#bias never truly changed even after all these years lol

[bushmonsterr]

A kiri study + piercings 🎸

[lowkeychenle]

masterlist + all about me (and nct dream)

hi everyone! name change/rebrand alert ;)

prev @/lowkeyjaemle, now @/lowkeychenle :D

i'm juls (as some of you already know) and my ult group is NCT Dream! i'm chenle biased (this will never change lol) and the majority of my blog is also chenle biased lol.

i do not have a bias wrecker. chenle is safe (although jisung is my #2, which just makes sense bc chenji is a package deal okay).

i'm 23 years old, and my pronouns are she/her. now that all this intro/boring stuff is out of the way, please keep reading for my updated masterlist ;)

p.s. if u are also a chenle stan, there are so many chenle fics here just for u

AY YO! MDNI >:(

text!au masterlist | smau masterlist

labyrinth (M) fic teaser

Chenle was more complex than you originally gave him credit for, and unfortunately for you, that would be your downfall. Lost in the labyrinth, you’ll always struggle to find your way out when the rose-colored glasses don’t let the light shine through.

the hardest part (M)

You, Chenle, and Jay have been best friends since before you could even remember. After moving away to pursue your dreams, you don't talk to them as often as you should. One day, you get a call notifying you of Jay's passing. When you go back to your hometown, you find everything is different except for one person--Chenle.

Some Things Can't Be Taught (M)

In which you are failing college physics, and your childhood best friend offers up one of his friends as your tutor—except, there’s a little something he wants to learn from you in exchange.

Guilty As Sin? (M)

Chenle is everything you want--everything you need. Somehow, the thought of him manages to pull you back in even after you were free. Messy kisses, late night trysts, and him tracing the word 'mine' on your thigh--barely anything, so how could you possibly be guilty as sin? (based on Guilty As Sin? by Taylor Swift)

And Then It Was (M)

After your marriage with Chenle was arranged by your parents for a company merger, things with him aren't quite like you expect. In your life full of obligations, he's determined to finally give you the ability to make your own choices. (smut/fluff/angst) *WC>10k

Cruel Summer (M)

He wants you. Everything to do with you--your heart, your body, all while keeping your friendship. What's a man to do during a 30-day hook up to get you to stay? (smut/fluff/angst) *WC>10k

See My Sea (M)

You never expected your lab partner to be the captain of the basketball team...or a decent human being, but you get proved wrong twice. Despite a rocky past of your own, you find yourself falling for him faster than you thought. Maybe, with his help, you can finally find your way home and see your sea. (smut/fluff/angst) *WC>10k

Like We Just Met (M)

Everything else about the day is completely normal when Chenle realizes he wants to marry you. It hits him like a tidal wave, and he's itching to tell you just how much he wants to love you forever. (smut/fluff) *WC>10k

SOS (M)

Road trips with Chenle are your favorite thing. Late at night, the two of you stop at a hotel, but it's not everything it seems to be. You barely have time to settle before you get a call to evacuate immediately. Beneath red neon flashing lights, you and Chenle have to try and escape the group of people hunting you down. (suspense/thriller/smut)

this is me trying (M)

Meeting Chenle was a fluke--a good one, at that, but you never expected things to escalate the way they did. But despite the whirlwind romance, you'd go back to December if you had the chance... (smut/fluff/angst) *WC>10k

Is It Over Now? (M) (Feat. Jisung)

Your relationship with Chenle is nothing but fight after fight. Amidst the toxicity, infidelity comes into play--except you're determined to one up him...but is it ever truly over? (angst/smut) *WC>10k

Within the Piano Keys (M)

For as long as you could remember, Chenle has been your neighbor and childhood best friend. That is, until one day he disappears without a word…or so you thought, since your mother hid all the letters he sent you. (smut/fluff/angst) *WC>10k

Paris (M)

Pure smut on a hotel room balcony in Paris! Woo. (smut)

Sunshine (M)

You're not usually able to wake up with Chenle due to his schedules, but on the days that you can, it's certainly worth it. (smut/fluff)

Quiet Down (M)

You and Chenle visit your parents, but he just can't help himself... (smut)

You're Not Sorry

You and Chenle broke up two weeks ago. The first time he calls you at 3am, you ignore it. Then he calls again. You answer, and you go to him knowing there's nothing he could do to fix what he's broken. (angst)

The Last Straw (M)

Chenle has been your best friend for as long as you can remember. Being in love with him isn't easy, until you find out he reciprocates those feelings (thanks to Cockblocker!Jaemin). (smut/fluff/angst)

Chilled Nights, Fogged Windows (M)

After being gone for weeks, the first thing Chenle wants to do is get ice cream with you. One thing leads to another, and suddenly, you're in the backseat (oooops). (smut)

In Your Dreams (M)

What started as innocent phone sex hotline stuff (if that can ever really be innocent?), you get an offer you just can't refuse...you just have to be a little sleep deprived ;) (Chenle as Freddy Kruger Halloween thing lol)

Irrevocably (M) Series Masterlist

You were friends with benefits with Chenle until he got a girlfriend...fast forward months later, and now they've broken up--leaving Chenle to come back to you, very much in need of a distraction. (angst/smut/fluff)

Opposites Attract [Poly!Jaemle AU] Series Masterlist

Your relationship with Jaemin started out simple--friends with benefits with zero complications...until there was one. That complication's name is Zhong Chenle, and after Jaemin agrees to expand your exclusivity deal to involve him, there's only one logical thing left to do... (smut)

모래성 (ONE) (TWO) (THREE)

You and Mark have had a friends with benefits relationship for almost a year now. He's in love with you, addicted to you, but you don't feel the same. You're his poison. (smut/angst)

Late Nights (M)

Mark's busy schedule only gives him time to come over late at night, but it's safe to say neither of you are complaining by the time you fall asleep. (fluff/smut)

Empire State of Mind (M) (Feat. Jisung)

Life with Jisung is almost perfect. He loves you, and you love him. But when you run into your ex, Mark Lee, you realize the one thing you've been missing all along is him. (smut/angst)

Lost & Wayward Mini-Masterlist

After the worst couple weeks of your life, you finally break down in the middle of an alleyway. Jaemin hears you and comes to comfort you, and little do you know, he's about to change your life--in more ways than one. (fluff/smut/angst)

[uhgood-girl]

why jikook?

i've been asking myself this a lot recently bc well, why them? why not tkook? or ynmin? hell, jihope even, they're underrated as hell honestly, have you seen that hot tub video? hobi was ready to unhinge his jaw to swallow jimin whole (and who (jk) could blame him.)

but jikook, in a not joking way, hits different. they always have. it's been years at this point that i've been deep in this rabbit hole (within the larger bts rabbit hole, my god, how deep does it go) but i don't recall making the conscious decision to fall in.

maybe a little background?

i'm a fake love army. actually, if we're getting technical, i'm an outro tear army bc it was in the comments of the freshly released fake love music video that i saw someone recommend outro tear if i enjoyed fake love and then it was over for me. extremely not fake love at first listen, who's voice is second on this track? i NEED to know. i'm a yoongi/rapline bias to this day. fake love still fucks though, don't get me wrong, it's a never skip for me.

for that first year and then some, i consumed backlogged content like it was my day job. i am a prone to hyper-fixations hermit, basically, who was going to stop me? my therapist? nah, she picks her battles.

i watched everything i could get my grubby little hands on like someone would be testing me on it later. (shoutout qdeoks, you were so real) i didn't open stan twitter for the first time till probably the end of 2018, really just in time to be slapped in the face full force with the shitshow that was a hate campaign against these boys i was deeply invested in by then, the likes of which i had never experienced in an online space up to that point. it was a truly, truly wild era, don't ever let anyone tell you differently.

all that to say, i've been here for a hot minute and i developed my own first impressions on bts and the members as individuals in a vacuum. no one had to point jikook out to me, they stuck out on their own.

potentially relevant disclaimer before we continue: i am really really queer. i grew up in the united states conservative deep south and had to change high schools my sophomore year bc i was outed and then violently ostracized for being in a relationship with my same sex best friend at the time. it is safe to say i have a lot of feelings about and experience even when it comes to having to be low key (understatement lol) about who you love. i am not here just to make my barbies kiss.

actually, on that note, jikook wouldnt even be my chosen barbies out of bts. if we're in true fantasy delulu hours here, i would want yoonjin to be real. god, that would be the stuff, they're so old married as it is. peak romance.

i think the first place jikook ever truly caught my attention were the memories dvds. jimin has always been a sweet, bby angel taking care of all his members but i remember thinking that he seemed to pay a little extra, special attention to jungkook. and of course, why not, jk's the maknae after all. all of them have always been doting on him and deservedly so. but in those briefly shown really serious, quiet moments, jimin was often first in line. a spot very easy for him to obtain tbh as jk never seemed to be very far from him anyway. maybe if you've never in real time lived the satellite jeon accusations (hi pandemic army, bless you, i hope you make it to 2025 when we have them all back without restrictions) you might find them easier to dismiss but it was so consistent back then in all of the content being released. and once noticed, i don't know how anyone ever un-notices it. but i was in deep before i even realized the water was boiling.

should i talk about why not tkook? or ynmin, for me? i'm just pulling those as examples bc i know they're the popular contenders here but all joking in the beginning of this post aside, none of the other members interpersonal relationships, in any configuration (sadly, RIP yoonjin romance), have ever struck me as anything other than puppy crush/deep friendship/family. and that's not bc i don't think over half of those men aren't queer in some form or fashion because WHEW, that is an entirely different post and we simply do not have the time to unpack rn but it's not for lack of looking.

i started in a vacuum, but i have by no means stayed there, i walked in all of those front doors and sat down and said "convince me." i've got the time and lack of life, i am ready to be won over. what have i missed?

to this day i still regularly try and check my own confirmation bias, i'm obviously looking for jikook at this stage but i'm still ready on my toes if any of the others want to get crazy. (yoonjin i am rooting for you, we're all rooting for you)

and i'm not here to really persuade or sway anyone one way or another either. there are a 1000 other blogs on this site that can probably offer you better explanations, specific clips, and detailed break downs of moments throughout the years and even then people are going to see what they want to see. i just wanted to write some of my own thoughts down finally.

though...i guess if i had to point to any one single piece of "evidence" it would definitely be tried and true gcf tokyo? but if watching that the first time didn't ring through you like a gunshot, i def don't think there's anything i could say beyond that.

honestly, i think so much of "why jikook" for me boils down to the pit in the bottom of my stomach that i used to get when i first began to notice them. when i got past the initial warm fuzzies inspired by the sincerity of their interactions, my immediate second emotion was concern.

i remember the first time i heard some of the other boys make an offhand joke about them being a couple and i got anxious, fast. i thought hide, hide better, please be safe. i began to pay extra attention to the other members in general too when jikook would do things and felt like i could sometimes see a similar anxiety to my own in their expressions. for a long time, i just worried about them and where i saw other people rejoice in their more obvious moments, i was slow to celebrate.

despite my initial hesitation, it's now been about 5 years since the first time they ever made me double take. they're a few years younger than me but i feel like we've been growing up together. (parasocial? idk her.) they're less conspicuous these days, and for lots of obvious reasons, but i feel like overall, their confidence in themselves and each other is quite high. i know that's probably a funny thing to say in light of this last week especially, but i stand by it. i've seen this song and dance before. i have managed my own expectations in the past, taken full steps back only to be beaten anew over the head so many times with enough "coincidences" i felt borderline foolish to try and deny anything. jikook are truly some sort of neuro-spicy pattern recognition drug, i swear.

and i've never really gotten to talk about any of this with anyone before! i'm shy irl, and shy online apparently bc i have just been lurking around the outer lines of this circle this whole time like some creepy creep but i've decided i'm over it. fuck it. growth.gif. idk that i have anything important or new to contribute to the conversation but my god, no one else seems to let that stop them so i might as well take my turn on the soapbox, no?

so 📢 JIKOOK REAL (?) jikook sus. jikook make bandaged queer little heart go boom boom.

[oulkheir]

Hi, how are you?

What do you think about the fact that Juvia basically stalked Gray for months, was mean to every girl (threatened their life, etc) that came close or even spoke to him (especially Lucy) and that he only feels "obligated to like her" because she saved his life? (like saved victims fall in love with their firefighter or doctor) I want them to work out but if their gender were reversed, everyone would scream that it was grooming. He told her "no" multiple times, he was clearly averse and if a guy would not accept a "no" there would be backlash. Juvia is an amazing character with a lot of development but I think that Fairy Tail often makes fun of serious sexist behavior rather than addressing it. Like making fun of Lucy's naked body or horny old men gawking at young and underage! girls. I'm aware that it's a manga and that Japan has huge issues with gender equality and sexism but I kinda expected more from the new manga/anime. According to Unicef, every 11th boy (and every 8th girl) is a victim of sexual violence. For a long time, nobody took boys being a victim of sexual violence seriously. Of course, Juvia didn't "do" anything to Gray. But it's the same when people said to girls "if a boy is mean to you it means he likes you" (hello Sasuke!). This teaches children that they don't really have a choice and bodily autonomy. Juvia never accepted a "no" and we as the audience should believe that this is her being persistent/ romantic/ etc. It shows: if you just keep harassing and stalking your person of interest, they will eventually like you back. At the end of the original anime, it felt like Gray feels the same and we are made to believe that this him finally realizing his "true" feelings. But it kinda felt like "i'm giving up the fight, you won't stay away anyway". Important notice: I only watched the original anime, so if I missed something in the original manga, please tell me.

hi anon ! i'm good thanks for the ask :) was truly not expecting this lol

first of all, the fact that i've watched fairy tail first when i was younger may bias my analysis and i apologise for that. of course, i've read it again enough to change my opinion on many aspects but the filter still may be a little present. but well you did ask for an opinion haha :)

juvia's obsession and gray's feelings

as you mentioned that you only watched the anime, be aware that it exaggerated juvia's stalking by adding her in scenes where she wasn't actually present and by creating a weird running gag with her obsession for gray. however, she does have an obsession with gray, which can't be denied, and which lead her to be pushy with both gray and her "love rivals" in different directions. but rather than this, she wants to prove him and show him that she loves him whenever she has the occasion, because it's usually what you want to do when you're proud to love someone. it's more clumsiness than wanting to force him into something. since it can make gray uncomfortable, it's not defendable to say it's okay every time, but there are plenty of moments when these are cute attentions rather than stalking. she's not hindering gray's job, sleep and life, by repeating how she loves him. juvia still respects gray's boundaries by not forcing him to go on missions with her or following him at his place.

besides this, i don't think you missed other important points from the main manga, but sorry if i'm spoiling the 100 years quest later on.

if you think that gray feels like he owes her his life and must return her love, then i strongly disagree. gray already had feelings for her by that time, that's why he tried to commit suicide as well to save her. he didn't feel obligated to love her just because of that. he said before the final arc that he wanted to talk about these feelings seriously with her, and had already shown proofs of love by spending time with her during the timeskip after tartaros. gray considers juvia as more than a simple friend since longer than what he says, otherwise you couldn't explain why he chose to create a unison raid technique with her at the grand magic games, nor why he could assure their bond was strong enough for this. he's not avoiding juvia like the plague, or apprehending seeing her, and that is the case since their first encounter. he's glad that she's joining the guild and helping them. in the main series, he feels more reluctant to public display of attention than to her showing her love. in the spin-off, he's being more open to his feelings than before and that's why everyone is shocked around him, but juvia seems quite used to it.

that is all about how i perceive the characterisation of gray and juvia. sorry if i've missed some points, tell me if it's the case :)

now, i feel like most of your criticism is about how fairy tail, and the shounen manga genre in general is associated with sexual fan service issues and sexism. my blog isn't so much of a place to deal with such political and societal questions, but let me try to answer at least partly.

sexual fan service and other borderline behaviours issues

first, when you talk about the gender reverse thing, don't you think it's more the other way around ? i can't see people reacting more to juvia's insistence if she were a man, because you already quoted other issues related to sexism and fairy tail fans don't really complain about it. or at least, they make abstraction of it. have you ever seen someone calling natsu a pervert/stalker because he's breaking into lucy's house all the time ? the most important thing remains to not be hypocritical with these situations : if you consider juvia a stalker, then at least you have to admit that natsu breaking into lucy's place is not okay. and as i said earlier, i don't remember juvia even following gray to his place even once. but that's not the main point here.

