#bc flashbacks that shit is not demure and mindful thanks

[pakimakas]

HELLO?? FUCKING DEPRESSED ANON IN MY INBOX IM SCARED

[ikiruwill]

ok, but what does shinji actually think of his eva? personally, but also aesthetically

OHH omg?? 😭 thank you for asking this, amazing surprise!! mhajsjsj I ended up writing something verrrry long bc my brain kept throwing info at me, so now this a meta I guess rip

For Shinji’s personal thoughts / relationship with Unit-01, there’s extra long detail mainly of Ep1 bc of first impressions / context ( then I’ll try to summarize ). Insight into some tiny details like Shinji’s unspoken thoughts that were maybe missed:

Shinji’s early and personal impressions of Unit-01 is mostly fear if we’re summing things up. The very first scene with it is even a jump scare to emphasize that:

The frame is black, and then after the lights turn on, boom, this:

A GIANT FACE WITH MONSTER EYES THAT GLOW YES I AM LOOKING DIRECTLY AT YOU NOW SON ( with bby framed right in the middle so you know how tiny he is in comparison / and narratively, that he’s also the subject of focus )

.... can confirm scare. Plz no

Much fear. But even before this scene, it’s great to remember that Shinji is already terrified bc he saw Fourth Angel-kun AKA Sachiel wrecking havoc outside, understandably freaked out by its monster appearance / how it was shooting down military planes like they were pieces of paper. Shinji was also directly caught in that earlier crossfire and legit could’ve died just bc everything happening was too close for comfort until Misato finally shows up in her car to pick him up. Best uber But after that they get caught in a huge N2 mine explosion that hits Sachiel dead on but it comes out with barely a scratch / casually just regrows a head or something. Sachiel seems invincible to Shinji by this point and that fact already scares him— as it should.

But back to the Unit-01 scene: as far as Shinji can remember, he’s never seen an Eva or heard of one and he lets everyone know this once Gendo starts pressuring him to pilot it and do the thing to save the world right now plz or else everyone in city dead including Shinji-kun gg

Ofc to Shinji, it’s not a good feeling at all, he’s running through all the sudden facts : Unit-01 is manmade, looks powerful, and it’s supposed to protect us. It isn’t an Angel destroying the city and nonchalantly killing things of military force so there’s no need to hide and run from it— but it’s still alien to me and scary and now my impression of it is even worse because my estranged father and adult strangers are forcing me to get comfortable with it immediately to fight the ‘Angel’ I saw earlier. So I might die after all today.

Fear of death on top of feeling useless / cowardly / abandoned etc is a lot. Then injured Rei scene AKA Gendo’s master guilt tripping plan happens, and it works, but this is also where his impression of Unit-01 changes for the better : There’s a huge tremor, Rei falls off her stretcher, and giant debris is coming down from the ceiling right above her Shinji—

Unit-01 moves on its own does a giant good thing

So this part : It saved him? This robot that he’s only had bad feelings about so far? Shinji is confused af but now feels a strangely positive connection to Unit-01, one he probably can’t put into words, but it ultimately influences his decision on not to run away. bc now it finally feels like there’ll be at least something on his side if he agrees to do this— AKA Unit-01 is the literal “something that can protect / help him”, which we all know is a concept Shinji desperately wants and chases. In this terrifying mess, it’s encouraging to him. And then Shinji says the thing:

Brave bby ( it’s nice to know that he ends up saving Rei again a few eps later, shamelessly serious and gallant / heroic Shinji is underrated don’t @ me )

Fast forward : after that he gets in, syncs perfectly with it, fights Sachiel but almost dies bc he missteps once, starts to panic, but mainly bc he’s never had any proper training prior gg NERV. Unit-01 goes berserk, violently kicks Sachiel’s ass, scares the living hell out of everyone watching etc.

