#bc if i have hobbies or interests i hyperfixate on them and can't focus on my classes

[invisiblyvisiblejay]

people are like oh ur so good at school ur so smart everything is so easy for u but they don't see me miss out on 90% of opportunities bc i get so overwhelmed that i put things off until the due date passes and i just don't have to do it anymore. pro tip (don't do this) if u simply procrastinate past the deadline the thing will just go away 🤷 just bc assignment deadlines feel nonnegotiable to me doesn't mean i can do Literally Anything Else and in fact meeting my assignment deadlines usually takes 100% of my capacity to get anything done and there's nothing left for anything extra. and then it seems like i don't do shit by choice bc obviously im so good at school i get stuff done all the time so if it takes me 3 full days to respond to a simple email or sometimes i ghost people i absolutely shouldn't (like the director of competitive scholarships and awards at my uni) (this is not a joke i actually did that) it just seems like im rude and unprofessional. i don't think people understand that getting straight as for me literally occupies the same space in my brain as passing classes it's not a choice or a maybe it just Has To Happen. it's like showering i Have to take a shower every single morning when i get dressed bc otherwise ill go WAY too long without if i wasn't Required to do enough work in my classes to get straight as i genuinely think id start failing my classes. i did not need to attend my classes last semester i didn't take notes i didn't pay attention but if i started skipping i would have had a hard time doing anything for them.

anyways im supposed to be applying for internships and i am really not sure im going to get my shit together in time to send my list to my references and then ill have to write the essays and do the applications and i feel like im going to be fucked. how am i going to apply to grad school. this shit makes me want to cry

sometimes i wish i were just worse at everything so people would have fucking reasonable expectations

[welcometogrouchland]

Hey dude I totally know how you feel wrt feeling like shit when people are negative about your hyperfixation. It really is the worst. I hope you can take some time to chill on your own today and take it easy, and hopefully things will get a bit better soon

Aw, first of all, thank you sm!! - the days almost up where I am but I think I'm gonna be indulging in a lot of creature comforts these next few days as I try to meet my deadlines and get through things. Lots of comfort movies and hot water bottles 💙

Second of all, RIGHT?! IT'S THE WORST MAN!!! I was thinking about the latest owl house episode when I wrote those tags because the thing is, I don't think it's perfect and i outlined my thoughts on why shortly after it aired, but overall I wanted to focus on the parts of the episode I did like because. That's fun for me! And easy! And I want fandom to be a fun and easy hobby like most people! But engaging with stuff outside my bubble has been more angst than it's worth, y'know? Obviously I don't think anything is immune to criticism and I think there's a line between things that need to be discussed at some point in order to have a full, informed picture of the work and it's flaws but then there's just. People being annoying in tags.

Again I can't tell if it's me being too autistic for this stuff, being too emotionally burnt out to process external criticism of things I love, or if it's just me getting increasingly more pissed off with a lack of understanding of who's in what tags and why (something I'm sure has always existed and factored into fandom discussion and discourse but which I'm getting a lot more often rn bc of the things I like and the communities that attracts. Aka cartoon twitter /j). Frankly the amount of disclaimers I've put in this unsolicited rant just shows how getting your interests constantly dunked on makes you insecure about them. I will say though that I am really lucky to have irl friends who also share my interests. It's new and weird and I love it.

Sorry for the rant, thought dumping is just therapeutic for me sometimes. I hope you have a good day too <3