#before 21? hold on. save up and move in with ***. rebuild from the ground up and learn how to be a person again

[starsonmarsy]

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[wotnahq]

Kaspar Ildstrom • 45 • Male (he/him) • Metahuman • Omnikinesis • Civilian

BIOGRAPHY

Kaspar Sigurd Ildstrom was born December 4, 2000 to Ilse and Christopher, Danish immigrants to South Africa, the first of five sons and one daughter. Ilse would die in 2014, taking with her almost all that was soft and trusting in the already frigid disposition of the military tactician that was her husband, founder of Velentr Industries (Private Military Corporation & Security Consultancy).

Kas did not inherit his father’s iron temperament, rather his mother’s fiery temper and a restless energy that longed for change, challenge. As eldest, he cared for his younger siblings with warm affinity and playful mischief as they grew, delighting in the uniqueness of each accomplishment, of each gift that needed to be secreted away from the world. All of the siblings manifested powers young, the latest at sixteen, and Kaspar had been no different. It began with the recklessness and whims of early childhood, mashed broccoli flung in the fits of a tantrum, and only grew governed by focus, emotion,  his father’s firm guiding hand…and his own whims.

The cattle ranch they grew up on was run with discipline and efficiency to curb the wildness each of the siblings had inherited to some extent, though perhaps none moreso than Kaspar. So many nights spent staring up at the stars and longing for them to change, to pull them closer, to pull himself anywhere - everywhere else - no matter how he loved his family, the unyielding winds of fortune and wanderlust called to him with the promise of stardust and adventure.

Having grown up hunting and in the home environment he did, it was not a surprise that at 18, he joined the South African Defense forces, at 21 he certified as a South African Special Forces Operator, specializing in Sniping, Parachute, and Urban Operations. Yet, he chafed against the limitations, the need to conceal the gift behind every ‘lucky shot�� and its honing, the ever present longing for something more after the thrill or terror of every deployment. After his 4 year contract ended, he enlisted with his father’s firm and thought this would be different.

The unveiling of metahuman abilities to the world had been a blessing and a curse for the soldiers of fortune of the Ildstrom family.

As violently prejudiced as many turned out to be, many more were eager to contract metahumans - perceived “super soldiers” - to intervene in the eruptions of violence that wracked countless countries across the continents. By now, Kaspar had been joined by most of his siblings in the family business, and business was booming. Enough that they were all stretched thin, breaks between deployment shortened, and pressure and opportunity to hone their skills through the trials of fire and blood never lacking. The constant movement eased the restless gnaw in his chest somewhat, the fate of a little girl in a small town in Afghanistan would do far more.

It had been a small operation, to suppress an uprising in the territory of a high paying Warlord. It was like stepping into the glutted stomach of war. Bodies hung from buildings or lay in the street, feral dogs the only ones unafraid to sate themselves on the feast of carnage. But what caught his attention, hidden in an alley were the soft sobs and strange bioluminescent glow of a small child. She likely didn’t even know how to control it, only knew the danger it presented. As he knelt to comfort her four sounds happened in rapid succession: The enraged scream of a militant anti-meta insurgent, the sound of rapid gun fire, his own hoarse shout…and the interrupted scream of terror from the girl.

Instinct pulled her close against him, flung the shooter against rough brick of building wall.

She still died.

Wrath and grief poured through him, potent and vengeful, and the bloody, indistinguishable and impaled body of the man responsible told a story of ruthlessness and calculated anguish. That smoke filled hell  had taught him something he should have realized long ago - it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to do the job, to have powers if he couldn’t even protect a scared child. Even hidden beneath the smog of war, he willed the stars to change, to come crashing down into this maw of desolation…but they wouldn’t. They left it to him.

When he was 40, in an unsanctioned operation, after 22 years of deployment after deployment, unflinching in his use of his powers now under the agent name Valkyr… the world turned. A cornered meta, a terrorist group, and an unstable parking garage walk into a bar. Or, more accurately, fall onto a Dane. A stray bullet, the other meta’s powers raging out of control, the strain of his own stubborn attempts to keep the whole thing from collapse - tons of metal and steel and concrete…and it all came crashing down. His powers raged, an orbit of decimation indiscriminate in radius and degree, and yet…

It took his left lung, spleen, kidney. It left spiderweb cracks and chasms in his ribs, fractures in his arm that jutted through skin where jagged shards of metal tried to sink their way beneath. It would gift him titanium rods and bolts to guide and hold shattered bone and torn ligament, as if the rebar piping pinning him to concrete desired so much to stay.  It traced lines where only sutures would be able to follow over freckled skin, organ, and muscle. It left caresses in the form of blooming scar tissue over his hammering heart, fluttering so fast with fear and will. .

There were no stars to be seen beneath the rubble and ash; only the cold and one thought: Stay.

Four years of reconstruction, transplant, repair. Four years feeling the crush of all that metal and concrete in the limitations of concepts like ‘recovery’ and ‘functionality’. More haunting than the shrapnel and scalpel scars that lingered over his left flank was the ghost that perched in those words - the ache for the life before, the reality of what it was now. Even among the specialists in Copenhagen, in Johannesburg, in Berlin, Oslo…there was the final line of ‘learn to manage expectations’. Managing expectations looked like a sad shard of what his powers once were, day by day, working from the ground up through the pain. Managing expectations looked like settling in Danmark, obtaining a degree in early childhood education. Managing expectations meant learning to accept pity often, to hide the shame of the scars that hid his failure, to accept his body failing him now, to accept its slowness as the waves of kinetic energy passed him by. Unpulling. Adrift in the memories of everything lost.

There was no discussion of his powers, of how they might interact with any previous interventions to save his life, if they were mentioned at all it was with an awkward glance to the tattoo over his wrist and the soft chagrin of ‘we don’t know much about how meta physiology will react to this’. That restless wind tugged at him once more. Time for a change.

Pansaw had once been the poster child for civil unrest and metasuppression, a distant war zone he’d only glimpsed on the news. In 2044, things had moved on - he knew better than to expect utopia in the rebuild, but the small spark of nearly extinguished hope for something better, for recovery alongside his gifts…It was enough to leave behind the sanctuary of Denmark, the thought of returning to the once home of South Africa.

He would find his hopes overturned not by anti-meta feeling in the halls of C.A.R.M.A., but ironically the very reason he had come. Pre-existing conditions which made him unsuitable for field work - this was not said, but underpinned the implications of ‘risk analysis’.

For the past year he’s fallen back on old skills (mercenary work and the occasional fight at the Madhouse) to pay for private treatment alongside the limited benefits of his day job working as a childcare provider for a metahuman daycare.

POWERS

OMNIKINESIS: The power to influence, control, and manipulate all matter and energy with the user’s mind. Kaspar’s specialization lies in five subset categories, the primary being telekinetic applications of this power, though extends to the subpowers of energy manipulation, matter manipulation, weather manipulation, and the manipulation of fundamental forces.

WEAKNESSES

Kaspar’s powers are governed by a combination of focus, emotion, and will. Flares of strong emotion may cause them to become uncontrollable whereas disbelief and self doubt have a dampening effect. Traumatic experiences may seal powers off from use. Distraction is disruptive to use.

Use of powers exacts a tremendous physical toll, particularly on transplanted organs that are not compatible with his channeling of kinetic energy. May result in anything from mild exhaustion to collapse, tremors, coma, organ failure, migraines, major fatigue, illness, coughing up blood, up to death. Repercussions increase depending on level of mastery required for feat, general health (stamina, illness, injury), number feats being simultaneously performed, and any environmental effects (e.g. other users’ powers).

PERSONALITY

+ Compassionate + Charismatic + Quick Witted

– Overly Tenacious – Hot Tempered – Unpredictable 

[melonoverlord]

New asks for our favorite Captain for her belated b-day

Which parent do they look the most like?

Luna doesn’t remember either of her birth parents as they sold her to the queen fairly young, but objectively she looks much more like her mom.

Is there a name they were almost given (either by their parents or during character creation)?

Her birth parents already had a theme with her older siblings (Celestial and Solas) so it continued on with their youngest daughter to be named after something of space (stars, sun, and moon respectively). Her parents always intended for her to be Luna if she was a girl.

However, her birth name is Luna Veir. She lost her last name when she became a handmaiden and when she left with Tam, he helped her create a new last name. Luna never knew her original surname. She and Tam picked out her name from a raunchy Spanathos magazine.

What were they like as a kid (if they’re currently a child, what would they be like as a teen)?

Luna was a very curious and trusting child, especially to the other handmaidens, who she viewed as her sisters. However, her curiosity often landed her at the disappointment of the queen, who said that handmaidens should be seen and not heard, and as she grew up, she had to escape the watchful eyes of her sisters and servants who looked after her. She would explore nearly everywhere in the palace she could, which she was never allowed to leave.

What’s their drinking tolerance and what kind of drunk are they?

As a recovering alcoholic, Luna has a pretty high tolerance, which is why she drinks more to feel it. Her drunk style has changed as she got older. When she was younger (around 21, when the Earth Rebellion fell and they lost Val’s sisters) she was definitely a sad drunk that would cry into either Nivviah or Tam’s shoulders while they gingerly tried to take the booze away from her. Since getting older, she’s a catatonic drunk where she will get plastered and just sit in one spot until she passes out.

Where do they like to be touched?

It took Luna a long time to get comfortable with touches from people other than Tam, and even had trouble with Oberon and Nivviah for the longest time, but now that’s she’s more comfortable with the crew, she likes being hugged and since she has cold hands, hand holding and being warmed.

What’s their favorite position (top/bottom/switch/pillow princess/etc.)

Luna may be a charismatic leader of the rebellion, but in bed she is a shy, pleasing bottom, especially when it comes to her very tall Theuthidan girlfriend. She likes nothing more than looking up at Nivviah and just being in awe.

What are their kinks?

Out of the main four (Luna, Nivviah, Tam, and Oberon), Luna’s definitely the most vanilla out of all of them. She’s more flustered at romantic and sexual gestures, but she definitely likes Nivviah’s accent when she dirty talks and is the one place Luna will do whatever Nivviah says no questions asked.

How do they feel about adrenaline (roller coasters, extreme sports, etc.)?

Surprisingly, as much as Luna rushes into things, when it comes to enjoyment, she much prefers to take things slow. Up until nearly drowning on Theuthida, she was always a fan of swimming and although she’s still a little nervous, finds it enjoyable if she keeps her head above water. She’s not necessarily afraid of rollercoasters or extreme sports, but she’d much rather wear her duck onesie and play a high stakes game of monopoly.

What is their fight or flight response?

As many people have seen in action, Luna is all fight. If there’s a possibility that she can win at least something for her team (whether it be information or more likely, her friends’ freedom) she will risk anything, especially herself.

What’s their pain tolerance?

Luna may take a lot of hits for her team and seem like she could fight all day, but she stubs a toe and internally plays a funeral march on the world’s smallest violin. If you see her just stop for a moment and look into the abyss, it’s not because Castor did some stupid shit, it’s because she accidentally bit her tongue again.

What character archetype are they the most like (the Innocent, the Hero, etc.)

The Caregiver. Nearly everything Luna has done in her life was in hopes of protecting other people, even at the expense of herself.

What TV-Tropes trope would they be?

After much search, she is (despite her not great decisions) the Reasonable Authority Figure. She is the head honcho of the Freedom Vessel and you come to her if you want help with something or to supply both her and herself with booze.

What John Mulaney quote/bit do they most embody?

“I keep things very bottled up and I don’t drink. I used to drink and then I drank too  much and I had to stop.”

With the exception of love interests and immediate family, who are they closest to?

She and Tam definitely see each other as brother and sister, and they’ve been together through everything. They have kept every secret they know of the other, and neither would know what to do without the other. They’re the best of friends.

What is their moral alignment? What would have to happen for it to shift?

Neutral Good. There is extremely little someone could do to move her from the good row. The closest someone could get is moving her to chaotic good by just breaking down her trust in people and just saving the world by herself.

Are they a morning person? What are they like before 8am?

Luna used to be a morning person in her childhood. She’d get up before the rest of the handmaidens and try to run around the palace and explore, but after becoming the captain, if she can sleep in until 10am, she will be so happy. Now that she sleeps with Nivvy, Nivvy is happy to keep her captain love in bed as long as she can.

What are they like when they’re tired?

Very few people have actually seen Luna not tired, which is generally happier and making jokes, but tired her is more serious and subdued. When she reaches her breaking point, she actually will start crying at any minor annoyance because she just wants sleep but has so much work to do. That is when Nivvy has to convince her gf to come to bed with her.

What are they like in arguments?

For the most part Luna doesn’t argue. She will let people yell and yell at her and she will stand there and then sadly and calmly thank them for taking the time to talk to her. She has to really feel committed to an argument to fight back and even then she will be the most nonthreatening she can.

What is their dominant hand?

Left

Out of 10, how happy are they? How happy do they think they are?

The only time in Luna’s life that she was above a 6 was when she proposed to Nivviah. She’s roughly at a 5/10 right now because the war is over and they’re rebuilding the galaxy from the ground up and she has reassurance from most of the crew that they still love her, but she’s still feeling bad over her conversation with Icio.

[sarah-bae-maas]

A Court of Hearts and Darkness Chapter Thirty Four - the penultimate chapter

It’s been over a century since the epic and bloody war against Hybern, but a new, unprecedented horror lies in wait to threaten everything the Inner Circle holds dear.

At a mere 17, it seems that the only one who can save them is the Heir to the Night Court, Feyre and Rhysand’s daughter Eleana, but as a creature so vile promises to kill everyone she loves, she must combat the urge to succumb to the darkness herself. The key to success lies hidden within her mate, the bastard born Kaden, who is as oblivious to the bond as her Court is oblivious to the war on the horizon.

With the help of her cousin and warrior Felix, the son of the famed Nesta and Cassian, they will try to save everything they hold dear, hopefully before the darkness takes them all.

(This fic was written pre-acowar, so please bear in mind there are some small differences but it can still hopefully be enjoyed!)

Link on Ao3 Masterlist

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***

-Chapter 34-

Sometimes, when he looked at her, he thought that maybe it wasn’t a fae he was mated to. Not a fae, nor an Illyrian, nor the combination of both that was common only in her family.

Sometimes when Kaden looked at Eleana, he thought maybe he was mated to a God.

There was no other explanation for how a fae just shy of eighteen could wield a power that would make High Lords and Ladies cower before her.