to keep it to what you said about the gender reverse, i think it's actually the contrary, and that people tend to accept men's obsessions/non-con acts more than women's. that's why the word "stalker" is so easy on juvia even when she's mostly just watching gray without any bad intentions.

fairy tail has a fair amount of wrong sides that you shouldn't teach to young teenagers. but is this supposed to be a life lesson to them, in the first place ? can you choose to show fairy tail to your kids just so they know how important friends can be, how you should treasure your bonds, how you can be free if you don't harm the others ? is it the best show to watch when you want to learn about care and freedom, even when the sexualisation of both boys and girls is overly present and when the said characters are sometimes minors ?

nowadays, i feel like the shounen anime genre tries to get better on these points, slightly, here and there (jujutsu kaisen being the most obvious example that comes to my mind) but the 100 years quest sequel is in fact directly linked to the main series and since the author is the same, he didn't bother to change anything in his way of making fan service. he likes doing that in his gags and art, it's part of the vibe of his series, so he won't take that away nor even reduce it. i'm a bit sorry that you can't have high expectations of the 100 years quest just because it's more recent, regarding the sexualisation of the characters or of their borderline behaviours. but if you enjoyed the main series, then there's no reason why you couldn't enjoy the sequel because of these.

i hope it answers your questions ! thank you so much for the ask again, i don't usually analyse fairy tail characters this thoroughly because although they are all really good and enjoyable characters, i can't guess if the author wanted them to be so deep after all. have a nice day !

xx

[aprillikesthings]

I had originally promised msyelf I wouldn't live-tweet or live-blog my rewatch of she-ra (mostly bc it will make it take FOREVER to watch the whole thing) but...fuck it

THIS IS A REWATCH. I've forgotten plenty of it, but I still remember plenty too, and that's all going to bias how I react to things, and obviously there will be spoilers, and also I don't plan to react to EVERYTHING bc it would just take too long okay? okay

Edit: ....yeah this took me nearly two hours for one episode oops

First of all let me point out how hilarious it is to me that when scrolling back through my tags I found myself posting MULTIPLE TIMES that I wanted to write the kind of fic I'm working on but knew I'd need to rewatch the whole series to do it right and now FOUR YEARS LATER I'm finally giving up and doing it.

why am i like this lol

ANYWAY

NETFLIX IT HAS BEEN A COUPLE OF YEARS and I know he's legally changed his name WHY is Nate/ND's old name still on here

THat's....that's Angella. That's a terrible propaganda poster of Angella. I'm cracking up how did I not notice that before

Okay the very first time Adora says Catra's name I lol'ed bc I've watched this fanvid (which came out after s2) a truly bananapants number of times and it's just what I immediately thought of

I started reading a fic recently that I couldn't get into and gave up on, but it pointed out something that seems OBVIOUS NOW: the reason the Horde is all children/teenagers is like, the whole "destroying the villages of Etheria" thing. Just slaughtering the parents and stealing the kids.

Then again maybe they said that in canon and I forgot. Dumb shit like that is of course why I'm rewatching.

Someone pointed out that both Adora and Catra obviously have ADHD and I cannot unsee it

I mean yeah that's...that's her entire motivation

(I mean not quite in the way Adora means it here but)

I will never, ever be over how fast this show started baiting them as a pairing. I remember the first time I watched the first episodes saying "the people who made this came from fandom and they know exactly how to get us."

Catra nails Shadow Weaver's motivation--"She's just mad she doesn't have any real power that doesn't come from Hordak and everyone knows it." And then calls Adora a "people-pleaser." She's not wrong.

Like, Catra understands the motivations etc of everyone but herself

(...something something abused children something C-PTSD something hypervigilance)

Catra's tail swishing just like a real cat's does when angry is A+

Re: stealing the skiff: Catra's supposed to be the one with bad impulse control but Adora is just as bad!! (it's the ADHD)

...pulling a random pretty sword out of the ground that's lit up like a quest in a video game is also poor impulse control lollll

I still crack up at this one and am still surprised I haven't read a fic that makes a big deal out of hair-pulling

Bow folding up random laundry on the floor and asking where it goes while talking to Glimmer is some nice early character-building. "This boy is not a sexist douchebag."

I mean the outfit helps too lol

Okay so on the one hand I know character age wank is fucking stupid, but also I get why people were like "...are these all minors or what" considering Glimmer's being grounded and then arguing with her mom like a high-schooler. My own parents (who were more controlling than most) stopped actually "grounding" me once I was 18--they just forbid me from using the car for anything but work or school because they owned it. Which is why they owned the car. Anyway.

(True story: that was their punishment for me getting bad grades at community college, and my response to this was to quit school, buy my own car, and move in with my then-boyfriend's family)

I wonder if Adora running off to do things on her own in order to attempt to protect people she cares about without asking them if that's even something they want her to do will be a continuing theme for her 🤔

omg the way they did her eyes/face makes Glimmer look so fucking creepy here

SO MUCH HAIR-PULLING poor Adora

I FORGET WHAT THIS SAYS I know it's an actual "alphabet" and people get tattoos and shit

(so, SO many tattoos of the failsafe...)

(okay but let's be honest a tattoo of the failsafe from the last episode is a really great way of finding other nerdy sapphics, they'd be the only ones to recognize it)

This is kinda heavy-handed ("don't just believe everything authority figures tell you, kids!") but also this show was aimed at like 12-year-olds so

Yeah this absolutely reminds me of conversations I've had over multiple decades about LGBT people and how people who know us as friends, coworkers, neighbors; realize we're Just People and are less likely to be dicks to us--not always, but often. Adora has never met a princess, so it was easy for the Horde to convince her they're all evil.

OH MAN this scene reminds me SO MUCH of the one in Arcane where Ekko is talking to Caitlyn about how Piltover/the Enforcers are fucking over the people of Zaun/the Undercity

Yeah good lord I could do a line-by-line dialogue comparison.

"Woman who has always been on the side of what she thought was The Law finds out everything she's ever known is a fucking lie and actually, she's been part of a force oppressing and destroying other people and immediately wants to fix things"

*squints at Caitlyn and Adora*

We never do find out who Grayskull is, but that's because Netflix doesn't have the rights to the He-Man stuff, and I admit this was probably the best way to keep She-Ra's signature line without getting into that

OKAY FIRST EP OVER omg

[araisbored]

In this lovely post, I will be reviewing the new album of a filipino artist Juan Karlos. I am not new in digesting albums as I’m a self-proclaimed music connoisseur. But what’s refreshing for this post was that it was from a Filipino artist. For the record, I always loved OPM. I love classic OPMS. I grew up, WE all grew up listening to them. But I just have never really dug into the deep. Album per album. Music industry in the Philippines was very different. The last thing a Filipino does is to support a Filipino music artist unless they’re colonized by the west or the artist got famous in the west. Everything was all about the west. But then things changed in the past decade. Which is a good thing. People started appreciating OPM again. I only have vivid memories of how OPM started. I’m not saying that OPM was not loved before. It always has been. But the younglings started loving it again when IV Of Spades released mundo. Then Juan Karlos’ Buwan followed. That’s when they all started catching the youth's and even not so youthful people’s attention. 

JK’s music entries to Ara’s Music chart wasn't always consistent but it’s not always a miss. I also disregard his somewhat homophobic remarks to Darren Espato. (if you know what happened there please tell me.) because I have no idea of what happened to them. My whole opinion and fondness for him is based on his music.

I am not new to JK’s music. I LOVE BUWAN and all its parts. (Wow) I love the Kundiman version of it even more. After he released buwan, and when it went viral. People just kept asking for more bangers and karaoke hits. He kept on giving but we almost believed that there would be no other hit that was going to be made. Shot puno happened which did well but never really peaked in my top 5. A few months later, ERE came. And she cooked, ate and washed the dishes.

When the song came out it was the perfect song for my situation. One of the biggest factors of charting in my personal music chart was always based on my mood. If I’m too happy or if I’m too sad. You wouldn't be on my top 10 no matter how many people like it or how heart breaking your song was. Safe to say she checks all the boxes.

Spoiler alert! Ere wasn’t my favorite in the album. It was my bias wrecker (lol for fuck sake my vocabulary is so 12 years old) from time to time but it wasn’t my favorite. It was paru-paro. You know me and my metaphors and similes and hyperboles. If you have those you got me, and I think Paru-paro hits all of it. Let’s get on to it for a little while. Also, I know I told you I was reviewing the whole album. Another spoiler alert…… I won’t be reviewing all the songs. So technically it was a half-album review or… maybe just my favorites. But still…. It is what I call it.

Let’s start with the album opener.

Track 1: Sad songs and bullshits. Which was the title of the album. The song was also registered as Sad songs and b******t. On a side note, it was very funny when it appeared on my car. 

The apostrophes are taking me out. Hahaha.  

Right off the bat, I think it's very smart and funny. And very straight to the point. A simple title that describes the album as it is.That's what exactly his album was. Sad songs and some other bullshit drama he has. And I might say, a good song opener. I like the parts where he encourages everyone to join him in his journey and to cry with him. Engaging with your listeners in a song is such a good song. 

Track 2, would be the ever famous, ERE.

I think what caught people’s attention was how sharp and bold the song was. It was very unusual for a Filipino song to actually include curse words. It’s a lot of risk as well because we all know how conservative a Filipino household was. So for this song to go viral let alone to be played in a house with you lola or mom listening? was truly a history. ICONIC. I noticed on some or most of JK’s songs is that he’s not afraid to utilize the silence. When you ask people what caught their attention in a JK song, it’s that he’s screaming or he’s belting, which is true, if he’s performing or when we reach the chorus or the bridge or the melody, which obviously are all true and good points. But what I noticed is the eeriness or the calm before the storm. It’s always calm on the start like he really wanted to tell you a story in a manner where it’s like he’s telling it to YOU. And only after he finishes that, that’s when the loudness and craziness comes in. And I love that about his music. It’s very expressive in that way. 

This song might be very catchy because of the use of words, specifically the curse word. But what the palaman of this song was really the story and the whole heart poured to a girl who hurt him. 

Track 3, may halaga pa ba ako sayo?

This is what I’m talking about when I say he’s not afraid of the silence. Although this is not my favorite track. This supports what I said earlier about the eeriness. 

If you like Track 4, close your eyes because I’m skipping it.

Track 5, Paruparo.

My favorite out of all the songs in that album. I think I resonate the best with this song. It’s such a let go and be-happy song. So comforting. And I might add… the words. The rhyming… just *chef’s kiss* When I listened to that song, after hearing the lines: “Kasing haba ba ng buong buhay ng isang.. Paruparo, paruparo, paruparo, paruparo” I immediately searched how long does a butterfly live. Look at that! JK teaching us some biology… who would’ve thought? 

The metaphors and personification and such are the main reason why I was captivated by this song. I just think it was really smart of him to compare the butterfly’s life to the span of their relationship. Such a smart way of comparing something and how brief they are. I also like how he rhymes the word Paru-paro, the title of the song, to some lyrics of the song(wow, arrah thats basically what songwriting is)For instance: 

‘Paano na tayong dalawa? Pa-paano, pa-paano, pa-paano, pa-paano’ , ‘Masakit man ang katotohanan na ako'y 'di

Para sa'yo, para sa'yo, para sa'yo, para sa'yo’, ‘Ayokong maging hadlang sa pagkamit ng mga

Pangarap mo sa buhay, aking sinta’

It won’t make sense if you haven’t listened to the song.

I also think that this song resonates the most with me. Or how I’m trying to be. Or what I wanted to say to someone who is not in my life anymore.

Track 6: Gabi (ft. Zild)

I love this song. Such a comforting song. Also good when you play it while driving. Bad thing if you’re sleepy. 

A song where two friends are drinking, and just talking about their breakups and life in general. Reminds me of Filipino walwalan days. If you’re pinoy, you know that kahit anong mangyari, shot lang katapat. Break-up? Tara inom. Lose a job? Tara inom. Masanggi lang, tara inom agad yan for sure. And this song reminds me so much of those times with my friends. Not the inuman part because we really don’t drink much. Me and my friends are not the drinker type of group. But the friendship and the presence of having them. We’re all far away from each other now. And this kind of song makes me hope that I was with them or wish I can see them if I’m having a hard time. This song will hit you if you have a solid friendship. 

I like Zild’s verse and voice. So calming. I also like how he rhymes everything. I know it’s basic songwriting but I wanna give them their cookies. They deserve it. The harmonization at the end is AMAZING! You can clearly hear both of their trademark, although I think this is more of a Zild kind of production. But I won’t know, I’m not an expert. And I’m not with them when they record this.

Track 7: Time Machine

I thought it was a sweet song because of the harmony and how upbeat it was compared to the other songs. But when the chorus hits, it turns out to be a sad song. A guy who reminisces about his past relationship and how he wishes he could turn back the time. Hence, the title: Time machine. I like the part that goes: ‘At tayo'y la-la-la-la-lalamigin’ I think that’s very JK. Very on brand. Just a little harot on the side. A lovely song.

The rest of the songs are getting skipped. Sorry. It’s just not my vibe and I don’t think I will form an opinion on something I care about a little. (Not in a mean way. All of his songs are good. And I will listen to them while I’m driving. I just prefer these songs over the rest. And I hope that you understand my stand. If you’re a JK fan, and you love all of these, GOOD for you. And if you’re JK who miraculously ends up reading my post. JK, I love this album. I can’t wait for what you will offer us next.)

And that concludes my review. Overall if I will rate this album, I will give it a 4 out of 5. I can’t wait for more JK albums in the future. I am really happy about the success of OPM these days. It’s about time. I hope this album or JK won't be the last OPM artist I will write about. 

Xx, Ara

[folkloreguk]

Still The Louvre (m)

A/N: Someone requested this and I hope you like it! This happens when you have Lorde’s Melodrama on repeat whilst writing…thanks for inspiring me queen (although I’m not sure why breakup songs made me write this lol) Also Merry early Christmas to those who celebrate!! x

genre: optional bias (m) x reader (f), fluff, smut, car sex, childhood friends to lovers, a tiny bit of angst but only for 0.5 minutes maybe, I hope this heals someone who’s given up on finding love, you all deserve someone who sees the best in you!!!

words: ~ 3.9 k

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“We’re just friends. Guys and girls can be friends! We’ve always been best friends, ever since we were seven. Nothing more.” That’s what you used to say. Now look who was the clown in those conversations all along. You guessed correctly - it was you. Because on your sixteenth birthday, he showed up in his black tee and baseball jacket, with your favorite candy and a heart-shaped necklace. Little did he know, if you could, you would have carved his initials into it, right there and then. Because it was that day, you understood one thing. You were head over heels in love with your best friend.

You would have been the perfect high school sweethearts – had it not been for the three different girls he had dated instead of you. He always had all their hearts, the only thing he needed to do was pick. And who could blame the other girls? He was all you could ever ask for, so there was no point in being bitter about their adoration for him.

Multiple times, you had tried to convince yourself you were over him. Like when you went out with one of the popular guys, only to realize three dates in that he was the possibly most boring person you had ever encountered. Or like that one time you agreed to go to prom with the class clown. He almost made you spit out your drink of laughter all night long, but when he tried to stick his tongue down your throat at the end of it all, you changed your mind. Your most successful boyfriend stayed for a full six months, before leaving you. He had been jealous of your relationship with your best friend. And you couldn’t even resent it. Your then-boyfriend had been in second place all along, and you should have never even dated him.

Long story short, whenever you looked at boys, you compared them to your best friend. And your best friend was an invincible competitor. It was safe to say, your teenage years weren’t what the films made them out to be. Except if there was a movie about a girl who cried so much about her best friend who she loved, she almost thought there was something seriously wrong with her. Some days the pain was so heavy, you’d get mad at him for no reason. Then you’d have to tell him lies that wouldn’t worry him and move on. Who could you tell? Your best friend was the one supposed to help you through boy trouble, wasn’t he? Yeah, that wasn’t going to work for you.

But that was the past. Lately, life was better. You couldn’t pinpoint when you first noticed the way he looked at you. Was it when he told you he felt like no boy in the world would be good enough for you, so maybe he should date you instead? It sounded like a joke, but his eyes said differently. Or was it when he asked you to sleep in his bed instead on his spare mattress at one of your sleepovers you’d had since you were eleven? He held you without words being shared, and neither of you addressed it in the morning. Maybe you both knew what it meant, either way. The mere thought of him liking you back was almost unbelievable for you. But after last night, you had no doubt. You had been in the elevator in the cinema with him. It was only ten seconds, and before you could have kissed his face that was inches from yours, the doors had opened. But he had chuckled and grinned at you for thrice the time afterwards. As if you had a new inside joke now.

