#being tired and nauseous is all I've known lately
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mothram · 1 year ago
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crazylittlejester · 2 months ago
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Wait so is your modern au Sky also epileptic? (Sorry if this has been answered before XD) And if so, what kind and how do his symptoms manifest? (Full permission to yap ! I'm invested in this au /gen)
No worries! I honestly can't remember if I've talked about it or not for this au, but yes my modern au Sky has epilepsy too :)
(sorry this is a bigger yap than i intended it to be aljdlsljdld, you awakened my inner yapper. also my bad for typos if there are any)
The meds he takes to help stop him from having seizures so frequently (they don't stop them completely) make him pretty tired, he doesn't have as much energy as his friends and this makes him upset a lot of the time because he's had to sit out on a few activities. He also has to make sure he gets enough sleep and doesn't stay up too late or he'll risk triggering a seizure, so he can't stay up with Twi and Wars and sometimes it's hard for him to not feel like he HAS to exclude himself. Twi and Wars are both incredibly understanding, especially since they've known him for so long and have listened to him rant and tried to help as best as they could, but sometimes it's just exhausting for Sky to argue with HIMSELF. He knows his friends aren't excluding him and go out of their way to make sure he can join them, but he gets a little jealous when he has to go to bed and can still hear the TV on in the living room (and this is also why he can get a little snappy when Twi and Wars want to play video games all afternoon. It's not their fault and Sky feels bad for getting upset about it, but he PHYSICALLY cannot play with them, he can't share that with them, and he can only handle watching them for a little bit before he has to stop watching the screen. Twi and Wars don't have a whole lot of time they can play together because Wars is so busy and has like no free time, but they REALLY try to only play if Sky is out at work or actively asleep because they wanna spend time with him too)
One of the most outwardly noticeable signs he's about to have a seizure is that he'll get a bit of an energy boost and act a little hyper for HIM, which can sometimes be hard for friends to notice because when he's hyper his energy level basically just goes up to 'average young adult with unmedicated adhd', which is like half his friend group so he's just acting like the rest of them. Sometimes they don't notice because Sky suddenly being a little more energetic fuels the group's chaoticnes and they just rile each other up [This is EXACTLY what happened in Secrets (Un)known, which isn't a fic for this au but it was the first fic I wrote specifically about Sky having a seizure and just a good example of the situation I'm trying to describe aldjhkd] Things right before that SKY will notice include things like getting super anxious and suddenly feeling really heavy and like everything is slowing down. He'll also feel nauseous and like he's overheating.
His meds can also make it hard for him to focus and when he first started taking the ones he's currently on they'd give him headaches, though he doesn't really get headaches from them anymore, which he's super thankful for because the migraine auras he'd get would feel similar enough to seizure auras that he'd end up working himself into a panic attack thinking he was about to have a seizure, or, on the flip side, he'd tell himself it was just a migraine and then try to push through what ended up being a seizure
He can't drive, which has really affected his mental health because he gets frustrated that he can't be seizure free long enough to be able to learn how and he's got to rely on his friends to drive him places (granted he does live in a city, which is where both his job and college campus is, but sometimes the weather is bad and it just isn't walkable, or he has to go to an appointment which is a bit further away). The entire reason he's an english lit major who plans to become a teacher is because school was SUCH a struggle for him, between being unable to focus and having seizures and then missing school because he was simply unable to go, and because his grades were sometimes poor his teachers and the education system would make him feel stupid and it frustrated him to NO end. He'd get called sleepy and lazy, and 'no wonder he failed he doesn't pay attention in class' so he became HELL BENT on not letting another generation of kids with disabilities suffer like that. He's not stupid at all, he's so so smart and he has so much to say about the books he loves, and he wants to be able to help at least ONE kid who was taught to think they were just stupid realize no, their brain is just a little different. (Wars also played a part in this. He has unmedicated ADHD and couldn't pay attention well in class back in high school and his grades suffered a bit and he genuinely thought he was just stupid because the teachers would make fun of him and tell him he needed to spend less time thinking about his appearance and more time paying attention, and Sky got so genuinely fucking mad that Wars to this DAY believes he's just a pretty face that he snapped a bit and decided he was going to take his passion for literature and helping people and channel it into becoming an english teacher)
