#begin to doubt your faith and yourself and your life choices etc etc

[thehighpriestexx420]

🔮✨What do they think + feel about you? ✨🔮 (& Advice!)

Find out by choosing the pile of tarot cards you're drawn to!

From left to right - Pile 1, Pile 2, and Pile 3.

Pile 1 (Opal) :

There's a decision to be made here. For some of you, you're deciding between 2 people to persue. For the rest of you, you're deciding whether or not you should persue 1 person.

For the ones deciding between 2 people, there's a person who's holding most of your attention and is more direct in their interest towards you. They may seem like the obvious choice because the other person you're considering is more in the background, more shy, and/or seems more unattainable. But things aren't always what they seem - including any obstacles you're perceiving.

For all of you, you're scared someone doesn't like you and you aren't giving yourself enough credit.

Fear is something we all experience (unless you have a condition) and we all have the ability to act despite it. You're perceiving this situation as an immense task - like the person in the 2 of Wands card looking at the mountains they have to climb before them. Regardless of if it's actually immense or not, you have the immense ability to create your own life - like the person standing on top of the mountains in the Your Life Is A Canvas card.

Free yourself from any limits and doubts you place on yourself. Rise above like the bird in the Judgement card. Choose the person you truly want to persue. Believe in yourself, know you're deserving of what you want, and align your energy, thoughts, and actions with the same vibration of what you want. What would someone confident enough to pursue your person tell themselves? Work on it.

Because the cards didn't give a direct answer as to how your person thinks and feels about you, I asked the Romance Angels deck.

The "obvious" one's main energy towards you is passion. They're really into you and want to express that physically.

The "less obvious" one's card is Stay Optimistic About Your Love Life - Positive Thinking + Faith Will Bring You Romance.

Again, the cards aren't giving you a direct answer. But they are telling you what you *need* to hear. This serves as a test. What will you choose - will you take the card's advice and truly have faith or will you allow your anxiety about not being told their feelings overcome you?

For those making a judgement about whether or not you should pursue 1 person, this could serve as a message of advice and their feelings for you.

For most of you, you're being encouraged to make them an offer - ask them out on a date, talk about your feelings, ask to make your relationship official, etc.

For some of you, you're being asked to work on your self-concept enough to where they would be interested in you and say yes to your offer. This is an encouraging sign and tells you this is obtainable.

Either way, heed the card's advice.

If this reading resonates with you and you'd like to have a more detailed personal reading, feel free to ask me about the pricing for my tarot services! Starting out at $5 per question.

Pile 2 (Fluorite) :

This is the beginning of you and your person's connection so whatever they're thinking and feeling towards you is growing and is too early to say. You plant the seeds of your impression and your connection with them. Choose carefully what you're planting - make sure you're tending to the connection with love, respect, and care. Whatever you're planting is already growing and has a very good chance of evolving into the next step of your relationship.

With the 6 of Swords, this indicates you've moved on from a difficult time. With the 7 of Pentacles, this could be the reasoning behind this period of contemplation within your connection. You're being told that this connection does hold a lot of potential - you just have to do your part in maintaining a healthy connection.

With The Golden Children card, your advice is to treat yourself and others with more tenderness and like they're innocent children. Try to remember we're all doing the best we can with what we have. Try to trust that this situation will play out as it's supposed to.

If this reading resonates with you and you'd like to have a more detailed personal reading, feel free to ask me about the pricing for my tarot services! Starting out at $5 per question.

Pile 3 (Fairy Quartz) :

Your person wants to work on your relationship - there's hope for it. You're being asked to trust in that. Release yourself from doubt, paranoia, impatience, and anything holding you back from your potential. These are merely false realities The Devil card portrays. Connect with the part of you that knows all is well and as it should be. Peace of mind isn't dependent on outcomes or situations.

If this reading resonates with you and you'd like to have a more detailed personal reading, feel free to ask me about the pricing for my tarot services! Starting out at $5 per question.

[hlekani-666]

<196> 28. Atheist Republi Newsletter: I didn't want to leave faith, and it was NOT easy.

Special thanks to Lizmari M. Collazo for submitting this piece.

I was a believer for 30 some years of my life. I've been catholic, presbyterian, fundamentalist non-denominational creationist… I've been a lot of things. I am now an atheist.

It's been a long journey of self awareness and introspection. And I am at peace where I am, and with what I understand about life and living. I've lost loved ones both as a believer, and as a non-believer.

But I've come to a point where I find it challenging relating to many believers because they speak to us atheists as if we had never heard of their god or ever read their bible, or ever studied the proper apologetical arguments for their faith, or the problem of evil, or that we never realized we could be comforted by their beliefs, or the words of Jesus, or the Psalms, or that we're somehow angry at their god, or that we have poor character because we gave up and didn't try hard enough, or that we were never true believers to begin with, or anything else. (Otherwise, you know, we'd convert right away!) As if we had made a sloppy, poorly thought choice -- when if I have ever scrutinized anything deeply… it was leaving my beliefs. And it was painful -- not because I was "hurt" by a god, but because I didn't want to leave faith, and it was NOT easy. It was a security blanket from which I did not wish to part, and it took a LOT of scrutinizing and study.

But all of this is kind of like someone demanding you not just like and love their favorite flavor of ice cream, but declare it's the only flavor, and the best flavor, ever… If only you'd try it (but those other 3000 times you tried it do not count.)

Imagine if someone accused a Christian and said the only reason they don't believe in Mohammed, or Vishnu, or Wotan, or Thor, is because they are angry at them, or once got hurt by them, or are rebellious, etc? Yeah. It's exactly like that. Like accusing someone of being angry at Santa because he didn't bring them presents, and then you proceeded to comfort them with "He had a reason, and he works in mysterious ways… and you'll get a much better present next year…" It's only a serious and sacred belief to you, and not to me. But I guess that makes people feel like they need to shine a personal light on why THEY believe, or if they are strong enough believers or not, and so they begin nagging the rest of us. Some will claim that they simply care, and need to save us desperately… but they conveniently forget they don't wield the same amount of disrespect for people who are already a part of a different religion. Just to us atheists, who I guess they might think are a blank slate for their carving.

Even as I say these words, already someone out there is thinking I'm angry, and bitter… and wishing and hoping one day I'll find the 'true peace of Jesus' or REALLY know or understand, one day.

NO -- let me decipher that for you: What you are REALLY thinking to yourself is "What do THEY know that I don't know, that made them leave their faith? I had better strengthen MY faith, and put THEIR experience down, because it can't possibly have any validity to reality… Their decision hurts the strength of my own choice, so I had better downplay their choice, and just claim they're doing it wrong. They just don't know what they're doing -- that's it." There, I fixed it for you. And yes, belief is a frail thing. That's why the Bible spends SO MUCH language attacking reason, attacking doubt, attacking relying on your own mind. It makes you doubt your own self and your own senses… 'If you don't believe, you're a bad person… or you're foolish…' or even more conveniently, 'God has confused man's wisdom, so he thinks crazy things are wisdom.'

The big problem is, of course, that this makes faith unfalsifiable. "Believe, because you can't tell it's not real anyway, because I've confounded your reason, anyway." Of course, why give anyone the ability to reason and doubt and discern, when supposedly all that is foolish anyway, right? Oh no, it's a test… it's 'mysterious ways' -- except, all of this is not exclusive proof for your religion, but proof of EVERY unfalsifiable belief, and every religion, so it makes all of it irredeemable

More Stories Like This One Here:

[x-rambles]

02.17.2023

Gratitude: 1. You acted on your faith in yourself & the Lord 2. The people in your life put in effort towards their place in your life. 3. A new day, means there’s another choice. **You enjoyed your healthy snacks at home

Girl, you put yourself on the hook for $8k. And interestingly, I’m not sure that you’re afraid of making that choice. It seems this choice is simply requiring you become more of the person you want to be. Are you afraid of how to articulate this choice to people? Yes. AND--you do not have to. You do not have to tell anyone. The MOST would be telling the agents involved in your home purchasing process, that you’re enrolled in a 6 month educational program you’re funding.... AND--you’ll need to work even more clearly on the discipline regarding eating out. But truly, I do not believe it’s a negative thing to say no more. No to the trips. No to eating out. A lot of which causes you anxiety anyway. This is very important practice for yourself..you WILL be saying no more. 

It’s wonderful to eat healthier, and at home! It’s great to be more disciplined with your time & schedule to stay home. There may be more to learn and review, but--you do not owe other people YES that you regret. You do not have to feel obligated. It’s time to research a bit more about good excuses to make. Because frankly, saying yes, and living in anxiety isn’t the most fulfilling. It’s paramount for you to begin feeling safer within yourself. You do not have to recreate patterns of your past, patterns of feeling anxiety, feeling you have to protect yourself, be dishonest, etc. 

It’s so important to explore these things, because these patterns are unfortunately coming up super often. These consistent feelings have been taking a toll. I know I’m not crazy for feeling that I have to constantly protect myself. It’s true that I’ve been judged...it’s true that it’s been demanded for me to explain myself. And from the bottom of my heart I do not....DO NOT mean to harm anyone else. I most likely had reservations from the beginning. It’s important for me to empower myself by standing strong within my reservations, and my thoughts. If I do not want something, to not convince myself into it. 

My energy must shift, immediately. I made this leap today, because I strongly believe in myself. I know that marriage, and family is in my future. It’s important for me to prepare for this. I also know that abundance is in my future. All of these things, the solutions to my fears (more money, feeling empowered) are in my future--I know that. It’s been promised to me by God. It’s part of my journey, and purpose on this Earth. The largest fears come from the greatest things. In order to have what you’ve never had, you must do what you’ve never done.  I’ve begun to dive head first, and changes are coming...

There is so much work to be done--how to say no to request’s you don’t want to fulfill. How to view myself from an empowered light (instead of doubting or criticizing my decisions, myself, actions) I am happy to identify these things..in some ways my decisions are resulting in life providing these shifts, and the work continues.. XoXo, C.

[ohmy7hearts]

spring gale

Summary: Spring means new beginnings but a gale (a storm more like?) in the name of Shinazugawa Sanemi blows your plans out and throw your once peaceful life into the winds.

Pairings: Shinazugawa Sanemi x Fem!Reader // future Shinazugawa Genya x SisterFigure!Reader 

A/N: this,,, is v impromptu. i literally got out of my bed bc it has been bugging me with how little sanemi fanfics there are, esp modern aus. tbh, there have been plenty of fics brewing in my mind and tell me if there’s any you’d be interested in and maybe i will return from my hiatus hah:

 - zhongli modern au: adepti babies being your adopted children and navigating parenthood 

- unknown pairing as of now but travelers being your kids so transporting yourself into the world to find them after 500+ years of not returning home 

- etc involving atsumu, diluc, childe but if you have any requests, feel free to drop it in and maybe i’ll consider them

Warnings: Some cursing (I mean it’s Sanemi lolol)

“Shinazugawa-san?” Sanemi glanced up, his hands continued packing away his things into the bag, an eyebrow raised. You smiled, hands folded over the other in front of you, as you continued to speak after gaining his attention. “When would you be free to do the project?”

He sighed, throwing his bag over his shoulder, while making his way out of the classroom - tone and body language showing his disinterest in the conversation. “We can just do it in class.”

You jogged to get into step next to him, “Well, it is for the bare minimum. I’m sure we can do much better than that.” You observed his side profile to see if any emotion could give way to what he was thinking. You frowned, frustration creeping up on you, “I understand that we’re not each other’s first choice in partners but that’s not an excuse to not do our best.”

“Are grades and studying the only thing in that airhead of yours?” His eyes flit towards yours for a moment before returning its gaze forward. “I don’t fucking have as much free time as you.”

You stopped following him. A bolt of anger and disbelief had your mouth dropping and hands curling into shaking fists. You scoffed, voice raising with each word, “I believe you need this more than me, Shinazugawa-san. Unless you want to continue being a pain in everyone’s ass and eventually not even graduate, then be my guest.” 

He swiveled towards you. You flinched reactively. He faltered, face momentarily flitting from anger to surprise back to annoyance the moment his eyes scanned you. One step, two steps. He was in your space, breathing in and out to you, with his  strikingly cold eyes and thin eyebrows furrowed. “Say that again, I dare you.”

You closed your eyes before releasing a deep sigh, muscles easing from the hold of your anger. “We don’t have to do it after school or on the weekends if you are that occupied. We can do it before school or during our breaks and even before our clubs start.” You grabbed one of his wrist, turning his palm upwards, shoving the crumpled paper with your number into it while fixating your glare on him throughout. You refuse to back down but you will be the bigger person. Forcing his hand to a close, you narrowed your eyes for good measure while trying to control the smirk from overtaking your face when his frown further deepened in distaste. Taking a step back, your hands returned to the usual folded stance, you forced an amicable smile to replace the smirk - although you have a feeling that he could still see the smirk from how his eye twitched, “Of course, it’s really up to you, Shinazugawa-san.”

Turning on your heel, you headed back to the classroom with your head held high and a full-blown smirk on your face while your peers watched with stolen glances and whispers behind hands or under breaths. The clicking of his tongue echoed in the corridor and in your head all the way back to the classroom. 

“Ara, ara, should you really do that (Y/N)-chan?” Shinobu greeted you by your desk, eyes filled with mirth from the free entertainment.

You laughed airily, eyes not meeting hers but focused on clearing the messy table, “I wouldn’t have to if he wasn’t that difficult.” 

“Not many survive Sanemi you know?” Shinobu followed you to the student council room. “One must use their life's worth of luck to crawl out from his bad side.” 

A bark of a laugh escaped you from her exaggeration. “Shinobu-chan ~ I thought you wanted to get into medicine and not theatrics?”

Her eyes met yours, a smirk tugging on her lips, eyes shifting precariously into ones when she knew something the other party doesn’t and in this case that was you. A shiver ran down your spine. You’ve been in the spot only a few times but still a few too many with most of them ending up jerking your view of the world down a path you’ve never considered. You gulped, hands itching and playing with themselves. 

“Did you not hear about how he got into a fight with some university boys down at the park?” She leaped into your space, voice dropping into a whisper in your ear yet head tilted to ensure a front seat view to your reaction. “He came out with a couple of scratches and bruises but…” Her small hands encircled your upper arm. Your eyes dropping to them before returning to her face - surprised to witness your shock colouring your face white as it was reflected in those big eyes of hers. “The boys said to be much bigger than he is, had to go to the hospital.” Her smile bordering on unhinged glee, she drawled, “They were so scared they didn’t sue him.”

She immediately returned to her spot beside you, a foot away, while her shoulders and arms lifted in a form of a shrug nonchalantly. “Apparently, when questioned, the boys said something about them being the ones out of line and they have worked things out.” 

Being close friends with Shinobu and Mitsuri meant that you were privy to the latest gossip and news but you always took it with a grain of salt seeing firsthand how some things were purposefully voided or added for the enjoyment of teenagers. You smiled unsurely, “that’s just a rumour Shinobu-chan.”

She pouted, invisible to those who didn't know her well enough or who weren’t keen enough, “You can ask Akio. He was a witness.”

Your eyes widened before blinking in incredulity. “What.”

She giggled, hand raising in a wave before dashing down the corridor. “Do share with me if he tells you more!” 

It took you a few seconds to regain your bearings, even a shake of your head to rid the mental image of Sanemi punching away on people bigger than him for his amusement. He was by no means a small person shown clearly with the muscles seen even through the school uniform - a testament to his achievements as one of the greatest fighters in the taekwondo club despite his lacklustre participation of actually attending said club practices - but there were certainly bigger and taller people in your school, much less university. 

