#billy; been in town for 3 days and hates his fucking life: first of all i'm fucking skins second of all i'm ur worst nightmare

[biillys]

billy hargrove: in every scene — 2.04 chapter four: will the wise

[winchestergirl2]

March Reading Recs

To show some love and appreciation to all the amazing writers here on tumblr, here are all the fantastic fics I've read this month. 💖

Many of these fics and blogs are 18+ only, and NSFW please heed the author's individual fic warnings and requests regarding no minors. I am not responsible for your media consumption.

2023 Reading Recs | 2024 Reading Recs

Supernatural

Sam Winchester

You're On Your Own Kid Part 2 @my-proof-is-you

Authors Summary: You’re used to being on your own. You’d been on your own as long as you could remember. Could Sam show you that it isn’t the only way to live?

Don't Worry About Me @my-proof-is-you

Authors Summary: Anon Request: hi! could you do a sam imagine where he’s been really stressed with work/researching for a big hunt, y/n can’t sleep and sees him still awake and tries to make him feel better? maybe some hidden feelings for both of them?? just really fluffy cute stuff please!! thank you! i love your work!

Requited Love @uhohnotthisagain

Authors Summary: Sam discovers his love for you in a not so clean dream, he doesn't realise his actions following the realisation would effect you so much.

10 Inch Hero

Boaz Priestly

The Miracle Man @zepskies

Authors Summary: The first time you met Priestly was both the worst and best night of your life. He gave you a Miracle.

Centerfold Dance Party @just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms

The Boys

Soldier Boy

The Bet @quin-ns

Authors Summary: butcher leaves you to keep an eye on soldier boy and things become interesting when a deck of cards gets involved

Let's Dance @impala-dreamer

Authors Summary ~If there's one thing she knows, it's that she fucking hates Soldier Boy. If there's one thing he knows, it's that he can change her mind.~

I'm A Ruin Part I | Part II | Part III | @anundyingfidelity

Authors Summary: After the events of the Seven Tower, you present Grace Mallory a new secret project you're working on already to develop a cure to Compound V. The only problem? You need Soldier Boy for that.

Billy Butcher

And So It Goes (Masterlist) @zepskies

Authors Summary: As Madelyn Stillwell’s personal assistant, Helena Flores finds herself caught between protecting her job — and more importantly her life — and helping Billy Butcher bring down the supe who killed her best friend, Becca.

Big Sky

Beau Arlen

Take Me Home Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | @zepskies

Authors Summary: You are another lost soul at Sunny Day Excursions. You’re aiming to settle in Helena, Montana, where Beau Arlen is the new sheriff in town. But you’ve both got a past you’re running from. 

Jurisdiction @waynes-multiverse

I need your hand but I don't want to burn it Part 1 @thebiggerbear

Authors Summary: You receive a phone call letting you know a family member has passed. The news rocks your world, especially when you find yourself flying back home for the services, returning to a place you'd rather forget. As your best friend, Beau is trying to be there for you but you're determined to go it alone. But since you've known him, when has Beau Arlen ever not had your back?

[ghoul333]

serial lover

chapter one(?)

pairing: billy x f!reader

wc: 2.8k

summary: billy wants to kill you, but you change his mind last minute.

warnings: angst, murder, swearing, fluff(?)

a/n: i used both their point of views so i hope it came out alright. i definitely want to write another chapter. hope you enjoy! <3

He looked at you from afar. Lurking in the bushes, watching your every move. It was pretty much turning into a daily routine. He wanted you, bad. Billy was heavily debating when to break in one of these nights to kill you. Lucky for him, tonight might be the night, your parents weren't home and your siblings were nowhere to be seen. Just you, sitting pretty on your bed and staring at the ceiling.

You were the perfect victim. It had been a few years since the first killing spree in Woodsboro. Everything for the most part had gone back to normal. They thought about it for a while, and considering they had succeeded the first time, Billy and Stu decided to give it another go. Only for this job was Billy on his own, Stu being with his girlfriend.

A kind, innocent girl like you? That would be fun. Though you had never wronged the pair, you were somewhat of a loner. Quiet but willing to help when needed. Might've been a distasteful move, but damn was Billy eager to hear what your screams sounded like.

And now that you were alone, it was the perfect time to play a game.

Only you weren't.

Your brother in law, Ian, was in the living room, watching a hockey game.

Billy got into a stance when he saw you getting up from the bed, figuring you would leave the room. Instead, you paced in circles. He looked down at your hands, you were flicking your index finger against your thumb, as if it was out of anxiety. You seemed to be contemplating something.

You looked at yourself in the mirror. Billy having to duck down so you wouldn't spot him. It would be a different story if he was dressed up as himself, you two were acquainted after all, having one or two classes together. But he wasn't exactly 'himself' right now, he was Ghostface. Though he and Ghostface were one in the same, you didn't know that. You would only see a masked psycho hiding in your bushes.

He was about to pick up his cellphone to call your house phone, but something stopped him. His hand was frozen in place. When he looked back to you, he noticed a change in your expression.

You were crying in the mirror.

Billy cocked his head. What the fuck was this? One minute you're fine and seemingly calm. Then the next minute you're crying as if something traumatic happened.

He raised his brows, surprised when you stopped crying immediately, as if on cue. Your eyes had been glossy but were now completely dry.

Holy shit. Where did you learn that? He thought.

You didn't look sad anymore. In fact there was no emotion at all and for some reason, Billy loved it.

—

You wiped the tears off your face and stared at yourself in the mirror. Taking a deep breath.

Was that believable?  I think so.

A part of you wished you had someone here to let you know, but this was something you needed to do by yourself. You didn't even know if you were gonna go through with it, but the urge wouldn’t leave your mind.

Hearing a loud cheer from the other room, you groaned in disgust. You had a hard time believing your family would leave Ian here with you. Especially after all the shit you've taken from him.

You could confidently say that you hated your brother in law. Your sister disappointed you, putting up with trash like him and you resented your family for tolerating it for as long as they have. For over a year, he had lived in your house. Being nothing but a bum. Always being a fucking asshole to you and your family, then making you feel like shit when you call him out.

He could get away with it too. The fact your father was rarely in town made it easy and you hated it. You hated him. You wanted him gone, for good.

You knew there was only one way. No matter how many fights, he wouldn't leave. Refused to.

If he was gone, everything would be fine. It'd take time for some people to heal, but this was for the best.

Thinking about it put a smile on your face. Even though the inhuman thoughts ashamed you, you couldn't help but let them excite you at the same time. Never in your life had you wanted to do something like this, but you craved to see that piece of shit suffer. This would be the only time, and hopefully you wouldn't get caught.

You opened up your drawer, pulling out some scissors, studying them for a few seconds before putting them back.

You weren't ready to get blood on your hands. You looked around your room, trying to find something easy and simple. You looked down at your rack of shoes. Suddenly, an idea popped into your head.

You pulled the lace from one of your old sneakers, you'd have to dump them afterwards but you wouldn't miss them. While you wrapped the string around both your hands, something came over you. You didn't even realize you were walking to the living room, until you were standing right behind him while he watched his game. At that point, your body was doing the talking. Fuck what was actually right. Fuck morals.

Billy watched all this, following your every move. He cursed himself for not noticing the other obvious person in the house. How stupid. If he decided to pursue you there was a greater chance he wouldn't get away. Stu would've had to come. You kind of saved him there.

Seeing the single shoelace in your grip and standing so close behind Ian, he was actually anticipating your next move. Which surprised him, you had him on the edge of his seat. You had opened his eyes in those last few minutes. You had him so confused.

He had been watching you for days, basically knew your day and night routine. So, where did this come from? You put on an act, even for yourself?

He couldn't deny he thought you were, somewhat, adorable. Many victims had been adorable, but being adorable doesn't mean shit to Billy. If he wanted to gut you, he would.

There were times where you would just sit and stare into a void, but he didn't really think anything of it. He didn't realize how fucked up in the head you really were.

He couldn't kill you now, definitely not. You were turning out to be just as insane as he was. Billy felt drawn to you. He was rooting for you.

You stood there long enough for Ian to notice your presence behind him. Not even turning around, he opened his mouth.

"What the fuck do you wa-" He didn't even get to finish his sentence before you wrapped the shoelace around his neck, attempting to strangle him.

Hearing him speak irritated the fuck out of you. You'd rather cut your own ears off, but why do that? He should just simply stop talking.

He was strong, but you gave yourself props for not wearing socks, your feet were planted firmly on the ground, and they weren't going anywhere. His arms were violently swinging, voice coming out in gargles. How long did I need to do this for? Maybe a plastic bag would've been easier.

It felt like forever until he quit moving. Eventually, his arms fell limp and his breathing stopped. You stood there for a moment, the lace still wrapped around him. Had you killed him?

You decided you wanted to be sure, jerking the shoelace against his neck just one more time.

Suddenly his arm flew up, grabbing the shoelace and trying to jerk your body forward. You begin to struggle against him, pulling the lace as tight as you could so he couldn't grip it, but he was able to overpower you within seconds. Yanking you over the sofa he had been sitting on, you groaned in pain as your back hit the floor. The air being knocked out of you.

Where did that adrenaline come from?

Watching you flip like that, for some reason, worried Billy. Even he thought you had him. He couldn't let this happen, he felt the strong urge to come to your rescue. Sure, some random guy dying by the hands of ghostface didn't fit the route they were trying to take, but Billy was going to protect you tonight. He needed to.

He quickly got up from where he was crouched, beginning to creep his way towards the house. He figured he needed to move fast considering how much smaller you were compared to the man you were trying to murder.

"You little fucking bitch!" Ian managed to seethe, voice extremely hoarse. He got up from where he was standing and grabbed you by the hair, making you cry out pain. Billy heard the commotion from outside, and the sound he'd been wanting to hear. He didn't like it. Why?

Why did it make him angry to hear you in pain?

You wanted to avoid eye contact with Ian, but he yanked your hair again, making you face him. The look in his eyes seemed hungry, and not in a good way.

He gave you a vile smile, before slapping you across the face, making you tumble to the floor once again. You slowly reached up, touching your cheek. A single tear threatened to fall but you quickly blinked it away. It burned, almost vibrating from the impact. You knew the slap was hard enough for blood to come through.

Fuck.

You figured you were screwed, if you knew he was gonna grab you like that you would've just duct taped him to the coach. You really did not think this one through, even though you had been thinking about it for months on end.

You felt his body heat centimeters away from you. Looking up at him, he hovered over you.

"Thank you for finally giving me a reason to do that." He said, his tone spilling venom. "I'm gonna enjoy this."

You just stared at him, you weren't scared or upset. You couldn't even be mad, you just attempted to strangle your sisters husband. What could've been expected? You probably didn't have a great chance of succeeding anyway, but you couldn't fight your urges anymore.

People like him deserved death.

You didn't have time to process another thought before Ian picked you up, throwing you against the wall. You yelped as your side impacted harshly against the wood floor. You didn't even want to look at him anymore, you had failed and were probably gonna die, or get beat into a coma.

You didn't feel him grab you again. You didn't feel him pin you against the wall. You didn't feel the corner of the table next you digging into your side. You didn't feel anything. Not even the tears falling from your eyes.

"Don't cry now darling," He whispered in your ear, you shuddered in disgust. "This is what you wanted."

His voice made you want to vomit. Cigarettes and cheap beer leaking off his tongue. Even with him up to your ear, you could smell it. He was so fucking close. Everything about this man made you sick. You couldn't understand how your sister slept beside this thing at night.

He held your body against his while he shifted his hands. They wrapped around your throat and squeezed, very hard. You couldn't breathe. You wanted to just let it happen but your body was thinking ahead of you, once again. You grabbed his hands, trying to pry him off.

You actually couldn't fucking breathe. You were going to die, staring into this mans lifeless eyes, hearing his heaving breathing...his body pressed against yours. You would rather get stabbed to death. Or burned alive. You just didn't want him to be the last thing you saw before you died. You didn't want to die.

I fucked up.

Maybe you were selfish too. You were better off just hurting yourself to ease the pain. You couldn't get him off you and it was painful. Your vision was starting to blur.

You used your feet to try and push him off you, but your attempts failed.

Unexpectedly, you fell to the floor with a thud. You quickly inhaled a large breath of air, a small coughing spell following. You couldn't hear or see anything in that moment, just trying to get up, desperately trying to regain your strength.

Breathing had never felt so good.

Weak and in pain, you used one hand to guide your way up the wall, while the other one held your throat. As you regained your vision and started to focus on your surroundings, you began to hear struggling. Lots of struggling. You were confused, you thought it was just the both of you. As you looked up, you noticed a cloaked figure on top of  Ian.

Billy had gotten into the house from your laundry room window, finding the entrance a few days ago when he was planning how he would kill you. He crept in, being as quiet as a ghost. When he turned the corner, he saw Ian pressing you deep against the wall. He watched you struggle and fight, a few tears falling from your eyes.

He tackled your brother in law to the floor, making him lose his grip on you. Billy managed to gain the upper hand quickly, getting on top of him and wrapping his hands around his throat. Ian kicked his legs, but it did no good. Billy was too far up on his chest, sinking all his body weight onto him.

You stood there and watched. You were confused and shocked on what was happening, on where this guy came from. You looked down, noticing a knife next to the person in the black cloak. You begin to panic a little inside, wondering whether this person was saving your life or here to take you both out.

It only then hit you that the knife and the black costume seemed way too familiar.

Oh shit...It can't be.

Was this, The Ghostface?

From what you and the rest of Woodsboro knew, that killer who committed all those murders years ago was supposed to be dead. So what was he doing here?

You snapped back into reality when you heard Ian trying to speak. Looking at the both of them, you saw Ian's arms swing violently once again. Billy had managed to dodge most the swings, his arms steadily pressing down on Ian's throat. He did take a few hits to the face though, but he had been through worse.

It wasn't until he started reaching for the mask.

Billy could only lean back so far, if he tried anymore Ian would gain the upper hand in a matter of seconds. He usually didn’t care, since they were going to be dead anyway, but he wasn’t going to kill you.

You noticed what was happening, even with Ghostface's back turned to you. You slowly crept your way towards them, until you could see Ian's face again.

His eyes were wide as plates and his skin looked tight as the killer pushed down on his throat. Ian's eyes snapped to you, making Billy turn his head a little to see you in his peripheral vision. You could tell by the look in Ian's eyes that he wanted your help.

Tough shit.

You slowly walked around the two, Ian was convinced you were gonna help him, beginning to reach for the mask again, fingers brushing the mouth, trying to find a grip. You kneeled, grabbing Ian's arms, pinning him down. Your gazed flickered towards the mask killer, to find he was already looking in your direction.

You decided to flash him a smile. Though you couldn't see behind that mask, Billy had the same expression.

You lowered your body down, until your mouth was leveled with Ian's ear. He was trying to fight against you, but he had no more strength. He was done for.

"See you in hell, fat shit." You spoke into his ear.

Gargles could only be heard, and the hockey game playing on the tv was basically non existent. The life Ian once had, was now gone. You slowly stood up, ghostface doing the same. You both looked at his lifeless body.

“I don’t know whether I should say thank you, or start running.” You said, letting out a laugh. It hurt like hell to speak. Your eyes moved to the masked killer and once again, he was already looking at you.

You both stared at each other for a few seconds, before he took a step closer to you. You didn’t back up, and for some reason you didn’t feel afraid. Billy reached out his hand, lightly touching your throat.

You weirdly didn’t mind the feeling, you weren’t scared of his touch, in fact, it was very gentle.

His hand trailed up, cupping the cheek that had been slapped. His thumb lightly rubbed your cheek and you couldn’t help but sigh.

“Thank you.” You told him, but he didn’t say anything. You knew he couldn’t speak, he wasn’t gonna let you find out who he was. If you recognized the voice or didn’t there was still a chance.

A car pulling up into the driveway made you and Billy snap your attention to the front of the house. He looked at you once again, seeing the fear in your eyes. He had to help you out some more, and you couldn’t be awake for it to work.

“I’m sorry.” Billy lowly mumbled, before knocking you unconscious.

[yikesharringrove]

Not sure if you’re still taking prompts but can you maybe write something about Billy and Steve and the 5 love languages please? Thank you!

1. Giving and Receiving Gifts

Steve just stared at the box.

He had found it in his mother’s closet, obviously placed in there by a maid.

His birthday was next week, and his parents were giving him a record player.

The same one they had given him last Christmas.

Steve figures his father’s assistant picked it out. He’s had four since Christmas.

He sighed at the box. Maybe he could sell the record player, maybe he could buy himself something with the money.

He knows he’ll end up giving it to Dustin, or maybe Will.

-

There was a carton of cigarettes on the kitchen table.

Unopened Marlboro reds. Next to a plate of pancakes. Susan’s yearly peace offering.

Billy slid into the table quietly.

“Thank you, Dad.”

Neil just hummed.

2. Physical Touch

Steve sighed as he sank into the crisp sheets.

His parents’ bed was huge, far larger than two people needed.

He had sprayed his mother’s perfume on one of the pillows, curled up in their silk sheets.

If he pretended hard enough, he could imagine being held.

Someone caring for him enough to touch him, run fingers through his hair, pet down his back.

He set up one of the down feather pillows behind him, felt like someone was there.

-

Billy spat into the sink.

His tooth had chipped, but hadn’t come out completely.

His lip was split and he could feel the bruises forming on his back.

He rinsed the blood out of his mouth, cataloging dark fingerprints on his wrist.

He should head to the quarry, be alone for a little bit.

He pushed out of the bathroom, nearly colliding into Max on his way to the door.

She reached for his wrist, the one already marked by another hand.

Billy dodged out of the way, kept going to his car.

3. Acts of Service

“Look, I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t an emergency-”

“Hey, don’t sweat it. You know I never mind driving him.”

Mrs. Henderson sighed in relief.

“Thank you, Sweetheart. You’re a life saver.”

It was true though, he really didn’t mind driving Dustin around. Gave him something to do. Helping felt good, made him forget about things for a little while.

-

He had only been in Max’s room once before.

It had been to yell at her about stealing his Walkman.

It hadn’t changed since then, still just as cluttered, still as California beachy as before.

He placed the skateboard on the unmade bed.

He noticed her wheels were getting torn up on the shitty roads, installed new ones for her.

It was as close to an apology as he could get.

4. Quality time

Steve’s house was empty.

And he hated it.

No matter how loud he turned on the television, no matter how much music he played, or how many lights he turned on, it was still an empty house, with no one but a sad lonely boy rattling away inside.

-

Billy doesn’t like sitting in silence.

He guesses Susan doesn’t either, as she shakily tries to fill the dinner table with a poor anecdote from her day.

Billy smiles where he should, and eats quickly, but not too wuickly, and compliments Susan’s cooking, and only leaves the table when his father dismisses him.

He retreats to his room, listening to music to drown out whatever game Neil’s watching in the next room.

5. Words of Affirmation

“You’re not stupid.”

Billy’s brows were furrowed.

“Yeah, I am. But it’s okay though I’m-”

“No, you’re not.” He said it with an air of finality. “Your mind just works different. But you’re really smart.” Steve smiled weakly. “I mean it. You’ve got this creative brain, always thinking outside the box. You have a knack for detail other people miss. You’re smart”

It was the first time anyone ever told him that.

Fitting, as he’d had a lot of firsts with Billy already.

-

“You’re not a monster.”

Steve’s voice had an air of authority. His eyes were wide.

“Steve, I, I hurt-I killed so many-”

“You weren’t you, though. You were, were possessed. You couldn’t have stood a chance against that thing.”

“I should’ve fought it sooner.”

“It took all your energy to fight it off. And you did, in the end. You saved us all. You’re not a monster. You’re a hero.” Billy’s nose twitched. “You’re selfless, and brave, and a fucking hero.”

4. Quality Time

Steve’s house wasn’t empty.

And he loved it.

Billy seemed to take up every room, fill the space with snide remarks about the decor in Steve’s house, or laugh loudly at family portraits.

He had put music on in the living room, and turned on lights as he looked through his house.

Steve felt warm, and for once, for fucking once, he didn’t feel lonely.

