maybe her subconscious had decided to let it rest there as a physical reminder of the guilt she bore.

 There must be a part of him that still loves you if he is still protecting you like this? What remnants does Emile still hold of you? “When next we meet, I will kill you without hesitation.”

“I’ll tell you if you come and help me bake this cake. Once its in the oven, I’ll brew some tea that should make you sleep like a baby.” It was bribery at its most blatant, but for whatever reason, Sylvain let the gem fall back against her chest and followed Mercedes to the cooking table.

“So why were you up?” It was about as subtle as an axe to the face, but if Sylvain thought anything about her pushing the conversation back onto him, he didn’t say anything.

“What would you say if I was awakened by a siren’s song and would have been driven mad if I couldn’t find its source?”

“I thought I was a bird not a fish.” She giggled.

“You’re getting sirens and mermaids mixed up. Mermaids are your fish ladies. Will eat your heart out, but at least they look hot. Sirens disguise themselves with their song and don’t even give you the decency of being eaten by a pretty face.”

“So I really must not be so beautiful anymore.” Mercedes gave an exaggerated sigh. “You know if you didn’t like my haircut you could have just said so.”

“No Mercedes, you look divine as always.” It was a well worn-out compliment, but despite herself, she couldn’t stop the heat from rushing to her core. She was so busy trying to squash it back down, she almost missed his next words.

“It would have been Miklan’s birthday tomorrow.” There was no flowery language to blunt the harsh reality of his confession, just a quiet whisper of words that could have been lost in the wind. The news was so dizzying, her body kinda kept functioning without her, still compulsively stirring the batter and smiling like an idiot. By the time she actually began to process things, Sylvain was rambling on with that same desperation as when he had disclosed what growing up with a Crest had been like.

“I don’t know why I remembered it tonight. I didn’t care at all when it came around the first time his blood was on my hands. But you know my father had forbid people from mentioning it back then. It always broke my mother’s heart to hear about him. That used to piss me off because I still remembered a year where he almost trampled me with the horse he had been gifted, but no, now that he was gone he was simply a tortured soul. But then again--”

“Sylvain.” She didn’t mean to speak quite so harshly, but she couldn’t hide the frustration in her voice. When he turned back to her with those beautiful, sad eyes, her heart nearly shattered in two. There was a familiar restless energy to them, the same tense composure she saw whenever he was flirting with another girl who he’d throw away a week later. And for all the wounds she hadn’t been able to heal in time, for all those she had been forced to leave behind, a slow creeping voice in the back of her head told her that she might be able to at least fix this problem.

In one elegant motion, Mercedes swirled her hand in the cake batter and extended her frost-covered fingertips towards his mouth.

“Taste it.”

“What!?” If it had been under any other occasion, then she might have savored getting to see him flustered for once in his life.

“I said you would get a treat for helping me.” It was strange to be the one throwing around innuendos now, but the longer she held her hand out, the more it made sense. There was no need to find a new heart to break when hers was already so worn and fragile.

“Taste it, please.” She didn’t mean for her voice to crack on that last word, but it seemed to be the last bit of goading needed for Sylvain to finally give in.

He gripped her wrist with both hands while his tongue darted out in quick bursts to clean each digit. While at first each flick was nothing more than a blur of pink, controlled, focused, and utterly devoid of any sensuality, after swiping the last remains of icing, he’d linger for just a half second--sending shivers down her spine. When he found a dollop of frosting had been smeared just above her knuckle and leveraged her hand further in his mouth so that he reach it, Mercedes couldn’t keep from gasping in pleasure.

Sometimes a little voice would try and chime in that in was a poor use of expensive ingredients to waste them on foreplay or it was evil of her to take advantage of his grief. But pleasure had a way of warming the back of her throat, making her hum so loud she drowned out all those inner demons. The Goddess had never disapproved of intimacy. There couldn’t be any harm in carving out her own island of happiness when she otherwise might cry herself a sea of grief.

When Sylvain was finished with his task, he stayed there, head lowered against her hand like a loyal dog. But the eyes that stared up at her were those of a wolf, sharp and hungry. There was a reason you weren’t supposed to feed wild animals, after whetting their appetites, they’d always come back around for more. Yet it seemed that he was still respecting the power dynamics she had established, waiting for her next order.

So she did what any person with a big broad man leering at her like that would do--she pushed away her cooking and lead him to her room.

She must have grown complacent, thinking she’d be able to take her time, because she turned back to the door to make sure it was locked. However before she could move from her spot, a warm breath of air tickled the curve of her neck, freezing her in place.

“You never did explain who gave you this.” His left arm was pressed against the door-frame, caging her, while his right played with the Rafail Gem again.

“What if I told you it was a thank you from your last bedmate for warming it after you left?” She didn’t know what creature controlled her tongue in that moment. Maybe it was the innocent part of her that would prefer returning to their usual teasing relationship rather than risk this confusing mess. Maybe the not so innocent part of herself wanted to goad him into a fit of jealousy, to be fucked against the door with about as much gentleness as she deserved. Deeper reflection might have found the culprit, but it occurred to her then that Sylvain had neither done nor said a thing all this time she was caught up in pitying herself.

Slowly, she looked over her shoulder. When she met those honey-brown eyes again, she didn’t see the skirt-chaser she was used to from her past, but the tired warrior she grown more and more familiar with these last few months.

“I’m sorry,” When she reached up to cup his cheek, he flinched, but before she could pull away, he covered her hand with his and brought it closer once more. “Truly I am.” She didn’t quite know what she was apologizing for, but the same feeling she got when she watched a dying man beg for healing she couldn’t give was clawing at her chest again.

With the same strange passivity of his tonight, he let her lead him to her bed. There, she arranged his limbs so that he was lying comfortably, like she used to when playing with her dolls as a young girl. One by one, she began to undo the buttons of his shirt.

“You carry so much more pain than most realize.” She pressed butterfly kisses against his chest, traveling down lower and lower. “I can be so cruel sometimes, but you’re an invaluable friend.” She moved to untie the laces of his breeches, but before she could get them undone, Sylvain shot to life and grabbed her wrists. In one swift motion, he pinned her arms above her head and rolled onto her.

“Don’t you patronize me too. Not you.” He rocked his hips against hers, and it took all her will-power not to chase the sensation. “Don’t call me your friend while trying to suck my cock. I thought I was more to you than that.”

There was something disorienting being in a position like this. Good old Mercedes who did everything for everyone unable to move a muscle. She should be screaming, trying to break free at whatever cost, but instead a sick thrill curled itself in the pit of her stomach.

“Why don’t you prove it then?” That wicked tongue of hers spoke without warning.

Sylvain stared at her, stunned, and she felt the urge to apologize again. But that little voice inside herself told her to wait wait wait, see what this might get her.

If you can’t ever let go of things yourself, maybe it might be good to let someone else take it from you.

The kisses they shared were not the type she wanted anyone else to know about. When she and Annette had gossiped about blushing boys and giggling girls, she had always adopted that role of wise and unflappable Mercie. It was a preferable position to refashion her wasted years into a comfortable experience. And really there was something nice in showing someone the ropes, leading them gently to a shared sense of bliss.

But this...this arrangement opened her up to all new sorts of delights. There was a satisfaction in the feel of Sylvain’s hips pressing her against the mattress with no extra force than his natural weight, his tongue in her mouth, exploring every crevice of it, as if he was searching for something. There was a pleasure in being so thoroughly possessed, so when his right hand descended to fondle her breast, and she couldn’t help but arch into his touch.

“You sure act arrogant for someone so desperate,” His voice had transformed into a low growl she could feel travel from his chest to hers. “Were you just putting on airs earlier and trying to hide how much of a slut you really are?”

Heat transformed from arousal and into anger. “Don’t call me that.” Mercedes broke from Sylvain’s grip, hating the way her voice cracked. It made her sound like a child, and this was the last situation in which she wanted to return to those days.

But thankfully, Sylvain didn’t call her stupid or naive. Instead his left hand reached forward to brush the hair from her face.

“I apologize. I forgot you like it most when I’m honest.” He murmured. “If I’m telling the truth, then I can’t imagine a more radiant woman than you, Mercedes.”

The hand still fondling her breast pinched her nipple, and Mercedes was embarrassed by how loud a noise she made. Still if anything, Sylvain seemed almost giddy.

“Never knew my flattery was that good.” His laughter made her ears buzz. “You liked that didn’t you?”

Mercedes didn’t trust herself to use words, instead just nodding before shoving her face into his shoulder.

Sylvain chuckled again, making what few pieces of fabric that separated them seem all the flimsier. “Does he know your little secret? Does he make you feel as good as I do?”

“Stop playing games,” The Mercedes that hadn’t been a blushing virgin for over a decade grew back her spine. “Tell me I’m good, that’s all I want.”

Sylvain sighed as he lean down to press his forehead against hers. “I can’t imagine anything easier. You might be more holy than the goddess, herself.”

“Oh,” Of course that was when he decided to sneak a hand up her night-gown. The sudden chill might have been an adequate excuse for her shivering, but even as Mercedes adjusted, she could not stop the tremors.

“You’re the best of all of us, kind, patient. None of us deserve you, least of all me.” His clever hands danced up her inner thigh, teasing and refusing to touch her exactly where she wanted.

“So beautiful too. You’re like a portrait come to life. I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to.” He captured her mouth just as slide a finger into her, and it was all so overwhelming, Mercedes wondered if she might just keel over right then and there. Still something about the intensity with which Sylvain kissed, her seemed to demand she stay there with him. So she returned his affections the best she could, using her tongue, nails, and teeth.

Eventually though she must have gotten too enthusiastic because after he rubbing her in just the right spot, Sylvain pulled away from her with a hiss as he cradled his ear.

“Oh my!” Mercedes leaned forward to try and innocently examine the nick, but Sylvain pushed her back down, spreading apart her legs.

