#because my parents had no money and I guess it just... idk. Didn't occur to me that I could like try to get a job or save money or yknow
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Oh, finally someone I can relate to :''''''''')
#it's mostly that I could and did buy a bass guitar BUT I'm too stupid to learn on my own and I couldn't really afford lessons. so#lol it's. pretty much a story of my life that I can afford an one-time splurge but not really something like language classes or something#like that... when I was a kid I liked to dance or sing or draw and I always wanted to play an instrument of sorts but I could never do it#because my parents had no money and I guess it just... idk. Didn't occur to me that I could like try to get a job or save money or yknow#Do My Best To Follow My Dreams like all those artists do? so I can't do anything#honestly today it hit me how like... stupid I am... I'm not saying this as an insult but like. an objective trait#because you've got all those people who work hard to do what they want to do and follow their interests and they're ABLE to say what those#interests are. but I just... I lack any sort of independant thought... I just Don't Think Ever. I can respond to other people's thoughts bu#I'm just totally devoid of anything on my own. if my thesis advisor didn't suggest something I genuinely wouldn't have known what to#write my thesis about because every single person had an area of interest ASIDE FROM ME. I'm just. stupit#I keep on thinking about trying out an instrument again but I know I won't get far anyway so it would be just another waste of money#BUT LIKE. IT'S LIKE THIS WITH EVERYTHING I never managed to get justifiably Good at anything even if I practiced#it's honestly impressible how much of a cringefailguy I am? because usually people either have hobbies they're really passionate and/or#knowledgeable about or they're really good at something. Even if it's not a super flashy and Obviously Cool person you find out that they#make kickass soup or collect stamps or love skiing or have retained a lot from their childhood horsegirl phase. not me!!!#it's so sad it's honestly funny. though i guess you can say my Thing is my brain being unmeasurably immune to knowledge#shrimp thoughts
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