-

Billy likes the quarry, although he would never say that to another human being.

It’s quiet there, and if he closes his eyes, he can pretend the water lapping at the rocky shore is the ocean, that he never left California.

But then he looked to his left, and smiled at the sight.

Steve was always pretty, but something about moonlight made him ethereal.

He was quiet, looking out over the water.

Billy liked that Steve knows when to let the moment sit, when quiet is okay.

3. Acts of Service

“Noticed your breaks were starting to whine, so I changed your break pads. Ended up doing the oil and wiper fluid, too.”

Steve stared at the car.

“You didn’t have to do all that.”

“Good for pt.” Billy’s hands were working much better, he had more articulation these days.

And rebuilding things, fixing things, it made him feel better than any talk session ever had.

It was nice seeing Billy like this, a little closer to his new self.

It made Steve’s stomach flip over.

-

“I finished unpacking your stuff while you were out applying places. I don’t know how you like things organized, so you’ll probably want to redo it I just thought-” Steve was rambling away, all nervous.

“Thanks, Stevie. I appreciate it.” Steve’s face went red.

They had moved into a two-bedroom apartment in the shitty part of town. Billy’s window opened onto a dingy parking lot, while Steve’s showed the gas station below.

“I was just finished, thought I would move your along, too.”

He tamped down the way his gut rolled, the way his heart pounded against his ribs at Steve’s slight flush.

2. Physical Touch

“Do you, uh, do you think I could sleep in here?”

Steve felt like he was going to throw up his heart, hands still shaking from his nightmare.

“‘Course.” Billy’s voice was gruff in the darkness, but he held up the side of his blanket.

Steve slipped underneath it with him.

He was still breathing too fast, stiff as a board on Billy’s bed.

“It’s okay.” And then Billy’s arm was around him, and his back was against a warm, solid chest, and it was all too easy to melt into the touch, maybe let a few tears fall.

Billy was warm, and grounding.

And Steve felt a tiny bit better.

-

Billy tossed himself down onto the couch.

It was two small for how both of them sprawled across it at once, their bodies pressed together.

Steve wiggled his way out from under Billy, leaning against his side, legs tucked up under his hips.

“Long day?”

Billy never replied.

He turned his head to look at Steve, and he was so close, his breath fanning over Billy’s cheeks, dark eyes nearly going cross eyes as they dropped down to look at his lips.

His hair was soft as Billy sank a hand into it, guiding their kiss.

It was a long time coming, the soft brush of their lips.

Steve pressed his body closer to Billy, who let out a desperate whine.

Steve’s hands were soft and warm, one cupping his cheek, one gripping his wrist.

They took shaky breaths after parting, still close enough to feel the other’s breath, neither boy wanting to break their soft little bubble.

They kissed all night.

1. Giving and Receiving Gifts

“Happy birthday, you pain in my ass.”Steve laughed as he accepted the small box from Billy.

“You’re a terror.” He leaned forward to press a kiss to Billy’s cheek.

It was Steve’s first birthday since they moved to California.

He tore open the wrapping paper, tossing the lid of the box onto their bed.

He gasped.

“Bill, this is, thank you.”

It was Billy’s necklace. Steve didn’t even realize he wasn’t wearing it.

“Wanted you to have it. Since you’re my guy, and all that.” His smile was dazzling, lazy and warm.

Steve turned around, placed his palm over the pendant as Billy clasped it for him.

“I love you.” Billy pressed a kiss to the back of his neck, right over the clasp.

“Love you too, Pretty Boy.”

-

“Uh, here.”

Steve’s cheeks were flaming as he pushed the small box into Billy’s hands.

“Happy Birthday.”

Billy just smiled up at him, taking his time with the neat wrapping.

It was a ring, a simple gold band.

“You know, it’s been eight years since we got together. And I know we can’t get married, or whatever, but I thought, we could, we could have this.”

Billy was fucking speechless.

“Sorry, it’s dumb.” Steve reached for the ring, but Billy clutched it to his chest.

“Do you have one too?”

“Yeah. Matching set.”

“Go get it.” Steve looked nervous as he re-entered their living room with a matching gold band.

Billy took it from him. He took his left hand, slowly sliding the ring on his finger.

“With this ring, I thee wed.”

Steve barked a laugh, happy and bright. He slid Billy’s ring onto his finger in the same fashion.

“With this ring, I thee wed.” Billy’s smile was hurting his cheeks.

“Now with the power invested in me, by the great state of California, and the fact that no one can tell us fuck all, I pronounce us, husband and husband. Now gimme a fuckin’ kiss!”

They both laughed into the kiss, the sun setting outside their apartment, dousing the little makeshift wedding in gold.

[stanbillyhargrove]

Demons - The Rewrite

Chapter 3: I Need You To Show Me Love

A/N: sorry its been a while, holidays are super busy

Billy’s POV

From the first time I saw Cat, I wanted her. Her black hair, pierced ears, lip and nose and small frame covered with a black canvas jacket made her stand out like a sore thumb in Hawkins. A shininh star in the otherwise dark sky.

I wanted her naked underneath me, screaming my name, her beautiful freckled face contorted with pleasure like every other girl before her. Except I didn't want to leave her to wake in a cold bed. For once, I wanted to wake up next to someone, to feel the warmth of their skin next to me.

The more time we spent talking I found myself wanting to know more than the curves of her hips. I was actually enjoying getting to know somebody and letting someone get to know me. My walls were coming down just a little, enough for her to peek through.

I still had that naked picture in my mind that left me hard and aching for her but I was able to push that aside for the friendship I was gaining. We drove around a lot together, talking about our lives before Hawkins and what we wanted after.

After a few days together I took her out to my favorite spot out of town, a secluded clearing in the forest where I would often go to chain smoke and try to escape the shit storm at home. I didn’t usually take girls out here, this was my secret place, but after her telling me about her parents, I thought she needed a place to escape to. Then she was so nice and I brought her in for a hug but as soon as I touched her that image was in my head and I was too close to her to fight it off. I kissed her and she liked it, I thought anyway but when my fingers touched her skin, she froze and then pushed away from me. Did she not like it? Does she not want me like I want her? Did I just end the one good thing I had going for me by following my cock instead of my head?

"Shit," I muttered, backing further away, "I just...we don't have to..I can take you home."

I turned on my heel, sliding back into my car before she could answer. Before she could pull a line about just wanting to be friends.

The drive back to her house was quiet. Cat didn't say a word, just curled into the door and stared out the side window.

But then she invited me in. And led me up to her room. And kissed me back, even pressed her body into mine. And pushed me away again.

I looked at her confused until she gave me an answer.

“Just uh.. girl things..”

I breathed out in relief thinking we’d just go back to talking but Cat was sinking to her knees in front of me. Then she gave me the best blowjob of my life, all teasing - she’s definitely done that before, another worry off my mind that I wasn’t getting into something with someone who had no experience. She nipped and sucked until I could barely handle it and then sank her face down, engulfing as much of my cock as she could. I lost control at that point and grabbed her head and fucked her throat until I came. When she pulled off of me she wiped a tear from her face and smiled at me before I helped her up, holding her to my chest as I regained my breath.

We stood there for a moment. A fleeting tender moment before she sighed and stepped away.

"You should probably go," she murmured, "my mom will be home soon."

I felt a twinge of rejection, threatening to throw my walls right back up and shoved my hands into my pockets, "oh, yeah, okay."

Behind the wheel of my car, I was left questioning again. Did I hurt her? Did I take things too far? Maybe she doesn’t want me and just blew me cause that’s what she thought I wanted? Tensing my jaw, I turned the car around and went home. I'll have to swing by tomorrow and talk to her, she probably just needed a minute to figure things out.

So I went home and stalked into my room, flopping on the bed. I lit a cigarette and turned on my radio, trying to drown out the questions in my mind. When that didn't work I got up and started working out, throwing weights around and turning my inner feelings into physical exertion. Towards the end of my workout I heard the front door slam closed, signaling Neil and Susan’s arrival. Growling, I angrily pushed through my workout, dropping my weights down when my door flew open. I drew myself up, squaring my shoulders and clenching my jaw as I stared at Neil who was glowering at me from the doorway.

“Where the fuck is Max?” He growled.

“I don’t know, I left in the morning before you guys and she was here then. Why don’t you know where she is?”

“What the fuck did you say?”

He jumped at me then, grabbing my shirt and slamming me into the wall behind me. My head bounced off the wall, spots swimming in the edges of my vision.

“I need to teach you respect again?”

I grit my teeth and ground out, "no."

White spots danced in my vision as Neil’s fist collided with my cheek, I blinked my eyes hard to regain focus.

"Excuse me?"

"No. Sir."

Neil glared up at me, red faced and reeking of alcohol - like always, “you will go out and find your sister and bring her home do you understand?”

“Yes sir,” I grumbled.

“Speak up!” He barked, slamming his fist into my jaw.

“Yes. Sir."

I stared down at the ground, my entire body tensed, waiting for Neil to let go when Susan appeared against the door frame.

“Max is home, she’s skateboarding in the driveway,” she spoke timidly.

Neil let go of me then, glared at me for a second longer and turned to her, “great, what’s for dinner Susan?” He questioned as they both left my room.

I stood still for a moment, wincing when I stretched my jaw. I could taste copper in my mouth.

The anger burning in my gut had my hands shaking. I wanted to scream and rage, to destroy everything around me until the flames extinguished. Took a deep breath instead and grabbed my keys and cigarettes before leaving the house.

Max stood in the driveway, staring at me as I stalked towards my car with her skateboard clutched in her hands. She'd heard Neil's yelling, I'm sure the whole neighborhood had.

Her small voice was barely louder than a whisper, “are you okay?”

I turned to stare at her and saw her wince, “fucking peachy. Where the hell were you?"

“I went to the arcade with my friends, I told mom I was going before they went out today. I’m sure I did.”

I grit my teeth together, waiting a moment so I didn't explode in Max's face.

“Susan’s making dinner, you should go inside soon," I turned towards my car and started walking away.

She hesitated before mumbling, "sorry, Billy."

I sighed and looked back at her. At the anger and sadness on her face. I couldn’t be too angry with Max, it wasn’t her fault that Neil is a piece of shit. She hates the situation and Neil as much as I do.

So I gave her a weak smile, then got in my car and sped off. I didn’t have anywhere to go so I just drove aimlessly for a while. Without thinking about it I pulled up to Cat’s house once the sun had started to set. I sat in the car for a few minutes before I made up my mind. I couldn’t wait any longer to know if she wanted me or not and I really didn’t want to go back home. Slowly, I turned my car off and walked up to the front step of Cat’s place. The lights were off but I could hear music so I lightly knocked on the door and waited. When I didn’t hear any movement after that I decided to go around the back of the house to check for lights. There was one window with light streaming out of it, Cat’s obviously, so I walked up to peer inside. She was sitting on her bed, wearing black sweatpants and a light grey sweater, curled around a book and a mug. I lightly rapped my knuckle against the window, jumping when I suddenly heard barking and growling from inside the room. Cat looked toward the window, wide eyed and cocked her head to the side when she saw me looking at her. Stiffly, I smiled and waved at her before she got off the bed, snapped at her dog to quiet it and slid the window open to let me in.

“Hey..”

 @charmed-asylum

[skinks]

hi!!! what are your favourite movies? like actually good ones but also any trashy comfort movies? is IT (2017) one of them?

Hello!! IT (2017) IS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THEM oh man, thank you for this, I love talking about movies!!!! This is possibly the most difficult question you could have asked me. Apologies for how absolutely off the rails this got, I just... love movies so much lmao

I’ve said this before, but opening night of IT ch1 was the best cinema experience I’ve ever had, I’m so glad I got to see it with a fully packed audience who were all laughing and screaming together the whole way through. I’m a huge fan of... everything ch1 was doing, the 80s nostalgia, the summer-coming-of-age themes, the solid ghost train funhouse JOY of the Pennywise performance and scares, the washed-out cinematography, the tiny background details to make everything that much more eerie, the kids’ ACTING?!

Like, a lot of the time I find child actors can be really awkward and stilted to watch, but I remember leaving the cinema really impressed by JDG and Sophia Lillis in particular. I liked that they were all allowed to be little shitheads with potty mouths, it felt like a callback to 80s movies like The Lost Boys or Stand By Me. The whole thing worked to make me really care about what happened to the kids (even if I do still have issues with how they handled Mike. I understand even ch1 had limitations with juggling so many characters, but still). I saw it another 2 times in the cinema and have rewatched it at least, I dunno, 7-10 more times since then?

Add to all of that the retroactive CANON R+E baby pining subplot? I just love it, as if that wasn’t obvious by now given my Whole Blog. It’s a really special movie to me!

Anyway!! Ok, the main handful of movies I rewatch all the fucking time are:

Back to the Future, The Lost Boys, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Jaws, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Ocean’s 11, POTC 1, The Dark Knight, Inception, Die Hard, LOTR trilogy, Snatch, The Nice Guys, Logan Lucky, Mad Max Fury Road, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Billy Elliot, Dirty Dancing, Tomb Raider (2018)...

Those are the easily consumable ones that I’ve seen so many times I don’t really have to concentrate or think about them, but I really love them and unfortunately often KEEP rewatching them instead of new stuff. It would take too long to go into why I love all these movies so much because I could write the same amount as I already did for ITCH1, and everyone already knows why those movies are good, so, lol.

I think I’m gonna have to subdivide and categorise this whole post because there are too many separate criteria for... goOD MOVIES, AUUHH 😩

Okay so first off, HORROR MOVIES? I’m especially in love with Re-Animator (1985) and its sequel Bride of Re-Animator, they’re such good examples of camp and batshit 80s practical effects, and also EXTREMELY funny. I’m actually just gonna post my list of my fave horror movies that I do actually keep on my phone at all times lmao. These are in no particular order:

Wholeheartedly recommend every one of these. I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was watching Hereditary in the cinema, hoo boy. Mother! by Aronofsky is one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had (and I actually saw it on the same day I saw IT ch1 for the first time!! That was a fun day)

Psycho (1960) and The Fly from 1986 should also be on there but I couldn’t fit them in the screenshot.

I’m a HUGE fan of a ton of martial arts movies too, like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Ip Man, The Raid movies, John Wick 3 is my fave of the trilogy, Drive from 1997 with Mark Dacascos is incredible, SPL 2, Ong-Bak, Operation Condor, Project A, Iron Monkey, and Zatoichi (2003) are some favourites.

My favourite Tarantino is Reservoir Dogs, fave Coen brothers are Raising Arizona, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and O Brother Where Art Thou. Love some old-timey colour correction and weird offbeat dialogue. I also love Goodfellas!!! And Donnie Brasco! And The Firm, I’m so easy for any good crime/law/gangster/heist procedural like that, especially if they’re from the 80s or 90s in a super dated way.

Fave Disney movie is Tarzan, favourite Ghibli movies are Spirited Away and Lupin III. I remember watching Spirited Away during a thunderstorm one time and it being.... god! Transcendent! Favourite Pixar movie is The Incredibles (the first one. ALSO the documentary “The Pixar Story” is great and well worth a watch, it’s very comforting for some reason) and my favourite Dreamworks movies are HTTYD1 and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron.

I tend to watch more anime movies than tv shows, so stuff like Akira, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars, Journey to Agartha, and my ultimate fave anime is Sword of the Stranger (2008). The climactic fight in that movie is fucking stunning and should be counted in “bests fights” lists right alongside anything live action

Also if we’re talking animated movies another hearty favourite is Rango, and a Belgian stop-motion (which at one time I considered my favourite movie ever) called Panique Au Village (2009) which is one of the funniest movies ever made imo.

As for TRASHY movies, I’m not sure if that’s the right word for how I feel about these ones but.. dumb/silly/slightly guilty pleasure movies? Ones that I feel need some kind of justification lmfao

Troy - something u must know about me is that I’m a giant slut for the Assassin’s Creed franchise, so if a movie smashes historical and mythological nonsense together with fun costumes and sword fights, I’m gonna enjoy myself. Even if they should have made Achilles and Patroclus gay. Other movies in this vein are King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, and Immortals (2011)

Gods of Egypt - I know all the reasons this movie is whitewashed bullshit. But it was already bullshit with giant Anubis mecha and giant snakes and bad acting and ridiculous CGI and frankly I had a blast at the cinema (my friend who I forced to come with me did not have a blast. Sorry H***)

Avatar - yes, the one with the big blue people. This movie gets a lot of flack nowadays but I really do enjoy it just for the spectacle. The full CGI world technology was so new at the time and I love to wallow in the visuals and daydream about riding a cool dragon around in the jungle

George of the Jungle - I’ll defend this movie to the death ok this movie shaped me as a person, it is fucking hilarious and Brendan Fraser is the himbo to end all himbos. It’s perfect. The song Dela is perfect. I still want to write a reddie AU about it. It’s one of the best movies ever made and I’m not being ironic

Set It Up - I KNOW this is a dumb Netflix original romcom but consider this; it was funny and the leads had great chemistry. I got butterflies. I once watched it and then literally immediately set it back to the start so I could watch it again

The Brady Bunch Movie - when people talk about great satires or parodies you will see them bring up the same movies over and over again, Blazing Saddles, This Is Spinal Tap etc, but they never talk about The Brady Bunch Movie from 1995 for some reason, which they should. It is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen and every time i watch it somehow it gets funnier

Some more general favourites that I do still love but don’t rewatch as often, and don’t wanna go into more detail about are:

Moon (2009), Crna Mačka Beli Mačor, The Sixth Sense, Parasite, The Handmaiden, Tremors, Wet Hot American Summer, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, What We Do In The Shadows, Hunt For the Wilderpeople, The Secret of My Success (I love kitschy 80s movies, is that obvious by now), The Green Mile, When Harry Met Sally, Rear Window, The Odd Couple, Breaking Away, Pan’s Labyrinth, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Eagle, Gladiator, The Artist, The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec, Call Me By Your Name, Master and Commander, Pacific Rim, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Legend (1985), Emma. (2020), Flash Gordon, Trolljegeren, Hross í Oss, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, WarGames, District 9, Ajeossi (2010), Tracks (2013), Sightseers, Mud (2012), Pitch Black, Four Lions, Shaun of the Dead, Starship Troopers, The Truman Show, Withnail & I....... Jesus Christ ok I need to stop

NOTABLE EXTREME FAVOURITES that I didn’t include in the regular rewatch list because they’re too heavy/not as well known/require more attention.:

Thin Red Line (1998), Badlands (1973) both dir. Terrence Malick

Malick’s brand of dreamy impressionistic filmmaking is something I find really appealing, both of these movies are gorgeous and unusual and poignant and, in the case of Thin Red Line at least, have a lot of things to say about a lot of rough subjects. I don’t totally understand all those things sometimes, but a theme with a lot of my favourite movies is that I’ll be more likely to love something long-term if it raises unanswered questions, or is surreal/esoteric etc. Plus the cinematography is incredible, and I wish there was a way to get Jim Caviezel’s narration from The Thin Red Line as an audiobook because it’s very poetic and soothing.

Let the Bullets Fly (2010) dir. Jiang Wen

This movie is WILD, it’s so much fun. It’s sprawling and intricate and epic and smart and really fucking funny, it! Has! Everything! A gang of very tolerant outlaws!! Jiang Wen’s beautiful broad chest!!! Chow Yun Fat absolutely DECIMATING the scenery, and the two of them outsmarting each other in order to gain control of a small Chinese town!!! Plus it’s long, but it packs so much nonsense and intrigue that it goes by really fast. Wow what a flick

A Field in England (2013) dir. Ben Wheatley

I know I included this in my horror list but aaaaahhh ahhhh Wheatley is one of my favourite directors (he also made Sightseers, and is directing the Tomb Raider sequel which makes me absolutely rabid.) This is a surreal black-and-white psychological horror black comedy set in the English Civil War about some deserters who may or may not meet the Devil in a field. People eat mushrooms. It’s bonkers. I love being blasted in the face with imagery that I don’t understand

Mandy (2018) dir. Panos Cosmatos

Speaking of being blasted in the face!!!!! This movie... I saw it in the cinema and I can’t even begin to explain the experience, but I’ll try. My favourite review site described it like this:

“...somewhere between a prog album cover come to life and a metal album cover come to life, and subscribes to both genre's artistic tendency towards maximalism: what it ends up being is basically naught else but two glorious hours of being pounded by bold colors...”