It seemed you both knew what you wanted. But were you willing to take your friendship to that level?

Today, you were sure you were willing. Your heart almost ached in desire for him when you saw him standing with your shared friends. There, on the beach in the dark of night, with a bonfire drawing the warmest orange glow on his skin, you thought he had never looked more handsome. It was a small get-together between old school friends you both hadn’t seen in a while. And you should have been all over them, asking them about their lives and how they’ve been. Instead you only had eyes for the person you saw every day of your life. You swore you’d never get enough of his sweet smile and eyes so trustworthy you wanted to put all your deepest secrets right into his hands. His chest was heaving from laughter as he pat his friend’s shoulder in agreement. Oh, how dearly you wanted that hand to slip into your very own.

It was a warm night, you had been eating marshmallows, sharing genuine laughter and looking up at the stars and the full moon. Only one thing could have made your experience better, or one person, rather. You silently cursed yourself, because the night was coming to an end – some people had already left – and you still hadn’t made your move on him like you had planned it. But then your song played from the speaker. The very song you two always played in your car whenever you drove somewhere together. Every small beat reminded you of him and the lyrics were carved into your heart, it seemed.

When he noticed, his eyes shot up and met yours. They crinkled up into a smile that you returned. Finally, he made his way over to you and automatically your arms opened for him. Like coming home, he melted into your figure, arms mellow around your body. Quietly, he sang along into your ear, like every little word was meant just for you. You only pulled away slightly, so you could look at each other’s faces. You could’ve cried, realizing the time you had waited for him had been worth it after all. He was giving you a look you had thought would be forever reserved for other girls – but never for you. The starry sky above you wouldn’t stand a chance compared to his dreamy eyes and the fresh ocean air could easily be forgotten, if it meant to be in his arms and breathe in his familiar scent. If you leaned forward only a little, you could kiss him.

“Guys, we’re headed off,” a voice interrupted you.

“We should get going too, don’t you think?” he said. Almost mechanically, you nodded. You reminded yourself that you would still be in the car with him for twenty minutes until you’d arrive at home. And he’d stay at your place. You had him all night long. As you walked to your car, his hand brushed against yours softly, and you weren’t sure if it was just an accident, at first. But he was smiling as if he knew everything when you looked over at him and there you had your answer. The moment he had sat down in the passenger seat of your car, he was digging around for a CD to play. He settled for a playlist he had made for you in spring.

There was so much to be said and simultaneously silence had never felt more comfortable while you drove. You were going south along the high cliffs to your right. It was truly the most beautiful part of your hometown.

“I hate driving here,” you said.

“You don’t like driving along the cliffs? Too dangerous?” he asked.

“No. It’s too beautiful here to just look straight ahead at the road,” you said. He chuckled.

“We can stop at the tourist spot if you want to look at the sea,” he suggested. You smiled because he knew you so well. The ‘tourist spot’ really was a small parking spot right by the road, with space for about ten cars. You could already see it ahead of you. On sunny days lots of people driving down the coast liked to stop there for a rest and to take photos. Now, it was completely empty, of course. You parked at the spot closest to the cliff, so you could look down at the sea without having to get out of your car.

The slow playlist he had made for you was still playing when you switched off the engine. You knew right then and there, no matter where the night went, you’d remember this moment forever. The glow of the full moon was sparkling on the wild billows beneath you. Your eyes fixed on the horizon for a moment, as if you could have seen the closest island if only you paid enough attention. But it was only a wild vastness seemingly without end. Momentarily, you thought you spotted something in the water. Whales? But when you looked closer, there was nothing but the white and dark blue colors of the tempestuous waves.

“It’s gorgeous,” you spoke into the silence, your chin resting on your forearms on the steering wheel. You waited for his response. When it didn’t come, you turned to look his way. He was already looking at you. If cupid was real, he had just fired another arrow at your heart. Never could you have guessed how your best friend’s foolish grin could have made your heart skip a beat like this. Without another thought entering your head, you bent over to him. He knew what it meant when you mirrored his smile.

And then, you closed your eyes. You could admit it now - every time you had blown out your birthday candles, this was all you had ever wished for. His lips fit so perfectly onto yours. After the amount of times you had imagined it, really kissing him still was so much better than it had ever felt in your wildest dreams. His hands tangled in your hair and you almost couldn’t breathe. But then again, you didn’t need to. Right then, you didn’t need anything but him. For the first time, you touched the back of his neck in the way you had always wanted to – to pull his mouth closer to yours.

When you pulled away, everything in you screamed ‘Do it again! Now!’. It was as if your mind was worried that he would slip right through your fingertips if you didn’t hold him close to you for the rest of your life. Too many times you had thought that maybe you could have him, only to be let down because your hopes were too high.

“When did you first want to do this?” you asked, because you needed to know.

“About four months ago, probably. What about you?” he said. His hand was still on yours, as if to say “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere”.

“Ever since I was sixteen,” you said. You could have lied, but what was the use? You loved him too much to ever deceive him. His eyes widened. His hurt was yours, and so you understood the way your words must had pierced through his heart. Now he knew. You could practically read it in his eyes, how he realized the pain, the jealousy and disappointment he had caused, for years, without ever intending to do so. And although you should have wanted him to understand your hurt, the guilt and pain in his look was unbearable.

“It’s not your fau-“ you started.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N,” he interrupted you. “I’m so sorry – god I’m such an ignorant asshole.”

“No!” you said, taking his hand in both of yours. “You are my best friend, and you have caused me endless hours of happiness. I would have taken any sadness if it meant I could be your best friend forever.”

His eyes were watering and your heart felt like someone had gripped and twisted it in their bare hands.

“I was dating people and you had to sit and watch,” he said in disbelief.

“It meant to see you happy,” you said. “Hating you or those girls wouldn’t have changed your feelings for me. Because we don’t choose what we feel and for whom we feel things.”

“I love you,” he let out. “I’m so in love with you and I’ll make it up to you for the rest of my life, I swear.”

His words hit you like a torrent and you didn’t even care about the years of hurt anymore.

“There’s nothing you need to make up to me. I just need you to be here with me. Let me love you the way I’ve secretly loved you all this time,” you said. You touched foreheads until your breaths mixed.

“I’m yours – all yours,” he said. “I’m sorry. It took so long for me to realize and you were here all along, waiting for me. I never wanted to hurt you. How can I apologize properly?”

“Just kiss me again, please,” you said, almost begged. “Kiss me and it’ll all go away.”

And so he did. You had never known how much emotion could be in a kiss. But then again, you had never felt this strongly for anyone else but him. You deepened the kiss, bending almost all the way over to his side of the car. His hands were touching your cheeks so gently, but they were coaxing you closer and closer. When his tongue stroked over your bottom lip, you sighed against his mouth.

“I want you,” you admitted. You thought about driving home, but you needed to be honest to yourself. Driving in this state of mind was probably not safe.

“Backseat?” he asked, lips barely leaving yours alone. Hastily, you nodded. He climbed back there first, then you followed. It was only ten seconds that you couldn’t hold him for, but you yearned for him more than ever when you finally sat down in his lap, facing him. Without hesitation, your hungry mouths attacked each other again. You swore, you could have sat there all night long, kissing and touching him, if there hadn’t been something you wanted even more.

Swiftly, you slid his shirt over his head. Of course, you had seen him shirtless before, but never like this. Never with his chest practically heaving against yours, never with your hands being able, being allowed to touch him. Your fingertips were shaky against his smooth skin and you must had looked at him as if he was carved directly from marble. So he put his fingers under your chin and you looked into his eyes. If his body was marble, his eyes were diamonds. Ever so gently, he kissed you again. For a while you sipped on each other’s lips, only pulling away for a moment so you could remove your own shirt. You had opted to not wear a bra that day, out of comfort but also laziness. All along you used to think that saying someone’s eyes darkened in lust was an exaggeration, but when you looked into his, you understood. It was true. The way he eyed you was beyond all your most daring dreams you had ever dreamt about him.

Your lips meddled messily as his hands ran down your body starting from your neck, to your breasts, squeezing them and playing with your nipples. He was careful not to tickle you, knowing from hundreds of childhood play fights where your weak spots were. Your back arched against his chest, wanting more than his careful touches. On impulse, your hips ground against his crotch. As if on cue, you both let out strained noises. By now, your breaths were heavy when you pulled away shortly. Dreamy eyed, he touched the pendant of the necklace between your collar bones.  

“I gave you that…,” he started.

“For my sixteenth birthday,” you finished his sentence. You caught a flash of regret in his gaze, but you weren’t going to let him feel that way. Not now. Like you had wanted to so many times, you bent to his neck and began peppering kisses on his skin.

“Can I give you a hickey?” you whispered, almost afraid you were still in a dream.

“Just one?” he asked, and even without looking at him you could hear the grin in his voice. After sharing him with so many girls for so long, it almost felt selfish. But you reminded yourself that he wanted you now, after all. He groaned when your teeth grazed his skin and you sucked purple marks onto his neck and shoulder. His restless hands touched all over your boobs and hips, down to your ass where they slid into the back pockets of your pants for a moment. Again, you pressed your crotch against his hips, yearning for any kind of friction. At the same time, your hand wandered along his chest to the hem of his pants. Without looking, you opened his belt and the zipper of his bottoms.

He hissed when you grabbed his clothed dick through his underwear and his fingers dug into your sides. A few times you pumped his already hard shaft through the material. Then he moaned your name and you had never heard anything more perfect. The mere sound of his breathy, husky voice turned you on so much more than you had ever imagined.

“Fuck me, please,” you spoke, kissing him deeply. He hummed a needy yes against your lips and nodded. You climbed off him so you could lie down on the seats. He wriggled out of his pants and then helped you out of your own. When he lay down between your thighs and you felt his weight on top of you, it seemed like he had always belonged right there. It had been a hauntingly long journey, but now that you knew the end of it, you accepted all the sleepless nights you had experienced.

“Hold on,” you said, finding your bag on the floor to reach for the condom inside. He hummed a thank you as he ripped the pack and rolled the rubber over his stiff member. His fingertips teased the inside of your thighs, while he pressed open mouthed kisses onto your neck. A drawn out moan of agreement left your lips and momentarily, your eyes shut in the bliss of anticipation.

“You look so beautiful in the moonlight,” he said. His fingers run through your folds, collecting the wetness. You couldn’t help but whimper at the contact, and maybe also slightly because his words made your heart swell in the most marvelous way possible. Through flattering eyelids, you watched his stupidly handsome features as he curled his fingertips against your clit. All of you wanted more, but you only managed to moan his name in pleasure.

“You ready?” he asked, and you weren’t sure if you brain had even processed the amount of rapture he was causing you – but of course you were. You had been for years.

“Yes,” you said. Just for a moment, he run the tip of his cock through your wet folds. When he finally entered you, you realized you had been holding your breath – now it came out in a relieved sigh. He groaned at the mere sensation of filling you up, and when you opened your eyes to look at him it almost made you dizzy in admiration. Gradually, he thrusted into you, hips fitting against yours like two puzzle pieces finally united.

As he picked up the pace, you moaned in surprise but more in agreement. You felt his hand on yours and linked your fingers. Other men had made you feel good before – but only now you realized how true those statements from women were, when they said that nothing was like sleeping with the one you were in love with. The mixture of pleasure and the way you mooned over his whole being was a lot to take in. But it would never be too much. He was perfect for you. When you threw your head back you spotted the full moon and the brightest stars in the sky, trying to outshine each other.

He hit a spot inside of you that made you arch your back off the seats. Tightly, you shut your eyes and squeezed his hand.

“Oh my- You feel so good,” you moaned. When you felt the tip of his nose brush against yours, you opened your eyes. They met his galaxy eyes, and his mouth was parted slightly. You could barely breathe at the way he looked at you. When would anyone else ever see you in this way? It didn’t matter, you only wanted him either way.

He reached for the back of your thigh, lifting your leg slightly. The different angle felt even better, making you whimper and grab the hair at the nape of his neck, desperate for somewhere to hold on to. He groaned when you pulled his hair a little, and you smirked. You could barely wait to find out all the other things he liked and wanted to do to you in the future. But for now, you weren’t in a rush. It had been a long time since you had felt so at peace and full of happiness. Time was nonexistent right then. All you knew were his soft lips on your jaw and the way his perfect cock was making you see a blur of stars in front of your eyelids.

“I’m gonna- come,” you whimpered.

“Hmm…me too,” he groaned. “Let go for me, baby.”

His hand came in contact with your clit, feverishly rubbing the sensitive nub. The nickname he had called you would have made your cheeks heat up, had they not already been that way from the intensity of your emotions. Your stomach tightened and you only wanted to pull him closer to you.

He reached his high shortly before you did. A few curses fell off his lips as you felt him twitch inside of you, hips moving in sharp thrusts. Even if you had wanted to look at him, it was impossible for you to keep your eyes open, as his fingers still worked their magic on you. His last thrusts were hard and short, but they sent you over the edge too. Just as he pulled out, you met your climax. It was like falling but knowing there was a pair of gentle arms right there to catch you, so you didn’t have to be scared. You moaned his name, and this time he was actually here to hear it. Your chest pressed against his, foreheads touching, your legs tightened around his waist from sensitivity. After slowing down, he removed his fingers from your center completely.

Together, you lay in silence trying to catch your breaths and clear your heads. You scooted over a little, so he could balance his body on his side next to you. Light as a feather, his fingers brushed over your lips, before he bent down and kissed you again. This time it was a long kiss, with less need but even more passion. For what felt like the hundredth time, you questioned reality. Almost as if to check if it really was him, you stroked over his cheek and gazed up at him. But he was right there. Your best friend. Now more than your best friend. Through the opened crack of the car window you made out the crashing waves that caressed the cliffs underneath you two. Mingled with your song playing from the car’s speakers, the mysterious noise seemed to pick you up and tell you “Look at what you’ve been through, only one last time, then put it behind you. You’re where you’re supposed to be, now.”

[oingo233]

You Are Beautiful (1)

Summary: Sirius Black was entranced since the moment he saw you. He had to have you but you are convinced his feelings are fleeting, and will only hurt you. People inside and outside of your relationship meddle in the makings of something that could be beautiful... or disastrous. Will love and confidence win? Or will doubt and uncertainty tear you both down?

Young Sirius Black x Pus SizedFemReader

Warning: one inappropriate joke lol, fluff I suppose and nothing else really. All the real stuff comes later :0

Authors note: I mostly write my xreader fics as neutral but as this is a request, I wrote this as fem. But if anyone would like a male version or neutral version let me know and I will copy this but obviously change readers gender (and it's no burden to me I'd love to make more readers feel included and represented). Also reader is plus sized and she is confident and strong throughout the fic -because plus sized characters aren't represented like that in film/books alot (but if looking for amazing and empowering plus sized female characters Nina Zenik from Six of Crows owns my entire heart and changed how I saw myself personally and I would recommend that book for anyone really)- but as any human she has her insecurities because beauty standards are unattainable and have a way excluding so many people and making us feel less than beautiful. As a plus sized/overweight person myself, I understand how we have to fight to feel beautiful and fight this internalized bias we have when we look in the mirror. But WE ARE BEAUTIFUL. WE ARE WORTHY OF MAGAZINGE COVERS AND COMPLIMENTS AND ABOVE ALL SELF LOVE!! The self insert character in this has fought for her confidence, but it will shake and stumble throughout the series and Sirius and friends are there for her to help her realize for herself how beautiful she truly is, once again. So I hope I didn't stray too far from the request :) Enjoy....

Word Count: 1.8

Authors Note: About halfway through I decided to make it a series oops-

****Blabbering Idiot****

Sirius Black is a man of many, many words. In fact, I'm sure if he was writing this he could quickly turn it into one of the most entertaining novels ever written. He'd describe the laughter of his friends for a whole page. Tell a hilarious joke on the next. Then he'd describe the wind blowing through the open halls and courtyard and the spring sun. He could write about a great many things in great detail. (But he wouldn't because he doesn't quite enjoy writing as much as he does anything else, but that's above the point.)