“Don’t worry about it. You can sink your teeth wherever want--already’ve carved my heart from chest. I don’t mind it as long as you promise you’ll be there to kiss it better.” He slipped another finger inside her and her embarrassment melted back into that glorious high that was building up inside her. So she tried to do as he asked, and peppered his injured ear with the softest of kisses as she begged and pleaded for him to bring her to release.

“Mercie I don’t think I could ever love another woman,” His breath was ragged, just the sound of it pushing her closer. “Marry me.”

Whiteness blinded her vision, leaving her all floaty and in a world where she couldn’t really understand his words. It was such a nice place, it probably was what let her entertain the idea for a moment, linger on how much she just enjoyed his presence and how devastated she’d be if she lost him.

And then she came back down to earth, where Sylvain was looming over her, waiting with his neediness on full display.

As she tried to catch her breath, her mind swirled with a thousand thoughts, but the one thing that consumed her the most was the knowledge that she should have never let them make such a mistake.

After that, well it became impossible to keep from crying.

“I’m sorry,” Mercedes did her best to wipe her tears away, but they just wouldn’t stop falling. “It’s not your fault, I--”

“I told you not to patronize me!” His words felt laced with venom. “I’m not used to girls crying before we’ve even rolled out of bed but then I guess it is no wonder you got tired of me this quickly.”

“That’s not true!” She tried to tilt his chin so that he would look at her, but he pushed away her touch with a snarl. “Please listen to me Sylvain, I should have never taken advantage of you when you were so obviously grieving. I’m the lowest.”

Pure rage burned in his gaze, no longer so sweet and syrupy. “Was I just a pity fuck?! Just another little child to shut up? Is that why you won’t tell me who gave you that necklace? Don’t want to break a stupid kid’s heart when you got another man who actually--”

“For goddess’ sake, I got this from my brother after he said he wanted to kill me!”

Immediately it was like a spark of thunder magic had struck the room. Everything grew still as they could only stare at each other as her outburst finally set it.

“Fuck,” It was Sylvain who finally broke the silence. He buried his face in his hands. “Fuck.”

“I’m sorry,” Mercedes wondered if she’d ever be able to say those words enough for them to mean anything. “I’m sorry, please forgive me. I’m not proud of what I did, I just couldn’t bear to think of him tonight.”

“Fuck!” Sylvain slammed his fist against the mattress. “I’m such a fucking dumbass, my brain might as well be in my dick.”

“Don’t say things like that!” Mercedes brought his hands to her chest. “I was the one who seduced you. I led you on. I wanted you domineering and cruel. I brought this upon myself!”

Sylvain gave a laugh at that, but this one had been drained of any humor. “I was charmed by you the minute I heard your voice tonight. There’s just something so soothing about being around you. With Miklan haunting me, it was the only thing that made me feel like myself again.” He dropped his hands to his side as his frame began to tremble. “But then that isn’t a good thing in the long run, because seeing that gem made me a spoiled child. I didn’t want to have to share you with anyone else in the world. I didn’t want to risk losing your comfort.”

There was a fervor to his words that a few minutes ago might have lit a fire in her as well. But now, his shaking shoulders only signaled just how evil she truly was.

“I’m sorry,” Goddess, when would she stop babbling. “I don’t know if I can give you any comfort. I don’t know if I have anything left to give.”

She dashed out the room, worried that staying with him any longer might bring on a new wave of tears. However as the door slammed shut behind her, it was only then she remembered that it was her own room.

Oh you stupid girl

Mercedes collapsed against the heavy oak behind her when her knees gave way.

She didn’t know how long she stayed there--crying, curled against the door. It seemed now that she had opened the flood gates, her sadness wanted to make good on all the years she had tried to persevere and stay strong. But even eighteen years of self-loathing, of having to live with the weight of her inadequacy, had it waning points. Like a tide that had temporarily receded, she knew it would come back with a vengeance. But she had to pull herself together enough to do the awkward work of reclaiming her own room. She hated to be the one to make a mess, but at least she had gotten good at cleaning them up.

Tentatively, she returned to find, Sylvain still sprawled across her bed with that faraway look in his eyes. Just seeing him again made her want to find some hole to crawl and die in, but forced herself to be mature and sat down to join him.

"Did you mean it?" Mercedes asked in a quiet voice. "Do you really want to marry me?"

There was a huff of air, and then a much longer and more tired sigh.  "Since I thought there might be another man in your life, I figured it was time to lay all my cards out on the table.  I figured you had no reason to believe a love confession alone, so I thought a ring would convince you of my genuine feelings."

“Sylvain, I mean it with full sincerity when I say that I want the best for you,” Mercedes took a deep breath. “But I don’t want you to be in love with me.”

Sylvain shifted back and forth, “I know you probably see me as nothing more than a shallow pervert, but that doesn’t change the intensity of my feelings for you.” She looked down to find him drawing unrecognizable patterns into the mattress. “Even if you don’t return them, you’ll always be divine to me.”

“It’s not that I don’t feel anything for you, either,” Mercedes smoothed her skirts, infected by his nervous energy. “If anything, I was frightened because I do feel something.” She danced away from the exact four letter word. Such affection felt too much for her clumsy hands to hold.

“I can’t blame you, I don’t particularly like myself either,” He looked up at her now, that neediness still overwhelming. “I like to think I’m a better man when I’m with you though. If I can’t give you my heart, then at least take my admiration.”

Mercedes could feel her shoulders begin to quiver. “I don’t think you understand though. I’m not the angel you think I am.” She traced the Rafail Gem. “I’m good at acting the part of the caring older sister, but well my brother isn’t wrong to want me dead.”

Sylvain’s eyes narrowed. “Not wrong doesn’t mean right. You bring so much joy to everyone, I can’t imagine a world where your absence would bring anything but sadness to us all.”

“I know I’m good at giving!” She didn’t mean to raise her voice, but the few strands of her soul were starting to unravel again. “I give my blood and tears because there isn’t much else I have to offer. I try to be kind and good but every well dries up eventually.” Mercedes forced herself to look him in the eye. “When I run dry will you still love me? If I can’t make you a better man, what use am I as a wife?”

Sylvain’s hands came to a standstill against the mattress. Then slowly he curled his fingers into the sheets. “You know I never used to believe him. I always wanted to prove him wrong, but maybe Miklan was right about some things.” He stared at her with that tragic gaze. “Here I am treating you the way my father treated me.”

Mercedes blinked. “What do you mean?”

Sylvain’s fingers grazed hers, but they didn’t quite hold her. What might be mistaken for a grip was too loose and skittish to quite count.

“When was that last time someone took care of you? You’ve had to put up with the same bullshit as everyone else, but you didn’t even have your own Mercie to help you along the way.”

There was a part of her that wanted to push him away. It wanted to convince herself that this wasn’t sincere concern, but just the result of her manipulative guilt-tripping.

But slowly his hands danced up the side of her arms, persuading her into an hug. Once she began to trace the length of his spine, it became impossible to keep from just melting into him.

“His name is Emile.” Mercedes whispered against his shoulder. “That is all I can give for now, but please don’t let me go.”

As shaky as an embrace it was, Sylvain held her through the entire night.

A.N. I was in a writing exchange and my requester wanted smut about these two being disasters in very different ways.  So glad I get to share it now (also after writing his name so many times I am not sure if sylvain is a word)

[florenceisfalling]

59) “I can’t give up. They need me so I can never give up.” with Jackie????

i got another jackie prompt in my inbox that’s gonna function basically as the part two for this when i finish it! yeehaw

this is sorta long-ish (1069 words) and i really hope its decent?? i dunno i hope u enjoy, thamk u for requesting

The wind is stinging, rain rushes from the sky, and Jackie is hugging the warmth of an egg sandwich to his chest. 

Ducking beneath a storefront awning to escape the downpour, he digs through the crinkled wrapper and picks absentmindedly at the bread. He’s an impatient one. 

Finally, a notification chimes from the phone in his pocket, so he sighs in relief, wiping the grease off his hands and onto his jeans. With fingers that feel frozen, he opens his phone to read the message: On our way. Sorry for the delay.

He shudders further into his coat and takes another bite of breakfast.

It’s not necessarily unpleasant outside, if he ignores the chill. Faces pass by in a shuffled blur, and colorful shirts, bags and hijabs strike brightly against the grey of the clouds overhead. Warped reflections in the city windows look like headlights in a long-exposure photo. Anticipation mingles with the ozone in the air, but a strange little hiss of doubt seems to reside right at the center of JB’s neck.

The week before, he had hunted down two ex-employees of Daniel Meyer, his current target. Dan was and is a crooked businessman who, like many in his occupation, views humans as nothing more than a source of cash. Though Delia and Blake worked for Mr. Meyer for years, they had never ended up with his bribery weighing on their consciences. Instead, they kept track of his records, his files, his bookkeeping, the deals he shouldn’t have made, his forgotten coworkers and the receptionists he’d quietly paid off. So, they offered to meet the well-known vigilante at 11:45, and share what info they had.

It’s 11:51 now.

Delia’s text, the delay, is JB’s only comfort as he taps his foot against the ground. If they were a little bit later, without explanation or warning…  well, he really, really needs this lead to work out.

At last, a familiar voice pulls him out of his thoughts. “Redbird!” Blake calls, and JB glances up, an appreciative grin plastered across his face.

But the smile soon falls away. Across the street, he sees his leads approaching someone else. Someone else wearing a black hoodie and a head of green hair, who nods calmly and gestures between two buildings. The two shake the doppelganger’s hand, oblivious, and wander beside him into the gap.

Stiff with concern, Jackie jogs forward, shoves the stupid sandwich in his pocket, and crosses the busy road. Then, he picks up the pace, dodging food carts and strollers while he breaks into a sprint. Up ahead, the trio slips out of his vision, before an eerie chill washes over him.

When he rounds the corner, a ringing screech floods his ears, nearly knocking him to the ground. Through suddenly blurry eyes, his acquaintances seem to fade away, and all that is left as JB braces himself against the sleet-painted wall is an all-too familiar monster. 

“Hey, sugar,” Anti giggles from the other side of the alley, hands in his pockets while he rocks back and forth on his feet. “Where’d your little buddies go?”

