#because yes nigel is scrunched up but also it looks like he's scrunching up more to avoid physical touch

[moreaugriffins]

you know when you have a headcanon that like, you came up with because you thought it made sense but weren't that serious about nor really truly hc it then as time goes on, you realise that oh, yeah no, that headcanon is there to stay. that is forever part of your thoughts

that's been me with the idea of Nigel being autistic

[one-leaf-grimoire]

“Illusion” ch 7!

Link to the full Ao3 work

Warnings: hangover, mentions of drinking/drugs

Also MC has a moment where she literally does this:

Uh oh... a hint of romance? Perhaps...

"Hey... you okay?"

Someone's voice softly pervades my mind, finally stirring it enough for consciousness to take hold. The first thing I do is wince, scrunching up my face. Ow ow ow! Fuck... My stomach feels like it's full of fire ants, crawling their way up my esophagus and into my throat. I splutter out a weak cough, someone pressing something cold onto my forehead. I can feel liquid dripping; whether it's from a wet cloth or my own sweat, I don't know. It feels good, though, on my burning skin.

"Hey, can you speak? I'm so scared..."

I open my mouth in an attempt to speak, but end up coughing instead. Ouch! It rips through my throat like barbed wire, but I manage to crack open my eyes. I see a familiar (albeit fuzzy) face peering down at me, her eyes full of worry and fear. "...Alice?"

She manages to smile, smoothing down my hair as she crouches next to my bed. "Thank god... I was worried you weren't going to wake up!"

I nod slowly, a little confused as to what's going on. Last night... we went out... and... That's where my memory runs out. "What happen- OUCH!" I cry out a small exclamation of pain as I sit up, my head throbbing. "Ow, ow, ow... Am I hungover?!"

Alice nods slowly, rubbing my shoulder. "Probably... geez, you really don't hold your liquor well, do you? I leave for one second and you wander off and collapse drunkenly in an alley!"

"You left?" I blink slowly, putting the puzzle pieces together with much difficulty. "I-I didn't go with you?"

"No, I asked if you wanted to, but you said no," Alice explains. "I don't blame you, Margery puke is something I don't want to see, either."

Right... Wren came in... he told us Margery was sick... and then... 

Did I drink anything after that? I suppose I wouldn't remember...

"Come on, you need a shower. You probably have alcohol poisoning or something." With some difficulty, Alice pries me out of bed, wraps me up in a blanket when I start shivering, and leads me out into the hallway. "Everyone else is out and about, I managed to get the Captain to give you the day off.

"Oh..." I say softly, for some reason feeling very upset by this news. My eyes even start to water a little. "That's... good, I guess."

Something doesn't add up. I was in an alley? Drunk? Wouldn't I have just stayed at the bar if I passed out? Unless someone dragged me out-

"Oh, good morning, you two! I'm glad to see you awake~"

...huh? That voice...

I look up and have to squint, but finally the face of the taller man grows into focus. OH... FUCK! 

"J-J-Julius?!" I stutter out, a lot louder than I mean to. I feel my face heating up for some reason. Ah! Get a grip! Why am I reacting this way... he literally just said good morning! "I mean... uh, good morning to you, too?" I wish I could shrink down and disappear into the blanket that's wrapped around me.

Despite the fact that I'm definitely blushing an embarrassingly dark shade of pink right now, Julius just smiles and lets out a relieved sigh, but the corners of his eyes crinkle with worry. "Ah, you're probably exhausted, I'll leave you to nurse that... hangover." He pats me on the shoulder, his hand lingering for a few moments longer than normal before letting go to brush past me. I stand there, still kind of stunned, before my senses hit me again. "Oh-" I turn around to see him glancing back at me. "Let me know if you need anything. You know where to find me!"

He finally disappears around the corner, and I let out a heaving sigh. Jesus, I must be really out of it... I hear a giggle and look over to see Alice smirking at me. "What was that?"

I suck in a breath through my nose and look away. "I-I don't know what you're talking about!"

"You're red as a beet! And you basically moaned his name!"

"What?! And I'm sick, of course I'm red! There was no moaning whatsoever!!"

"Hmm, whatever you say~"

"Alice!"

Eventually she stops teasing me, and I start to feel better after taking a shower. However, my stomach still feels all wonky and I end up throwing up into a toilet for about seven minutes straight. "I was wondering when this was going to happen," Alice says sadly as she hands me a glass of water after the "tide" has retreated. "You didn't throw up at all last night, and Julius said you hadn't when you were in the alley. I guess it has to happen sometime."

I nearly choke on my water. "H-Huh?! Julius... he was the one who found me?!"

"Yeah, actually. I guess you were lucky, he always knows what to do-" Alice freezes up as I suddenly clap my hands over my face and shamelessly burst into tears. "What? Hey, hey, it's not a big deal!"

I shake my head a little as I feel her arms wrap around me.

"Everyone has this happen... it's not something to be embarrassed about! Julius doesn't care, he's seen it all, I'm sure!"

Her embrace doesn't melt the growing icicle of fear away.

I'm not embarrassed... I'm happy.

Because... I can't put my finger on it, but I think something bad happened last night, I was in danger. But Julius...

I don't know why I can't shake that uneasy feeling throughout the day. A nagging suspicion in the back of my mind keeps kicking me, trying to force me to face the very real chance that I wasn't drunk.

If I wasn't drunk, then what was I?

At about five in the evening, Alice gets dressed to leave our room. "I have a patrol, it's going to go until tomorrow morning," she groans, even though this kind of mission is usual for her. "Are you going to be okay? I know you said that you don't think you have to worry about anyone here anymore-"

"I'll be fine!" I give her a smile from my bed, still sipping water. "See you later!"

Alice bids me farewell before leaving me alone once again. I sigh and flop back on my bed, closing my eyes and scraping the corners of my mind to find an explanation for these badly-fitting puzzle pieces. The dread won't go away, so it must mean something, right?

My friends... they wouldn't hurt me...

But the last thing I remember drinking, the Cinnamon Whiskey, it was bitter, not sweet or spicy.

I open my eyes again to stare at the ceiling blankly.

Did I really drink after that? I don't remember at all...

Suddenly, I get an idea. Without hesitation, I get up and pull on some clothes before running off towards Captain Hervey's office. Luckily, he's inside, working on some papers. "Oh, it's you," he greets sternly, getting up out of his chair as I close the door behind me. "I was wondering when you were going to show up... how are you feeling?"

"Er, good, sir," I reply, feeling my face heat up. "I'm really sorry about being a nuisance... I didn't mean to get so drunk or anything, to be honest, I don't really remember drinking very much, but it happens, I suppose."

Hervey eyes me curiously before letting out a hearty laugh. "It happens! You've got to work up your tolerance somehow, I suppose!" He suddenly grabs my head and shakes me around playfully, a little more rough than my stomach can bear right now. "Just don't embarrass the squad, that's all I ask!"

"Ah! Y-Yes sir!" He finally releases me and I straighten up. "I was wondering... do you still have last night's bar tab somewhere? I'd like to see it."

"Huh? Why?" I shrug, earning a sigh from the captain as he turns to rummage through the trash. "You're lucky... I just paid the tab, and was about to take out the trash." Hervey always pays for our nights out, which is why he has our tab. "Here, now scram!"

I catch the crumpled up paper he tosses me, squeak out a thank you then run back to my room. This should tell me something...

Once in my room, I uncrumple the tab and start skimming through it. There, that's the inn... and there's the drinks we got...

My blood runs cold.

According to the tab, we were served just five cinnamon whiskeys.

Just... five. 

Wait... if we just had five... then what the Hell did I drink later?! 

I loosen my grip, and the paper wafts down to the floor at my feet.

I... I can't have been... drugged?

The cinnamon whiskey was bitter.

No... I-

But, who would have done it? Some random guy at the bar? I didn't notice anyone else come close to us... then, the bartender? No, that would be too easy to trace! Then...

It was one of them... Giles, Elia, Nigel, Alice...

Maybe not Alice, but right now the dark cloud of paranoia won't let me let go of that option.

So... it wasn't just one of my squadmates. It was one of my very own friends...

The hope I started to feel is gone, leaving nothing but an empty, taunting shell. Because, it's not over. Once again, someone is trying to intimidate me, to harm me, to make me fear the people around me. They've succeeded.

Thank goodness Julius found me... who knows what would have happened, then? It explains the severity of my illness this morning. This isn't a hangover, it's the product of some potent, poisonous drug. My hands tremble where they rest on my bare knees, and suddenly my nightgown is not nearly enough to shield me from the chill of this room. 

I'm... still in danger... but why?! I ball up my fists, feeling hot tears on my cheeks again. At this point, I'm feeling more frustrated than afraid. Why would someone target me like this? What did I do?! How do I make it stop...

Suddenly, I've been sitting there in silence for a long time, longer than I meant to. I look up sharply at my door, faint light from the hallway spilling under the crack.

I... I'm alone... Alice... she's going to be gone all night...

The frustration decidedly turns into fear. Visceral fear. I could die tonight. Someone could kill me in my sleep.

So... I won't sleep!

I move mechanically, slipping off my bed and turning on a light. My fingers are shaking, fumbling at the lamp.

I...I'll be fine! I can do this alone... and in the morning, I'll tell Alice, and we'll tell the captain-

No. I won't be fine.

I...I can fight them off... I have magic!

My hands clutch my Grimoire as I sit cross-legged on the floor, staring with wide eyes at the door. There's no strength in my gaze.

They haven't even gotten here... but they've already defeated me...

My blood freezes in my veins as I hear a footstep.

Then another.

I-it's coming closer...

I can it so clearly. They're getting closer.

Okay... get ready...

I hold up my hand.

You can do it... if you cast Fear Landscape now...

The footsteps slow as they near my door. I squeeze my eyes shut.

Do it... please...

My body refuses to move. My magic refuses to move. I'm completely petrified with fear.

I... don't want to die... please...

The footsteps speed up, and disappear down the hall.

I stay sitting there for a moment, before my eyes snap back open, blinking away tears.

I'm pathetic... I'm right, they've already defeated me...

My Grimoire thunks to the ground as I drop it, and I stare at the pair of useless hands I've been cursed with.

There's an escape... maybe I should just leave now... I'll be to the castle by morning. Lawrence will protect me, right?

No. A life with Lawrence would be worse than anything I have to face tonight. No matter how nice or comforting he tries to be, he can't erase the past. He'll never bring me the same warmth from his smile as...

...

That's right... there's someone still here that I can trust!

The realization fills my limbs with purpose, and before I know it, I throw open my door and sprint away as quietly as I can. I turn a few corners, climb one set of stairs, and there it is, that room, his room!

I skid to a stop before I slam into the door and knock on the wood urgently, glancing behind me. Please be here! Please- I feel like a rabbit, being chased down by a ravenous pack of wolves, ready to tear me apart the moment I falter. Please... please!-

Mid-knock, the door opens, and Julius pokes his head out. "Oh! Good- evening-"

He doesn't get to finish as I push my way inside, bursting right past him, and slam the door shut with a loud bang. I gasp in a breath, adrenaline still filling my veins as I lean against the closed door. I did it! I escaped... I should be safe now... now that I'm...

I suddenly go pale.

...oops. I just broke into Julius's room, didn't I?

I turn around slowly to look back up at Julius, who is speechless, his mouth open wordlessly. Finally, he blinks a few times. "Er... to what do I owe the pleasure of this late-night-visit?" He closes his eyes as he smiles, still emanating that comforting aura that I was seeking out.

He looks... so warm... so... safe...

Safe.

It's something I desperately want to feel right now, but even here in this room, locked away from the danger outside, I can't relax. 

"...what's wrong?"

I get snapped from my thoughts as Julius gently touches my shoulder. I slowly look up at him, at his concerned face. He knows something is wrong...

"Hey, whatever it is, you can tell me, alright? Even if it's something, er- girly, although I'm sure Malota is better suited for that kind of- Ah! Why are you crying? Did I say something?"

I shake my head, and without another moment of thought I let the tears fall, and fling myself into his warm, safe chest.

OooooOooooOo ;.; Nice! Please comment and lmk what you think 0.0

I’m having so much fun writing this rn  I hope ya’ll like it too <3

[nigel-twycross]

Darling, It’s Cold Outside

October 29th, 1980

@lukeselwynx

Nigel:

Nigel needed a bit of an escape. By now, he felt as though the death eaters were breathing down his neck for his help and support in their planning of the next moves. There were people from the Order who were definitely onto him now, and getting more suspicious by the minute. As much as he tried to stay calm and ignore the looks he would get from various people lately, Nigel could only handle so much of it before he had had enough. Getting away for even just one night felt like more of a solution than cooping himself up in his flat forever just because he was afraid of possible consequences. 

Pulling on a light jacket, Nigel stuffed his frigid hands into warm wooly pockets. The air was crisp this time of year, which often made his hands feel dry if they were exposed for too long. Still, he wanted to get a night out in the cool fresh air. The park was his favorite area to roam on clear nights like this, so that he could sit and look at the stars. However, as he was walking along, he noticed a male lounging on a park bench shivering. Walking over to him, the blond stared down in wonder. "Aren't you cold?" His voice was soft, curious, as he tipped his head to the side and waited for a response. "Clear night, though. Only a few clouds tonight."

Luke:

Luke stared up at the stars, finding the small details interesting - like how he couldn't look directly at them, because they would almost disappear from sight. Instead, he had to look at them almost in his peripheral vision, as difficult as that was for him to do. He had just started to make out one particular star when his vision was obstructed by someone standing over him.

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but he blinked a few times and then squinted to see. This was someone he...recognized? Or maybe not. He had slightly common features? Luke had seen so many people through the years that all the faces started to blur together. Even if paying attention in the meetings for Death Eaters, he had a hard time picking out anyone on the street. "It's... a bit chilly. Yes," he admitted quietly, starting to sit up to better greet this person. "Yeah, that's true... The stars are easier to see and there isn't so much light pollution out here..." To be polite, he moved over for the other, not wanting to seem greedy. "I just needed to get away for a while..."

