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shihalyfie · 4 years

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“Dependable senior” Kido Jou

Continuing my thread of analyzing the Adventure characters in detail, today we’ll be talking about Jou, Adventure’s most famous disaster character whom most of us have probably started feeling may actually be the most relatable character in this cast. It’s hard not to love him, honestly, given how earnestly he works so hard at everything and yet has an unfortunate tendency to dig himself into a hole.

Let’s just cut to the chase and talk about Jou!

Jou’s family background

Adventure is of course known for its overall focus on family backgrounds, but Jou’s is fairly different from the others’ for a lot of different reasons. We never meet Jou’s parents in the series itself, only in a drama CD, but we do meet his brother, Kido Shin -- and in fact, Jou’s the only Adventure kid to have siblings outside of the group (two, in fact, although we don’t meet Shuu until 02).

Jou’s family is what’s often called an “elite” family -- one that pushes for its kids and family members to have a certain degree of “high status” through their career. Even those in non-Asian countries will probably recognize that academic achievement measurement pressure is endemic to the culture in general -- especially since Japan has standard entrance exams go all the way down to high school level -- but it is especially prominent in the case of the Kido family, and Jou’s father has been pushing all three of his sons to become doctors, largely because he wants one of them to inherit his clinic. (While it’s not as extreme as Sora’s problem with iemoto position inheritance, Jou’s position of being in inheritance pressure is not entirely dissimilar.) It also means that just being any kind of doctor isn’t enough for him -- it’s got to be one of the “dignified and prominent” kinds of doctors (heavily implied to involve surgery, given the mention of blood).

In addition, while it’s not strictly said within the series itself, it’s implied that Jou is feeling a lot of pressure in terms of being the youngest of three sons, when the older two have a huge age gap with him. Jou is only in elementary school, while his second oldest brother is in high school and his oldest brother already a medical student! (By the time Adventure is over, both brothers are in national university, which is a really tough achievement.) Within his family, Jou really is The Baby compared to two high-achieving brothers who are already “well on their way to great things”.

In order to be on the path of becoming a doctor, Jou starts off the series, only in elementary school, in the “prep school track” -- or, what’s basically a constant cycle of getting into a good school so that he can get into another good school so that he can get into another good school (et cetera). Again, Japanese schools have entrance exams as early as high school, so this is something he’ll be setting on very early. I also cannot emphasize enough that for anyone who has to go through this process, it is absolute hell. I have never met anyone who actually enjoys doing this; it’s a means to an end. It’s very hard to have your heart into this unless you want the final goal that badly -- vague promises of status alone don’t do it -- and even those who do want it often end up demotivated and going through the motions with their will broken partway into it.

And, unfortunately for Jou, he’d already had a good reason to not want to do this from day one.

Jou has severe blood phobia. (Formally called “hemophobia”, although I tend to avoid that term given that it’s one letter off from something else.) Shin even makes it clear in this scene from Adventure episode 38 that any doubts about Jou’s ability to become a doctor don’t have anything to do with his personality or abilities, but the fact is that this is, indeed, a very serious and concrete problem for someone who intends to become a doctor (or at least, again, the kind of doctor that his father wants him to be). It’s possible that Jou outright fainting at the sight of blood might be a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s definitely enough of a deterrent that he’s not feeling this whole thing at all, and convincing him to actually care about becoming a doctor is going to require a huge uphill battle. By default, the answer was already a huge, capital NO in giant letters before anything ever began. And yet, Jou continued to force himself to go through the motions.

It should also be made clear that while Jou’s father was pressuring him to become a doctor, he was also not trying to force Jou to become one. The drama CD where he appears had him actually outwardly encourage Jou to do whatever he wanted instead of forcing himself -- but it was also extremely clear that he was still personally very unhappy and dissatisfied with the idea of all three brothers not taking over his clinic. As much as the Kido brothers do seem to be concerned about their father’s disapproval, it’s less so out of fear of retribution and more that they just really worry about disappointing him. Hence, this is why Jou continues to follow the path even when he’s not really feeling it, and it’s important to understanding Jou as a character for the rest of this post: Jou has no personal interest in status or honor, but is motivated by his sense of duty towards other people.

Even so, “because my father really wants me to” isn’t exactly very motivating in itself, and, all in all, Jou starts off Adventure very jaded about his future prospects, and rather demotivated and uninterested in them. But come the events of Adventure, Jou, the aforementioned “baby of the family”, gets recasted as the oldest in the group -- which becomes a huge factor in how he ends up changing his view of himself and his personal goals.

Jou in Adventure

Jou starts off the series assigned as Mimi’s camp group leader, but even Mimi senses an aura from him that he doesn’t seem very “reliable”. In this case, the word “reliable” doesn’t refer to his Crest name (which did get a dub name of “Reliability”) but rather various words that effectively mean “able to be counted on”. Which, at this early point of the story, Jou is decidedly not. Once the adventure gets off the ground, Jou easily succumbs to stress, and especially the stress and burden placed on him from being the oldest in the group.

If you’re wondering if that one-year difference between Jou and Taichi/Yamato/Sora really is that big of a deal, culturally speaking: yes, it is (especially when everyone’s at this young age), and Jou isn’t just being stickler about it. You can actually see an example of how this comes into play once they return to regular society in Adventure episode 29, when the kids are allowed to go to Hikarigaoka purely because “a sixth-grader” (Jou) is with them. This is the kind of responsibility that society normally imposes on him, and this is what he carries even into another world.

In fact, Jou’s aware even from the get-go that he’s not exactly cut out for that kind of role. From the Adventure novels:

Jou thought about it. He, too, felt sorry for the younger boy… but it would be over for his leadership if he went back on what he’d already decided. Give them an opening and they’ll soon be walking all over him. He just couldn’t have that. Jou was all too aware of his own often indecisive personality. ... When they heard what had transpired between her and Jou, Yamato and the others glared coldly in Jou’s direction. What was this, a dictatorship?

As a result, he initially rubs everyone the wrong way because, in their view, he’s trying to impose his will on everyone like some control freak, but as it turns out, being a control freak is actually part of Jou’s stress response.

Said control freakishness manifests in Jou constantly spending the early part of the series by leaning back on “the rules of society” -- including the early series running gag of him insisting that there must be “adults” there, when this is clearly not the case to everyone else present -- because, for someone like him who easily gives into stress and anxiety and has a nasty tendency to become incredibly irrational, leaning on those “rules” is some degree of comfort to him. Now that he’s been dragged into another world, he’s desperately clawing at anything that can bring his sense of “reality” back -- hence why he keeps relying on the concept of “adults”, because the truth is that he himself isn’t actually that capable of handling the situation on his own, and he’s trying to convince himself that there’s Some More Reliable Thing Out There that they can fall back on.

The infamous “egg scene” in Adventure episode 7 is certainly comedic when Jou overreacts to everyone harmlessly listing off things they like on their eggs, but things quickly take a turn for the dramatic when Jou practically has a mental breakdown over it. In the end, Jou so easily succumbs to anxiety that even little things like “being a little out of order” stress him out to no end. The world is easy to understand and explain when everything is in the right place, and chaos has a tendency to completely disorient him.

But on the other hand, it’s also in Adventure episode 7 where we learn that Jou’s control freak behavior isn’t because he actually cares about any kind of status or honor for being the oldest, but because he truly, truly feels responsible for everyone’s welfare.

“Because I’m the oldest” is a statement that Jou means in the context of him having a duty to protect everyone -- beyond everything, the one thing that does make Jou passionate is how much he truly, truly cares about other people’s welfare, to the point he impulsively throws himself onto the Black Gear-controlled Unimon and tries to yank the gear out with his bare hands. In fact, said episode demonstrates that Jou can be recklessly self-sacrificial when he wants to be, because his failed attempts at dispute resolution lead him to conclude that he should be the one to take one for the team. For all it’s worth, Jou has the right idea when it comes to trying to take leadership, because he’s very much doing this for the welfare of others more than he ever cares about himself or the glory of the position -- it’s just that, being rather reckless, rather paranoid, and not very good at actually thinking straight, his way of going about it doesn’t tend to always land right.

But it’s undeniable that he cares, and he’s trying, and this leads to a shift in how the rest of the team comes to perceive him for the rest of the series now that they understand that his intentions really are for their sake, not because he’s trying to be a jerk about it.

And that comes out to be the one most prominent trait about Jou for the rest of the series, especially in Adventure episodes 23 and 36 -- as much as an unpredictable loose cannon as he can be, he’s so loyal to his friends and determined to protect them that he would even recklessly throw himself into the line of fire for them. That’s the basis of his Crest, which is something that’s been translated half a dozen different ways, but all boil down to the same principle: he has a strong sense of duty and responsibility to other people, and will always make do on his promises to others or his desire to provide for them.

