#because of my fucking exam and because of the fucking heat and because i'm stuck in my house without really having any real concrete fun

[an-absolute-nightmare]

well i'm not gonna be able to study for this test. ,y tummy hurts too much for me to concentrate. can someone pls tell me to chill the fuck out about it please

[sungbeam]

𝐛𝐞𝐝𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐬

jeong yunho x gn!reader

1.1k words, friends 2 friends who cuddle ?, one bed trope, fluff, humor, like two swear words cuz who am i without cursing, snuggling, consequences of yunho being Tall (implied that reader is shorter than yunho)

a/n: im sorry that this kinda sucks ass but yeah,, one bed trope :')

“OH MY FUCKING GOD, I'm going to hate this,” Jeong Yunho swore as his head poked up into the attic space, eyes wide in horror.

When the inn owners said that the attic was hardly an attic, they unfortunately were not exaggerating. It was close to a crawl space, with just enough room for you to stand up straight, and outfitted with an extra long twin bed, nightstand and lamp, a pillow, and two large sherpa wool blankets. The bed was fitted beneath the slope of the roof because the entire space wasn't even large enough to put the bed in the middle.

You were starting to sweat, and considering there wasn't even heating up here, you raced to calm your nerves. “It'll be fine,” you said with a small, anxious laugh.

Yunho moved his terrified eyes up to you. “Respectfully? I'm gonna go sleep in the storm.”

When he moved to descend the ladder, you slid on your knees to grab hold of his wrist. “Come on, big guy. It's one night.”

“Yn, what if I said I was claustrophobic, huh?” He whined, but reluctantly followed you all the way up the ladder and into the attic. He straightened—big mistake. You heard the loud thump as his head met the roof, and grimaced. “Oooow!”

You hissed and reached over to gently rub the place that began to smart when he leaned down. “Are you okay?”

“No,” he whimpered. “Can I sleep in the lobby?”

Around ten minutes later, after many trials and tribulations and head bonks, you and Yunho somehow transferred your duffle bags up the ladder and into your glorified crawl space. They took up the space just beside the ladder and at the foot of the bed, and as you stared at said twin bed, you wondered if Yunho's legs would even fit on it.

Most likely not.

In fact, you were certain that two people couldn't even fit on the bed unless they were either on top of each other or packed together like sardines.

You reminded yourself that it was only going to be one night. This was what the two of you got for leaving five hours after everyone else, just to get caught in tonight's awful storm and stuck with the only “room” available for miles. In retrospect, it was your fault. Yunho had been generous enough in offering to stay behind with you until you finished your last exam.

“You can have the bed,” you told him as you were both crouched by your bags to grab clothes to sleep in. Despite your realization about your counterpart's long limbs and the bed's shortcomings, you wanted to extend an offer of chivalry.

Yunho twisted around and sent you an incredulous look. “What?”

“You drove us up here,” you replied with a shrug. You swiftly draped your sleep clothes over one arm and gathered your bag of toiletries in the other. “And you waited for me to finish my exam and you're kinda being dealt the short end of the stick with this room.”

He sat down on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest, and though his face was still pulled into the same expression, he laughed. “Yn, I hate to break it to you, but I think you're gonna fit better on that bed than I will.”

You pursed your lips, gazing over at the narrow slot on the floor between the other sloping roof and the bed. That was the only other place someone could sleep in this room. “I don't want you to sleep on the floor though.”

“I know I was complaining, but don't worry about it,” he reassured as he turned back to dig through his duffle. He flicked his wrist blindly in your direction. “You can wash up first; I'll set everything up.”

Since he left little to no room for argument, you resolved to do as he suggested. There was a community washroom on the floor below that you made your way toward. As unfortunate as your accommodation was for the night, you were eager to head back up and go to sleep. Yours and Yunho's friends were all waiting at Seonghwa's cabin already, and perhaps it wasn't just exhaustion that made you antsy for this night to get a move on.

You and Yunho just needed to get through tonight. It would be fine.

When you returned to the attic crawl space, Yunho had everything set up as he said he would. He'd found an extra set of sheets from one of the downstairs closets and laid it on the ground by the bed, then rationed one of the blankets for himself and the other for you on the bed.

You let out a tired sigh and trudged over to the bed to grab the pillow from where it rested on the headboard. You set the pillow instead at the head of Yunho's sleeping situation, then balled up one of your jackets to use as your own pillow. Once satisfied, you climbed into bed, and you were out like a light.

Everything was hazy as you emerged from deep sleep to confused half-consciousness. The room was descended into darkness, the sounds of light rain drumming steadily against the sloped rooftop above your head. Your brain felt like it was stuffed with cotton—why had you suddenly woken up?

Then you heard it.

“Achoo.” Then another one. And another one.

Even half dead, your brain could put two and two together. You rolled over slightly to wave your arm over the side of the bed, hand flapping around until you bumped Yunho's shoulder. “Hey, Yunho.”

Another sneeze.

“Yun, get your butt up here.”

He grunted. “'m fine.”

“You're gonna get sick,” you grumbled with your face half squished against your jacket zipper. That was definitely going to leave a mark in the morning. “Come up here, for fuck's sake.”

He made another noise, perhaps of acknowledgment, before you heard sounds of movement.

You kept your eyes half-lidded to keep as much light out as possible, and rolled over again. As he crawled onto his knees, and then his feet, you opened up your blanket to him so he could join you.

“Pillow,” he slurred—you whined when it hit you in the face. “Sorry.”

In a drowsy drugged tango, you swapped your jacket out for the pillow and Yunho wormed his way onto the bed beneath your blanket. You scooted as close to the wall as you could, but even then, Yunho was pressed flush against you. His arms came around your waist, his nose wedging itself between your neck and shoulder until he was comfortable.

“Your feet are cold,” you muttered. “Get them under the blanket.”

“Too tall.”

“Show off.”

He huffed out a puff of air against your neck like a laugh, then tucked his knees up slightly to fit under the blanket. Your legs were now tangled among his, your bodies curled tightly together. In the morning, you would rationalize it out as creating body heat to prevent either of you from getting sick.

When movement stopped, you voiced into the darkness, “Better?”

A content sigh. “Better.”

Maybe this accommodation wasn't so bad after all.

ateez m.list

permanent taglist: @flwoie @vatterie @seomisaho @hqrana @ja4hyvn @outrologist @rikizm @tinkerbell460 @meosjinn @hyunjaespresent-deobi @stayarmytinyzenmoa-l @floatingpluto @gyulfriend @jaehunnyy @shakalakaboomboo @soonyoungblr @justanotherkpopstanlol @kangfication @pxppxrminty @fluorescentloves @haechansbbg @jaerisdiction @super-btstrash-posts @jundundun @http-gyu @mvvnsseul @mars101 @kflixnet

[neoballsucker]

KISS

Summary : your grades were falling down the hill and your teacher decided to help you a little

Genre : teacher!doyoung , legal age gap , smut , the use of slut/whore , the use of sir (obvi) , the use of good girl , praise kink , degradation kink

Pair : doyoung x female reader

Words count : 1,182

Now playing : kiss by nct dojaejung

A/N : this is my first time writing a smut or anything so erm if it turned out bad forgive me thank you ‼️‼️‼️

in college in the mall when you were You met alot of handsome men out there in college in the mall when you were You

shopping even in the street when you were just walking around to get groceries

But nobody was more handsome than your teacher Kim dongyoung or as people call him doyoung he was smart young handsome and his bunny like smile he was just perfect for you, you mever thought it would be interested in you , always fantasized about the things he would do to you the things he would say to you

