#bc they'd need to pay my bills and make up for what i do financially for the house
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
this weekend was hard. this coming weekend is going to be even harder.
funerals are weird and i'm feeling so inadequate in all areas. life moves on and i haven't really processed my mom almost dying let alone this.
i worry that i'll never be enough for anyone. my mind is always 10000 miles away and i worry that not being present is hurting people. its just getting so hard to care about anything. i can barely get myself up for work in the morning, and even when i'm here....i'm not here.
i'm at such a loss and feel like i've overextended the kindness my partner and friends have shown me. everyone has their own things going on and i feel like i should be over this so i can care about a birthday or be there when someone is having a bad day.
and its not that i don't care because i don't love them. i just can't even think about it or notice or remember. i don't have the mental energy to continue pouring into all of these cups but i feel like i don't have a choice. and feeling like that just bogs me down further into a cycle of guilt.
#personal#i just feel so bad all of the time hehehehe#can't even keep a queue steady for my fav internet place because i just dissociate when i'm not actively at work or with people#likei'm really just on the couch or in my car or in bed staring at th wall bc what else is there to do when i feel like such a burden#no one wants me around on a good day and i'm too much to handle and too clingy/attention seeking when i'm not aching#i'm probably even more annoying to deal with now#been thinking about ending it lately and the only thing keepingme here is not wanting to burden my partner and roommate#bc they'd need to pay my bills and make up for what i do financially for the house#and like....... that's so sad lol and i know its sad but at this point i feel like the only value i have to anyone is what i can give them#hehehehe if u read this far ur obligated to like this post bc ur too in my business to not give me a crumb of engagement hehehehe
1 note
·
View note