After a few of their initial bad starts, the Adventure kids never treat him badly -- in fact, both Sora and Mimi respectfully call him “Jou-senpai” as if to acknowledge his position over them in school, something that’s stuck very well with the actual fanbase (more on this later). Of course, everyone tends to get exasperated at him or worry about whether he’ll actually pull through on anything he attempts, but the majority of the humor revolving around Jou in Adventure has very little to do with anyone insulting or tormenting him, and more that he tends to be so dramatic and high-strung that he kind of digs himself into a hole. (Like how he tries to angrily chastise everyone for spending their money on food in Adventure episode 30, only for the revelation that he’s starving himself to kick in and for him to sink into the exact opposite extreme.) Ultimately, everyone comes to understand that Jou’s working really hard for their sake, so they cut him a bit of slack.

In fact, while Taichi initially complains about Jou sitting out of their trip to Shibaura to find the eighth child for the sake of entrance exam studies in Adventure episode 32, the kids strike a compromise by dumping all of their phone call work on him. Of course, this is a bit of “revenge” for him not accompanying them, but it is effectively the other kids respecting his right to sit out and not have to completely give up on his real life obligations even in the middle of the eighth child search, by allowing him to participate in the search in a way that’s more convenient for him.

But despite diligently sticking to the motions, Jou doesn’t actually emotionally care about all of this. We even get a hint of this in Adventure episode 35 -- Jou gets what he calls “the worst grade in his life,” presumably due to all of the stress he’d been going through lately, having just gotten back from the Digital World and all. He also bounces back incredibly quickly, saying that he’ll have to call and inform his parents he’ll be back late.

In the end, Jou doesn’t really care about his grades or performance when it comes to cram school, even despite insisting on sticking to it, because he’s just not feeling it. He doesn’t even want to be a doctor all that much; he has no true motivation and no reason to care. (The only time Jou is ever portrayed as actually liking doing any kind of studying at all rather than doing it as obligation is when everyone’s listing off what they miss doing in Adventure episode 6, but it’s in a context where everyone’s talking about missing home, so it’s more of him missing his daily routine and what’s “familiar” to him than anything else.) He went through the motions, and was slightly disappointed about the grade, but the “ultimate goal” of becoming a doctor had no personal meaning to him, and so he shrugs it all off.

Jumping in physical danger to save someone’s life? That’s a no-brainer -- Jou would easily throw himself into the line of fire to do so, because he’s so passionate about protecting other people and taking responsibility for them that he’ll gladly sacrifice himself for anyone else in a heartbeat. But this whole thing about becoming a doctor and his future career is such a vague thing that he doesn’t even want that it’s arguably more of his “required daily routine” than it’s actually something he cares about all that much.

And so, we finally meet Kido Shin, in Adventure episode 38 -- he’s the oldest of the Kido brothers, already a medical student, and, ostensibly, the one closest to their father’s goal of having doctor sons. Yet his first appearance indicates that even he doesn’t have it all together, either -- he sleeps in the closet (Jou didn’t even know about this!), and somehow just slept through all of his surroundings being kidnapped. So even one of Jou’s apparent models is a bit of a disaster himself -- and, more importantly, Shin leaves some advice with Jou that sticks with him for the rest of the series.

Shin does not intend to be a doctor in the way their father wants him to be (remember, he specifically wants them to take over his clinic). This is Jou’s first time hearing about this, which is important because it means it’s the first time Jou is having such a major shakeup to his likely perception of Shin as a “prior example” -- and Shin knows this, because he promptly uses himself as an example of why Jou should also be free to choose his own path. Jou being the Kido family’s “baby” especially comes out in the novel, because Shin implies that he thinks Shuu would feel independent enough to not need any advice about this, whereas Jou definitely needs it.

We don’t get follow-up on this until after they return to the Digital World, and Mimi witnessing a handful of deaths and eventually Taichi and Yamato falling out brings her to her emotional limit; Jou decides to take responsibility for her, and while part of it is presumably because he’s had charge of her as her camp group leader since the beginning, it’s also clear that the recent events in the Digital World are weighing on him in their own way, as are Shin’s words about finding his own path.

What he wanted to tell her was this: that he didn’t see any likelihood of co-existing with the Dark Masters, and that they had no other choice but to fight them. Even a neutral country like Switzerland had a military. They would be invaded by enemy countries without one. It would be nice and ideal if they used the nonviolent resistance approach as Ghandi did. But that didn’t mean it was okay to just be killed without lifting a finger… But not even he could find a good answer.

QUESTION: Under what circumstances is it okay to battle?

That sort of question would never appear on a school test, and he’d never once thought about it before…

But on their way, Jou and Mimi encounter Ogremon and Leomon, and for the first time, Jou’s peripheral knowledge of medicine from his father starts having a practical use -- up until then, “becoming a doctor” had only been something that he’d been following for a vague sense of status that he didn’t even want, but here, Jou starts to see the connection between that goal and what it would mean for what he wants: to be able to help people right in front of him. Shortly after, when Leomon’s death turns out to involve injuries beyond that a sixth-grader can take care of with his limited supplies (”toilet paper won’t fix this!”), Jou is suddenly hit with a certain sense of reality: if Jou wants to truly help others, there is much more of a skillset he’s going to need to gather in order to do so.

So by the time of Adventure episode 50, Shin’s words now weigh so much on Jou that he’s even dreaming about them, and he finally internalizes those words of “everyone taking their own path”. In short, this is Jou acknowledging that fighting isn’t the only way to meaningfully contribute -- after all, Mimi has a severe aversion to fighting or seeing more casualties and thus can better meaningfully contribute by gathering allies to work together, while Taichi and Koushirou are directly in the front lines.

Jou, ostensibly, decides to go off and find Yamato, but there’s another layer under this: Jou admits that he’s not very strong, so much to the point that he doesn’t think Gomamon will reach Ultimate, and feels like there should be “something only he can do”. The full answer to what Jou started touching on here, and what he ends up doing thereafter, is stated in explicit words in Two-and-a-Half Year Break:

When we were in the Digital World last summer, many of the Digimon got injured and died. I couldn’t do anything for them, even though I was a doctor’s son. I don’t want to ever feel useless again! Not when someone is hurt in front of me. The Digital World doesn’t have a doctor. They need someone who’ll be able to heal them. Even now, I carry around a simple first-aid kit just in case the Gate opens again. Because of it, my bag is always crammed. And my arms are becoming muscular. [laughs] Really! By the way, I have a problem. Of course, I’ll be doing regular doctor studies, but I’ll be treating Digimon, you know? Don’t you think I’ll need to study veterinary medicine too in order to heal them?

And thus, Jou finds the all-important link that actually motivates him to want to become a doctor -- the one thing that had always been a constant about Kido Jou was that he could not leave people behind when they needed help right in front of him. Or in other words, he has a marvelous case of Good Samaritan syndrome (a whole eleven years before Kudou Taiki, at that!). “Feeling useless” is pretty much on the very, very top of the list of things he hates the most. And, by his own admission, “fighting” is not really his specialty, and he doesn’t even particularly like it himself.

But he wants to meaningfully contribute in some way, and now, here’s an option that isn’t fighting: he has the roots in a talent for treating the wounded and preventing casualties that way. All he has to do is hone it. And just like how Shin decided that he specifically wanted to be a doctor in a place where a doctor would be needed most, Jou also decides he specifically wants to be a doctor for the Digital World, because that is something he can meaningfully provide for instead of becoming a doctor for the status.

He’s still going to disappoint his father this way, but never mind that: he’s found something that he wants, and it’s his own path, like Shin told him to follow. And yes, that means even if he has to fight his own blood phobia to do so.

And this becomes very important to how he’s able to confidently help bring Sora out of her darkness-induced spiel in Adventure episode 51, where she -- who has a problem with a compulsive tendency to burn herself out in helping others -- starts falling into despair because she caves to the pressure of having to save everyone. Yamato and Jou, together, simply re-shift her frame of mindset: it’s not that being a Chosen Child is about trying and failing to fulfill a particular duty, it’s that there’s a situation happening and they are actively making the choice to do everything they can. Because, really, Jou himself understands it best -- he’s never been someone good at doing things because other people tell him to, he’s someone who’s gotten this far because of his own personal sense of responsibility and priorities being so strong, and that’s why he’s capable of pushing on with his own path and what he wants.