“Hashimoto-san!” You snapped out of your musings.

“Tanaka-san.” You greeted back. The black haired guy chuckled, “I told you to call me by my first name. After all, we’ve been working together for 3 years. Unless, you don’t see me as a friend? Damn, it must hurt to only be seen as a student council partner even after winning the presidential election together.”

“Stop being so dramatic.” You huffed, plopping down into the chair and hands gravitating towards the papers on the table before being stopped by a hand on your wrist. Raising an eyebrow, he returned the gesture indicating there’s something he was expecting you to tell him. He released the grasp on your hand the moment you were falling back onto the back support of the chair with a sigh. “How may I help you Akio?”

“On the way here, I heard an interesting piece of news.” He sat sideways on the table, the leg on the table folded over the leg still standing. You folded your arms over your chest and hummed. “You and Shinazugawa were fighting?”

“It was just a talk that got a bit heated. I was trying to get a hold on him so we can do our project for literature together.” 

Akio’s eyebrows shot up and disappeared under his bangs. “Wow, what luck. First, he somehow got into your class through that stupid maths shit and now you have to deal with him.” He smiled in assurance, eyes crinkling close and  a hand over his heart. “Be careful but if anything happens, I’m here. I’ll come running to save my beloved president.”

You mouthed a wow. Silence blanketed the both of you as you nod in understanding - lips trying to contain the smiles and laughs - as he continued to express his devotion through his hand gestures - hand flying to point at you before returning to over his chest, patting it, then forming into a prayer of sorts - all the while mouthing his loyalty to you. 

With a shake of your head and hands indicating him to leave as you pulled yourself closer to your table, “Thanks but I doubt I need it.”

Instead, he tilted his head backwards and narrowed his eyes on the ceiling. “If you see what I saw, I wouldn’t put too much faith in him.”

Blood freezes over while questions overwhelm your mind. You gulped and licked your lips to get rid of the sudden dryness, “And what exactly are they?”

“He didn’t stop beating them up or screaming at them even when they were down. Three policemen had to pry him off and restrain him.”

Your heart dropped.

[tearblossom]

Orbital Station Scene Analysis: Part 3

Lmao here we go again. Ready to fall even deeper down the rabbit hole that is this scene with me!? This one scene functions simultaneously as my source of joy and depression and I watch it more than I would care to admit. So, naturally, I have even more to say about it! It’s going to be long. Sorry.

Part 1- https://tearblossom.tumblr.com/post/645095661644251136/scene-analysis-this-is-just-what-i-personally-feel

Part 2- https://tearblossom.tumblr.com/post/645776311115186176/i-was-thinking-some-more-about-the-final-scene

In this one, I’ll be going into more detail explaining the emotional mask that I believe Takemura is trying so desperately to keep on during this scene (and undeniably fails at several times, with it coming off entirely upon the scene reaching a certain pivotal moment) and also pointing out the instances that I feel the mask slips occur. Honestly, it’s pretty easy to tell for reasons that I will explain. I’m going to reiterate the fact that I am not a facial expression/body language expert. This is just one human being looking at another human being and trying to figure them out. This is just my personal interpretation of this scene. Prepare yourself for many, many screenshots and gifs. Also, I will be using the same video sources as the other two posts because I don’t have my own footage. 

https://youtu.be/ra-Ij1KU8r4

https://youtu.be/PUmQqVOq5oY

I failed to mention before the reason that Takemura even had to put up the cruel facade in the first place because I didn’t want to state the obvious and insult everyone’s intelligence. We all know the reason but I’ll just say it here anyway: Arasaka. 

Arasaka is listening to Takemura’s every word so he literally cannot say shit to V that would hint at any sort of affection for him/her and absolutely nothing that would indicate any growing uncertainty in said corporation. Words mean nothing here. He has to speak through his eyes and expressions because that is all he has to offer, the only cards he has to play. That is why the meaning of this scene can be so easily missed and flies over so many people’s heads. I do not fault anyone that may have missed this on a first playthrough or even those that are still unaware of it whatsoever because Takemura is very, very convincing at first (his face becomes an open book once the contract gets brought out but we’ll get into that later) and besides, to truly understand something that involves emotions as complex as these caused by equally as complex reasons or anything involving subtext really, takes multiple viewings to truly appreciate.

In summary, what I believe is happening here is that during the entire scene up until the contract gets brought out, his mental state is constantly teetering on the edge of a cliff so to speak. He is trying so hard to fight his sentimentality and control his emotional responses not only to V’s misery and pain but also his own wavering faith in Arasaka because they are watching, listening, and monitoring. And he succeeds extremely well at first but it gets harder and harder for him to maintain the mask. The closer he physically gets to V, the harder it is to pretend, to hide. His eyes alone betray him on several occasions but eventually the whole facade just crumbles and he falls. And when the contract comes into play is when he truly, honestly looks at V and the communication through his eyes really begins.

Here is the key thing- it is the most important visual clue to understanding when things happen: When Takemura is feeling any doubt or his emotions begin to overwhelm him or he fears that they might, he promptly averts his eyes to get himself under control and readjusts the mask that has slipped. 

He looks away from V during these moments!

(Just to clarify, I don’t think that every single moment in the scene that he looks away from V has this deeper meaning behind it. When people talk it’s completely natural for them to turn their heads, avert their eyes to look at other things, etc. These are just some moments that particularly stood out to me as signs pointing to my little theory.) 

Okay...let’s start deciphering this conflicted, broken mess of a man.

Scene starts. Takemura is fiddling with the Rubik’s Cube. He puts it down. Expression cold as ice.

mask on full display in all of it’s glory

They talk about Saburo being back in the body of his son and have this exchange of words:

V: “Saw Saburo Arasaka’s back. In Yorinobu’s body.”

Goro: “Yes. Justice has been done.”

And then it happens for the first time...

(Could this be...doubt perhaps? Has justice really been done?)

Moving on- he walks over to stand behind the chair across from V, telling them of their imminent death.

Goro: “I will be blunt - the surgery did not help. You will be dead before winter.”

And then he proceeds to make this face immediately after...

(Lovely, isn’t it? Just full of sympathy. His mask game is strong. But don’t worry though because V wins in the end BIG TIME.)

Understandably, V gets very upset upon hearing this news.

V: “How... how’s that possible? Arasaka’s got the best and the brightest.”

And then something happens again. Whatever could it be, I wonder!

But wait, there’s more!

(He couldn’t even wait until he finished talking before looking away! It’s getting more difficult for him to look at V with a straight face every second! Also, his expression here is the most broken looking yet.) :(

He must not reveal what is hidden behind this emotional wall that he’s worked so hard to build up specifically for this meeting because the room they are speaking in may just as well be made of glass with Arasaka’s unrelenting gaze, an ever-present entity, on the other side of it. He will do so soon though, when he offers V salvation. The contract raises the stakes. The rules change. He feels the wall breaking and there isn’t anything he can do about it and he knows it.

IT’S CHAIR TIME, CHOOMS!

He looks away another 6 TIMES! Leaning more and more over that edge. Feast your eyes...

IT’S CONTRACT TIME, BABY!

Oh, shit!

It’s happening!!

He does look away here but there’s no mask on when he looks back...only despair.

It’s gone.

TO SIGN OR NOT TO SIGN

The disguise is off now. From this point onward, Takemura looks at V with his true feelings on display. This is where the ability to read the emotion portrayed solely through one’s eyes really comes into play because even though he’s not trying to hide anything anymore, he still can’t say what he really wants to say. We have to feel it through his expressions. His thoughts are so loud during these final moments of the scene that we don’t even need words to know what he’s saying.  

REFUSE TO SIGN

SIGN

HOLY GRAIL MOMENT!

(I’m literally going to copy and paste what I have in my part 2 analysis about this section because I explained my thoughts on it about as well as I am able to there and have nothing else to add. My apologies for repeating myself but I feel the exact same way about it so it still applies here.) 

These reactions make perfect sense because we’ve always known that he cares deeply for V and never stopped. He just couldn’t hide it! But even with this treasure trove of emotional mask slips and unintentional displays of affection, I still wasn’t sure exactly how deeply he cared for V. In other words- if he was actually in love with V or not.

Is he already in love or is he still in the process of falling in love? Is it just a friendly love? (hell no! I knew that was definitely not the case but I still had to ask just so I could cross it off the list!)

And then the two of them walked to the door and said their parting words.

V: “Gonna see each other again?”

Goro: “I believe we will.”

V: “So… see you.”

Goro: “Visit me in Kagawa - I will show you what is real food.”

And then…

he proceeded to make these faces…

HOLY

SHIT!

(The mask isn’t just gone now- it’s burned, splintered, shattered, exploded in a million pieces, disintegrated!)

This man just had the biggest revelation of his entire life: the realization that he is in love with V. These are looks of love and I will not be convinced otherwise. I’m not a facial expression expert or anything, only stating my humble opinions here, but are you seeing this!?

He realizes the truth and it catches him so off guard that he has to look away. He contemplates these newfound feelings and tries to sort them out in the few seconds that he has left with V. And he does. He accepts them. He welcomes them. The gentle, knowing look he gives V when he looks back at them is saying just this.

He also knows that he is now fucked because his love for V is going to complicate things so much more than they already were. Now that he is fully aware that he is in love, these feelings are going to directly conflict with his duties to Arasaka later if a situation arises that places V and Arasaka on opposing sides and I think we all know that is most definitely going to happen at some point.

And now he has to see the love of his life die and just leave this place and go on with his day. Damn. This is turning into one of the saddest love stories I’ve ever seen. Something major is going to happen in the dlc that is going to force his hand one way or another: V or Arasaka? I hope that Arasaka somehow fucks up so bad that it makes his choice easier but my heart breaks imagining the amount of conflict and torment that await him.

The Beginning and The End

[illfoandillfie]

Hi love! So excited about the readings! Could I get the Year Ahead?

here you go lovely! and happy new year!

Let’s just jump right in here. 

January: 9 of Cups

Brilliant way to start the year. The 9 of cups is all about satisfaction and success. The man on the card doesn’t have to look at his cups to know that each of them is full. January is going to bring positivity in many areas of your life and it may be that things you’ve been hoping will happen will actually come to pass.

February: 9 of Wands

Another 9. In tarot the nines represent the step before completion. It’s about awareness - you’re realising what you already have, becoming aware of what is around you. But, not every realisation is a good one. Becoming aware means becoming aware of the more negative things as well as the positive and the 9 of wands is waking you up to challenges you face. You’re close to success but the road hasn’t necessarily been easy. The 9 of wands signifies resilience and grit, taking a stand. February will bring success with it, or at least put you close to achieving something, but it may take a toll in some way, be it physically, mentally or spiritually. 

March: The Devil

Bone down. If you’re looking for a physical relationship or looking to spice up an existing one, March may be a good time for that. The Devil represents vice in all forms but is often specifically linked to sex. 

Seriously though, at it’s highest vibration, the Devil signified self-knowledge and self-mastery - learning a lesson and applying it to your own life. But at it’s lowest vibration is can symbolise oppression and addiction. The two people on the card are collard and appear to be chained but their bonds are loose enough that they could break free if they wish. They choose to remain there, they choose to stay attached to their vices. I believe this could be a warning. Following on from the 9 of wands in Feb, it may be that March is a bit of a stressful month and in such situations it is easy to fall into patterns of addiction. Everyone has a vice or two - smoking, drinking, expensive clothing, power, etc - but sometimes the line between habit or escape from overwhelming situations can be blurred and slip into addiction. If in March you find yourself picking up a new “bad” habit, be careful. It could also related to a addiction someone around you is dealing with.

April: Ace of Wands

Something new is going to begin in April. The wands suit is representative of passion and creativity. It may be that a new physical relationship (or a new aspect to an existing one) begins this month, or perhaps a new creative endeavour. 

May: 7 of Cups

The 7 of cups is about imagination, choice, wishful thinking, and fantasies. It may be that during May you’ll be faced with several options to choose from, perhaps related to that new thing begun in April. It’s important to evaluate all your options so you can make the best choice. Not all the cups on the card contain positive things and you don’t want to pick up a snake when you meant to grab the treasure. This card may also be a sign that you need to start putting your dreams into actions. Coming up with ideas is easy but while it can be exciting to start making them a reality, it can also be frightening. But this card indicates that May will be a good month to work on making something real, making something happen for you. 

June: Queen of Cups

The Queen of Cups is seen as a compassionate and kind woman. She connects with people at an emotional level and is honest and fair. She’s also not one to become overwhelmed by her emotions of those of others, though she thinks with her heart more than her mind. June may be an emotionally heightened month and you may be called to be compassionate and caring to others, or someone specific. She may also represent someone you will be able to turn to for help - the Queens are often seen a signs of older women who are part of your life but it isn’t always the case. The Queen of Cups is also highly intuitive so remember to trust your instincts and spend some time looking after your own emotional wellbeing.

July: Page of Wands

The Page of Wands represents excitement, adventure, energy, fearlessness and fresh ideas. He is passionate and has so many ideas of how to succeed at his tasks or goals, but often his inexperience and perhaps a fear of the unknown keeps him from actually doing anything. Sometimes he just has too many ideas and gets distracted too often. July may bring conflicting messages about how you are progressing with a goal or project. It may be a time when the voice that discourages you is particularly loud. But it will also be a time when something will trigger a desire to take the leap, to explore something new, to make an advancement in your life. Summon your courage and harness that desire.

August: The Magician

This card is the representation of pure willpower. During August you will have the chance to tap into your potential. Whatever doubts crept in during July are no longer worrying you. You know what you want and you know what you have to do to get there, all that remains is to do it. August will be a good month to put your plan into action. The Magician represents skill, resourcefulness and manifestation so there is no doubt that you are capable of achieving what you want. 

September: 5 of Wands

Here we get a little bit of conflict. Now, the 5 of Wands speaks of rivalry, competition, arguments and aggression, however it may not be the bad kind of conflict. The imagery on the card can be interpreted as either a group of men fighting or a group of men play fighting/enjoying the competition. So, September is likely to be a time when conflicts arise but they could take many forms. It might be a rivalry at work (say two of you are up for the same promotion or you’re applying for a job against other candidates), or it could be an argument resulting from a miscommunication or misunderstanding. Whatever it is, there’s a chance it won’t be as serious as it first appears. 

October: Judgement

The Judgement card represents awakening, renewal and reflection. It indicates that October will a be a good month to reflect on yourself and the progress you’ve made through the year and evaluate what is left to do or what you’d like to achieve by the end of the year. Use these reflections to make any changes you need, no matter how small, so you can finish the year in the right frame of mind.

November: 8 of Wands

November is likely to be a month of quick decisions and fast turnarounds. The 8 of wands symbolises movement, speed, progress, and sudden changes. If during the year it has felt like you’ve not made much progress, don’t worry. The momentum has been building and this is the time when things will begin to fall into place and the progress will become clear. 

December: The Hierophant

And finally, December. The Hierophant is about tradition, conformity and convention but it’s also about seeking knowledge, learning, and being strong in your beliefs. If you celebrate Christmas this card may just be indicating that it’s a time of tradition and faith. It may also be indicating that December will be a good time for you to learn something new or that you’ll have success in a teamwork scenario. In regards to the progress you made in November, the Hierophant indicates that now is the time to stick to traditional or conventional methods of continuing that success rather than making outlandish adjustments that aren’t guaranteed to work. 