Nigel:

One thing that Nigel could say was his special talent other than his knack for healing, was his ability to recognize people extremely well. It only ever took him a few tries to memorize names, even less for faces. If he saw someone twice, almost always during that second meeting he would remember them. He knew this male, that much he knew for sure. Nigel was almost positive he knew his name, too, but held onto that information for a little while longer. Getting it wrong would be embarrassing. More so than guessing.

Nigel couldn't help but laugh as he inevitably gave in, and agreed that it was cold outside. Scrunching his nose as he chuckled, he took a seat beside him now, that there was room. "Small talk isn't exactly my forte, so excuse me if I start asking you intrusive questions. I like getting to know people," he smiled sweetly, looking over at the male. "Plus, I'm a healer, so it's natural." Letting a moment of silence fall between them as his eyes teetered up to the sky, a soft chuckle escaped Nigel's lips. "Me too. Sometimes I feel like getting away more than I feel like staying around. Guess that means I'm probably doing something wrong, hm?" With a slight smile tugging at his lip, Nigel looked back over at him. "What are you running from?"

 Luke:

At first, Luke wasn't sure what to expect from this man. He seemed to recognize him somehow - Luke could see it in the man's eyes. But he might have been too polite to say anything.

The man's smile was nice. Innocent. Even as he mentioned asking questions, Luke didn't feel too worried. It was nothing he wasn't already used to. "A healer? That's probably useful I'd say. Sounds neat." His own tired eyes searched the man's features. He was handsome.

"It doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. I can speak from experience. Sometimes it just means you're with the wrong people, you know?" Luke's heart raced at the question, trying to decide what to say - the truth, or something not quite the same as truth. "I'm... I'm just running. From my past, and from feeling insecure and...sometimes fans, honestly... but most of the time I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Like I'm just losing myself..." It was a lot to throw at a stranger but he felt an odd relief from doing so.

 Nigel:

Knowing how to heal others was one of the greatest gifts Nigel could think of. He’d always found it to be an admirable profession that didnt get nearly enough praise as it should. “It is, for sure. My mother has a lot of experience in the field.” Even if Nigel had been sure that he knew the man, he was hesitant to admit that his mother was a muggle. 

Letting out a laugh, Nigel ran a hand through his hair. “That’s nice of you to say. I guess you might have a point.” Of course he had a point, just like Han and Henry and Gilderoy and Miriam had points. Nigel couldn’t convince himself that anyone was right. There were so many voices in his head that he hardly knew which to listen to. When the male said he was simply just running, Nigel nodded in understanding. “Everyone feels insecure at times. Even the most confident people,” he assured him.

Giving the moment space to breathe, Nigel turned to him a bit more, tipping his head to the side. “Luke, right? You left Hogwarts early, did music for a while. Now you’re back.” And part of the Death Eater allegiance, but he refrained from mentioning that for now. “Let me see your hands, they must be cold.” He had been shivering earlier, and one thing that Nigel had learned from being cold quite often was how to charm his pockets to warm his hands when they were tucked away. Motioning for Luke’s, he held them in his own a moment to warm them up. “Maybe you need to do a bit of self discovery...”

 Luke: Luke smiled at the other. Healing was something special, something that only certain people could have the personality to do. Not everyone could handle it, either emotionally or mentally, or physically... Luke was one of the people who would never dream of doing that kind of job. On the other hand, though, he was also in a bit of a mood. He felt conflicted and lost, and emotionally drained. So he knew for a fact he wasn't showing off his gratitude properly for the kinds of thing this man might be able to do, the number he could save.

"It's a point for sure... I need to follow my own advice... I always let people walk all over me and I feel like... I don't know, I just never feel satisfied you know? I never feel like I do great things anymore. I used to feel accomplished and secure and... Now it's cold, and I haven't been back to my flat in days, and I'm sitting on a bench staring at the stars with... well, you," he paused to laugh. It was pleasant to hear someone recognized him from Hogwarts, and not necessarily from the music scene alone. "Yeah... I'm Luke. I'm sorry, I'm so bloody horrible with names I... I know you from somewhere, I know I do but... Well, Hogwarts probably, right? And...well, you know..." Death Eaters, he wanted to say, but he knew he shouldn't. Not aloud.

He was glad it was dark enough out that the other couldn't really see how his cheeks flushed. He wasn't sure why he was blushing at a time like this. The man offered to warm his hands, that was all. It wasn't a huge deal. And his hands were very warm. The touch was calming and stabilizing. For a moment he didn't even mind that he was essentially holding another man's hands. "Self discovery, yeah... I thought I'd be done with that after traveling the world and... joining a group that might have made me feel like I belonged, and... I don't know. I'm young still, I know, but... I suppose I had hoped the time of self discovery would be over. I still don't know how to talk to girls, even. Certainly don't know how to date, or even maintain friendship really..."

 Nigel:

Nigel listened without commentary for the most part, as he normally liked to take in everything that someone was saying before making a judgement on what to say back. However something about his recollection of the past few days caught the blond’s attention. “Have you just been wandering around outside? That’s a sure fire way to catch a cold,” Nigel warned, hoping he’d take him seriously. 

“Not that I don’t enjoy stargazing with strangers,” he started. “But you should probably reconsider how often you’re out here at this time. Especially in this weather.” Nigel didn’t hold it against him in the slightest that Luke didn’t remember his name -if he had known it at all. It wasn’t as if Nigel was Mr. Outgoing either. “Nigel,” he answered with a smile. “Hogwarts definitely. And yes.” It didn’t need to be said for them to understand the silent communication.

Perhaps it was Nigel’s eyes playing tricks on him, though he could have sworn that he saw a hint of blush in the male’s cheeks as he took his hands. That wasn’t uncommon, though it was cute on Luke. Nigel said nothing more as they sat there. “Maybe you need a simpler method. Pick a bunch of activities to do at home and see which you like. Meditation, candle lighting...” Giving a shrug, Nigel kept thinking. “Imagine you’re talking to a guy, then. Would that help?” It was a hopeful question, though Nigel hadn’t given away why, attempting to sneak it by and see how Luke would react.

 Luke:

Luke couldn't help but laugh softly at the other. He took his concern seriously, of course, but it was funny coming from the other, like a parental warning of sorts. He nodded in confirmation, not exactly proud that he'd been wandering outside for a good while, and intended to continue for a while yet. "It doesn't bother me too much. This weather, I mean."

Nigel. That was the name. Now it sounded familiar, too. In some ways, he felt like he could have guessed it - but that was a name he figured he would never have guessed. "Hogwarts came first, I definitely thought it was that." He listened to the other's suggestions, trying to let them sink in despite the fact that none of them really stuck. They just didn't have that appeal he was looking for. "Well I mean, I haven't spoken to girls in a romantic context, but I can talk to them normally I think? Guys, you know, there's not really--... I mean, maybe?" He started to realize that he was overthinking it - or at least, he thought he was overthinking it. Surely, it wasn't a hint? No, no, Nigel was just trying to help. His heart raced and his cheeks flushed darker. He suddenly didn't know how to explain that it all depended on whether the person he was speaking with was flirting, regardless of male or female. Nothing sounded right in his head. "I... No, I don't think it's helping," he laughed nervously, unable to meet the other's eyes. It had been perfectly simple before, but now he couldn't help but look at Nigel in a flirty way and that ruined it. Now his tongue was tied, his lips pursed shut. He didn't move his hands, though.

 Nigel:

Nigel met new people fairly regularly since he worked at St Mungos, but he much preferred meeting people in normal settings like this. He had never been one to prefer small talk though Nigel was good at it; you had to be, when you worked with people. Here they were, talking about the weather while looking up at partly cloudy skies and bright shimmering stars. That was the most muggle thing that Nigel could think of. “Well that’s good, then.” He could have badgered the male about how he really should be taking better care of himself else he get a cold, but he didn’t want to lecture. 

Laughing warmly at the way Luke started to trip over his words, Nigel scrunched his nose slightly. It wasn’t that he was laughing at him, but rather admiring how flustered he seemed to be as he thought it was quite cute. “Talking to anyone normally is a proper way to start.” Not everyone enjoyed or felt entirely comfortable with flirting right off the bat. Done correctly, it could be extremely successful. Despite it being dark, the flush in the male’s cheeks deepening became extremely noticeable now, to which he hoped Luke didn’t feel as embarrassed as he looked. “Well... Do you think,” Nigel hesitated, wanting to word his question carefully. “That maybe, you could like both men and women? In a romantic sense?”

 Luke:

Luke couldn't help but wonder how in the world he had landed himself here, in this conversation that always seemed to make him flustered. He hadn't spoken about this since being on tour, and now here he was chatting away with a stranger about things he rarely spoke about. Like it was nothing.

"I can talk to people normally, I mean... I have to. It's literally a major part of my career. But the aspect of really trying to flirt with someone is... daunting at best and I lose my way with words--" Then Nigel suggested that maybe it wasn't only women that made his heart race and his eyebrows raised a bit, both in surprise and consideration. He had never really considered that before - it was never something his parents would have approved of, and so he never gave it too much thought. But the fact was, he was sitting there blushing over a cute guy talking and holding his hands. He hadn't really allowed himself to go down that track, but he just realized the track instead moved on him and he found himself standing at the end of the path forced with a decision. Acknowledgment, or denial.

"I... don't know? I think so... maybe? I've had some men flirt with me but I was always on the road. It never would have worked so I...never really... entertained that idea..." He looked at Nigel, meeting his eye briefly before nervously chuckling and looking down.

 Nigel:

Having always been raised to be comfortable talking about his feelings, Nigel could understand if not everyone shared his experience. He wouldn't ever want to push someone into talking about something that caused them anxiety or discomfort, which was why he was being so careful with his words, as to not upset the man. "Well that's good, then," he replied, trying to reassure him and make him feel a bit better. 

Nigel was no cupid. He could flirt when he wanted to, but the act of someone flirting with him made him turn a bright shade of red. Coincidentally, not far from the flush in Luke's cheeks that he was seeing now. Perhaps they had more in common than he originally thought. "Conversing with someone in that matter can be tricky," he agreed, nodding his head. "You never know how it's going to end up. Then again, a normal conversation could be looked at the same way. I'm not saying that to scare you out of talking to people," Nigel chuckled. "But when you think about it, talking to strangers could go well, or horribly wrong, if they don't know your style of conversation. Even friends sometimes misunderstand each other."

It wasn't all that surprising to hear that men had flirted with him in the past. He was attractive, for starters. Nigel could certainly admit that. "Maybe you should consider it. It doesn't have to be now, but... in the future. I guess, just don't close it off entirely." Realizing he was still holding Luke's hands, Nigel gave a warm smile and slowly slipped out of them. "So... Mr. Musician, hm? What do you play?" A subject change seemed to be overdue at this point, and he didn't want to embarrass Luke any further.

 Luke:

Luke laughed softly and bit his bottom lip, looking away for a moment. He was still processing this conversation. For a brief moment, he felt like maybe he could work at it now - right at this second, right here. It wasn't like he was doing anything else with his life anyway. But he quickly understood he was too nervous for that, and it only became slightly worse as the other pulled his hands away. Now, his hands felt cold...and empty. It wasn't to his liking, that much was for sure.

"I don't think I would close it off, not entirely..." he mumbled, nearly down to a whisper level. Why was he breathless all of a sudden? That was random. After blinking a few times to gain focus again, he smiled at the man and returned his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "Hmm? Oh! I play piano. I can mess around on a few other instruments, but piano is my main one. And singing." It took him a moment to realize that the topic had changed so greatly, and he looked over. "Nigel? Have you ever... I dunno, been with someone? I mean, romantically, for any amount of time? Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person I know who hasn't. Never. Not even once."

 Nigel:

Nigel had taken Luke's nervousness as a sign that perhaps he wasn't ready to talk about this further. Really, he wasn't even sure at this point how they had started in the first place, but it was an interesting topic to bring up between people who've just met. Then again, they had met before, likely, in passing at school. Though Nigel wouldn't call that knowing someone. Getting to know Luke on a more personal level after this night sounded like something he would be interested in, however. Perhaps even helping him build up his confidence. 

The level of volume in the male's voice had dropped significantly, to which Nigel took that as a sign that a subject shift was a good call. His eyes lit up however when he mentioned piano. "Really? I play as well. Have since I was little." He could sing, too, but not likely to the caliber that Luke could. Besides, he was much more self conscious about his voice than his ability to play beautiful music. "My best friend plays the guitar. She's quite good." Before they could continue their conversation about music, it seemed that Luke was backtracking. Suddenly his question made Nigel blush, and his eyes widened a bit, taken aback. "Oh, erm... Well..."

He ran a hand through his hair awkwardly, trying to come up with the right words. "Not until very recently, actually." Conveniently enough, he avoided mentioning how complicated the situation was, considering the person he had slept with had a girlfriend, but their relationship was a bit open. "You're not the only person who hasn't, I can promise you that." Realizing that he could have meant several different things, Nigel opened his mouth to speak, inhaling sharply though no words came out right away. "Do you— I mean, do you mean you haven't been with someone intimately, or, haven't even kissed anyone? Sorry, I just, that was a bit vague..."

 Luke:

Luke now noticed that Nigel had a blush on his own cheeks, which both made him feel better because he now wasn't alone, and made him feel more nervous. Maybe he had overstepped, a bit. He inhaled deeply and let it out, realizing that his breath was visible in the frigid air. He felt bad for changing the topic back, in a way, but at the same time he felt like if he hadn't, he never would have gone through with the conversation. "I mean... I've not had a real kiss... not a meaningful one with a person I was actually interested in, and... I guess, yeah, I've kissed some people, but it was stupid tour stuff. Like, truth or dare, or bets with other mates, or... I-I dunno. If you don't count that stuff, I've never even really had a first kiss... Certainly have never been with someone intimately, that's for sure," he laughed. "I just... I dunno." He couldn't say it. It wouldn't come out. You're cute, I'm cute, let's make out was something that he'd NEVER be able to say (especially since he never considered himself such, anyway).