You wanted him to use you in any way possible

You wouldn't mind him tying you up calling you names you just wanted him to notice you

You always studied hard for his classes to appear as the perfect student Infront of him

But at the last couple of exams you couldn't keep up with the subject it gets harder

You were too embarrassed to ask him for him so doesn't think you're stupid

Until he called you to his office one day as you knocked on the door nervously

You heard a gentle "come in" from behind the door

You took a deep breath and entered the office and closed the door behind you

"Sit down" He says in a calm and gentle tone that makes you melt but you hold yourself back from anything stupid and sat right where he told you

"I've been noticing that you've been getting bad grades for the past few months is everything okay with you?" He asks you softly

"W-well I have some problems and I have been just... stressing out these few months I'm sorry... I'll make sure to study harder" You said while your eyes are stuck on the ground

"Well can you atleast look at me while you're talking?" He chunkles softly which makes you nervous

You look up to meet his gaze

Lord look at his handsome face his eyes his perfect hair even his glasses were perfect

"It's okay I understand but make sure to study harder I believe in you the finals are coming soon" he smiles softly at you

As you try to hold yourself from getting up and totally destroy him

"Oh and you can come after school is over for the lessons you don't understand I know it sounds boring but I'm doing this because I want you to graduate with good grades"

"Yes sir I'll make sure to head to your office after class" you smile and nod heading towards the door

----TIME SKIPS---

after class is over you head over to your teacher's office you knock the door gently

"Come in" you hear his gentle voice as you feel like you're getting wet only from hearing his voice as you take a deep breath you open the door and find him leaning on his desk

"Ahh you're here" he smiles oh fuck you wanted him to fuck you numb as you feel like you're getting wet by his smile only

You smile back at him and gets into the office

"Oh hello sir" you smile awkwardly at him as he takes a sip out of his coffee

"Hello darling" his smile the nickname he called you it made heat rise to your face

"So should we start now?" He asks you and smiles softly

"Yes yes let's start" you nod slightly and smile

"And if you solved the problems that I'll give you after we finish I'll give you a reward" he smiles but...his smile seems a little bit different it's not as cute as his usual one you said to yourself that you were imagining causing you were tired and ignored it

As he started explaining you made sure to throw all thoughts away so you can answer the problems to get the 'reward' he was talking about

After he finishes explaining the lesson he obviously gives you some problems

You started solving them right away after about half an hour you hand him the paper

He started checking if you did anything wrong after a few minutes of sitting awkwardly just admiring his face

"Alright I guess someone is getting a reward" He smiles softly as he gives you the paper

You smile at him excitedly as you're eager to know what's the 'reward' he was talking about.

He takes off his glasses and sits in his for few seconds then he gets up from his seat walking right behind you

"Are you ready for yor reward baby" he whispers in her ear

Feeling his warm breath near your face sent shivers down your spine as you nod slightly

He then pats your head And starts throwing everything off his desk

"Can you lay down here for me baby" he says with a smile on his face

You nod hasitaintly getting up from the chair laying down on the desk

He leans in and captures your lips in a gentle yet passionate kiss it felt long very long as his tongue is tangled with yours

You find yourself moaning in the kiss and whines as he pulls out off it

"Are you ready for the actual reward"

You nod slightly and take a deep breath

He started to remove your skirt slowly as he touches your skin to tease you he starts removing your panties

"Look at that pretty pussy I'm sure it will take me really well don't you think so?" He asks with a low deep voice as you nod nervously

He grabs a condom from his drawer before he takes off his pants

You can see his bulge through his boxers as he takes off his boxers wrapping the condom around his cock

He starts to move his fingers around your entrance as you whine and whimper

"P-please p-please i want you inside of me"

It came out of your mouth more of a moan

"I know I know that princess patience" she says gently he was soft really soft with you

As you were about to open your mouth to say something without a warning you feel his cock inside of you

You cry out as he starts to adjust his length inside you he was big and thick

Stretching your hole as you try to hold in your moan

"Aren't you just a fucking slut that wanna get fuck , oh fuck" he groans as your eyes roll back

"Answer me you fucking whore" he says with a more dominant and demanding voice

"Y-yes that's right sir" you can barely talk

"Aren't you just a good girl" he said as he starts moving in and out faster and more roughly

You moan cry out and scream as he grinds faster

Her eyes rolls back as she cums on him as he feels like he reaches his climax as well and cums in her she closes her eyes and moans loudly as she feels his seeds in her

"If you did well in the finals I'm going to give you a better reward" He smiles softly and kisses your lips

[angeloroki]

something more — s. todoroki

you wanted to stop this relationship of friends with benefits, with shoto. before your feelings towards him destroyed you.

— character ; aged up!shoto todoroki x gn!reader

— request ; @tyunsworld angst college au where shoto and yn used to be friends with benefits but yn is trying to stol this fwb but shoto refuses (no smut pls just some indications)

— genre ; angst, au college

— warnings ; suggestive content, curses

— a/n ; i decided to change the ending a bit, i hope it's ok for you and that you like it anyway :)

you were sitting on your bed, in the room you shared with your roommate. she wasn't there, gone to her weekly dance class.

every thursday and tuesday, at 6pm until 8pm sharp. your friend was very punctual, and that suited you perfectly.

because usually, at that time, during those two short hours that you shoto would come and spend some time with you in that room.

it was never anything serious, just a good time that the two of you would give each other. kisses that were worthless, soft caresses yet devoid of feeling, sighs and i love you's that were deprived of love echoed and echoed between the walls of the university room.

it had started only 6 months ago, at a mutual friend's party. todoroki was the rich boy in business school. classy, elegant, handsome, and a smooth talker, he had absolutely every girl on campus at his feet.

so, you could say you were slightly surprised when you saw him accost you in the kitchen, where you were trying to relax a bit. you had hooked up, the discussion was not forced, one thing led to another - and especially under the effect of the euphoria felt at the very moment - you had ended up in bed together. you could remember that it was the best sex of your life. and yet you had had quite a few.

a bitter taste stuck in your mouth.

the day after that night, he had found your number and offered to continue. nothing serious of course, just something where you would both enjoy each other. no empty feelings. he had used a phrase,... friends with benefits, that's the term he had used.

stupidly, you didn't hesitate. because after all, you were young, and you needed to unwind with classes and all. and it's not like you could fall in love with a guy like that.

only you were so wrong.

you slowly came out of your thoughts to look at the time. 6:01 p.m. Your friend had gone out ten minutes ago, so Shoto should be back any minute.

a sigh escaped your lips at the scenario that was about to unfold.

and yet you were the only one to blame, or rather your stupid heart. or maybe your stupid ease of attachment to people who couldn't care less about you.

you lay down and stared at the ceiling.

you knew his weaknesses, what he liked to do on a sunday afternoon, the things that made him angry, just as you knew every inch of his body.

and how the fuck could you not fall in love with him?

a salty taste comes to your lips, tears. you bite your upper lip, silently. and yet you knew it wouldn't be mutual. and it never would be. because he was simply shoto todoroki.

« you spend a lot of time with that boy, what's his name again ? your roommate yells at you from the bathroom. is there something going on between you or something ? »

the heat came flooding in on your cheeks.

« no... no! it's just that we have mutual friends, that's all. »

« yeah sure ! but be careful though, he's known to break hearts this guy [..]. »

that talk you had three months ago echoed ironically in your head. breaking hearts. and yours, by the way.

you go over the plan in your head. before things get hot, you tell him. all at once, well almost all. you just tell him you want out of this relationship.

and so you say everything without pauses, at the risk of crying in front of him. the best thing is that you remain insensitive.

someone knocked on the door. 6:12 pm, he's here.