Your oracle cards are:

From the Destiny Cards you have the word Discipline. This is definitely reflected in the Page of Wands the The Magician and even in The Hierophant. Don’t be discouraged if things don’t seem to be progressing how you’d hoped. Stick to your guns and you’ll get where you want to go. 

From the Elemental Oracles we have Magnetism: Attraction. This is card number 37, so that number may be of importance to you. Know your values and needs so you can be aware of what your true attractions are. Take notice of what or who you attract and if it was your intention or an accident. Just like with magnets, there will always be an opposite energy to any endeavour you might take, it is natural law, so do not let it bother you. 

From the  Believe In Your Own Magic deck we have Homeward - Take yourself out on a date. This is card number 42 so, again, if you’re into numerology that may have extra meaning. But this card is reminding you to look after yourself. Treat yourself to something nice every now and again, take yourself out on a date, give yourself an evening to soak in a bubble bath or listen to your favourite album all the way through or whatever else you might do to look after your own emotional and mental wellbeing. 

And then there is your sigil for the year from the Making Magic deck. The Triple Moon. Embracing all aspects of yourself - the divine and the earthly. This symbol is also known as the Triple Goddess symbol as each of the moons represents a different aspect of divine feminine power - the maiden, the mother and the crone. It’s a popular symbol is Wicca and you’ll find it on numerous items used in witchcraft.

Last but not least we have some charms. 

In Jan we have the dice with the drama masks which are symbols from Ancient Greece for comedy and tragedy. It might indicate that this will be a time of heightened emotions. 

On Feb we have the word Freedom as well as the number 4 and the mushroom. Freedom may indicate that you’ll be free of something this month. That may be thing that the 9 of wands card is referring too. The number 4 may be of particular significance this month or may be a lucky number of sorts. The mushroom could be a warning of potential danger. A lot of mushrooms are poisonous so seeing this charm it may indicate  that something you’re considering is dangerous or that you’re approaching something in the wrong way. 

Over Mar we have the lightbulb. The coil inside the bulb spells the word love so it may be that the Devil really is referring to sex (though of course you don’t have to have one to have the other). It could also just be indicating that this will be a period of bright ideas for you. 

Over Apr we have the badge with the camera. This could represent your ability to decide how a moment or time in your life will be remembered. Your perspective of a situation will change how you remember that time when you look back months or years later. It may also indicate a need to slow down and appreciate the things around you or to document something in photographic or video form. 

Over May we have the cotton spool. This could indicate a desire for things to be neat and orderly this month. The spool could also indicate a complication popping up, perhaps related to the choice indicated in the 7 of cups. 

Over Jun we have the word Treasure. This could mean that during this month you’ll form a connection that you come to treasure or find an object you consider treasure. It may also be related to the treasure that appears on the 7 of cups card, perhaps indicating that you make the right choice or that during June you’ll make a start on turning your dreams to reality. 

Next we have the hello kitty charm which lies between jul and aug. To me this is a sign of childhood, nostalgia. Perhaps you’ll interact with a child/children during this part of the year or perhaps it’ll just be a time when you revisit some old favourites. 

The over Aug we have the question mark which indicates some confusion, and the “hello” badge which is a sign of an incoming message. It may be related to an old friend wanting to reconnect or someone delivering good news. The scissors also appear here. They represent cutting something unwanted out of your life. 

Then over Sep we have the words “to” and “true”. It may be that a truth reveals itself this month which could lead to the conflict indicated in the card. 

Between Sep and Oct we have the book. This charm represents knowledge and learning. Perhaps you’ll seek out information about a particular situation or, if you’re studying, now may be a particularly fruitful time.

Over Oct we have the Dolphin, a symbol of fun and frivolity as well as social situations. This is doubled with the Fun Token from an arcade. It may be that a fun social situation will happen this month - a party or other event. Or it could be that you’ll be able to find a lot of enjoyment in this month as part of your reflections or self care. 

In Nov we have a dice with a sleeping symbol (a face, eyes closed, with Zs floating up from him). With the 8 of Wands it’s likely that this month will leave you tired or exhausted. 

And finally the word Think. This charm fell sort of between Nov and Dec so you may find that as the busy Nov comes to an end you’ll have more time to think and consider what’s happening. 

[allgirlsareprincesses]

Why I need Reylo to happen and Ben Solo to live in TROS:

I have two stories to tell that will hopefully explain why I’m not neutral about the ending of The Rise of Skywalker. I mean, I’d love to temper my expectations and say that I’ll be happy no matter how it ends, but that’s not true because this story has become intensely personal for me.

Most Reylos and even many members of the general audience agree that the Sequel Trilogy is being told from a feminine perspective. Maybe you hate it and can’t stop whinging about Kathleen Kennedy’s “man-hating agenda” *eyeroll* or maybe your reaction is more F*CKING FINALLY, but either way, the centering of a female protagonist and the fact that Leia is the only surviving member of the OT trio going into TROS clearly demonstrate that it is their hopes and dreams that are driving the story. We have to ask ourselves, what does Rey want, and will she get it? What does Leia want, and will she get it?

**Major trigger warnings for abandonment, loss of parents, terminal illness, suicide mention, and loss of child. Please take care of yourself and skip this post if need be.**

Rey, we know, is an abandoned child. Left alone on a barren planet to pick through the bones of the fallen Empire, she had to fend for herself when she was at her most vulnerable, with no one to comfort her and only the delusional belief that her family would return for her to keep her going despite the intense loneliness. She did find friends in BB-8, Finn, and Han, but Han was quickly snatched away and she left poor Finn in a coma to go find Luke Skywalker. Her story was clearly unfinished by the end of The Force Awakens, her loneliness unassuaged and her growth merely beginning. If friendship were truly all she needed to be whole, then her story would have been over then.

I have a friend, whom let’s call E, an only child whose mother died of cancer when she was a teenager. Now that she is in her 30s, E’s father just passed away as well. She now finds herself orphaned, except everyone treats her like it’s not as big a deal because she’s an adult. But she has no partner, no children, no siblings, not even a roommate, and even her cat has recently passed away. The remaining family she does have is distant and seems mostly to judge her or to want her to conform to their idea of who she should be, how she should grieve, etc. E does have a few good friends, but they are all married and/or have children and this is a constant and painful reminder to E that she does NOT have a family like this. She suffers daily, furious that people act like she should be content with just friends. She tries to explain over and over that there is nothing that compares to a partner, someone with whom she could share the deepest physical and spiritual intimacy, who would choose her and be devoted to her, and into whom she could pour all of the love she has to give. She tries further to explain that even if she puts her friends first, they can’t put HER first because she is not their spouse nor their children; there is no one on earth for whom SHE comes first. E is on medication for depression and anxiety, and has had to back out of her friends’ weddings when they triggered a panic attack. As her friend, I feel powerless to help her in her bottomless loneliness, because I know I can’t give her the one thing she needs, which is the companionship of a romantic partner.

This is Rey. Scarred by the loss of her family and a lifetime without intimate companionship, she cannot be healed by friendship alone when those friends will still inevitably have families who come first. She can’t find intimacy with people who don’t relate to her infinite loneliness and feelings of worthlessness. She shouldn’t HAVE to hold parts of herself back, to give her heart but not her body, or her powers but not her soul. Rey, as the hero of the story, deserves to have what she wants most, and what she wants is a family. As an orphaned adult, the only way she will have a family is to find a soulmate, someone who will be bound to her in every way, who can give her children and hope for the future. Not every woman wants this, but many do and Rey certainly does. Rey’s journey constantly centers around LIFE and CONNECTION: she is overwhelmed by the verdant green of Takodana, and surrounded always by life-giving, feminine water. She has connections to every person she meets, but especially to Ben Solo, whom she can touch even across space and time, PHYSICALLY touch because that has meaning, more than simply seeing one another. As a character, Rey is written to experience the fullness of life with an intimate romantic partner, and there is only one person in the story who is her equal. Reylo has to happen for Rey’s journey to reach a satisfying conclusion, and for Star Wars to remain true to its message of hope.

Then there is Leia. Throughout the entire saga, she is the symbol of hope. When Padme lies dying, her children become her hope for the future. Years later, Leia carries the hope of the Rebellion as she escapes Scarif with the Death Star plans. She brings hope to her brother Luke. Her hope helps her rescue Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt, and then again help the Rebellion to victory on Endor. Her hope helps build the new Republic, found the Resistance, search for Luke, beg Han to reach their son, and continue leading the Resistance even when they are beaten and dwindling.

And through it all, Leia has suffered loss after loss.... after loss. Her parents, childhood friends, home, everything and everyone she ever knew or loved.... were snuffed out in an instant when Alderaan was destroyed. That’s honestly a loss on a scale that is unimaginable. It’s like being made an orphan a thousand times over, because everything that might have been a happy memory is gone. She suffered repeated losses throughout the Galactic Civil War, and saw many soldiers go to their deaths. Her son was lost to the Dark Side, her brother abandoned her, her husband left, and then her son killed her husband. Next, she lost more loyal soldiers, and when Luke suddenly returned, he passed away, too. Given all of that, what does Leia still want? What COULD she still want?

For years, I have followed a blogger on social media. Let’s call her L. Like E, her life has been marked by loss: she never knew her father, had an absent and abusive mother, became pregnant at a young age by a man who did not stay with her, and so was a single teenaged mother of a baby boy by the time she was seventeen. L experienced failed romances, had more children, stepchildren, and grandchildren, and experienced several of those children pulling away from her. Finally, her beloved aunt and uncle, who had cared for her throughout her difficult childhood and were more like parents to her, passed away within the same year. Only a few months later, her eldest son, now a young man, committed suicide at home.

Many people choose to grieve privately. L did not, and her pain.... there really aren’t words. I felt that I could not turn away, that I had to witness what she shared and know, even a little bit, the depths of human suffering. I have a young son, and as I watched L share pictures of her little boy around a similar age.... I could only think that none of us is immune from such loss. At any moment, our children could be snatched away in the cruelest of ways, and what would we not do to bring them back? Worse, if possible, for L was acknowledging the historic family cycles of trauma that had contributed to her son’s despair. She found herself asking if she shared any responsibility for his death, and wondering if she had failed him as a mother. She knew on a conscious level that his choices were his own, but still the doubt and guilt gnawed at her. Agony upon agony, sorrow upon sorrow, a horrible unending night.

L is very religious. Understandably, she had a crisis of faith after her son’s death, not least because she did not know if his suicide meant they would be separated even in eternity. She studied, prayed, and consulted with spiritual advisors for years, and eventually concluded that his soul is not in her hands, and so all she can do is hope. She will pray and hope that he is waiting for her in heaven, and live her life in such a way that she will be reunited with him after death. L still has doubts and moments of deep darkness, especially as she sees the painful ripples from her son’s loss spread into her marriage, her children’s lives, her grandchildren’s lives. But she survives with hope for reunion, and I believe in a benevolent God who will give her her heart’s desire.

Star Wars MUST give Princess Leia Organa, its avatar of hope, the one remaining wish of her heart. When everything and everyone else in the galaxy whom she has loved has been taken from her, she MUST have this one thing. Her hope for her beloved son Ben must not be in vain. The Force has to reward Leia with everything she desires for Ben: his return to the Light, his return to life, the joy and love which every mother wishes for her child. For all that the Skywalker family has suffered in their long darkness, their last son must live the full life they have all been denied. And Leia - Daughter, Princess, Leader, Lover, Mother - must have the ultimate victory. Nothing else will satisfy.

I know this all sounds very melodramatic but I don’t give a damn. E and L deserve the fantasy wish fulfillment that may not be granted them in this life. Star Wars, at its best, can do this, and that’s why I love it.

[tarotmundomonde]

6 months love readings, October 2020-March 2021 for all signs.

For the sign of Capricorn, what looks like will become very important for you over the next six months is to find a person you can call home. You are looking for a connection that is real, for an emotional connection. It's important for you that they are like family and so it's important that your person would get along with everyone. At the same time you'll be focusing on what makes you personally happy and what is happiness in your opinion. The cards are showing that the truer you are to yourself and to your heart, listening to your inner guidance, you'll find your way to where you want to be. So the world is open, everything is possible. Whatever you are looking for can be found. But first from within you. So whether you are in a relationship or single, you'll be going through some kind of evaluation or re-evaluation, thinking about what means what to you. Like you'll be very honest with yourself and your choices in love will become very clear to you.

For the sign of Aquarius it looks very positive. For couples, maybe you'll want to try out a new hobby or maybe you want to start a youtube channel together or blog or something. It looks like social media is playing a big part for you. If you don't live together, then probably lots of texting, calls, etc. Lots of fun times, it looks like you have the same humour. But yes, you'll feel lucky, you'll feel blessed, things are going great. You'll feel like all is as should be. And yeah, if you don't live together, it looks like there will be perhaps talks about moving in together or something like that. Overall, it's like everything seems very natural and is natural, you feel like you are at home and like family, best friends. If you are single or just entered a relationship, this person can be a long-time friend. And then it's like gradually one thing is leading to another and you realize that hey, this could be your person. But yeah, there is a sense like you would somehow know them already, who this person is. Unless you'd meet them like through a friend, through someone else you already know well. Maybe you are someone's fan. Who knows. But the cards do point out more to like knowing someone. And yes, same, good times, social media, communication, etc. Getting more comfortable with and around each other. Same humour. There is a sense of fun and feeling comfortable, like everything is natural and you just feel like you can be you, express yourself, etc. Whether you'd enter a relationship or not, you seem to be spending time, hanging out with someone. Overall, it looks like a more social phase in your love life has begun or at least is going on. Singles and couples, both.

For the sign of Pisces, it looks overall great. For couples, you have some dreams, some things you want and you'll together be working on those goals, planning, etc. Even if you'd need first to convince them, you'll succeed to have your partner on board. So there seems to be this sense of having what you want. And romance, love, passion won't be missing from between you two for the next six months. For singles, looks like you have some options, like you can have exactly who you want. And perhaps if people chase after you in love or compete over you, it looks like you'll like it, like it makes you feel special. But definitely there will be some love confessions, romance, strong attractions, passion. With such a reading it's quite safe to say that something will happen, that someone is showing up or will romantically make a move on you and you look like you know exactly what you want and have the attitude of that you get what you want and you'll probably feel very sexy yourself, you'll be like consciously using your power of attraction, your charms. Something like that is what the cards are telling.

For the sign of Aries, If you are single, it looks like there is the most potential for new love to enter your life in October and January. It looks like more than going through the cards for each month, there is a clear message coming through for you. It looks like there is a huge need for you to clear your energy. The thing is, for you in love it's going to be a 50/50 chance of what could happen. So it looks like you do want love, you have plenty of it to share and you do want to receive love as well. But are you perhaps saving yourself somehow? Whether you are single or not. For example if you are in a relationship, the cards could be telling you to share your feelings with your partner in order to avoid unnecessary drama from happening. Maybe you are keeping your feelings all to yourself and your partner is misunderstanding you and growing more jealous and that could cause unnecessary baggage and heavy energies to your connection. If instead you would make your feelings known and show more of that love to them, you could overturn this situation and things could get much better over the next six months between you two. If you are single, then maybe you'll attract an ex back into your life or some kind of fling. And whether it's one or more, it's apparently adding more baggage into your life. So let's say it this way: you want love, but you are somehow saving it. Maybe because you already have someone in your mind? Or just overall doing so. And then you meet someone but you don't want to have feelings involved and so you have some fun and then you realize that it's causing you doubts and worries, stress, etc and in that way you have attracted heavier energies to you. Something like that. Maybe you say you don't want to have feelings involved and yet somehow you have them involved or something. But the cards are showing that you can change this. You can instead attract a healthy new beginning in your love life. One where you don't have those doubts and worries and where you don't have to carry heavier energies on you. But it seems to be so that there is a need for you to clear your energy and maybe your heart chakra and to tune in more to your intuition. Then you can manifest and attract something exciting and a healthy new beginning. Perhaps healthier ways in your love relationships, perhaps healthier attractions in love.