At THIS point, Sky's meds are helping ENOUGH that he won't stop taking them but he can't increase the dose to help more because of the side effects. He has focal impaired awareness seizures most commonly, which looks to the outside person like he's just zoned out. He'll usually blink quickly or sometimes his hand will twitch for about a minute and then he'll be a bit confused for a little afterwards, and it can sometimes be hard for him to talk immediately after. If he's really stressed out he can have a couple of those a week, but usually he'll have like 3-7 per month (though sometimes it can be more than that). It's RARE he makes it through a week without having a seizure at all
The main reason he's worried about changing his medication is because this current one has really decreased the number of big, dropping to the ground convulsing seizures he has per year, and he's scared to start trying other things because he doesn't want to risk those becoming more frequent. When he was younger he'd have several tonic clonic seizures per week, and now he'll get them like once-ish per month (again it depends on stress, sleep, and making sure he avoids flashing lights or fast moving videos. sometimes they'll happen more than once a month, sometimes he'll make it a full month without having one (and then get a little anxious about it))
Wars and Twi have kind of mastered the very fine line between taking care of Sky and pissing him off, because they're well aware Sky doesn't need their help with anything and if he does he'll ask for it, but sometimes when they notice him getting a bit worked up over something (like a school assignment or exams) and they've had to get really creative about helping distract him and calm him down without making Sky paranoid they're treating him like a ticking time bomb. They do not baby him, they do not treat him like he's about to explode, but Sky went through grade school and teachers who've all seen him start to get stressed and gone "Why don't we take some deep breaths?" in a SUPER condescending way, so it's become a bit of an instinct to lash out if he feels like he's being treated differently. The little things Wars and Twi do to help him just take a deep breath and relax a little are the same things they'll do to each other or any of their other friends when they get stressed, like make him some tea or offer to help him study by asking questions so he can see if he remembers the answer. They'll just get his dinner for him so he doesn't have to worry about it or get him a little treat at the store, sometimes Wars will literally just use a laser pointer to send one of his cats into Sky's room
He's been looking into seizure alert dogs, because he thinks one could be really useful and help him feel a little more independent and also help with his stress, but they're expensive and he lives in an apartment, so he's hesitant to get one
(full disclosure, I myself do not have epilepsy but a close friend of mine does and I've talked with her as well as someone who has a family member who experiences seizures and I've done a TON of research, however that does NOT make me an expert and if i do make any mistakes i would greatly appreciate kind corrections. representation is important to me, and i don't want to accidentally spread misinformation)
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sams-venting · 16 days ago
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https://www.tumblr.com/sams-venting/772136854300590080/its-crazy-how-its-obvious-who-is-and-isnt?source=share
Factually incorrect. You do realise some of us make copys of the call out post the minute they're made right? Because there's been cases of people going back and changing shit for their own self-image or worse.
The fact that's apparently not common practice is mildly concerning ngl. I should not keep noticing just how easy it is to manipulate, rage-bait, and blind side people in this fandom from all sides. Genuinely surprised more bullshit hasn't went down for as large And naive the fanbase is collectively.
Anyway, I'm just some archiver bro. Your bias is blinding you and posting nothing but tunnel vision. Mothy is undoubtedly a piece of shit. I don't have the spoons to pretend to care about Ika outside of making sure no one commits suicide bc that's my only moral stake in ANY situation. They're by no means a groomer, but they Obviously have no problem digging their own grave as you can easily see with their own document as of late. Fuck you if you think I'm here defending any of that bullshit
I'm literally just some guy trying to build a blocklist to suit my own paranoia bc that's the freedom of having your own internet experience. From my pov, literally anyone and Everyone involved in the situation is sus af, trouble, known shit stirrers, or ppl that are the antithesis of me that I will never get along with no matter how 'good' of a person they are. (proshippers, social 'justice' warriors, moral puritans, fandom cops, narrow-minded pieces of shits that I don't care to babysit, etc)
All I care about is having receipts in an era where people will cancel you just for interacting with the wrong people. It terrifies me more than anything, even when I literally have nothing to lose and I'm an outsider that didn't even do anything. I don't even Know any of you. And by God I sure as hell don't want to now that I've seen everyone's true colors.
