#because it kinda makes u think about what certain aspects of someone's approach says about them and what the equivalent is

[batsplat]

thoughts on challengers ? 👀

haha okay sure. I was overthinking this when I first saw this ask but since then I've sent half an hour worth of voice notes to my number one person I send half hour's worth of voice notes to (listen she keeps encouraging me to) and I've ironed some of my thoughts out. also I should probably watch it again. some of this might be me misremembering shit. also it's not that serious. quick warning, this ended up being just. too long. it's basically just a long rant. under the cut it goes

so first of all, I really enjoyed watching this film. I liked the central premise a lot, I liked the chemistry between the characters, tashi was very hot, the score was fantastic, the cinematography was at least interesting, and a lot of the non-tennis bits are interesting

having gotten that out of the way. there's an interview where guadagnino says he doesn't watch tennis matches because he finds them boring, which to be clear is completely fair enough - but I do think it does slightly come across in how the tennis is filmed. there's definitely fun, neat stuff in there: the shot where it follows around the ball, the shot from underneath the court, all of that stuff. and I think there's obviously a lot of challenges with filming tennis when you have to make sure you can't, like, see the actors actually play tennis, and I don't know anything about film-making so I don't want to judge it too harshly. but there are a few established angles from which tennis looks good, and this film doesn't really use them all that much. it was interesting to what extent they went for side shots (basically from the tashi pov in the final match) rather than... well, picking a side, and at different points of that match actually giving the viewer a clearer sense of the visceral nature of what they're doing here. like, if you're going court level from behind the player, that's how you capture the weight of the shot on screen. which felt was a little bit... missing

okay... ffs this next section ended up kind of being tennis tactics 101, and then the other bit ended up being about how matches work. my basic point here is that I think this film did some interesting stuff with the tennis but, and this is part of my more longstanding frustrations about the untapped narrative potential of sports, I think you could've done a lot more and communicated a lot more through the actual tennis. not just for annoying people who want to go 'oh look that's an extreme western grip and explains why her forehand has so much spin but can also be fragile when absorbing pressure!!' but for the general viewing audience. I want to be very clear here: I do not really care about realism except when I'm being annoying in voice notes, I care about storytelling. if you understandably do not give a shit about all this tactics and match construction stuff, skip to the bit marked 3 for more of my thoughts related to the actual film

1

now you might go 'okay but this film isn't about capturing tennis and doing it justice - it's not even about tennis'. yeah, but tennis is the central metaphor! tennis is a relationship, right, but it's also a conversation. it's a way of communicating something to the audience, yes, in a way non-tennis fans can also pick up on. and a lot of the tennis looked pretty same-y. the points were very similar - the intensity was ramped up mainly by the characters just... whacking the ball harder, running side by side, and then sometimes they both move forwards. this isn't a realism issue, it's a storytelling issue. you can tell a story with a tennis point, you can construct these points in different ways to tell you different things

just to give you an example (I promise this is relevant): okay, the most common rally pattern in tennis is hitting cross court. so either you hit on the deuce court (from your pov, this is from the right side of your court to the left side of the other player's court, aka the forehand side for right handed players) or the ad court (the opposite, and thus the backhand side for right handed players). this is for a bunch of tactical reasons. the net is at its lowest in the middle so, y'know, you're less likely to hit it. perhaps most importantly, it's a question of angles and... okay look I don't want to bore the two people reading this with the details but just to very quickly explain, here:

say player a is hitting the ball along the red line to player b, the orange zone depicts the theoretical area in which the ball trajectory of player b's answering shot can go. like, if you want to get the other player to move 'out of the court', you can only do so by going back cross court... which is obviously where, in a cross court exchange, the other player is already standing. this is why a lot of the times, players don't 'recover' after their shots to the exact centre of the court, but instead make a judgement of where the centre is of the theoretical zone the opponent can hit. to put it in plain english: I hit a forehand cross, I don't move back to the exact middle of the court because I know where you can hit the ball back and I need to be in the middle of that - which skews to the right of centre. also, I just know it's more likely you're going to go cross again, because that's just how this works

you want to move the other player around, right, first of all to get the ball past them - but also to make it harder for them to attack you. you're trying to construct a point so that eventually they are the one who can't reach the ball/makes an error, not you. a lot of the times, continuing to go cross court is the smart option. it's less risky than going down the line, and also if your down the line shot isn't perfect, where it isn't a winner or at least a shot they'll struggle to attack, then you're setting up a situation where they have all the angle in the world to work with, where the centre of their theoretical hitting zone is nowhere near where you're actually standing and they can easily whack the ball past you

now, why the fuck does this matter when we're talking about the tennis threesome film? obviously, I don't expect the director to interrupt the film to explain angles to the audience. in tennis terms, 'go cross court' is tactics for babies, but it's still not something most viewers will be instinctively familiar with. but think about what it actually does if players keep exchanging shots cross court because they can't risk going down the line: they're engaging in a direct contest! they are measuring one shot against the other, my forehand against your forehand, my backhand against your backhand, and they are trying to assert dominance. sometimes, you have no choice to escape that exchange even when it's risky because their raw cross court shot is better than yours. sometimes, you're trapped in that exchange. how you can extract metaphors from that should be fairly obvious, and I don't think this should be visually too tough to get across - it's a power struggle between two people contained within a simple shot pattern. it adds variation to what the viewer is being shown (and, yes, it does make the points feel more realistic), but it's also a way of gradually ramping up intensity. my shot against your shot - who wins? who is willing to risk deviating from the norm? who sets themselves up for a trap - does patrick sucker art into attacking him down the line? can he then manage to counterpunch (to use attack as defence) by making it to art's shot in time and placing his response into the open court? who blinks first etc etc

look, this is only one way you can visually use tennis to add to the story. another common tactic is (if you're a right handed player) hitting forehands from the ad court, to 'run around the backhand'. that's an expression of dominance, it's a power play - you're trying to bully your opponent with your most powerful shot (which is the forehand for 99% of players, some might have better backhands but they won't have stronger ones), and you're deliberately recovering less to the centre. you're camping out on the ad side, and going 'yeah I don't actually think your down the line shot is good enough to hurt me, I actually feel very comfortable standing right here so I can more easily move far enough to the left to continue hitting forehands'. it's a tactic that is implicitly passing judgement on the opponent, and again, I refuse to believe you can't show this in a way that the audience understands roughly what's going on. have patrick bully art with his forehand into the weaker backhand or vice versa - they can use their faces to show how comfortable they are with their respective positions. y'know, make the actors act. have one of them find the backhand down the line, fire it into the bit of the court the opponent has completely left open. your characters are using tennis to assert dominance over each other, to manipulate, to deceive each other - you can do that with the actual tennis they're playing

you can also express character through tennis. I'm not saying different play styles function as a personality quiz, but inherently the way you play is going to reflect what you feel comfortable with doing on the tennis court. is your preferred point three shots long or twenty shots long? are you looking to dominate your opponent with your big weapons, or are you looking to trick them with your variety of shots and smarts in using them? or are you looking to just grind them into submission with sheer relentless consistency?

take the drop shot: a shot that 'drops' right after it clears the net as a result of how the player has put a different kind of spin onto it. ideally, it's so close to the net the opponent can't sprint forward quickly enough to reach the ball. how effective your drop shot is depends on several things. obviously, it's how good the shot and the placement and the spin you've put on it is. it also depends on where you're standing and where your opponent is standing, which means that particularly effective dropshots usually come after big, heavy attacking shots that have forced the opponent to move back and have allowed you to move into the court. and it also depends how good your disguise is: for as long as possible, it should look like the shot you're playing is going to be a bog standard forehand or backhand - until you readjust your grip at the last moment and slash the racquet downwards (vs the upwards motion you'd make with the bog standard forehand or backhand). this is a shot that depends on the element of surprise. it's about trying to fuck with your opponent, it's about choosing your moment. it's about playing with them! and you can get pretty memorable reactions from your opponent. if you wrong foot them well enough, they'll literally stumble when they realise what's happening and never even start running. maybe they'll comically flail their arms

I feel like when the men's world number seven throws his arms up in shock every time somebody hits a short ball, you can probably convey this kind of dynamic in a film

and think about what it says if somebody's using a shot like that. again, you're trying to fuck with the other player, and you are relying on your knowledge of the opponent to figure out when they might be susceptible to it. now, obviously, this is tough to do when you're playing someone for the first time and (unlike top level professional players) don't have a vast amount of data to work with and how often xyz shot works against them in xyz situation. this is generally why early in a match, it's a good idea to just like, test some stuff out to give yourself a sense of how they'd react, if it's a good idea to use it in a pressure situation (you also do a version of this in the warm up if you're smart, just check how they react to that high ball to the backhand! all about being curious y'know). but if you know someone, if this is an established rivalry, if this is someone you've played with since you're kids... well. then it's a different ball game entirely

patrick has the psychological edge in that match-up, right, and the whole point of that final match is that it shouldn't be that close but it's that close due to the mental dynamics between the pair of them. patrick constantly wrong-footing art and frustrating him is the easiest way in the world to visually demonstrate that dynamic. you're constantly trying to guess what your opponent is going to do, you're constantly trying to anticipate, yeah? you know what I said above about how you're 'recovering' to the centre of the theoretical zone and all that? well, sometimes you don't do that - you guess where the opponent is going to go. most often, you've got to do that when you know the opponent has a relatively easy shot and they can hurt you with it, so you have to play the probabilities and hope you get it right... it's basically like a penalty kick in football. it's a quick judgement you're making on the basis of past data, of what you think your opponent is thinking, of how big a risk you want to make - of when to time it, because if you move too early they can still change the trajectory of their shot and go the other way. maybe you even feint one way before darting the other. and your opponent might shoot one way or the other... but, sometimes they'll drop shot you while you're moving in one direction as you frantically try to change course. or, which is even more humiliating, they'll go straight down the middle - since you're no longer standing there

in narrative terms, what does it tell you if a character guesses rightly or wrongly? what would it say if art or patrick had that kind of intimate knowledge of each other - I know you usually do this, but I know you know that so I'm going to go the other way - round and round in circles, a mental contest between people who are so familiar with each other that it can become actively confusing to try and preempt their moves. tennis is a relationship and it's a conversation and the way we construct a point tells us a story about the history between you and me. it tells us a story if art, the six time slam winner and more accomplished player by far, is being read so perfectly by patrick that he's tripping over himself and getting in his own way and flailing. one of the most common commentating cliches is about the ball, or indeed the player, being attached to the end of a string. the extension of that metaphor is that one player is the puppet master and the other player is a puppet. easy visual metaphor bingo

you can literally express how the characters feel about each other by... where they're standing. if you're scared of your opponent's shot, then you're going to try and give yourself more time to react. if you are on the attack, then you need to move in, to take the ball earlier, to take time away from the opponent. to me, if you're showing fictional tennis, you really should be playing with time and how you can use cinematic techniques to play with that sense of time. now, you can do this on the broader level of the match, because your subjective sense of time is dependent on how well you're doing in a match. time never moves faster than when you're losing a six love set. but it's also obviously integral to actual points, because you are usually trying to maximise your own time and minimise your opponent's, trying to make sure you will always have enough time to get to the ball and making sure they won't (obviously often u kinda have to pick one of those because of how time works)

where you stand on the court is an integral part of that, for obvious reasons related to 'basic physics'. and, again, it's also psychological. take the return position, right, aka where you're standing when the opponent is serving. most people have a built-in preference for both the first and second serve, and a kind of basic 'return strategy' of what kind of shot they'd like to use and where to move. generally, you'll stand further back for the first serve because it's more powerful... but hey, maybe you have a slightly unorthodox return strategy where you're just trying to 'block' the first serve and use the weight of the opponent's shot against them, and then you step back for the second serve and have a massive whack at them. just as an example

and, again, this is another way in which you try to fuck with your opponent. there is nothing more annoying than seeing the twat on the other side of the net move in to the court by an insulting amount because they don't respect your shitty second serve and think they can take a swing at it from in front of the baseline. some players just do this in general - prime offenders on the women's side are garcia and ostapenko (and with all love to them, they do this more than is perhaps tactically prudent)

(for the other end of the spectrum, see another place from which you can theoretically return a serve from if you're out of your fucking mind) (this particular player's return strategy has been like a top five discourse point over the last few years but we do not have time to get into all that)

but you can also vary it up in a match, and you probably should if you're being smart. so for instance (and there's a specific match in 2022 I'm thinking of here), if you know your opponent has an awful second serve and a lovely little habit of double faulting when under pressure, maybe as the returner you just... well, look, the ball from the first serve has rolled right to your feet, so obviously you need to politely pass it to the ballperson, and maybe it just takes a little bit longer so that you know the server is looking right at you when you meander in front of the baseline to wait for their second serve. and then they double fault and that's the break of serve right there. you're not always standing that close to return second serves, but you're standing there when you know it'll make them most nervous. again, I am not saying the tennis threesome film needs to explain the difference between jelena ostapenko's and daniil medvedev's return strategies, but these ARE the kinds of things you CAN organically integrate, and give you very blunt and easy to understand messages about the characters and their dynamic

and like... different people have different play styles, yeah? let them express a little character! tashi is relentless, maybe she's constantly attempting to take everything with her forehand to attack and attack, or maybe she trusts herself to attack from any place with any shot. maybe she's so lively and confident and uncompromising that she uses down the line shots more than anyone else, or maybe there's surprising subtlety there in how the intensity and rage fades away for a moment as she flutters a slice across the net. what is it about her game that so captivates the two boys, its aggression or its complexity? is her game already more complete and well-defined and self-aware than it has any right to be from a high school student? or is it raw and untamed and a little wild and so full of potential?

art has a one-handed backhand and uniqlo gear in a very obvious federer allusion, but does he share any more with federer than that? is he particularly prone to rushing the net, especially after the serve? does he want to end points quickly? does he have good hands, is he trying to wrong-foot his opponent - or is he the one constantly getting wrong-footed as the others dance around him? is he constantly trying to assert his dominance, to end points quickly, and initially you think it's a sign of his power and confidence... but then you realise that it's insecurity - he's worried what will happen if they go on too long, if he gives too many chances to other players to outsmart him, if he's uncomfortable playing defence because it makes him feel reactive and weak. maybe in the second set he has to knuckle down and accept the rallies will be long and gruelling - which is a central aspect of tennis, it's about patience and managing risk. maybe he's so tense and nervous that he's just an error machine in the first set, but then he decides to just slow the pace and live with patrick in those forehand to forehand exchanges, let his natural weight of shot do the talking for him and force patrick to change things up

and patrick, with the unorthodox technique and the sleeveless shirts and the money and how he never really grew up - what does that tell us about his tennis? is it rough and energetic, big swings at the ball, layering on more and more spin to propel it high over the net? does he throw a massive forehand at art's backhand, making him hit it at a high point that is naturally uncomfortable for the one handed backhand? wouldn't it be interesting if you had patrick have a strong point to his game that naturally matches up to art's weak point, the chink in the six time grand slam champion's armour? what about the physicality, does he lunge further and harder and throw himself into balls just that little bit more? is he stronger than art, or is he faster, or is he neither? is he driven by instinct and gets in his own way less than art does, or is he tactically more astute and gets the better of art that way?

obviously you can't do all of those things in a film and you shouldn't because it's distracting. but what I'm trying to demonstrate here is that there is a whole range of potential storytelling you can tap into here. now, nobody's actually doing this, and my thing with challengers is that in many ways it came closer to the kind of narratives I would like to see. but then it still falls short just a touch, which is where the frustration comes in

a rivalry has got a history that is woken up again every time you step on court to face your old foe - you remember how they play, you already know what you want to do to beat them this time. you are trying to unsettle them. you know how they want to play and you want to deny them that opportunity. inevitably, any defined play style tells us something about the player and their personality and their approach to the game. the film is quite scarce on details about its lead characters and using the tennis more deftly would've been a great way to give us a stronger sense of who they are in a very economical, concise way. what does it mean for tashi's game that she can no longer run? yes, obviously it means she can't compete any longer, but the injury does different things symbolically depending on how big a part movement was of her game. often, tennis injuries directly affect your strengths. take a player who puts a lot of heavy spin on the ball by snapping their wrist - they are putting more strain on said wrist and may end up injuring it (a particularly terrible part of the body to injure for a tennis player). there's something extra cruel about that because it also affects how they'll recover, if they'll ever be able to trust that body part again. these are career-threatening injuries not just for physical but for psychological reasons. same thing if you're a great server with a shoulder injury... or if you're a great mover with a leg injury

also, and okay this probably did come across as nitpicking and it's not really an issue if it worked for people who aren't familiar with tennis... but omg the last point was so confusing. did check and this wasn't just a me problem, though I'd be curious if it worked for people less familiar with the game. when they came closer and closer to the net and hit back and forth, I thought what was happening was that they'd like, given up competing and were just hitting back and forth as a symbol of defiance or something. that they'd basically decided to stop playing the match and just play with each other. because like, you just can't do that in a match, the point would immediately be over especially if they're just standing there - they're too close! you'd immediately get the ball past! so I only realised when the film was over that it was supposed to be a really intense point... but I think that's the kind of thing where most people watching will probably be fine with it, so again. y'know. whatever. I do think you could have staged that point a little more cleverly to get to the same conclusion in a more natural way, but also. whatever. it's fine

