#because she knows the kid's not at fault. but she loathes with her entire soul the fact that she IS and HAS to be a mother. forever
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#this is weird to explain but I feel so sad for one of the characters I write?#I used to take care of and protect her a lot whenever I wrote her before. but in order to move the story we decided to give her a daughter#which could have worked perfectly if she had planned to be a mother? but the kid happened because of an accident?#and now she's just... broken. and I love writing her and I know the story is good and I love the kid and she does too#but it feels weird when I write her now. she feels desperate and trapped and sad. and she refuses to abandon the kid or anything#because she knows the kid's not at fault. but she loathes with her entire soul the fact that she IS and HAS to be a mother. forever#and of course I'm probably projecting what I would be like in that situation. but wow it's sad writing her#(I love it. I love the whole story and everything. but I've never felt this sad when writing a character)#it's not even sadness all the time. it's like... emptiness. like she's not the character from before#it's a mess. her whole train of thought is a mess. and I LOOOOVE writing it. but it does feel sad/empty sometimes#anyway#random#personal#my shitty English#my life as a writer
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