#bc having to lie abt it to him (even by omission) would implicate both of them in ways they wouldn't be able to deal with

[tvxcue]

canon compliant xiyao is very brain buzzy for me bc it's such a specific kind of fucked up for both of them that has to require some really inventive mental gymnastics but also that they wouldn't really be able to think abt for it to happen. like the infidelity on jgy's part has the potential to send him into a spiral but also it's different, it has to be different. and jgy playing his father's role in this dynamic and how that implicates him further in everything into his father's schemes while he was alive and godddd is he really his father's son.........literally the cruelty of it, that he become his father through all his worst qualities. that jgy fulfill what his mother wanted by re-enacting what damned her and him. betraying qin su but telling himself it's different, telling himself it's not like that, telling himself nothing at all because he can't confront it.