#because i always used to get in trouble for answering 'how are you?' with 'im tired'
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caseyscraftycorner · 4 months ago
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man, chronic fatigue is such a fucking scam. like, what do you MEAN other people don't randomly lose entire days to being so exhausted they can't keep their eyes open? what do you MEAN others don't have to constantly manage and budget their energy levels in order to shower??? you're telling me that how i feel every day when i wake up after 8-9 hours of sleep is how my friends feel when they come home from work after a long day??? are you kidding me???
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vetyr · 7 months ago
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hi, i ireally love your work and i don't know if you've answered this before but, what kinds of studies do you do or how did you learn color theory? i wanna get better at rendering and anatomy but im having trouble TT TT
Hi! Long answer alert. Once a chatterbox, always a chatterbox.
When I started actively learning how to draw about 10 1/2 years ago, I exclusively did graphite studies in sketchbooks. Here's a few examples—I mostly stuck to doing line drawings to drill basic shapes/contours and proportions into my brain. The more rendered sketches helped me practice edge control & basic values, and they were REALLY good for learning the actual 3D structure behind what I was drawing.
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I'd use reference images that I grabbed from fitness forums, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and some NSFW places, but you could find adequate ref material from figure drawing sites like Line of Action. LoA has refs for people (you can filter by clothed/unclothed, age, & gender), animals, expressions, hands/feet, and a few other useful things as well. Love them.
Learning how to render digitally was a similar story; it helped a lot that I had a pretty strong foundation for value/anatomy going in. I basically didn't touch color at all for ~2 years (except for a few attempts at bad digital or acrylic paint studies), which may not have been the best idea. I learned color from a lot of trial and error, honestly, and I'm pretty sure this process involved a lot of imitation—there were a number of digital/traditional painters whose styles I really wanted to emulate (notably their edge control, color choices, value distributions, and shape design), so I kiiind of did a mixture of that + my own experimentation.
For example, I really found Benjamin Björklund's style appealing, especially his softened/lost edges & vibrant pops of saturated color, so here's a study I did from some photograph that I'm *pretty* sure was painted with him in mind.
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Learning how to detail was definitely a slow process, and like all the aforementioned things (anatomy/color/edge control/values/etc.) I'm still figuring it out. Focusing on edge control first (that is, deciding on where to place hard/soft edges for emphasizing/de-emphasizing certain areas of the image) is super useful, because you can honestly fool a viewer into thinking there's more detail in a piece than there actually is if you're very economical about where you place your hard edges.
The most important part, to me, is probably just doing this stuff over and over again. You're likely not going to see improvement in a few weeks or even a few months, so don't fret about not getting the exact results you want and just keep studying + making art. I like to think about learning art as a process where you *need* to fail and make crappy art/studies—there's literally no way around it—so you might as well fail right now. See, by making bad art you're actually moving forward—isn't that a fun prospect!!
It's useful to have a folder with art you admire, especially if you can dissect the pieces and understand why you like them so much. You can study those aspects (like, you can redraw or repaint that person's work) and break down whether this is art that you just like to look at, or if it's the kind of art that you want to *make.* There's a LOT of art out there that I love looking at, probably tens of thousands of styles/mediums, but there's a very narrow range that I want to make myself.
I've mentioned it in some ask reply in the past, but I really do think looking at other artist's work is such a cheat code for improving your own skills—the other artist does the work to filter reality/ideas for you, and this sort of allows you to contact the subject matter more directly. I can think of so many examples where an artist I admired exaggerated, like, the way sunlight rested on a face and created that orange fringe around its edge, or the greys/dull blues in a wheat field, or the bright indigo in a cast shadow, or the red along the outside of a person's eye, and it just clicked for me that this was a very available & observable aspect of reality, which had up until that point gone completely unnoticed! If you're really perceptive about the art you look at, it's shocking how much it can teach you about how to see the world (in this particular case I mean this literally, in that the art I looked at fully changed the way I visually processed the world, but of course it has had a strong effect on my worldviews/relationships/beliefs).
Thanks so much for sending in a question (& for reading, if you got this far)! I read every single ask I receive, including the kind words & compliments, which I genuinely always appreciate. Best of luck with learning, my friend :)
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jasontoddspussy · 4 months ago
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Tim's Ao3 AU
just got the image of tim writing red hood x oc fanfic but the oc is basically tim/red robin and each time the A/N is like
"sorry no beta im mid-shoot out with some gang leaders atm"
and the content ranges from super fluffy to the most degenerative porn wanting to lick his skull and the authors notes are like
"heey sorry for the slow update i got shot again and im forced on bed rest but now i have an excuse to work on the next chapters!!"
now i want a fic where its like
it gets more and more outrageous, and the comments are just people debating whether its real or not and then there's 1 comment.
that comment is like.
"Pick Up Your Phone, Now. -D"
and tims like
"::) im in trouble::)"
theres one person dissing out the red hood and how he's so terrible and will never actually deserve someone loving him and tim replies with
"Loompa Roompa might malfunction for a while"
and the person is like *how the fuck do you know the name of my roombah what the hell is this why it's been turning on and off at night what the fuck*"
tims username is pretty bird or somth bcs thats what jason called him at least once before and hes like yes i can be pretty and a bird i can be whatever you want me to be
(totes not because thats what jason always calls tim in my head no no)
dick just really, really wants answers but also is deeply, deeply concerned
"tim you had a 20k fic of red hood lovingly taking care of you and hugging you like you'd never been hugged before. are you like, okay?"
"you.. you read all of that?"
"that's besides the point. now answer the question"
"i dont know how to feel about this"
"how do you think i feel? i didnt need to know about any of it"
"and yet you do. curiosity killed the cat, dick."
"alright i wont bother you if you promise to talk with dinah or some jl approved therapist about... the hugging touch starved things. if you dont tho ill just send jason your ao3 account babs said he has one so he can see all your shit'
"i think i would feel better if you just stabbed me"
dick makes a lemon bitten face.
"..."
"..."
"you saw that too, huh."
"yep."
"i dont have a kink for being stabbed. i have a jason fetish. just him and whatever he decides to do to me so dont worry i wont be out getting stabbed by randos"
"I'm glad but also i wanna circle back to the jason fetish part i feel like thats something i should worry about"
20k fanfic where tim just rants about jasons soft hoodie
jason, meanwhile, he sees someone w the username idk PrettyBirdRedHoos in his comments and hes concerned someone figured out he was robin but goes to look and this persons bookmarks are all just fics written by a 'PrettyBird" user and all of them are red hood/oc, and some of them is like; piercing kink, some of them are 20k fics where the oc falls asleep wearing their hoodie, one of them is a very specific scenario where the red hood 'playfully attacks' the OC on top of a tall building and they fuck nasty and jay is like
this. is too detailed. to be a coincidence innit.
and the comments are just people debating how real these scenarios are and every single person that disses RH has something hacked or exposed and jays like 'ah. well, timmy certainly has a hobby."
he could tell him that he knows.
he could also choose to be an absolute tease. forget a hoodie there, wear some bootyshorts here, not wear a binder while wearing a tank-top here, spit out a specific phrase tims used in a fic before just to keep him on his toes. it's fun watching him squirm.
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boydepartment · 1 year ago
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hiii r u taking requests! if so can you do enhypen reaction where you call them in danger and they get super panicked
pick up- enhypen texts + scenarios
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a/n: HI ANON! i am always taking requests :) i hope you like it!!!!!!
warnings- dangerous scenarios, one reader gets followed, another one burns her hand, they aren’t dark at all tho :) nothing triggering
MASTERLIST
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jungwon-
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you had called jungwon a few minutes ago while walking home and you felt the presence of someone else. it was unusual for you to be walking home late from a study session and other students did too. however your intuition was raising red flags.
- “y/n are you okay? are you safe?” jungwon was panicking, you could hear it in his voice. you knew if he could he would drive over at this moment.
- “i’m okay. i just made it back to my abode. i’m just really shaken up i’m sorry for scaring you and calling you when you were working.”
- “baby please don’t ever apologize, you were scared and i’m glad you come to me for stuff like this.” you heard rustling on his end as you safely locked your door behind you. jungwon spoke up again, “i’m coming over with snacks and stuff. i’ll be there in 15.”
heeseung-
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you were home alone for the first time in years and heard people yelling loudly outside. usually your friend would be home with you but they were off with their family which left you by yourself. during the day you didn’t mind but at night it was different. when you peeked out your window the people were fighting and it scared you. leading you to call heeseung.
- “i’m on my way right now. why didn’t you tell me you were home alone?” heeseung got right to the point when you answered his call.
- “i’m sorry i didn’t think that it was important and i didn’t want you to get in trouble if you came over and-“
- “i don’t care about that. are the people still outside?” heeseung was rushing you could tell.
- “no….”
- “okay i am still on the way. stay on the phone for me pretty.”
jay-
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your hand was on fire, quite literally for a few seconds. and pick up the phone when jay called you back. which led him to rushing over to your home and using his key. immediately he rushed over to you and put your hand under the kitchen sink water. your burns weren’t horrible but they were pretty bad. jay swiftly picked you up and sat you down on the counter so he could wrap your hand.
- “i’m sorry i called when you were with your mom….” you mumbled into his shoulder. you were panicking and that alone made you exhausted.
- “i’m not mad at all baby i promise. is the bandage too tight?”
- you shook your head no and places small kisses on the side of his neck. you were too tired and overwhelmed to thank him. he knew and just swiftly carried you to your room.
jake-
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the first mistake your made was even going to this party. it was a stupid idea and you got roped in. so when the cops showed up and you scaled a wall, breaking your nail, scraping your knees, and falling into a rose bush , you immediately called jake.
- “okay where are you right now?” jake asked, you could hear his pants, jogging to your location on the life 360. he asked you to get it so he could see how close or far you two were always.
- “i’m now sitting next to the rose bu-“
- “ah i see you!” you saw jake jog up to you and kneel, “hop on. i’ll piggy back you to my dorm and we will get you all cleaned up okay?”
sunghoon-
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normally you don’t call sunghoon without asking first. it was just a thing you both did. so when you called he was immediately concerned.
- “baby can you hear me ? are you okay?” sunghoon frantically asked when you picked up.
- “i’m okay…. i just got scared because there was a loud noise in the library i’m sorry i panicked. you’re away again and i got paranoid without you.” you whispered into the phone. sunghoon tried not to softly smile, he missed you so much.
- “im here princess. talk to me tell me about your day. please.”
sunoo-
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your day was terrible. the week prior you and sunoo got caught getting coffee at 4am, and your face was covered thankfully, however, engenes are still sometimes crazy so you were paranoid. when you went to get groceries today, you had a couple of them go up to you and ask about your keychain. which was in the photo. obviously you played dumb but it was still scary.
- “they asked about your keychain? why don’t you take it off now?” sunoo asked, you were putting groceries away now.
- “you got it for me when you went to italy. i don’t want to take it off it reminds me of you.” you said and reached the top shelf.
- sunoo smiled to himself, “i’ll get you a new one. i’ll get you as many as you want.”
riki-
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you and riki had gone out to a themepark. no one knew except staff and the other members, you wanted a date and something nice to do since you both don’t get this a lot. the day was going great, and you both didn’t have a care in the world at the moment. at some point you both took bathroom breaks and were separated. as you waited by the men’s bathroom you decided to check your phone for the first time in hours. you saw tweets from a few seconds ago and they were of you, and riki. your eyes widened and you immediately went to a nook of the amusement park to call him. wanting to just hide away.
- “y/n where are you? you were supposed to be waiting for me outside of the bathroom? y/n what is going on?” he was looking for you frantically, if riki lost you at this park he didn’t know what he would do.
- “i’m between these two buildings and and-“ you were stuttering, you yelped when you felt someone pull you into their embrace, “please don’t hurt me!”
- riki looked down at you confused, “y/n it’s me? what happened?” you looked up at him blinking and showing your phone to him which had the screenshotted tweets.
- “fuck…”
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lowkeyremi · 1 year ago
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Late Nights aizawa x reader
it's my birthday so im writing about the man i share it with (-ε-)
content: post war au, fluff, established relationship
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"This isn't good for your health, Sho." Today marks the 5th night he's stayed up past 11 pm grading papers or doing something else for his job.
"How do you think I managed before I met you?" His small sigh meets your ears, and you really want to help him. Seeing out of only one eye is most definitely slowing him down.
"You looked dead on the outside when we first met. Do you want me to help grade papers?"
"I'll finish before one, go back to bed, honey." His eyes meet yours once he hears you scoff. He's draining himself by staying up this late, every single night. His face is lit by the warm kitchen light, one of his hands tugging at his long black strands of hair in order to keep himself sane.
"Shota. I'm not taking no for an answer." You say firmly, crossing your arms to indicate that you mean business.
"I knew you'd say that, come sit down." He gives in every single time. He knows he needs the help, he just doesn't want to admit it.
"Can you read through these essays?" At first you're confident, there's only a few papers on the table.
"Can you?" You nod diligently. You confirm you're willing to help, and your husband gets up from the table and slowly walks toward your shared bedroom. When he does return there's a large stack of papers in his arms. They drop on the table with a thump. He chuckles at your horrified expression.
"Just get through as many as you can. Write feedback on them too, hon." No wonder he's always so tired, you forget that 1-A isn't his only class. If you can remember right he has six periods of classes.
"Is this pile all your class or.." He's sat back down by now and started going through papers with red pen.
"That's 3rd and 4th period. I'm finishing up with 1st and 2nd right now." You click your tongue. It's hard to get started, you don't have any motivation unlike Shota. His only motivation is probably the fact he has to do this.
"Why don't you have an online classroom? It would make grading so much easier." He's probably going to say something about not knowing how to use it..
"I prefer for my students to write manually, because it helps with remembrance." Sounds like something an old man would say. You'd voice your opinion but he'd have a comeback for sure.
-----
"Shotaaaaa, I don't wanna do anymore." Your head is resting on the table, the cool wood on your cheek. He doesn't even spare you any sympathy either, laughing at you quietly. His rich chuckles sound like comfort more than mockery in your opinion though.
"Sweetheart, you've only graded four essays." The huge stack of papers looks back at you from it's side of the table.
"Yeah and each essay had like four to five papers in it. I feel bad for your students." The two of you are going to cuddle. You're determined to make it happen, so before he could even reply, you bounce up from your seat, grab his hand, and tug him towards your bedroom.
"We're going to sleep. I'm not taking any other answers besides "okay" or "yes my love." He clicks his tongue at your statement, but finds no reason to oblige.
-----
"Do you want to know something?" He whispers into your ear cuddling you close enough to feel the warmth of his chest on your back.
"What?" At this point you're only half-conscious, struggling to register what your husband's just said.
"I'm actually ahead of schedule. I can grade those papers loosely throughout this week." He admits with no guilt or shame in his voice at all. What a workaholic.
"Are you serious? So I could have been cuddling you all this time?"
"Yeah, I just do work to get out of my head." You wonder how many times you'll have to remind him that you're his strength and that you'll help him through anything, before he actually believes it.
"If you were having trouble sleeping, you should have told me." His big hand rests in your hair playing with it slowly.
"Didn't wanna bother you." His hand is so comforting that you almost fall asleep.
"You're never a bother to me Sho." Your voice is so soft and sincere that he almost breaks out into tears of joy. He's so happy to have met you.
"Oh." It has finally clicked in his brain, even though you've been married to him for quite some time.
You are his light.
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rinhaler · 1 year ago
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𝖒𝖞 𝖋𝖆𝖛𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊 𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖎𝖘 𝖌𝖗𝖊𝖊𝖓
✧˖*°࿐ : 18+ only, no minors.    ✧. ┊ plug!ryusei shidou x f!reader
Genre: smut Notes: iiiiiii want him n need him desperately ♡ i made him icky, manipulative and dress like pete davidson warnings: 18+, (soft?)dom!shidou, sub!reader, dubcon, drug use (weed), blowbacks/shotgunning, reader has pubes!, ryusei has a gold tooth, virgin!reader, corruption kink, dumbification?, fingering, blowjob, head pushing ♡, male masturbation, use of nii-chan (not referring to ryusei), slight dacryphilia, shush!kink, praise, pet names, cum eating ♡, he calls your pussy 'her', slut used once. words: 7.1k
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“No way am I coming over. Your big brother would kill me.”
Ryusei can’t stop himself from smirking when he can hear your attempt to conceal a whimper. And he just knows there’s a plump little pout on that pretty little face on the other end of the line.
He’s been dealing to your brother for years, they’re basically best friends if you subtract the client aspect from the equation. They smoke together, they’re always hanging out and Ryusei isn’t a stranger to the apartment you and your brother share.
“How did you even get my number anyway, darlin’? Reaaaal naughty of ya to be calling me like this. Gonna be in big trouble if I tell your nii-chan.” he tells you. And this time you hear the smirk behind his voice. He’s teasing you. He’s toying with you, but you still can’t stop yourself from becoming paralysed with fear.
“He gave me it for emergencies! Please don’t tell ‘im!” you sigh. “He’s on some weekend work trip because he’s tryna get a promotion. I’m just lonely…”
“Awe, and why is that my problem?” he asks, harshly. It takes you aback slightly though your determination doesn’t falter. You take a deep breath and try to formulate a response in your mind.
“You guys are always havin’ fun together… but you never let me join in. I wanna have fun with you too, Ryusei—”
“No.”
“But—”
“I said no.” he stands firm and shows no signs of backing down. He hears the little deflated exhale you release, and he licks his lips as he thinks. He doesn’t want you to be sad, but he knows fucking around with a client’s sister behind his back is a stupid fucking idea. “You’ll be alright on your own. Why don’t you invite one of your friends over.”
“W-Well… I just wanted to see you.” you tell him, honestly. “I— I wanted to try smoking with you.”
He chuckles when he hears that. It hasn’t been a discreet crush you’ve harboured since you saw him for the first time. You may have thought otherwise, but Ryusei has always known. He kisses his teeth and laughs again as he thinks about this tantalising proposition being thrown onto his lap.
“You’re really tryna get into trouble this weekend, huh? Do you always invite drug dealers over?” he wonders, knowing the answer already. He knows you’re a good girl who always does as her nii-chan says. But today you want to let your hair down. Today you can let your hair down because he isn’t here for the whole weekend. You can be a little naughty and reckless and have some fun for a change. “Are you that lonely, baby? Jus’ want some company?”
“… Y-Yes. ‘m lonely…” your lower lip wobbles as you think about being in the same apartment all by yourself for the next two days. You’re fine now, it’s only 12:30pm. But what about when it gets dark out? You’re a stupid girl who lets her mind run wild with the possibilities of ghosts and home invaders. You’ve seen one too many horror movies while your brother and Ryusei are high in the front room for no regard to your taste in genre. You hate horrors but you’ve seen so many thanks to them. And now your mind is racing. What if you got kidnapped or killed for the fun of it? “I don’t wanna be alone, Ryusei… ‘m so scared.”
He grits his teeth, resolve crumbling as he thinks about you all alone in the apartment he’s spent so many nights in. So many pointless nights where he could have been out making more money or fucking a multitude of girls who don’t hide their attraction for him. So, is he really about to sacrifice the same for you?
Lonely, frightened, you?
“Well, we can’t have that, can we? I’ll be there in twenty.”
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Now that he’s here you’re not sure what you were thinking. You’ve never smoked before. You’ve not even had a sip of alcohol before! But you know drugs are Ryusei’s whole life right now. Selling, buying and occasionally consuming. He locks the door behind himself as he enters. He’s wearing a wide grin as he comes in and approaches you.
He thinks you’re just the sweetest little thing.
Your feet walk you backwards as he gets closer to you, lunging forward to grab you when you almost trip over your pink Kirby slippers that your brother got you for your most recent birthday.
“Clumsy girl.” he grins, gripping into the fat of your underarms. He leads you over to the couch and more or less throws you down onto it. He dumps his backpack on the coffee table. “What time does your brother come home, sweetheart?” he asks, not even looking your way as he takes out his belongings and spreads them out on the table.
“Uh—” you think, eyes squinting as you look up at the ceiling and try to act natural. “Monday… morning.” you tell him.
“Well, I’m sure he won’t mind if I keep you company ‘til he gets back, right?”
“R-Right…” you aren’t so sure about that, but you’re hardly going to disagree with him. Though in truth, he knows he’ll be furious. But the time he cared about your pathetic brother’s opinion has been and gone. What kind of man would he be if he left a poor defenceless thing like you all on your lonesome in such a sketchy part of town?
You watch him carefully as he pulls out a grinder, some papers, and a large baggie of weed and puts them all down on the table. Your mind wanders as he describes the effects to you, none of it is computing. And it gets even worse when he starts talking about different strains doing different things. As far as you were aware, weed was just… weed. You’d never heard about strains or effects. All of your knowledge comes from movies. Tripping, munchies, all of the cliché stuff.
He grins when he sees your dumb expression. Of course you’re not understanding anything he says. All you need to know is that you’ll be okay because he’s here to look after you. He’s here to take you through it.
You watch him as he grinds it up in a tall metallic grinder. And seeing him roll is like witchcraft to you. It’s not like it’s the first time, but it’s the first time you’ve seen it up close. Your nii-chan always exiles you to your bedroom when they’re rolling and smoking. You’re only allowed out once they’re high, though it’s never stopped you peaking from the crack of your door.
Your eyes widen in disbelief as he holds eye contact with you while he licks the paper. Suddenly you’re looking anywhere but in his direction. He’s revelling in it, making you so uncomfortable and shy. You really are sweet ‘n innocent, huh?
“Here.” he hands it to you, his voice earning your attention and you look into his pink eyes before they drop to the blunt in his hand. You look back at him, confused, and he finds himself adjusting the baggy shorts he’s wearing in hopes that you haven’t noticed the way his cock jumps when you tilt your head so stupidly. “What? This is what you wanted.” he speaks, his defensive tone surprising you.
“But… I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never smoked before…”
“Never? Not even a cigarette?” he asks.
“Nothing… never smoked or had a drink or even been to a party. Nii-chan is too protective.” you pout. He wants to fucking ruin you. You’re so fucking cute and stupid he thinks he might cum in his underwear just from hearing you speak. You’re so obedient and it makes you so fucking stupid. As if you aren’t a grown woman who could get her own apartment and do whatever she wants. “Will you show me?” you speak, cutting through his thoughts.
He nods, effortlessly. He lounges back into the couch, legs spread wide as he lets the blunt balance between his lips. It’s lit instantly, and you can’t believe what a pro he is. He’s got one of those stupid lighters. The ones with the metal bit you have to spin with your thumb rather than one of the plastic ones you just push down. You can never use them. Your brother always lends them to you when you want to light a candle, but he always ends up lighting them for you.