With a defeated sigh, mixed with a strained chuckle, he shook his head like perhaps they could drop it. He was genuinely interested in the fact that Nigel played the piano as well. Maybe he should focus on that. "I played since I was little, too. I sang all the time and my parents pushed it, wanted me to pursue it...after school, of course."

 Nigel:

Apparently Nigel had judged wrong when he had made the assumption that Luke was uncomfortable talking about it. At least, he wasn't entirely uncomfortable. It seemed more and more clear by the minute that he wanted to talk about it, but maybe he was just nervous, or scared of judgement. That was something Nigel could completely understand. If he wanted to talk about it more, Nigel was willing to, though he wasn't sure if they should be out here much longer. 

It was a bit shocking to hear that Luke had never had a proper first kiss. Then again, first kisses were always awkward anyway, in his experience. No one ever knew what they were doing, and it was downright impossible to get it perfect. "I mean, I suppose that counts. You've gotten it out of the way, then, so when you do fancy someone enough to kiss them, you'll at least have a bit of experience." Having only kissed people because you'd been dared to however couldn't be the most rewarding experience. Unless you did have a bit of a crush on whoever you were kissing. For Nigel however that would have just made him anxious. "I don't think that's a bad thing at all." Nigel hadn't either, until a few months ago. 

"Right, after school. That must be why you finished early, right?" After a moment, Nigel spoke again. "We don't have to avoid the other subject, if you want to keep talking about it," he offered, in a softer voice. "I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable." Some things were more private in conversation, so he hadn't wanted Luke to disclose anything he wasn't ready to share, either. "We could go somewhere else to talk? So we're out of the cold."

 Luke:

Luke had to focus on breathing. There was something about the way Nigel was attempting to keep up with him (obviously an impossible feat, without the ability to read minds) that was absolutely endearing. He had to keep from laughing when the other described him as 'experienced', though. The kisses he shared with other people were always little more than pecks on the lips. He didn't know that he would call himself such. "I just... I dunno, I hate feeling lonely." He looked out at a patch of grass, zoning out for a moment. "Yeah. It was why I left early - had to work hard so that I could be 'properly educated' and still chase the dream..."

He looked over to Nigel again, recognition in his eyes. So the other noticed just how awkward he felt, after all. At the same time though, he wanted to talk this out. It wasn't like he had many people to vent this kind of information out to, anyway. "I make myself uncomfortable. You don't need to worry." He offered a small grin before letting his own eyes dart to Nigel's. His eyes were pretty - he might even be able to get lost in them for a while. "Oh! Right! Sorry, you must be freezing. Do you know somewhere? Or, we're sort of near my flat--"

 Nigel:

"I think everyone does, to an extent." Sure, he knew plenty of people that liked being on their own, but being on your own wasn't the same as being lonely. He highly doubted there were many people -if any- that never got lonely. Nigel was the sort of person who not only craved physical attention from others but had almost always had access to it, so to be deprived of it, that made him feel lonely. The loneliest he had ever felt was that month between he and Henry's relationship where they had been fighting. 

Offering him a small smile, Nigel chuckled. "Has that dream been chased to death? Or are you still making things work?" He always wondered if that sort of life was really what people expected, before going into it. Whether they truly enjoyed it, or if it was overrated. "That's sort of what I do, worry," he confessed with a laugh. Their eyes locked onto one another's for a moment, which made Nigel's smile a bit more genuine and infatuated, a light blush creeping back onto his cheeks that he would blame on the brisk autumn air. "A bit, yeah..." 

When Luke mentioned being near his flat, Nigel figured that might be best. "We can go there, if you don't mind. I'm alright with that." It gave them privacy, and perhaps Luke would feel more at home there. More comfortable. "Should we apparate or walk? Up to you, I don't mind either."

 Luke:

Luke shrugged, truly uncertain. It was difficult to say, really. "I don't think it was chased to death," he sighed. "Just...to sleep. It needed a break. I'm trying to find some sort of inspiration, some way to get back into it... but so far, no luck. The war and everything has just made it nearly impossible for me to really focus on it." At the worry comment, he couldn't help but let his grin spread wide across his face. "I can't blame you for that. I'm the same. It's almost all I do."

He stood up, but stayed close - both to the bench and to Nigel. "No, of course! We can definitely go back. You can stay the night, I've got a guest bedroom, and... Sorry-- bit strong, erm... I don't get guests over often enough." He scratched the back of his head nervously, trying to brush it all off with a smile. "We can apparate! Here--" He held his hand out for the other to take, then pop!

The room was nearly pitch black, which shouldn't have come as a surprise to him, but alas - he was never there, and it didn't cross his mind until now. "Oh, Merlin-- Hold on, let me grab my wand and-- Oh!" There was a crash that sounded to him like his piano bench toppling over. "Lumos!" The light revealed a spacious living room area with great windows that would normally view the outside world, only the curtains were drawn. There was a piano, a record player, dozens of records lining the wall, and big comfy furniture. Behind them was the kitchen, which came into view once Luke properly turned the lights on, and past the kitchen was the bedroom area. "Sorry about the mess... Clutter and such. Not around much really..." Now his blush was perfectly visible. "Would you...like a cup of tea? I could put a kettle on, and... well, I mean, we could warm up."

 Nigel:

On one hand, it was sort of endearing how excited Luke seemed to be over having someone come visit his flat. While he wasn’t used to such immediate no-questions-asked hospitality other than at St Mungos, it came as a bit of a shock. However, it wasn’t enough to completely scare him away. “No, no, that’s alright. I mean, it might have been a bit strong, but that’s alright,” Nigel smiled softly to reassure him. 

 How quick Luke was to take his hand was surprising, but Nigel took it firmly and held tight as they disappeared from the park and wound up in a pitch black room. “Careful! Should I- oh, you’ve got it.” What came to view with the lights on was not what he had expected, but it was rather nice. Looking around, he didn’t think it was messy as Luke probably saw it, though he wasn’t sure. “Don’t apologize, really. I feel like I’m hardly ever home either.” 

Taking the time to walk around a bit, Nigel couldn’t help but appreciate all of the details in the flat. He almost missed the question as he wandered around. “Hm? Oh, that would be nice, actually, yes. I would love some.” Nigel stripped of his jacket, laying it over the back of a chair. “This is a really nice flat. Where are you usually off to, if not here?”

 Luke:

The flat was simple, which was how Luke liked it, but it was also spacious. Two or three people could easily live here together and not feel as though they were bumping into each other all the time. Perhaps that was a double-edged sword though, because the space also reminded Luke constantly of how empty he felt. "I...yeah, I feel like I'm never around. Actually this might be my first time back in...three days, this time?" he mumbled to himself.

He ran to the kitchen, which thankfully wasn't really walled off so he could continue conversation with Nigel as he prepared tea. They were half-walls, and he could see straight into the living room. "My mother always gave me a stern talking to when I didn't do the full shebang for tea. So I suppose it's only habit for me to get a tray going and everything." He flourished his wand this way and that while he grabbed other things here and there, the kettle starting to whistle. Meanwhile, small teacups and dishes for milk and sugar floated to the tray. Once he grabbed the kettle off the stove, he placed it on the tray and placed the strainer with tea leaves inside. He pulled the tray off the counter, bringing it to the coffee table in the living room and sitting on the couch. "We just have to wait for it to steep-- How strong do you like yours?"

It wasn't long before Luke was shrugging his own jacket off, placing it on the back of a couch and slipping his shoes off under the table. He made himself comfortable, expecting Nigel to do the same, pulling his legs up and crossing them on the cushions. "Thanks. I-I dunno, I normally just...go places to get away from here, honestly. It's a terribly lonely feeling when it gets quiet, and night falls, and... I mean, knowing I'm here alone..."

 Nigel:

Nigel felt a bit bad for Luke, though he understood where the male was coming from. It must be hard to live in such a large place by oneself, especially if you craved the company of other people. Whilst Luke had run to start the tea, Nigel slowly made his way into the kitchen, running his fingers over the walls as he did so. "Your mother sounds like a proper lady," he teased, chuckling softly. "I don't think my mum is as educated in tea making. But she does enjoy a good cup." 

Watching as Luke worked, Nigel joined him in the kitchen, leaning up against the counter. Had they been in his flat, he would have hopped up, though he didn't want to seem rude on his first visit. It had just become a natural habit for him over the years considering he was short for a male. He would have offered to help, but it seemed that the wizard had everything under control, to which Nigel decided to make his way back to the living room. "Normally I might say the stronger the better, but somewhere in the middle sounds all right, tonight."

Mimicking Luke's body position as they sat down, Nigel folded his hands in his lap, listening as the man spoke. "I can imagine." A hesitant pause filled the air before Nigel opened his mouth again. "You've never considered getting a roommate? What about your bandmates? Or, sorry... perhaps they don't live around here. Unless you've done most of your work on your own." Nigel wasn't really sure how Luke's music life faired, but he would have assumed that there were people he would have met along the way that he perhaps stayed in contact with.

 Luke:

"Oh, she is. Very proper. Which is sort of odd? Because it wasn't like she came from money or anything. I think actually she wasn't wealthy at all growing up, and she ended up being just like her mother, who was the same way - had to have everything put together just right, had to make everything look as fancy as possible. Even if it was kind of fake, in a sense. She had to have the house tidy, had to teach us proper manners, all that..." Luke shook his head like he didn't really understand any of it, but it was just his way of life. He'd come to accept it a long time ago.

Once it had seemed like enough time had passed that the tea would be to Nigel's liking, he continued with his serving etiquette - in a way that would make his mother proud, ignoring the fact that his legs were crossed on the couch as he did it. "I haven't ever really found someone I like enough. My bandmates switch out every tour - I'm really the only constant member. Although, our drummer has been on tour with me three times in total! But he has a wife, three kids. I don't think he'd stay with me," he snickered. "Most of my work has been my own and...I just find people I like to take along with me, to play with me. They're not really officially 'my band', so to speak... But I like to get smaller players and then they'll come with me for the experience, so then it builds their profile as well. It gives them a leg up in the music business."

 Nigel:

Nigel couldn't imagine living such a prim and proper life like that. He was well mannered and polite, and his parents had raised him well, but they were more the type of people to push for generosity, hospitality and empathy over properness. If he misplaced a piece of silverware or mistook a salad fork for a normal one, they wouldn't ridicule him. "I think I'm a combination of both of my parents, though some might say I take after my mother more, what with the interest in healing, and all." Again he had to bite his lip to avoid mentioning that his mum was a muggle.

Merlin's beard... No wonder he was lonely. Never having anyone constant in his life for longer than a few months? How were you supposed to get to know someone enough in that time? Sure, sometimes it didn't take as long, but to really know someone.... you had to dedicate months, sometimes years. "Oh, I see... And you played these tour games with someone who was married with three kids?" Nigel teased, referring to the dares he had mentioned earlier. "Kidding. Mostly," he added with a smirk. "So... have you really never had a proper kiss then? That's fascinating. If you could choose, do you think you'd want it to be with a girl, or maybe a boy?"

 Luke:

Luke didn't really mind the fact that his life growing up was so 'proper'. It came in handy later on in life. Feigning coming from wealth bothered him, in that sense, because his mother and father always wanted it to seem like they had some sort of posh background, which was why they acted the way they did and why they raised him as such. Maybe they were hopeful that one day their son might make them rich...which, he did... but still.

"I like that, though. It's a good trait to get. Caring for others, wanting the best for them, helping them with injuries-- all of that is admirable. There's nothing wrong with that," Luke insisted, finishing serving the tea and handing the cup to Nigel before offering up the smaller tray of milk and sugar. "At least you didn't feel like you were a wannabe posh bloke, trying to fit in with kids richer than yourself. That was what my parents always pushed for, for some reason." He started to pour his own tea and get it ready, smiling at the comment about his tour days.

"So, yes, I would play these games with someone who was married - but at the time he only had one child," he teased back, like it made such a difference. "And he wouldn't partake in the dares, not really. He'd be the one daring me to kiss someone else. But there were all sorts of people I went on tour with, you know? Some really cute girls that had absolutely no original thoughts in their head, some really cute boys that lived across the country - one boy from Scotland that... gosh, Nigel, his eyes..." He sipped at his tea, seeming momentarily lost in thought.

"I've had plenty of...kisses, I suppose. But no, never a proper one. If I could choose?" He leaned against the couch, seeming to stare in the distance, but his eyes were focused on Nigel's shirt sleeve. "I don't think I would really care which, honestly? There are loads of men out there that might actually like me for who I am, not just my stage personality... I dunno."

 Nigel:

Nigel couldn't help but laugh as Luke told him that it was better than pretending to be something you knew that you weren't. He had learned that the hard way, as it turned out, and was still battling that thought quite frequently. Especially now that he was questioning the side that he had chosen to take in the war. Taking the cup of tea that he was offered, he fixed it the way that he liked, milk and two sugars, before stirring it by waving his wand slightly. 

"Well, that makes it loads better then," he teased, pushing lightly on Luke's leg as he rose the mug to his lips and took a sip. It was hot, of course, but not too hot, and just the way that he liked his tea. Satisfied, he let out a soft sigh and placed it down. They were back on the topic of exploring Luke's sexuality, which Nigel found rather interesting, as it seemed the more he spoke, the more obvious it became. Then again, sometimes things seemed clear and ended up very confusing. "What were his eyes like?" he wondered aloud, wanting to know so that he too could picture them.

In retrospect, Nigel knew that it wasn't likely that Luke was starring at him specifically, but rather in that general direction. However, feeling Luke's eyes on him or anywhere near him made Nigel start to get uncomfortable, but not in a bad way. In the way that someone would flush if they caught their crush staring at them. Sure, he thought Luke was cute, but he couldn't really tell if he had a crush or infatuation. His cheeks turned a light shade of pink for this, shaking his head. "Oh, I'm sure there is," he finally agreed after a few minutes. Mainly to get people to stop staring. "That's good though, it means you're open to new possibilities. I'm sure you won't have to wait long for that kiss."