At the end of Ep 2, after Shinji wakes up in the hospital and moves in with Misato, he remembers everything that night, traumatized:

The blood has settled, an already freaked out Shinji turns to see Unit-01 without its cool sci-fi unicorn headplate thing that it shed earlier in battle:

Oh.

Oh.

It’s once again looking straight at him. Oh no this is much scarier than the first time plz no I want the yellow sci-fi Spiderman mask eyes back

Then Shinji understandably screams his lungs out ( and that’s when he probably fell unconscious? ) So now he’s back to fearing Unit-01 bc his Eva is a beast of a robot, on top of now having PTSD from the fight with Sachiel. Unit-01 protected Shinji twice now by going berserk, sure, but it’s also extremely unknown and frightening to him after in ways he couldn’t have expected when he first saw it— the primal kind of fear. ( side note: Primal fear, primal wants, and primal feelings, primal anything in general are a big thematic thing in nge, so it really lingers and comes back even harder in eoe )

Finally for the rest of his personal thoughts on Unit-01, badly summarized bc this is already 2 fucking long thank you to whoever’s still reading LMAOO: Shinji eventually gets used to piloting and tries to push the existential fear of his Eva to the back of his mind, mostly. He always wonders what it is exactly, once admitting that he really doesn’t know anything about Evas while peering into his NERV manual episodes later ( bc NERV is weird about everything and he’s too scared anyone ask past a certain point, ect ). Shinji thinks his Eva smells / feels weirdly calming to him inside despite being scary, but only when his life isn’t in violent danger. Things only suck whenever Unit-01 goes berserk / he loses control somehow / when he finds out certain truths about it. Youknow

On his opinions about Unit-01 aesthetically, I don’t think Shinji has any preferences that make him go ‘YES I totally vibe with this neon genesis green and purple it’s so me’ or anything, he’s just not caught up in the awesome looking giant robot idea at all ( Unlike Kensuke and Asuka ). For example his reaction was just ‘huh? oh... ok. I see?’ at Asuka when they first met when she was showing off shiny and red Unit-02 to him ( which is cool and cooler with a cape ). If you tell Shinji his giant robot is awesome and that you’re in love with the purple paint job, other than demurely acknowledge your praise, he might try to thank you surface level, very awkwardly bc he can’t take credit for that ( also will 1000/10 think that you remind him of Kensuke depending on who’s more intense LOL )

Confused and serious, I guess that’s Shinji’s attitude towards Evas in general ( minus when he’s not freaking out mhajsja ) and it fits the rest of his mild / boring / unassuming personality— like Kaji and Kaworu both said to his face, he can be clueless about his own position as a pilot and how it affects everyone around him. Like the random girls in his class, lots of people think Shinji’s cool for what he gets to do but to him it’s just a thing he has to do, for the most part.

On a sadder note, makes sense bc the only time we see Shinji enjoying something as a hobby is when he’s playing the cello and smiling, even then he just downplays his talent when asked. I think he would be a lot more passionate about music if his circumstances were better. That probably contributes to why he doesn’t care much about Evas in an aesthetic way either. But I think eventually, he’d come to prefer his own Eva just because of how familiar it would look and feel to him, plus his past experiences with it. Many ones.

Unrelated bonus note!! It’s interesting that Unit-01 is the only Eva with a completely different colour scheme when compared to its respective pilot’s plugsuit— in this case, Shinji’s plugsuit being blue and white instead ( as a side note Unit-13 is also purple and green but Shinji and Kaworu’s plugsuits match this time ) But why purple huh? My guess is that aside from wanting the main character’s giant robot to also stand out bc it’s special and awesome, Yui also wears a purple shirt in one of the later episodes showing a long flashback. That screencap stuck with me, idk why. Purple shirt confirmed in nge holy shit mind blown LOL jk in all seriousness we can only speculate. Maybe Yui’s fav colour was purple and Gendo decided to pay tribute to that when they made the Evas. Whatever headcanon hurts us more!