At some point, Kaden had passed out after his journey into Eleana’s mind. When he woke, he was lying next to Felix, so close that the two males were touching from shoulder to foot. His heart had started to race with fear, especially at the ghastly sight of Felix’s eyes, but the slow but steady rise and fall of Felix’s chest put him at ease.

Well, it would have, if Eleana hadn’t been missing.

He’d awoken Felix, using whatever meagre healing magic he had to bring him to consciousness. Then, he’d dragged the two of the out of the crumbling pantheon to find Eleana. He didn’t dare ask Felix what the fuck had happened, and his friend was as silent as he. He’d readied his weapons when they’d neared the door, creating a shield of unknown power around him and Felix.

They soon realised there would be no more fighting for them today.

“What’s happening?” Felix had gasped.

Kaden didn’t know how to describe it.

Eleana was flying above them all, her dress billowing around her. Her arms were raised, and all around them every creature was being floated to her eye level by a hard wall of wind while soldiers were being forced to ground by the same force. The creatures flailed, their abnormal limbs contorting in an effort to escape from the inescapable, and all their screams turned silent when Eleana misted them into a bloodrain. For as far as the eye could see, the sky above them turned into a black ocean as she decimated every single creature in that town.

The whispers of the soldiers around them were worrisome – some prayed to the Cauldron, some prayed to Eleana, thinking she was the Mother reborn.

When all the creatures were destroyed, she lifted the ebbing, lapping blood even higher until it was a spinning whirlpool blocking all the stars from sight. And then, with a giant flash of light, it was all gone.

Eleana, a hard yet compassionate look on her face, had landed next to Kaden and Felix when she had finished.

“It’s time to go home,” she’d said solemnly.

A God given flesh. She was a God given flesh.

Kaden thought he might be the only one to have come to that conclusion as he looked around the room.

The House of Wind was full of the Inner Circle and their families. Right now, Kaden was in a room with Eleana, Felix, and the healer that was attending to his friend’s eyes.

Eleana would not let anyone else into the room.

“You must keep these patches on until we meet again. There is only so much I can do, and we must remain hopeful, but you must do exactly as I say if we’re to save them.”

Felix grinned at the healer. “Can do. Personally, I love the rugged, human pirate look.”

The healer laughed lightly and patted his hand as she left, saying she would update the General of the condition of his son but say nothing else.

Kaden looked at Eleana. She had yet to say a word to him beyond demanding that he summon the best healer still alive and telling him to keep her family far away. She hadn’t spoken to Felix at all, but he could tell she was beyond relieved at his presence.

He had already tried to poke at the bond, but it was fried. There was a tiny inkling of its existence, a bridge that one day would rebuild itself, but who knew how long that would take. It’s not like he could ask someone – he doubted anyone else had near severed a mating bond in an effort to separate a demonic soul from their loved one.

Felix sighed dramatically. “So much tension in such a small room. I guess I’ll speak first.” He turned toward the wall. “Eleana, I missed you. What you did was very stupid, and incredibly reckless, but I love you anyway.”

“I’m over here.” Her voice was gruff.

“I know, I’m working on some new joke material. May as well have all the blind jokes banked up if I’m never to see again.”

“Don’t say that, you’ll be fine.”

“Always the optimist.” Felix reached his hand out until he felt her knee. “I don’t blame you for anything that happened. You were taken advantage of, manipulated in the most horrific way until you gave her what she wanted. You’re a victim of her as much as I am, and I’m certain you don’t blame my death on me, so don’t blame yourself for this.”

She stood, her figure towering over him as he sat.

Eleana carried herself differently. Her back was straighter, harder, and her eyes were like ice. It was as if she had the woes of a century weighing on her back. She was colder than the mountains in Illyria, her eyes as hollow as the flames that lit the room.

Goosebumps covered Kaden at the sight of her. This, undeniably, was the women he loved. But she was not the same.

“We can discuss this later, when you’re better.”

“Eleana,” Kaden interjected.

She levelled her gaze to his.

“This was an inevitability. Whether then, now or in a hundred years, that queen would have come for you.”

“How could you possibly know that?”

“It’s something I’ve been thinking about. A lot. We found out while you were – gone – that the creatures are incapacitated by opal and other various precious rocks and gems.”

“What has that got to do with anything?” She was exasperated. He could smell her frustration, laced with the ash of the fire in the merchant town. The ash was imbedded into all their clothes, especially Felix, who was also smeared with the black powder.

“I agree, what are you talking about?” Felix questioned.

Kaden took a deep breath. “The lives of the forest have been leaving you gifts of opal since you were a babe. A knife, a sword, a crown. All for you, all intended to help you when the inevitable happened. The forest knew, Eleana. They knew and they loved you and wanted to help you.”

“Shit,” Felix spat. “Can someone please summon my father? I’m about to have an existential crisis and would like his company in doing so.”

“He’s outside the door,” Eleana said bluntly. “They all are. My parents are trying to get through my shield, but they can’t, not until I let them.”

“What are you waiting for?” Felix asked.

She moved over to her cousin, kneeling in front of him and placing her head on his knees. “I need you to tell me all that I’ve missed. What lives our family led in my absence.”

“Why?”

“I want to know how much can change in the better part of a century. Quathryn is grown, Thea definitely no longer a babe. Did my parents have more children? Do I have siblings that only know me through anecdotes and a monster’s mask? How many of our kin did I kill while entrapped by the Queen?”

Felix turned his head toward her voice. He frowned, his hands moving to stroke the tips of her hair.

“Eleana… I’m confused.”

“It is imperative I know the full extent of the damage I caused.”

“But, Eleana, it’s only been a fortnight. You were gone for-” Felix did the math, “-less than two weeks, actually. Your eighteenth birthday has yet to even pass.”

She flinched back, her face scrunching as she shot looks at them both. “I was – no. That can’t be. I felt how long I was gone, and it was at least a hundred years.”

“No, Laya, you weren’t. Do you think I would lose track of time? You can see for yourself, Quathryn is still the tottering toddler, Thea the exact same, maybe a little chubbier. I swear that girl packs it on. Lovely fat baby she is.”

Eleana backed away, her hands trembling. “I don’t understand.”

“My love.” Kaden approached her fleeing figure, stopping a healthy distance from her. He didn’t touch her, he could tell that was the last thing she wanted, so he used his words rather than his hands to soothe her. “When I went in to destroy the Queen, it felt like I had been there far longer. The only reason I didn’t succumb to the loss of time is because I knew that there was no way I could have been with you that long. You didn’t have the same reassurance I did. You did not know that we were here every second of every damn day trying to get you home.”

She sighed unevenly. “I didn’t expect you to come. I was ready to go, after all that time. The things I saw, what she had done… There was so much more than just Prythian.” She looked like she was haunted. The sheer terror in her voice as she recounted nothing but a general statement made Kaden’s chest seize. What had she seen?

Felix stood, and started stripping his leathers. Kaden looked at him aghast. Felix only stopped once his torso was bare.

Felix ran his hands over his chest. It was heavily scarred now, the wounds from his death leaving raised red and purple slashes over his body. “See how new these still are? I feel them pulling when I move. I haven’t shown anyone other than Kaden and Azriel, and now you, I’m worried that it will scare them.”

He reached a hand out. She immediately stepped forward and took it, anchoring herself to him.

“When it all ended, I was petrified about all the things it meant I would miss. I wouldn’t see my sisters grow up, I let myself believe my parents didn’t care for me, I would never experience true love, even if I had been in love. The fear, that I would miss so very much of our families, has yet to go away. There was a large part of me that did not think I would survive this war. But I did. Youdid. We can recover from this.”

She nodded at him, and then cleared her throat and voiced her agreement. Yes, they could do this.

“We have so much to look forward to,” Felix continued. “But we can’t start living our lives again until you take down those wards and let our family in.”

The air in the room was fraught as she took in his words. She bit her lip, a crease appearing between her brows.

“You’re right,” she breathed. She let go of him and walked towards the door, the same gown the Queen had dressed her in flowing behind her.

“Kaden,” Felix hissed. Kaden’s gaze had been following his mate, but at Felix’s summon he went over to him. Felix was scrounging around for his shirt and shucked it over his head when he found it.

“What?” Kaden whispered.

“I have something to tell you.”

“Is right now the best time?”

“No, but there probably won’t be a good time.”

Before Felix could elaborate, Eleana was opening the door and her family poured in. They were all loud and shouting over one another. Notably was Cassian’s “Felix what have you done?!”  as he looked at the condition of his son.

Kaden was watching them when Morrigan came to his side and hugged him. Azriel joined them, putting his arms around both of them. Azriel murmured that he was glad Kaden was safe.

Kaden watched as Lady Nesta coddled Felix, kissing his head over and over again. Quathryn was pulling at her brother’s pants, demanding he pick her up. Thea was in Cassian’s arms, peering curiously at the hubbub around her.

Amren came in and perched herself on the arm of a chair in the corner, a lioness’ scowl on her face.

Then, surprisingly, High Lord Lucien and Lady Elain walked in, joining Nesta and Cassian. Lucien took Thea, and Elain pulled her sister in for a hug. Lucien was bruised, his lips bloody and one eye swollen. He grinned at Felix. “Nice look you’ve got going.”

“I pull it off better than you ever could,” Felix snickered.

The interaction brought a smile to Kaden’s face, and then High Lord Rhysand and High Lady Feyre entered.

Those before them had parted around Eleana as if she were poison Ivy. She bowed her head, and crossed her hands in front of her body, shame radiating from her like light from the flickering candles above them.

The High Lord of the Night Court looked sick. His face was pale, and a line of sweat soaked his forehead. High Lady Feyre was still in her fighting gear, her clothes torn and soaked in blood that thankfully didn’t seem to be her own. Her skin was washed out with worry, making her freckles stand out starkly. The freckles that matched those of her daughter, who met her gaze but didn’t move.

“Butterfly,” Rhysand croaked.

He ran to her. She was only a few feet away away, but he got to her as quickly as he could. He threw his arms around her, tucking her into him. The High Lord’s sobs were broken – matched by the High Lady’s as she came up behind them and wrapped her arms around Eleana’s back. She rested her cheek on the back of her neck, clasping both her husband and her daughter.

Eleana relaxed into them. Her stiff back slumped, and the gruff frown on her face smoothed. She closed her eyes and leant into her father.

Kaden sighed in relief. He pulled himself from Morrigan and Azriel, kissing the former on the cheek before moving to Felix. Quathryn was crawling all over him, and he had to playfully swat away her hands as she tried to see what was under his eye patches. Kaden put his hands under her arms and lifted her up, smiling grimly when he heard her little giggles.

“You shouldn’t do that Lady Quathryn. Felix is healing.”

Her response was to start poking at his face while giggling madly.

“You’ll be a fearsome warrior one day with hands like that,” Kaden told her.

“She’ll be able to kick your ass soon enough you bastard.” Felix rose and stepped forward. Cassian braced his hands on Felix’s shoulders, guiding his son.

“Home for all three of you. It’s far past everyone’s bed time,” Cassian said, nodding at Nesta.

“Yes, let’s all return to the house.”

Felix swallowed hard. “No thank you, I’ll meet you there in the morning.”

The dark. Felix was still afraid of the night. Kaden’s brows furrowed at the conundrum. His friend was dead on his feet from exhaustion, you could tell from the way he was swaying on his feet, but he wouldn’t sleep if he thought it was night – even if he couldn’t see the day.

The General must have been thinking the same thing, as he said, “I was thinking tonight we could set our mattresses in the lounge room. It can be Thea’s first sleepover.”

“She’s had plenty of sleepovers, that makes zero sense.”  

Cassian and Felix bickered over the issue as Cassian led him away, but Kaden could see exactly what Cassian was doing. He was surrounding Felix with distraction, with those he loved, in a place he felt safe. And that was exactly what he needed.

Next, Morrigan linked her fingers with Azriel. They left quickly. Morrigan whispering that she wanted to give Rhys and Feyre time alone with Eleana. They would speak to her in the morning. Kaden agreed. He just wanted to say goodbye first. He told them he’d meet them at the house, and they left. Azriel looked like he might approach Eleana after all; the two had yet to reconcile about the stupid fight they’d had over him months ago, and Azriel looked as though he was ready to beg on his knees for forgiveness if that’s what it took. Elain and Lucien followed them promptly, Kaden hearing something about Elain wanting to use their guest room.

He stood back from the rulers of the Night Court. The High Lady and Lord were murmuring to Eleana, and if he listened intently enough he could’ve heard them, but he had no intention of breaching their privacy like that.

Eventually, they pulled apart. Rhysand kept a hand on her the whole time, and Kaden could feel his and Feyre’s fear.

It was the same fear Kaden felt. The fear that this wasn’t real, and that any moment her eyes would turn gold and that the creatures that plagued them would swarm.

Rhysand had a hand on her elbow as they walked. Feyre was close behind them, monitoring every one of her daughter’s movements.

“Wait,” Eleana pulled back.

They stopped, and she turned to Kaden.

“Are you coming?” she asked him.

He swallowed. “If you want me to.”

She paused for a moment.

Two.

“Bring an extra set of nightclothes,” she answered.

She let herself be taken from the House of Wind. Feyre subtly nodded at him – yes, he was welcome in their home tonight.

He went to follow them but was stopped by Amren slinking her way in front of him.

He had expected a confrontation between them at some point, he knew she had a distaste for him, but now? He was not in the mood. Since Eleana’s possession, she had made her feelings on him very clear. She did not like him. She thought he’d played a part in Felix’s death and Eleana’s breakdown. There were no words he could say that would convince her otherwise, so he hadn’t tried.

“You did it,” she said.

“Indeed.”

“She’s broken.”

“She won’t be forever.”

“You could have caused irreversible damage in her, doing what you did, Veilsinger.”

“Anything is better than her death. Do you have something other than the obvious to say?” He was tired – of the night, of worrying, of false accusations. He just wanted to go to bed, and he wanted his mate at his side when he did.

“I’m still watching you. We both know this isn’t over. Those creatures have scattered across the earth without a leader. More death is to come.”

He walked around her like she was nothing but an ornamental statue. “I’ll deal with it when the time comes. But right now, I have more important things to do.”

____

The extra pyjamas were for her to wear, not him. Before, she had loved stealing his clothes to sleep in. She’d always said she liked the smell, and she’d wear them even if he wasn’t there. Especiallyif he wasn’t there.

Kaden didn’t know why he was surprised that hadn’t changed.

It was High Lady Feyre who opened the door when he’d knocked. Rhysand was in the lounge, face grave, and barely managed to wave at him as he passed. Feyre walked him to the steps, warning him that Eleana was exhausted and not herself tonight before he could continue to her room.