“Get me somethin’ to use as an ashtray.” he tells you, it’s a rude demand rather than a request. But his lack of manners doesn’t stop you from immediately jumping to your feet and rushing over to the kitchen sink. You just washed your brother’s ashtray this morning. You smile happily as you hand it to him, clearly willing to do anything he asks whether he’s polite about it or not.
He takes a few more drags and flicks the ash every so often. And when he’s halfway through, he looks at you, expectantly.
“Your turn.” he tries to hand it to you again. You take it, and you flinch as he also forces the lighter into your palm. “You didn’t invite me over just to watch me smoke, did you? What, are you trying to take advantage of me?” he laughs, running his tongue along his top row of teeth. His golden canine twinkles at you, halting you from speaking for longer than you’d intended.
“It’s not like that! I just— I’m nervous, and I hate these lighters.” you explain. You stiffen as he rolls his eyes and adjusts his body, angling it to face you. His stare is harsh, bordering on agitated. It’s only fair, you think. He hadn’t planned on spending his day babysitting you or showing you how to do something so simple. “’m sorry.” you speak, it’s so quiet he almost doesn’t hear it. Almost.
“Open up.” he commands. You’re confused at first, and before you know it his rough thumb is tugging at the fat flesh of your lower lip. “I said: open up.”
You clear your throat and angle your body in a similar way to him. Although you’re nowhere near as tall or intimidating as him. You’re like a sullen little dormouse, respecting the orders of your master. Your lips part ever so slightly as he places the blunt between them. Your lips close around it, keeping it perched firmly between them. He can see lip gloss residue smearing on the paper; his depraved mind is going into overdrive. His lewd thoughts encompassing him, he needs to break free and focus on you before you start to ask more silly questions.
He tucks your hair behind your ears and away from your face. A brief thought crosses his mind of how embarrassing it would be to get caught by your brother because he singed your fucking hair.
“Don’t just suck it, yeah? Breathe it. You wanna feel it go in your chest, alright?” he asks you, it sounds like a reminder. Like he’d already told you this and he’s making sure you are listening this time. It’s hard not to when all you can focus on is him. How he’s staring at you. How he smells like cheap aftershave and weed. The smell of weed is revolting, truth be told, you aren’t sure how you’re going to be able to inhale it without gagging.
He flicks the lighter a few times and keeps an eye on your expressions and your breathing to make sure you’re doing it right. You look terrified.
And he likes it.
Your eyes get wider and wider the more you inhale, and he’s worried they might pop out of that pretty head of yours. You suck and you breathe in as much of the earthy smoke as you can until it embraced your lungs like an invader claiming its new home. He can’t hide his laughter when you begin to choke, realising you are the good girl you’re claiming to be and absolutely have never smoked anything in your life.
“Everything hurts.” you tell him, still coughing and sputtering out lingering smoke as your eyes water. “It tastes like shit…” you continue, covering your mouth as you can’t stop yourself from choking anymore. He gets up, handing the ashtray to you to balance the blunt in and he flees the scene of the crime without a word. He returns a few moments later with a glass of water, he even added in a few ice cubes for you.
“Think you’re all grown up because you’ve had your first puff?” he wonders, “Never heard you swear before, darlin’.” he finishes as he hands the glass to you.
“I swear… I’m allowed to swear, Ryu.” you answer defiantly.
Cute, he thinks. You really are trying to sound all big and bad for him. But he’s never going to take you seriously after that little display, you’re just a little girl trying to act tough. A cute girl trying to be the cool girl.
But you both know you’re far from cool. A cool girl wouldn’t care so much about pleasing her brother and being a good girl for him. A cool girl would do whatever she wants without fear of the consequences.
At least you’re trying, he thinks.
You glug and you glug until you soothe the suffocating dryness in your chest. He’s transfixed on a droplet of water clinging to the corner of your mouth, unable to tear his gaze as it begins to run down your face. And he can’t think of a cuter sight than you still trying to be the cool girl, wiping it away with the back of your hand before he can notice despite it being much too late for that.
“C-Can I do some more?” you ask him, big wet eyes blinking at him as you hope he’s still willing to guide you.
“Think you can handle it?” he asks. “Get some more water.” he commands, not even letting you answer first. It’s probably the right call, though, you’re hardly going to be accustomed to the feeling of smoke contaminating your insides after one heavy inhale.
You follow his pathing from moments before, getting yourself some water and fresh ice cubes before returning and facing him again. You drink so much; he grabs your wrist and moves the glass away from your lips before you down the whole thing.
He lets out a heavy breath as he holds the blunt and sees how your lips immediately part for him this time without being asked. Fast learner. His thumb pulls at the metal wheel twice, each time it sounds make your eyes flicker further open.
“Breeeathe.” he demands, and you obey. You take it waaaay better this time, holding it for longer after he pulls the lighter away and takes the blunt from your lips. “That’s it, atta girl.” he smiles as you slowly exhale, only coughing a little bit. Your little hands are immediately reaching for the glass of water you set down moments before.
“I feel…” you try and think, eyes darting around the room in search of the right words to use. Your eyes close without your permission, humming happily as you embrace the feeling, a cheery smile visible on your face. “Weird…” you giggle, deeming it the only appropriate word that springs to mind.
“Is that right, baby? Feelin’ weird?”
“Mhmm.” you sigh, dreamily, letting the feeling consume you wholly. You want to melt into the couch beneath your thighs; and you involuntarily begin to lean back into the plush leather before Ryusei stops you. “My eyes are hurting, Ryusei…”
“Mm, I’ll bet. They’re all bloodshot, princess. Think you’re high.” he smirks.
“Wan’ some more.” you tell him, reaching to take the blunt from his hold. He moves his hand away. The fat, brown joint just out of your tired reach. And fuck he can’t stop his cock from twitching when you don that pout. That pretty little pout that you can’t stop yourself from displaying any time you’re disheartened. “P—lea, p-please…” your lower lip juts out further.
“C’mere.” he instructs you, his empty hand patting at his adjacent thigh. He sees the hesitation in your eyes. The little protest lodged in your throat as you think what a bad idea this could be. Why does he want you to sit on his lap? Your heart is racing with possibilities. Is he going to try and kiss you? Or is it simply an easier position for him to help you smoke? “Move, baby, now.” his voice is firm, almost scary. Your movements are slow, but you find yourself moving on his order regardless.
You go to him, but he stops you as you try and sit nicely in his lap. It isn’t quite what he had in mind. He doesn’t want to baby you like the princess you want to be for him. You’re like a ragdoll as he positions you, limbs loose beneath his touch until you realise you’re straddling him. His legs are spread wide, relaxed, and you’re hovering above him a little.
“Open your mouth f’me.” you’re like a robot, complying with each and every command he issues without hesitation.
You’re too good, too perfect. And Ryusei Shidou is quite the opposite; he’ll ruin you if you aren’t careful.
But right now, you couldn’t care less.
Your dewy lips part, wider than they had earlier until Ryusei seems satisfied. He’s relieved you’re only hovering over him, or you’d have definitely felt the way his dick twitched at the sight of your pudgy lips widening for him.
He relaxes, fully, his own eyes becoming more bloodshot as the minutes go by. Weed doesn’t affect him like it used to, not in the way it’s affecting you. But he’s calm. All of his thoughts are collected, and he feels at peace. It’s probably the reason he’s being so brazen and not giving a second thought to the consequences of being with you anymore.
While you’re waiting for his vision to be realised, while you’re waiting for the reason as to why he wants you in this position with your lips spread, he lights up the blunt once again. You watch him through a heavy-lidded stare as he takes a hefty inhale.
You sense him planning something, the cogs whirring sinfully in his mind as he looks between your eyes and your lips as he inhales the smoke deeper and deeper into his lungs. He rests his arm over the rest of the couch, harbouring zero consideration for the potential ash staining the cream carpet below.
He tries to close the distance between your bodies, and you instinctively jolt away from him, your lips clamping shut just as quickly. As much as he wants to smile, to laugh, his lips remain neutral and sealed. His empty hand holds the small of your back. His fingers drift, trailing up the column of your spine. He flattens his palm between your shoulder blades, pushing your face and body closer to his. His right hand remains between your shoulder blades, the other coming around to tug your viscid lower lip until your mouth is ajar. He leans in, closer. The closest he’s ever been to you in the entire time you’ve known him.
He's going to kiss you.
Your heart is thumping, the intense beating, hammering your heart through blood, muscle tissue and flesh. Your eyes close instinctively, and at that, he does smirk.
His eyes alternate between yours, and your gloss covered lips. And then his are ghosting yours, not close enough to touch but not far enough for you to not feel their presence. His gaze becomes heavy, lustful as he observes you. He’s fixated on how you react as he blows the smoke from his lungs into yours.
Your eyes widen as you realise he isn’t kissing you, but your mind is hazy as you realise what he is doing. His lungs shrink as he empties them, but he doesn’t move. He smiles, though, and you fucking feel it. He’s waiting patiently to see just how desperate you are for him to kiss you.
Your breathing is intense. He can hear each breath you take through your nose as you try and compose yourself. You try and calm down and hide your burning shame from him. He knew what you’d assume and chose not to correct you. Just to see you squirm.
But you want to kiss him.
You want him to kiss you.
He chuckles lightly when he sees a nervous little gulp plummet down your throat, he’s sure if he blinked he would have missed it. He wonders if your eyes always vibrate so intensely when you’re nervous.
“Did you like that?” he whispers, his lips still inching away from yours. You feel each and every breath it takes for him to speak that sentence.
“Yeah…”
“Yeah?”
“Mm… mhmm…” you nod, eagerly and yet somehow still awkwardly. “D— Can you do it again?” you whisper. It’s so meek and downright precious he can feel pre fucking ooze out of his tip.
He adjusts his position, nodding, his lips almost catching yours but not quite before he pulls away to smoke some more. Your lips part beautifully and he’s smiling sinisterly yet again. His hand travels from your back to hold the crown of your head, you can’t back away this time, not that you’d want to. He’s keeping you in place as he slowly begins to puff smoke past your desperate lips.
You moan, involuntarily, as you feel your mind cloud and your body grow wearier. But still, you can’t get enough. You can’t fully satiate your desires of intoxication. Not with drugs. Not with attention. Not with touch. You need him. More of him.
“Baby?” you hear him mumble, his lips clumsily toying with yours as he refuses to fully close the gap between them. “I think ya wanna kiss me.”
You squeak, almost, a high pitch whine sounding through your nose as the uncomfortable statement surges through you. Were you so pitifully obvious the whole time? You lean in closer, attempting to close the separation between you. But he pulls away, ever the tease, and he can’t help but relish the whimper that claws its way up your throat.
“You ever even kissed anyone?” he asks, closing the gap once again. “Y’know, since you’re such a good girl.”
You feel the tips of your ears and face begin to sear with heat, embarrassment flooding through your blood. You nod, defiantly, doing all you can to assure him you’re not the big loser he seems to think you are.
“I have… ‘ve had boyfriends before… Ryu…” you tell him, though it’s still a little humiliating.
“So,” he starts, his hand holds your hip as he adjusts himself slightly. Thumb stroking your side calmly, despite his cock driving ever so gently into your core as he moves. Not hard enough to set off alarm bells, but just enough to leave a lasting impression. He bites lip and releases it just as fast as his eyes rake over you, and you feel so small under his stare, despite him being the one looking up at you. His fingers weave and comb through your hair until he gets a tight enough grip. Your noses are touching before he tilts his head, your lips barely lingering on one another’s as you each fight against fully committing. “If I kiss you right now, it’s gonna be worth my time?” he whispers.
In truth, it’s been a while since you kissed anyone. You haven’t had a boyfriend since high school and that seems like a lifetime ago now. But you don’t want to go another second without feeling his lips fully pressed against yours. So, you nod. It’s weak and unconvincing, but you nod anyway.
It’s enough for him. In truth, he wouldn’t have cared if you’d never been kissed before. He’d be more than happy to teach you, though he’s sure he’ll teach you plenty anyway. He’s going to turn you into a masterpiece; one that has been created only for him to enjoy.
His lips slot against yours and it’s like an explosion. You’ve been fucking starved for him, and you can barely remember to breathe as it intensifies. Suctioning sounds repeat as you kiss without stopping. Neither of you remember to come up for air until you’re gasping.
Your lips part divinely as his tongue pushes past them and it’s so rapturous as your little wet muscle meets his. He groans, loudly, as he licks and swipes all while you’re moaning pathetically into his mouth. He bets your soaked, he’s rock hard and leaking like a virgin getting his first hand job after all.
“Stick out your tongue.” he tells you, and like always, you do as you’re told. He licks at it, swirls his own tongue around it. He sucks it until he’s heady with lust.
His body collapses against the back of the couch, and like the perfect pet you follow him. You can’t stop making out with him now. You can’t possibly get enough. You doubt it would even be enough to crawl inside his skin and live out the rest of your days there.
You’re addicted to him.
He pushes your body down so that your crotch is fully pressed into his. The feeling of his throbbing cock almost entirely against your panty-clad mound is a surprise to say the least, you hadn’t expected it and your surprised expression gives you away instantly. But he doesn’t comment right away, instead, he grinds his crotch against yours as you carry on kissing. Your breath fans across his face, you’re delirious from the sensation of him being against you like this, you’ve never known anything quite like it.
“Feel what you’re doin’ to me?” he chuckles, parting away from you enough to look up at you again and lick his lips. But you chase him, you think you might stop breathing if you deny yourself of him. Your tongue pushes past the seam of his lips, and of course he doesn’t object. He feels your little wet muscle searching for something, and he can’t contain the amused scoff when he realises you were tracking down his gold tooth, the tip of your tongue licking it from behind all of the way to the front until you reach his gums. “Fuck… you’re filthy.” he informs you before kissing you again.
You giggle before he yanks at your hair. Flirtatious laughter being forced into a tantalising gasp, your head angled so that you’re looking up at the ceiling above. The column of your neck is almost enough to make him cum. It’s so fucking bare. So pure and untainted. He wants nothing more than to sink his teeth into you. To cover you in hickeys and bite marks so that everyone knows what he fucking did to you.
But he knows, deep down, it isn’t worth it. It isn’t worth the questions and the bullshit and the drama. Not this time, anyway. Instead, he leaves gentle kisses and soft suckles against your skin. His tongue leaves fat, wet stripes over your throat and pulse point, hot breath fanning over them between kisses. You’re keening for him as his lips begin to ascend. You’re shuddering against him as he breathes heavily, deliciously, into your ear. His hand drifts to squeeze your tit over your crop top as he continues to breathe thickly into your ear canal. The intensity forcing your skin to break out in goosebumps.
You mewl, and it’s a fucking siren song as he sucks on your earlobe. He drives his covered cock up into you as he takes the cartilage between his teeth, alternating between that and sucking like he’s trying to get milk from nipple.
“Does anyone else know what a naughty little thing you are?” he talks directly into your ear, thumb rubbing over the thin material of your top, your hardened nipples unfortunately hidden behind your push up bra. “Or do you only get like this f’me?”
“Jus’ you…” you sigh, your arm wraps around his neck so that you can hold his head the same way he had yours. Tiny little fingers toy with blonde and pink tufts, he groans slightly at the comforting feeling.
“Darlin’… you know you have to pay, don’tcha?” he asks. It’s so out of the blue, you push away from him. He grins as he watches the confusion and horror take over your facial expression. You were so blissfully at peace, lost in the feeling of his lips and his touch all over your body. “Drugs aren’t free, y’know.”
“B-But…” you think, panicking, “I— nii-chan only left me enough for emergencies…” you tell him, hoping he’ll take pity on you. He offers a fake little pout, tutting at your excuse. It’s so feeble and pathetic and he loves how easy it is to mess with you.
“Awe, baby.” he offers faux sympathy, his thumb stroking over your cheek yet again. “You better do what I say then, yeah? Gonna have to keep bein’ a good girl f’me, ‘n then we can forget the whoooole thing.”
“What do you want me to—”
He thrusts his hips up, and you lose balance, falling perfectly into his arms. He tugs at your crop top, urging you to take it off. You start pulling it upwards, though it’s too slow for his liking. He yanks it over your head, getting a quick eyeful of your tits and aqua blue bra before he sucks hard into the fat flesh of your breasts.
You’re too busy moaning, rolling your hips against him to notice he has unclasped your bra with one hand. He pulls carefully at the straps, ridding you of the material covering part of your modesty. He bites his lip and breathes heavily as he ogles them. You feel the way his cock pulses against your cunt.
“S’fuckin’ pretty—” he muses. You feel different, now. You’re fully on display for him and you are completely at his mercy. Your rational mind is telling you to give him the emergency money your brother left and send him on his way. But sadly for you, your poor neglected pussy wants him to stay and have his way with you. “You’ve gotta suck my cock, baby. Now.” he demands.
Your heartrate sky-rockets. Things are moving so fast you can barely process it at all. You look down between your thighs and see the ever-growing bulge in his shorts. Can you argue with him? Reason with him? It doesn’t matter either way, you’re already sliding carefully onto the ground and getting down on your knees between his spread legs. You aren’t sure where to start. Everything you think about doing dies a sudden death with each new idea that comes to the forefront of your mind.
“Pull it out, hurry up.”
Little hands shake as nimble fingers grip onto the waistband of his shorts. You pull and you pull and he lifts his body to help in your efforts. He almost grunts as his cock springs free, pearlescent pre leaking a ton from his twitching slit.
“Mmmm…” he moans as he grips his cock at the base, shaking it a few times so that the tip hits your nose softly, soupy liquid sticking to you as he does. “Be a good girl, show me how bad you can be.”
There’s not a single universe where you’re successfully concealing your apprehension from him, though he thinks nothing of it. He thinks you’re nervous because you’ve had a crush on him for quite some time now and you don’t want to disappoint him. Your hands carry on shaking as you grab onto his length. He’s huge, both of your little hands are holding him in your grasp and there’s still more of his thickness unable to be held.
You think to start off you should clean the tip; you lick and lave over his throbbing head and your face scrunches as you register the warm tanginess permeating your tastebuds.
His body almost dissolves into the couch as you start to take more and more of him. He shoos your hands away and holds himself so that you can balance your hands on his thighs. His free hand holds your head, forcefully attempting to shove you further and further down on his length until you’re choking on him. You’re spitting and sputtering just like you had when you smoked.
“S’cute.” he moans. The light praise encourages you to keep trying for him. So, you do, try. You try to give him mind blowing head. You try to remember to use your tongue to keep him nice and stimulated as you bob up and down on his cock. You even remember one of your friends telling you that squeezing your thumbs stops you from gagging as much.
But it’s all in vain.
Ryusei hisses, flinching from an amalgamation of too much teeth and not enough spit. He snatches you away by your hair, seeing red veins stabbing through the whites of your eyes as they begin to gloss over. A watery sheen telling him of your deepest shame and embarrassment.
“Are you a fucking virgin, baby?” he wonders. His cock spills more pre as he sees tears fall from your eyes and cascade down your cheeks. The little sniffles you can’t stop are a symphony to him and he can see the way your throat is choking back audible cries. He can hear the little croaks trapped there, though, poor thing. “Never sucked a cock before, have you?”
“’m s-so sorry.” you stop fighting your losing battle as you start to cry, utterly humiliated that your secret has come to light because you did such a terrible job giving head. “I’ll— g-get my purse ‘n then you can just g-o. I’m sor—”
He leans forward, hand snaking between your thighs to cup your cunt. “Never had a cock in her, huh? What about fingers? Anybody ever ate your pussy, sweetheart?”
“N-Nothing!” you speak, almost defiantly though that wasn’t your intention. You’re feeling vulnerable and defensive. You’re embarrassed, and he has his hand somewhere nobody has ever touched you before. “Only kissed before…”
“Mmm… no wonder you’re so wet.” he speaks, though he isn’t seeking a reply. He’s simply musing to himself. He should have known, really. When would you get a chance to fuck and learn how to suck cock when your brother practically holds you hostage in this shit hole apartment? “I won’t fuck you, today. You’re not gonna suck my cock either. Come here.” he continues, he grabs both of your wrists and drags you back to your previous position with little effort. You’re above him, again, your thighs straddling his. “Stand up, actually.” he orders, you obey.
Your tits are still exposed and you’re standing in nothing but your pleated mini skirt and silk panties beneath. He twirls his finger, encouraging you to do a spin for him. You complete it, quickly, your skirt raising ever so slightly and exposing a peak of pink silk before you find a neutral position once more.
“Slower.” he tells you, so you spin again. Slower, just for him. “Stop.” he tells you when your back is facing him.
“Is something wrong, ah—!” you yelp as he ruthlessly kicks the inside of your ankles until your legs are spread apart from each other.
“Bend over, put your hands on the table.” he instructs you. You’re slow in doing so, not wanting to rush this time; though you still feel your heartbeat in your throat. Your skirt rides up, the pink silk completely covering your most precious secret. Though he grunts at the sight, unable to control himself. His jaw clenches and bubbles at the sight of brunette curls peaking from the sides of your panties. “Holy shit, fuck.” he sibilates, thick long fingers hooking into the pink silk. He wastes no time tearing them from your body, shoving them into the pocket of his hoody.
He grabs the globes of your ass, kneading the flesh under your little skirt and parting your pussy lips in the process. He’s enamoured by the sight, the way your arousal has soaked your pubic hair. It’s shimmering, he can’t help but to touch and toy with your pubes when they’re taunting him like this. He can’t remember the last time he fucked a girl with a cute bush of hair like yours. It’s always fucking waxed and landing strips and of course he won’t complain, but seeing your intimate form in all of it’s glory like this… you’re perfect. You’re fucking holy.
He pushes a single finger hastily into your wet hole. You almost fall forward; you cry out from the feeling of being stretched for the very first time.
“Never shave this fucking pussy, yeah? Leave it like this f’me.”
You don’t reply, mind spiralling from the feeling of pain and pleasure as he burrows his finger in deeper and begins to curl it when he feels that perfect little spongy spot buried deep. Your cheeks are stained with glittering tears, the overbearing living room light not offering you any courtesy in that regard. Your tear-stricken face will be exposed to him, eventually.
Will he care?
Will he show concern?
Will he be sympathetic since he is the cause?
It appears not. He holds no consideration as he pummels a second finger inside of your gummy interior. He scissors them again and again and again until you’re practically screaming. It feels worse when he pushes against the spot. That spot that blinds your fucking vision.
“A-Ah. Aaah—!” you sob, scream, anything your body can physically project in your current state. It almost feels like an out of body experience. “Ouch! Ow, R-Ryusei. Hurts! Hurtin’ me—!” you explain. He wraps an arm around your midsection, fingers still cosy deep inside. He pulls you back, your spine flush against his chest. His hand moves from your stomach to your mouth, silencing your cries and whimpers as his fingers carry on battering your g-spot.