02 and beyond

Jou was, unfortunately, forced to sit out the events of Our War Game!, but as far as blaming him for it goes, it’s really hard to; he had no idea this was going on at all, and by the time the incident had hit climax, he was already in the test room and impossible to be contacted. (You can imagine he was probably quite upset about not having been able to help out afterwards.) As for why nobody tries to pull him out the way they do end up pulling him aside a few times in 02, it’s because this isn’t just a practice exam for prep school -- this is THE exam. Remember, this kind of lifestyle involves a chain of needing to get into a good school to get into a good school to get into a good school, and Jou is aiming for a national university like his brothers; this actually could impact the rest of his career, and given that the other kids respect how important this is to him, it’s also understandable that they’d be a bit hesitant to pull him aside from this.

We’re first properly reintroduced to Jou in 02 episode 5. Unlike Taichi, Yamato, Sora, and Koushirou, Jou does not attend Odaiba Middle School, which means that, assuming that the Adventure universe Odaiba is like the real-life one in which Odaiba (Koyo) Elementary and Middle are the only schools on the island, Jou regularly spends his school and prep school days off the island and quite separated from the others. Instead, Jou attends a private middle school (hence why he had to take an exam to get in), presumably one that’s intended to help him on the medical school track.

But despite that, his first major scene in the series is to ditch prep school to go help Gomamon. For someone who doesn’t know Jou very well, this probably would seem appalling -- that someone so studious would be so willing to ditch at the drop of a hat -- but anyone who does know him well would probably not be surprised; after all, “being a doctor” is still a far-off dream, whereas Gomamon needs help now, and the number one thing Jou can’t stand is to leave people in need behind.

Unlike with Taichi, Yamato, Sora, and Koushirou, who all have some degree of connection to the 02 juniors in some way (Taichi and Yamato being Hikari and Takeru’s brothers, Taichi and Sora having known Daisuke from the soccer club, and Koushirou having known Miyako from the soccer club), Jou is a complete stranger when he’s introduced to Daisuke, Miyako, and Iori, with Digimon-related work being the only connection they have to him at all. Despite that, the new 02 kids, being well-behaved juniors who really look up to their elders, immediately endear themselves well to him -- in fact (you can thank @takerusfedora for this observation), Miyako squishing Poromon in delight upon seeing him, and the context she usually does this in, hints that she might even see him as attractive. (Considering that he’s a prospective medical student from an elite family, this probably shouldn’t be too surprising.)

While the fact he’s medical school bound isn’t explicitly brought up in the series itself, the fact he’s well on that path is already pretty evident by his actions, given that he comes stocked with heating pads and other medical supplies, just in case. Takeru comments on him always being prepared -- because he’s constantly thinking of other people and how he can be useful to them.

This episode also marks the beginning of a particular relationship between Jou and Iori, which is quite an interesting one considering that we’re talking about the oldest and the youngest of the group of eleven (not quite twelve yet) Tokyo Chosen Children at this point. As many point out even within this episode, Jou and Iori have a lot in common, and it’s likely Jou sees a bit of himself in Iori -- someone who has a firm insistence on principles (even beyond the point of practicality), but also is protective of others and hates to see them hurt. Not only that, Iori had even gotten a similar lesson from his grandfather earlier in the episode about the importance of “making one’s own decisions” -- and so, the two share common ground in Iori having ditched his “duty” to practice kendo with his grandfather that day in order to help Gomamon, and Jou having done likewise via ditching his prep school classes. Because Iori will always have more kendo lessons, and this certainly won’t be the last prep school class Jou has, but these are effectively two kindred spirits who care so much about friends in need that prioritizing them over all else is non-negotiable.

Jou compliments Iori by calling him “dependable”, which is a huge compliment coming from someone who, at this point of the story, regularly attracts comments like “dependable senior”. 02-era Jou gets this kind of reference a lot in press materials and fan descriptions of him, because now that he’s matured a bit and isn’t as prone to making ridiculous, reckless decisions or being as emotionally high-strung, his on-point aspects like being very on-task and always keeping his word are much more visible.

Well, that said, he still kind of starts screaming loudly as soon as he hears his dad is supposedly in trouble in the middle of his exam in 02 episode 16, so he’s still a little emotionally high-strung. But never mind that!

As usual (especially since this is most likely a practice exam, one of many Jou will be taking for the next year), Jou doesn’t mind being interrupted all that much; it’s not like exams are any fun anyway, so of course Jou doesn’t really care about being pulled from it, especially when Daisuke and the others are literally suffocating to death at that exact moment.

Unfortunately, for Iori, this entire incident is a convergence of things totally eating away at his psyche; he’s still blaming himself for everyone being trapped down there, he’s just placed a burden on Jou, and his grandfather had just said that lying is the worst thing that one could ever do, so now Iori thinks of himself a horrible, undeserving person. But Jou is someone who empathizes with being so stuck on “principles” that you forget the big picture, and reframes it in a way Iori can understand: lies are bad when they hurt people, but in this case, not lying would have led to much, much worse happening, and both Iori and Jou share that common ground of absolutely hating the feeling of standing by and doing nothing while others are in trouble.

We also finally meet the third (or, technically, second) Kido brother in 02 episode 33, Kido Shuu -- and while we don’t see him interact directly with Jou (at least, not until the drama CD), what we learn about him contextualizes Jou’s situation even further: Shuu not only decided to leave the path of inheriting his father’s clinic, he’d also decided to ditch the medical school path entirely, switching to humanities because he was so fascinated by Professor Takenouchi’s work. That’s a pretty drastic shift, but, as Shin had said in the novel, Shuu is the type to be independent enough to do whatever he wants without Shin even having to advise him of this, and given that he made this decision less than a year after the events of Adventure, it was likely a huge motivator in Jou deciding that their prior “example” of being medical students wasn’t necessarily something he needed to follow when both of his own brothers weren’t even following that standard anymore to begin with.

And, much like with Jou, Shuu’s new chosen profession also brings him closer to the Digimon, except in an “understanding more about them” sense rather than Jou’s medical sense. So, just like Shin wanted, all three brothers found their own paths.

In Diablomon Strikes Back, Jou is thankfully blessed with being much more available to deal with the conflict; he starts off stuck in a long line to register for high school in the midst of scrambled records, but comes to assist Daisuke and Ken with a bike as soon as he’s able. This movie being quite the comedic one, you get to see a bit of his disaster tendencies slip back in as he scrambles to help everyone -- but, as always, he’s doing his best.

A lot of people have also pointed out that the movie spends an awful amount of scenes depicting him in the company of the girl he borrowed the bike from, which has led to a few amusing extrapolations, but at the base level implies that he at the very least wanted to make absolute sure that her bike was safely returned to her once everything is over -- after all, Jou would hate to be responsible for someone losing a bike, or in debt to someone. He’s someone who fulfills his obligations, after all.

By the time Jou actually is in medical school in Kizuna, he truly has become among the crowd too busy to participate regularly in Digimon incident tackling (similar to Sora and Mimi), but To Sora indicates that he’s still keeping tabs on everyone through their group chat and emotionally supporting them, and it’s made clear in both the short and the overall movie that the rest of the group is sympathetic to and understanding of how difficult life is to juggle with all of this. Not only that, much like how Jou stated back in Adventure that he was looking for a way to meaningfully contribute and help out besides just fighting, Jou plays an important role in using his position to tend to all of the Eosmon kidnapping victims.

At least, until he ends up becoming a victim himself and is actually dragged into the fight -- and, now that he’s actually on the spot and the conflict is right in front of him, he approaches it with enthusiastic gusto, indicating that he’s still able to be as emotionally high-strung as ever.

We get more info on Jou in his Memorial Story short, “Kido Jou: Medical Student” (which takes place at some unspecified point before the movie), where we learn that Gomamon is still worried about how much that blood phobia thing might impact Jou’s career, and “tests” him by having himself and Agumon pose as mock victims. Jou, very tired and not in a mood to play, snaps at him (rather understandably, given that Gomamon is kind of being a bit insensitive here), but when Gomamon is injured, Jou immediately puts everything aside to help him, even through -- yep -- blood.

Again, it’s not entirely clear how severe Jou’s blood phobia was back when he was a kid, but it’s at least put on the table that Jou’s figured out a way to push past that in order to fulfill his dream, and especially when it involves a loved one being hurt in front of him. Jou tires himself out pretty badly with the work, but hey -- he used to jump recklessly into physical line of fire for his friends, so of course that kind of thing is nothing to him. (But he still apparently is a bit lacking in the confidence department.)