(obviously there are also some other broader suspension of disbelief issues that I'm far less bothered about. the technique was like, not great, but also probably about as good as you'll get from actors, though again I would've liked a little more thought put into what they're doing beyond 'art's got a one handed backhand and patrick's got a quirky serve!' I thought the patrick serve thing was really neat and fun and theoretically you could hit a serve like that, though quite frankly in the men's game you'd probably be fucked because you need more racquet acceleration than that - but that does fit in with his character and the stubbornness and all that so it's fine. the art serve quirk... well, most players deliberately construct serving rituals like bouncing the ball several times or ball placement or whatever because it's the one shot in tennis that's completely 'on your own racquet' but is also really tough, so you're trying to trick your brain into always doing the same thing. I find it a little tough to believe art wouldn't have been aware of what he was doing, but again, not a massive issue. beyond my concerns about the lack of variation in the points they were showing, it did also trip me up whenever they were obviously stranded in no-man's land - you need to be either on/behind the baseline or right at the net and there's certain areas of the court where if you spend too long in them you are very much fucked. the whole concept of 'recovering' after a shot is like, as important part of tennis movement as getting there in the first place, and there's whole footwork patterns you use while you're hitting the shot and immediately afterwards to get yourself in position again. at times they'd just be standing in place in the fuck end of where on earth are you standing until the next shot comes and. listen. it really Does Not Matter beyond how it's fun to be annoying about this stuff but it did make me a bit twitchy)

2

so. match constructions and narrative arcs. I think if a literal match of tennis is the framing device of your film, you should think about the natural narrative tension that exists within a literal match of tennis. again, a match is a conversation, it has its ebbs and flows and peaks and troughs and all that other stuff. you are more tense at *4-5 30:30 than you are at 1-1* 15:0. you are feeling better about your life choices at 6-4 *5-3 than you are at 7-6(8) 0-6 *1-3. you change over the course of a match, as you test yourself physically and mentally and acquire a situationally specific data bank about yourself and the other player, as you notice and learn certain things about what's going on in your own game and your opponent's game. maybe you have a moment where you go 'yup the backhand's a catastrophe today, time to slice everything and hope for the best' or you go 'lol that's the third consecutive djokosmash they've hit, maybe I'll throw the ball high up again next time they get to the net'

also obviously all these things vary over the course of a match - and they do so more than they have any right to! there's no logical reason why 6-1 1-6 6-1 scorelines should happen, but they do! because game breaks and changeovers and set breaks and all of it can represent massive shifts in momentum. you play a *5-0 game differently than a *0-1 game, and suddenly those beautiful forehands you were ripping for half an hour are all flying out of the stadium and, shit, time to change tactics to defend more except now you're really screwed because you're playing your opponent's game. the most important thing to remember about tennis is that it fucking sucks. matches are psychological torture. I want to feel that part when watching the tennis threesome film

the basic mechanism of narrative tension in a match is the serve vs return dynamic. if you serve, you need to protect your serve, because those are the games you are supposed to be winning. if you return, you need to attack the opponent's serve, because those games represent opportunity. you want your service games to be short and fast and you want your return games to be long and tough and miserable for your opponent. and after every game, it ticks back again - you are literally passing the ball to the other side of the court. your turn, have fun!

there are a million different ways you can construct tension on a micro level within a match. you have breakpoints/matchpoints, obviously, which to some extent the film did feature. you have games that just get stuck on deuce, with neither player able to win the requisite two points in a row to release them, so it's like... basically groundhog day in sports as you keep trotting from one side of the court to the other, both players frustrated, one unable to escape the danger and the other unable to seize the opportunity. battle of the wills. games can completely realistically last more than twenty points. obviously you've got tiebreaks, which again the film did feature (though icl I had no clue what the score was supposed to be, again it doesn't matter but). you have the old cliche of 'it's not a break of serve unless you've backed it up' (aka by holding your own serve) and how common it is to be broken straight back for various nasty psychological reasons

I wish they'd played with this a little more, just showed a little more of why the players were reacting emotionally in the way that they were at certain stages of the match - rather than just basically reacting to the flashback we've just seen. like, there's plenty of reasons why a player might get particularly angry at a certain point of a match in a way that just feels a bit more organic. if tennis is the medium through which to explore this three-way relationship, then showcase that push and pull factor, those changes in momentum. the film suggests patrick has always had the upper hand - I'd make more clear this is the classic 'pigeon' dynamic where basically the head to head between two players is more skewed than it has any right to be given how 'good' those two respective players actually are. usually that means there's something funky going on with the play styles or it's something mental or it's an interaction between the two. patrick really cares about art, right, and then he's always able to beat him because he gets him and knows how to mess with him. art has the more raw ability(?) but it takes a bit longer for him to actually realise how good he is, in part because he always lost to patrick

the way they should've done this imo have a place where art does actually choke a sizeable lead, a kind of unexpected switch of momentum. like have this be the first set where art comes in hot and is y'know the obviously better player and all that, but then patrick just increasingly manages to unsettle him. make it a proper bad one, say *5-2 to 5-7. throw in a long deuce game. and then art is confronted with all his old demons again, his inadequacy, all that stuff. and then you've got the momentum switch after the set break when art manages to pull himself together. the thing is, they do actually show a fair bit of the match, but it's not always that interesting because it lacks a little bit of specificity, a little bit of detail... just make a few adjustments that accentuate the central dynamic. you don't have to go with this exactly but go with SOMETHING, 6-2 2-6 is such a nothingburger score lol like what does that tell us... 7-5 1-6 is what it's all about

(dumb nitpick corner: unlikely a time violation would get called between first and second serves, and if you do so then you'd better hand out a time violation if the receiver starts faffing about between points right after, rather than quietly talking to them off-mic. but hey, the establishment is corrupt, they obviously wanted art to win. also, there's a mistake on the scoreboard at the *5-6 game where they accidentally make it look like art is serving for the match at that stage, which would completely change the dynamic of that game and the previous game and the implications if art had let it go to a tiebreak - aka he would have choked. just slightly confused me when the umpire called out 'thirty love' after patrick won the point lol)

3

so maybe this all does come across like I hate the film, which I really did not. I enjoyed it a lot, and honestly it's not like there's much to choose from in terms of 'sports media that seriously engages with the narrative potential of the actual sport'. there were plenty of storytelling details I really vibed with, especially the dynamic between the central three characters and the push and pull between them and how they work as a trio. all three sides of the triangle were good fun. the way the two blokes were so in sync at times, that kind of easy intimacy and familiarity - again, I think you could have expressed that more through actual tennis but that did absolutely work for me

the actual 'playing a challenger before uso' thing was also fun, though I was wondering what his ranking was like because it must have still been kinda in the pits. like, you can't show up to a challenger as a top ten player. not that it actually matters matters but just. whatever. I do think the premise is neat

(though, that challenger audience was not keyed in enough! like omg if you're showing up to some random challenger to watch a top player on the injury comeback try to rack up some wins and the final is against the guy he played doubles with to win a junior slam, everyone watching would be SO aware of it. those spectators aren't just randomly being drawn into the drama, they know what's up!! you just know the challengers tv stream is racking up crazy figures. idk this is obviously more of a subtle thing, but I feel like it was supposed to give off the vibe of the non-tashi viewers being surprised by why they were being such weirdos all of a sudden but nah they would be ON IT with their patrick zweig backstory. including the fact he used to date tashi lol, like yeah they'd Get It)

I loved a lot of tashi's characterisation, how fucking obsessed she was with tennis and how everything was About Tennis for her... like yeah very real!! of course it eats her up!! I had a bit of a debate about this but I personally really liked the college tennis thing because it felt like a complete curve ball given her characterisation. it's good though, this idea that she wants to fool herself into believing she's more than hitting a ball but she's actually not... because of course she isn't.... none of these people are.... I like that element of self-delusion, even though it still... hm, I'm not entirely sure the film COMPLETELY sold me on that level of self-delusion because it was so obvious she didn't care about anything except for tennis... like it never quite felt entirely clear what she thought she was getting from that experience. but yeah, the central premise of it all... like the fact she just can't say goodbye to that world, that she can't really escape it, that she has to pursue something related to it to feel alive, even by proxy, the suspicion that all she needs art for is to have that kind of second hand thrill... really good!!

I was talking about this with the unfortunate recipient of my voice notes, and she's more familiar than I am with american college tennis than I am for the fairly obvious reason that only one of us has attended an american college. she said she'd discussed this with some of her friends and that that kind of injury did feel a touch unrealistic in the context of college tennis, partly because you're less likely to be playing with the kind of schedule that professional tennis requires of you. now, this doesn't really bother me, but I almost wish they'd leaned into the tragedy of it more - that it was unlikely and she didn't even get it while playing professional tennis! she was engaging in this grand act of self-delusion that there was more to her than tennis, which, let's face it, just really isn't a thing when you're a very good junior player, and she got injured before she ever even got close to 'making it'. it's tragic because it should never have happened. whatever injury art picked up (can't remember if they mentioned) would be statistically more likely to actually fuck you over, given their respective ages and time on tour and all that. you don't typically randomly get career ending injuries when you're running for a ball, not if you've trained properly - both in the sense that you're moving 'correctly' on the court and you've developed the muscles to protect yourself (which admittedly she was looking a touch light on). perfectly fine as a narrative choice, lean into it more

the churro college conversation between patrick and art was good, but that's another thing I would've integrated more into the tennis. like, the thing about him actually going for what he wanted and all that? you can do that through tennis! I also kinda wanted more of a sense of what tashi brought to the coaching dynamic, just something very simple and straightforward even the non-tennis viewing audience can understand. again, you've got this fairly obvious federer expy set up going on with art, and the glimpses we got of his game ... I mean mainly the one handed backhand, it does lean towards him being a player that's naturally oriented towards aggression. I would've maybe gone for the whole.... y'know. him not really being able to embrace that, him always holding himself back a little bit, not willing to fully give himself over and throw himself into the game. that tashi kinda has to get him to go for it, to go after the ball, to step into the court and use that technically excellent flat forehand stroke and trust himself to find those angles and rush the net and play the game, rather than letting the game play him. linking that into his loss of motivation post injury, where he feels like he's achieved what he wants to, where maybe he kinda retreats into himself. which is partly a motivation issue but also about trusting yourself post injury... not really being able to go after it in the same way any more, struggling to commit to that kind of aggressive mindset when your heart just isn't it any more. or something! just a thought!!

that's the thing right - sure, tennis might be a relationship, but the tennis will always be a character in its own right in whatever twisted threesome thing they've got going on. at the end of the day, the real toxic relationship is with the tennis! it's sad tashi can't leave it behind, it's tragic she's organising her whole life around something that'll always be lost to her. but it won't ever let her go, even though it hurt her, even though it caused her physical pain as well as emotional. it's the truest love in the whole film, tashi and the game itself, and all other love is subservient to that. it's also the most interesting relationship that needed to be... well, a little more foregrounded. she's always chasing that high, that moment of perfect communication and understanding and all that - and it's an entire lifetime of work, chasing the briefest of moments and now even that is gone. something she won't ever be able to recapture. she can't live her dream and she can't move on, so she is forever trapped, in stasis, frustrated and tormented by desires she can't act upon, the worst kind of repression imaginable. and it's not just about playing tennis in general - it's about playing matches. the height of competition, the moment in the point and in the match in which losing or winning feels like an equal possibility, where anything could happen but only one player will eventually emerge victorious... she's chasing the high of uncertainty, of suspense - the equivalent to showing up to the bedroom of two blokes and knowing anything could happen, not knowing yet what choice she will make, who will win, who will lose. if you really want to get abstract about this, she's essentially functioning as, y'know, the tennis gods with these two boys, where she is the one to make the choice of who wins and who loses. she is the one creating the uncertainty, the suspense. and she's doing it all for the love of the game, because that's all she ever truly loved

or that's what I think they should've gone for idk. I also have a few kinda dumb thoughts like 'ugh I needed more of a sense of what patrick's career looked like, are we talking never made it to the main draw of a 250 or slam quarterfinalist because both are plausible'. but anyway I think narratives in sports are neat and I wish more people did stuff like challengers did, even if I think I was just looking for something a little different from what that film was doing. you do kinda need somebody who's really into sports to do some of this stuff I feel, but. well. sports rivalries really is a bit of a tragically under-explored storytelling set up. they're good narratives. somebody write them

[royaleofury]

" You have my permission to read for me"

Hi , how r u?

I am hs ( Libra) .. I want to know will my friendship with MS ( cancer) pan out? Will it get stronger like best friends, not love types

Thanks

Hello! Thank you for participating! ✨

Cards I got: 8 of wands, empress(rv) and king of swords(rv)

The eight of wands shows me the image of something that is folding out too fast without any pause. Things in your friendship maybe going with such a flow that you may feel like you are kinda losing control over different aspects of it. You may not be able to feel or enjoy the initial phase of your friendship with MS because it escalated too quickly. You may not even remember how they approached you at first or how they were when you two first started talking because you felt connected to them quite easily. There was this instant click between you two which made it easier for you to talk about each other's interest . The initial start was something that made you feel like that the friendship is going to last forever and you had great expectations from this person. This person may have been of a different culture from you or different city or country.

But with the empress coming into the scene, that to, in reversed , shows that the power dynamics in the friendship is going to change. You may have formed a good emotional bond with this person and rely on each other in the time of need. But, it can soon get manipulative where this person may not like it if you have other friends apart from them. They may try to make you completely dependent on them, so that you will only have them to talk to when you want. They may easily get jealous or act possessive if they see someone else around you. They may not say it directly on your face but have a tendency to act passive aggressive in such cases. They will bottle up their emotions and then explode altogether.

Kings of swords in reversed, shows someone who is very much aware of the power they hold. MS may try their best to manipulate you and make you feel vulnerable. They may try to lowkey backbitch about your other friends to you , and make you think that you have no one but them. They will have the quiet power over you and pretend like they don't. They very much know what they are doing. They see you as their safe space and have no intention of sharing you with others. You have to make clear boundaries with them because they may try to cross them. If they can control their possessive behaviour over you, you can form a beautiful bond with them. They necessarily do not want anything bad to happen to you. It's just they just want you for themselves.

I do not see anything lovey dovey happening between you two. It's kind of platonic as of now. But actions can sure change the future probabilities.

How do they see you?

Cards I got: 7 of cups(rv) and 4 of cups(rv)

With 7 of cups in reverse, they may see you as someone who is full of wisdom and doesn't get influenced by others easily. That's why what I told above, is that they know it's hard to manipulate you, therefore they may give their 200 percent to change your views. They think that you make your choices wisely and may feel proud about the fact that you chose them to be your friend.

4 of cups in reverse tells me that they think of you as someone who closes their heart as soon as they find something weird going on. They think that you may keep grudges and think about why a certain person did "that" particular thing to you. You may cut yourself completely from someone if you find their intentions towards you are not pure and innocent

[idontblushsrry]

SFW Alphabet|| Megumi Fushiguro

A/N: Uhhhh I’m back on my bullshit >:) it’s missing Fushiguro hours folks.

Word Count: 2050

A: Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

(If you want some more in depth affection headcanons click here)

Fushiguro is someone who isn’t big on pda but makes up for it in private. In public, he’ll hold your hand but in private he’s laying i your lap while you massage his scalp. Basically, he’s a big softie that just represses his urge to cuddle until he’s alone with you.

B: Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Best friend Megumi is literally the president of the Y/N defense squad. If anyone has a problem with you, they have a problem with him. Of course, you have to rein him in sometimes and remind him you can fight your own battles, but just know he’s lookin out for you.

C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Fushiguro loves to cuddle, but he will repress the urge to do so for as long as possible. Because of that, he doesn’t let you go, preferring to cling to you throughout the night. His cuddles are always deceptively loose too. His arms give you just enough wiggle room but the second you try to get up, it’s like fighting two pythons.

D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I don’t think he ever really planned on settling down, Megumi figured that he’d die long before he ever got the chance to settle down. Everyday is pretty much a new experience in terms of domesticity for him, he doesn’t have plans for the future, but as long as you’re with him, he’ll be happy.

E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

If he ever had to break up with someone, he’d probably ask for help on how to do so. The first person he’d ask (regrettably) would be Gojo who’d tell Megumi to just ghost the person. After asking around some more, he figured Kugisaki’s approach of getting it over with as bluntly as possible (although less mean) was the best option.

F: Fiance(e) (How would they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Megumi isn’t really the type for wedding ceremonies. He’s all about commitment (even though working up to marriage for him is longer than most) but he’s not a fan of being the center of attention, so a wedding ceremony/reception wouldn’t be his thing. If you wanted a ceremony, he’d be willing to compromise somewhat but otherwise, he’s perfectly fine with just going to the courthouse.

G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s kind of rough around the edges. In private, he can be the sweetest, most tender soul, but in public he’ll put 7 yards of distance between you both if you try to hug him. Basically, he’s very shy, so anything that’ll draw too much attention is a no go (he isn’t opposed to linking pinkies though).

H: Hugs( Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?

At first Megumi really only hugged you when he was missing you, sad, or tired. Over time though, he got better at becoming more open with his affection and he’ll hug you whenever he feels the urge to. Despite that though, his hugs still have an undercurrent of desperation in them. He holds on just as tight each time like he’s afraid you’ll disappear.

I: I love you (How fast do they say the L-word)

He’s operating on a very strict ‘If you don’t say it, I won’t’ policy and as such this man will not say a single thing to you unless prompted. He knows deep down that he loves you and that you set off butterflies in his stomach every time you smile, but he never really thought to verbalize that until you say ‘I love you’ first.

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)

Megumi doesn’t get jealous, he’s fought side by side with you and he knows you’re more than capable of fending off any unwanted suitors. Megumi put a lot of trust into you by already being in a relationship so to him, it makes no sense to be jealous over you. That all being said, he’s not above the occasional side eye if someone’s getting a little too buddy buddy.

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

On a normal day, his kisses are so natural, he’s so slow and the pressure is just enough to have you thinking you’ve got all the time in the world. In near death/ post-near death circumstances, he’s a little more feral. When he kisses you like that, it feels like it’s the end of the world and he’s trying to make the most of it.

