#bc Ultimately there's not really a way to 'help' someone else out of this situation - Tim tried and failed Repeatedly

[brittlebutch]

actually it's kind of funny how people will say Alex's fatal flaw is that he 'doesn't ask for help' and that it's his determination to handle things on his own that leads to his deterioration and eventual death when his whole introduction to the present-day timeline was a very literal cry for help that simply went ignored

[super-paper]

I know you were pretty checked out already by this point, but what were your thoughts on Deku’s conclusion in the last chapter?

Some good ideas, but even the good aspects of his conclusion sadly feel bogged down by poor execution/characterization + literally everything that led up to the final chapter.

I do think Izuku becoming a teacher was probably the most fitting ending for his character as a whole, but tbh, I would have taken it a step further and had him become an elementary school/middle school teacher rather than a teacher at UA.

That is to say: Izuku working at UA-- a highly exclusive school that only accepts "the best of the best" and children who are already on track to becoming heroes-- sadly makes him inaccessible to the type of students who need him most, I feel? His chance meeting with Dai only reinforces that tbh. If that child hadn't tripped or if Izuku hadn't happened to be right there, Dai would would still be feeling miserable and discouraged because no one in his class bothered to stand up for him-- Not even his own teacher. Like I understand the purpose of the scene (to parallel Toshi's first meeting with Izuku and show that Izuku is now inspiring others to be heroes in the same way) but that doesn't stop it from feeling more manipulative than truly heartfelt imho, bc Dai's existence only highlights the issues still deeply ingrained in hero society rather than inspiring any sort of hope for its future lmfao.

Anyway! Back to teacher Izuku-- I do love the idea of Izuku becoming someone who would have helped his child self! (and who could've possibly stepped in to help children like Tenko, Himiko, and Touya) (Honestly, kindergarten teacher Izuku is also a possibility that makes me go 👀👀👀). But again, him teaching at UA specifically kind of undermines the idea of him becoming hero for children like himself (or tenko/himiko/touya/etc). I think that the scene with Dai could have worked a lot better (or at least felt more emotionally genuine) with Izuku as his actual teacher, maybe?

I also think Izuku as a kindergarten/elementary school/middle school teacher (or any sort of educator outside of a hero course, really truly #beatingthatdeadhorse) would have eased the sting from how deeply and terribly the finale fumbled his dynamic with Tenko, too— Izuku actually reflecting on how AFO completely abused his position as Tenko's "teacher," and then resolving to become the sort of teacher that Tenko needed.... Izuku using what he learned from Tenko’s past to better identify abused children and using his new position/power in society to advocate for them/get them out of those situations early.... framing it this way would have really sold the “I’ll never forget him” promise, bc as it stands now, that promise ultimately just comes across as more hollow lip service from Izuku. ☠️

As for Iron Deku... if I'm being honest, it just doesn’t hit the same way for me as Iron Might did? Like I've gone into detail on why Iron Might works for me before both here and on twitter:

Iron Might worked for me because it was ultimately used as a vehicle to tell/complete Toshi's story and helped tie together the underlying themes that connected him to Tenko and AFO's arcs. Like it might not have been perfectly implemented bc Hori decided to make it an 11th hour surprise for the sake of building hype/suspense in the readers, but this combination of factors still made Iron Might work for me. Iron Might itself was not the answer to "can someone w/o a quirk be a hero like you?," Toshi's willingness to act when no one else was able to was the answer. He retains his heroic shading even after the armor is stripped away and after he's left entirely at AFO's mercy.

At the same time/Conversely.... I feel like "Iron Deku" just muddies the overall message of the series in the end:

Again, Toshinori's answer to "Can someone without a quirk be a hero like you" wasn't Iron Might-- It was "Yes, because you always work hard and never give up on your dreams/because you're someone who could never let his dream die."

......... only for Izuku to more or less let said dream die after losing his quirk. Like????? (like, another big problem with heroaca's tone is that it keeps trying to prop Izuku up as "someone who never gives up" when he does, in fact, end up giving up in some fairly big ways with some fairly big consequences-- Like, even though the series tries to skirt around saying it outright, Izuku did ultimately give up on saving Tenko and chose to treat him as collateral to AFO. Like... it's okay to have your protagonist get discouraged/give up, but in cases like this, I expect the narrative to actually acknowledge it as such instead of trying to convince the reader otherwise. Attempting to gloss over Izuku's failure with sugary-sweet platitudes after the series spent 400+ chapters deriding platitudes and defining actual true saving as "saving their their hearts and their lives" is the type of shit that results in a complete breakdown of trust between the author/reader.)

At any rate, yeah. Izuku's conclusion had a few good ideas that were sadly weighed down by poor/rushed execution and mixed/unclear messaging-- and sadly, the epilogue/final chapter did nothing to fix the huge problems with his character writing throughout the entirety of Act 3. It's a shame bc Act 1 & 2 (and even early Act 3) Izuku really was one of my favorite characters, but at some point his writing took a complete nose dive that Hori sadly wasn't able to pull out of. :/

[trickstarbrave]

Actually b4 I sleep:

I see in the bg3 arguments (carried over from ppl rules lawyering 5e too hard) that if a character wants to do something it is unethical or “gross” to use persuasion rolls to convince them out of it. Examples: that you should let Astarion ascend because he wants to, or let Shadowheart become a dark justiciar because “it’s all she’s ever wanted”

These arguments are stupid.

Normally I don’t go hard on the “this is a stupid argument” bc most of the time complex moral situations require nuance and you shouldn’t try and call ppl stupid for differing perspectives but. No this one is stupid.

Persuasion rolls are not magical mind control. They are literally using the force of charisma (whole other conversation but again it isn’t mind control) to talk about something to a character and have them see it from different perspectives. High rolls are not you overriding their will power or decision making—if they rly didn’t wanna, they wouldn’t do it. You can do this for objectively horrible end goals, but also good ones.

Not to gamify real life tragedies but IRL, talking someone down from a suicide attempt would be a charisma roll (I’ve been suicidal so I’m using this example). The person really “wants” to kill themselves—or at least, they really think they do. This isn’t a choice made in a vacuum. Ultimately people want to die when they think there is no way out of their problems be it bad mental health, abuse they’re constantly subjected to, insane amounts of debt they feel they’ll never be able to pay off, social isolation, grief, and so on. It can be a combination of factors, but really what they ACTUALLY want is a solution to the problems that are overwhelming them and making them feel like being alive is worse than being dead. Talking someone down from suicide is not a BAD thing to do. In fact it would be morally bad to go “well we have to let people do what they want. Go for it man here’s a loaded gun and some pills”. But you have to persuade them to help them. Because they’re in a really dark place and can’t see reason.

Shadowheart was raised in a cult. She doesn’t actually want to be a dark justiciar, she wants to feel accomplished and like she belongs. She has been punished, isolated, and hurt her whole childhood and had her suffering justified by those in power above her. She’s been abused and told being a dark justiciar is the best thing a sharran can be. That it is the height of Shar worship. And that Shar took her in and “loved” her when “no one else wanted her”. Her ideals and goals are built upon lies and abuse. You, as an outsider, can give her that perspective and tell her that no matter how hard it gets she is worthy of love and can uncover the lies used to cover up and erase her past. She is just so narrowed in on what she thinks is “right” based on what she’s grown up with that she is not thinking for herself, she’s falling back on cult doctrine to think for her.

Astarion “wants” to ascend because he wants to feel like no one can ever hurt him again. He wants to spite Cazador. He wants to feel safe. And not worry about burning in the sun too. But are those things worth your actual fucking soul and your ability to love and connect with other people? No. Astarion doesn’t actually want the power, he doesn’t actually want to rule the world, and this power will not actually keep him safe. He has mistaken power for freedom because of 200 years of abuse and also was almost killed via human sacrifice like a minute prior (turns in dnd are only 6 seconds). He isn’t exactly thinking rationally give he’s been free for a week and nearly died a few seconds prior. He’s running on base instincts. He’s leaning into the lies Cazador has drilled into his head: the weak suffer because they are weak and the only way to be safe is to be the strongest person around. But this is an ideology that isn’t true. Cazador wasn’t safe. He wouldn’t have been safe even ascended. Astarion won’t be either. It’s literally a Faustian bargain and the game hits you over the damn head with it multiple times. Talking him out of it means you to see Astarion for who he is: as a person beyond his abuse and what makes him useful or not.