Because Jou was lucky enough to be able to concretely decide on what he wanted to do as early as elementary school, Jou’s epilogue career is naturally the single most straightforward, and really just amounts to “you know that thing he wanted to do? He did it.” And indeed, he becomes the Digital World’s first doctor -- presumably not inheriting his father’s clinic, nor following a high-status expected path, but choosing to become a pioneer in a place he has a deep emotional stake in, in a place where he’s needed because there are no alternatives. And, of course, he’s depicted treating Ogremon, who was effectively Jou’s first “patient” all the way in Adventure, the first step in him realizing that this was his path, and his alone.

Meta

Jou occupies an interesting position in the Digimon fanbase in terms of memes, considering that there’s a fanbase meme of over a decade where anything relevant to him gets people spamming “JOOOOOOOOOOOOO” (with varying levels of Os). Being a comedic but lovable character who tries his hardest but repeatedly runs himself into a corner, he also happens to resonate much harder with the adults in the audience rewatching the series, because all of us as disaster adults can just so easily look at him and go “oh, that’s me.” He also seems to be inexorably tied to the word “senpai”, given that so many characters call him that (including the 02 kids, who never went to school with him); after a certain point it’s hard to dispute that he (especially in 02) exudes this kind of “dependable senior” aura, and, like with “Ken-chan”, the Japanese fanbase has a tendency to constantly use “Jou-senpai” all of the time to refer to him affectionately.

His Japanese voice actor, Kikuchi Masami, also holds the distinction of having been in nearly every Digimon TV series to date (the only exception, as of this writing, being Appmon), with him having been Jou (and Jou’s entire family of two brothers, his mother, and his father) in Adventure and 02, Dolphin and Grani in Tamers, Neemon in Frontier and Adventure:, Kurata in Savers, and Damemon in Xros Wars. (Him being the absolutely despicable Kurata in contrast to the endearing and lovable Jou has been cited as quite a shock to many.) There’s been many a joke about Kikuchi’s constant presence, but Jou is undeniably his most iconic role for the franchise, and you can also imagine it’s conversely gotten a lot of people to fondly think of him every time Kikuchi reappears.

#digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure 02 #digimon adventure last evolution kizuna #kido jou #jou kido #kizuna spoilers #shihameta #cw blood mention

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thisdreamplace · 3 years

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Getting frustrated, demotivated

I had a bunch of desires I started working on months ago. Then when I felt jd done enough work to feel I had them, I forgot about thrm

And i randomly remembered them and now I feel so frustrated and sad coz the 3d hasn't shown anything to reflect them. They were important desires, but I thought I did enough and so I actually forvot about ghem. I'm really sad now and want to give up this whole manifesting thing. I think I want to go back to my old ways when I was powerless and unhappy cox now it seems everythings going wrong, especially inside me I mean I feel horrible, sad, and like no one understands what im going throu. I have old urges to end everything again

I didn't think I'd be so affected by not having those desires, but theoreticaly I do get the law and maybe saying the 3d isn't showing signs means it's not showing signs coz I'm saying it etc. Um I dont know. It's not even about signs. The desires were all observable things, not invisible like becomjng healthier etc. I know im going with fear and not love and fears not real. Isn't that easier said than done? I heard u say u can also manifest from state of lack and neediness? So I want it to work. I want to I want so many things. I'm just so upset rn sorry

I realy love ur blog

Of course, all of this is much easier said than done. Although you feel alone on this journey, realize that you're not. Many of us have felt the exact same things you have and experienced that exact same things you have. It's just part of the journey. I think that the most important thing, is what we decide to do going forward from these types of moments. Allow yourself to feel the way you do, without judgment. It's not always going to be easy. Sometimes this journey is super painful. There's no denying that. But it's okay, it's all leading you exactly where you want to be.

When you feel like giving up on the law, my best advice for you is to at least not give up on yourself. The gag with this is, you could never give up on the law. Because the law is law, it's always working. We're always manifesting and we cannot stop. However, by turning the attention on ourselves and improving our conception of self, the law is going to reflect this effortlessly. The thing about this approach is that it takes that pressure off of our desires and allows us to go back to the most important part in all of this: ourselves. Because it's our concept of self that is automatically manifesting in the first place.

My best advice for you is to take a step back from your desires and practice the basics. Neville was never trying to teach us how to change the 3D. He was trying to teach us how to change ourselves. So, when going back to the basics this is essentially what you focus on: accepting how you're God of your reality and building confidence/faith in that knowing. Knowing how consciousness is the only reality. Focusing on changing yourself, rather than looking out towards the 3D for evidence of change. The only change you need to make is within, and the only place you need to see progress/validation is within yourself. Practice knowing how you are the fulfillment. Your desires are within you, not outside of you. Your desires reflect back to you in the 3D, when you accept them as yours within. Because the 3D is only ever reflecting our inner world.

Anything you want, you can have. Your desires are a promise. Thing is, the only thing that is ever standing between you and your desires is yourself. The more you focus on yourself, the more you allow the illusions of what you thought was between you and your desires to dissolve. There is no one to change but self. So at the very least, turn your back on everything else. But persist for yourself. I mean, at least your inner world will become a lovelier place. And that counts for something.

Hopefully this is helpful. You can get through this. We're all there with you, persisting on our own journeys too. ��

#i am

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waatermelon-sugaar · 3 years

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Which of your fics?

Tagged by @brandyllyn thanks so much I love these things!!

Which fic got a better reaction than you expected?

Cold (Santi x f!reader). It was my first fic so I wasn’t expecting much and then a couple of months after I published it it was recommnded by someone and I suddenly realised it was over 100 notes! That day was good, I never expected my first fic to be so popular.

Which fic is your funniest?

Idk I’m funnier in real life I promise. Maybe Choose Me (Richard x gn!reader) or Rules of Sabaac (Poe x gn!reader). But yeah my writing isn’t that funny yet? idk

Which fic is your darkest/angstiest?

Oof. I don’t really write angst, but Drunk Calling (Santi x gn!reader), although I don’t really like that fic, but my next Poe fic is turning out Very Angst-y

Which fic was the easiest to write?

Bliss (FO!Poe x f!reader) and Want to Kiss (Poe x f!reader) were both so easy. I knew exactly what I wanted to happen, and they both got written in nearly one go.

Which fic is your absolute favourite?

Honestly I don’t know.

Want to Kiss was just so easy to write and includes pretty much all of my favourite tropes (fake dating for a mission, mutual pining, compromising positions for a mission etc)

Nathan and Nightmares (Nathan x f!reader) is also one of my favourites because it was big comfort imagine for me for a long time before I wrote it.

Also Half Priced Chocolate (Nick Wasicsko x f!reader) was cute

Which fic is your least favourite?

Drunk Calling. I don’t think it’s very good, and I imagined a lot of pressure when I was writing this, and I also really struggled to get Santi and the reader to both talk and move. I think it comes off a little stilted because of this, and I also think it’s under-developed - it was my first time writing angst and I think I should have gone harder with it

Which fic have you reread the most?

Honestly I don’t know. I don’t tend to reread my own fics just because I can’t turn off my inner critic and I cringe a lot. Like 90% of the time I’m happy with a fic when I post it and if I reread it I tend to become unhappy with it so I don’t do that. Answering these questions is honestly the first time I've looked at most some of my fics since I posted them.

Which fic was the hardest?

Chapter 5 of Under My Skin (Poe x f!reader). As my chapters went on I got less notes and so I was naturally demotivated. I also think I was pushing myself too hard to get a chapter out every week and so by the time came for the 5th chapter I couldn’t do it. I also struggled with the plot as the whole story started out as a 500 word imagine and I couldn’t find a way for Poe and reader to reconcile and have a happy ending without it seeming really cheesy and naive. And then I got super in my head about it and decided the only possible solution was to lock the fic up in a box and never let it see the light of day lmao. I’ve done it now tho

Also Drunk Calling. It was a request from an author I really admire and love and respect and I wanted to do her proud, but I really struggled with ideas, subsequently put too much pressure on myself and made myself feel like I needed to post something, anything.

Which fic has your favourite line/paragraph?

I hate this question purely because it made me go read some of my own fics but this is what I’ve got:

Take Care of Me:

One of his hands is on your calf, gently trailing up and down, slowly setting you on fire, and you don’t even think he realises he’s doing it. There’s something in his eyes that you don’t recognise, darker, although it seems familiar. That’s been happening more and more lately, especially when it’s just the two of you.

Under my skin: chapter 3

“It’s much nicer than Dameron.” And maybe it’s because he looks especially vulnerable like this, talking about his dead mother with his curls flopping forwards and his face lit by the fire, but you can feel your heart start to beat a little faster.

