#been a hot minute since I posted my writing but HEY! I'm finally kicking writer's block's ass!

[piko-rose]

Without One Another

This is a follow up drabble to What Big Brothers Fear The Most, which you can read here if you need context. It's optional but it is required pfffft.

TW: Mentions of death, grief, self hatred, implied/mentions self harm thoughts, swearing

-

Tails knocked on the door three times.

Just three, small thuds with his knuckles against his brother's door.

He hate to bother him, but after what happened a couple of minutes ago, he couldn't help but check up on Sonic.

He needed to make sure he's okay.

"Sonic?" Tails called. "Can I come in?"

After a moment of silence, Tails reconsidered knocking again. But kept moving his glove free hand away from the door, really hating to bother him.

He never bothered Sonic. He knew damn well. But it's two in the morning.

He should be asleep, not knocking at his door and especially not tinkering at his workbench. At least he didn't get scolded for that.

Again.

But it was all just so sudden for Sonic the Hedgehog to say all those things, which, to be fair, was something he needed to hear since forever, out of no where.

He did mention that he had a bad dream, and that he was okay now, but that's about it.

Tails felt like there is more to it than "just a bad dream" and "I'm fine now."

He did had a feeling on what that bad dream was about now.

He knocked again. Just like last time.

"Sonic?" He called, a little bit louder this time. Loud enough for him to hear from the other side, in case the real reason why Sonic didn't respond was because he couldn't hear him the first time.

"Do you mind if I come in and talk to you?" He asked, his ears pinning slowly.

He really didn't wanna bother him.

He's not bothering him. He is not bothering him.

No response again.

...He is, isn't he?

The fox sighed a heavy sigh. A tired one, even. He shouldn't be doing this at this hour. His sleep is much better than-

...Hell no. His sleep is not at all better than his brother's well being.

"I'm coming in." Tails says, before turning the knob and opening the door.

He wasn't ready to go in when he said that, but went in anyways, because he cares.

When the door is fully open, he could see the blue hedgehog himself, sitting on the edge of his bed with an exhausted look on his face, bags under his eyes and some sleep fluttering off his eyelashes.

He flinched slightly, not expecting a bright light coming through the doorway, since he was adjusted to the dark already. "Too bright." He grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"Oops. Sorry." Tails says, before turning off the hallway lights he forgot to turn off before Sonic went to his room earlier.

"You, uh... You good, buddy?" He asked, a small weak grin rising on his muzzle, relived to see his brother looking somewhat calm, even though he's not asleep.

Though considering what happened, he doesn't blame him for not being asleep right now.

"Just wanted to check up on ya." He continued. "Got kinda worried back there." He scratched the back of his head, not sure on how to keep the conversation going.

He just wanted to talk to Sonic. To let him know that he's here.

"I'm fine." He says, turning his head to face his little brother, a clearly fake smile on his face, that did not match the tiredness in his emerald eyes.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"...Alright then."

The hedgehog let out a loud, long yawn. It went on long enough for even Tails to yawn along with him. After that, Sonic laughed for a bit.

"It's spreading!" He chuckled, despite the tired sounding tone.

Tails giggled quietly. "Oh, noooooo." He "panicked," raising his hands in "fear." He snorted another laughter.

At least they're both laughing together.

"Ah..." Sonic sighed. It felt good to laugh again. "But, yeah, I am fine, little buddy," He reassured. "Just a little tired, is all," He rubbed his right eye.

"And nothing else is wrong?"

"...Nope."

... ...

He exhaled through his stuffed up nose.

"...Just can't sleep, I guess."

Aha. There it is.

Tails knew that Sonic was hiding something from him. He is terrible at hiding things. Very terrible.

Tails walked in his room finally and approached his bed. He stood by him, not sure if he should sit next to him.

"Something on your mind?" Tails casually asked.

"Yeah."

"Mind... telling me what's wrong, then?" Tails asked softly.

"..."

He could read the discomfort from the way his eyes lowered. He knew he didn't wanna talk about it, but sometimes it's better to talk about it than bottle it up.

Sonic kept forgetting about that.