When he entered, she was facing her window, resting her forehead on the cool glass as she watched the city.

She murmured something quietly, and he asked her to repeat herself while he closed the doors behind himself.

“I can’t get this damn dress off,” she said again. She turned to him, her face covered in red streaks from her tears. “I can’t get this damndress off.” She reached behind her and started yanking but to no avail. She started hyperventilating, her teeth exposed in a snarl as she continued viciously pulling at the  material.

“It’s okay, I’ll help you.” He waited until she said yes before he approached her. He had no idea what kind of gown this was, but not even he could undo the ties. He went to her ensuite, digging around in her drawers until he found scissors. He returned to her, hacking off the dress until it was in taters on the ground.

She stood bare before him, like she had in her mind, but she was not scarless here. Every mark on her body was clear. The scars left from the Colloden – thin lines across her stomach that were a shade lighter than her natural skin. Knicks along her curtesy of her training.

She was quivering, so he led her into the bathroom and ran the bath as hot as he could without burning her. Without a word between either of them, he helped her in. She was completely still. Not moving. Not talking. Just silently weeping.

Kaden took off his shoes and leathers, leaving the rest of his clothes on as he climbed in behind her. With her back to his chest, he helped her wash her body, and massaged her scalp as he cleaned and conditioned her hair.

They soaked for at least an hour before she talked.

“My body feels foreign to me. Like it’s not actually mine.” She was on her side, his arms keeping her from sliding under the cooling water. “The Queen had done things that I never could have imagined. I think, at some point, I started living them again as if I washer. There’s more of her type. Some lands eradicated by her species and the demons they bred, but not all. Whole lands conquered and ravished. In all the worlds I saw, there was only one that survived. One. There’s so much I want to tell you, but I don’t know where to start.”

It was the first time she had really spoken to him since her return.

He tightened his grip on her. “Perhaps a good first step is to get out of this water and into bed.”

She stilled at that, upturning her face. “That’s another thing,” she said quietly, slowly, shamefully. “I don’t – I can’t…” She took a deep breath. “The thought of having sex right now…” She scrunched her face and shook her head. “I need to learn who I am, and what my body is in relation to me before I feel – I’m just not comfortable right now.” Her next words were jumbled, barely intelligible, but Kaden understood her perfectly.

“Eleana, my dark rose, I have no intention of bedding you tonight. Or ever, until you are ready and wanting.”

She shuddered in relief, turning to fully face him, her body curving down his. “It’s not that I don’t want you, just right now-”

“You don’t have to justify it to me.” He smoothed the wet hair from her face, then stroking her jaw with his thumb as he looked deeply into her violet eyes. “I understand. I’m here for whatever you need. For as long as you need. You are my mate after all.”

The word mate made her chew her lip nervously. “Just because you’re my mate doesn’t mean you can’t leave at any time. You are under no obligation to me Kaden, I never wanted you to feel like you were.”

He pushed her off him gently, standing from the tub and pulling off his soaked clothes. He wrapped a towel around himself before leaving the room and coming back with their night clothes. She was up and drying herself and welcomed his shirt as he lifted it over her head. In a matching set, he led her to her bed, letting her get in before he sat next to her atop the covers.

“You being my mate,” he said into the darkness, looking out her windows at the city near decimated, “is a gift beyond comprehension. But, in saying that, if you had told me that first day, I would have been with you for obligation. Even if I loved you, there would have always been a set of shackles that bound us. I needed to learn to care for myself before I could properly care for you. I likely would have harboured resentment for my life here, and you for making the choice for me. But now – now I love you without restraint. I choose Velaris because this is the city of my family and where I will be accepted as more than a Lord’s bastard. I am here because I love you, and I want to be with you, mate bond or not. Eleana, you could drag me across continents, sail me over vast oceans, fly me to the deepest corners of the sky, and I would be grateful for every moment.”

She scooted up the bed and sat up, resting her head on his shoulder.

“That is my truth – my promise to you.”

She pressed her lips to his cheek. “I have loved you for one hundred years, and I will love you for uncountable centuries more.” She cupped his jaw with her hands. “The Suriel warned me once of what was to come. I was too preoccupied with my own drama that I didn’t properly heed his warning. But he did tell me one thing I abided by.”

“What is that?”

“He said that if I stayed with my mate, then I, everyone, would fare fine.”

They stayed in silence for a while. Gazing at the night, gazing at each other, wondering if this could possibly be their life.

Together. Somehow, they had come through this together.

And as Eleana finally spoke of the horrors she had witnessed, her words a lilt, the first snow of winter fell.  

[junker-town]

26 NFL veterans who could be cut this offseason

Some of the league’s highest-paid players will be changing addresses soon.

The 2019 offseason is underway, and clubs across the NFL have until March 13 to get their free agency plans in order. And, for some long-tenured veterans, it could mean an uncomfortable phone call from their general managers.

Players across the league will be forced to free agency as franchises slash down their rosters and create as much cap space as possible in an attempt to build a contender. Last year, former Pro Bowlers like Ndamukong Suh, Jonathan Stewart, Doug Martin, and Richard Sherman were all waived in order to create space for most cost-efficient talent. 2019 will be more of the same, just with different names.

February has already seen players like Connor Barwin, Matt Bryant, and Stewart all served their walking papers. A handful of other well-known players will soon join them, either moving on to the next chapter in their football careers or closing the door on their NFL experience altogether.

Here are the big names who could be released before the 2019 NFL Draft.

Almost certainly gone

Ryan Tannehill, QB, Dolphins

The Dolphins haven’t been shy about their intention to move on from Tannehill after six years. It won’t be cheap, however. Cutting the 30-year-old quarterback would excise a little less than half of his $26.6 million from Miami’s 2019 salary cap. While that eight-figure space-eating dead money is tough to swallow, that’s still $13 million that can be spent on players who actually factor into the team’s plans moving forward. Brock Osweiler was roughly as good as Tannehill last fall, which somehow seems like an insult to both players.

Demaryius Thomas, WR, Texans

Footing the bill for Thomas’s $14.25 million 2019 was a stretch for Houston even before the veteran wideout tore his Achilles in late December. Thomas averaged only 3.3 catches per game after being traded to the Texans, marking his least productive season since 2011. The four-time Pro Bowler is 31 years old and coming off a major injury, which dampens his prospects for 2019. There’s still a place for a healthy Thomas in the league — just not at an eight-figure salary.

Dre Kirkpatrick, CB, Bengals

Kirkpatrick took up $9.5 million in cap space to star on one of the league’s worst passing defenses.

He’ll count a shade under $11 million in 2019. Marvin Lewis is gone, and Cincinnati’s rebuild under Zac Taylor will likely mean Kirkpatrick follows him. The Bengals have to take some big moves to wash the taste of a rotten 2018 finish from their mouths, and jettisoning their fourth-highest paid player could be the next one.

Dwayne Allen, TE, Patriots

Allen was a red zone threat with the Colts, but he’s been little more than a blocker in New England, recording only 13 catches in his two seasons with the Pats. Rob Gronkowski’s uncertain future could give Bill Belichick pause, but his team can save $7.3 million outright by letting his TE2 hit the wire. New England isn’t exactly swimming in cap space for 2019, and Allen, somehow, is the team’s seventh-highest paid player for the upcoming season.

Malik Jackson and/or Marcell Dareus, DTs, Jaguars

Jackson backslid mightily in 2018, failing to justify his $13.5 million salary in the process. The 29-year-old’s sack numbers decreased by more than half, and his sudden decline was endemic of the problems that plagued the 2017 AFC finalists through a 5-11 return to mediocrity. He and Marcell Dareus will count a combined $25.5 million against Jacksonville’s cap in 2019. At least one member of that D-line pairing is likely to be released as the Jags attempt to figure out what went wrong.

Could be excised in a pinch

Joe Flacco, QB, Ravens

Baltimore belongs to Lamar Jackson now, and keeping Flacco as a $26.5 million backup would be a terribly expensive luxury. Releasing or trading him, however, would still leave $16 million of dead money. Holding on to both Jackson and Flacco would cost approximately $28.6 million — a smaller cap hit than Drew Brees, Kirk Cousins, or Matthew Stafford will cost their teams next season.

So while it’s likely the Super Bowl XLVII MVP has played his last snap in Maryland, it’s not unfeasible to think the team could keep him around. If the Ravens can’t find a trade partner this spring, there’s some justification in holding on to him and waiting to see if any preseason injuries inflate his value as the fall approaches.

Cornerback Jimmy Smith, who has missed at least four games in each of the three seasons, could be a casualty as well. The 30-year-old defensive back has his team’s second-highest cap hit, and releasing him would save more than $9 million.

Joe Haden, CB, Steelers

Haden’s second season in Pittsburgh was better than his first. He remained a solid starting cornerback whose fourth-quarter interception of Tom Brady helped keep the Steelers’ postseason hopes alive until Week 17.

Joe Haden! (via @NFL)pic.twitter.com/RiBUk0JOAf

— Pro Football Focus (@PFF) December 16, 2018

But he’s also due to make nearly $12 million in 2019 — a top-12 cap hit for a top-50 player at his position. Excising him would save $10 million, which would go a long way for a team without much wiggle room this offseason; the Steelers only have a projected $10.2 million to spend before bumping up against the cap.

There’s a chance Haden and Pittsburgh could reach common ground on a restructuring. Given the Steelers’ late-season dysfunction and the fact he’ll be 30 years old in April, a trip to free agency with a shot at one last decent-sized contract might be best for the AFC North lifer.

Vic Beasley, DE, Falcons

Beasley was a breakout star in 2016, racking up 15.5 sacks and earning first-team All-Pro honors. In the two years since, he’s only got 10. That makes his $12.8 million cap hit potentially untenable for a Falcons team in need of some improvements. Atlanta has roughly $28.6 million in cap space, and while that’s a workable number, any extra savings would almost certainly come from granting Beasley a change of scenery.

Justin Houston, OLB, Chiefs

Houston is still a crushing pass rusher, but the Chiefs aren’t flush with cash and will have to figure out what to do with Dee Ford this offseason. Cutting the four-time Pro Bowler would give Kansas City an extra $14 million to spend — but can it afford to shed any big-time playmakers from the defense that proved to be its Achilles’ heel in 2018?

DeSean Jackson, WR, Buccaneers Vinny Curry, DE, Buccaneers Gerald McCoy, DT, Buccaneers

Jackson proved he’s still a legitimate deep threat in 2018, but he’s due $10 million for a rebuilding team with one of the lowest available cap totals in the NFL this year. Jettisoning the 32-year-old would help jump-start Bruce Arians’ process in Tampa, and it appears Jackson isn’t especially keen on staying. A clean break could be best for both sides.

Curry underwhelmed in his first season with the defense-less Bucs. Cutting him would save $8 million.

McCoy remains a strong interior defender, but at $13 million he’d be league’s sixth-highest paid tackle. His All-Pro days are behind him as he glides into his 30s, but he’s still a suffocating presence in the middle of the field who is capable of collapsing pockets from the inside out. If Tampa thinks he can thrive with some upgraded support from the edge, he could be worth that eight-figure payday. If not, the Bucs can cut him without owing him a dime.

Jordan Reed, TE, Washington

Releasing Reed would leave a dead cap hit of $3.6 million, which is no small savings for a team without much wiggle room this spring. Reed is a former Pro Bowler, but injuries have limited him to just 31 games the past three seasons and he didn’t look like himself in 2018. He had just two touchdown catches while recording a career-low 64.3 perecent catch rate. However, with Washington’s quarterback situation up in the air the club may value having a veteran safety valve and some continuity more than the $6 million in savings he’d create.

Jordan Reed is a cheat code. Alex Smith finds Reed on the outside-slant and Reed breaks the plane for the touchdown. Also, both Peterson and Reed did the @DeAngeloHall23 celebration when they scored. The respect is real.#Redskins pic.twitter.com/JsUJTNLdGJ

— Chad Ryan (@ChadwikoRCC) September 9, 2018

Vernon Davis is 35, had less of an impact than Reed, and can create $5 million in savings with his release. Washington has its choice of tight ends to get rid of if it needs to create space.

Blake Bortles, QB, Jaguars

Bortles’ playoff performance a year prior earned him a three-year, $54 million stay of execution in Jacksonville. His 2018 saw him go 3-9 as a starter while throwing only 13 touchdown passes and earn a benching in favor of Cody Kessler (!) in the process. Releasing Bortles would wipe $11 million of his $21 million cap hit from the team’s books if he’s shipped out before June, and those savings would be cut in half for any move afterward. The Jags have some time to figure out their quarterback situation — just not a ton.

Robert Quinn, DE, Dolphins DeVante Parker, WR, Dolphins

Quinn underwhelmed in his first season in Florida, and new head coach Brian Flores may want to move in a different direction from the eight-year veteran. His $12.9 million salary would come off the books completely if cut before March 13. It’s been four years since he’s recorded double-digit sacks in a single season.

Parker has never had as many as 750 receiving yards in a season and has averaged only three receptions per game as a Dolphin. Maybe Flores can unlock the potential that made him the 14th overall pick in 2015, but his unguaranteed $9.38 million salary could give Flores a little extra spending cash as he takes on a daunting rebuild in South Florida.

Charles Clay, TE, Bills LeSean McCoy, RB, Bills

Clay fell way off his career averages in 2018, and his inability to adjust to a Josh Allen deep ball in Miami cost Buffalo a likely win against an AFC East rival.

Incredible. #Bills should be celebrating their third-straight win. Josh Allen pulls a miracle out and Charles Clay drops it. #Dolphins win. pic.twitter.com/UExYELYUt4

— Nick Wojton (@Nick_Wojton) December 2, 2018

Cutting him would save the Bills $4.5 million, but they’ve got more than $78 million to spend this offseason, so there’s no rush.

McCoy’s age-30 season saw his yards-per-carry number plummet to a career-low 3.2. Was that due to the injuries he battled all season, the fact Buffalo’s passing offense was one of the league’s least threatening, or because he’s had more than 2,300 carries in his career? A $6.4 million savings isn’t a priority, but it would also allow Buffalo to walk away from the off-field issues that have marred his legacy as a player.

Timmy Jernigan, DT, Eagles Nelson Agholor, WR, Eagles

Jernigan is good enough to justify his $13 million salary when healthy, but Philadelphia headed into the offseason already over the cap and still has to figure out how to handle its Nick Foles situation. The five-year veteran would be a difficult cut to make, but with $7 million in savings to be gleaned from his release, the Eagles may have no other choice.