“Shhh, it’ll feel good in a minute.” he informs you. “Rub your clit, baby, show me how you touch this virgin cunt.” your entire body becomes scalding in an instant, the lewd language and very notion that you masturbate filling you with unease. But without question, your fingers find the swelling nub between your pussy and begin to rub and rub.
He rests his forehead against your shoulder, smiling down as he hears painful cries turn to libertine moans. His smothering hand frees your airways, allowing you to send your mewling into the airspace freely. He squeezes his cock, hard, and begins to masturbate himself. A sticky, clacking sound filling the room. It’s mixing in with the sound of your squelching cunt.
Your eyes cross as he finds a perfect rhythm with you. You’re sure you look like a bona fide whore, but you can’t bring yourself to care. You’re balancing on the balls of your feet with your legs spread open wide, putting your cunt on full display. Your left hand digs into the leather arm rest beside you, the only form of balance you have.
You’re so fucking loud. He’s never heard anyone scream or moan as loudly in his life, though he’s one to talk. He’s on the verge of cumming after so much torment and he couldn’t be more vocal if he tried.
“D-Do you want all the neighbours to hear what a little slut you are? Want ‘em to tell your brother you got fucked stupid while he was gone?” he asks, it’s rhetorical, of course. He doesn’t care that you’re being loud. He just wants to torment you, tease you and build that unadulterated shame that you’ve had embedded in you your whole life. You are the product of repressed sexual urges. Would you have let a drug dealer strip you and play with your cunt if you weren’t so desperate and needing to be toyed with?
“’m gonna c-cum. Fuck, Ryusei! Cumming f-for you—!” you cry, your walls squeezing his fingers until they feel close to breaking. “Oh my god…” you sob. Your poor little virgin slot throbbing and pulsating around his thick heavy fingers and you continue to cum for what feels like a lifetime. His curling fingers dragging out the feeling for as long as humanly possible.
“Hah- haah- ah, fuck!” he finishes, white, gluey fluid shooting up your back. He fucks his fist until he drains every last drop from his swollen balls. He admires his work, smearing the remaining residue on your ass cheek and your skirt. He wonders if you’ll remember to wash it, God forbid your stupid brother find a cum stain on it.
He scrapes his cum onto his fingers and orders you to face him. He brings his sperm to your lips, expecting you to know what to do.
“Eat.” he says. You hesitate. He wants you to what? It’s a liquid, you can’t eat it. Does he want you to lick his fingers? Put them in your mouth? He’s sick of waiting, however, forcing them by your lips until the bitter taste coats your tongue. “Eat it.” he looks at you with venom in his stare.
You hold his hand sweetly with both of yours. He watches you as you suck his fingers, internally thinking how much better you are doing this than you are at sucking cock. He bears his teeth, the golden one glimmering in your eye once again as you continue to clean the cum from his digits.
“Thaaaat’s it, good girl. It’ll get the taste of weed out of your mouth.” he tells you. You finish sucking, releasing his fingers with a gentle pop before placing his hand back on your thigh.
He allows his fingers to lightly caress your skin. The pads carefully glide over you as you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him for the final time during this encounter. But he wanted to fuck you, didn’t he? He wanted you to suck him off properly, too. He’ll let it go for today, but this certainly won’t be the one and only time you’ll bare it all for him.
You still owe him for the weed, after all.
He thinks he might set up a depraved little payment plan for you.
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© 2023 rinitxshi
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springseasonie · 5 months ago
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First | HRJ (M)
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Best friend Renjun x fem reader
Summary: you and Renjun are both inexperienced, so to combat that, he ask you to be his first kiss. But that one kiss reawakens a whole life of suppressed tension the two of you had for each other that just so happens to explode.
Warnings: sexual content, lots of kissing, masturbation, dry humping, horny virgins, fluff
Word count: 4,2k
A/N: took two request and decided to mash them together. I don't know how to write kissing scenes tbh I've never been kissed so that's not in my area of expertise (nothing I write is) hope y'all enjoy!!!
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Could you be my first kiss?”
You blinked, no words could be said or thought after his sudden request. Renjun, your best friend since elementary school all through this moment, just asked you to kiss him.
“What,” you said, a soft confused laugh falling from your lips to lighten the mood. Part of you really wished he was joking because you hadn't even had your first kiss. “You're joking… right?"
Renjun stares and shakes his head. “I'm serious.”
“But why” you questioned. He gulped, avoiding eye contact with you.
“I..I don't know,” he answered, lips in a slight pout while looking away from you.
A moment of silence passed through the air, nothing but your breathing and the fan cooling the warm summer air. The initial shock of his words wore off with some time, but he was clearly embarrassed. He's been debating for days to actually say anything to you about this, too afraid that it would ruin something between the both of you. But you laughed.
Your small giggle felt like a cold drink on a hot day, providing him comfort and relief in the current situation.
“Sure. I'll be your first kiss.”
Renjun watched you with wide eyes, legs crossed as you turned your body to him, scooting closer. You're his best friend, the one person he's felt comfortable with for most of his life, so why is he starting to feel so nervous all of a sudden? Why are his palms getting sweaty?
“H-have you had your first kiss,” he asked.
No.
“Yes,” you lie. Renjun glances at you. You can tell he's unsure about your answer, knowing that you tend to lie about subjects like this.
“Don't lie,” he says, frowning. “I'm being vulnerable with you so just be honest with me.”
“Fine. I haven't.” You look at him, eyes flickering from his eyes to his lips. Renjun has always been cute, that's what he was known for. Cute, youthful, pretty boy looks, but now you're looking at him a bit differently.
“So this is a first for us both,” he laughs softly. You and Renjun slip into a comfortable silence as you adjust yourself. Sitting on your side in front of him, you didn't really realize how close you were, but he did. He could feel your soft breathing, smell your perfume, see every pore on your face.
“So..what now,” he says. You don't say anything, just shrug and pout, but he can't stand the silence with you being so close to him. His mind was only on your lips, but now he can't stop his eyes from wandering everywhere else. Your neck, your arms, your legs. His eyes wander to your chest going lower and lower until-
“Your face is red,” you say softly, adding salt to his wound of embarrassment. “What are you thinking about?”
“I-Im not thinking of anything,” he stammered.
“Really? Because all I can think about is that first time we met on the playground in school,” you admit, eliciting a strange look from the boy in front of you.
“At a time like this?”
You nod, a smile tugging on your lips. “Yeah. You were so cute and chubby.”
“You guys used to call me marshmallow,” he recounted rolling his eyes.
You laughed, licking your lips as you watched his face get even more red. “Yeah. Remember middle school when we had that trip to the water park.”
He nodded, giving you a small smile. “We went on the biggest water slide together and got in trouble for not meeting the teacher on time.”
“Yeah…it was embarrassing getting yelled at like that.” Your voice was soft, almost as soft as the way you took his hand at the moment he started playing with his fingers. This moment felt so intimate, the tension in the air getting thicker and thicker by the second. You could feel it, and so could he.
“Did you know people thought we were dating?”
Renjun chuckles, nodding as he looks down at your hands. “Yeah. I kind of wanted to.”
Your brows shoot up, a breathy laugh escaping your lips. “Really?”
“We were 13 and you started looking pretty at that age.”
His confession made your heart skip a beat. If your younger self would've heard this, she probably would've freaked out. Dating Renjun who was like a brother to you? Absolutely not. But now that you're older, it's plausible, doable, realistic.
“What about in highschool,” you ask, looking at him curiously.
“I thought you were pretty in highschool too, but you know I had a girlfriend at the time,” he said, making you sigh.
“Right I remember, she was your first girlfriend. I never liked her,” you confessed, making him laugh.
“I know you didn't. It was obvious.” Renjun sighs at the memories of his first girlfriend. He really liked her, but he was naive and didn't realize that she only wanted one thing from him that he couldn't give. Renjun didn't have the courage to kiss or have sex with her, which led to them breaking up months later. He was bummed about it, with you to help him carry his burden. But now that he's 21, instead of trying to find the right moment, he decided to make one with you.
“Why did you decide today was the day you wanted to kiss me,” you ask, completely changing the topic.
This question immediately pulled him back into reality instead of the deepest pits of his mind. Your fingers were soft on his, playing with his fingers. But he soon felt your playfulness begin to falter when you held his hand in yours.
“Reasons,” he answered.
“You like me that much?”
“Ew, of course not.” The both of you laughed at his response, once again falling into a comfortable silence.
The tension, anticipation, heat coming from the both of you. At this point it felt like a waiting game to see who was going to make the first move. A game you were too impatient for despite never actually kissing someone before. But something told you to just do it, so you did in the best way possible. You kissed him, your hand still on his. And he kissed you back.
It was small, short, sweet, and innocent. The feeling of your lip gloss remained on his lips giving him a sudden wash of comfort. Your eyes flutter open to see him already staring at you, lids heavy as he watches your face.
“That's was nice-”
“You're so pretty Y/N-”
Silence filled the space, allowing you to take in his words. A smile spread on your lips, doe eyes looking at him through your lashes. “You think I'm pretty,” you say, a small giggle behind your words.
It feels like a light burst in his heart when he hears you giggle. He always thought you were pretty, who wouldn't? You would never know, but growing up, everyone fawned over you.
He nods, tongue gliding over his lips. “I always thought you were pretty.”
And with that sentence, the nerves set in. An innocent kiss was one thing but the energy was beginning to shift and you didn't know what to do with it.
“Did the…did the kiss feel okay,” you ask, now looking away from him entirely, palms sweaty in his as you watched your lap.
Renjun didn't say anything verbally, but if you could read his mind, you'd know what he would say. He could probably kiss you forever, taking in the soft feeling of your lips, your soft voice, nice hands.
“Can I kiss you again,” he asks, staring at your mouth.
With a full you nodded, turning your head to him. In one swift movement, his lips were on yours. He attached himself to you so naturally, it almost shocked you. While you were too busy trying to figure out where to put your hands, he already had his mind made up, placing his hand on your thigh.
“I-Im sorry I don't know where to put my hands,” you say, awkwardly breaking this kiss.
The tension in the room multiplies. He could hear your heartbeat out of your chest and you could hear his shaky breath. That's when it dawned on you that this was real. All too real. You were about to make out with your best friend.
“It's okay, you can just-”
“No, I'm okay.” You scooted away from him, his hand still on your leg as you moved. You didn't want to look at him, knowing that if you saw him, his cheeks would be the prettiest shade of pink, lips glossy, pupils dilated. “Is it okay if we just… stop for today?”
Renjun wasn't surprised or taken back, moreso relieved you asked him to stop. If you hadn't, he would've had a bigger issue than just wanting to kiss you. But Renjun wouldn't let you do that to him - do anything to him for that matter. Not even if you wanted to, if it felt good to have your hands on his body, or feel your weight on top of him.
“It's fine,” he said abruptly, trying to make you feel less awkward. “Thank you… for being my first kiss.”
“I should be saying the same thing,” you joke, avoiding eye contact. But something in you wants more. You don't know what it is, if you want to kiss him or maybe more. You couldn't possibly want more, he's your best friend, he's like a brother to you - was like a brother to you. But something about the quiet of the room, the way his hand rests on your bare skin, how flushed his face is right now. The more you look at him, the more you feel the need to squirm where you sit. His eyes are droopy, staring at your lips as you begin to bite them.
There's a small voice in the back of your head saying do it, it's okay, but you can't cross that line. You wouldn't even know what to do and neither would he.
“I uh,” you start, gulping at the tension. “I think I'm gonna go home now.”
His brows shot to his forehead, relief and disappointment washing over him. “Oh yeah, sure. I can drop you off if you wa-”
“No, it's okay. I'll just walk. It's still bright out, I don't mind,” you interrupt.
“Oh.” You could sense the disappointment in his voice but you have to pull away from him as much as possible for the rest of the night. You stood up, gathering yourself in the most normal way you could at the moment, trying not to cringe at how much your panties stuck to your core.
“We can meet up tomorrow, yeah?”
“Sure, your place this time,” he says quietly.
“Okay. Have a good night Junnie.”
You left his room and then his apartment, door shutting loudly as you walked out. Your body was no longer there, but your presence lingered, the smell of your perfume lingered. And unfortunately, your presence helped create the tent that's in his pants at the moment. He couldn't believe it, but the truth is that you made him hard. His first kiss with you made him hard like a teenage boy.
“Fuck,” he mumbled to himself, body heating up at the thought of you doing more to him that just kissing.
He just needed to release some of that pressure, just get rid of it for the night. Renjun reached his hand down his pants grabbing his cock through his boxers. He couldn't even be bothered to undress, just wanting to clear his head. But with every stroke, the foggier his brain got, images of your lips pretty and glossy before you kissed him flashing through his head.
You're so sweet. You've always been sweet to him. So selfless and caring, you even let him have your first kiss. You could've given it to someone you actually liked but you decided to give it to him. And the thought of that makes him stroke his cock faster, small whines and grunts falling from his lips. He can't say this is his first time touching himself to the thought of you.
He moved his hand faster and faster, just you clouding his thoughts. His body became too hot, hand speeding up. Renjun has never been one to cum too fast from masturbating, but you make him crazy, you make him sensitive.
“Fuck, fuck, oh my God..” He came hard in his hands, cum coating his fingers as his soft moans filled the room. But even after cumming to clear his mind, he can't stop thinking about you. Maybe the next day will help him get some more things off his chest, and maybe you can help.
-
Your stomach did flips when Renjun walked into your room, memories of the night before flickering through your mind. The way he looked at you, his lips on yours, hands on your thighs. God, it was all too much. Once you got home you had to take a cold shower, attempting to take your best friend off your mind.
The water hitting your body only took your thoughts off him for a moment, soon to be replaced by the possibility of his hands sliding between your legs later the next day. And now he's in your bedroom once again looking cute as ever. Hair freshly washed, skin glowing, and he smells amazing. It's almost like he is begging for you to pounce on him.
You say on your bed, watching him walk over to you. His eyes never left your body, the energy from his movements telling you all you needed to know about his intentions, but instead of acting on it, he simply sat next to you.
“How was your night,” you ask, avoiding looking at your best friend.
“It was okay,” he answered, fidgeting with his hands.
“You know, I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly yesterday,” you say, now facing him. Renjun turns to you, lips wet and pupils dilated.
“You don't need to apologize. I was getting…ahead of myself,” he admitted.
“No you were okay-”
“Okay,” he questioned, chuckling softly. “Damn, I know I never kissed anyone but you didn't have to put it that way.”
A warm laugh left your throat, eyes closing as you threw your head back laughing at his sense of humor. That's one thing you always loved about him, he always knew how to make a joke out of a nerve wracking situation. Your laugh relieved tension for your case, but only added tension for him. Your pretty neck showcases for him made the man dizzy. This is the worst part of being a virgin for sure, anything makes him excited.
“Junnie, that's not what I meant,” you giggled. “I didn't leave because of you, I left because of me. I got nervous. It was starting to feel really…”
“Intimate,” he finished.
There it is, that tingle in your stomach.
“Can I be honest with you Y/N?”
You nod, not realizing how heavy you're breathing.
“I know I'm your best friend, and this isn't something I'm supposed to say,” he started. Renjun couldn't control himself anymore, not with you in your shorts and his T-shirt. “I really want to kiss you.”
That's all you needed to hear because you wanted it too. But you needed to hear it again and then you wanted him to take you and do it.
“Kiss me?”
“Don't pretend you don't want me to.”
Before you could even respond, he moves closer to you, hands on your waist like a magnet. Renjun’s heart was beating out of his chest. He's never been this forward with a girl like this in his life, but something about you does something to him. Your expression of shock but also desperation was eating him alive, he needed you badly.
Renjun kisses you like he did the night before, soft and gentle, pressing his delicate fingers into your waist. Plump lips moving on yours like he'd done this a million times, so comfortable with you in his grasp and you love it too. This time you know where to put your hands. Your hands make their way to his chest, slightly tugging at his white shirt. Eyes closed, feeling every inch of his body that's on yours but you see sparks.
You never knew someone could feel this good with just kissing, but it's good to you. The way his lips mold with yours is perfect, coupled with his ragged breathing and the way his tongue licks your bottom lip softly.
“Junnie,” you whisper breathlessly, brows knit. “I uh…”
“Shh..” Renjun, swallows your words whole, kissing you what he thinks is deeper. You go with it, because it feels right, just like anything else with him. “Fuck,” he mumbles on your lips.
“W-what's wrong?”
“I've never been this hard in my life.” Renjun chases your strawberry flavored lip gloss lips once you pull away to look at his painful hard on. He can see you're thinking about something, contemplating on it. But he can't wait for you to make up your mind. His hands leave your waist, flying to your chest as he kisses you more, groping you carefully.
A gasp leaves your lips, the feeling of being touched like this being completely foreign to you, but natural to him. Shaky breaths fall from your plump lips as the male in front of your kisses your face, smudging your own gloss on your cheeks. You gulp, the feeling of his hands squeezing the life out of you making you want more. You need more. You need a release.
“Lay down Junnie,” you say softly, catching him by surprise.
Renjun lays down watching you stand up in front of him. His eyes almost pop out of his head watching you get rid of your shirt. You rest your hands on the waist of your shorts, eyes lingering on the man in front of you.
“I realize what I'm about to do might be stupid but I know you want it to,” you say.
His eyes go even wider. “A-already? We just kissed yesterday. I don't think we're ready to-”
“Relax, I'm not having sex with you. Trust me I'm not ready either, but..” you pause, pulling your shorts down to reveal pink lace panties. “I just want to make you feel good.”
He watched you climb on top of him, heart about to just out his chest when the entire weight of your ass was on his cock. This is the prettiest you've ever been. Renjun follows your hands as they make their way to his chest, tugging his shirt up to reveal his toned body. There's something so sensual about the way you're looking down at him, like you've been dreaming of this.
You lean down, kissing him as your hips roll down on his, his clothes cock making your senses tingle. But before you could move again, he stopped you.
“Wait,” he says. Renjun lifts his hips, tugging his sweats down just enough that you could feel his hard cock directly on your pussy. You rest your body on his once again, the only thing on your mind being getting yourself off at this point.
Renjun marveled at the way you move your body on him with no hesitation. It seemed like all the tension was gone and you knew exactly what you were doing. The way you felt on top of him was indescribable. He's never experienced anything like this in his life and never thought he would be with you.
You grinded on him slowly, taking in the feeling of the fabric on your clit. Nothing but the sound of pants and heavy breathing filled the room. Renjun feels like he died and went to heaven being able to see you like this.
“How does it feel,” you asked, brows furrowed in pleasure.
In all actuality, it feels like it came right out of a porno. You're grinding on him in your pretty panties and his shirt half way up in your girly bedroom. The only thing that's keeping either of you from fucking is anxiety and the sheer fabric covering yourselves.
“Good,” he says. “Fuck, have you done this before?”
“Only on my pillows.”
Every time you spoke, it gave him whiplash. Renjun swears he knows everything about you, but the second he places his hands on your hips he becomes enlightened. Unintentionally, Renjun guides your hips on top of him, your soaking wet panties making his boxers damp. You're so wet you don't even realize how much of a mess you're making on top of him.
You're like a wet dream, a hazy expression while you gaze down at him who's not taking his eyes off of you, makes him want you more. So badly he wants to take your bra off, eyes flickering from your face to your chest every 2 seconds. You know what he wants, but for some reason, you're enjoying the pitiful look on his face. The way his brows scrunch, the way he holds onto you for life.
“Renjun,” you moaned softly. You grinded on him harder, desperately trying to give your clit more stimulation on the girth of his cock.
The man beneath you pants loudly, Every time your hands move on his chest, a shiver runs down his body wanting more of your touch. He's rock hard, every movement you make sending him closer and closer to the edge, but he doesn't want to cum so early, not wanting this moment to end.
“fuck you feel so good,” he groans, hands on your hips guiding your movements. “Y/N, I don't think I can last long if you keep moving like that.”
You kept grinding, whining and whimpers falling out your lips along with him. You didn't care if he came before you, it just felt so good.
“Like this?”
Renjun's brows furrow, mouth open when you circle your hips on him. “Fuck, I'm gonna cum Y/N,” he moans.
“Me too Junnie.”
You move faster, the need to release is taking over your body. You felt Renjun's cock pulsing between your legs, clit rubbing so good against the fabric of your panties. The tight feeling in your abdomen becomes tighter the faster you grinded. Just before you feel yourself becoming undone, Renjun begins to tremble underneath you.
“Fuck Y/N,” he moans. Renjun came hard, his boxers becoming even more damp with his cum. Overstimulated, his strong hands that gripped you before began to loosen, shaking on your hips.
“Junnie, I-Im cumming,” you gasp, whimpering softly on top of him. Legs shaking, hands holding his shirt for life, eyes screwed shut. This view of you is everything he possibly imagined while jerking off, but maybe 100 times better.
Heavy breaths filled the room, your neat blanket now disheveled underneath you both. Renjun looked up at you, admiring how pretty you look even after you lose yourself. Pretty lips, pretty neck, even your sweat smells pretty. But a quick glance to where you bodies meet soon pulls out his own thoughts, realizing what he just did.
“Fuck,” he huffed out. “That was, uh..”
“Good,” you finished.
Renjun nodded, gulping at your direct response. His body stiffened, feeling you run your fingers down his chest unintentionally, face turning even more red than before. He was feeling so confident before, but now he feels like he can shrivel into a corner. You lift your hips from his, both of your fluids making your clothes stick to each other. The cold air instantly hits your wet panties, making you shiver and cringe.
Renjun sits up, leaning on his shoulders to see the damage you two had done. “Damn,” he mumbled. “I definitely need to change.”
“Me too,” you agreed. You laugh softly, looking over to the boy whose face was redder than a tomato. “That got a little out of hand didn't it?”
“Yeah, but it wasn't enough.”
You whipped your head to him, immediately clocking his implication. “Renjun, you're crazy,” you gushed, covering your face in your hands. “We can't have sex right now.”
“I know,” he chuckled softly. “Whenever we're ready, it'll happen.”
“Who said it was gonna be with you,” you joke. Instead of him following along, he just looks at you with a mix of desire and warmth that makes your tummy tingle. Renjun doesn't respond to your statements and just keeps staring at you like he's waiting for something that won't happen, you break the short silence. “I'm gonna get cleaned up.”
He doesn't say anything, just watches you stand up quickly, grabbing whatever clothes you see first. You think he's entirely checked out with the rest of the day, but all he can think about is how perfect you are and how badly he can't wait to be your first.
“I'll be back in 10,” you say, making your way to your bathroom.
“Don't have too much fun without me” he calls out.
“Wouldn't dream of it.”