Hell, on a smaller level, Wyll wanted to kill Karlach. You can find out very easily though that she’s not actually a bad person, it’s just a technicality of Wyll’s contract. Or are you gonna say Karlach is manipulative and immoral for telling the truth and pleading for her life??? Because it’s getting in the way of what Wyll wants to do! Mizora told him she’s heartless! He’ll suffer if he doesn’t! Gale wants to blow himself up and thinks it’s the right choice, better miss out on all of act 3 because why are you trying to convince him out of it???

You can still ofc make different choices in any storyline bc this is s video game I’m not here to tell you what you can and can’t do. Just arguing “actually it’s morally bad that I have to roll persuasion—“ is a dumb argument I need people to stop making.

[fantasticalleigh]

thoughts on bridgerton season 3 part 2

MASSIVE spoilers ahead, i'm really annoyed so this is going to come out very salty!

TLDR: this season was largely a disappointment. part 1 is better than part 2.

-i've said it before and i'll say it again: this is an ensemble show that ultimately suffers for how large its cast is, how short each season is, how cheap netflix is, and how poor the writing is. the actors are great and do well with what they're given. the stories in and of themselves are largely compelling. but they need space and time to be told properly. eight episodes between 10+ characters is not enough.

-unhinged/in love colin from the books was sorely missed. the book is problematic yadda yadda but i prefer it at this point. instead for pretty much three out of four episodes in part two, he was just angry or sad and that was it. he felt so flat.

-i find it hilarious that debling just fucked off after rejecting penelope. he didn't even stick around to try and court cressida, who was clearly more than willing to take penelope's place?? he literally could have solved all her problems and that could have saved an incredible amount of screen time that should have gone to Colin/Penelope.

-i love the way they bridged portia and penelope's relationship. also to a lesser degree, her sisters. prudence not being so cunty anymore was nice but felt a little off, i think she needed more screentime with pen to show that she finally realizes what a bad sister she was and that she's genuinely sorry. one quick little comment "i was being honest" (or whatever it was) to me, didn't feel like enough. but i'm still glad they came around.

-violet/marcus and by extension, agatha. i'm glad violet and agatha finally had a heart to heart/ conversation that was about them and not the young people. when they affirmed that they were there for each other no matter what and used each other's given names? precious. i teared up. i love their friendship. (also don't come at me for what may have happened during Queen Charlotte bc i never finished it lol)

-the queen is probably my least favorite character. she used to have funny/kind moments but now it feels like she is just rude and dismissive and mean towards everyone. i can't even like her in a GirlBoss way because all we see from season to season is how other people manipulate her. Agatha manipulates her. Grimsby manipulates her. Lady Whistledown manipulates her. she was kind for francesca for a couple of days and then went sour when she realized francesca chose someone else. i get that she's jaded from season 2 but idk i don't enjoy her scenes at all anymore. she crashes the wedding breakfast to accuse the bridgertons, belittles the Mondriches ball at the start, complains/belittles all the debutants trying to impress her, doesn't care about the events being hosted in her honor. i loved her in seasons 1-2 but now she's just boring and one note.

-eloise finally admitted she was reckless/in the wrong about the Theo situation. that was nice. and she finally admitted befriending cressida was a poor choice. do i sense character growth at last?? but i'm still a little unhappy about how rudely she ditched Cressida once she and Penelope made up. Hey, this new friend of yours is distraught because of her shit home life and is about to be married off to some old, austere codger and you literally don't care? i genuinely felt so bad for cressida. she is a creature pushed into a corner lashing out for any way to escape and nobody (understandably, bc she makes bad choices) wants to help her. but eloise keeps saying that cress surprised her with how she was the only one to show her kindness when she was a social outcast and now the same is happening to Cressida and yet instead of repaying the favor, Eloise abandons her.

Eloise even goes so far to say that Cressida used her. Did she not also use Cressida? She admitted she befriended her to be petty towards Penelope. And she clearly stuck with Cressida out of boredom/reluctance to mingle with the other ladies their age because she found them beneath her. Eloise is still a hypocrite. I thought she'd taken a step forward but she's in the same place.

did cressida deserve help? not particularly considering the blackmail/fake identity, history of bullying. but does she also deserve to be married off like that and cut off like that by her asshole dad? also no.

with all that talk about running away i genuinely was rooting for C to run away, but i'm disappointed it didn't happen. i guess it makes sense within her character--she's always been a caged creature--i don't think running away ever came to mind, even if she didn't want to be shipped off to Wales with her aunt. she's strong but doesn't (yet) have the resolve/ferocity of someone like marina who was willing to run away with colin to elope in gretna green.

frankly i found cressida's story the most compelling in season 3 so far.

-benedict. if i have to watch ONE more sex scene for Ben i'm going to scream. wowwee, he had another threesome! and no more queerbaiting--he finally had sex with a man! <--that part is at least noteworthy for his character--but genuinely--i don't really care when his only storyline this season is that all he does is have sex. there are far more compelling stories needing attention right now and yet we get another freaking sex barrage with benedict. Colin and Penelope were robbed here and i don't think it's unreasonable to be annoyed that a B-tier ensemble character got more sexy time than them. and for what purpose? all we get out of ben's enlightenment is that it's ok to be gay and that he's not ready for serious commitment. which is fine and dandy except that that was already drilled into our heads since season 1. i feel like my time was wasted here because i already watched him do the same damn things over and over for THREE SEASONS by now.

AND FOR THAT MATTER:

if they really wanted to show any sense of growth for benedict they could have had him be brutally honest to Tilley and say something like:

"I'm having fun with our arrangement. I am open to seriously committing to someone someday...but I don't think you are that person."

what a world of a difference that would make, wouldn't it? it would show he's coming closer to being ready to meet Sophie but that he's still not quite ready to give up his old ways. i truly believe his season is next and frankly it wouldn't feel so insulting to watch his repetitive storyline if they had written better dialogue in that ONE scene.

(Jess + Shonda, I'm available any time if you want to talk.)

-T.S's You Belong with Me playing during a fucking wedding scene was a choice. All the options in the world and you pick a song about high school jealousy??? Babydoll I could pick five better options off my general playlist. across all three seasons, there's been so many bad cover choices imo.

-Coldplay's Yellow being Polin's song was an actual choice I will salute. Beautiful moment.

-the whole whistledown speech at the end where pen reveals herself was extremely flat to me and left me so bloody disappointed. someone brought this up on reddit and i agree so hard it hurts--why wasn't colin up there by her side? book colin would have VAULTED up over everyone just to be there with her and protect her. instead we get mopey Colin watching her from below. i need to rewatch it again but it felt like there was hardly any reaction from the ton to her speech. it felt like they shrugged their shoulders when she was finished and resumed the ball. my mouth was agape at that--you're telling me not one of the attendees would have rushed up and said "omg it was you??" "how did you do it?" "i can't believe it!" or something to that effect. the bridgertons already had that reaction so it would've been effective for literally anyone in the ton to show some amazement.

-ngl, i also feel quite cheated that Penelope was never celebrated in the way she deserved. yes, she got her wedding and the man she always wanted--but creating/maintaining the Whistledown enterprise is a huge accomplishment. individually there was praise from those closest to her but really there was such a huge element of shame and punishment surrounding it that really bothered me. yeah, she said some mean things but she did it because she was severely neglected/ostracized from her own community. there was no acknowledgment of that at all (that i can recall. once again i should do a rewatch but whatever) and that pains/angers me. not one person beside her mother took a moment to think or say, 'i treated you badly and caused you pain. i'm sorry.' instead they just focused on making penelope apologize again and again when she had only reacted from years of pain, which nobody even deigned to acknowledge.

wasn't there a moment in the book when she gets some applause after her revelation? am i misremembering? but in the show it was like nobody gave a fuck because ooh butterflies! which was...so stupid lol. bless you though, phillippa. penelope single-handedly contributed to the entertainment of the ton for years and exposed awful people even if she made fun of others. characters frequently and often complained if her issue was one day late and debated her true identity and so when she finally reveals herself there's no applause? no true reaction? were they all asleep? what the fuck? that scene was shocking at how badly executed it was. it was rushed and it showed.