L: Little ones (How are they around children)

Fushiguro isn’t good with kids that aren’t old enough to communicate. Older kids are fine with him, but guessing what a baby needs based on how loud it’s crying? Hard pass for him and he doesn’t even feel bad about it. The last time he had to watch a baby, he tried to leave one of his shikigami to watch it; long  story short, he had to explain to a cackling Gojo why his demon dogs wouldn’t let him leave to go to the bathroom.

M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with Fushiguro are pretty rare. Most of the time you guys don’t really get to sleep in or even spend mornings together since most of the time there’s missions or trainings you’ll have to go to. When you do get the rare morning off, Fushiguro makes the most of it. He sleeps in and doesn’t wake up before 10 no matter what you try. When he does finally wake up, he loves cooking breakfast with you, he’s not the best cook, but he treasures the experience over anything.

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights with Megumi are also rare as most curses come out at night and that’s kinda your guys’ job. If all goes well though, you’ll both come back a little earlier and just go straight to sleep. If it’s a late night where the curse took more out of either of you than expected, yall usually stay up and talk and snack until one of you falls asleep or the sun comes up.

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It takes him an extremely long time to open up to you about his past. Not because he doesn’t trust you, but because he’s embarrassed and doesn’t want you to think less of him for it (especially during his problem child era). To be honest, you probably find out about certain things from other people. Once he’s cornered confronted, he’ll be completely (albeit a bit grudgingly) honest about it.

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

His anger is kind of weird, whereas before, he was a lot quicker to explode, bluntly telling off or even fighting whoever pissed him off, he’s changed. He tries his best to repress his emotions and as such, he comes off as patient, never expressing his true feelings/desires until pushed to the brink. 

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you?  Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’s the king of remembering details you mention in passing. His love language is partially acts of service so for him, remembering details about you helps him later. Oh remember that one time you needed a pen/pencil but didn’t have one? Never again, this man has a section of his shadows dedicated solely to pencils because of you. Oh what’s that, you like this random song? Guess what just got added to the playlist he made for you. Basically, while he may not look like it, he’s actually a simp and so if he can make your life easier/ make you happy, it’s worth it.

R: Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

So Megumi is someone who doesn’t play video games but is really good at them for no reason. One day, you’re playing a game of smash bros. and he’s just kicking your ass, like it was sad. Needless to say, after his 4th win, he “accidently” pressed the wrong button and let you win. He thinks you don’t know he did this but when you won, you kissed him and completely flustered him, to the point that he couldn’t play for a solid 5 minutes. 

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they like to be protected?)

Despite knowing and trusting that you can defend yourself, he’s still super protective of you. You’re one of the few people that he cares about in the world and he’d give everything to see you safe and protected. As for how he’d like to be protected, knock some sense into him every once in a while. He has a habit of self sacrificing so if you want to protect him, remind him that you want to keep him alive as much as he wants to keep you alive.

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

On the outside, his dates are very simple. They usually consist of you and him either staying in or just hanging out at stores and the like. Every once in a while, he’ll try to take you somewhere special, like a cove he found or a festival. For most people, these may be simple dates, but Fushiguro puts so much effort into so may aspects of your dates that honestly, anything bigger would lose the personal touch your dates have.

U: Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs? (I’m gonna add arguments here because they aren’t on the prompt list I found))

One of his worst habits is his self-sacrificing tendencies. Even during a baseball game, he can’t help but sacrifice himself (especially if it means his friends/ you get to get the glory). With time though, he grows out of this and realizes it’s not selfish to want the best for yourself.

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s giving “I woke up like this” and it’s... it’s something. One might think the style is intentional since obviously, the look could only be achieved with gel, and to an extent, it is intentional. He might use gel to spike it a little more but the man legit rolls out of bed and chooses to leave his hair up like that.

W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

No, as much as he loves you, Fushiguro is an introvert. He needs time to just be by himself and unwind every once in a while, so he’s got no complaints if you leave him to his own devices or have to be gone for a long time.

X: (E)xes (Any previous relationship experience. How does that factor into your current relationship?)

Megumi has negative zero relationship experience. He’s never found someone that was worth the risk/ worth opening up to, hell, he just barely got friends when he entered high school. Because of this, every part of your relationship is like navigating uncharted waters.

Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner)

He’s less someone to dislike a specific thing/ personality trait, and more someone who doesn’t like different people for different reasons, ex. Todo and Mai. If he had to pick a single trait, it’d probably have to be hypocriticism.

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

He is someone who will fall asleep spread eagle one night and the next be huddled into a tiny little section of the bed. Mercy on you if you try to cuddle because now you’re wrapped up into his unconscious acrobatic routine.

[poptod]

hey can u do a snafu x reader where she’s a marine corps engineer stationed with him and he’s likes her and hits on her but she always rejects him and when new recruits flirt with her he scares them away bc she’s “his girl” and like fluffy at the end? i know the engineer thing is weird but i’m an engineering student so... yeah. thanks and i love ur work! also i know i typed “she” but it can be gender neutral

Notes: I have a fic similar to this called 'Trouble won't let you forget' but i really wanted to write this anyway. it seems like a super interesting prompt and i've never written an engineer type character except once, but that was only kinda, so thanks for requesting! i don't feel fantastic about this but i hope you like it anyway. also sorry for the length.

You'd bet good money that out of all the soldiers on this godforsaken island, you'd been here the longest. There was hardly any question about it – you set up the original tents. You built the bridges, you set the trenches, you planted the landmines, and that made you an original. It was high time for you to be sent home, but the order never came, and all you could do is keep working.

The perks of being here since the beginning numbered few, but the one that gained you the most attention was the fact that you knew everybody. Every single person here had personally come up and had a conversation with you, filled to the brim with questions, wondering of how life worked and what exactly they'd be doing. Oftentimes people would come up and ask about other people – it was one of those ways people tried to know someone without actually talking to the other person, and you were happy to oblige. From this dependency on your library of knowledge, a deep-rooted respect had grown for you in the encampment, a respect that very few people dared to break.

There was a man who, like you, had yet to be sent home, and had been on the island for a good amount of time. Not as long as you of course, but a fairly long while. You didn't get on particularly well with him, which was unfortunate, considering it was likely neither of you were going to be sent home anytime soon. It wasn't that you wholly disliked him, either – it was more that he didn't like you. He never trusted you with anything. You'd get orders to build something, to scout out a new area, something like that and he always insisted on joining you, spouting bullshit about how you couldn't do it yourself, despite the fact that you've done this far more and for much longer than he has.

"Every single order for the past month, every one of them you've sent me on that dickhead -"

"Don't get snarky, Corporal," your CO interrupts you, his arms crossed as he sits leisurely behind his large, wooden desk, looking like he thinks he knows everything.

"You have to see my side of this, though," you plead, practically ready to get on your knees and beg.

"He don't have ta' see anythin', jus' that ya can't be left alone," Snafu, that asshole, that fuckface, drawled, a mocking laugh leaving him. You didn't bother to glare at him – it never worked.

"It's better for your own safety anyway," your CO says, a technically valid point, but your distaste for Snafu had grown that validity didn't matter. "Can't carry a gun in your arms if you're settin' out trenches."

With your fists curled so tightly that your nails almost dug through your skin and into your blood, you turned and left, seething with annoyance. Snafu followed after, walking by your side with that trademark smirk that did nothing but make you want to punch his face. You wouldn't, of course. Probably.

"Let's get this over with," you grumble, grabbing pikes out of one of the large, wooden crates sat beside your CO's tent. Stuffing them into your bag you turn, stumbling backwards when you find Snafu directly in front of you, close enough for your chests to be touching. Now greatly unsettled you circle around him, watching him the entire time to make sure he wasn't going to try anything.

You make your way through the camp, avoiding the larger crowds before finding yourself (and Snafu) in the wilds of the forest. Looking to your left you find bare ground, rich with fallen leaves and crumbles of dirt and mud, and to your right you see the already-dug trenches filled with puddles and forgotten trinkets. Pulling out one of the pikes you set it into the ground, stabilizing it just enough so you could stomp your foot on it, digging the marker deep into the earth. Snafu doesn't help – no, all he does is watch you sweat in the humidity caught beneath the canopy of trees, with his gun slung over his shirtless back and his boots pressing large footprints into the ground.

About halfway through you begin to have difficulty, which is fortunately something you expected. Thirst gets the better of you with your empty flask, but you don't dare ask Snafu for help, as you know exactly what his response would be. Something about how helpless you are, how you need him – something that both demeans and makes fun of you. You bite into the inside of your cheek in hopes of the preemptive anger dissipating. Instead of saying anything at all, you set another pike in the ground, practically pile driving it with the heel of your own boot.

"Lookin' pretty sweaty there," he says in that soft voice, that wonderfully soft voice that you would've adored, had you not understood the words he was saying.

"Cause you're such a prize? Look at yourself. You're sweatier and fuckin' filtheir than me too," you grit out, digging into the earth with your bare hands until you finally pull out the large rock in the way of your plans.

"No need ta get angry, doll," he laughs, pulling a cig out of his pocket and lighting it. With the obstruction his words are even harder to understand, slurred and blurry, and you already have enough issues with the left side of your face, what with the eye injury and the bomb damage. "Want one?" He says as he offers a cigarette to you.

"No," you mumble. "That shit'll kill you."

Considering the amount of times he's called you doll, one would assume you know what the nickname means. You don't. Most people call you Foxeye, and Snafu calls most people by their usual nicknames, but not you. Nope, he has to make your life harder in every aspect, so of course that means giving you a new, separate name that you have to respond to. Even the way he speaks that name is demeaning – like you're something precious. Like you'll break.

"Why don't you make yourself useful and actually help me for once?" You ask when your trail begins to circle back to camp, pounding another pike into the ground.

"Nah... I like t' watch ya sweat," he says with an obnoxious grin.

"I can't wait till you go home," you grumble.

"Me too, doll."

+

To your dismay, neither you nor Snafu are sent home before the next installment of men comes in. You're sitting on the beach, trying to draw one of the crabs scuttering about on the sand when you spot the massive boat, first only a grey speck on the distant horizon. Over time it grows closer, and by midday you can tell for certain it's a boat with a new installment. By the afternoon it docks near the bridges you helped to build, and the men come out. Each of them have fresh haircuts, with clean-shaven chins and bright eyes. It isn't the hair or the happy eyes that sets them clearly apart from the others, though – the major difference between you and them is that they're clean. You can see the actual color of their skin, and their clothes are neatly pressed.

From your spot on the beach you admire them. Love for men is not something you share with many people. Actually, you don't share it with anyone, as any mention of it would seriously damage both your reputation and your relationship with your CO and the various companies gathered here. Still you watch in silence, heart racing when a brunet with a sharp jawline and dark eyes meets your gaze and smiles. He smiles at you, and instantly you can feel blush fill your cheeks. Nothing will come of it, you know that, but it's a pleasant feeling that has you upbeat the rest of the day.

Several days later you happen to have an actual conversation with the man, but it's nothing more special than what people usually talk to you about. The sun overhead burns warmth into your skin, and as you stretch out in the back of one of the trucks, your eyes close. Heat is generally despised around here mostly because it's always hot, but every now and then it can be pleasant. This is one of those times, where a quiet happiness bubbles in your stomach. One of the men the handsome stranger is walking with notices you, mumbling something you can't quite hear, but the group approaches you. When one of them clears his throat you pop open your one good eye, sitting up when you notice all of them looking at you.

"You're Foxeye?" One of them asks with a furrowed brow.

"What gave it away?" You say with a pleasant yet distant smile. Reaching for your hip you pull out your flask, unscrewing it and taking a long sip, one you know shows off your own jawline and your permanently bloodshot left eye.

"You've got quite the name around here," the handsome one from before says, leaning against the truck in a positively tantalizing way. You're good at not letting it show, so you just shrug, turning to him with a soft grin that manages to make his cheeks turn a pretty pink.

"Seems like you know me already. What are your names?" You ask, doing a quick survey of the group before turning back to the handsome stranger.

"I'm Mark. Lester," he says, offering his hand for you to shake, which you gladly accept.

The others introduce themselves after him, and although you try to remember everyone's names, the introduction is cut short by that guy. Snafu worms his way through the crowd, pushing anyone who tries to stop him out of the way. You try to ask him what the hell he's doing this time, but before you can say anything at all, he grabs your wrist and pulls you down from the truck bed, pulling you out and away from the group of new soldiers. Trying to yank yourself out of his grasp you pull, scratching at his fist and groaning with the effort.

"What the hell are you doing!?" You finally ask when the group is in the distance. Only there does he release you, turning round to face you with almost... angered eyes. Why would he be angry with you?

"I ain't doin' this for myself," he tells you, gritting the words out. "Captain wants t' speak with ya."

"Oh," you mumble. "You could've just told me, instead of fucking – it looked like you were gonna kill me."

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't even smile, and he certainly doesn't carry his usual lax body language, something that does its' job of unsettling you. All he does is turn and leave, leaving you alone in front of your CO's tent. All you want is for him to like you, but no, he has to refuse, and further than that he has to be an asshole about it. Slow with shock you open up the door, entering the tent to find it empty, many of the classified documents scattered about his desk. It doesn't interest you greatly – most people are already willing to tell you their secrets, considering how well you keep them, but what does interest you is what you see past the mesh of your CO's tent.

Snafu's talking to Mark. Neither of them look particularly happy, but you couldn't imagine any situation where they'd get on anyway, what with their massive personality differences, but this isn't normal. They're pissed. Snafu doesn't get incredibly angry, but now he looks outraged. You're too far away to hear what they're saying, but soon their words turn to yelling, and you can do nothing but stand there and watch as other men start getting involved. One group is trying to calm Snafu down and the other is trying to reason with Mark, and as they yell louder you can just barely make out their words.

"You're a fuckin' pussy, Marky!" Snafu yells, kicking his legs into the air as two men grab underneath his arms, lifting him up and trying to carry him away.

"I'd rather be that than an asshole as fucked up as you," Mark says, spitting at the ground.

His actions do nothing more than rile Snafu up further, till he's writhing in his friend's grasps, pushing and pulling so harsh that he falls to the ground and starts in a dead sprint towards Mark. Mark is fittingly terrified by this, backing up into the large gathering of men behind him, but it's not enough. He ends up falling back into them as Snafu practically launches himself at the man, landing on a pile of bodies that quickly squirm out of the way as Snafu pounds his fist into Mark's face.

"You fuckin' touch 'em, even look at 'em ever again I'll give you a real beating," Snafu says when he stands, leaving Mark in a daze from his fist. To finish it off Snafu lands a harsh kick to his chest, dramatized by the heavy fall of his boot, drawing a harsh cough and breath from Mark.

It's only when the crowd disperses that you realize your mouth has been hanging open, quickly rectifying that with a quiet embarrassment. In a reflex you pull your flask from your hip, opening and taking a long swallow from it. Part of you wants to go help Mark, another part wants to go yell at Snafu, but the part that wins over is your curiosity. You don't want to ask Mark what happened, and you don't want to ask Snafu either – Mark may be handsome, but you don't know enough about him to trust he'll give an accurate description of events. Snafu likes to make your life a living hell, so you can't depend on him for truth either, leaving you with one choice.

Wandering around the camp you find a group of men smoking together in general silence, a group neither Mark nor Snafu is in. There you stop, not bothering to ask if you can sit down with them before you do so. Again, you're well known – no one besides Snafu has any issues with you. So you ask them.

"What the hell were they fighting about?" You ask amidst the quiet, knowing they would all know who you were talking about. One of them looks up at you, a pipe hanging out of his mouth, and a single eyebrow quirked.

"Are you being serious?" He asks you as the others pointedly ignore your conversation.

"... yes?" You say, feeling less sure of yourself the more he stares at you.

"Just go ask Snaf. He'll tell you better," he says, and after that he returns back to his magazine. A small sigh leaves you as you stand, brushing off your already dirty clothes.

Every part of you screamed that Snafu wouldn't tell you the truth, so you leave it at that. You're happy to stay in the dark as long as it means you avoid having another excruciating conversation with that man. You’re done trying to win his favor. For the next several days you even do your best to avoid him, ducking out of the mess tent when he enters and walking the other direction when you see him down the path. In fact, you do such a good job of it, that you only talk to him again when you're setting up the rest of the trenches. Once more he's managed to convince your CO to send both of you on to chart out the remaining trenches, even though the job is rarely dangerous, and you did it fine before he ever even came to the island.

Once more you find yourself ignoring his incoherent ramblings, drinking a long swig from your flask before letting out a sigh, driving another pike into the ground. Sometimes you can barely even hear him – this is one of those times, and these times make it easier for you to do your job. If you cared about Snafu you might've made an effort to understand him, but you don't care about him. At all. He could choke on his dinner and you wouldn't raise your head.

"I've got a question for you," you grunt out, knelt beside a pike that just won't go in. There you begin to dig at the earth with your hands, trying to find the hard ground or the rock stopping it.

"Go ahead, doll," he says when you pause in concentration.

"Jesus –" you mumble beneath your breath, your annoyance spiking at the nickname. "Saw you and that new recruit duking it out. What was that about? No one's willin' to tell me."

He went silent.

Snafu never goes silent, especially when the subject of a fight he won is brought up. Even when you move onto the next pike he doesn't speak, so you turn to him, sitting down in the dirt and looking up at him.

"What? I say something wrong?"

He still doesn't say anything, but he drops to his knees, almost right between your legs as you looks to you with a reverence so deep and pure you think you're imagining it. But you blink, and he's still there, one hand wrapped around your ankle and the other right beneath your raised thigh. Your breath catches in your throat, but from what you can't tell – is it surprise? Horror? Intrigue? All you can feel is the way his bare skin moves against your clothed legs, clouding out all thought of your racing heart.