“What did you do with them?” Jackie cries, increasingly dizzy. “They were just here!”

The impostor tugs replica masks off his own face and tosses them to the ground. “Nothing, yet.”

JB’s swaying body collides with brick again, this time without the merciful protection of his arms. “Where… where are they?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Anti shrugs. He pauses for a moment, inspecting the scratched up paint on his fingernails. “But it’s cute that you care.”

“They aren’t… they have nothing to do with you!” Jackie tries to blink back his swirled vision. What is Anti doing to his head?

“‘Course they do! Forget Daniel, I just love watching you cry over the innocents.”

Jackie makes a weak attempt to charge the monster, the ring in his ears still rising like a tuning fork against his skull. He wearily lifts his fist and summons any strength in an attempt to fight back, but Anti just grabs his wrist and tosses him aside. The dizziness is just getting louder, drowning him. Slowly, though, JB stands to his feet again. “Why are you doing this?”

Anti laughs and darts behind him, before shoving him harshly to the ground. “Why don’t you just give up?”

“I c-can’t give up. They need me, so I can never, ever give up.”

Nodding mockingly, the monster lands a few kicks against the hero’s side, eliciting an echoing cry from his throat as more bruises spread across his ribcage. Desperate lungs wheeze within JB, and the lightheaded world in his gaze still seems to warp and twist like the stripes on a peppermint. Finally, a hateful hand lifts him by his hair and drags him to the wall. It presses over his mouth a moment later, so tight that each of his teeth can feel the force. The last two fingers hook under his jaw, holding it shut as a vice.

“I know, little birdy, that you want to scream, and use your funny little vocal powers to push me away. But I want to chat first.” Why does it sound like Anti’s words are everywhere, surrounding them, dragging him down? “Have you ever heard of entropy? It’s the universe’s decline into disorder. And while I do love control, there’s a few things about me that we could compare to such a thing as entropy.”

Anti sighs happily as Jackie’s dulled eyes dart back and forth, the hero lost and disoriented beneath his grip. “The less work we do, the less we contribute to the world… the less entropy there is. On a cosmic level, the most salvational action you can take is no action at all.”

“You’re a goal-driven person, Jackie. It’s really fun and all, but I want to watch you crumble. I want to watch you become a shell of who you are,” he whispers, meeting his victim’s gaze at last. “So do yourself a favor, do your fellow man - well, man and Delia - a favor, and give up. Give into indifference, to inaction.”

With that, Anti vanishes, leaving JB slumped and woozy on the wet pavement. For a while, he sits in the cold, waiting desperately for a message from Delia. Ten minutes, fifteen, forty. He can’t call Henrik yet, despite the pain and haze racking through his body - he doesn’t want to miss a single sign.

[limamuckraker]

THE MUCKRAKER : NINTH EDITION (  JULY 13th, 2040 )

THERE’S NEVER A DULL WEEK IN LIMA, OHIO. READ THIS WEEK’S EDITION BELOW TO STAY IN THE KNOW OF LIMA’S HOTTEST GOSSIP

THE BOYS IN LIMA BETTER WATCH THEIR BACKS! ALIVIA’S PREPPING FOR HALLOWEEN A LITTLE EARLY. (pg 2)

it’s no secret that @aliviaporter​ will fall in love with any guy that simply looks in her direction. this had led to a string of failed relationships and many rejections to the girl that just spends her life acting like a real life cinderella, but apparently alivia’s grown tired of waiting for her prince charming and has taken matters into her own hands. some of her most notable romances are @tj-beiste​ and @tracehummelandersons​. both of who didn’t want her because of prom queen @lemonsterling​ and now she’s planning on doing a seance to make theo and trace both fall in love with her and turn lemon into the ugly step-sister.

WATCH OUT FOR CRACKERIE! (pg 4)

lock up your doors because miss @valeriexlynn​ has proven once again that she gives no fuck about you or your mama. wanna know how we know? a trusting source sent us a police report which shows that val actually has an assault misdemeanor on her! no shock there since we can never place what this girl’s personality is. one minute, she’s tough and the next she’s offering to buy your coffee. sounds like someone’s still trying to “find herself”

STAY AWAY FROM THIS DOODGE OR ELSE YOU MIGHT CATCH SOMETHING! (pg 6)

we all know that @kadenabrams​ is one of lima’s most favorite himbos next to @tracehummelandersons & @graysonlopezpierce and they’ve so called been dubbed as “the three doodges” but it seems like this doodge got up to a little bit of too much fun. we’re all aware of his on again off again romance with model @alessiapuckerman but also his brief hookup with @ljhollidays and brief friends with benefits relationship with @winniclove and also his alleged hook up with @alexiscsmythe... basically, guy gets around and we’d waste a lot of time listing off every body under his belt but turns out kaden has a std and either one of these lovely ladies gave it to him or he’s spreading it around to them. our advice? quit sleeping with these dumb himbos! you’re only hurting yourself, girl!

WASH YOUR HANDS, BABY FEVER IS GOING AROUND (pg 8)

@patienceish and @mason-lynn already have one little ankle biter as all of western ohio must know by now, but sources say that mason's anti-condom tirade along with patience's reclusive behavior that they've been trying for baby number two if they're not already expecting again. best of luck to benny and his future irish twin. if matience needs a good financial advisor, they better haul ass outside of lima! i for one would not want to deal with the paper work of student loans, utility bills, and diaper receipts all with a little gremlin slobbering all over. yet here patience and mason are wanting another stink machine. they should be commended. . . for their unbelievable stupidity.

THE GAPPLE ( GAY APPLE ) DOESNT FALL FAR FROM THE TREE. (pg 10)

uh oh! more trouble in paradise! i love when couples crumble. while @softlcvers and @kylerxlynn seem to be keeping to themselves as a new item. not that i care, the less vomit inducing romance i am subjeed to the better. regardless of my personal preference, it's my duty to report to the people. this retreat from lima's general public by the affectionately dubbed "sawler" may not be so innocent. i guess cheating runs in the family since a little birdie sent in that sawyer has been cheating on kyler for the duration of their entire relationship! a reader's cousin was too afraid to disclose their name, but judging by the bravery it took to send in such a bold tip, i wish the reader's cousin the best of luck and hope to see sawler's relationship burn to the ground.

MY MY JUST HOW MUCH LEO MISSED SEX! (pg 12)

@ivystjamess and @leo-mccarthy are insufferable. this is an indisputable fact just like lemon sterling-duval is as entertaining as a carboard box and joey hummel-anderson's ass actually isn't THAT phat. unsurprisingly, they've landed themselves in yet another muckraker issue. while i can't say i entirely care anymore, word on the street is ivy withheld sex from leo throughout auditions to guarantee her role as sophie sheridan. some may call this bribery, coercion, or just straight up wrong. i call it just straight up innovative. annoying as they are, since they've started having sex again, they've been keeping quiet. i encourage them to keep quiet as long as that doesn't include dry humoing in front of everyone at all of lima's parties!

[lisatelramor]

Black Cat (or a White Elephant)

Every now and then I pull out a DCMK genderbend fic I started in 2012. Probably never going to finish or edit it to be honest. But. Because it took a sidestep and became an AU of an AU partway through (thus why it either needs compatibility editing i can’t be assed to do or made into 2 different things...) I had a few scenes that no longer fit. This is one of them, so the genderbending is kind of a side note. Also in this AU Kaito and Saguru started forming a sort of tentative friendship sooner than later. 

***

Kaito poked the box with her toe. The creature in it growled and thumped around the plastic interior. Kaito pulled out her cell phone. It was answered on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Did you mail me a kitten?” Coughing and sputtering came from the other end of the phone conversation.

“…What?”

“Did you mail me a kitten?” The cat in the box was quiet again. Too quiet.

“Why would you think I sent you a kitten?” Hakuba sounded like she swallowed a sip of tea wrong.

Kaito squatted down to the box’s label. “I just signed off on an air-mailed package from Europe. A package containing a cat.”

“And you thought I sent it?”

“Well…” Not really, no. She couldn’t see Hakuba sending anything other than the occasional letters from halfway across the world, and certainly not something like a cat. “It was kind of a stretch, but I don’t really know anyone…from…Europe. Huh.” Kaito peeked through the hole in the box. Black fur.

“I take it you figured out your mystery cat mailer?” Hakuba’s dry tone was something Kaito found herself missing.  She could go without the superior attitude it often accompanied, but Hakuba could be a wonderful straight-man to Kaito’s goofiness if she’d play along.

“I think I might have an idea.” She did know one other person in Europe. And Chat Noir was probably the only person who would think to send Kaito a black cat.

“Does it have a name?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t opened the box yet.”

“Great, call it Schrodinger.”

Kaito snorted. “I’m not naming a cat Schrodinger. And I’m pretty certain the cat in there is alive since it was growling at me just a minute ago. Besides, that’s a mouthful.”

“Then shorten it to Schrodi. Or Ding.” It sounded like Hakuba was holding back laughter.

“Just a sec.” Kaito opened the cat crate. A black furred body shot out of the opening in a blur of fluffed fur and claws. It hid under the couch glaring at Kaito irritably. It probably blamed her for the nasty cross-continental trip. Taped inside the crate was a short letter. “Her name’s Estelle and she’s supposed to keep me company.”

“Does this person realize you have enough doves to supply wedding halls with complimentary flights across the chapel?”

“Probably not.” Hmm, a cat and doves. This wouldn’t turn out well would it? The cat growled from under the couch. “Well I can’t ship it back to Europe.”

“Keep it on a trial basis,” Hakuba advised. “If it gets into trouble, Aoshi seems like the type who would like a pet.”

“Good idea.” Kaito crumpled the note and went in search of something a cat could eat. She was pretty sure there was canned chicken in some cupboard. Honestly this could just as easily be a way of messing with her than Chat Noir sending a thoughtful gift.  She would have appreciated some notice at least. “Cats eat chicken, right?”

