#bildaddy' got a permit

[uziraphale]

I was sooooooo impressed with @bil-daddy's long scroll, especially because it reached all the way up to me.

❤ (tweet)

[what-gs-watching]

"Get humans wet and staring into each other's eyes, vavoom, sorted."

Alright y'all, into episode 2. AKA Bildaddy. Which, by the way, I love the sheer creep of the Good Omens fandom. Bildaddy is hilarious.

So okay, we open on Crowley about to murder a bunch of goats that belong to Job - and here's the thing, I don't really want to get into the bible of it all. I used to sit in church with a Nancy Drew mystery and try to hide under the pews, it's just not my thing. 

But for these purposes: Job was a particularly devout follower of God and God decided to fuck with the guy because of a bet with Satan (as we learn) and so Crowley is trying to murder all of his goats and cause all kinds of havoc when Az shows up to stop him. 

The point of all of this is that it's one of their earlier interactions, after the whole Noah's ark situation, and it seems like they both are kind of happy to see each other. But Aziraphale is upset that Crowley has a permit to do all of these terrible things to Job so he goes up to heaven to get confirmation and finds out that yeah, they're totally cool with it. They're gonna let Job's children be killed sure, but then allow them to have seven new ones, so it's all good. 

Back in the present, Jim is creeping around the shop organizing books by the first letter of the first word in it (Az just saying "Jolly good" here) but then he starts singing a song and Aziraphale is all intrigued. So he rushes over to the record shop. 

And this is where I have to mention Maggie and Nina I guess - Maggie owning the record shop and Nina the coffee shop. Az just wants to know what the song was but instead he hears Maggie is in love with Nina but Nina has some horrible partner that treats her like shit. The song by the way is "Everyday" by Buddy Holly and it turns out there's a pub in Edinburgh who says any single on their jukebox eventually turns into the song. 

Of course, after that a bunch of annoying angels show up looking for Gabriel and they are annoyed by Jim's presence while they tell Aziraphale that they know he's involved because of the miraculous activity from the shop (25 Lazarii worth, apparently. Again, so many implications...) so he panics and he said he did a little bit to make Maggie and Nina fall in love because of course that's the lie he comes up with. He's got some things on his mind. 

Crowley shows up eventually and they go to the pub which is one of my favorite little parts - the demon is all tickled that they're in the pub and at one point Az runs his hand down Crowley's chest while he asks for a large sherry (which is just like, the sweetest action, my heart can't take it).

Then Az gets approached by a guy from the Whickber Street Shop Keepers Association about having a meeting and he looks back at Crowley ordering at the bar for help. When he rolls up, he drops Aziraphale's drink and announces his own scotch and he's standing just so and he says "Hello...." meaning 'this is my angel and you're in my seat' and it's menacing in a way and perfect. 

Oh jesus, also, the dude is in a turtleneck. It's the turtleneck episode and the Bildaddy episode?! Oof. So much David Tennant going on in this one. 

Okay so they talk about the miracle issue and Az says he can't actually make the humans fall in love so Crowley suggests they conjure a rainstorm so the girls can get stuck underneath, look into each other's eyes, and vavoom. He saw it in a Richard Curtis film, once. Because of course he did. But Aziraphale thinks that's unlikely and suggests they have a cotillion ball ala Jane Austen (who we learn was the brains behind the 1810 Clarkenwell diamond robbery, and a master spy, which I love) and of course both suggestions are ridiculous but Az's real point is that he found a Clue, the Buddy Holly record. The cutest part is Aziraphale insisting it's a real Clue and Crowley saying "Well, at least don't pronounce the capital letter" because of course he can hear that in his voice. 

Back to Job though, we see Crowley approaching Job after his barn has burned down, asking about the children because that's part of his assignment, kill the kids too of course. They're wondering who he is of course, asking about their children and so he asks Job's wife to put a name to his 'old friend' claim and she says "Bildad the Shuite" and BILDADDY is born. 