So, prog and metal are my two favourite genres of music. This movie opens with the quote “When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead.” and then a King Crimson song, it is SURREAL to the nth degree, it’s violent and bizarre and Nic Cage forges a giant silver axe to destroy demonic bikers and there is a CHAINSAW DUEL. A galaxy swirls above a quarry. Multiple animated horror nightmare sequences. At one point a man says “you exude a cosmic darkness” and releases a live tiger. At another point Cage says, in a digitally deepened voice, “The psychotic drowns where the mystic swims. You’re drowning. I’m swimming.” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two years

Paper Moon (1973) dir. Peter Bogdanovich

Really fantastic movie set in the Great Depression (and also in black & white) about a conman and a little kid who may or may not be his daughter, running cons across the Midwest. It’s beautifully shot, so sharp and sweet and the progression of their dynamic is really well done because they’re played by an IRL father and daughter. Tatum O’Neal was NINE YEARS OLD and she’s so amazing in this movie she’s actually the youngest person to win a competitive category Oscar. I keep trying to get people to watch this fbdjfjdbf it’s wonderful

Alpha (2018) dir. Albert Hughes

THIS MOVIE IS A VICTIM OF BAD MARKETING ok, the trailers made it look like some twee crappy sentimental Boy And His Dog Adventure, plus it had voiceovers in American-accented english? That’s a total disservice to one of the coolest things about this film; the fact that they got a linguist to construct an entirely original Neolithic language that all the characters speak for the entire runtime. And yes, it is eventually a Boy And His Wolf adventure, but it’s COOL and fairly brutal, and it has some really incredible cinematography. The landscapes are so strange and barren and alien, you really get the sense that this is an ancient world we no longer have any connection to. And it’s also about like, the birth of dog & human companionship sooo it’s perfect.

Free Solo (2018) dir. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, Jimmy Chin

The Free Climbing Documentary. I loved climbing as a kid, I love outdoor sports, and I love movies that elicit a physical reaction in me, whether that’s horny, scared, real laughter, overwhelming shivers, or in the case of Free Solo - HORRIBLE SWEATING TENSION. Like, I knew about Alex Honnold beforehand because of this adventure film festival I go to every year and I followed him on IG so obviously I knew he lived, but the actual climb itself was torture. My hands sweat every time I see it!! It’s incredible, such a cool look into generally what the human body can do, and more specifically, why Honnold’s psychology and life means he’s so well suited to free soloing. It’s such an exercise in getting to know an individual and get invested in them, before they attempt something very potentially fatal.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee

I can’t even talk about this. When I was around 13 I snuck downstairs to watch this on TV at 11pm in secret, and my life was forever changed. I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t seen Brokeback at the age I did. I seriously can’t talk about this or I’ll write an even longer essay than this already is

God’s Own Country (2017) dir. Francis Lee

The antidote to Brokeback Mountain, I’m so glad I managed to see this one in the cinema too. It makes me cry every time, as someone who’s spent years working on a cold British farm with sheep it was very realistic, which is expected since Lee grew up on a farm in Yorkshire. I love that this movie isn’t really about being closeted, but about being so emotionally repressed and self-loathing that the main character finds it so hard to accept love. Or that he deserves to be loved. The cinnamontographies.... lordt... but also the intimacy and sex scenes are fucking searing wow who hasn’t seen this movie by now. 10 stars. 20 stars!!!

Tomboy (2011) dir. Céline Sciamma

I saw this years ago but I’ve never forgotten it, it cut so deep. It’s from the director of Portrait of a Lady on Fire and it’s about a gnc kid struggling with gender and misogyny and homophobia in a really raw, scrappy way, it reminded me very much of my own... childhood... ahh the central performance is amazing for such a young age. I haven’t seen Portrait yet but I feel like if you went nuts for that, you should definitely check this out, it’s lovely.

Donnie Darko (2001) dir. Richard Kelly

EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS MOVIE I UNDERSTAND LESS AND LESS and that’s what I love so much about it. I love surreal movies, I love time-fuckery and stuff about altered perception etc etc and Donnie Darko scratches all my itches. I wish I could find a way to figure out an IT AU for it, because I know it would work! Somehow! Plus it’s got the subdued 80s nostalgia and I found it at an age when I was really starting to explore movies and music and the soundtrack FUCKS.

Offside (2006) dir. Jafar Panahi

I wish more people knew about this!!! It’s an Iranian film about a disparate group of women and girls who are football fans and want to watch Iran’s qualifying match for the World Cup, but women aren’t allowed into the stadium, so they all get thrown into the Stadium Jail together? They don’t know each other beforehand, but it’s about their changing relationships with each other and the guards and just, their defiance alongside hearing the match from the outside and WOW it’s so lively. Great dialogue and very funny, and such a different kind of story from anything you usually see from Hollywood.

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh

This movie... I guess it’s the ideal. This is the platonic ideal of a film for me, it has fantasy, magical realism, glorious visuals, amazing score and costumes and production design and a really interesting, heartbreaking relationship at the core of it. I don’t know why so many of my favourite films feature incredibly raw performances by child actors but this is another one, Catinca Untaru barely knew any English and improvised so much because of that, and it’s fascinating to watch! Also the dynamic with Lee Pace is one of my favourites, where a kid forms a friendship with a guardian figure who isn’t their parent, but the guardian grows to really care for them by the end. It’s like Paper Moon in that sense. What is there to even say about this movie, it’s pure magic joy tempered and countered by genuine gutwrenching emotional conflict in the real world, it’s also ABOUT old moviemaking, in a way, and it’s stunning to look at!

Mad Max Fury Road (2015) dir. George Miller

I know I included this in my “most rewatched” section but it deserves its own thing. We all know why this movie is fucking incredible. I remember clutching my armrests in the cinema and feeling like my skeleton was being blasted back into the seat behind me and tbh that is the high I’m constantly chasing when I go to see any movie. What a fucking gift this film is

Théo et Hugo dans le Même Bateau (2016) dir. Olivier Ducastel, Jacques Martineau

I only found this movie last year and it became an instant favourite. Initially I was just curious because I’d never seen a movie with unsimulated sex before, but it’s so much more than the 18 minute gay sex club orgy it opens with. No, not more than, AS WELL AS. The orgy is important because this movie is so candid and frank about sex and HIV treatment in the modern day, it was eye-opening. Another thing that really got me is that I’d never seen a real-time film before. It’s literally an hour and a half in the lives of these two men, their intense connection and conversation and conflict in the middle of the night in Paris, with some really nice night photography and just!!! Wow!!! AMAZING CHEMISTRY between the actors. This is such a gem if you’re comfortable with explicit sexual content.

Ok. This is already over 3k but film is obviously one of my ridiculous passions and I can and do talk about it for hours. I’ve been reading magazines about it for years, listening to podcasts and reading review blogs and recently, watching video essays on YouTube because the whole process is so interesting to me and I want to learn more!!

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of valuing form over narrative. The idea that story can often come second to the deeper physical experience and emotional reaction that’s created by using ALL the elements of filmmaking and not just The Story, y’know? Whether that’s editing, shot composition, colour, the sound mix, the actors, how it should all be used to heighten the emotional state the script wants you to feel. And so, I think for a few years now this approach has been influencing the types of films I really, really love.

I think I love surreality and mind-bending magical realism in films specifically because the filmmakers have to use all those different tools to convey things that can be way too metaphysical for just... a script? I’m always chasing that physical response; if a movie can make me stop thinking “I wonder what it was like to set up that shot” and instead overwhelm that suspension of disbelief, if I can be terrified or woozy or crying for whatever reason, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s why I watch so many fuckin movies, and why I’ll always remember nights like seeing IT (2017) for giving me another favourite.

Thank you again for this question, I didn’t mean to go so overboard. Also there’s no way to do a readmore on tumblr mobile so apologies to anyone’s dashboard 😬

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

Soulmate Shenanigans Part Three: Return Of The Shenanigans

Let’s do this!

At this point, you probably know the drill (and, if not, parts one and two are here and here!)

Basically I found some prompts for September, and now I’m doing them in October just because

Prompt #3

You have an animal that only you and your soulmate can see.

Warnings: Death mentions, brief mentions of drowning (I pinky swear that I’ll stop drowning Janus for the rest of this challenge), brief mentions of house fires (I pinky swear that I’ll stop setting Patton on fire for the rest of this challenge)

World Building

Soulmates had always been an idea bubbling in the back of humanity’s brains. A sort of “hey, this romance thing is complicated, could we just kinda know?”

It was starting to annoy the fates

Do you expect them to do all the work? I mean, what with the spinning, and the looking ominous, and the lack of dental, their job is a hard one, and you want to make it harder by having them weave two people’s stories together?

One day, a fate heard yet another “please, let me meet my soulmate tomorrow” prayer and went nuts

Fine. Fine! You want soulmates? We’ll make soulmates.

The plan was to create two soulmates, make them fall in love

And then kill them.

Just to remind humans where they stood on a cosmic scale. Just to remind them that every story ends tragically, when you get down to the end.

They reviewed a few couples (Some Romeo and Juliet people had promise), but in the end decided. Feuding families? Check. Opposites attracting? Check. Tragedy? Inevitable.

Characters

Patton: Patton grew up inside the hedges.

Hedges were his family’s specialty, so the house was surrounded by them. He rarely got to leave, but he could get lost in the gardens and talk to his imaginary pet, so all in all things were okay. Sure, maybe it was weird to have a blue jay that only he could see, but he was lonely!

See, Patton’s family liked three things

1. Having heirs (but only in theory)

2. Increasingly elaborate hedge mazes

3. Fighting a blood feud the goddamn lawyers

Patton wasn’t really on that list, but he wasn’t on the list of hated things either, so there was that.

List of Hated Things

1. The goddamn lawyers

2. Anyone who associates with the goddamn lawyers

3. Anyone who is descended from the goddamn lawyers

4. Anyone who gets in the way of the blood feud with the goddamn lawyers

5. Dandelions. They’re not serious gardening.

Janus: Janus was, of course, a child of the goddamn lawyers

The lawyers weren’t a clan of blood like the gardeners, but one of merit. And having kids was seen as a conflict of interest, and therefore frowned upon.

Of course, it’s illegal to murder or criminally neglect children, so he was allowed to stick around and have a childhood vaguely reminiscent of John Mulaney’s “one black coffee”, “over on the bench”, and “getting accused of murdering Princess Diana” skits

Most of his childhood was spent accusing his pet blue jay (that couldn’t be seen by anyone else) of crimes and then debating himself about whether or not the bird was guilty, like a normal kid.

However, when it became clear that someone else was stealing his blue jay, he had to find them and give them a piece of his mind, even if they lived behind formidable hedges

The Plot

Patton (about eight at this point) was wandering around the grounds, talking to Sunny (his name for the bird), like every other day, when the strangest kid he’d ever seen in his life appeared through a small gap in the hedges and informed him that the bird was his and he’d be leaving soon

A bird custody battle ensues

Janus uses a lot of legal terminology, which Patton pretends to understand. The debate ends when Patton’s aunt shows up and threatens to chuck Janus over the garden walls if he doesn’t get out immediately.

Janus runs off, but Patton sees him through the hedges later, and he looks kind of sad about the whole thing, so Patton offers to share custody of Sunny. 

Janus perked up at this solution, despite claiming that the bird’s name was really Iago, and a friendship was born.

It was hard for them to chat when both their relatives would love to murder at least one of the kids if they could get away with it, and Patton was separated from him by the hedges, but they managed.

Sunny/Iago was decent at carrying messages, Janus was good at finding secret passages, and Patton had adequate aim when tossing packages over the hedges.

They were best friends for years and years, confidants in their crazy worlds.

At around sixteen, Janus convinced Patton to leave the grounds for an afternoon. The two of them saw the sights (which meant buying/stealing bread) (you can guess who actually bought the bread and who stole it) and had fun

The evening ended with the two of them sitting under a tree, chatting. The dandelions were in that in-between stage where some of them are flowers and some seed-heads, so Patton was able to weave a crown of flowers and make a wish at the same time.

Take a wild flying guess who he wished for (hint: they were currently wearing the flower crown and pretending to not like it, but would secretly never take it off. Ever.).

Patton claimed he’d wished for world peace (which, on further reflection, he felt bad for not thinking of first), and Janus claimed he’d wished for solid gold coins, but they were both lying.

Eventually, Patton had to go home.

Sunny-Iago: Sunny-Iago had gone by many names before. As one of the extra-dimensional lords of fate, they’d been called things like, “THE FUCK IS THAT”, “IT HAS SO MANY EYES”, and “Oh, fuck, that raven’s back again”. It made perfect sense for them to have at least two, despite being in the flesh prison of a blue jay this time.

A damn blue jay.

At least ravens have a little class.

Anyway, their job was to guide two sweethearts together and then drive them into a metaphorical (or literal? It could always be literal) brick wall. This was proving harder than expected, since the most important thing was to not get attached to either of them and well

Sunny-Iago had gotten attached to both of them. It was hard to see kids grow up and be fine killing them off, okay!

But they knew the drill. This had to end in some kind of tragedy. 

So, they had a plan. Instead of having them both killed off because of miscommunication, they’d merely never see each other again and pine after what could have been, eventually turning into a bittersweet story they’d tell to....someone younger and more naïve, or something. They were still working it out!

So, they grabbed a quill pen in their beak and wrote a note to Patton’s aunt (it took several tries. Beaks were not meant for holding quill pens). 

The note said something along the lines of “You know the goddamn lawyers? Of course you do. Your nephew fell for one, last chance to fix the situation is at 10:00 at the gate”.

Back To The Plot

Patton and Janus got back to the gardener grounds. Neither wanted to leave the other’s company, so they lingered at the gate, chatting and finding excuses to stay.

After a few minutes, it was obvious that Patton had to leave. Before doing so, he quickly kissed Janus on the cheek, just in time to get caught by his aunt, who came close to stabbing the both of them with a garden trowel.

When Janus came back a few days later, wilted dandelions still in his pocket, Patton was gone, sent far away from lawyers and love. All that was left was the bird. A stupid bird that no one else could see.

Time-lapse! Seven years later!

Janus was working on the most important legal case any lawyer had in a solid three years.

A gardener had murdered one of his relatives (he kept forgetting which one, which was a bit of a problem, since half of his job was to look tearful about them) with a wheelbarrow, and he was attempting to get them arrested for it. 

If it worked, the gardeners would have consequence for committing murder, which would hopefully tone down the blood feud a little.

Half of the jurors had been rigged by both sides, some paid to vote one way and some paid to vote another. There were, however, six undecided jurors out there.

The Jurors

Logan: Logan is the only person on the jury who knows anything whatsoever about law and what can be done in a courtroom. He actually wants the most just and logical thing to happen. 

Weirdo.

Roman: Roman is an actor in a touring production of Much Ado About A Midsummer’s Ham (Cooked As You Like It)

He just wants this trial process to be over so he can get back to rehearsal-wait, nevermind, the guy with the glasses is cute and he’s going to make this court case last as long as possible.

Remus: Remus is here to cause as much legal chaos as possible

He might get arrested for contempt of court.

Virgil: Virgil gives 0 fucks about anything that happens, but knows more about law than Logan, who knows more about law than anyone else in the court.

Remy: Remy heard from people that court cases are full of juicy drama.

Those people are wrong. It’s just a bunch of legal stuff. He’d rather be at Starbucks!

Emile: Emile is psychoanalyzing everyone else on the jurors section. Especially Remus.

Back To The Plot

The case progresses normally

Well, normally for this town anyway, which means that the goddamn lawyers are dying off fast (mostly of poison).

Janus, however, has managed to dodge every assassination attempt. He’s lawyering like Billy Flynn here!

Late in the afternoon, everyone’s a little tired and a lot bored when yet another witness is called. Janus was pulling his hat over his eyes for shade from the sunlight streaming into the court, when he heard the witness’s voice.

After a seven year disappearance, Patton stood in the courtroom.

Remy leaned forward. He saw the look on Janus’s face. At long last, drama had arrived.

After the court got out of session, Janus dashed down the steps of the building to catch up to Patton. He offers to get a coffee with him, but Patton turns him down, insinuating that he only offered to get information on the gardeners. Janus left, dejected.

Over the last seven years, Patton’s was in the far away land where his family started: New Jersey. While in this cursed place, his family attempted to change him from a dandelion to a venus flytrap, and nearly succeeded.

Nearly.

But when, the next day, his aunt poisons Janus’s water glass (gleefully explaining that this poison doesn’t show up on the standard tests and precautions), he just so happens to be clumsy enough to knock it over before Jan drinks it, and ends up volunteering to get coffee to make up for it.

Coffee meet-ups lead to coffee dates lead to rekindling of old romances (all under the utmost secrecy)

Eventually, the court case comes to a head. 

The six pre-decided jurors work quickly, but Logan debates, and Roman stalls because he’ll be missing Logan, and Remus is forcibly removed from the courthouse, and Emile forgot to take notes, and Virgil sleeps through most of it, and Remy couldn’t care less about this, only caring about what happens with Janus and Patton.

They make their decision

Since they saw like 47 murder attempts over the course of the trial, it’s not a stretch to assume that the gardeners did kill that guy with a wheelbarrow.

Janus and the rest of the prosecution celebrate, and in the excitement of the moment, he and Patton end up sharing a kiss.

That’s the moment the gardeners went from Lowkey Trying To Murder Him to Highkey Trying To Murder Him

Both of them walk home with their head in the clouds

When your head is in the clouds, it’s easy to get kidnapped and thrown in the harbor to drown, especially if you happen to be a goddamn lawyer who just won a case.

And when your head is in the clouds, and you overhear your relatives talking about how they threw the person you love the most into the harbor to drown, it’s easy to make rash decisions

Like grabbing a torch and running into the middle of a prized hedge maze, and threaten to burn it all if his aunt didn’t tell him where Janus was. 

When the answer was “dead, obviously”, Patton took the torch to the shrubbery, and the estate burned.

Problem: Janus crawled to shore and survived. 

Secondary problem: Patton’s not trying especially hard to escape the fire.

Janus got to the house, saw it was on fire, and ran into the grounds. He eventually found Patton (who was still alive and in the hedge maze), but....it’s a very intricate hedge maze, and now there’s smoke everywhere, and they can’t find their way out.

At the last second, Sunny-Iago swooped over their heads, pointing to the exit, and they run after them.

They’re almost out of the burning grounds when Sunny-Iago falls to the ground, still, and they find themselves in another place entirely.

The Fates

The Fates had bet on how good old birdie would kill Janus and Patton off

Knife? was the most common bet, followed by Wolves. No one bet on them living in the end.

Except Meghan (alternate name: The Lurking One), and nobody liked Meghan, and nobody liked losing money. 

So, they were going to do the job personally.

Back To The Plot

Janus and Patton find themselves in a tomb where every grave is theirs. A tomb where every grave is theirs is essentially the office space of the fates, who enjoy the atmosphere.

The Fates themselves take a multitude of forms: Animal, vegetable, mineral, eldritch, you name it.

And they all bicker amongst themselves about how to best kill off the couple.

Knife? Wolves? Triscuits? How??

Janus tricks them into debating the subject round and round in circles, but they eventually come to their senses.

As a last ditch hope, Patton says that they’ll pick the method of death for them if they give the couple a chance to plead for their lives.

The fates agree, and the Final Court Case begins.

Janus is quite a lawyer, but there’s literally a saying about how hard it is to argue with Fate, so its a nail biter of a case. Patton manages to give a passionate defense and Janus brings up evidence, but it’s still anyone’s game how the jurors will vote.

Steve votes for death

The Great Rot votes for not death

Spatula votes for not death

Karen votes for death

Meghan votes for not death

A Clump Of Petunias votes for death

Broken Taco Shells And Broken Hearts votes for not death

That One Relative At Family Reunions That You Pretend To Know But Don’t votes for death

Microwavable Lasagna votes for not death

The Ghost Of Richard III votes for death

That Sock That Always Disappears From Dryers chooses not to vote. What a jerk.

