#because get up get out and work bitch because there's noooo way I'm gonna pay attention to that kind of shit

[kohakuhibiki]

I don't know how people put up with the fake "we accept you the way you are 😔" that never even commits to the bit that comes from relatives about anything ever. Suck it up. And still pretend that kind of relationship is healthy and good to maintain. But. I'm not that kind of bitch, and I don't entertain that kind of bitch either. Either you cut the ties or you shut up about it, I'm not, I'm never the right person to talk to when it comes to that kind of thing.

[misseviehyde]

BIG CUCK

"OMG - dude, our bully has turned me into a perfect physical copy of your hot girlfriend Jenna. Why the fuck would he do that to me? I'm your best-friend and he does this to me?

He must be up to something evil. That asshole is so manipulative and evil. He loves to play games.

He's been trying to get Jenna to sleep with him for months but she loves you too much. We can both see that she has real chemistry with Aaron and she's come so close to fucking him, but her love and loyalty to you is the only thing stopping her.

Now he's used the magic remote to copy her exactly onto me. I have her tits, her long blonde hair... even her sexy tan. Oooh shit, that's not all I have. This thing has copied her personality and desires onto me - they're starting to catch up with me. I can feel my mind changing.

Dude, I feel so fucking pretty and spoiled. My skin feels like buttermilk and my body is so tiny and perfect. Ooooh, I feel like totally feminine and girly. Jenna's personality fits like soooo nicely over my own.

I can even feel an echo of her love for you growing in my heart. Oh my God, I fucking love you. I love you so damn much.

Oh shit, here comes Aaron. Don't worry baby, I won't let that asshole hurt you.

What the fuck do you want you bastard? Why have you turned me into Jenna?

You're going to make him enjoy being a cuckold so that he'll encourage the real Jenna to fuck you? No... that's evil, and it won't work. Jenna loves him and so do I.

What do you mean you're gonna corrupt me so I love you instead and I become an evil whore? Nooooo, don't ugghhh point that remote at me... ahhhh fuck what are you doing?

Ugggh dude, you have to get out of here... he's melting my brain... making me uuuuuhhhhhh slutty and mean. I... I... I'm trying to fight it, but it feels so good. I can feel Jenna's love for you being, uuuugghhh twisted and corrupted into something wicked.

Ohhhh fuck, yessss, I like boys. Nnnn nooo I like MEN. Alpha Men. N...nooo that isn't right is it? Mmmmh, it feels kinda right though.

Ohhhh no he's making me bad and I can't ughhhh fight it. Twisting my sexuality and my mind. He's making me into evil-Jenna and I like it.

Mmmmh, yessss... only big cock will satisfy me. Only bullies make me WET. I'm a bully too? I am? Oh yeah, of course I am. I love being better than other girls. Yessss, I'm a fucking BITCH. I fucking dominate other girls. I dress like a fucking bitch, I AM a BITCH!

Hahah, ohhhh fuck this feels good. To have this smoking hot body... tight and smooth, feminine and powerful. To know men lust and desire after me. No one can understand why I'm dating such a pathetic loser for a boyfriend. Even I can't unders...

I... oh yeah of course. I date you because you're pathetic and weak. You're SO in love with me and think I'm an angel. I use you to get what I want. You pay for my clothes and my makeup. You give me lifts and cook me dinner. You even do my homework for me. But the truth is I fucking h... hate you.

Ugggh, noooo that isn't mmmmmh right, I lll..lllov... NO. NO, I can't fight it. It feels too good when I say it. I... I HATE you. I fucking hate what a weak pathetic loser you are, but it makes me wet to date you and enslave you and fuck other men. Better men.

Men like Aaron. Yeah, that's right. I like his big fat cock and his bullying attitude. He turns me on... he makes me wanna be a slut for him.

And you like it too don't you loser? You know I'm not the real Jenna, but this is how she really feels. Deep down inside she despises you and uses you to get what she wants. But really she wants to fuck other boys and you want her too.

The thought of being a cuck excites you doesn't it? Of kneeling between my legs and licking Aaron's cum out of my tight pussy. You wanna watch him fuck me. You wanna see me fucking scream and cum all over his cock.

He can pound me in ways you never could. You can only last a few seconds inside me, he can go for hours. HAHA ohhhh fuck yes, it makes me so horny to be evil to you. I love what a bitch I am.

Now then loser are you ready to watch Aaron put his strong hands all over my tight body. He's gonna bend me over, pull my panties to one side and slide that big dick into my tight little pussy.