Same goes for Agholor, who shed the “bust” label that followed him over his first two years as a pro to develop into a useful, if not prolific target for the Eagles. His $9.38 million fifth-year option for 2019 is entirely unguaranteed, and if Philly thinks if can run with Alshon Jeffery at the top of its WR depth chart and a handful of cheaper options like a re-signed Jordan Matthews and Mack Hollins, it could send the USC product to the unemployment line.

Huh, ...maybe?

Allen Robinson, WR, Bears

Robinson was the centerpiece of an offensive overhaul in 2018, and his work on the field helped Mitchell Trubisky develop from overwhelmed rookie into a decent starter. However, the Bears have less than $10 million in spending space this offseason — sixth-lowest in the league. Cutting Robinson, who was good but not great in his first season at Soldier Field, would add $8 million to that total.

Emmanuel Sanders, WR, Broncos

Sanders had what would have been a 1,000-yard season had he played all 16 games and appears to have a good rapport with stopgap QB solution Case Keenum. And the Broncos have more than $36 million to spend this offseason as they rebuild under new head coach Vic Fangio. But releasing the soon-to-be 32-year-old and turning the reins of the receiving game over to Courtland Sutton would free up more than $10 million in cash — so it can’t be ruled out.

Andrus Peat, G, Saints

Peat was part of an offensive line that ranked fourth in the league in sacks allowed in 2018, and he was rewarded with a Pro Bowl bid for his services. But he rated out poorly in individual play, making him and his $9.6 million salary potentially expendable in New Orleans. The Saints have less than $10 million to spend this offseason, and releasing or restructuring Peat would be one way to fund a shopping spree. Restructuring Drew Brees contract and finding a way to cut down his $33.5 million cap hit is probably a more likely road to savings.

Eli Manning, QB, Giants

This would be a far more likely scenario if New York had any semblance of a franchise quarterback waiting in its wings. However, swings on Rhett Bomar, Ryan Nassib, and Davis Webb all failed to work out. 2018 draftee Kyle Lauletta was uninspiring in his first action as a pro, and while the club could snap up the 2019 draft’s first quarterback with the No. 6 overall pick, it may behoove coach Pat Shurmur to keep Manning around to serve as a $23.2 million mentor.

The Giants would save $17 million by releasing their longtime quarterback, a number that would almost double their available cap space for the upcoming season. Those savings drop to $12 million if he’s cut or traded after March 17, so things get a bit more expensive if they wait to see how the draft shakes out.

2018 certainly wasn’t the fresh start Shurmur had hoped for — but without a clear path going forward at quarterback, a clean break and true rebuild might not yet be in the cards.

Derek Carr, QB, Raiders

Oakland has been shedding talent and salary in order to rebuild in Jon Gruden’s image. Cutting Carr — just two years removed from being an honest-to-god MVP candidate — would be a curious move, but so was trading a former Defensive Player of the Year in his prime. Carr is due $22.5 million next fall and would only leave $7.5 million of that on the team’s cap sheet if released. It’s probably not going to happen — Gruden has more than $69 million in space to work with this offseason already — but trying to predict anything the Raiders do at this point seems fruitless.

Releasing AJ McCarron would save $5 million and would likely be the smarter move ... but the smartest move would have been not to trade for the player who got beat out by Nathan Peterman for a spot on the depth chart in the first place.

[suchawonderfullife]

1. The silver lining..

For those who know me personally, you may be wondering why I’ve called this blog “such a wonderful life”? Well, “Wonderful Life” by Hurts is a song of significance to me. The lyrics start with:

“On a bridge across the Severn on a Saturday night, Susie meets the man of her dreams. He says that he got in trouble and if she doesn’t mind He doesn’t want the company But there’s something in the air They share a look in silence and everything is understood Susie grabs her man and puts a grip on his hand as the rain puts a tear in his eye. She says Don’t let go Never give up, it’s such a wonderful life Don’t let go Never give up, it’s such a wonderful life”

It’s about a man about to commit suicide, when he is stopped by a woman, she grabs his hand and assures him it will all be okay. The lyrics continue with her seeing his pain, they fall in love and he starts to believe her words. She saves him. 

I used to listen to this song through my sickest and darkest days. This song still evokes strong emotion when I listen to it, I think because of the memory of how sick I was when I needed to hear these words the most. I remember countless nights in my early 20′s, feeling such immense loneliness and emotional suffering. It would be 2am or some ridiculous time, my insomnia in fine form and I’d just spent another day (like hundreds before that) home alone, too sick to watch tv, talk to anybody or do anything relatively normal. My level of pain and suffering was incomprehensible and honestly, I’m astonished I survived it. I used to meditate lying down, for hours on end just to try and alleviate some of my symptoms, then I’d lie on the couch listening to classical music as that’s all my body could cope with. If I wasn’t on the couch listening to music, I was in bed in complete silence and darkness, just breathing, hoping to fall asleep (but unable to) and waiting for another day to pass. So at 2-3-4am, when the magnitude of my isolation was felt the most, tears streaming down my face and all I could think about was falling asleep and hoping to never wake up, this song spoke to the deepest part of my soul. The part of me that knew life was worth fighting for and that I needed to try and hold on a little longer. You can listen to the song here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TB1x67Do5U

I have to tell you how glad I am that I did hold on. I survived years of suffering that I would not wish on my worst enemy. When you have no hope outside of that fire that burns within you, when doctors tell you you’re too sick to be treated and they don’t know how to help you, that you may never get better, the majority of your friends abandon you from lack of understanding and judgement and there is nothing in your day that brings you joy, distraction or relief. When you’re isolated beyond comprehension and left feeling like a worthless burden to those selfless enough to stick around and love and care for you regardless. I’m glad my multiple suicide attempts through those times were never successful. I’m glad the universe has kept me here. Now I have hope and the possibility of returning to a life where feeling joy, having the ability to participate in society and achieving my goals, will outweigh my level of suffering. I may even feel somewhat “normal”- now that’s a dream i’ve had for almost a decade. 

In just over a month’s time, I will be travelling to the Hansa Center in Wichita Kansas for life-saving treatment for Late Stage Nuerological Lyme Disease and many other conditions this illness has graced me with. This trip has been a year in the making. Over 8 years of trialling endless treatments, a multitude of tests, dozens of doctors, anecdotal evidence from friends and fellow sufferers on their own journey and lastly a years research solely on this clinic and why this is my best shot at helping my body fight such a devastating disease. A disease that has robbed 12 years of my life, taken away my dreams and life plans, has control of all my organs (including my brain), nervous system and tissues, causes dozens (even hundreds) of debilitating symptoms and has actually made me grateful to be the person I am today. 

I don’t want this blog to simply be about me harping on about how sick I am/was, treatments and other sad or challenging things. To me it’s about finding hope and positivity in whatever your circumstances and learning to be grateful for the lessons through things you cannot change or do not have control over. I want this blog to change the way you see the world, to inspire you to never give up, to fight for what you want and to face whatever it is that’s holding you back. 

There is always something positive to come from any experience. A silver lining if you will. So here is mine: In my 2 years of “remission” (ages 18-20), though I didn’t know it was remission at the time, I was a very different person to who I am now. I was still kind-hearted, thoughtful, loving and a decent human being (in my opinion). But I was superficial and possibly too driven. I prided myself on how hard I could work and how much I could achieve. Rest or down-time was not something I cared for. I studied full-time and worked 2-3 jobs. Working less than 20 hours a week was not acceptable to me. I would head out with friends on weekends for big nights out, I was extroverted (still am) and very likeable. I found it easy to get along with anybody and make new friends. My looks were very important, as a personal trainer, exercise was my life and I loved being known as a “gym junkie.” 

I valued myself on how I looked, men finding me attractive, my achievements and status of profession and how likeable I was to others. Basically, I sought value within myself through superficial and tangible parts of my life (as most of us do). So when I became ill, I lost everything that gave me a sense of purpose and made me who I was. A year into being diagnosed as chronically ill (age 21) and I became severely depressed, even suicidal, partly due to my ongoing isolation and grieving the loss of everything I once had. It took me a long time to learn how to re-build my self-worth from nothing. But I did it. 

I slowly learnt the value of being grounded, the importance of genuine connection and meaningful relationships over going out and being liked by whomever I may meet. Now I’d rather have quality time with one good friend, than head out with 10 friends where the conversation is potentially shallow. I’ve learnt how to value myself despite my looks (I haven’t been able to exercise in 8 years and putting makeup on is only possible on really “well” days), despite being unable to work or whatever profession I may have in the future and despite being unable to contribute or participate in society like people expect. Those are the things society TELLS us are important, but if you take them all away, you’re left with nothing. Imagine losing all that shapes you as “you,” becoming a lifeless shell of your former self, how would you get through that and rebuild who you are? 

So what’s important to me now above all else, is my integrity, morals and how I treat others. I’m a good person, I know this and that’s what matters. I also learnt how to say no. How to set boundaries and make sure that I take care of myself first and foremost and others second. I used to bend over backwards for people, but when I put people’s well-being before my own, it was usually for them to like me, to keep the peace, or out of fear they would abandon me if I didn’t help. So my intentions (although from a good place) were actually not genuine. I’ve learnt how to be true to myself and only say yes to things that serve me or things I am capable of doing whilst maintaining my own physical and emotional health. “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” remember that. I also learnt through counselling that you do yourself a disservice every time you step outside yourself and your core values, to simply please someone else. You become inauthentic and are essentially hurting yourself. 

I’m still extroverted, but I’ve learnt how to be alone and embrace simply doing nothing. At 18 I couldn’t even sit through a yoga class, I thought it was “stupid” to waste time breathing deeply and relaxing. I used to get anxiety if it was a Saturday night and I wasn’t out doing something. I hated being on my own with nothing to do. However now, I actually enjoy time alone, doing nice things for myself like having a bath, cooking a healthy meal, going for a walk, sitting in a cafe drinking a coffee just watching people, spending a whole day on the couch binge-watching whatever show I am obsessed with at the time and more. It’s OK to do nothing and this took years for me to accept. But don’t get this confused with severe isolation when you are bedridden. That is when I wanted to die and being that sick, for that long with very limited social contact is beyond challenging and heart-breaking. I am very fortunate to not be THAT sick right now and to have the (although limited) freedom of making some choices on my better days. 

Moreover, I learnt that my circumstances and life need no explanation. I don’t owe anybody anything. I used to justify and explain myself out of fear of judgement. The looks I get when I park in a disabled spot, or get pushed around the shops in a wheelchair, yet would hop out of it to look at something. Feeling unwell at an event and needing to go lie down or leave and not knowing how to tell someone, cancelling plans or suddenly becoming too unwell to speak, move or tolerate a normal sound or smell. It’s exhausting to feel the need to constantly justify your circumstances to people. So I don’t and I don’t care if people don’t “get it.” They’re not people I need in my life. 

I’m also more than happy to put people in their place who feel the need to comment on my circumstances to which they know nothing about. Such as the social injustice warriors fighting for the rights of the disabled and their parking spots. I acknowledge their comment by telling them to go look at the VALID sticker on the dashboard that is registered to me. Ignorance is bliss and good for them, but I certainly won’t be a sitting duck to morons who think their opinion actually matters. I know people sick like myself who would benefit greatly from a disabled sticker, yet are too scared to get one because they may get nasty comments from onlookers as they are not in a wheelchair, of prehistoric age or missing a limb. This may mean the difference between them able to go to the shops or leave their house, something many take for granted. A friend once said (towards people like that) “It must be nice to have such a privileged opinion on disability when you are in full health.” 

My point is, my view of the world and what I thought was important was guided by what society was telling me. Working hard, always being busy, looking good, putting others first and caring what people think. Being so sick from Lyme Disease gave me the time and necessity to build myself back up from nothing and to be able to think for myself. I don’t buy into superficial connections, fakeness, striving for things that will help my social status, people liking me, or doing something because “it’s what you do” or “society says,” because life is too short. What an absolute waste of time and energy that is. 

I’m am empath and I’ve been fortunate enough to find the ability to listen to what my soul really needs in order to be authentic. I have honestly found my true self through all my heartache and I may not ever have had the chance to do that, if I didn’t get sick. You’ll see that I am unapologetically honest about who I am, my life, my desires, interests and dreams. I own who I am and what I want because I am at my happiest when I am true to myself. I don’t believe in filtering my life to ease others discomfort. If you’re uncomfortable, that’s not my problem and I gravitate only towards those who “get me” and embrace all that I am. I can’t tell you how elating that feels. I’ve lost friends because of who I am and choices I’ve made, as they were judgemental and couldn’t see past their own social conditioning and bubble of reality. Don’t get me wrong, that hurts, but they don’t deserve me in their life if that’s their mindset towards someone simply being who they are. This is an outlook people in their 40′s or 50′s start to tap into, when they get tired of living their life how they think they’re supposed to and they just want to be happy. I found this in my 20′s and what a beautiful gift that is. 

If you meet me or have met me, I hope you feel that my energy is genuine, that I have depth, an ability to listen with intent to understand and not simply reply and that I honestly care for people. I have an outlook of positivity, I’m a solutions person and I always find a silver lining. 

How did I get there though? Through my chronic illness journey I have studied Buddhism, found the benefits of Reiki, healing crystals, meditation, detoxing, mindfulness techniques, sought counselling for deep-seeded emotional traumas, read many self help books and more. I got to a point where my physical suffering was so severe and I had nothing to alleviate it, that I decided I needn't suffer more with emotional or mental pain. If I could at least control my mind and learn how to be happy or at peace through my suffering, then maybe I would either get through it, or at least die with some peace. Your mind and the way you view things has such immense power. This kind of growth didn’t only help me “find myself”, but I learnt that it is paramount to long-term recovery. My recovery didn’t start until AFTER I tapped into all these things. 

So I need to express to sufferers out there, that you will NEVER get better if you do not deal with your “shit”, work on yourself and learn how to find peace through your suffering. We all carry trauma and if you’re sick, then it is a part of your chronic illness story. Don’t try to simply fix the physical. I’ve heard this from multiple practitioners and health experts as well, so it’s not just my anecdotal evidence or personal belief. The Hansa Center focus on emotional healing and (from my understanding) adhere to this same belief. 

Thanks for reading. Next I will discuss the journey that led me to choosing Hansa and why I did. Make sure you hit “follow” for future updates.  

Love xx 

[goddamnitaisha]

The Unpromised Land - 21

Start reading C1  HERE List of Chapters   HERE

Clive threw the passenger’s seat door open, and jumped out. She opened the sliding door of the back of the van. “Get lost!”

