#billy's wild ass burger chain opinions are my own

[sketchy-scribs-n-doods]

billy and max were not californian enough in my humble socal opinion. like i’m not saying all californians have had my exact experience. but. come on.

where was the bitching about the cold weather and the lack of good mexican and chinese restaurants nearby. never have i met a californian that wasn’t ready to throw down for in n out when out of state ppl try to talk shit, even if it isn’t remotely their favorite burger place. i just know max would go crazy over the fuck all to do in town within a month or two. the largest city is probably hours away, cue billy quickly realizing the only entertainment at hand is shitty high school parties.

you’re telling me max wouldn’t throw a fit about the lack of giant skateparks? that billy wouldn’t take every opportunity to bitch and moan about having to get chains for his tires and the menace of ice and snow on the roads fucking up his car? billy refuses to button his fuckin shirt in november, he’s going to die as soon as the temperature dips below 35F. i know not every person from socal is as much of a bitch as i am about low temperatures but most of us are not built for temperatures below like 40 or 30F. actual snow is going to happen and max is going to eat shit trying to skateboard through it. i had to defrost my car for the first time during a cold snap last month and i thought i was losing my mind, billy is going to fucking hate what cold temperatures can do to your car, especially if you park it outside on the regular.

white bitches love mexican food, have you seen how they get about chipotle? one day billy and max are gonna be home alone and go ‘we should get mexican takeout tonight’ and suddenly realize they live in the fuckin heartland now, the chances of finding a good (let alone decent) taco place nearby depend entirely of the percentage of mexican immigrants settling in bumfuck indiana to actually open a place. or at least somebody from texas.

i desperately need max and billy throwing down for in n out. i don’t care about your opinion on it, your average bitch from california will not stand for actual slander against it. lucas tries taking max to the local diner and puts his foot in his mouth (”it can’t be that good, max”) after trying to insist that the burgers in hawkins are leagues better than whatever they had back in california. steve and billy nearly brawl again because billy fuckin loves the skinny crispy in n out fries and dares to put them above mcdonald’s fries and steve thinks he’s fucking crazy.

depending on where they lived in california, the lack of mountains would probably be something weird to get used to. travelling past the mountains and through flat land makes the monkey in my brain go ‘where big rocks go??? why so exposed??? too flat!!’ and i can’t help but think of max constantly doing double takes at the sheer amount forest around hawkins and the distinct lack of mountains nearby lol. california is huge and there’s loads of different biomes within it, but you’re not gonna find very many forests, especially in the areas billy and max probably lived in (i think in runaway max they lived in san diego? but that’s shaky half-canon at this point).

give me the weird slang differences between the midwest and the west coast. i had a teacher from wisconsin call water fountains ‘bubblers’ once and i swear it gave me whiplash. i love regional slang. idk if it depends on the person’s age or region or if its interchangeable in some places, but the face i’m picturing billy making after hearing somebody call it ‘pop’ instead of ‘soda’ is priceless. there’s also no fucking way billy hung out with californian surfers in the 70s - 80s and didn’t pick up some truly atrocious slang that pops up now and then. max thinks he sounds fucking dumb, but then billy makes fun of the fact that she can’t roll her ‘r’s and it starts another bitch fight. more of max and billy both saying ‘like’ way too much as a sentence filler and everyone else making fun of them.

i don’t know, i want more fun and interesting and annoying little things that people from different states do. billy and max moved across the whole damn country, i want more conflict from that than just the obvious issues.