And now he knows that you're definitely his first love and he couldn't want it any other way.
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Text
It’s Been a Long, Long Time ❥
Pairing: Pre!Outbreak Joel Miller x Fem!Reader 
Summary: You’re the school nurse at Sarah’s middle school and you’re volunteered to chaperone the school dance alongside her father, Joel Miller. After some other teachers upset you there, he makes a point of showing you how he feels while also teaching those assholes a lesson. 
A/N: okay so i know i just wrote one but you guys were so sweet in the notes :) *sobbing* and im obsessed with him so another Joel Miller fic for you, this one’s more fluffy tho here’s a sweet, smutty one, inspired by that one scene in “The Lost Husband” YALL KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT, enjoy and feedback as always is appreciated >~< i cant stop writing him PREPARED TO BE SICK O’ ME
Word Count: 4k
Warnings: SMUT 18+, fluff, cheesy, just absolute fuckin fluff, mentions of death, months pre-outbreak, language, reader is insulted, slight angst, mentions of alcohol, slight age gap, reader has panic attack, public making out, jealous!reader, Joel loves his pet names, he talks you through it, oral f! receiving, p in v, praise, unprotected sex, y’all it’s a lot 
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You sip on your mug full of sugary coffee and rub your temple, tired from a night of little sleep. That’s when Sarah Miller, your favorite student, patient, and professional instigator, strides through your office doors with a big smile on her face. 
You open up your snack drawer with an affectionate roll of your eyes, grab a pack of skittles, and throw it her way. 
She catches it mid-air and sits down on the bed by your door, kicking her feet while she pops only the red ones into her mouth. 
“You’re gonna get me in trouble one of these days, hun,” you breathe a laugh. 
“Don’t worry,” she sighs, still grinning. “I’m on my lunch break and I finished it fast so I could come see you.”
You smile softly behind the rim of your mug, “Well, I’m glad to see you. What is it that you’re smiling so much about?”
“Awe,” she points to your mug. “You’re using the mug I got you.”
You look at the front of the mug, the words, “World’s Greatest Grandma”, on the front of if it with the word Grandma scratched out with a wash-proof marker and replaced with “Nurse”. She claimed she couldn’t find one that said what she wanted so she had to get creative. It makes you laugh every time you pick it up. 
“It’s my most prized possession,” you nod, matching her expression. “Now answer my question.”
She leans forward, having finished off all the red skittles, and hands it back to you so you can eat the rest. 
She says it in one, hyperactive breath, “I got my dad to volunteer at the school dance!”
You choke a bit on your coffee.
Setting down the bag of skittles and your mug, you look up at her and chuckling, “Why would you want to do that? Don’t most kids want their parents far away from their homecoming?”
She shakes her head like you’re not getting what she’s saying, exasperated, “I invited him for you, Nurse y/n.”
“I- Why would you-” you let out a nervous laugh before pulling yourself together. “Sarah. Why would you invite him for me, sweetheart?”
“Because you like him,” she props her head up against the wall behind her, a sly little smirk on her lips. She crosses her legs. “Obviously.”
You sip your coffee, a small scoff leaving you, “I don’t have a crush on your father, Ms. Miller. Since when do you play matchmaker, huh?”
“Since he asks about you like all the time,” she groans. “I told him that you’re coming and he basically dropped everything to come.”
Heat blooms in your face but you clear your throat and feign nonchalance despite it. It would be incredibly unprofessional for you to have a juvenile, little crush on a student’s father. Even if he is incredibly handsome, sweet, charming, funny, and a wonderful, single father to his little girl who you also have a soft spot for. 
But you do and you’re convinced it’s a bit bigger than a little one. You don’t act on it though because you’ve kidded yourself into thinking it would go away, wither from neglect like a dying plant with no sun. However, that hasn’t worked out very well so far. 
Sarah doesn’t miss the flush in cheeks and the small smile you dawn before maintaining your composure once again. She decides to hold onto this information instead of call you out because she’s nothing if not devious. She’s very observant for a 14 year old, you’re sure she gets it from her sharp father. 
He doesn’t let anything get past him, like hair in your face that he pushes away for you, a fallen eyelash on your cheek, your shoelace undone, your ponytail getting loose and about to fall out, and whatever else. It’s been almost an entire school year of this, going on field trips, meetings, him picking Sarah up from school when she’s sick (whether she fakes it or not), and around your shared neighborhood because even if it was big in Austin, Texas, he made it feel so damn small. 
And now Sarah says this and you can’t contain your excitement. But also your nerves were shot, you haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time. It scares the hell out of you.
“I’m not volunteering,” you laugh. “Why’d you lie to him?”
“Because I’m going to convince you to come,” she raises her eyebrows. “Please, please, please, please!” she clasps her hands together. “I’ll buy you all the skittles you want, I’ll take the red ones out of all of them for you, too!”
“What if I’m busy?”
“I know you’re not.”
You gasp, “Rude, Sarah! I should write you up for that,” you tease. 
She smiles, “Come on, you can come and wear a pretty dress, drink punch, and eat free food. What’s not to like?”
“The bitchy moms and other teachers, for one thing-” you put a hand over your mouth. “I’m so sorry, Sarah. I shouldn’t have said that,” you chuckle, embarrassed, with your face in your hands.
She waves you off, “My father cusses like a sailor and I won’t tell. I don’t like anyone that works here besides you, anyway.”
“Well, now I feel like I have to,” you relent with a sigh, mulling it over. She was right in that you didn’t have anything to do, so what was the risk here?  
She looks at you expectantly, mustering up puppy dog eyes to persuade you. 
“If I go... no teasing me and your dad. He and I are just good friends,” you say, which is at least half true. “We enjoy each other’s company, nothing more.”
“Uh-huh,” she says in a sing-song, knowing voice, fingers crossed behind her back. “Sure, Nurse y/n. I promise.”
“I’m serious,” you point at her, taking the last sip of your coffee just as the class bell rings. “Now get out of here and go to math.”
She groans in protest but hops down from the table anyway and fakes being dizzy, “What if I have a fever?” She coughs. 
“Then walk it off,” you chuckle, knowing she’s lying. “See you tonight, Sarah.”
She grins widely, waving, running out, “Bye! Dad and Nurse Y/n sitting in a tree-”
“Sarah!”
~~~
Walking into the schools’ gymnasium, you’re almost shaking with nerves when you walk in. You feel like a teenager again, anxious and waiting for someone to ask you to dance. 
You slipped on a black slip dress with white trim at the ends and the sweetheart neckline, it hugs your body nicely and accentuates curves, dips, and makes your skin glow with a red sweater that hits at your waist and matches your red, strappy heels. Your hair is pulled back with barrettes to show off your makeup and fresh curls. 
The dance has already started thirty minutes ago, so everyone’s already dancing and having fun to the child-friendly music that the DJ spins for the room. You pick up a red solo cup filled with crappy fruit punch and spot Sarah in the crowd with a few of her friends. 
She waves enthusiastically in your direction before running over to you and hugging your side. “You look so pretty, Nurse Y/n!”
“Thank you, sweetheart. So do you!” you hug her back, trying the punch and wincing at the off-taste. “Tonight, you can just call me Y/n, if you want.”
She smiles, glowing at your arrival, “My dad’s over there talking to another parent. I’ll go tell him you’re here.”
You look up when she says this and meet his eyes from across the room, which means he was already looking. Joel Miller cracks a lopsided smile at you, excuses himself from his conversation with a pestering mom, and crosses the room to the two of you. 
He’s wearing a red flannel shirt, rolled up on his burly forearms, tucked into a pair of dark jeans with a black belt holding the pants up. His hair is slightly wet from a shower, you presume, and he smells of aftershave and smoke and cedar wood. He looks so good, standing in front of you with those all-encompassing brown eyes, you think you might cry. 
Those said eyes fall over you, and admire your dress, your hair, your everything. He looks down at his daughter, watching you both with avid attention. 
“Don’t you have friends to get back to, chick?” he cocks an eyebrow down at his scheming daughter. 
She rolls her eyes, smoothing out her blue dress. Her hair is braided into a bun at the back of her head, matching teal flowers pinned in her curls. “Okay, dad. Have fun!”
She races back to her group of friends and leaves you and Joel alone, two awkward adults who feel like kids again.
“You did her hair tonight?” you smile softly, gushing a bit now. “It looks so nice.”
He flushes and scratches the back of his neck, “Thank you. I tried my best, she did most of it. I just wanted tonight to be perfect for her. She forced me to come, though.”
“She got me, too,” you tilt your head, biting back a grin. “She should be a lawyer when she grows up, this kid.”
He looks out at her dancing with her friends and smiles fondly, “She would be great.” His eyes fall back down to you, “You look beautiful... by the way.”
You beam, “Thank you. You clean up pretty well yourself, too, Joel.”
A blush spreads across his nose and cheeks, “Thanks. I was worried it was too simple and that I should have worn a suit... I didn’t know if it was nice enough to-”
You place your hand on his arm to stop his rambling, “You look great. Seriously. Don’t worry, all the moms and teachers will still drool over you.”
He pinches his brow when he stares down at you. You get the sudden urge to smooth out the small wrinkle between his eyebrows, ease his tensions. 
“Really?” he pins you down with his stare, but his dark eyes are glittering with amusement. “You’re way off base, sweetheart, I promise you. None of them think of me like that.”
You ignore the heat blooming in your chest at the nickname, he used it often but it never failed to make your brain short-circuit, “They all talk about you.”
He raises his eyebrows, “You’re joking.”
Jealousy swirls in your belly at the thought of these women and the things you’ve heard around school, but you pull it together with a quick tilt of your head, “I’m not laughing, am I?”
He notices your jaw clench a bit and how you gulped before speaking, logging the observations for later, “How do you notice?”
“How do you not!” you say, moving to his side and unintentionally brushing your arm against his. He shivers. “It’s obvious. It’s hard not to.”
His eyes linger on your lips before glancing back up your eyes, “Maybe I’ve been distracted.”
You grow flustered under his gaze and look ahead, stammering, “Yeah... maybe. And well... Sarah tells me that they ask her about your life in the pickup line after school. So it’s proving to be borderline obsession,” you laugh.
He smiles softly, seeing past your nerves, “Poor Sarah. She must love that,” he says dryly. 
“Sarah might say some choice words about them,” you shrug your shoulders. “She’s fine, though. I probably shouldn’t have told you, we tend to share secrets,” you look at him, filled with care for his daughter, for him.
“She adores you,” he says sincerely and you can tell by the warmth in his tone that he means it and appreciates it. “You’ve quickly become one of her favorite people within a little over half a school year. Tommy thinks you’re great too, from the few interactions you’ve had when he picks her up sometimes.”
You grin and his chest seizes at the light that exudes from your sweet expression, “Tommy’s a wonderful uncle. Good brother too. He talks about you often.”
“Oh yeah?” he looks at you, his voice sends shivers straight through you. “And what does he say?”
“Can’t betray a friend’s trust,” you shake your head, teasing. 
He discreetly shows you his flask of whiskey, “Not even if I let you drink from my emergency flask?”
“Maybe I’ll tell you one thing,” you hold up a finger and he slips you the flask, cracking a dazzling smile, while you turn around and take a long sip. The DJ transitions the E.D.M to a slow song, something sweet and best to sway to. 
He takes a long sip himself and tucks it away in his pocket again, holding out his hand to you, “Do you want to tell me while we dance, darlin?”
You look around the room, your boss nowhere in sight. There was technically no rule against dating a student’s parent, but you didn’t want the judgement. You knew the people around here talked and there would be rumors, shaming. But he’s looking at you like you’re the only person in the room, putting himself out on a limb just to ask you to dance.
It didn’t have to mean anything anyway, it could just be two friends sharing a dance. You’ve danced with friends. It’s the same thing. Your internal monologue was racing a mile a minute. 
“Are we allowed to? I mean, as chaperones.”
“We’re watching the students more closely.” 
“Yeah, I just...” you pause, pinching your brow.
His face falls slightly. “If you don’t want to, we don’t have to,” he starts to pull his hand away. “It’s really no-”
You put your hand in his, “I’d love to dance with you, Joel.”
Warmth blooms in his handsome face and he pulls you into the crowd of dancing people. Joel pulls you gently towards him, placing his hands on your waist as you wrap your arms up and around his neck. You both try to keep your distance, make a good example for the kids, but it’s growing increasingly harder for him not to hold you close and kiss you right here in front of all these people. 
You catch Sarah giggling excitedly at you both dancing, whispering with her friends. You roll your eyes with a small smile. 
You look up at Joel, resisting the urge to lay your head against his chest, “You still want to know something Tommy said?”
“Desperately,” he laughs. 
“He told me you said I’m pretty.”
Rosy color spreads across his nose, but his eyes are darkened, his lips part slightly, “I should’ve known he’d tell you.”
“So he’s telling the truth?”
His eyes soften, “Of course he is.”
“Well... thank you,” you flush, blood rushing to your face, making Joel smile. You feel like a schoolgirl again. 
He chuckles, eyes searching your face, “You’re welcome.”
You tilt your head, “You’re pretty, too, Joel.”
He spins you as the song picks up a bit and pulls you back to him, your dress spinning as you do. He pulls you back against his chest, hands in against shirt and his around your waist. Warmth radiates from his broad chest, his hands are calloused even through the fabric of your slip dress, and your breath catches in your throat.
He doesn’t pay any mind to the stares he gets for doing it, but he lets his head drop to your shoulder, writing love letters in your skin when he lets out a breath. He says nothing about the compliment but he’s holding you closer, and that’s all he needs to do. A quiet understanding washes over the two of you in that moment. 
Joel’s always been the strong and silent type, but the longer the two of you have known one another, the closer you get, he’s begun to let more things slip. He begins to ramble, his nerves making an appearance when he’s near you, a teenager again. Then there are times like now when his actions do all the talking for him and neither of you need to comment on it. 
Then there are others when he won’t shut the fuck up. 
“People are looking,” you whisper. 
“Do you want me to stop?”
“...No.”
“Then why do you care what they think?”
There’s a beat of silence before you sigh out the three words, “I don’t know.”
“We’re not Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey over here, the kids will be fine,” he teases. Then he lifts his head to bring your joined hands up to his side, moving you to the changed song with the more upbeat tempo. 
You snort, “Wouldn’t that be something.”
“If we were somewhere else...” he muses, looking at you to gauge your reaction.
You meet his eyes, your own crinkling with amusement, “You’d do the lift?”
He throws his head back with a thunderous laugh, “I’d try for you.”
“Think I’m too heavy?”
“God, no,” he spins the two of you, dodging a pair of kids dancing. “I’m just old.”
“You’re like 35, Joel.”
“You’re only 27, you don’t get it yet,” he whispers into the side of your hair and you laugh, not even bothering to glance in the direction of the judgmental moms and teachers. 
Joel Miller had a talent of making you feel like the only person in the room. 
The song ends and you feel out of breath just from being this close to him. You step away from him and smile softly, “I gotta run to the restroom. I’ll be back.”
His eyes sweep over you, then he nods, “Okay.”
“What?” you grin. “No dad joke about not falling in?”
“I’m classy Joel tonight,” he chuckles. “No bathroom jokes.”
You shake your head with a laugh as you walk back towards the restrooms. Stepping inside, you move to stand in front of the mirror and grab your lipstick from your bag, fixing up your makeup. You try to calm your nerves, hands shaking when you bring the golden tube to your lips. 
After taking a deep breath, your mind begins to wander about how his hands felt on your skin and how he thinks you’re pretty. The thoughts fill your head and litter your skin with goosebumps. 
You don’t usually like being the center of attention, but with Joel around you, it was hard not to be. And you couldn’t say you minded it. 
A few other women walk through the door and you recognize them to be Bethany, Sarah’s rude math teacher, Cara, a mom who gives you trouble constantly, and Kristina, another mom who thinks Joel is hot and constantly asks Sarah questions about him. 
“Hey, y/n!” Bethany draws out in a sing-song, forced way that sends a chill through your body. “Saw you out dancing with Mr. Miller. Ain’t y’all cute?”
You look at her blankly in your reflection and she clears her throat. 
“Adorable,” Cara’s shark eyes roam you over in the mirror, making you feel small as you fix your foundation. You don’t let it show though, you weren’t going to give them the satisfaction.
“Such a shame about Joel’s wife,” Kristina hums, putting on her own bright pink lipstick. “Wonder if he’s still looking for a stepmom for sweet little Sarah.” 
The three of them laugh together and you feel your blood pressure quickly rise. Three wild vultures circling a carcass, kicking it while it’s down. 
“Can we not tonight, ladies?” you turn around to look at them. “Let’s just forget this and have fun.”
“What do you mean, dear? This is fun,” Bethany blinks her stark, blue eyes, red lips curling. “This must be a lot for her though, girls. She’s probably having a rough time considering what happened to her.”
You freeze.
“Oh yeah...” Cara finishes her makeup and frowns at you. “I remember hearing your fiancee passed away before you came here, how sad.”
Your blood runs cold, sirens going off in your head, and a pounding begins in your skull. No one’s brought up Rick since you’ve gotten here, you’ve dodged the questions from the nosy parents, the gossiping neighbors, and the rude coworkers. You don’t know how they figured it out, and now you feel it, being back in the car with Rick the night that it happened. 
Joel and Sarah didn’t even know, you had pushed it to the back of your mind so you would never find it again. Now it’s coming back like a wave, full force, and pulling you under the current until you’re drowning. 
“Then you moved here to Austin in July,” Kristina slits her eyes at you and cocks her head to the side. “Now you’re trying to get back out there with Joel, huh? Like you’d really have a chance with him.” 
She looks in your direction and it’s as if she sees right through you, past your carefully created facade and into your core, that sad, broken girl with no family left and nowhere to go. 
Your eyes fill with hot tears, you want to run away, but you can’t move. You’re frozen, feet glued to the linoleum tile. 
“I knew Rick... your fiancee,” Bethany says. “He was so sweet. We went to college together.”
“So sweet,” Cara looks at you and flashes another sickly sweet smile.
You inhale sharply, tears falling down your face. You hastily wipe it away, “I... I gotta go.”
You grab your purse off the counter and rush out of the door, slamming into a hard chest and a pair of hands that fly to catch you by the waist. 
Joel stares down at you, grounding you, and your eyes begin to brim with tears, “What’s wrong, sugar? What happened?”
The words tumble out of you, wiping away the tears that slip out while you ramble on, “Nothing, I just... the women in there, they’re horrible, they hate me, and they make me feel like shit. They brought up Rick and they think you’re hot and they think we’re dating and I just wanna go. I’m just gonna go home-”
He looks over your head at three women leaving the bathroom, waving in his direction. 
Joel looks back down at you before tucking his fingers into the straps of your dress and pulling you into a searing kiss. Your inhale sharply when his soft lips meet yours, and your hands grip onto his flannel shirt, sighing into his mouth. He slips his hands up to the back of your neck, tilting your face up to kiss you more completely, unraveling you in his capable hands. 
Bethany stares at you wide eyed, getting the other girls attention, all jaws dropped in utter shock at the image before them. 
His tongue dances with yours as he moves his lips expertly, his thumb gently rubbing against your cheekbone as he coaxes your lips open. He hums small praises while tracing shapes into your skin. You let a small noise slip past you, unable to contain how good he’s making you feel, swallowing your sadness and helping you breathe again. 
He groans as he forces himself to pull away from you, struggling not to kiss you again. Forgetting you’re not alone. 
Joel’s hands slip down to rest on your shoulders, lips flushed and swollen from the kiss, voice gravelly, “I hate terrible people.”
You look at him, mouth parted, lipstick probably smudged. He licks his lips before glaring at back at the women before they scoff and walk away, muttering under their breath. 
Neither of you get the time to speak of it before Sarah is running down the hallway, after hearing the commotion. You and Joel split apart when she comes up, and she’s smiling widely. 
“Kelsey asked if I could sleepover, can I go get my stuff at the house and go to her place? Pretty please,” she begs her dad, clasping her hands together. 
He tears his eyes away from you and nods, smiling, “Yeah, that’s fine. We’ll head home and I’ll walk you there.”
Sarah grins happily before looking up at you. “Everything okay, y/n?”
You force a smile and fix a flower falling out of her hair, “Yeah, I’m good. And I think I’m ready to go, too.”
“Do you need a ride?” Joel asks. “I know you walked here cause we all live so close, but I don’t want you walkin’ home in the dark. Also Sarah’s got control of the radio on the way back,” he offers you a grin. “She’s got good taste.”
“We’re listening to 80′s hits,” Sarah nods, taking her job very seriously. 
You nod, feeling better just by being near the two of them. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
~~~
“Head Over Heels” by Tears For Fears is blaring through Joel’s truck and you’re humming under your breath while Sarah is screaming it in the backseat. Joel laughs at his daughter in the rearview mirror. 
Grieving your boyfriend’s death has been something you’ve pushed aside for a long time. You knew these women could be catty, but you never thought they’d be downright cruel to you, bringing up Rick the way they did. Looking out the window, you think back to the moment you felt frozen in that bathroom, unable to speak or move. You feel embarrassed for not standing up for yourself, blaming yourself instead of them and their hateful words. 
Joel notices your faraway expression and rests his hand on your thigh in a way so Sarah can’t see. He rubs his thumb over your bare skin and it both calms and excites you, heat rushing to the apex of your legs. 
You let out a small sigh and lean back into the chair, resting your hand on top of his. He has to rip his eyes off of you, willing himself to ignore your pleased exhales if he was going to drive properly. 
He pulls the car into the driveway one-handed and comes to a stop, turning around to talk to Sarah, “Go grab your stuff, chick, and we’ll go to Kelsey’s.”
She nods and hops out, running towards the house.
Joel turns to you, hand still on your leg, clearly nervous, “Do you want... do you want to come inside? I have wine and some clothes you can put on, if you want something more comfortable.”
You search his set features for confirmation, “You sure? I can just walk next door to my house, I don’t wanna put you out-”
“Y/n...” he stops you. “You should know by now that if I say something I mean it, I promise you.”
You didn’t know if it was a good idea being with him alone like this, but you honestly didn’t want to be by yourself right now. 
You relent with a nod, “Alright. You had your chance to change your mind,” you flash a sneaky smile. 
The two of you step out of the car and head into his house. Sarah’s already tumbling down the stairs, changed into pajamas with a packed bag slung over her shoulder, “Ready to go when you are.”
“Damn, you got ready fast, kid,” he laughs despite himself. “Let’s go.”
Sarah runs up and hugs your side, “Bye, y/n!”
“Have fun with Kelsey, be safe, okay?” you squeeze her shoulder. 
Joel whispers to you as they walk to the door, “There’s shirts upstairs and some shorts you can borrow. Make yourself at home, okay?”