I'm gonna fucking ride him for hours, pumping my pussy up and down on his cock. I'm gonna suck his balls and swallow his cock deep down my pretty throat. I'm gonna make you watch as he fucks me doggy, then lets me ride cowgirl. Every position, every possible type of sex - he's gonna show you how much better he is than you.

When he's done and I'm dripping with his cum, you'll never forget how hot I look - how happy and satisfied. When you see the real Jenna you'll not be able to stop thinking about her covered in Aaron's spunk. You'll do anything to help her become like me. You want to see the evil-Jenna take control.

This is the beginning of your addiction. Now get ready loser - because it's time for Jenna to get railed.

I can't wait for you to become a big cuck as I take this big cock...

[theworldsoul]

Uhh warning VENT!!! Talks about self harm and shit... also religious bullshit and gender bullshit??? Like I'm really trans and also Catholicism really fucked me up so if ur uncomfy with that just... skip this post. Also if ur Christian and can't handle seeing ur shit defaced then skip this post. Also if ur gonna clown on this post as "cringe atheism" then fuck you because I'm literally coping with pain lol

:readmore:

Anways now that the disclaimer is over... here comes the real shit.

I... have been going through a LOT lately, jesus christ. I was HAPPY today, yknow? I thought I was gonna be happy the whole day.

I was dancing today. That's how happy I was. For the first time in like... a whole year... I was really so happy. I thought I was gonna cry. But then I got home. And well,,,, I did cry. But not from happiness. I just got my math grade back. A fucking 49 percent. MY AVERAGE RIGHT NOW IS A 57 PERCENT. I MIGHT FAIL MATH 20. I MIGHT HAVE TO RETAKE IT. oh my god I'm such a failure I cant do anything ever i try SO fucking hard but honestly??? I cant fucking do this. I can't, I'm not mentally capable. "Just work harder"... BITCH I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN. I AM SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS OF MY LIFE STUDYING AND PRACTICING. I'm starting to think that how hard i try doesn't even fucking matter because I'm STUPID and all i know how to do is PAINT SHIT!!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ART!!!! IF I FAIL THIS CLASS I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE IN THE FUTURE!!!! A HOUSE!!!!!

I dont even want to be a fucking orthodontist. Okay??? I wanna do what I love: painting. But NOOOO. I have to get a "respectable" job that will "pay me enough money to live". WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO LIVE??? WTF??? THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKED UP. everyone deserves to live (unless they like murdered someone? I guess? Idk) BUT LIKE I DIDNT KILL NO ONE SO WHATS ALL THIS BS ABOUT WORKING TO LIVE???? WTF??? I rly gotta do all this shit I hate, all this shit I'm mentally incapable of doing... so i can have a house. Fuck this. Yknow with my average at a 57... I might fail this class even if I get a really good grade on my next quiz. Can you fucking believe it??? I'm literally so fucking stupid I cant even pass a dumb fucking math class god i hate myself. I cant fail this class. I've NEVER failed a class. Almost failed... but never HAD TO RETAKE A CLASS. that's the ultimate failure. I think my parents would hate me if I failed this.

And on top of that... I'm really struggling with uhhh, dysphoria and body image... and it's so fucking horrible man I want to rip all my skin off I want to suffocate god I want to KILL him I want to MAKE HIM SUFFER. I want to gouge his eyes out and force him to eat them. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME LIKE THIS????? WHY????? WHATS THE POINT IN MAKING A CHILD SUFFER SO MUCH???

What did I ever do that was so wrong I deserved all this punishment???

Well FUCK YOU and fuck your stupid book and FUCK THESE STUPID FUCKING SAINTS. WASNT THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLEASS ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME?? PROTECTING ME??? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH NOW?? WHERE WAS THAT BITCH WHEN... when I was being bullied? When I literally wanted to kill myself?

Where was that guardian angel when I kept making THE SAME MISTAKE over and over again and I KNEW it was wrong but I kept doing it anyways because it was the only way I could feel like soemone cared about me????

I bet that angel motherufcker KNEW they didnt care. DID THE ANGEL EVER ONCE HELP ME??? NOOOO. all those times I was bruised and broken... all those times...

Man, I was just a kid. I was SO fucking young. And I would come like a lamb to the slaughter and kneel. I would pray... ask for guidance. I would pray the rosary too, I would read the bible and try my very best to understand it, I would go to church and volunteer at church and do my best to be a Good Boy and never sin. I did EVERYTHING right. I literally fasted at some point, like a religious fast. I was devoted...