But what ever happened in Sonic's dream messed him up really bad. He's aware that is was a dream, but it was still bothering him.

Must've been terrifying if he's not asleep at the moment.

"You don't have to talk about it," Tails says. "I just want you to know that I'm here in case you do want to talk about it."

The corner of Sonic's lips quivered.

He does.

He looked up at the little kit, his smile gave up and his eyes look sad and restless. Tails frowned slightly, not enjoying seeing his buddy like this.

"It's about my nightmare," he began. "and what happened in it..."

"Okay..." Tails says, sitting down next to him, listening.

"I was fighting Metal and you were in the air fighting some Badniks," He continued. "when suddenly I was caught in an explosion. Infinite was there and... he cut my..."

He placed his hand where his throat is, not wanting to complete his sentence as for a second he remembered how painful that attack was.

Which is absurd, because he's pretty sure he weren't supposed to feel pain in dreams. But sometimes, he does, and it's pretty screwed up.

"I go down and you arrived at a pretty bad time." Sonic says. "I was bleeding out, and you... look so scared." His hands lightly grabbed on hold of the sheets, refusing to look back at the moment. Yet, he did.

Tails was listening to every word he has to say, and he looked more uncomfortable and concerned the more Sonic continued with the story.

"You were crying. You were screaming for me. And... I died right there in your arms. Leaving you all alone..."

He looked away to his right, not wanting to look at his little brother after saying that. He knew that Tails was a little frightened by those words.

And he was.

"I remember you saying something like, 'Don't leave me,' or 'I don't want to be alone.'" His ears pinned down to his head. "But I think the worst thing you said was... 'I can't live without you.'"

Tails' eyes rose.

Sonic sits up and let out a heavy, shaky sigh. He never wanted to tell him what his own brother said to him in his dream. It just doesn't make any sense. It was just a nightmare, so why would it be so stressful?

It didn't happen. It never will.

But...

When he looked back at Tails, there was worry.

Nothing but worry.

Sonic wanted to punch himself in the face so bad for doing this to his little baby brother.

"I was the only family you had, and... you lost it." He muttered out, almost sounding emotionless, yet there was a hint of grief. "You literally cannot live without me. Yet, I know you can take care of yourself, but... I've done so much for you... I never really thought about these kinds of things, but I-..."

He stopped himself, huffing out again and placing his hands on his face, his elbows supporting on his knees. "It's just pissing me off that this nightmare is scaring me this badly." His voice muffled through his hands.

"None of that happened!" He turned back at him, his voice raised. "I didn't die and you weren't saying all those... awful things. I know you would never say that, even if I did-"

"Don't say it."

A small crack in the young one's voice is all it takes to just... break his heart into two.

"You're right about me being independent, but... You have done so much for me, and you are the first person in my life who liked me, and didn't ditch me or hurt me because of my two tails." He says. "And I know I also have Amy, Knuckles, Blaze, everybody... but you... are so important to me, and you always will be, no matter how old I get."

"I know." He often forget that he'll always be important to Tails. Not just for when he's a kid. Not just for right now.

"I know almost every day, we face crazy challenges and go on wild adventures, but we also had some close calls. Like, very close calls. Times where we nearly lost you." Tails continued. "And that one time..." He paused. "...We did lose you."

Sonic exhaled again.

"I thought I could handle it. For the first couple of months. I really did. But..." He sniffled. "Going so long without the one person who will always be there for me, without the one person who changed, saved, my life, without the one person who made me happy to be me... to be alive..."

Sonic shuts his eyes tight.

"Everyone at the Resistance was there, but... you weren't. I thought, we thought, you were dead, Sonic..." He choked quietly. "We believed that for months. I believed that for months. About the third month in, I just... couldn't stand being in a picture that you weren't in."

Sonic hates himself so much right now.

"It's just not the same without my hero." He spoke up. "One night, I just ran away from the Resistance. I was all by myself. Just like my first few years. I wailed, I screamed, I wished that everything that happened around that time was all a horrible, horrible nightmare that I was having, and I would wake up, to you, comforting me, letting me know that everything is okay and that you wouldn't leave me."