-also, WHY choose to have Colin learn Penelope is Lady Whistledown in episode six? I hate this because it crams all the drama in the last two episodes and makes everything feel rushed and frantic. he should have found out in episode three or four and i'll die on that hill. for that matter, his refusal to understand that Whistledown was Penelope's life's work and greatest achievement/power was so annoying. In the book he came around to it pretty fast and yet here it dragged on for way too long. everyone wanted her to give Whistledown up until it benefited them.

-editing to add a huge gripe i have with post-production:

for the love of god, go easy on the filters. the artificial blues and yellows are killing me. in twilight, it was camp. it was great. it does not translate well here. also, have y'all noticed how HEAVILY they blur the backgrounds??? there was one scene with colin and penelope in the garden and every time the camera focuses on one of their faces from over the other's shoulder (they were both seated) the background is blurred heavily. it looks bad!!! stop doing that!!! the backgrounds lend to the vibe! it genuinely makes the show look like crap when i notice that happening. it makes them look like they're using the green screen filter on tik tok. STOP. IT.

(seriously, imagine Joe Wright's Pride and Prejudice, the scene where Elizabeth is on the rocky plains and or she and her aunt and uncle are sitting at the base of that enormous tree--all that gorgeous scenery, remember that? now slap the Bridgerton filter over it so it's all one massive ugly blur. does that mental image fill you with rage? GOOD.)

-i didn't cover this in the prev. post but in part 1, the whole runaway balloon scene was Not Good. Why a balloon? the danger that poses is not that great--why not a runaway horse? there was too much sense of danger to the actual threat posed by a freaking basket. also the way penelope acted in that scene felt very very out of character for her and i hate rewatching it, even if colin looks very dashing while holding the rope. ugh.

-polin's main sex scene was beautiful. i feel kind of disappointed that everything else we got was less than a minute long and not in a weird way. it just feels a fair amount of the promo we got from Nic and Luke was hinting at the sex scenes and yet we got very little in actuality. i keep seeing people talk about there being a minutes long montage of them and yet it got cut. but in season one we got a LOT (imo too many sex scenes between daphne and simon). there were too many side stories happening this season and i'm sure that contributed to that, but there is also a whisper in the back of my mind that tells me that maybe showrunners felt the need to overly pad this season with storylines because they either didn't feel like nicola and luke could carry it alone or because they didn't care.

-i'm really glad genevieve got more scenes here, especially with penelope. their friendship is really nice and it's sad/sweet that penelope chose to spend her last night before her wedding with her, because apparently her mother/sisters didn't plan anything for her.

-frencesca/john. i have no stake in this game since i haven't read their book yet, as i've mentioned before. they're cute together but i'm not invested. they should have gotten married way earlier imo because all the "we need to tip toe around the queen bc she hates us :( but we want to marry now" went on too long and got boring. the michaela thing doesn't bother me but i understand why fans are upset about it.

-polin felt like a side character in part 2. i feel like their scenes went by way too quickly and their screentime was so sparse to the point of legitimately becoming annoying. colin spent most of it mad and penelope spent most of it crying/trying to explain herself. they had hardly any truly happy moments together.

-kanthony was adorable.

-"i love you."

"...are you sure?"

dear reader, my heart split in two. they did a really really good job with showing penelope's self-doubt and low confidence thanks to years of neglect and ridicule and doubt from her mother. when colin stood up for her to her mother and she looked so shocked, my heart broke again for her. poor pen, i just wanted to hold her. when violet and hyacinth hugged penelope after colin announced their engagement i wanted to cry bc poor pen is so starving for positive affirmations/love that just those hugs where enough to overwhelm her.

-also lady danbury saying that she had suspected Pen was whistledown was amazing. i love that she acknowledged her and her love for the bridgertons....but i'm still really upset that they nixed her and penelope's friendship/mentorship that was in the books. she was busy with her own storyline what with violet and marcus and sure it still worked but that was a relationship i was so excited to see in the show...and they didn't even try adapting it except for like, three lines at the very end. >:( hello 911? we've been ROBBED.

(i keep editing this to add more but this is another gripe i have that will not let me rest:

ALSO ALSO ALSO:

i've noticed over seasons 1-2 that the main romantic couple has one dance set to the bridgerton theme song.

in season one, daphne and simon dance to the theme song in episode 2 or 3 (the one where daphne says "and we must try to look like we enjoy each other's company" and simon replies stiffly but then they giggle and laugh all through it which was so cute

in season two, kate and anthony dance to it in the second to last episode where they're dancing with the rest of the bridgertons and lady danbury at the ball they threw that nobody came to. the subtitles say it's a country rendition (whatever that means) of the theme song but they are involved in the dance so it counts.

when i noticed this i thought it was such a cute touch and was anxiously waiting for Penelope and Colin to get their moment.

...instead benedict dances to the bridgerton theme song with Lady Tilley? who he clearly isn't going to end up with? wtf?? and it doesn't even work in the context of the scene because it's a wholesome tune and yet she's dancing like she wants to eat him alive? sigh.

i'm just an old man yelling at clouds now but i wish the writing in this show was better so badly because it meets expectations but it's so frustrating because it can be so much better. let the show breathe! thin out the cast. really pick and choose who gets airtime, because it's precious and you anger your viewers when you waste it.

i will rewatch the season in full at some other point, but i'm too annoyed now. there is much more i want to talk about but this is long enough for now. i will say that at this point i'm not even sure i want to continue watching beyond this season.

(the playlist thing really got me thinking so to prove my point:)

FIVE SONGS THAT ARE A BETTER CHOICE FOR POLIN'S WEDDING DANCE THAN A FUCKING T.S SONG:

-a world alone-lorde (the lyrics are perfect even if they wouldn't be used in an orchestral version)

-little of your love-haim ( perfect choice for the scene imo bc it's very happy and upbeat for a cute wedding dance bit)

-all this and heaven too-florence and the machine

or fuck, if you wanted to make it into a really emotional rather than joyous moment go with dog days are over and it would be a banger with the proper editing bc that song is universal and punches up the emotions any times it's used.

-burning-maggie rogers

-save a kiss--jessie ware

ORRRRR to make it a lil steamy:

-adore you--jessie ware (this would also be perfect ngl)

and i'm not even biased to any of these, i literally just scrolled down my general playlist on spotify and picked them based on the vibes.

[lionheartedmusings]

oh boy, listen, the qsmp election should just be renamed the broken telephone event bc there's no way people are misrepresenting everyone's platform and to be fair character (and, a note, literally all of this is also about characters AT NO POINT DO I MEAN CCS i just get lazy typing the q! tbh) so much. maybe it's a language barrier thing, maybe it's difficulty in being the devil's advocate but it's wild to see in real time.

i watch bad religiously, try to watch as much of forever's pov i can live and what i can't i watch in vods, cellbit i catch when i can, baghera i do my best but french and me don't mix well in my head. this is coming from someone who is a native portuguese speaker and perfectly bilingual when it comes to english. i say this to illustrate that especially between the english and portuguese speakers, i'm not getting lost in buggy translations or difficulty undestanding.

do i disagree with insaneduo? yep, but that's a personal opinion. i also entirely understand not only their stance during the debates (do i enjoy it? not really, the tone — which is not aggressive, it's assertive — is anxiety inducing TO ME PERSONALLY and so i struggle) but also their platform. they're doing the best with what they've been given, and keeping your enemies close is the only thing in their opinion has truly shown any sort of result. using the federation's resources is an opportunity they can't pass up! they have great ideas, good implementation plans, and cellbit isn't even running so really, forever is doing the most as he should. i understand why he doesn't understand the anarchy route in this situation. yes, their platform has been misrepresented, but that's because ultimately what they showcase in public forums aka debates for all to see does come across as very assertive (which is what debates are for, asserting your stance) and at times a bit tunnel vision imo. listening to them properly out of the debates would do a lot to stop whatever circus has been going on.

now, i have seen an insane amount of people almost mischaracterising bad and baghera as a response to the misinterpretation of insaneduo, and that's not fair either. bad and baghera have spoken at length about their issues with presidency, how they don't want to centralise power, how they don't trust the federation and they definitely don't trust anyone who will be actively pulled around by them. are they all puppets? yes, but do you want to give power to someone who willingly or not is giving up their own strings? it's normal that they're reluctant or just blatantly refusing of that idea. they don't think insaneduo are power hungry dictators, they've in fact spoken multiple times talking about how they think BOTH cellbit and forever would be good presidents (bad specifically mentioned it even last night) but that the concern isn't them, it's the federation.

