#bcuz I can't take all this uncertainty and the possibilities for things going wrong | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mosspapi · 2 months

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Yknow sometimes I'm like "yeah I've made peace with my disability, it doesn't bother me anymore, I'm happy with my disabled life" but sometimes I'm like. Holy fuck I would literally kill myself in a heartbeat if it meant I'd be guaranteed a ""normal"" life next time.

#having a rough day lmao #trying not to freak myself out over the possibilities of my heart and brain being so severely fucked up bcuz we're not doing anything abt it #like honestly I just wanna go to my doctor and ask for like. a brain scan and a heart scan and an MRI and and and #bcuz I can't take all this uncertainty and the possibilities for things going wrong #like in all reality I'm fine and I'm not gonna die any time soon right. but we haven't done anything to Prove that #and some of these symptoms are like. concerning. but everyone's just like nah ur fine you've always been like that #like it Has been years so realistically I should've died if it was Actually pressing. but there's still the chance it went downhill slowly #like there are so many compounding issues here and I can't tell left from right with them #idk what's normal and what's concerning bcuz I was basically medically neglected my entire life so I assume everything I experience is chill #when it very much is not. idk #idk man I'm just. like being disabled isn't inherently my problem ig. it's the fact that we don't know WHAT is making me disabled #I mean we have some working diagnoses but we haven't Tested anything so for all I know there's smth Serious that everyone's just. ignoring #armchair speaks #actually disabled #physically disabled #cripplepunk #tw suicide mention

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