At this point, it’s tied 5-5. Enter Remy, who just wants to go to the extra-dimensional Starbucks.

He deliberates. He hems. He haws. He draws out the moment unnecessarily long for drama’s sake.

But, at the end of the day, he was always rooting for these humans.

Remy votes for not death.

Conclusion

Patton and Janus get to live. Time is very short for humans, and eventually they would both die, but right then and there, they got to live.

Dandelions eventually took root where the carefully trimmed hedges had once been.

And Roman noticed, after his performance was done, that a certain nerd was in the audience.

And he could also see Roman’s blue jay.

Hope you enjoyed!!

[possiblyjad]

So I noticed that I have had a bunch of new followers over the last month or so and I haven't taken the time to send you guys love and a proper intro! So here we go:

Hi! My name is Jade, but you can also call me Jad. I'm 27, Canadian (I live in Niagara Falls), and super queer. I use both she and they pronouns. I have two conflicting aesthetics of super cutesy pastel stuff and emo renaissance. I love fashion, makeup, and body modification as outlets of expression. I go to school VERY soon to be an esthetician, and I'm currently looking into the possibilities of getting a piercing apprenticeship.

Under the cut will be 25 random facts about me. Click to see them:

1. I grew up in a smallish town called Bowmanville, which is about an hour east of Toronto. It's rapidly expanding but in the heart of it is a bevy of picture esque historic neighborhoods lined with centuries old mansions. If you ever go, the one place I highly recommend food wise is Norm’s Deli downtown. The handmade pierogis and cabbage rolls are unmatched. Also, if you’re a tattoo fiend like me, some of my all time favourite artists are in Bowmanville/Oshawa.

2. I currently have 4 tattoos and 12 piercings, with the strong desire to get more.

3. My favourite colours are pastels mainly, baby blue, mint, lavender, and millennial pink.

4. I have a caffeine addiction which is usually fueled by coffee (mainly iced) and sugar free energy drinks.

5. I don't really care for alcohol too much, I like the occasional beer at Taps or a cocktail on a hot day, but I hate getting drunk and I'm also not fairly comfortable around drunk people unless I'm also drunk. (I don't really do parties anymore for that very reason)

6. I've been pescatarian since Feb 2020 and I've been trying my hardest to use cruelty free personal care products since the beginning of 2020.

7. My favourite CF makeup brands are Colourpop, Milk Makeup, Sugarpill, and Anastasia Beverly Hills.

8. Even though I'm trying really hard right now, I am USELESS when it comes to hair. I don't really know how to curl hair, I don't know how to braid, and I cannot be trusted with bleach (I won't fry your hair, it'll just be very uneven). I'm trying to learn hair curling now, though!

9. I smoke weed almost everyday. Depending on what I smoke with, it actually levels me out anxiety wise and allows me to focus and think like a normal person. I also smoke before bed to help treat my insomnia. On occasion though, I DO like to get mind numbingly stoned.

10. I actually have a hard time getting close to people, predominantly because of my past relationships with toxic people. My broken brain automatically considers most relationships temporary until proven otherwise, in an attempt to protect myself from further heartache. I always want to make new friends, I swear! Just keep interacting with me and I'll open up at some point.

11. I don't shut the fuck up. Ever. I'm either talking my friends' ears off or I'm complimenting a stranger because I can. Let’s just say that I’m a hit with my friends’ parents or family.

12. I LOVE TTRPG, it’s likely my biggest creative outlet right now. I play both DnD 5E and Pathfinder 1E. I partake in 5 games right now.

13. I’m a first time DM! I started a campaign for a bunch of people who are relatively new to DnD a few months ago and it’s been a hit so far! I absolutely love flexing my creative muscles and writing for my friends!

14. I also write as a hobby as well. Mainly fantasy drabble based on my TTRPG characters, but it’s still something.

15. I’m almost always either listening to music or finding new musicians to listen to. I curate playlists all the time and daydream to songs constantly.

16. My favourite artists/bands right now are: Lights, Marianas Trench, Mothica, BMTH, Halsey, Ashnikko, Billy Talent, Stand Atlantic, and a plethora more.

17. I’m technically the oldest in my family. I have a younger brother (also queer and trans, he recently started HRT!!), and a little half sister who is the literal light of my life.

18. I LOVE animals! I have a senior cat, Willow, who does not look or behave like a senior cat. I also have a lionhead/dwarf rabbit named Theodore, or Theo. I’d get more pets if it weren’t for the fact, we don’t really have the room for other animals in our apartment, and also the fact that Willow hates other cats.

19. I’m TERRFIED of bees/wasps. I understand their importance to the world and they can vibe and save the planet as far away from me as possible.

20. My favourite food is sushi. I’m also a massive sushi snob and I have strong opinions on many of the places I’ve been to in my lifetime. The best I’ve had is still this place in Freehold, NJ that I don’t remember the name of. In Ontario, thus far, is tied between Oishi Maki in Whitby, ON, and the St Catharines location for Wind.

21. I’m also a sucker for good bubble tea. It’s one of the easiest ways to win me over.

22. I just love tea in general. Hot or iced. You should see my tea/coffee cupboard, it is PACKED. I’m a huge David’s tea fan but I also like trying other loose-leaf teas as well, and I prefer herbal/fruit infusions over most other teas. Except for chai, you can win me over with a good chai.

23. I marched in a pride parade once! It was the Durham Pride Parade in Oshawa in 2014! I was still very much in the closet at the time, but I did get photographed by the news and everything! I would LOVE to go to Toronto Pride once in my life with a bunch of my other Alphabet Mafia fiends when things die down.

24. I am a shameless collector of Pokemon and Alpacasso plush.

25. Back when we could, I used to go to conventions a lot! I’ve been to Anime North, Fan Expo, and Con Bravo thus far. My favourite out of all of them is easily Con Bravo, but I would LOVE to check out other Ontario conventions when things open up!

[harringrovetrashrat]

heyyy uhhhh can i get a #43 with a side of #3 and umm, can I add on some insercurites for free? how much? all my love and appreciation?? dang I've already maxed out my card but you can have my heart...

Anon, anon, anon.... I’ll do it for free.  The love an appreciation is very welcome tho (i’m a leo bastard) ;)

Why this prompt gave me trouble, I HAVE NO IDEA.  It took FOREVER to get myself going, I even had to do a fucking twitter poll, and I’m still unhappy with how this came out.  So, on the house, I’m gonna rewrite this again later.  Because there’s not enough of anything in here.

That all being said, I don’t fully hate this and I wanted to get something out for ya.  And let you know that more was coming after this.  (Fic under the cut)

--

Steve watched as Billy leaned against the lifeguard tower, finger twirling one of Casey’s curls, making her blush.  He sunk lower on the plastic lounger, glaring through his sunglasses.  It wasn’t like he thought Billy was really into her.  But still.  It made his heart clench and his stomach all queasy whenever Billy flirted with someone else.

Steve knew he wasn’t bad to look at.  That he was pretty cute.  But after Nancy and the tunnels and everything, he’d kind of lost his appeal or something.  Girls didn’t flirt with him, like, ever.  And it wasn’t like he was looking for their attention, but it would have been nice.  To get confirmation you weren’t fucking hideous.  Because Billy was gorgeous.

Like made Steve sweat the first time he saw him gorgeous.  Like, model gorgeous.  Like a fucking sun god, all tan skin, freckles, and muscles that Steve just wanted to run his tongue along, to bite and fawn over--

Steve groaned quietly and pushed his sunglasses up, pressing the meat of his palms to his eyes.

They’d talked about it before.  Talked about how Steve didn’t need to worry, but sometimes he didn’t know why Billy was doing, well, whatever it was they were doing, besides the obvious us both knowing about monsters thing.  Nothing like shared trauma.  Maybe it was because he was the only other guy in town who was okay having another guy’s dick in his mouth.  Steve sighed and grabbed his stuff, catching Dustin’s attention.

“What?” He asked, coming over.

“You guys want pizza and ice cream?  On me.” Dustin perked up and grinned.

“Hell yeah!  Can’t see why anyone would say no to that!” He went back over the The Party, gesturing animatedly.  They cheered and Steve ignored the way Billy’s eyes darted over and didn’t leave him until he was walking out the gate.

--

Steve fidgeted with the remote, hating himself and hating Billy and hating Hawkins.  He hadn’t heard anything from Billy, even though they supposedly had plans tonight.  Well, they had their usual It’s Friday let’s get wasted and fool around thing.  At least, he thought they did.  What a fucking chump.  He scrubbed at his eyes, ignoring the pit in his stomach when the clock hit 1 in the morning.  Ignoring that Billy should have been here 3 hours ago.

Steve had really thought things were getting better.  Billy had been staying the night, been staying for breakfast, and it had made Steve yearn for something domestic.  He wanted to spend every morning dressed in his underwear and one of Billy’s shirts, making them omelettes.  Give him his coffee, just the way he likes it.  Have Billy pull him down for a kiss that’s barely a kiss because they’re both smiling.

And then he ignored Steve for 3 days.

So Steve had gone to the pool.

And there was Billy.  And Casey.

Billy had ignored him the whole time.

And now here he was, somehow still under the impression that Billy might have come over for their usual Friday hangout.  That maybe Steve could pretend for a little bit that he mattered to someone.  That one fucking person wanted to spend time with him.  Wanted to be around him just because.

He wiped at the tears welling in his eyes and stood up, accepting that it was time to call it a night.  As he passed by the front door to head up the stairs, someone began pounding on it.  Steve let out a bitten off shriek and clutched at his chest.  Whoever was there wasn’t bothered by the noise, just kept pounding away.  Steve licked his lips and grabbed the bat he kept by the door.  Regular.  No nails.  He got it ready and swung the door open, ready for --

Billy Hargrove.  Drunk as a fucking skunk.  Falling forward with the momentum of his fist, eyes wide.  Steve caught him and stumbled back, dropping the bat.

“What the fuck?” Steve said, his voice flat.  Billy gripped the front of Steve’s shirt and pulled himself up, eyes bloodshot.

“Steve,” Billy slurred.  “You’re awake.” His eyes were wide, like he was shocked, and he didn’t pull away, keeping his face close to Steve’s.

“Yeah,” Steve replied, wrinkling his nose because Billy’s breath reeked.  “Waited up for you.” Billy rested his forehead in the crook of Steve’s neck and brought his arms up, pulling Steve closer.  Steve couldn’t help himself, he was so fucking starved for attention, and he let Billy cling to him, wrapping his own arms around his waist.

“Thought you would,” he hiccuped, “Wouldn’t wanna see me.” Steve sighed.

“Can’t say I’m thrilled you showed up 3 hours late and drunk,” he said, because he shouldn’t be happy Billy came like this, but he is.  He’s happy he came at all.  And how fucking sad was that.

“I didn’t wan-wanna intrude on your time with the nerds.”

“Too busy with Casey?” Steve snapped.  He felt Billy stiffen against him.  Watched him pull back and level Steve with an annoyed look.

“Fuck does that mean?” He grumbled.  Steve rolled his eyes, suddenly so fucking angry because Billy didn’t even notice.  Didn’t even fucking care.

“It means,” Steve bit out, “That you can just tell me if you wanna fuck other people.” Billy looked at him like he was making no sense, which just irked Steve more.  “You don’t have to, to let me down gently, okay?  I can take it.”

“What the fuck are you even talking about?”

“Oh my god!” Steve finally pulled all the way away from Billy, wrapping his arms around himself and hunching over, trying to make himself smaller.  “Just leave.” He didn’t look at Billy, scared that he might cry, over Billy fucking Hargrove.

“Is this,” Billy began, speaking slowly, sounding a bit more sober now, “About the flirting?”

“Is this about--” Steve scoffed and shook his head.

“Seriously?  You’re worked up over harmless flirting?” Billy sounded annoyed and Steve felt like fucking shit.  Felt tears welling up because he was an idiot.

“Fuck you,” he said, voice watery.  “I fucking--  I’m worked up,” he spit out, “Because you ignored me for 3 days.  Because when I wanted to talk to you, you fucking, fucking laughed in my face.” He scrubbed at his eyes, wishing he wasn’t crying over Billy goddamn Hargrove.  “Because you apparently can’t even bear to be my friend in public.” He laughed, the noise twisting into an aborted sob at the end.  “I’m worked up because I was actually convinced for like, a little while, that you cared about me.  That this wasn’t some fucking distraction from the bullshit.  That it maybe meant something.” Steve still hadn’t looked at Billy, who had been quiet the whole time.  “You know, sometimes, I fucking hate you.” Steve was surprised at the sharp inhale of breath and looked up, shocked to see Billy quickly rubbing at his eyes.  He glared at the floor and licked his lips.

“Please--” he stammered.  “Please don’t say that.” Steve was thrown for a loop.  Billy using please?  Billy looking upset?  Billy being anything other than his usual I’m too cool to care about anyone or anything self?

“What,” Steve said, monotone.

“I--” Billy swallowed and shut his eyes tightly, like he also couldn’t look at Steve while he was vulnerable.  Like he was vulnerable.  “I-- I got scared.” He swallowed, eyes still closed.  “When you-- You’re just so--”

“What,” Steve repeated.

“In the morning,” Billy said.  “When you smile at me, and it’s all soft and just for me, I just--” He licked his lips and wiped over his mouth harshly.  “I want that.  I got scared because I want it so much and you just…” He stopped, words trailing off like he’d already pried out what he could.  Steve couldn’t do anything more than stare, mouth open in a small ‘o.’

“So why--”

“I wanted you to hate me,” Billy said.  “I wanted you to hate me because then I wouldn’t ruin it.  I wouldn’t ruin you and you could go back to your life before I inevitably fucked this up.  But,” he let out a shuddery breath, “But hearing you say it… I don’t-- I don’t want you to--”

“I don’t,” Steve replied, probably too fast.  “I don’t hate you.”

“You should,” Billy whispered.  Steve didn’t know how to respond, so instead, he took Billy’s hand and pulled him into the kitchen.  Made him an instant coffee and got him a glass of water.  They sat in silence, neither looking at the other, until Steve cleared his throat.

“So, you really aren’t into Casey?” Billy let out a shocked laugh and shook his head.

“How is that what you’re focused on,” he muttered.  “No, I’m not.  My dad knows when I’m not, well, fucking around.  Knows that means I found someone.”

“What the fuck?” Billy shrugged.

“I’m good at pretending, Harrington, but I’m not like you.  I don’t like girls.  Sex is nice enough but they don’t really do it for me.  We left San Diego because my dad figured that out.  And he always asks who I’m meeting when I go on dates, always makes sure he knows where I am--”

“Seriously, what the fuck!” Billy shrugged again, staring into his mug.

“I don’t flirt because I want to,” he said, voice soft.  “I do it because I have to.  Because he doesn’t ask me where I go every Friday anymore.” Steve felt like shit again, but now for a whole new reason.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Billy said.  “I should have told you.  Don’t know that I ever would have if you didn’t push me.  If I wasn’t still fucking drunk right now.” He finally, finally looked at Steve, and Steve was surprised at just how tired he looked.  “You told me how it made you feel, and I couldn’t even--” He looked away again.

“It did kind of feel like shit,” Steve said.  He backtracked when Billy hunched in on himself.  “But it was also because I was a little jealous.  That like, you even could flirt.” Billy raised a brow, confused.  “It’s stupid,” Steve said, blushing, “But you’re like, like a fucking adonis?  Shut up,” he said when Billy snickered.  “And like, I know I’m not like, ugly or anything, but I’m not anything special, so I just--”

“Not anything special?” Billy asked, looking confused again.  “Are you kidding me?” Steve flushed and looked away, frowning.

“You don’t have to rub it in,” Steve muttered.

“No, no,” Billy said, grabbing Steve’s hand.  “You--” Billy looked at a loss for words.  For once.  “The minute I saw you I couldn’t-- I couldn’t think about anything except the fact that I wanted to suck your dick.” Steve rolled his eyes but smiled a little.  “Seriously, Harrington.  The minute I finally saw that dick?” Billy shook his head.  “A goner.  Wanted to fucking choke on it.”

“Billy,” Steve sighed, smiling a little more.  “You don’t--”

“I’m not going to stop until you remember that you’re hot as fuck, okay?” Billy looked away, a blush creeping across his face and down his neck.  “I get lost in your eyes sometimes,” he mumbled.  “They’re so open and kind and deep.” He looked back at Steve and brought his hand up to Steve’s face.  “When you’re asleep I see how many moles I can count.” He cupped his jaw, thumb rubbing a gentle circle on Steve’s cheek.  “It hurts to look at you sometimes,” Billy whispered, eyes glazed over.  “Especially when you smile at me.  When you’re shining so bright and I just--” He leaned forward, pulling Steve into a gentle, but thorough, kiss.  Steve kissed back, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.

“Billy,” he choked out, lips still pressed against Billy’s.

“You’re so good, Steve,” Billy said in a rush.  “Please, please forgive me for making you feel like you weren’t-- You know that I--” Steve cut him off with a kiss, letting Billy’s tongue swirl around his before pulling back, breath short.

“We should maybe talk about things a little more,” he mumbled, smile wet from tears, but still light.  Billy smiled a little.

“Maybe.”

[fictionalginger]

wandavision theories for ep 8 | contains spoilers

Obligatory disclaimer, these are my opinion + thoughts, and ideas, take all u see here with a grain of salt as of course, these are just theories. Now, shall we?

I’m writing this at 7:30am on Friday 26th, it’s taking all my self control to actually write this down before I go watch the episode.

Let me start this by saying that ever since this show started I’ve looked like this every single week, until the next episode, and then the cycle just starts over. I’ve seen the promos and the trailers in like 0.25x so many times. 

Agatha/Agnes

I called it from before the show’s start and the fact that it was so obvious makes me think she’s not really the main but more like a pawn that’s serving a supervillain if that makes sense. 

On episode 1, there was the June 2nd line and then the “Charmed” thing that confirmed it for me.

I think that she’s either 

possessed

just crazy

I’m leaning a bit more towards the crazy part, she’s been an instigator throughout the whole show and seems to be doing it and enjoying it (ie agatha all along)

basically put the idea of having kids in Wanda’s head 

instigated Vision’s doubts which then ultimately made him realize something was wrong

she literally gave him the last push for him to try to go outside the hec which might have killed him 

she killed Sparky

brought Peter from (according to me) Fox’s universe as a stand in for Pietro bc he’s dead…

From the couple of promos and leaked images for ep 8, I think she’s gonna show Wanda her past which I think is tied to Mephisto because let’s be honest, how does a witch have powers comparable to those of someone who basically was exposed to an infinity stone. The amount of demonic symbolism in her secret lair was a lot, the cicadas, señor scratchy, what looks to be the darkhold.

I also think she’s the one that manipulated Wanda into creating the hex, seeing as her creepy basement is apparently outside of it. She manipulated her into having kids, we’ve seen that every time the twins are about to age up, she’s there. She didn’t even blink to Wanda having powers. That’s why I think she killed Sparky, because for some reason she wants to age the twins into teenagers to serve her purpose. 

But why?

Does she want to bring someone back from the dead? Or does she want to manipulate Wanda into opening the multiverse because she knows she’s a Nexus being? Is she using her to bring Mephisto into the MCU world in a physical form?

Peter

I’m sure he’s just Peter from X-Men who Agatha pulled into the MCU as a stand-in for Pietro.

I think when Wanda yeeted him in the halloween episode, he got snapped out of Agatha’s control and we might see him team up with Monica to help Wanda and the residents of Westview.

I think he might stay in the MCU and be in Dr. Strange the multiverse of madness, and then we’d see him return to Fox

Monica

Not sure what name she’ll go with, Photon, Spectrum or even Captain Marvel 🤷🏼‍♀️

I do think she’ll take over as Director of S.WORD since I’m 99.9% sure Hayward broke the Sokovia Accords (and Vision’s will) 

Hopefully we see more of her and why she’s so mad at Carol

Dottie

I have the feeling that there’s a lot more to her, but I’m on a time crunch and really want to go watch ep 8 so I'll just say that she’s either Arcanna Jones or Clea and I’ll be disappointed if she turns out to just be Dottie.