 Luke:

"Exactly! Loads better!" he laughed with him. Luke had obviously been fond of the man he was talking about, because he had a reminiscent look on his face, an old nostalgia in his eyes. "I still talk to him around holidays. Wonderful chap, in all seriousness."

When asked what the man's eyes looked like, he couldn't help but smile. "Nigel, they were... God, they were piercing and beautiful." His cheeks were turning red again, even as he sipped his own tea. "I mean... They were this striking blue. A blue I never would have believed possible. On rainy days, they were practically neon in color, if that makes sense? I just mean...wow. It was like he was a ghost and he could look right through you." He had a dreamy look in his own eyes, now, but he was ever present. His grin was wide, almost unbelieving, and he was meeting Nigel's gaze. "It's so hard to imagine it now, but... That was one pair of eyes that I'll never forget. They were just gorgeous... Sounds creepy though, I should probably modify how I talk about eyes--" He laughed and shook his head, running a hand through his messy hair. "Eyes are just...the first thing I really notice on a person usually. I always feel like souls connect through the eyes." He glanced back to his teacup when the other said he wouldn't have to wait long for the kiss, smiling softly. "Thanks... Here's hoping."

 Nigel:

There was no way this boy wasn't at least partially attracted to boys, Nigel was convinced of that now. Whether or not he had admitted that to himself yet, it was quite painfully obvious that he felt attracted to some men. If you think about it, sexuality isn't as complicated as people make it out to be. Even if someone is straight, it didn't mean that they liked all members of the opposite sex, so why should people think of those who identify as gay or lesbian or whichever else, any differently? Luke may like some men, and not like others, which was a-okay. 

The way that he described the man's eyes painted a beautiful picture in Nigel's head that he could see so vividly. Gorgeous blue eyes was something he would have noticed too, though he was quite the sucker for a pair of brown eyes. He had always thought they were underappreciated, especially considering most people tended to say things like eyes so blue I could drown in them. Well Nigel hadn't wanted to go swimming anyway. Figuratively, of course. "It doesn't sound creepy, trust me. Actually, I've thought the same things, before. Eyes can tell a lot about a person." It had been his favorite way of communicating, using your eyes.

"They're easy to notice. Plus, it means you maintain eye contact," Nigel pointed out, a smirk tugging at his lips as he took a sip of his tea. "I'm sure it'll happen soon. Did you... have any other questions, or? I mean, because you asked me before, you know. If I had ever been with someone I liked." Sure, it was a bit blunt to address the elephant in the room, but everyone was distracted.

 Luke:

Luke laughed a little and nodded. "They're just... I don't know, there's so much you can see in them. And I have a theory, although I'm not sure how accurate it might be, or how it connects, but... Wands choose wizards, personality chooses patronuses, and... I think something in our genetic makeup determines eye color, but in a personality kind of way. It also sort of...determines a bit of who we're attracted to? It's a start, but it's not like I'm very scientific or have any real background knowledge of any of that... But I like greens, they're my favorites, with different browns following. Blues might be really pretty, but it depends on them for me... That's why that guy's were so fascinating to me. They were the brightest blue I'd ever seen in my life, it didn't remind me of an ocean or something it... It reminded me of ice," he finished. His own eyes flashed with delight at the subject before he calmed down and sipped at his tea again.

"Have any other questions? You mean-- Oh... I, erm... How do you know when it's the right time? Like, to go in for a kiss? Or, gosh, how do you know when to take things further? I've heard about all these different signals and things, but I've never experienced it, so I never followed what the bloody hell anyone was talking about."

 Nigel:

Nigel listened to Luke's theory, which was a rather interesting one, even if there was no proof or evidence behind it. It sort of reminded him of the theory that names gave people certain personalities, too. "I think that's clever," he nodded with a smile. "In a way, I think you could argue that every part of a creature is related to personality. Their name, their home, who they associate with, their hair and eye color... all of it. It's a hard thing to prove, but it's a wonder to think about." When he mentioned green eyes being his favorite, Nigel couldn't help but laugh. "I'm fairly certain that true green eyes are the rarest color. A lot of people have hazel eyes, but call them green because of the way they look. Maybe that's why they're your favorite. You don't see them often."

To hear Luke talk so enthusiastically about something made Nigel smile, especially since in that moment, he spoke with such confidence that it was hard to imagine just moments ago he was tripping over his own words. Then again, it didn't last very long as they switched the conversation back. However, Nigel didn't mind it all that much. "Well," he started, thinking over his response. "For a first kiss, you're going to want to not overthink it. If you try too hard to make it perfect, you're only setting yourself up for disappointment. You also have to read your partner's body language," Nigel explained, sipping at his drink. "A good indication that someone wants to kiss you is if you notice they're staring at your lips a lot."

It was rather difficult to explain on the fly, so he understood why Luke would be confused. It wasn't like there were people talking about this everyday casually. "It's mostly about reading the situation, and seeing whether or not the person seems engaged and interested. Touch can be very helpful in figuring that out, as well. For example, say you've just kissed someone. If at any point their hands start to move more so down your body, well, at the least it's a sign that they desire to be closer to you physically. At most, that's probably an indication to take things further."

 Luke:

Luke smiled and nodded as the other spoke, happy that he understood where he was coming from. He wanted to explain, for example, that Nigel's eyes were most unique in both shape and shade, and his facial structure was attractive and-- No. He couldn't say those kinds of things right now. It wouldn't be appropriate. 

But then he started talking on about various signals, tips to read body language. He talked about hands moving down the body, and looking at lips, and Luke didn't even realize initially that his own gaze rested upon Nigel's. He nearly gulped, tearing his eyes away and looking down to the ground instead. Heart racing, he decided to focus on sipping his tea. He wasn't sure what to say or do, now, which only made it more awkward.

 Nigel:

Nigel had gotten so carried away in answering the questions that Luke proposed in a rather logical and somewhat professional manner that he hardly noticed that the male was staring at him. He did however notice the abrupt shift in eye contact, and the man's eyes darting toward the ground. Instantly Nigel had assumed he said something that made the other uncomfortable. Back tracking slightly, Nigel passed the mug in his hands back and forth as he watched the other. "Are you alright? I haven't said anything that made you uncomfortable, have I?"

"It will be easier, in the moment when you do have that sort of experience. Talking about it feels a bit silly, I'm sure, but it does help a bit." If everyone talked about it, maybe less people would have these questions. After all, Nigel himself knew a fair share of people who were never properly given a sex education talk. "We don't have to keep on about it if you'd rather talk about something else.

 Luke:

Luke blushed. "What? No! No, no... I just felt... silly." He glanced at the other's lips again and blinked, turning to look into his eyes again. "It's just... You're cute. And it's not like I didn't know that before, not like I didn't notice it... but we're talking about this and... I don't want you thinking poorly of me--" His cheeks were very red now, and he stared down into his teacup worriedly. It was better to come out with it now than to drag it on and be suspicious. Besides, it was better to talk it out now and get the hurt and rejection over with, rather than wait and end up heartbroken.

"You have nice eyes. They're almost hard to look at without staring," he mumbled, snickering lightly and trying hard to lighten the mood. "I mean... I dunno. I just want you to know so you aren't...uncomfortable too, I guess..."

 Nigel:

Luke’s mouth was saying one thing but his body language was screaming out the opposite. Even if it had nothing to do with what Nigel had said, something must have switched to make him all flustered again. It was apparent in the way he stammered, the way his eyes widened a bit and the unforgiving blush on his cheeks. Nigel was about to interrupt when Luke gave him a compliment that now made his own eyes widen. “Oh...”

Nigel had only just started to get used to people calling him cute. He had never really thought of himself in that light until Henry had come along, and only started to believe it a bit more when Gilderoy had agreed. Now he was sitting in Luke’s flat and the male was telling him the same exact thing.  Cheeks tinted pink as he sat there listening to Luke ramble on, hiding somewhat behind the mug of tea in his hands. “I can assure you it takes a lot for me to think poorly of someone,” he managed to get out without stuttering.

The sweetness in his words was not expected, and it was now rather certain that Luke was as attracted to guys as he was girls. At least by physical appearance. That often lead to sexual attraction as well, but they would open that door another day. For now they were just concerned with figuring out if Luke was attracted to men. “Thank you,” he replied meekly with a smile, shaking his head. “I’m not. Uncomfortable, I mean. I actually hadn’t noticed if you were staring, but that’s on me, then.”

 Luke:

Luke sat there for what felt like forever, feeling almost sick to his stomach with nerves. He didn't want to cross a line, and at the same time the line kept inching closer to him somehow. Without him moving. Like it wanted him to just tiptoe further...

"I never want to make you... discomfort is the worst and... I think it's worse when you barely know the person who made you uncomfortable but... a-anyway, I just don't want that for you--" He sighed and shook his head, more at himself than anything. "I don't know much about this kind of thing. I could write songs about it all day but that's because I'm clever with lyrics and not much else... so it's not like I could be smooth and tuck your hair back, and stare into your eyes and start to lean in or anything-- I would only end up making a fool of myself... it would be horrible..."

 Nigel:

Nigel wanted to laugh but held back, not wanting Luke to think that he was making fun of him. Rather, the reason for it would have been out of amusement for how cute and flustered he was getting. Even though Nigel himself too was a little flustered and surprised by these confessions, it was nice. The attention would certainly take some getting used to, but they had just met, so he was positive that didn't exactly make the situation super easy and comfortable. 

"I'm not expecting you to be perfect, you know that, right? You don't have to try and impress me." The mere fact that they were both musicians and had things in common was impressive enough. Plus, Luke seemed like a genuine person, which Nigel admired. His cheeks flushed a bit hearing all of this, though he smiled softly and placed his tea cup down. "You're being far too hard on yourself. Try relaxing a bit, I'm sure you'd feel better," Nigel suggested. He waited until Luke wasn't looking at him before leaning in and pressing a kiss to the man's cheek, figuring it could be taken as friendly if anything, though he meant a little more behind it.

 Luke:

Luke had not anticipated being so nervous. Was this normal? If this was what crushes were like, he finally understood why the hell people often tried to ignore these emotions. He worried at his bottom lip, holding it between his teeth again and again. Ears and cheeks hot, he was surprised to hear about Nigel's expectations.

"That's... probably a good thing, because I really don't think you'll be getting 'perfect', nowhere near it..." He laughed, surprised he could manage it given the current situation. "Wait, when you say... wh-what do you mean? In what context?" He didn't know if Nigel was brushing him off politely, or if he meant that this was okay, that Luke could keep trying... because if he could keep trying, that was both terrifying and exciting-- He couldn't even complete the thought, moving to set the teacup down as well. And that was when he felt the kiss pressed to his cheek, and he turned back and looked at Nigel with wide eyes, an adorable yet shocked expression. Suddenly, he laughed excitedly and touched his cheek. "Oh, right, now I most certainly can relax, Nigel!" He sank into the couch, still smiling like an idiot. It took him a moment to gather himself, and then he gazed over to look into the other's eyes. "Feel a bit like I'm flying, Merlin..."

 Nigel:

Nigel never expected anyone to be perfect, especially not when he was first meeting someone. While it was true that first impressions were important, he also knew that people were human. They were bound to make mistakes and fuck up and get embarrassed. It happens to everyone, but that doesn't mean that they are a bad person, or not worth getting to know better. In fact, Nigel almost preferred that people got embarrassed around him and fumbled. Not only did it make him feel more comfortable but it meant that they weren't trying so hard to be something that couldn't exist in nature. If Luke had tried to come off as some suave musician who knew a lot of people and acted like they were famous, Nigel wouldn't be sitting here right now having tea with him. He would have taken him to be a stuck up bloke who thought that status made you more appealing.

That was part of the reason for the kiss. Nigel didn't normally kiss anyone he had just met, but then again, the first time that he hung out with Henry outside of the hospital they had been cuddling up to one another. The kiss was to get him to stop worrying, though he would have given it to him eventually that night. Laughter spilled from his lips like smooth wine as he pulled back, shaking his head. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself. At least you know now that you could fancy guys." Had he known a simple kiss on the cheek would have this much of an affect, perhaps he would have waited until right before he had to go. 

"That was just your cheek, you know..." he casually reminded him, not bothering to go into specific details about what it would be like for different kisses. Luke could imagine that as he liked. "Not exactly a proper kiss, but closer." Picking his mug back up, Nigel drank the rest of his tea, leaning back against the sofa. "Don't overthink. Just do what makes sense in the moment when it comes, and you'll be fine."

 Luke:

Luke held his breath for a moment like it might make him come back down to earth. He was still cross-legged on the couch, yet somehow it felt like he could have been floating. "I don't think it's really a matter of 'could' at this point..." Nigel's laugh was something that somehow was like music in itself - it reminded him of the colors green and yellow.

"I know it was just my cheek, so can you imagine?" For the first time in such a long time, he actually felt playful. He had energy that was comparable to when he performed onstage - lightning in his veins, zapping in his fingers and collecting in his chest. In one swift move, he managed to rise on his knees and almost hover over the other, one arm supporting him from the side of the couch so that he didn't exactly have Nigel cornered (he wasn't close or confident enough for that really- the man needed to be able to escape if he wanted) but he had definitely closed much of the space between them. "If... If I'm not overthinking and I'm doing what makes sense, then... could I?" His voice had dropped to a whisper, and somehow the atmosphere became more serious in his mind.

Luke's eyes darted between the man's lips and his eyes, finally coming to rest on his lips. He didn't want to push forward, didn't want to cross over that line until it was okay... but he inched closer, letting their noses brush, letting this moment hang in the air.

 Nigel:

The fact that Luke's reaction to Nigel kissing him had been so strong made him feel that he had some sort of super power. Normally, Nigel was the one getting flustered and embarrassed in these situations. Maybe it was because he had more experience than Luke did with these things? Though not much more, as he saw it. Nonetheless, Nigel was feeling rather pleased that he could make someone feel like that just by giving them a kiss on the cheek. He imagined it was what Gilderoy and Henry felt like when they had gotten Nigel to blush so easily. 