“And fish.” Kaito flinched, almost dropping the can and her phone. The damn f-word. “I wish you luck as the new, proud owner of a cat.”

“I’ll let you know if it lasts the week.” She set the dish of canned chicken in the center of the living room and retreated to a chair on the opposite side of the room as the cat. “Thanks for not being the one sending me a cat.”

“I can safely say that I will never be the person air mailing you a cat, Kuroba.” Hakuba was surely smiling on the other end. “I should be able to visit Japan in the future. This is your fair warning.”

“I’m not KID,” Kaito said automatically. It was practically a scripted part of their conversations by now. “But it will be good to catch up. I’ll pass along the news to Aoshi.”

“Good. Maybe you’ll get to meet Watson.”

“Can you get a European sparrow-hawk through customs?”

“With the right papers you can get just about anything through customs.”

“True.” The cat stuck her head out from under the couch. Her ears flicked back and forth in Kaito’s direction in time with her voice. Paw-step by paw-step, she crept until she reached the bowl in the middle of the room. Her tail twitched. Kaito could see her preparing from a trap. “I’ll see you around, Hakuba.”

“Have a good morning, Kuroba.” The phone disconnected and Kaito closed her phone silently. The cat finally stooped to eat the chicken. It looked like this would be a long process to get it to trust her. Thankfully Kaito was a patient person when it came to animals. She’d just have to keep the doves far away from dangerous kitty claws. “Hey, Estelle,” Kaito murmured. Ears flicked forward, but she kept gulping down the chicken. “What is Chat Noir thinking sending you, kitty cat?” Estelle growled. It was going to be a very long process.

*o*o*o*o*

“Allô? C'est de la part de qui?”

“Ms. Jones?” Kaito purred in her best Kid voice. “Just calling to inform you that your gift might not live until her adult fur grows in.”

“Kaitou Kid,” Chat Noir said, sounding pleased. “So you received Estelle.”

“Yes.” Kaito glared at the cat currently trapped under a laundry basket. It was alternating between batting at a feather and glaring at her with big, yellow eyes. “I don’t think we’ve hit it off.”

Chat Noir laughed. “Cats are picky. Friendship is something that must be earned.”

“Well she isn’t really helping me like her.” Kaito shifted her phone to the other ear so that she could better soothe the dove on her forearm. Poor Karui was missing feathers from her tail and still shaking an hour after Kaito found her trying and failing to escape the cat. “She tried to eat my doves.”

“You keep birds?” There was a sigh from the other end. “No, no, of course you keep birds. You are self-proclaimed a magician-thief. You have kept them separate; you would not be so foolish as to let a cat into the roost, so to speak.”

“Of course, I’m not stupid.” Kaito skritched at Karui’s feathers along her head and neck like she enjoyed. The trembling became soft coos of contentment. “Accidents, however, happen and I can’t watch her all the time.” The cat in the basket chose that moment to meow loudly and authoritatively, like it could convince Kaito to let it out. She scowled at it. “The cat likes my neighbor for some reason. She climbs onto his shoulder and everything.”

“Does this neighbor like Estelle?”

“Terribly.” Estelle meowed again. Karui ruffled her feathers and shuffled higher along Kaito’s shoulder.

“Give her a bit more time. If she remains a nuisance, your neighbor would be a good home.” Chat Noir sounded amused. She probably was enjoying one-upping Kaito in some way even if it was in the form of a gift-turned-irritant.

“Fine. I wanted to be sure that there would be no hard feelings if this were the case.” Kaito transferred Karui to the perch she kept in her room for when she trained her doves. Karui scooted to her favorite place by the edge that was scored with hundreds of claw indentations from generations of doves. Kaito squatted to look at the cat. Surprisingly, Estelle didn’t hiss.

“None at all,” Chat Noir said. “She was sent with good intentions. I am glad to hear that you have companions of the human sort.” There was almost a question in her tone. Kaito frowned.

“He doesn’t know. I have friends who do, so please butt out.”

“Territorial, no?” Chat Noir was definitely laughing on her end of the phone. “Do I count among these friends, Petite Phantom?”

Kaito snorted and stuck out a hand for Estelle to sniff.  The kitten sneezed. “Maybe. Maybe not.” She was still annoyed that Chat Noir knew where to send the package. Kaito would have to respond in kind… Although knowing her phone number probably was equally invasive for people who liked their private lives to remain private. “I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.” Estelle licked Kaito’s fingers before biting her pinky with needle teeth. Kaito winced. Thankfully she couldn’t bite too hard since she was still a kitten.

“Then I wish you luck with this…male friend.” She was grinning and Kaito was going to send her something nasty. Maybe a package that spat blue dye onto everything the moment it was opened. Or combining it with a glitter bomb. She would find glitter in places for years.

“It’s not like that, and thanks anyway.” Estelle was licking her hand again, but she was keeping her teeth to herself. Aoshi was going to love his new kitten. Love. And Kaito would gladly send the cat-toys, litter, food, and water dishes with her. “A pleasant day to you.”

“And to you, Kuroba-chan.”

Kaito winced. “Please don’t.” Chat Noir laughed and Kaito hung up the phone. It was probably a waste of an international phone call. At least she knew that the cat hadn’t been sent just to harass her. She was sure there was a little bit of harassment involved though. Chat Noir seemed intent on fitting into some kind of older sister role. It was annoying. Kaito could take care of herself and she certainly didn’t want anyone meddling. But Chat Noir wasn’t too bad. Kaito had wanted someone for cross dressing tips after all. Estelle bit Kaito’s finger again. She glared at the innocent, wide yellow eyes.

“You. You are going to live with Aoshi.”

Estelle purred low in her throat, rubbing against Kaito and the laundry basket. There would be fur stuck to the plastic next time Kaito went to use it.

“Don’t play cute. You just want out so you can murder my pretty birdies.” She was too much of a softie if a bit of purring and rubbing earned her forgiveness. Estelle mewed and butted her head against Kaito’s fingers, rubbing her whole body along them. “That counts as bribery. You’re not winning any points.” The kitten made a churring sound deep in her throat. Kaito sighed. “Fine. But far from Karui. You almost scared her to death.”

She lifted off the basket and scooped the ball of fluff into her arms. Pinpricks of claws immediately dug into her chest and forearm. “Yeah, yeah. I know.” Kaito scratched the fuzzy triangular ears and the kitten purred even as she tried to eat a button on Kaito’s shirt. “I’m sure Aoshi will spoil you rotten.” The kitten went back to the living room where she was supposed to be and Kaito closed her door firmly with Karui safe inside. The dovecot was closed for the night as well and not even a particularly intrepid cat would get in or out of there tonight. She’d talk to Aoshi in the morning. He’d probably even hug her for it. That was one upshot of an unwanted cat. And Hakuba would laugh her head off when she told her… internally. Kaito couldn’t really see Hakuba laughing hard out loud for anything short of Kaitou Kid doing something both embarrassing and entrapping. And even then it would be smug. Actually, screw Hakuba. Kaito wasn’t telling her anything. Estelle, after a day of mischief, was finally asleep.

[tabloidtoc]

In Touch, April 13

Cover: Pregnant Kate Middleton having a girl and Princess Charlotte picked her name 

Page 1: Contents 

Page 2: Who Wore It Better? Delilah Belle Hamlin vs. Scarlett Johansson

Page 3: Ming-Na Wen vs. Laura Marano, Lucy Hale vs. Hilary Duff 

Page 4: The full video of Kanye West’s notorious 2016 phone call with Taylor Swift in which they discuss his then-unreleased song Famous was leaked giving Taylor the current edge in the pair’s epic decade-long feud 

Page 5: Makeover of the Week -- Jonathan Van Ness shaved off his trademark beard during quarantine, Courteney Cox doesn’t remember being on Friends, Alec Baldwin and wife-to-be Hilaria dated 6 weeks before their first kiss, Blake Shelton tried to steal ex Miranda Lambert’s thunder by dropping a clip of his Nobody But You duet with girlfriend Gwen Stefani on the same day Miranda released her official Bluebird video 

Page 6: Crib of the Week -- Kesha’s $5 million wood-and-concrete in Mar Vista 

Page 8: These stars cut their kids out of the will -- Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis, Daniel Craig, Gordon Ramsay, Simon Cowell, Marie Osmond, Jackie Chan 

Page 9: Lucy Hale confessed she has a fascination with teeth, Man Candy of the Week -- Maluma, Winner of the Week -- Kelley Flanagan who came in fifth place on The Bachelor has been spotted hanging out with Peter Weber, Losers of the Week -- 2020 Olympics are postponed until 2021 because of the coronavirus pandemic 

Page 10: Up Close -- Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani shared an update on his quarantine mullet 

Page 11: Kylie Jenner’s daughter Stormi Webster, Becky Lynch trains for WrestleMania, Maren Morris and newborn son Hayes Andrew Hurd

Page 12: Go Take a Hike -- Reese Witherspoon and Laura Dern, Rebel Wilson, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Ellen DeGeneres 

Page 14: Celebs Go Stir Crazy -- Chris Meloni models his quarantine kilt, Amanda Seyfried models a messy makeup job, pregnant Nikki Bella and Artem Chigvintsev do the Flip the Switch challenge, Jeremy Renner dresses up as DJ Sloth to entertain daughter Ava 

Page 16: Family Matters -- Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green and their kids Noah and Bodhi and Journey make a trip to the grocery store, Jessica Simpson and kids Maxwell and Ace 

Page 17: Ashley Graham and son Isaac, Hilary Duff and kids Luca and Banks 

Page 18: Coronavirus Craziness -- how these 10 celebs reacted to the pandemic -- David Geffen, Madonna, Gal Gadot, Vanessa Hudgens, Evangeline Lilly 

Page 19: Lady Gaga, Jaime King, Sam Smith, Cardi B, Gwyneth Paltrow 

Page 20: Stars Clean Up Nicely -- Donnie Wahlberg and Jenny McCarthy shave together, Jessica Alba in a face mask, Gigi Hadid in a gold facial mask 