Also I generally found that I preferred the vibe of some paragraphs and the ideas, rather than the actual sentences... I dont know what that means either

The fic you’re most proud of?

Cold because it was my first one and I was so nervous.

Also Under My Skin. I really did enjoy writing the first couple of chapters, and I am proud that I stuck with it and finished something of that length. I made a playlist for that fic and everything.

No pressure tags: @starryeyedstories @woakiees @propertyofpoeandbucky and anyone else who wants to do it - tag me! Would love to hear your thoughts about your own work, it's so interesting!

#Annette chats #tag game #my fics

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personalcoachingcenter · 4 years

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Become A Genuine Leader In Business And In Life

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/become-a-genuine-leader-in-business-and-in-life/

Become A Genuine Leader In Business And In Life

Many people are confused about what it takes to become a genuine leader, or they let certain things get to their head when presented with the opportunity. It’s always good to keep yourself in check and learn helpful things to make the right type of progress. Leadership is a special type of role in which you are in charge of helping create the experiences of other people.

When trying to be a good leader, it is important to listen to what other people have to say. Your opinions or ideas aren’t guaranteed to be great just because you’re a leader. If you listen to other ideas or opinions, you may find that the people around also may have great ideas that could work well with yours.

When a leader is setting goals, the goals should be realistic. We all want things done faster in life, but sometimes things take time. If you rush your team, you may find that there are more mistakes, unhappy team members, and a very stressful environment. Make sure that your goals can be achieved in the amount of time that you’ve allotted.

Walk the talk. Leaders don’t say one thing and do another. That is confusing to employees, and demotivating in many ways. Instead live by what you say. Follow through and lead by example. Then you’ll have more than employees, you’ll have champions who believe in your business and your leadership too.

Watch out for project creep. This can happen when your project’s scope isn’t clearly defined. If you have control over the project, resist the temptation to add more project objectives as time goes on. If you are receiving external pressure to expand your project, resist it with all your might. Your subordinates will thank you.

As a leader, you must have confidence. This will, in turn, instill confidence in your team. If your team sees you doubt yourself, they will begin to doubt you too. Always act deliberately and do not waver, but do not be afraid to change your mind. A good leader is flexible.

Don’t just fly by the seat of your pants. Instead, pick up a book and read. Don’t just read books about business leadership, either. You may find useful bits of knowledge that can be applied to your role as business leader in many different types of books, even those that tell fictional stories!

Be sure that you spend some time each day out of your office, and in the midst of the workforce. Try to be a part of the group, while maintaining your leadership role. You can use this time to get to know your employees, ask questions or even join them for lunch.

Don’t be overbearing when your subordinates are learning a new process. Instead, ask them how they learn best. You might be surprised to find out that some of your subordinates want direct instruction, while others want to take a more trial-and-error approach to learning. Unless there are specific reasons why accommodating them would be problematic, try to allow for both types of learning.

Empower your employees. Leadership isn’t just about decision making. It’s also about knowing when to give up the power to your trusted colleagues. When you let them make decisions, you are helping to build their loyalty to the company. They’ll feel respected, and most importantly, wanted. That’s a big thing for the health of your business.

Take care of yourself. When you’re a leader, it can be very easy for you to lose yourself. However, it’s important for you to remember that you are not going to be much use if you never sleep and never eat. Make sure that you are caring for yourself so you can best care for those you are leading.

Do not put your self above your team. You are all working together. You are working towards the same goal as your workers and their work reflects on you. Always remember that you are a part of your team, even if you have a different title than everyone else.

Listen to people. Listening is a quality that a lot of people no longer value, but remember that there are people in your company or organization who have good ideas. Show that you are willing to hear from others, and they will feel appreciated. That is something a good leader can do.

Even though you are a leader, it is important for you to try your best to get along with others. While it may seem easier to boss them around and tell them what to do, you will prove to others that you are a great leader if you are part of a great team.

Wondering what you can do to pursue leadership skills isn’t going to get you anywhere. However, taking action is what will propel you into a leadership role. Leadership roles are highly productive because you can help other people achieve goals in life. It is a very rewarding yet challenging position.

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randomnessunicorn-imagine · 7 years

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Noo Halloween is almost here but I still haven't done anything about it D: It's a horror ask even it doesn't really have much horror in it Sanses's reaction strange things happens to his house lately and he's always having this same dream, when they had enough and be like:"Whatever you are come at me brah!" And look! It's their s/o who died years ago come back as a ghost like Napsterblook? Did the skeles move on with someone else or they still can't forget s/o and refused to be in love again?

{ Oh, that’s more romantic than spooky~!

PAPS’ VERSION }

👻 Sansy ;

He is not the kind of person who is able to move on especially after a loss so it takes a lot of time before Sans can accept your death and it’s something that torments him every night. His brother always tries to help him and Papyrus knows how Sans loves you, maybe he has never loved someone the same way he loved you so he just ignores the pains and he does not do anything with his life because he has no effort. Even the relationship with you happened by mistake since he’s not the type of guy who organizes stuff and he has never thought about romance and dates, he’s not like Papyrus. Then, Sans has always thought he was not made for love and he would have never found his special person and he did not care that much. Then, you came into his life and he was so unprepared and shocked, Sans could not believe it and love is a mysterious sentiment, too illogical to him. For this reason you have been the first to declare your feelings to him, since he thinks he’s hopeless but maybe his self-esteem is too low and with you he felt true loved and worthy, he found a new reason to keep hoping and, maybe, to smile a little more without lying.Obvious, all these hopes and smiles fade away the moment you disappeared but, at least, he got still his brother so he can keep going with him. He is used to pain so he tries to act smooth despite your absence.When he found out you came back to life in the form of a ghost, he’s incredulous and he can’t believe his eyes. It’s impossible so he thinks he’s dreaming and his mind is still joking with him. Then, you start speaking telling him that you have never stopped to love him even now that you are a ghost and you desire to stay by his side for the rest of the eternity despite you are unable to give him the same things because you are a ghost so your life is complete different. Actually, Sans does not care about the form you have, it’s still you and it’s the most important thing to him. He’s a simple guy and he’s glad you are still alive and he has never stopped to be in love with you, too. Sans keeps his tears, he tries not to cry but you can notice his eyes are wet and it’s so difficult to speak for him. He does not say anything and the silence, just like his expression of joy, says so much more than thousand words.

👻 Reddy ;

He is also a person who is unable to move on after a loss and he cannot find peace or, at least, it requires a lot of time before he can feel normal again. He never says he’s fine and he hates when persons ask that horrible question “how are you?” because it sounds so hypocrite to his ears and he always says “ah, well…”, “shitty”, “normal”, “could be better”, and others answers like these.Since you’ve been gone he’s totally apathetic and blue, it’s the same feeling he felt when he lost his brother during all those genocide runs so it’s not a new feeling for him but it’s not welcome neither.Sans keeps living his life the way he did before he met you, that’s not so different from his usual and he’s always the lazy and demotivated skeleton of everyday, so his routine is always the same. Even if he feels a deep hole in his soul that it’s your lack and he’s still so sad to talk about it and he keeps all these negative sentiments inside his heart and it’s not so healthy. The moment you present to him like a ghost, he cannot believe his eyes and maybe he hallucinates since he’s sleeping not so well and he’s so stressed so maybe his mind has decided to make fun of him.Then, you explain to him that it’s your new form and you came back to life even if you are unable to explain the reasons of this phenomenon. Sans does not know what to say, he feels different sentiments. He’s happy because he missed you a lot but he’s so confused and shocked because it’s weird, but he’s also afraid because it can be a joke and he’s not ready to lose you a second time. After a while, when he realizes it’s not a dream and you are alive and you still love him, he cries like a little baby and it’s the first time you see him crying, he has never cried since you’re dead and he kept all his pains inside so now he explodes because he’s unable to control his emotions anymore. Just hug him, promising him you will never leave him.Sans does not care if you are a ghost or anything else, he considers himself as a freak and you are still the same person so he’s glad and he will get used to it.