“Okay,” you smile softly. 
They head out and leave you alone in the dimly lit house. You exhale slowly and head up the stairs to go to his room. You look around at the messy bedroom, one king size bed with blue covers, and minimal decorations. It felt like him, smelled like him, cedar and oak and smoke. You open one of his drawers to grab one of his big tee shirts from work, and a pair of baggy gym shorts. 
You slip out of your dress, let down your hair, and set your red shawl down on top of it. You tug on the big tee shirt and pull on the gym shorts. As much as you had liked that dress, you feel like you can finally breathe now, much more comfortable in your sleepwear now. The clothes smelled of him, too, and it filled your chest with heat, a red glow pouring out of you. 
You’re in Joel Millers room... wearing his clothes. 
You can’t help but look around at the photos of Sarah and him in framed photos, some hung on the wall and others propped up on his drawers. There’s one photo that catches your eye in particular, though, the side of it folded in and tucked into the frame. It’s Joel smiling down at Sarah, just a baby in his arms, and there’s a part of the photograph hidden. But you spot a glimpse of a yellow dress in the corner, the rest of it hidden away. 
You wonder if it’s Sarah’s mom. You don’t know much about her, just that Sarah says she never got to know her, and hardly remembers anything about her. It broke your heart hearing that, wishing she could have, but also selfishly wanting to be that person for her.
“Found what you needed?” 
You jump at Joel’s sudden presence in the room and turn around to him. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to snoop, I-”
He smirks and it feels like a lit match to your insides, “I know, darlin. Nothing to be sorry about.”
His eyes trail over you in his clothes, your arms folded under your chest, “You look good in my clothes, sweetheart. Better than I do, that’s for sure.”
You smile, “Thank you. And thanks for letting me borrow them. I feel better.”
He pinches his brow together, “Do you want to talk to me more about what happened? We don’t have to, but just know I’m here.”
You take a step towards him, “I know, I just haven’t talked about him in a long time.”
“Him?” his eyebrows raise.
You laugh at his shock, moving past him so he follows you downstairs, “Down, boy. I’m single, wouldn’t have let you kiss me if I wasn’t.”
He blushes. “Well, then, what about him?” he trails behind you to his kitchen. “If you don’t mind my asking.”
You love his Texan drawl and voice a bit too much, how deep and molasses like it was, how it coated you in sweetness and didn’t let up. Maybe it was because you weren’t from here and you weren’t used to it. But his was different and it affected you all the same. 
“I might tell you,” you hop up on the countertop. “Over a glass of wine.”
Joel cracks a smile, happily obliging your request with one of his wine bottles, “I can do that.”
He pours you a glass of red and hands it to you, “So... who’s Rick?” He sips his own.
“My um... my ex fiancee,” you say, taking a long sip of your wine. “It feels weird calling him that...” you let out a dark laugh. “-since the two of us never ended it ourselves, it sounds wrong. But he uh-” your voice gets thick. “He died the beginning of last year.”
His face falls, genuinely on your behalf, wanting to wrap you in his arms, but also wanting to let you continue, “I’m so sorry, y/n.”
You’ve heard that more times than you can count from friends, family, and strangers alike, but from him, it’s one of the most sincere you’ve ever heard. You actually believe he truly cares and you wonder why you didn’t tell him sooner, maybe worried you’d scare him off. You wanted a fresh start in a place where no one knew Rick, where no one knew what happened. 
“Thank you,” you sniff, mustering up a small, grateful smile before you continue. “It was New Year’s Eve. I didn’t know he had been drinking... he really seemed fine,” you recount like it was just yesterday that it happened. 
“He didn’t see the ice on the roads,” you take another long sip, hands shaking again. You clear your throat, “I tried to help him, I thought we would be fine. But there was a bridge... and we went off. He got me out,” you blink the tears away, breathing out the words as if expelling them from your person. Like you wouldn’t have to hold onto them anymore. “He didn’t.”
“I’m alive because of him,” you inhale sharply, finally looking at Joel. “And he’s dead because I didn’t notice...”
He frowns, “It is absolutely not your fault, y/n. It’s a horrible thing that happened and it is not because of you.”
You wipe your eyes with the back of your hand and it breaks Joel’s heart a bit more and more, “I haven’t thought about it in so long. And they brought him up in the bathroom. I don’t know how they found out, I haven’t told a soul here.”
Protectiveness slips into his deep tone of voice as he steps towards you, it sends a shock through you, “What did they say about him?”
You shake your head, letting out a laugh, “It’s not important.”
“It is absolutely fucking important,” his eyes darken when he speaks to you, you’d never seen him so worked up before. “I’ll go to the damn superintendent if I have to, they’re grown ass adults. They shouldn’t use the death of your fiancee against you.”
You can’t help but let a smile slip through, “It’s cute how mad you are about this.”
He scoffs, mirroring your amused expression, “Believe me, I’ve dealt with the wolves before. They ask you inappropriate questions and dig into your personal life, pushing your boundaries like it’s nothing. No one can have any secrets around here.”
“Yeah,” you sniff. “I noticed that.”
There’s a beat of silence before he sighs and says quietly between the two of you, “When they found out about Sarah’s mom leaving her when she was a baby, they brought it up to her at a school picnic. Made her feel small. She ran home, crying her eyes out. I’d never seen her so upset. I was scared what I would do. It broke me.”
You nod in understanding, “That’s awful, Joel. I’m sorry. For you and for Sarah.”
“The next time they brought it up, Sarah asked Bethany why she’d been divorced six times. You should have seen the look on her face,” he laughs and you join him, throwing your head back at the mental image of Bethany’s pinched, angry face. 
“Oh my god, I love Sarah so much,” you let your head fall into your hands, still laughing loudly in the otherwise silent kitchen. 
“I was very proud,” he grinned. 
“I’d hope so,” you tilt your head slightly. “She gets it from you. I wonder how she got that information about Bethany.”
“Beats me,” he smirks and you narrow your eyes affectionately in his direction. “Smart kid, that one.”
The two of you let the moment sink in for a bit in the silence. Joel’s standing between your legs now, hands on either side of your thigh, steadying himself. He searches your face like he did at the start of the evening, fingers itching to touch you again. 
“Should we...” you finally say, pulling you both back into reality. “Should we talk about the kiss back there?”
“What’s there to talk about about?”
You frown, filling with a sense of dread that you’ve misread this entire night, “What do you mean?”
He jumps to fix what he said, hands falling to splay out on your thighs, “No, baby, wait not like that-” he sighs. “Shit, I’m sorry, I’m out of practice with this, sweetheart-”
You press a kiss to his lips, causing him to abruptly cease his rambling. You tilt your head and pull away from hm after just a couple seconds. He leans against you even after you’re away from him, lips trying to follow you. 
“I just meant...” you whisper with a small smile, looking up at him through your lashes. “Like what does this mean? Because I haven’t done something like this since Rick and I’m trying not to feel guilty...”
“Guilty bout what?”
“For moving on.”
“You shouldn’t feel guilty for that,” he shakes his head, lowering his voice. “I understand if you’re not ready though. It took me awhile, to open again, I still haven’t completely... But I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you. And I know I’ve never met Rick, but I believe he’d want you to be happy. With whoever, even if it’s not me.”
Your heart cracks open at the sweetness of his words, splitting you in two right in front of him. You know you shouldn’t feel bad, even if you’ve moved on from loving Rick, a part of you will always mourn and have a place in your heart for him. You needed to realize there was more than enough room to let other people in too. 
Your eyes soften, “You’re more out of practice than I thought if you think I’ve moved on with anyone else but you, Joel Miller.”
His eyes darken with something like raw desire and complete adoration, something like love that you haven’t seen in a long, long time. You don’t know if he’s been looking at you like this all along and if you’ve just now begun to notice. 
Joel leans down to whisper to you, hand on your neck, thumb tucked under chin and other fingers on the side of your throat, squeezing just so. You dreamed of this, thought if he would be rough or sweet, when he was really a stunning, swirling mix of both. 
“You were so jealous earlier,” his voice is wrecked in your ear, low and gravelly. “I thought I was just imagining it at first, but talking about those moms that think of me, you got so red. It was so sexy, sweetheart.”
You gasp a little, wanting to deny it, tease him. But who were you both kidding? You were jealous, and now there’s a warm satisfaction in the center of your chest at the fact they were wrong. Singing insults, saying he wouldn’t want you. Now you’re in his kitchen in the middle of the night wearing his shirt and he’s in between your legs, pressing against you. 
“They said I didn’t have a chance with you,” you tangle you hands in his shirt, tugging him closer. 
He shakes his head, eyes never leaving you, “I’m only yours, baby. Always have been.”
You all but pounce on him in that moment, wrapping your arms around his neck and tugging him close. He laughs just before you softly press your lips against his, the rumbling, beautiful sound vibrating against you. You’re tugging at each other almost immediately, his hands pulling and sliding up and down your waist while your arms wrap around his head. You fingers slide through his brunette curls, pleasantly humming at the satisfaction of knowing his hair is just as soft as you imagined, how even his rough hands feel gentle, and how his lips move with yours, slowly, languidly, painfully. 
“You’re beautiful...” he kisses the words into your neck, repeating it over and over. “My beautiful, beautiful, girl.”
“Joel...” you sigh out and tilt your head back. 
“Puts your arms around my neck, baby,” he whispers, arms pulling your legs up so they wrap around his torso. “What I want to do to you won’t work exactly on my kitchen counter.”
You quickly oblige him and he carries you up his stairs, your hands and lips never leaving each others. He stumbles while holding you, making you giggle into his shoulder, shrieking when he almost drops you.
“Was this the kind of lifting you had in mind with me tonight?” you smile softly into his skin. 
He kicks open his bedroom door, “I’ve always had this in my mind, sweetheart.”
You both drop onto the bed, wanting to take this slow but also get to what you’ve both been wanting as soon as possible. He’s atop you, hands on either side of your head while you kiss like college students, handsy and messy and surprisingly amazing. How fast you two fit together, how good it feels. He grinds his lower half into yours. You moan into his mouth, earning one from him, both enjoying and exploring the other. 
“I wanna taste you, sugar,” he lifts your chin up with his fingers, kissing down your chin then your neck then your collarbone and chest. 
You wordlessly slip off your, his, shirt revealing that you have nothing on beneath it. He inhales sharply, taken aback by you. Your fingers scramble for the buttons of his flannel and you honestly think you break a few, moving so quickly. 
“Impatient, are we?”
You look up at him through your lashes, “Just know what I want.”
Joel shrugs off his shirt, undoes his belt, and pulls off his jeans. You barely have time to admire his toned body, broad shoulders before he descends. He tugs off your, his, shorts, tosses them, and kisses everywhere his fingers leave, wet, open mouthed whispers against hot skin that make moisture pool between your thighs. His lips trail from your belly to your inner thighs and back up again. 
“Nothing underneath?” he kisses the soft flesh, noting the slick at the apex of your legs. “This all for me, darlin?”
You nod when he licks a stripe up your cunt, “Only you, Joel.”
He buries his face in you, eating you out like a man starved, rutting against the bed like he’s enjoying it as much as you are. You all but scream at the way he’s unraveling you with his tongue, circling your clit, accompanying his skilled mouth with his equally capable fingers, bigger than yours
When you tug at the ends of his hair, he groans into you, the noises fueling the coil in your gut, begging it to splinter and snap. He sucks hard and you let out a loud moan at the feeling. He holds you down against the bed with a palm flat against your stomach as you begin to lift your pelvis. Joel’s tongue enters you while his fingers take over, stimulating you with gentle rubs and flicks. 
Your orgasm washes over you, the pressure relieving through every nerve and vessel, his name a prayer leaving you over and over. Wishing for him to come fix you again. 
You pull him up to you and bring him down to press your lips against his. He melts into you, arms wrapped around you while he holds you close, filling you out in all the right places while you taste yourself in his kiss. 
“Can I...?” you ask him, hands slipping down to palm him through his boxers. 
He groans, head falling into the crook that meets between your neck and shoulder, “As much as I would enjoy that, baby... we’re gonna need to do that later. Need to be inside you.”
You look at him for a moment, just breathing him in as cheesy as it sounds. It’s only hit you now how much you’ve been longing for this.
“You have all of me,” you tell him, moonlight sculpting his handsome features. 
“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that, y/n...” your name is blanketed by his voice, delivered to you in the way Zeus gives the world lightning. Simple bursts of electricity that can tear the earth. 
You hold his stubbled jaw in your hands, rubbing his cheek with your thumbs. He doesn’t remember a time anyone has ever looked at him like you do, gently, adoringly, openly.
Joel puts his lips near your ear, kissing your temple, “Are you ready for me, sweetheart?” 
You nod as he pushes himself inside you and you bite back a moan into his shoulder. 
Your hair is in messy tendrils in every which way and you’ve never been more breathtaking to him. The color of your eyes brighter, skin flushed with warmth, and lips puffy. His eyes scan over your face, committing your soft and sharp features alike to memory. Lust blown and glowing with dewy sweat. 
“Eyes on me, beautiful,” he holds your jaw in his hand, kissing you again. 
He quickens his pace and you whine into his mouth, nails digging into his skin. You wrap your legs around his torso and he hits you so nicely. He rises and looks at you, lips swollen and red from kissing, eyes clear and pupils large, and face flushed with heat. 
“You’re doing so good for me,” he praises in your ear, littering kisses across your jaw. “Wanted you for so long...” he find your lips again with his own.
You mewl into his lips, licking his tongue as he pushes inside you again and again and again.
This past year of stolen glances and touches seem so pointless when it could have been this, this beautiful mess of limbs and lips and tongue. You never knew euphoria until this moment. 
Joel’s hips begin to stutter and you’re both already close to release. You lick up his throat and kiss a constellation across his jaw, feeling him gulp under your touch.
“Keep kissing me like that, sugar, and I’m done for.”
You can’t help yourself, overwhelmed with feeling as the two of you reach your climax together. Blissful and stupid. His lips wander down your neck and nipping that sweet spot, as you arch into him.
As you both lay there, chests heaving slips parted, he smiles down at you.
You finish together, mouths open and hands all over each other’s bodies. It overcomes you in a tingling, perfect sensation, continuing on in euphoric waves, leaving you aching and wanting more. He kisses you through it and it aches, all of the love you have pouring into him and him into you.
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a-b-riddle · 7 months ago
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A Simple (Mis) Understanding Chapter One: Location, Location, Location
John
"MacTavish," It had been about three months since the 141 had returned from our last OP. It had been a rough one and, although, we had all come back alive, we didn't come back unscathed. And we all had to thank a pretty little IT 'expert' to thank for that. Stupid fucking Omega...
"Usually I'm the one calling you. To what do I owe the pleasure?" I threw back the amber colored liquor, finishing the last of my latest bottle. It seemed all I had in my free time was drinking myself into an early grave.
Good.
"Care for a hunting trip, Cap'n?" Johnny's tone was playful, which was almost always never a good sign. MacTavish could seek out trouble like a bloody bloodhound. 
"What d'ya have in mind?" I humored. I had come home to a sedentary life style. Any ideals I had about settling down, extinguished. I wasn't as young as I used to be, but I'm still too into the fight to retire now. So whatever Johnny had in mind, surely must be something worth at least entertaining.
"A pretty little flower." He says and I swear I can almost hear the see the smirk on his face. "Stands at about five foot three. Has a knack for stabbing a man in the back right after suckin' 'im dry."
Daisy.
"You got a lead then I take it?" I try to stifle the anger as I feel it beginning to bubble. Every Alpha instinct is telling me to track, hunt, kill. Before, every biological urge I had toward our flower was to protect, keep, and fuck until she forgot her own bloody name. Now, I wasn't so sure I could stand the sight of her long enough to get the answers I wanted-- needed-- before absolutely tearing her to fucking shreds. 
"Aye." He confirmed. "Wanted to see if you were up for it before I called the lads."
"How polite."
"You're still, Cap'n."   "And I know you had more..." There was a shift in his tone. Unease as he tried to find the words, but couldn't. He couldn't. None of us could. Because none of us could describe what had happened with Daisy. Betrayal is too gentle of a word, too short and modest of a word to describe what she had done to us; hell, me. Johnny cleared his throat. Clearly uncomfortable and wanting to retract the beginning of whatever statement he had intended on making.  "Join me to settle an old debt, ye?" 
I didn't need to think twice about Johnny's officer. An opportunity to finish what we started back in Austria. I didn't regret stopping Johnny as much as I did not getting the answers I needed before the little bitch disappeared like a damn thief in the night. Now was the chance. Not only revenge for what we had been through, but the betrayal she had put us through. Jeopardizing not only the 141, but the few loved ones we had. My mum, MacTavish's sisters, Garrick's entire fucking family and the little solace that Simon had. A peace of mind knowing if he wanted to start living again, he could. All of it was almost lost. 
"You got eyes on our-" No. She wasn't ours anymore. Not our girl. Not our flower. Sure as fuck never our Omega. "On her."
"I got an address." If he noticed my pause, he didn't say anything. For that I'm grateful. I can't be weak again because some of doe-eyed little Omega. One who whispered sweet lies about how good my knot felt and all the things she wanted in life. Things we-I- wanted.  "Had an old contact have her name pop up. Hen is too fucking dense to make sure to use an alias especially considering she stayed on our side of the pond."
Don't really plan on going home after this. Not really anything waiting for me back there except some student debt. She had hid the pain of having no family well, but, now after everything, nothing seemed genuine. Every kiss, every touch, every smile and laugh she had thrown my way was now tainted.
Now it was time to bury it all.
"I'll call Garrick." That was all the confirmation Johnny would get out of me. I didn't want to seem too eager to finally get my hands on her. I needed to be collected. Level headed. I was the Alpha. I was the one my team looked to for guidance. I had already failed them once. I damn sure wouldn't be doing it again. "I'll let you convince Riley to come along."
"Lettin' me call in the boogeyman?" Johnny was smiling again. Could fucking hear it in his voice. He was the one who had probably fallen the hardest for the little bitch. Indulging him in soft touches and soothing his temper. Probably the same reason he had put a barrel to her forehead the moment she had admitted to it.
I was going to tell you. She had tried to excuse her delay as if that were the issue. I just didn't know how to tell you. But can you blame me? Yes. We could. And we did. For the shitty last seven months. For the constant worry all of us had for having to pull our mind out of the mission to worry about what was going on back home.
Her tears didn't save her. Only until Laswell came in raising an absolute bloody stink. Claims of how the very audacity to potentially injure an Omega on her team could cost her career. Fuck her career.
"Send me the details." I pulled another bottle off the shelf. Promising myself it would be the last one I had until I finally pulled that weed of a woman out of existence. Killing her meant I could finally move on. Find someone, certainly not a fucking Omega, to settle down with. I could heal from the heartbreak I would never admit to. It would be the ending that we all needed.
"Will do Cap'n." Johnny didn't wait for my dismissal before he hung up. He was just as ready for a hunt as I was.
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iwaasfairy · 1 year ago
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┌─ “ ! „ MAGNESIUM
tw. noncon, blood, branding/marking, some pretty egregious dirty talk and degradation, threats, mirror sex, horror elements, knife play, manipulation, murder, little bit of gore, there be a dead body in here somewhere wordcount. 6.3k
a/n. ♡ commissioned by a lovely lovely person whomst im so grateful for ♡ i reallyyy liked writing sakusa a lot so i hope you like it and it is what you hAd IN MINDDD!! this was such a fun commission thank yoUU a ton seriously! mwUah ♡♡♡ i hopeee you enjoy!!! kiSsES once again a million million kisses to everyone who helped read through it when i was struggling you're the bestest ilY
sakusa kiyoomi x fem!reader
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It’s almost impossible to believe that everything led up to - this. You’re slumped against the car door in the back, and though you’re not knocked out, you sort of wish you were. Instead you have to feel the hard glare Kiyoomi sends you through the rear view mirror each time his eyes flick up as he reverses out of the street. There’s tension so thick that you can’t just cut it, but it’s troubling the air between you two like polluted water. Silence drags on until you wrap your arms around yourself in an attempt to warm up.
“Where are we going?” You whisper. 
The man in front smoothly turns the corner, as an almost impalpable furrow moves his brow. It takes him too long to answer for your liking, as you shuffle in the leather seat, unable to get comfortable. “I don’t like fighting with you, but you always push me.” The dry tone and answer says everything his eyes can’t. “Tonight pissed me off, you know? I’m not ever gonna let you go.”
“All this because Atsumu complimented me?” You try, and when that doesn’t get a reaction - not even a blink, your hands clamp together. “He’s like that to everyone. He was calling Hinata ‘real handsome’ all evening.” Nothing. The Kiyoomi you fell in love with was a bit sarcastic and clumsy in his words, but he wasn’t ever cruel. Wasn’t ever purposefully standoffish. What seems left of him is only the brittle, icy void. You would’ve been better off breaking up days ago.
He also would’ve given the blond the benefit of the doubt.
You can basically feel the smile shine off of your face closing the billowing curtains against the golden light, looking back at the dark-haired beauty splayed out over your bed. You clear your voice. “So what’s the deal with your teammate- that Miya guy?” Kiyoomi’s brow raises a few millimeters. “He’s serious? He’s really like that all the time?”
“The whole flirtatious act?” Your boyfriend yawns into the question, before rolling over so that his muscular shoulders, pecks, and that pretty waist are even more distracting. It’s infuriating how good he looks. But you nod, and place yourself down on the edge - where he trails a lazy hand over the back of your hand. “Oh, yeah. He has this overflowing… charisma that you can’t help but get used to, and learn to appreciate.” He chuckles when you frown. “He drives me up the wall. But he’s a good guy.”
“Hmm?” Your pout is instantly enough to have him reaching around to pull you down onto him. “You’re not worried?”
You try to blink away tears, and stare out the window instead, at every light that flashes past. More to yourself than to him, you hiccup as you brush away the wobbly lines of heat down your cheeks. “You’ve been acting so— different.” He barely glances before turning too comfortably at the next lights, speeding up enough to make your chest feel tight. “I don’t know what’s happened, but I want you to go back to how you were.” That’s the only way you can put it. It’s like there’s nothing left.
Kiyoomi’s mouth corners drop at your confession, but he doesn’t speak. You’re not sure you want him to anyway. His free hand runs through his brushed back hair, long fingers sitting still against the steering wheel when they land. And they don’t move again as you sit in the quiet cold.
“Worried?” He repeats, calm expression changing into a grin. “Please, Miya fucking wishes.” You laugh when his lips start dragging down your pulse and he softly moans against you. “You’ve got way better taste than that. In neighbors - and,” his kisses get a little more hot and needy when his large hands glide down your body to grab your ass and pull you closer, “in boyfriends- and in perfume— you smell sexy, ‘s that new?”
