#bc it's 4 am and my dad is snoring on the couch

[fatui-harbingers]

Why do dads always fall asleep on the couch

[to-be--naked]

Dec 4, 2020 8:15pm.

Havent had a phone (or comp) all day. It died. And I couldn't see to write or pack a bowl bc my contacts went to poop. It was as if I entered a twilight zone episode somewhere in the outer layers of hell.

Long story, im still at michaels bc I csnt see bc I dont have my glasses. He bought pizza last night and skyline today.

828 pm - I asked Michael to fix my makeup (like smear) on my face bc I cant see. He said no, and then I felt all this paternal disappointment and indifference. I need to be careful that I only get "little" with people who understand and consent to the responsibility.

835 pm - awkward. I said "we could wait until tomorrow to drop me off, since you aren't working and its late"

And he said, "we could."

Trying not to read into it, i just hope he knows we don't have to. Which, I stated.

908pm - where did he go...?

I dont like not knowing what is going to happen. Its getting late, gimme a signal one way or another.

Its TEA TIME GOD DAMN IT.

I am very serious.

About tea.

And that the time that it is which'th we make the tea.

And thats 9. 9 is tea time.

He was in the bathroom this whole time? Skyline.

...I told him I accidently peed all over his blanket and he just chuckled

931 - idk. I feel like I am such an annoying burden. Crashing here for two nights. Then needing a ride back an hour away. I feel so dumb. Why didn't I bring glasses.

God, I want him to cum in me. He is one of very few I would let do that (are there others?). He is a great dad and I love his kids. And im delusional. Uhg.

I cant wait to be in love and feel someone orgasm inside of me with clear intent of making a new life out of our love.

....shit. There might be contacts in the back. Do we drive all the way over there to see? Potentially saving us a trip over an hour away? Or it could bring us an additional 40min of driving that wasn't needed.

1021 we had sex again. My God, THAT is what sex needs to be. I aim for that or higher. I will no longer settle for less.

And the chemistry. The craving. The on and off. The teasing each other relentlessly. God. I feel like an animal when I am with him.

I was with Rick so long, I forgot sex is actually fantastic. God, Rick was so awful.

Anyways, back to Michael. Who....I hear snoring....

Brb......

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...just woke him up with some more sex. But he won't cum :( I want to be filled....

I guess it would be better if I fell and love and planned it and all of that. Im just impatient. I need a baby in my belly!

10:50 PM - we are sitting on the couch bottomless. He is doing duolingo on his phone and im fiddling on mine. I love having friends you can do that with. Phone breaks are important. But, I also really appreciate not doing it with other friends. Knowing that this time period is set aside for only us.

1146PM - ITS TEA TIME BITCHES

...I am realizing I need to date someone extroverted. Like Michael. Or like how Alex (guy in couple I was dating) was at my party. That was such a turn on! And I like socializing a lot, with a lot of people. I want to be someone who understands that. Rick was social, in theory. He was capable of it and seemed to enjoy it, but he avoided people so much. He shuts people out (not just me but I remember him doing it to his friends too). He was really sick. I wish it could have worked.

I wish I could expel him from my brain. Him, Austin Kirby, and Adam Long. I wish I could erase them, since I can't resolve them. They have all left a permanent hole inside of me. Its been over 7 years with Adam. And he is the one that kills me the most!

I HATE it

They don't deserve a second of me. Except Adam. He stayed and stayed until it broke. I broke. And I did him so wrong. He was such a good man. I am afraid I will spend my whole life kicking myself not just bc I missed out on something so good, but bc I hurt him so bad.