Nigel was surprised at how quickly Luke's body position changed, and admittedly a bit confused. Raising a brow, he set the mug down officially after having finished the tea, his eyes locked onto the other male's movements. It was a bit nerve wracking to watch him like this, though not uncomfortable. There was more of a anxious anticipation in the air that Nigel was surrounded by. Then Luke spoke again, his voice lower and softer now, which made Nigel's heart skip a beat. He wasn't scared, however, as he was certain he knew where this was going, and though he would have never made this move first, the kiss to the cheek had been a subtle set up for Luke to pursue should he desire to do so.

Nigel didn't respond with words, though, as when you were going through the motions it was best to let your actions speak for you. Remaining still as he could as Luke leaned in closer, Nigel closed his eyes when he could feel their noses brush against one another, and leaned in a bit closer so that all of the remaining space between them had disappeared, their lips flushed against one another's. If anyone had asked what Nigel thought the night had in store for him prior to this, he would have answered something bland such as falling asleep to television. Never in a million years would he have imagined he'd be here, kissing someone that he had barely known though they got along rather brilliantly to start. 

Luke was cute though, so Nigel hardly minded snogging him. His lips parted ever so slightly as they kissed, taking the lead. His lips were soft, which was surprising, but pleasantly so. As they kissed for a moment, Nigel nudged his nose gently against Luke's in a rather affectionate way, letting it linger for a bit.

 Luke:

Luke felt like his heart was in his throat. He could feel it there, pounding, taking his breath away. The moment lasted an eternity. In honesty, he was expecting a verbal response. Something like a straight yes, but even a grunt or hum or... something would do. He didn't want to push him to discomfort.  But then he noticed Nigel leaning in. His own eyes closed as their lips pressed together, his free hand falling to brush against the side of Nigel's neck. He was more than happy to allow him to take the lead, his own lips parting slightly to follow suit. As their noses brushed together, he let out a breathy laugh, feeling their breaths mingle. Goosebumps formed over his arms, as though they were back out in the cold. "You're a good kisser..."  After inhaling deeply, he leaned in for another.

And suddenly his hand slipped, right off the back of the couch, and he bounced - bounced, how the hell did he bounce?- off the side and onto the floor. From the ground, on his back, he stared in horror and amusement at Nigel on the couch.

"...Don't mind me. I'm just gonna be down here... gonna sink into the floor and cease to exist..." With a strained laugh, he covered his face with his hands. "Ughhh, fuck me, why am I so terribly awkward? "

 Nigel:

Nigel couldn’t help but laugh softly ay his comment, scrunching his nose. “You’re not so bad yourself,” he replied, teasingly. While Nigel wasn’t expecting a second kiss he certainly wasn’t going to refuse one, especially not after the first being so nice. Before they could even get that far however, Luke had somehow managed to topple over off of the couch and land on the hard floor beneath them. Nigel’s eyes shot open in fear and a bit of shock, wanting to make sure he was alright. Never before had someone fallen over after kissing him, so he wasn’t quite sure what to do in this instance. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, uncrossing his legs and kneeling down on the floor to make sure he was fine. Perhaps it was a bit of the healer instinct in him, but Nigel casually started to examine for any bruising or injury. “Well... it could have been worse. You could have fallen on top of me,” he offered an attempt to lighten the mood a bit before standing and giving Luke a hand. “Come on, let me help you up.”

It was at that moment that Nigel truly realized their height difference. Luke wasn’t all that much taller than him, but it was more noticeable now, as he imagined what it would have been like to kiss him had they been standing. At the thought, his cheeks blushed slightly and his hand ran through his hair to cover up the awkwardness he was feeling in that moment. “Really though, are you alright?”

 Luke:

"I'm fine, really I am. The only thing hurt is my dignity--" he laughed. This was cringe worthy, in his mind. So un-smooth that it would go down in history as the most awkward he had ever been. He hadn't anticipated that the man would start to inspect him, however. Nigel was so damn cute.

After standing with his assistance, he took in the silence that seemed to surround them, blinking and watching. Nigel was blushing again. "I'm fine, Nigel, I promise." After a moment, he reached out and gently took the man's hand, fingers tracing along the skin over his knuckles. "Should... should I stop?" he asked as he stepped closer, free hand rising to brush his fingers along Nigel's cheek.  He was nervous again and yet, he still felt that electricity, that lightning in his chest, that spark as he caressed Nigel's skin.

 Nigel:

Nigel was glad that Luke hadn’t seriously injured himself, as he would have taken it to be his fault. Or at least, part of it. It would have ruined the mood that they had carefully constructed, otherwise. “Good. We don’t need to be explaining that you broke a bone because I kissed you,” he teased, laughing softly under his breath. “It would hurt my healer reputation.” Of course he was only kidding, and he was far more concerned for Luke’s safety and well being than his image as a healer. 

Having that physical attention felt so rewarding that Nigel didn’t want it to ever cease. It was something he craved often, even in a platonic sense. Draping one of his arms loosely around Luke’s neck as he spoke, Nigel thought for a moment before responding. “I’m going to let you read the situation.” His eyes glanced from the male’s lips back up to meet his eyes, a slight smirk playing on his face as he took a step closer to decrease the space between them. Luke’s breath was warm and comforting. He had a sort of rustic scent about him that smelled vaguely of aged wood and leather. Though Nigel wanted to kiss him again, the next move was completely up to Luke.

 Luke:

Luke couldn't stop smiling as Nigel spoke. "I'll have to make it my duty to save your reputation, then - even if it means I end up with a bum arm~" He laughed, letting one arm go limp just for show.

That same arm only ended up wrapping slowly around the other's waist, though. He held him securely - despite his small frame, he actually had strong arms. He felt solid. "Letting me read... hm. I get a sense that this is some kind of test." After a playful, suspicious squint, he rested his forehead against the other's, looking into his eyes for a moment. He didn't hesitate after that, closing the space between their lips, free hand resting on the side of Nigel's neck. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, but he didn't want it to stop.

 Nigel:

Normally it took a lot for Nigel to be this comfortable around someone where he was able to interact like this. Perhaps that also had to do with his more reserves nature since he hadn’t had much experience involving himself with romantic partners. A kiss on the cheek seems like a friendly gesture compared to this. Despite all of that though, he found himself quite enjoying Luke‘s company. He was laughing, which he hadn’t allowed himself to do often anymore, and felt more like himself. Even, dare he say, a bit flirty. “There’s an easy way to test that theory,” Nigel countered, raising an eyebrow.

His lips quirked upward into a slight smile as their foreheads touched, brushing his nose against the other man’s as their lips met. With the arm that was around Luke’s neck, Nigel pulled him closer, his other hand resting against the male’s chest. It was a bizarre feeling, being in the man’s arms like this, though at the same time entirely thrilling. The kiss, although simple, left his stomach with butterflies. Pulling away after a moment, he smiled softly and looked upward. “You didn’t fall this time,” Nigel teased, stealing another quick kiss.

 Luke:

Luke felt those soft lips press against his again and it almost made him feel like he were melting. Stress seemed to fade into the background. At the same time, the butterflies in his stomach fluttered wildly. He inhaled deeply upon feeling the hand on his chest, like he somehow felt the touch more that way. After Nigel pulled away, Luke had his eyes closed for just a second more. He wanted to hold onto that feeling. "I didn't. I mean, I could correct that if need be? Should I throw myself down?" he replied with a laugh. The quick kisses were practically a tease in themselves. He wanted to hold Nigel there, keep him against his lips somehow.

"I'm... honestly probably not great--" he managed to get out before sighing and scratching the back of his head. He looked so happy though. "Sorry... no practice. Not really."

 Nigel:

Nigel shook his head and laughed when Luke suggested he could throw himself to the ground. “Please don’t, you’ll make me very anxious and then I’ll worry,” he admitted, not caring that he was being honest. Honesty was the best policy, was it not? He would much rather have Luke upright like he was now, arms wrapped around Nigel’s waist and close to him. 

Luke was a good kisser. He didn’t give himself enough credit for it, likely because of the inexperience. If that really was his first proper a kiss, then Nigel was surprised. It almost felt as though Luke had embellished how little experience he had. “Would you like me to be honest? You’re actually rather good at it, considering.” Luke was just so in his head about it, that Nigel was sure that was why he had been nervous and a bit awkward. The arm that had been draped around his neck before now rested on his shoulder, while the other one stayed in place. “I really wasn’t expecting any of this tonight,” Nigel laughed under his breath.

 Luke:

Luke smiled at him and shook his head to reassure Nigel that he wouldn't, in fact, throw himself onto the floor. No matter how funny it might be. He stood firm, holding the other close, wanting to keep him there as long as he could.

"Well when you lead into it with 'should I be honest?' it makes me all the less likely to imagine I'll like the answer!" He laughed, somehow in that moment looking younger than he was - childish in nature. "Makes me nervous-- Wait, really? You mean that?"

He appeared shocked, but he was also somewhat distracted by the placement of Nigel's hands. He'd never had anything like this, intimate and close. The closest thing to it was at a concert, running through a crowd as fans reached for any part of him they could get their hands on...and it was nothing by comparison. This was so much more personal, so much...nicer. "I-I really wasn't expecting it either, but... I'm glad it turned this way--"

 Nigel:

Nigel scrunched his nose, biting back laughter. Admittedly he withheld just being straight up with him to tease. He was going to be nice either way, even if Luke had been terrible at snogging. Nigel would never flat out tell him he was horrible at anything. “I wouldn’t lie to you. I have no reason to.”

Luke’s expression was admirable, as though he almost didn’t believe him. In a way it was a sort of humbleness that Nigel didn’t see in people often. Hopefully it would be able to give him a little more confidence when he romanced people. “I am too,” Nigel smiled, moving the hand pressed to Luke’s chest up to his cheek. “Maybe I’ll have to wander parks more often.” Slowly, he dropped his hands and found Luke’s, taking them in his own as he stepped back. “Though I’m still a bit cold from being out there so long,” he chuckled. “The tea helped a bit.”

 Luke:

Luke laughed, squeezing the man's hands in his own to try and warm them up. "If you want, I could find some blankets? Could make a fort, even..." He snickered, waving his wand and watching as some blankets from baskets in a corner flew over the couch. "Fire in the fireplace too? That might help..." He kept one hand around Nigel's waist, waving his wand again and sparking a fire in the fireplace. After the wand was no longer needed, he slipped it into his back pocket and looked back at his ... guest. Luke wanted to keep close to him, wanted to know him more. And not just from kissing, necessarily. It was as he said before- he didn't have many friends.

 Nigel:

Luke was being so sweet that Nigel didn't have the heart to just up and leave afterward, even though he had work the next day. Then again, it was getting late, and he had offered for Nigel to stay the night... Perhaps he would have to after all. No, not have to, but rather maybe he would take that offer. "If you keep talking I'm not going to want to ever leave," he joked, chuckling a bit, though there was truth to his words. Nigel loved cuddling under piles of blankets and pillows, and by the fireplace? It was very romantic, even if it hadn't been intentional. Normally he might get shy over something like this, though for some reason, he was perfectly fine today.

"Let's just sit, and warm up, then," he decided, giving Luke's hands a gentle squeeze in return. They could relax a bit, get cozy. Perhaps talk a bit more, now that they had survived the awkward kissing conversation from before. Nigel felt like he needed to get to know Luke more. What sort of music he listened to, what he played, what he liked and disliked, what he thought about before he went to bed. Those little details about a person that no one ever seemed to wonder about, Nigel wanted to know. What he kept in his bedside table in the most innocent way, what his favorite book was, and which one last made him cry. Vulnerable things. They didn't have to get to those deeper ones tonight, but it helped him to get to know a person in the long run. "Come on," he nudged, pulling him back down to the couch.

 Luke:

"That's good though, no? I mean, I'd never argue to having the company." Luke shrugged cutely. "I don't like to flaunt it, but... erm, I have money. I could honestly hold you over until you find another job. But maybe not. I think you've found your calling." He scrunched his nose a little just to be cute - he had to play to his strengths after all. "Maybe I shouldn't get you sacked." He moved with Nigel to the couch, taking a moment to sit down first before putting his arms out for the other. In his mind, he imagined holding the other, chatting, playing with his hair... things he dreamed he would do with someone.

"C'mere, Nigel." They would both be comfy. And one of the blankets could fall over them, too. Warm, close, together. "When do you have to go in next? Early tomorrow, or...?" He might be small, but he momentarily forgot his size - instead he felt like he was the larger man, ready to be the larger spoon.

 Nigel:

Not having to work for a bit did sound lovely, sometimes, but Nigel knew that it would never be feasible. He loved his job, and he loved helping people. Sometimes though he didn't realize that he needed a break until it was too late, and for that reason alone, not having to work might be beneficial. "That's quite alright, I wouldn't ask you to do that. Besides, I quite like my job," he nodded with a smile. It was sort of adorable to see someone else scrunch their nose in the same way -or at least a similar way- as he himself did. It was just a quirk he had acquired over his lifetime, but it came in handy often. "I would appreciate if you didn't. But, if you were to visit... well, I wouldn't kick you out, let's just say that."

Oddly enough, Nigel didn't even hesitate to cuddle up to Luke, laying down with his back to the male's chest. It had never mattered all that much to him who was the big spoon and who was the little, but in this moment, little for him just made sense. "Not too early, or else I would have left by now," he replied with a brief chuckle. Though he wasn't entirely sure if that was accurate. He might have stayed either way. "Tomorrow morning. It's getting late, though. If I apparate home I might keep myself up all night."

 Luke:

Luke felt the weight against him, and his arm wrapped around the man's waist. It was secure, it made him feel whole somehow. Even though normally, he slept in his underwear - and despite the fact that he would love to feel Nigel's warmth against the skin of his chest, his stomach - this made him so happy. He was comfortable.  "Should I find reasons to visit then? Make up illnesses? Would you kiss it better? That's the important question."

He pressed a gentle kiss to the side of Nigel's head. "Keep yourself up all night? Why is that?" Luke's fingers traced Nigel's upper neck, before combing through his hair.