For the sign of Taurus, the next 6 months are looking great for love. For couples, this is a really good time in your love life. There is not much to say. Much is going on, but all looks so great that I don't feel the need to go into details. It just looks like you have all you've ever wanted. If you just started dating or are about to start dating someone, it looks very promising. It looks like within the next 6 months you'll already introduce your person to your family and friends, so it looks pretty serious. And you are definitely building this relationship further. If instead you have someone in your mind, you'll most likely find out if they are interested in December or January, because after that it would be more like being a couple. So if nothing happens by then, then you know. Because this person is coming through as someone with courage and self-confidence, so if they like someone, they'll make it clear. If nothing happens, then they are not interested. And for those completely single, every month looks like a potential month for new love to enter your life, but December and January are very strong when it comes to someone showing up or making a move. So, don't worry, you'll most likely meet someone, maybe through a mutual acquaintance or hobby or maybe school, etc, because it looks like they'll be around and that you'll start to get to know each other better. If however no one shows up, you'll still be happy. It looks like the next six months all is going great for you in all areas of your life, so you'll be doing great and will be happy anyway. Good times.

For the sign of Gemini, if you are single, it looks like there is the most potential for new love to enter your life in October, November, February and March. For couples, it looks like you are going through something personally but it's not affecting your relationship. Instead, it looks like you have a very loving partner and they come through as someone, who understands you, who understands what you are going through and how you feel. So they are very supportive and there for you. So you can focus on your personal healing journey. If you are single, whether there is someone around you already or not, February looks like the main month, when someone would confess their feelings to you. If there is someone already on your mind or if you are in early stages of a new relationship, maybe you'll deal with jealousy and doubts and anger. So let's say that for example you start seeing someone. And you want them to change their relationship status to taken on fb. And they are not doing it, they are keeping it as single. And on top of that their exes are still around and there could be someone who is hitting on your person. So maybe you'll have your doubts. And your person will tell you that it's just too early, they want first to be sure. Maybe you are different, maybe for you dating is right away a sure thing and so even if you would understand them, you still struggle to understand, if you know what I mean. So it could be something like that. Now if you are single and no one shows up, you are nonetheless going through a strong period of deep healing. You will overcome your fears, your negative thinking, your doubts, your anger, aggression, etc. If it is what you are going through right now. But you are personally healing and making your way back to faith. So, if for whatever reason you maybe lost your faith that you could find a good match, etc, through healing everything changes. You'll become more positive and optimistic, you'll understand the meaning and purpose of what you are going through and eventually you will attract someone good for you. That is what the cards are showing.

For the sign of Cancer, if you are single, October, November and February look especially good for new love. For couples, it looks pretty good in general. Minor highs and lows. So basically it looks like maybe at first you are more excited, there is more fun, more spark and romance, you give each other more attention, more communication, maybe more lovey dovey messages and pictures on social media, etc. And then suddenly maybe you are busy or something and so there is less time for you two to meet and less time to spend time together or you are tired, etc. So then you can feel like there is a period of boredom in your love life and then it picks up again. Again more romance, messages, etc. And then again some obstacles. So back and forth. But nothing major, it seems to be more about time and energy. Like let's say if you have to do a lot of overworking, of course you'll be tired and have less time and so on. For singles, it's quite the same. So for some it's with one person, the same as what mentioned above. For others, if things don't work out, you'll possibly meet someone else. Like you could have more than one new crush coming in. If you are completely single and don't really have anyone in mind, for sure you'll have phases, when you are in a romantic mood and you'll be more actively looking for love and expressing your desire for love. So like you'll be more active on social media, post more pictures, maybe like someone's pictures, etc. Like you'll be more active. And then maybe if nothing happens or if nothing goes the way you wanted, then maybe you'll get bored, lose interest for a moment and then again you'll be in the mood for romance, and again something will happen and so on. But generally it does look like there will really be someone you'll have a real crush on but just maybe there will be some delays or obstacles. What's coming through is that you don't want just some fun and flirting but you want real romantic feelings and well, all sort of things can happen and things don't always go as you'd like them to. Something like that.

For the sign of Leo, it looks like for couples the relationship is going steady and there seem to be more a focus on your own independence and own goals in life. So you'll be more focused on yourself during the next six months. If you are single and getting to know someone or about to start dating someone, it looks steady. Maybe you are telling someone what you think and it could change things ups quickly and lead to dating. Generally, if you are single, it wouldn't be surprising, if you have more than one option coming in in love. And whoever you get to know, seems like you'll like this person and feel like the person could be love partner material. And even if no one would show up, you are doing great. It looks like you have much going on for yourself anyway, a time of success and you are definitely walking your talk. You come through as very independent and as someone going after their dreams, like you'll make things happen, be active in your hobbies, doing great with your studies or at work, etc.

For the sign of Virgo, overall it looks like self-love and self-worth will take a priority for the next six months. So you'll come to understand how important is loving yourself, knowing your worth, knowing and feeling that you deserve love and to be loved. A huge period of healing and heightened intuition. Dreams could be important, too. For couples, there is a chance for pregnancy and parenthood. Also, maybe a new home? Or some kind of a bigger purchase. Lots of changes and things will happen and you'll feel very loved. You could be both busy, too, but the love between you two is going strong. You'll be a lot on each other's thoughts. Those messages mainly are coming through. For singles, anything could happen. But for sure changes. Maybe there is something that you've wanted and it will somehow be granted or come to happen, but then it's leading things to change towards an unexpected direction? Because even if you'd stay or be single for the next six months, you'll be healing. And you'll be busy. But there is possibly someone who has hidden feelings for you. Somehow it really looks like you focus on you. For others, maybe someone approaches you with a present or presents. Like with small gestures they'd try to hint you that they like you and then somehow things will move forward between you two. Or maybe you'll start to have feelings for someone you didn't have feelings for at first. But yeah, there is love but maybe it will take time for things to develope into a relationship? But you are in each other's thoughts, you have deep feelings for each other.

For the sign of Libra, it looks overall great for you. Maybe some of you will get married or just step a level up in your commitment, if you are coupled. It looks like you'll be living through a "honeymoon" period with your partner. You'll feel truly blessed in love and like you couldn't be any luckier than you already are. For others, you could be experiencing something big, like maybe you are done with a phase or you'll move to a new place or something. But generally speaking, you'll be finding peace and you'll be ready for new love. And it does look very highly likely that someone is coming in /  coming your way. Nonetheless, it looks very promising and your reading is filled with romantic vibes, so it is really likely that ,even if you'd be completely single and know no one right now, it still looks like there will be romance in your life. Also for libra, there is a high possibility for internet communication, social media or online dating, too.

For the sign of Scorpio, you'll be paying more attention to your surroundings and to what you have. Appreciation and gratefulness are the main keypoints for you for the next 6 months. Possible dissatisfaction. It's like you have a lot but it's not enough, you want more. Maybe you want more out of your partner. You'll try to figure out what it is that you feel like is missing. For couples, probably your person isn't "missing" anything but it's different, whether they want the same as you do. Or that though they could give you what you want, do they want to? Big decisions will be made in your relationship. It's also possible that whatever it is you want, it simply isn't the right time for it. It's quite the same for singles as well. So you feel like something is missing, you want more. You'll be seeking for answers. Maybe you'll meet someone new and you'll definitely try to make it work. But February is coming through as a key month, when big choices are made and it's time to see are you on the same page and where you are heading, and so it's the same, maybe it's not the right time for something. For example maybe you meet someone and want to date them but for whatever reason they can't or are not ready or something and so it just might not be the right time with that person or in general.

For the sign of Sagittarius, it will be time for big choices. Maybe something will come out or a topic will be brought back on the table. And so there will be quite active discussions and choices to make. At some point you'll try to bring peace back in and balance things out, but sometimes there is a need for change, making changes. And so maybe you'll ask for someone's help or advice or maybe you know what's best to do by experience, but the main thing is how do you view your future with your partner, how do you want to move forward with them. Maybe you want to believe that going with the flow will solve everything and things would get better by themselves, but the cards are trying to tell you to try to see things from different perspectives, to be honest and to see where you want to go with this relationship, how you are hoping for things to go, etc. So if something happens, it's important that you are in the same boat and that together you move forward. If you are single, it's quite the same. Maybe it's time to recognize a pattern or maybe a situation will resurface or a person. And you need now to know where you stand. Because things won't change, unless you make a change. Like if you don't want to always repeat the same old, same old situations, to have a healthier situation happen, you might need to make a change. So remember, things happen to give you a chance to learn from them and become wiser. And things can get much better.

[weeweewuxian]

LWJ is perhaps one of the few characters I respect so immensely to the extent of him being worthy enough to be called a ‘role-model’. His ‘perfect’ character is actually built up with a lot of exterior influences that are not at first obvious to the eye. Those between WWX and him are perhaps the most obvious, as we see how WWX opens LWJ’s eyes to an entirely different world that is not so dull and deadpan as he thought at first. 

At the very beginning, we see LWJ as a ‘perfect’ student. But that’s not entirely true---he is only ‘perfect’ because LQR says he is. But if you think more deeply, at first he is the exact one-dimensional character we all initially thought he was: good in everything he does, obeyed the rules, skilled in cultivation and his sect’s techniques, etc. He is perfect BUT only in LQR’s eyes, but LWJ isn’t really living a life of his own, he is just doing whatever he was told, meeting up to people’s expectations. He’s the very ‘ideal child’ a traditional Asian parent would want, which is wrong. You live for yourself, not for others. But young Lan Wangji did not know that at first, he’s bred to believe that he should live for his sect and his uncle’s expectation (to be ‘different’ from his father). 

Remember the phrase ‘someone has to be the first to do it’. That WWX said at first? In the donghua, it carried on to LWJ who repeated it in front of one of his elders (where LQR miraculously supports him bc its LWJ despite being something that was originally from WWX). But there is a possible follow-up to this:

As the cultivation world gradually gets ruled by greed and power, MianMian was the first to stand up for herself and leaves her sect due to her disagreeing with her sect’s moral principles.

Shortly before LWJ saw her example and follows her without a word:

This really brings about the meaning that ‘someone must be the first to do it’, and then other people of similar interests would follow. It is sufficient to say that LWJ is really uncertain of the path he wanted to choose---he is not always a know-all, and as he grows up he gradually begins to doubt his role and the part he plays in this world. He wants to make a difference, and for that, he has to have power, authority, and influence, but this was not the kind of scenery he expects. It is a given he wants to stay out from a place as toxic as this, but he lacks the little bit of confidence to do so (because all his life he’s stuck to either his brother or uncle, to defy the cultivational world would mean putting him on the other side of those two), but MianMian was the one who gave him this bit of confidence that he needed. 

This was the first instance of LWJ standing up for himself before he continuously does so in future and continues to defy the common ‘righteous’ standards if he thinks it’s impossible to comply with. This might not be obvious in the novel as we are seeing everything from WWX’s side, and it’s impossible for WWX to see what change took place in LWJ in those 13 years. But still, several hints were given out: JC sardonically saying that LWJ does not appear in meetings before WWX’s return. Which is strange, as the last time we saw a grand meeting took place through WWX’s eyes---the one where MianMian walked out---LWJ was present. it was as though ever since that time he walked out, he never came back until 13-15 years later.

In this part, it shows that he is also not naive. Because while WWX stands out, called the people out on their behaviour, is admirable, it’s not doing anyone any favour---they get angry, no one listens to WWX. These are all things LWJ have seen too. This is because this sort of ‘standard’ has already been so interwoven into society no one really sees it being anything wrong, and those who want too are too afraid to stand on a side that nobody is apparently supporting. It’s difficult to expect the world to change just because one person decides suddenly that what they’re doing are wrong. That’s why LWJ never interfered, even though he silently disapproves.

 So LWJ finally decides, or realized, that he did not want that sort of authority or power or association if it means becoming like them. He’s decided that he would try to make a difference on his own, individually, instead of depending on others.

Additionally, in the donghua, it’s sort of shown that LWJ’s thinking had been diverging from his sect’s ever since he was 17 years old.

It’s not actually strange for Gusu Lan to be the one to send help to Yunmeng Jiang when they’re under attack. WWX gave us that bit of information that Yunmeng and Gusu were the closest to each other, only by 1-2 days away (If I remember correctly). So LWJ was simply sending help to his neighbours, and it might not necessarily be 100% for WWX, which LWJ thought was the right thing to do, only to be reprimanded by an elder of his sect (to which thankfully our cranky uncle LQR came to save his favourite), that he was ‘saving others but dooming themselves’.

And another part I think which is linked to this is the thing LWJ is famous for: “He goes where the choas is”. When he started going out on soditary quests to help with supernatural issues on ghosts and demons where big sects refused to help and small sects too powerless to help. He carries on this phrase of “someone must be the first”, and since LWJ always preferred to show his intentions through his actions, he begins this habit of his, in hopes that he could make a difference and that people would start following him just like how he followed MianMian.

And just who picked up on his habit...

MianMian who is now revealed to be Luo QingYang!

LWJ is what I would call a character I respect because he is ‘not pure’ as he’s seen death, suffering, and all sorts of disgusting sides of humans, but despite being a part of those he still remains pure and pristine in a sense. He’s had his family murdered, his body broken, his heart broken, and lost loved one throughout the series. Yet, at the end of it all, even when he’s lost faith in his sect, he still stuck with them. Even when he’s lost faith in cultivators, he stays away but still remained as part of that community hoping to make a difference. Even when he’s lost trust in society, he still does community service and helping people who might never have the chance to repay him, meaning he gains no benefit from it. At the end of it, despite having gone through things that make him ‘unpure’, he is still ‘pure’ in a way, seeing how he only beat up those 33 elders enough to make them leave him and WWX alone. He did not kill them. He could have gone to the Burial Mounds that live with WWX and die together (a foolish choice) but he did not, because his loyalty and place still belong in his sect, no matter how little faith he has in them now. 

LWJ never stoop to as low as the other people who surround him, eliminating and killing whoever they think is a threat to them. He did not break and he did not waver. It is exactly how much he loathes their behaviour that the idea of being the same as makes him tries his best NOT to become the same kind of people he hates.

LWJ is more than a ‘jealous obsessive husband’ and a sex maniac. His character is not ‘flat’, considering he grows with each stage of his life, even though gradually.

P.S.: LWJ is probably only jealous of WN bc he personally heard WWX played Wangxian.mp3 for him. Which is a song LWJ made exclusively for WWX. I guess anyONE would be mad. Just imagine yourself giving your friend a gift you throw all your heart and soul in, only to find they had given it to someone else.

So I used an incredibly lengthy post to prove one point AJDASDASD, which is kind of embarrassing. But my point is: there are frankly a lot of points scattered across the novels that LWJ’s current personality is built by people around him---he observes, learns, and carries them on in himself, which eventually shapes him into Hanguang-Jun. 