👻 Blueberry ;

To the contrary of the other skeletons, he’s the kind of person who looks forward the future and he tries to move on despite the pains. Sans is a very optimist and motivated person and it’s so rare seeing him unhappy or angry for something. Obvious, he cried a lot when you died and he could not believe something so terrible happened to you. It’s been difficult to him and the feelings he felt for you was so pure and true and he felt them even now but life goes on and it’s unhealthy being anchored to his own past, and new opportunities can be the solution to find a new meaning after the catastrophe. He’s been in grieved all these years and it took so much time before he considered himself “healed” from all those mental pains your loss gave to him. He has never forgot you and you will remain forever in his heart because you are an important part of his life but he decided to move on with somebody else, the person who has been able to help him during these difficult moments bringing some light in his dark life.You don’t have to be mad at him and every person acts different towards situations and problematics and he will be always your friend. The moment you show yourself to him, Sans is quite shocked and he needs time before he can realize this fact. It’s something so weird but marvellous and he’s happy to see you again. Then, when you said that you still love him and you want to stay with him again, you notice an expression you have never seen on his face: seriousness but, at the same time, melancholia because it’s difficult to explain.Sans confesses to you that he loves another person now, he’s going to marry soon. He felt hell and pain without you and he missed you so much but he could not lose himself in desperation and this life is only one so people have to take decisions and move on. It’s what he did and you have to forgive him. How could he imagine you were going to come back to life? Nobody could, it’s been totally unexpected. He’s sorry but he cannot turned back to his past leaving his actual S/O alone.You should take this new opportunity and start a new life like he did, moving on with somebody else.

👻 Blackberry ;

Sans has never cried since you’ve been gone and he acted always the same like nothing happened.Actually, it’s his way to survive the pains of your loss because it’s been terrible and he had never imagined a life without you could be so sore. Sans was shocked a strong person like him could be so depressed for the absence of another person. Since he always acts so narcissist and harsh everyone would say he’s unable to feel some positive emotions towards others.He vents his sufferance through his job and he puts all his effort in it because he has a lot of energy to release and he does not want to get sick or tired so he overworks himself. Unluckily, it’s only another way to get sick and tired but, at least, the exhaustion does not make him think about you and so he can ignore his pains until they disappear alone. He did his best to forget you, to heal from these awful pains, and at the end, he’s able to do it thanks to his perseverance and his life returns peaceful again. Actually, he does not want to start a new life with somebody else because he does not want to suffer again, it was unfair. He becomes a little lonelier and he is not ready to begin a new relationship. Then, when you appear to him in the form of a ghost, he’s quite confused and he cannot believe his eyes… Is he dreaming? Are you still alive? Sans does not know what to think so he needs time to realize the situation. All his scars, in the instant he saw you, opened again and he perceived a sort of melancholia, sadness in his soul.You confess to Sans that you still love him and you want him to accept you for the new person you are. Your appearance is changed but your sentiment is still the same. Sans thinks it’s a joke and he yells that he has suffered too much without you and he just wants to feel good again. He acts so stubborn and harsh. After some days, when he will be calmer, he will say to you that maybe the two of you can try but it won’t be easy because years have passed and he’s changed as well and he has tried so hard to forget you but maybe that was not his true desire. He does not promise things will be fine and, obvious, this relationship will never be like before but he wants to try so he won’t regret anything.

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maritzaerwin · 4 years

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Self-Sabotaging Your Career Growth: How to Recognize It and What to Do About It

Have you ever wanted something badly, yet found yourself putting off the work needed to achieve it?

So many of us tend to self-sabotage, in both small ways and big. We leave difficult tasks for the last moment. We postpone serious conversations, allowing ourselves to suffer through the uncertainty rather than pulling the bandaid off. We only pack for our trip overseas 30 minutes before we’re supposed to leave for the airport.

We know how bad these actions are, and still, we allow ourselves to do them. Sometimes, we even turn them into habits. But at some point, we need to stop. Otherwise, growth – both professional and personal – becomes impossible.

So how do we recognize our self-sabotaging habits? And what can we do about them?

Well, the answer lies in how ready we are to leave our comfort zones. Fixing undermining behaviors requires hard work, discipline, and, above all, honesty. If you’re prepared to invest these, then you’ll find that the sky is your limit.

Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

More often than not, we’re unaware of the fact that we’re partaking in counterproductive behavior. Sometimes, the habits which are holding us back are well-masked into seemingly positive traits such as perfectionism or modesty. At some point in our lives, these habits could have been helpful. But since then, they’ve become the things holding us back. Therefore, recognizing them is all the more relevant.

In truth, self-sabotaging behavior is a learned coping mechanism. It’s a cognitive process which we have come to accept as the norm during trying circumstances, and which has become our go-to whenever we find ourselves faced with certain feelings.

For example, we may turn to junk food as a source of comfort when we’re feeling down because of our physical appearance. But what we fail to understand is that, despite the momentary satisfaction, we’re putting ourselves up for more unhappiness down the road. The more we partake in self-sabotaging behavior, the deeper ingrained it becomes, thus more difficult to overcome.

There are many reasons why people engage in habits that are holding them back.

Most often, this type of behavior stems from fear. Some people are afraid of failure. Others fear change. After all, facing uncertainty can be a scary concept. When it’s not a consequence of fear, self-sabotage may originate from our insecurities or beliefs. Sometimes we do it because we feel a conflict with our internal system of values. Other times, self-sabotage feels good.

What Is It That Makes It Bad for Us?

But, if this type of behavior is a coping mechanism, why should we stop? Isn’t it offering us comfort in difficult circumstances?

Well, in some ways, that’s true. But it’s also important to realize that bad habits tend to hold us back from growth. Often, they strengthen directly or indirectly self-harming patterns, which may be psychological or physical.

Sure, going with a burger instead of a salad for lunch won’t be the end of the world. But in the long-run, it may lead to serious health consequences. Similarly, stopping ourselves from speaking up to our boss about something we’re unhappy with will spare us the momentary discomfort. But on the whole, it’s more likely to lead to dissatisfaction and poor work performance.

Once we’re aware of the fact that self-sabotage in its many forms is bad for our personal and professional growth, we need to decide to put a stop to it.

Common Career-Sabotaging Patterns and How to Overcome Them

Before you think that you’re alone in your self-sabotaging career habits, it’s good to understand that everyone has them. Famous and successful business people are just as prone to interfering with their professional success as young entrepreneurs getting started.

And there are numerous ways to hold yourself back without even realizing it. Some people focus too much on winning. Others engage in negative thoughts, make excuses, or cling to the past. Even perfectionism and maintaining excellent relationships with colleagues can be a form of self-sabotage. Maybe you’re guilty of procrastination, allowing yourself to become distracted, or failing to recognize your worth.

Still, these are all habits you can overcome.

Think about it this way: if you can change your biological behavioral patterns, such as how you sleep or what you eat, then you can also change the way you act. This is especially true when you know that your career path may depend on said changes.

So, if you’re ready to do the hard work and invest yourself in your future success, try to go through the five steps below. See whether you find any unconstructive patterns in your behavior. And remember, everyone has some forms of counterproductive habits. But, they are never un-fixable.

Step #1 — Recognize Negative Thinking Patterns

The most challenging step towards achieving our goals is recognizing all the things we do that stop us from attaining them.

The reason behind this is simple. Although at times, self-sabotage is bad for us, like physical self-harm or addiction, other times, it can take the form of a habit we feel is positive.

Maybe we want everything to be perfect, everyone to love us, or to be the best at what we do. And these can be great incentives, up to a point. However, in reality, they’re more likely to hold us back than help us advance.

So think about your goals and wants. Is there anything you’ve been doing that’s stopping you from realizing them? Big or small, the only way to eliminate detrimental cognitive patterns is to recognize their presence.

Be mindful of your actions, don’t be afraid of questioning them, and if you do find yourself doing something you shouldn’t be, don’t be harsh. Instead, decide to approach the problem in a kind, growth-oriented manner so that you can help yourself become the best you possibly can.

Step #2 — Don’t Be Afraid to Ask Difficult Questions

Once you’ve identified a detrimental habit, you need to get to the root of it. And this requires complete honesty with yourself.

Let’s say you think you deserve a raise at work. But, you’ve been putting off asking your boss. Why is this?

Are you afraid of rejection? Perhaps you think that asking will negatively impact your relationship? Maybe, deep down, you’re entertaining the idea that you aren’t worth more? Would asking make you feel vulnerable? Or maybe, deep down, you feel like your current position isn’t the best choice for you, and getting a raise would strengthen your bonds to a place you don’t want to be.

Any of these questions are difficult to ask. And to answer them, you will need to dig deep. Still, no matter how intimidating, remember that self-knowledge is a fundamental element to leading a satisfying life. Yes, along the way, you could find out things about yourself that are scary. But instead of the risks, why not focus your attention on everything you stand to gain? After all, your boss might 100% agree that you deserve more, and turns out to be happy you took the incentive to ask.

Step #3 — Come up With an Easy-To-Follow Plan

Once we’ve recognized our self-sabotaging habits and gotten to their source, we need to come up with efficient ways to overcome them. For most people, something as simple as creating an action plan may turn out to be the best way forward.