 Nigel:

Nigel buried his face in his hands despite the fact that Luke probably couldn’t even see him. “Oh, shut up...” he laughed, swatting at him over his shoulder playfully. “Only if you’re lucky.” Of course he was only teasing, but he admired how confident Luke seemed to be now. Truthfully, he would love to maybe see Luke at St Mungos if it were for any reason other than needing immediate medical attention. Perhaps for a lunch break. 

The kiss made his cheeks flush, sighing quietly. Relaxing into the male’s body, Nigel hummed to himself contently. “Apparating isn’t exactly the most relaxing type of transportation. And I’m already starting to fall asleep. A shiver shot down his spine, feeling Luke’s fingers creep around the nape of his neck and through his hair. The skin around that area was always a bit more sensitive, particularly near his ears. 

“I think I should probably just stay put...” Waiting to hear Luke’s response, Nigel blinked slowly, enjoying the attention he was getting.

Luke:

"What? You wouldn't? You wouldn't kiss me? Oh how dare...?" he teased, laughing as he spoke into his hair, close to behind his ear. Luke loved that the other man relaxed around him, that he was comfortable enough to fall asleep here. His hand continued through the man's hair.  "I'll wait to go in until I feel lucky," he hummed happily. "I think you should stay put too, then. Makes sense..." As he spoke, a blanket carefully wrapped around them as though it had a mind of its own. His eyes watched the fire, eyelids drooping slightly. "Let me know before you get up... I'll make breakfast." His voice was lowered to a whisper.

 Nigel:

It was difficult to remain calm as Luke spoke so close to his ear. He had always had sensitive hearing, and it wasn’t that Luke was being loud, but talking directly into his ear like that often turned Nigel on,l which he was trying to avoid. “I didn’t say no...” Nigel smirked, tracing patterns into the couch with his finger absentmindedly. “In private, sure.” 

The blanket dropping down onto them was like a cherry on top of this evening. Warm and cozy underneath it, Nigel felt safe and comfortable there. It said a lot that he trusted Luke enough to stay the night. Nigel’s breath hitched slightly at the lowering of Luke’s voice, covering it up by humming softly. Scooting back a bit so that he was closer to the male, Nigel closed whatever space had been between them, their bodies flush against one another now. “Sounds lovely,” Nigel murmured, starting to fall asleep to the sound of the fire crackling

[sunnysynthsunshine]

The Stage Manager: Chapter 1

Y/N watched the comic strip since the early days so they decided to be a stage manager being a stage manager already involved hard work like fixing cables and props but can they fix the problems of a cast member as well?

1989:

The First gig, the comic strip and the lord of misrule you met because of it

It was night time on the cold, colourful London streets

The bright buildings made the sights look like something from a 1960s painting

You had been wandering for a while and felt bored

Yes you did buy that one shirt just because it had ziggy stardust on the front

Television was dull anything that wasn’t a music-related or to do to with game shows you’d skip over

looking around the city of Soho when you came across the Raymond Revue bar

It looked dull at first when to the corner of your eye you could see people chuckling as they walked downstairs.

Overhearing the sound of an audience and strange sound effects you went upstairs and realised what the commotion was.

There were some comedians performing, Young comedians with new innovative material drawing inspiration from slapstick legends like laurel and hardy to “alternative comedy” jabs of political satire they were called The Comic Strip Presents.

You could hear two blokes who had a blues brothers type performance called the outer limits, a duo called French and Saunders and many others including Pamela Stevenson, Keith Allen and a communist satirist influenced by the Monty Python days called Alexei Sayle.

The night sounded enjoyable the last time you had ever heard good comedy was through the old porridge and Fawlty towers tapes.

Then another performer walked onstage he had pigtails, a red communist berret and a black jacket decorated with political badges.

“I don’t know if any of you are into poetry at all” he addressed the audience, scrunching up his nose smirking.

He then performed a monologue about theatre “Theatre! What are you? Theatre”

When I’m nearta the theatre “I ask myself this question I don’t know perhaps I should ask Vanessa Redgrave”

He shouted “But I don’t know Vanessa Redgrave” before he smirked again at the audience “And neither do you theatre”

When his monologue finished you were jaw dropped this bloke had so much charisma and energy in his performance his snarky attitude was funny and it looked like he was self-aware just having good fun with his audience.

Arriving home you couldn’t get his words and face out of your head even when looking at your old records of The Damned and Madness you’d just see his face in your mind.

With your knowledge of Performing Arts after a few years you decided to volunteer you asked Alexei Sayle if you could do some “behind the scenes work” he agreed.

The first day was something you rattled your teeth about on the way there but once you arrived the atmosphere was easy to adjust to, being an assistant stage manager was like being a bartender sometimes you’d just be fixing cables and preparing props other times you’d overhear the daily gossip but usually you’d only keep it to yourself or you’d joke with Keith Allen about it over a few drinks.

You once observed Pamela Stevenson being mocked about by the catty duo from before

Saying nothing because you left the drama in your secondary school years and you wanted to keep it that way.

However, when you’d see her in the staff room you’d try to chat.

She’d enjoy the conversations but you learned that she felt more left out when they did tours

She felt like the boys could impress the audience in ways she couldn’t and even on the female performer's side she felt like they were just competitive sometimes you’d also run into the duo that made fun of her but you’d just laugh along about it.

Sometimes while fixing cables or props you’d talk to a bloke called Ade he was another performer you’d talk about life with, you’d talk about punk music, your school years and he’d mention the one time there was a technical fault on a Dangerous Brothers skit where he was on fire and the producers didn’t notice.

Peter was one of those outer limits sometimes it would just be him other times Nigel would join usually you’d discuss a film with them or you’d help out with the technical side of their performances.

These were all interesting people who you would talk about many topics with….then there was him.

You’d see him on stage, you’d arrange technical effects for him and other times when everybody else was busy you’d talk to him

It was that day after a performance the others were having drinks and while he would sometimes be the person to be the social butterfly this time he was just there drinking while he frowned

You looked at him, he stared back soon a conversation was started once you agreed you’d talk with him in his dressing room.

He sat there frowning looking in the mirror and then glancing at photos he had of his heroes Little Richard, Ronnie Barker and Tommy Cooper.

“Hey!, (Y/N) as a performer you’ve  probably seen me when I played that poet character or Kevin Turvey those years ago Alexi had said you had seen us before.”

You nodded

“Well I’m happy that we were able to amaze you so much that it made you want to be a part of *The Experience* he said, excitedly making mime-like gestures with his hands”

You noticed he had that same aura about him that David Bowie had when he’d talk in interviews about Ziggy Stardust and how there was a big difference between chill laid back bowie and the loud flamboyant Ziggy you could see in his tired eyes that he was stressed

You asked “I might be happy but I’m not sure you are, is there anything going on that is stressing you? being a star carries a lot of hard to fulfil expectations if you don’t want to say that’s ok but I can see you're still trying to project your stage self instead of your real self.”

He blinked a bit surprised of how perspective you were “What nonsense, I’m happy I’m Rik Mayall I make people happy and when I perform I am happy” his smile became a frown, “Well I try to be”

You stared folding your hands as he then started to explain,

“I admit times have been crap recently, the new show I did for Ben Elton wasn’t successful enough so we’ll have to cancel it, while I love my new wife years ago I did make the mistake of being with her at the same time of being with my girlfriend Lise who co-wrote The Young Ones with me and it just feels empty on stage I have something I have my characters I have my jokes but to be honest I feel boring there are some good days and other times where I rip myself apart if I mess up my lines.”

You nodded as you processed his rant

“I feel like all the people and critics will think of me now because of that show is “oh look there’s that bloke who isn’t funny anymore” I’ll be nothing, I don’t work with Ben much anymore..I-I’ve been thinking of being a drama teacher”

You blinked you couldn’t believe that he would think of such a suggestion

putting your hand on his shoulder.

“Look you had an unsuccessful show, there are many bad shows out there but filthy,rich and catflap isn’t the worst, and that won’t be the main thing you’ll be associated with your an actor,you're a singer in that BAD NEWS band and your the most talented comedian I’ve ever seen, critics will be critics unfortunately, but your Rik Mayall you’ll find your spark again you’ll find another show or film you be in that will have the same memorable characters,settings and stories that your other successful works have”

he nodded still frowning looking away

“Yeah your right sometimes the spark goes out and other times the energy arrives back, thank you for the advice..still what show can I do that isn’t a flop I have the qualification I’d be a great drama teacher”

You smirked at him “a drama teacher who makes telling knob jokes and ranting about politics part of the lesson”

He cringed a little before he chuckled  “I wouldn’t do that in front of children (Y/N)! politics though is in everything theatre, history, television you can’t escape it, I’d let them make their own decisions knowledge and freedom is what they need but half the time it’s swayed by the opinions of their parents, the fascist pigs or of their teachers”

You were puzzled “Who are they?”

He then got up from his seat and smiled making more hand gestures before he rambled cheerfully

“Children, they are influenced by what they see and what they hear with all the political rubbish there needs to be some sunshine in the storm, children are smart but too many people including people in the television business take advantage of them, bastards! Children  have thoughts and wide imaginations, they should be respected they should be able to see the good in the world and the media should be providing that.”

You clicked your fingers as you got an idea “Hey Children's Programming you should do that! You were excellent at jackanory when you appeared on there you should do that again your great at narrating stories maybe you could create your own storytelling kids to show what stories would you read?”

He liked the idea “Fairy tales it’s the tales they are most familiar with because of Disney, funny because the original Grimm tales were very dark”

You said “Well how about you make this series about the Brothers Grimm fairy tales but it doesn’t have to be the glamorised Disney versions or the gritty originals it could be a sort of modern but original take on the stories and maybe you could add animation in there so each story would be different and it would give a chance for different animation companies to show their skills to a wider audience so not only would you be entertaining them but also teaching them about these timeless tales”

He agreed “The show will be called Grimm tales, I’m working with ITV at the moment so I could ask them about the idea thank you (Y/N) this is brilliant when I was little I loved seeing my heroes like Ronnie Barker read out stories and now I’m doing just that”

You smiled but still felt unsure about his other problem….the relationship problem

“Uh, Rik what about your relationship?”

He had a thought for a while and then said “I’ll try to repair relations between me and Lise if I want to move on from my mistakes I should take responsibility for them”

He grinned as he packed his belongings and headed home

[tryingthisfangirlthing]

Endless List of Works-in-Progress

List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or as little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on: writing, art, gifsets, whatever.

So I was sort-of tagged by @pellaaearien (in the manner of “if you see this and haven’t done the thing yet, do it”). And I’m tagging @viennainspringtime, @flootzavut, @doctorinblue @onekisstotakewithme (only if you want to do this!) and anyone else who sees this who wants to do the thing. :)

This is going to be long. Firstly, I’m only counting the works for which I actually have at least a few paragraphs written, aka not including the million and one ideas bouncing around in my head, some of which I have notes for and intend to write in the near future as well. Secondly, I’m only counting works on which I see myself spending time in the near future. 

Also, most of these don’t have proper titles. Titles are the worst, and I generally only have a hope of coming up with a title after I’ve finished a thing or written at least a few thousand words.

(Doctor Who) Nine/Rose ballroom dance class scene A short thing inspired by this photo manip. Currently untitled, basically what it says on the tin. He’s a dance instructor who sweeps her away from Mickey for several glorious minutes. Open-ended with implied mutual interest/pining (because mutual pining is my Thing). Basically I just have to sit down and finish putting the words to paper, dammit.

She was holding more-or-less the normal dancing position, because she knew that if she lowered her arms she wouldn’t want to raise them again for a week, certainly not before the end of the class.

“Whose idea was this again?” Mickey grimaced, scrunching up his nose.

“You sided with Mum on the whole dancing at the wedding bit, not me.”

(Doctor Who) Fem!Tentoo/Rose romantic fluff-ish thing Tentoo is female (because, hello, Donna’s a woman?) and her and Rose start bonding during and in between all those stops to drop the other companions off, and eventually reveal Feelings. Basically I decided to try to fill my own prompt. I still want to do it, except I am terrible at getting-to-know-you bonding chatter. Both in real life and in writing. It confounds me.

“I am the Doctor.” It was odd to hear those words in such different tones -— slightly higher, a bit rougher. “Well…” and she drew the word out exactly like the Doctor Rose knew did. “I’m a Time Lord-human biological metacrisis. Rather different body.” She rolled her shoulders, grimacing, laying one hand on her chest. “Bit of an odd feeling, having only one heart. I keep thinking something should be missing.” She looked back at Rose. “But I’m the Doctor in every way that counts. Thoughts, memories, feelings.” Rose wasn’t sure whether the split second of hesitation before the last was only her imagination.

(Doctor Who) Fem!Ten/Rose human AU speed dating Because I love Fem!Ten. I think this was also from something I saw on timepetalsprompts, but I can’t find the post right now. Fem!Ten here is adorably socially awkward and I want to snuggle her. But this story also suffers from the same I-can’t-write-bonding-talk problem as above.

“The Doctor. Well —” she reached back to rub at the side of her neck. “It’s Jane Smith. But all my friends call me the Doctor.”

“I’m Rose Tyler.” Rose couldn’t help smiling, just a little. “So, are you a doctor? Like, do you do surgery?”

“Oh! No, not that kind of doctor. Astrophysics. And politics. And I’m working on my doctorate of electrical engineering.” She twisted one curl around her finger, tapping the fingers of her other hand silently on the edge of the table.

“Wow.” Rose inhaled, trying not to be intimidated. “That’s a lot.”

(Doctor Who) Nine, Ten From this prompt, of Rose having a one-night stand with Ten while she was traveling with Nine, that decided to gnaw at me, and I immediately wondered “Where is Ten’s Rose?” and then it developed Feelings. This is another where I really just need to get all the words down, but I’m incredibly afraid I won’t do all the emotions the story holds in my head justice on paper (or on the screen).