You ruined everything, Sonic. The hedgehog scolded himself.

"But..." He continued. "Reflecting on myself after that night, I stood back up and fought on my own, not wanting to have another episode like that... Well, at least I tried to fight back. I can fight back, but... How could I if a part of myself was ripped out of me?"

Dark Gaia...

"I can't say that I can't live without you, but... the world would be a much cruel place without you." Tails says, tears stinging his ocean blue eyes. "If I never have met you, my life would be a living hell. Really. I would never be happy to be me if I never met someone like you. Or just, you at all. I am grateful to have met you, Sonic."

Tails exhaled, not wanting to cry. He couldn't help but shed a few tears anyways. He needed to at this point.

"I'd say that... I would react the same way if you did d- ...you know." He hated saying that word. It felt like if he did say that word, it would happen for real. Which, he knew it's not true, but still...

Sonic placed a hand on his cheek, sighing again. He felt so disappointed in himself, as a brother. If he couldn't beaten Infinite, knowing what he was capable of, then Tails wouldn't have gone through all that mess.

Good Lord, he was only a child. What is up with the universe trying to give this kid hell? He has done nothing wrong!

Why is he failing so hard?

A gross sniffle was heard from Sonic as he covered his face entirely, ready to cry again. It startled Tails.

"Sonic?" He says, reaching his hand out. "A-Are you okay-?"

"No, Tails." He barked. "I'm not okay. I suck! I suck at being there for you when you needed me the most! I knew damn well that I mean a lot to you, and if I could've just kick Infinite's- ...Grrrr!" He nearly failed to hold in his tears, but especially his resent towards himself.

He was important to everybody. But especially Tails.

And he failed to do the most important thing. Look after his baby brother.

"I knew the Eggman War was bad for you, but I didn't know it was this bad... You just didn't tell me these things and- ... ..."

A thought popped in his head. A thought that should never come up to him.

No. He wouldn't. He's too young. He fucking wouldn't.

"Sonic?"

The young voice made him snap back to reality for a brief moment. He turned his head to face him. Sonic was horrified of what he is about to ask him.

"I need you to be honest with me, Miles." He warned, never sounding so serious in his life.

"O-Okay...?"

"Tails... At any point during the Eggman War, have you ever attempted to hurt yourself...?"

" ... ...WHAT?!!"

The question gave Tails a major shock, and even a small jolt down his spine. "ARE YOU INSANE?! Why the heck would y- WHY THE- HOW COULD YOU ASK ME THAT?!" He shrieked, now off the bed and back on his feet, yelling at him.

"Those months were stressful for me, but I didn't try to- What the FUCK, Sonic!!" He sobbed.

Okay, out of ALL the swear words, he should NEVER, EVER use that word, but Sonic was so speechless and scared that he couldn't even give him that warning tone in his voice whenever he swears.

"I-I'm sorry! I was just- I was worried, and-"

"OF COURSE I didn't attempt that! God, just because I can't live without you, doesn't mean I LITERALLY can't! Wh-Why... Oh, my Gaia..." Tails covered his mouth. "I... This is my fault. I should've told you about what I was going through in the first place, but I made you assume... Oh, my Gaia, I'm so sorry, Sonic." He softly cried, crushed from the fact that Sonic was this worried about him right now.

The hedgehog loves him too much.

He hated the idea that Sonic was worried about his own brother doing... that to himself. Granted, that one night was the most stressful of them all, that he nearly thought of it, but he didn't. He refuse to think that way. That's why he kept fighting.

Cause he knew fully well that's not what Sonic wanted, alive or not.

And he was right. Sonic wouldn't want that.

If he wouldn't want that, then neither would Tails.

"No. Don't apologize. Please." Sonic stood up as well, his voice breaking. "It's not your fault-"

"Well, it's not your fault either, Sonic!" Tails croaked. "Neither of us saw it coming! Especially me!"

"I just wished you would've told me about how you were feeling- I mean, you never really told me until we were on the Starfall Islands, but-"

"I thought it wouldn't matter because everything is okay-"

"YOU THINK I'M OKAY WITH YOU HIDING ALL THIS FROM ME?" He roared, tears beginning to stream. "YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME, GOD DAMMIT! YOU MEAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE TO ME! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

Tails never felt terrified of his big brother's voice.