Sometimes, we can be intimidated by our wants. But, many people find that breaking goals up into smaller, more attainable achievements is a good recipe against self-doubt and procrastination.

Think of your dream career goal. It can be absolutely anything. Chances are if you thought about something difficult like becoming the CEO of a multinational corporation, you might feel like it’s impossible to achieve. Nonetheless, it’s still important to keep in mind that very few people get to become CEO without having some relevant experience first.

So focus your energy on what it takes to gain that experience. It can be applying for a relevant position, investing in your education, and completing side-projects that will equip you with insight and knowledge. Your plan can also include things like paying closer attention to your networking efforts or brushing up your LinkedIn profile.

It’s always a good idea to write down your dream, and then break it up into a step-by-step checklist. You can even give yourself deadlines by which you want to complete each task. This way, you’re not only taking an analytical approach to your success, but you’re also preparing a plan that you can follow without becoming overwhelmed or demotivated along the way.

Step #4 — Hold Yourself Accountable, but Don’t Forget to Celebrate Success

One of the most common reasons people fail to achieve their ambitions is that they don’t hold themselves accountable. Entertaining the idea that we want something is not the same as really committing to making something happen. And sometimes, accountability is that little push in the right direction we all need.

If you don’t feel comfortable announcing your dreams and aspirations to the entire world, you can talk them over with a trusted friend. Or, if you’re too shy for that as well, you can write them down in your journal, or download a habit-tracking app. But know that once you’ve decided to do something, it’s important to show commitment.

Nonetheless, while working to improve your discipline, don’t forget about the other end of the spectrum. Self-validation is just as important as accountability, so reward yourself for a job well done. Not only will it give you an instant dose of dopamine, but in the long-run, it will help you develop positive cognitive schemata. This way, you’ll be more equipped to push through when things get tough.

Step #5 — Embrace the Fact That Growth Is a Flexible Concept

Do you have the feeling that the reason behind your self-sabotaging behavior isn’t a lack of discipline or an actionable plan? If the answer is yes, consider whether you’re putting things off due to your logical wants conflicting with your core values.

Often in life, we set our sights on concepts that we just so happen to outgrow. So, instead of admitting to ourselves that our wants have changed, we engage in unconstructive actions, which aren’t getting us anywhere. We’re not moving forward. We’re not defining new objectives. Instead, we’re in a place where we’re neither happy nor dissatisfied.

And it is precisely this limbo of indifference that’s the worst thing we can do to our career. Because, even though we’re all right at the moment, we are ultimately setting ourselves up for resentment.

Bonus Step — Allow Yourself to Seek Out Help

Now, in most cases, we’re aware of how we undermine our success. After all, it’s not that hard to know when we’re procrastinating or failing to stand up for ourselves. But there are certain habits which we can’t always change on our own. And that’s when talking to people can have particular significance.

If you feel like you’re struggling to rise to your full potential, don’t underestimate the benefits you can get by talking to a therapist or even a career coach. These highly trained professionals can not only help you address the problems you already know you have, but they may help you become great at what you do.

If, however, career coaching is not an option for you, look for other ways to maximize your potential. Practice meditation and mindfulness. Furthermore, invest in your self-understanding as much as you do in your skill development. Finally, look for resources that will allow you to grow and develop at your own pace.

Know that the road to self-acceptance and self-care isn’t always comfortable, but in the end, it is always worth the work.

Final Thoughts

If you feel like you’re engaging in self-sabotaging behavior, whether professionally or personally, know that there are steps you can take to overcome these bad habits. But, as with everything in life worth working for, it’s going to take effort, perseverance, and complete honesty.

Be prepared for the fact that you will have to leave your comfort zone. Moreover, you may realize along the way that the career path you’re currently on may not be the best one for you. You may discover harsh truths or find that your priorities have shifted.

But also know that all of that is all right. After all, this is your career path that’s in question. And only you can know what is true to your beliefs and desires. So don’t be afraid of going for it. And, along the way, make sure to reward yourself for all those small victories. In the end, they’ll be the ones that spur you on when the going gets tough.

The post Self-Sabotaging Your Career Growth: How to Recognize It and What to Do About It appeared first on CareerMetis.com.

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cedarrrun · 5 years

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By Leo Babauta

There are a lot of us who would like to change something, but find it difficult to make that change. I’m here to share with you the fact that making a shift like this is absolutely possible, and share how that shift might happen.

So let’s start with this: making a shift in our lives is absolutely possible. Not only have I made dozens of changes in my life, I’ve seen hundreds, even thousands of people change in my Sea Change Program and now my Fearless Training Program. It’s not always easy, it’s often very messy, but it’s absolutely possible.

Let’s look at how shift happens most often.

The Phases of How Shift Happens in Our Lives

Here’s how the change often happens, in my experience:

You struggle with the change. This phase might take years — there’s something in your life that’s making you unhappy, unhealthy, or struggle with work or relationships. You want to change it, but either it’s too difficult or you aren’t very motivated to do it. You struggle, you give up, you feel bad about it. Repeat for months or years. This might be thought of as Phase -1.

You are finally ready to change. Something clicks for you — it’s almost like a switch being flipped. You decide it’s finally time to change. For some people, it’s hitting rock bottom — things get so bad that you are finally faced with the fact that you need to change, and you want to change. Other times, it’s getting inspired by something you read or watch, or hearing about someone else’s change. Sometimes it’s just having the courage to really sit and reflect on the change that you want and why it’s so important to you, and then resolving to get serious about it. We’ll call this Phase 0.

You start the shift, probably with some enthusiasm. You might go all in and be incredibly enthusiastic about the change, and get new books and equipment, watch videos, read about it online, download an app or two. The first few days, you might be super motivated and diligent. For some people, this initial surge can fade quickly (in 1-4 days) or last a little longer (5-9 days). It’s a bit rarer for it to last 2 weeks but it can definitely happen. Let’s call this Phase 1.

You find it harder or different than you thought, and struggle a little. Often people find change to be more difficult than they thought, or not meeting the expectations they had. This can bring struggle or even quitting. If you struggle but don’t quit, you can make it into the next phase. The problem is that we have a fantasy of how it will happen, and it rarely goes that well. We think we’ll be in shape to run a 5K after a week of running. We are surprised that working out at the gym is so tough. We are not masters of the French language in 14 days. And so on. It can be discouraging. Sometimes people just lose focus because of too much going on — this is a sign that they aren’t as motivated as they need to be, if busyness can sidetrack them easily. Let’s call this Phase 2.

You stick with it and find some positive change. If you do stick with it through that initial struggle, and keep at it … you’ll find change starting to happen. That will feel good and be encouraging. Most people don’t stick with it long enough for change to happen, even though it can start to happen after a week or two. If you get to this stage, rejoice! You are probably in the top 10% of people who want to make changes. This phase can last for a pretty variable amount of time — a week, a month, maybe two months. This is Phase 3.

You get sidetracked but then come back again (or not). At some point, probably in 2-3 weeks after getting to Phase 3 above (maybe longer), you will get sidetracked. It’s inevitable. No one is completely focused on one thing forever. You travel, you get sick, you have visitors, you get busy at work, you have to move, there’s a crisis in your family, your child or pet gets sick. This is Phase 4, and it’s not necessarily the end of this change — though for many people, it is the end. They get sidetracked and go all the way back to Phase -1 above, when they’re struggling for a long time. But it doesn’t have to be the end — it’s just a brief break of a few days or even a few weeks. You get sidetracked, probably discouraged, and you probably don’t want to think about this change because it makes you feel bad to think about it … but then you decide to face it and start again! You pick the next smallest step and start. Maybe you find ways to motivate yourself that are similar to Phase 0 above. You get started again.

It becomes a part of your life. This Phase 5 is similar to Phase 3, in that you’re chugging along nicely and making the change happen … but in this phase, it gets easier and easier and becomes a part of your lifestyle. Or maybe not, and it’s actually just a repeat of Phase 3 and then you go through Phase 4 and then repeat a few times. But if you reach Phase 5, it can seem really easy and seem like you’ll never have to worry about this again. This is when it’s a good idea to start a new change.

Things start to slip back until you refocus yourself. But at some point, many people slip back into their old habits, despite the change becoming easy. The old habits haven’t always completely died. By the way, this isn’t a universal phase — I’ve never slipped back into smoking, for example. But for me, exercise, diet, and other similar habits have all slipped back from time to time. It might feel discouraging to have to start again. And some people never start again because they’re discouraged. The successful ones just start again and get focused and motivated again. The good news: it’s much easier the 2nd and 3rd time around! It’s not as much of an uphill struggle.