As I said, Sirius Black is a man of many words. So it was such a curious thing when he first saw you. It was an astounding thing really, because for the first time he found something that rendered him completely speechless.

The sun was peeking through the open corridor and pooled onto you, caressing your skin and hair in an ethereal glow. Highlighting curves that brought both sinful and sweet thoughts running through him. It was as if the universe was telling him, look at what we've created, look at this beautiful creature. But he could hardly believe that this world could create something so lovely and kind. You threw your head back in laughter at something your friend said and suddenly the world is back to normal and all he can hear is your laughter and the sound of his friends curiosity at what could have possibly kept him from the conversation about muggle rock compared to Wizard bands. In fact, James was so passionate about it half the hall turned to listen to his rendition of The Chain by Fleetwood Mac.

But he didn't care, he took a feeble step towards you and suddenly felt so nervous his hands began to sweat. He stuttered and coughed up his words just for a simple "hello" in your direction only for the wind blowing through the halls to carry it away. And his friends laughed at him as he watched you walk too far from where he wanted you. Because, oh did he want you.

Sirus POV:

"I'm telling you, I won't be able to sleep tonight unless I know who she is," Sirius says for not the first time that evening. James started to laugh.

"Why? Because you'll be too busy thinking of her?" James said, laughing as he made a very suggestive hand motion. Peter cackled and Remus rolled his eyes, trying to find the cleaner side of his humor but instead he couldn't help but snort. Sirius pushed James's shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm sure Lily would love to know how familiar with that feeling you are," Sirius says and James stopped laughing immediately, his eyes narrowed.

"Please, you wouldn't dare. And I will deny all accusations, you'll be made out to be a liar. Then the mystery girl will never love you. Is that what you want, Pads?" James joked with a single arch of his brow. Sirius just rolled his eyes. He was only half paying attention, he has been scouring the hallways since he first saw that girl. He wanted to speak to her again, or maybe just stare for a bit. If things went well, he'd be able to do both those things on a date. But he hasn't seen her since that morning and his heart felt oddly shallow. He wanted those butterflies he had when looking at her to come back and overwhelm him again.

"What'll it matter if I don't even know who she is? Or- or if I can't talk to her? No one falls in love with a blabbering idiot," Sirius says. Remus shrugs.

"Lily fell in love with James," he says, Peter laughed again.

"Yeah, regardless of what he does at night," Peter added and now both James and Sirius were rolling their eyes. James and Lily just recently stopped denying their feelings for one another and gave into the sexual tension and mutual pining. Their relationship was still fairly new but they act as if they've been together for years. Sirius supposed that in a way, they have been.

Sirius would watch them giggling, hand and hand in the hall. He'd see them cuddling in the common room, or coming back after dates with rosy cheeks and beaming smiles. Sirius would never admit it out loud, but his heart cried out when he saw them like that. He rarely ever felt lonely. He could have any girl or boy he wanted if he really tried, but for what? One fun night? Only for one more morning where he wakes up alone? He wanted more than that whenever he saw Lily and James, their happiness was palpable. Their love was suffocating.

Sirius always thought he'd find the one after Hogwarts, if at all. But when he saw her... well that changed everything. In a flash he saw himself with her, their hands intertwined and her head thrown back in laughter. Rosy cheeks and bruised lips. Warm beds and making love... being in love. He nearly felt silly after and yet, he knew that even if he did sleep tonight, it would be her he'd dream of.

"Ello' guys!" Lily said, bouncing up to James who kissed her cheek. They walked with their arms looped and Sirius glared at the easy sign of affection. He thought of his parents, how they would be stiff with one another except for in quiet moments, when he'd pass through a hall and glance into their room. He'd spot a quick kiss on the cheek, and soft squeeze of the hand. It were those odd moments for him, that struck him so strongly with a sharp bitterness. They don't deserve softness and love, he'd think, how can such cruel creatures even feel such things? But even then, he'd walk away seeing them as still awful creatures born from the depths of hell, but more human.

"That's her," Sirius whispered so quietly Remus almost didn't hear it. In fact, Sirius didn’t think Remus heard it at all, but it was rather his look of longing towards the Great Hall entrance that gave him away. Because standing right there, was you.

Your hair was a little wind blown, messy around your face, bits of iit shaped your round cheeks and soft eyes. Sirius eyed you up and down and cursed clothes and cursed shyness and cursed his own head for thinking he could even talk to you. But most of all, he cursed a group of boys who walked past you.

Sirius was a confident boy, he knew how to spot someone who held their head up just as high as he did, and you were very much one of those people. You were giggling as you stole a biscuit from a friend and popped it into your mouth, you covered your mouth as you laughed when they complained with a little smile of their own.

"It's just so yummy, and I haven't eaten since breakfast." He heard you say, your friend just shook his head and handed you a plate as you sat down next to him. But right before you could get comfortable a sneering group of boys stole a piece of food from your hand and said something rather rude.

Sirius didn't even realize he had been walking towards you, this girl he has never even spoken too, yet thought of so endearingly, until he was standing right before the boys and had the pack leaders wrist firmly in his grip.

"Drop it boy, c'mon, drop it," he teased. It was humiliating for the boy and he knew it by the laughing and sneering others directed towards the group of boys, but Sirius did not care. The boy dropped the biscuit and looked as if his tail was tucked into his legs. "Good boy," he said, ruffling his hair until it was a knotted mess, the boy winced at just how hard Sirius dug his knuckles into his scalp, Sirius relented with a satisfied smirk.

Sirius’s voice took on a much harsher tone, "Now scram." The boys were out of their seats and in new ones within seconds.

Sirius felt his mood shift completely once they left, because now all eyes were on him, yours included. He looked up at you rather shyly, his hair falling in strands over his forehead. He tucked it behind his ear and found some confidence in the way your eyes followed the movement and how you blushed. He gave you his best smile, hoping his charm wasn't as weak as his legs felt at that moment.

"Hello, I'm Sirius... Sirius Black." Then, like an idiot he put his hand out for you to shake, what charmer just shakes the ladies hand? He stopped belittling himself the moment you softly placed your hand in his.

"It's nice to meet you, Sirius, and thanks for helping me. I know how to handle those filthy 'dogs'" you said, smiling as you remembered the way he spoke to them, he chuckled. "But I suppose it's nice not always having to," you finished with a bright smile on your face. He felt his own cheeks heat up and he nodded but could not think of anything better to say.

"Name," he said, you raised your brows. He cleared his throat, "your name?"

"Oh, how rude of me," you said and then you laughed, that same laugh that caught his attention and has yet to let go. "I'm (y/n) (y/l/n)."

"Nice to meet you," he said, it was as if he couldn't feel the appalled stares of your friends because all he could see was the blush on your cheeks and your head thrown back in laughter. He swallowed thickly before making his way back to his friends. They all wore raised brows and smirks, and he knew they were about to bite into him.

"Treating them like dogs, really? A bit ironic don't you think," Lily said, James shrugged

"That's why it was so good," he said, high fiving Sirius.

"But it admittedly went downhill from there," Peter was sure to add, just like Sirius knew one of them would. Sirius just laughed, too elated to finally know who you were.

"Don't start," he said, but it was too late.

All in union they sputtered out the lame word that will plague Sirius' memory of that moment forever, "Name?"

They cackled at him and ruffled his hair all the way to their seats, but Sirius knew they were pleased for him. And Sirius didn't mind, he could feel the pretty eyes of a pretty girl following him across the room. If only someone told him how important she would become to him, maybe he would have looked back at her and never looked away.

Taglist <3

@enchantedblackrose

[majestydeerakuma]

My Bad Gaming Opinions

(Spoilers for...Mario, Sonic, Pokemon, OMORI and Touhou)

-NO! Luigi is not better than Mario....NO! Mario is not better than Luigi...they are both equally adorable and I wish I could be friends with both of them

-Sonic games past Sonic Heroes really took a turn for the worst with storytelling...the music in Sonic games is fire though and gameplay is done well (for the most part *glares at Sonic 06 and Rise of Lyric*)

-I actually like the plots in newer Pokémon games, Pokémon in general is just fun to play and even if the story in games is a little ridiculous at times, the games are still really fun

-The best character in OMORI is not Kel...not including side characters, I would say Sunny is the best character. Though this is just my dumb bias and...I relate a lot more with Sunny than Kel...AND I NEED A SUNNY PLUSH! I NEED TO HUG HIM AND TELL HIM EVERYTHING IS OKAY AND THAT HE IS A GOOD PERSON!!!

-Metro Kingdom in Mario Odyssey really isn’t the best kingdom. If you really think about it, the kingdom is quite small and it was really hyped up in advertisements. There are so many kingdoms that are better in terms of design in my opinion with just aesthetic and how the kingdom’s size is used to its advantage. Yeah, in Metro you can enter various buildings but compared to other kingdoms, it just feels like you’re imprisoned in a sand box for the most part while Sand Kingdom and Wooded Kingdom for example don’t feel like this to me

-Can Sega like...develop their Sonic characters to not be a single character trait? I swear, Tails is just a nerd, Knuckles is a brawn with no brain, Amy is an obsessed fangirl, Shadow is edgy and Eggman is...probably the only character aside from Sonic who actually has character these days. Like...I miss how Sonic characters were portrayed in Sonic Adventure, Sonic Adventure 2 and Sonic Heroes. Tails learned to be independent and it showed afterwards in Adventure 2 where Tails actually did shit on his own and then in Sonic Forces, he’s back to being a coward! Knuckles guards a damn emerald and yet he’s now portrayed as stupid?! Knuckles, while hotheaded, he is naive at times and is caring of those around him...not he’s sort of just reduced to being an idiot with nothing for the most part. Amy, like Tails, also learned not to be so dependent to Sonic and in Adventure 2, she was upset about being left behind all the time after her adventure in Adventure and the fact that she literally got Sonic out of prison. I mean, without Amy, Adventure 2’s plot wouldn’t have gotten to the points it did. Shadow had a change of heart because of what Amy told him in the Last Story. Which moves into Shadow, Shadow, while more aloof and whatnot, he did genuinely care for people, Maria. Shadow was never truly “evil” towards Sonic. He may have been a rival to Sonic but he wasn’t flat out evil. Now he is mostly portrayed as an edgelord and a bit of an ass towards other characters...when he isn’t supposed to be! He is literally friends with Rouge and evident in the Team Sonic Racing animation SEGA released, he just flat out abandons her! SEGA...please...I want character development, I want a good story, I wanna see characters shine for who they really are (okay, sorry this one is long as balls, lol)

-Pokémon Gen.5 and Gen.6 have some of the best music in my opinion in the Pokemon series. (Also, while ranking Pokémon OSTs, I sobbed when I heard Gen.4 music because it unlocked memories of 7-8 year old me playing Pokémon Pearl before the DS I was playing on broke). But anyways, Gen.5 music and Gen.6 music is amazing! (Also, Gen.8 gym leader fight song)

-I prefer the Dream World in OMORI. That’s probs because I prefer fantasy to reality, even in stories most of the time but aside from that, the characters in the dream world are just awesome

-Man...Koishi is awesome

[cotccotc]

SKZ REACT to...

 ✰ you coming out PART 2 !!

part of my eight as fate event !! ( requested by anon ♡ )

genre/s: ot8 reaction headcanon, gn reader, platonic, fluff & humor

wc: ~1.3k

warning/s: descriptions of coming out as non-binary, brief mentions of gender dysphoria, my dumb commentary once again (hehe), these are just my opinions and ideas !!

a/n: i reference the first version of this reaction a few times and i recommend reading it first !! i got some really sweet responses to the original so i hope y’all like this one too :) OH ALSO i should mention that i decided to make it platonic since i found that easier and more natural to write.

✰ CHAN

i feel like even if he already knows a bunch about gender identity, non-binary and genderqueer people, dysphoria, pronouns, etc. he would definitely enjoy you giving him a full rundown on it !! and specifically what your interpretation is and how you identify

BEST LISTENER EVER !!!

do you remember that vlive where felix is talking and chan’s just sitting back and looking at felix with immense amounts of love in his eyes? yeah…

he’d be so. incredibly. proud. of you.

idk why the chan portions of these reactions have both been super sappy but anyways-

he’d be very dedicated to using your preferred pronouns and finding new ways to compliment you !!!

his google search history would most definitely include “genderless adjectives” and “enby dad jokes” and he’d keep a running list on his phone

chan: “what do you say when your non-binary friend is sad?”

you: [dead silence]

chan: “their, their....” [giggles]

KSDFJ

✰ MINHO

my first thought is that he’d be the type to ask for your new pronouns and immediately use them in a sentence.

for instance, say your new pronouns were xe/xem. he’d immediately say, “well, i’m very proud of my y/n, and i love xem very much.”

so then i’d start crying in the background.. blah blah blah omniscient narrator struggles :’)

i can’t see him being anything but casual and accepting !!

if you want to talk about things, he’ll most definitely let you, but if you don’t want to he won’t push.

but regardless, he just wants you to know he supports you in whatever way he can.

would also politely correct people if they misgender you in public !!! he wants you to feel safe !!!!!

i saw him as a wingman in the other reaction but in this context he’d definitely serve as your personal information pamphlet for people who you might not know too well.

random person: “what exactly does that mean?”

you: “it-”

minho: “WELL ACTUALLY-”

✰ CHANGBIN

just like in the first version, he’d get pretty emotional !!

i think he would really sympathize with you even though he can’t fully understand what you had to deal with externally or emotionally.

honestly that would probably make him even MORE emotional.

the fact that he can’t fully relate to those complex feelings would really tug at his heartstrings as he listens to you speak. he really wishes he could understand your struggles more, and maybe even take on the burden for you.

but let’s get less emo, shall we?

ok picture something with me bestie:

first, he casually refers to you using your new pronouns in a group conversation.

next, after the topic changes in the conversation, you look at him while the others continue talking.

this mf WINKS and flashes you the silliest smirk

you let out a little chuckle and you both continue on in the conversation

[end scene]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH anyways-

✰ HYUNJIN

i feel like he might question his own gender identity a little as well sometimes, especially due to what people say online (like calling him “pretty”, the edits some people make, praising him for breaking stereotypes, etc.)

so, he probably understands a bit deeper than some of the other members might.

in that same vein, i think it might make him a little bit emotional to hear your story !!

over the years, i think it’s plain to see that he’s become more comfortable with expressing his more feminine attributes, which has always comforted you as his friend.

he understands the feeling of being uncomfortable with the gender roles one is expected to follow, so he empathizes with you.

in terms of his actual first reaction, i think it would be pretty similar to what i suggested in the other version of this.

(my bias is showing but oH MY GOSH I STILL THINK THIS WOULD BE SO CUTE-)

“woo~” *insert little jazz hands here*

…

[cries] anyways-

you feel really comfortable coming to him with this, and you’re happy when you do !!

✰ JISUNG

maybe it’s because i’ve seen tweets about it, but i feel like this dude knows everything there is to know about modern gender identity topics and neopronouns and stuff

after the initial awkwardness of the conversation (and a big supportive hug ofc) he’d be stoked to talk about it !!

would ask for your pronouns right away !!! he might also do the thing where he uses them in a sentence.

“y/n !!! ze’s so cool !!!!!!!”

i think if he saw someone misgender you (by accident) he wouldn’t correct them for you out of in-the-moment nerves, but he’d be very proud of you if you do it yourself !!

might buy you a snack afterward tbh

but if HE ever misgenders you OHHHHH goodness gracious

HE WOULD FEEL SOOO BAD AH

EVEN IF IT’S LIKE.. THE NEXT DAY

he’d get so very embarrassed and apologetic SDKFJ you’d have to really assure him that it’s not that big of a deal since he’s still adjusting to things, but he’d still feel like he has to make it up to you in some way

would probably buy you snacks again LMAO

✰ FELIX

i think he would be really excited !!

we know felix really loves and is passionate about androgynous/genderless forms of expression, especially in regard to appearance, so he’d probably really enjoy talking about gender and stereotypes with you !!