"Y' ever hate someone?" He asks in the softest voice you've heard him use. Words fail you, so you nod, thinking only of him. "Is it me? I don’t blame you."

Well, you don't hate hate him – it was more of a he hated you, so you hated him in return situation. Nonetheless you nodded, curious to see where this was going.

He surges forward, and in one fluid motion he's kissing you, pressing you up against the bark of the tree behind you. Your immediate reaction is to try and crawl backwards, try to get away from him, but you're stopped by the tree, and he uses it to his advantage. The hand around your ankle moves, coming up to your head and tangling in your hair. There he pulls, drawing the smallest whine – not a moan, you won't let it be a moan – from your unwilling mouth. He presses himself impossibly close to you, till you're chest to chest, his hips practically grinding into yours. The way his lips move – soft against your own, needy and full of an ardor you didn't know could exist, especially not within him, but it's there. God, it's there, it's all you can feel as he nips at your lip, soothing the burn he leaves with his tongue. In that tiny motion, that semblance of caring you melt. Only then do you return his kiss, letting him pull at your hair, letting him have this control that is so rare to find in such a place as this.

"I told him you were mine," he mumbles when he pulls away, his breath warm against your cheek as he moves to whisper in your ear, all the way leaving tiny kisses. "Fucker thought I was lyin'. You're mine."

"Yeah," you breathe out, regaining control of your limbs just soon enough to hold his cheek in your palm, drawing him back to you and pulling him into a kiss you control. "I - I thought you hated me."

"Nah," he says, chuckling against your lips. "Jus' lookin' out for ya."

Now that was a surprise – and for once, it’s one you like.

[imagineurfavs]

VIXX - Ravi A-Z

“Hiiii, could you please write an A to Z for Ravi?? 🙏🙏”

“vixx ravi a to z 👀thank u ❤️”

“Ravi A-Z NSFW please?”

----------

A - Aftercare Bless him he tries, but he’s so exhausted afterwards the most he can probably stretch to is maybe getting you both a drink...after that youre on your own lol sorry 

B - Body Part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner) does it count if i say his favourite part on himself is his tattoos? idk, i just feel like theyre something about himself that he really cherishes, and he knows how much you like them too. On his partner, he likes the cakes, the booty, the butt meat. He can’t get enough.

C - Cum Likes to cum on your face or neck. Bonus points if you let him cum in your mouth then kiss him, it’s something he finds so unbelievably hot.

D - Dirty Secret (a dirty secret of theirs) He really REALLY wants to record the both of yall going at it and use the audio in one of his songs, but he thinks you’d never agree to it so he’s afraid to bring it up :((( 

E - Experience He strikes me as someone who’s no stranger to one night stand kinda things so he’s definitely got a fair amount of experience. He just gives off the energy of someone who knows his way around the female body lmao

F - Favourite Position Loves having you ride him, he likes the lazy approach and watching you bounce on him is his favourite site in the entire world. Always has a soft spot for doggy as well, he’s always a fan of anything where he get’s a full view of your ass.

G - Goofy (are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous etc) Not that goofy at all tbh, sex is something he just takes super seriously, he’s not here to mess around lmao. He’s here to fuck you up and get you shaking fgfdgdg

H - Hair (how well groomed are they) Trimmed to the point of almost being bare, but he leaves a little bit lol

I - Intimacy (how are they during the moment, romantic aspect) He has his softer days every now and then, but he’s not really all that intimate in the moment tbh. He knows that you know how he feels about you, so he doesn't feel the need to be overly sentimental when at that moment all he wants is to rail you into the mattress until you're shaking oop.

J - Jack Off (Masturbation) Honestly he probably does it basically every day; it’s pretty much a part of his nighttime routine at this point. He finds it the perfect way to relax just before he goes to sleep

K - Kinks (one of more of their kinks) For sure marking, both giving and receiving. He doesn’t even care if anyone sees them, he wears them all with pride and a massive smirk lol. He’s into maybe lowkey bdsm stuff too, just a little light pain and restraint kinda things.

L - Location (Favourite places to do the do) His favourite place would be his recording studio. It’s just that bit different enough to be a lil saucy, but private enough to where he’s like 95% certain no ones gonna walk in on you. It’s the reason he bought a super big sofa to go in there tbh lol.

M - Motivation (What turns them on) He’s a simple man, literally just touch him in an even slightly suggestive way and his brain will go straight to his dick. His thighs and lower stomach are the places he really likes to be touched

N - NO (something they won’t do, turn offs) No sharing, so that means no three(or more)somes lol. You’re his and he’s yours. That’s how he wants it to stay. 

O - Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc) Lowkey the type to be more into the whole “face fucking” thing when you go down on him. He can get super intense when giving too, he wont stop until you've had a least one orgasm from foreplay alone lol.

P - Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc) I feel like he’s somewhere in the middle lol, a happy medium. Probably a little on the faster side, but not crazy rough. He’ll be sure you feel it the next day.

Q - Quickies (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc) He’s quite a fan, he thinks they definitely have their charm of just scratching that itch whenever it occurs. They happen every now and then, usually in the morning when he wakes up with a boner but has to be somewhere soon.

R - Risk (are they down to experiment, do they take risks?) To a certain extent. He does have a few hard limits, but aside from that, he’s totally open 

S - Stamina (how many rounds can they go, how long do they last? etc) I dont think he lasts all that long, mainly because of how much energy he puts into whatever he’s doing. But providing you catch him before he falls asleep, he’d be down to go a second round.

T - Toy (do they own toys do they use them on a partner or on themselves?) Definitely owns a few. Not a crazy amount, but mainly what he considers the “essentials”. Stuff like a vibrator, blindfold, silk ties and maybe a paddle if he’s feeling extra spicy.

U - Unfair (how much they like to tease) Maybe surprisingly idk, but i really dont think he’s that into teasing. I think he’d much rather just get straight to the main event then draw things out needlessly long.

V - Volume (how loud are they, what type of sounds they make) Some super gravely moans and very very sweary. Super into dirty talk also. Very much a “let the neighbours know my name, baby” kinda guy sdfds

W - Wild Card (a random headcannon) He love love looooves it when you’re super vocal, the louder the better. It doesn’t matter where you are, what time of day it is etc. He knows all the right spots to hit that’ll get you screaming and he’ll keep going until you’re as loud as you can get.

X - X-ray (what’s going on inside those pants) Average in both senses i’d say, pretty n veiny though lol

Y - Yearning (How high is their sex drive) Pretty high, like it’s not that high where its unbearable lmao but it’s probably a little higher than average. 4-5 times a week at most

Z - Zzz… (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards) Super fast lol. Pretty much as soon as he pulls out of you, he’s out like a light lmao.

[kvngjoong]

san + nsfw a-z

thank you to whoever created this a-z prompt because it is great. please let me know if you want anyone else done! i enjoyed doing san’s and will probably do mingi next (unless others are requested)

A: Aftercare

takes a more caring approach. will usually be breathless after finishing so will want to lay with you for at least a minute or two to calm down a little. whilst he steadies his breathing he will keep looking at you with a smile and then ask if you need anything. prefers to lay around for a while and do nothing, play with your hair or your talk about anything you want. if you want to do more stuff that relates to kinks, he will check if you liked whatever happened and remember for next time. will also keep check of any pain inflicted on you

B: Body Part

is into pretty much everything about you, so will struggle to find something he likes more than the rest of you. but, if he had to, it would probably be your waist and your thighs, something he likes to touch a lot. its your thighs that he keeps his hands on often and isnt impartial to marking you there, but also your waist since he'll place his hands there to keep you with him. so yeah, thighs most of all. for him… nothing comes to mind immediately. if anything it would be his flexibility but that isn’t a body part… so maybe he just likes his body in general. his hips. let’s keep it there

C: Cum

doesn’t cum too much, and doesn’t taste of anything too overpowering (basically, a perfect match for everyone). it’s hard to predict at first where he wants to cum because it depends what kind of mood he’s in and what kink you focused on (if any). if it’s vanilla, he probably prefers to cum in you (more on that later), though if not will cum on your thighs, or your face

D: Dirty Secret

not so secret, but he’s really into the whole daddy dom thing. not so much being called daddy (but by all means, do exactly that) but more into spending money on you. he’s always gonna put his card out to pay for anything for you, and will shower you in gifts whenever he can because he likes the thought of spending money on you. he doesn’t know where it comes from, though he realised how into it he was when he sent you some money when you were out shopping and he got hard over it. weird one

E: Experience

not the most experienced but still has some. have you seen his face? he definitely knows what he’s doing, even if half of it comes from reading about it. not sure why, but he does seem like he would be the guy who has experience from being part of a community of some kind (you know, an online one maybe)

F: Favourite Position

literally into anything. no joke, if you’re into it, he’s probably gonna be into it. will tend to go for doggy because he can do whatever he wants from there and can be in control, but occasionally likes you on top so he can see your face. as always it depends on what kind of mood he’s in, because if it’s more vanilla then it’s likely to be a missonary type thing. but no matter what he does, he will make it his own with something that San™

G: Goofy

definitely more serious because of his dom tendencies. knows to make it fun sometimes and if you’re in that kind of mood, he can make it fun and laugh about things. he’s very much adaptable when he needs to be, so whatever you want/need in the moment, he’s that

H: Hair

he strikes me as someone who keeps himself groomed in some aspect. definitely some manscaping, definitely takes care of himself, but if you want a certain look he’ll give it to you. will have that discussion with you when you’re ready for it

I: Intimacy

intimate if it’s right to be intimate, more in the moment if that’s appropriate. everything he does carries a level of his feelings towards you as he wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t love you. if he’s feeling particularly emotional then it will show in everything he does. it’s pretty simple, he understands the importance of intimacy behind every action, especially in a relationship

J: Jack Off

you do it for him, so why should he… just kidding. when you’re not around, he will go back to whatever memories he has of you, but he often prefers to call you and talk to you as he jacks off. he will almost have a sub mindset as he asks you to describe what you would do to him so he can imagine it. also loves your voice, so there’s that. he won’t do it too often though. he seems like he teases a lot but has a lot of self control.

K: Kink

oh, there are a lot. too many to name. he gives everything a go at least once to see what it’s like, but he has his favourites. he’s in to the whole dom thing (he is a dom) and definitely will be into anything bdsm related, but he’s still exploring his interests and will be happy to discover new kinks with you. he probably doesn't keep it much of a secret with you that he’s into the whole domestic thing, and really wants to have kids with you, so breeding is a low key kink for him. it ties with both the dom and domestic in him

L: Location

this is pretty straight forward. anywhere that’s gonna make you happy. if it’s just you two he’s literally down for anything, anywhere. especially likes it where he can assert his dominance though, so bending you over anything or having you against a wall will be a preference to him

M: Motivation

hmm… this one is kinda hard. i don’t think there’s much to discuss because it’s pretty straight forward. you get him going. he’s not over the top but something as small as a you saying something or touching him in the wrong place, or even using a specific tone will change the way he looks at you (you can tell he’s in that mood when his eyes follow you and only you, jaw clenched and lips slightly curled upwards). he’ll pop an immediate boner when he sees certain lingerie on you

N: NO

really not into exhibitionism or anything. hates the thought of someone looking at you like he does and getting off to you (he’s really possessive over you, even if he doesn’t always show it). he also just gets a bit uncomfortable with the thought of someone listening to you guys, but that’s just a general consensus for anyone who’s not into it. he’ll set his hard limits when you guys explore what you’re both into

O: Oral

prefers receiving if anything, but that’s not because he doesn't like giving. he really does, he just saves it for special occasions. when he gives he will spend as much time as he can working on you; he could make a whole evening of it if he wanted to. it’s a reward in his books, though when he receives it’s usually when he takes a less caring approach to you and wants to use you to get himself off (a punishment, maybe?)

P: Pace

slow, likes to make sure you can feel everything he’s doing. gets a bit sloppy when he’s spent but he controls himself the majority of the time so will do whatever he needs to do to get you off and show how he feels about you

Q: Quickie

not really into them, not unless it’s the morning (but then again that will still be more than five minutes). sex is more than sex for san, so quickies don’t really hit it (that isn’t to say he’s impartial to head in the bathroom when you’re wearing something he likes, or you touch him in the wrong place)

R: Risk

always game to try new things and experiment with stuff you haven’t done before. however he doesn’t really like risks as in being caught. he likes to take his time with you and make sure that you’re fully taken care of, so he will prefer to know the entire evening you won’t be disturbed

S: Stamina

This isn’t a game, have you seen this boy? He can go for whatever amount of time he wants to. As in, don’t test him or try to tease him, because no matter who you are, you will never outrun san

T: Toy

simple: if you’re into using toys, he’s into it. he will use them on you rather than the reverse, since he doesn’t have much of a sub in him, but he really has a thing for getting you off himself so tends to use his hands/lips/tongue/etc whenever he can

U: Unfair

he teases it in accordance with the mood and whether you’re being good. he can tease for as long as he needs (because he does have a lot of self-control) but tends to go more towards rewarding. he is more of the nurturing type dom, almost caring, so he prefers to either reward you or not reward you than tease you (if this makes any sense). that doesn’t mean he won’t make you beg for him, because if he wants that, he’ll get it

V: Volume

in terms of dirty talk, he does that a hell of a lot. doesn’t know when to shut up sometimes because he likes to get you off with his voice. in the same respect, he won’t ever silence himself around you and wants you to know how much you’re pleasing him, too. so expect a lot of moaning, a lot of whining, a few whimpers here and there, and a never-ending string of praises going your way.

W: Wild Card

as said, san is really into spending money on you. one time you’ll receive a text from san asking what you’re doing and when you tell him that you’re out shopping for some clothes, he’ll send you a bit of money and ask him to get something nice for him. only condition is that you send him pictures of everything you’re buying so he knows what it looks like. after a few pictures of you in some tight dresses, he’ll send a bit more for some lingerie to match and ask you to surprise him for when he gets home later. sugar daddy san reigns superior

X: X-Ray

average, in the nicest way. a perfect all-rounder that can please everyone. not too big or too small, nor to thick or thin. i would say he borders on the thicker end of the scale if anything, but it’s nothing that will cause problems.

Y: Yearning

he can control himself whenever he needs to, but in the same breath he can go whenever he wants to as well. that does mean that if you're wearing something he likes a bit too much, he'll be pulling at your clothes because he knows what he wants.

Z: ZZZ

Unless it’s some late night, you were both into it but you were already tired, kinda thing, he will stay awake for a bit. Usually waits for you to sleep first anyway and will snuggle into you and fall asleep with a smile on his face. His stamina is pretty good, so can also end up staying awake if you’re staying awake too. Cause he’s a people pleaser, it all comes down to what you want. If you’re gonna go get a mcflurry afterwards, he’s gonna be paying for both you and him.

[mirage-said-dumbass-rights]

A Helping Hand... er, Brush

Loba x Wraith. Wraith needs to put on makeup for a talk show interview, but has no idea how to do makeup. Fortunately, a certain lady notices, and lends her a hand. (1.2k words. @soulheartthewolf kept ya waitin huh?)

“Hnnnng… dammit!”

Wraith sighed, closing the makeup kit and resting her chin on her palms, staring at her face in the mirror. She honestly had no idea what she was doing.

Her eyeliner was smudged and sloppy, her eye shadow was overdone to say the least, the contour looked like it was done by a three year old trying to fingerpaint, and she had no idea how to make her eyebrows “pop” like the email asked. Not to mention the fact that she didn't even attempt to do the mascara. 

The only thing she knew how to handle with makeup was the primer and the foundation, but that was only because she had to, to be on camera for the games. Besides that, she knew next to nothing about makeup. Besides the fact that the new girl definitely knew her way around it…

“Having trouble, meu bem?” 

Right as she was thinking about her, Loba’s voice comes from behind her, getting louder little by little as she approaches. Wraith glanced at her, before looking back at the mirror. “Well, saying I’m struggling would be an understatement at best,” she confessed, “And a lie at worst.” 

“Aw, bebê…” Loba sighed, Wraith feeling her fingers going across her shoulder. She sat next to her, on the counter. "You aren't usually the makeup type. Are you going somewhere… fancy?" 

"It's for an interview," she answered quickly, trying to hide the frustration in her voice. "Talk show type thing. The email they sent specifically requested 'non-arena attire,' makeup included. And I know next to nothing about that." 

She grabbed a wet wipe, removing the botched attempt from her face as best she could. She then hung her head, sighing. The interview was only in a few hours, and she had no idea what to do… 

Loba hooked a finger under her chin, gently lifting her head up to face her. "Hmm…" She was almost scanning Wraith's face, thinking something up.

She blushed, not quite used to this kind of attention. It felt… weird, but… nice. "U-uhh, what are you…?" She stammered, Loba moving her head to look at all the angles of her face.

“Don’t move,” Loba ordered, going to her area. Wraith heard her moving things around, searching and mumbling, before a triumphant “Aha!” Loba reemerged, sauntering over like she usually did. She dropped a pretty big handbag on the counter, smirking. “Do you mind if I take a crack at it, amor?” 

Wraith seemed confused, looking between Loba and the bag, before settling on staring at Loba’s… gorgeous face. “...You… want to do my makeup for me?” 

“Of course…” She gently drags a finger along Wraith’s jaw, making her shudder. “I never want a girl to think she’s not worthy of the camera.”

Wraith blushed cutely, tearing her eyes away from Loba, but not her face. As to let Loba do her work, of course. “…Well… go ahead.”