"I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU!"

... ...

... ...

Tails hiccuped. Sonic panted. No words can be exchanged. Only looks.

Sad, hurt, protective looks.

The hedgehog huffed. Feeling worse than he already was. But he didn't care. All he ever cared about was his little two-tailed brother.

"You've done a lot for me, Tails." He spoke. His voice was dying out but he couldn't care less. "All my life I thought being a hero is just doing everything yourself and taking care of yourself, but I was wrong. I never realized how wrong I was until I met you."

The fox sniffled, listening to every, little word from his hero.

"Without you, I probably would never have found the Chaos Emeralds, or stop the Death Egg, or save Angel Island, or stop Perfect Chaos, any of that stuff! My life would never be the same if I never met you. In fact, I'm not even sure if I would make it out alive without you."

His voice was trembling, but for the first time in a long time, he didn't care that he was crying in front of someone.

"You made a huge impact on my life, Tails. I owe you everything. Really..." He barely showed off such a sweet smile, but he's so tired and drained from yelling and just, staying up so late, he couldn't find the energy to smile at all right now.

"I am grateful to have you as my brother. And I know I don't say this a lot, but I think about it every time I see my friends, including you... I love you. I love you til the stars twinkle their last shine" A small sob escaped when he spoke the last couple of words.

He meant every word.

"And you wanna know something? Even if, I did die, I'm not really gone, okay? I will remain with you and everyone else forever, whether I'm in person or in spirit. I will always be in your heart and I will always love you, Miles "Tails" Prower."

He held both of Tails' hands as he began to cry. The young fox cried along with him, hearing the last sentence on loop in his head.

He really meant every, single word.

The two brothers embraced in a big hug. The biggest hug they could ever give for each other. Sonic held onto Tails for dear life as he finally sobbed loud enough for even the critters from outside to hear.

Tails hiccuped and cried continuously, not wanting to let go of the one person who changed his life for the better.

For once, they both wish this hug would last forever.

They don't care if they stayed up all night, they refuse to let each other go.

They cannot live without one another.

-

Two things woke Tails up; the sounds of birds chirping outside the window, and Sonic's monstrous snoring.

He tried to open one eye, but it was all blurry and covered in sleep. "Aw, geez... Why did I cry so much...?" He jokingly asked to himself, rubbing his eyes.

He sits up and was about to get off of the bed, but Sonic's snoring startled him a bit and he turned to see him snuggling against one of his pillows.

He looks so goofy, he thought to himself.

He's happy that Sonic's finally getting some good sleep.

Tails looked around to find himself in Sonic's room. When was the last time he slept in Sonic's room?

Old habits die hard, apparently.

"Zzzzzz... n-no chili..." Tails turned his head back the moment he heard him muttered something. "ZZZzzz, no mm chili dogs, 'm full. Thk you fr askin' though, Vanilla, zzzzzz..." He slurred.

Dreaming about chili dogs. Of course he is. Tails snickered.

He looked at the time and it read 11:38. Tails was surprised on how much or the morning is left. Him and Sonic stayed up for so long, just doing nothing but crying and hugging.

Didn't sound like a lot, but it was a long night regardless.

They needed to be there for each other, and it took them this long enough to finally have a moment with each other.

And even after all this time, Tails is still Tails, and Sonic is still Sonic.

And they're still brothers.

What a time to be alive.

"Yo. Big bro." Tails poked Sonic's cheek to wake him up.

"Mmmaybe one more bite wouldn't hurt..." Sonic mumbled before nibbling on his hand.

Tails covered his mouth, quieting down his laughter. Oh, this is his morning coffee. This is entertainment.

He needed this laugh.

"Sonic, wake up. You're dreaming." He hate to ruin the moment, but he needed to wake his brother up. He didn't want him to sleep through the day.

When Sonic's eyes open, the first thing he could see was most of his hand in his mouth. His eyes rose in confusion before he sits up, getting the hand out of his mouth and spitting out in disgust.