(if you’re comfy with it, ofc)

honestly, felix would be really encouraging and would help you gain more confidence !!!!!

if you ever feel like trying out a new look, he’d be like “OK BESTIE LET’S GO SHOPPING”

tbh he’d probably try it out with you !! or if you hang out often, he’d probably subconsciously start finding inspiration in your style and adopt it a bit himself

on days where you feel a bit down for whatever reason, especially in regard to dysphoria, his first instinct would be to cheer you up by reminding you how unique and cool you are.

and it’s not just because you’re nonbinary but also because you’re just a super cool person !!!!!!!!!! and i think so too !!!!!!!!!!!! never forget it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so overall, i feel like felix wouldn’t be very hard to come out to once you get over your initial nerves, and the end result would be super fun :D

✰ SEUNGMIN

i think his initial reaction would be pretty similar to chan’s !!

he also seems like the type to be super, super diligent with adjusting to whatever pronouns you feel comfortable using or words you’re okay with him using to refer to you.

(maybe it’s because we know he was a good student and he’s diligent with practicing his english. training his brain to correct itself would be like studying for him lol)

for example, instead of calling you “pretty” or “handsome,” he might even try simply pointing out a part of your appearance that he thinks looks especially great !! something like your eyes, your hair, your outfit, etc.

your hair looks great today, btw. anyways-

aside from that, i think he would just try to be as courteous as possible without making a big deal out of things.

and if he ever slips up with your pronouns, descriptors, etc, he’d be super quick to apologize and correct himself before keeping the conversation going like normal !!

there’s just generally a lot of mutual respect all around :)

✰ JEONGIN

this is somewhat similar to my other version of this reaction, but i think he’d just be really intrigued and a little shocked

IDK WHY I KEEP THINKING HIS ABILITY TO GAUGE THESE THINGS IS SO BAD DKFJ every time i think about someone coming out to him i just can’t help but picture him being like “reaLLY??? since WHEN”

still, something deep within my soul is telling me that jeongin would truly think you’re the coolest person on the planet.

being as he can’t personally relate to this, jeongin would be pretty psyched to hear about your journey to finding out !! kinda the opposite reaction to changbin lol

honestly he’d be a super good listener !!!!

he’d hear you out for however long you explain things to him, and if you ever get a bit emotional, he might smile at you or reach out to hold your hand :’) or both :’’’’’)

then, when you tell him your preferred pronouns he’s like “oH okay !! coOL !!!” lmao

so, he understands the concept and is super happy for you but he just didn’t really expect it !!

tags: @stayndays​, @hanniiesuckle17​, @leggomylino​, @freckledberries​,@kisskissbanggang​, @mr-jisung-main​, @childofthecosmos​,@kpopscape​, @skzwriternet​, @hyunsins​, @sleepylixie​, @sunshine-skz​, @vera-liscious​, @moonlit-lixie​, @thatrandomoneinthecorner​, @sunshine-skz​ ( join my tag list !! )

©️ cotccotc 2021 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[nightswithkookmin]

Hii, me again. 😅

Jungkook made a three syllable poem with "min yoongi" name. At the last name of "Gi" He made yoonmin. Is he try to expose that yoonmin is a thing/ or real??

Ahjumma.... why are you being like this?

What did I do to deserve this ghettory?😟 It's too early in the year to be this ghetto uno.

Don't be like that😒

You are asking me, Goldy- GOLDY of all shippers, if I think JEON JUNGKOOK is confirming his boyfriend of seven years and counting is in a relationship with another member within the same group...

Doing what exactly in that relationship??

Is JK cockholding? What's going on.

KWENCHANAYO?!

You think BTS will survive two members dating the same guy in the same group???

Never mind that it's Jeon Jungkook and Park freaking Jimin- Mr I'm greedy and Mr I don't share my friends.

Like make it make sense to me please😭

After everything we've been said on my blogs for months now, you still asking me this??

You are bold, I'll give you that.

Now tell me slowly and in coherent words why I shouldn't pull your hair and give you three quick punches to your throat- ninja style👀

Someone get her before I snap their neck💀

For the last time-

NEITHER 🤺OF🤺JIKOOK🤺 IS 🤺 WAS🤺 HAS🤺 HAD🤺 PURPORTS TO HAVE🤺 WOULD HAVE HAD🤺 COULD HAD HAD🤺 HAD HAD HAD🤺IS HAVING 🤺 ANY 🤺ROMANTIC🤺 FEELINGS🤺WHATSOEVER 🤺 DESIRE🤺CRAVING🤺 WET DREAMS🤺 YEARNING🤺 PASSION🤺ATTRACTION🤺 AMOROUS 🤺INTENT🤺TOWARDS🤺 ANY🤺🤺MEMBER🤺 IN🤺 BTS🤺BESIDES🤺 EACH🤺 OTHER🤺

GET🤺 OUT 🤺OF🤺 YOUR🤺 IMAGINATION🤺

If you are new to the shipping community I suggest you familiarize yourself with every ships dynamics or at least Jikooks- if multishipping isn't exactly your thing.

Jikook's entire dynamics is founded on JK teasing JM to death. It's their thing.

He's said he enjoys teasing Jimin because he loves Jimin's reaction to when he's being teased. In fact, the entire group have said same about Jimin.

Did you see JM's reaction to when JK called out the Yoonmin comment in the dynamite reaction VLive?

Did you see RMs reaction too?

He is trying Jimin with these Yoonmin jokes. He's gonna get stabbed. Lmho.

Jimin reacts strongly to when JK in particular teases him with ships, Yoonmin more recently. Yet he didn't seem to mind when V did it.

V used to be the biggest Yoonminer on the planet rooting for and encouraging certain interactions between Yoonmin. Lmho.

Jimin himself perpetuates Yoonmin as a ship.

It would be an insult on his intelligence for anyone to assume he didn't know exactly why people ship two people together or what interactions and moments is considered a moment in shipping sphere.

Statements like, why can't Suga hyung look me in the eye, why does he say I'm irreplaceable to him, insinuates something and he knows this.

Once upon a time, JK couldn't look you in the eyes too. Still can't sometimes.

Jimin has a presence and he has a hold on these men and he knows it.

He goes out of his way to create the impression he and Suga have a very close bond and dynamic- I'm sold on it. Lol.

'5 Jms? As expected. You'll fall in love with them' not sure if JM said the last bit in the BE.TS Vlive, yall check for me.

It's crazy then that he turns around to react the way he does when JK teases him with his ship with Suga.

It seems to me, Jimin knows the intent and energy behind such seemingly harmless jokes- JK can be petty and passive aggressive with these things. You'd think he is joking but deep down he would be pouting and throwing tantrums behind cams🤧

It's Jimin apologizing and looking like his spirit left his body as he sat on the edge of JK's bed in the new Jersey VLive for me.

He needs to free Jimin.

Talk of things I'm getting too old for- Let's talk about why he posted his version of the bridge in disease online🤧

Not to say he shouldn't have posted it. I support that he did wholeheartedly. Deadass found his groove since he started unbuttoning the front of his shirts in 2020.

He's reclaiming the spotlight, putting himself at the forefront unlike before where he'd resigned himself to a supportive role watching his hyungs be at the center of things.

Now he's been talking about that he wants have sexy dance performances like Jimin, write rap melodies for RM, share his own music, try on a solo career one day- we get it. You found yourself Mr I'm independent asserting myself yall better fuxk off but chilee not at the expense of Jimin! 🤺

I mean it's a broad spotlight and they both can share it but damn is someone changing drastically. Not sure if I should be proud or terrified.

It's great and amazing and I'm really truly happy with where he's at mentally and physically since 2020- it's a great sign, don't get me wrong. Significant improvement. His becoming is long over due but he didn't have to grab the spotlight from Jimin like that.

Jk vs JM isn't something I'm a fan of.

It's a shame it didn't work out? What do you mean JK. I'm sorry but Jimin's version is amazing too!😟

What the actual hell JK😭

Back it up. This is not how to Jikook🤺

On guard sir🤺 on guard🤺

Dude did Jimin dirty🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧

I need a refund😭😭😭😭

Here I was waiting for y'all to get on your Jikook agenda and post that first Jikook selca of the year and you are there shipping Jimin with your bandmate and thiefing his shine. Who taught you that?!😥

Y'all are competitive but y'all don't compete with eachother's shine! JIKOOK 101😭😭😭

You share it😥

Show me where in the books this new development falls under. Show me

You winging it and it's unconstitutional😟

I rebuke it in Jesus name!

Someone beam me up.

You got these 13 year olds coming in my DMs telling me you are not supportive of your man's career.

I don't have time for this shit.

SOMEONE BEAM ME UP! Kirk!

If you've watched their Be behind video, and you've seen Jin talk about how RM complained to him when Tae chose Suga's version over his version you'd know where JK is coming from or where I think he is coming from having JMs version chosen over his.

Watch their Be self interview on yt too.

He said there's a melody he worked on for RM and when Jhope thought he got snubbed he recommended he release it instead- to quench his artistic drive perhaps.

That is why he released this song. He did it for himself. Like he said, he won't put out a song unless he was confident about it.

Suga have said time and again how the music and melodies they create never go to waste because they can repurpose it like he did with Telepathy I think.

Even JK explained he was reserving the melody he made for RM for a future group song.

He could have repurposed this or something.

When Jin talked about V vs JM's Christmas song and kept repeating how much he preferred Jimin's song to Tae's because Jimin"s was bright and upbeat, he made sure to clarify he wasn't implying Tae's song was bad. He was just indicating preference.

I won't lie, I was happy he preferred my bias's song but it made my VMin heart ache a little.

V and JM made very different songs, they shouldn't be compared to eachother in that way.

I don't like competitions. And I don't like when two artists are pit against eachother- which is exactly what these two versions of the bridge is doing out here.

I will literally die if in an interview JM is asked about his part and JK isn't. I can't do this😭

Those saying JM's is better make me sick, and those saying JK's is better make me nauseous. They both great. Point blank purr.

What's even more heartbreaking is hearing how excited he really was to share that bit with Army. Dude's eyes was glistening and everything. His bunny smile! 😥

Thats what makes this very hard for me.

The JJK in me is overjoyed and excited that he is doing things that make him really happy. I'm proud of him.

But the PJM in me just😕

I even feel more guilty that I prefer JM's version this time around😭😭😭😭

I feel like I'm betraying JK🤧

I was so happy seeing JM recieve all the love and attention I know he deserves.

Then here comes his boyfriend

'Hold up what about me!' Lol.

Imagine if RM releases the version of Blue and grey he made for Tae and it turns out we prefer that to the version Tae chose💀

Imagine that.

This has been a recurring theme throughout late 2020 to date. Jk's been choosing authenticity and self interests and passions over anything else and I couldn't be more happy for him.

Like we discussed, he's been learning to compromise too lately, which is great.

But honey this is a red flag. Deadass.

To me anyways😏

I've been a strong advocate for a certain level of independence and detachment in Jikook's dynamics because they lowkey exhibited codependency tendencies in their dynamics which is great for us shippers but not so great in the long run for their relationship or them as individuals .

Maybe I'm thinking out loud and prematurely here. I mean we are only beginning to have intimate access to their raw unscripted selves.

I don't think it's not that much of a big deal. RM and JM have equally shared their own versions of fake love on the internet but it is an interesting development in their dynamic to me.

I remember how happy JM was about his version of fake love, and it remains to date one of my favorite beats even though he was just spewing nonsense on that track. Lol.

He was so excited when he shared it with JK and Jin. He said when he showed it to JK the first time, JK said he loved it very much- how loving and supportive is that!

More of this please. Thank you.

PMS is a bitch y'all🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Has me in my feels about this.

I'm pretty sure JM is the one that even encouraged him to share his part in the first place. Won't put it past him.

'Ya Jungkook, release your version too'

'Army will love it'

'Right but I don't want it to seem like- Goldy is crazy you know'

'Goldy who now?'

'What about the thirteen year old fans-'

'Aht aht aht Who cares about them.'

Lmho.

I mentioned a few times on here how I felt JM seemed to have been demanding 'space' and a little bit of breathing room in their dynamic which was causing a little bit of tension here and there middle 2019 through to March last year and it all sounds like drama and speculation but...

May be if I told y'all I am a witch and my analysis of their relationship is based on mediums, phantom whisperers, empathetic readings or tarot cards y'all will leave me alone?🤥

Y'all don't seem to have a problem with the witches and empaths who be doing the same shit I do out here😒

Like we are all 'reading' these mens!

There's nothing wrong with 'psychoanalytically' evaluating a ship you know? Chilee.

Imma call myself a witch if it will get y'all off my back😹😹😹😹

I mentioned JK equally embarking on his own journey to assert himself within the group and within the relationship due to this?

But damn I did not see this one coming.

This is a red flag for me. And no, it doesn't mean they are broken up or having issues in their relationship.

Jk's TMI indicates they still been spending a lot of time together.

This is just a sign there's too much independence in their dynamic now- if you know what I mean.

Relationships flourish based on how attached we are to people- too much attachment is a problem, too little attachment is equally bad.

Jikook have always had a problem with over attachment in their dynamics in my opinion, to the point it was lowkey unhealthy- the jealousy, not being able to 'act professionally' within a group and work environment, having problems with being separated however briefly, constantly wanting to be where the other is etc.

Less attachment isnt necessarily a bad thing either. It means less of all the 'toxic' aspects of their relationship that over attachment brings but too much of that too can trigger anxiousness and insecurity and resentment.

Especially if one of them hates change. Cough Jimin.

With that comes all the wild aspects of love such as possessiveness, jealousy and I know JM doesn't do too well in that department...

In my opinion, I see JM as having a problem when JK breathes down his neck emotionally speaking, and at the same time he has a problem when he is too emotionally distant.

All this is interesting to me.

Who do I need to talk to to give me more of Jikook interactions individually or jointly?

I want to see more of their interactions beyond the overly staged, dramatized fanservice and official content.

Spending a lot of time around eachother and eating each other's ramen- pun intended, does not reflect on how intimate you are.

Intimacy requires depth and depth requires attachment.

How you treat eachother's needs and goals, dreams and desires is equally indicative of the intimacy in your relationship.

That has always been one distinctive quality of Jikook's ship.

And so I wonder the thought process that went into this decision. I know JM wouldn't object to JK sharing things like these or doing things that make him happy even if it has the potential to impact his own shine in any way.

Jikook don't compete against eachother.

I keep saying this.

Remember when I said I found it sus that JK was lying there staring at JM with his hands in between his legs?

Did yall see what the run editors said when JM and JK went up against each in the pool?

'Jikook don't play by the rules'

Jimin had to push JK in the water to end whatever ancient sex ritual foreplay rooted in kamasutra they had going on. Bless him.

And in so doing, he lost to JK.

Whenever they go up against eachother, one of them intentionally lose even though they are both very competitive.

Isn't that why JK said he'd rather 5 Jms so he can watch them compete against eachother?

When JK first made that post, I felt it was out of pettiness or a move to 'humble' JM.

I thought of when he'd posted that photo of himself with a hickey after JM had 'dated' him during the JinMinKook live.

I rolled my eyes and asked, 'what yall gays up to this time?' Why you out here humbling your man?

Anywho chilee we will never know.

At ease.

Signed,

GOLDY

[goldeneyedgirl]

Who’s ur favorite and least favorite twilight character and why?

LOL, oh man. Prepare for Discourse, Anon. 

My favourite character is Alice (that might be very obvious). I think she was wasted in Twilight, and that she has so much potential. 

She has no recollection of being human. She is a totally blank slate with a gift that is essentially an extra sense or limb. Like, this girl cannot be ‘okay’. I believe in my heart of hearts that Alice functions differently to other people. I mean, I infer from canon that her visions taught her everything that she needed to know - from how to feed, to how to convince Jasper, to how to join the Cullens. She’s going to get the wrong answer? She’ll change what she says!

And that is utterly fucking terrifying - especially if she was aware and doing it intentionally. But I do not think she is, in that sense. I just don’t think she would have any idea of how to live without her visions showing her what to do next. Alice is a hostage to her own gift, and always has been. 

Even her interactions with Bella and Edward in canon are really uncanny, like she’s playing a role - which is more reflective of SMeyer’s piss-poor writing ability than any sort of intention - but indicative that Alice is Not Okay, and kind of explains a lot about how the Cullen family is portrayed. 

A lot of what I love about Alice, and her relationship with Jasper, are things I’ve absorbed from fan-content - what we can infer from the information we’ve been given. Her conviction about her and Jasper, to me, is beautiful and both terribly childlike, and something someone who has suffered deeply would absolutely cling to as a lifeline. The idea that Jasper isn’t just her husband, but her very best friend and confidant as well, paints such a lovely picture of the symbiosis they have. I think that, whilst it’s normally Poised, Confident Alice to Rescue Struggling Depressed Jasper portrayed in fandom, that there is a distinctive possibility that two individuals who were both fucked over in the gift department and were holding onto reality by a strand found each other and rescued each other might be closer to the truth.