« y/n, it's me. » he said in his deep voice, which always made you shiver.

you got up and opened the door for him. a small smile lit up his usually stoic face. as you spent more time together, shoto had managed to get more and more comfortable with you, and that could only warm your heart.

« sorry for the delay, the traffic was heavy. »

he went to sit on your bed after taking off his shoes. a worried expression grew on his face when he saw that you said nothing.

« if you're tired, we can meet again next week. i know it's tiring with exams right now. » he said in a kind voice.

could he stop being an angel, just thirty seconds, you said to yourself silently. in just a few steps, you crossed the room and placed a long passionate kiss on his lips, and it was with great pleasure that you felt him respond with the same ardor. you had to feel it one more time before you put an end to this whole mess.

his lips tasted minty, and they were angelically sweet. addictive, that's what his kisses were like. you felt his tongue asking for permission to find yours. and for a few seconds, a feverish waltz settled between your two mouths.

you felt as if long hours had already passed. and you still wanted more to be added, or for time to stand still. but you wouldn't let him go.

and yet.

you shifted from him. he was a mess, his hair untidy from your hands that had to find a support, his face was a dark red.

a small laugh escaped his lips.

« what's this ? a goodbye kiss ? »

you looked away from him. and that's how he understood.

« what ? tell me something. »

« i want to stop this. I'm not interested in our evenings together anymore. »

you didn't need to see him to understand that he was sad now.

« did i do something wrong ? »

his hand came to yours, its warmth melting you.

« no, not at all. i just want to stop this. »

you knew him now, and you knew he'd try to figure out what the problem was. you just needed him to be angry with you, so your feelings for him, the first to be touched, could surely fade. at least you hoped so.

« it's gotten boring with you. you faced him, your gaze now cold. i've grown tired of you, so find someone else to satisfy you. »

his eyes reflected a melancholy that you had never seen in him before.

« y/n, i didn't stay 6 months with you just for sex... i like talking to you. »

your heart skipped a beat. of course, shoto, as a friend.

« that's not my case, todoroki. you were a good lay in bed, and you helped me forget the stress of college. but that's over now, get your shoes and get out. »

despite your command, he didn't make a move. his eyes analyzed you carefully, before his sigh echoed in the room.

« you found someone, didn't you ? you thought you could hear a little regret in his voice, but why ? sorry, i won't bother you anymore then. i'm happy for you. »

he got up and walked to the entrance, where his shoes were.

« i- no... »

how could he not see that you only had eyes for him ? that the other people who were just accosting you, were immediately raked ? a sincere anger went through your body now. you were angry at him now that he didn't notice your love for him.

« i love you. » you said in a quiet voice.

you saw him stop, his back was to you. fuck, that wasn't part of the plan.

« i don't want to see you anymore because i love you. because i know it will never be reciprocated. so please leave. »

he turned around just enough for you to meet his eyes, full of sorrow. a stranger might have thought it was you who had just broken his heart. or maybe you had really broken it ? you'll never know.

« no, y/n. i can try, we can try. it doesn't have to end like this. you're not like the others, i don't want to let you go. »

« i know you can't love me like i love you. don't make promises to me. »

« but i don't want to leave yo- »

the fact that he refused to leave you, to end the relationship, only gave you false hope.

« get the fuck out ! »

your sudden irritation startled him slightly. but he knew you were right.

« i-... i'm sorry y/n.- »

« stop apologizing, it's not your fault. »

« i wish it had ended differently. »

and silently he left your room, leaving you alone with your tears.

your old discussion with your roommate came back to you

« [...] he's known to break hearts this guy. but i have to admit that he's charming, anyway i care too much about my heart and my feelings to make love to him. » said your friend from the bathroom.

« i don't fall so easily, f/n. and stop it, you sound like my parents. you say laughing. »

i wish you would have told me i love you too, shoto todoroki.

[jedimasterkelly]

Shit happens when you're a woman. A lot of shit. Bad shit. And a lot of the time, you will run into doctors who do not listen to you. Will not care about you, and will not take you seriously.

This story is about the Great Cancer Scare of 2020.

I was 49, and 3 yrs post menopause. I was pleased about that, as it means no more period ever. I could deal with the occasional hot flashes, and the snapping of necks of anyone who dared bother me. Then in May of 2020, after the pandemic fully hit and the University I work at closed and sent all of us to work from home, I got very sick. Not from Covid, thankfully, but something else. I had started bleeding, and it wasn't menstrual blood. It was bright red and HEAVY. I was filling post-natal pads within 2 hours. I called the Women's Clinic where my OB-GYN lived. They couldn't see me until July. WTF! I called my GP, who got me in on an emergency basis, I mean, 3 yrs post-menopausal women don't just spring a leak, you know? My ovarian function had been almost nil for 3 years. He called my OB-GYN and demanded I get seen right away. They made an appointment for 2 weeks later. Keep reading, because it's quite a ride!

Seriously! 2 weeks later!

In the meantime, my GP discovered my thyroid was tanked out, so I was put on Levothyroxine 25mcg. It helped a lot. I started to feel a little bit more human, at least in the brain area. I finally got in to the OB-GYN, and he did a biopsy and trans-vaginal ultrasound. We got the results 2 weeks later and he called me in to go over them. He said I had hyperplasia with atypia. Cells were dividing rapidly, and he was very concerned. He recommended an endometrial ablation, or a full hysterectomy. At 49 he wasn't concerned with me having a sudden maternal urge (I have no kids), so he was fine with either choice. I decided on the hysterectomy, because why not? Endometrium grows back after an ablation, and why bother at my age? Just yank it all and let me get back to my life.

He said he didn't feel safe doing the procedure, since the cells were most likely cancerous and rapidly dividing, so he sent a referral to one of the cancer centers in OKC. I expected a call within a couple of weeks. I mean, really, if I have the early stages of endometrial cancer, they'd call me in immediately, right? Right?

Crickets. Literal crickets for 4 months! I was very concerned, hell, worried I was going to get full blown cancer and these jackasses weren't going to try and help me at all. I called OB-GYN several times during that 4 month period, and was told the cancer center in OKC wasn't returning their calls. I called them numerous times, and could never get a person on the phone.

I was told it was the pandemic. The pandemic was shutting everything down and causing huge backlogs for non-Covid issues to be seen. I told OB-GYN to refer me to the oncologist from Tulsa, who also worked once a month in Stillwater at the SMC Cancer Center. He didn't want to, he wanted me to see the doctor in OKC (who wasn't returning anyone's calls!) I called SMC Cancer Center and asked how soon I could get in with Dr. Thomas. His office called back within 2 hours asking for my chart and biopsy results. I had the Womens Clinic send my information to Dr. Thomas in Tulsa. Within a week, they called and had me on the schedule to see him in Stillwater on his next visit.

This is where the story gets good. And by good, I mean, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Thanks for sticking with me this far.

Got in to see Dr. Thomas. I researched him and learned we have the same Alma Mater. That day, we were both wearing t-shirts from said same Alma Mater. Instant bonding! I also work in Administration at said same Alma Mater, so we spent some time discussing (gossiping) about my department since he had taken classes with a lot of my faculty during his undergrad. Then he got serious and handed me my biopsy report. He told me he was going to assume I wasn't shown this, since I am:

1. A Master's of Science graduate student in Education Leadership - this making me a researcher who knows how to do research, do research, and understand research.

