#big credit to 3d-gla22e2 for reminding me that sollux constantly uses 'kiss me about it' as a threat

[waitineedaname]

If its okay, would you be open to writing solkat? A human au would be neat but anything goes I just think their dynamic is really fun

I love solkat!! they really do have a fun dynamic and it’s built on flirting under the guise of making fun of each other, and that’s just a fact

---

“You’re cheating!”

“How the everloving fuck am I cheating? I’m playing upside down. If anything, I’m at a disadvantage.” Sollux said, emanating smug with his head dangling off the couch.

“And yet you’re somehow winning!” Karkat was wielding his remote like he would’ve thrown it at Sollux’s head if not for the fact that he would immediately go careening off the Mario Kart track if he did so. “Therefore: cheating!”

“Oh, come on KK.” Sollux shifted, sliding a little further off the couch. “I’m pretty sure that’s more of a sign you suck than me cheating.”

“I’ll show you sucking-”

“Oh my god, do you even hear what you’re saying.”

“Not! Like that!” Karkat yelled shrilly. Sollux just laughed at him, continuing to coast ahead of every other kart. 

“How the fuck would I be cheating, anyway?”

“I don’t know! You’re mister ‘master hacker’ aren’t you?” Karkat said with a vicious amount of sarcasm.

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t just do that to fucking Mario Kart! That’s just dumb. Especially when I can kick your ass into two pieces without cheating.”

“Your face is what’s dumb! I don’t know how anyone looks at you without immediately losing brain cells simply from how stupid you look all the time.” Karkat stuck his tongue between his teeth and spoke with an exaggerated lisp. “‘I’m Tholluxth and I think I’m so cool because I’m a shitty hacker trope. Watch me get off to the number two.’”

“You’re just jealous I’ve got more game than you do.” Sollux smirked up at him, the effect somewhat ruined by his upside down state.

“As if.” Karkat scoffed. “Besides, you’re such a fucking liar. You’ve hacked Mario Kart before.”

“When?”

“Remember what you did to Bowser’s Castle?”

“Oh my god.” Sollux burst into laughter at the memory, accidentally sliding all the way off the couch and bonking his head gently on the ground. 

“You piece of shit, I still can’t play that stupid level without that song playing at full fucking volume! I can’t look my neighbor in the eye anymore because she’s heard my TV blast ‘TWO TRUCKS HAVING SEX.’”

“My finest achievement!” Sollux crowed, still laughing at him. Karkat kicked at him. “If you’re so mad, why don’t you just kiss me about it, asshole.”

A moment passed where Karkat didn’t say anything, and Sollux almost looked up to see if Karkat was okay, but he was cut off by Karkat’s fist in the front of his shirt. Karkat managed to yank him mostly upright, and before Sollux could react, Karkat was planting a kiss directly on his mouth. Sollux’s eyes went wide and when Karkat let him go, he was gaping at him. Karkat looked insufferably smug, and he tapped a button on his controller with confidence. The vibration telling Sollux that a shell had just collided with his kart knocked him out of his stupor, and he shrieked.

“You son of a bitch!” He shoved at Karkat, but Karkat just laughed and fended him off as he rocketed to the front of the race just in time to cross the finish line. “Who’s cheating now? I can’t fucking believe you.”

“Oh how the turntables…” Karkat said faux-wistfully. 

“How dare you quote The Office at me. You piece of shit.” Sollux pulled himself fully onto the couch and sat back with a huff. “You won’t be so smug when I kiss you back next time.”

“Is that a threat or a promise?”

“Both, bitch.”

“Challenge,” Karkat said, tapping the rematch button, “fucking accepted.”