I get the love for Bildaddy, I really do. Because of the rest of the episode. But we need to talk about the beard, and how off-putting it is. I just, I can't. There's a scene in "Just Go With It" where Adam Sandler is talking about a beard just like this and wiggling his finger from his chin and it's all I can think about. The facial hair, just....no. Everything else about Bildaddy? Yes. 

So he goes to find the children and Aziraphale is there to try and stop him. He gets all up in Crowley's face and insists that Crowley look him in the eye and tell him he wants to destroy the children and he does his best threatening faces and insists he does. They're in a courtyard surrounded by a bunch of birds, and his yellow snake eyes might have scared off Az if one of the birds hadn't made a goat sound. The goats hadn't been destroyed after all, because deep down, Crowley is a little bit a good person. 

They find the children and it turns out two of them are entitled little shits. Crowley sets the place on fire but Aziraphale insists they're all perfectly safe, which turns out they are - Crowley drops them all into the basement because Satan's real plan was a devastating storm. Sure. Crowley does turn the kids into lizards because he's exasperated, and the two of them dance around each other, as they do. Crowley says he's not on hell's side, he just goes along with them as far as he can. Az asks if that's lonely, and he shrugs it off. 

And then, in real Bildaddy fashion, he tempts Aziraphale into trying human food for the first time, and it turns out Aziraphale is insatiable. Foreshadowing gang, because we all know how much food has factored into their relationship later on. Crowley is figuring out Az contains multitudes...

Meanwhile, after the storm passes the two get to witness God basically yelling at Job for a while, and Crowley aches to be able to just ask a question the way Job has. All he ever did was ask questions, poor child. 

Afterward, a bunch of other angels show up to tell Job he's passed his test and he'll be blessed with double the goats and even though his children are certainly dead, they can always have more. Job's wife does not take this well and starts to curse God when Crowley/Bildaddy bursts in to stop her, he knows that does not go well. he introduces himself as Bildad the Shuite, calling himself a shoemaker obviously, but what they really need is an expert in human births so he and Az can pull a little something off. He says he's a "professional midwife slash cobbler" and I'd love to see a series about that, not going to lie.

The point is, he and Aziraphale do a little show and bring the children back, and when the angels are skeptical that the kids in front of them are new kids and not the old one, Aziraphale lies.

Back at the shop, Crowley asks Nina how she feels about a sudden rainstorm because that's completely normal, and Az is creeping around the Bentley. Crowley thinks he needs a ride, but instead he holds up his record, the Clue, and says he thinks he'll go up to Edinburgh to investigate, using their car (he sticks his tongue to the side of his mouth here, and it's the cutest excited moment, he's so pleased with himself). Crowley tells him they don't have a car, he has a car. And sweet little Aziraphale says "the bookshop is technically my bookshop, but we both get plenty of use out of it, don't we?"

:everyone falls apart a little bit here:

And Crowley gives in. Az said he'd gotten his driver's license 90 years ago, and had insisted they give him a test and everything. And we all know the Bentley is roughly 90 years old, Crowley certainly does. So, He gets to watch the shop, and keep an eye on Jim. 

Then we're pulled back to Job, and Aziraphale is sitting on a rock on a cliff, looking out at the expanse. Crowley shows up and Az is resigned, he said he figured they'd sent Crowley, he'd be the one to take him to hell. And the demon is so amused, he's smiling and he says "You think you're a demon? With your curly little...and your neat white...." (I love this, every time. Even if he's poking fun at Az, it comes out so sweet.) 

Aziraphale is having an existential crisis because he lied to the angels, he thwarted God's plan and Crowley tells him simply, he's now just an angel that goes along with heaven, as far as he can. Aziraphale says that sounds lonely, and Crowley agrees, even though earlier he'd denied it. He says, "I'm a demon, I lied." So they just sit like that, a little bit heartbroken. And that, folks, is likely how their Arrangement started.  

So now, everything is set up. And they're gonna stumble their way through it, because neither of them have the entire picture. As usual.