2. Work full time in a Physical Sciences department at a Big 12 University.

3. Edit manuscripts for my Dept. Chair, thus proving I am scientifically literate. You can't edit scientific manuscripts without having a good, solid knowledge of said science. If he's alternating between "adsorb" and "absorb", I have to understand his research in order to correct his manuscript. This is important because his manuscripts have to be peer reviewed before they can be published in a reputable journal.

"Read it to me, out loud," he said.

I started reading from the paper in my professional scientist voice. It didn't take long before I began to falter as I came to the realization I had been lied to.

"Read it again," he said.

This time, I read it with a lot more heat in my voice.

Diagnosis: no hyperplasia with atypia, no abnormal cells detected

Dr. Thomas waited for me to explode. I didn't. I just stared at him in anger and horror. He offered to do another biopsy to make sure, but he suggested I fire my OB-GYN immediately and find someone who actually gives a shit about me.

I was still randomly bleeding, 6-9 weeks at a time, so we agreed on another trans-vaginal ultrasound and biopsy. The attached photo shows he took 3 samples from my uterus. He wanted to be sure.

A little ditty about endometrial biopsies:

They hurt like a motherfucker.

Take 2-3 ibuprofen before you leave the house to go to your procedure.

Relax. It usually only lasts a couple of minutes. The doctor normally takes 1 or 2 samples. Pinch, snip, clip, done.

Not this guy. He wanted to be surely sure.

He went for a 3rd pinch snip clip. My uterus seized up in the most painful spasm I ever had in my life. I almost came off the table. He was seated on a little rolly stool so he shot back away from me before I could connect his head to my foot. He triumphantly held up his little weapon of Uterine Destruction and declared, "Got it!"

"Yeah, you almost got your ass kicked mister," I growled at him.

"It was worth it to get this beauty of a sample."

So, after a biopsy of your uterus, expect some bleeding and cramping. I had severe cramps for 2 days. I was not amused. We're talking laying in bed with a heating pad and ibuprofen every 4 hours kind of cramping.

Got the results back in a couple of weeks. No cancer. No hyperplasia. No abnormal cell growth. He recommended I find a new OB-GYN fast. I decided fuck it, I'm done. I'm never seeing another OB-GYN ever again.

Dr. Thomas said several times he's convinced my issues are endocrinal. I filed that away in the back of my mind.

(if you ever do test positive for cancer and you are in the Tulsa area, I highly recommend Dr. Eric Thomas! Make sure you have a sense of humor with him.)

My GP started pressuring me back in March of 2021 to find a new OB-GYN. The Women's Clinic has several, but they have a fucked up rule you can't switch doctors there. So if you go there, you are stuck with the same doctor and can't move over to his colleague on another floor. I saw my GP again, and asked if he was still best buds with a gynecologist who had his own clinic. He was always full, and not taking new patients, so GP would have to call his buddy to get me in.

Which he did. Buddy-GYN's office called the very next day to schedule me in. He had been sent my chart and was concerned about the long bleeds (6-9 weeks in duration) and why the fuck were they happening after being 3 yrs post-menopause.

I went in for a consult in April of 2021. First thing out of his mouth, "Has anyone ever talked to you before about PCOS?"

I laughed.

I laughed because every GYN I saw over the last 20 years told me I didn't have PCOS, endometriosis, or any sort of hormonal issues. I was just fat, lazy, and a piggy pig pig. I actually had one OB-GYN tell me to go on The Biggest Loser. Fat shamed while sitting there naked on his table after an invasive exam of my female bits. Thanks a lot, asshole.

I told him about that. He informed me he could tell by LOOKING at me I have the classics signs of PCOS. I use an epilator on my crazy man-hairs, so he asked if I was tweezing or waxing. I about fell out of my chair. Nobody ever believed me that I was having to remove crazy thick hairs off my chin and neck all the time. He asked if I ever had ovarian cysts. Affirmative, I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts the first time one exploded back in 1994. He stood there, holding the bridge of his nose and shook his head.

"Well, going by your chief complaints, your abdominal circumference, history of bursting cysts, and no period for 3 years, I am saying you have PCOS."

He went on to discuss my need for an appointment with an endocrine specialist, he was convinced my thyroid tanking out sent my ovaries back into production, and now my hormones are all over the place, most likely, and I needed specialized care.

He must have talked to GP, because I soon got a call from the endo clinic to come in.

This post is already long and tedious, but I am happy to say I finally have 3 doctors who listen to me. My new Endo doc tripled my levothyroxine and scheduled a follow up blood test for next month. Buddy-GYN talked me into a pap smear and cervical exam in July as well. He also wants a mammogram, which I begrudgingly need to schedule so he doesn't chew my ass in July when I walk in with no results. GP is working on my other issues (weight, bad fluid retention, etc...). We discovered from a blood test last Friday my iron levels are dangerously low. I am now on a Rx iron supplement. I've always struggled with anemia, but it never occurred to me or GP to check my iron levels. If you're a woman, and you feel like absolute dog shit and your doctor can't figure out why, have your iron and electrolytes tested. It'll probably take about 3-4 weeks for me to see any results from the iron supplement, but I can already see a reduction in fluid retention.

In September, I have an appointment with Dr. Le at Integris in OKC. He's a bariatric surgeon. I have gained so much weight from having PCOS and Hypothyroidism that I need to drop a lot of fat fast. I'm pretty healthy - I don't have the normal problems obese people tend to have. I'm not diabetic, don't have sleep apnea, my cholesterol levels are good. I am what they call "healthy fat" which seems like an oxymoron. However, it will improve my chances of getting approved for a sleeve gastrectomy.

I turned 50 last week, and had to endure 3 decades of no one listening to me. I feel I lost so many years of my life and I can never get them back. I hope this post reaches a lot of younger women having issues. Keep looking for a doctor who will listen to you. It sucks we have to hunt for these unicorns, but they do exist. I finally have a good team who actually cares about me.

You have a right to be listened to! You have a right to be heard!

I was asked: Who are my doctors?

Dr. Daniel Brown D.O. Stillwater Physicians Clinic

Dr. Yasuto Taguchi M.D. Taguchi Women's Clinic

Dr. Wynter Kipgen M.D. Stillwater Diabetes & Endocrinology

[fal-carrington]

Stuck with the mother-in-law

Pairing: Kamilah x Mc

Disclaimer: Characters belongs to PB

Tag list: @kamilahtopme @gavryllo @made-me-deep-blue @sapphics-choices @nighthuntresskatherine @cheeto-choices @beccaislove @whoinvitedalx @thepotatobleh @toyhenoctus @shanuuh @wildsayeed @voltos9 @iam-the-fuckin-queen @ilovekamilahsayeed @soundtrackforlife @thecleveridiot09 @otakufangirl-12 @scarlet-letter-a0114 @justejuste727 @deereboy97 @h-doodles @slytherinthoughts7

Prompt: Kamilah thought she had gone through more approvals than any other living being, with 2000+ years old, she thought she had seen it all, but when Mia's mother decide to pay a visit and stay for a few days in New York, Kamilah has to deal with her mother-in-law... Who happens to be a bloodkeeper and don’t like her at all.

The wooden floor was cold against her skin, but she didn't care, she had promised herself that she wouldn't leave, no matter how cold and hard the floor was. The little girl could hear clearly the low cry of her mother coming from behind the door, she had already been there for two days, two days without leaving the room. Two days without Mia being able to see her mother.