Megara, who was still strangling the driver with the safety belt, let go and quickly moved to the opened door.

"Wait!” the driver called hoarsely over his shoulder. He pulled the safety belt away from his throat. “How many do we have?”

Clive blocked Megara’s escape way with her arm, and looked over Moogle Girl’s head to count the heads of the children.

“Thirteen!”

“Let her go. The machine can only handle 2 greens per time anyway. We now have an an even number."

What does that mean? Megara pushed past Clive, her mind spinning. Twenty greens? Green what? Are they talking about the children being green? The only green about them was their Lifestream. Are they going to put them in a machine? What machine? That doesn't sound like they are taking the kids to a brothel, or a house.

Megara got out, and began to run away. She looked over her shoulder to Clive, who looked after at her with a glare.

The Reaper-woman closed the door of the van, and now Megara could actually read the text: PLAN-ING meant, apparently,

“PLANET HEALING ©”

Megara stared at them as Clive sat down in the front passenger’s seat of the van, and banged the door shut behind her.

How are they going to rebuild the planet? It makes no sense. The planet can only heal with more Green Lifestream. Where are they going to get it from? Megara thought. She walked backwards as the van slowly drove away. It picked up speed.

The machines can only handle 20 greens per time, the man had said.

Megara’s eyes widened.

The other kids are greens! They will be put into a machine and killed because their souls are made of Green Lifestream! That’s what they mean by ‘planet healing!’

The white van drove off, and left a big trail of dust behind.

Moogle girl stared at the van, and her eyes met the eyes of the wutaiian boy at the back of the van. He looked just as sad as before, and a little more scared now. She gripped the Moogle tightly into her arms.

“Oh no,” she said to her toy. “Oh no, we are not going to let them burn. They’re with us now.”

She watched the van disappear around a big pile of debris.

“I’m going to get them back!” she promised. She started running. Maybe if she was fast enough, she could unlock the back door and the other kids could hop out!

The car was was going faster and faster, passing the Sector Seven church in order to get to the on-plate main road.

She ran faster, but after a moment -did they spot her in the rear mirror?- the car sped up more.

She may not be able to get tired any more, but there was no way she could outrun them! Besides, even if she did jump onto the van, she would be no match for an adult. She had learnt that from fighting zackfair.exe earlier today. How was she going to fix this?

The car braked a little, in order to take the bend in the road without throwing the cargo in the back off balance.

The church!

Megara dashed up the stairs, three steps at the time. She grabbed the hinges of the big doors, and pulled the doors open without effort. She dashed inside, hopped over the boulders of broken stones and lunged for the sword.

She tightened her hands around the hilt, and pulled. It didn’t come out, not on the first try. Neither at the second pull. She huffed, and with the third pull it moved. She bit into the arm of her moogle so she could use all her strength, and with the plushie dangling from her mouth, she tried again.

“Come on!” she groaned. She had to save them!

Suddenly the sword got unstuck.

She fell back, the sword above her head.

“Yesss!”

She caught the moogle plushie falling from her mouth, and put the dull side of the sword on her shoulder. It felt like she was carrying a plank for a house, like a construction builder. Time to get out of here!

There was a big gap in the roof and side of the church, which she used to get out.

“What’s that?” Matthen pointed over the steering wheel at something.

Clive was turned around to pick up the shattered glass that had fallen behind the driver’s chair, and collected in a paper cup. She turned around to glance through the front window. “What is that girl doing on the middle of the road?”

“I don’t know. Maybe she wants back in?” Clive asked.

“What is she holding?”

“I can’t see it,” Matten said.

“A sword! She’s holding a fucking sword!” Clive said.

Matten put his foot on the gas. “I’m going to run her over.”

“You’re going to do what?”

“Run the little bitch over,” he said. He gritted his teeth.

The kids in the back of the van started screaming. Some started crying. The oldest yelled ‘no, no!’

The car roared.

“Shut up!” Clive yelled at them. She could see his point, the Moogle Girl had attempted to strangle him. A ‘green’ soul dying now, or it dying later in the machine… if the child would die, it didn’t really matter when it would die, did it? But still, the idea of hitting and running over a child left a bad taste in her mouth. The machine seemed.. cleaner. Less traces, too. But, yeah, she could see his point.

She buckled up, clicking her seat belt in the holder. She threw the cup of broken glass out of the side window. “Fuck! Matthen!” He needed to go faster!

The girl remained in the middle of the narrow road.

“Why wasn’t she moving!” Did she think she was invincible just because she had a big sword?

“I don’t know!” Matthen yelled.

The car sped closer and closer to the moogle girl, and right at her.

The Moogle Girl lift the plushe and bit into one of its tiny paws. She gritted her teeth.

There was only two car’s lengths between them, then only one. Clive screamed and grabbed the door. All the children in the back screamed, too. Matthen let out a beastial roar and he kicked the gas pedal against the floor of the car. Then the car roared, too.

The Moogle Girl lift the sword from her shoulder. She put the tip of the sword in the sand, twisted it only a little.

There was only two car’s lengths between them, then only one.

Moogle Girl wrapped her hands around the hilt of the sword and put her shoulder against it.

Collision.

The car hit the sword. The blade slid through the number plate, the bumper, and the slight twisted angle of the blade broke the two halves of the car apart: left and right parted in slow-motion, and the remaining space was broad enough for the Moogle Girl to stand in-between.

Her sword slid through the engine, and the roof of the car.

Clive was still screaming, but didn’t hear herself. She stared at the Moogle Girl as the dashboard was cut in the center, the front window cracked in halves, and the brown-haired girl appeared between Matthen and herself

She, the girl, slowly lift her little face up - her expression had an enraged determination Clive had never seen before. Their eyes met. Clives stared into Moogle Girl’s cat-like red eyes, and then time sped up again.

Megara ducked between the driver’s and the passenger’s chair, and held the blade of the sword above her.

The front wheels of the car lifted off the ground. The velocity of the vehicle gave it enough speed to use the sword as a ramp, and it flew into the air.

.

Moogle Girl ducked deeper, biting her plushie.

The shadow of the car passed over her body while the belly of the car passed over her head. Wind raged past her ears. Everyone inside the vehicle was weightless, screaming. It lasted for a second.

Then the van crashed.

As Megara rose to her feet. Because he shoulder hurt and her knees were weak, she didn’t immediately turn around. She didn’t see the vehicle roll, but she could hear it.

She looked over her shoulder, and there it was on the middle of the road, up-side-down like a dead bug.

For a second nothing happened, and there were only clouds of sand that billowed up from the wreckage.

Megara approached. The first three steps she had a limp, but then her body repaired itself and she could walk normally again. She was free of pain, too. Honestly, she felt fine. She felt good! She felt great!

She ran to the back of the van, and the wutaiian child was pounding his fist against the glass. She yanked open the doors at the back of the van open, and children spilled around her feet. It was a messy heap of tears and crying faces.

“It’s alright,” Megara said. She stuck the sword in the ground. She helped the girl that was changing teeth stand up, and slung an arm around her. “You’re with me now.” The boy with the wooden toy phone helped up his little brother, and put his arms around him.

The other children helped each other up.

At the front of the car, Clive and Matthen opened the doors and let themselves fall out. The driver said: “Ouf.”

“The car’s busted,” Clive said. “What were you thinking?!”

“How could I’ve known?!” Matthen shouted back. “Shut up. We can’t continue. We’ll have to get rid of the greens and take the train back to Kalm. We’ll fight this out later.”

“Fine. Help me up, my back hurts.”

Megara didn’t hear it. She was helping up the wutaiian boy. Below him, was another person.

“Here, let me help you,” she said, and took his small hand. But instead of a child, she was helping up a person that was considerably bigger. A full-grown man with silver hair and black leather clothes shook children off his form. He kneeled, then looked up. His eyes were green. This could be-?

“You’re Sephiroth’s brother!” Moogle girl said.

“I’m my own person, alright,” he said. Silver hair fell over his eyes. He let her pull him up, and then stood tall amongst the children. “Previous time you were in the church, you met Loz. I’m the middle brother, Kadaj. When you see Yazoo, you’ll know that you’re close to reviving Him.”

“Sephiroth? How! Tell me how!”

Kadaj laughed with a shrug. “You should better collect your materia.”

A gun clicked behind her, and then another gun. Clive and Matthen had gotten out of the car, and were now aiming the barrels at Megara.

“Moogle girl, turn around,” Clive said.

Megara looked down to the materia in her Moogle, Fire and Lightning, and then up to Kadaj, but he had vanished. Had he been a dream, a sign?

“Turn around!” Clive fired the gun.

The bullet zapped past Megara’s face. She saw it move and tracked it with her eyes. Her fist closed around the Lightning materia.

She turned around and shoved the Moogle in the wutaiian boy’s hands. “Look after this.”

She looked up to Clive and Matthen, two Reapers, two bad people.

She decided never to trust adults any more except Sephiroth and his family. Thanks to His messenger, she had her fist tightly around a lightning materia. “I’m protecting everyone here.”

A crackle of electricity ran up her arm.

She looked up into the barrels of the guns, and when they fired the shots, she ducked. She assumed a boxing stance, and then threw out her punch. “LIGHTNING!”

The sphere of materia, tightly pressed against her hand palm, connected to her bloodstream. The rage and Rejoy in her system made her a very powerful conductor for the bolt. A tiny string of lightning grew as it circled around her heart, and grew more as it slung around her wrist like an angry white snake.

Lightning shot from her extended arm. The bolt hit both Clive and Matthen into the chest. They lifted off the ground, and all their limbs shook as the lightning crackled. The bolt stopped, and they fell onto the ground.

Moogle Girl felt bad when the two Reapers lay motionless on the sand road. But when their bodies faded and they became strings of red lifestream, she stabbed the air above her with her fist. “YES! Yiss! I defeated them!”

Nobody moved, and for a moment only Megara cheered.

She jumped around like a frog, and then did a silly dance with a jump at the end. “Yesss!”

The other children looked scared, worried.

“I saved you!” Megara said, and jumped up happily. She skipped to the boy, and took her moogle back. Then she cheered some more. “I did it!”

“You killed people.”

That made her stop. No one was cheering with her.

“They were going to shoot us dead,” the wutaiian boy said. He pointed at the place the pair of Reapers had lain. “I heard them.”

“I saved you!” Megara said, and grabbed the hands of the teenage boy.

“Thank you,” the tooth-changing girl said.

And suddenly everyone was cheering, and happy, and dancing, and the tiniest toddler boy was still munching on his fist but now he was munching happily.

Megara picked up her sword, and slung it onto her shoulder. She almost went through her knees, but then stood strong. She felt cool. She felt powerful, and it was the best feeling ever. She wasn’t useless any more, Sephiroth’s brother had appeared before her to help her out. Sephiroth was the best.

“Where are you going?” the boy with red hair asked.

Megara laughed over her shoulder. “Back to my spot. Someone’s gotta protect the Sector #2 reactor from Shin-... h-hey, why are you all following me?”

The entire group was following her. They looked a little lost.

“We need to go back to Sector 2, too,” the boy with the red hair said.

“Oh, okay,” said Megara. She continued to walk. And all night they walked, and they talked. Because it was night, there were some monsters on their path, but Megara then dashed forward. She slashed with her new sword, and defeated those with no effort.

“Wooow,” the red haired boy said.

“How did you get so strong?”

“Shh!” Something was off. Midgar’s Sector 2 was calm, so it was kind of like going home, but then something was wrong. She was being observed.

A pebble hit the road in front of her.  

Around them was debris stacked as high as houses. At the top of it, stood a group of children. Some were younger, but most were her age or older. Some were even teenagers. They had a mean or playful expression on their faces.

“You’re a trespasser,” one voice of a kid on top of the debris said.

Megara looked at the boy with the red hair, and the wutaiian child. “Looks like you’re back home.”

The wutaiian kid shook his head. “No, I want to stay with you.”

The redhaired boy stuck out a finger. He looked at his friends from his gang, and then he pointed at her. “She’s strong!”

Now everyone was looking at her.

“N-now, wait a minute,” Moogle Girl said, crumbling under the attention. “This isn’t what I-.... I only walked with you to drop you off.”

“She’s got a sword, and earlier we had money, and she had candy,” he said.

“Really?” the boy with the wooden telephone asked.

“I’m staying with her,” the Wutaiian boy said. “She’ll protect us!”

“Hold on,” Moogle girl said, now slightly panicked. This wasn’t what she had intended! An easy drop-off mission was now putting her at the centre of everyone’s stares.

“I wanna stay with you too!” the girl with changing teeth said.

Wooden mobile-phone guy broke into an explanation on how Megara had saved them from certain death. He gestured with his hands. Others interrupted, filled in missing parts on his story.

“No, shush!” Megara said, but they didn’t listen.

“And then the lightning went ZAPPER-THE-ZAP, and the bad guys disappeared!”

“Wooow,” three kids said in chorus.

“I… I don’t believe you!” another kid said. She threw a stone a Megara’s feet.

“It really happened,” Megara said. She took a Fire materia from her moogle, and aimed her fist at the sky. “FIRE!”

And suddenly a big tree of a flame appeared above their heads, and all the kids stared at her in awe. Then she realized, Materia is power. Just like Kadaj had said, you should better collect your materia. If she could teach every of these kids how to use materia, she would have her own private army!

“It really happened,” Megara repeated, breathless. “So if you want my protection and shelter and warmth, you must follow me. You must be prepared to help me. I’m the boss. Then I will teach you how to fight… to beat anything! I’ve already beaten over a hundred, over a thousand monsters!”

“Cool!” a kid said.

Some kids nodded.

“Why do we have to fight?” another asked.

“To defend yourselves-... ” She felt like she was talking to a crowd, and she didn’t know where to look, so she just looked at all of them, turning her head to a new face at every word she spoke. “-because this world is rotten. Gaia is dying and no one is going to help us. Everyone hates us. When Reapers get you, you never come back. So we need to fight for ourselves and eventually... we get back at The Company.”

There was a murmur among them. Defeating Shin-Ra, yes, that sounded good.

“Together we will bring Shin-Ra on their knees,” Moogle Girl said, and her voice gained a lower tone, as if two people were speaking the same words at the same time: “...and we will make them beg for forgiveness.”

[twf100]

New Year’s Eve on the Western Front

December 31, 1914

By New Year’s Eve 1914 a war that was supposed to end before the leaves fell had turned into a stalemate along the entire Western Front.

Following the invasion of Belgium in August and the fall of the Liege forts, the Battle of the Frontiers commenced on August 7 with appalling results. Less than one month later the French, British and German armies had suffered over half a million casualties.