bad making a joke about helping foolish assassinate anyone other than baghera and gegg is… a joke. it's literally a silly goofy joke based on "my coalition vs everyone else" and the idea of political assassination. there's quite literally no need, and frankly imo a disservice to the relationship that bad and forever have to mischaracterise that. if i remember correctly, wasn't forever the one talking about how they should be killing each other bc it'd be fun? i might be wrong there, but i vividly remember that.

my point being, this election is ultimately an exercise in futility bc they're all fucked regardless, this isn't "giving someone power" it's the federation sticking a pacifier in their mouth for soothing and telling them they'll sleep better. it'll end terribly either way, and no character is safe. it's a ridiculous plotline but a wildly interesting one, BECAUSE it's doomed to fail and yet everyone's doing the song and dance.

enjoy the content. laugh. analyse the character dynamics, motivations and plans. don't go out of your way to mischaracterise and demonise any character bc that not only goes against everything the qsmp stands for, but it also sucks the fun out of it for you and everyone else. no one is after anyone, no one is isolating anyone to be mean to them, these people are friends playing characters who are friends. have fun! my god!

[fandomcentralsposts]

An actual explanation as to why I think Jonah Beck from Andi Mack is autistic (by an autistic person)

Disclaimer every autistic person is different. This has become a popular hc in the fandom, and I am explaining why, based on my own traits and common signs and symptoms I've noticed in the character.

Hyperfixations:

Lots of autistic people have hobbies or special interests that they take really seriously they like to talk about it with other people even if they don't seem as interested or if its annoying them. Jonah's special interests were ultimate frisbee and guitar he would get so defensive if anyone said ultimate wasn't a sport, and he carried his frisbees with him a lot apparently even after he had stopped playing as much and when he took up guitar, he literally started wearing shirts with guitars on them bro found a new special interest and never looked back (its especially important bc it helps him cope with anxiety).

Social queues (lack of awareness)

Ik Jonah is sometimes comic relief and portrayed as oblivious, but he fr doesn't understand things like flirting like that scene from unloading zone when those girls were flirting with him and he just "Yeah uh... its free 🧍‍♂️😁". He also sometimes doesn't understand when something is really important to someone else, especially if he's concentrated on a special interest (when andi protested her school dress code in s1, for example). Also, just amber saying at some point, "If you want Jonah to not say anything, you have to be very explicit," and the fact that he accidentally got himself and the ghc in trouble in unloading zone.

Anxiety/meltdowns/sensory aversions

ofc anyone can experience anxiety, and it's not a part of the diagnostic criteria, but lots of autistic people experience high levels of anxiety in later life. Jonah canonically has panic attacks and struggles with anxiety, which (in my opinion, anywho) can be taken for a meltdown, but like I said, everyone's different not all meltdowns are out of sadness sometimes they can be angry like when Jonah flipped that board game and said "now its over". I noticed he gets them in uncomfortable social situations that are overwhelming he also said on a few occasions that he doesn't like confrontations, which could be seen as too much sensory input, which causes meltdowns

And he has food aversions from again too much sensory input when at Cyrus' grandmothers shiva he says he couldn't recognise anything on the food table even tho there was literally a bagel in front of him and he ate the fish Cyrus told him not too eat. He also says he's embarrassed of his panic attacks. I'm embarrassed of meltdowns he's so me. Also, this whole discourse of people saying Jonah doesn't have feelings he does he just struggles expressing or processing them.

Face blindness/masking

Many autistic teens and children have face blindness or facial-agnosia, meaning they don't always recognise faces they've already seen or just identify people in different ways Jonah's little line in s1 "some people never forget a face, I never forget a foot" was enough proof for me. Also, masking is when an autistic person basically hides that they're autistic by suppressing certain behaviours around certain people, and I think Jonah does this a lot in s1 to keep up this mr. popular image when Buffy said he only had 2 facial expressions could be taken as a sign of masking. I noticed it seemed like he didn't have any other friends after s1 accept from the ghc this could be because he felt he didn't have to mask in front of them (as an autistic person masking is exhausting I don't blame him) he definitely feels least judged around Cyrus and Buffy.

Stimming/repetition

Once again, it was likely for comedic purposes, but Jonah sometimes repeats things that have already been said, which is how some autistic people like to communicate whether it be repeating their words or echoing others (echolalia) I noticed Jonah do this in s3 when Buffy's talking about why she rejected Walker and he just says "I feel bad for the guy" like twice and I've noticed subtle stims when he's both nervous and happy Jonah is very expressive with his hands when he talks plus that trampoline park date must of been one fun sensory experience.

In conclusion:

[murdrdocs]

celeste I’m dying and need help (this is super fucking long I’m actually so sorry)

so this guy that I’ve been friends with since literally 8th fucking grade likes me and asked me to go out with him but I don’t like him back but I’m too scared to reject him because I’m the type of person to feel AWFUL if I hurt someone’s feelings. Everyone tells me that it’s not my problem and that I shouldn’t feel bad but like I CANT.

I really wished I liked him bc he’s super sweet and literally said he’d buy me sour patch kids and give them to me when we go out (but I feel bad when people buy things/do nice things for me too) and I’ve been trying to give him so many hints by either straight up avoiding him when he asks me out (this is all over text btw) and I also told him “if I wanted sour patch kids, yk id get them myself. plus I feel bad when people buy things for me” and he’s like persistent on it.

and to make it worse, he got rejected by a different girl a few months ago and literally cried. me and my friends (cause he’s in our friend group) were like “comforting him” (basically telling him she wasn’t worth his time bc she was kinda rude abt rejecting him) and stuff like that, so I don’t wanna hurt him again.

he knows I had a toxic ex but doesn’t know the full extent, and bc of that ex, I’ve literally not had a crush since him bc he traumatized me.

anyways I genuinely tried summarizing this super quick but I’m sorry it got so long, I understand if you don’t want to respond/read the whole thing, but if you do then thank you!!! <333 (sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes I’m just panicking rn and my autocorrect is working overtime)

-‼️

okay i'm gonna give it to u so straight: u gotta bite the bullet man. i get that ur empathetic but think abt this, if u do go out w him your feelings are most likely not going to change. then you'll be stuck, eventually he'll figure out/find out that u don't rlly like him. and it'll be a massive gigantic shit of a mess.

it sucks and it can be a sticky situation but the only way you'll get out of it is by being honest and putting ur foot down so to speak. plus it'll suck for a little while but if he's a good and true friend, he'll eventually move on and you guys will be just Friends again. and you can't be upset abt it forever like actually. you'll feel bad for a little while but eventually your body/mind will do what it needs to and you'll be okay again.

as for going abt it, avoidance neverrrr works in my experience. (been there trust) you have to tell him straight up that u dont want him. and if he is still persistent, then that's a major red flag (also trust me) and u do not want that in ur life.

also also, ppl get hurt unfortunately that is a part of life. if u don't hurt him, someone else will (sounds bad but it's true) and u aren't responsible for other ppl's feelings/how they react. all u can do is live ur truth and look out for no. 1.

anyway i hoped this helped? i am ... not the best at giving advice pertaining to men/guys/boy species without being a bitch abt it but i truly did try to set aside my erm ... dislike to help u. but get other advice too and ultimately go w ur gut (and ur head be logical but not too logical)

[eldritch-muppetshow]

I feel like there would be people who would accept Pomni in your au where he manages to escape butooWhat about the others, did they think something about every situation? Did Caine tell them or keep it a secret?

i answered the question abt everyone else + caine’s initial reaction in this post, but i figured i’d take the opportunity to go more in-depth abt their thoughts!

outwardly, ragatha is relieved that pomni is out of the circus and hopes she’s okay, but i imagine she kind of has some unspoken jealousy/resentment that she tries to suppress? bc pomni managed to do what no one else could for years and ultimately ended up having the shortest stay out of anyone in the circus (that didn’t end in abstraction), while she’s still trapped here for the rest of the foreseeable future.

everyone was kind of worried that kinger would finally snap when he found out pomni escaped (since he’s been in the circus the longest out of the main gang), but if he is jealous, he doesn’t show it. he tends to forget that pomni isn’t there with them anymore though, which doesn’t really help the rising tensions between the performers. (also i think it’d be funny if he eventually does get angry about it, and it’s a very delayed reaction that comes completely out of nowhere for everyone else)

zooble is very annoyed with pomni for similar reasons as ragatha, but they’re way more upfront about it. at the same time, they understand why she did it— since if an exit somehow opened for them, they would’ve left without a second thought too.

jax is secretly Scheming to try and recreate the circumstances that let pomni escape, and he drags gangle into his plans too— not because he actually wants to help her leave, but because someone’s gotta be the test dummy/sacrifice if his efforts go really wrong, and no one else was willing to help him. so far, they haven’t made any progress, and gangle really doesn’t like that this plan requires going behind everyone else’s back (though jax manages to talk her out of telling the others every time she tries).