I also LOVE fashion, so I kind of get Alice on that level; and I treat Alice - when I write her - as someone with mental illness (like myself) because I find that very satisfying to write, and to explore. I can PROJECT, which is super fun.

Jasper’s a close second because holy moly, he has so much potential from a fic-writing perspective? This is a man who was not a good person as a human - like, there are Varying Reasons he would join the Confederate Army and be proud of being a Major, but that’s a TOTALLY different piece of discourse so we’ll put a pin in that because statistically, it meant he was a racist fighting for racist ideals. And THEN he is changed into a vampire and joins the Southern Wars, falling further into evil as far as violence, hate, and senseless death goes. 

Like this man was a full monster.

And it was eating him alive.

So he just walked away. Alice did not save him. Peter did not save him. Jasper walked away. Peter gave him the opportunity to do so. Alice offered him goals and a way to improve who he is. There’s nothing he can do about the evil he sowed, the legacy he has created. And he has to live with that every single day for eternity. Has to deal with the burn of his thirst, exacberated by years of gorging on human blood, every single day. There is no solution to/for Jasper. It’s one hell or another. And that is so much fun from a fic-writing perspective. 

Plus his dynamic with Maria is so crazy fun - Mother? Lover? General? What does ‘good terms’ even mean? I assume it’s code for ‘cold war’ or ‘not actively seeking the other’s destruction’, but who knows. I love that. 

Jessamine is also super fun and beloved by me, but that’s because she’s either Jasper-derivitive or my particular portrayal of a separate character, so she doesn’t count. 

As for my least favourite, that honour goes to Edward. Full disclosure, I have not read Midnight Sun, only skimmed parts, because the only thing worse than that would be reading EdBella fic. 

I think he’s an arrogant, misogynistic, controlling little brat, honestly. He’s above the rules and the laws when it suits him - at the cost to everyone - and he condemns Rosalie and Jasper so quickly and thoroughly with very little in-text justification. 

He says that Rosalie is vain - well, Captain Dipshit, maybe after being violently and fatally gang-raped by a group including her fiance Rosalie might deal with a lot of body issues - and copes with them the best way she can. Maybe after being raised with a priority of being beautiful above all else, and then harmed in such a grotesque way because of her beauty, and then becoming more beautiful might fuck with your mental health a little, Eddie.

Edward has a bad habit of classifying women in absolutes like Madonna/Whore, depending on his personal beliefs - which, as a frozen 17 year old from the 1900s, is fairly goddamn dubious. Rosalie and Tanya are both ‘bad’, Esme, Alice, and Bella are all ‘good’. But there are no women that Edward fully ‘trusts’ or allows to ‘win’/direct him. He prizes Bella because of her unreadable mind - she is a puzzle and something to possess. They are never partners. Edward uses Alice, Who Tries Her Very Best, as a weapon against Bella multiple times. I often wonder if it isn’t Edward who encourages Alice, off-page/off-screen, to play dress-ups, to make Bella into what Edward expects in a wife. 

Edward is over-indulged by both Esme and Carlisle; honestly, with his gift, I wouldn’t be surprised if he manipulates the family into their slightly toxic dynamic (it’s hard to tell because of SMeyer’s obvious bias, and the perspective of the novels) because it benefits him so much. It puts him second only to Carlisle - Jasper cannot be trusted despite his comprehensive understanding of vampires, especially when it comes to turf battles, and Emmett’s just a frat boy. Or is this the portrait Edward has painted so he gets to be #1 Son?

Edward is the goddamn architect of every disaster the Cullens face because what he wants is dangerous and illegal. Without Edward’s Volterra Tantrum, Aro never would have challenged the Cullens in Breaking Dawn. Victoria’s attack would have been neutralised before the Cullens even got wind of it. Bella never would have gone cliff-diving or solo-hiking if Edward hadn’t dumped her in the cruelest way possible. 

I honestly, truly believe that Edward shouldn’t have had a mate, let alone a wife and child. 

Also, movie!Edward looked like he needed a fucking shower and a flea dip in nearly every scene. 

Bella’s a close second because I have known girls like Bella and fuck me, they are deeply unpleasant to be friends with. She fucks over EVERYONE in pursuit of Edward. I understand that she doesn’t have the same interests as Alice, but not once just she make a suggestion for an alternative activity or a compromise (and that could be Bad Writing again, because Bella appears to have very few hobbies beyond ‘reading’ but it’s what we’re working with). 

In fact, I would argue that Alice tries her very best to be Bella’s friend, but it’s a futile attempt - Bella tolerates Alice because of Alice’s proximity to Edward. If Alice had been a human student at Forks High, you can bet that Bella would have dumped her as fast as possible. Bella has very few moments where she’s positive about the people around her outside of the Cullens (by association with Edward) or Jacob. Charlie gets mostly pity. Everyone else is looked upon with disapproval and judgement (which, again, reflects toxic writing tropes.) 

And Bella martyrs herself at every opportunity. There’s a lot of discourse where Bella’s neglectful childhood is examined, but Bella fucking lunges into the ‘victim’ role at every possibility. And ultimately, I really don’t see Bella maturing or learning anything at all through the series. It’s always about what she wants, above everything else. She succeeds because she and Edward are incredibly selfish individuals who are enabled by the parental figures around them. 

Second runner-up is Carlisle. 

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

I’d disagree with the anon that Paul was “incapable” of love, but I do agree he was very distanced, and pretty cruel (to women) when he was younger. (It was unfortunate they bought into the love at first sight myth, but he was also a charmer, and dropped affection and got colder after fucking them.)

But I just can’t see romantic interest on Paul’s end. I’m sure he loved John, but a lot of the “sexual/Romantic evidence” really can just be as construed as platonic love. I feel there may be some confirmation bias looking for “clues”. (Not an attack on anyone, but some of the analysises seem to try too hard, really).

He does make references, with the whole “calling him babe during concerts”, and “in bed” but that could just mean he’s not uncomfortable with coming off “gay”. He has a quote about it somewhere I think. He’s supportive of the community at any rate.

This is kind of my own bias, but at times I think he…plays it up a little during the present day? Again, I’m positive he did love John a lot, but with how he is, a charmer, good at manipulating his image, he knows there is a benefit to building up the “magical” Lennon McCartney dynamic. John’s dead, and the old conflicts have faded, so he has no reason not to. I don’t think he’s anti-social, or a psycho or anything, but he certainly does put a lot of thought into his image, especially now, with how he wants to leave his legacy.

I’m less knowledgeable about John, and the speculation about his mental illnesses, but on his end, I can certainly see it. Maybe he’s just blind, but the looks are very much…yeah. He does seem to rely Paul a lot, and hold him in very high regard (REGARDLESS of what those old male biographers might make of him). You just know he was suffering over Paul, poor bastard.

Not sure if anything happened. I think Paul knew though, and either ignored it, or was kind, knowing John wouldn’t act on it. OR he didn’t notice! With the whole “we shared beds A LOT. you would think he’d make a pass at me, darling~”

I guess that’s how I see it. I don’t really have strong feelings on the nature of their relationship, or want them to be “confirmed”, so I try to be as objective as possible! Not a shipper, but not a male biographer. In fact, I was very put off learning the ship was a thing at first! With every fan base “having to” ship the main male leads, that’s what I thought this was. But after three years, reading actual books, primary stuff, I’ve began to change my mind on its legitimacy, and this was my conclusion. But new information can always change!

(Sorry for the long long analysis, god! I just took my adderall and I should go eat! Feel free to block me for spam/harassment.)

Yeah, this is basically my big mclennon dilemma: did Paul love John?

Of course he loved him, but I mean did he harbour any homosexual feelings towards John - and I just go back and fourth on that a lot.

In my last response to an anon I wasn’t necessarily trying to argue that Paul was romantically/sexually attached to John, because all in all, I don’t believe he did - but it probably came off that way because I didn’t particularly like the way the anon had phrased some stuff (like calling him “a master manipulator” and “incapable of love”) and so I just sort of wanted to show that the relationship was more nuanced then just “john was simping for paul”. My overall point with that response was more so that whilst I think Paul struggles in showing real affection and emotions, I don’t think he was incapable of love prior to Linda. I think he did really love John (in whichever form of love you want to take it: romantically, platonically etc.)

And so my point I guess wasnt so much that Paul was always capable of love (because I think he did at least love his family, his close-friends, probably Jane etc.), but maybe more so that he was always capable of intimacy with another person, though he struggled with it.

But yeah, he was quite cruel to a lot of the girls he slept with in the 60s, but I wouldn’t say that suggests he was incapable of love (i know thats not what you’re saying but other people might interpret it through that lens) I would just say he was young, dumb, ridiculously rich and famous and not emotionally mature enough yet to really empathise with most of those girls. Not trying to completely excuse him, but like, i dunno, i always just try to view people from the most human perspective. Everyones an twat sometimes yknow

I also really struggle to see romance on Pauls behalf towards John - the only times I think “wait but maybe he did fancy john back” is when I read some of his lyrics (like in ‘Coming Up’, ‘Yvonne’s The One’, and to some extent ‘Here Today’ - though I think interpreting Here Today as strictly platonic love is still a valid interpretation). I mentioned this in a different post though, that analysing his lyrics just isnt particularly convincing for me, because it feels more like speculation - and also as someone who does write songs, I know that a lot of lyrics just arent as deep as we wish they were. It is really difficult to be truly introspective and honest in a song, without exaggerating or hyperbolising or fictionalising any autobiographical aspects.

I do see your point with Paul possibly playing up the “Lennon/McCartney m a g i c” - im not entirely sure how much I agree, but I do agree to some extent. I think he’s always been very image conscious, and being in what is probably the all-time most famous pop band definitely wouldve heightened that. Even as a teenager I think he’s always just had this natural charm about him, and that tends to stem I guess from a need to be liked; I think you can see it in every interview he’s ever done to be honest. Its not necessarily a bad thing, (because id take a charmer over a rude knobhead any day) but I guess it sort of just shows that Paul is flawed like everybody else. Also, just read @mothernatures-sons tags and I agree with her - Paul just knows when to be a nice person! Nothing wrong with that! It isnt manipulative like the last anon suggested, its just how most people are: polite :) Ive heard a lot of anecdotes from people who have worked with or met Paul and the majority of them say he was a just a nice guy. Not saying he was never an arsehole (cause yeah he was pretty cruel to those girls in the 60s) but I think overall, hes a pretty good guy 👍

On the other hand though, you could also say that superficial journalists are looking for superficial answers - and Paul knows what the people want to hear. But occasionally ill hear an interview that does seem more intimate then most - I havent listened to it in awhile, but the interview he did with Sean I remember felt more honest to me then most. And when he said he’d like to spend the day “in bed” with John, to me that felt like a genuine and fitting response. Because, whilst it has sexual connotations, it also just feels like he’s saying he’d just like to sit around, chat, dont chat, just whatever with John for a day. Like he would just like another moment of intimacy with him.

I think we are pretty much in agreement on most of this though! At first I was also like “nah, mclennon isnt real, teenage girls just love shipping guys!” (I am a teenaged girl and I can confirm this lol) but then it just sort of became apparent to me through reading more and more about their relationship that there probably was something more on Johns behalf. If John wasnt in love with Paul, then it feels as though a lot of things he said and did just dont add up (the big one for me is him marrying Yoko so soon after Paul married Linda - like I really cannot come up with a heterosexual explanation for that!)

But when it comes to Paul, though ill have moments of doubt, I dont think he was in love with John (homosexually) and I do think a lot of the evidence on Pauls behalf seems like a stretch (but like you, im not having a go at anyone, because I understand that it is easy to carried away, plus its fun - but realistically, most of Pauls evidence just is not convincing to me). He’s comfortable with his sexuality, and I really do try to respect that and not force a gay interpretation of quotes or songs from him, unless it is genuinely making me question his sexuality and mclennon.

PS dont worry, I didn’t take this is spam at all!! And also, I would never block someone just for disagreeing with me! I enjoy discussion and I think its good to engage with people who disagree with you! To be honest, id only block someone if they were purposely being a real arsehole <3

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 2 - Harada Sakura Epilogue

This is my first post of the month, so I’ll start by asking you to please support me if you can through my ko-fi, and paypal or patreon which provides access to my hakuoki blog translations and early access to my postings. Also, please let me know if you have any hakuoki drama cds that you’d be willing to share that are on my Lookout List since i either do not have audio for those cds or do not have audio that I can share…. and if you are able to remove watermarks from a video, please contact me….

Well it’s Canada Day. Hope everyone is staying safe during this time (especially if you’re out West with the heat), and while I could probably write an essay about how I can understand why people will take issue of fireworks and parties today, I don’t exactly think that’s the best way to address the issues going on, though I do feel somewhat compelled to say something. I mean, I’m of an ethnic descent where the immigrants of my common ancestry were subjected to a head tax and were actively targeted by the government for discrimination, so I do have some historical justification for not wanting this particular day celebrated. However, at the same time, it’s because I acknowledge that more than one generation of my family (and on both sides of my family tree) immigrated to this country that my family and relatives have been given opportunities none of us would have had otherwise, or have had the same rights, that I truly appreciate living in Canada, and I know that other people will have similar reasons for doing the same... which is also why I refuse to be an ignorant citizen. I guess that’s partially owed to how I acknowledge that I’m realistic in knowing what change I can affect, but beyond that, I do see it is part of my civic duty to be educated about what happens in the country I live in because I just can’t pretend that everything is all sunshine and rainbows... So, today, like most of the other Canada Days I can recall, I reflect on how grateful I am to be a citizen of the country I call home, and how thankful I am in knowing how far it has come, but I also acknowledge that it still has plenty of flaws and that there are things that still need to be changed so the country is better for “all of us” instead of just ‘some of us’.

 Anyway, this month’s translations are all from Yuugiroku 2.... and this is is my only translation of 『恋秘めし日』 content since I was never able to find any more of these as copy-able text.  

Also, on a lighter note, i can’t believe it’s been more than a decade since i actually watched an anime. i mean, i’m normally satisfied with just reading the manga for something, but my cravings for yuumori content actually drove me to the anime (mostly good and while it was full of feels, im upset that IG cut out the adventure of one student from the anime)... which feels somewhat odd when i consider how ive yet to watch the hakuoki anime or movies. still, for hakuoki, my desire for more content did lead to 2 years of translating lol. 

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 2 - Harada Sakura Epilogue

Translation by KumoriYami

At the end of our conversation, I took a light breath and raised my head.

A gust of wind then blew, and the leaves over our heads made rustling sounds.

Chizuru: The sunlight is very strong today.

Harada: Yeah. It's nice that the weather's finally cleared up, but...... the hot weather in Kyoto, and this moisture really feels unbearable.

Chizuru: That's true......

As I spoke, I turned my gaze back towards Harada-san......

Chizuru: Ah......

This numbness in my head felt like an illusion.

Was it because I spent so long talking under such fierce sunlight.

I seemed to be feeling a bit dizzy.

Harada: Hey, are you okay? You don't look very good. Are you feeling unwell/sick / Do you feel sick/unwell? ?

Chizuru: I-I'm fine. I just feel a bit cold......

I didn’t want him to feel worried, so I responded with a smile/smiled as I answered——.

My legs however seemed to have lost their strength, and the view in front of me/everything around me began to blur.

Just as I was about to fall and hit the ground.

Harada: Oi, Chizuru, get a hold of yourself!

My swaying body was caught by a pair of strong hands.

Then in that moment/A moment later——.

Suddenly, Harada-san's face became incredibly closer to mine

Manly eyebrows, slender eyes, and even each individual eyelash could be seen at his distance.

Due to how sudden this was, I couldn't say anything as/while my mouth/lips trembled/ and only my mouth was opening and closing/mouth was in a state of opening and closing.

The heat from where our foreheads were touching, and how Harada-san's hand was touching my back were the only things that I was completely aware of.

Harada:......For now, let's check your temperature...... Nn.

Chizuru: Wh-What, Harada-san...... what are you doing......!

I felt/was so embarrassed and could only/was only able to squeeze out that one sentence.

Harada: Recently, a cold’s been going around headquarters. I'm worried that you might have caught/gotten it/infected by it/with it. 