Page 21: Dua Lipa and boyfriend Anwar Hadid in face masks 

Page 22: Chips Off the Old Block -- Brie Bella and daughter Birdie, Will Smith and daughter Willow, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and daughter Giovanna 

Page 24: Cover Story -- Another little princess for Prince William and Princess Kate Middleton -- the future king and queen relocate to Anmer Hall to self-isolate as they await the arrival of their second daughter 

Page 27: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s $20 million Malibu mansion 

Page 28: Tiger King: Burning Questions 

Page 30: Maddox Jolie-Pitt comes home -- Angelina Jolie’s eldest son flees South Korea to be with his family 

Page 32: Stars Without Makeup -- Demi Moore, Gwyneth Paltrow, Portia De Rossi, Cardi B, Jennifer Lawrence, Rita Ora 

Page 33: Courtney Love, Ana de Armas, Chrissy Metz, Michelle Pfeiffer, Meghan Trainor, Ashley Greene, Ireland Baldwin 

Page 34: Julianne Hough, Paris Jackson, Olivia Wilde, Heidi Klum, Cameron Diaz, Alicia Keys 

Page 35: Kate Winslet, Julianne Moore, Nikki Bella, Geena Davis, Julia Roberts, Irina Shayk, Jennifer Lopez 

Page 36: Celebs are the new personal trainer -- Chris Hemsworth, Halle Berry, Candace Cameron Bure 

Page 38: Margaret Qualley took a break from self-isolating in LA to go for a walk but onlookers were alarmed when they saw how skinny she has gotten 

Page 39: Tamron Hall may be a hit with viewers but behind the scenes staffers are claiming she is a nightmare, Ariana Grande and her mother Joan have been granted temporary restraining orders against a man who was arrested outside her mother’s home, Star Sightings -- Giacomo Gianniotti (pictured), Ali Krieger and wife Ashlyn Harris (pictured), D-Nice

Page 40: Ben Affleck’s new relationship with Ana de Armas has his ex Jennifer Garner afraid he’ll start giving their kids less attention 

Page 41: Lori Loughlin and husband Mossimo Giannulli along with 12 other parents charged in the college admissions cheating scandal asked a judge to dismiss the fraud and bribery and money laundering charges against them accusing prosecutors of extraordinary misconduct by concealing evidence that would bolster the parents’ claims of innocence, Julianne Hough and Brooks Laich making things work, Meryl Streep’s daughter Grace Gummer has ended her marriage to keyboardist Tay Strathairn 

Page 44: The Big Interview -- Amber Pike and Matt Barnett on joining Love Is Blind -- we never thought we’d actually get married

Page 48: Beauty Buzz -- Scent-sational Spring -- Emma Roberts 

Page 50: Style -- Spring Fitness Essentials -- Reese Witherspoon 

Page 52: Did I Really Do That? Eiza Gonzalez channeled Charlie’s Angels, Reemarkable lifted from Lifesavers

Page 54: Animal Overload -- My dog looks like Diane Keaton 

Page 56: Entertainment 

Page 58: My Night at Home -- Ebony Obsidian, Guess Whose Art Boy -- Cooke Maroney, Caspar Jopling, Lucas Zwirner, Marco Perego, Louis Eisner, Ben Shattuck -- Jennifer Lawrence, Sienna Miller, Zoe Saldana, Ashley Olsen, Jenny Slate, Ellie Goulding 

Page 60: Double Take -- Paris Jackson runs errands with boyfriend Gabriel Glenn in LA 

Page 62: Horoscope -- Aries Daisy Ridley 

Page 64: Last Laughs

[insomniac-dot-ink]

The Peacock Prince pt 2

genre: fantasy, fairytale, mlm

words: 3k

Summary: A young man is banished to a vast garden to spend the rest of his days, cursed to grow peacock feathers from his skin and walk the grounds.

A wandering soldier is charged by the neighboring town to fetch three feathers: one for health, two for luck, and three for wealth. Unfortunately, plucking the feathers off a reluctant peacock-boy is not as easy as it sounds.

A love story of avian dimensions in 4 parts

PART 1 ~ PART 2 ~ PART 3 ~ PART 4

PART 2

Two for Luck

Daven looked into the sallow face of a woman well into her 80s, deep worry lines and valleys painted across her face, wrinkles that stretched in all directions and mapped her face like a geographic print of the past and future.

She smiles up with a guileless toothless grin, “but you got the other one so easily.” Daven’s shoulder slump and he has a bad feeling about this, “I fought several wild animals… And it was mostly luck I found the boy in the first place.” She shook her withered head, “I have a good feeling about you.” Then why is your town blackmailing me? He doesn’t bring that up.

“The one feather was very long,” he tries to say with his hands stuffed into his pockets. A young woman in an apron and long dark blue dress nodded. She had honey curls and a face that was round and sharp in all the right angles.

“And we ground it up and fed it to the sick,” she smiled prettily, “It was a heroic deed. A good one, all five were up and walking today.”

Daven opened and closed his mouth uselessly, “don’t mention it?” He tries instead with a slight wince.

“But now,” her face falls, “the fields are thirsty. Dry. You’ve seen them young soldier, they grow sick as well.” Daven felt like he was being backed into a corner, “it was a rough harvest, sure.”

Her eyes get large, like puppy dog eyes or black holes, old mother Henri makes a deep rumbling sound in her throat. “Two,” she says with a rough rasp, “for luck.” Daven frowns decidedly, “why… two?” Both the women tut at him, “two is the second most powerful number.” Mary Lee informs him with her hip jutted out. “It will be enough.” Daven gives a deep heaving sigh, “I can’t keep ripping feathers out of this guy. He’s got some dark magic on him, who knows what will happen if I piss him off again…” He trails off as he realizes he wasn’t making any headway.

The woman just smiles placidly again, “two for luck.”

Her daughter nods, “we can grind them up and sprinkle them over the soil.” Her eyes go soft again, “it would be another hero's deed.” Daven’s shoulders fall and he accepts the inevitable, “isn’t there…?” He takes a deep breath, “I mean, someone else must be able,” he struggles for the words.

“It’s you,” the old woman nods, “you were brought to us for a reason.” Was that reason a directionless horse?

He pushes his hair back and sighs, “Okay,” he looks between the village representatives, “I mean… I did it once, right?” He laughs weakly and watches the women share a small smile.

He grimaces slightly, Mary Lee reaches over and wraps something up for him. “Here,” she passes it to him, “for your troubles.” He holds a loaf of bread and feels suddenly more like an errand boy than any sort of soldier. But they were still looking at him Like That, so he has nothing else to but turn around and start walking.

The Garden was said to spread from the lakes of Dev all the way to the outer coast. Daven feels like he’s looking for trouble and eventually going to fall smack dab in the middle of it.

-----------------------------------

“Here birdie, birdie, birdie,” Daven throws some bread on the ground, “I have some good news for you.”

He throws the bread crumbs again, not without a sense of irony of course. “It’s only a little exchange.” He says loudly and wanders into the seven cherubs square (as he was calling it). He goes up to the great oak tree and rustles some of the branches with his sword before coming up empty.

“Here birdie!” He sings and tosses the breadcrumbs in the air again, some of them land in a puddle and start dissolving. He whistles and makes a kissy face at the trees. “I’ve got a treat for you.”

It’s quiet with the exception of distant sound of bird calls and the wind whipping through the numerous corridors of the garden. His skin crawls as it always did in this place, Daven had looked for the Hunter he found the first time just outside the walls, but hadn’t had any luck this time.

“Ellis!” He tries again, “I have both shoes and a better attitude for you!”

He hears nothing, keeping his eyes on the nearest wall to make sure it doesn’t grow spikes, “and more money, and hey, I finally thought of something you can do with it!”

He takes a left turn back into the endless open-air halls and starts whistling again, “here birdie, birdie.”

Daven is internally groaning and considering his chances of leaving the province of Tefle and running as far away as he possibly can. He hears a rustling behind him instead.

He reaches for his sword.

“Do you have a death wish?” Daven pauses as he recognizes the snide voice.

“Ah,” he stands up straight and places his own self-assured smile on, “knew you couldn’t stay away.”

A boy with large ornate feathers fanned out around him was standing on the wall above him, “one step closer and I’ll jump off the other side and you’ll never find me again.” He says coolly as he stands with his hands folded over his chest and stance wide on the wall ledge.

Daven lifts his chin and studies the boy’s sharp, curious features, they were small and crafted, like there was something purposeful or thought-out about them. A small nose with a pointed mouth that curved up or down on a whim it seemed, mapping and connecting all of his features.

Ellis narrows his green eyes, “well?” Daven stood up straight, “I’m not trying the magic words this time.” “Well thank god,” he says slowly, “I would have let you keep walking around here like an idiot you know.”

Daven frowns slightly, “what changed?” Ellis hums and looms over him as he stood on the wall, “bad decision making.” His shadow falls over his face, “and curiosity. You finally thought of something I can do with the money?” He gives an easy grin, “I’m intrigued.” Daven cleared his throat, “yes.” He grins back, “the question is, of course, if gold coins agree with your stomach.” Ellis rolls his eyes spectacularly, “I’m not a dragon.”

“I have bread then.” “Wow, of course,” he tuts, “you’re lucky I’m a forgiving man after that ‘birdie’ nonsense.”

Daven bounces his eyebrows up and down, “I thought you might like that.” He makes a face at him, “ah, am I that easy to read?” He puts a hand out, “if you gave me your feathers readily, for a good cause that is, it’d be a lot less easy.”

He blows a stray strand of white-blonde hair out of his face, “why's that?” Daven puts on a somber expression, “good people don’t get cursed.”

Ellis’s expression pinches, “you’re really winning yourself over with this one,” he seems to go to turn around, “I really don’t know why I bother.” “Wait,” Daven fumbles for his pack, “all in good fun, all in good fun. I have something for you.” “I don’t eat gold coins for God’s sake,” he waves his hand in the air, “but I am considering soldiers and their poor social graces right now.” He bares his shiny white teeth and Daven shakes his head.