[fleabagdiaz]

come talk to me about your wildest dream plot lines for season eight these are all of mine :) this got a little out of hand but i have no regrets

eddie: obviously this is the most important to me. I have a series of demands. 1) get his gay ass out of the closet I’m so fucking serious. catholic guilt and leaning on Bobby can be a part of it. it will be torturous and like pulling teeth but he’ll be girl who is going to be okay afterwards!! 2) (strongly tied in with #1) him exploring what he likes/wants/who he is as a person outside of fatherhood (bc he’s been a dad since he was!! a teenager!!!!). give him some new friends (Maddie and Karen!!! preferably!!!!!!). give him some new hobbies that he actually enjoys and isn’t just using to escape from The Horrors. AND let him go to gay night at a line dancing club 3) he comes head to head with his parents about um everything. actually sets boundaries about their relationship with Christopher (I.e. you cannot just show up at my house to take my son away even when I’m having a mental health crisis. maybe actually support me next time or just fuck off) 4) drop him in the middle of the woods and have him presumed dead due to a plane crash when he does go to pick up Chris (maybe midseason? but I really don’t want chris gone for that long)* 5) feelings realization re buck in the second half of the season. I think he actually realizes at the same time he realizes he’s gay but it is simply too scary so he’s like okay I have to deal with one thing at a time. but then he simply cannot ignore it anymore. probably due to buck is being insane after his own feelings realization. 6) spurred on by his self-discovery arc in star first half of the season, he starts working towards his paramedic license yayyyy

buck: princessa….. okay I don’t have much for buck. I want him to mostly be background to other people’s arcs. bc I actually think that’s where he thrives EXCEPT: 1) I want him to start really struggling with the fact that he doesn’t have kids yet, and like even looking into ways to have kids on his own (esp. since he knows he’s bi now) like surrogacy and adoption and stuff. and 2) actually think this could be an interesting point of conflict (and breakup??) between him and Tommy (where Tommy is just not that interested in having kids) because it would be an actual discussion and require buck to actually examine what he wants out of a relationship 3) presumed deaddie leading to feelings realization. this makes him insane, obviously, and he makes it everyone’s problem. yay :)

hen: 1) she kills Gerrard with her bare hands. the boys can help if they want but she should land the killing blow. and by this I of course mean get him fired and make sure he never works for the LAFD again. bc it’s crazy he still has a job. or maybe she actually does kill him that would be so fine too 2) she and karen (I actually think Karen might lead this bc hen will be busy killing Gerrard) tear down the entire DCFS system to get their daughter back. I genuinely think she has to be home by the end of the first three episodes. or I will go crazy. 3) the gerrard and bobby situation leads to captaincy succession drama between hen and chim, where they actually sort-of fight about who should be captain and they both make very good points. the resolution to this is 4) hen’s nightmare with councilwoman ortiz gets her interested in local politics, and she runs for city council (or something), and decides that’s what she wants to focus on right now rather than trying to become captain

chimney: 1) fostering mara gets Maddie and chimney talking about the possibility of having more kids. chimney really wants to, and specifically wants to adopt kids, because he was given a home when he had none as a child and really wants to offer that to someone else, and he doesn’t want jee to grow up without a sibling. this leads to some more exploration into his childhood and confrontation of his past grief. they ultimately decide it’s not what’s best for their family, but do decide to keep their house open for emergency temporary foster placement 2) captaincy succession drama with hen, as aforementioned. he struggles with his whole inferiority complex when it comes to leadership positions, and ultimately realizes how much he’s grown in that regard and that he actually could be a fantastic captain. because he loves hen he’s willing to give it up for her, but then she encourages him to go for it so he starts down that path 3) can we revisit the fact that this man has come within kissing distance of death more times than anyone else on this team???? like, what has that done to his psyche???? how has it changed him as a person???? it’s years too late but I want it so bad.

maddie: 1) aforementioned family planning discussions with chimney. because of her traumatic experience after jee’s birth, she really cannot see herself ever having other kids of their own, because she just knows it would bring her back to that place emotionally, and she feels that their family is complete with jee. this causes a lot of tension between her and chimney for a while, as they come to understand each other’s points of view. but she does love what they’re able to do for mara, and wants to continue with emergency foster care 2) I just really need her to bond with eddie. they have so much in common and I feel like could really be a support system for each other, especially as they’re both grappling with parenthood struggles 3) she starts considering taking on a leadership position in dispatch alongside chimney starting down a captaincy path and maybe there is even like maddie-josh drama or maddie-linda drama that parallels the chimney-hen drama

ravi: because he WILL be a main. trust 1) struggling with fitting in with A-shift after coming from B-shift, because they’re so tight-knit and he’s been in and out, but ultimately realizing he’s part of the family already. and they throw him a surprise party obviously 2) baby’s first life threatening injury!!!! and everyone is freaking out bc that’s their little guy and they JUST officially adopted him. and of course this is his begins episode, so we get to see some of his childhood growing up in hospitals and stuff and how he got into firefighting. I would love for it to be like. his family is actually super supportive but he struggles to fit in and be a part of a team due to he was sick all the time as a kid. this would work together nicely with him feeling like he doesn’t fit in with A-shift! I also think it would be funny if he was in the hospital and the 118 assumed his family wouldn’t show up and then they ALL do like parents siblings everyone. and they’re like oh. that’s… never happened before?? 3) it would be very funny if hen and chim were trying to get everyone to pick sides in their captaincy drama and they were fighting over ravi and he was so sick over it. like I can’t choose i love them both. why is this happening. do I need to talk to HR?? and everyone is like no this is just how things are around here bro. but he kind of has to stand up for himself a bit and be like dudes. I’m not doing this.

bobby: 1) the Gerrard stuff is going to have Bobby actually considering retirement and not just in a suicidal way. and ultimately I think he’ll decide that he wants to back away from the day-to-day stuff and do more oversight stuff, so he starts the process of stepping up the ranks to ultimately become fire chief, in part so that no one like Gerrard can stick around in the LAFD. this is a big factor in hen and chim thinking about captaincy. 2) I would be really interested to see his reaction to buck thinking/talking about having kids, since he sees buck as a surrogate child, and if it makes him feel a certain way about like fatherhood and mortality and legacy and stuff. buck obviously is like ‘well and would the kid call you grandpa or pops or what. because pops would be so funny considering.’ and bobby just starts crying. 3) I want Bobby’s special blood thing to come back lmao like maybe the blood people are like hey so that other guy in Australia died um do you have any siblings?? and he has to reconnect with his brother because of it. and deal with some of his unresolved stuff about his father’s death. this can happen for reasons other than his special blood I suppose but I would love for it to be special blood related 4) he has to go back to Minnesota for some reason (maybe related to reconnecting to his brother) and it like literally almost kills him but it’s ultimately really good for him

athena: all love to ms bassett but I’ll be honest as a certified cop hater the only athena arc I’m interested in is her quitting her job. I would love for her to get in trouble due to her abuse of power wrt Amir, and realizing how many other times she’s abused her position of power. I would also love for May and/or harry to be involved in helping her realize this. and then maybe she gets into like an alternatives to policing model or community organizing or something. this will of course never ever happen. but I actually feel like thematically it would align well with the rest of the characters’ arcs (self-discovery, transition periods, stepping into new roles, etc.)

other stuff:

-*to elaborate on presumed deaddie, no one kill me but maybe it’s on the way BACK from Texas and Chris is also in the plane crash? and in part due to eddie being concussed, he has to kind of step up and use what hes learned through osmosis about first aid and emergency stuff to help people and keep them calm. he’s literally a baby and he shouldn’t HAVE to do this but I think it would be so beautiful to see him like confidently helping out in a horrible situation because everyone he knows is first responders lol. so he knows what to do and how to keep a clear head about it. my brave brave boy!! of course if eddie and chris were BOTH presumed dead buck would kill himself For Real so there has to be hope that they’re alive. maybe eddie wanders into the woods (due to he’s concussed and disoriented) away from the crash site so they find Chris first and then spend the whole next episode looking for Eddie. and they literally have to sedate buck and/or put him on a physical leash so that he doesn’t run off into the woods to die with Eddie. of course. and the will comes up as a part of all of this obviously which is associated with the feelings realization AND the kid stuff.

