#best $12 i've spent online in a long while! wish i could share!!

[darsynia]

I secretly think I would like you to adopt me, especially since I have never had a good mom in my life.

Babe I would absolutely adopt you! You'd gain access to the most deranged collection of stuffed animal friends with whole-ass background lore (like the red octopus squishmallow under the Christmas tree right now named Wobb, who makes 'wee weeeee' squeak sounds. He is pretending to be a second tree so the kids put ornaments on him, and if anyone in the household says the phrase 'TURNS ON WOBB RADIO' everyone just starts WEE WEEEEing at crazy volumes until someone else says TURNS OFF WOBB RADIO), a neverending supply of hugs, some probably inappropriate but valuable advice, and a pocketful of cinnamon discs!

(I meant to add, thank you, this is lovely and you're lovely, what a fantastic compliment, and a very mom thing for me to be like HERE IS ALL THE MOMMING I WOULD DO instead of saying thank you, my bad!)

Tell me something you secretly think about me?

[hagiographically]

1) hi libby! I've been following you for awhile now so I feel v comfortable approaching you w/ this ask/message. Thanks in advance!!! I hope 2017 is a good year for you. Ok so without further ado, I need boy help. I've had a crush on a boy that I met the summer before my first year of college. We both participated in a science enrichment program w/ our school and were placed in the same group. We worked together for 10 weeks and became semi-close (as close as you can get to someone through video

chat, as we were miles away and working online in collaboration with four other peers. It's strange to admit how rapidly my feelings towards him changed, because I didn't like him much at first. Our personalities clashed a lot because we both wanted to take control of the project, which caused me to rant about him to my friends all the time. They suspected I liked him when I wouldn't stop talking about him, but I rejected the notion, until alas I realized they were right. 

I didn't act on my feelings towards him because I figured they would fade away once our program ended. It didn't turn out that way though... We met our first weekend on campus and it's like we had been friends for ages. They first time he saw me he came running towards me and his arms engulfed me. His hug was the most welcoming thing I've ever experienced from another human, and it makes me tad sad thinking about it now. We didn't get to talk for much, but I felt an instant connection w/ him.  

Before leaving, he hugged me again and left me with a huge smile plastered on my face. We didn't talk much throughout the semester except for when I bumped into him around campus. It was always an exchange of small talk, hugs, and see you laters. He texted me during finals week of fall semester to tell me that he missed me. He promised me more time together during spring semester, and I believed him. Come spring semester, he would facetime, call, and text me while drunk.  

It reached the point where he told me that if we ever got married, that he promised he would never drink. He repeatedly asked me to reassure him that I loved him, and to directly text him those three words. It was an interesting time in my life, because I spent a good half of it wishing we exchanged these conversations face to face as opposed to via text. Things took a tragic turn once my roommate wanted to meet him, as she got tired of hearing me talk about him all the damn time.  

She ended up on facetime with him and being the flirty person my roommate is, she prompted him to seek her out. Part of me thought their friendship would be good for me as I was tired of not being able to focus on my academics bc everything reminded me of him. So, I "hooked" them up, and they began an exchange of flirty messages. They met in April during our campus spirit week and hit it off. They kissed the first night they met directly in front of me and my heart sank.  

I realized then how badly I had screwed myself over. I didn't say anything to my roommate because for her it was all a game. She was never interested in him and just liked the attention she was receiving, but I felt betrayed. It's been hard for me to forgive her esp because she doesn't know how much it hurt to see her with him. I spent the next couple months deciding how I felt about him. Sometime in between July and August I wrote him a very long message describing how I felt about him.  

I mentioned the dilemma with my roommate and everything in between. It was hard to press send but I decided that it was what needed to be done. It took him a bit more than 12 hours to reply (I don't blame him), but he replied with the most direct and respectful response. He didn't flat out reject me but it also wasn't a yes. He simply stated that he wasn't looking to be in a relationship at the time bc he was working in himself and discovering what he wanted. It was the closure I needed and was ready to move on. I thought I was over him until fall semester rolled around and I saw him on campus again. 

This time it was him who spotted me -- he reached in for a hug and it was awkward for me to look him in the eyes. I felt every emotion rushing back to me upon being embraced. It was hard. We talked for a bit but he eventually had to go. Upon saying goodbye, he reached in for another hug but as I got up to hug him, I accidentally scratched his cheek.  

 Fast forward to early December and I see him again, but this time as I'm coming out of the dining hall. We catch up for a good minute and I could tell something about him was different. Our exchange was filled with tension and I'm not sure why. Once I met up with my friends (who were watching the exchange from far way) they asked me who he was because apparently my face lit up upon seeing him. One of my guy friends who I had sort of been crushing on asked me about him. "Please introduce us to him he seems pretty special to you." 

I laughed it off but I couldn't keep my thoughts off him for the rest of the day. I'm not sure what to feel about him at this point because I don't think I'm good enough for him. He's such an amazing guy and I feel so strongly about him, but it's so difficult imagining myself in a relationship with him because of everything that happened between him and my roommate. I'm trying to move on but I don't know how. Any advice?

hey! wow, this was a lot - i’m sorry it all happened to you. honestly, i’m a little upset with your roommate- it sounds like she knew you were interested and tbh the moves she made were inappropriate and disrespectful to you. if you haven’t talked to her about it and shared how you felt, i would recommend doing that, because yeah it happened a while ago, but it might be nice to get closure and it could help you move on. and i also understand why you’d feel unsure right now, because you and he have gone through a lot. but don’t think you aren’t good enough!!! if he brought up marrying you (!!) even as a joke, i would say that’s clearly some kind of interest- even if it was meant platonically, he obviously cared about you enough to imagine a hypothetical future with you in it. so don’t let that fear hold you back! if you really still feel invested in him, romantic or otherwise, it might be worth reaching out again to see him, but i wouldn’t get your hopes up that he’s ready for a relationship right now. still, talking to him and figuring out the source of the tension will help you move on (or, if the tension is still there, that could also be a good catalyst for you to move forward). because moving on can be so hard when you see the person after awhile and all those old residual feelings come rushing back. ignoring the feelings won’t get rid of them. it’s like a knot you have to untangle before you can move on. but in the meantime, try to keep an open mind and meet other people. not saying you have to jump into a relationship, but just keeping your social schedule open will help distract you from this and help you realize that he may be great, but he’s just a person, and there’s a lot of other people who can do things for you that he might not be able to do. it’ll help you not view this as a loss. good luck! wishing you all the best