You giggle harder, can’t help but get flustered when he gets so touchy. “I’ll get an inflated ego if you compliment me so much.” He shrugs, and positions you better onto his broad chest. But still. “How don’t you get jealous? I’m pretty sure I would if the roles were reversed.” His dark hair is splayed out over the pillow when he drops his head back, and those pretty eyes flick over your face for a second, thinking.
“I do,” he eventually breathes, “but not because of you, and definitely not with Miya Atsumu.” When you start giggling again, he frowns. “I mean, truly- genuinely-” You snort, and he stares at you with an affronted look. “If you wanna run into the egotistical, bombastic, borderline- pathetic sunset with that guy, I might have to take a long, hard look at myself. Wonder what horrible traits you’re dating me for.” His eyes fall back to you when you take a deep breath, and he goes a little bit softer as you nuzzle up under his chin. “You wanna leave me for a shitty dye job?”
“I don’t think so,” you whisper back. He looks much too at ease in the comfort of your now shared apartment.
The silence that once felt so comfortable, now squeezes the life out of you with all it’s got. Only after a few minutes, Kiyoomi’s voice reaches out, and the shiver down your neck seems to screw the icy collar down tighter.
“Y’know, I hate how that Miya looks at you. Makes me want to carve his fucking eyes out.”
+
About a week into living in Tokyo, you decide it’s not all that bad. Hauling along the giant box of fresh veggies and two more bags of groceries, you can barely look over enough to watch the elevator open, and hasten your steps. “Hold the door, please! There’s no way I’m doing the stairs today,” you sigh, and watch as the doors ping. You slide in just in time, and a deep chuckle follows when your arms start slowly folding with the weight.
“That’s … some collection you’ve got there,” the deep voice continues, “did I miss the call on doomsday?”
You manage to turn yourself enough to see the pair of warm, obsidian eyes staring down at you - soft curly hair freshly wet from a shower. The eggplants and pumpkins in your box start rolling toward the edge, so you shift the box onto your side with a struggling smile. “No, I- I like to buy in big batches and pre-chop everything to freeze. I don’t really love cooking so… that way I save- some time while still…” You fall quiet when he keeps your gaze without any reaction, and clear your voice. Most of his face is kept behind a black surgical mask, hiding what you imagine to be the rest of a handsome face.
But no one likes being stuck in unwanted small talk, do they. He nods though, right as you arrive on your floor and the doors slide open. “That’s smart. I’ll have to try that sometime.” The box starts slipping further. The noiret’s eyes go from your face to your white-knuckled grip, and then back. “Would you like some help with that?”
“Please,” you can’t say quickly enough, afraid that one wrong move will send the entire box rolling across the floor. It’s not like you to admit defeat so easily, but currently your pride could cost you a hundred on fresh produce, and— he doesn’t seem like the type to ask if he’d mind. Your neighbor doesn’t say anything, but his eyes crinkle a little with a smile. Aside from some very brief passings in the hallway, you haven’t had the chance to meet any of your building’s occupants yet. He doesn’t bat an eye when lifting the very heavy box out of your arms, and you fluster. “Sorry for the hassle.”
“No, it’s alright. I have the afternoon off - ‘s nothing. You’re the new 3B tennant, right?” He frees one hand just to slide his mask down when you nod your face towards your door. He’s probably the prettiest guy you’ve seen to date, strong jawline, full lips and an almost perfectly straight nose; dark curls framing smart, observant eyes. So not only is he tall and charming, he’s also hot. When you mumble a soft acknowledgement, he gives you a little smile, and you can’t help but feel a bit too seen. “I’m Kiyoomi.”
You think you like Kiyoomi.
+
The heat of hands shakes you out of sleep with a slight startle, and the surprise soon makes way for a wave of rolling pleasure mixed under a heavy layer of embarrassment - at the way Kiyoomi’s toying with your body like it’s his own, and the low chuckle he lets out when you let out a pinched whimper. One of his hands is two fingers deep inside your pussy by the time you can even blink the sleep out of your eyes, feeling the warmth flood onto your face. As slick gathers between your thighs, he pushes himself up above you, and squeezes your throat between his free fingers.
“Sorry for waking you up, baby.” There’s a sharp glint in his eyes that you can’t miss even with the low light, deep from within. His hand slides down the curve of your spine to settle around your hip, pressing you further into bed as your back arches when he curls his fingers without any mercy. Though you are leaving wetness all over his hand, the sudden invasion is still a little jarring, definitely when he starts sucking at your tits and bites down. “Omi, ow,” you breathe, and he only grunts as he nudges a thigh between your knees, spreading you apart. “Right now?”
“Shhh, just bear it for a bit,” he mumbles back, as his hand trails down your ribcage and forces your body to adjust to him when he hikes your leg over his shoulder. “Woke up so hard thinking of you, and- you were so cute just sleeping here next to me without a worry in the world.” His fingers are replaced quickly by the hot head of his cock, that is slid a few inches too deep right away, and your whimpering only drives him further. “Ah, fuck, there it is. Good- fucking- girl…” By the time he bottoms out there’s silvery slivers running down your face and you’re shaking your head as the ache has you moaning with pain.
But the dark haired man above you barely gives you any time to adjust, before he starts rocking himself against your center and rubbing himself deep enough to force your mouth shut. “You trust me, don’t you, angel?” He pants, stroking the inside of your thigh a few times, before starting a punishing rhythm that rocks the bed hard. The question takes you off guard, but it doesn’t seem like Kiyoomi needs an answer to keep going anyway, and you swallow down your whimper to hide your face in the pillow. He’s so big and rough and your body can’t keep up. “Oh, your pussy’s so fucking good. So tight and- warm, agh, fuck.”
Jutting out your lip into a little pout, you let out a little noise. You’re trying not to let the way he’s basically getting himself off inside you ruin your mood. After a moment, you blink up at him with wobbly vision. “Can you kiss me?” He takes a few seconds before the words register, fucking you harder each time he bottoms out— before his dark eyes go from your eyes to your lips like he’s having to debate it. And that hurts. He decides maybe against better judgment to lean in anyway, and presses his lips to yours with a low sigh, an almost moan that you suppose you have to be content with. 
He pushes your knee up to your chest as he gets closer, and the heavy pressure of his body on yours gets even more unbearable when his free hand wraps around your neck and presses until you’re gasping out. Your boyfriend’s eyes glint as they flick all over your face, and a small grin starts to travel up his lips. “Don’t you like me better like this?” You’re too distracted by the pounding in your head to answer, and whine out his name as your back arches off the bed. And Kiyoomi pants as he forces you to take each thrust. “I like you a lot. Wanna keep you.” You throw your head back, and reach around his wide shoulders to pull him even closer, trying to lock your legs around his waist with a sigh.
“Shit, you’re so fucking pretty, baby,” he pants into your mouth as he rocks himself into you, forehead to forehead as your nails dig into his skin. You feel bad, but you can’t help but pull him closer by his shoulders as the shower water trickles between you two and makes the entire room a steamy mix of pants and sweaty touches. “So-” he kisses messily, making you smile as his tongue swipes yours, “-damn pretty. I love your body so much.”
“And me?” You breathe back, letting your body tremble in his strong hands as he rocks himself so deep inside you that it’s making you breathless. Your little whine makes him stare, and nod.
“Of course I love you even more— don’t be silly- agh, fuck.” You move one hand to brush the wet tresses of hair out of his face and let yourself get moved up and down him, thighs wrapped ever so tight around his narrow waist. He breathes your name like the word itself is lovely, and you can’t help but moan a long whimper of his name when he hits the right spot so perfectly. “You feel so good, taking my cock right in there- that tight, little pussy. Drooling all over me, huh.” Another kiss as you swallow your mix of spit and rest your hand on his cheek. “You drive me crazy. I really- ugh- really love you, baby.”
Your tits brush up against his chest. “Promise?”
“Uhuh, mh-ahg. Promise. I can’t get enough of you.”
Sometimes you swear you can hear the house close in around you with heavy breaths.
+
The door to your apartment already hangs open when you notice the noise. The low thumping that is only audible when you slide the headphones off, a vaguely rhythmic noise that makes the hairs on your neck stand. You slide off the bed with a little frown, and smooth the wrinkles in your camisole as you peer into the open apartment area - which is empty. “Babe?” The door wobbles when the wind passes through, and your frown only digs deeper into your face when there’s no answer.
“Kiyoomi?”
The noise is louder when you walk towards the hall, and fist your hands into the bottom of the flimsy dress to pull it down. Only after a few moments of thought, your instinct drives you across the hall to pull open the door of the neighbors’, a young guy who moved in after you two did. Sure enough, your stomach drops as the scene splays out before you. There’s red all over the floor, Kiyoomi’s hands, and most horrifying - all over Ryouta’s nose and mouth as the barrage of fists lands over and over again— and you let out a horrified gasp. The damage has already been done, the brunet lays back with swollen eyes and is no longer fighting back, and you’re basically stunned in place as his knuckles crack on his cheek again.
When you manage the next breath, you force out a call of his name between tears. “Hck- Kiyoomi- w-what are you-,” your voice sounds too tiny to be your own, but any more volume doesn’t make it out of your throat, “please stop.” The last crack that resounds before he stops is even harder than any of the ones before— and he gets up without a word, smoothing his jersey back in place. He only quiets a moment, before turning over his shoulder to look at you. You, wobbling toward him like a baby deer.
Honestly, you don’t want to worry about him. But you can’t help but take his hands in yours to inspect the split knuckles, bloody and bruised— as if this is some bizarre dream. Kiyoomi’s precious about his hands. They’re his dreams, his passions, and his opportunities all in one, something to be cared for, rested gently like they mattered more than anything else. And now they’re bloodied like animals at the slaughter. When you look up at him- there’s no regret, no worry or care or concern. Just a blank sort of faux-understanding of your worry when he reaches out to brush your cheek.
You pull back away to look instead at the young man on the floor, because if you think about it too hard, you might start sobbing. Your hands drop by your thighs and feel so heavy, tears drying on your face. “Why did you-”
“Got back from my run and he said he needed your help.” There’s a cold, detached resolution in his voice. “And I told him to forget it, and then he asked me what ‘the fuck’ my problem was.” You find yourself shrinking into yourself when his dark eyes shift to you, with that unreadable look in his eye once more. His hands are slid into his pant pockets with a soft sigh, but he still raises an eyebrow your way. “Why would another guy need my girl?” Ryouta’s been nothing but nice to you since he moved in. You believed, maybe mistakenly, that that niceness had extended to your boyfriend.
But staring at the poor, battered face of the guy on the floor— something tells you that even if it did, Kiyoomi no longer cares. It feels like really, he’ll take any excuse to lash out. Your eyes flick over his face again, before swallowing. “I don’t know. Maybe it was a misunderstanding.” For the first time since you’ve noticed this new side to him, you’re truly scared when he eyes you down. You’ve been upset, and worried, and angry before - but this is new. As the only sound between you two is the shallow rise and fall of your chest, you try to walk up and wrap your arms around his bicep. “I love you, Kiyoomi. I have only ever… loved you.”
He frees a hand to run it over your hair, before leaning down to rest his nose at your crown. “I know you do. You’re a smart little thing, that’s why I like you.” His training jacket still smells like mint and eucalyptus wash sheets, and it does absolutely nothing to soothe the aching pressure that makes its way between your ears and squeezes. And the soft kiss to your forehead doesn’t, either. “Get back inside. I’ll be right there in a bit.”
+
Your apartment is barely a shell of itself now. You realize it -truly realize it- when you toss and turn in your bed and can’t help but get stuck on little things that shouldn’t matter, but they do. The sheets are different, silkier somehow. Kiyoomi got new toothbrushes instead of the old ones with dolphins, and your entire apartment smells just different enough to make it pressing. Slightly bleachy, and too hospital-like. A blue haze is cast through the window by the moon when you softly slip out of bed, ignoring the way a soft puff comes from your boyfriend. He doesn’t stir as you move, though his empty hand seems to reach for the heat you left. Normally you’d wonder if he misses you when you go, but instead the reach just feels possessive. 
It’s like living with a brand new boyfriend all over again.
You don’t like it as much the second time, you realize, trying to choke down the bad air you’re breathing. As you wobble around in the dark, it’s hard to find your footing. The door clicks too loud for your liking when you brush it closed behind you, and slide down onto the couch as your eyes adjust to the dark. You feel like you’re hanging off the edge of falling apart as you look around the room— and try to think. That night when he came home, when he stared off into space and wouldn’t talk to you, your first thought was of another woman. Kiyoomi had never given you any reason to doubt.
He was handsome and intelligent and you were lucky to have him, but he always made it easy to trust him. If he wanted to be with you he’d be with you.
But as more and more days passed, small things got bigger. Not letting you call friends, not letting you dress how you wanted to, glaring at anyone who so much as looked up at you on the street. He’d never been so possessive when things were good. Still, you don’t want to mourn a relationship that isn’t even over yet. You cover your sniffles into your hand, and get up from the couch to go search through his jacket for his phone, or wallet. A stray bobby pin or earring, anything to make sense of the mess inside your head. You wouldn’t be proud of this in the morning - but your brain is eating itself alive. The apartment’s so quiet at night, and the old building pants and moans in the darkness.
The small closet is hotter than the rest of the apartment, more damp too. The jackets are piled high on the dryer, and though you shove your hand down every pocket, your search turns up empty. After a few seconds of turning the last pair of pockets inside out, you sink down into a crouch— and take a deep breath. Just a few weeks ago, you’d thought that you could see yourself marrying Kiyoomi. You’d spent hours by his side, convinced that no one in the world knew you better than he did.
A soft whistling noise sounds from behind the dryer, and makes you wipe your hand under your nose. There’s an old door to a bricked up stairway here, that you never got any use out of. Kiyoomi once stored some brooms there, you think. You don’t know what possesses you to slide your hands into the narrow space between the dryer and the wall and pull, but with some force- it moves. You strain to drag it aside until you jerk, scrambling up.
A track of blood.
Smeared over your normally proper linoleum, there’s a dried off-maroon that can only be blood, crusted onto the wood as a dark patch between the dryer and the door. Your chest caves. Instead of normal breaths, shallow gasps start making your entire body go solid and cold, and your throat dries up. This can’t … it isn’t real. Can’t be. Everything inside you tries to convince you that this is just a nightmare, but even as you pinch your arm hard, nothing happens.
Blood rushes to your bruised knees as you look around, trying not to panic too hard— instead put a shaky hand on the handle. It could be rusty water. A busted pipe. As you move at a glacial pace to open the door, it creaks, and you lick your lips. You can’t cry. You want nothing more than to explode into a dam of tears and unload, but it’s like your body refuses. Every second makes your body pump with adrenaline, until the door clicks open and reveals the narrow space - and in it, something that doesn’t make sense.
Blood pools on the floor, dulled, matted and a disgusting, sticky mess that has you gasping; only to hold back a gag. But in it, sits the slumped, unmoving body of your boyfriend.
The same boyfriend you were sleeping next to just a few minutes ago.
Every hair on your body rises when you choke on the smell, and sink down to press your fingers to his pulse— even when the off white pallor of his face says everything it should. “Omi?” You whisper, and when you breathe out, your throat closes up. You want to wake up. Your first coherent thought is that you can’t breathe; the next, to run. There’s no more heat in his skin, icy to the touch, and it frightens you so much that you jerk back and slam the door to the closet, stopping abruptly between the couch and the door.
It’s when the lights flick on that you do regret that.
Kiyoomi’s voice sounds deeper when you turn. As he stares at you, he brushes his messy curls out of his face. “What are you doing?” You don’t speak. Nothing but a shallow hiccup makes it out of your mouth, but you’re still holding out your hands like they’ve been burned, and maybe that’s enough for him to slide his eyes over to the closet. For a moment it stays quiet. So quiet that you can hear the blood rush beneath your skin, pumping with adrenaline you have no room for. Kiyoomi’s dead. Your Kiyoomi’s dead, isn’t he. “Ah.”
“I- I-”
“You weren’t supposed to go snooping, angel. You’re really making things difficult.” The noiret’s quiet calmness makes way for a slight smile, before he steps out of the doorway towards you. And you flatten yourself to the wall on shaky legs, but moving any more than that feels impossible. You’ve never been so scared in your life— literally frozen solid to the wall as your panicked hiccups send tears welling up in thick, childish bubbles that refuse to tip. He gives you an up and down, before pointing at you as he walks over to the closet, and sighs. “Don’t move.”
You couldn’t, even if you had the courage to. And you very much don’t. It’s so cold— you watch as he pushes into the small room only to drag the body you’d left there out of it. The heavy scraping noise of a limp body across the floor is almost enough to have you totally break. When he dumps the body in the middle of your shared living room, you manage to let out a few noises, strangled, pathetic noises, before you wring your hands together. “W-what did you do to Kiyoomi?”
“I am Kiyoomi,” he says back with enough certainty to shake you, and then smiles a little when finally the tears spill, and you shake your head left and right through your panic.
“You’re not—” is all you can squeak before he walks up to you too close and grabs your face, leaving sticky cold blood with his touch. Your cheek is almost held lovingly, but one glance up at his eyes convinces you that it’s anything but. It’s predatory, a mean glitter of amusement that plays in the darkness, and the harder you cry, the giddier it seems to get. “Let me go, p-please,” you sniffle, “let me go. I won’t tell, I just don’t wanna be- h-here.”
“Shhh, we might as well pretend I’m him still. You look so cute whining that name like it’s your fucking job.” He takes you by the hand after pressing a brief kiss on your forehead, and then sits you down onto the couch. And your chest still feels much too rattled to think about running anywhere, but when he pushes one finger into your mouth with a slight grin, you consider it. “Don’t know any better, do you?” He groans. You want to bite and run, and hide until everything stops pounding— but run where? Your boyfriend’s cold on the floor of your apartment. You can barely stop crying for long enough to take a breath, and the man above you pushes another finger down your throat. “Such a pretty little girlfriend I’ve got- look here-” 
You do - can’t help it when the pressure starts choking you, and whatever frightened look you’re giving him, is enough to make him groan long and hard. It fucks with your brain. It’s still your boyfriend- looks, smells, tastes the same- and if you stop paying attention for a few seconds, it’s almost like everything is back to normal. It’s almost like you’re safe as long as you pretend not to notice what’s going on around just you and the invasive touches that are forced onto you. “Man, you look so fucking wrecked, baby. Say my name, won’t you?” His grin is wide and cheshire-like when he leans in and starts nudging your top down your shoulders. “Say ‘please, Kiyoomi’.”
He doesn’t move his fingers out of the way to allow you. Instead you whimper around his fingers, and try not to choke as spit gets all over your chin and his hand. “Pwea-se, Kiy-oomi.”
“Hahah, you’re so fucking nasty, getting spit all over me. Drooling like a fucking dog while you’re being forced— You like whining and moaning for me?” He takes his fingers out to wipe them on your flimsy camisole and stands to start sliding down his boxers, pushing you back towards the couch. The small grin changes to a tight grimace when you try to grab at him for comfort. “Ah ah ah, don’t think so.” There’s a fistful of hair in his hand before you can apologize, as he shoves you face down towards the couch and holds you there, cheek pressed to the rough fabric. Until your face is hung just off the side, and you’re forced to face the trail of blood that ends in a familiar face.
It’s horrible, and the harder you squeeze your eyes shut against the wave of fresh tears, the deeper the image seems to force itself into your brain. “Kiyoomi~” You whimper pathetically, and he hums in response. Everything’s too close, too loud, his touch is too real and too pressing and warm— burning you from the inside out as he yanks your clothing the last bit down until it hangs around your waist and he drags his fingers up and down your slit through your panties a few times. It leaves the wet fabric awfully sticky against your pussy, and your cheeks get hotter. It’s not your fault, his fingers work you in ways that always work. That thought has your eyes flicking open, but the horrific sight has yet to disappear. “Mh-hck,” you start up again, and try to roll aside as he grabs your thigh hard to hold you in place. “I wanna stop. I wanna stop.”
“Aw, poor baby. Poor angel.” The dismissive tone is cooed as a loving mockery when he pushes you down between your shoulder blades and yanks your panties the rest of the way down. “You don’t even know what to do with yourself, huh?” He then yanks your head up so you’re forced to stare at your reflection in the window, unable to see anything else. You can’t close your eyes to hide from it. Kiyoomi’s grabbing you tight enough to have you unable to move. “I’ll give you a hint. You lay here and you take it. You just listen nice and sweet, ugh-” He groans low when pushing the hot head of his cock against your entrance, patting it with a patient sigh— only to push in with a force that makes you jerk.
Why does it hurt so much? You wanna cry harder when he forces all the heavy girth of his cock inside you and the wetness dripping between your legs squelches loud, but your throat’s too clogged to. Instead only a pinched moan comes out, and he grunts when bottoming out deep inside you. “Girls who don’t listen make me wanna cut them open and eat their insides out. Would you like that?” The pull on your hair forcing your head up is making you lightheaded. That, and the stinging, uncomfortable tightness inside your pussy, squeezing and clenching against the intrusion - still isn’t enough to drown out the horror of those words as he whispers them.
Almost instantly you shake your head left and right, and your muffled ‘no’s melt into a childish cry. “No, nonono, Omi- ‘yoomi- I, no~ pleas-hck- stop. Wanna stop.” He pulls back his hips for long enough to really let you feel the ache of your walls as they cling to his cock, but then thrusts back in and bounces you on his cock. He drops your head back to the side of the couch, and places a hand in the middle of your spine to anchor you down under his weight. 
“You don’t? I think you’re lying. You want to be treated like a sack of meat.” His hips make a loud sound when connecting with your ass. “You don’t like this?”
“Ow, oww, Omi- ‘hurts-” You’re fighting against the caving of your chest each time you exhale, and forced to take shorter breaths each time he fucks back into you. “Ah, ow.” And your pussy hurts, but the rolling of his hips and the stubborn, deep grinding is too overwhelming. You hate that you can hear the wetness of your cunt squeezing around the pumping of him inside, you hate the way he breathes above you, how you can feel him everywhere. It makes you sick. It’s all too much, and still it feels so fucking good that you’re hot in the face. “Mhm~ ‘m sorry. I’m sorry.” You blink through the tears to stare just a second at the trail of blood that he made from the closet to the couch— but you can’t make yourself look any closer. Instead you aim your eyes back at your reflection, and meet other eyes.
“You haven’t wanted to play with me much since I got here. ‘S your own fault that I’m all pent up now, stupid girl.” The steady rhythm in and out of your needy pussy is too much. It feels so good— and you hate it. You clench your hands into the couch as best you can and try to hang on, until your knuckles turn white. The noiret’s voice is back to taunt you, this time as his other hand reaches around to grab the soft of your throat and squeeze, shaking you back to him. “If you want your nice, reliable Kiyoomi, look- he’s right here for you.” You can’t. You can’t. Your tears well over in ugly rivers that you shut behind your lids, and Kiyoomi makes a noise.