- I would love to have another female firefighter on the team, especially if Ravi joins as a main. I think like a really tiny angry 20 year old female probie who picks fights with Buck specifically would be a really iconic addition. and I think Hen would LOVE to mentor a younger female firefighter. and she and eddie and ravi would all be best friends. she would take a while to warm up to buck and she would think chimney was kind of weird but in a fun cool-uncle kind of way.

- controversial but if Taylor came back in some way I think that would be so funny. maybe they want to turn her book into a movie or something so they come to interview the firehouse about it. and they would all hate it so bad, except chimney who would be thriving

- more emergencies in general. hopefully with an 18 episode season they can actually do this

- stuck-in-the firehouse bottle episode where there are zero (0) calls all day but they are being discouraged from driving around for some reason so they literally have to stay inside all day. and the AC isn’t working. this overlaps with hen and chim’s captaincy drama AND buddie mutual pining era and they all make it everyone’s problem

- ending the season with a buddie cliffhanger (maybe a first kiss? confession?) but also ending with a cliffhanger of someone else in serious danger, like maybe hen and karen getting into a car accident or something????, and then they couldn’t do a time jump and would have to resolve both things simultaneously and the tension and chaos would be wild and I just think that would be a slay setup for the start of s9!!

[cinnamostar]

hiiii again! :)

just wanted to share my thoughts on 'Four Dates to Fall in Love.'

I hope you are doing well ❤️

I loved the start with Chris—how you incorporated him as someone reader can share their feelings with and sort out their thoughts. It adds so much to the story and the characters. Especially when the reader goes on about wanting to keep having fun with Hyunjin but struggles when memories and emotions about the past years come back. I loved how Chan validated both feelings and helped the reader find a way to deal with the situation. This whole situation takes a lot of emotional intelligence, maturity, empathy, and firm boundaries. I'm so happy to see this portrayed in fanfiction. 🫶

Besides that, I also really enjoyed them cooking together—the teasing, their smiles, and the reader's hands over Hyunjin's. It was such a good read, and the underlying awkwardness was so tangible!

"[...] suddenly hyper aware of the strange warmth in your stomach that was also accompanied by the feeling of your stomach dropping. It was an uncomfortable feeling, one you didn't know how to explain or ever experienced before, but you did know you didn't want that combination of symptoms again for whatever emotion this was." I think I died reading that part. Way too good. YOU ARE SO TALENTED. I've said it so often, but the way you describe feelings—especially those opposing feelings—it's perfect.

AAAAAND you did justice to Hyunjin and his feelings in this part! How he struggles with what he has done, the reader's friendliness, the guilt, and the hate he almost has on himself.

"[...] shame paralyzed his body, the warm sensation behind his eyes reminding him to blink, reminding him he shouldn't be so selfish in his pain when he was the cause of so much discomfort." Shame is such an underrated emotion and is rarely acknowledged, but yet it is so powerful. Loved that you incorporated this emotion.

Last but not least, the last part broke me. How the reader chose to comfort Hyunjin, their inner conflict with their choice—"[...] despite what your mind screamed at you, you chose to listen to your heart, you chose him over himself".... I was fr dead on the floor after reading this. I mean—I know how hard it is to be in this situation, and I probably would do the same, but I screamed with the reader's mind.

Sooooo - in conclusion, I love how you portray them so humanly, all their struggles... I can really see myself in them. I can't wait to finally get them together.

And I wanted to point out: taking a rest from writing has paid off. Your dialogs were just perfect. I loved the slow burn. You did really well. ❤️

YOUR MESSAGES ALWAYS MAKE MY DAY SO MUCH BETTER T - T THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH it makes me genuinely so happy that someone finds my work that impactful so it always so appreciated :')!

my intention from the start was to always have chris there as someone the reader could rely on and have candid conversations regarding their emotions! its one thing to write how the reader is feeling, but i think its another for the reader to talk to someone else abt it bc i feel like it can reveal a lil more about the characters and their relationship with each other! like yeaaa chris is reader's manager, but also a great friend over the years theyve known each other!

and yeah, they both have a lot of emotions to process and figure out! its really hard to be either of them in that position because shame/guilt is such a difficult feeling to digest, especially when the other party still hasn't forgiven. so tbh, its hard for hyunjin to know what to do or how to handle anything bc ultimately, it is up to the reader on how they wanna handle their relationship w him... hyunjin can only hope for forgiveness, but has been blessed with kindness too!

reader is also in a hard position because if it wasn't for the fact there wasn't an acting project on the line, reader would've probably been a lot more callous towards hyunjin. but theres a role on the line that the reader really wants, so reader gotta suck it up a little. while the reader did chose to be kind to hyunjin, a lot of it has to do with just spending time with him. i think no matter how angry you can be with someone, if you miss a friendship and are able to see them for who they really are, its hard to be a total dickhead to them JKLFDSJ especially if they seem super apologetic.

BUUUUUUUUUT reader choosing this doesnt mean their hurt goes away.............. I HAVE PLANS, I CANNOT SAY MORE, BUT THERE ARE PLANS FOR THIS SERIES NSJKDFNA emotions are complex and hard so this entire series is just gonna be That (but also im avoiding being repetitive too so that was an added challenge when i outlined this series)

personally, reader is actually a lot better than me, im a hater til i die, but then this story wouldnt be going anywhere...

after this chapter, there are only three dates left and then one extra chapter... i have had this all planned out, im excited and hope u enjoy whats next !!<333 thank u sm again i literally love seeing ur messages in my inbox . and yes!!! the break helped a lot :') thank u for encouraging the writing break tooMMMMMMWAH

[saintsenara]

hiiii i'm sending this ask bc i read ur medicine/fandom post and nearly cried 😭 i rly want to go into healthcare (as a nurse) but im so afraid of making an irreversible mistake & either ending someone's life short or making it so that they will need medical care 4 the rest of it i was in nursing school for a yr and a half and dropped out bc of that fear but i rly rly want to work as a nurse!! how do u deal w these fears? but also prevent urself from making them in the first place!! do u have any personal experience w something like that? sorry so many q's 😖😖😖

thank you very much for this ask, anon - and i'm really sorry that i've taken absolutely fucking ages to reply to it. perhaps you might have some more clarity on the course your life is going to take, rendering whatever i have to say irrelevant. perhaps you won't - that's fine, you'll get there.

the knowledge that you could - and, indeed, might - kill or seriously injure someone is something everyone in healthcare has to carry with them.

i understand how this is terrifying - especially when you're right at the start of your training - but it helps to reframe it as a beneficial thing.

many [not all, but many] of the mistakes we make in our lives - whether in our jobs or our personal lives - are caused by a combination of carelessness and arrogance.

and so the things you need to do to minimise these sorts of mistakes need that little bit of fear. the reason why things like air embolisms introduced via iv lines, or infections caused by healthcare staff not washing their hands properly, are genuinely rare is because we all have a little voice in the back of our heads which scares us out of complacency. when you first start your training, this voice is overwhelming. eventually, though, it just becomes an old friend - nagging you to check and double-check the way your mam nags you to put a coat on.

and it is these everyday tasks - hygiene, using equipment properly, listening attentively, filling in charts and records correctly - which have the highest chance of causing harm to a patient if they're not done properly. so being a little bit scared is good.