Because people, much like you, have nothing better to do than make assumptions about strangers on the internet. Parasocial ain't even a strong enough word for the shit that gets posted on this vent blog. So I'm not sorry for collecting as much BS as I possibly can to protect myself, and time and time again my paranoia gets proven reasonable and shown that I'm not overreacting.
There are many benefits to being a lurker. You should try it sometime. Just not the moral OCD part, that experience is hell like no other, and I'm tired of being nauseous from the anxiety.
-- ☀🌙
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helloalycia · 4 years ago
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just a kid [two] // wanda maximoff
summary: you decide to get to the bottom of things, suspecting Wanda has something to do with your troubled memories.
warning/s: mentions of death and explicit/descriptive violence.
author's note: here’s the second and final part! bit of an angsty one oof
part one | masterlist | wattpad
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In all of the time Wanda and I spent together, we'd never lied to one another. We always told each other everything, even if we thought it would make the others person upset. So, I couldn't for the life of me understand what she was doing behind my back now.
After a while of trying to collect my thoughts and reigning in my agitation, I returned to Doctor Maya's office to see she was alone. When I entered without knocking, she looked up with surprise, but now that I knew that she was hiding something, I saw a hint of guilt.
"Y/N, what can I do for you?" she asked without so much as a shake in her voice. She'd practiced well. "Did we have an appointment?"
I closed the door behind me, stepping forward but not quite committing to taking a seat.
"I still feel nauseous," I said with stern eyes. "I still get nightmares. My thoughts don't feel like my own. My head hurts every time I try to remember my accident."
"Y/N, I've told you, it'll take time to–"
"Stop! Stop lying!" I exclaimed, gripping the back of the chair tightly. "I heard you and Wanda talking earlier. I know you're hiding something. Something to do with Wanda. So, tell me. What is it?"
Other than jumping at my sudden outburst, she showed no expression on her face, nor acknowledgement to my words. I tried a different approach, shoulders sagging with defeat and expression softening.
With a normal volume, I pleaded, "Please. I have a right to know if it concerns me."
Still, she said nothing. Only avoided my eyes and played with her fingers nervously on her desk. I clenched my jaw, trying not to snap.
"Fine," I gave in. "Can you at least tell me if Wanda was there when my accident happened?"
Finally, she spoke, nodding. "Obviously she was. She was the one who got you to the quinjet after you were knocked unconscious."
I chewed the inside of my mouth, trying to piece together the incident. Things still didn't make sense...
"The agent that I was trying to help," I said, remembering that was the reason I was out in the field in the first place, "what happened to them? Where are they now?"
She straightened up in her seat. "As I told you before, he made it out okay. But I cannot tell you where he is."
"And why not?"
"It's not relevant."
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Well, now I know you're hiding something."
She pressed her lips together, unsure whether to respond or not. After opening and closing her mouth like a fish in water, she opted to stay silent.
"I guess I'll keep taking my medication like a good girl," I said with sarcastic smile. "Thanks for nothing, doc."
With an eye roll, I left the room and decided to take matters into my own hands. If neither her nor Wanda would tell me the truth, I'd make a start to finding out myself.
First thing's first – Wanda had some sort of connection to this whole thing, excluding the fact that she was hiding it. I recalled hearing her say something about 'working out the kinks'... what was she trying to work out?
I knew she had powers and was capable of many things; was it linked to that? I was having trouble remembering and the only two people who seemed to know were my doctor and Wanda, the girl who had the abilities to manipulate thoughts to her own will. But she wouldn't, would she? That was an invasion of privacy, morally wrong. She was a good person. The only time she'd done that was when she was trying to defeat the Avengers, but she wasn't that person anymore... she wouldn't do that to me, right?