At this point she should have been used to, the "bad days" were becoming frequent that month. "Bad days" was what Mia's father used to call the days when Mia's mother became reclusive, cold, and extremely prone to explosive surges. Mia always thought that this was a very strong headache, but she hoped that her mother would heal soon. She missed her mother more than anything else in the world.

Mia never understood how a person could be so kind and loving at one moment, but explosive and cold at another.The little girl lay on her stomach against the floor, spying under the door where a dim light came from her mother's room.

"Mommy?" Mia called her.

No answer.

"Mommy, it's me. Please open the door." Mia asked, without answer again.

The little girl stretched her little fingers to the box of tissues she was carrying and took two, stretching them under the door.

"Please, Mommy don't cry." A little smile came over her face as the tissues were pulled. She sat down and leaned her back against the door, holding a portrait in one hand.

In the portrait lay a photograph, Mia wiped the tears that fell from her green eyes, looking at the photograph of her parents with her. The latin features and the seriousness in the severe brown eyes and black hair highlighted the beautiful young face of her mother. Hugged by her father, a beautiful young blond man with green eyes hidden behind his thick glasses. Together, both were holding a little girl.

"Mia?" Her father's thick voice called out to her, making her look up.

"Hi, Daddy." Mia said wiping her eyes, her father looked briefly at the door and a glance of recognition appeared on his face. Mia looked at her father, knowing full well from his clothes that he had just come from his work. The loose tie on his tweed suit, the tired eyes behind his glasses, and the leather bag strap on his shoulder.

"Is Mama on a bad day?" her father asked, Mia shook her head in affirmation.

"Daddy, do you think that... Mommy's sad because of me?" Mia hesitated to ask.

"What? Why?"

"Maybe because I didn't do very well on my math exam, I know she was expecting a lot from me." A tear ran down her little face, her father sighed tired, getting down on his knees in front of his daughter.

"Isabella Amelia Cortéz Evans" He touched her face looking deep into her inherited eyes. "Your mother is not like that because of you, you could never disappoint her, you are our greatest pride. Your mother... " He took a break before he went on. "She's just going through a bad phase, that's all, but I'm sure it will soon pass."

"... In the meantime, why don't you and I go in the kitchen and get dinner ready? How about we make lasagna and then watch cartoons on TV, okay?" He messed up her blonde hair with a smile on his face, making a dimpled smile appear on his daughter's face.

"Right!" Mia took her father's hand and followed him down the stairs. "Can I call Rebecca and Alex to join us for dinner?"

"How about just the two of us tonight? I'm sure you can call your cousins for the weekend."

"Okay."

...

Mia looked over at her side as she listened to her father's snoring, who was immersed in a deep sleep, he fell asleep after dinner on the couch next to her while watching cartoons on TV. Mia got up and took a blanket and covered her father, gently removing his glasses and leaving them on the coffee table.

An idea popped into her mind, her mother even though she didn't attend dinner tonight, maybe she was still hungry. Mia went to the kitchen and heated up the rest of the lasagna in the microwave and took it upstairs on a tray.

What the little girl didn't expect was her mother's bedroom door to be open.

"Mommy?" She called, opening the door a little wider so she could see her mother clearly.

And there she was, her black hair caught in a loose coke, wearing only a sweater and sweatpants, with her back to Mia, sitting on the bed.

"Mama, I brought your dinner. Daddy and I made lasagna." Mia approached with caution.

"Thank you, sweetie." Her mother answered with a weak smile, Mia left the tray on the bed and approached hesitantly watching her mother's red eyes and pale face.

"Don't cry." Mia lifted the sleeve of her blouse and wiped her mother's eyes, receiving a weak laugh.

"I'll be all right, darling." Her mother touched her face. "Mommy's just..." Suddenly her mother stood still, eyes glazed and distant.

"Mommy?" Mia touched her mother, not expecting a wave that invaded her body, images and faces of people appearing in her mind. A man with blue eyes, long hair and a cruel expression on his face, a woman accompanied him, with black hair, tanned skin and brown eyes, people screaming and running and blood everywhere. "Who... Who are these people?" Mia asked scared.

What she didn't expect was a strong push from her mother who knocked her down.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Her mother screamed angry, an expression of terror and anger on her face.

"Mama?" Mia called her tears in her eyes, being greeted by a look of hatred, being ignored by her mother who locked herself in the bathroom. “MAMA!”

Sweat dripped from her forehead, with her breathing panting and her heart racing, Mia sat on the bed. The girl sighed, passing her hand across her face.

"It was just a nightmare..." She said to herself, trying to calm down. “...Or a really fucked-up memory." She was used to her frequent nightmares — which usually involved Gaius, Rheya, Lily's death, or some of her many traumas. They were frequent and agonizing, but she was already used to them. Now seeing her parents... She didn’t know which one of them, was the worse.

The girl looked to her side, finding Kamilah, who was lying on the left side of the bed, her tanned chest descending and ascending, immersed in a light sleep. The silk sheet partially covered her naked body, memories of last night wrapped Mia's mind, and a smile came over her face as she silently observed the features of Kamilah's gorgeous, calm and serene face.

She still had no idea how she had managed to marry Kamilah, but the thought that after 2000 years she was the only one who had managed to put a ring on Kamilah's finger made her chest fill with pride.

The thoughts involving her wife were interrupted by the memory of her nightmare involving her mother. The girl sighed and looked at her watch, there were still 4 hours left for her to go to work, and she was sure she wouldn't be able to get any more sleep.

Mia got out of bed carefully so as not to wake Kamilah, and went to the bathroom. Under the hot water shower, the girl leaned her face against the marble wall, letting the warm water fall under her face.

"It was just a memory, that's all." She said to herself.

...

Raines Corporation, 19:30pm

Sitting in her leather armchair in her Raines Corporation office, Mia leaned back while talking to one of her newest clients.

"...You have to admit that the potential of this contract to benefit both us is extremely high..." She supported the phone on her shoulder as she spoke. "Danny, at the end of the day you and I are the same, we think and see the profit this will bring us.”

“...Exactly, we can run this country. Japan? Who cares about Japan? You and I will close this deal together and be partners." With her attention focused on the origami swan that she patiently made in her desk, she noticed her assistants entering her office silently.

"...Really? I am so happy that you and your investors liked the whiskies and cigars I sent. Seriously, it was from the heart." She laughed. "Sure, I'll see if I can convince Kamilah, for us to go spend the holiday in Hamptons.”

She gestured for the assistants to leave the contracts on her desk.

"Danny, you're the man. I knew you'd understand, I'll see you and your investors on Wednesday, with a celebration." She smiled victoriously when she saw that she had managed to close another deal. "Okay, I'll tell Kamilah you sent her a hug, tell your wife and kids, I sent a hug too.”

When she turned it off, she raised her eyes to her assistants.

"Guess who closed another deal?" She pointed to herself. “That's right, me. Booom, it's Britney bitch" She gestured by pretending to knock over a microphone.

"Um, by the way, we have something else." Natalie mentioned it.

“Yeah? What?" Mia turned her attention to her origami swan.

"Your mother called. She asked you to return the call." Tyler told her while collecting some papers, making Mia stop at the same moment.

"My mother? What does she want?"

"She didn't say, she just asked you to call back," Natalie told her.

At the same moment her heart began to beat fast. Was her dream a warning she chose to ignore? If she'd mentioned it to Kamilah, maybe she'd say yes.

"All right. You two can go." Mia said and picked up the phone, sighing patiently before calling her.

The phone rang a few times before her mother answered.

