#bcuz I can't take all this uncertainty and the possibilities for things going wrong | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mosspapi · 5 months ago

Text

Yknow sometimes I'm like "yeah I've made peace with my disability, it doesn't bother me anymore, I'm happy with my disabled life" but sometimes I'm like. Holy fuck I would literally kill myself in a heartbeat if it meant I'd be guaranteed a ""normal"" life next time.

#having a rough day lmao #trying not to freak myself out over the possibilities of my heart and brain being so severely fucked up bcuz we're not doing anything abt it #like honestly I just wanna go to my doctor and ask for like. a brain scan and a heart scan and an MRI and and and #bcuz I can't take all this uncertainty and the possibilities for things going wrong #like in all reality I'm fine and I'm not gonna die any time soon right. but we haven't done anything to Prove that #and some of these symptoms are like. concerning. but everyone's just like nah ur fine you've always been like that #like it Has been years so realistically I should've died if it was Actually pressing. but there's still the chance it went downhill slowly #like there are so many compounding issues here and I can't tell left from right with them #idk what's normal and what's concerning bcuz I was basically medically neglected my entire life so I assume everything I experience is chill #when it very much is not. idk #idk man I'm just. like being disabled isn't inherently my problem ig. it's the fact that we don't know WHAT is making me disabled #I mean we have some working diagnoses but we haven't Tested anything so for all I know there's smth Serious that everyone's just. ignoring #armchair speaks #actually disabled #physically disabled #cripplepunk #tw suicide mention

1 note · View note