It was getting late and I still had so many pieces of the puzzle to put together. All I had were theories and nothing to back them up. So, as I headed to Wanda's room with tired eyes and a curious brain, I tried to push it away for the evening and focus on getting some sleep, if any.
Wanda was tying her hair up in the mirror, already dressed for bed, when I stepped in. Her eyes caught mine in the mirror and she spun around, expression softening.
"Hey," she said gently, probably taking caution after how our last interaction went. "D'you have a nice walk?"
I pursed my lips, studying her carefully. How could she act like this? So concerned for my well-being as she watched me suffer, when she knew something that might help me?
"Yeah, I guess," I spoke, before taking my shoes off and going to the ensuite to get changed.
It was quiet as I got ready for bed and brushed my teeth. Wanda, thankfully, didn't push me to speak, but I was still confused. I wanted her to tell me what she knew, but she was playing it safe. Maybe I could test the waters a little...?
As I clambered into bed beside her, I saw she was sat up and reading a book in the light of her bedside lamp. I began to take my watch off and glanced at her subtly, deciding to say something.
"I think something is wrong," I said, earning her attention. "I think I might be remembering my accident incorrectly."
She lowered her book, giving me her full attention. But unlike before, I now saw the doubt swimming in her eyes.
"What? Why do you think that?" she asked with confusion.
I put my watch to the side and paused, deciding whether I was in the mood to get into it.
"How do you know it was a mine?" I asked her, quirking a brow.
She pulled a face, as if suggesting my question was silly. "I was there, Y/N. I saw it."
I wanted to believe her, I did.
"Did anyone else see it?" I asked, unable to stop myself.
Closing her book, she shook her head, distracting from the panic settling into her expression. "What's with all of the questions?"
I ignored her. "You can manipulate people's thoughts, can't you? Get into their head. Read their mind."
"Yes...," she answered, nodding with a puzzled frown. "So?"
I'd known Wanda long enough to know she was hiding something. I should have detected the signs sooner. The constant avoidance of my eyes, the fiddling thumbs, the way her accent grew a little stronger. I was right. She was keeping something from me.
"You've never got into my head before, right?" I asked curiously, wondering if she was reading my thoughts right now. Did she know I was on to her? Did she know I knew she was hiding something?
Resting a reassuring hand on mine, she shook her head. "I would never."
I glanced at her hand that squeezed mine, then to her dark green eyes swimming with certainty. Was she lying now? Or was she just getting better at it?
No, I still had my doubts. She must have done something to my thoughts. And I would never know unless she told me, which she clearly wasn't going to.
"You're mad at me," she realised, letting go of my hand.
I shook my head and looked away, frowning. "I'm not. I'm just tired."
Without another word, I got under the covers and turned my back to her. I wasn't sure what else to do. She was blatantly lying to my face when I thought I could trust her. How could she?
Sleep came to me quickly that night, thankfully not bombarded by painful dreams. But when I woke up and had a shower, I realised how angry I still was. Wanda was lying to me and I didn't understand why.
"I'm gonna go back to my flat," I told her out of the blue after drying my hair.
She walked out of the ensuite and leaned against the doorframe, seeming taken aback. "You're going back?"
I nodded, maintaining eye contact. "Yeah. I can't stay here."
Wanda frowned. "This is about last night."
She looked so hurt by my words that I almost took them back, but I didn't. She was a liar.
"Yeah, it is," I said, crossing my arms with certainty, a hostile expression taking over my face. "I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, Wanda, but you're lying to me."
She straightened up, eyebrows furrowing together. "What are you talking about?"
I squeezed my hands as I continued to cross my arms, hiding my frustration. "I know you're in my head."
She hesitated – a split second, but I saw it – and it was enough to confirm my thoughts.
"I would never do that," she said with a shake of her head, making me clench my fists.
"Stop lying to me, Wanda!" I shouted, finally bursting. "I know it's you! You're in there, I can feel you!"
"Y/N–"
"No!" I cut her off, tears brimming my eyes. "You're mixing my thoughts up and spitting out something that isn't real. You have to be! Because if you're not then– then– then I'm going insane."