this is especially the case for a nurse. credentialism in the medical field is an extremely tedious thing - and lots of doctors will be completely insufferable about how they went to medical school and you didn't, and you should feel free to kick them in the shins - but the thing which might be comforting for you is the knowledge that the people who are at the highest risk of killing or injuring their patients are doctors [and, especially, surgeons]. you are never going to be in a position where you're performing an operation, or managing a crash, or prescribing a cocktail of complex medication. you're never going to be alone in a high-risk situation when it isn't - ultimately - someone else's responsibility to not fuck up.

and you're also never going to be alone generally. on your first day at work in a hospital you will meet people who have been there for decades - who know exactly how you're feeling and who are there to help you find your feet. every single healthcare worker has needed someone to guide them through a procedure - even a very basic one - at some point or other. in my first week as a foundation doctor, i was fucking terrified of inserting a catheter - something i'd done probably hundreds of times during my training - and i needed a nurse to help me through it. two weeks later, it was second nature.

and almost a decade later, my nurses are people i still look to for advice and support. this is the entire point of life - none of us is an island, and you will not be left alone to cause harm unless you deliberately reject the help which will surround you.

my advice, then, is that it's good for anyone in healthcare to embrace the maxim "do it scared" - and that if you're still interested in going to nursing school, then you'll end up a better nurse for doing it scared than for doing it with complacent self-assurance.

but my advice is also that we should all be careful to understand the command to "do it scared" as meaning "do it vigilantly, do it thoroughly, do it steadfastly, do it while listening, do it as part of a team".

because there has to be a bit of tough love to end this answer. being vigilant is an extremely beneficial trait for a healthcare worker to have. being panicky is not.

there are times in life when being prone to panic is dangerous, and working in medicine is one of them. people's health can turn on a dime, and you need to be able to react quickly and decisively when things go wrong - even if that turn is caused by a mistake you or your team has made. if you give a patient medication they're allergic to because you didn't read a chart properly and they go into anaphylactic shock... then suck it up, kid. you need to get your head in the game immediately and treat that patient. or they will die.

if your fear makes you indecisive - if it makes you freeze, if it makes you put off doing things, if it makes you lie in order to save face - then you are dangerous. not because there's anything morally wrong with you, but because of the nature of working in medicine.

only you can decide if you can be the right sort of scared - vigilant, meticulous, a team-player - for nursing to be the career for you. but whether it is or it isn't, you're going to be fine.

[valleyfthdolls]

hii tell me about ur fnaf AUs !! (u wanted someone to ask teehee)

Omg hiii *attempts to twirl my hair but it's just at that length where all that happens is it gets tangled bc I need to get it cut*

(I'm excited I'm getting my hair cut & dyed on Friday ignore me)

So I have my main AU which is on the blog @thechristmaskidsau, but there are a few others that have been rotating around in my head for a WHILE that I need to get out

I have been sitting on this one since 20 fucking 20. Basically, the rebirth AU is a freak-ass Help Wanted AU, and I'm salty that it doesn't sound creative anymore because of everyone's stupid theories. This is probably up there as one of my weirdest AUs. Basically, the AU follows Vanessa, who, hey, for once is actually Vanny, like they finally seem to have given up and basically admitted is like 99% canon. I find them more fun to write when I put someone else under the suit, but that's besides the point.

Vanessa is a 21 year old girl who can't really remember most of her life. She's chalked it up to amnesia or maybe trauma that her therapist is trying to help her uncover, but when she meets an odd digital entity in a game she's been hired to beta test that begins referring to her by a false name and infests her head like she's just a computer, she's pushed to uncover the actual truth: She hasn't had any life before her 21st year. She is a robot created by this new entity to mimic the existence of Michael Afton, and make her his successor the way Michael's father had intended for him to be. The realization breaks her, her AI is slowly taken over, but then she meets a little girl named Bella, locked away in a production facility. The entity, who she's given the spiteful nickname of Glitchtrap, tells her that Bella is a failsafe, someone he knows will do whatever he asks, unless her AI is damaged, because the girl she's modeled after desperately wanted to be perfect and compliant. The girl looks like she's been tortured, and Glitchtrap tells Vanessa that she is dying- Vanessa is killing her. The dread, shock, and fear of hearing that seems to push her too far. She can't take it anymore. She can't take any of this. She has to help Bella, and she has to find the boy who's supposed to be a mimic of her brother, and get him where Glitchtrap can- where she can never hurt him. Where she can protect him. Where she can save them both.

This one I came up with last week: the Smile AU is basically just an excuse to be FNAF about everything.

Charlotte Emily died with an eerily unfitting smile. Her horror, her pain and trauma, it seemed to unleash something inside of her that escaped when she died. This is Shadow Freddy, malignant and sadistic, and he feeds off the pain of children, taking as many forms as necessary to make them fearful, lonely and hopeless so he can finish them off. He basically forces them to succumb to their trauma, cutting them off from anyone who might support or help them. It's similar to the main theme of Smile itself, but with more emphasis on the trauma thing. The main story starts after Charlie's death, as well as Elizabeth's- Shadow Freddy manifests at the scene of Elizabeth's death due to her horrible situation, and Cassidy's intense fear watching his sister die. By appearing physically, taking the form of a large and brutally disfigured replica of Cassidy's stuffed Fredbear toy, he takes this as his chance to begin haunting Cassidy in his dreams, getting closer every night, worsening his fear and making him a perfect target. Michael's refusal to believe anything he says about Elizabeth or Shadow Freddy or his nightmares ultimately causes Cassidy to succumb to Shadow Freddy, and Michael witnesses the immediate result. Cassidy, in a panic, frantically scratches through his scalp, screaming and jittering like something is climbing in through the scratch in his head, and as soon as he stops, Michael sees the shift. He begins to smile, strained and tight-lipped with dead eyes, then whispers to Michael, "this is all your fault."

In the fallout, Cassidy is bleeding out on the floor, Michael cradling his head trying to keep him alive, the paramedics arrive in a frenzy, Cassidy is taken away from him, and for a moment, the smile seems to fall. The next time Michael sees it, he knows. Cassidy was telling the truth. And if he lets that thing get to him, he's going to die too.

Charlie appears to him in his dreams that night, but she's not smiling. She's an emotional wreck, a vulnerable and messy and broken state he never saw her in. She's darkened, her eyes unnaturally light, and her shadow seems to cast rabbit ears behind her.

Shadow Bonnie in this AU is the spirits of the children, their pain and agony after Shadow Freddy fed off them, leaving them wrecked husks of souls, and while trying to face down his seemingly inevitable demise at the hands of the thing his father's one horrible act unleashed, he has to try to side with another monster just like it in the hope of saving Elizabeth and Cassidy.

[super-paper]

I really love your opinions and posts about toshi, so if i may, do you think toshinori will (or maybe has already) "learn the lesson" that others have been trying to show and tell him, and see worth and meaning in his life beyond All Might the hero?? Obviously it's not a behavior or mentality that one can change just like that, especially after so many years living behind that persona. But with so many characters around him telling him to keep on living, and he still in the end attempts a sacrifice, I can't help but wonder if he truly understands what everyone else has been trying to tell him and really try to live. It sounds like i'm not being fair to him, bc obviously it's an extreme situation of war and at this point, it's normal to act based on 'whatever it takes', but idk, i'm just worried about his character 😭

Thank you for the kind words! I'm glad you also like Toshi.

Anyway-- I think you've already brushed against the root of the issue! Rationally speaking, Toshinori does understand that other people want him to live and he's so unbelievably, genuinely grateful each and every time someone encourages him to keep living. He's completely sincere when he says that he wants to live/is going to keep living.

That being said, I don't think it's contradictory for Toshi specifically to talk about wanting to live, fully *mean* that he wants to live, and then immediately try to blow himself up. It can be difficult for people to fully understand the insidious nature of mental illness, I feel, bc they try to rationalize something that simply isn't rational (I don't want to diminish the necessary context behind Toshibomb, either: Toshi was primarily acting out of desperation to protect Izuku from AFO-- and the narrative itself chose not to reward/validate him for this.)

Like, I totally get that some Toshi fans feel betrayed/upset because it feels like Toshi isn't taking other people's feelings seriously, or bc it feels as though he's "undoing" all his character development-- but genuinely, I don't believe his development has been undone in the slightest. Toshinori is genuinely fighting to live and for his right to keep living. Toshinori also attempted to kill himself. Both realities are equally and simultaneously true for this character, even if it seems like they're fundamentally incompatible with each other. "I want to keep living for you!" and "I would die for you without hesitation!" aren't contradictory feelings from Toshinori's perspective.