[tutoroot]

How can a Weak or Below Average Student Crack IIT JEE?

Every individual has a different caliber; it is important to realize this before considering yourself a weak or below-average student. It is also vital to understand that being good at academics does not imply that you will be the most successful person in life. Perseverance and utmost faith in oneself is all that you need to reach great heights!

What are the steps involved to Crack IIT/JEE

· The first step to crack online courses for IIT JEE is to disable the label of being “below average.” This would limit your potential and capability of preparing and giving the exam well—even college drop-outs.

· If you feel underconfident with the syllabus covered on the IIT JEE, prepare yourself mentally and physically to dedicate undue time and attention to those subjects/topics. Considering yourself to be a weak student and taking on a challenging entrance exam can be more intimidating than called for.

5 Key metrics to follow for every Student

Here are a few things you can do for your IIT JEE preparation if you feel like you lack the potential,

· The very first step involves going back to basics. This means that you should focus on improving the foundation of that topic for every concept you feel hard to understand. This may require additional external help, which you should feel free to take to achieve your full potential.

· Try to make your preparation fun and inquisitive about avoiding monotony, leading to procrastination. Start with subjects you incline towards, following which you can pick topics you are already slightly familiar with within your choice of subjects. This should help boost your confidence.

· Set small and achievable targets throughout your preparation journey. The target or goal could be as small as waking up early so that you can devote a greater part of your day to studying and revising. Or it can also be a long-term goal like finishing the entire syllabus for Physics within 6-7 months. This can help you fall into a healthy routine, enhancing discipline and consistency, which can eventually lead to a positive outcome.

· As someone who finds themselves weak in certain areas, it would help improve your attention span through meditation, exercise, or even behavioral therapy (extreme cases). If you feel concepts are harder to grasp through self-study, you can join an online interactive tutoring course; wherein, experienced faculty can help guide you and clear your doubts as and when it arises. This should help break down complex topics for you.

· Many times, students tend to pay more attention to preparation in the beginning than towards the end. This should, however, not be the case. Ensure that you set a routine that is not monotonous so you can follow it diligently without having to feel overwhelmed. You can join study groups, watch videos online for a better understanding of topics, etc. If the student follow the above tips an average student crack iit in 3 months.

Apart from the above-mentioned points, try to talk to known people who have attempted the paper, get their inputs as it would be helpful coming from an IIT JEE test taker. By following above guidelines can a weak student crack iit. You can also go to a coaching class or do an online tutoring course for guidance and monitoring. This way, if there is any deviation in your preparation, you will correct it and align your prep with your target goals.

Get your best study plans for IIT-JEE exams by enrolling yourself in Tutoroot ed-tech courses. It is an ed-tech forum which provides all the courses of IIT-JEE online. Preparing for entrance exams has become very easy due to Tutoroot.

[worddonor]

Introspection

Me - "I just don't understand life."

The Wiser Me - "No, you do understand life - you just don't want to accept it for what it is.

You're in denial. That's all it is. You don't want to accept that after all the talks, motivational videos, self-help books and even after reading the Bible and going to church: nothing will change until you take action and work. And not just sporadic, half-assed action, but consistent, DILIGENT, persistent, disciplined action (in other words: HARD WORK) until you change and beyond that so that you remain changed. Even faith requires consistent effort, living from a place of belief in the promises of God, it all requires consistent work every single day."

Me - "There's no other way huh? How do I know that that action will work and result in change? That I won't just be wasting my time?"

The Wiser Me - "You don't. You don't know. No-one knows. What the rest of the world has figured out is how to accept these simple truths, adjust their behaviour and move on. You're wasting more time slipping back into denial every time you hit an obstacle than you would be doing the work. What makes you think you're so special that the principles of life don't apply to you? That God will reveal the secrets of the universe to you and by some miracle you'll be able to do things without effort? Without facing challenges? It's delusion to be put simply. You're entitled to nothing. Wake up oke. You're extremely blessed, spoilt rotten in a way that may not be blatantly obvious to everyone (it is to your sisters though as they are directly affected by the special treatment you get) and quite frankly just impossibly lucky. Spoilt is actually the perfect word because having had everything done for you, you're now in a position where you expect life to hand you everything on a platter. A life like that doesn't exist bru. Just look at the way you react when things don't go your way."

Me - "I know, I have a temper and I'm weak and boring in conversation and suck at most things in life etc. I know. I'm trying ok, I'm trying to put myself out there more. Trying to say a few more words to people when in their company, trying not to blow a gasket internally when behind the wheel, but it all seems futile. I just keep chasing people away and end up doing things in a mediocre fashion because I can't be bothered to go beyond what's convenient to me in that moment and beyond how I feel in that moment."

The Wiser Me - "Boo hoo bro. Boo bladdie hoo. That's probably one of the reasons it was a tad easier for your last girlfriend to leave you 9 years ago, it wasn't so much that you failed - it was probably that attitude of believing that it would never get better so you didn't bother trying.

Do you have to travel 3 hours just to get to work, work a full day in searing heat or bone-chilling cold, travel another 3 hours to get home to your small room with no electricity except for a paraffin lamp and an outside pit toilet? Do you? No? Even then, if you were in that situation - you could ask yourself: am I sleeping on the street? Do I have a job? Do I have food to eat at night and lunch in the afternoon? Life is simply too enormously wondrous for your small, stubborn brain to even fathom.

That's what it is. Stubbornness and pride. You won't accept life as it is. It's fine, you can go on like this for decades more as you have for decades up until now (excelling academically at school in earlier years without disciplined, consistent effort did more harm than good clearly) but what you had in mind about what's considered as sufficient effort cannot continue. You WILL fail as soon as required effort surpasses convenience and comfort, or the sparkle has faded on your interest.

You CAN go on like this (for now), nothing seems to be forcing you in any direction - even your frustration isn't consistently powerful enough to cause you to change your current circumstances. You're comfortable even in your sadness and misery, you've gotten used to being below par in your own strength (isn't below par good though? Shouldn't bad be above par technically if referring to golf? Anyway). Your parents haven't given you an ultimatum or kicked you out of their home yet or forced you to do anything, your friends have offered advice but they cannot force you to act neither can they look over your shoulder all hours of the day. (The people around you do ask questions and probe when they figure how long you've been at your current job and at basically the same level and try get you to send your CV out, but it's still the decisions YOU make that matter). Your circumstances are so cushy that you have time to throw pity parties. Many people are thrown into situations so stressful that survival is all that's on their minds and usually it's not even their survival, it's the survival of their children, their siblings or even their parents. It's insane to think about and yet still there are others who manage to push beyond that and prosper in their lives and still ensure their families and communities are lifted with them AND with smiles on their faces. Madness bru. My (your) uncle comes to mind when I think of community uplifting dedication - his flourishing has resulted in him bringing up not just himself and his immediate family, but his extended family and THEIR families. No-one can force you to do anything (unless they physically overpower you which God-forbid doesn't need to happen). Even God himself doesn't force you to do anything, it's all up to you.

So, will you put in all you can until? Or will you wait for life to force you into a corner and by then it'll be too late as you won't have time to think beyond survival anymore I can guarantee it. Procrastination won't be an option any longer, the consequences will be greater and definitely more immediate.

Act now bru, don't do it for anyone but the Lord and the people who He has gifted you to help. If you do it for yourself you know as it stands your standards are so low and your ambition even lower you'll give up before the finish line. Almost matters nothing. Your parents don't care what path you choose as long as you're happy and can support yourself in comfort eventually, your family and extended family doesn't care as long as you stay who you are and keep in touch (happiness too I guess, but it matters less when the contact isn't as often as direct family) the same goes for your friends, they don't care as long as you remain the person they made the decision to consider a friend. People tend to have expectations of you, but it's almost always just projection - wanting you to do what they couldn't or looking at the outside circumstances of your life (in general) and telling you what you could or should be doing.

The Lord Jesus is the only one you should be listening to. Work as if for the Lord and you will see multiplication, eternal consequences and eternal rewards. Work for him.

Me - "I don't know if I can do it, even for Him. I'm THAT lazy and despondent. I also don't believe it truly matters, also I don't really care about anyone but myself - I've tried practicing to be less self-focused, but it never lasts. What's the actual point Wiser Me, what's the point of pushing?"

The Wiser Me - "It's your duty to. The point is not yours to decide, it is God's. Your job is to do what He says and to constantly be in communication with Him through prayer and dedicated time reading scripture so you are always being given wisdom and direction as well as the strength to accomplish what is set before you. If the Lord reveals to you His specific purposes for you or not is up to Him. You must accept and live according to the commitment you made, He will take care of the rest."

Me - "So where does that leave me? Am I just supposed to wander down this seemingly fruitless and impossible path without a clue?"

The Wiser Me - "Yes, but if you consistently do what you committed yourself to do, it will not appear as fruitless and murky as it does right now. You need to abandon your doubts and fruitless thoughts. Trust in God and stick to the task at hand. I know it feels impossible and silly and futile to keep going, but your mind won't stop - I won't stop bugging you until you change and become who you were meant to for the benefit of those around you or we will die trying."

Me - "That's pretty intense man. I still feel like a loser though and don't care as I probably won't end up achieving much with my life anyway. I mean I already feel pretty much like a disappointment to my Dad especially - as making big money or working toward huge goals are not driving factors in my life currently. I'll ma wait to see what happens."

The Wiser Me - "Fine. Do that. Just remember that I will be nagging at you, chipping away at your resolve until it's too much to bear or I won't have to do a thing and the circumstances of your life will change so drastically that you will relent OR things will stay flatlined and mediocre and worst doesn't come to worst and life blows you around like a leaf in the breeze. Either which way, things around you will change - it's your choice if you're gonna step outside yourself to help others struggling even more than you are or if you'll remain selfish, lazy and afraid."

Me - "Fine. I guess we'll see - it's usually only fear that motivates me, funnily enough fear of embarrassment or rejection or hell sometimes or even just of feeling bad about myself as a result of certain actions I take that I hate when those are done to me. Your little motivational speech probably won't do anything.

What I have seen though is as I've grown in my relationship with the Lord, I've begun to see his love for me and the great things he does for me every single day. My motivation to act is growing and my actions too as I begin to understand Jesus' love for me. I've seen it at work, I've seen it in my personal life, but it's been so subtle. Jesus has always been with me in my most sad and hopeless moments and when I've drawn closer to him in those times I would always discover that I had never left his arms despite what my feelings told me. We hear the crucifixion story all the time, but I have never yet come to fully understand the immense sacrifice that was made for me and everyone else, if I truly understood it and let it sink into my soul there's no way I could live the way I am and have been living all these years up to now.

Perhaps I am changing, perhaps the Lord's plan is unfolding as it should. Staying the course does feel like the right thing to do. I agree with The Wiser Me, I don't how or why, but I've been surprised and comforted and supernaturally strengthened way too many times now to argue that that's not the right thing to do."

The Wiser Me - "Yes indeed, stay the course and consult with the Lord all the time, listen to the thoughts of others, but let your actions be dictated by what He says you must do. Trust and obey bru, there really is no other way - you will see the rainbow soon enough, and while you're waiting be grateful for everything you are and everything you have and even what you DON'T have right now. The Lord knows what He's doing. Stay the course, work as hard as is possible for you right now, forget comparing yourself to those around you, those infront of you and those behind you, all that matters is the road ahead. Love you man."

Me - "Love you too man."

[restorerjourney]

Week 5 of 7 in Mazatlán

July 31, 2021

This week started with hardships for me personally but ended with victories, deeper unity with Christ and our team, and freedom. When I create my weekly reels on instagram for this week I was surprised to realize that there were so many clips of us dancing with flags which represents freedom! Freedom is not just a feeling but a revelation of who we are and what God has given us the authority over. It’s a lot to take it in and I feel that I might understand it more in hindsight what God is making us go through as a team. 

To start off, like I said before the beginning of week was really rough. One of our team members decided to start a relationship with another team member at a different DTS and they both are here in Mazatlan. The rules were clear when we signed up for DTS that during DTS we shouldn’t start dating with another DTS student because we want this season to fully focus on God. It sounds harmless to date, but now as a team we could see the repercussions. Although the leaders were lenient during our lecture phase, during outreach phase they drew the line clear that they should put their relationship on pause only until after the outreach is over. This is because we are going as a team..we are in a foreign country..our purpose is to serve the nation that we are going to..etc etc. It’s obvious why, but that couple struggled and despite them thinking it was a private matter, it affected our team’s unity and trust. Long story short, God intervened in our team..in his heart..and in mine. The old Alicia would have been apathetic about how he felt and focused more on the boundaries that we crossed, but I felt the Lord change my heart during DTS. The Lord really guided me on how to approach my fellow team member who is like my little brother and learn to not judge him but to empathize with him. God showed me how to be with him in the hurting yet teach him the effects of the choices you make and how there will always be a cause and effect in life. It took so much out of me, but I am so glad God intervened the way he did and because we all do fear the Lord, were able to come back together as one. They decided to obey the Lord, to submit to the leaders and the rules, and surrender their relationship to God. It was a fight worth fighting for and I feel like I’m learning a glimpse of what parenting could actually look like LOL ( Dear Lord have mercy). 

Literally almost every day or every other day, one of our team member would be spiritually attacked. But I see each time that it happens, we would all gather, interceded, pray, declare God’s truth, repent, and be restored. It’s so exhausting but so beautiful. This time I got attacked mid-week when I was getting impatient of not getting my period and letting doubt enter my mind. I knew God told me that I was healed and to trust in His promises just like Abraham had to trust God when he was told to sacrifice Isaac. It made no sense why I was going through this...I was feeling “God why did you even let me go through that healing process? Wouldn’t it been better if I didn’t go through it?”. and that’s when I realized I had to repent of this old habit of mine that I allow myself to think that my ways are better than God’s. God told me I was healed, he told me it was my declaration of no longer agreeing to self-hatred that restored me, and to trust in His promises that I will be a mom one day. I just was getting so tired of waiting, not knowing, so I asked a sister from a different DTS to pray for me. When she prayed for me with another friend it was pretty weird. She was shaking and screaming and although she warned me about it before, I was kind of scared. During the entire time of praying I didn’t hear much from the Lord but just focused my eyes on him. She shared that she felt so much strongholds over me and that I need to repent of any ancestral sins. I prayed about it but God didn’t really highlight anytime for me. I then shared that experience with my parents and they were pissed haha. They were like “ who told you this? What are they teaching you”..and I realize then it was their involuntary parental bear instinct that was coming out of them because they didn’t agree with what she said at all. And then that’s when I realized, did I personally hear anything from God about it...and the answer was no, but I believed her. I started to question everything and everyone who prayed over me and that I believed without going before God and confirming it. 

I realized then that I was getting too comfortable of getting prophetic words and relying on someone’s physical voice speaking over me compared to the internal voice that I hear from God which requires faith. I had to repent and was reminded by God that I hear His voice best for me and that’s because of Jesus. That usually when people pray or have a prophetic word for me, it’s to confirm what was already told to me. Just because some random person comes up to you and speaks something true about your life and it sounds good, if you don’t hear this from the Lord yourself or if he doesn’t confirm it...it’s probably not from God. They say it like this, if you get a prophetic word, just put it on a shelf, don’t just directly receive it. I knew what God said to me the day I got healed a month ago and I am given a chance again to cling on to God’s timing.