"Hello, hija," Her mother said at the other end of the line. “It’s has been so long.”

"Hey, mom." Mia said sheepishly.

...

"You are so quiet today," Kamilah commented in a low tone, as if making a mere observation.

Of course she had noticed, she always notices all things, Kamilah would not let go of a behavior that differed from her usual behavior, but as always, patient, Kamilah waited for her to pronounce herself.

"Huh?" Mia looked at her.

"Distant and distracted too." Kamilah completed her observation.

"It's nothing." Mia lied looking at her plate. "Didn't you enjoy your dinner?" She asked.

"I'm not the one not eating." Kamilah told her, drinking a sip of her glass of wine. "And you know I like it when you make puttanesca paste."

"Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?" Kamilah asked, as if she was stretching out a hand so she could pick it up.

"I had a bad dream yesterday." Mia started talking. "It was a memory, like I was reliving this childhood memory, you know?"

Kamilah nodded, silently. Her brown eyes warm and understanding.

"I couldn't sleep afterwards. I didn't want to wake you so I came to the kitchen and arrived early at work. My day was going so well today, I kicked ass at meetings, closed two deals today, and even made Aiko lose a contract. I was so happy, and then my mom called."

At the same moment Kamilah's expression changed, she was watching her cautiously now.

"And what did she want?"

Mia bit her lower lip, looking at Kamilah with fear, her brown eyes looked for an answer that Mia feared to give her.

"Mia?"

"She called to say she's coming to New York. She wants to stay a few days... A few weeks with us." She waited, she waited for an answer from Kamilah, when she looked at her, she saw the expression on Kamilah's face, the same one she saw in old memories that made thousands run for their lives.

"Your mother... wants to stay with us." Kamilah said it like she was trying to absorb the information. "She automatically invited herself to stay here?"

"Yes."

"I think I've lost my appetite"

"Babe..."

"Why? I don't understand."

"She said she wants to spend some time together. She wants to get closer and improve our relationship." Mia told her, taking a sarcastic laugh from Kamilah.

"She's up to something." Kamilah said more to herself than to Mia.

"Babe..."

"I don't understand why she decided at the last minute to come here and stay in our house." Kamilah dropped her napkin on the table. "You invited her?"

"No!"

Kamilah sighed, Mia touched her hand over the table.

"Mia, your mother hates me." Kamilah told her.

"What? She doesn't hate you!"

"She specifically told me that she was against our marriage, that I wasn't good enough for you, and that we wouldn't last. Aside from all the comments she made during, before and after the ceremony to make you quit."

"Alright, I agree, but my dad loves you, he's crazy about you. And he supports our relationship, as does my whole big family."

"Except your mother."

"My mother doesn't like anyone. It's not personal."

"I guess in that case it is. Your mother's a Bloodkeeper, she's seen all my past and knows all the terrible things I've done, I never expected her to approve of our relationship, but I also didn't imagine she'd make my life hell. She criticizes me at every possible moment, and I can't kill her because she's my mother-in-law.

"She made my life hell too, but now she seems to want to fix things, maybe it's different. Babe, I did not want that either, but please, just this once, if she does something, I will send her away. But make an exception for me." Mia looked into her eyes, looking for a breach.

Kamilah sighed, thoughtful.

"Alright, for you." She knew perfectly well that there was nothing she didn't agree with when it came to Mia, she could deny it and roll her eyes and say it was stupid and kill anyone who told her, but she knew that if Mia asked her to stop a moving train, she would. And even if she had to accept the devil woman itself in her house, she would accept to please her wife.

[shawnpetermuffins]

In Case You Didn't Know

(Based off In Case You Didn't Know by Brett Young)

Summary: Shawn's so in love with you, but he doesn't know how to say it.

A/n: this is all over the place, theres time jumps and flashbacks and no real distinction between them, so yeah. I actually really like this song and I might end up writing some more stories based off songs, so let me know if you want that.

Requested: no

Warnings: just fluff

***

I can't count the times / I almost said what's on my mind / but I didn't

She's sleeping soundly on the couch, head laying on the arm rest, blanket up to her shoulders. She's absolutely beautiful, I think to myself. Her hair falls messily in her face, lips parted with a soft snore, and even though she's covered, I know her arms are wrapped around her middle in an attempt to keep warm in this arctic apartment of mine. I make a mental note to turn on the heater after I take her up to bed. She couldn’t even make it through half of the movie before her eyes became heavy, and if I was interested in watching the movie, I wouldn’t have even noticed, but I was watching her the whole time. It’s the first time I’ve been able to see her this way, completely exhausted from studying for her exams, hair a mess, face bare and slightly red and blotchy from stress crying.

I want so badly to wake her sleeping figure and tell her to just quit, come on the road with me for the second leg of tour. I’ll take care of everything; I’ll take care of her. Anything she wants, it’s hers, no questions asked. But I can’t tell her that. Because no matter how stressed she is now, I know it doesn’t change how incandescently happy she is when she talks about her favorite class, her favorite professor. The way she talks about all the things she’s going to change when she finishes school.

Just the other day / wrote down all the things I’d say / but I couldn’t / I just couldn’t

Being with her only a few months, eight to be exact, I keep finding myself refraining from telling her how I feel. And I know that being on tour for six out of the eight months we’ve been together is definitely taking a toll on her, and me too. I’m never here when she needs me, and to see her the way she is right now, I know that I can’t keep these feelings from her much longer.

Because if she’s crying over a test that she’s about to take when I am here, I’m scared to know what she cries about when I’m not. Does she cry about me? About me not being here? When I left before, she held in the tears - so did I - but we’d only been together a month. Maybe she didn’t want to seem too attached. I know I didn’t, but Brian knows how much leaving her put me in this week long funk. I called and texted her constantly until I realized that doing that only made it even harder to be away from her. So I calmed a bit, not by choice, but by necessity.

Seeing her sleeping so peacefully, now curled in my sheets, hugging my pillow, I can’t help but smile. I could write a million songs just about this moments alone, and that’s exactly what I go back to the living room to do. To write yet another song about the girl in my bed, hoping and praying that she’ll still be there come daybreak.

Baby I know that you’ve been wondering / mmm, so here goes nothing / in case you didn’t know / baby I’m crazy ‘bout you

Sheets of paper litter the top of the piano, the coffee table, literally any surface that was once clear isn't now. I'm scribbling out a new lyric, and start strumming the melody that's been stuck in my head since she fell asleep next to me.

My mind is a jumbled mess. She has me feeling every possible emotion and I can't convey it in just one song. So every new idea gets written down and I hope I'll find a place for it in another song later. I'm going crazy, my mind working faster than my hand can write, and the song doesn't sound right with the guitar riff, but then it doesn't sound right with the piano. It's all wrong. None of it is good enough for her and I need it to be good enough.

And I would be lying if I said that I could live this life without you / even though / I don't tell you all the time / You had my heart a long, long time ago / in case you didn't know

I know it hasn't even been a year and I sound like a love sick puppy. And that if you ask anyone that doesn't know me personally, they'd say that this relationship is all for show. That I'm doing it for the publicity. That she's getting paid. None of it's true.

She's everything I have ever wanted. Ever needed. And its so hard for me to think back to even just nine months ago. I wonder how I did anything before her. How did I cope with my anxiety when she wasn't there coaxing me through it, lulling me back to reality and not the fucked up place my mind always wandered to?

If I can't think back to nine months ago, before she became my everything, how am I supposed to look forward and not see her in every possible situation that I could be put it?