Loba immediately got to work, pulling out… something, and gently dabbing it around her cheeks, forehead, nose, and under her eyes. She pulled out a brush, wiping around those same areas. “Once I’m done with you, I promise, the first question they’ll ask is who did your makeup.”

“…Loba… you really don’t need to do this,” Wraith mentioned, as Loba pulled out another brush. “Seriously. I’m sure they have a makeup artist-”

“Would you prefer highlighter, bronzer or blush?”

“…Huh?”

Loba pulled out three… discs with a color inside them, one a paler color, one pinkish, and one that was a darker color, but similar to the first. “Which one do you think would work the most with your skin?”

Wraith hesitated, before pointing to the first one. “That one, I… guess.”

Loba nodded, putting the other two away, and gently brushing some of it along her left cheek. “Amor, would you rather have a random person who’s never met you before attempt to make you beautiful, with no consideration for your input?” She switched to the other cheek. “Or someone who’s fought alongside you in battle, who knows your strengths and weaknesses, your personality, and who does understand that you have an opinion?”

Wraith paused, blushing a little, not quite expecting this level of… intimacy, even from Loba. “…I… well… I’d prefer the latter.”

“Exactly,” Loba responded. She proceeded to pull out a palette of various colors that Wraith recognized as eyeshadow. “Do you want purple or red?” 

She pointed her eyeshadow brush at a bright red, which definitely wouldn’t work, and at a darker purple… that kinda reminded her of the void. “Uhh… the purple,” she responded.

“Good choice,” Loba smiled. “Close your eyes.”

Wraith did, and she couldn’t help but think of how intimate this all was. Loba was standing over her, so close to her face, having full control of the situation… but still making an effort to be gentle with her. It felt… nice.

“And now for the eyeshadow…” Loba mused. 

She didn’t remember a time when someone was this close to her, being so careful not to hurt her… until something came to mind. A flash, a memory of the labs. The scientists experimenting on her. But they didn’t treat her like a person. To them, she was nothing but a test subject. Their fragile little guinea pig, not to be harmed, but only because they wanted to keep their sick little experiments going… 

She snapped out of it when she felt Loba gently shaking her shoulder, Wraith opening her eyes. “Is everything alright, amor?” She asked, concerned. “Your hear… breathing was quicker than usual.”

“…Y-yeah,” Wraith replied, taking a deep breath. “…Uhh… anything else?”

Loba visibly relaxed, with a gentle smile, pulling out a couple more things. “Mmhmm. Your lips.”

“Oh… duh.”

Loba giggled, ordering her to, “Hold still. This is harder than you might think.”

Wraith did as asked, holding still. Loba gently pressed something to her upper lip, then to the lower one. “Now, the most important aspect of any look…” Loba mumbled, Wraith hearing her unscrew some tubes of lipstick. She then showed her three colors of lipstick, a light purple, a teal, and a dark purple that was a similar shade to the eyeshadow. “Thoughts?” 

She paused. The dark purple would look nice, but the light would be a nice contrast to the eyeshadow… “I think… I think the light purple would look better,” she answered.

Loba nodded, gently pressing it to her lips, applying a layer or two, before pulling back, and putting everything back. She looked back at Wraith’s face one last time, admiring her work with a smile on her face. “Want to see the finished product, amor?”

After a moment, Wraith nodded, sitting up and looking at the mirror. What she found made her jaw drop, with a murmured “Holy shit…”

It was gorgeous. The eyeshadow looked like the night sky, her lips had a perfect purple to compliment her eyes, her cheeks seemed like they were glowing, and she somehow didn’t notice Loba making her mascara and eyebrows absolutely perfect. She almost didn’t recognize herself, it was so good.

“Are you happy with that, beautiful?” Loba casually wrapped an arm around her shoulders, making Wraith blush slightly. 

“It’s… I-it’s perfect,” She stuttered, looking down in embarrassment, before looking up at her. “Th… thanks.”

Loba smiled, patting her on the back. “They’re going to love you,” She reassured her. 

Wraith smiled sheepishly, blushing again. “…Okay. …Wish me luck.”

“Boa sorte.” Loba winked at her, taking her makeup bag and sauntering away. Flustered, Wraith went to change from her casual attire to something that the talk show might accept… preferably a skirt of some kind.

A/N: I haven’t written a fanfic in a while jesus christ. If this is entirely incomprehensible, blame me for being rusty lul. Also remind me to never write about makeup again

[kg2hub]

so i saw this one post and im not gonna rlly link it or talk to the op about it bc what i have to say ultimately doesn’t have much to do with it other than the fact i agree with it and reiterate some points here but in my own perspective, it just sparked Many Feelings in me and they’re good feelings so uhhhh? 

god i just really love swap aus,,,,, personality swaps, role swaps, any kind of trading places/aspects/goals-- but when they’re done well. not to say that i hate it if people don’t do it in a way that i specifically like, or that it’s somehow ‘doing it wrong’ when it’s not bc i’m not saying that, but? i support u even if the way you pull off an au is not exactly my cup of tea!! i don’t shun those ‘other’ ways of doing it and i think it’s super cool to explore those concepts in ways that make u happy, but if i’m not rlly interested in it then that’s just kinda the way it is? and there will always be certain parts of an au that will make me like an au more than other ones, and i think that’s very okay :D

what i’m talking about, is that the thing i like to see most,,,,,,, is that a character is ultimately themselves despite those changes in that au. i like the canon based aspects. i like seeing how people can take a character and put them in a different situation, give them a different disposition, and how that affects them differently from canon-- while still retaining the part of themselves that makes them them. 

i also personally like to write my characters as close to canon as possible. i like to have my hcs have its roots in canon,,,,, such as: ted likes to climb things and is really good at it because he’s the one who pointed out the climbing wall in the actual gameplay at recess. --or if it’s not based in canon, then i would have my hc be applied to all variations of the character i write, whether it’s an au or canon-based it’s kind of a Constant that stays the same for me no matter what like: felix is nonbinary. 

imo, it just? wouldn’t be fair to have something like that be a headcanon “just because” if i didn’t truly believe i could write a character that way in any situation other than that one au. 

as a hc that has nothing canon backing it up, along with it being much more of a ‘serious’ thing as a nonbinary person (waaaay way more than, for example, the fandom’s “felix hates eggs” crack headcanon)-- i don’t like the implication that “this character can only be ______ in an au” which is one of the reasons i must write my ‘regular verse’ version of the character the same way. many things may be different depending on the au, but in the deepest level, i would not change the core of what makes that character a person of their own

i suppose it’s just not my taste to just,,,, see someone take a character and change Everything about them and have no basis in canon if it’s not for some type of goal or purpose? not that there has to be a reason for changing things as long as ur happy as a creator but. that’s not my thing! the purpose for a certain type of swap can be as simple as comedic effect! a funny au with funny situations :D it can be something like exploring a ‘what if’ concept. there can be a reason as big and thought-out and detailed as a whole fucking novel, or the reason can simply be “because it’s cool”

and when i think about a swap au, i’m like! i don’t usually gravitate to swaps that aren’t created for some kind of narrative purpose,,,,,, if it’s a cool concept and maybe some neat designs and that’s kinda it? then cool! maybe i can draw some fanart but at the end of the day it doesn’t sound like something that’d really stick with me other than that. i like to get myself thinking. and being a writer, i especially like to think about the story behind it. the character development behind it. i don’t like to write things if there’s no reason for it. it’s part of the reason i personally don’t spend a lot of time writing descriptions about my character’s appearance (his brown eyes sparkled. his medium black hair blew against the wind, brushing up against his round, golden glasses every now and then. he wore a green pullover today; the school’s logo was on the chest in large yellow print. etc etc) hgfdfgh i just don’t see the point in doing that if it doesn’t relate to the story, or is important for the plot somehow.

if a swap exists, i’m usually like “okay, now how does this affect their life? what effect does it have on their personality? what about their dreams and aspirations? their experiences? the people they meet? the relationships they make? their likes and dislikes? their morals and values? their insecurities? fears? habits? do those stay the same or not? what is important to them as a person as a result of this change? how does it compare to canon? is this because of the one initial change that is the reason for this au, or is this a change due to the butterfly effect of everything following after the change in the au?”

like-- think about life!! we experience so many things. our experiences shape us. if ______ didn’t happen, we wouldn’t be like _______ today. thought patterns, memories, feelings--- how you deal with things and learn to deal with it is what makes you you. 

a character could be in the exact same situation as another character, in the exact same place and time, but even if they had swap roles to get there, they could have very different personalities. they approach things in a different matter than the first character. they deal with that situation differently, because of their outlook and the way they think. you could deal with the worst day of your life and react like “there’s still always tomorrow. i’m going to get back up again and do even better.” which is vastly different from if someone were in the same situation and said “i guess it’s time to give up.” and that character exploration? is really really cool to me,,,,

or perhaps a personality swap. the original character might deal with a problem in canon. in an au, they might deal with the exact same problem, but because they think about it differently, or do something different about it, it would have a different effect on them and thus a different outcome would occur too. 

another side of a personality swap-- their personality might be different, but who’s to say that changes their goals, skills, mannerisms, etc? let’s say character 1 enjoys painting. they’re a happy go lucky person who likes making friends. now let’s say they swap with a total morose loner. they still enjoy painting, but they do it on their own more. instead of painting happy fields and pretty flowers, they paint dark and spooky forests (an example of skills staying the same, but the way they approach it is different). they don’t have friends to show their paintings to, so maybe they have less self esteem than character 1 (an example of their personality affecting their life as a result of the change while not necessarily being the primary change and is instead cause and effect)

i should rlly stop talking before this post gets 987456435675456764567 miles long, but yeah this is what i have to say

[theshinsun]

A-Z for honesty hour because I'm an asshole. :D

A - If I’m in love.

...yes. I never thought I would be again, I thought I’d been too hurt and jaded to feel this way again, but against all odds, I’m back to being 17 in full force.

B - Who the last person I talked to on the phone was.

The only one who ever calls me is my mother. And customers at work.

C - How long it’s been since I’ve kissed.

damn, almost a year now… not since my last relationship ended back in October-ish. even then, it was mostly casual pecks idk if we ever seriously made out tbh.

D - If I have a preference for boys or girls.

already answered (twice) but I'll keep going… I've got a definite preference of guys over girls, but I'm also a bi disaster and sometimes it doesn't make a lot of sense why this person is instantly attractive to me while that person isn't. certain aspects of femininity do appeal to me, but weirdly other aspects seem to be a turn-off and I can't always put my finger on what or why. ...that caveat does not apply to masculinity though, even if it's traditionally "masculine" features on a feminine-presenting individual I am 100% down every time.

E - How many holes I have in my ears.

two and a half? I got a third piercing at some point halfway up the lobe but it got infected and scarred over I think. the holes I do have are also stretched (I'm up to 0G now) and I've been meaning to get some more.

F - Give me any options, like ‘hot or cold?’

wasn't given any options, so I guess I'll go with hot or cold lol. I prefer hot, I'm one of those weirdos who loves summer because of the heat and I'll usually take a hot food/drink over a cold one.

G - The last person I said ‘I love you’ to.

my mom, over the phone just now.

H - The last person I hugged.

my roommate. we're not always super touchy-feely with each other but I've been feeling kind of down and she noticed.

I - The last time I felt jealous, and why.

I'm not usually a very jealous person, but the last time I really felt that way… I'd recently broken up with my ex, and they were sitting on someone else's lap and I… felt things. part of the reason I realized I may have made a mistake.

J - Are you insecure. What about?

K - What my full name is

already answered, my first and middle are Jacob Brooks, I'm not putting my last name out there sorry I don't trust like that.

L - If I have siblings.

already answered, I've got two, an older brother and a younger sister.

M - If I forgive betrayal.

I mean, I forgive but I don't forget, ya know? like I'll accept an apology if it's sincere and welcome the person back and never bring it up again, but I'm probably gonna be cautious around them in the future, and not trust them as readily as I would have before.  

N - If you want to know how I treat my friends.

if I call someone my friend it means I really feel close with them, and I treat my friends basically like my family. I try to always be honest and supportive of them, bc I love and appreciate them and just want them to be happy. 

O - If I like my school.

I love my school. the campus is beautiful, the teachers are fantastic, and I just love being there and learning and growing in my classes. I'm really sad this semester is probably going to be mostly online because I really feel like I belong in those studios and on that campus and I miss it.

P - What kind of music I like.

already answered, and it mostly boiled down to all over the fuckin place, so this time… band recommendations, here we go. no you have no say in this.

here, have a clump of random favorite bands off the top of my head: mother mother, bad suns, nothing but thieves, hozier, shearwater, the neighbourhood, steam powered giraffe, rainbow kitten surprise, the oh hellos, gregory alan isakov, caravan palace, mystery skulls, khai dreams, autoheart, muse, silversun pickups, thousand foot krutch, two door cinema club, twenty one pilots, blue october, jukebox the ghost

Q - What the last party I went to was, and when the next will be.

I'm not a partier at All, but I did have a bunch of friends over for the 4th (okay I say a bunch but it was like four people from our usual less-socially distant circle). I have no idea when the next get-together will be, it's kinda hard to plan those kinds of things lately.

R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities.

the phrasing of this question is weird but I'm gonna assume it means things I'm curious about? let's go with that.

travel. I haven't ever been out of the country and I'd like to see other parts of the world at least at some point in my life.

tattoos. both getting them and learning to do them, it's a niche branch of art that I'm just fascinated by and I might like to do it as a career if I knew more about it.

same thing with being a florist. I'm really drawn to it as a concept and I'm super curious how it works, but I have no idea what kind of… qualifications and whatnot I'd need for that.

 surfing. I'm surrounded by the lifestyle and now kind of own a surfboard, I just want to know what the appeal is.

this may be a bit tmi, but I'm really curious what it's like to have a dick. I don't suppose I'll strictly ever know, but I still really want to… probably one of the biggest things to clue me in that I'm definitely trans is the literal penis envy ngl. 

I've always kind of had a fascination with the ocean, and I'd love to go like, scuba diving or something someday, to see it up close and personal.

I think everyone has the impulse thought of shaving their head at some point. maybe someday I will I don't quite have the balls to do it now.

I've gone this long in my life and never wielded a sword? a travesty. I don't pretend to have the grace to actually know how to use one, but I've like, never even held a real one and the idea interests me a lot.

this one might be slightly morbid curiosity, but I don't think I've ever been like, properly drunk or high before, like I've been tipsy but I've never been wasted, you know? the idea kind of scares me and I don't think I'm going to go out and remedy it, but it's still there, and even if I know it's not a good idea, I do still wonder what that's like.

same vein, maybe even a little darker, but I've got at least a little morbid curiosity about like, death and real danger. again, not planning to act on it At All, but the thought is still lurking in the back of my mind like what if…? you asked for honesty.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

S - 2 habits.

bit of a new habit, but I have a whole ritual of disinfecting groceries when I bring them home, and then disinfecting the door knobs and counters. I don't know if it'll persist after the pandemic is over, but it's already ingrained in me and I don't feel comfortable if I skip it or do  it differently.

I apologize for things that aren't my fault. it's such an instinct at this point to say "sorry" when I'm uncomfortable or anxious that it doesn't even register anymore, even when people tell me not to be sorry, I'm still gonna say it, sorry.

T - 5 things I love unconditionally.

already answered so here's 5 more

my family. if I haven't got my family I haven't got anything, we've got each others' backs and I won't turn on them for anything

my friends. same deal, I owe so much to my friends, I love them, and that won't change no matter what they decide to do or be.

sleep. I love sleep so much, even if it's just an involuntary nap, though for someone who loves it so much I sure don't get enough of it

spotify. I know it has problems, I know there are probably more streamlined/cheaper music streaming services out there, but at this point, I've sunk too much of my time and energy into this one and I'll never give it up

my ocs. I don't talk about them very much on this platform, but I have them, they're my children, and I love them even if they're assholes and never easy to write/draw. 

U - How many texts I send daily.

already answered, the number varies, and sometimes swings drastically between like, 5 and 35 on any given day.

V - 3 big dreams.

graduate art school. it's gonna be a serious undertaking and probably take several more years and a lot of loans at this point, but I'm still determined to get there someday.

someday I want to write a book. I know I've said that before on a different prompt, but it wouldn't be a list of dreams without including this one that I've held onto since childhood. 

this one's kind of vague, but someday… I want to not be afraid anymore. like I want to finally be in a state of mental/financial security so I can live my life without the fear of what's coming next. 

W - An idol.

it's probably really basic to list a youtuber, but I've still gotta go with Chase Ross. the guy was an inspiration and a major source of information and support for me early-on in my transition, and even watching him now I still want to approach life with the pure positive energy and confidence that he has. 

X - If I’ve done something I regret very much.

yes. a couple things, really… some of which I don't think I'll ever be able to make up for.

Y - If I like my town and why.

my current town? yeah, it's got its problems but it's also beautiful and full of life and art and unique energy and I miss the days before the Corona End Times when I could actually go out and enjoy it.

Z - Ask any question you want.

??? I did not receive any specification for this one, and given that I didn't skip even the duplicate answers and this is ridiculously long, this one I'm gonna SKIP.

[zombiequincy]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Hela     AGE: 21       CONTACT: IM

CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. 

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry) 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise ! 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !! 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!! 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation. 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  to find a goal worth living for.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  the twink soul reaper who outted her.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @bazzardburner​ cheers chicken boy !!

Tagging: @hyouketsu​ @blooming5th​ @viciousvizard​ @glacies-tempestatem​ and whoever else wishes to do this!!

[ayeshintheclouds]

I watched Never Have I Ever!! And I have many many thoughts. Just about on every aspect of it so oops this might be kinda long. But I like having somewhere public to post it cuz I don’t have to be apologetic and guilty about making it long, cuz if I was texting someone id feel as if I’m making them obligated to read so much.