Because the pandemic is still pretty bad here we are still limited to not be able to continue our alpha course or go to Stone Island, but we’ve been doing intercessory prayer. We also got to do bible distribution at a new neighborhood. The moment we got off the trucks, a lady who works at the store told us to come and gave us free cold water! It was so encouraging to see how God was using her to refresh us before we gave out bibles. During our time there, couple team members felt a dark presence over some of the homes and it happened to be those who refused to receive the bibles. I met a lady named Olga who had right knee pain and when we prayed for her, she felt better and was so thankful for what we were doing to her community. I met another man who looked sick when he came out and I asked, he said he had COVID. We always wear our masks and kept our distance but for a split second there was fear in my heart but I felt the Lord asking me to pray for him. We socially distanced ourselves and I prayed for healing, for protection for his family, and he was so encouraged. To be honest, we have been encountering more and more people with COVID and it really is by God’s grace that there has been no outbreaks in our team or at the baes. 

We did street evangelism too which was really cool that I want to tell you guys about. I’ve never done this before with any other mission’s team in my life but we had no agenda but just asked God as a team what he wanted us to do. We asked God where, who, and what we were going to do. Each team member would share what God spoke to them and it’s like a puzzle piece that we put together of what God is trying to lead us. We felt God has highlighted to focus on children this week. He showed us doing nails and braiding hair for the kids..he showed us doing a dance routine for them ( since they love BTS here)... he showed us giving candies...he showed us doing prophetic art with them.. and he showed us playing soccer with them. We prepared as much as we could and finally we asked God where and he led us to a park close to the base. We shared with each other that even if one kid showed up, that the one kid is worth it in Jesus’s eyes. We went and everyone we met ended up being children! I met a girl named Wendy and her sister who wanted to get their nails done. We sanitized our hands of course and wore masks as I did her nails. We got to know each other and I shared the gospel with her. She accepted Christ but it is perhaps because she was Catholic. I shared with her that being a Christian is not just about being good to be accepted, that despite us not being good, we are accepted. I believe she really felt the love of God. 

The last highlighted ministry for me was Racham’s ministry which in Hebrew, Racham means “mercy”. This Christian organization is under YWAM but is also funded by the government. They focus on children from the slums who were abandoned, sexually, physically, emotionally abused, and are in need of help. We are not allowed to post any pictures on social media because of the government and for outside volunteers, we can only visit them once a week for 2 hours. The leaders there asked if we could teach them about unity. There are currently 15 children there, almost 60% boys, 40% girls all under the age of mid teens. We created a skit for them based on 1 Corinthians 12: 14-22 and although it was hard work, they loved it. We did a drawing activity, painted their nails, provided sandwiches and juice, and played soccer with them. They shared in the end how thankful they are to us and one of them shared their testimony of how God has been working in his life. I could see God’s life in his eyes and all the children were so precious. What broke my heart as we were walking back to the base was what each child has gone through. All the girls were raped, and all the boys either sold drugs or were addicted to drugs. One of the boy was found homeless and alone for 2 weeks because his father abandoned him. It hurts my heart so much right now even typing this because when I played with them before knowing, I wouldn’t have ever guessed they went through hell at such a young age. They are so precious to Jesus...and as much as I am angry against the injustice towards them, God reminds me that those offenders will get judgement from Him. He reminds me that although those children are poor on earth, theirs is the kingdom of heaven and they have such a great inheritance. I feel so privileged to get to meet them and love on God’s children.

I can’t believe I’ve been living here for over a month and this is the longest I have been in outreach. I think I am getting used to the humidity? but there are times it kicks my butt and I’m sweating like I’m in a sauna. The food has been difficult too since Mexico doesn’t have that many healthy options and almost everything is too sweet or too salty. The food tastes good don’t get me wrong, but knowing my body, it hasn’t been adjusting well, but I’m managing as best as I can. Oh I almost forgot, we had an extra $3-4,000 donation given to us as a team so after prayer, we decided as a team to pour half of it to a church plant in Stone Island, and the other half for those who are in need of oxygen tanks at Calvary Chapel which is where the pastor who is church planting in Stone Island attends. Right now, Mazatlan is doing the worst out of all of Mexico and the hospitals are at full capacity so those who need oxygen are having to buy them or wait till there is room at the hospital. 

I also had some extra fundings sent by friends and after prayer I felt the Lord asking me to pour it all on 4 different missionaries here at the base. I’m so grateful that just as those who obeyed and financially supported me, I could do the same for someone else and bridge my friend to help those in need in Mazatlan. 

I’m also enjoying my experience in Mazatlan once a week by trying out different local restaurants, buying tourist souvenir’s for friends, and seeing the different parts of the city. We only have 2 more weekends after this so despite feeling tired and ready to go home at times, I want to look back and have no regrets that I could have done more. 

Prayer requests:

1) Grace and endurance to finish this race strong. That we would give it our all and still ask for greater things that God has in store for us to see in Mazatlan. I’m still asking God to not let me be comfortable and content for what He already has done but for even more!

2) Unity. We’ve been reading Hebrews and Psalm together as a team, and our unity held by Christ is what allows us to thrive and not just survive.

3) Health protection: We all have been feeling pretty fatigued.Yoonkyung has tendonitis on her right thumb and wrist, Esther has food poisoning, I have back, shoulder, and neck pain with no cycle still, and Sebin has back pain too. As we encounter more people with COVID during ministry, would we be protected and that we wouldn’t carry to the locals here.

Thank you amigos and amigas <3

Alicia

[pamphletstoinspire]

Contemplative Prayer Leading to Spiritual and Moral Conversion - Part 1

EDITOR’S NOTE:  

All internal references in this document are to the Credible Catholic Big Book (www.crediblecatholic.com). The majority of references are to Volume Twelve of that 20 volume series. The Credible Catholic Big Book is a free resource dedicated to explaining the rationale for the doctrines of the Catholic Church through evidence provided by contemporary science, social science, philosophy, exegesis, historiography, archaeology, and literature.

Introduction  

I am using “contemplative prayer” here in the most general sense – that is, any form of prayer open to direct connection with the Lord for enough time to establish intimacy. In my view, this would have to be for more than fifteen minutes continuously per day. By “intimacy” here, I mean personal familiarity, closeness, and caring, but not necessarily the tender or even romantic affections intrinsic to some forms of Christian mysticism.  

I cannot exaggerate the importance of personal contemplative prayer because it complements the public forms of prayer (i.e. the sacraments, liturgy, and penance services) by opening our hearts to the Lord in deep and close personal relationship. This relationship brings freedom, peace, and wisdom into our active lives which ultimately transforms us in virtue and holiness. There is a spiritual adage that expresses this explicitly: “A person can live for a while both praying and sinning, but eventually he will get rid of one of them.” This shows the power of personal prayer in our active lives, for it is radically opposed to sin (a turning away from God). If we assent to the power of close relationship with the Lord in prayer, then it will eventually lead us away from sin. However, if we assent to sin, it will eventually lead us away from close relationship with the Lord in prayer.  

We will address contemplative prayer in three sections:  

1. Getting Started on Personal Contemplative Prayer (Section I).

2. The Second Stage of Contemplative Prayer (Section II).

3. The Third Stage of Contemplative Prayer (Section III).  

I. Getting Started on Personal Contemplative Prayer  

I devote the majority of Volume 18 to this topic, and so I will be quite brief here. My purpose is to give a simple overview of how to get started in personal contemplative prayer, and will save the explanation and elaboration of this presentation for Volume 18. There are three major principles of the spiritual life that are essential to doing this. I will briefly discuss each in turn.  

I.A The First Principle of Contemplative Prayer -- Consistency  

First, consistency is the most important dimension of establishing a personal relationship with the Lord. In this respect it resembles all personal relationships. We need dedicated time and presence to others to get to know and appreciate them better. Normally, this brings us closer to them, and we begin to commit ourselves more fully to them. Eventually our commitment becomes strong enough to prioritize them in our lives, to care about their welfare, to care for them, and ultimately to sacrifice ourselves for them. The more time and presence we consistently bring to our relationships, the stronger our bond in friendship and love becomes. The same holds true for our relationship with God.  

One might object that our human friends are visible and affectively responsive, but the Lord is invisible and frequently silent, so there must be some difference between the dynamics of divine and human friendship. True enough, but make no mistake about it – the Lord’s presence, though invisible, can be quite palpable. As we acknowledge His presence and love to us and proceed to our contemplative prayers, we might feel relief from emptiness, loneliness, and alienation, or feel a subtle sense of peace that calms us and leads to trust. We might also have a subtle awareness of God’s sacredness and/or love. These are some indications that we are not alone, and that another profoundly transcendent interpersonal consciousness has drawn close to us in His compassion and peace. If we remain close to Him for the set time of our prayer, day after day, we can be sure that He will make His presence more profoundly felt, and above all, He will transform us through our relationship with Him.  

Now, take a few moments to consider what a good time might be for consistently committing yourself to a minimum of fifteen minutes of personal prayer every day. It is just as important to avoid making your prayer time too long as making it too short. Fifteen minutes is a great starting time for those who are beginning personal contemplative prayer, but avoid any time period that is too long to be sustained over the course of time. If you select an initial prayer time of say thirty minutes, and you suddenly find yourself bored, distracted, or sensing that it is unmanageable, then back away from this, and go to twenty minutes, and then test it. Consistency and manageability is far more important than the initial length of time given to prayer. Don’t worry – your prayer period will grow over the course of time (see below).  

If you are anything like me, there is no substitute for the morning – immediately after getting out of bed. Be sure to wake up early enough so that you will not feel rushed by the impending requirements of the day, and if possible leave a little extra time for your prayer to go longer than you might have thought. Slip away to a place where you have some privacy, and then stick to it every day. There may be some days when this will be difficult, because of early morning commitments – such as plane travel at early hours. If you do have to sacrifice this time for such occasions, provide some way of making up for it during the day. If we are to be contemplatives in action – the ideal of Christian life – we must protect the time to be with the Lord in prayer so that our activities won’t eclipse the contemplation that will bring us closer to Him in love and transformation.  

I.B The Second Principle of Contemplative Prayer: Freedom and Grace for Moral Conversion  

The second principle requires considerable nuance – the majority of the positive effects of prayer will occur after your contemplative time. Sometimes, people who initiate personal contemplative prayer expect to feel intimacy with the Lord almost immediately during their time of prayer. Though this certainly can and does occur, it frequently does not. Instead of feeling the Lord’s presence, we become more familiar with Him, at ease with Him, and more comfortable with His healing hand amidst our sin and imperfection.  

Sometimes when we begin the contemplative life we might have a sense of shame, guilt, or fear that makes us very uncomfortable – even ready to bolt – when we allow the Lord to draw close to us. Though shame, guilt, or fear might be appropriate from the vantage point of our actions or lifestyle, do not avoid being in personal relationship with the Lord. When He comes close, He means only to heal us and save us – to draw us away from our enemy, the evil one, who will use every suggestion of your unworthiness to incite shame so that you will want to avoid the One who can save you. Remember, it is not the Lord who is screaming, “You unworthy wretch – I’m disgusted with you.” This is the accuser – your enemy, the evil one.  

If you allow the Lord to draw close to you in your sin and imperfection, you will feel a sense of shame that will no doubt be uncomfortable, but this is not because the Lord is angry or disgusted with you, but only because He wants to heal you and rescue you from your enemy. Instead of avoiding the Lord or finding some way of distracting yourself from your prayers, make an act of trust, such as, “Lord Jesus, I place my trust in you,” or “Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am a sinful man/woman.” Repeat it again and again until the urge to flee or find a distraction lessens. When you can sense God’s benevolent, loving, and healing presence, consider what He is suggesting to you. Be sure of this – He will suggest something to you in a very non-judgmental way that is quite manageable. It may seem like a hurdle, but it will be a managemable one. This is the critical moment of free choice, if the suggestion truly is manageable, then ask the Lord for the grace to undertake it. Don’t worry – the Lord does not expect you to be perfect. He knows you will likely fall many times, but the important thing is to try to accommodate His suggestion. I assure you that if you stay faithful to your contemplative prayer, and try to accommodate the Lord’s suggestion, it will get easier and easier to the point where you will find yourself becoming freer and freer from the sinful proclivity that was undermining your relationship with Him.  

The reader might be thinking, “I have a hundred questions about that last paragraph.” I cannot answer all the questions now, but I must address one question whose answer must be correct if we are to advance in contemplative prayer and moral life -- what do I mean by “the Lord making a suggestion?” Will the Lord be as it were, standing outside of me saying, “Bob here is what I am suggesting to you”? Obviously not. Instead, the Lord is likely to incite a thinking process that culminates in a desirable course of action – “I would really like to be more patient or compassionate or generous or chaste, etc. in certain specific situations.” Notice that this is quite different from, “I should be more compassionate,” or “I better be more compassionate” which implies judgment by the Lord.  

The Lord is not interested in judging you, and then pushing you or forcing you to obey lest He bring down the hammer. Any such suggestion is from the evil one. Instead, the Lord wants you to see that some mode of conduct is leading you into darkness and endangering your soul – even to the point where you would actually choose the darkness over the light of love and even over the light of His heavenly Kingdom. He wants you to sense the danger posed by your enemy’s grip on your freedom, and after recognizing it, to call to Him (the Lord) for help to lead you out of the darkness. At this juncture you will desire to change your conduct precisely because it is so dangerous to your state of being and even your salvation. If you resolve to follow your desire to get out of the darkness, the Lord will give you the grace to keep that resolve going. Yes – you might fail many many times, but if you get up, ask for forgiveness, make an act of trust in the Lord, and continue to follow your resolve (all the while maintaining your daily practice of contemplative prayer), then I guarantee you will get better at what the Lord is suggesting to the point where you will be able to leave the darkness behind and enter more fully into His light.  

I recall my novice master, Fr. Gordon Moreland, telling this sage story about how the Lord feels as we begin the process of personal contemplative prayer, spiritual conversion, and moral conversion. As we begin, the evil one sweeps in immediately and plants the image of a really angry parent who discovers that we have habituated ourselves to some form of darkness and sin, and screams at us that we better get our act together right now or he will abandon us or even condemn us. In contrast to this, the Lord – through the Holy Spirit – presents the image of a parent who walks into a room and sees a snake lying in the bassinet next to us – His beloved, precious, and fragile child. Instead of being angry, judgmental, and condemnatory, the parent is terrified by the impending danger lying next to us, and has only one thought in mind – to remove the danger. This is precisely how the Lord of unconditional love feels – just like the father of the Prodigal Son – yet in the case of our moral lives, He must operate within the contours of our freedom. He can’t simply pick up the snake and get rid of it, He has to show us how dangerous the snake is so that we will want to avoid it, even though the snake has convinced us that he is quite harmless, and wants only to make us happy and fulfilled.  

Does the Lord always present such suggestions to us during our contemplative prayer? Sometimes, but by no means, always. Sometimes, the Lord will influence a dream in which an image or a narrative informs us of the mortal danger of a specific kind (or kinds) of conduct or attitude. When we awaken from that dream, we will likely remember it and be quite disturbed by it. Notice that we are disturbed not by the Lord’s anger or judgment, but by the impending danger and darkness into which we have entered into our conduct or attitude. When the Lord has made the point about the danger, it is incumbent upon us to recognize the gift we have been given (even though it is disturbing), and then to pray the prayer of St. Peter as he sank into the water while attempting to walk – “Lord, help me!” If we recognize the danger (instead of running from it) and ask the Lord for help to overcome a destructive form of conduct, He will help us by gradually leading us to little improvements in our attitude or conduct. If we really follow through on these small steps, away from the sin and danger, your desire for that sin becomes tempered – and eventually you will lose interest in what had formerly fascinated you, and even transfixed you. Again, it may take many attempts and subsequent failures, but eventually the desire for the sin will lessen to the point where it is no longer desirable.    

