#big bro friend has known me since I was like. what. seventeen? i didn't meet my crush until I was 19. i am now almost 22 for reference

[draco-renn]

God. Fuck. Man.

On one hand I'm very happy that my friendship with my crush started the way it did (bonding over a Kpop group we both like, then over the fics that we like to write, then the stuff that we like in said fic, naturally growing into what's going on in our daily lives and such) but on the other hand it's killing me because I'll ask him a question that's completely within the ordinary for us (something about how penises work as a reference for my smut 90% of the time since he's one of my like two cis guy friends and the other feels weird telling me about his personal sex experiences, which is fair! I'm like a little brother to him) and he answers based on his own experience, because literally how else could you answer a question like that, and up until like October last year I would also react completely normally because again, this is literally how we became this close to begin with. But because of these sTUPID FEELINGS, MY STOMACH AND CHEST START DOING BACKFLIPS WHEN HE ANSWERS WITH "in my experience, [insert how much he does or doesn't enjoy x thing during sex]" because good lord. I like him so much. If we were to ever get together I would be thrilled to do some of the kinky things that we've talked about together (and man oh man am I glad that we share a decent amount of kinks) so every time he mentions something he enjoys I'm like. I will remember this. But I also have to act normal because this is our normal and I absolutely canNot let it on to him that I like him, I'm in no place to be in a relationship rn and I know I'm clingy, he'd probs be too busy to keep up with my need for togetherness as of right now. This is assuming he'd even entertain my feelings to begin with anyway, so. Yeag