“Oh. Oh!” The realization dawns in his eyes. “So that was…” His expression falls, his voice flat, deep disappointment in his gaze. “You — that you — didn’t know it was me. And you wanted to see the old me again, that was why you wanted to come here.” He’s closing off, something she hasn’t seen on this him before, but she instantly recognizes it, that look in his eyes, the way his features harden. “I can’t change back. I’m sorry. I wish I could—”

(There’s also a version that’s shorter and angstier but that doesn’t have enough words yet to count for this list.)

(Doctor Who) Ten/Rose flogging scene I started writing this to process a personal experience, and maybe attempt to more accurately depict conscious BDSM than how I usually see it portrayed (than I’ve portrayed some practices myself in the past). What I currently have will likely be scrapped, or cannibalized for a second version. But I still want to write this, and possibly expand on it, into a series of scenes (of actually rather minimally sexual BDSM). But it’s a balancing act between not wanting it to devolve into pure imagination, and not wanting to recount intense personal experiences for the world to get off to, out of respect for my partners.

She trails her fingers down his vertebrae — he’s so wiry, she’d worried about hitting bone anywhere she struck, but he’d reassured her that he would be fine. Lightly, she strikes his left buttock with the back of her hand, just because she can, not because he needs any more warming up, his backside tinted pink as well. The smallest of noises curls in his throat, part amusement, and she smiles.

Resting her hand other on his shoulder, brushing her thumb in a short arc, she asks, “Ready?”

He nods, clears his throat. Head lowered, he adjusts his stance slightly where he braces himself against the wall on his forearms. “Yes,” he says, a slight rasp to his voice.

(Nonfiction) BDSM writing how-to A lot of us tend to include elements of BDSM in our smut. Heck, I’ve done the same. But there’s a difference between spicing up the sex and consciously engaging in BDSM, and there’s not much information for “laypeople” on how (some/most conscientious) people do the latter, and how you can best write it. My intention is to try to fix that. It’s very much a work in progress and I keep changing it as I gain more experience and insight myself, and talk with far more experienced people. (Also I sometimes feel really pretentious writing this so if someone really wants this to be a thing, please please let me know.)

(Sanctuary) Adolescence of a Mongrel Vampire A work likely to approach novel-length in which Nikolija (gender-swapped Nikola Tesla) deals with having become a vampire in the early days after the change, and the effect this has on the Five at Oxford. Rather graphic and unpleasant in parts, very whump-y, with a dash of unfulfilled lesbian pining to round out the angst. (This is also actually part of a universe of sorts, with multiple stories featuring said gender-swapped Tesla, but it can be read on its own.)

“How’s —” She cut him off, not wanting to hear the lie, swallowed, and tried again, forcing hoarse words over her lips. “How’s Helen?”

Newton, as she had begun to privately call the pigeon, squawked, and she realized she was gripping him — her? it — far too tightly, and she stepped inside and set it down on the edge of the washbasin.

“She’s fine.” Nigel spoke softly. “She lost some blood, and she’s restin’ now, but she saw to herself and she’ll be fine.”

Nikolija nodded, finally, and mostly closed the door behind herself, purposely not quite enough that it would latch.

He saw it, and didn’t say anything, as she kept her distance from him, moving along the walls over to the plain wooden wardrobe.

“Tell her I am sorry.”

She bowed her head and turned her back on him as she rifled through her clothes.

(Sanctuary) Soulmarks UA Soulmarks are not only for romantic partners, but anyone who is has touched your heart in a significant way, however briefly or not-so-briefly. Helen, with her lifespan and work, of course has far more soulmarks than most. (This story was not meant to be this long! But it kind of took off and then I had no other choice but to trace through most of her life as we know it or can surmise it from the show.)

The cravat never caught on. It would have hidden the identifying mark in the hollow of one’s throat, that design — not words, but figures, lines contrasting against the skin in a symbol — that would be traced elsewhere on your own skin, if this person was to touch your soul.

It wasn’t unusual to have multiple marks, some clear, more starkly colored, for best friends or lovers or spouses, and some fainter, for a passing acquaintance who nevertheless offered exactly the right words or listening ear at the moment you needed them, or some kind of animal symbol for a beloved pet.

There were some who had many, many marks belonging to others — tracing up and down an arm or a leg, the lines occasionally interweaving — and then there were some who only had a few, loving rarely.

And then, there was Helen Sophia Magnus, whose skin from just below her collarbones downward was a mess of various shades of gray, so that individual designs were hardly distinguishable any more, aside from a few that stood out in stark black lines.

(Sanctuary) Teslen vampire/hunter AU He’s a vampire; she’s a hunter. He’s an unusual challenge for her; she’s the same for him. She’s also the one responsible for the entire vampire epidemic in the first place. I think this is the only one that’s been published in any kind of significant way so far; if you’d like, you can read what’s already up online here. Currently somewhat stymied because I’ve gotten past all the really fun relatively fluffy (for a given value of fluff) “mostly enemies but forging a grudging relationship” stuff and now I have to think of an actual plot, which I am incredibly bad at sorting out properly (and I really should have seen that coming, bad Rinari).

(Original Work) The Kel’Reth This is less of one work and more an entire project. It’s a whole flipping world, with one long, more traditional novel-ish work, about a king who loses his kingdom to a coup, and then several other stories in the same world, among them a lesbian explorer couple and a glimpse into the Kel’Reth mythology through a temple librarian. A lot of it is mostly ideas and notes. (Worldbuilding is hard!) It’s kind of a mess and I haven’t worked on it in what feels like ages but it’s my precious.

Sreh was already waiting for them with the messenger and a zazak, one of the large, thinly-furred, horned creatures the Kel'Reth used as pack animals, now relieved of its load. The tactician’s expression was somber.

“What do you have to tell me?” The king adjusted his red robes, cinching his belt tighter, as if that might help to brace him for whatever terrible news he could feel was coming.

The envoy bowed deeply, laying his frills flat. “I bow before you in awe, General-King, Elected of the Zir–”

“What do you have to tell me?” Varekh snapped. “Courier. Consider yourself excused from formalities.”

The messenger paled, swallowing heavily as he straightened. “My King… people have begun to die. It all happened so quickly—but some say even a quarter of the people may be gone by now. The Regent-King has fled, with the Crown Prince. Jazeri now holds the throne, though she has not ordered your guards slain yet. I have a letter from Regent-King Levor here–” he dug in his satchel to retrieve the roll of parchment, still sealed, and offered it to Varekh “–for you.”

His mind spinning, Varekh shook his head, not reaching to take the letter, simply absorbing the news. So he was too late. He had failed.

Perhaps it was instinct that made Sreh grab his arm just before his knees gave out from underneath him.

“Your Majesty! My King!” Her voice rose in panic. “Varekh!”

(Original Work) Heaven in Hell This began as a short story. Then it blossomed into a series of short stories, just a series of moments that somehow became a story in their own right. Jeanne/Evelyn is a lowly guardian angel, who talks with the demons she’s supposed to kill, who falls in love (and God forbid his angels truly love anyone but him), who is cast out of heaven and realizes maybe hell is her heaven after all. I started writing this in French, actually, and I have this weird compulsion to continue writing it in French. But since I have no French teacher to currently impress with little French stories, I haven’t made much progress recently. Still, I love it and I do want to finish it one day. It’s pretty personal, honestly, because I myself used to be highly religious of the very conservative variety and am now quite at home among the flaming queers. I’m sure you can see the parallels.

“I miss you.” Isabelle bit her lip, raising her eyes to meet Evelyn’s again. “You were always my best friend. Come back, please. I don’t know what you did–I’m not going to ask–but I’m sure the Lord would forgive you. He’s always ready to forgive…”

“You’re naive.” It was quiet, almost a whisper, as she stood.

The demoness kissed the angel on the cheek, pressing her lips to the corner of her mouth several moments longer than what would be strictly appropriate for a friend.

“Have a good evening, ‘Belle.”

With a flick of her tail, Evelyn turned to leave.

[rnainframe]

Co-written by @gruvu! Here’s chapter 3! 

The tag I’ll be using for this is #amfic!

                           [PREVIOUS CHAPTER] [NEXT CHAPTER]

Alternatively, read it on AO3!

Nigel sits back in a break room, leaning his face against an open palm while occasionally glancing back down at some papers. “...you know what this chamber needs?”

An unfamiliar voice replies with a sigh. “Not gel, Nigel. You try putting it in every chamber we make. It’s gonna get old fast when people actually use these.”

“But it’s fun. And new. C’mon, Wheats, it’ll make Mr. Johnson happy, won’t it?”

“It’d also make him happy if people also tested the other new products. Like… I don’t know, anything other than more gel.” Nigel looks over to the other- a tall, skinny man with a head of messy, curly, ginger hair. “You should also cut back on drinking that,” ‘Wheats’ gestures at a drink Nigel is holding, an orange can, “it’s not even real soda. It’s chemi--”

Someone bursts through the door, making both men startled. ‘Wheats’ immediately looks over, but Nigel chooses to side-eye whoever just came in for a split second and look back at the can in his hand. “It tastes good, at least..”

A familiar, feminine voice approaches. “Nigel Smith, I swear to god if this was because of you again-”

The memory cuts off, leaving 18 flabbergasted at what she had just seen. That was only a small clip, yet it… oh, she needs to sit down.

Human, he had been human... SOMETHING was familiar, something hit her, but she just can't put her finger on it. Maybe she should see if there’s more…

“...I thought I said not to touch anything.” Virgil comes back in, going from being relatively passive to somewhat disappointed in the other. He buries his hands in his pockets, chewing his lip. “You didn’t mess any of the codes up, right? Be honest.”

18 almost jumps out of her skin, startled by the core returning. It takes her a moment to collect herself before responding.

“Oh, pshhhh-- no, I didn't mess with anything! Just, y’know, skimming through.”

Virgil silently eyes the subject with suspicion before nudging her aside, moving back to the monitor and getting back to work. He checks every bit of code over, making sure she really hadn’t done anything -- nope, the only thing that was done was that one file containing a memory has been recently viewed. “What were you doing with the files?”

“I just... took a look…” She fold her arms across her chest, trying to look casual about having digged into a guy’s head.

The core blankly stares at 18 in silence, then goes back to focusing. He lets his visor back out, allowing him to be a bit more efficient. In almost no time at all, he’s done.

“There. Hopefully I-- we’ll have-- nn, the old Nigel will be back.” Virgil trips over his words, furrowing his brows and internally scolding himself for the slip-up. He puts away the monitor, then rolls Nigel over so he’s face-down. With the press of a button located with all the ports on his back, Nigel is easily reactivated.

Leading to him temporarily panicking and falling onto the floor. Whoops.

“What-- what’d I do wrong..?? I-- I did the testing right! What’d you get rid of this time?! I--”

“Nigel. Nigel, you’re fine, I didn’t get rid of anything.” Virgil tries to reassure the other core.

“Is he supposed to be like that?” 18 leans on Virgil’s shoulder, looking legitimately concerned for the Nigel.

Virgil looks from the other core to 18, clarifying. “GLaDOS would keep having him reprogrammed as punishment after an.. incident from a long time ago. He’s pretty much developed a fear of it. But, Nigel,” the Maintenance Core looks up at Nigel after the latter gets to his feet, “I fixed what She originally did to you. You did nothing wrong.”

“Except being an asshole.”

Virgil glares at 18. “...nothing. Wrong.”

18 raises her hands, moving away from Virgil. She’s curious about what Virgil “fixed”. To her, Nigel looks the same. Seems the same. He’s scared, but the same, as far as she can tell. With a sigh, she attempts to help with reassuring the panicky core. “Just take it easy, okay, tangerine?”

“Are you s-- tangerine?” The sudden nickname snaps Nigel out of his panic. A confused grimace takes over his features. “The hell kind of nickname is that? It doesn’t even roll off the tongue that well.”

Virgil scoffs, “what, not even a thank you for fixing you? Just criticism of some harmless word someone called you?”

“I don’t even know what you FIXED, Virgil.”

“Ah. You remembered my name. It worked.” With a friendly smirk, Virgil almost goes to high five himself, but that’d definitely rub it in too much.

“I don't see a difference. Still sounds like a dick to me.” 18 interrupts the spat between the cores. She regards the Maintenance Core with a question, “will he change? Or is this how he actually is?”

He shrugs. “Eh. He was always a bit of a prick.”

“You two really enjoy insulting me, don’t you?” Nigel grumbles, leaning back against the nearest wall. “Are you planning on dragging me into anything else, “Virgil”, or are we done here?” He puts the other core’s name into air quotes, as if he doesn’t completely trust the changes made to his code as being real memories resurfacing. He doesn’t. Not an ‘as if’.

“Great. We’re going back to testing! Thank you, tin man,” her voice dripping with sarcasm, 18 annoyedly hits Virgil upside the head. Here she thought Nigel wouldn't drag her back into life-endangering situations for the sake of “science”, or something, but WOOP DE DOO. Here we go again.

“Actually,” Virgil moves to stand facing both of the others, holding his hands up in front of himself, “I have a better idea.”

“Like what?”

“Getting rid of GLaDOS. Not like murder. Not that. She’d hate that. What if we got her deactivated again? The facility is actually pretty good off without anyone in charge-- we’d have some peace back in our lives.”

Nigel stares at the other core. “...you’re kidding me.”

“Hi, test subject here, what exactly do you mean? Are you talking about, dare I say, leaving?” 18 cuts in, annoyed at being left out.

“If you want to leave, I could get you an elevator out once we get GLaDOS out of the picture. Wouldn’t be my first success at getting someone out.” Virgil grins, proudly putting his hands on his hips.

Nigel rolls his eyes. “The last time somebody tried to mess with Her and that chassis, it ended up with a lot of attempted murder and explosions. Definitely a good idea.”

“What, do you have a better idea? Is your plan to put gel in it? Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“I didn’t even imply I had a ‘better idea’. I don’t even support the idea of overthrowing Her again.” Wow, these two bicker easily, don’t they?

“Boys, boys, you're both pretty.” 18 places herself between them, hands raised. “I have no idea about taking over, but... I don't like the idea of being stuck down here. If,” she sighs, “Virgil… thinks he can get us out, well… I… ugh, I trust him.”