So as you can see, it’s a messy path. There are starts and stops. There’s motivation and then getting discouraged. There’s interruptions and restarting. There’s long-term change and slipping back again (sometimes). Shift happens, but not at the pace we like and not how we’d like it to.

This is the process of human beings shifting habitual patterns.

By the way, to have complete transformation of your life, you’ll need to create several (or many) of these shifts.

Key Skills in Creating Shift

Armed with that information, what do we need to create this kind of shift?

Here are the skills that will make shifts much more likely to happen:

Recognizing what you need to change and then flipping the switch. We can fool ourselves about needing to change, for years. Instead, it’s a powerful skill to take a look at your life and see that you need to make a change. Often it shows up in others — they are constantly reacting negatively to our behavior, but perhaps we rationalize why they’re wrong. Often we know we need to change but don’t want to face it. The skill, then, is to get very honest with yourself and recognize that a change is needed, and then finding a way to flip the switch so that you’re committed and taking action.

Starting and setting yourself up well. When you are ready to take action, get good at actually getting started. It doesn’t matter how you start — don’t get caught up in indecision and research. Instead, take action. But make one of your early actions be setting yourself up for future difficulties: set up accountability, tracking, motivation, so that when you falter, you’re more likely to stay in it or come back to it.

Encouraging yourself when you’re discouraged. You will get discouraged or lose motivation at some point. Get good at encouraging yourself instead of discouraging yourself. This takes practice, but can be as simple as repeating, “You can do this!”

See your rationalizations and get back on track instead. Similarly, there will be times when you’re rationalizing not doing it. You got off track, or there are things getting in the way. Get good at noticing your rationalizations and getting back on track. This is pretty much the same as the first skill at the top of this list, but applying it during the process instead of before the process starts.

Starting again with a small step. Similarly to the above, really — just get started. Find the next small step and take action. Encourage yourself, over and over.

These skills obviously overlap, and you can practice them over and over again as you make a change. In this way, ever time you get sidetracked, demotivated, or struggle, it’s a great opportunity to practice the change.

Ready to make a change? Join my Sea Change Program (free for 7 days, $15/month after) and commit to making a shift in your life.

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personalwellbeing-blog1 · 6 years

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Emotional Wellbeing

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When it Comes to psychological health, there's a propensity to talk only concerning emotional wellbeing. There's a preconceived notion that the absence of any mental illness, is described as psychological wellbeing. That is totally untrue. Much like not needing any physical or bodily disease, does not force you to match; not needing any psychological disorders, does not make you emotionally well.

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Let us understand mental health in thickness.

What's Emotional Wellbeing?

• Emotional wellness is a circumstance, in which an individual can deal effectively with all the pressures of life and contribute to society, with no pressures, psychological or otherwise.

• Mental wellness is more Of an inclusive idea. Here the lack of mental illness, objectivity and endurance are joined to assess the psychological wellness of someone.

Detailed definition of wellness, said, "Health is a state of complete physical, psychological and societal well-being and not only the absence of illness or infirmity." This implies, not using a disorder does not make you healthy. What makes you healthy is a whole state of health. In addition, this is what applies to this idea of mental health.

Perhaps not Possessing any psychological illness, doesn't mean there's psychological wellbeing. Whenever we speak of psychological health, we're actually speaking about the general package. Unless a individual has clarity of thought, aim decision making ability, productivity, etc., we can't state the individual is emotionally healthy.

A Frequent mistake to be cared for, is That emotionally well and emotionally sound aren't the exact same thing! They're distinct in definition, not just clinically, but also legally. Someone who's emotionally sound might not be emotionally. He might be exceptionally disturbed.

Let's now have a peek at a few of the common mental disorders or ailments and comprehend what they indicate.

1. Depression

The most frequently known mental illness, can be employed as a term quite synonymously with intense despair.

Depression Is a condition of reduced mood and aversion to action that could influence a individual's mind, behavior, feelings and awareness of well-being. People with a gloomy mood may feel unhappy, stressed, empty, hopeless, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, humiliated or nervous

(Note: Just to be clear, you aren't miserable if you display those symptoms alone.

Depression Is something which only a professional psychologist or psychiatrist can diagnose. The main reason I'm dreading this, is straightforward because we now have a propensity to self-diagnose.)

2. Stress

It's a condition of internal chaos, where a individual will feel an intense sense of distress, guilt and becomes more restless.

A Person having an anxiety disorder, frequently constitutes situations, before realising they're not real. Negative ideas begin to breed and also a individual loses calm readily.

3. Mood Disorders

Disposition Swings of intense range are observed within this scenario. Someone with mood disorders, is frequently Not Able to Discover a rational degree between depression and mania (Mania - exceptionally Large end Depression - exceptionally low ending of emotion)

OCD Is the inability to restrain the temptation to carry out a specific action. It's more than often a activity that becomes a regular habit, which the individual then finds impossible to not perform.

OCDs can be as normal as the necessity to wash ones every couple of minutes to harmful ones such as the necessity to self-harm.

5. Phobias

In Straightforward terms FEAR. A phobia is an intense fear which prevents someone from performing particular activities or dealing with specific conditions. Thus claustrophobia, makes folks feel suffocated at a bunch, etc..

As A WHO, the well-being of a person is surrounded in the understanding of the skills, coping with regular stresses of life, effective work and contribution to the area. Even in the event that you consider it logically, it is logical. We would not look at a man that, has really large possible and is doing a very menial job or becoming really angry about really trivial problems or doesn't become involved with some social action, as a emotionally well or happy individual.

However, this Also doesn't necessarily mean that someone who's always smiling and quite affable and also does social company, is really pleased! It is said that those who smile the broadest are the most picky. That's the reason why it will become crucial to make sure mental wellness.

Let's now take a look at a few of the most effective approaches to make sure psychological wellness.

1. Connect with individuals

With The debut of technology, even if there's 1 thing we dropped, it's the humanist touch to our own relationships. We must bear in mind that regardless of how complex the technology has, the energy that private connections possess, is unmatched. It's vital for mental health, this relationship with individuals occurs. When we speak to people we let them share our joys & sorrows. This affects our psychological health tremendously.

From Time to Time, Most of us need a bit of drive. A bit cheering to assist us proceed and get on with life. A life coach can assist us depart behind our problems and really locate the psychological peace we desire. It's always better to find some motivational suggestions and guidance. The brain frees up and we believe better.

Does not have To be hours of social support. But a couple of hours per week or even in the event that you can do something over the weekend, then it can be quite great for you. When you return to society, it makes an awareness of self-worth. We always feel better if we're in a position to give. It's human tendency. Contributing in any little way, can deliver positive feelings.

4. Challenge yourself

Never mollycoddle yourself. Always give yourself difficult jobs and keep raising the bar. Your mind should feel challenged. Otherwise a feeling of worthlessness and despair falls in.

So keep yourself Busy and up to almost any task at hand. Mental wellbeing comes just when there is gratification. What greater satisfaction than finishing challenges?!

5. Take it simple

Just because I stated Challenge yourself, do not place yourself into undue stress. You've got your personal limitations. This enables you to set unrealistic objectives. Whenever these goals will not get fulfilled, the brain feels reduced and demotivated. Mental wellbeing is hopeless without positivity. So constantly allow yourself some distance. Take it easy on your own.

6. Notice your environment

It might not Always look so, but this universe is a fairly amazing location. At any time you feel as if there's a lack of equilibrium, just look on your own. Take note of what is going on around you. Your mind will become alert and it'll think of productive solutions to issues. Emotional health, has as one of its elements, productivity. Pay careful attention to your environment.

Most of all, live in the here and now. It's Absolutely absurd, to overlook a gorgeous now, in hopes of a better tomorrow. Appreciate the moment.

7. Request help

There Is no doubt in not having the ability to remain 100 percent in control, all of the time. There's not any such thing as perfection. Nobody is ideal and neither are you. If at any stage you are feeling out of control, simply go and request assistance. Do not need to be a physician on the first move. You could speak with a buddy, a favorite teacher, your own parents, a counsellor or anybody! But ask for assistance if you want it.

Mental wellbeing is a lot easier to achieve if you have people that you can visit for assistance.

The Brain is actually intricate. We never know, what's happening up there all the moment! But that does not mean we will need to give up. Emotional wellbeing is our best.

I know, It's impossible to be happy With all the time. But we have to Look for a little bit of Sunshine in every dark moment. That's the only way to guarantee psychological wellbeing.

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