The war was almost won by the Germans at the Battle of the Marne but the French, with crucial British assistance, succeeded in turning the Germans back. Paris and France was saved but another half a million casualties had been lost. The war was hardly 2 months old and a million men had already been killed or injured so badly they could no longer fight.

Trenches at Dodengang, Diksmuide Belgium

October found the Allies and Germans trying to outflank each other in the Race to the Sea. Neither would succeed and the Battle of the Yser and the First Battle of Ypres would be fought. The intentional flooding of the West Flanders countryside with sea water, the birth of the legend of the Kindermord at Langemarck, the heroic actions of the British Old Contemptibles with rifle fire so rapid the Germans thought they were machine guns, and settling into the trenches; the first year of the war would close with another quarter of a million casualties between the two sides. 

December 31, 1915

The second year of the war would be one of pointless battles that would cost many lives while resulting in no gain for either side. The Germans, tenaciously holding on to the ground they had gained the previous year, dug their trenches deeper, built bunkers and pillboxes, and constantly reinforced their lines with wire and concrete. The Allies, desperate to throw back the invaders, attacked with ineffective plans and insufficient ammunition. 

Neuve Chapelle, 20,000 casualties. 

Second Ypres and the first deployment of poison gas by the Germans, over 100,000 casualties.

Second Artois, over 200,000 casualties.

Loos, 85,000 casualties.

Second Champagne, another 217,000 casualties.

By New Year’s Eve, over half a million more men lost. The Germans were still in Belgium and France. The Western Front had not moved any significant amount.

German blockhouse, Aubers France

December 31, 1916

A year that would make the previous look mild in comparison. If the Ypres Salient was one of the most dangerous places in human history the year 1916 would add two additional locations for consideration.

On February 21 the Germans would attack at Verdun with the goal of “bleeding France white”. The Battle of Verdun wrapped up in mid-December with nearly a million casualties split evenly between the French and Germans.

Allied trench, Beaumont-Hamel France

In order to relieve pressure on the French defending at Verdun the Allies would launch the Battle of the Somme on July 1 and 20,000 British soldiers would be killed in the first minutes of the attack. By November almost 1.2 million casualties would again be split between the two sides of the battle. 

Once again, on New Year’s Eve neither side had made any significant progress in either direction during the course of the year.

December 31, 1917

Something had to change or the war would never end. 

The Germans pulled back to the Hindenburg Line in February, chopping down every tree, poisoning every well, burning or booby trapping every building and blowing up every road as they moved back to the heavily reinforced positions that they had built in late 1916. It would be very difficult to get them out now.

German trenches at Bayernwald, Heuvelland Belgium

French General Robert Nivelle thought he knew how to break the stalemate and launched his offensive in April. The result was a disaster. Nearly two hundred thousand casualties for the French alone, numerous mutinies among the French troops and the sacking of Nivelle. Petain, the hero of Verdun, would be put in charge of French forces but it would take many months before the army could be reliably sent into battle.

In order to relive pressure on the French the British stepped up with attacks of their own. In May they would be rewarded at Arras with almost 160,000 casualties while the Germans would suffer nearly as many.

In June the British attacked at Messines Belgium. Ten thousand Germans were killed in their trenches and bunkers when 19 huge mines were detonated along the Messines Ridge.

The Battle of Passchedndaele was launched by the British on the last day of July. The weather quickly turned sour. Nearly a million British and German casualties would be suffered as the fighting continued into November with thousands of men sucked under the mud of Flanders, drowned and lost forever.

The United States had entered the war in April but had not deployed troops in any serious numbers yet. The French and the British needed to hang on until the Americans could arrive in force. The British sent tanks into battle for the first time at Cambrai in November and optimism started to grow among the Allies, if they could just keep the Germans back.

December 31, 1918

Despite Allied optimism there was no sign that this would be the final year of the war.

British trench, Ypres Belgium

On March 21 the Germans launched the Kaiserschlacht (Kaiser’s Battle) in the hopes of defeating the French and British before the Americans could be deployed in heavy numbers. German commander Erich Ludendorff gambled everything he had, throwing his youngest and best trained soldiers into the attack. Early gains were impressive and the German army again threatened Paris. The hope was that the French would seek an armistice but the Germans soon struggled to supply their troops far away from the Hindenburg Line. By July Germany had lost their youngest, bravest and best equipped troops, the Allies had regained the advantage. The Americans were now at the front in force and were making a critical difference. The Germans were impressed with American bravery at Belleau Wood in June and would lose over 10,000 casualties.

At the Second Marne over 300,000 men would be lost as casualties with the Germans losing 30,000 captured as prisoners of war.

An additional 340,000 casualties would be lost by both sides at Soissons in July.

But by this point the tide had indeed turned. At Ameins on August 8, the opening day of the 100 Days Offensive, the Germans suffered a collapse in morale and the loss of 50,000 captured as prisoners. Ludendorff would call this “the black day of the German Army”.

German bunkers l'Abri du Kronprinz, Varennes-en-Argonne, France

The Meuse-Argonne Offensive began on September 26 and would become the largest and deadliest battle in American history. 320,000 casualties would be lost between the Allies and the Germans with nearly 200,000 coming from the American army. The battle continued right up until 11am, November 11 when the armistice took effect.

The Great War cost 40 million military and civilian casualties. Cities along the front were pulverized into rubble, some never to be rebuilt. Governments fell and some countries ceased to exist. Rebuilding from the war would not be complete until well after the conclusion of the Second World War.

The guns fell silent on November 11 1918, but the war was not yet over. It would take the signing of the Treaty of Versailles on June 28 1919 for the Great War to officially end. To follow, a failed attempt at an international body of nations to prevent another catastrophe like the Great War from ever happening again, the arbitrary division of the Middle East by the Allies creating a future of resentment and distrust still prevalent today, a transfer of global economic power from pre-war London to post-war New York City and a simmering anger among German soldiers and citizens feeling that they had been betrayed by some of their own countrymen not loyal to the Fatherland. Peace would last for just 20 years.

However on December 31st 1918, despite the devastation, the Western Front was quiet on New Year’s Eve for the first time in five years.

December 31, 2019

Wishing you a happy and peaceful New Year in 2020. Lest we forget.

British trench at Sanctuary Wood, Ypres Belgium

[torentialtribute]

Wilfried Zaha, Nabil Fekir and Kieran Tierney top Arsenal’s shopping list as Emery aims for rebuild

Unai Emery hope to kick off Arsenic

next season

Emery starts its summer shopping with an arm tied behind his back, however, after his side did not qualify for the

It means that Arsenal has a starting budget of around £ 45 million and hopes for a few cheap deals.

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Unai Emery must rebuild his Arsenal squadron on a worn budget this summer

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After not qualifying for the Champions League , Emery now has around £ 40 million to spend

Without the money to launch a Manchester City-style cut-out, Emery will have to trust the Gunners' brass blowers to beat or t.

Gabriel Martinelli, 18, was the first player through this window after signing from £ 6m from Ituano earlier this week – meaning that Arsenal now has the best share of just £ 40m to play with.

If they were able to steal a few bargains on the market, Emery would ideally like to win the winger, the middle half and a full back – and possibly also a back-up keeper and another midfielder.

They are priced from deals for players such as Manchester United's Eric Bailly and the center of Barcelona back Samuel Umtiti, but are hopeful that Crystal Palace will raise their asking price of £ 80 million for Wilfried Zaha

. Sportsmail looks at Arsenal's summer targets and how they can all come true.

<img id = "i-a700c5e61e018190" src = "https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/07/02/15/15533774-7205029- image-a-27_1562076724347.jpg "height =" 438 "width =" 634 "alt =" Gabriel Martinelli signed for £ 6m this week, but who else will follow him through the door?] <img id = "i-a700c5e61e018190" src = "https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/07/02/15/15533774-7205029-image-a-27_1562076724347.jpg" height = "438" width = "634" alt = " Gabriel Martinelli signed for £ 6m this week, but who else will follow him through the door? "

Gabriel Martinelli signed this week for £ 6m, but who else will follow him through the door?

The Gunners have opened discussions with Crystal Palace about a dive to their number 1 target, but Sportsmail understands that an official bid has yet to be submitted.

Arsenal has made it clear that they value Zaha for around £ 40 million – half the rating of Palace.

It seems that both clubs do not agree to trade for Zaha despite the the fact that the Palace player encourages him to leave for Arsenal, the club he supported as a child

Should Emery pull this out one by one, it will maximize their budget and allow little leeway for ranks to be further strengthened.

<img id = "i-6aa4cbb17c8a18e8" src = "https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/07/03/13/15580712-7208929-image-m- 43_1562155456678.jpg "height =" 602 "width =" 634 "alt =" Wilfried Zaha is desperate for a move to Arsenal, but Palace appreciated him with a hefty £ 80 million "

Wilfried Zaha is desperate looking for a move to Arsenal, but Palace appreciates him for a hefty £ 80 million "

Wilfried Zaha is desperately looking for a move to Arsenal, but Palace appreciates him for a hefty £ 80 million Brahimi (Porto) – ]

The Gunners are reportedly in conversation with Porto to bring the 29-year-old winger to the Emirates. the contract of the player in Portugal that has just expired means that he can switch to a free transfer.

Although he might not be the signing of the big ticket that some supporters would like, especially given the dangling root of Zaha, he would have eaten his best season for goal last year

It is clear that the clubs are busy, but the two sides agree somewhat with agreeing personal terms and conditions.

<img id = "i-d28e8807c4a0a747" src = "https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/07/03/13/15580726-7208929-image-a -46_1562155518316.jpg "height =" 489 "width =" 634 "alt =" <img id = "i-d28e8807c4a0a747" src = "https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/07/03/ 13 / 15580726-7208929-image-a-46_1562155518316.jpg "height =" 489 "width =" 634 "alt =" Porto winger Yacine Brahimi could sign for free, but they have to agree on personal terms and conditions, but they can sign for free must agree on personal terms and conditions "

Porto winger Yacine Brahimi was able to sign for free, but they must agree on personal terms and conditions Fraser was one of the most consistent artists for Bournemouth last season and has as such interest from

Bournemouth has a £ 30 million price tag on the international shot, which again would represent a large part of Arsenal's summer budget. to continue to push Fraser and the Scotland international.

Although it persists for a long time, it seems to be slipping away from Emery's grasp.

he will not leave Bournemouth

The Celtic left back has been the object of a £ 15 million bid in recent days with Arsenal keen to land the player's signature.

Arsenal is expected to return with a second bid of £ 19 million, hoping to get the Scottish side down from their appreciation of £ 25 million while the Gunners want to save every possible pound

However, Sportsmail understands that Napoli threatens to make the Gunners yawn in the race for the 22-year-old vulture Emery will have to act quickly if he wants to swing his second summer through the door.

<img id = "i-1ce343dd3fda712b" src = "https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/07/03/13/15580716-7208929- image-m-50_1562155649036.jpg "height =" 435 "width =" 634 "alt =" Arsenal hopes to sign Kieran Tierney for £ 19 million, but Celtic will probably hold out £ 25 million]

Arsenal hopes to sign Kieran Tierney for £ 19 million, but Celtic is likely to hold out £ 25 million hoping to sign Kieran Tierney for £ 19m, but Celtic will probably contain £ 25 million

William Saliba (Saint Etienne) – £ 27m

] The highly valued central defender enjoyed a breakthrough campaign in League 1 and became an established part of Jean-Louis Gasset & # 39; s strong improved Saint-Etienne.

Spurs also chases the 18-year-old, according to reports and are ready to negotiate with the game. r open.

Equipe claims that the side of Emery is still the preferred destination of 18 years this summer after agreeing to a provisional contract with the club last week.

William Saliba, 18, is a highly valued defender and Tottenham is also fighting for his signature.

<img id = "i-fec904b0a8a215c7" src = "https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/07/03/13/15580722-7208929-image-a-53_1562155705963. jpg "height =" 423 "width =" 634 "alt =" <img id = "i-fec904b0a8a215c7" src = "https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/07/03/13/15580722 -7208929-image-a-53_1562155705963.jpg "height =" 423 "width =" 634 "alt =" William Saliba, 18, is a highly valued defender and Tottenham also fights for his signature "

William Saliba, 18, is a highly regarded defender and Tottenham Eray Comert (Basel) – £ 7m

Arsenal increases their interest in Basel and defends Comert with discussions scheduled with his

agents in Switzerland

Comert is keen to move to London and the 21-year-old can be snatched from Basel for less than £ 7 million in Basel & # 39; s training camp before the Munich season , where he spent five days in Londe this summer n has worked on his personal condition with the former Olympic sprinter D in Great Britain wain Chambers.

Arsenal is expected to send representatives to Basel for discussions on Saturday.

<img id = "i-913224b0fa7b640f" src = "https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/07/03/13/15580978-7208929- image-a-54_1562155800730.jpg "height =" 336 "width =" 634 "alt =" Arsenal intensifies their interest in Basel, defends Eray Comert, which could only cost £ 7 million "<img id =" i-913224b0fa7b640f "src = "https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/07/03/13/15580978-7208929-image-a-54_1562155800730.jpg" height = "336" width = "634" alt = "Arsenal intensifies their interest in Basel, defends Eray Comert, who could only cost £ 7 million "<img id =" i-913224b0fa7b640f "src =" https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/07/03/ 13 / 15580978-7208929-image-a-54_1562155800730.jpg "height =" 336 "width =" 634 "alt =" <img id = "i-913224b0fa7b640f" src = "https://i.dailymail.co.uk /1s/2019/07/03/13/15580978-7208929-image-a-54_1562155800730.jpg "height =" 336 "width =" 634 "alt =" <img id = "i-913224b0fa7b640f" src = "https: //i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/07/03/13/15580978-7208929-image-a-54_1562155800730.jpg "h eight = "336" width = "634" alt = "Arsenal increases their interest in Basel defender Evers Comert, who could only cost £ 7 million

Klostermann played for Germany in the European Championship under 21

The Spanish magazine AS reports that Atletico and Arsenal both want to add the 23-year-old to their squadron for the new season.