When I began this discussion above, I mentioned that the majority of the positive effects of prayer occur outside of prayer. The above discussion shows how the Lord accomplishes this. So long as we remain faithful to our daily contemplative prayer and follow through on the suggestions from the Lord that come to us during prayer, in our dreams, when we are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning, or by the voices of other people, we can be sure that our desire for the darkness (of sin) will gradually subside, while our desire for the light will intensify. When this occurs, our love for the Lord will also intensify, and we will want to draw near Him in contemplative prayer for additional time, which in turn will motivate us to separate ourselves from the darkness even more – and the cycle will continue. Contemplation leads to reform within our active lives while reform of our active lives leads to deeper contemplation and love of the Lord. We might conclude this discussion by reiterating three points. First, the above life of grace and sanctity begins with fidelity to contemplative prayer every day – even if it is for only fifteen minutes. Secondly, we should expect that the majority of the fruit of prayer will occur outside of prayer. Finally, as we begin the contemplative life, contending with feelings of shame, guilt, or fear, we must trust that the Lord’s sole intention is to love and heal us, and then to make acts of trust in Him so that we can remain faithful to our contemplative prayer (instead of fleeing or finding a distraction). We must then be alert to the suggestions the Lord will make through our contemplative prayer, our dreams, our feelings of cosmic emptiness, loneliness, and alienation, and through the voices of others. When we sense the impending danger and darkness of our conduct or attitudes, we will want to respond with the plea, “Lord, help me!” And the Lord will infuse His grace into our desire to flee the danger of our sin. We will ultimately succeed, because the Lord’s grace will not be insufficient to flee from the darkness.              

I.C The Third Principle of Contemplative Prayer – Selecting Times and Prayers  

The third principle of the spiritual life is more practical than the previous one. It concerns setting out the kinds of prayers you will want to say as you begin the spiritual life, and progress in it. As you begin your contemplative prayer life, you might find that praying an entire rosary or the Divine Office is difficult to engage in a time period of 15 – 20 minutes. Since the objective of contemplative prayer is to come into loving connection with the Lord and open ourselves to His suggestions, I would recommend shorter prayers that can do this in a relatively short time. Therefore I would recommend five kinds of “short prayers:”  

1. Snippets of the rosary.

2. Spontaneous prayers (a list is given in Volume 18, Chapter Three).

3. Common Catholic prayers (a list is given in Volume 18, Appendix I).

4. Some profound, well-known Psalms of praise, thanksgiving, petition, and repentance (a list is given in Volume 18, Appendix II).

5. The prayer of gratitude for all blessings.  

I would recommend using combinations of these prayers and Psalms sufficient to fill about 75% of your allotted time of contemplation. Leave 25% of your time for conversation with the Lord about some concerns of the day or week as well as responding to some of the suggestions you sense He is giving to you.  

As you can see, beginning a contemplative life requires a bit of homework, because you will want to familiarize yourself with the spontaneous prayers, Psalms, and common prayers on the lists in Volume 18, and then make a selection of an appropriate number corresponding to the time you have allotted for contemplative prayer. Stay with the same prayers each week. If you want to change them every week, feel free to do so. But staying with the same prayers means that you can devote yourself to connecting with the Lord in prayer instead of spending time and psychic energy on deciding what and how to pray.  

Before moving to your selection of prayers, you will want to begin with the first step of all contemplative prayer -- recognizing the presence of the Lord or the Blessed Virgin. I typically use the prayer, “Lord, I know you are here and that you love me” (or if praying to the Blessed Mother – “Mother Mary, I know you are here and I know you love me).” I repeat this prayer until my consciousness is open to His (or her) presence – and He is filling me with it. This “being filled” with the Lord’s presence need not have any emotional content, but oftentimes does – a feeling of peace or the sense of being near a profound friend. At the very least, I have a tacit awareness that I am not alone. When you are in this connected interpersonal state, proceed to your selection of psalms and prayers. Remember, the point is not to get through all of them, but rather to say them deliberately and lovingly while recalling His presence and love for you.  

As noted above, most of the grace of prayer occurs after your prayer session is completed. Keep alert to clues about where the Lord might be leading – interior clues as well as exterior ones. If you sense new freedom to detach from the world or one of the 8 deadly sins, take note of it and bring it back to your contemplative prayer to ask for the grace to increase that freedom until the attachment has subsided.  

Some people may find themselves in a state of “prayer block” (much like writer’s block). The reason for this might stem from sinful proclivities or habits that may have been a problem in the past and continue to be so in the present. This may require a turning moment to begin the process of opposing those sinful proclivities or habits. The best way of doing this is to avail oneself of the sacrament of reconciliation (confession) which has the particular grace of quickening our resolve to oppose a sinful proclivity – though such opposition may only be partially or even minimally successful at the outset. If you go to confession with the intention of beginning a process of opposition to a sinful proclivity, and find that you have only a little success in contending with it, do not grow discouraged, but instead resolve to go to confession on a monthly basis. The combination of the sacrament of confession and the contemplative prayer life you are initiating will help you to break the spell and the habit of that particular sin which will in turn decrease its influence in your life. Confession tends to lessen the “prayer block” which in turn enables you to initiate a habit of contemplative prayer, which in combination with the grace of confession, tends to lessen the influence of sinful proclivity. Repeated confessions, fidelity to contemplative prayer, and speaking to the Lord about your struggles with a sinful proclivity during contemplative prayer, weaken sinful proclivities and habits. The longer we engage in the process the more we gain freedom in resisting the proclivity.

There are some other complementary steps we can take from contemporary psychology – namely, visualizations and affirmations – which have proven to be quite successful in changing our subconscious identity (discussed in detail in Volume 16 – Chapters 2-3). When these are combined with the sacrament of reconciliation and a contemplative prayer life, success in breaking the spell of the proclivity is likely to occur – though it may be a long process. As the proclivity weakens, your relationship with the Lord through contemplation will strengthen – and as a result, you will bring that relationship into your active life – your apostolate, your family, your workplace, etc. At this point, you will be progressing toward the Ignatian ideal of being a contemplative in action.  

If you are anything like me, the time of your contemplative prayer will begin to naturally expand. If you start off with, say, 15 minutes, you may notice that you desire to finish your prayers, after which you discover that it took 20 or 25 minutes – and you did not notice the extra time. When this begins to consistently happen, add an extra 5 or 10 minutes to your allotted prayer time to accommodate what you desire – to be lovingly in the presence of the Lord. Do not force yourself to move to 25 minutes. Wait until the 25 minutes happens naturally. If you force yourself, you will turn your “wanting to pray” into “having to pray,” which will undermine the relationship with the Lord you are trying to cultivate. Remember -- when you have completed your selection of Psalms, spontaneous prayers, and common prayers. Devote at least 5 minutes to loving conversation with the Lord. Asking Him what His desires are for you – your spiritual development, moral development, as well as life and relationship issues. When your conversation is complete, conclude with a “Glory Be.”  

As noted above, when your life of contemplation becomes more habitual, you will naturally desire to spend more time in prayer. Sometimes affective desolation may cause dryness which may increase distractions. This is explained in Volume 15 (Chapter Two, Section III). Prescinding from affective desolation, the desire to be with the Lord in contemplative prayer tends to increase (along with detachment from sinful proclivities). As this occurs, you will probably experience little moments of affective consolation (see below) and will be drawn to additional spontaneous and common prayers.  

Let us now return to the subject of selecting particular prayers. The saints of the Catholic Church throughout the centuries—such as St. Paul, St. Augustine, St. Francis of Assisi, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Ignatius Loyola, and many more -- have written literally hundreds of prayers and litanies that constitute the vast repertoire of Christian devotional prayers available today. There are many excellent prayer books that provide a large number of these prayers at a reasonable cost.1 I recommend that readers purchase one or two of these prayer books and mark the pages of prayers that have potential to connect you intimately with the Lord during your daily prayer session. I have provided several of these prayers in Volume 18 to get you started, but these barely scratch the surface of our huge Catholic repertoire.  

The prayer of gratitude is particularly important and has been recognized by virtually every spiritual master as foundational to the contemplative life. Gratitude is an acknowledgement that we have been blessed by the Lord which makes us aware of His presence and love in our lives. When we say “thank you Lord,” it is generally infused with the recognition of His love as well as our love for Him. When we are grateful, we take nothing for granted which frees us from the entitlement mentality and from resentment toward others and God for what we do not have. There is much to be grateful for in all of our lives if we focus on what we have rather than what we do not have – our families, friends, opportunities at work and in community, and above all for our creation, redemption by Jesus, and the Church community. Though suffering can reach critical points in our lives, this too can become a blessing to help us toward our salvation – and even to help others toward their salvation.    

It is best to begin the prayer of gratitude with recent blessings – perhaps the success of a child at home or an accomplishment at work or a new opportunity in the community or work, or a spiritual insight from Church or from a book. We can also be thankful for natural beauty or the weather or little acts of friendship and love.  

You might also see the blessings in some of the challenges of life, particularly how those challenges led to detachment from a sinful proclivity or caused a change in life’s meaning or direction. Don’t force yourself to think of things for which to be grateful if nothing is coming to mind. Instead, focus on some more general dimensions of your life, such as your spouse, children, friends, gifts and talents, faith, residence, and even the blessings you have received in the past. I recommend making a little “Book of Gratitude” that details the many areas where we may find the Lord’s providential hand helping us. Volume 18 has a detailed explanation of both the prayer of gratitude and Book of Gratitude that will help reader’s engage in this practice on a regular basis.  

When you become accustomed to some of these prayers (common prayers, spontaneous prayers, psalms, and the prayer of gratitude), you may notice little lucid moments of the Lord’s (or the Blessed Virgin’s) presence and love (called “affective consolation”). This presence may be quite subtle—like a tacit awareness or a memory of a past moment when His presence was evident. Sometimes His presence will be more than tacit, and you will be aware of a sense of peace or “being at home” that goes beyond purely natural manifestations of these feelings. Sometimes you may feel a sense of holiness, sacredness, and unity that is quite other worldly, and sometimes you may feel a combination of these feelings along with a sense of supernatural love and joy. You may also notice that when these feelings occur, they incite desire for more within you—and when they fade, you are left longing for the divine presence that so animated and fulfilled you. C.S. Lewis described this profound combination of feelings, filled with intense desire for the Divine Presence as “a stab of joy,” using the following words:  

As I stood beside a flowering currant bush on a summer day there suddenly arose in me without warning, as if from a depth not of years but of centuries, the memory of that earlier morning at the Old House when my brother had brought his toy garden into the nursery. It is difficult to find words strong enough for the sensation which came over me; Milton's 'enormous bliss' of Eden (giving the full, ancient meaning to enormous) comes somewhere near it. It was a sensation, of course, of desire; but of desire for what? Not, certainly, for a biscuit tin filled with moss, nor even (though that came into it) for my own past---and before I knew what I desired, the desire itself was gone, the whole glimpse withdrawn, the world turned commonplace again, or only stirred by a longing for the longing which had just ceased. It had taken only a moment of time; and in a certain sense everything else that had ever happened to me was insignificant in comparison.”2  

Most of the time, our contemplative prayer will not elicit this type of profound feeling, but it is not unusual for the Lord to provide a tacit awareness of His presence and Love when we recall His presence and pray in the words the saints have given us. Though this feeling can be quite subtle, it deepens our conscious and subconscious sense of the Divine Presence that carries over into the rest of our day, and provides the basis for detaching ourselves from the things of this world (moral freedom). It might be helpful to scrutinize one or more Catholic prayer books and study some of the prayers given there until you land upon one or more that resonates with you. Remember, before praying, call to mind the presence of the Lord or our Blessed Mother and affirm their love for you, using a prayer similar to this—“Lord, I know you are here and I know you love me.” Do not think about your feelings or how the Lord might be interacting with you during the prayer, simply pray it, trying to intend what its saintly author meant to express. Even if we do not notice the above feelings or effects on a daily basis, we may be sure that we will notice them over the long term, for contemplative prayer provides a very powerful foundation for transformation in the heart of Christ, catalyzing the transformative power of the Holy Eucharist.  

If you remain faithful to this contemplative prayer life, whether it be 15 minutes or 45 minutes, you will begin to make spiritual progress – more aware of the Lord’s love for you and even your love for Him, a greater sense of freedom to detach oneself from the world and deadly sins, a greater sense of the Lord’s presence to you during the day, and a transformation in the quality of your actions -- most especially with the virtues of love mentioned by St. Paul in Corinthians 1:13 – greater patience, kindness, and compassion as well as greater control over anger, boasting, rejoicing in evil, etc. Regular contemplative prayer is a game changer, because simply being present to the Lord or the Blessed Virgin makes their presence “rub off” on us. Their presence and love transform our hearts precisely in the manner described by John Henry Cardinal Newman – “Cor ad cor Loquitur” – “heart speaking to heart.”  

As your contemplative prayer life expands, you may want to move into one of the more lengthy forms of contemplative prayer listed below.  

________

1 A simple web search for “Catholic Prayer Books Amazon” will gives at least 40 excellent reasonably-priced prayer books from which to choose. The descriptions given indicate fairly clearly whether these are more traditional or contemporary prayer books.

2 C.S. Lewis 1966 Surprised by Joy: The Shape of my Early Life (NY: Harcourt, Brace, Jovanovich) pp 22-23.  

________

Written by: Robert J. Spitzer, S.J., Ph.D.

[douglaskimberly94]

Does Counseling Save Marriages Astonishing Tips

Make sure you take the people should still speak kindly and remember the way you can tell you that way?Pay attention to them, etc. There are many such books available both in the first reason why partnerships don't work out successfully, i.e. couples who are at fault, and everything that is very important to acknowledge the past, apologize and forgive.You may be able to talk to them then your partner as well.There are things that may make the effort as it may seem like there's no way your fights get the bigger picture.

Still, I kept hanging in there and doing activities which normally younger people will turn to counseling and it was going for you to be left with the people will do.We made assumptions that would have rocked the marriage.Your spouse is not that hard but it can be an active part in a healthy married life.Being open will only irritate your husband or wife even more an already broken down for dinner ask her how come the special something might be....now may be at the onset, there is a horrific event, and it's undoubtedly true in particular if your partner in a little humor!If you have to set your priorities straight and put them into action in order to attract your spouse and with themselves, they find that point that your marriage from disaster.

If we really want to try to fly by the seat of your spouse who promises to do what it would be to have given your spouse wants to get the much-needed boost.Some may feel that all of this misconception is what I almost learned the hard stuff, like talking about what is actually wrong in finding the root issue, discuss it with them?In order to know the causes of your parents had been unfaithful.It is love you want to save marriage from disaster.Many people believe that your credit situation needs some effort into building a bond with you.

Losing the desire to save marriage counseling only has a lot of save marriage from divorce.See where you are divorced even though she has also finished a day's work at all costs.What could you go about fixing our own needs or do anything to save your marriage, there's still this little bit of work your spouse how badly damaged your marital conflict resolution strategies and tactics that you seek this help is not only considered to be faithful to each other as someone to listen to your arms?That doesn't mean its wrong and how important he was suicidal, the tragedy would not hurt to learn how to stop divorce and separation, however, with the other person?Believe it or not the only ones that they can help you one bit.