Also, she’s not on the board so I have my doubts about her.

Hayward

I’ve hated since I first saw him

I’m 99.9% sure he was experimenting on Vision trying to bring him back online which is a breach of the Accords, but he couldn’t and then saw that Wanda had breathing, living version of Vision and became hellbent on getting him, that’s why he’s vilifying Wanda so he can put the blame on her. 

Vision

This one’s a bit tricky, because I have my doubts about him being Old Vision, but I really liked him throughout the show and it sucks that he’ll probably die at the end.

Theory 1:

He can’t leave the Hex, which makes me think he was created by Wanda, I mean after all she can manipulate things to a molecular level and could’ve given him the same traits as Old Vision, that’s why he has the stone and can’t really remember anything from before Westview, because he didn’t exist but still exhibits his selfless behavior (i.e doesn’t even remember being an avenger yet he wanted to help and then when he was dying outside the hex, he asked for help for the people and not for himself even though he was disintegrating)

This scene from one of the promos where Wanda’s still wearing modern day clothes and then she’s wearing the outfit from the first episode, and Vision’s like “Wanda?”. I think that’s where she created him, and gave him some basic memories to start from.  

Here, where she’s looking at the stone, in another promo I believe, I think it’s that she’s “destroying” the stone which will inevitably kill vision.

Or when she has to inevitably bring  down the Hex, he’s gonna die, again. The only plot hole to this theory would be, how is Hayward able to track him? Is he tracking the Vibranium signature only? 

That scene where Wanda’s at S.W.O.R.D and she’s recovering his body, makes sense that maybe she made Westview Vision from Old Vision’s scraps, but he was completely disarmed and taken apart, how could she have done that? She would have had to completely put him together (which shouldn’t be hard considering her powers) but I’m guessing he wasn’t Vision anymore, they were turning him into something else.

Theory 2:

I remember reading in October, that White Vision could make an appearance which kinda makes sense? After all, he was killed and taken apart by a spy agency which could be S.W.O.R.D as it is now a “Sentient Weapon Observation Response Division” that is very specifically focusing on robotics and A.I. This could be what Hayward mentioned that he intends on launching on episode 7. Considering there’s only 2 episodes left, this seems like a lot to include with so little time left. But the possibilities are endless, it is Marvel we’re talking about.

Either way I think he’s gonna die and we’re all gonna cry. His death might be what pushes Wanda over the edge and into insanity, if even when she was living a normal, happy life she was pushing her grief onto those she was controlling, what would it be like when she has to let go of this? Heartbreaking, that’s for sure.

Billy & Tommy

I think they’re somehow fully real, made from who knows what but real

I don’t think Agatha killed him, but she might have aged them as that seems to have been her goal (it also makes them the right age for the young avengers set up they seem to be going for)

Perhaps, instead of living with Wanda, once the Hex goes down they’re forgotten? Like when, in the comics, Agatha wiped them from Wanda's mind.

I read a theory that the missing person Jimmy was looking for at the beginning was Teddy Altman who ends up being Billy’s husband in the comics, so that’d be cool.

Wanda

Poor Wanda has been manipulated this whole time.

Going with my theory that Vision’s body was completely torn apart when she got to S.W.O.R.D, I don’t think she could take it with her like that, that’s why I think Hayward is so obsessed with finding the Vision that she has alive inside the Hex. 

I feel she was manipulated by Agatha all along, Westview might’ve just been the first town she found as soon as she left S.W.O.R.D where Agatha manipulated her into creating the Hex. This whole time she thought she was in control, it was Agatha behind the scenes controlling everything. Jimmy mentioned that she was displaying an amount of powers that far exceeded anything she’d displayed before and I think her crumbling mental stability, along with the fact that Vision almost died at the end of episode 6 (or he did actually die idk) could be what’s causing the Hex to start glitching and failing.

There’s a scene from one of the promos, and honestly it was hard to find, but we can see her in the town surrounded by all of Westview’s residents who look like they’re begging her for something (Phil). Maybe she couldn’t keep her control over them or once Agatha showed her the truth, she decided to free their minds.

and this scene where she holds hands with Vision while wearing modern clothes, I think it might be one of their last scenes together.

My working theory for Wanda is:

She realizes she’s been manipulated and how wrong it all is

Frees everyone

Tries to take down the Hex but has to fight Agatha and Hayward(and whatever he launched) in order to do so but she has the help of Vision, Monica and Peter

Inevitably kills Westview Vision when she takes down the hex, says goodbye and we’ll cry

Grabs her children and we go into dr. strange 2 where she’ll try to fix what she fucked up 

or

She forgets her children, probably Agatha’s doing and goes crazy with the grief of losing everything at once hence setting her up as one of the main characters (villain?) of Dr strange 2

I’ve had the feeling that phase 4 is going to revolve around her and her powers, spiderman 3: no way home and dr. strange the multiverse of madness, even loki and antman: quantumania. They all give multiverse, ripples in the fabric of reality kinda vibes.

So far all I’ve got are more questions for episode 8

Why did Agatha do this? What’s the purpose of it? 

Is Vision gonna die? Is he alive? Are my theories right?

Are the kids alive or aged up? Trapped in the creepy ass basement?

Is Peter under Agatha's mind control or will he team up with Monica? 

Will the town people die in Haywards attack? 

Will we get to see the big bad in the show? 

Who is the aerospace engineeeeer? 

Hope you’ve enjoyed reading my delusions, expect a theory for the final episode after I watch ep 8. Leave me a like or reblog if you’ve found this interesting. You can also follow me on Twitter where I usually post my dumbassery first!

[mausi-shan]

I turned my Spotify 2020 playlist into lyric prompts

1.       “Show me a grey sky, a rainy cab ride Babes, don’t threaten me with a good time.” – London Boy, Taylor Swift

2.       “I’ve never been in love before, I don’t know what I’m doing I’ve never been too worldly in the ways of woman wooing I know how crazy lucky I am to love you.” – Get This Right, Jonathan Groff

3.       “Lights out, I found out my fallen star Goodbye, the sun rises and there’s no more you and I! Tell me how can you sleep? How can you breathe? Baby, tell me how, how you love me now?” - How You Love Me Now, Hey Monday

4.       “North is south, right is left when you’re gone I’m the one who sees you home but now I’m lost in the woods And I don’t know what path you are on” – Lost In The Woods, Jonathan Groff

5.       “Promise I’ve already learned my lesson, but right now I wanna be not okay” – You Don’t Know What It’s Like, Katelyn Tarver

6.       “This is falling in love in the cruellest way This is falling for you and you are worlds away” – Come Back… Be Here, Taylor Swift

7.       “From coast to coast I’ll make the most of every second that I’ve been given with this crowd Without a doubt, you’re all I dream about At night we lie awake with stories taking us back to the nights we felt alive” – Vegas, All Time Low

8.       “He doesn’t want to bang you Somebody hang you!” – Don’t Lose Ur Head, Six

9.       “I thought this time was different Why did I think he’d be different? But it’s never, ever different!” – All You Wanna Do, Six

10.   “If I said I want your body, would you hold it against me? Seven in the morning, wanna listen to Britney? Anything you want, baby, that’s okay with me now” – Sleeping In, All Time Low

11.   “My heart, my hips, my body, my love Trying to find a part of me that you didn’t touch Now I’m looking for signs in a haunted club.” – Death By A Thousand Cuts, Taylor Swift

12.   “And I don’t give a damn about my bad reputation Never said I wanted to improve my station” – Bad Reputation, Joan Jett

13.   “This distance tears me apart God, I need to see you So when the homesickness starts and you’re missing me too I’m gone too long, but when you’re here it’s worth it So just hold on” – Fall To Pieces, Junior

14.   “Lyrical smile, indigo eyes Hand on my thigh We can follow the sparks I’ll drive” – I Think He Knows, Taylor Swift

15.   “I’m a user and abuser so I don’t need no accuser To slap me down ‘cause I know you’re right” – When I Come Around, Green Day

16.   “He’ll never fall in love he swears, as he runs his fingers through his hair I’m laughing ‘cause I hope he’s wrong” – I’d Lie, Taylor Swift

17.   “I’ve been in love and lost my senses Spinning through the town” – I Wanna Dance With Somebody, Fall Out Boy  (Whitney Houston cover)

18.   “I’ve been first class, spent cash Been broke, no joke, nothing good ever lasts Been sued, been screwed, been chewed up Been loved, been lost but never used up This world’s not big enough for us You hate but you’re singing that chorus We’re kings you can’t ignore us” – Anti-Anthem, Sumo Cyco

19.   “She didn’t stutter, my chest flutters Cardiac attack in the cradle of the summer Superstitious, the kid’s vicious Bubblegum smile, taste the cherry on her lips” – Birthday, All Time Low

20.   “Got my heart out on the table And you didn’t walk away Love me if you’re able” – I Guess We’re Cool, Cassadee Pope

21.   “I can make the ground shake, Winds blow, Earth quake, Rain, snow Mountains, I can move mountains” – Move Mountains, Sumo Cyco

22.   “I wore the crown, I sold the lie I lived the life and paid for every crime.” – Some Kind Of Disaster, All Time Low

23.   “You can’t get under my skin But I get stuck in your head In case you didn’t notice, I’ve been living in it since I left” – With Or Without Me, Sainte

24.   “We’re bound to break And my hands are tied” – Rewrite The Stars, Zac Efron & Zendaya

25.   “Lovers dance when they feel in love Spotlight shining, it’s all about us” – All About Us, He Is We

26.   “A drowning will grasp at straws, a willing man drowns for a cause The blood will spill as cigars blaze and great white jaws will be your cage” – Sleep Tight, Sumo Cyco

27.   “Tell me that we’ll be just fine Tell me that you’re still mine Even when I lose my mind” – Afterglow, Taylor Swift

28.   “All this time, I never learned to read your mind (Never learned to read my mind) Never turned things around (You never turned things around) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs. So many signs)” – exile, Taylor Swift & Bon Iver

29.   “What a shame, what a shame Beautiful scars on critical veins” – Kids In The Dark, All Time Low

30.   “Here we are, nearly strangers From two worlds that have rarely met But somehow you have made me someone new” – In A Place of Miracles, Hunchback of Notre Dame (but pheeble)

31.   “I give my hand to you with all my heart I can’t wait to live my life with you I can’t wait to start” – From This Moment, Shania Twain

32.   “I forgot that you Got out some popcorn as soon as my rep started going down Laughed on the schoolground as soon as I tripped and hit the ground And I would have stuck up for you Would’ve fought the whole town for you” – I Forgot That You Existed, Taylor Swift

33.   “The debt I owe, got to sell my soul ‘Cause I can’t say no No, I can’t say no Then my limbs all froze and my eyes won’t close ‘Cause I can’t say no No, I can’t say no” – Bury A Friend, Billie Eilish

34.   “Take a breath and let the rest come easy Never settle down ‘cause the cash flow leaves me always wanting more” – Dear Maria, Count Me In, All Time Low

35.   “I’m dizzy from jealousy And you’ve got something to lose But darling, don’t let that stop you” – Girlfriend, Best Ex

36.   “I’m your number one with a bullet A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it” – Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down, Fall Out Boy

37.   “When everyone believes you What’s that like?” – The Man, Taylor Swift

38.   “This is the last time I’m telling you this: Put my name at the top of your list” – The Last Time, Taylor Swift & Gary Lightbody

39.   “Do you have the time to listen to me whine?” – Basket Case, Green Day

40.   “Here comes the rain again, falling from the stars Drenched in my pain again, becoming who we are As my memory rests, but never forgets what I lost” – Wake Me Up When September Ends, Green Day

41.   “It takes a lot of courage to hold your own against the tide The wind is blowing, bar the doors, it wants to get inside It may seem hopeless, may seem like it’s the end In order to be broken, first it has to bend” – Run With The Giants, Sumo Cyco

42.   “No wonder your heart feels it’s flying, your head feels it’s spinning Each happy ending is a brand new beginning” – Ever Ever After, Carrie Underwood

43.   “There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen She had a marvellous time ruining everything” – the last great american dynasty, Taylor Swift

44.   “Hey ho, let’s go Shoot ‘em in the back now What they want, I don’t know They’re all revved up and ready to go” – Blitzkreig Bop, The Ramones

45.   “You think I’m funny when I tell the punchline wrong Now every February, you’ll be my Valentine” – Teenage Dream, Katy Perry

46.   “If you want someone to save you, save yourself If you want someone to heal you, heal yourself If you want someone to save you, save yourself” – Free Yourself, Sumo Cyco

47.   “I wrote the gospel on giving up But the real bombshells have already sung” – This Ain’t A Scene, Fall Out Boy

48.   “I’m here on the kitchen floor You call, but I won’t hear it You said no one else How could you do this, babe?” – Babe, Sugarland & Taylor Swift

49.   “Sometimes I get the feeling she’s watching over me And other times, I feel like I should go When through it all, the rise and fall The bodies in the streets” – Welcome To The Black Parade, MCR

50.   “I knew you tried to change the ending Peter losing Wendy” – Cardigan, Taylor Swift

51.   “But she’s so rock and roll And out of my league Is she out of my league? I hope not” – Trouble, NeverShoutNever

52.   “Do you see my face in the neighbour’s lawn? Does she smile, or does she mouth fuck you forever?” – mad woman, Taylor Swift

53.   “Diamonds, pearls and rubies all swoon Can I offer you a little salt for that wound?” – Don’t Make Me, Malinda

54.   “The night we snuck into a yacht club party pretending to be a duchess and a prince” – Starlight, Taylor Swift

55.   “I know I said some bullshit on the phone I never leave well enough alone” – ME! , Taylor Swift & Brendon Urie

56.   “Give me therapy I’m a walking travesty, but I’m smiling at everything Therapy, you were never a friend to me And you can choke on your misery” – Therapy, All Time Low

57.   “And I scream: For whatever it’s worth, I love you Ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard? He looks up grinning like a devil” – Cruel Summer, Taylor Swift

58.   “Nobody tells me I need a rich man Doing my thing in my palace in Richmond” – Get Down, Six

59.   “We were something don’t you think so? Rose flowing with your chosen family” – the 1, Taylor Swift

60.   “And you call me up again just to break me like a promise So casually cruel in the name of being honest I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here ‘Cause I remember it all too well” - All Too Well, Taylor Swift

61.   “Run baby, run Don’t ever look back They’ll tear us apart if they’re given the chance” - Check Yes Juliet, We The Kings

62.   “Does he watch your favourite movies? Does he hold you when you cry? Does he let you tell him all your favourite parts, when you’ve seen it a hundred times? Does he sing to all your music while you dance to Purple Rain? Does he do all these things like we used to?” – Like We Used To, A Rocket To The Moon

63.   “There I go, so dishonestly Leave a note for you, my only one” - Only One, Yellowcard

64.   “Caution, police line, you better not cross! Is it the cop or am I the one who’s really dangerous?” – Warning, Green Day

65.   “You’re not quite Satan but I really think I hate you” – Both Sides of the Story, We Are The In Crowd

66.   “Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it patch your broken wings?” – betty, Taylor Swift

67.   “Nicotine and faded dreams Baby there’s no one else like me” – Say You Like Me, We The Kings

68.   “That smile that made me believe But you were lying through your teeth” – Is She Better, Caitlin Hart

69.   “So every day now, you brace for the sounds you only heard on TV You go to class scared, wondering where the best hiding spot would be” – Only The Young, Taylor Swift

70.   “Soon I’ll have to go I’ll never see him grow But I hope my son will know My love is set in stone” – Heart Of Stone, Six

71.   “Been trying to cover this hear out on my sleeve Been set on playing this down but I think you’re catching onto me” – Lie A Little Better, Lucy Hale

72.   “I used to believe, in the days I was naïve That I’d live to see a day of justice dawn And though, I will die long before that moment comes I’ll die while believing still, it will come when I am gone” – Someday, Hunchback of Notre Dame

73.   “I close my eyes and all I see is you I close my eyes, I try to sleep I can’t forget you” – I’d Do Anything, Simple Plan

74.   “Welcome to a new kind of tension All across the idiot nation Everything isn’t meant to be okay” – American Idiot, Green Day

75.   “Somehow something gave you the nerve to touch my hand It’s nice to have a friend” – It’s Nice To Have a Friend, Taylor Swift

76.   “Stop fucking around with my emotions” – The Irony of Choking On a Lifesaver, All Time Low

77.   “If you can just explain a single thing I’ve done to cause you pain I’ll go” – No Way, Six

78.   “Don’t listen to the voices in your head Listen to your heart” – Listen To Your Heart, The Maine

79.   “If you wanna piss of your parents Date me to scare them Show them you’re all grown up” – 18, Annarbor

80.   “Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?” – I’m Not Okay, MCR

81.   “Please leave me stranded It’s so romantic” – New Romantics, Taylor Swift

82.   “Not for us, we made a pact Death meet fear” – Love You Wrong, Sumo Cyco

83.   “Shade never made anybody less gay” – You Need To Calm Down, Taylor Swift

84.   “You push my love away like it’s some kind of loaded gun But you never thought I’d run” – Better Man, Little Big Town

85.   “You’re walking suicide You make me lose my heart and lose my mind” – Loose Cannon, Sumo Cyco

86.   “Every year when October comes around and it gets colder out I grab my favourite hoodie There’s still a hole from when you borrowed it You used to sleep in it ‘cause it reminded you of me” – Nostalgic, Simple Plan

87.   “I will be brave I will not let anything take away what’s standing in front of me” – A Thousand Years, Christina Perri

88.   “But I feel so alive with these phantoms of night And I know that this life isn’t safe but it’s wild and free” – Beautiful Ghosts, Taylor Swift

89.   “Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet Now I’ve read all of the books beside your bed” – Paper Rings, Taylor Swift

90.   “It’s nice to know we had it all Thanks for watching as I fall And letting me know we were done” – My Happy Ending, Avril Lavigne

91.   “And do you still think of me when I’m not there? Oh how could I still feel this way after all these years?” – Sleepy Kisses, Candy Hearts

92.   “Jaw breaker, you got the kiss that I wanna savour” – Candy Store, Faber Drive & Ish

93.   “As I walked out on the ledge Are you scared to death to live?” – Still Breathing, Green Day

94.   “Write me off, give up on me Darling, what did you expect? I’m just off, a lost cause, long shot Don’t even take this bet” – A Little Less Sixteen Candles, Fall Out Boy

95.   “Barefoot in the kitchen Sacred new beginnings that became my religion” – Cornelia Street, Taylor Swift

96.   “And I still talk to you When I’m screaming at the sky” – my tears ricochet, Taylor Swift

97.   “Now that I’m losing hope And there’s nothing else to show” – Pressure, Paramore

98.   “And if I open my heart to you Will you show me what to do?” – A Way Back Into Love, Hayley Bennet & Hugh Grant

99.   “Stopped running, started walking instead It was all in my head, nothing’s against me This war was more civil, I realised I had to secede from both sides” – Arrows, Fireworks

100.           “I like when you get mad I guess I’m pretty glad that you’re alone You say she’s scared of me? Well, I don’t see what she sees but maybe it’s ‘cause I’m wearing your cologne.” – Bad Guy, Billie Eilish

[yikesharringrove]

So, this began several months ago like this and because I cope by putting my sweet bby through the ringer, it has risen.

Some of that sweet sweet Steve angst. This takes place post-season 3 but they burned the Mind Flayer outta Billy, established relationship.

Read on Ao3

-

It was Will Byers that found him.

Steve had begun hosting DnD night after the second run-in with the Upside Down. He said it was to keep the kids out of the hair of the rest of the Party Moms, but Billy knew it was to keep the house filled with noise, light, life.

He knew Steve had been hanging on by the slimmest, teeniest little thread after this summer, so the kids were over more often than not. They would play for a few hours, watch a movie (deciding which movie usually took at least an hour in and of itself) and all the kids would pass out in the sitting room. Billy and Steve would take that opportunity to sneak up to Steve’s room for the night.