You can’t tell if it’s a pleased noise or not, you don’t care. He rolls his hips, and your cunny accepts too eagerly. But it still feels so fucking good. And you can’t stop yourself from feeling like the worst person in the world. Your hands shake, and your head feels faint. Kiyoomi’s dead. There’s nothing else to know. Kiyoomi’s dead and you’re about to cum getting fucked— your whimper gives you away. It’s faint, but he hears it. “Hm, you don’t like him either now huh?” Instead of squeezing your throat, his hand moves to grab your tit instead, pinching your puffy nipple until you can’t help but make a noise. You’re so gross. And your pussy’s still pulling him back in, clenching to the pulsing heat as it fucks right into the softest part of your walls. “I- agh, f- I like bullying my pretty little cock sleeve to tears. So- f-fucking cute like this.”
He ruts into you until your belly feels hot and tingly, and you grind back against him on instinct. You’re getting so close, the pinching, the precise way he hits the needy spot deep inside you - you don’t even want to. “No, no- Omi, I’m- agh, please stop.” You really don’t. “I’m- I’m gonna—” But before you can stop it, your eyes squeeze shut, and your entire body goes tense. The tight ball of heat that’s been expanding all over your body with each pump, each time his heavy balls slap against you, explodes into a million pieces. “Kiyoomi, I love you, I’m so- sorry, I’m so sorry, it’s— all my fault.”
As he fucks you through the blooming heat and the white and black spots that play on your lids, he groans your name low and possessive. Your clenching only slows way after you’ve grinded yourself back against him and drooled all over the couch, until your tired body drops back into the plush. And Kiyoomi lets out a little chuckle. “Yea, it’s all your fault, stupid girl. You lay here and stay— I’ll be right back.” You barely feel the heat leave until it comes back, shoving some of the wetness from your sensitive pussy right back inside with a grunt, and a harsh tap of his hand to your pussy. The sting is sharp, and you glare through your tears as you look up. Not that he cares. “Here. Look. Kiss it.”
The sharp blade that’s basically shoved in your face glints when you hesitate, and suck your bottom lip into your mouth. “Come on. Or else I’ll put it to use on him instead, and you don’t want that, do you?” Your lips press against the cold metal, but your eyes stay resolutely on his face. Dark curls framing dark eyes and long lashes — you often told him he was the most beautiful man you knew. You wonder if he remembered it in the end. You suppose it doesn’t matter though, watching his mirror click his tongue.
“Good girl, such a good baby girl under all the crying and mess, aren’t you? Almost make me think you like me better like this after all.” You can’t answer, but the tears that wobble sadly along your waterline spill over in the silence— and your lip wobbles. And Kiyoomi only brushes a thumb along your lip, before shrugging. “No? That’s a shame. Because you are mine now. Mine. All of you.” He points the knife into the top of your leg, and leaves behind a mark that immediately wells up with dotted red. The immediate pain and sting of hot blood sears through your skin. “Tell me again what name you want me to write? Say it nice and sweet, angel.”
Your voice doesn’t shake as much as you think it should. “Kiyoomi.”
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struwberrii · 5 months ago
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haikyuu!! at an american high school ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧
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here are my silly headcanons on how i think the karasuno first years would act if they were american high school students teehee
pt.2 pt.3
ヽ(^◇^*)/
hinata
probably runs to lunch
one of those dorky try hards in gym
wears matching neon nike shorts and tops
literally cries if he ever gets in trouble in class
water bottle flips randomly (he never lands it)
his mom drops him off at school every morning
jumps to touch the top of every doorframe
everyone judges him and thinks hes weird but hes gen the sweetest guy if you ever talk to him
he has a phone he just cant bring it to school guys
offers to do stuff first when the teacher asks (like brings attendance to the office or asks other teachers for dry erase markers)
middle school humor (hes kinda funny sometimes tho lol)
kageyama
lets you copy his homework because he knows its all wrong (or gives you wrong answers on purpose)
wears hoodies everyday even during summer
scared to put lip balm on in public because someone once asked if he was gay because of how he applied it
friends with hinata but is kind of embarrassed of him
girls actually like him but dont talk to him because hes so quiet
probably talks to girls from different schools
plays roblox with the others when they have breaks during practice (he hasnt updated his avatar since 2016)
still reads strictly picture books
also a try hard in gym
still does streaks on snapchat
tsukishima
refuses to acknowledge hinata and kageyama outside of volleyball club (he thinks theyre embarrassing)
constantly gets in trouble for having airbuds in or being on his phone
tries putting girls onto his niche music taste then its just cigarettes after sex
if you arent one of his friends or a pretty person hes probably gonna be rlly mean to you im sorry
has hot topic pins on his bag (yamaguchi forces him to shop there with him and tsuki always ends up walking out with a new pin)
dresses very basic but still nice
bros a bully
tries to correct teachers and make the teacher look dumb
if he can tell he actually hurt your feelings he'll say it was just a joke and gaslight you
him and yamaguchi just talk shit all lunch and study period
walks to like mcdonalds for lunch sometimes
yamaguchi
bully on the DL
the only reason people know hes mean is because tsuki is his best friend
always has fruit for lunch
probably in band and plays literally the biggest instrument in the world
he always smells weirdly minty
has the silliest stickers on everything, his notebooks, laptop, headphones
bought sonny angels for him and tsuki
everyone thinks hes gay
him and yachi are art class buddies
brings his switch to school sometimes
rides his bike to school
lowkey stuck in his 2020 indie phase
yachi
has the cutest stationary
takes all her notes on her ipad and has that paper texture screen protector
ali express warrior
shes the sweetest girl in school
probably a closeted lebanese
already has her drivers permit (probably gonna be the first person in her grade with a license)
packs her own lunches everyday in bento boxes
has a private instagram account with like 20 followers and declines everyone she doesnt know personally
always has lotion, gum, perfume, medicine, chargers, everything. she is not taking any chaces
shes like if the 2019 soft girl pinterest aethetic became a person
reminds teachers about the homework
secretly watches youtube during class
she does NOT play about her art projects
her and yamaguchi trade stickers
probably still uses that 2019 kanken vsco bookbag
⋆。‧˚ʚɞ˚‧。⋆
sorry guys half of this list is just me being an extreme hater and projecting
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alexa-fika · 7 months ago
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Hello Alexa! Hope your doing well as always seems like your not lacking requests so put the other requests before my own ♡
An idea came to me last night when I failed a test for the third time- and need to redo it, when I'm sad or something bad happens I go hide in my closet with blankets and pillows, like a child- so how would the whitebeard pirates or mihawk react to child dokusha hiding when their sad? Like their because they got in trouble or isn't allowed to go with the crew on an island and instead has to stay on the ship?
As someone who had gone through a lot in their early childhood I find these stories so comforting and sweet. I often find myself only opening Tumblr to see if you've posted. Remember to take care of yourself, because someone really cares about you♡
Solace and Comfort (Whitebeard pirates, Mihawk x gn!child!reader)
A/N Hey hey Holo! I absolutely love when you request and as a a ghank you for being such a sweetheart I went ahead and did both :) I also do the same thing, when im upset I like to find a closed or cozy space and just huddle up and hug my plushies. Your words really mean a lot, I appreciate them and it makes me so giddy.
Reader is replaced by Dokucha as a placeholder which stands for Reader in japanese
Dividers by @/saradika
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Thatch found himself in his kitchen, preparing the next meal for his Captain. He made sure to take into account his current condition and choose the right ingredients to alleviate it.
"Hm, should I use kale or broccoli for this one?" he inquired to Izou, who had joined him earlier to escape the rowdiness of the crew as he completed maintenance in his pistols.
"I'm hardly the person you should ask Thatch."
"Kale it is," he exclaimed, beginning to chop down said vegetable, the tapping of the knife hitting the cupboard echoing around the otherwise quiet room
"Regardless, it is about time we addressed it, isn't it?" Izou spoke, pushing the lock back in his flintlock, a snap resounding across the kitchen
The chef stops chopping the kale at the comment, glancing up at his brother and letting out a sigh, putting the knife down
“I suppose so.”
“How about it, Dokucha? Want to come out and talk about it?” The sniper called out, walking around the counter to stand next to Thatch
A few beats of silence filled the room after that statement until the sound of ruffling came from one of the cabinets in the kitchen as Dokucha slowly crawled out of it, a stuffed bird held tightly in their arms
“How did you know I was here?” They mumbled, drying their teary eyes
“You usually hide here when something happens,” Thatch answered, kneeling down
"You should consider branching out," added Izou with a smile
"Would you like a hug?" Thatch offered
They nod, running into his arms, cries escaping them as he crashes into him
Thatch hummed, wrapping his arms around them and picking them up, swinging them from side to side for a few minutes until their cries lessened
"What's going on?" Izou questioned, glancing at the child, who by this point had positioned their head on Thatch's shoulder and looking back at Izou
"I wanted to go with Ace," they sniffled
"I know you do, but he had a risky mission he had to go on," Izou replies gently
"Why?" they cried
“They had something of ours, so Ace had to get it back.”
“I wanted to go with Big Brother too!” They cried, beginning to struggle against Thatch’s embrace
“Let me go!” They scream, beginning to throw punches his way
“Hey, Hey, it’s okay,” the man reassured them, tightening their hold, ignoring the shrill screams that now escaped them
“Hey, Hey, Dokucha, he always comes back, just like he came back from his previous mission and the one before. Just like I come back, just like Izou, and everyone will come back. But we need to calm down so we can welcome them back.”
“We would love to take you with us, Dokucha, but we want to keep you safe even more; we couldn’t bear something happening to you,” Izou continues, rubbing the child’s head
They sniffle, relaxing in their hold
“Hey, how about we go see Pops?” Thatch suggests
“Papaw?”
“Yeah, I’m almost finished with his meal; how about you come with us to deliver it?”
“Okay”
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“Pops, food is ready; we had special help today.” thatch announced approaching the man
Whitebeard glances down at the two commanders, about to ask what they mean, until he spots the ‘special help’ running towards him
“Papaw!”
He grins, lifting the child up
“Gurararara, what brings you here, Dokucha?” he questions, glancing down at his sixteenth commander as he spoke
“We were having a hard time earlier wanted to go with Ace.”
“Gurarara, why would you be upset about such a thing brat?”
They shrug
“Has the boy ever broken his promise to come back?”
“No…”
“Has he ever lied to you?”
“No…”
“Then why were you throwing a fit?”
“I didn’t throw a fit!”
“Sounds like you did”
“You’re mean, Papaw!”
“It’s called tough love.”
“It’s being mean!”
“If that’s the case, are you not coming to the celebration when he does return?”
“I want to!”
“Are we done with the fits?”
“Yeah!”
“Did someone say celebration? I could use some grub,” a voice joins in
Dokucha beams, jumping off Whitebeard's hand and crashing into Ace
“Ace! You’re back!”
“Just like I promised.”
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“Where are they?”
The human drills look at each other nervously and turn back to the swordsman, letting out a string of hoots and sneers.
Mihawk narrows his eyes at this
“Is that the answer you wish to go with?” He said, pulling out Yoru from his back and pointing it against the apes
“I will allow you to try again; where are they? I am well aware this is where they run to when they grow upset.”
In response, the human drills sounds escalate as they pull out their own weapons, only to stop as a small voice joins in
“It’s okay, Ezra, Enrique.” A small child wrapped in a blanket spoke, patting the apes, effectively calming them Down as they slowly lowered their weapons
“Don’t hurt them, Papa,” they mumble, hugging their blanket closer to them
He sighs, sheathing Yoru once again and extending his hand toward the child
The child wobbles their way to their father, taking hold of their hand and looking back at the human drills, sending a wave their way
As they walked on, the only sound that could be heard was the sounds of the forest around them as insects and birds chirped together, the sound of the human drills still reaching their ears, and the sound of Dokucha’s blanket being dragged as they walked next to the warlord.
“Are you going to tell me why you ran off?” he spoke, breaking the silence between them
He sighs at the silence that followed, pausing to pick up the child and place them on his hip, in turn the child leans their head against his shoulder
“Is this about the sword practice you were doing before?” He inquired, letting out a hum as the child nodded their head against his shoulder
“Can you tell me about it?”
“I can’t do it,” he mumbles
“Do what?”
“I can’t make the sword cut like Papa’s.”
“Is that what this is about?”
“Yeah”
“That kind of precision takes practice, it takes time,” he explains
“But I want to be strong like you!” They cried, leaning back and glancing up at him
His eyes soften at this, halting his walking as he puts all his attention on the child
“I know you do,” he said, wiping the tears that began falling from their eyes
“But one cannot simply master the sword overnight.”
“Not even Papa?.”
“No, I am not an exception to the statement. I had to train for years to be able to reach my current state, and I don’t doubt you will one day surpass me; that day is just not today.”
They frown at that, lying their head on their shoulder again
“How about we begin with the move you were attempting before?”
“Papa will teach me?” They exclaimed, shooting up
He chuckles
“You should have asked; I am never below teaching you the way of the sword.”
They grin, hugging his neck tightly
“I love you, Papa.”
“I love you too, dearest.”
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Here we go! Two for two!! These are really cozy ones, loved how the Mihawk one turned out
Taglist:
@imaginarydreams
@amethystviolin
@h0n3y-l3m0n05
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avengersassemble123 · 11 months ago
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Princess
PAIRING: Dad!RAN HAITANI X Mom!READER, (DOMESTIC AU, PARENT AU) RAN AND READER ARE IN THEIR 30S. Genre: Fluff, Slight angst, Heartwarming, Slight crack at the end.
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You and Ran had two cute daughters, Reina, your eldest who was 4 years old, and Rimika, your newborn of 10 months.
You had picked up your kids from your parents house after you returned from work, after which you changed them into their nightwear and pajamas, serving them their dinners, before putting Rimika to sleep. As you put Rimika to sleep, you noticed your other daughter no where in her room, making you confused. After making sure your youngest was asleep, you walked into the living room, only to find your daughter, sitting on the couch with her legs spread, her blond small braids on her shoulders, her arms crossed, staring at a distance with a pout. You'd never lie that you two made exceptionally cute kids, but you had to figure out what was going on in your daughter's mind.
"What's on your mind sweetie?" You said, as you sat beside her on the couch, folding your legs up on the couch, your one hand resting on the top of the headrest, where you leaned your head against, while your other hand poked your daughter's cheek.
"Nothing..." Your daughter mumbled, the pout still not leaving her face, making you snort, "Are you sure? You can tell me if something's troubling you, okay? Im your mama, and ill help you no matter what, and so does daddy. So dont be shy or scared to tell us anything, because we are here for you."
"Okay.." Your daughter mumbled, making you more confused. Reina was an energetic and cheerful girl, but also surprisingly mature for her age. So it was an obvious surprise seeing your cheery baby be quiet and calm.
You two stayed in silence for a few moments, as you continued watching TV, since you were waiting for your husband to return home and have dinner together.
You could see Reina take glances at you, opening and closing her mouth for a few seconds. You didnt want to force her into telling you, as you wanted her to develop the trust for you from within her. After a few minutes you heard your daughter speak.
"Mama"
"Yea?"
"Why does Dada spend so much money?"
You looked amused at your elder daughter, Reina, as she looked cute with her head tilted slightly, eyebrows furrowed curiously.
"What do you mean?"
"Well...today at school, Mimi said that her mom scolds her for asking too much toys, and that she needs to grow more big and be a good girl to get more toys. But when i ask Dada to buy me something he gives me what i want. Does this mean I'm a bad girl?"
You then fully turn towards your daughter, lowering the voice of the TV, before speaking, "No sweetie, thats not completely true. Yes you need to be good girl and grow big to get some much cooler toys, but Dada buys you stuff because he loves you very much, and just wants you to be happy and see you smile."
Listening to this, your daughter's eyes sparkled, as she crawled and sat beside you, "Really?"
"Yes really"
Reina then put a finger on her lips in her thinking pose, as she sat facing towards you on the couch, "Why does Dada love us and Uncle Rindou so much then?"
You took a deep breath, thinking of how to exactly answer this question, "That's because when Dada was just like you, he didnt have anyone to love him and uncle Rindou, just like how Dada loves you. Thats why Dada gives you big warm hugs so that you know that he will always be there for you."
Reina crawled towards you more, as she hugged you by the waist, making you hug her as well, as you soothed her hair with your one hand. You decided to let her stay awake this time, as you knew she wanted to see her dad.
After half an hour, you heard a jingling of keys, before you saw the lilac haired man walk in, exhausted, his eyes glimmering as soon as it fell on you and your daughter.
Reina broke from your grasp, before rushing towards her father, yelling 'Daddaaa' as Ran kneeled down to catch her into a hug.
"Heyy Princess, I missed youuu." Ran said, as he picked her by both his hands and hugging her tightly, as you walked towards the father daughter duo, "Okay Reina, let Dada clean himself up before you yammer his ears out."
After Ran came out of the bedroom freshened up, he saw his daughter sat on the kitchen counter talking about her favourite cartoon, while you readied both of yours dinners, humming and replying to her conversation in between.
As Ran walked towards the kitchen, Reina spotted him, squealing and telling him to pick her up by signalling him by her wide open arms. He picked her up, balancing her by his hip and one arm, while the other held his plate, as you two settled on the couch.
As you three talked with each other, Reina twiddled with her braid, before asking,
"Dada i want to ask you something."
"What is it princess?"
"Does your Mama and Dada love you?"
You both looked at Reina surprised at the sudden question before looking at each other, wondering how to answer the question, before Ran took deep breath, looking towards the TV for a few seconds, before audibly exhaling, "Well sweetie, i dont have a mama or dada."
Reina tilted her head in confusion, "Why not dada? Where are they?"
"I don't know sweetie. Me and uncle Rindou don't know where they are."
"Why?" Reina prodded.
"Because my Mama and Dada didn't want me and uncle Rindou, so they threw us away."
Ran was used to it and was in terms with it since him and his brother were young, so he said it casually as if it was not a big deal. Reina pouted sadly, as she stopped twiddling with her blonde braid.
"Awwww" Reina said sadly, as Ran nodded, as he continued eating his food. "I know right. But now i not only have uncle Rindou, but your mama, Rimika and you as well now."
Reina stayed quiet for a few seconds before innocently looking into Ran's eyes.
"I want you Dada."
Ran stopped mid bite, as you both looked at her in surprise.
He could feel himself becoming warm, surprisingly feeling his eyes blur slightly, as he put down the spoon on his plate before tugging his baby towards him, "Come here pumpkin." Ran cooed, hugging Reina tightly as Reina reciprocated the hug, as she buried her face in his chest. Your heart swelled with warmth as you heard your daughter's heartwarming words, and the warm interaction between the father and daughter.
Ran and Rindou had to work their asses off before they were one of the toughest delinquents in Roppongi in their teens, and they were happy and enough with each other. So they didnt bother with their parents' absence majority of the times, but that also meant them having lack of parental affection as well.
Ran never thought about his future much until he met you, making you one of the few people he cared about, asides from Rindou and some of his friends. And now you gifted him with two beautiful daughter with equally beautiful hearts. And hearing his daughter's words, he never knew that such her few words would make him so vulnerable and loved, as if his inner child had been healed.
"I want you Dada. I love you."
"I love you too, so so so much princess, more than anyone can imagine." Ran said as he showered her face with kisses, not breaking the hug, as you rubbed your hand soothingly at his back.
"Dada will always be with you and would fight any bad guys trying to hurt my princesses."
Reina giggled as she was showered by her dada's attention and kisses. After finishing your dinners, Reina played with you both, as she kept on chatting and talking about her day in school, and how she got a star in her hand by the teacher for good job. Soon, unsurprisingly, she felt sleepy as she let out a yawn, making Ran moving to pick her.
"Dada i wanna play with you more."
"We'll play tomorrow. Now you're very sleepy."
"Awww I'm not. Pwease Dada." Reina whined as she wrapped her arms around Ran's neck and pulling him down, as she sat on the floor, whining, but her sleepy eyes saying otherwise.
"How about you go to sleep now and Ill tell you a bedtime story."
Reina blinked, as she thought about the offer before nodding and letting Ran pick her up, as she buried her face on his shoulder.
As he settled Reina in her bed, Ran told her a fairytale bedtime story, as Reina listened closely, before she felt her eyes droop.
As Ran saw her fall asleep, he soothed her head by his hand before kissing her on her forehead. He then kissed lightly on Rimika's forehead before walking out of the kid's room, and entering both of your's master bedroom, as you readied yourself to sleep.
As you both got on the bed, you had a slight smile on your face, as you placed a hand on his shoulder, "Hey, you okay?"
Ran looked at her, "Yea, in fact, im more than fine." Ran smiled genuinely, which made you kiss him on the cheek.
"im glad. Reina really does love you a lot, sometimes even more than me which makes me jealous. A complete Dada's girl. I wont even be surprised if even Rimika would favor you more." You joked, as Ran snorted lightly, as you both sat leaning against the headboard of the bed.
"Well its the Haitani genes, baby? What did you expect? Im the cooler parent obviously" Ran smirked, making you playfully roll your eyes.
We sat for a few seconds in silence, before Ran spoke up, "I was thinking of taking a holiday from work tomorrow, and spend some time with the kids. Ill inform Rindou about it"
"I think thats a good idea as well, its been a while, and Reina and Rimika did miss you a lot. But inform Rindou now, because we both know damn well you wont wake up early in the morning, and even if you do, you'll become a grumpy old man."
Ran rolled his eyes, at your comment, reaching towards his phone by the bedside table. "You are just proving my point the more you roll your eyes."
"Watch your tongue woman." Ran glared playfully, as he texted Rindou about his leave, before setting the phone aside, wrapping his hands around your waist, as you switched off the bedside lamps and laid down on the bed to sleep. Ran snuggled you towards him, your back towards his chest, as you could feel his chest moving.
"By the way, you need to stop spoiling your kids more. We already have a mini you in the form of our eldest daughter, and if you spoil her more, she's gonna turn into a brat."
"What wrong with a mini me? Im great."
you turned around, facing him, your eyebrows raised, giving him a 'really' look, "No offense, but i cannot let our daughter inherit your personality of all people."
"I have a great personality woman, what are you talking about. Im charming, fun and easy going."
"You have a shitty personality."
"Oh yea? Bold words coming from the woman who married and had sex with this personality, not to mention, have two kids."
You rubbed your fingers at the bridge of your nose as you sighed, knowing he had a point, as Ran smirked, his droopy eyes lit up in amusement.