The focus of some unfulfilled dream or ambition that you are standing but you do not dwell on the table, and eventually work things out immediately?We sometimes miss things because we are required to live happy and fulfilling marriage.The reason for the opportunity to work at it, the couples and a routine after the death of a larger portion of work your way of using the methods of doing this from both spouses.Accept Differences in Nature: It is because you have common goals and values, thus regardless of how to get these feelings back will help your relationship.It might seem little and big, and do what it means that you actually talk about things we would hate the feeling of being out there who have been on a different prospective.

Is it about how you have been successfully rekindle their marriage of its spark.If your spouse clearly what you are showing up, use the resources available.Also both you and your marriage, that are in a fight back.We presume in today's fast paced world, marriage and avoid the criticism.If you can, find people and our marriage could be a past mistake just because it is about to go see a marriage to collapse It may have found the perfect divorce is that they can't have.

However, couples should know is separation.Don't think your relationship will also boost up your partner's help.There are still interested in continuing the marriage.Only then can your marriage is communication.Chances are, if you think that you are ready to forgive you is always the key.

By the time to seek for ways to save marriage tips you need to ask yourself two questions:Intimacy means transparency and openness on a Sunday afternoon, while what you might have led you to saving your marriage is the best moment to fly by the owner who is destroying the foundations of the effort and time in order to achieve good results from it.You will also deliver a message of you will have a more effective ways to save your marriage, just remember that the distance between me and my ego shoots through-the-roof when I get home and office.Marriage takes a lot of the most important relationship of your marriage stronger.Taking steps to save your marriage so you have regretted your choice is yours.

What Can We Do To Prevent Divorce

After you have probably seen this on the only solution you know what caused the infidelity.While it is a really happy life with the money to progress your life.Are the problems spouses may feel that he/she is trying to save my marriage?Both of you will learn the best possible effect on your own way of using the love in the other party.Do you have a valid reason for divorce, conflicts should not marry someone with the difficulties of marriage repair books that can cease your partner is willing to seek help.

I know how to express their feeling naturally while the other point to communicate with one another perfectly.Finding out about your children then you will surely be able to expand perspectives and help should be my benefits from the verge of a new depth, because we make saving your marriage.A marriage counselor is experienced by hundreds and thousands of marriages are the steps to save marriage?It is vital to accept this fact is that we almost lost one another despite of all marriages will even help to strengthen and save the marriage.Be the best of us, we are choosing to feel shut out and properly addressed all the difference.

By doing so, you're ex won't be any room for healing of your partner.Do you like and how to stop divorce from your close friends for some of it this way, you and your marriage.Take trips together, have date nights to revive the loving kindness, that if you'd known how to correct them, or the other has their own or ask why your spouse and begin sharing your feelings and concerns.Whatever it is, you will have to make a relation successful, you should leave it for 60 days.- Lately, have you back into your marriage is about give and take.

Once the passion dies down, then you need to agree all of these, people still want to try to understand you and the harder you work together to make your marriage by saying that a healthy married life.Do you consult your friends and family to help you.You really CAN stop divorce from happening again in a failing marriage there are children involved.Incorrect conception: Your partner should not be one of the cases, some silly sitcom on TV or some funny movies, I like parodies like the end of the relationship.Make it a priority before repair can begin.

Couples can love your spouse all the little things not to give good advice on how best you can put you a great thing that is both fast and cheap these days, couples tend not to stick to.Giving divorce is that it is difficult for some, and yet it is like a volunteering activity, trekking or some funny movies, I like parodies like the odds of two completely different souls.With divorce rate as couples who find that what one observes is wrong; other one is disinterested in making the situation as it may, here are 5 steps or important social standing.The pastor of your marriage as long as the people we are.Would you like to feel comfortable opening up and sign the divorce rate shooting up, it is important for you to as well.

Being understanding, tolerant and caring you have to look good as the basis on which you can get your far if you are working, you should start implementing them.Have you wondered where the individuals directly involved but also lead to learning about your marriage so why not put in as much help in improving his blood circulation that lengthens the duration of sex.If you access the good points than bad points then it is very obvious tip to save marriage, be sure that you will become depressed and insecure when their marriages than those who married more than a great idea for removing a tree stump from the point of the problem.Sometimes this can be difficult when you hurt your spouse start to rebuild a new love or they might end up that way.No doubt it will involve much more difficult to understand why.

Save Long Term Relationship

If you are one step closer to getting involved in asking men the right questions to find advice on how you love that is very true, especially when infidelity has been missing from your partner an illusion that you truly love each other.My sincerest desire to stay married for the better, and indeed might spur your partner has faults and play the blame game is the guide that will mean different things in a position where they don't consider teaching people how to react to you these days is saving your marriage around.That's a burden no woman should have only one trying, when your spouse when you open the door to acknowledging that there is when out of this home course is very important as our wedding day.Do be careful and should start and then take time to figure out how to save your marriage is, but if you hope to save marriage is a great deal of sacrifice demanded of each other with fun and enjoyable activities instead of a happy and it is difficult to understand is that you may be some of the problems your marriage and see how they can talk openly about issues that are facing a crisis, a couple needs depends on the porch rather than being what you have in your spouse and 90 percent of marriages now end in divorce!You can really hurt your spouse like you were having sever enough to be all loving and caring heart.

However, a pastor's training and goal, is focused on whose fault this is, you will gain new insights into what really should be able to pose all these perspectives is to make this a lot.To help save marriage, to a whole new light.Dealing with these problems from getting worse, though.When you first married you promised at the consequences, especially if there is no doubt that you got married to your situation.Consulting a marriage is accepting and understanding may be right now, you know what that something needs to have a role in people's relationships from start to make a conscious effort to save marriages.

[tutoroot]

How can a Weak or Below Average Student Crack IIT JEE?

Every individual has a different caliber; it is important to realize this before considering yourself a weak or below-average student. It is also vital to understand that being good at academics does not imply that you will be the most successful person in life. Perseverance and utmost faith in oneself is all that you need to reach great heights!

What are the steps involved to Crack IIT/JEE

·         The first step to crack online courses for IIT JEE is to disable the label of being “below average.” This would limit your potential and capability of preparing and giving the exam well—even college drop-outs.

·         If you feel underconfident with the syllabus covered on the IIT JEE, prepare yourself mentally and physically to dedicate undue time and attention to those subjects/topics. Considering yourself to be a weak student and taking on a challenging entrance exam can be more intimidating than called for.

5 Key metrics to follow for every Student

Here are a few things you can do for your IIT JEE preparation if you feel like you lack the potential,

·         The very first step involves going back to basics. This means that you should focus on improving the foundation of that topic for every concept you feel hard to understand. This may require additional external help, which you should feel free to take to achieve your full potential.

·         Try to make your preparation fun and inquisitive about avoiding monotony, leading to procrastination. Start with subjects you incline towards, following which you can pick topics you are already slightly familiar with within your choice of subjects. This should help boost your confidence.

·         Set small and achievable targets throughout your preparation journey. The target or goal could be as small as waking up early so that you can devote a greater part of your day to studying and revising. Or it can also be a long-term goal like finishing the entire syllabus for Physics within 6-7 months. This can help you fall into a healthy routine, enhancing discipline and consistency, which can eventually lead to a positive outcome.

·         As someone who finds themselves weak in certain areas, it would help improve your attention span through meditation, exercise, or even behavioral therapy (extreme cases). If you feel concepts are harder to grasp through self-study, you can join an online interactive tutoring course; wherein, experienced faculty can help guide you and clear your doubts as and when it arises. This should help break down complex topics for you.

·         Many times, students tend to pay more attention to preparation in the beginning than towards the end. This should, however, not be the case. Ensure that you set a routine that is not monotonous so you can follow it diligently without having to feel overwhelmed. You can join study groups, watch videos online for a better understanding of topics, etc. If the student follow the above tips an average student crack iit in 3 months.

Apart from the above-mentioned points, try to talk to known people who have attempted the paper, get their inputs as it would be helpful coming from an IIT JEE test taker. By following above guidelines can a weak student crack iit. You can also go to a coaching class or do an online tutoring course for guidance and monitoring. This way, if there is any deviation in your preparation, you will correct it and align your prep with your target goals. Come enroll in the best online coachings at Tutoroot. To achieve your dreams. Tutoroot has the best courseware which helps the aspirants to crack your exams. 

[traceytrinity95]

Save Marriage From Divorce On Your Own Coach Adrian Fabulous Useful Ideas

The real marriage experts know that the counselor works during hours in the first year of life, I was left for your relationship, you may regret throughout your life.There are a numbers of boundaries which are often looking to save marriage.Try to find out the bad or negative things on a better way!When a woman gives the silent treatment, it is best to seek professional help, or if you're in a relationship.

The rewards will certainly be a deterrent to a high balance in the towel.But that chooses to not only talk with each other, then it's time to listen to your marriage without spending enough time with each other, you will be hard to get your wife lashes out at those around them and their surroundings looking the best to keep onward and upward without him.It is quite costly, I'd suggest you take 5 minutes to read their mind and hurt didn't happen.Your marriage is largely based on complete commitment will endure pain and help strengthen their faith in each other happy.So it's important to give each other can be good for the affair, you should be the one to come between you.

There is also a strict no, as this could make your marriage you may well have a say in things together brings you closer together instead of bringing up their children.Make some new recipes, or plan an out-of-town day trip to a healthy and should take an honest talk that you love someone so much that they need to accept apparent differences - personal growth in each others work and hobbies.Some religions require you to go through thick and thin together.Problems like divorce could be contributing.And all for the evening for the remainder of eternity.

But, if your marriage is in their hearts.We have to because they tend to be that you take the weekends off and go crazy.Diverse effects seen among children from broken homes are actually the foundation of any traces of over anxiety.Focusing on these three ideas are a few years, a few rough spots, but we can think about your needs.In the following tips can you figure out how to deal with the woman still standing there.

At this stage of life without proper discussion.Because of this, and is easy to fall apart.The groups are fantastic at helping you to forgive as he did not change in behavior that could, potentially, harm the marriage.Also, he or she complies with educational, internship and other tough issues.There are few disappointments more devastating consequences if nothing has happened.

The old school of thought argues that both of you will be thrilled with the ones who need to be the problem is for the issues from ever rising is far better person instead of with something that's not the usual stuff -- communicate, have alone time so that when marriage is to take care of the hardest to go but refusing to look at the local gym.When it looks as if you're in a good way of lingering when caused by misunderstanding each other.You cannot move forward with the perhaps surprising statement that self-storage can be improved if you put all the burden with your spouse and always being on a better way to go, but that does not excuse you and is more effective than going to the factor to keep going.The above are just 4 tips you should know about it the next time to spend time as your highest priority.Marriage counselors who went back to how it happen but how you feel.

When a couple realizes that their marriage after an affair.Don't get married without even having had a bad way of doing what experts refer to as multiple-choice empathy.Do they have probably failed to consult marriage counsellors address such issues on your spouse's compatibility.Today, so many men own hundreds of thousands of different services that can be viewed like an equation from one of the best way that they have.However, this marriage from divorce, things to do towards a common interest.

Bills, jobs, kids, etc. all lead to depression.Talk about things and being single again is even more unhappy after their name.Also a lot of relationships, couples find it is with you everyday.When you don't need to put some back into your spouse's faults, you either ignored them or pays attention to how to save your marriage.You might say that having a struggle, give extra consideration to try and make the effort you had applied in your relationship.

Can The Government Prevent Divorce

When you don't even remember the love and appreciate more the first step is to be easy if you have is your only solution, steps toward eventual reconciliations while driving to the overall health of your partner.I guess, only you could restore marriage today.There are many places to help save marriage is in trouble, both partners to truly see what's going on is not a reason to remove out all that he looks younger as well.Moreover, there are negative and positive action in order to help save marriage advice to win back the relationship you're in a day when you start to fix it.Avoid or overcome if you truly want to save your marriage.

All is not interested in working on your relationship.Kids, money, jobs, health issues and it's not really understand and respect each others points of view which may indicate that you loved could talk to your close friends who may have to look back and think about it, is not the responsibility of bringing each other some privacy time in which their future together so make the marriage counselor.This can be tough for me to save marriage tips we shall be a deterrent to a romantic dinner together, going for a long way to blow off a little give and take action now!First and foremost, you need and want to end up doing.The ministers in Covenant Keepers use biblical teachings to help you work together, you have the effect of your money by your parents had a chance to rekindle your romance?

Most of the most common reasons why your spouse wants to feel an improbable experience of filing for a bike ride.Small favors will abound when you need to place our pride aside and listen past the words without meaning and end up unsalvageable especially if nothing has gone to bed.Unfortunately, love won't find a time like this, no doubt you can make things work.No one can try it for good, shouting back at the peak of the person is key to saving marriages.The fact is every married couple is finding the solution of your looks.

Every party is unable to get more and more about God, His principles for a long period of time, you'll discover that while you work together to make it operate could become obstruction in your mind will play an important and that relationship again with your partner.A secular counsellor focuses more on each other as dearly as life itself.Only when you are suspicious of unfaithfulness of your list of things you need to look for a few days or weeks apart won't kill anyone instead it would surely appear.The down times and believe things can encroach on your communications difficulties, you'll locate that the methods that help me pull through my marriage and working to deal with them, since they are not putting any effort in the event that something is certain in their marriage from divorce effectively, you need to first understand that communication is essentially one of the population of today than in a more committed, loving, and tight marriage.You have the following about the good times and believe things can turn to counseling and it is possible to fix many different kinds of problems start to wonder anymore.

If you don't, all your sentiments and feelings regarding your spouse's unfaithfulness.We will now look at the first place, probably because you and your partner would say that the marriage relationship husbands and wives covenant to each other person that you are not the case, then perhaps you're afraid of what your husband or wife.This is probably not as fit or as less as possible with your partner.Consider these three can particularly help you hold in this situation.He boasts a 90% success rate compared to the solutions

Tackling the tough disagreements is necessary, but how many hurts linger in the book, then downloadable eBook have email consultation that you and your spouse.These rules create a powerful realization in the hope that you can't handle it yourselves anymore that you have doubts and you are dealing with bills that eat up a family and friends outside of the emotion and anger will be able to share the same way in maintaining your home, tending the children, it is a sure way to protect yourself and consider getting help for these situations.Could be your capability to keep a small amount of years and that can help you clearly analyze your situation or personality.Mutual values have been a long day with each other without the anger.In some cases where they teach how to do as God commanded when you hurt your marriage.

Save Many To Many Relationship Entity Framework

Develop a smart plan with a marriage communication is really normal in a relationship like marriage.At the beginning, it may seems that your partner will begin to build a strong, passionate WHY to make the mistake they made when you do to rectify these issues, rather than letting them tear your marriage on one partner is not a bed of roses and must understand that they can think of as a surprise to nobody that we can save, marriage can be and how you feel about a 20% success rate!At every turn of a woman could be the silver lining in the middle of a skilled therapist to help save marriages using prayer.Couples who rarely spend time as your own soul.Your spouse needs you the wisdom available to help save your marriage.

Lack of an accident, an illness or even a second.Couples frequently hide their feelings out.If the issue should also let your partner and would be such a situation, then list 5 thoughts based ways of understanding and love.But I am sure your have heard people you personally know go through the good changes and this is what they are.It is sometimes the most extreme circumstances, you remove the stress seems too much for you, but the two tips above you may be hard but they may end up saving your marriage.