“You are a gracious and good Peacock lord, I’m sure.” “Watch it,” the boy says carefully, “180s like that can make one dizzy.” He takes a deep breath in, “alright, so I’m not good at this,” he lifts something out of his pack, “but I do have these.” He unwraps a neat pair of shiny black buckled shoes as he held them up to the light, “they’re flexible so they’ll fit a lot of sizes.”

The boy examines him carefully before clearing his throat, “you really think I need shoes?” Daven frowns slightly, “there’s poison puddles everywhere.” He pauses, “So, yes?” Ellis shakes his head, “you are as sharp as a blunt sword I see,” the boy kicks the top of the wall lightly, “And I don’t want your bribery.”

“It’s for a good cause!” He hears himself almost whine, “the village people’s crops are dying.”

“Oh no,” Ellis places his hands on his cheeks, “not the village people’s crops.” Daven’s narrows his eyes, the sun frames the feathers of the strange boy, “spoken like a true peacock prince.” “Look,” Ellis dances his hand through the air, “there’s always going to be villages whose crops don’t come in right. And little old ladies who need wishes and young lads who steal your feathers for lasses they want to bang.” He takes a deep breath, “I’ve been here a long time little soldier. And there’s always more people who need things.” Daven almost went to clap sardonically, “Look, I’m not trying to appeal to your… humanity,” he says the word carefully, rolling it around and feeling out the syllables. “But there must be something you want.” Ellis looks him up and down, “you’re pretty cocky for a common soldier.” Daven opens his mouth with a stubborn jut of his jaw, “I’m not entirely common.” And I’m no longer entirely a soldier.

“Good then,” Ellis sprouts a rough smile that prickled across Daven’s skin like sandpaper, a manic energy bursting from it like a flood over a levy system. “Take your sword off.”

Daven hesitates for a long second, he holds his iron green gaze for a long moment, “and you’ll give me a feather? Or… I, uh,” he hesitates, “I need two this time.” Ellis gives a deep sigh, “I know.”

Daven reaches for his sword, holding it tentatively before lifting it carefully out of it’s hilt and holding it up. “Where do you want it?” Ellis cocks his head to the side, “place it at my feet.”

Daven scoffs slightly, “of course.” He approaches carefully, slowly, gently, placing the beat-up, aged thing just below his bare feet.

“Was it your father’s or anything?” Ellis asks slowly and Daven hums for a second.

“Yes,” he says, keeping hard eye contact with him.

Ellis’s face spreads wide open again, “liar.” He shrugs, “alright, it’s standard military issue. But does that really matter?” “It doesn’t,” Ellis leans forward, posing like a tense house cat on the brink of springing. He drops down to the ground and deftly picks the sword up, “I just wanted to know more about you.” “My name is Daven Porter,” he says carefully, “I’m 22, I have two sisters and a mum. I like pears and have never seen the ocean. And,” he pauses gently for a moment, “I would like two feathers. Please.”

Ellis was still observing him, balancing the sword in his hand and whooshing it just above his head, he gives him a cool look. “The rest of it.” Daven screws up his face, “the rest of what? That’s my only sword mate.”

Ellis pouts slightly, “the rest of it. I’ll take your belt first.” Daven’s eyes go wide and his cheeks flare up, “I beg your pardon?” “Your clothes.” He says the words slowly, mouthing around them and putting his hands on his hips, “honestly, it’s like I’m squawking up here instead of speaking.”

Daven might have smiled at that if his face wasn’t falling apart like cloth scraps a off a beggar, “you can’t be serious.” Ellis shrugs, “it’s only fair. You want to make me bare, it’s only fair you do the same first.” Daven makes a face at him and takes a step backward, “And then what?” He scowls, “you put on my trousers? Yours look fine.” “No,” he says slowly, “then I make a nice little fire and you walk home.”

Daven put his hands on his hips, “I’m not walking home naked. Who are you?” He laughs, “no feathers then!”

Daven takes a deep huffy breath, he turns around and takes a few angry steps, and then he turns back around again. He knew what would happen if he didn’t return with the feathers.

He groans and buries his face in his hands, “this is mad.” Ellis chuckles and sings, “An eye for an eye sir.” He scowls up between his fingers, “It’s not the same.” Ellis shrugs, “Well, looks like you’re going home empty h-”

“Alright, alright,” He takes one heavy breath that weighed him down like stones in a river bed, he hunches over slightly, “at least turn around.” He hears a sharp laugh, he imagined his white-blonde curls bouncing. “You watch my feathers fall out and stand there and gawk. It’s only fair.” “Ugh,” he reaches for his pants, “this is why you’re trapped here.” He says as starts unbuckling, “good people don’t get cursed.” Ellis waves a hand through the air, “but they do get naked, chop chop.” “You’re enjoying this,” He fumbles slightly with his belt loop and the end of his shirt for a long moment.

“It’s like drinking nectar,” he says with a smile, “I may even give you the feathers.” Daven scowls at him, “I will burn this place down if-” “It’s just a little embarrassment,” he tuts, “and feel free to try. I’d gladly watch this place go up in flames too.” He says the last part with hints of bright yellow bitterness around the edges.

Daven refuses to look away as he yanks his shirt over his head and then both of his socks off one by one. “Are you even going to wear these shoes?” He says as he puts the two pairs next to each other.

“Absolutely not,” the boy winks, “birdie.” “You’re the bird,” he grumbles, “and the bastard.” “I’ll take it,” he wags a finger in the air, “and feel free to put on a show for the last bit. A had a lass do the same for me in a tavern and it honestly almost got three feathers out of me.” Daven makes a face at him, “you go to taverns?” He squints, “Like that?” Ellis’s features become somehow more edged and perplexing, “No. Before I was like this. But I would still have given her anything if she asked, feathers included.” Daven rolled his eyes, “you’re impossible.” “And you’re not naked!” He lears over him, “What upsetting evident facts.” He makes a face at him, “You’re going to die alone.” “Or in a poison puddle, either one, I won’t complain.” Daven doesn’t know how to respond to that so he reaches for his pants, he takes a deep breath in and tries not to show the stiffness in his movements and tension building in his shoulders. Make it natural. Normal.

He can’t help it, he looks down at his feet as he wrenches his trousers down. Ellis at least has the decency not to laugh or jeer or some other bastardly behavior, he just nods. Daven feels the cool breeze whisk between his thighs and thinks a series of uncharitable thoughts toward this garden, all birds, and all bird boys.

He crosses his arms over his chest and widens his stance, “happy?” Ellis just shrugs and looks at his nails, “not really?” “Ugh,” he takes a series of deep breaths in through his nose, he thrusts his hand out, “I did what you asked.”

Ellis gives him a cool look, “sure.” Daven takes a dangerous step forward, “Look, I’d be unsurprised if you’re not a man of your word, but this whole village’s crop is dying and they expect me to-”

“Yes, yes,” Ellis clapped his hands, “give me a second.” He says the last part under his breath, Daven just opens and closes his mouth like an angry snapping turtle.

“I’ll give you ten.” He put his fingers up and started to count, “Ten seconds.” He says loudly, “One… two…” Ellis rolled his eyes, “I’m not as scared of a man with his trousers down as you might think… but.” He reaches behind him and seems to search around for something on his shoulder blade. He started to pull, “Uh,” he grunts, “There.”

Daven’s eyes go a little wide, Ellis flinched, brow furrowing and expression pinching, body bunching up as he yanks at something. The boy takes a deep breath and holds a single peacock feather out.

Daven just begrudgingly holds up two fingers, “alright. Thank you.” He clears his throat, “for two that is.” He says pointedly, Ellis just shakes his head. “Tell them not to plant these,” Ellis grumbles, eyes still strained and colored with something metallic and heated. He pinches something on his back and yanks. “And to sow the fields earlier in the season for God’s sake.” Daven cocks his head to the side, “Is that your official message?” Ellis gives a crooked smile as he slowly lifts a second feather in his hand, “no. My official message: ooh, look at this strange man’s willy. Please laugh and cheer at your own discretion.”

Daven huffs and continues to not deliberately think about the cool breeze against his backside. “You make this so much harder than it needs to be.” Ellis pushes his curled bangs back and examines him, a placid look on his face, “If only I willingly ripped out my own plumage for anyone that asked.” He tilts his head to the side, “it’s such a shame.” “Okay, okay,” Daven put his hands up, “I get it,” he grits his teeth and puts his hand out, “thank you.”

Ellis considers Daven’s hand for a long moment, a frown line consuming him like a mushroom cloud, ricocheting off taut muscles and frozen joints. He takes one step forward and neatly, tightly lets go of the two long feathers.

If Daven didn’t know any better he would have thought the boy’s hands were shaking. But then he retracts his hands, wipes them off and lifts his chin up. “They also work as aphrodisiacs, burn salves, table centerpieces, and a cure for blindness.” Daven lifts his eyebrows, quickly taking a step back and clutching the feathers to his body, “good to know.” Ellis’s eyes were flicking over him, “so yes, you could also skip town and sell them if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Daven’s shoulders rise, “I wasn’t thinking that.” Or, at least, not right at that second. He scowls and turns around, “if you’d excuse me, I have to go save a village.” He can feel Ellis’s sunburn of a smile blaze across as his back as he turns, “you are easy to read too little soldier.” He waves behind him, “enjoy my sweaty shirt and pants,” He keeps his back completely straight as he looks behind him, “they’re covered in grime. It’ll suit you.” Ellis scoffs, “if you come back I will take more than just your clothes next time Mr. Daven.” “‘Mr’?” He doesn’t turn around as he laughs, “come on now, you’ve seen me naked. No need for the formality.” He swears he hears a full golden laugh after that, just as he turns around the next corner and tries to disappear. He finally gives in and covers himself as he faces the next stretch of garden and the inevitable mess of walking home like this.

He takes steadying breathes and keeps his eyes off the light, soft plumage in his hands. They were warm, warm and thrumming like something was alive in them.

He doesn’t look back as he leaves the garden for the second time.