Anyways!

Overall, I quite enjoyed the show! There’s a lot of controversy around it, i keep saying a lot of indian girls complaining about being misrepresented. Which I agree that they have a right to, because it’s the first time we’ve ever gotten a main character representing us, and we can’t help but hold her to a higher standard. But I’m trying to look past that a little, past the stereotypes and see it more by itself in terms of a plot and character development rather than just the cultural standpoint.

In no particular order, here are some opinions about the show and characters:

I loved the realistic arguments they show the night of her dad’s death. Honestly, they were a bit jarring how similar they are to our family, and how sometimes under pressure everyone kinda turns on each other and doesn’t get along. I thought that was a really realistic scene how a little thing like losing a music sheet ends up turning into a lot of unnecessary drama.

I love Paxton! I still absolutely can’t decide who I ship more with Devi but I do love his character. He genuinely does care for his sister, and he’s so quick to sacrifice his pride and call Devi when his sister needs help, even though he’s really mad at Devi rn. I think it’s adorable that his sister even gives him relationship advice. And Paxton is genuinely such a good friend, although he’s tryna be all cool and stuff, he encouraged her to be herself in her indian dress and I hate how Devi disregards his whole personality and only wants him physically. It upset me that she only saw him as some status symbol to obtain, never really an actual human with feelings. He deserved better, so although I love him, I’m not sure I ship him with her after she kinda used him the whole show.

The car ride scene!!! With Paxton and Devi! Ok I watched this scene approximately a bajillion times! I think it might be my favorite moment in the whole show. I love everything about it, the subtle glances they cast each other the entire time, the neon lights as they drive through the city, the way for once in the show she seems somewhat like emotionally vulnerable and nervous rather than brash and hot headed. The music was beautiful too.

I love Fab and Eleanor!!! I love their stories and I’m so so glad they got the attention from the show at least since they didn’t get it from Devi. Fab is literally so adorable and I just wanted to hug her🥺 Eleanor’s mom made me so frikin mad and I’m truly really glad Eleanor learned to live without her and how Fab helps her deal with it. I know it’s pretty dramatic how she stays dressing all different and changing her personality, but I related to that so much:(when someone hurts me or walks out on me, it makes me feel not like myself anymore, and I often visibly and noticeably change my attitude and behavior for a while before springing back.

The Kamala plotline!!! Uhhhhh ok very mixed feelings. I thought Steve was adorable. They just discarded him when he was an absolute sweetheart and it made me so sad for him🥺poor Steve. I do like that they’re actually showing arranged marriage for what it is though. In my opinion it is a very traditional and flawed procedure, as we see when Devi’s mom has kamala wear a certain outfit and has her hide the career part of her personality, to try to be a certain way she’s not. BUT I think i am glad that they didn’t show it as something forced upon her, like she’s being married off against her will to some creep she’s never ever met. It’s more like a blind date but arranged by parents. And although she is pretty pressured into it, she has the power to back out any time (even if it’ll somewhat outcast her). And I like that they decide to continue their relationship but on their own terms and he likes her for who she is. I think overall it’s a pretty solid and realistic representation of arranged marriage: a very traditional way of doing things with many flaws, but not forced or oppressive or morally wrong in any way, and can usually work out quite nicely many times. Except why’d they break poor Steve’s heart like that:(((

Ben. Ok Ben grew on me a lot through the show. He was such a complex and interesting character and I thought his development was so amazingly done. I thought he was truly such a sweet soul for doing all that he did for her, letting her stay over, convincing her to spread the ashes, driving her there so fast. I almost feel like he doesn’t deserve her either😂. And hhfjdndndnd I really don’t know how to feel about that end scene that was wild omg. But romance aside. Ben is such a well written character and I think he really was neglected by his family and I really hope that changes or he finds a family in Devi’s.

I know her parents and the therapist were side characters. But I think they’re pretty cool. I like the really sweet relationship her parents had. It was so typical indian parents yet adorable. The motorcycle ride and the comforting scene🥺 I love them a lot they remind me of my own parents. And I think her mom is infinitely strong for dealing with the death of her soulmate and Devi being so absolutely difficult. I think the therapist was extremely patient and the scenes with her were hilarious. I loved most about her how genuine she was. No therapist irl would care enough for the patients health that they would so blatantly disagree with them and even suggest they find someone else if it’ll help them. They would never risk losing the money and offending the client. I once heard someone say that they’d love to be a child therapist cuz all they have to do is agree with everything the kids say, be like “aw yeah the world hates u ur parents hate u, ur right” like feed into their teen angst, and the kid convinces their parents to keep paying for your services. But Dr Ryan is like a mother. She just wants what’s best for Devi, and she’s willing to sacrifice her own profit for it.

Ok I guess I should probably talk about my biggest issue with the show which is Devi. I kinda hate her😭I tried so hard I really did but I genuinely cannot bring myself to like her character. I don’t agree with almost any of her actions and her behavior upset me a lot. And pls you don’t understand she nearly killed me with second hand embarrassment the first episode in approaching Paxton like that aaAAAA Like I was basically watching through my hands at that point. I know she’s going through so much, she really has a lot of trauma and grief. But I can’t help but feel like the way she handles it is not very realistic at all, cuz I know people with trauma and they would never use it to justify the awful things she does. I know that everyone grieves differently and everyone has different coping mechanisms, but I just cannot bring myself to like her. Coping mechanisms that hurt others immensely are so unhealthy and I feel like she should’ve at least redeemed herself somehow. Maybe I sympathized with her at some points. But never liked her. I think she was disgusting to her friends, she always assumed her problems mattered more than theirs despite Fab and Eleanor having such heavy stuff happening. She didn’t even bother caring, and I’m convinced the only reason she even came back and tried to make it up was because of her own selfish reasons: she didn’t want to be lonely and friendless (she literally admits that!) and she’s jealous of that new kid they’re friends with. She does not seem at any point to actually care for their feelings as humans, and treats them like status symbols, two objects she owns to show people she has a social life. She reminds me of Greg from Diary of a Wimpy Kid and not in a good way; he was so awful to Rowley and obsessed with popularity and narcissistic Blegh. Also with Paxton like I mentioned before, she only cares about his body and popularity and literally does not care for his friendship and personality the slightest bit. I think it was disgusting that she lied about sleeping with him like that, cuz it may have been manageable to him, but for a lot of people, that’s like a pretty messed up thing and I don’t think they’d want to be friends with someone who was that creepy and a blatant liar. The stuff she said to her mom about wishing she was dead, that absolutely broke my heart. I can’t imagine being her mother in that moment and hearing your daughter say something like that after losing the love of your life. I think that would be like the worst thing to say to someone grieving, and might potentially endanger their mental health. I was truly worried for her mom, even though I know it wouldn’t be that type of show. Honestly. The only reason I don’t like full on despise her and think she’s irredeemable is because I pity her so much. She lost her dad and wasn’t able to walk for a year. That’s a lot of pain. But truly, like Fab said, it’s not a free pass to be a jerk. And a character shouldn’t be written in a way that their only redeemable quality is that u pity them to hold them less accountable for their actions.

Overall I enjoyed the show!! Minus devi😭but besides that, I’m so glad we’re getting some representation and there’s a new really cute and fresh show to watch during quarantine. I NEED A SEASON TWO SO BAD PLS and I really really hope Devi grows up a bit more in it and maybe I’ll start to like her:)

[coyoteeugly]

⌘☂▲✍ (or just for RP in general for the last prompt, if you prefer)

LET’S GO BOYS!!!

⌘ : Where do you get some of your inspirations for plots/head canons? Offer an example, if possible.

I tend to usually get inspiration from movies, tv-shows, concepts I think I could do better, or simple concepts that I want to build on. Music also helps. The inspiration for me comes from anywhere. If I see concepts of AUs that I’d like to put characters in I don’t hesitate to work it out and try to find a way to fit everything into the universe. I love reworking things for AU’s and crossovers. Usually, I try to make concepts my own by altering things or leaving certain aspects out and substituting them for my own twists and development.

☂ : Spread some love: mention someone you’ve met that has influenced you or your writing in a positive way, and explain how.

YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO IT IS BAYBEE!!!

@icantlose @anammxlech @cntryroads​

You three are great fun to talk to and put me in a positive mindset to create things. I’ve got lots of blogs and despite how more than half are inactive u all support me and are willing to listen to my wild 3 am ramblings about a muse I have but haven’t done anything with in like a year. Bless u all. U guys the real MVPs

▲ : What sort of information do you like to see on someone’s role play page that helps you determine whether or not you would want to write with them?

I tend to steer clear of people who have “read before following” pages because in my experience they’re really rough/intimidating and their blog is mostly political or social correctness stuff. Not that I mind talking about that kinda thing, I just prefer to focus on roleplaying on my RP blogs so if all someone’s blog is just OOC posts with callouts and political correctness I tend to just leave them be and let them do their thing. It’s really honestly nothing personal it’s just a personal preference because I get so exhausted reading and thinking about heavy stuff like that.

Mostly though, I try to see how they write with other people, the content on their blog, the quality of their writing and character building. If it’s filled with callouts and dumb drama stuff (or even legit drama stuff) that’s usually a no go on approaching. Like I said I come to roleplay not to think about heavy life things, it really drains me and is a personal preference. I think people should be allowed to post what they want and I’m not about to tell someone to stop posting / reblogging things just bc it makes me drained to see it. I either block the tag for it and move on or just leave the blog alone altogether.

✍ : Offer 3-5 tips on how to get other role players started on interacting with your muse.

Oof alright I’ll do my best

Come talk to me abt potential plots in IMs (Have a plot in mind)

Don’t be afraid to throw out some more dark plots ( I love putting Coyote through hell )

Trust me when I say I work to make this self insert as realistic and organic in the world he’s in.

I don’t expect ships and that isn’t why I made this self-insert blog. While I am open to ships and development I am not gonna force ships or be guilt trippy if you don’t want it. I actually like angst and suspense and character development/worldbuilding a lot more.

Talk to me if you want to retcon something in a thread / ask / AU. I’m always down for reworking things. Whether it be a relationship, interaction, plot point or anything I’m always down to discuss reworks.

                                                      prompt.    /    accepting.

[nusincerity]

THE NOBLE PURSUIT TO BECOME UNBEHOLDEN BY TIME, TASTE, AND OTHER SOCIAL CONSTRUCTS

I believe when offended by another person, particularly for a disagreement in taste in pop culture, humans rather than believe someone could be so cruel quickly imagine a more palpable psychoanalysis of the offender in order to soothe our jangled egos. One of the most common excuses I see is jealousy - you're being mean because you're really just jealous. Another is that the opinionated are purposefully trying to be superior or 'edgier' for playing contrarian. These excuses seem to stem more often then not from no reasonable assessment of the individual (for do you really know what troubles their psyche?) then from this social cliche of making said assumption. Which had me wondering, why do we need that reassurance? Why must we wield accusations of jealousy, bitterness, immaturity, mental problems, egomania, even internalized misogyny, to account for differences of opinions and wipe our hands of the responsibility of being nothing like the offender? Why is that easier to swallow?

What if too, an opinion is just an opinion?

What if, I don't like it, because I don't like it?

I can't speak for anyone but myself. So, to that, I know there are underlying causes, traumas and unique points of view which might reflect both a mental instability or bitterness at times as well as simple matters of personal taste affecting my opinions. Sometimes, I dislike something because it is out of line with my world view, which is directly tied to my lifelong experiences and influences. Sometimes, I just don't like the way it mixes with my senses, like high pitched singing or cantaloupe. What determines the later seems learned, intrinsic, and if I am feeling less rational, cosmic. So it goes, of course, for the things I love. Rarely, I think, am I truly 'jealous' or otherwise 'trying' to be anything. If one denies these accusations when accused, though, it does nothing dissuade the accuser. Such personality defects are something a person will never admit to, right? Therefore, this so called argument seems to me an attempted disarming of the opinion, in lieu of attempting understanding.

A root of my problem with this all is more about not accepting the ugly negativity, petty anger and bitterness in others, or not wanting to feel it in themselves. Even it was jealousy at the core, why not let that person feel what they need to feel? Let me put it this way:

I am bitter about a lot of things, I get as passionate about certain things I dislike as much as things I love, and there's a lot at play to make me feel like stale, cold, left-out all night coffee on the inside. But you can't simply tell someone to stop being bitter as much as you can't tell a depressed person to just cheer up.

One stranger flinging insults at the thing they don't like, to come across another stranger who likes said thing flinging insults back to the first  - neither is better than the other. Regardless of the point of view or intent of either, there is one generalization of both, of all of us, I will venture to make:

We're all just kinda insecure.

The worst part of human insecurity in the pop societal landscape is that often what creates the insecurities of one stems from the insecurities of another. I see all the time in my peer group (and the American world at large) an obsession, conscious or not (and likely mostly not), with proving to the world that they are Cool and have Taste. They do this often by making fun of the things which are currently trendy to make fun of to prove they understand what's right and wrong, as reinforced by the circle jerk of others they perceive to also be Cool and have Taste (and perhaps an underlying current of the fear of aging - of losing what is perceived to be only for youth in this regard.). They do this because they want to be accepted, into that circle of higher low brow. Which as far as I can tell is mostly an imagined group, or acquaintances they might encounter within a subcultural sphere doing the same thing (ie: want to fit in with the death metal crowd? Talk a lot about how terrible nu-metal is. Don't you feel clever?). Perhaps I surmise this because I too did this once, when I was an adolescent. And you might read this and think, that all sounds immature, and it is.

But that doesn't mean adults grow out of that immaturity.

But it does soothe my jangled nerves when exasperated with these peers to remind myself that they're probably just coming from a lot of unresolved insecurities. As we all are. This feels to me like the logical approach, the one of the mediator, the armchair psychologist who can put humans into an order that sits better with reason and less with pure emotion. The trouble is, emotion is what I am mostly made of.

I am exasperated, and a little insecure, and no logic in the 'verse is going to iron out this and the anger that ensues from it. But, regardless, here I am, making stabs to sort out my own perspective and hopefully change yours a little bit.

What infuriates me the most about posturing to appear current, or cool, or otherwise proving you have the 'right' taste is one.) some immature junior high nonsense as aforementioned, two.) stems from and creates world wide insecurities especially in us particularly sensitive folk, and three.) is a completely arbitrary, ever changing, shallow concept within itself. So, why buy in into it? Let's compound this last point with another arbitrary social construct: time.

Measuring time in itself is a necessary technological development for civilization*, but the ways it is qualified by culture and reinforced by taste seem to warp the perspective of it for a good deal many. It also strikes me as having sped up in a post industrialized world, with the decades of the 20th century remembered in such compartmentalized generalizations and stereotypes that generally we fail to remember the fluidity of evolving design, technology, and pop culture (or perhaps also our relatively short distance from it). Let alone, that those living through it were not prudish neanderthals to whom we could never relate. We are obsessed with categorizing time in this way, and we are obsessed with further compartmentalizing generations and giving them names more than I believe we were before (for that I blame marketing and SEOs), but it's never so neatly sorted despite the insistence of meme language and marketing (I have never found an official source concluding exactly where one generation ends and the next begins, and frankly I believe that's impossible and pointless given than any single person will be influenced by multitudes of factors in their personal environment). I believe the truth of the past gets so clouded by these generalizations and stereotypes that the popular view of culture before ours is distorted into caricature.

This is also, I should add, a largely American or Western perspective of time and culture. Itself another limitation of perspective.

I love art, and I love music, and movies, and fashion, and design; but I also love history, and people individually – and I think the art, and music, and movies, and fashion, and all matter of objects, are the best connection we will ever have to people we, limited as we all, can never truly meet nor understand what their moment stuck in linear time must have been like for them. I'm fueled with a desire to do the impossible and try to know anyway. For me, appreciating those pieces left behind is the closest I will ever feel to those times, to those people. I feel constrained by the year I was born, and I feel constrained by the day I die even not knowing when that will be. This limitation only feels more profound the closer I get to the other end. There is no way I think I am the only one, of course, or else time travel fiction wouldn't be so popular.

Except there is one thing that I am grateful for, which might even be the next best thing to time travel or bodily transcendence – eras before this never quite had such an ease of access to the artifacts of the past that I am so lucky to experience.

So the way I see it, there's really no excuse any more. I long for a future where writing off the cultural knowledge of someone because it's 'before your time' is not such a social cliche.** I long for a future where it can all be enjoyed at once, without the social posturing, in spite of the third dimension.

(Perhaps even to spite the third dimension. That's for making me a linear being, ya wanker.)

Yet, even with this wonderful wealth of information, never will I know the past without the influence of the present, and therefore, will never have an unaffected first hand and unbiased account. Therefore, I do as best I can within my limitations. Not just learning about the the things I love, and what led to them, but working to detach myself from the learned notions of taste that affect our point of view.

I need to stop here and make an aside, because I feel the imagined commenter complaining already. When I speak about detaching your present biases to better appreciate the past, I do mean as I hope I have made clear, this specifically speaks to matters of subjective taste in art, design, pop culture, and technology, and the way we get arrogant about our current state as if we have managed to achieve the pinnacle of these things when at no point in history has this remained constant. Social political differences, and the ugly parts of the past that we believe to have progressed away from, I don't mean to say turn a blind eye even when they show up in these mediums. But I also think in order to truly understand those aspects, we need to swap our lens from our current condition to the context of its moment. These ideas weren't created out of nothing and it's very important to attempt to understand why and what created them, and how they continue to affect the present. I think context is king, and even if we regard ourselves as progressed and better than that ugliness, I don't think just mocking, complaining about, or dismissing a work because it has discomforting elements (including even, for instance, dated technology) helps us to really face or understand or ancestors, nor ourselves. Further more, I think language should not be the deciding factor in the intentions of a piece of work or point of view of the creator; that is, if a certain word or phrase or way of putting something was used which we now regard as dated or distasteful, can not always be literally interpreted by only our current definitions and associations – this leads, I think, to misunderstood intentions and missed points. I certainly won't have anything from the past be altered for the benefit of the present condition. But I won't delve into this further for the sake of keeping to my ideas about subjectiveness.