"Fine, just dont spoil them too much. As it is Reina has started throwing tantrums more than usual, i dont want her to continue like this."
Ran raised his eyebrow amusingly, as he calmly and jokingly spoke, "Reina doesnt throw much around me though?"
"Of course she won't, she knows you'll give her anything you want."
"And that i will always do, no matter what. She's my little princess after all."
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marvelfanfn2187a113 · 1 year ago
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My Job
Dean Winchester x little sister!reader
Requested by Anonymous
Synopsis: You storm out after an argument with Dean, but then you get into trouble. Will he get there in time to help?
Trigger Warning: attempted sexual assault (not graphic), drugging
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“It’s not rocket science, kid, we’ve had these rules since you were born.”
“Yeah, but I thought-“
“What, because dad isn’t here right now, I’m just gonna let you do whatever you want?”
You huffed, “Would you let me speak?”
“No, you’ve said what you wanted, and the answer is still no.”
“It’s just a few hours!”
“And you know the rules. When we’re on a hunt, you don’t go out. At all. For any reason other than the motel is on fire.”
“It’s a stupid rule!”
“It’s a rule that means that you’re safe. While monsters are out there, you’re not, it’s not exactly unreasonable.”
“It’s just one time!” Dean’s efforts to bring the volume of the conversation down just made you want to yell louder. “It wouldn’t kill you to loosen up!”
“It might kill you!” Dean matched your volume. “Im just trying to protect you, and dad would say the same thing if he-“
“You’re not dad!” You couldn’t take it anymore. You brushed past Dean, shaking his hand off when he tried to grab your arm, and stormed out the motel door, slamming it behind you.
Who was he to say you couldn’t go out? Dean, who had to be the most reckless person you knew.
Well, maybe you’d have to show him that he should practice what he preached. You were going to do as he did, not as he said.
You buried your hand into your pocket, pulling out one of your fake IDs.
You were going to show him.
Not fifteen minutes later you’d slipped into a bar and used your fake ID to order a beer. The bartender gave you a strange look, unsure about the “22” printed on your ID, but he’d served you nonetheless.
You sat at the bar for several minutes, wanting to spite Dean but not really wanting to drink. He’d gotten you the fake ID “in case anything happened”, and you needed to pretend to be an adult. He certainly didn’t get it so you could drink underage, and you honestly had never wanted to. You’d seen what it did to John, and how it was starting to affect Dean. You didn’t want it to somehow turn into your coping mechanism like it had with them.
Suddenly your fight with Dean felt really stupid. Was the rule really so unfair? It was his job to keep you safe, after all, and it made you feel horrible knowing that he’d never asked for that job. You weren’t his kid, you were John’s, but Dean saddled the responsibility anyway. And how did you repay him? Screaming at him and running off without telling him.
Oh gosh. He must be freaking out! He didn’t know where you were, and you’d already been gone for a bit. You’d seriously screwed up.
“Hey, princess.”
Just the sound of the grating voice made your blood run cold, and when it was followed by a hand on your arm, you visibly flinched.
“Do I know you?” You asked the stranger nervously.
“Not yet,” the man licked his lips, and your skin crawled. “Are you even old enough to drink that?” He gestured at the drink in front of you.
“Yes,” you hated how your voice quavered.
“Right,” the man grinned, clearly not believing you. “Don’t worry baby, I won’t tell on you.”
Whenever Dean called you baby, it always made you feel safe, like a baby sister Dean would always protect. When this man called you baby, it made you want to crawl out of your own skin and hide somewhere.
“You here with anyone?”
“No—I mean, I mean yes,” why, oh why had the truth slipped out?
“That’s ok, I can keep you company,” you curled in on yourself when the man leaned his body closer to yours, hating how small and pathetic you must look compared to him.
“No thanks,” your voice came out barely above a whisper.
“What was that, baby?” The man’s hand came around your waist, and he didn’t wait for an answer. “Why don’t you have a drink, you’re so tense.” He pulled your drink closer to you, and suddenly you wanted nothing to do with it.
You shook your head, finding that your voice didn’t want to work.
“Aw c’mon, just a little sip,” the man suddenly had one hand on the back of your neck, the other lifting your drink. You tried to squirm away but his grip was too strong, and a whimper escaped your lips when the cool feeling of the glass pushed against them, demanding entrance.
“Open up, pretty little thing,” he twisted so that his arm was holding your neck in place, moving his hand over to your jaw to pry it open. You felt the bitter liquid enter your mouth, and suddenly the man put the cup down, using one hand to cover your mouth while the other pinched your nose.
You couldn’t think, couldn’t even breathe. Eventually it got to the point where you had no choice but to swallow, and once you did, the man released you.
“There we go, now that wasn’t so bad, was it baby?” He leaned close, and his alcohol stained breath invaded your senses. “The next part will be even better.”
Suddenly your head felt fuzzy, your body swaying in your chair. Surely this couldn’t happen because of one sip of beer, right? The scene played back in your head, and suddenly you saw it. The man’s hand hovering over your drink when he went to lean close to you. He must’ve slipped something in it, that’s why he was so desperate to get you to drink.
“S’cuse me,” your voice came out slightly slurred as you slid out of your chair, heading for the restroom. You sensed the man following right behind you, and you broke into a run.
It was a single bathroom, so you were able to lock the door a split second after you entered. You fumbled for your phone, not even hesitating as you clicked Dean’s number.
“Y/N where are you?” Dean didn’t wait for you to speak, his voice demanding and angry. You felt tears begin to stream down your cheeks as a pounding came from the bathroom door.
“I’m so sorry, Dean I’m sorry, I need help please.”
The anger dissipated, and was replaced with worry as Dean repeated his question.
“Where are you?”
“It’s-um…” why couldn’t you remember the name? Your brain felt so fuzzy, and you were so tired.
“It’s that bar we passed, um…”
“You’re at a bar?” You heard the Impala engine start, and your heart rate picked up when the door shook with the man’s pounding.
“Dean I’m sorry,” you sobbed. “Please hurry, there’s-there’s a man and he-he’s trying to…”
“I’m coming, it’s ok just hold on baby.”
Boom!
The door hinges shook.
“Dean…” you whimpered.
Boom! Boom!
The plaster around the door cracked.
“Baby? What’s happening?”
Boom!
You let out a panicked cry when the door flung open.
“Honey, talk to me, what’s-“ Dean’s voice was cut off when the man smacked the phone out of your hand.
“You didn’t have to do that,” your stomach knotted at the sickeningly sweet tone. “It’s not gonna hurt that bad, I promise. It’ll be quick.”
“Please…” you felt your knees give out, and you curled against the wall as your whole body shuddered.
“I’m gonna take real good care of you,” the man was reaching forward to grab you when he was suddenly flung backwards, and Dean took his place in front of you. He remained for a few seconds, looking you over for signs of injuries, before he turned his attention to the man, his whole body tensing with rage.
You slowly got to shaky feet as Dean began to pound his fists, his palms, his feet, everything, into the man, and before long the creep couldn’t hold himself upright, his face bloody and his body bruised.
“Dean.”
The beating stopped immediately at the sound of your terrified whimper. Dean dropped the man and turned to face you, and you ignored his bloody knuckles and bruised hands as you collapsed into his arms.
“I got you, you’re ok,” Dean’s strong arms held you tightly against him, and you relaxed completely as he picked you up, your arms wrapped around his neck and your legs around his torso as he carried you outside.
He set you down gently in the passengers seat of the Impala, and he moved to close the door but you grabbed onto his hand.
“Not yet,” your voice came out in a hoarse whisper, and Dean knelt down to look you in the eyes.
“You’re not hurt are you? He didn’t…” Dean trailed off as you shook your head, and relief settled onto his features. “Honey what happened?”
You recounted the story, and as you did you began to cry again. It felt like living it all over again, and soon you were sobbing in Dean’s arms as he held you close, rubbing your back and cradling your head.
“It’s over now,” he promised. “I’m gonna take you home.”
You finally let him pull away, and he shut your door before climbing into the drivers seat. You drove in silence for a few minutes, but you couldn’t hold back what you needed to say any longer.
“Dean, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean any of what I said, I know why we have rules and I know you’re doing your best. I-I know-“ you broke off, pulling your knees to your chest before continuing. “I know you don’t deserve to be stuck in charge of me, and I’m-I’m sorry for being so difficult.”
Dean had been silent up to this point, but now he broke him, alarm on his features.
“What? Baby I’m not stuck with you, you’re my baby sister and it’s my job to-“
“But it’s a job you didn’t ask for!” You broke in, trying to keep back your tears for the third time this night. “Dad just left you here with me, and-and I know I’m not easy-“
“Stop right there,” Dean interrupted. “Sweetheart, this is the easiest job in the world for me, ok? I mean sure, sometimes you run off and give me a heart attack,” he gave you a pointed look. “But sometimes you also help with research, or bring me food, or talk Sammy through his nightmares. Honey we need you around here, just as much as you need us. We’re family, understand? It’s all of our jobs to look out for each other, so don’t think you’re just some burden on me. Don’t ever think that.”
You felt your face light up with a smile, and you finally looked up at Dean.
“Ok.”
“Ok,” Dean nodded firmly as he pulled into the motel. “Now c’mon, you should get some food and sleep.”
“Dean?”
Dean hummed as he opened your car door and led you inside.
“Can…can I sleep in your bed tonight? It’s just…I’m still kinda freaked and I thought-“
“Of course you can baby,” Dean leaned down and kissed your head. “That’s what I’m here for. It’s my job.”
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yoonia · 17 days ago
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🖋️ one your stories that sticks to me the most was the (im)perfect ending. I really wish to see how you visualize their lives after. will Joon ever find out about the baby? will they reunite again? what happens when they do🤭? will Joon finally get his head out of his a** and end his marriage and be true to his feelings 🧐 or will OC has her own happy ending with someone else🤔?
💌 I think other people have said this before, but you are an admirable person that I've ever met online. You've worked hard on your stories and have always given us a lot. even now, you choose to spread positivity and share gifts for others to celebrate your birthday and I think that's the sweetest thing anyone could ever do. happy belated birthday, Dia. You deserve so much happiness and a lot more. I hope your coffee is always hot and your pillow always warm. wishing you and all your precious kitties an abundance of health and joy 💝💝
omg I've been getting the same questions sent to me for this couple, so I guess this might be a good chance to provide some answers for those who have been waiting for it lol
I know that the last letter mentioned in the fic didn't specify how much OC shared about her baby, so I guess this is where we get to see what other things she sent with the letter for Namjoon. I hope you enjoy the snippet and the visualisation below!!
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— title: Our Imperfections| pairings: Namjoon x female reader| genre: second chances!au, infidelity!au, post divorce/break-up!au, angst | word count: 1,410 words — summary | Namjoon is on a mission to fix the mess he created. — ratings & warnings | +18 / M for mature; talk about divorce and custody, post break-up, mentions of infidelity
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— original: The (Im)perfect Ending by @yoonia — fic drop date: Oct 30th, 2024 — song companion: loved
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“Don’t forget that you need to pick up Sunny early Saturday morning for her class camping trip.” 
Hearing her voice on the phone, clipped with orders, used to make Namjoon wince. Now he is used to it. Always so business-like, even when talking about their only child. 
“Did you get that?” 
Her voice returns when he doesn’t answer. He holds back from rolling his eyes and calmly answers. “Yeah, I got that. Saturday morning. Early.” 
His reaction isn’t the only thing he is holding back. Asking why six-year-olds would go on a camping trip might only end up with him getting a long lecture through the phone. He doesn’t have that much time to endure that. And having his ear burning from it is really the last thing he needs right now. 
“Right. I’ll text you the details.” A sigh, then, “Sunny also wants you to be the one to drive her to school Monday. So I’m packing up extra clothes for her to stay with you another night. Is that good?” 
Namjoon closes his eyes. As much as he loves having extra time with his daughter, having the child’s mother schedule their time for him without consulting him first rubs him the wrong way. If he doesn’t know any better, he would have thought that she keeps doing this as a payback. Causing trouble and brushing his ego for choosing to step out of their marriage—the marriage that she had worked so hard to paint as perfect for the world to see. 
But Namjoon knows better. 
He knows that she has always been this way. 
Even when they were still together, she always had to be the one running the show, while Namjoon would have to follow. She was the one holding the pen, writing the story for them through her rose-coloured glasses, while forcing him into a role that he never felt like he could fit into. 
At one point, it caused him to lose himself. 
Only that he realised it too late. Far too late, because it hadn’t just started when they got married, but long before—when they grew up together and being fed their parents’ beliefs that they would end up together once they turned adults; when they became teenagers and she insisted that it would only be right if they started dating to make their parents’ dreams come true and when she started planning their wedding day just when Namjoon was starting to find a chance to write his own story, to walk a different path, with a completely different person. 
It wasn’t until he was able to find his old self and feel like himself again through the mistakes he made when he finally found the courage to leave that life. Yet, once again, he was too late. 
Far too late. 
“Namjoon? Do you—” 
Her voice breaks him out of his wandering thoughts, only for her words to get drowned by the sound of the announcement blaring through the speakers above his head. 
“Attention, passengers on Flight 345 with service to Sydney. We are now beginning our boarding process at Gate 12B. Please…” 
The voice fades as passengers rush in front of him to find the departure gate, and Namjoon waits until the announcement stops before taking his palm off his phone. 
“Where are you? Are you on another business trip?” 
Namjoon almost laughs. He finds it hard to believe that after spending an entire fifteen minutes on call with him, she never thought about asking him where he was or where he was up to. 
Business as usual. Even when it’s about our new arrangement. 
“Australia. I just landed. That’s why I couldn’t take your call until now.” 
“Oh…” 
“You do realise the longer you’re on this call, the more expensive it will be, don’t you?” 
Silence, then her bitter voice is heard. “How was I supposed to know where you were?” 
You could have asked. 
Sighing, Namjoon shakes his head. “Look, just text or email me all the details about Sunny’s trip. I’ll be back in Seoul Friday afternoon. Okay?” 
“Okay.” Her voice softens. “Take care, Namjoon.” 
The call ends, and Namjoon breathes a heavy sigh. Feeling exhaustion after speaking to her is one thing, but once it wanes, guilt always seems to take root. It doesn’t matter if he had fallen out of love a long time ago. He cannot deny that he has made too many mistakes that he is still trying hard to make up for. His decision to stay in the marriage for Sunny, using her as an excuse to hang on to the final threads that were offered to him instead of stepping away from that fallen marriage, was his last, yet probably most detrimental for his own mental health and any chance he ever had to make things right for everyone. 
Including you. 
Hoisting his duffle bag on his shoulder, Namjoon walks across the airport’s lot to find his ride. There is a reason why he is here, and he isn’t going to stop until he finds what he is searching for. 
It takes him nearly an hour to reach his destination. 
The small coffee shop looks quite inconspicuous as it stands between various other shops downtown, yet it still catches Namjoon’s eyes the moment he arrives. 
Quaint and delicate, with natural wooden colours chosen as the accents at the front side of the shop and dark window frames, it reminds him so much of you. 
The sound of the bell chimes above his head as he steps in, immediately welcomed by the fresh scent of coffee beans, chocolate, and a bit of cinnamon. Spicy and sweet and pleasantly warm. A young boy with a thick Australian accent welcomes him from the cashier, yet his eyes travel across the room, where the figure that has been filling his dreams at night appears. 
Smiling at the young barista, he walks up towards you instead. You have yet to notice him in the room. Your eyes are locked on the small child sitting on the sofa by the corner, swinging his legs as he receives a small sip cup from your hands. 
His eyes find him first, looking over your shoulder while you still have your back facing Namjoon and the front door. 
“Now you sit tight right here until Mommy finishes work, okay? And don’t—”
“Mama?” the boy cuts you off before you can finish speaking, his chubby finger pointing towards Namjoon, “Da..?” 
Your body freezes. Namjoon hears a soft gasp before you straighten up and slowly turn to face him. The moment you see him standing there, your eyes grow wide and you quickly move to hide your son behind you. Only the child is quick, as he hops off the sofa to stand right behind you, clinging onto your legs as he peeks at Namjoon. 
A line which he read from your letter echoes in his mind as he returns the boy’s curious gaze, just as it does many nights after you were gone—
“I have a boy. He’s here. He might have a dimple on his cheek too that might show up once he’s grown a bit older. His name is…” 
Namjoon bends down. “Sammy, is it?” 
The boy, Sammy, slowly nods. Namjoon smiles. “You look handsome. You’re being a good boy to your Mommy now?” 
“Yea…” 
Chuckling softly, Namjoon straightens up to face you. Your eyes are covered with tears as you look back at him. “How—” you gasp, “What are you doing here?” 
Because I’ll chase you to the end of the world if I could. 
Those are the words that Namjoon has always wanted to say to you. A promise that he never got a chance to say before you left him. It was a mistake that he had been dreading the most when he first received your letter, along with a copy of your sonogram and your final word of goodbye. 
“Keeping a promise,” he merely says. “I think we have a lot to talk about.” 
A deep sigh escapes your lips. The sound pains him. But the sight of every tension being lifted from your shoulders gives him a sense of calm. 
“I guess we do,” you whisper to him with a broken smile. 
A lot of them. 
He can almost hear those words coming from you. Just like he almost says out loud,
I have all the time in the world to talk and listen now. For you. 
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For your fall tune, I think this song will fit perfectly well for this.
𝖙𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖋𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖆𝖉𝖊: dia’s birthday bash 2024 ⇝ closed!
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bartxnhood · 2 years ago
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all the stars | atwow
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| sully!family x fem!sully!reader
summary: based on this request.
warnings: reading feeling insecure, crying, jake and neytiri being the best parents to you
word bank: skxawng- idiot. ite- daughter. sa’nok - mother. itetsyip - little daughter(endearing). mawey - calm.
a/n: hi my lovies !! this is my first ever avatar piece so i’m so very sorry if it isn’t entirely accurate. i also haven’t seen twow yet (but i’ve basically had the entire movie spoiled so😭) so, im always open for criticism and feedback. also this didn’t go in the direction i wanted it to but i still hope you all enjoy this one <3
not proofread
requests open
Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.
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growing up as a sully had its hardships. you were different from the other na’vi people because of who your father was. they saw you differently, you had an extra finger, and you were slightly shorter than your siblings and the people in your village.
but, it never stopped your family from loving you unconditionally. jake was your number one supporter, as his firstborn daughter he was highly protective of you but he gave you the freedom you deserved because he knew you could handle yourself and he always kept an eye out for you.
neytiri, your mother was strong, brave, and capable of anything she had to do. you took a lot after her, you were skilled when it came to hunting. she taught you everything you knew. she was so proud to be your mother, to have you as her daughter. you were the most beautiful thing she had done.
you were very close with your siblings. growing up, you were still young with lo’ak was born but with kiri and tuk you would always play with them, you were the big sister everyone dreamed of.
with neteyam, it was different. sure, he may be older but you were always a helping hand if he needed you. or, if he was having a hard time he always came to you. he took care of you as an older brother should, but sometimes he just needs a shoulder to lean on.
“y/n!” tuk cheered as you walked back to your home, you had gone out with kiri for a while to enjoy nature and help your sister find some items for her jewelry making. “tuk-tuk!” you beamed as she ran into your arms. “i made you something!” she handed you a piece of jewelry she had made, “oh my, ewya, this is gorgeous!” you grinned, “thank you” she watched as you put the piece on and she giggled. “so pretty!” tuk left your embrace, leading you back home where you were met with the rest of your family.
on one occasion, lo’ak, neteyam, and your father went out to hunt for a while but when they returned you knew the atmosphere was dull. mostly coming from lo’ak, you felt his sadness. “did he yell at you again?” you pulled lo’ak to the side he nodded, hanging his head low. “i’ll talk with him, okay?” you smiled, bringing your younger brother into a hug. “stay out of trouble, skxawng” the both of you laughed.
you were the daughter and sister they adored.
though, when you arrived at the metkayina clan things shifted. you weren’t as happy as you used to be, and it was hard adjusting to the different lifestyle. it didn’t help how the people saw you as a demon, often making comments on your appearance.
of course, you changed. you were slowly beginning to hate yourself.
“ma ite” your ears perked up, whipping your head around to find your mother who was approaching. “sa’nok” you answered, looking down at the sand. “what is wrong my child?” she questioned, coming by your side. it was late into the night, you weren’t able to sleep. you were tired of being alone with your mind so, you decided to get up and sit for a while in attempts to clear your head.
your family had moved to the oceanside in hopes of refuge. unlike the others, you felt alone. compared to the forest this was all so different, you missed playing in the trees, laying in the lush forest grass with your siblings. getting used to the sand and water was different, but oh was it beautiful.
the others noticed how you were different they’d poke fun at your height, your hands, your fingers, and your hair. it hurt, you’d stay up every night wondering if you were the problem.
were you that much of a disappointment to your family?
you shrugged, turning and facing the sea. “i don’t know, mother” you lied, fidgeting with your fingers. “just could not sleep” you felt her hand rest on your shoulder, of course, you knew that she knew something was wrong. it was your mother, she knew everything. “something is troubling you” you nodded, pursing your lips. “what is it, my child?” tears welled in your eyes, ears flattened as you looked at your lap. “i’m alien. everyone hates me.”
neytiri felt her heartbreak, seeing you like this and thinking people could hate you. how could anyone hate her special girl? she pulled you close to her, resting her head on yours as you quietly sobbed into her chest “oh..itetsyip” she cooed, brushing your hair behind your ear.
“what’s going on?” jake emerges from the hut after hearing a bit of commotion. you both raised your head turning back to find your father. his eyes scanned you, and seeing your puffy eyes he went into full dad mode. then, he looked at neytiri and they held eye contact for a moment.
you weren’t okay.
“what’s wrong, babygirl?” he asked, coming to your side. you felt a lump in your throat when he asked, all this time you had been bottling it up and now, you were about to explode. “i’m so tired” you cried, falling into his arms. jake held you tightly, neytiri rubbing your back gently, “shhh, mawey mawey.” your mother hushed your cries.
“i’m sorry if i’m a disappointment, father. i’m trying my hardest” you cried into his arms. you weren’t able to take the pain much longer. you began to hate yourself. “look at me.” he pulled you from his embrace, holding your face. “you are not a disappointment. i don’t want you to ever say that about yourself again, okay?”
as a father, you’d never want to hear your children say they were a disappointment. you were the greatest thing jake ever did. “yes sir” you nodded, wiping away your tears. “my daughter.” neytiri grabbed your attention, wiping away your tears. “ewya blessed me with the honor of being your mother.” she smiled sadly, “more than all of the stars in the sky, you are so loved. ma y/n” she pressed a kiss on the top of your head.
“let us go to bed now, it is late.” she stood up, reaching for your hands and jake followed suit.
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