<====== PART 1   ~~~~~ PART 3=======>

[yuriyuu]

Bump in the Night

Of all the things to go bump in the night, Viktor and Yuri were not prepared for this mess.

Pairing: Viktor/Yuri

Word count:  1981

Written for @almost-100, who wanted Vikturio with a sleepwalking child. :D Hope you enjoy this! <3

(Read on Ao3)

“I’m hungry, I want a snack before bed!” Alyona says, clinging onto Yuri as he carries her to her room.

Yuri doesn’t even entertain the idea. “No, you just had a snack,” he tells his daughter, “If you eat again, you’ll be up all night.”

“But Papa let’s me eat before bed!”

“Does he now?” Yuri sighs. Oh, of course Viktor let’s her eat snacks before bed. His husband can be a stubborn, stubborn man, but when it comes to his own child, he simply lacks the ability to say no.

She looks at Yuri, wide eyed and putting on her best puppy dog face. “Pleeeeease?” She whines.

Unlike Viktor, Yuri retains his stubborn streak, even when his daughter is being annoyingly adorable and hard to resist. “Nope. You already brushed your teeth, so it’ll taste bad. Do you want to eat something yucky?”

Alyona doesn’t say anything back, instead she just pouts and huffs as Yuri tucks her into her bed, glaring at him every time Yuri says anything. She has that look in her eye where he just knows she’ll be trying to sneak out of her room all night, and then he’ll really get no sleep.

“How’s this,” he says after he’s done tucking her in, “I’ll make you something yummy in the morning if you stay in bed all night, okay?”

That seems to placate her. She looks at him with eager eyes, already trying to decide what she wants to have for breakfast tomorrow. “You promise?”

Yuri holds out his pinky toward her, a symbol of his sincerity. Alyona immediately latches onto it, giggling in delight. After the promise is made, he leans over and kisses the top of her head. “Good night, Alyonka. We love you.”

“Love you too!” She yawns, “And I promise to stay in bed all night.”

“Good,” he says before he turns off her bedroom light, “do you want your door open or closed tonight?”

“I’m a big girl, so I want it closed!”

Don’t remind me, you’re growing up too fast, Yuri thinks to himself as he says his final good night wishes to her.

“So, I heard from a little birdie that someone’s been letting our daughter eat snacks before bed,” Yuri says, looking up from his handheld video game as he leans into Viktor’s shoulder.

Viktor pauses from the book he’s reading. He’s got that guilty look in his eye that says Yes, it was me, I’ve been feeding Alyona snacks when I put her to bed. Please don’t kill me. “I can’t help it, she’s so cute. How can you say no to that little face?”

“It’s easy if you don’t -- FUCK!” Viktor looks over at him, and laughs when he sees Yuri’s eye twitching in fury at his game. He must’ve died, again.

Yuri looks over at Viktor, glaring at him before leaning in and giving him a quick kiss on the lips. “Oh shut up. Anyway, as I was saying, it’s easy when you don’t fall for her scheming manipulation.”

“You say that like I don’t fall for yours either!”

“Oh, I know you fall for mine, that’s the point,” He says, purring slightly as he loosely laces their fingers together, “But it’s okay to spoil me, especially since I’ve outgrown being a brat.”

Viktor gives him a look that says Yura, you’re full of shit and you know it, and Yuri can’t help but laugh to himself.

“Though I suppose I’m no better about spoiling her. She begged me to let her have a snack, I said no, and she gave me that mischievous ‘I do what I want’ look. I caved in and told her if she didn’t sneak out of her room tonight, I’d make her a special breakfast in the morning.”

“Oho, bribery, huh? That’s smart, maybe I should start doing that.”

“Please don’t. She’s spoiled enough,” he mumbles as he puts away his game. “Speaking of. Since I’m done dying for the night and she promised to stay in bed until the morning, I’m going to sleep. Either stay in bed and cuddle me or go finish reading in the living room”

“A hard choice, but I think I choose cuddling.”

Of course, Yuri’s out like a light by the time the lights are turned off and Viktor’s got his arm wrapped around him. What a blessing to be able to fall asleep so quickly.

Unfortunately, his ability to fall asleep almost immediately comes with certain caveats. Yuri, for the entirety of the time they’ve been together, has always been a horrendously light sleeper. Every bump and thump in the night wakes him up, and parenthood only exacerbated the issue.

“Vitya,” Yuri says, gently shaking his husband awake, “Wake up. Did you hear that?”

Parenthood also made him prone to waking up Viktor whenever he heard something, much to Viktor’s dismay.

Viktor stirs in his sleep. “Go back to sleep, love. It’s probably nothing,” he tells him, not bothering to open his eyes.

Yuri lays back down into Viktor’s arms. Maybe he was just hearing things, maybe it’s something stupid like the wind or their cat knocking something over, but he’s wide awake now because what if Alyona snuck out, what if she got hurt?

Still, he’s not about to go bombard her in her room because like him, she also got the curse of being a light sleeper and if he wakes her up, she’ll never go back to sleep which means tomorrow would most likely be terrible.

Shortly after, he hears several more noises, and this time he’s wide awake so he knows he heard them. Yuri immediately jolts up and out of Viktor’s arms. The sudden movement is enough to rouse Viktor out of his sleep, which was already compromised.

“Yura? Where are you going?” Viktor asks, rubbing his eyes as he sits up.

“I definitely heard something. I’m going to go check what it is.”

“It’s probably the cat again. Check if you want, but come back to bed soon, okay?”

As if on cue, they both hear more noise, a series of thumps and crashes. Viktor can barely see in the dark, but he knows Yuri is giving him an annoyed does that sound like the cat to you look.

“Okay, never mind. That doesn’t sound like the cat. I’ll go with you,” because damnit, he’s a bit concerned now, if not a little curious.

Of course, the first place they check is Alyona’s room, only to find her door wide open.

“Ugh, she snuck out again,” Yuri groans, “I know this because she had me close her door when I put her to bed.

“But something’s off, she’s usually much quieter when she sneaks out.” Viktor doesn’t mean to sound the alarm bells in Yuri’s head, but at this point he’s getting more than a bit concerned.

And boy do the alarm bells sound in Yuri’s head. His mind instantly comes up with a list of his top 100 worst case scenarios, and he visibly pales as he turns toward Viktor, “Oh shit. You’re right. Check the kitchen and the living room, I’ll check the bathroom and outside!” Their house really isn’t that big, it shouldn’t be that hard to find her, right? Before Viktor can reply, Yuri bolts off.

Having seen no sign of her in the bathroom, Yuri decides to check the windows in her room, and sighs in relief when he discovers they are still closed. Along with the backdoor still being closed and locked, his fear that some child kidnapper came and took their daughter lessens a bit. Still, he may as well check the front of the house, just to be safe. Plus, Viktor should have found her by now.

And found her he has. When he walks toward the front door, he runs into Viktor, who has his hand over his mouth as if he’s trying to prevent himself from laughing hysterically. Seeing that, Yuri’s heart immediately lifts in relief, and he looks over his husband and asks, “So, I suppose you found her?”

“See for yourself,” Viktor says as he drags Yuri by the hand into the kitchen. “Though I must warn you, I don’t think you’re prepared for this.”

The minute he walks into the kitchen, he’s greeted by the sight of their daughter sleeping in a puddle of milk, clutching an open, now mostly empty bottle of apple juice with the cap screwed off. Upon further inspection, he can she she’s got eggshells and egg yolk in her hair, and there’s random broken crackers all over the kitchen floor.

Viktor was right, he wasn’t prepared. Yuri’s emotions are tied between relief that she’s okay, amusement over what he just stumbled upon, and utter dread over having to clean that mess up.

“I...I think she was sleepwalking,” he says to Yuri. “When I found her, she was mumbling about wanting to become a delicious pancake, the most delicious pancake.”

“I see,” Yuri replies, not eve

n bothering to hide his amusement. He walks over to her and kneels beside her, taking care not to step in any of the mess. “Alyonka, sweetie, wake up,” he says in a soft voice, gently shaking her.

Alyona jolts upward, completely discarding the apple juice bottle she was spooning. “I’m going to eat you!” She yells before falling down into Yuri’s arms.

“I think you’re right, she’s out cold.” To be frank, Yuri is more than a little amazed. He stands up, holding his daughter in his arms and looks at Viktor. Man, where to even start cleaning up the mess?

“Do you want me to give her a bath?” Viktor asks, holding out his arms so Yuri can hand her over.

“Do you mind? That would be great if you could while I clean this mess up.”

“Not a problem at all. I’ll come down and help once she’s clean and back in bed. Now, hand over the little troublemaker.”

Yuri doesn’t need to be told twice. He hands her over and immediately begins cleaning.

Guess tomorrow one of them would be running to the store the next morning if Yuri were to keep his promise, which he had every intention to keep. After all, she didn’t sneak out of her room, at least not consciously anyway.

Thoroughly bathing a sleeping child who is covered in egg, milk, apple juice, and god know what else is a much longer process than Viktor could have ever anticipated. He tries to wake her up several times through the process, but she stays sound asleep, and by the time she’s dressed and tucked back in bed, it’s like nothing ever happened.

The next morning, at the crack of dawn, Alyona jumps out of bed and immediately runs toward her parent’s room. “Papa! Daddy!” She yells all while crawling into their bed and all over them before they even know what’s happening, “I want pancakes for breakfast! I was a good girl and stayed in my room aaaaall night last night! Just like I promised!”

Both Viktor and Yuri are slow to wake up, especially after spending half the night cleaning, By the time they’re both coherent, Alyona has demanded pancakes for the upteenth time and was starting to become incredibly impatient.

“Patience, Alyonka, Daddy’s going to make you the most delicious pancake ever.”

Viktor doesn’t even get a chance to look at Yuri before he hears him crack up laughing at his statement.

“Yes, right after Papa goes to the store and buys more milk and eggs.”

Alyona cocks her head to the side, confused as to what’s so funny. Why do they need to buy milk and eggs? They just dragged her to the food store it feels like! But whatever, she’s getting pancakes because she’s a good girl who doesn’t sneak out at night and that’s all that matters.  