]

Klostermann has already made two appearances for Germany at senior level, which impressed Arsenal. Lukas Klostermann played for Germany in the European Championship under 21 "

<img id =" i-19b5270618ad6400 "src =" https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/ 2019/07/03/13 / 15580992-7208929-image-m-56_1562155858723.jpg "height =" 566 "width =" 634 "alt =" Lukas Klostermann played for Germany in the European championship under 21 for Germany in the European Under -21 Championship

Lukas Klostermann played for Germany in the European Under-21 Championship

Nabil Fekir (Lyon) – £ 25m

Fekir seemed determined to go to the Premier League on the eve of last summer's World Cup, before the £ 53m switch to Liverpool collapsed on the medical ground concern

According to L&E Equipe, the Gunners are still deciding whether to want to make an action for the Frenchman who is awarded the World Cup with whatever potential move depends on whether they can discharge Mesut Özil.

Fekir is said to be a player with an international pedigree and a few seasons of sustaine follow the good form. Although £ 25 million is a big blow to Emery's budget, the Gunners might break if the player decides to move to North London.

One thing to the advantage of Arsenal is that Lyon has confirmed that it is a & # 39; ajar door & # 39; have left because of his departure – meaning they would be willing to negotiate.

Former Lyon boss Bruno Genesio also urged the Gunners to submit their offer.

<img id = "i-f5a8f0dd6fd0df41" src = "https://ift.tt/2XRQftX. jpg "height =" 561 "width =" 634 "alt =" Nabil Fekir would come with an international pedigree and a few seasons of continuing success "and a few seasons of continuing success"

Nabil Fekir would eat with international pedigree and a few seasons of continued success The 19-year difficult approach has been the subject of questions from Arsenal and Atletico Madrid earlier this year

Walter Kannemann (Guild) – £ 10 million

would sell the militant Argentinian international, nicknamed The Viking, for £ 10.2 million and would like to go to Europe.

Kannemann is lower on Emery & # 39; s shopping list, but for such a relatively meager amount it could prove attractive prospect for the Gunners.

Guild would be willing to sell for 28 years – old defender Walter Kannemann for £ 10.2 million

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[itsworn]

We make a 1964 Chevelle more reliable and efficient with Holley Sniper EFI

The popularity of modernizing a classic Chevrolet is undeniable. The automotive aftermarket supports the modifications with lots of great parts that allow you to bolt modern technology to a vintage platform. And while LS swaps are commonplace, a good old-fashioned small-block Chevy can be treated to modern technology and still retain its nostalgic nature. In our case, we’re dealing with a bone-stock 283ci small-block Chevy under the hood of a 1964 Chevelle. This engine has never been cracked open or messed with, so it’s a great application for daily driving, especially when we replace the leaky and wheezy Rochester two-barrel carburetor.

Our choice for a modern induction system is a Holley Sniper EFI system. The system bolts to any manifold with a four-barrel carburetor flange, and will work on a 600-horsepower stroker as well as our 200-horsepower stocker. The beauty of the system is that it tunes itself as you’re driving down the road. It’s fully configurable to your own custom settings, but it’s also equipped with default settings that can get you wherever you need to go. For our setup, it made the most sense to include a Holley EFI-ready fuel tank with our Sniper system so the fuel pump would be submerged in the tank for quiet and reliable operation.

The combination of the EFI-ready fuel tank and the Holley Sniper EFI system offered an easy and clean installation. We wanted the old-school engine to have the right look so we took the opportunity to clean the engine and outfit it with some fresh Holley accessories while it was apart. Without a close visual inspection, you’d never know the car has fuel injection, but the ease of operation makes it quite obvious that we’re no longer dealing with an old Rochester carburetor.

After the Holley system tuned itself and we tweaked a few of the air/fuel ratio settings, it was time to put some miles on the refreshed 283, and we did just that. Cold start and hot start behavior improved greatly. We also noticed a small bump in average fuel mileage, going from 16 mpg to nearly 18 mpg. Given the upgrade to an aluminum dual-plane intake manifold and the precise fuel curve of the Holley Sniper system we undoubtedly gained horsepower but didn’t feel the need to twist the guts out of the tired 283 on the dyno. After all, this install isn’t strictly about power and torque—it’s about user-friendly technology that can bring any old-school engine into the modern era.

We installed the system in our garage with standard tools that are mostly likely already in your toolbox. If you’re doing the fuel tank and the Sniper system install like we did, set aside a couple of good weekends in the shop to make the conversion. Whether you’re dealing with a bone-stock engine like this one or a rowdy Saturday night special, this Holley Sniper EFI system is a bolt-on solution to fuel system tuning that you can install and tune at home.

1. Our starting point is the original 283ci small-block in our 1964 Chevelle. We’ve already installed a new water pump, electronic ignition, Vintage Air A/C, and a Powermaster one-wire alternator. It’s time to wake up this sleepy Mouse motor with Holley EFI.

2. The original air cleaner goes to the swap meet pile, and the old Rochester two-barrel carburetor isn’t far behind. Despite a recent rebuild, it still leaked and had an off-idle hesitation.

3. The original air cleaner goes to the swap meet pile, and the old Rochester two-barrel carburetor isn’t far behind. Despite a recent rebuild, it still leaked and had an off-idle hesitation.

4. One of our first modifications to the 283 was an electronic ignition system. And since the Holley Sniper EFI is compatible with our current distributor, we’ll be reusing it, but freshening up the ignition system with a new coil and plug wires.

5. After removing the upper radiator hose, heater hose, throttle linkage and fuel line, we yank the cast-iron intake and Rochester two-barrel carburetor. Judging by the condition of this car, this is probably the first time the intake manifold has been removed.

6. We stuffed rags into the ports and scraped gasket material until the cylinder heads were clean. With more than 50 years of heat cycles the gaskets were baked on, but a sharp putty knife did the trick.

7. Replacing the original cast-iron intake manifold is this Weiand Street Warrior dual-plane aluminum intake (PN 8150). It was a no-brainer to go with an aluminum intake versus a stock-style cast-iron unit for weight savings, a clean appearance, and, of course, a four-barrel flange for easy installation of the Holley Sniper EFI system.

8. Using a combination of Fel-Pro gaskets and Permatex RTV on the ends, we create a welcoming environment for the new intake.

9. We carefully lower the intake manifold into place, being sure that our bolt holes are lined up and that we don’t damage the beads of silicone.

10. After grabbing a new engine bolt kit from Summit Racing, we installed the new hardware and tightened it while the silicone was still pliable. We start by tightening the four bolts closest to the carburetor flange and then working our way outward.

11. We want to get the water flowing as soon as possible on our daily driver Chevelle so we went with a 160-degree thermostat. It’s also important to note that the Holley Sniper EFI system does not start self-learning until the water temp reaches 160 degrees.

12. The distributor easily slides back into place, with the rotor pointing toward the number one cylinder once the distributor is seated.

13. Now it’s time for the fun stuff! We’re ready to install the Holley Sniper EFI throttle body. We ordered ours with the Classic Gold finish (PN 550-516), and it should look right at home on our stock 283ci engine.

14. The Sniper EFI throttle body bolts onto a four-barrel intake, using four bolts, or in our case, four studs and nuts.

15. Our original throttle linkage can be reused, but every car is different. Your application may need some adjustment to have the full range of motion.

16. The Holley Sniper EFI kit comes with a modern style coolant temperature sensor, which threads into the Weiand intake manifold with a small amount of sealant on the threads. Then, we plug in the connector from the Sniper wiring harness.

17. Wiring for the Holley Sniper EFI system is self-explanatory, as most of it is a simple plug-and-play connection.

18. As we routed the wires and the fuel hoses (supply and return), we found a nice home for the fuel pump relay. This clamp holds the fuel hoses and the relay, and it mounts to the heater box stud for easy access.

19. Our Chevelle doesn’t have many accessories so we were able to run the 12v power wire to an open terminal on the fuse block. The important thing is that the terminal provides a constant 12 volts with the key in the On position.

20. The Holley Sniper EFI kit features a small yellow wire that connects to the negative side of the ignition coil. We shortened the wire and installed a ring connector before installing it on the coil.

21. The final step for wiring is to install the main hot wire and ground directly to the battery. This works best if you have a battery with top and side posts. The only remaining wire in the system is the blue wire, which powers the electric fuel pump.

22. The Sniper EFI throttle body has three options for the fuel supply line and we chose the one at the driver-side rear. The fuel return hose connects on the passenger side at the rear of the unit, where the built-in fuel pressure regulator is located. We used Earl’s 3/8-inch fuel-injection hose and clamps.

23. There are a couple of options for fuel delivery. One is to install an inline fuel pump outside of the tank and the other is to install a new EFI-ready fuel tank. We opted for the new Sniper EFI-ready Fuel Tank (PN 19-105), as this allowed us to use the supplied in-tank Walbro 255-lph fuel pump.

24. We covered the complete installation of the Holley EFI-ready fuel tank and pump system in a previous article. After fitting the fuel pump and sending unit assemblies to the new tank, we connect the blue fuel pump power wire, the grounds, and the fuel hoses.

25. Since we’re swapping to an electric fuel pump, we need to block off the original mechanical fuel pump hole. Holley includes this finned plate in its Sniper EFI kit.

26. Finally, we needed to install a bung for the O2 sensor. There isn’t a precise, preferred angle but as long as the O2 sensor is at least 90-degrees in relation to the ground, it will keep it from showing a false reading due to collecting condensation or raw fuel.

27. Now we can finally put power to the system by hooking up the battery, and turning the ignition switch to the On position. The Holley Sniper EFI handheld display quickly loads and starts a series of options to select. First is the system type, which includes the part number of our Sniper EFI kit.

28. From there, the display gives you the option for number of cylinders, which is obviously eight for this application.

29. Holley’s system features a sliding scale for the cubic inches. We move the bar to 283 cubic inches and click Next.

30. Next is the target idle speed, which we set for 850 rpm. This is something that we can dial in later, as the system tunes itself.

31. The next option is for the type of camshaft in use. The three options give the Sniper EFI system an idea of your engine’s build type so that it can tune accordingly. Our old 283 is bone stock, so we chose the Stock/Mild option.

32. Power Adder Type is the next option, which we answer with None. The Sniper EFI system is capable of supporting nitrous oxide, supercharged, and turbocharged combinations.

33. The final option is the ignition source. For our application, we’re running an old-style small-body distributor with an external coil, so we choose the “Coil (-)” option.

34. And now for the moment of truth, we turn the key and the car fires within a couple of rotations of the starter. The Holley system has default settings for target air/fuel ratios, which can be changed to your liking. The system begins self-tuning when the coolant temperature reaches 160 degrees (this can also be changed).

35. We finished off the Sniper EFI install with a set of Holley’s new Vintage Series finned aluminum valve covers in polished finish (PN 241-241). We matched it with a 14-inch round finned aluminum air cleaner (PN 120-151), complete with 3-inch premium element.

Source:

Holley Performance Products

866.464.6553

www.holley.com

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[uniquelistus]

