#because he and I didn't agree on how I should be treating S (first pastor)

[unma]

making this its separate post because I wanna ramble, but I do feel like I need to emphasize just how little trust I have of basically anyone in authority by default.

I'm Nigerian, and as anyone who is also Nigerian can tell you, we take "respect your elders" pretty seriously. Not just a Nigerian thing, obviously, but idk nearly enough about other cultures to make generalize statements. So I'll just stick to what I know.

"Respect your elders." There were no 'unless they're evil' or dumb or stupid or whatever quality that should disqualify them from whatever position of authority they're in. You do what they say because they told you to, dammit, and they'll make your life hell if you don't.

Well, guess who grew up trying to be as logical as possible and as stubborn as possible. Not even in a "emotions suck" kinda way, just in a "you are very clearly being dumb here and I will call you out for it" way.

I learnt the hard way growing up that people in authority do not like being questioned very often. They especially do not like being called out for being stupid mid-stupid action. And that they will promptly use said authority to punish you for daring to even question them.

My parents were exactly like this. So were my teachers. So were the pastors at my church. So were the leaders of our country.

You know, growing up as a kid and being told to always respect your elders while the same people are talking about how your gov leaders are old and useless at best, corrupt at worst really does make you question why anyone still follows that tradition. I still maintain it's fucking stupid. Not like it ever even applied to me, despite being the eldest son, when I was constantly having chores dumped on me because my younger siblings paid me no mind.

So I suppose not having anything to gain from it made it easier to realize how much bullshit it was.

Also after having been made to apologize to a Pastor once for calling him out for being stupid (and being told to do it again for a second incident and just never doing it), wow it's fucking absurd how much impunity they gain. They were literally saying "Yeah sure he's wrong, but he's an anointed pastor so you have to apologize to him." and frankly it's no fucking wonder the churches keep getting caught for sweeping sexual abuse allegations under the rug. If this is how you handle being called out for something that in the long run means jack shit, you're probably going to do worse when it turns out one of your pastors was an utter piece of shit.

Anyway I loathe people in positions of power above me and one day. One day. I'm going to snap and punch a boss of mine or something and my life will be irrevocably ruined or something to that effect and I'm fine with it. I have my limits, and frankly after having to deal with this shit for years I'm not letting it slide anymore. I had a year long one-sided feud with a pastor (and by that I mean he fucking HATED me, even my mere presence made him angry, to my utter joy) because I refused to apologize, called him the fuck out for being stupid, and was not above throwing shade whenever I could. It was funny. And I got out of being in the teens' section for a while too, because he didn't want me there.

Honestly, talking back to those in authority being stupid is fucking liberating, and after spending my entire life having to hold in that urge I worry that I'm not going to be able to turn it off, which probably means I'll be unemployable in 5 years give or take. It is funny though, and I care maybe a worryingly small amount about the chance that it could make my life really difficult.