[ranger-of-estel]

Captain Canary "The kids, they ambushed me.” (Doesn't have to be their kids if you don't want to)

Okay, so this one is a sequel of sorts to one of my previous posts that can be found here.

Captain Canary - Established relationshipFeaturing: Mick, Ray, and CC’s adopted children +1

               Sara and Leonard walked leisurely down the street,entwined hands swinging between them as they enjoy the summer night. “So, do we think Rebecca cooked or thatthey ordered pizza tonight?” Sara asks.

               “Pizza,” Leonard replies easily. “Saw coupons on the counter.”She laughs, shaking her head. “What’s so funny Birdie?”

               “It’s just…did you ever imagine this?” she motionsaround them. “Us, living in a house, raising teenagers.”

               He chuckles, almost smiling. “No, but then,” he pullstheir hands up to place a kiss on the back of hers. “I never imagined havingsomeone like you in the first place.”

               She rolls her eyes, but smiles fondly at him. “Listento you,” she bumps his shoulder, “We’re domestic.”

               He scoffs, “Don’t insult me like that.” He motionstoward the stars above them, “It’s their fault for leaving without us. We’rejust blending in.”

               “Whatever you say Crook.” They walk up the steps tothe front door, sharing a chaste kiss before pulling out the keys.

               As the door opens the pair are immediately awaresomething is off, tensing they each reach for hidden weapons. The lights areoff, but they can see a window is busted, lamps knocked over and a chairflipped. They share concerned glances before crouching and moving further intothe house. The main rooms are clear, Leonard motions Sara toward the girl’sroom and moves toward their own.

               Their door is ajar, and as he pushes it open with hisfoot he hears a muffled voice. Pistol trained in the direction of the sound hereaches with his free hand to turn on the lights. In the middle of the room,blinking against the light sits Ray Palmer. He’s gagged, and bound to one ofthe kitchen chairs. For a moment Leonard just stares at the other man insurprise, but then quickly moves over to pull the gag from his mouth.

               “There were kids, they ambushed us!” Raymond rushesbefore Leonard can say a word. He’s frowning, concern still on his features. “Theywere trained, thank goodness you are okay. Where’s –“

               “Ray?” Sara’s voice comes from the doorway, both menturning their attention to her. “What happened here?”

               “We were attacked - ” he repeats

               “Who’s we?” Leonard cuts him off.

               “Mick and I,” he frowns, “Wait…didn’t you find him?”

              Sarashakes her head, her concern for the children lessening as she notices Leonard’ssmirk. “You mean?”

              Lenjust nods, “It would appear so.”

              Saralaughs, and Ray looks between the pair in confusion. “What’s going on? We haveto find Mick.”

              “Mickis fine,” Leonard drawls, turning back to the scientist. Before he can say morethey hear the front door open and multiple sets of footfalls moving through thehouse.

              “Haircut,”Mick calls through the house, “Brought you some-“ he cuts off as he enters theroom, looking between the three. “Oh, hey Boss, Blondie.”

              “HeyMick,” Sara smiles, looking at the pair of ice cream cones in the man’s hands. “Briberyhuh?” he shrugs and she motions behind him, “They in the kitchen?”

              Henods, “Fight just like you,” he adds.

              “Wait….”Ray looks between Sara and the larger man. “You mean….the kids are?”

              “Thereyou go.” Leonard drawls, turning to look at the man with a smirk. He reachesdown to cut the binding on Raymond’s wrists and ankles. “You were right aboutthem being trained at least.” He comments offhandedly as they make their waythrough the house.

              Whenthey reach the kitchen the lights have been turned on. Lizzie is sitting on thecounter, chocolate ice cream covered in sprinkles in hand. Rebecca is leaningnext to her with a plain vanilla cone, and across from her a young man has onefoot propped against the cabinets as he bites the chocolate coating off his owndessert.

              “Andwhat exactly are you three doing?” Sara asks, arms crossed over her chest.

              “Enjoyingour victory,” The young man replies, then dips his head. “Evening Sara,Leonard.”

              “Markus,”Len replies coolly, brow raising at Rebecca.

              “What?He was dropping something off when these two idiots broke in. I figured hecould join us for dessert.”

              Saraswats Leonard’s shoulder lightly, giving an exasperated look before walkingover to take the spare ice cream from Mick and join Lizzy on the counter. “Ilike him,” The younger states, motioning toward Mick.

              Sarasmiles, “Me too.”

                 “Theother one is noisy,” she adds.

              Micklaughs at Ray’s indignant “Hey!” followed by a grumbled, “They just caught me off guard.”

              “That’sthe idea of surprise.” Leonard looks over at the three children proudly. “Congratulations, you’ve apprehendedyour first superheroes.”

              Theybeam back at him, and Mick leans against one of the kitchen walls. “So yougoing to explain?”

              “It’sa long story,” Sara motions to the couch.

Still taking prompts (x)

@laweizhu here is another piece of the CC adopted family

[scarsbuilt-blog]

Lizza had managed to be present during the birth of her newest family member but she'd been working on and off since then and now had time to finally come see the new family. Hugging her cousin she grins as she walks over to where Brie was sitting with the little gem. ❛ I bring bribery gifts for cuddles.❜ she laughs holding up the bag in her hand. ❛ My mum has also sent some gifts too. A customized dungaree outfit with little missys name on it with a little pink tiara stating shes a princess. My sister helped.❜ She grins as a small finger runs down Birdie's cheek whilst giving Brie a hug.

@xobriemode

[tabloidtoc]

Life & Style, October 28

Cover: Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton married on her 50th birthday 

Page 1: Photo Flash -- Riverdale’s fourth season opened with the death of Luke Perry’s character Fred Andrews 

Page 2: Contents 

Page 4: The Top 10 LBD Looks -- Elisabeth Moss, Eva Longoria, Dua Lipa, Joey King, Cara Delevingne 

Page 5: Sophie Turner, Alison Brie, Dakota Fanning, Zoe Kravitz, Jennifer Aniston 

Page 6: Twinning -- Katherine Barrell vs. Victoria Justice, Chrissy Teigen vs. Emily Ratajkowski 

Page 7: Kaitlyn Dever vs. Harley Viera-Newton

Page 8: Matt Lauer facing criminal charges 

Page 9: Elton John spills palace secrets, Throwback -- Rob and Chad Lowe, Biggest Spenders of the Week -- RuPaul, Kylie Jenner, Nina Dobrev, Shay Mitchell 

Page 10: Jennifer Aniston isn’t happy with how she looks in the ads for The Morning Show next to Reese Witherspoon, cameras were rolling when a devastated Teresa Giudice learned that her husband Joe was being deported to Italy but it’s all an act

Page 11: Jen Hartley would be crazy to go back to Ronnie Ortiz-Magro 

Page 12: Selena Gomez wants to play Linda Ronstadt in a biopic, Jamie-Lynn Sigler’s life as a mom with MS, VIP Style -- Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, Katherine Schwarzenegger, Samuel L. Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton, Elizabeth Olsen, Jennifer Lopez and Maluma, Malika Haqq and Stephanie Shepherd, Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul, Tatyana McFadden 

Page 14: The Week in Photos -- Will Smith with Jada Pinkett Smith and sons Trey and Jaden 

Page 15: Jessica Simpson and daughter Birdie 

Page 16: Jonathan Van Ness and Allison Janney, Jennifer Aniston, Billie Eilish in a foot brace 

Page 18: Adam Devine and dad Dennis and mom Penny and sister Brittani, Ariel Winter, Simon Cowell and Lauren Silverman and their son Eric 

Page 19: Victoria Justice and sister Madison Reed 

Page 20: Liam Hemsworth shooting Dodge and Miles, Jennifer Garner and son Samuel, Kate Middleton 

Page 22: Angelina Jolie with kids Shiloh and Zahara, Lily Aldridge, Jimmy Fallon with Hoda Kotb and Savannah Guthrie and Al Roker

Page 23: Kim Kardashian and Kourtney Kardashian and kids Mason and Penelope in Armenia 

Page 24: Stars Behaving Badly -- Nikki Bella, Kerry Washington

Page 26: Say What?! Karamo Brown, Nicole Kidman, Mindy Kaling, Jennifer Aniston, Naomi Watts 

Page 28: Khloe Kardashian’s secret texts to Lamar Odom 

Page 29: Camila Morrone tells Leonardo DiCaprio to put a ring on it, Miley Cyrus and Cody Simpson moving too fast 

Page 30: Cover Story -- Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani secretly married 

Page 34: Prince Charles’ birthday wish is to unite Princess Kate Middleton and Duchess Meghan Markle 

Page 36: As Lori Loughlin prepares to go to trial for alleged bribery she’s acting as though she’s done nothing wrong 

Page 40: Paw Your Way To Health -- Amanda Seyfried and Finn, Ariel Winter has five dogs, Ashley Benson and Olive 

Page 41: Ellen DeGeneres 

Page 42: Who Lives Here? Topher Grace 

Page 44: Entertainment 

Page 45: Star Review -- Scheana Shay, As Seen On-Screen -- Kristin Chenoweth wore a LNA’s Shimmy Chain-Fringed Tee on The Kelly Clarkson Show 

Page 52: Diva or Down-to-Earth -- Tori Spelling, Cardi B 

Page 53: Bradley Cooper and daughter Lea, Heidi Klum 

Page 54: Social Posts of the Week -- Liam Hemsworth, Jerry O’Connell, Courteney Cox and Matt LeBlanc and Jennifer Aniston, Heidi Klum and Howie Mandel 

Page 55: Hilary Duff and daughter Banks, Joey McIntyre and his dogs, Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake, Maria Menounos 

Page 56: Horoscope -- Scorpio Katy Perry, They’re Not Together But They Should Be -- Libra A$AP Rocky and Leo Kylie Jenner 

Page 58: Made Ya Look -- Sofia Richie and Olivia Culpo 

Page 60: What I’m Into -- Denise Richards