I swallowed hard, wiping my eyes and looking away momentarily, trying to collect myself. Crying wasn't my intention, but God, the discomfort in the pit of my stomach and the constant restlessness I felt was eating me alive. I needed to know the truth and the one person I thought I could rely on wasn't helping me.
"I'm sorry," she said, and I looked at her to see she was watching me apologetically. "I don't want to. But I have to."
I licked my lips, partially fed up. I was hoping I was mistaken, that the most that would happen is I accused my girlfriend of something immoral. This was way worse. I was right.
"Why do you have to?" I questioned with burning eyes. "What happened that I can't know?"
She stepped forward, but I stepped back. Frowning, hurt, she ran a hand through her hair.
"I can't tell you," she said regretfully, making me groan loudly. "Look, it's not as easy as you think. This is for your own good, Y/N."
"No, no, it's not," I disagreed, before pointing an accusing finger her way. "You don't get to decide that for me! You have no right!"
Glassy green eyes met mine. "This is all to protect you. The truth hurts."
"Fuck yeah, it does," I said bitterly. "Discovering my girlfriend is mind-controlling me is never a nice thing to learn."
"Don't say that!" she snapped, clenching her fists. "It's not like that."
"It's exactly like that," I said lowly, scowling at her. "You're treating me like your enemy. You don't just get to prance around in my head because we're a couple. That's not how this works."
"That's not what I'm doing!" she shouted, eyes beginning to glow red with frustration.
"Then tell me what the hell is going on!" I said, not backing down.
She clenched her jaw, red eyes and anger dispersing as her expression softened. "I can't."
Through blurry vision, I glared her way. "Then fuck you, Wanda! I'll figure it out myself!"
I was sick of her feeling like she could control me, like I was some sort of helpless being who needed her protection. It was my head and I deserved to know what the fuck was in it!
In the two years we'd been together, we'd never argued this bad. And I'd never imagined it would be because she was manipulating me like she was.
With determination, I stormed down to the medical floor of the Tower and straight to Doctor Maya's office.
When she saw me, she looked up with surprise. "Y/N, what are you–"
"Cut the act, I know the truth," I interrupted her. "About Wanda mind-controlling me. How you were both in cahoots. I know it all."
She seemed shocked. "I– I don't know what to say."
"You can tell me where the agent I tried to help is," I got straight to the point.
"I'm not sure if I should–"
"One way or another, I'm going to find out," I deadpanned, not in the mood to be played. "Just tell me."
It didn't take much convincing, as I soon found myself on the way to a hospital at a nearby S.H.I.E.L.D. facility where the agent was recovering in. With my clearance, it wasn't difficult to get inside, and after explaining who I was, the agent – Agent Montgomery – was happy to have me visit him.
When I walked into his room, I saw he was sitting up in his bed, watching the TV hung on the wall ahead. When he saw me however, he muted it and smiled brightly at me. I noticed the bruises littering his body and though he was wearing a hospital gown, I suspected his injuries were bandaged beneath it.
"Doctor Y/L/N," he addressed me. "It's such a pleasure. I've been wanting to thank you ever since you helped me out a week ago."
I offered a small smile, stopping by his bedside. "There's no need. I was just–" I hesitated, feeling like an idiot as I couldn't even remember what I'd helped him with. "I was just doing my job."
He chuckled. "So modest. It's just nice to know you're doing okay. If it weren't for you swooping in on the scene, I'm sure I would've bled out. I wanted to thank you, but the doctors here told me that you were pretty shaken up after what happened and needed some time."
My eyes fell to the monitors beside his bed, avoiding his eyes. "Yeah... what exactly happened that day?"
He seemed surprised. "You don't remember? It wasn't... it wasn't good. I thought that's why you were taking the time for yourself."
I looked up, catching the way his smile faded into a frown and he looked down to his hands sadly.
"Can you refresh my memory?" I asked gently, unsure whether I was ready to hear the truth or not. But it was now or never.
"Well, from my perspective, I was laying on the ground, thinking I was gonna die from blood loss..."
This part of the city was desolate and destroyed, remnants of broken buildings as a result of the Avengers' fight surrounding me. When I was rushed into the field with my team, with plans of finding the handful of casualties to be extracted, I followed usual protocol.