Chizuru: Is, is that so......

Harada-san did that because he was worried about me......

Chizuru: Um, Harada-san. I feel fine/I'm [feeling] fine, so......

Harada-san's expression however became very serious, and he spoke harshly/rebukingly.

Harada: What a stupid thing to say. What are you going to do if you get sick/If you get sick, what are you going to do? Although there's a saying about how doctors don't pay attention to their own health...... it wouldn't be funny if you got sick, as the daughter of a doctor. Besides, if you get sick, you might also pass it on to the others warriors.

That's true...... I couldn't bear to trouble the other warriors with my problems.

Chizuru:......I'm sorry, Harada-san.

I closed my eyes and desperately tried to supress my embarrassment as I allowed Harada-san to continue. 

His forehead remained against mine for a while as he checked my temperature, and finally/but eventually......

Harada:......I'm done, Chizuru. You don't seem to have a fever, and you can open your eyes now.

Harada-san spoke softly as he gently brushed my forehead with his fingers.

Harada: For now, you don't seem to have a cold, so don't worry. As long as you get sufficient rest, you should get better."

Chizuru: I, I see/Ye-Yes. Thank you......

I felt incredibly embarrassed...... I didn't dare look at Harada-san as I bowed my head in thanks.

Then, he showed a deliberate and teasing smile——.

Harada:......But why do you seem to be hotter now than before I took your temperature?

Chizuru: Th-That's because......!

Despite how he clearly knew the reason, he deliberately asked me such a nasty question......

I didn't know how to answer that, so/and I lowered head as I continued blushing/to blush. 

Harada: Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to tease you on purpose.

As he spoke, he put his large palm on top of my head.

Harada:.......Is it time for us to head back now? I don't know if you've been instructed to do anything/told to do something.

I......

continued chatting

brought this to an end <-

Chizuru: We've been talking for a while, so it should be time to return to to headquarters.

Harada: That's true/right. Though, I wish we could still continue this.

However, is it okay for you to go back to headquarters like this? Your entire face is very red.

Chizuru: It, it should get back to normal by the time we return to headquarters..... Can we take a small detour? My face/complexion should be back to normal after that. 

Harada: Well, that might true. But I don't want to see getting dizzy again. So don't force yourself/overdo it.

Chizuru: So-Sorry......

Harada: Don't worry about it. If you’re having a hard time, you can hold onto me 

As Harada-san spoke, he stroked my hair.

Harada: Then let's go back to headquarters, Chizuru. Everyone will be/is waiting for us.

Chizuru:......Yes.

While listening to my still intensely beating heart, Harada-san and I started walking back to headquarters.

-end-

one of these days, I am going to go watch the new Shaman King anime... though im not sure when that’ll be.  

also... for the record, I learned about the Sixties Scoop and residential schools sometime around 2004, when i was still in elementary school so I can unfortunately say that most of the news these days hasn’t really surprised me... and it’s also why I have a very negative bias towards certain entities. 

[liannyeong]

i think this is the end (we're different)

Summary: han jiyeon fell for park jinyoung in almost the same way as any other girl out there. what's so different about her, right?

Word count: 4795

Pairing: Jinyoung X OC

Warning(s): Mutual pining, fluff

A/N: Happy belated birthday to my bias wrecker (T_T) Park Jinyoung ~ Also, yay for a new completed fic since June 2020 lol. The title is from a line in DAY6′s Tick Tock because I’ve been listening to all their songs and covers non-stop and it seems fitting :’(

"rising actor park jinyoung has made the headlines for another hit drama in the year 2020--"

jiyeon thinks jinyoung has it easy. he has a pool of opportunities ready for him. he doesn't need to go through the trouble of uncertainty or instability. he's a star; everyone wants him.

jiyeon stares at the screen, the words from the reporter just goes over her head. she's happy for jinyoung, of course. she has always liked his mannerisms through the shows he appeared on. she always thought that anyone who dates park jinyoung is lucky. well, isn't dating a celebrity a kind of fantasy that one can only daydream? who wouldn't want to? the top star has the luxury to pamper her with gifts. whatever she needed, she just had to say it and he would get it for her.

but han jiyeon has never been a materialistic person. she is attracted to actor park jinyoung not because of his wealth or fame, but because of his personality. the way he was courteous to the people around him, the way he takes care of them even in the littlest of things. the way he pays his full attention on the ones who are speaking. or his calming voice. or the cute wrinkles around his eyes when he smiles. han jiyeon fell for park jinyoung in almost the same way as any other girl out there.

what's so different about her, right?

she reckons it's easy for him to move on too. jinyoung can easily find another girl to date. it’ll be easy for him to find another one to fill her space. he doesn't need a han jiyeon in his life. after all, what is she but a photographer who once worked with him?

---

jinyoung regrets the words he spat the moment he leaves her apartment. it has been a long day of filming. he's already struggling his work schedule with his lack of sleep. it's hard to control your emotions when you're dead grumpy and tired. it's no surprise that he lashed at the female with her unnecessary comments. but as he drives back to his own home, he can't help the ringing of her voice in his ears.

"you wouldn't need to choose between me or your career if i was the right one."

she looked so broken when she said it. why did jinyoung only realize it now? unless his memory fails, her body language showed how vulnerable she was. one arm crossed around her stomach, the other just dangling by her side. her voice was small, her eyes were looking at anywhere else but not him.

but he had to response in the worst way possible.

"then there's no reason for us to see each other anymore. we're done."

his tone was so cold, as if he had no emotions for her. jinyoung just spat those words and left. but now, regret blooms in his chest and he wishes he could turn back time.

he doesn't know what went down between them, or when exactly it all started. yet, he hasn't given himself the time to ponder over it. perhaps he gave himself the excuse that there is no time in his busy schedule. so he chucks it away, day after day, until it turns into weeks and months.

just like that, six months have gone since han jiyeon and park jinyoung broke up.

---

"rising actor park jinyoung is confirmed to be dating his co-star jeon sonee--"

jiyeon's heart hurts. the news channel shows jinyoung with the girl in tow. they are speculated to be on a date at night,  smiling wide, looking great together. jinyoung truly has moved on. fairly easily too, just as she expected.

jiyeon reckons it makes sense. they spend a lot of time together on set. they get to know more about each other as the filming goes on. they've even worked on a few projects together, the casting staff finding their chemistry perfect. it is unsurprising that they could develop feelings for each other.

jiyeon shouldn't be jealous. how can she when she was the one who suggested their break-up?

"i'm only a threat to your career. maybe the person you were meant for is someone who wouldn't jeopardize your career."

she only said it because she couldn't bear living with a man who hadn't been around for her. she wanted jinyoung to placate her, soothe her. she wanted jinyoung to say that they'll work it out. but she didn't think of the possibility that maybe, he was sick and tired of her endless worries. that he could have been waiting for the right moment to end things, but never got the chance. she was the one who propose their relationship to end. she doesn't deserve to be jealous of jinyoung's new love interest.

still, jiyeon wonders. why does it seem that she is the only one still unable to move on? how is it possible for jinyoung to get on so quickly? did he love her at all? or were all those lies, disguised beneath his actor mask? or was jiyeon just another experience on his list, so that he can portray emotions better on screen

no, don't put yourself down, jiyeon scolds herself. whatever that has passed, let it stay as good memories.

she loves him dearly, but their story wasn't meant to last long.

---

jinyoung is dressed handsomely in a suit. it's an acquaintance's wedding that he is invited to -- one of the art directors he worked closely with in the past.

he sees familiar faces, greeting all of them politely. but upon setting his eyes on a particular person, his breath stops.

han jiyeon.

of course, she's invited to the wedding. how can he forget? it's her colleague's wedding.

jiyeon has her hair tied in a low ponytail, some strands intentionally left loose to frame her face. she's donned in a light purple cold shouldered dress. the chiffon material flows elegantly as she walks. the man watches as she congratulates the groom, her smile is still beautiful in jinyoung's eyes.

he once dreamt of proposing to jiyeon. he once dreamt of building a home for the both of them. he wanted to lead a life with her by his side. but perhaps, such dreams are not meant to be achieved. perhaps, such dreams are for another man, not him.

---

there is no mistaking that jinyoung is here, in the same room as her. jiyeon can recognize that eye crinkles, that unique hahaha anywhere in the world. she may have stiffened at the realization that they're the closest they've ever been since their break-up. but she tries to play it cool. she may not have been trained to act, but having dated an actor, she may have picked up a thing or two.

the guests prepare for a cascade of group photos, neatly categorized according to the type of connections that the newlywed couple has. coincidentally, jiyeon ends up a row in front of jinyoung and his plus one.

"jiyeon-ssi," he greets formally, in the midst of aligning themselves in an orderly fashion.

she bows politely. "hello, jinyoung-ssi."

right, this is how they are. this is how they've always been. something like strangers in the public, but intimate behind closed doors. they've always kept their distance whenever they're seen together, not even an inch close. they don't even do any car dates as popularized by other celebrities. that's the difference between her and sonee, she realizes.

"hello, jiyeon-ssi," greets jinyoung's plus one. it's only now that jiyeon turns to look at her directly.

how insanely pretty, jiyeon mutters grudgingly in her head. the actress' hair is swept to one side, a shiny silver pin clipped to her fringe. she wears a baby pink dress that ends just past her knee caps, a string tied around her small waist. jiyeon can't help but think that sonee just came straight out of a webtoon. god, she can't help but think that jinyoung and sonee make a good couple too.

jiyeon tries not to think about it too much. after all, it's over, and they've come here to celebrate another couple's joyous occasion. so jiyeon puts on her most friendly side.

---

"ah, so you're the jeon sonee," jiyeon smiles. "congratulations on your relationship." jinyoung feels his stomach churn. jiyeon's smiles are wide but he can't tell the real emotions behind it. is she genuinely happy for him? or is there spite beneath her words? "you do seem like jinyoung's type," she chuckles.

jinyoung hopes she knows it's not true. he's never had a type. he used to say that the person he likes is his type. but jiyeon is the one who changed it all. jinyoung has never felt at ease with a person as much as with her. they clicked instantly, and they are so similar in their tastes in music, books and movies. there's no way he can find another like han jiyeon.

sonee smiles abashedly, tugging onto jinyoung's arm out of embarrassment. the man doesn't miss the way jiyeon eyes that movement.

"everyone, look at the camera!" instructs the main photographer.

jiyeon turns back, making a quick fix to her dress and hair. jinyoung can't help but stare at the crown of her head. how is it possible that someone is so close yet so far away? how is it possible that the person he spent his days with is suddenly a stranger? what went wrong, really?

"one! two--"

jinyoung flicks his eyes to the photographer, just in time before the flash goes off. they take a couple more shots before they are allowed to go back to their seats.

jiyeon turns around. "it was nice meeting you, sonee-ssi. have a great night," she politely says. then she faces jinyoung, not quite meeting his eyes, "and you too, jinyoung-ssi.”

---

"i think we should cast celebrity couple park jinyoung and jeon sonee for our upcoming pictorial," jaebeom, a creative director and jiyeon's supervisor, suggests during a meeting.

jiyeon stiffens at the idea. but her silence goes unnoticed by the excited murmur of the team.

"looking at this month's concept, i do think this two celebrities match it perfectly," jaebeom further expands. "besides, they're a hot topic in the entertainment industry now. it would be a waste to not use the chance!"

that earns nods from various members.

"that's true..." jiyeon hesitantly responds.

"jiyeon-ssi," the said girl flinches when her name is suddenly called. jaebeom doesn't inquire about her zoning out. "we both worked with jinyoung before. surely, i can trust you to contact him?"

jiyeon nods slowly. "i'll do my best, sir."

"very well!" jaebeom claps his hands together. "let's confirm the concept now--"

jiyeon breezes through the meeting, heart heavy with anxiety at having to work with jinyoung. she lets out a sigh.

---

when jinyoung heard from his manager that jiyeon came forth with a photoshoot offer, he didn't know what to make out of it. was it a company decision? or did jiyeon suggest working with jinyoung again? or... did jiyeon wanted to see him again?

no, jinyoung scolded himself mentally. he shouldn't put weird ideas in his head. what they had is now a thing of the past. jiyeon would have moved on. she must have. why else was she able to maintain that cool composure when they met during the wedding? why else was she able to treat sonee that kindly? jiyeon must have gotten over him. there can't be any other explanation.

"sure, hyung. i should be able to accommodate to jiyeon-ssi's project," jinyoung answered finally.

but now, breathing in jiyeon's studio, jinyoung feels out of place. he used to frequent here, especially when jiyeon works late into the night, when all the staff has gone home. no one knew of their relationship, not even their close colleagues. heck, jinyoung even made sure to hide from his manager.

"are you okay?" sonee pipes up next to him, having done her make-up and changed into the model clothes. "you seem a little tense."

"my schedules have been a little tight this week," jinyoung lies smoothly, adding a tired smile as extra measure.

"you can do it, jinyoung," sonee smiles sweetly at him, pumping her fists in the air as a gesture to give him strength.

jinyoung can't help but laugh heartily. "how cute my sonee is," he coos at her, pinching her cheek lightly. she whines--

there'a clear of a throat and jinyoung's smile nearly drops when he sees jiyeon. she pretends as if she didn't see anything, only casts jinyoung a brief glance before bringing up a notepad, briefing the couple about the concept and the poses she'd like them to do.

"just be natural," jiyeon ends the conversation. "just like how you two are, in your own bubble."

jinyoung can only nod.

---

she says that so easily but she's the one who's suffering alone. directing her ex-lover with his new partner to pose in a certain way, watching them gaze at each other in such a loving manner... how can her heart not crumble in sadness? her heart can't bear the pain. the way jinyoung looks at sonee is the same as how he used to look at her: that pure happiness and love. why, oh, why does the universe want to hurt her like this?

yet, amidst it all, jiyeon has to maintain her professionalism. she can't crack underneath all these romantic shots. she can't drop everything and run off, no matter how much she wants to.

in one particular setting, jiyeon has jinyoung resting his head on sonee's lap, his legs dangling over the arm of the couch. they look at each other, eyes smiling along. jiyeon can't help but feel the swell in her chest. she has to consciously control her breathing, to even it out.

jinyoung used to lay on her lap as he goes through his drama script. in the meantime, jiyeon would sketch out a particular storyboard idea for her project on the arm of the couch. that was how they spent their free days together, in comfortable silence. when he's tired of the lines, jinyoung would bury his face into her stomach, craving for her attention. and jiyeon always ends up giving in, after which they would just spend the rest of the day cuddling on that small couch, watching whatever show they randomly pick.

but now, times have changed. such memories don't matter anymore, especially not to jinyoung. it would have been replaced with new ones. they no longer exist in his mind. any emotional attachment would have been long gone from his heart.

jiyeon shakes herself from such thoughts. she brings up her camera and snaps away.

---

"representatives for actor park jinyoung and actress jeon sonee have confirmed that the celebrity couple has parted ways--"

"actor park jinyoung releases a statement of hiatus. netizens react."

user jl***09:

lol a coward running away from the media

user st4njinn1e:

i'm so sad... i have been a fan of jinyoung and his acting is so good, i'm sad that he'll be on hiatus... i hope he has a good break :(

user se0nii:

i always felt that it was a one-sided relationship between jinyoung and sonee... it seems like sonee was the only one in love.

user ilypjy94_:

stop with all your assumptions. we don't know what went down between the two of them. let's just support them with the best we can!

jinyoung's phone doesn't stop blowing up: media outlets wanting to know the reason for the breakup, some tarnishing his reputation. some of his fans even turning their backs on him. the pressure from the society is too much for him to take. he tries to block it out, but it's too difficult when you're a celebrity. your privacy is always at risk, paparazzi and stalker fans camping near his home. he doesn't even feel safe in his own home, he can't be himself and let loose.

his screen lights up again, at another message. despite telling himself not to check his phone, it's a habit that is difficult to break.

from han jiyeon:

hello jinyoung, this is han jiyeon. i saw the news... just wanted to check if you're okay?

jinyoung stares at his screen. it's from jiyeon. they haven't contacted each other in person for so long. jinyoung didn't delete her number off. and from the looks of it, jiyeon didn't either. she must have assumed jinyoung did with the way she introduced herself first.

jinyoung bites his lip. how should he reply? he wants to spill out everything that has been contained inside, but it'll be too much for the listener. besides, as a high profile celebrity, there are only a handful of people he can trust. jiyeon is one of them.

a string of messages pops up on his lockscreen.

from han jiyeon:

it's okay if you don't reply. i just want you to know that it'll be fine. the media will leave you alone soon. take a mental break, or travel to somewhere, away from the media. perhaps it'll give you peace from all the noise. you're a strong person, park jinyoung. i believe you can get through this. you're not one to give up so easily. just look at how far you've come, the awards you received.

take your time to heal, jinyoung. we may not have been in close contact for so long, but... you listened to my problems back then. i can lend you a listening ear if you ever need one.

i hope you find happiness again, jinyoung. have a good night.

jinyoung tears up at the message. how can jiyeon be so kind to him? how is it that she knows the right things to say, the right words he needed to hear? it has been two years since their breakup, how is it that she still knows him well?

jinyoung shuts his eyes and sinks back into his bed, phone clutched to his chest. he empties his mind, pushes any thoughts away and sleeps away.

