#bc istg it's so sad that he even felt compelled to wash the dishes in the first place

[mxliv-oftheendless]

Gods’ Children AU

OOPS IT’S ANOTHER AU. Lol will I ever stop thinking of these? Probably not. 

So yeah, once again, I in my infinite sappy dorkiness have come up with yet another KISSteria AU. I’m only a little sorry if this is incredibly stupid, but I thought it was a good idea, so I decided to write it out. Shout out to @cosmicrealmofkissteria for letting me ramble to her about this AU idea a couple weeks ago :) Hope you guys enjoy this!

So in this AU:

The Gods of Sphynxia’s pantheon are all regular old mortal humans. They’re just humans, that exist on Earth, and do human stuff.

The Patron Gods of the Warrior Troupe, however, are their parents. 

What does this look like, you ask? WELL... 

SET AND SEKHMET

Set and Sekhmet have the kind of relationship where everyone’s lost as to how Sekhmet puts up with him.

They bicker like, a lot.

But that’s just how they work. There’s no malice in their bickering, and they would rather hurt themselves than even dream of hurting each other. And if it ever does turn into a full-blown fight, they’re able to work it out eventually (it definitely involves angry sex).

Also Sekhmet doesn’t put up with Set’s shit, because she’s kind of a badass.

Set owns a biker joint, and used to be a biker himself, but left his gang after he opened his bar. He was known as the gang’s resident hothead with a “temper of chaos”.

Sekhmet is a kickboxing instructor that used to be a full-time prizefighter. She doesn’t anymore, however.

Bomani is their adopted son; his parents were murdered when he was very young. Set and Sekhmet were their next-door neighbors in the apartment building they lived in, and offered to take him in afterwards.

Well, I say offered; it was more like they fought like hell to make it happen because they were both VERY aware of what the foster system is like, and Bomani was so young and for crying out loud hE JUST LOST HIS PARENTS.

The murderer is, thankfully, in prison. For a while he received letters from both Set and Sekhmet that… let’s just say if the murderer got killed while in prison, the letters would lead to Set and Sekhmet being potential suspects.

Sekhmet and Bomani are the only people you’ll ever see Set be soft around. Everyone else gets his “I have no feelings dumbfuck” side. But it doesn’t change the fact that he would take a bullet for either of them. 

SOBEK AND THOTH

Sobek and Thoth are awkward soft gays that are a beautiful blend of jock and intellectual.

They actually knew each other in high school, and funnily enough had crushes on each other. They ran into each other years later, realized their old feelings were still there, and started dating… and years later they got married.

They like… almost never fight. Sure, they debate, and when they’re tired they’re a little snippy, but they almost never argue. And when they do, they talk it out and have sweet make-up sex afterwards.

Sobek is a professional swimmer and is seriously dedicated to it. The amount of trophies and medals he has is certainly proof of that. Maybe he’s not the quickest-thinking person, but give him time and he can come to a solution for a problem eventually.

Thoth owns a bookstore that has a pretty respectable vintage collection. He’s probably the definition of academia. He’s very smart, has a career as a bookbinder and loves to read, and can quote word for word the beginning paragraph of Pride and Prejudice and the entirety of The Tell-Tale Heart. He’s a skinny, glasses-wearing guy who has really nice handwriting, and loves his husband and son.

(And no, he totally doesn’t stare shamelessly at Sobek when he’s not wearing a shirt… just kidding he totally does)

Dalila is their son, born from a surrogacy, that again, both of them would take a bullet for. They both love to smugly boast about him taking after them; he’s a really good swimmer, and he loves to read.

One of their biggest “proud dads” moments was when Dalila got sent to the office by his first-grade teacher after he kept speaking out in class… by protesting that Christopher Columbus didn’t actually discover America and his voyage led to Indians becoming slaves. (The teacher, of course, neglected to mention that part) 

PTAH AND KHONSU

Ptah and Khonsu are long-term boyfriends that banter with but will raise hell for each other and for Masika.

Like with Set and Sekhmet, they banter, a hell of a lot, but there’s never any malice in there.

What’s funny is, whenever they do argue, usually it’s about a little ridiculous thing. And there will without fail be a point where they stop, take a step back, think about what they’re doing… and crack up laughing.

Ptah is an architect, and he does a very good job; his architectural firm has gained a lot more clients thanks to him. He also likes to build things himself.

Khonsu is an ethologist with a specialty in nocturnal animals. He is very passionate about his job; he will literally go on rants about how intelligent bats actually are and how people zombify them simply because of their connection in fiction to vampires. One time it actually led to him calling someone out on their evident racism, and to Ptah dragging him out of the room before he got into a fistfight.

Masika is actually Ptah’s godson. Though a series of unfortunate and very messy events for all involved, Masika was transferred into Ptah’s custody, and he and Khonsu now co-parent him.

Officially it’s co-parenting; but Masika’s considered them his actual parents for years now.

Masika has a troublemaking streak, and likes to pull admittedly-impressive pranks on people. Ptah blames Khonsu as an enabler, and Khonsu doesn’t protest that because he knows it’s true.

Not that Ptah can say anything—he loves Masika.

Their snark definitely rubbed off on Masika; there’s been many a time where he’s come home with a note from his teacher for being “disrespectful”.

But as mentioned before, even though he’s a snarky, wild little shit, both Ptah and Khonsu would raise hell for him. 

ISIS AND HORUS

Isis and Horus are… pretty much couple goals. They’re a dynamic duo. They’re so in sync with each other. They just… work.

Basically they’re the relationship everyone wishes they had, and that some people are skeptical of its existence.

Isis is a therapist, and has a big clientele because of how good of a therapist she is.

Horus is an ornithologist—or as Sobek calls him, a bird nerd. In fairness, he really loves to study birds. His office is filled with statues of different birds, posters of bird anatomy, the works.

They adopted Vinneketh as their son when he was a little boy. Vinneketh was literally dropped off at an orphanage by his parents, who never explained why and instead just left him there. This, as a result, left him with deep abandonment issues.

And his biological parents better hope they never run into Isis and Horus, because these two are prepared to fight them over this.

A memory that still breaks their hearts to think about is from about a month after they adopted Vinneketh. He decided he was going to wash the dishes for his new parents, and while doing so accidentally dropped and broke a plate. He instantly burst into tears, desperately apologizing and begging them to not send him away.

It’s still a long and winding road, and has involved a lot of therapy and gentle reassurance, but Vinneketh is doing much better.

Also, in the future: Bastet and Hathor are the lesbian power couple that declare themselves Ayesha’s moms, since she already has two dads. Vinneketh and Demon know better than to argue against that. Ayesha’s just stoked to have two moms alongside her two dads. 

In summation: all these couples would all take a bullet and/or raise hell for their sons. So even though they may not be their biological parents, they’re incredibly capable of loving them just as much as a parent should.