It was supposed to be empty of enemy combatants. We were just supposed to be prepping the casualties for evacuation, as usual. This time was different though.
I came across Agent Montgomery's body by myself, separated from my team as they spread out amongst the rubble to find the rest of the bodies.  He was laying there, body unmoving as his hand was pressed to a point above his stomach.
Instinctively, I rushed over to him and began to unload my medical equipment on the ground beside him. I squinted in the hot sun – why was it so bright out? – as I tried to pull the agent's helmet off.
"Hey, I'm here to help," I told him reassuringly, giving him a smile that I hoped would put him at ease. "Can you hear me?"
"You helped me, patched me up," Agent Montgomery was explaining vividly, and I found myself hanging onto his every word.
For the first time in a week, my memories were making sense. They flowed as one rather than in mashed scenes of a broken film.
He nodded, to my relief, and let me move his hand to the side so I could see what I was working with. A bullet wound and from the looks of it, the bullet was still lodged in there.
I spent the next five minutes patching him up well enough so I could eventually take him back to the quinjet, whilst making conversation with him so he would feel better about everything. When I was done, I radioed my team to help collect him and planned to wait by his side until they arrived. But I heard someone calling for help and looked up with confusion, hand resting on my own pistol.
"There was this kid," he recalled, wincing at the mention of her, which made me wonder what went wrong. "I was a little out of it, I'm not gonna lie. But I could never forget it. Forget that poor girl."
The voice belonged to a little girl. It was as if she'd appeared out of nowhere. Her clothes were tattered and she was covered in dirt, like she'd climbed out from one of the collapsed buildings. I wouldn't have put it past her. People did live here after all. Or, at least, they did.
"Hey," I said quietly, letting go of my pistol. "Are you okay, love? Are you hurt?"
She frowned, lip quivering. "I don't know where my family is."
My heart sank at her words, watching the look of horror cross her expression. I couldn't imagine what she must have witnessed as the battles raged on earlier. She stepped closer to me, eyes blinking innocently, before finding the state of the agent on the floor.
"He'll be okay," I reassured her, earning her attention. "And so will you. I'll help you find your family, yeah?"
She nodded, wiping away fresh tears.
"She was just a kid," Agent Montgomery said, his own eyes glassy from pent up emotions. "She didn't deserve what happened."
I swallowed the lump in my throat. He didn't need to finish. I remembered it so vividly.
"Do you have a name?" I asked her, removing my medical gloves and throwing them to the side so I could give the girl all of my attention.
I outstretched my hand, offering it up. She rested hers in mine, making me smile.
"Selena," she mumbled.
"Well, Selena," I began, hopefully, "that's a pretty name. And I'm sure we can find your parents in no time."
We just had to wait until my team came and then I could try to look for her parents. It wouldn't be hard and I refused to accept they were dead, despite the likelihood of them being alive being quite low.
Selena nodded, her tiny hand squeezing mine, searching for comfort. I squeezed it back, kneeling before her and giving her a quick nod.
Before either of us could say anything more, the unexpected happened. It was as if there was a bomb set in the middle of that tiny girl's body because one second I was staring at her, and the next, she exploded all over, coating me in tiny, fleshy pieces.
My jaw dropped with disbelief, ears ringing from the explosion and heart dropping at the suddenness of it all. I risked looking down, only to see the girl's hand still intact and resting in mine. But where her body should have connected, there was nothing there.
I couldn't help but think how strange it all looked, like a prop from a film set, or a mannequin hand from a clothing shop. I dropped it without thinking, watching it bounce onto the blood-stained ground.
Smoke and blood infiltrated my nose. I looked down and my hands were shaking so much, covered in what looked like minced meat. Meat. Blood. Smoke.
My stomach curled, but I couldn't move. Eyes were permanently widened. Hands were still shaking. The girl's voice played in my ears amidst the ringing. One second she was there and the next she wasn't.
"It came out of nowhere," Agent Montgomery muttered. "Some weapon HYDRA were testing. Had the ability to make its target explode within seconds. She was just another victim of the senseless violence that day."