Which leads me back to that infuriating thing about 'taste' within time – arbitrary, shallow, ever-changing. Not to mention, cyclical and reactionary against itself quite often. There is a phenomena that I call the 10-20 Rule, which particularly  applies to fashion trends, but I feel I see it applying to all matters of pop culture (music styles, film trends, etc), possibly even more now than before. The 10-20 rules has three parts: before 10 years we haven't really distanced ourself enough from the past to see it as garishly different, therefore we have yet to categorize or analyze it fully; between the approximate 10 and 20 year mark, the trends of the past become too dated to bare and must be made fun of at all costs (or so it seems); at 20 or so however, it's been long enough that our yearning and interest in those previous styles are renewed, reinterpreted, and reclaimed especially by those who were not there to live it. Especially, or perhaps most integral to this theory, if it's different than whatever trend we leave directly behind.

It's by no means an original theory. I think those with even the slightest awareness of clothing style changes recognize the recycling of trends every 20 or so years. What I feel I gave a name or at least more personal thought to are the first two parts of the rule. I write this in 2020, and I've been seeing fashion of the Y2K pop up for a couple years now (and also predicted it. Am I bitter about this? Maybe; I have my self analysis ready for another essay.) and now fully cementing itself in all mainstream fashion forward outlets (but I also see adults not ready to accept it). At the same time, I am hearing and seeing plenty of mockery directed at the mid to late 2000s, smack in that war zone of 10 to 15, for music or styles that went along with it, while also seeing teenagers now wax nostalgic about the years they were babies and wishing they could dress 'emo' now (and you see, according to my philosophy, they could and should, they should enjoy whatever they want, and the holding them back is the perception of not being cool or current, and perhaps also the means of obtaining the articles to fulfill their desires. Which as much as I personally have no nostalgia for emo music or junior high, makes me sad for them). As for 2010s, of course as the decade ended plenty of retrospective articles emerged, but the same fear of the trends of the past are slowly just beginning to trickle in from the first few years. My friend tagged me in an Instagram post of a picture of a celebrity at Coachella wearing Jeffry Cambell Litas in 2012, which were massively popular probably between 2010 and 2012, and the Instagram post played on the nostalgia baiting while snickering at them and comparing them to Crocs and Uggs (I'm sure even in its prime they had their naysayers).  Which, personally I think Litas are much more stylish and was annoyed as a teen that I did not own a pair at a certain point. A lot of the comments echoed 'too soon' or 'I remember loving those'. That post exhausted me.

(This Instagram post however got me thinking, the cycle might be accelerating as the 2010s enter the 10-20 range of years removed, as the beginning of this decade coincides with the beginning of things like Instagram and fast fashion. The documentation of microtrends and of everyone's lives therefore increases, along with our desires for needing to see new things constantly amidst seeing the same things exponentially, leading to this unsatisfiable visual overstimulation...)

And the exhaustion set in when I realized, I'm not even 30, and if I live for another 50 years or more, I'm going to have to go through this cycle again, and again, and again, and again, and again.

It is not so much the idea of cyclical and equal-opposite reaction trend cycles in themselves which bother me (although I have never ever liked minimalism and lived for its death since the day I was born, and if it comes back, I will continue to fight against it as the definition of 'taste') – but the way I have observed people engaging with them. Specifically, when in one decade some style is deemed awful, and in the next, the same person might suddenly change their tune and love it. This feels fickle. This feels like identity crisis. This feels like capitalistic brainwashing, because if you didn't change your taste, why would you buy anything new?

What are trends but repetition? Too soon and too strange is hard for people to digest; but see it presented enough times (especially on perhaps the wealthy or famous or attractive or young) it becomes desirable. See it too many times it becomes boring; the opposite reaches its desirable phase, and suddenly, the previous trend isn't just boring but dated. Horrifying. I'm fascinated by why this happens – because it feels like nothing that relates to the instincts of more primal humans. Perhaps I wrong, perhaps there is a more natural causation. From my vantage point amongst the trends, though, it feels like conditioning – and the only escape is to really, really look deep in yourself, and know what you genuinely love, and embrace that with sincerity and resolve.  

Being aware, probably hyper aware, possibly neurotic, about such things creates the frustration as much as it allows me to attempt to distance myself from it. My only reprieve from, as far as I can imagine, will be to untangle my involvement from this pop cultural hellscape as I age and, somehow, learn to not care about any of it and enjoy and be myself (and to others, not caring about the distance between youth, and all the involvement of Current and Cool that goes along with it, being left behind). Which is, above all, the center of what all these tangents point back to. This is much easier theorized about than done – I am tangled in pop culture, reinforced by my job that exists only because of it and the coworkers who are mostly all in that awkward phase of late 20-something between youth and a midlife crisis, also steeped in it, wherein they complain about simultaneously being out of touch and not knowing how to 'adult'. And clearly, pop culture is a topic which interests me - either by actually enjoying it or by analyzing it in a detached and cold alien sort of way for which I'll half-jokingly blame my sun sign.

When I speak of transcendence from time and the pop cultural constructs therein, this is not some metaphysical hallucinogenic trip in the desert meditational hoo-ha that I am promoting – it is 100% a psychological frame of mind that I've actively had to work towards through reflecting on the ideas I'm attempting to present here, researching all my interests and discovering new things from past culture as often as possible and how it informs the present, and above all, reflecting on and being comfortable with myself past, present, and future. Part of, and probably the main driving force behind, making fun of the trends of the past concerns itself with the horror when faced one's earlier self (especially as an adolescent). This being is in terms of naivety in words and action, the things enjoyed, the clothes and hairstyles worn, the inexperience in skill (especially for the arts), etcetera. The current trend is to 'cringe' when the evidence emerges (and part of me feels there's something to critique about those then and now comparisons where people show off how they are 'hot' and 'normal' now compared to their awkward nerdy tweens selves, who were possibly more fearless to experiment.). I believe this is part of young adult immaturity (not that older adults don't do it too, but young adults seem particularly sensitive and I believe it's due to the perseverance of adolescent insecurities), and I believe true maturity comes when you can look back on all those things and appreciate them or at least have no embarrassment for it. Outgrow shame. Like it or not, they are you, after all.

Now I don't know if maybe I just had a different sense of individuality from a younger age than others (Again, I don't mean to sound elitist, I just don't have any other perspective) in which I early on valued individuality to most costs of alienation, but I have little to no shame like this. Everything I am now expanded from who I was then. I have no shame for art I drew when I was 12, because it reminds me of the imagination I had then and the skills I built (am building) and the themes that persist. I have no shame for the music I enjoyed when I was six or sixteen, because I still access and enjoy it all without the disclaimer of nostalgia and it led to more and more musical discovery (and because I never, after all, followed current trends in that area). I have journals dating back to age 11, and yes there are things written there I wouldn't say now, but I will share it all with you****, because being ashamed of it would mean to be ashamed of all that was necessary to get me to who I am now. I find them cute, mostly. And, who really cares, besides ones self?

To me, the past self is just as concurrent with the present self, and both are needed to realize the future self. If there is anything close to a forth dimensional state of being a human can achieve, it is to see all moments of personal experience as one continuous narrative of persona. After all, even if actively bettering ourselves, we don't really, consciously notice much of a change, until we look back (not unlike changing trends). Certain negative traits, too, I believe should be managed, understood, rather than destroyed, with time and reflection – allowing oneself to see the weaknesses and strengths in those aspects of character. In this way, we don't really change at all.

When I recall experience of the past, it's not often the details of what happened that persist, but the emotions I felt in relation to those moments. We often act as if we've grown-up so much as to be removed from those emotions, and maybe if we did relive an experience (which in a way we can when revisiting those bits of pop culture) we'd react in different ways. Here's the paradox of my view: we can't relive those moments because of our linear state, so the fixed memories of the emotions from that experience follow us through (consciously or not) like pieces out of time. We can reflect and grow for the future, but we will always be affected by our past experiences.

I have wondered if there's something wrong with me for feeling just as sensitive at 28 as at 15 as at 8 when someone comes along to make me feel as alienated as I did when (more indirectly than directly) taking a metaphorical dump all over the things which bring me joy. Stirring up those very same emotions. That perhaps I am developmentally stunted somehow. Shouldn't I have resolved my own adolescent insecurities? Shouldn't I be able to truly brush off the opinions of others and be mature about it? Someday, coming out the other end of youth, maybe I will transcended and truly be unaffected by caring about these things. Such is my goal. I might want someone to come along and read this and be more thoughtful about the world, but ultimately I can only change how I interact with those whom I will never reach.

That being said, I've concluded there likely isn't anything wrong with me in this regard. And if it isn't obvious, I've obsessed over that concern for a while. My sensitivity is a fault and a virtue of my personality. My passion and opinions can be exhausting even to myself but at least I'm living with exuberance. This strong sense of persona helps give my existence meaning, and that's important on my more nihilistic days. Plus, I'm only twenty something, closer to thirty, and while experiences have matured me in some ways, one doesn't just eliminate the various traumas of growing up by stepping over the boundary of the legal drinking age and making fun of teen angst. We remember, if we realize it or not. What we have to make efforts to do is not forget. How else will we really know ourselves? How else will we truly understand others? How else will we reach out to younger people who remind us of our past selves, and maybe do some good for them?

Another so-called insult I see is the accusation of 'seeking validation'; of course we are, and I don't see anything necessarily wrong with wanting that. Of course we are. We're all bouncing around a confusing and complicated existence, affected by the circumstances of our past and present and culture and trends and emotions and limited perspective trying to make sense of ourselves, our purpose, our lives. Hopefully just trying to make the most of it. We all need a bit of validation now and then, or we need catharsis to scream out our bitterness into the world to purge it from ourselves. Especially those awful, negative, opinions - even if it's more destructive than creative - we just need to expel those demons. We hope to have it echo back by someone who recognizes the tune – because we want to be seen and heard and understood by at the very least just one other person searching for the same thing.

Despite all these words, at this end there is really only simple message I want to get across:

We are a little insecure; but self acceptance is just as contagious. It would do us a lot of good if we could all just be more a lot more genuine, and a lot more thoughtful, and a lot more kind.

--------------

*Although scientifically measured, there is some arbitrary perspectives even at this level. Take, for instance, year zero AD revolving around Jesus when there are other religions besides Christianity in the world, or the fact that some cultures use a lunar calendar and not a solar one. Not to mention, it is fixed on the earthbound existence - that is, versus another planet. Space does not give a hoot about time as we sort it.

** The only excuse is your interests might just not align into caring about these things the way I do. I want people to educate themselves, but one thing I've had to work to remember is not everyone gets so passionate about these subjects. Saying just this sentence probably makes that sound like I regard myself as the most detached intellectual in the room. I don't mean to imply that. What I think I mean is: I've had to work to recognize that my obsession with music, movies, art, and history along with my long time lamentations of being limited to a third dimensional state, is a very large part of my self-imposed identity and I forget that's not the case with everyone.

*** I have a lot of Fashion Laws of Physics, and another is Trickle Down Fashionenomics, which again is just a new name I gave to the established concept of how fashion goes from the street, to the runway (or sometimes starts at the runway), to higher end brands, to trend forward moderately priced stores (Urban Outfitters), to mid tier or low cost fashion forward stores (Forever21), to big box department stores (Walmart and Target). By which time, streetwear and runways have long moved on.

**** Unless you are my parents, but that's for other reasons.

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

Finstas make online dating so much more complicated

In our Love App-tually series, Mashable shines a light into the foggy world of online dating. It is cuffing season after all.

I will never again let someone I'm dating follow my finsta. 

That's a sentiment that countless finsta users have when establishing emotional boundaries. In relationships built on intertwined online and in-person interactions, it's often a point of contention.  

If you haven't been initiated into the bizarre world of niche memes and astrology tag posts, a finsta is a secondary, private Instagram account used to keep snarky screenshots, rant about your personal life, and post (mostly) risqué selfies that would leave the family members who follow your main account absolutely appalled. Finsta followers are usually a highly curated selection of close friends who wouldn't judge you for your bizarre one-night stands, validate you when you're feeling yourself, and support you when your mental health dips. 

If a single group text represented only one circle of friends, then a finsta would be the overlapping portion of a Venn diagram. Friend groups don't always overlap, but on your finsta, you can access all of their unrelenting support on one platform. 

Finsta really does teach you a lot. You find out who cheating, who hoeing, who got played and who depressed etc. Need help making a life decision? Ask your finsta, need help on an outfit?? FINSTA

— Tashie🌻 (@_NatashaMarie_) January 31, 2019

But when it comes to romance, deciding whose follow requests to approve can get hairy. 

I personally have had a finsta for longer than any relationship I've been in and allowing a partner to follow it ended in disaster. In my case, I forgot to block the now ex from my finsta after we broke up. I posted a screenshot from a funny Tinder conversation with someone else weeks later. I woke up to a seething late night call from the ex, who was furious that I was on a dating app and even more enraged that I posted about it on the not quite public, but not quite private platform. 

SEE ALSO: Which dating app is right for you? Use this guide to figure it out.

The whole debacle made me wonder if anyone should ever let their significant other follow their finstas. When I put out a call for thoughts on it, people were passionate about maintaining boundaries between the person they're dating and the content they post in private.

Caroline Long, a college student in Boston, said she rejected her boyfriend's follow request about a month into their relationship. 

"If there's life news or drama I'm posting about, he's usually the first to hear about it anyway," she said. "And I've had my finsta for a while so there's some old, old posts about former boyfriends and issues that I'm sure wouldn't be fun for him to peruse." 

my finsta b like -here’s a picture of my ass -let me expose my mental illness -now ima broadcast my depression episode -look @ my titties -this meme was funny

— 𝓒rybaby 𝓛ynn ✧ (@xbasedxgoddess) February 6, 2019

Online dating expert Julie Spira says couples with finstas don't necessarily need to share the accounts with each other for a healthy relationship. As long as you're not going out of your way to hide anything, Spira believes having a private space to vent is fine.

"When you're in a relationship, there are always things that you share with your close friends that you just might not share with your partner," she said during a phone call. 

Finstas are appealing because they allow for vulnerability when there's an insurmountable pressure to be perfect on social media. Sydney Smalls calls her finsta a "little safe space," which is why she's hesitant to approve her boyfriend's follow request.

"It's where I'm the most honest version of myself online so I only trust a few people with what I write about," the New York-based production assistant explained. "Even though I trust my boyfriend it would just be an added level of pressure for some reason."

Many share her view; although they feel supported by their partners, the finsta users who shared their stories with me said that they would censor their posts if their partners followed them. 

When I was convinced someone was ghosting me, for example, I turned to my finsta to talk through it. An army of close friends analyzed screenshots down to the timestamp and deliberated in the comments, concluding that although ghosting was a possibility, I should suck up my pride and double text. In the end, I had nothing to worry about — the support network I had through my finsta convinced me not to sabotage a new relationship, and all I had to do was literally communicate. But if I had let that person follow me, would I have asked for advice in the first place, or would I still be wallowing in my own anxiety? 

Overheard in bar last night: Girl 1: I let him see my finsta so we're basically never gonna date Girl 2: oh ya that’s the kiss of death

— PAZ (@pazpaz) February 24, 2018

Finstas are like a semi-public diary for soliciting advice and rationalization and inviting someone you're actively dating into it might make you less inclined to seek out that advice. The private accounts are a valuable space to talk out issues beforehand so you can approach your partner with a reasonable level-headedness. 

"Having a space for myself ensures that I'm being honest about what's upsetting me," Long said, elaborating on why she doesn't let her boyfriend follow her. "And how I'm getting from Point A to Point B. Not that I'm dishonest with my boyfriend, but I don't feel as obliged to cater or censor finsta posts for a certain audience."

For Danika Frank, a writer in Los Angeles, using a finsta to separate herself from the people she dates keeps her codependence in check.

"So it was good to have a space, a place where I could dissect my own thoughts away from them," she said. "Even if I was stressed about something relationship-wise, I could break it down on there before bringing it up to them."

Philadelphia college student Mal Sary, who went through a break up while she and her ex were still living together, said having a non-physical space to get away helped her through it until she could find somewhere else to live. 

"Instead of yelling at my ex, I just used my finsta to channel a lot of my anger," Sary said.

In addition to having a defined place to put their thoughts in order, the people who don't let their significant other follow their finsta felt like they didn't have to because their relationships were already healthy enough. Although Smalls' boyfriend doesn't follow her private account, she doesn't turn to her finsta to complain about him when they have issues in their relationship. 

"When I'd have problems with my ex, I'd just post about it and hide it from him and let it build," she said. "This time, I just talk directly to [my boyfriend]. It kinda feels disrespectful now. I don't want to talk about him behind his back [because] I know he wouldn't do that to me."

Jeung Bok Holmquist, an artist in Madison, Wisconsin, adds that their partner doesn't follow their finsta, but that doesn't give them a pass to complain about him. 

"I guess I only wouldn't [allow a finsta follow] if I was actively talking about my partner on there, but I also shouldn't be talking shit about my partner in private," they said. "So then that's just a clear sign of a bad relationship!"