---

jiyeon held no expectations that jinyoung would reply. what is she, but a thing of the past for him? she knows this and yet, she goes out of her way to drop him a message. out of goodwill? out of worry? or out of pure concern, jiyeon doesn't know herself. jinyoung may not even read it. god, he might have even blocked her number.

which is why she was surprised when she received a message from jinyoung, asking if her address is still the same. an hour later, jinyoung appeared at her doorstep with food in hand.

and now, they're lounging at her dining table, talking as if no time has passed. as if nothing has changed. as if nothing happened between them.

"i'm glad you're feeling better," jiyeon says.

jinyoung smiles, though his eye crinkles doesn't show. "thank you, jiyeon, for listening."

"it's fine. we all need someone to listen sometimes," she reassures. "sonee must have meant a lot to you."

jinyoung blinks.

silence ensues. then--

"you must know that's not true," comes jinyoung's soft reply.

---

jinyoung didn't mean to say it out loud. but as he looks at hyejin, he needs to come clean. he has to be honest about his own self.

"no one can take your place," jinyoung admits. "sonee liked me a lot but i-- i dated her because i wanted to make you jealous."

jiyeon seems at a loss for words. she looks uncomfortable, fidgeting. but jinyoung has to say it out. he has to get it off his chest.

"but you seemed fine. you didn't seem to care if i dated another. you seem like you've moved on. so i tried to like sonee," he continues. "but i just couldn't return her feelings. it was unfair for her. i felt like i was doing something wrong. my conscience wouldn't let me go. so i had to end it before i hurt her any further."

"she knew, from the beginning, that i wasn't that interested in her. she was happy that i agreed to go out with her though she didn't understand why. she tried her best to appeal to me but we both realized that it couldn't work. in the end, we parted on good terms."

jinyoung fiddles with his fingers. he glances up, but he can't read jiyeon's expression. is she angry? does she find his words outrageous? jinyoung just can't figure out.

"why are you telling me this now?" her voice comes out soft.

why? jinyoung asks himself. he, himself, is not certain. what does he want from this? jiyeon's love? jiyeon's attention? or does he want someone to lean on, someone that can provide him comfort?

"i... don't know either," jinyoung answers with a slump in his shoulders. "i just wanted to get it off my chest. and i wanted to be honest, at least to myself."

jiyeon nods slightly, then she takes in a deep breath. "then i'll be honest too."

jinyoung's ears perk up.

---

listening to jinyoung pouring out his thoughts, jiyeon feels that it's only right for her to do the same too. it gives her the courage to express herself without fear of jinyoung's judgment nor her own feelings.

"i thought that you moved on easily," she begins. "you continued to star in many dramas, and in all your interviews, you were smiling wide as if you felt no pain. as if our break-up didn't matter to you."

"when the news broke out that you were dating sonee, i just felt..." she trails off, unsure of how to describe her emotion at the time. heartbroken? disappointed? jealousy? or was it envy that sonee receives jinyoung's attention?

"... lost," she realizes. "i felt lost because you were my anchor. even though i was the one who initiated the break-up, i thought we'd patch things up again. but you dated someone else and i felt as if i was cast aside."

"i tried to soldier on, but it breaks me every time i see pictures of you and sonee," jiyeon confesses. "but it also hurts me to see you this sad."

there's a slight pause. then jiyeon concludes, "i guess i haven't moved on from you."

---

jinyoung didn't even realize he was holding his breath at her words. is she meaning to say that-- "do you want to start over? with me?" jinyoung's tongue slips faster than his mind could stop.

jiyeon folds her arms, avoiding the actor's gaze. "i don't know..." she trails off. "i don't think it's the right time. you're still healing. i don't want you to make decisions without thinking through it."

"give it some time. i think we both need to figure out what we truly want," jiyeon adds.

jinyoung keeps mum, a little disappointment in his heart but he finds himself agreeing to that suggestion.

---

"the drama that actor park jinyoung starred in breaks the record for the highest ratings on national broadcast!"

jiyeon stares at the screen, the words from the reporter just goes over her head. she's happy for jinyoung, of course. jinyoung has regained the trust and the love of the nation after his six months long hiatus. initially, he wasn't given as many drama offers prior to the hiatus, but slowly, he worked his way up again. jiyeon is more than happy to watch the man rebuild his life.

the chimes in the cafe ring, and jiyeon turns to the direction of the door. jinyoung waltzes in, most of his face hidden by the black cap and the scarf wound around his neck. he pads over to her table and takes the opposite seat.

"sorry, i'm late," he says first, unwrapping the scarf around his neck but leaving his cap on.

jiyeon waves her hand. "it's fine. it's not easy to meet mr. top star," she jokes.

jinyoung laughs. they fall into easy conversation, the cafe not that busy yet. it's a weekday morning after all.

"so," jinyoung starts, after completing his plate of pancakes. "what is your answer?"

jiyeon has been waiting for this moment. it's nerve wracking as how she imagined it to be.

"what was your question?" she counters, a smile tugging at her lips.

jinyoung exhales. then he leans forward, face serious. "back then, i wasn't the best at prioritizing. i couldn't effectively manage my time. and because of that, you suffered. we suffered. now, i believe i'm better able to manage my life properly. so, han jiyeon, would you give me another chance? to start over what was between us?"

"yes," jiyeon replies without hesitation. "let's try again. and this time, i'll be more understanding too."

jinyoung smiles wide, the crinkles around his eyes appearing.

---

they walk in the bustling streets of seoul side by side, but never touching. jinyoung knows jiyeon is trying to keep a distance between them in public places. but he wonders how long will they be a secret from the world. as long as they hide themselves from the eyes of the world, they can never achieve total freedom to date freely in public. there'll be no way they can be like any other couple out there.

so jinyoung halts in his tracks and pulls off the scarf that has been wrapped around his neck to cover his face, along with his cap and sunglasses. people stop to stare, some of them gasping to see the top actor in the streets of seoul.

"han jiyeon!" he yells after her. she hadn't noticed that jinyoung wasn't walking with her. when she hears her name being called, she flinches and turns around hastily. her eyes go wide at the sight of the actor with his bare face shown in public. she strides forward and tries to cover him with the scarf.

"what are you doing?!" she hisses, worried for the actor's safety.

"i'm in love with you, jiyeon-ah!" he declares out loud, enough for the people around them to hear. "you were there for me when i was going through tough times! you made me who i am today, the top actor that i am today!"

"jinyoung, you can't do this in public!" she hisses again, haphazardly still trying to cover his face. 

but jinyoung's adamant on staying at that spot, on exposing his face to the world. he grabs her shoulders.

"i'm not shying away anymore! i want the world to know how much i love you, jiyeon," jinyoung confesses.

then he brings his hands to his mouth and yells at the top of his lungs, "han jiyeon! i love you!"

jiyeon just stares at him, stupefied. darting her eyes left and right, she tries to stop him, "yah, you can't just--"

"i love you, han jiyeon!!" the man screams again.

"yah!!" she steps forward, pressing her palm against his mouth.

"i know," she says softly, a fond look on her face. "i know."

the hand around jinyoung's mouth loosens and he matches her smile. then he cups her face and connects their lips, uncaring about the bystanders. if they gasp, or there's a series of snapshots being taken, jinyoung doesn't hear it. because in this moment, there's only the two of them in the world.

---

"actor park jinyoung wins the daesang in 2025 seoul drama awards!"

jiyeon swoons over how handsome jinyoung looks in a suit. his hair purposely tousled to make him look even younger. she watches on the screen as the man receives the grand prize and a bouquet of flowers. he bows politely to the audience before saying his speech.

"first and foremost, this award is for the drama staff who had worked hard to put out such a great drama that is loved by many. i'm grateful to the director who brought out the best in me and my fellow co-stars who helped me be a better actor. to my fans, thank you so much for your constant support and love. i will work harder to become a better actor who deserves this prestigious award."

then jinyoung stares right at the camera, and jiyeon feels as if he's looking right into her. her heart pounds. "finally, to my dearest wife, han jiyeon, who is at home. thank you for being there for me throughout, for comforting me whenever i feel low. thank you for being my pillar of support, for encouraging me and supporting my dreams. i love you."

jinyoung blows a kiss to the camera and jiyeon smiles wide. she repeats the same action, uttering a soft "i love you too" in the quietness of their apartment. she makes a mental note to truly kiss him later, when he gets back home. 

[luckystarchild]

I was discussing this with my writing group earlier and decided that I wanted to collect some more opinions on this, so what're your thoughts on reviews that start out with "I don't really like oc-driven/centric stories, but―" or reviews worded to a similar effect/to the same tune? Personally I just don't find them to be as much of a compliment as the reviewer thinks it is, and wish people wouldn't preface a review with such info.

Soooooo there’s a lot to unpack here. I’ll do it in stages. Sorry if this is more than you wanted... I take asks too seriously sometimes. XD

Why do these types of reviews feel insulting?

The reason these kinds of reviews might not feel so great to the recipient is because they pair a compliment with a qualifier. And combining a compliment with a qualifier is how you structure a backhanded compliment.

Example of pairing a compliment with a qualifier, AKA a backhanded compliment: “Your old haircut was terrible, but your new one is much better.”

The “but” is key here. The compliment-giver said something nice about your appearance, yes, but now you’re walking around feeling badly about the last ten years of your old hairstyle, wondering if everyone who looked at you while you had that old haircut was calling you ugly behind your back.

When someone says, “Normally I hate stories like yours, BUT...” they’re using the structure of a backhanded compliment to pay you a (hopefully legit) compliment. They’re calling you an exception. You’re writing something that’s normally terrible, but you managed to squeak by with something acceptable (against all odds).

Even though you’re an exception, you’re left wondering if other people hate your story because of its sheer concept just like the reviewer initially did. And because they used the structure of a backhanded compliment to express their feelings, you’re left feeling like you did indeed receive a backhanded compliment, even if that wasn’t the reviewer’s intention.

After all, the recipient of a review can’t read a reviewer’s tone. All they can see is how the review was structured, and when the reviewer used the structure of a backhanded compliment, that’s what the recipient feels like they were given.

By pairing the positive with a negative, the reviewer has potentially cancelled out the good, leaving the recipient to focus on the bad. And since humans are hardwired for negative bias, it’s no wonder many people come away from a compliment + qualifier feeling like they’ve been insulted instead of complimented. They can’t help but focus on the bad more than the good, the insult more than the compliment.

What are reviewers REALLY trying to say?

Next we should discuss what reviewers are actually trying to say when they leave reviews of this kind. There are two possible scenarios to consider.

Possibility #1: They’re legitimately trying to pay you a compliment, but they aren’t thinking about how you’ll receive it or what they might be inadvertently implying by using the structure of a backhanded compliment. They actually, truly believe that you would want to know that you are an exception to their reading rules, and that this fact is a high honor. You’ve done something so well, they don’t even care what genre your story is! Your work is great, and the fact that they’d normally hate it due to its genre is AMAZING. You’ve changed their minds about a genre! You defied expectations! They were determined to not like your story, but it’s too good! You broke through their preconceived notions of what they like and MADE THEM LIKE SOMETHING with your writing skill. It’s not a feat all stories can achieve, so the reviewer thinks you should wear that as a badge of honor.

Possibility #2: They’re actually paying you a backhanded compliment and are hoping you’ll get upset. They want you to know they liked your work... but they secretly still think it’s silly, or stupid, or cringe. I won’t elaborate on this opinion because I think we’ll all fill in the blanks with our own worst fears, so there’s no need for me to do the heavy lifting when it comes to this kind of horror.

Which of these things do reviewers actually intend? I can’t say. This is obviously up to the receiver of a particular review to decide. I personally remind myself of Hanlon’s Razor whenever possible: “In misunderstandings, never assume malice where thoughtlessness will do.” It doesn’t necessarily amend the hurt I might feel, depending on how the review is worded and how severe the backhanded compliment structure is... but it does help me make peace with it.

What’s my personal opinion on the matter?

I’m of two minds.

Mind the First: It’s awesome to convert someone to a genre of story they previously hated. OC fics get a (frankly undeserved) bad rap, so I understand that an inevitable portion of readers will come into OC stories predisposed to disliking them. Knowing someone clicked on my story thinking they’d hate it, only to come to love it, is pretty great. It’s like you’ve given other OC fics a chance by being a good representative of that fanfic genre.

Mind the Second: In general, using the structure of a backhanded compliment to pay someone a genuine compliment is confusing and can be an example of poor communication if it’s not worded with enough clarity. Additionally, “I thought I’d hate your story” might be true for a reader, but it probably isn’t a necessary thing to tell an author. Just because you CAN say something doesn’t mean you SHOULD.

Personal Anecdote: A reviewer once told me of my main work, Lucky Child: “I clicked on this story to laugh at it and mock the concept, because it’s sooooo cringey, buuuut... it’s actually pretty great and I grudgingly respect the work you’ve done on it.”

The rest of the review was lovely and very complimentary, but knowing they came to my story intending to make fun of it, being told I wrote for a cringe concept, that they only “grudgingly” respected me... wasn’t the best. Largely because I am secretly afraid that people feel that way, so their review was confirming something I secretly dread. “How many other people are think my concept is cringey?” I found myself worrying. And the word “grudging” made me feel like they resented me for converting them to OC stories, which made me feel... not the best.

I genuinely believe they were trying to be nice and pay me a compliment NOW, but I will admit that I was somewhat unsettled by the comment when it first came in. There were better ways they could have communicated with me, for sure. Again, Hanlon’s Razor came in handy in this instance, and now I look at that review (and reviews like it) positively. But it did take me a while to put aside the negative implications. It helps that Lucky Child gets a comment like this every few weeks, LOL. At some point I’ve gotten used to them. Now I wear them as badges of honor and love receiving them. AGAIN, THOUGH: I’ve had practice. Authors less used to that kind of comment would likely respond the way I did at the beginning.

In conclusion?

In the end, I think using the structure of a backhanded compliment is confusing as heck when what a reviewer INTENDS to do is pay a genuine compliment.

So to reviewers who want to leave remarks like these? I’d say try to structure your comment in a clear way, avoid structuring a compliment like an insult, and be sure you’re not leaving room for miscommunication. Writers are notoriously sensitive creatures (myself included), and their command of language means they’ll read VERY DEEPLY into things if you’re at all ambiguous. Clarity, in all things, is key.

Honestly? Times like these are why I wish we taught more rhetoric in schools. The MANNER in which you communicate a thought can completely negate the CONTENT of your thought if you don’t use the right rhetorical device to communicate it, and using the rhetoric of insults to convey compliments is bad use of language. Mind your rhetorical devices, people! They’re important, especially if you consider yourself a writer.

To writers who receive these comments? I’d say to write down a version of Hanlon’s Razor and to repeat it to yourself often: “In misunderstandings, never assume malice where thoughtlessness will do.” I’m not saying all reviewers who leave this kind of comment are thoughtless, of course. But I AM saying that most of the time during misunderstandings (especially ones that take place on the internet, where you can’t read tone, body language and facial expression), people just don’t realize that their words can be misconstrued for anything other than what they intended. Most of the time, they have the best intentions. But since outcome is more important than intention, that can be cold comfort for those on the receiving end of a badly communicated review.

TL;DR for Reviewers: Don’t leave comments like these if you don’t want to be misunderstood.

TL;DR for Writers: Don’t take comments like these personally, because most reviewers don’t mean them maliciously.

I hope this helps, OP. Sorry if it’s too much!!