“Not taking over! Deactivating.” Virgil corrects the subject, jerking an index finger in her direction for a moment. He’s tense.

“Fine, deactivating. Happy?”

“Yes. Anyways! What do you say?”

“I'm in. If-- if Nigel is in.” She huffs, crossing her arms, scrunching up her nose.

Nigel glares at the subject. “Why me? Assuming whatever Virgil “fixed” got rid of my loyalty to GLaDOS? You don’t know if I’ll help or just sabotage you.” He narrows his eyes, leaning forward and glaring downwards to the shorter woman.

“I know a bit more than you think. You won't turn us in, because, even if you help… WHATEVER her name is, she will reprogram you. Probably” She steps forward and jabs Nigel’s chest. “You don't want that, now, would you?”

At the prospect of getting reprogrammed-- punished by GLaDOS --again, he freezes up. “...no. I-- I don’t. Are you trying to guilt trip me or something?”

“No, she’s just playing on your fear of GLaDOS. Petty. But it seems to be working.”

“I wasn’t asking you, Virgil,” Nigel snaps.

“It's working. So, tangerine, here are your choices. Either be a dick and get reprogrammed, or help us leave this hellhole with your programming intact.”

Virgil sighs. “Not. Leaving. You can leave, yeah, but we’re-- I’m, I’m just trying to get her out of the way as a threat.”

“We get it. Deactivating. Not taking over. Not all leaving. We get it.” Nigel rubs his temples, grumbling under his breath.

“Are we in this together, then? Or are we gonna just keep yapping about DEACTIVATING ?”

The taller core looks from Virgil, to 18, to the ceiling, then rolls his eyes. “I’m in. I guess.”

Virgil eagerly clasps his hands together, walking towards the doorway out of the repair wing. “Alright! Great. Let’s go.”

“...we’re really doing this.” Nigel exhales, his voice monotone.

“Don't worry, I'll protect ya.” 18 nudges him with her elbow, winking up at him. She follows Virgil to the doorway. Hooboy, she’s actually teaming up with a couple robots. Well, technically…  not really robots. She glances back at Nigel.

“Let's go, Romeo.”

“...Romeo? There is NOTHING between us.”

“Yeah… I probably should just stick to tangerine.”

“Definitely.”

[devereauxsdisease]

Space Invader Time Stamp 1

Ok, so I thought it was time to write a Space Invader time stamp. This is for a reader who wanted a bit more of the Bev/Darko relationship. It’s set about a year before the epilogue. 

Thanks go out to @wrathofthestag​ who tolerates all my craziness as I write and even looks my nonsense over so I don’t share anything too terrible. 

You Going to Piss on the Stick, or What?

         “Beverly? Are you vomiting?” Adam tapped at the bathroom door again. “If you’re vomiting, I should probably leave, I don’t like being sick.”      

         Beverly wretched into the toilet again. She was never, ever eating gas station sushi again, no matter how far afield her cases took her. Everything had been just fine until Nigel and Adam had come over to watch the game, when one sniff of Nigel’s beer had sent her scrabbling for a toilet. Just the thought of that stale wheat smell had Bev lurching into the bowl again.

         “Beverly? Nigel went to the store, he said he knew what to do.” She could hear Adam drumming his fingers nervously on the floor. “Would you like me to slide you a magazine under the door? I can do that without contaminating myself.”

         “It’s OK, Adam,” Her voice was raspy and her tongue tasted sour in her mouth. “I’m pretty sure it’s food poisoning.”

         “OK, but don’t open the door, just in case it’s the flu.” Adam sounded unconvinced. “I have an exam next week and I don’t want to be sick.”

         Bev rolled her eyes. That was as close to sympathy as she was probably going to get from Adam. Part of her wanted to call Darko, ask him to come home, so she could spend the night being cuddled and pampered. She dismissed the idea, she hated the idea of admitting she needed anyone, even now. She didn’t need her husband to feel better. She just needed to stop fucking puking.

         A knock rattled the door.

         “You’ve got your clothes on, yeah?”

         “Yes, Nigel.”

         The door opened.

         “I sent Adam home, he’s not great with this shit. He hopes you feel better and you don’t fucking infect him.” Nigel tromped into the bathroom, pausing to lay a plastic bag on the sink and grab a washcloth. He ran the cloth under the tap, wringing it out before he laid the cool cloth across the back of Bev’s neck. He flopped to the floor beside her. “You look fucking rough, Katz.”

         “I feel fucking rough, dick.”

         “OK, well I’ve got some stuff for you.” He grabbed the bag and handed it to her. She dug out a bottle of Pepto, two Powerades, and a pregnancy test. She blinked at it and looked at Nigel with wide eyes. “What? You’ve been trying for nearly a year, haven’t you?”

         Bev could feel her mouth falling open, she only hoped she wouldn’t puke again. Nigel shrugged.

         “Darko was fucking worried he was shooting blanks, I fucking told him with his aim, he’d be lucky if any of his fucking spunk found your eggs.”

         “He told you we were having trouble?” Something began roiling in her stomach again. Phil hadn’t told her he was worried. Did he not think he could tell her?

         “He told me he was afraid you married a sterile old man. I told him I didn’t want to hear about his fucking come anymore and he should just thank his lucky fucking stars you let him fuck you at all.” Nigel rolled his neck and motioned to the box. “You going to piss on the stick or what, gorgeous?”

         Bev looked at the box in her hands. Fuck, she had done shots last weekend at McKensie’s bachelorette party. She caught Nigel’s eye. “I don’t think I can pee right now.”

         Nigel rolled his eyes. “What the fuck do you think the Powerade is for? Chug, woman.”

         Bev laughed, grabbing the blue bottle and making a toasting motion.

                                                  -XXX-

         Nigel sat outside the bathroom door, letting his head fall back onto the wood. He texted Adam, letting a smile curve his mouth.

         4:37pm         Be home soon, gorgeous.

         4:38pm         Good! I have washed my clothes and bathed. Is Bev ok? Do you feel sick? Should I get protective masks?

         4:39pm         Bev’s fine. I’m fine. You’re not going to spray me with fucking Lysol when I get home, are you?

         4:41pm         No. But I would appreciate it if you stripped immediately and took a shower.

         4:44pm         Only if you get in the shower with me, make sure I’m clean. 😉

         4:46pm         I told you I already had a shower, Nigel.

         4:47pm         I wanna fuck, Cosmo.

         4:48pm         Oh! Sure! After you shower.         And brush your teeth.

         Nigel started to laugh when the door opened. He held up a finger, asking Bev for a minute.

         4:50pm         I fucking love you, Cosmo. I’ll call you when I’m on my way.

         Nigel pocketed his phone and turned. Bev’s hand was trembling and her eyes were wide.

         “Up the duff, then?”

         She nodded, holding out the positive test.

         “I don’t want your fucking piss stick, Bev. I believe you.”

         Bev shook her head and sat the stick on the sink. She wandered into the living room and flopped on the couch. Nigel followed, throwing an arm around her and drawing her close.

         “What’s wrong?”

         Bev shook her head. “I…I started to think it wasn’t going to happen. I stopped mentioning it to Phil. I didn’t even fucking check this month.” She looked at Nigel, eyes watering. “Fuck, Nigel, I had so much fucking vodka last weekend.”

         “I wouldn’t worry, Bev. My mother was drunk and turning tricks most of her pregnancy and look how fucking great I turned out!” Bev rolled her eyes and smacked him. “Look, we all know you and Adam are going to get together and start fucking planning and it’ll be nine fucking months of organic mac and cheese and fucking juice for all of us. Fuck it, you’ll probably even get Darko and I to do prenatal yoga or whatever the fuck guarantees your baby is a genius now. You’re going to be a great fucking mom, Bev.”

         Bev bit her lip, then smiled. Gently, she took Nigel’s hand and placed it on her stomach. “You’re going to be a great fucking uncle, Nigel.”

         Nigel shook his head, but his hand stayed, softly stroking over her middle.

         “You will. I’ll always know the kid is safe with you. You protect family over everything.” Nigel scrunched his brow, his vision blurring a little as his eyes pricked with tears. Bev winked. “I’ll also know why the kid’s first word is cunt, but what the hell? Might as well learn from the fucking best.”

         Nigel laughed, wiping at his eyes with his free hand. He opened his mouth to speak when the door banged open.

         “Bev? Adam called me. You OK, baby? I stopped by the deli to get that matzah soup you lik-” Darko froze when he saw Nigel and Bev cuddled on the couch. His eyes darted from their teary eyes to the large hand still on Bev’s stomach. Darko sighed. “Please tell me you’re not leaving me for him. I don’t think I can handle Adam on my own.” 

         Nigel rolled his eyes and pulled Bev into a hug. He flipped Darko off as he kissed the side of Bev’s head.

         “I’m fucking sorry, Bev. The baby’s going to be at least 50% asshole,” Nigel whispered into her hair.

         Bev laughed, shoving Nigel as he moved to get up. “Alright, get out. Phil and I have to discuss which room is going to be the nursery.”

         “We’ve already talked about that! The back room with the good sunlight. We had that settl-” Darko choked on his own words, eyes going wide. The bag of soup slipped from his hands, Nigel managed to grab it before it hit the floor.

         “Congratulations, you fuck,” Nigel smiled, sitting the soup on the coffee table and playfully nudging his statue of a friend as he walked out the door.

         Darko just stared for a long moment, his mouth forming words his brain wouldn’t release. Finally, he managed one. 

         “Bev?”

         She smiled and nodded, just once. Darko rushed forward, grabbing her head in his hands and pressing kisses all over her face. He started laughing, pulling her into his arms as tears spilled down his cheeks. She shifted, moving to sit in his lap and gently brushing his tears away with her fingertips.

         “I should go to the doctor’s to be sure. It’s just one test.”

         “But do you think you’re pregnant?”

         “Yeah, I do.”

         Darko let out a shaking breath, his smile bright. He buried his face in Bev’s neck.

                                                  -XXX-

         Bev threaded her fingers through Darko’s hair, smiling at the man curled around her stomach, whispering little secrets to her bellybutton. “Why didn’t you tell me you were worried?”

         Darko looked up, frown on his face. “What?”

         “Nigel said you were worried it took us so long. You never said anything about it to me.”

         Darko stroked her stomach one more time. “Excuse me, Junior. I’ve got to talk to mama.”

         Bev rolled her eyes, but laughed anyway. Darko army crawled up her body, elbows framing her as he shimmied. He stopped briefly to press a kiss to the silver microscope that hung around her neck before moving up to her face.

         “You wanted to see me?”

         Bev fought very hard to keep the grin off her face. “Why didn’t you talk to me? I have to be easier to talk to than Nigel.”

         Darko sighed, he seemed very interested in the pillowcase by her head all of a sudden. “It was just one more thing, wasn’t it? One more reason for you to go.”

         Bev frowned, it felt like he’d struck her. “What?”

         “I know why you turned down those people.”

         “What people?”

         “The ones who took us to dinner, asked if you’d be interested in running for county commissioner.” Bev reached up to touch Darko’s face, but he caught her wrist, eyes sad. “Hard to get elected if your husband’s a former drug dealer.”

         “Stop.”

         “What if someone finds out when the kid’s in school?”

         “Phil, stop.” She pulled her hand back, he wouldn’t look at her.

         “Is that why you’re taking the job at Cal Tech? So no one at the Sheriff’s Department goes digging?”

         “They know.”

         Darko gaped at her, eyes wide.

         “I told Jim when I knew you were it.” Bev used Darko’s shock to her advantage, twisting her arms around his neck and pulling him closer. She pecked a few kisses across his chin. “He was very understanding. His kid caught a charge for possession a few years back. I wanted to make sure no one ever tried to use you against me.”

         “But-”

         “I took the job because the money is better, the healthcare is good, and I can still consult on cases. Plus, my hours are flexible, so I can do things like go to school plays or science fairs.” She paused, twisting her mouth into a grin. “Maybe surprise my husband at the office for a quickie.” 

         Darko’s eyes began to water. “I…I just thought-”

         “You’re part of the plan, idiot. You’ve been part of the plan since I saw you huffing after me in those ridiculous spandex tights.” Bev ran a hand through his hair. “You’re not holding me back, Dorko. No one has ever held me back.”

         “I worry sometimes.”

         “You worry all the fucking time.” Bev bopped him on the nose. “I’m not Nigel, I can take care of myself. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to know when you’re worried. You tell me before you tell Nigel, you understand?”

         Darko nodded, his face solemn. “If we have trouble with the next one, I promise I’ll talk to you before I tell fuckface.”

         “THE NEXT ONE?” Bev spluttered. “How many Dalca brats am I looking at here, Phil?”

         Darko frowned, tapping his finger to his chin in thought. “How many do we need to start an American football team?”

         Bev laughed, shoving him off her. “Let’s get through this one, first. Then we can discuss franchising.”

         He settled his hand back on her stomach, tapping lightly. “You hear that, Junior? Be good so mama won’t mind expanding the team.”

         Bev thumped him in the shoulder. “Stop with the Junior bullshit. We don’t even know it’s a boy.”

         Darko laughed, face incredulous. “Boy? It’s not a fucking boy. It’s a girl, Beverly Hettienne Katz Junior!”

         Beverly raised an eyebrow, Darko frowned.

         “What? Beverly Katz II sounds dumb.” His fingers began stroking her stomach again. “She’s going to be so fucking smart, Bev. She’ll know all about dead bodies and space... Nigel and I can teach her how to spot skunk weed.”

         Bev smacked him. Darko shrugged.

         “We can also teach her how to beat the shit out of someone or avoid security cameras? What do you think?”

         “I think you’re fucking ridiculous.” Bev whispered, but she could already picture a little girl in Darko’s arms, someone that would love him as much as she did. “And I think we’re both lucky your ours.”

         “I’ve been yours since the day we met.” Darko pulled her close, hand slipping under her pajama bottoms. “Want me to prove it?”

         Bev smiled, leaning into the familiar warmth of his touch.

         “Always.”