I swallowed hard, my stomach curling. So much nausea. So much aching. I pocketed my sweaty, shaking hands. Looked to Agent Montgomery.
"That avenger, the witch?" he continued, looking up to me. "She got us out of there. Killed the HYDRA agent. You must've passed out from shock. But she saved us both."
Wanda. She was there. She'd seen it all happen. She'd saved me.
She'd lied to me.
My mouth was dry like sandpaper. My head hurt. I felt sick. The memories were connecting as they flashed through my mind.
It came out of nowhere.
She was just a kid.
"Thanks for telling me," I managed to get out, already backing up. "Good luck with your recovery."
He may have responded, but I wouldn't know. I left the room, ears ringing like I was still there. I looked down, half expecting my clothes to be covered in flesh. Selena's flesh. That poor girl...
She was just a kid.
My vision blurred and I had to pause, hanging in the empty hallway of the medical wing. I raised my hand, covering my mouth as I struggled to breathe without shaking. But it was impossible.
It came out of nowhere.
I don't know where my family is.
"There you are."
I looked up, blinking away tears, making out Wanda standing before me. She seemed reluctant to come closer and for a moment, I wasn't sure what I was feeling.
"Doctor Maya told me where you were," she explained quietly.
Do you have a name?
"I don't have t-time for this," I got out, pushing myself away from the wall and moving forward, walking past her.
"Y/N, please wait," she pleaded, grabbing my arm, and I shook her off so quickly. The thought of being touched right now, when I was covered in–
I looked down. I was clean.
Selena.
"I shouldn't have controlled your mind," Wanda continued from behind me, sincerity in her words. "It wasn't right. It wasn't my place."
I turned around, breath catching in my throat. My ears were still ringing. Hands still sweaty. I pocketed them, though they shook so much my jacket was moving.
Well, Selena, that's a pretty name. And I'm sure we can find your parents in no time.
"She was just a kid," I said, expecting such ferocity in my words, but they barely came out above a whisper. "She wasn't supposed to be there."
Wanda swallowed hard, taking a small step forward. I didn't move back.
"It wasn't your fault."
"She just wanted her family." I clenched my jaw, squeezing my sweaty, shaky hands into fists. "She shouldn't have been there."
"Y/N..."
I squeezed my eyes shut, tears flowing out, before shouting, "You had no right! You– you– you had no fuckin' right!"
Wanda watched me with glossy eyes. "I know. You're right."
Just a kid.
The ringing stopped. I clutched my stomach, wishing the stabbing nausea would disappear. Now that my thoughts were whole again, I felt like I was experiencing the whole thing once more. It was catching up to me quicker than I could adjust to.
She opened her mouth to speak and I shook my head, signalling for her to stop. I couldn't take it. I was so angry and hurt and shocked and I– I–
"I hate you," I breathed out.
She frowned, eyes screaming with guilt. "Y/N..."
My jaw ached from the pressure I was putting on it. Marks were forming in my palm from how hard I was squeezing my fists. She had no right.
"It wasn't your fucking place," I repeated, moving forward and bundling her shirt in my fist. Glaring at her through my tears, I saw the way she put up no fight, expressions softening and etched with guilt. "You– you– you–"
My hands began to shake again. The ringing returned. I couldn't take it. I let go and shoved her back, needing a moment. But I didn't know what to do.
I wanted to hate her. She had messed with my head. Made this so much worse than it could have been if she'd just let me suffer in the first place. But at the same time, a small part of me wished it would have worked. That her mind manipulation would have done it's job and I wasn't remembering. Because fuck, remembering hurt like a bitch.
More tears came and I squeezed my eyes shut, squeezing my stomach to ease the never-ending pain. I opened my mouth to speak, but a sob came out instead, and before I knew it, Wanda was wrapping her arms around me, letting me fall into her.
"It's okay," she said with certainty, squeezing me. "You'll be okay."
I shook my head because I knew that wasn't true. Nothing was okay. I couldn't imagine it ever being okay.
She was just a kid.
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