𝓷𝓮𝔀 rules of dating: 1st base: liking and unliking someone’s post 2nd base: “nah u don’t have to venmo me” 3rd: get called an asshole on their finsta homerun: a retweet

— vinay (@mumblecomic) January 10, 2019

That doesn't mean that not allowing a romantic interest to follow you ensures smooth sailing. Nothing you post on social media is truly private. Anything can be screenshot, passed through the screen grapevine, and end up hurting everyone involved. But do people have an obligation to break the trust of following a friend's finsta to protect another friend's feelings?

Evy Oliverio, who works at the United Nations in Beirut, was seeing someone who encouraged her to follow his finsta, until she DM'd him and realized she was blocked. Their mutual friends still followed him and could see that he wasn't interested in her anymore, but didn't tell her. She later found out that he had promptly started dating someone else "for real" after "months" of telling her he "wasn't ready."

"We had enough mutual friends who knew about him dragging me through metaphorical dirt," Oliverio said. "And yet none of them would be like 'Ev, this is happening.'" 

Spiro, the relationship consultant, is cautious about breaking that trust. Even though it may be hurtful to mutual friends, if someone invites you to their finsta then you have a "digital moral obligation" not to share what they post. 

"Either you're in something that's private or you're not," Spiro said. "I love the fact that this is small and intimate, but I think there needs to be spoken and unspoken rules of what you do and don't share." 

Despite the moral obligations, Oliverio notes that finstas are still public, even if your account is set to private, and she'd rather step in than see a mutual friend be hurt.

"You allow who you want to see it but the fact that someone else besides you 'sees' your truth, it's no longer private," she noted, acknowledging that it doesn't justify sharing secrets. "I do think that if you and I have a mutual friend and on their finsta, they start dragging you, I'd tell you. And secondly, hold them accountable." 

At the end of the day, finstas are yet another aspect of how the internet muddles dating. But that doesn't mean that finsta users shut their partners out of their secret accounts entirely. For Valentine's Day last year, Holmquist made their boyfriend a zine with drawings from their finsta posts when the couple first started seeing each other. As long as there's open and honest communication between a couple, finstas shouldn't be an issue, they said. 

Spiro says it's "almost distrusting" when someone insists on following their partner's finsta. 

"I think trust and communication is something couples engage in every day but that doesn't mean that they're on a third-party text or phone call every time they're communicating with somebody else," she said. "You need to have your personal life, and they have their personal life, and you need to have your communication together."

I, for one, value the tightly knit support network in my finsta over any potential partner's insecurities. If a partner asked me to give it up, I'd probably dump them and immediately post about it on my finsta. 

Even if it makes dating more complicated, I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

More from Love App-tually

Here's the dating app you should try, according to your zodiac sign

Online dating wastes too much time. Here’s how to be more efficient.

I don't miss being single, but I do miss swiping

WATCH: Arturo Castro talks about the first time he dated a vegan

[electricdazemag]

Skelevision: Interview

by Tasha Bielaga

Portland’s finest surf punk pysch band is alive and well, in fact, it’s whole music scene is. Skelevision, formally known as Thong, has been around for a little over a year. Two EP’s, a tour, and a few festivals later, Skelevision is gearing up for their first full-length album and making a name for themselves. Vocalist and guitarist Gage Nelson, drummer Philip Zevenbergen, and bassist Gavin Houck spend their days balancing work, school, and each other’s sarcasm. We talk about their infamous Plasma Blasts, how music and art sculpts their lives, and the DIY community.

Electric Daze: The band just went through a name change & recently transitioned from “Thong” to “Skelevision”. Why?

Skelevision: We honestly just thought that there could be a better name. Thong was something we came up with kind of last minute. It gives us the wrong vibe now, and puts us in a certain crowd. Our sound has changed as well since we lost a member and changing the name seemed fitting, like a fresh start. It’s also going to be easier to approach labels and other people now.

ED: How do you feel your sound is changing now that you have one less member, as well as just becoming better musicians throughout the past year?

Gage: We’ve become a tighter band now. When we write, I introduce the idea, Gavin gets his bassline, and then Phil does the drums, and it almost always works out. I’ve started to have to play lead now and I’m learning how to play it better.  I have to write our songs in a way that I can play lead and rhythm, and it’s different but it’s nice.

Phil: We’ve been forced to change the way that we play and the detail in how we play.  I play very rhythmically now to try to make it feel just as full as it did before, but I think we’re becoming better musicians as we push ourselves.

ED: Do you think the DIY house show, lo-fi route that you’re taking is better for the band instead of going the route of trying to get an agent and a label right away?

Phil: Definitely. We’ve developed as a band so much by playing shows, and if we had recording an album right off the bat, our songs would be so much less exciting and not composed as well as they are. We’ve only kept a few of our original songs. It’s awesome that we have a fanbase in Portland now, people who we can count on to be at our shows and they wear our shirts. It’s like if you’re trying to get a label to sign you and they realize that no one in your hometown has ever given a fuck about you, they’re not going to think you’re important.

Gavin: The hardest part right now is that we don’t really have music online right now. It’s also cool to do everything ourselves, Phil manages and I record. When we do get a label, everything’s going to change. 

 ED: I head there’s a new album in the works. What was it like writing that set of songs?

Gage: It’s going to be around 12 songs, hopefully to come out in August. I wrote all the lyrics. I’ve always been good at poetry, but I mostly make up the words on the spot. I’ll jam the song and just sing whatever the vibe gives me, that way I can get the structure right. Then I go back and listen to what I said and keep anywhere from 40 to 80% of the lyrics, and rewrite the rest.

ED: What’s the goal around Jeff’s Plasma Blast?

Skelevision: The goal is to have a Jeff’s Plasma Blast as a tour kick off every time we head out on tour. The next one will be on August 18th at the Hawthorne Theater, featuring bands like The Goobs, Fringe Class, Mean Jeans, and Wampire. Once we have more publicity around it we really want to get Jeff Goldblum to come and be our MC.

ED: Phil does all the booking for you guys. What’s it like self-managing, reaching out to these bigger bands, and getting your shows set up?

Phil: It’s a mix between being personal and being business-y. For Plasma Blast, I reached out to Rocky from Wampire personally, and I hit up all the local bands personally too. But lately with bigger bands, I’ve started reaching out to their agents because that’s ultimately who I end up talking to.

ED: Do you guys have a favorite part of playing shows?

Gage: For me, it’s fun to share what I’ve written. The attention is nice too, usually at parties or shows I just talk to my close friends but when we play everyone’s listening and it’s not awkward.

Phil: I just like to freak somebody out or make someone laugh. Goofing off and playing the drums is like the one way I can be myself and be a nut.

Gavin: It’s cool to have everyone listening to you and moving together, everyone’s on the same page when we play shows.

ED: Best part of the DIY community?

Phil: The other band heads that I get to work with. Everyone’s really chill and interesting. I love booking with Dererk Housh, Darin O’Brien, and Nik Barnaby. I love the people come out to our shows, but I’m so bad at taking positive feedback.

Gavin: It’s nice being known in a community. I can go to a show and people know who I am.

ED: Two of you attend school, and you all of jobs. What’s it like balancing school, jobs, and the band?

Gavin: My boss is pretty respectful about letting me take the time off for touring and shows, sometimes I might have to miss a gig but it works out.

Gage: I only work in the morning so that’s easy for me, but I definitely weigh the band above school. I also have a solo project that I’m writing. School kinda sucks so it’s easy to push off.

Philip: For me it’s harder. Skelevision is one of many things I do. I’m also a full time student, the publicity coordinator at 5th Ave Cinema, I work at the nickel arcade, and my top priority is my horror movies that are produced under the name Bad Taste Pictures. Skelevision is cool because we can make it work between all of us and always find time that works for everyone. It’s hard, but it makes it so when we do have time to be together we get stuff done.

ED: What was the thing that pushed you to pursue art and music?

Gavin: Art is very important to human culture. There’s a lot of shit going on in the world and if you can focus on art it’s a good escape.

Gage: Everything else is just kind of terrible. School is terrible, except the learning aspect, and work is usually mundane. But with art you’re not worried about anything but your art. It’s an outlet more than anything.

Phil: For me it’s a little different. I’ll see something I want to do, and then figure out how to do it. Before Skelevision, I was in a different band. We played one house show but it didn’t come out the way we wanted it to. G*U*N played before us and the crowd was going off the walls and I went “I want that for us, for us to play and be able to make people move like that.” Once Skelevision got together and started jamming, I realized we were good and we started booking shows.

ED: Phil, you’re planning on moving to New York when you’re done with school. What is Skelevision’s future when that happens?

Gavin: If Skelevision is doing well then, and Gage wants to do it, I’m happy to move to New York.

Gage: I think if we’re still together and where the band is, I would go.

Phil: New York is a good city for bands as well. If they end up not going, I’m happy for them to continue without me and turn into something else or just foster. I would love us to conquer the East Coast as a band.

ED: The three of you are pretty young (19), do you think that’s a hindrance or that it’s helpful?

Gavin: People don’t expect us to be young. I think it’s super helpful in the long run that we’re young. We’re getting a headstart doing all this stuff now, so by the time we’re 21 we already know how to do it.

Phil: The most annoying part is people who say things like “it’s crazy how good you guys are for how young you are,” and this comes from our fellow musicians. Now that people know who we are, people respect us. Jeff’s Plasma Blast definitely gave us a lot of credit.

ED: Last Question: If Skelevision had a catchphrase what would it be?

Skelevision: “We got the rhythm, we got the most fun”

Connect with Skelevision on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

Listen to Skelevision on bandcamp at https://skelevision.bandcamp.com/ 

RSVP to Jeff’s Plasma Blast 2.0 here

Check out Philip’s horror movies under Bad Taste Pictures here.

This interview was conducted for the PDX Summer 2017 issue of the Call Your Mom zine presented by Electric Daze. Check back here to read the other interviews and view photos of Portland bands. 

View Tasha’s work for the magazine here.

[gg-astrology]

I seriously love your blog, you put in so much time and effort into all of this so thank you (: What are you thoughts on cap sun, pisces moon, and scorpio rising girls?

Hey there!! 💕💕💕💕 Aaaaah thank u so much! 💕💕 I’m just Doing My Best Here 💕

[Below Cut: Capricorn Sun - Pisces Moon 💧]

Highly artistic and dreamy individual?

These people likes to escape reality into their fantasy world, has a lot of imaginative qualities to them that probably often secretly (or openly) day-dream about stuff while looking out the window (listening to music is a daily ritual/activity-- rich inner world, doesn’t like to be disturbed) 

To the people outside they may look dreamy/mysterious--- one of those rebellious type of people who’s like ‘-shrugs- yeah I like their music’ to an obscure artist or something. 

Soft smiles, often sleepy. These people enjoys sleeping and relaxing more than the typical Capricorn. They move at their own pace (slow, relax) looks laid back when they’re stress free. Laughs easier. 

Probably keeps a notebook with them skdjfnkdnf or something to take notes in will help them expresses themselves/keep track of their minds

They don’t know this but literally they’re like....kinda hipster ksjnfknsdkvn

Ah and sometimes no matter how they appea,r whether they talk about it openly or not--- they have a strange connection to the morbid/darker side of life sometimes

 The thing about these people is that they often don’t know where these ‘intuitions’ are coming from -- they may be prone to recognizing/realizing some of their emotions (like melancholic, missing someone, strong emotions) but the happier ones, or rather the more ‘neutral’ ones to them are like-- confusion???????

Because they’re kinda slow on the up-take, they can take days for Moods to let go of them (like, if they were writing a personal piece one night letting it all out-- then the next few days it’ll STILL be with them)

They’re rather observers, so they take notice/interests in things about others like their emotionality/mood quite easily

At the same time, they are kinder and much more compassionate than most Capricorn. The way they approach these things is sometimes with uncertainty, like ‘is this my business? should i say something?’ to a person they don’t know-- but to close friends, they’re quick to softly and subtlety offer their hands/energy if they need them

While they may be soft and understanding, they are however a little detached because Capricorn is quite an independent sign. If the other person needs them, they will have to seek them out. Or if the opportunity is there, then it will happen.

Don’t wait for these people to come running asking for updates on situations, sometimes the stress/empathy they have for others can affect their own moods/stress-level and mentality. So they can’t let others over-consume their brain/energy level.

Y know, like. ‘Im here for you.’ But they also expect you to know they aren’t your slave and can’t be at your every beck and call--- or there to receive the backlash of your emotions all the time

No matter how perceptive these Capricorn/Pisces gets--- they still have some consciousness/independence in them and will not stand for more than what they can handle

As in, they’ll let you know if they need a ‘time out’ from your emotional drama. It’s not you, it’s them. They can’t handle That Much emotions.

So you get this enigmatic character (for others) that adds to their appeal, sensitive and stubborn, independent yet caring. They’re a living breathing ‘soft, sensitive lover’ trope although nobody would’ve guessed it exactly (because they may not like to ‘look’ vulnerable to the surface in case anyone takes advantage of them/think they can impose themselves onto them--- they’re defensive and on-guard at All Times).

Yet knowing the Capricorn/Pisces and staying with them can be more complicated than that, they don’t even know themselves sometimes dfkjnkn so they might look for partners who sparks an understanding in them, a sense that they energize them, get them, can teach them more about themselves (because they may know them better than the Capricorn/Pisces does)

Watch that they aren’t doing this so they’re like--- getting soft and easily romanticized. These Capricorn/Pisces person can have a hard time letting go, feelings overwhelmed them but they always want to make like-- a present or something heart-felt/sincere so the other person knows they’re always appreciated and loved so much by them.

(They may be notoriously bad at saying this out loud so you’ll get like, gifts or letters to express this instead ksdjnkdn)

With Capricorn/Pisces-- because they have pretty high ideals, they also have really high moral ethics and won’t compromise their humane/ethical considerations for success.

Which--y know, is an extremely good thing because it makes them such a strong advocate for certain things. But because they do have that Pisces-- they tend to over-analyze themselves and their actions, trying to ‘catch’ themselves both past and present if they’ve ever done anything contradictory to what they strongly believe in.

If they do catch themselves being ‘hypocritical’ in situations, they’re immediately distraught. Although it’s pretty funny to bystander (that’s a lil insensitive) they also have to realize that people grow, and it’s admitting that they grow/develop change and giving this disclosure is what makes us humans in society.

The Capricorn/Pisces is stubborn, it doesn’t like to believe it was EVER wrong in it’s life. Instead of living in self-pity, these people would rather repress everything and think they do not want to live with ‘regrets’.

Past mistakes are experiences that could be made into poems/creative outlet. But letting mistakes be mistakes, just admitting that it was a mistake-- is something that’s extremely hard for them to admit to. 

Although they don’t like to admit it (and they know, they just don’t like to face the situation) -- they know they may have unchecked ego. No matter how much they strive to be compassionate, giving, better to other people. They’ll always have this fear of facing themselves, and the part of them that they (w/ prejudice) think is selfish, manipulative, egoistic and hard-headed. Anything they don’t want to be.

Want to accept the good side (prove to others that they’re good) without acknowledging the bad, or wanting the bad side to be something else. Something more manageable for them to fix or learn from or admit to 

(They don’t like their own problems. And this can lead them to procrastinating theirs and fixing everyone else’s problems instead).

Aaaah these Capricorn/Pisces are sensitive, but don’t worry your problems aren’t that big of a deal ;; 💕 It’s easily adjustable too, since it’s just-- this one big clump of core problem that you can easily untangle one and then everything else will be good for you dskfgjnksdfnjg

It’s hard-- and it’s definitely troublesome because it is a big deal to you. I think the biggest thing right now is to do some self-evaluation. Our end goal is to have you become more self-accepting sincerely/honestly through hard work and not just saying you are. 

If you’re into astrology, look to where your Pluto is on your chart. See what it’s aspecting and try to focus your energy in getting along/understanding Pluto better (or Neptune/Uranus and tackling it’s problem if that’s the case)

Anything in 12H could help as well, try looking at the ruler or any planets in the house. Try looking at how to manifest/bring or work with that energy into it being easier for you (learning it’s lessons)

If you’re new to astrology and just want to have a good time, here’s some practical advice for you: try embodying or thinking about a Cancer friend. They won’t let you get away with this stuff, and they’re much easier to handle when they’re giving you support/advice when you’re emotionally vulnerable than you realize. 

Given that this Cancer has a semi-decent relationship with you, they’ll be better at letting you adjust and admit at your own pace when you want to ‘face’ your faults. 

But you have to do it, just remember that the Cancer is supportive and there for you so you’ll have to take the ‘role’ of a more objective and less emotional person because of this relationship. It’ll be natural, since you tend to switch gears when someone is more sensitive/emotionally astute than you are anyways. 

The hardest part is ‘facing’ your faults, and there’s no shame is putting yourself in situations where you feel surrounded by people who are clearly and overwhelming better than you at emotions. It makes you learn (through osmosis ksjnfsk) how to recognize and be better at emotions, so really-- seek them out! 

Another thing about Capricorn/Pisces is that they can feel negative emotions stronger than happy ones skdjfnksn especially when it comes to their own guilt partially because of the ‘heaviness’ of their emotions

They have a highly reactive imagination-- sometimes they day-dream about things occurring to them: along the terms of ‘saving’ someone (themselves/others) or a particularly hard and unforgettable thing where they come out successful/happy afterwards (healed). There’s some ‘hope/happiness’ in saving themselves/others, and they may funnel their ‘ambition’ into those imagination this way instead. 

Sometimes they are just sad or feeling over-casted for some reason, if they need space/feeling detached it’s mostly because they’re a rather receptive person to how they are in the material world and how ‘heavy’ it can be

That’s all I have for Capricorn/Pisces 💕 I hope you enjoyed! 💕