51 Chinese Business Recipes, Tips for Successful Starting a Business

uniquelist.us 1. Yan Bi Xin, Xing Bi Guo. Meaning: Hold the promise firmly and finish it to the end. One of the most powerful things used to judge a person's quality is how firmly he holds his word. Not just in the world of work, in everyday life you are reluctant to have a relationship with someone who is unable to hold a promise. Therefore, get used to always obey the words you say. Keep your appointments, obey deadlines, and come on-time in meetings with clients. It will all be a plus for your reputation. 2. Cha Ruo Hao Li, Miu Yi Qian Li. Meaning: A small mistake is the beginning of a big problem. Making mistakes is human. But do not just sit on your chin and ignore a negligence without doing anything to fix it. The Chinese believe that a small, neglected problem will someday develop into a great tempest. Therefore, from now on familiarize yourself to give perfect results in every task that is done. Do not allow any loopholes to make unnecessary mistakes. It's as simple as that. 3. Xink Bi Guo. Meaning: Working to completion. The Chinese believe that working da produce a work is one way to prove to the world about your being. Proverbial, living in this world, will not be worth if you do not do something useful for yourself, family, and others. Time and opportunity is a luxury that is never abandoned. So, in a career, get used to always complete the task that you have started and do not measure the job with material satisfaction alone. By producing good work, you will gain personal satisfaction and master the field of work. 4. Huo Yao Kong Xin, Ren Yao Xu Xin. Meaning: Be humble in order to always be able to improve yourself. Taking care of the career from the lowest position is not a problem for Chinese citizens. For them, prestige is a bad trait that will absolutely keep you from success. Therefore, departing from any position, they believe that one day will reach the highest office. With note, always learn and strive to improve personal ability. So do not let the positions listed on business cards limit themselves to dreaming as high as possible. 5. Fu Shui Nan Shou. Meaning: Do not live in the past. The Chinese believe that failure or success in the past is a valuable consideration for you to move in the future. But do not let you live in the past. In order to be successful, you must focus all your energy and awareness on the things that are being dealt with. Stop thinking about mistakes in the past and concentrate on achieving success in whatever task you are working on right now. 6. Gua Yang Tou, Mai Gou Rou. What it means: If you want other people to do what you ask, give them the appropriate example. This advice is very useful for you who occupy the position of manager in the company. The best lessons that you give others are delivered by giving the right example. In the west, this is referred to as "Lead by Example". Show you a reliable boss, before commanding the boys to show similar behavior. 7. Zhong Yan Ni Er. Meaning: Do not let criticism discourage you. The higher the tree the faster the wind will hit it. If it is not firmly gripping the ground, it will someday collapse in the wind. So it is with humans. The higher the position of someone, the more fierce the criticism directed towards him. So, strengthen yourself and take advantage of spicy criticism from others as a material to improve themselves. Ignore the criticism that is not build and just thrown to drop you. 8. Xuan Liang Ci Gu. Meaning: Do not let failure stop you from going forward. The Chinese always assume that every obstacle encountered in this life will bring him to a better condition. Like a test of promotion, if successfully passed, then the rewards received greater. So, if you want to succeed, muster all your energy and mind. If you encounter problems, do not give up quickly and discouraged. Immediately try to find a solution so you can immediately rise again. 9. Businesspeople should try to look attractive. Appearance is not the main one but the first. Thus, the customer is interested in the first person, then the goods are traded. In this case the science of management is certainly useful. If the appearance is not good. In fact, to visit any people do not want. 10. Thoughts focus on one thing. Can not be duplicate. Seriousness to keep running a business. In addition we also must be experts in the field of business that we run. Many people often say this with a side business when this can disrupt the business focus for beginner business 11. Quick answer. The world of business is similar to the world of war.Banyak we meet people who are easily hesitant easily hesitate. The lack of confidence to take risks is the cause of failure to act. 12.Pandai sees opportunity. Some have learned the law of this market and a businessman must master it. There are two aspects to the previous plan. The first is the natural factor of both the influence of demand and supply, the formula: The amount of supply will determine if the price rises or falls. Similarly, the strong / weak demand will determine whether the price rises or falls. 13. Lifestyle affects the success of one's business. If we are new to business and do not yet have the ability to utilize the results of the already larger stylized stakes of the stake rather than the pole, then the business venture we build will stay the story. 14. Many people abandon the old philosophy that traders hold. "Fortunately a little but a lot", this philosophy is important to keep the business continuity in the long term. 15. Chinese people have a handle that successful people are people who take advantage of every minute there. 16. The Chinese view that investing is a basic journey to reach wealth, while savings interest can not bring wealth. 17. Most of the rich are entrepreneurs, and some Tinghoa are brave to become entrepreneurs, and all because Chinese people consider that by becoming an entrepreneur it will give more value to success than to be an employee. 18. The Chinese people have a positive mentality, respect for time, assume that work is satisfaction and not doing business is risky. 19. The Chinese always take care of the image, because the damaged image will be difficult to rebuild, while the lost money can be searched again. 20. In the Chinese context, hard work is not always synonymous with extra long or excessive physical work. Who can work is human and money. If the result is the same, why not the money that must work hard. 21. Involve children early on With early involvement, their children are honed their interpersonal skills. Ability to serve customers, listen to complaints, how to deal with customer types, decision-making, risk management, etc. These lessons are not taught in schools and college benches. Interpersonal skills are derived directly from our interactions with other humans. Besides ethnic Chinese, ethnic Padang also do this. Padang ethnic children are also invited to be involved in managing the business from an early age 22. Simple life With early involvement, their children are honed their interpersonal skills. Ability to serve customers, listen to complaints, how to deal with customer types, decision-making, risk management, etc. These lessons are not taught in schools and college benches. Interpersonal skills are derived directly from our interactions with other humans. Besides ethnic Chinese, ethnic Padang also do this. Padang ethnic children are also invited to be involved in managing the business from an early age 23. Build a network Networking or network building is an important part of building a business. Look at how the Chinese are networking. They are good listeners, they do not hesitate to praise, they do not hesitate to hold a banquet or treat a meal. They record when you birthday and give a gift, etc. The network of friends and businesses that have been obtained will be managed with the best 24.Relieve the competition For the people of Tiognhoa, the abstinence of the law to vilify competitors. Can be bad karma later ... 25. Determine the cost of living Sometimes we see them really jor-fishing rod huh? Buy luxury cars, luxury homes, eat in expensive restaurants, etc. But all of that has actually been carefully calculated. They never spend more than 30 percent of their income. The rest are saved, invested or replayed for capital. Who can already buy luxury homes, luxury cars, etc. that's because it is included in 30 percent of their income 26. Surveys and study Chinese entrepreneurs who will start a business do not hesitate to ask and learn toAnyone to get as much information as possible about the business to beCommencement. Learn earnestly about the business that will be cultivatedMaking their business skyrocket, because already know the ins and outs. 27. Dare to be an entrepreneur Since the first, ethnic Chinese have been known to have a business soul. The reason, they dare to be entrepreneurs because of the view that becoming an entrepreneur will be more likely to succeed than just being an employee. 28.Marketing ability Chinese people are generally supported by their ability to meet the needs and willingness of customers and the ability to determine the selling price of a product appropriately. From this process, then there was the spread of free advertising from mouth kemulut.For large entrepreneurs, they are positioning professionally by sponsoring certain activities and installing advertisements through print and digital media. 29. diversification Chinese entrepreneurs are not easily satisfied and enough for their efforts. They are always trying to expand their business. One way is to do product deversifikasi.They tend to have a desire to meet all the needs and desires of its customers. They want their customers to just come to them. Therefore, to realize this desire, the most appropriate way is to dare to do product deversifikasi. 30.If his father sold water on the roadside, his son would open a restaurant and perhaps his grandson would set up a factory that produces bottled water. People can not be successful: Just know blaming their parents and making their parents' lives more difficult, denying parental advice and doing foolish and lazy things to help parents. 31. The Chinese perception on trade is positive The world of commerce is a world that promises fun, luxury, and happiness. People can not be successful: Trade is negative or. The world of commerce is a world that promises to work hard = small results and hard work = bigger results. * Note: Be Smart + Hard Work + Be Good with People + Positive Thinking + Discard negative to people = The tip of your life will have a small business that earns big. 32. Chinese traders allow bargaining. While this process takes time and reduces profits, it can delight customers. People can not succeed: well this time bargain, the next day you will not call or tell the maid to say I'm out of town. 33. Chinese people are willing to wake up in the morning and continue to work until the evening. People can not succeed: Wake up late, work till the afternoon, the important thing is there work ... 34.Chinese trade culture prioritizes speed in action. It is important like "who he can quickly" under all conditions. People can not succeed: If slow can also be, why should be in a hurry. 35. Chinese tend to choose to trade because this field is not limited by space, time and place. In addition to being free, trading activities also provide a wide space for a person to develop his abilities. 36. Trafficking of Chinese is not much formalities and bureaucracy. They try to make this trading activity as easy as possible. 37.Sekedar trading does not give maximum results. Must be supported with aggressive attitude, proactive, courageous, resilient, high spirit, and willing to fight to seize all opportunities that exist 38.If Chinese say they will trade they usually will not think long to follow up. Experiences and skills are not important because they can be learned later. 39. The Chinese allow customers to make their own choices, provide good service, discounts or credit facilities. 40. The Chinese trade company prioritizes the 'win-win' principle. 41, Short-term losses are the path through which long-term gains can be earned. 42.Some of the factors that motivate the success of the Chinese are poverty, insecurity, survival in the place of people, no choice, and the teachings of philosophy gained from childhood. 43. In the Chinese social system, boys are heirs. One way to show respect for both parents and to raise the dignity of the family is to become rich. The only way to get rich is through trading activities. 44.Chinese traders are not afraid and do not be stingy to spend a little extra cost as long as they can 'catch' and captivate customers. 45. Most successful Chinese entrepreneurs work at least 18 hours a day. 46. Chinese people do not look for excuses. They try to eliminate any reason and keep away from negative opinions (which do not help them). 47. Chinese people believe, bad luck can be changed. Shit and unfortunate can be discarded and replaced with good fortune. 48.Chinese traders usually close books at the end of each year. A trade is said to succeed if at the end of the year it records profits. The Chinese traders will settle the debt three days before the new year. 49. A well-regarded trading location is one that has the convenience of parking vehicles, public transport, and is close to the administrative center of government. 50. Chinese people willing to thicken their faces, curb the scorn of others, and live a simple life. Every cent earned was used with extreme caution. 51. That should not be done or to keep the business to stay fluent is: * Stingy. * Wishy washy. * Likes to pretend. * Cheats. * Subject to people's instincts. * Too little to save. * Origin of receiving goods. So much of our writing this time about Chinese Business Recipes, may be useful for you, and please share it with your friends to help us to stay alive. thanks! http://bit.ly/2fUUgsS jungleadventure.us

[dailyofficereadings]

Daily Office Readings December 22, 2017 at 11:00PM

Psalm 55

Psalm 55

Complaint about a Friend’s Treachery

To the leader: with stringed instruments. A Maskil of David.

1 Give ear to my prayer, O God; do not hide yourself from my supplication. 2 Attend to me, and answer me; I am troubled in my complaint. I am distraught 3 by the noise of the enemy, because of the clamor of the wicked. For they bring[a] trouble upon me, and in anger they cherish enmity against me.

4 My heart is in anguish within me, the terrors of death have fallen upon me. 5 Fear and trembling come upon me, and horror overwhelms me. 6 And I say, “O that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; 7 truly, I would flee far away; I would lodge in the wilderness;Selah 8 I would hurry to find a shelter for myself from the raging wind and tempest.”

9 Confuse, O Lord, confound their speech; for I see violence and strife in the city. 10 Day and night they go around it on its walls, and iniquity and trouble are within it; 11 ruin is in its midst; oppression and fraud do not depart from its marketplace.

12 It is not enemies who taunt me— I could bear that; it is not adversaries who deal insolently with me— I could hide from them. 13 But it is you, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend, 14 with whom I kept pleasant company; we walked in the house of God with the throng. 15 Let death come upon them; let them go down alive to Sheol; for evil is in their homes and in their hearts.

16 But I call upon God, and the Lord will save me. 17 Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he will hear my voice. 18 He will redeem me unharmed from the battle that I wage, for many are arrayed against me. 19 God, who is enthroned from of old,Selah will hear, and will humble them— because they do not change, and do not fear God.

20 My companion laid hands on a friend and violated a covenant with me[b] 21 with speech smoother than butter, but with a heart set on war; with words that were softer than oil, but in fact were drawn swords.

22 Cast your burden[c] on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

23 But you, O God, will cast them down into the lowest pit; the bloodthirsty and treacherous shall not live out half their days. But I will trust in you.

Footnotes:

Psalm 55:3 Cn Compare Gk: Heb they cause to totter

Psalm 55:20 Heb lacks with me

Psalm 55:22 Or Cast what he has given you

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Psalm 138:1-139:23

Psalm 138

Thanksgiving and Praise

Of David.

1 I give you thanks, O Lord, with my whole heart; before the gods I sing your praise; 2 I bow down toward your holy temple and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness; for you have exalted your name and your word above everything.[a] 3 On the day I called, you answered me, you increased my strength of soul.[b]

4 All the kings of the earth shall praise you, O Lord, for they have heard the words of your mouth. 5 They shall sing of the ways of the Lord, for great is the glory of the Lord. 6 For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly; but the haughty he perceives from far away.

7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve me against the wrath of my enemies; you stretch out your hand, and your right hand delivers me. 8 The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.

Psalm 139

The Inescapable God

To the leader. Of David. A Psalm.

1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me. 2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away. 3 You search out my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. 4 Even before a word is on my tongue, O Lord, you know it completely. 5 You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is so high that I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. 9 If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, 10 even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast. 11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light around me become night,” 12 even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you.

13 For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes beheld my unformed substance. In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed. 17 How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 I try to count them—they are more than the sand; I come to the end[c]—I am still with you.

19 O that you would kill the wicked, O God, and that the bloodthirsty would depart from me— 20 those who speak of you maliciously, and lift themselves up against you for evil![d] 21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? 22 I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them my enemies. 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts.

Footnotes:

Psalm 138:2 Cn: Heb you have exalted your word above all your name

Psalm 138:3 Syr Compare Gk Tg: Heb you made me arrogant in my soul with strength

Psalm 139:18 Or I awake

Psalm 139:20 Cn: Meaning of Heb uncertain

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Zechariah 8:9-17

9 Thus says the Lord of hosts: Let your hands be strong—you that have recently been hearing these words from the mouths of the prophets who were present when the foundation was laid for the rebuilding of the temple, the house of the Lord of hosts. 10 For before those days there were no wages for people or for animals, nor was there any safety from the foe for those who went out or came in, and I set them all against one another. 11 But now I will not deal with the remnant of this people as in the former days, says the Lord of hosts. 12 For there shall be a sowing of peace; the vine shall yield its fruit, the ground shall give its produce, and the skies shall give their dew; and I will cause the remnant of this people to possess all these things. 13 Just as you have been a cursing among the nations, O house of Judah and house of Israel, so I will save you and you shall be a blessing. Do not be afraid, but let your hands be strong.

14 For thus says the Lord of hosts: Just as I purposed to bring disaster upon you, when your ancestors provoked me to wrath, and I did not relent, says the Lord of hosts, 15 so again I have purposed in these days to do good to Jerusalem and to the house of Judah; do not be afraid. 16 These are the things that you shall do: Speak the truth to one another, render in your gates judgments that are true and make for peace, 17 do not devise evil in your hearts against one another, and love no false oath; for all these are things that I hate, says the Lord.

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Revelation 6

The Seven Seals

6 Then I saw the Lamb open one of the seven seals, and I heard one of the four living creatures call out, as with a voice of thunder, “Come!”[a] 2 I looked, and there was a white horse! Its rider had a bow; a crown was given to him, and he came out conquering and to conquer.

3 When he opened the second seal, I heard the second living creature call out, “Come!”[b] 4 And out came[c] another horse, bright red; its rider was permitted to take peace from the earth, so that people would slaughter one another; and he was given a great sword.

5 When he opened the third seal, I heard the third living creature call out, “Come!”[d] I looked, and there was a black horse! Its rider held a pair of scales in his hand, 6 and I heard what seemed to be a voice in the midst of the four living creatures saying, “A quart of wheat for a day’s pay,[e] and three quarts of barley for a day’s pay,[f] but do not damage the olive oil and the wine!”

7 When he opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature call out, “Come!”[g] 8 I looked and there was a pale green horse! Its rider’s name was Death, and Hades followed with him; they were given authority over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword, famine, and pestilence, and by the wild animals of the earth.

9 When he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slaughtered for the word of God and for the testimony they had given; 10 they cried out with a loud voice, “Sovereign Lord, holy and true, how long will it be before you judge and avenge our blood on the inhabitants of the earth?” 11 They were each given a white robe and told to rest a little longer, until the number would be complete both of their fellow servants[h] and of their brothers and sisters,[i] who were soon to be killed as they themselves had been killed.

12 When he opened the sixth seal, I looked, and there came a great earthquake; the sun became black as sackcloth, the full moon became like blood, 13 and the stars of the sky fell to the earth as the fig tree drops its winter fruit when shaken by a gale. 14 The sky vanished like a scroll rolling itself up, and every mountain and island was removed from its place. 15 Then the kings of the earth and the magnates and the generals and the rich and the powerful, and everyone, slave and free, hid in the caves and among the rocks of the mountains, 16 calling to the mountains and rocks, “Fall on us and hide us from the face of the one seated on the throne and from the wrath of the Lamb; 17 for the great day of their wrath has come, and who is able to stand?”

Footnotes:

Revelation 6:1 Or “Go!”

Revelation 6:3 Or “Go!”

Revelation 6:4 Or went

Revelation 6:5 Or “Go!”

Revelation 6:6 Gk a denarius

Revelation 6:6 Gk a denarius

Revelation 6:7 Or “Go!”

Revelation 6:11 Gk slaves

Revelation 6:11 Gk brothers

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Matthew 25:31-46

The Judgment of the Nations

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, 33 and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left. 34 Then the king will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; 35 for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? 38 And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? 39 And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ 40 And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family,[a] you did it to me.’ 41 Then he will say to those at his left hand, ‘You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; 42 for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ 44 Then they also will answer, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you?’ 45 Then he will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ 46 And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

Footnotes:

Matthew 25:40 Gk these my brothers

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.