#bc Wayne is doing the right thing based on the evidence he has

[magstorrn]

rating the artilleryman actors from jeff wayne’s musical version of the war of the worlds*

*from the perspective of someone who’s never seen the show live but, in my defence, has sought out just about every illegally filmed snippet on youtube and I've seen both official recordings many times. some of these are based on a single recording tho so take my words w/ a grain of salt. im also not going to get everyone because for a number of the actors there’s not enough evidence to go off

david essex

summary: the man the myth the legend. there are only a couple photos of him during recording sessions but he was clearly having the time of his life, and his hoarse voice and cockney accent bring an edge to the character that’s often absent (also means his own background is closest to that of the character). obviously they didn’t kick start the stage show until about 30 years after he recorded for the role but sometimes i daydream about an actual theatre production of twotw in the 70s bc holy shit, he was already doing evita when he recorded for twotw and had starred in godspell by this time and he wouldve been absolutely magnificent. 

he’s also like the only actor im aware of that properly belts the ‘it’s going to have to start’ line and it just. sounds so good. he’s also the only artilleryman actor that imo sounds good in act 1 and like someone who’s genuinely witnessed a traumatic event and is still reeling in shock. he brings this kind of manic earnest with him in brave new world and it enhances the song 100% bc he’s so completely convinced things will work out

iconic moment: the way he yells ‘just’ after the whispered section in the middle of brave new world. chef’s kiss

rating: 10/10 im biased as all hell

alexis james

summary: the true mystery of this man is that he looks so old and so young at the same time (put it down to the incredibly fake weird sideburns and the receding hairline) and that he didn’t seem to do any more work in this vein post-2006. deserves credit for being the first stage show actor in the role, running around for 12 minutes straight pretending to use a massive pencil compass and digging at the stage, and for pulling things off pretty damn well. the almost surgical slit at the knee of his pants irritates me and im glad they didnt do it again

iconic moment: singing the entirety of brave new world with a pseudo american accent for no reason at all. im 99% sure he’s english

rating: 7/10

jason donovan

summary: the day that jason moved from the artilleryman role to the parson role was the finest day of his life as well as mine. he’s absolutely outstanding as nathaniel but tbh i think in the artilleryman role he’s just... bad (and doesnt have NEARLY enough fake blood everywhere). a lot of the lines sound like theyre cut short or like he can’t quite hit the note he’s aiming for, and there’s times when he just sounds completely off, or barks his lines for no reason. like alexis james he was part of the pre-new gen era so he has like two props and he has to pretend to use these for over ten minutes and i salute him for that. speaking of salutes i love how he randomly embellishes some of his lines with a salute

iconic moment: *high pitched australian accent* iT’S You. the MAn from mayBury HILL

rating: 4/10

ricky wilson

summary: ricky wilson was the first artilleryman for the new gen era which was iconic enough in itself, but then he also gave us the black eye, goggles, waxed moustache, the glass of water trick, rolled up sleeves, and so much more. also the tragic victim of the bottle of whiskey line, but he salvages it by just swigging from the bottle right then and there. act 1 RW kinda has the vibe of a man who’s just unexpectedly watched his football team of preference lose badly rather than witnessed a massacre, but by act 2 he sounds like he just came up with a plan to save civilisation at 3am while blind drunk and he’s going to tell you about it whether you like it or not. also pioneered the trend of stripping his coat at the start of the song. he definitely sounds better in the visual recording than on the album as he barely sounds like himself on the latter (why is he like the only actor from the stage show that’s also on the album?? ill always wonder). even then though he seems very jittery and nervous and like he’s trying to overcompensate by being super energetic and the way he basically screams all his lines gets annoying after long enough

that said his swagger and confidence are completely unbeatable and while i wouldnt trust him as far as i can throw him, he deserves a spot in the artilleryman hall of fame, although im still unsure to this day whether he’s using the spade correctly

iconic moment: *hip thrust* WALLOP

rating: 9/10

shayne ward

summary: again this is based on like a single recording but he can SING and i wish he showed off more than he does. he also sounds properly panicky/shaky in the first act which i always appreciate since he’s been Through It and a lot of performances don’t get that across. he’s giving it his all/aiming to give the best performance he can and it shows! he also has a ton of bruises/so much fake blood everywhere and his shirt’s in tatters and it’s great. the high notes sound fantastic also

iconic moment: stripping off the coat about ten minutes before any other artilleryman actor im aware of, and yeeting it off the stage

rating: 8/10

adam garcia

summary: i would say that bc he’s australian i have no choice but to stan but ive already been rly mean to jason donovan so that doesnt stand up anymore. anyway i basically regard adam garcia as the spiritual successor to david essex - similar sound, similar vibes, similar musical theatre background, similar genuine earnest with that edge of manic desperation and oncoming insanity. his facial expressions and gestures and pure enthusiasm throughout BNW are my favourite thing, and he maintains more of a long-sleeved pirate vibe as opposed to the ricky wilson rolled up sleeve vibe. unlike ricky wilson i also think he might’ve actually used a spade before

he also does so so much running around, and has more props than ever - the chair, the blackboard, the goggles, the gun, the spade, but at least he’s kept busy for the long instrumental sections, although i think it’s awful he gets cut off at the end of his song by life begins again while he just like, keeps digging? his singing is rly consistent and really quality, although i think he unfortunately sounds pretty bad in act 1. the whole losing his mind thing in act 2 salvages it tho

iconic moment: *obvious david essex impression* holidees 

rating: 9/10

honourable mentions to daniel bedingfield (can’t find a recording anywhere), michael falzon (i can’t find a full recording of him), and taron egerton (doesnt get to sing in the audio drama but his character is clearly gay)