"What the heck was I doing??" He cried. Tails was laughing so hard he almost fell off the bed.

"Tails, please don't tell me you saw the whole thing!" Sonic felt so silly. He always known he spoke in his sleep, but this is ridiculous.

"Relax, Sonic. Everyone chews on their own hand in their sleep at some point in their lives." Tails says, getting up and already heading out of the door.

"Doubt that..."

"Yet here it are."

"Shut it." Sonic kept himself from laughing.

He gets up too, putting on his chili dog themed slippers, reading to start the day. "Geez, what a night... I felt like a crybaby."

"Hey. Don't say that." Tails spoke, turning to the hedgehog. "It's okay to cry. I can tell you've been needing to let it out for some time now."

"Yeah..." Sonic said in agreement. He scratched the back of his ear, feeling bad. "Hey, I'm sorry for telling you about all that stuff. I didn't mean to bring you down like that. My nightmare was pretty messed up and-"

"Sonic. It's okay." Tails reassures with a genuine smile. "It's okay to feel and talk about certain things. I'm glad that you get to talk to me about it. Even if it was messy, we still talked it out."

"Yeah." Sonic says, smiling as well. "Thanks. For being there for me."

"I should be thanking you, dude. But, you're welcome. Anything for my big bro!"

He opened the door and walked out. "I'm getting breakfast ready! You hungry?" He called out from outside the room.

"Some waffles sound pretty good!" Sonic replied out loud.

"Okay, cool!" The kit says.

Sonic chuckled softly. He still felt silly after his and Tails' talk, but at the same time, he felt a lot better now.

He may not be used to talking about his feelings, but at least his little buddy was there to listen to him all the way through.

He truly is grateful to have a brother like Tails.

-

[mrs-evadne-cake]

Hey!! I love your fic. I was just wondering - and yes, i know it's unrealistic - if in an ideal, paradise world Stranger Things decided to go the stoncy route, how would you want them do do it? If you were in the writers' room how would you develop it in a convincing way that fits with the rest of the show? (I'm genuinely curious since you wrote them so well in IASL)

First, thank you so much! 

I mean, first and foremost I always want it to be a little bit of a mess since we’re dealing with a time and place where the word "polyamory" was not in circulation and there was no real poly community or overall awareness of polyamory as a way to be. They might be aware of free love in the ‘60s and the concept of swingers but mostly as far as they’re concerned they’re out here in ‘86 Indiana inventing the concept of a triad and it’s hard enough learning normal relationship skills as a teenager without adding unlearning socialized ideas about exclusivity and jealousy on top of that.

So let these idiots fuck it up a bunch, is what I’m saying. Bring on the return of Nancy ‘Say the Meanest Possible Thing to My Boyfriend(s)’ Wheeler.

How would I make it fit the show...man this would be easier if these three had shared a scene together for more than two minutes since S1. This is probably going to get long so more after the cut!

The show loves to trot out ‘shared trauma’ so in this perfect world they actually remember that it applies to Steve, too. So he’s dating around town but it’s not working out with anyone since it gets really, really awkward trying to explain to the girls he sleeps with why he shouts the name of an ice-cream shop during his nightmares without mentioning Russian spies ‘cause yeah, retail is hell but it’s a little excessive.

With Jonathan gone Nancy starts hanging around with Steve more often because she too remembers that he exists and went through all the same shit with them and that he ramming-speeded a Cadillac Eldorado into Billy Hargrove’s face to save her life, and her entire over-14 support system is gone. Steve thinks its a little unfair (and Robin thinks its a lot unfair) but he still cares about her so he goes along with it and Nancy is sort of surprised by how different he is from S1/Early S2 Steve.

Robin is like ‘Oh so you can lie on truth serum ‘cause you’re definitely still in love with her.’ which Steve vehemently denies. He’s just a good friend, buddy, pal. No romantic feelings at all.  