The way you look tonight / that second glass of wine / that did it, mmm

Dinner at her apartment is everything. Except she won't let me actually cook. She's scared I'll burn the building down. Which, to be fair, could very well happen. So I'm only allowed to cut things, and of course pour her wine. She's stirring the rice while I sit at the little bar area, head resting in my hand while I stare lovingly at her. Her cheeks are slightly pink from both the heat from the stove and from the glass of red she's sipping from.

"You're staring," she says softly, and looks over at me.

I clear my throat and look down at my half empty glass, "Sorry. Can't help it. You're just so pretty."

She looked down at her outfit, and squinted skeptically at me. "Jeans and a two-sizes-too-big flannel? Oh yeah, I'm sure I look real cute," she replies sarcastically, with a disbelieving eye roll.

"You do," I say, matter-of-factly. "With you hair pulled up like that," I gesture to pony tail that was currently falling because she didn't wrap the rubber band around enough. "And your eyes just being as beautiful and bright as ever. How could I not stare at you forever?"

This causes her to become even more red, if that's possible, and I pull out my phone, swiftly snapping a picture of her because she is just so pretty and I want to see her like this forever.

"Stop it!" She whines, turning away from me.

"But you look so cute," I say, turning my phone around so she can see the vibrant blush on her cheeks.

She just shakes her head and takes another sip. I can't help but watch the way her lips curve around the lip of the glass, and my whole body tingles at the promise of those lips touching mine later.

There was something 'bout that kiss/ girl it did me in / got me thinking / I've been thinking

I pull her body close to mine when she puts the dishes in the sink. "Thank you for tonight," I mumble into her shoulder.

She hums and her hands cover mine on her stomach. "You're welcome bub. So glad you could make some time for a meal this week. I was starting to think you didn't eat," she says teasingly.

I manage a small apology, pressing my lips to the soft skin of her collar bone. I know I've been literally everywhere but with her this week and it's been killing me. But even just a night like this was enough to make me forget about all my stress up to this point.

She turns her head to face me and plays with my currently overfluffy curls. "I adore you, my little rockstar," she whispered into my hair.

I look up at her with a sleepy smile and hooded eyes. I only have a second to react before her lips press to mine in a soft, passionate kiss. And all I can think is that I could stay this way for the rest of my life and never get tired of the feel of her lips.

One of those things that I've been feeling / mmm, it's time you hear 'em

I'm still watching her as we wash the dishes together. She's washing, I'm drying. It's the simplest of systems, but it's also so domesticated and it makes me sad knowing that I can't give her that domestic life one day. Husband a d kids, nice suburban home to come to every night. I'm traveling too often to give her that simple life that she so desperately deserves, even though she's told me before that she doesn't care about that.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asks after washing the last plate, handing it to me. I smile sheepishly at the way she's leaning against the counter, one leg crossed in front of the other, hands playing with the neck of her shirt.

I finish drying the plate before I speak. I place the towel I was holding on the counter and reach for her hands. "Can I tell you something, pumpkin?"

You've got all of me / I belong to you / yeah you're my everything / in case you didn't know

"Anything," she squeezes my hands reassuringly.

I can't look into her eyes, so I stare at our linked hands and sigh contently at the feel of her small, soft, cold hands in my large, calloused, hot hands. I don't know why telling her this is so hard for me, it shouldn't be. I write about love all the time.

But I've never felt it. Not like this. Not when my heart feels like it's literally about to burst out of my chest when she smiles at me. Not when I can't help but stumble on my way to her because I'm staring so hard that I trip over my own feet. Not when an interviewer asks me what my favorite thing about going home is and my immediate thought is her. She's my home. Whether we live together or not. She's it. She's my everything and that's fucking terrifying. I never thought I would become this dependent on someone else.

"Bub, what's going on inside that beautiful head of yours?" She asks, breaking me from my own thoughts, trying to catch my eye.

I swallow the lump forming in my throat and finally meet her intense gaze. If I had to decipher what that look meant, I'd say she was looking at me the same way I look at her. With that endless amount of love, lust, compassion, and adoration that my expression hopefully conveys. Why she chose me of all the people to be with, I'll never know. But she did. So I say it.

"I love you," I finally manage to say, but it's so low I don't even know if she heard me.

She doesn't respond for a while and I'm searching her face for any sign that it'll give me, saying that I crossed a line, that we weren't ready. But just as I'm opening my mouth to apologize, her lips cover mine, tongue slipping effortlessly into my mouth. And I hold her body tight against me, so tight I don't think she can breathe properly, but she makes no move to leave my arms and I have no intention of letting her go. So I hold her while we kiss under the harsh light of her kitchen and I let out a low whimper when she goes to ultimately pull away.

"Say it again," she begs.

And I do, kissing her cheek. "I love you." Her nose, "I love you." Her forehead, "I love you." And finally, once again. Her lips. "I love you."

She sighs, eyes fluttering shut while her fingers trace my jaw and then the curves of my mouth, my nose. "I love you, too." She kisses both of my eyelids before she says it again. "I love you so much."

***

Tags: @curlyshawny @shawns-badreputation @anamariel2301 @bbellbagel @turtoix @tomshufflepuff @ivegotparticulartaste

I've literally been writing this since February and it's not even the way I wanted it 🤷‍♀️ but I hope you guys enjoyed reading it. A little fluff to counteract with the angst I gave y'all on Wednesday.

Like, reblog, and leave feedback!! 💙

[do-lvn]

Hey there, Grayson

SUMMARY: Grayson and (Y/N) were best friends since second grade, they grew and so did their love.

based off ‘hey there, Delilah.’ By plain white t’s :)

15, you were fifteen when you realized that you were in love with Grayson. It was a simple day, a normal one to be exact, it was spent at the Dolan household. Being only 7 when you had met Ethan and Grayson, it made you all inseparable. So days at their house was nothing new. Once when your parents left for a business trip you ended up staying with them for a whole month. And even though you all had been inseparable, there was something that you and Grayson had and with being so little, was something you couldn’t quite wrap your head around just yet. So as a young one you ignored it, but when you all were huddled in a blanket outside by the fire it hit you hard. You turned to look at Grayson who was smiling at some absurd joke Ethan had just told and you felt your heart slow down, as you watched him laugh.

You felt your chest tighten and your heart started pounding as it felt like a truck was running straight through you. He took notice of someone's gaze and turned to meet eyes with you, sending you a shy smile and ducking his head further into the blanket, because whether or not he would admit it everyone knew you were truly the only girl who would drive Grayson crazy.

Yet you didn't know that, because when you hit the age 16, Grayson confessed his love for you on - only - the second date. He couldn't help it. He had taken you to the beach to watch the sun go down, simple, yet you loved every second of it. That's when he looked over at you and said it. “(Y/N), I'm in love with you.” your heart only swelled as you pulled him into a bone crushing hug. All the current events shocking you nonetheless.

Then 4OU happened and you were thrilled when Grayson invited you to join, both him and Ethan agreeing it wouldn’t be as fun without their best friend. So you had begged your mom to go and when she finally said yes, you were quickly packing your bags for months on the road. You even had Grayson on the phone not believing you were actually able to go. “I know, it’s crazy. I didn't think she was going to give in.” he chuckled at that, “me neither but I'm not complaining like my girlfriend gets to go on tour with me.” you felt your stomach start doing flips at the title. His girlfriend.