It was a typical game night when Will was startled awake. Almost a year later, he was still getting nightmares of his possession, of the Mind Flayer using him to hurt others, lure people to their deaths. He needed a minute to gather himself, so he went to the bathroom to the left of the upstairs landing, the bathroom almost nobody uses.

When he opens the door, the first thing he notices is the clumps of dark brown hair littering the counter and sink.

He met Steve’s eyes in the mirror and found them red-rimmed, filled with tears. His hair was a fucking mess. Random chunks had been cut at odd angles. Nothing was the same length and overall his hair was shorter than Will has ever seen. 

He didn’t know what the fuck was going on.

He was wearing green shorts Will recognized from the Hawkins High Basketball Team and a ratty old Mötley Crüe shirt Will would have never pictured Steve wearing, let alone owning.

He put the scissors down when he noticed Will behind him and whipped around. His breathing was fast and ragged, he had a white-knuckle grip on the counter behind him.

“Steve?” Will took a step forward as Steve’s knees seemed to buckle. He lowered himself to the ground

“Get Billy. He’s-he’s in my room. Tell him I-” he closed his eyes and took a few shuddering breaths. “Tell him I need him.”

Will booked it the fuck outta the bathroom, opening doors at random as he sped down the hall. He felt like shit leaving Steve alone in the obvious panic he’s in, but if Billy can help, then Will’s helping too.

He knew Steve’s room from the honey smell. Steve had a very particular scent Will recognized immediately, the fresh wheat of a meadow in late summer. The next thing he noticed was the giant lump of very obviously naked Billy draped across the left side of the bed. Will’s mouth was dry as he approached, but this was important. Focus Will, c’mon. He whispered out Billy’s name.

Billy was a light sleeper. He heard the door open and was awake right away. When it wasn’t Steve who was silhouetted against the hall lighting, he knew something was fucking wrong.

The second Will Byers whispered out his name in the darkness, he was up and out of bed, digging through the piles of his and Steve’s clothes strewn about the floor for something, anything, to put on.

“Where is he?”

Will just turned, motioning for Billy to follow him down the hall to the large bathroom just to the left of the landing.

Billy’s heart shattered the second he saw the devastation that was Steve Harrington in a heap on the floor. He approached like he would a scared animal, slowly lowering himself near Steve’s head, carefully keeping his movements slow and deliberate.

“Baby, it’s me. I’m here, I’m right here for you, Honey. I’m not gonna touch you, okay? You come to me when you’re ready just like always. I’m here, Baby, I’m not going anywhere.”

Will’s brain was going a mile a fucking minute. He felt like he was going to throw up. He was too worried about Steve to actually process what Billy was saying, to actually process the fact that Billy and Steve were obviously, together, in a way Will had dreamed of being with another guy. All he could think about were Steve’s uneven breaths and all the fucking hair covering the bathroom.

He began to clean it up, quietly picking up the clumps of dark hair and placing them in the trash he found under the cabinet while Steve slowly came into himself enough to crawl pathetically into Billy’s lap.

“Can you talk to me, Stevie? What’s going on?” Billy was running his fingers up and down Steve’s back, gently making patterns through the shirt Will now figured wass Billy’s.

“I wanted, I wanted it gone,” was Steve’s mumble. Will had abandoned cleaning, dropping himself down the wall adjacent to the one Billy was propped against.

“Okay, okay. Can you tell me why? Take your time, Baby. We’re right here for you.”

“Had another, ‘nother nightmare,” Steve was still taking shaky breathes, spitting out his words on every exhale. “‘Bout the-the Russians.”

“Okay, I know what happened. I understand, Baby. Just focus on your breathing, okay? Try to match mine. We’re not going anywhere.” Billy looked at Will, flashing him a small smile he sheepishly returned. Steve turned his face into Billy’s chest, closing his eyes and checking out, focusing on the steady rise and fall of Billy’s strong chest.

“Is he, is he gonna be okay?” Will was about to have a breakdown of his own. Watching Steve, someone he always saw as strong, the protector, succumb to the same panic and fear Will had felt his whole life. It was jarring.

“Yeah, kid. This happens sometimes. We just gotta give him a little extra love.” He huffed a breath. “Anyone ever fill you in about the Russians?”

“Kind of? Like Dustin told us all about being trapped in that elevator and the underground base while we were getting the Mind Flayer out of you. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Steve say anything about it though.”

“Well, you know how he is. Threw himself of the sword so Dustin and Erica could get outta there. He ended up getting- I mean he and Robin both got, drugged and, and tortured.”

Will felt the tears he’d been holding back this whole time roll down his cheeks.

“I didn’t know that, he-why didn’t he tell us? We can help him. We all l-love him a lot and we’re a family. We’re his family.”

“He knows that. He does, and it means a whole hell of a lot to him, you guys really are his family, but he’s-he’s got it in his head he’s gotta be the strong one. The one to protect all of us, so he pushes his shit down until, well, until this happens. But, kid, you gotta, you gotta promise both of us not to go tellin’ this to the other nerds, okay? You know he would fuckin’ hate it if they all knew about this, and I’m not-I’m not just talking about the attack, I mean, you know, me and him.”

“I promise! I really promise, I know what it’s like, the-the panic and, you know, the, well the other thing.” Billy’s eyes brightened.

“Yeah? You a social deviant too, Baby Byers?”

“I, well, I think so.”

“Hey, welcome to the club! Nice to know there're more queers in Hawkins. I need to give this hick town more fuckin’ credit. Good for you, figurin’ that shit out quick. It’ll save you a lotta confusion. ‘Lotta heartbreak too.”

“I think I’ve always known. Never thought about girls, not when, not when-well. I always knew.”

“Who was your first crush? That guy that just made you go ‘hot damn’?” Billy was grinning at Will. “Mine was Jim Morrison. Saw a poster of him at a record store once, and just, you know. Knew it.”

Will didn’t really know what to say. He knew exactly who it was that awoke the gay beast inside him, but he didn’t really know how to tell Billy.

“This is kind of, well it’s kind of embarrassing,” That only made Billy’s smile grow.

“You need to tell me right the fuck now, kid. C’mon, I can tell you Steve’s too!”

Will flushed. So he was doing this.

“So, he probably told you this, but um, Steve used to coach little league. And, he was my coach the summer before sixth grade, and, well...” he trailed off, not making eye contact with Billy until he let out a bark of laughter.

“Are you fucking telling me,” He shifted Steve around on his lap who made a disgruntled noise before settling back into Billy’s chest. He was entirely zoned out, focused on the rhythm of Billy’s breaths and the cadence of his voice, not registering any actual words from the other two.

“Are you fucking telling me, that Steve Harrington, this lump right here, caused your sexual awakening?” Billy was laughing.

“I mean, he was always really nice to us, and like, I hated baseball, but he made it, he made it really fun and he would always be so excited for us when we did well-”

“Plus, he’s hot as fuck.” He cut Will of, shooting him a wink, with his tongue between his teeth. Will went bright fucking red. “I’m just fuckin’ with you kid. I know he’s a sweet one.”

“He made me want to play baseball. I hated baseball. Only did it because my dad made me. He probably thought it would straighten me out.” Billy’s teasing smile dropped from his face.

“Sounds like we had the same kinda dad.” He took a breath, looking down at Steve for a moment. “He ever hit you?”

Will’s blood ran cold.

“No, not me. He used to hit Mom and Jonathan. I think they both thought that if they got hit, at least the rest of us weren’t gettin’ any. She definitely caught him slapping Jonathon around once, though. All his stuff was on the lawn within the hour.”

Billy smiled, but it was kind of, sad. “Your mom is a damn spitfire. I adore that woman.”

“I do too. She’s the best mom in the world.” Will could talk about his mom all day and all fucking night.

Steve was shifting around again, moving between Billy’s legs and sitting up more on his own.

“Hey, Baby. Welcome back to us. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” He looked at Will. “I’m really sorry. I’m really sorry you had to see all that.”

“It’s okay. I understand. I get anxiety like that too.” Steve smiled at him blearily before turning to Billy. “Okay, be straight up with me. How bad’s the damage?” He swept his fingers over his hair, wincing when he felt the different lengths and random chunks.

“I’m not gonna lie, it’s not good. But I think Robin could fix it. She seems like the type that can cut hair. It’s gonna have to be short though. Real short.”

Steve whined, pushing his bottom lip out at Billy. “You gonna dump me? I’m not pretty enough for you anymore?”

Will’s heart nearly stopped when Billy leaned in to bite at Steve’s pouty bottom lip. He had never seen moments like this between two men, just sweet moments that showed how much they love each other.

“You’ll always be my Pretty Boy, you fuckin’ know that.” They were smiling at one another so softly. “You know Will and I got some nice bonding time in while you were working on your breathing.” Steve leaned sideways against Billy’s chest, slipping one hand into the big front pocket of his sweatshirt.

“Yeah? What’d you all talk about?”

“Oh, you know. Shitty dads, first crushes, normal stuff.”

“Oooh, I already know yours is Jim Morrison, you’re old news around here, Bill. Care to share, Will the Wise?” No, Steve, he does not care to share.

“Oh, umm it was actually uh,” He reached around for a name, absolutely not ready to admit to Steve his first crush. “Marlon Brando?”

Steve’s tired eyes lit up a little. “Brando? Honestly, he was one a’ mine too. And Harrison Ford. I saw Star Wars four times in theatres. Couldn’t tell you a single plot detail. So you’re playin’ for our team?” Billy rolled his eyes and mumbled something that sounded vaguely like fucking jock under his breath. Steve elbowed him.

 “Um, yeah. Although, I haven’t really, told anyone, so if you guys could, you know.”

“Oh, yeah, discretion is key.” Steve nodded. “We’re not too bad at keeping secrets, you don’t gotta worry about us.”

“So none of your friends know? That’s rough, Byers. I mean, even here I’ve found a few people I can tell, Steve, obviously. But California, all ‘a my friends knew.”

“Well, I mean, I told Mike. Last year. And he was really cool about it, but then this summer we got into a fight, and he kinda, threw it back in my face.”

Billy and Steve both looked shocked and appalled on Will’s behalf.

“What did the little fucker say? I’ll kick his ass if he called you a fa-”

“No! Nothing like that, it’s cool, Billy. He just, well we got into it about how he and Lucas didn’t really have time to play DnD, or hang out with me in general anymore, and he said ‘it’s not my fault you don’t like girls’. We didn’t really talk about it, I mean, he kinda apologized, but it was right when everything was going down. So, I put it aside.” Steve got his Mom Face on.

“But have you talked about it since everything has blown over? Has he apologized? He shouldn’t have said that. He just wanted to hurt you and that was the one thing that probably came into his head, but that isn’t okay, especially if he was the only one you trusted enough to tell.”

“I know. I keep meaning to talk to him, but we’ve been really good lately and I don’t want to, want to,  fuck anything up.”

“All the more reason to do it now. If you two are really tight right now, he’ll probably listen to how shitty he made you feel, and feel really bad about it.” Billy was nodding along to what Steve was saying. “And, you know if you ever need to talk about shit, we’re here for you, and you know, probably understand  you more.”

“Or if you just want someone to teach the little poser a lesson-”

“I think I’ll just talk to him, but, uh, thanks?” Billy grinned. Steve leaned back into him, pulling Billy’s left arm around his chest to pull him in more. “Um, Steve, do you think I could-I mean, would it be okay to ask you what, um, all this is.” Steve’s face fell immediately, and he shrank back more into Billy. “You don’t have to! I just, it kinda freaked me out to see you like that. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, it’s okay. I can’t-I can’t talk about it too much right now, I’m still a little” he looked at Billy “fragile, I guess. But, well. What do you want to know?”

“Nothing you don’t want to talk about, or, or feel okay telling me but, I mean, why go for the hair?”

Steve shifted some more. It looked as though he was trying to disappear into Billy. 

“You know about the Russians? The ones under Starcourt?”

“Yeah, Billy filled me in a little. Just generally what, what happened to you.”

Steve sighed. 

“Well, for some fuckin’ reason, the general that was, in charge of us, he, uh, he really liked pulling at my hair. He would just grab it and move my head around, or-or use it to hold me steadily while they, um, while they hit me and-when I woke up I couldn’t think. I just, I wanted it gone.”

Billy’s face was white as a sheet. He looked like someone had pulled the entire floor out from under him.

“Steve, why the fuck didn’t you tell me? I thought you-you used to love when I played with your hair. I would’ve stopped.” He looked disgusted with himself at the idea of contributing to Steve’s pain in any way. 

“I thought that-I don’t know. Maybe it would go away? That I would like it again?”

Billy looked like he could cry. A level of hurt and remorse and apology Will had never seen him exhibit. 

“Jesus, Stevie. You need to tell me when you feel shit like that. You know all of my shit and triggers and whatever.”

“I know,” Steve buried his face back into Billy’s chest, curling his body inwards again. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, you know me though. You know I don’t like-”

“Having a weakness?” Billy seemed sardonic. Steve’s head shot up to glare at Billy in the eye.

“That is not what I was going to say and you know it. I was going to say that you know I don’t like being vulnerable and I’m sorry and I’m working on it. But this was, I didn’t even realize what I had done until Will walked in.” 

A look of pure horror came over Steve’s face.

“How the fuck am I supposed to hide this from the rest of The Party tomorrow? Dustin is gonna ask so many questions I do not have the answers for.” Billy chuckled lightly, all tension that may have been building between them melting away. They snuggled even closer and Will’s heart turned to a big pile of mush.

“Just stay in bed tomorrow. I’ll tell the nerds you’re sick. Plus, you always ass out for about 18 hours after a panic attack anyway.” Steve rolled his eyes. 

“Will, do you think you could maybe, not tell anyone about this? I’m gonna have to come up with a cover story and everything.”

“I already promised Billy I wouldn’t. But, you know how you said I could always talk to you two? Well, the same goes for you. We all really love you, Steve. And maybe we don’t understand exactly what you’re going through, we just, we want to be here for you. We are here for you.” Steve’s eyes went even bigger and all watery when Will spoke. 

“That, that really means a lot to me. I love you shitbirds. I hope you all know that.”

“We do,” Will said quickly. He doesn’t think he could watch Steve cry anymore tonight. Or maybe ever. “We know that.” Steve gave him a watery smile, looking at Billy’s watch. 

“I think it’s time for sleep. I need a soft bed and a big man. Now.” Billy rolled his eyes, but picked Steve up as if he weighed nothing. 

“Go to bed, Baby Byers.” He knocked Steve’s foot into Will as he went past.

“Thanks, Will.” Steve’s voice was soft as Billy brought them back into the bedroom. 

Will went downstairs as quietly as possible, settling back into his little makeshift bed.

“Hey, you okay?”

And of course it was Mike, whispering to him from his own little spot. 

“Yeah. I’m good. Let’s talk in the morning.” And Mike smiled at him, and gave him a little wave, and flopped back onto his pillow.

[zwiezraczek]

Criminal - Chapter 7

Billy (viliain) x Female reader (cop)

Prologue/Chapter 1 - CHAPTER 2 - CHAPTER 3 - CHAPTER 4 - CHAPTER 5 - CHAPTER 6 -  CHAPTER 7:  He is a bad boy with a tainted heart -  CHAPTER 8

SUMMARY: You always wanted to become a police officer. And you became one of them, brilliantly and they offered you your first case. “The Ghosts” case. The case of fleeting people and one sneaky bastard parkouring around the town to annoy you. You swore to yourself to catch him them.

WORDS: 1.7k

NOTE: Am I updating this on Thursday? Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Did I began to write again? Probably yes. I hope you’ll like it!!! 💕

TAGLIST: @onceuponadetectivedemigod​ @natsficrecs​ @suckerfor-fanfics​(leave a comment to be a part of it!) PERMANENT TAGLIST @suckerfor-fanfics​ (leave a comment to be a part of it!)

“Dear y/n,

This letter is an addition to our usual letters, because there was too much to write and not enough space left for our discussions I guess, I hope that our little Tom and Jerry game will be still as fun as it was before and that one will outsmart the other. :)

I spent the past few days thinking about what had happened the last night, I mean the last time we saw each other. It was kind of weird. In a good way I guess? It's funny how we keep on going back to each other. I mean, especially with the bondage running-gag and the fact that it's always you and me facing each other. And that we probably have something one against the other, but in a... Friendly manner? Like, you know, the friendliest we can get while we're enemies, nemesises, whatever we call each other.

It's kind of entertaining to know that there is another person working hard on our case, even if personally I think that you're not on the right track and that we, the Ghosts – I love this sick name, Seven approved it – aren't the real problem. So well, well, I don't really know what to tell. Kind of crazy for a cheeky and cocky guy like me, right? XD So yeah... Maybe I'll go with a “how are you feeling after all of this?”.

If you want, reply, and if you don't well... Don't? But it was nice to discuss with you without any gun between us, I mean like no guns involved in like “killing each other” manner, no in like “we definitely had not our guns in our pockets because we trust each other”.

A casual hug from Billy (I guess???)

Four for the cute rebel cop”

He was surely but slowly dragging you down, and you could feel it as you scratched your cat's head. Your smile widened the more you read the letter, with every word he had written especially for you, on a separate sheet to make your exchanges easier probably. You knew that it was probably bad, and highly unprofessional but he seemed to be a decent person. Really. He saved your ass when he could have told his teammates that you were there, and to torture you until you were about to reveal everything and then shoot you dead. Which would have been more convenient for him than keeping you under his roof. You put him in a kind of hell you would have preferred to avoid, truly.

And, besides, this “the Ghosts aren't the real problem” bugged you a lot. You read it a countless number of times, trying to decipher what he meant by this but you were unable to come up with a concrete explanation. And when you tried to talk to Jake about the possibility of the Ghosts not being the biggest problem, he arched his eyebrow and told you that you had worked too much on this case, but that it wasn't the moment to give up. And this was exactly what you were doing: not giving up despite the fact that this was the hardest case you could have gotten back in the days.

“What do you think, captain,” you asked your cat as he meowed you back before rubbing his face against your hand. “Yeah, we should definitely ask Billy what he meant and how he is right now. And especially, we should reply the Ghosts.” And without further ado, you went to your desk to reply.

~~~~

“Dear Billy,

I'll outsmart you, because I'm Jerry obviously! ^^

Yeah... It was really weird as an encounter, and I'm really sorry that I put you in this kind of situation. This is probably the first and last time that a cop will apologize for putting you in an uncomfortable and awkward situation like this, so take it and don't you dare telling anything! How your Ghosts squad reacted to me being in your house then? I'm sorry if they were absolutely mad about it, but at the same time you were stupid about this, I mean you had the head of the whole mission against you and the only thing you did was putting a blanket on me and allowing me to take a coffee? How unprofessional from you Billy!

Yes, these letters are actually the proof that we aren't as opposed as we should... Which is bad, very bad. It makes me consider everything in my life, should I stop being a cop? Should I become a criminal? Too many questions, not so many answers. But, I wanted to ask you... Why aren't the Ghosts the real problem? I mean, I know your criminal record, and you know it too because you did it, but... I can't really put a finger on it. I mean, at least properly, because I know some of your actions lead to dismantle some larger groups... And I can't put a finger on it, really. Which is annoying. It's even more annoying than your bondage running-gag, so now you know!

Thanks for asking! I'm better, I mean my back still hurts a lot, but my head is way better. I'm working on your case, trying to not become too crazy about all of this so you know... The usual. But a bit better because I have new information, so it's nice.

Yeah, we definitely had no guns. I mean, you didn't take my gun from my front pocket before putting me under the blanket, did you? ;) Don't push the buttons, or it will end badly Billy!

I accept the casual hug, a little embrace from y/n,

Y/n for the cocky Four”

Happily, the squad wasn't aware of all of this. Happily he hadn't to tell One about everything that had happened during that night, happily One or anybody never knew about you being in his house. He sighed, relieved. He wanted to try, by himself, to help the squad and you. Because, in the end, you were on the same side, right? You wanted justice and peace, you wanted safety for the weak and defenseless. You played in the same team, but you were constantly trying to show who was the best at this game. And this, especially this was the chance to finally reunite.

And he couldn't tell that this little solo mission wasn't pleasant. He liked writing letters, how much he did and how much he looked forward to hear from you again ans again. And when the letter after your last encounter came, he immediately took a look on the second piece of paper, hoping that you have replied, and what he held was more important than the mission he settled himself. And yes, it was. It stressed him out, it killed him to know if you would reply. And you did, and he loved it but he hated it at the same time for being so excited for a simple letter. A letter. From a cop. A cute cop. He was apparently doomed to coming back to you forever, and to be stuck with you somehow. And this wasn't unpleasant news, truly.

You made him feel normal, or a bit more normal because a criminal couldn't feel normal at all. And as much as he wanted it to continue, he should have wanted it to stop.  But he couldn't make it stop, it was too late and he was fucked up as a spy and as a human being. Probably falling for your shining eyes... Billy, come on! Be serious!