Jonathan is in Arizona or Illinois or friggin’ Derry, Maine knowing Joyce’s luck obviously very much missing Nancy. They talk on the phone and Nancy mentions that she’s been hanging out with Steve- now this could go either way the ‘Jonathan Byers is An Angel’ route where he’s okay with it right off the bat or the ‘Jonathan Byers remembers how he and Nancy got together the first time and tries to be okay with it because he is above petty normal people things like still being jealous of the ex-high school jock but can’t let it go and the two of them get into a fight. (where Nancy probably says the meanest possible thing to her boyfriend’ route. Obviously I choose the second one.

We get a scene of Jonathan getting worked up talking about it to Will who is like :/ bro, you are mentioning Steve A LOT in this conversation, aren’t you pissed at Nancy?  And Jonathan is taken aback because yeah, he is sort of obsessing about Steve.

Nancy also mentions the fight to Steve because Nancy is bad at this whole ‘don’t put your ex in awkward situations regarding your current relationship’ thing. Steve feels bad.

But before it gets resolved plot stuff kicks off and Joyce and Murray are off to ...sigh...fight evil Russians and free Hopper from a Soviet gulag. Jonathan and Will and El end up back in town however they do and we all wonder why they moved in the first place.

Jonathan, Nancy and Steve end up teamed up FINALLY (In this world Robin ends up on Team El, Max, and Kali because fuck everyone who hates her, Kali is here too and Max deserves her best friend, a big sister, and a tiny super-powered vigilante punk-rock aunt after what they did to her last season. They all kick Brenner’s ass like the last scene in Death Proof, the end) And at some point the boys end up separated from Nancy and try to make awkward conversation and Steve tries to assure him that he’s sorry and he would never get between him and Nancy and once he gets started apologizing he just sort of keeps going-  for all of High school, and if he ever ate his bagels in a really weird way, and for the fight and blaming him and Joyce for Will and calling him queer and the two have a real adult conversation where they bury the hatchet and move past high school.

And because I love the fanfic classics, that’s when a monster tries to eat them and Nancy saves them (bonus points if she uses the bat) and afterward they’re just like, ‘Fuck this town, why do we do this EVERY YEAR’  “I MOVED.’but they obviously realize that they make a really good team and actually enjoy each other’s company. The rest of their plot line has them growing increasingly comfortable with each other as they investigate whatever Nancy has dragged them along to investigate. Jonathan says he was wrong to be jealous and Nancy says of course he was because she’s always right because this is still Nancy motherfucking Wheeler and she will never not be that bitch. 

Monster stuff. The teams all come together. Hopper is back and the evil Russians defeated, yay. Robin is glad Steve is not dead and vice versa and Steve is like where did you pick up the hot punk-rock chick and did you get her number? And Robin is like long story and yes, why is Jonathan Byers looking at you with heart eyes? Which is information that overloads Steve’s brain and he’s almost glad when the series climax where they all fight a giant monster or a hole in the universe happens right then. 

No one dies, or fake dies, or maybe dies or maybe ends up in a Soviet gulag again.

Post- Climax wrap up where we actually see what everyone is doing that night directly after saving the world instead of flashing forward to months later and missing loads and loads of important character moments. After we’ go through everyone else Your Love By The Outfield starts playing because it’s 1986 now and I can FINALLY use it since it was released in ‘85. Steve goes home to (everyone say it with me) an empty house and he seems to debate with himself a little before calling Robin with a question. Nancy and Jonathan are together wherever the Byers’ and Hop are staying when the doorbell rings and it’s Steve who obviously immediately regrets this decision the minute they answer but they bring him inside and the music becomes diegetic as Jonathan puts on the record and closes the bedroom door behind them.

So apparently even in my perfect world where I’m in charge it sort of ends up mostly ramping up to stoncy than pure stoncy over one season. I’m pretty firmly of the opinion that the three of them just messing around in increasingly inclusive ways comes way before any actual poly negotiation or reflection or discussion on their respective sexuality and you can’t show that on PG-13 Netflix so we’re just crashing to black and credits.

 Thanks for the ask anon- sorry to make you wait, I knew this was going to be a monster of a post. And the fact that I just spent like, a hour and a half writing this has made me realize I might be in the mood to *actually* write again, so thanks!