17, was the age Grayson broke your heart, along with his. His career had a huge take off after tour and his manager had insisted they move to Los Angeles for better business when you found out the news your heart shattered, it was just the beginning of your junior year. “It’s best if we break up, angel. You still have school and things will be hard.” you nodded, he knew you understood and you couldn't hold him back making videos was something he enjoyed and you weren't about to be another person telling Grayson he couldn't do it. “Don’t forget about me, okay?” you ask while wiping a tear from his cheek, he laughs and pulls you into a quick kiss. “I couldn’t even if I tried, I love you.” you smile and hug him tighter.

Even though you were sad, and so was Grayson no doubt. You both knew how big the situation was and it was an opportunity they couldn't pass up, so with one last hug and a quick peck he was out the door.

19 - PRESENT DAY

“Ethan! You bitch ass.” Grayson groaned as he watched Ethan take a quick shot at him. He quickly dropped his headset, “Fuck you, I was about to get victory royale.” Ethan snickers, “so? I wanted to win.” Grayson turned around in his chair and threw the nearest pillow at Ethan. “Hey! Don’t be a sore loser.” Grayson sighed, “whatever, I'm going to finish editing the video.”

Ethan didn’t bother to pry his eyes away from the screen, just stuck up a hand and waved Grayson off. He made his way back to his bedroom and flopped onto his mattress, life was good, but there was something missing that even though Grayson couldn’t quite figure out exactly what it was, he knew he would find out soon.

Very soon.

“(Y/N), please be a dear and set these on the table for me.”  Your mom was having a dinner party for her co-workers, one you weren’t invited too “I don’t get why I’m helping when you're not even letting me join!” you said jokingly. “I’ll have your father send you a plate straight to your room, sound good?” you set down the last plate and place a hand on your chin, “hmm not sure, I will say yes only if I get a cherry cola.”

She smiles, “I’ll do you one better, this was supposed to be a surprise but Lisa is coming along with the twins, they finally came around the time you were here, so I'll have your father bring you Grayson, k?” you feel your heart stop and your smile get wider, “sounds perfect.”

Seeing Grayson for the first time in 2 years had your heart racing. You had talked here and there over the years but nothing recent with you being so busy with college, so it was now winter break and you were happy that you were finally having a nice breather away from all the exams. You were going on to your second year and it was nice, college was looking way better than high school.

“So mom, she’s going into her second year right?” Lisa laughed at Grayson's nervousness, “yes gray, and calm down, you know her, she’s still the same bubbly girl she was three years ago.” he nodded. “Right right, would've been nice if Ethan joined.” she nodded, “yeah, a nice reunion.” he looked down, “yeah.”

When the door got pulled open, revealing your mother. Grayson’s nerves got bad he was thinking nothing but the worse. That maybe you would be mad at him for not talking to you recently. But he was wrong and it was just panic. “Nice to see you gray, (Y/N)’s upstairs, you know the way.” she shooed him off and continued to conversate with Lisa.

He took a look at your stairs and let all the memories you two had come back to him, it made him feel better knowing that you guys didn't end on a bad note, he took one last deep breath before knocking on your door. When he did you were quick to hop up. It had been three years since you had seen gray in person and you didn’t know how to feel, or how he looked.

The door opened and gray smiled, “hey.” he didn’t say anything back just quickly pulled you into a hug. “I missed you so much, how are you? How’s school? Tell me everything.” you smile and close your door.

“I'm going into my second year of college, only 2 more left after that. I'm good, just busy. Schools so stressful and on top of that my job is irritating. But i'm managing, how about you, how are you?” he casually shrugged, “good, things have been good. I've just been busy with filming and meetings and stuff like that.” you smile.

“Im happy your good. Hows ethan?” he laughed. “Good, still dramatic as fuck.” this time you both shared a laugh. “I really did miss you (Y/N). just things aren't the same without you.” you look down.

“ i miss you guys too, i think about you all the time gray. Wish we didn’t drift like we did, but we could fix that. If you want.” he smiled. “Would love that, now tell me what’s college like?”

You laugh. “Well…” he let your voice fade as he admired you, a lot had changed, your hair was shorter and lighter, your eyes brighter than before and lips plumper. “And other than frat parties every weekend it just stress. I don't go to parties though not my thing.” he nodded. “Never has been.”

The night went on and you fully forgot about all the guests your mom had downstairs, your whole focus on how life was for gray in l.a. He even mentioned the new house him and ethan had, “you should come to visit when your on break, again.” you smile. “I could, i have spring break next.” he smiled. “Really, that’s perfect, me and e can show you around l.a.” you laugh. “Sounds like a plan.”

You both ended up at the park, a childhood spot. You pointed to the slide that over the years became old and damaged. “Remember when we pushed ethan down the slide and he landed on his face.” he chuckled, “and we got into so much trouble, yeah i think i remember. My mom took away my ipod.” you laugh and look over at the old tire swing. “Our first kiss was on that tire swing, then right after you fell off.” you felt your cheeks heat up at the memory. “Gosh don't remind me, that was so embarrassing.” he chuckled. “It was cute, your cheeks were so red, you looked like a tomato, hey kind of like you do right now.” you playfully smack his shoulder, he only smiles and looks down.

“It’s kind of crazy to remember where i was only three years ago and now look at me.” you laugh, “i know, when did you start working out?” it was his turn to playfully push you. “I've always worked out, don't be rude.” you put your hands up in defense, “okay, okay.”

The last encounter was better than before, “it was amazing to see you, keep in touch okay?” you nod. “Of course, i miss you already.” he pulls you into a quick hug. “Hey two more years and then your done and i'll be waiting for you.” you pull him closer. “Yeah, i’ll see you soon, gray.” he squeezed tighter and placed a kiss to your forehead. “Goodnight, (Y/N).”

“G’night gray.”

You were currently at home finishing up an assignment when your phone started ringing, to occupied with work you didnt even bother to see the name. “Hey there, (Y/N).” you smile at the voice.

“Hey there, grayson.”

- THE END

[097-2]

i thought i looked very good today. i pulled an all nighter last night for my final this morning but i took time getting ready. my hair went the way i wanted it to be. my skin is so so good right now and i just sharpened my brow pencil so that it's easy to shape my brows, they always go nice. ive been wearing this dry rose colour over a nude one on my lips and it's honestly the fucking bomb. after my exam i came home and passed out for a bit but even after that i still looked good. i left the house in the suspenders i haven't worn in a while because the rest of my clothes were wet in the machine but i looked so fucking good. i know this makes it sounds like i was really stuck up my ass today but listen. on my way home i wanted to kill myself. i took a shower at the hottest temperature and stood there under the scalding heat, letting it burn my skin. and i sat down in front of my vanity, ready to wipe everything away and i couldn't look in the mirror. i just kept whispering, i feel so ugly. i feel so ugly. i havent had validation that im not in so long. no one has tucked my hair away to my ear and said, you look very pretty. in a very long time. and shut the fuck up, i know it's stupid that i need someone to tell me i look ok in order to feel ok. it's just that i know im fine but no one is here to tell me that i am so im not sure if i can believe myself anymore. i thought about everything that happened and everything that didn't happen. i wrote down something like. i need plastic surgery. i'm so unhappy with my face. i need to do something. and then i deleted it because i felt stupid and pity is not what i need. i need self validation. i need to believe in myself. i need to look in the mirror and know that im fine and i really am but i will never be the way i want to be. i'm fine. i'm fine. that's what i have to repeat to myself from now. i like to think that i look like myself, neither of my parents' blood. as if i sprouted a nose from a blank board and dug myself eyes with my own fingers. but i know where i come from. that's fine too. at least i think i know where i need to be.