Honestly though? I think it was the same mistake I make over and over again, except not with a real person.

And you have me NOTHING. GO GIRL, GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!! I literally used to self-punish for the sins I couldnt bring myself to confess. At my communion, there was one sin I didn't tell because I knew it was unforgivable. I still hate myself for that. But man, I used to try and do all sorts of things to somehow cleanse myself of it. I figured THAT whole ordeal was why I was constantly being tortured.

But I was stupid and I am stupid and that makes NO SENSE because if the thing I'm being punished for happened when I was a child, WHY DID THE PUNISHMENT BEGIN AT MY BIRTH????

They used to tell me that god handcrafted every part of me specifically for some sort of grand reason.

Why.

Really? This bitch really "handcrafted" me just so I could cry and cut myself nearly every night??? Fuck that. Like why would you make me this way. It hurts more than you can IMAGINE. The only reason I'm not dead yet is because of ME, MY strength, not any of the bullshit YOU gave me. I hate when people say "oh, god made u so hardworking" or "oh, god made you so passionate/hopeful/full of love/fiery/whatever" LIKE STFU BITCH THAT WAS NOT SKYDADDY THAT WAS ME!!!

you wanna know what he made me?

dysphoric, ugly af, yeah.... but the worst part?

He made me feel.

That doesn't sound bad, right? Well it's the worst thing on the list. It is my downfall, my Achilles heel or whatever. This emotions shit??? It RUINED my life. My whole life I was cursed with a fucking monster inside me. I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasnt me!!! I kept telling them that it felt like I was being possessed. But adults are SHIT. I hate adults. I want to kill them all. They failed me and their god failed me. None of them every listened to me. All they knew how to do was punish, punish, punish.

It's like giving an allergic kid some peanuts and then getting angry at them for going into anaphylactic shock or whatever. Nobody ever thought "hey, why don't we stop giving the kid peanuts?"

ALL THE ADULTS AROUND ME ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE ACTED LIKE CHILDREN FUCK ADULTS

Anwyays that's how I ended up with all these unresolved issues,.... emotion is a tough one, like I literally dont have the ability to control my emotions at all, I can try and like, repress them but I cant make myself actually feel less.

My emotion hurts more than anyone else's and nobody ever understood that. I would tell them that it hurts, it PHYSICALLY HURTS, and they would say I just wanted attention. I would tell them I literally couldnt control what my body said and did, I would tell them I felt like A PUPPET ON STRINGS and no one believed me. Fuck them.

Healthy coping mechanisms? I literally self ship with Snape to cope. I literally self ship with characters my brain made up and put in my dreams to cope. I used to hurt myself so much trying to feel loved and cared about irl. Fiction is so much better. I sound like a loser but its TRUE. The sort of thing I need, the sort of love I need is like... a parent. You can't go looking for a parent in a romantic partner, it fucks everything up and you end up... well, let's just say it proabbly wasnt the most legal thing, but I wasnt thinking strisght at all I mean dude I was So fucked in my head when I did all that...whatever...anyways so thank u for fiction!!! I love fiction. Want to kill someone? Draw it. Then you'll feel much better!!! And you dont go to jail!!!

Well the pics here... idk, it was really calming to do this. It's new, painting over religious shit. I was gonna do the whole bible but I already burnt that shit so.... and I was going to cut but I'm trying really hard to stay clean... like really hard. It's so weird and like, addicting, once I hit styro I don't want to stop, but also it kinda transfers the emotional pain to physical pain, making it way easier to deal with. I just can't keep doing that because I KNOW it's bad and look I thoguht I was clean for a whole year but then I fucked up and WOW, GUESS WHAT MADE ME RELAPSE??? MATH CLASS!!!!

Whatever anyways here are my wonderful works of art I made while crying and cursing god (like I'm so pissed at all this catholic bs I believed in him again just to swear at him lol)

.... but imagine for a moment, a better world. One in whcih these saints whose images I've defaced are actually good people... a world in which they SEE ME AND THEY HEAR ME... and I go unpunished.... and I am embraced by someone who UNDERSTANDS.

I think I would cry.

Too bad that world doesnt exist and I just made it up to try and feel a bit better. Whatever, whatever. I painted the things, they're gonna dry. I work hard, I'm gonna do good on my quiz, I hope. I just have to be making it through, that's all it is, work work work without a break but I can proabbly do it. I'm really slipping I admit like the mental health is slipping it's getting worse like I havent had a "fuck I am afab" moment in such a long time so yeah...

Anwyays I feel so much better now that I did my little art project yknow???