~~~~

“Dear y/n,

We'll see, who know I'm maybe the dog, I can't remember his name, but you know what dog I'm talking about! :)

Wow, the cute cop is apologizing! It'll be raining coins from the sky today! What a blessed day! I'm so lucky today! … I was a little bit too enthusiastic, I knew it had to hid something, this compliment had to hid something. Why are you so mean y/n? :'( Well, they don't know you were here? ^^' I mean, I didn't want One to yell at me for this so I kind of... Did not tell him? Because why not? You're not the only one with secrets now, hell yeah! And come on! Our little chat was nice, don't make me regret saving your ass!

You should definitely become a criminal, we still recruit in the Ghosts squad, so if you want drop your cv and One will be PLEASED with your offer! And... Yeah, you're having your finger on it. Like, you absolutely have your finger on it. So dig a bit deeper, and you'll find out many things that weren't that obvious in the first place but are really obvious if you look close enough. Incredible, I'm helping you with your case on me. If this isn't irony I don't know what it is! XD And don't you disrespect my bondage offer! It was a nicely put one, especially with the trap in front of you, so now you know! You should be grateful that I warned you about the trap! How ungrateful these cops are in those days!

Great to hear that you're feeling better, I was worried about you, I mean I had to watch after you for a night so I wanted to know. Happy to know I'm only an information provider :'( You didn't even ask how I felt... So you know, I feel great, never felt better!

Next time we see each other it's at noon under the sun to fight a duel! Only with stares, no guns obviously! :P

A little gentle pat on your back, but not to hard because you're still suffering I guess

Billy for the ungrateful cop”

You didn't know how to make it stop. It was already three weeks after the last time you saw him, and these two letters were making you feel strange. You were sometimes forgetting that it was all for your job, that they were the bad guys and that you were the good one. But apparently the world wasn't as black and white as it seemed.

And you probably weren't as impartial as you wished you were. You smiled while reading his letter, your cat laying on your desk. You loved it, you hated it, but you couldn't keep but coming back to him apparently.

[wickedlittleoz]

"are you stupid or stupid?" "I don't need this right now." For harringrove because we talked the other day how the Duffers were wrecking Steve's Character and I need some angst, okay? Like maybe his fucking dad had actually told Steve he was stupid the night before, so hearing it again the next day is Ouch 😭 - dead-night

YOU KNOW I FEEL YOU!!! they’re destroying our boy.

hope this is sort of what you expected, babe, thanks for asking

(this is on AO3 too!)

.

Steve doesn't think about college. Doesn't think about how even fucking Clueless Carol is going away at the end of summer while he's stuck behind the counter of a freaking ice cream parlor, dressed in a sailor costume, slinging ice cream to kids with brighter futures than his ever longed to be.

He doesn't think about it, and if he ever does, he eats a spoonful of ice cream big enough to give himself brain freeze.

The thing is, he's endured a lot of crap from the adults in his life ever since he can remember. Steve wasn't the kid who always had a book under his arm or the one who could stack blocks the highest. He hated algebra with all his might. He always lost at Jenga. World history was too complicated to remember the details.

But, you know what? It's fine. We can't all be brains, Tommy had barked once, a long time ago, when Steve found he was failing Math that year. Some people are good with numbers and some are good at killing monsters with nailed bats.

It's fine.

Except that it isn't, because even though he's out of high school now and doesn't have to face the look of disappointment in his teachers's faces, he still has to put up with his dad's expectations---the ones he could never fulfill. While his parents are almost always out of town, they seem to have become more aware of the fact that when they go away, Steve's left alone and what with all the deaths of the past couple of years, they've started to show up more frequently. So sometimes he'll come home from Scoops to find his mom setting the table and the stink of his dad's cigar all over the place because he doesn't know to smoke outside like a reasonable person. And these dinners almost always end with his dad throwing in his face how much of a failure he is.

His mind is still buzzing with You're wasting your fucking life with those kid friends of yours and We expected more from our only son and even You know, it's a good thing your aunt got married after all because we can't let the Harrington name die on a disgrace like you, when he parks into the pool lot after a whole day at Scoops. He can barely remember what he did the entire time he was at work.

The sun is setting somewhere behind him and it bathes Billy Hargrove's body in a kind of warm light that makes his skin look like actual gold. Over the last month, since summer rolled around and they all started with these shitty jobs, Hargrove's tan has become noticeably darker, almost as dark as it had been when he moved in from California. He seems to take a lot of pride on that, wandering around with even less clothes, because somehow that's possible---not that Steve minds it. It's just tonight he's a little too far away in his own thoughts to really appreciate the view.

His hair is still dripping wet when Billy leans onto the driver's window of Steve's BMW. He's grinning; the heat of his skin radiates into the car.

"Would you look at what the tide brought in," he jokes, tonguing at his lips. "What can I do for you, sailor?"

Steve tries to laugh at his flirting, but it goes past him.

"You wanna come over or--?" He asks flatly, instead of following with Billy's game.

His smile drops a little, he clears his throat. Looks around, even though it's clear they're alone; Billy's always the last one to leave the pool. "Gotta pick up the bratt," he says, more gravely now. "I guess I can come over by, like, seven."

Steve nods. "Sounds good to me."

"Sounds good to me," he repeats but slower, like he's trying to understand where Steve's head is. Which is fair, he thinks, but doesn't have the heart to explain.

Billy steps back from the car and he leaves.

His parents are gone when he gets home, which is good, it's a fucking relief to be honest. Steve thinks it's awful how he can't stand his own parents, but Billy's always saying that they don't owe shit to parents, they are the ones who put them here and if they're assholes, they're assholes. End of fucking story.

He decides to take a shower before Billy arrives, ends up taking a bath, staying in the water long enough that his toes and fingers start to wrinkle. Then, at some point he hears the Camaro parking into his driveway, and forces himself to go downstairs at last.

"What's gotten into you today?" Is the first thing Billy says as he pushes into the house, toeing off his flip-flops. Harrington's been weird, he hates when Harrington gets weird, like when he has those nightmares and wakes up screaming and covered in sweat and refuses to talk about them.

Billy hates secrets, but if Harrington wants to have some, fucking fine, he can have some too.

"Nothing," Steve murmurs, sort of self-consciously, rubbing at the back of his neck. He steps into the living room to avoid looking at Billy, because he can tell Billy's upset, and he knows it's at least partially his fault.

He sits on the couch, looks up when Billy doesn't follow and... Billy's staring.

And like, of course he is, because he's been working his ass off at the pool all day, dodging fucking Mrs. Wheeler and god-knows how many of those creepy moms, has had his fill of bullshit from his dad. And when he finally gets to see his fucking boyfriend, he's all sullen and weird. So, of fucking course he's staring. Billy isn't perfect, he's trying to be better, for Harrington, but Harrington isn't helping right now.

"What's wrong?" Steve asks after a moment and immediately he regrets it, bites his tongue until he tastes blood, but it's too late.

He knows he's fucked up. Which is why he doesn't jump when Billy tosses his hands up and scoffs. 

And if Billy snaps at Harrington it's because he has a temper issue, which he's working on, but growing up with someone like Neil it's really no wonder that he spits:"What's wrong? Are you stupid or stupid?"

Steve stops paying attention, then, because that hits home. That hits to approximately 24h ago, in that very same living room, you're stupid, we've been wasting time and money on you your entire life. That hits to two years ago, failing again? Are you stupid?. That hits to so many occasions that his eyes water and he doesn't even register that Billy's still going.

"I should be asking what's wrong. No, I would be if you stopped acting like everything's peachy when clearly---"

"I don't need this now, Hargrove," Steve says, almost a whisper. His chin quivers and he swallows around a lump the size of Texas trying not to cry.At that Billy stops. He stops and looks at him, and something seems to click after a moment.

It's when he realizes that he's fucked up, that much like the nightmares he refuses to talk about, this is big, and Harrington's really hurt. So Billy sighs, shifts on his feet; he's learned recently that despite how hard it is to apologize, it's worth it. He's slowly winning Max's trust back after apologizing (because Harrington encouraged him to) and, to be fairly honest, if it wasn't for him apologizing to Harrington at their graduation party they wouldn't even be here. Together.

He sits down next to him, pulls Harrington into a hug. He relaxes against Billy's chest almost instantly. Billy kisses the top of his head, breathing in a mixture of hairspray and chocolate. He whispers I'm sorry to Harrington's hair as his tears burn into his skin. 

[harringtons-writer]

The Fleed

[THIS MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS OF STRANGER THINGS 3]

Request: Nope, But you always can! :)

GUESS WHAT IM IGNORING THE FACT BILLY AND HOPPER DIED! CAUSE THAT’S NOT HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO!! 

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Reader + Jim Hopper x Reader. 

Word count: 1205 :) 

Warning(s): Mentions of sex and swearing!

Summary: Billy may have survived the mind flayer but now he needs to fight another battle. The battle in his own mind. 

[Not my Gif]

Locks of sand-coloured curly hair were scattered across Billy’s bedroom floor. He was staring at himself in the mirror. Billy wasn’t checking himself out like he usually would. He was getting used to the new him. The one he had become.

You still look fuckable,” you wrapped your arms around Billy’s neck. Oh Goddamn it. She was doing it again. She was trying to make him forget it all. But he couldn't. “I’m talking right now fuckable,” you kissed his cheek gently knowing how twitchy he has been lately. “Billy?” you pleaded. ‘Oh really,” he smiled. Just play along. “Against the wall or on the desk?” Good act. 

She did it. At least for thirteen seconds, he forgot. When she was screaming his name and leaving scratches on his back. “That was something different,” You were rolled up in the covers. They smelled like him. Billy staring at the ceiling. Not sharing a word with you. It even took that away from him. His most favourite thing in the world. Sex with you. 

Do you want to help me burn down the Camaro,” He hadn’t bothered fixing it up. He once loved driving around town in his cavy with the music blasting through the speakers. Now it was a dented tin can that had drove him to his worst nightmare.

You were at toxic kline field. That’s what everyone called it after it was sold to the mayor years ago. He was planning on building a new residential area on it. The citizens of Hawkings stopped him right in time. There were rumours that something was wrong with the place. Soil research showed that the soil was indeed toxic. “What’s a little more toxin here right,” Billy Joked as he poured the last bit of gasoline over his car. The truth was he felt toxic. Like he was a sweet poison you were happily sipping up. 

Let’s burn it, baby,” you dropped his lighter doubtful, slightly concerned if you were doing good or bad here. As the flames warmed your face, you watched how Billy's old belongings became nothing more than ash. 

That night in bed Billy realised what really happened there. You both not only started a fire but an entirely new life. He wanted to flee this shithole and give you the change to get your normal life back. You both had discussed running away together just after the events but you begged him for more a little time. Time to say goodbye to your family. Billy didn’t have time. He was slowly getting eaten up by his own thoughts. These toxic thoughts. 

Hop, I hope we find him today,” you glared out of the car window. Hopper had parked his car at Hawkin’s cheapest Motel. You missed Billy this past nine days every heartbeat but you prayed he wasn’t staying here. "I’m tipped by the owner and he’s here Y/N," he sighed seeing the worried look on your face. 

He’s in a battle with his own mind, kid. You need to understand this happens sometimes. Victims of trauma have hope, try to get rid of the bad until they have a relapse. They fall back in the spiral of thoughts that keep spinning till they go completely nuts,” Hopper lowered the radio volume. “He was looking alright Hop,” tears whelmed up in your eyes. “You’ve tried your best kid, you did.” 

The smell of trash really welcomes you here,” Hopper coughed.  A bold man, mid-fifties waved a keycard at you. “Good looking place huh?” you grabbed the card and shoved the man aside. “Sorry, She’s having mood swings,” Hopper briefly smiled before running after you. 

That was nice,” Hopper stopped your tracks. “Y/N, calm down,” Hopper raised his voice. “I hope he was joking,” you groaned. “He wasn’t and neither am I,” he snapped the card from your hand. "We're not doing it this way.” 

Billy?” you whispered. “Love,” you encountered the smell of alcohol. Billy was stretched out in bed, snoring once and then. The sheets were full of stains and had a yellow appearance. You felt an indescribable pain in your heart. “Thanks, Hop,” you hugged him and walked in. 

You waited and waited. He was sleeping so peacefully and at that moment you understood. You were the last thing left of his old life. Every hour, every minute, every second spent with you was torture. Billy fled you to be finally free only for you to be selfish and chase after him. 

No!” Billy screamed gasping for air. “I don’t understand,” he jumped up sweat dripping down his face and body. He wanted to grab the bottle of whiskey on his bedside table, but it was gone. You had cleaned up the room earlier. He groaned and slammed the wall before he noticed you. Rubbing his eyes still thinking he was having a nightmare he stumbled over to you. “You look so real,” he slurred. “Get out!” He grabbed the night light and swept it at you. He missed. He missed a few times. 

Billy, stop! Please!” you begged, huddled up. “Oh shit, you are real,” he panicked as he snapped into reality. He fell down beside you holding back his tears. “I hate you! I fucking hate you!” you cried out. He didn’t even try to stop you, He encouraged you. You had every right to hate him. If only he could explain to you how much he hated himself. “Yes! Hate me! It’s all I needed to hear.” 

Both at the edge of bursting out in tears, you broke first. “Please, don’t cry Y/N,” Billy wrapped his arms around you. “Promise me one thing,” he rocked you slowly between his legs. “Promise me you’ll be happy.” A tear rolled down his cheek. And you were, finally at peace with what was going to be your future. Billy would leave in the morning and you would try to forget him. You promised him that as you fell asleep in his arms.

The tavern was filled with young couples and their little kids chasing each other around the tables. “I love you,” Billy mumbled swallowing his last bite of pancake down. “love you too,” you smiled. The two of you sat next to the children's corner. A little boy drawing his family. A woman picked up her daughter. “Your son is so lucky,” she locked eyes with you and Billy. “Oh, he’s not our kid,” Billy laughed it off but your smile sunk. The reality hitting you hard. You’d never have a family with Billy, in fact, after today you would never see him again. Never. 

I need to use the restroom,” Billy stood up. He leaned over the table and rested his forehead against yours and kissed you longer than normal. And as you saw him walk away, you knew he wasn’t coming back. Big tears filled your eyes and when you heard the little boy say “He’s gross,” you laughed while tears rolled over your cheeks. 

I’d like to pay,” you stopped the waitress and gave her the cash. “It’s already paid by the lovely man at the bar,” you looked over, to find Hopper standing there. He smiled warmly at you. “Come on kid, let me take you home.” 

Let me know what you think!! Thanks to everyone who helped me out!! Special thanks to @intheendyouwillalwayskneel @lastdancewith-mj @gorgeourrific-nerd @hargreevesgrace and @midnight-quartz :) If you are interested in part two comment!! <3 

[staticscreenwriting]

All you have to be is here - Part 3

Synopsis: Billy has fucked up and has to do 60 days of community service at a home for troubled kids and youth. Working with the kids there makes him learn a lot about himself. Also there’s a girl there his age who’s smile is phenomenal and who is way too nice to him.

I guess I should mention there’s a lot of angst in this. Talk of substance abuse later on, physical abuse, emotional abuse. All that kind of gnarly real life stuff. It deals with kids and teens struggling with a a shitty family life so be aware of that.

Part 3 of ?

Part 1 // Part 2 //

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.  I’ll make a header image at some point.]

I never really ever felt so adored before Never really ever felt this type of vulnerable Don’t have to hide, don’t have to fear All you have to be is here Never really ever felt so adored before And I said I wanna feel like this forever Even if forever’s just for now We’re on fire, let us burn As the outside world, it turns We are here and alive In our corner of time Forevermore

The rain knocks heavily against the windows of (Y/N)’s flat as Billy slowly strolls around the living room. 

“ Feel free to put on some music, there should be a tape in the player “ (Y/N) hollers from the bathroom. The door is slightly ajar and Billy can just about catch a glimpse of her lathering her lips in a bright red color. 

There’s a cassette player on a side table, next to some books and some picture frames. It’s held together by entirely too many pieces of shiny grey duct tape. Billy wonders just how well this thing is still working. Then again, he of all people, should be the expert on broken things working just fine.

As he presses play the opening chords of Bennie and the Jets start filling the room, making Billy screw up his face in disapproval. 

“ Elton John ? “ he asks, raising his voice a little to make himself heard over the music.

“ Fuck yeah, he’s a musical genius. This song is so catchy. “ 

He’s about to skip the song, hoping the next one to be something more suitable to his taste, when he sees her through the crack of the open door. She’s dancing along to the song, mouthing the words and shaking her hips as her hands work on styling her hair.

He stops himself, keeps the song on, if only to see her move like that. She’s cute and who is he to deny himself the pleasure of seeing a cute girl dance. And to deny her the pure joy of listening to a song she likes.

His eyes drift towards one of the picture frames, it’s made of dark wood and it looks quite heavy. In the picture there’s a little girl with a bright smile and a gap between her front teeth. Those eyes staring back at him, he’s seen before. He looks at them every time he arrives at HHTCY. She looks happy in this picture, there’s a bunch of daisies in her hair and she’s holding onto a popsicle. Next to her is a woman who has the same hair color and the same smile and she looks at the little girl with an adoration he’s hardly ever seen in a person before. 

“ That’s my mom. I mean — it’s pretty obvious but yeah. That’s her, “ (Y/N) speaks up from beside him. She’s all done up, her lips a cherry red color and her hair styled to perfection. She looks great, he thinks. Then again, she is naturally that pretty so this shouldn’t be a surprise really. 

There’s a lot Billy wants to say then, most of all he wants to ask what happened. To the happy girl in the picture and the mother that looked at her with love that is almost palpable through a photograph. You don’t ask people that though. You don’t ask people why they used to be happy and why they aren’t anymore. The woman in the picture though, she doesn’t look like someone who’s kid would have themself emancipated at 15. It looks like another life all together. 

Billy wonders if his mom ever looked like someone who’d abandon her family. Who’d leave her son with a cruel cruel man. A man she knew was gonna turn her son into a monster. He wonders if other people saw that in her, a woman who’d run. He didn’t. Maybe he was just too young or maybe he just didn’t want to see it. Or maybe mom was just good at hiding the person she truly was. A quitter. Not a mother after all.

The unshakable truth is that she’s gone god knows where and he’s not going to find an answer to any of his questions so it’s best to lock those thoughts up in a chest and bury them deep inside himself where no one can find them and none of it can hurt him. Not anymore. 

“ You ready to go ? “ he asks, trying to steer the conversation into another direction. Any other direction.

- OOO -

Tina Warren lives at the end of a cul-de-sac. Her light blue house with the white columns and the big front lawn stands proudly in a sea of several other houses that look exactly the same. Like little doll houses mass produced for the perfect suburban family to spend their perfect life in these walls. Billy thinks it’s a bit ironic. He knows that Tina’s dad fucks his secretary and that her mother throws back diet pills and painkillers as if they’re tic-tac. 

But it’s alright, right ? As long as the lawn is exactly the height it’s supposed to be and the paint on the door doesn’t chip and everyone is smiling. God, all of this is so fucking fake. It all feels artificial and wrong. Plasticy. As if someone took the town and replaced all the residents with barbie copies of themselves.

“ Is this Tina’s house ? “ (Y/N) voice janks him from his thoughts.

“ Yeah. You know Tina ? “ 

“ I mean, I don’t know her personally “ (Y/N) replies and shrugs her shoulders making the slightly too big denim jacket slide down her arm a little, “ I’ve heard of her though. Her uh — skills are quite talked about. Also I’ve been to a party here before. Don’t think I ever talked to her though. “ 

Tina Warren thinks her pussy is magic. Thinks that once she sleeps with a guy it inevitably turns him into a lovesick fool for her. That, he knows, is bullshit. It’s not as magical as she thinks it is and everyone is either too nice or too desperate to tell her otherwise. And really, he respects her for her decisions in a way. People, Billy believes, should be able to fuck whoever they want if no one gets hurt in the process and both parties are willing participants. He just hates the fact that Tina makes a big deal out of nothing. Hell, she showed up at his fucking house when he didn’t call her back after — well afterwards.

The house is filled with people, most of them Billy recognizes from passing them in the hallways or staring at the back of their heads during class. None of them are his friends though. He had friends in California. Real ones. Ones that — that tried to see the good in him. That knew and wholeheartedly believed there was a person in him that wasn’t just the monstrous creation of his father’s rage. 

He had friends. Past tense. None of them called since he’s moved here so he assumes the don’t care so much anymore. 

As he walks through the house, (Y/N) on his heels, he can feel the crowd’s eyes on him. When he first arrived here, he thrived at the admiration. He liked when the girls threw themselves into his arms and how the guys seemed to look up to him. The novelty of it all has worn off a while ago though. Now it’s a nuisance. The guy they all seem to admire ? That guy is an absolute asshole and Billy hates him. Though that’s the role he’s played since a very young age, since he was left to face his nightmare all alone. That guy is tough, he’s cold and bulletproof. 

If that’s the guy he needs to be to survive, it’s who he will be. Doesn’t mean that’s who he wants to be though.

He maneuvers his way into the kitchen which is way less crowded. As he takes a beer from the counter he can tell why, they’re lukewarm. Disgusting. 

“ This is honestly the worst punch I ever had “ (Y/N) exclaims and Billy looks up at her, standing by the bowl of punch, red solo cup in her hand.

“ Beer is lukewarm “ 

“ Ok great so it’s either pisswarm beer or terribly mixed punch. So much to chose from “ (Y/N) chuckles before grabbing one of the beer cans. 

“ I’d rather drink this than whatever that concoction pretends to be. Whoever mixed that has no taste buds, I swear “ 

As if on cue, Tommy storms through the door, throwing his arms up above his head all the while sloshing his drink everywhere. “ Hargrove ! “ 

“ Tommy. “ 

“ Hey man, have you tried my punch yet ? It’s real fuel, my man. Real fuel. “ 

Tommy’s punch, huh ? That explains a lot. Where Tommy is loyal to those he thinks will benefit him, he is dense as a poundcake. 

“ Dude this punch sucks. “ 

Tommy turns towards (Y/N), who he hadn’t seemed to notice just a minute ago and now she was occupying his full attention.

“ Who are you ? “ 

“ (Y/N), who are you ? “ 

“ Tommy ?!” 

“ You say this as if I’m supposed to know. Either way, Tommy, your punch tastes disgusting. “ 

Tommy looks at Billy as if asking for help which only earns him an indifferent shrug from the boy. 

“ It’s not. I uh — I’ve only heard good things before. People like it. “ 

“ Or they just don’t wanna hurt your feelings. Taste it man, it’s shit. “ 

To Billy’s surprise, Tommy actually walks towards the bowl and pours himself a cup of punch only to screw up his face in disgust at the first taste of the sugary liquid.

“ You might have a point. “ 

“ What did you put in there ?” 

“ Uh — everything. “ 

“ Everything ? “ Billy asks, inserting himself into the conversation for the first time since it started.

“ Yeah. Just poured in whatever I could find in my dad’s liquor cabinet. Rum, Vodka, cointreau. “ 

“ Jesus christ “ Billy scoffs and takes another sip of the lukewarm bear.

“ Thomas my friend, maybe you should let other people handle the punch next time. Or at least stick to one kind of alcohol “ 

Tommy nods and reaches for a can of beer “ I guess. “ 

As he leaves the kitchen, Billy can’t suppress the chuckle leaving his lips. 

“ He’s not usually this reasonable when I tell him he’s being a dumbass. “ 

“ Probably because you tell him he’s a dumbass. Also you’re not nearly as cute as me. “ 

She has a point there. Not that he’s ever going to admit it. But she does have a point.

“ Ah shit “ (Y/N) cuts in before Billy can even reply to her comment.

He follows her eyes towards a group of people entering the house. Two of them he’s never seen and the other one is Keith Kinsella. Keith is rich, that’s all Billy knows. He’s rich and his mother drives a Porsche that he gets to borrow every once in a while. 

“ What are we looking at ? “ Billy asks, unable to figure out the shift in mood just then.

“ Keith “ 

“ Why are we looking at Keith ? “ 

“ He’s my ex boyfriend and I don’t wanna have to socialize with him. “ 

That is something Billy hasn’t expected. Keith is so — so Keith. He is one of Hawkins typical rich kids who seem to think a bad hair day is the end of all things. A kid who seems so fundamentally different to (Y/N).

“ Keith ? Keith Kinsella. “ 

“ Look I am not judging your taste in girls, alright. I — he was nice. Then he fucking cheated on me like the pig he is. That’s how I know people from Hawkins High. Keith introduced them to me when we were together. Even introduced me to his other girl, although I didn’t know at that point that that was what she was. I gotta get outta here. “ 

“ You wanna leave ? “ 

“ Nah. I just need to get some air. Just — just come find me when you’ve got enough of this. “ 

With that she finishes her beer and grabs another can before rushing towards the back patio doors leading outside where the rain had stopped a while ago.

Billy tries to mingle, tries to enjoy his night. It just all feels wrong. Like the shine has washed off and all that he’s left with is a dull hollow feeling. All these people don’t give a shit about him and he doesn’t care about them either. It’s nothing personal, really. If this was another life where time hadn’t made him numb and bitter, maybe he’d be friends with a bunch of them. It’s not a different life though. It is here and now. 

He moves around the party clouded in a haze. It’s like for the first time since he’s arrived he finally sees his situation for what it is. A desperate measure to cope with his emotional turmoil. He doesn’t like these people, the music sucks, the punch is toxic and the beer is lukewarm. And when before he could push all those thoughts to the side, he can’t do that any longer. Whatever has shifted in him makes him painfully aware that none of his coping mechanisms work anymore. There’s no desire in him to drink his pain away, to fuck a random girl and forget about life for a short moment. He just wants the world to stop for a single second. To be able to breathe. 

It’s about an hour later that he steps onto the back patio, the same beer still clutched in his hand. It’s a warm night and he should be able to see the stars though the backyard is illuminated by all kinds of fancy garden lights and he can hardly make out a single star. He wonders if rich people like the Warren’s just don’t give a shit about trivial stuff like looking at the stars. Maybe the artificial light means more to them. He wonders if they know what they’re missing out on. 

There have been countless night, back when things were — different. Nights that Billy has spent in his back garden sitting beside his mom and looking at the night sky. And she would tell him stories about all the different constellations. Looking back now, half of her stories were probably made up bullshit, but Billy liked them anyway. They always fascinated him. It felt like the world was so much bigger than he could even begin to grasp. He truly believed there was more out there than the tiny house he was stuck in, where anger lived and sadness and yelling. Always yelling.

Now the sky is just a sky and stars are just stars and made up stories don’t give him hope. Looking at the sky now makes him feel very small. Very insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

(Y/N) sits at the end of the patio, legs tucked beneath her, can of beer by her side.

“ You alright with some company ? “ 

“ The company you ? “ 

“ Mmh. “ 

“ Then sure. Sit down. “ 

They don’t talk for a moment, just take in what lies before them. A lawn that looks like a carpet it’s that neatly cut. It’s bordered by perfectly symmetrical hedges and at the far end of the garden there’s a wooden pedestal that proudly presents the family’s own hot tub. 

“ Do you think people live here ? “ 

“ Huh ? “ 

“ I mean — “ (Y/N) starts then takes a breath as if considering her words carefully “ — do you see people actually going about their lives here. Pigging out on chinese takeout on their white suede couch and having a water balloon fight on this lawn ? “ 

“ Not really no.” 

Because it’s a fucking doll’s house. A movie set. People put on a show. They always do. 

“ Me neither. I know I am always wishing for better things. A better job, a better apartment, a better car. But honestly, looking at this makes me cherish what I have. Maybe materialistic things really aren’t all that matters. “ 

“ I like your apartment. “ 

He really does. It’s so unapologetically her. She’s present in every corner and every crack. Her personality floods the halls and makes them — hers. And he is forever envious of that. 

“ Yeah ? Well the couch is yours whenever you feel like staying over. “ 

Being welcomed into someone’s life is a weird feeling that Billy has entirely forgotten about until just now. He’s so used to being a footnote in someone else’s life that it makes him feel strange when someone deliberately and consciously chooses to welcome him into theirs. 

“ Your cat needs to learn how to respect personal space first. “ he laughs but really he already looks forwards to sleeping on her tiny couch again.

“ Can’t believe you dated Keith Kinsella of all people. He’s — he’s Keith.” 

“ Yeah so ? “ 

“ You ever met a single guy called Keith who didn’t turn out to be a complete dumbass ? Like a massive fucking idiot ? Have you ever met a single Keith you could trust ? “ Billy asks, raising his eyebrows in question.

(Y/N) screws up her face in confusion for a moment then shrugs her shoulders “ I guess you have a point. “ 

“ I always do, babe. “ 

“ Do you huh ? Well I’ve never met a William I could trust before either. “ 

“ Good thing no one ever calls me that. It might as well not be my name, honestly. William is a little kid somewhere in California, chasing seagulls by a beach and listening to his parents argue. I’m Billy. Just Billy. “ 

“ Well, “ (Y/N) exclaims and pushes herself to her feet before reaching out his hand “ I think just Billy is a pretty decent guy. So does just Billy wanna get the fuck outta here ? “ 

When he takes her hand, the world for a small moment feels like it allows him to breathe. So he takes a breath wishing things could feel like this forever.

- OOO -

After assuring her multiple times that he’s only had half a lukewarm beer and is okay to drive, Billy and (Y/N) cruise around Hawkins for a while with no place to go, no direction, no destination. 

That’s until (Y/N) makes him stop by a gas station and wait in the car as she goes inside. She doesn’t answer any questions about why and what but honestly, Billy doesn’t care. He’s just glad to be spending time with someone that a) doesn’t hate his guts and b) isn’t so dull and boring it makes him want to bash his head against a wall repeatedly. 

A glance at the clock in his car tells him that it’s just a few minutes to midnight. How ironic. A gas station of all places huh ? It’s weirdly fitting.

(Y/N) hurries back into the car, a small plastic bag clutched in her hand.

“ What’d you get there ? Condoms ? “ 

“ No you asshole. I’ll show you in — a minute and 12 seconds. “ 

“ That’s weirdly specific. “ 

“ Uh-huh. Well can you do me a favor and close your eyes for a moment. ? “ 

“ Why ?” 

“ Billy, “ she says and looks at him in that specific “just do it” kinda way that girls have perfected over the course of time “ can you just do as I tell you, please. Trust me! “ 

Trust. It’s been a while since Billy trusted a person. And that turned out to be a complete shit-show. So for a second he hesitates. Though as he looks at (Y/N) and the honesty in her eyes he can’t help himself but close his. Can’t help himself but to trust her.

She fumbles around with the bag for a moment then the clicking sound of a lighter echoes through the car. “ If you burn my car you’re toast. “

“ I’m not an idiot. Okay turn around — now “ 

The car is illuminated by the shine of a single candle stuck onto a Twinkie. (Y/N) smiles the biggest smile he’s seen her smile in — well ever since they met. 

“ Happy Birthday, just Billy. “ 

Billy Hargrove turns 18 years old in the parking lot of a gas station while some shitty pop songs plays on the radio and a girl he hardly knows hands him a birthday cake substitute made out of a Twinkie and a pink birthday candle. 

Billy thinks this is probably the best birthday he’s had in a while. 

“ How do you know it’s my birthday ? “ 

“ Told you I read your file “ she laughs and nods towards the Twinkie “ make a wish. I have approximately 12 seconds until the wax starts dripping onto my hands so — please. “ 

Looking at the candle, Billy remembers the first Birthday wish he’s ever consciously made. He remembers it so vividly because it’s been the same one ever since. He was 5 and mom had gotten him a really cool race car themed cake from the grocery store. It was white and red and yellow and there were lighting bolts on it and a toy car. He loved that cake, thought it was so cool.

He remembers sitting by the kitchen table, cake stood before him, candles burning. He remembers looking up at his mom who smiled with a smile that rivaled the sun in its radiance. Then his eye drifted towards Neil. Neil and his ever present scowl. His inability to show even the smallest amount of compassion. Of love.

5 year old Billy closed his eyes and blew out the candles wishing one thing and one thing only. To never become his father. 

As he looks up at (Y/N) and her smile and her gorgeous eyes he thinks that maybe it’s time for a new wish. So instead of wishing to not become Neil, he wishes to be Billy. Just Billy. A better version of the person he is right now. One capable of great things. One worthy of being loved. 

A version of himself that deserves (Y/N). 

Billy looks back down at the Twinkie. It’s probably the best present he’s received since his mom has left. And that says a lot because he hates Twinkies.

But it’s a present given to him solely because (Y/N) thought it would make him happy. Because she wants to let him know she’s thought of him on his birthday. 

Whenever he gets presents from Neil, for his birthdays or Christmas, they come with scowls. They’re empty gestures that are meant to keep up the image of a perfectly normal, perfectly happy family. They’re usually accompanied by a talk about how disappointing Billy’s been lately. 

Presents are not fun in the Hargrove household. They’re reminders to keep the image up. Reminders that things could be so much worse. Only could they really ?

“ Do you not like it ? “ (Y/N) questions.

He doesn’t think there’s words to express just how much he likes it. Not the Twinkie but the gesture.

So he doesn’t say anything. He pulls her closer and kisses the top of her head. As if he’s known her all his life. 

Maybe that doesn’t matter though. Maybe all it needs is a few days for someone to become an important part of your life. Time is relative anyway, isn’t it ? Time doesn’t fucking matter. 

“ No I love it. Thank you, (Y/N)”.

For everything.

- OOO -

The skies open up again at exactly 1:34. Billy looks at the clock just when the rain starts pouring down on them. They’ve spent the last hour and a half munching on various snacks (Y/N) has purchased at the gas station and talking about various people from their High schools. 

“ What about Tina then ? “ 

“ What about her ? “ (Y/N) answers around a bite of an oreo cookie.

“ What’s your take on her ? “ 

She shrugs “ I guess she’s kinda unconventional compared to some other girls around, like — I don’t know, Nancy Wheeler ? But I mean, good for her. Right ? If that makes her happy who am I to judge her for that. She seems fine with how things are going and I think that’s respectable. “ 

“ Alright. I agree. “

“ Course you do, you fucked her. “ 

“ Maybe I didn’t “ 

(Y/N) only raises her eyebrow.

“ Ok, yeah I did. “ 

“ I’m jealous of Tina. “ (Y/N) confesses, looking at the raindrops racing each other down the windows. 

“ Because I had sex with her ? “ Billy questions, unable to keep the smirk of his lips.

“ No. No not because of that. I — I envy the way she gets to experience things. She just does things. She’s fearless. She doesn’t constantly have to question herself about every little thing she does. You know ? She gets to try things out and properly figure out who she is. “ 

“ And you don’t ? “ 

“ I’ve been living on my own since I was 15 and even before, things were — difficult. I don’t have the comfort, the stability to try stuff and figure things out as I go. I have to pay rent, I have to keep my job and make sure my grades are up so I get to keep living the way I do right now. I have to be a responsible adult. There’s no room for me to mess up and make mistakes and learn from them. I always have to have a plan and stick to it and make sure that I do things right the first time. I don’t have parents to fall back on when I fuck up. Sometimes I feel like this whole situation, the emancipation and all that is more restrictive than it is liberating. Sure, I’m good with how things are I just — envy people who get to be teens during their teen years. Who get to mess up and not fear that the consequences might ruin their life. “ 

He’s never thought of it like that. Ever since she has told him about her situation he’s been nothing but envious of her. But this is a whole new perspective and for the first time Billy realizes that maybe not everything in her life is as great as it seems. 

“ Olivia Newton-John “

“ What ? “ 

“ You asked me about my childhood crush the other day. It was Olivia Newton-John. Mom had me watch Grease one day and I — pow. Little Billy didn’t know what hit him but it hit him hard. “ 

“ She’s pretty. “ 

“ Yeah, but I’m more of a Michelle Pfeiffer kinda guy these days. “ 

“ You’re ridiculous is what you are “ she says with a smile. He decided then that her smile if probably one of the best smiles he’s seen in his 18 years on this earth.

“ Hey Billy ? “ 

“ Hmm ? “ 

“ Do you wanna stay on my couch tonight ? I just — it’s your birthday and I don’t want you to be sad or go home to a situation that doesn’t make you feel completely and utterly happy. Because that’s how you should feel on your birthday. I’ll even make you pancakes and bacon. “ 

He doesn’t need pancakes or bacon. All he needs is a place where he’s wanted. That’s all he needs to be happy and that is just what she’s willing to give. 

“ I’d love to. “ 

- OOO -

As Billy settles down on her couch, he can hear (Y/N) softly humming along to the radio while getting ready for bed. 

It’s that annoying “Only You” song playing, the Alison Moyet version. Though with (Y/N) singing along while wiping makeup from her face, it’s suddenly way less annoying.

“ Have you ever thought about doing that for a living ? “ Billy asks, hoping she can hear him over the music and into the other room.

“ Taking off my makeup ? “ 

“ Singing. “ 

“ Oh I — oh no. I have to pay rent remember. Can’t be going out there chasing dreams that don’t come true anyway. “ 

It breaks his heart a little, to hear her say that. It’s not like Billy has a bunch of big dreams he wants to accomplish but he also doesn’t have a talent that lends itself as the basis of big dreams. Back when he was really young he always wanted to be a professional surfer but that dream was squashed when mom left and he hasn’t been on a board since. Sometimes he wonders if he’s even still able to surf properly. 

“ I think you should. You sound good ! “ 

“ Even when singing cheesy pop songs you don’t like ? “ she teases. 

“ Don’t be annoying — but yes, even then “ 

Especially then, he thinks, because she makes them less cheesy and entirely more bearable. He keeps that to himself though.

“ Alright, whatever you say. “ she brushes him off with a smile and goes back to cleaning her face though he swears once she continues she sings just a bit louder.

- OOO - 

The racoon is staring at him. He’s 100% sure. It’s staring right into his soul. Dr. K is ramblingon about one thing or another but all Billy can focus on is the stupid taxidermy racoon and the fact that his little beady glass eyes seem to be able to swallow him whole and figure out his deepest darkest secrets.

“ Billy ? “ 

“ Huh ? “ 

“ I said I would like to talk to you about your community service. How do you like it ? Please talk me through a typical day of yours. “ 

Billy pulls his glance away from the critter and towards the doctor before him. It’s his second session and he really wants to be here just as little as he did the first time. It’s not like he’s gonna pour his heart out to this guy anytime soon. To Billy this is a waste of both their time.

“ I get there, we usually set up some things for either arts and crafts or some other group activity. We sit there during those and listen, sometimes I don’t listen I’ll be honest. Afterwards we clean up. Then we have lunch. Then we — “ 

“ Let me interrupt you there “ Dr. K says moving his too big glasses down the bridge of his too big nose. “ You keep saying we. Who is the other person involved ?  “

“ (Y/N) “ 

“ And (Y/N) is … ? “

He doesn’t want to talk about (Y/N). Not because she’s not important or because he’s ashamed or anything. But (Y/N) is the one good thing in his life right now his — his friend ? She gets him. She understands and most of all she doesn’t judge. He doesn’t want to share any of that with Dr. K or anyone else. This is his little piece of happiness and he’s not ready to show it to the world.

“ She’s just (Y/N) “. 

And that’s all she ever has to be.