(side note: I don't want to make assumptions about the experiences and lives of other fans, so I apologize if this comes across that way! I know a lot of other fans also suffer from depression and don't mean to insinuate that they lack perspective, or anything like that.)

Personally, I don’t think Toshi’s arc is remotely finished yet-- primarily because his feelings regarding Tomura remain quite conspicuously unaddressed. Toshi still needs to admit out loud what his essence as a person (i.e. aura!might) shed tears over— that in his heart of hearts, he also wants to save that boy. Izuku, Toshinori, Bakugo, and Aizawa are the characters that Tomura found himself fixating on during Act 1 bc they all represent something that failed him terribly (Heroes - Izuku, Family - Toshinori, Society - Bakugo, His Teacher - Aizawa). So, these four are the key players who will play the biggest role in saving Tomura, I feel-- and all four characters still have some critical development that's needed before they can all be on the same page about what needs to be done, and ultimately "change fate" together:

I also feel that, if there's any lesson that Toshi does still need to learn, is that it's okay to live entirely for his own sake. He's learned that he wants to live, but he ties that desire to other people and other people have unfortunately/unintentionally reinforced this ("Izuku lives for your sake so please don't talk about dying" "You gotta keep living until the day you can hear me say 'I am here!'" "Just you being here is all the push other people need to keep going" "you can only claim the title of a hero by dedicating your life to others")-- and that's where the dissonance kicks in, where Toshi is still willing to kill himself for the sake of others because he's primarily living for the sake of others. Toshi still needs someone to tell him that it's okay to live, just because he wants to, without tying this desire to anyone else.

This is a lesson I feel he can learn through being more honest about his own feelings (which again, heavily ties to him finally processing his feelings about Tomura/Tenko and then finally acting on them!). I also feel like Bakugo and Tomura (two of the most ego-driven characters in the cast) may end up having a role to play in helping Toshinori understand that it's completely okay to live for himself.

Edit: As for Toshinori "learning that he has value outside of being All Might," I feel that he has already learned this! I'm actually writing a post about what Iron Might means for Toshinori as a person & why it's a positive development right now-- So I hope that it will address your concerns, if only a little!

[marshmallowprotection]

hi hi i hope this is okay </3 ive never sent an ask in to you before, firsts always make me nervous.

Ive been fiddling around with the idea of Saeyoung with an MC who had a similar childhood to him and was wondering what your thoughts were!! By similar, I mean.. very similar. Younger siblings, shitty/abusive parents, running away as a teenager to try and find a way to get their sibling(s) away from their mother, ultimately doesnt get very far (only gets further isolated from siblings due to outside causes).

i hope this isnt like. too specific or outside your comfort zone lolol ive mostly been thinking of it bc i also grew up in a similar environment and recently got super into mysme again and was curious to see one of my favorite people in the community’s thoughts and opinions lolol

Well, first and foremost, your MC is meant to be who you want them to be. You can give your character any background you want to give them because you're the one cultivating the story. If you feel a strong sense of comfort by having your MC share your background to bring you peace and compassion, then you have every right to do that. 

The sweetest MCs often share facets of our personalities, after all. I put a little touch of myself into my all my CMCs and it helps me flesh them out to be more human, and in some cases, it helps me learn the best way to confront whatever I shared with that character!

So, Saeyoung with an MC who fully knows what it feels like to be in a situation where you're trapped and you can only pray every night that someday, you'll find a way out.

It gives you a unique position to sit next to him and empathize with what he's going through. Even if your situations aren't the exact same, you still understand what's happened to him and that means when you speak to him from the heart about your experiences, he'll know where you're coming from and he'll be able to open up to you a little bit faster than he would with someone who grew up in an environment that wasn't anything like what he went through. It's not to say that you'll have a better chance at talking to him because he can be a tough nut to crack, it's just that your words will resonate in a way that he can't deny.

He doesn't like the idea that somebody he cares about has gone through anything difficult and awful in their life, and it might be a bit tough to share your history with him because that might make him want to have you leave him even more. He wouldn't want to make your life more difficult than it already has been, so that'll be an interesting conversation to have with him about what you feel, what you can handle, and how you wanting to be with him isn't a burden.

You could take this a long way by really flushing out a healthy conversation with him about why he tries to minimize what he suffered for the sake of maximizing what somebody else went through. He's the kind of person who beats himself up because “it wasn't that bad for him, it was much worse for his brother.” You have the unique position to hold his hand and let him know that he suffered, too, and it's okay to talk about it. 

If this is a comfort scenario for you, you can take this anywhere, my friend.

[polyamorouspunk]

My girlfriend keeps hinting at/joking about getting married. We talked about it once before - we'd both generally be in favour, but have some differences re: having children, level of tidinesscin a home, interior design styles and idk. Stuff. Plus, we've first gotten together a literal decade ago and it's been a bit of an on and off relationship through the years (not helped by us living in different countries for like 8 of those years), and she's hurt me quite a bit on one or two occasions, and I'm still having a bit of a hard time sometimes believing that she's not just with me out of convenience and a desire for company (and knowing I'd forgive just about anything, probably, though that may be unkknd of me). So, when she mentions marriage, I don't know how to be sure she's not just worried about running out of time somehow and "settling" for me in a way. And it's really fucking difficult bc I've been thinking about marrying this person since I was 17, I want to marry her, pretty fucking badly, I'm just. Worried. That she'll end up resenting me and feeling trapped, and I'll have my heart broken once more.

I'm sending this bc your sleepover Friday thing suggests asking for advice lol but if you feel in any way uncomfortable with this, no need to respond! I also promise I won't base any life decisions on a single anonymous conversation with an internet stranger, I just thought it might be nice to get some outside perspective, insofar as that's possible from my one-sided account of the situation lol.

Anyway, have a good day/night/etc

Well reading your first paragraph, my initial reaction was “well if you don’t feel ready to marry her then don’t”. But you can want to marry someone and not be ready! My ex and I had plans to get married, but we weren’t ready at 19/20/21 etc. I’m assuming you’re older than that, and of traditional “marrying” age.

If you have been with someone for over a decade, I hope you feel comfortable enough to talk to them about how you’re feeling. While in the end my ex decided to cut me off, while dating we were fine with having open and honest conversations about marriage, even while living apart.

As someone who is polyamorous, I can understand the idea of being “trapped” in a marriage, but marriage isn’t permanent. You can very much reverse it. Is it going to suck if she decides she wants to divorce you? Yes. But is a divorce going to be more emotionally devastating than a normal breakup? Obviously there are going to be some legal stuff that goes on. In fact, at the end of the day, marriage is just a legal contract between two people. There are plenty of people in love who never get married, and plenty of people who are not in love who get married just to have joint assets, tax breaks, and an overall better financial situation. Yes, as an American society we treat marriage as the ultimate show of one’s love for someone. But in reality it’s really just a legal contract. I’m not suggesting you go and tell her “yes I would like to join our assets”. I think you should uphold the notion that marriage is romantic. But it’s not the end-all-be-all.

To me, though, someone wanting to marry someone isn’t “settling” for them. I didn’t want to “settle” for my ex when we talked about marriage: I wanted to solidify that they were my soulmate and that we would last for years (evidentially they did not feel the same lmao).

There were absolutely sacrifices I had to make to be monogamous to that one person. When they did eventually dump me, that left me free to explore things I couldn’t with them: and I learned some things about myself and what else I like in a sexual / romantic / other relationship! And that was nice! But I would have been willing to not have room to explore that to stay with them. It didn’t feel like “settling” it felt like “what I have is enough for me and I don’t need to look for more”. In terms of partners, yeah, of course I wanted to see other people, and throughout the course of our relationship I did. But I also decided that I wanted to be with them only for the time being when they broke up with me. Maybe that was a “sacrifice” but that was what I wanted.

Difference in what you want in life can be complicated, though. My ex and I agreed on everything. We knew the kind of life we wanted to lead. We “yes, and”ed each other. There was no differences on how clean we wanted to live, how many children or if we wanted children, etc. none of that. We wanted the same things, and that was important to me. I don’t know how I would feel if someone I was with wanted kids and I didn’t, or if they were fine with a messy house and I wasn’t. I can’t say for sure that it would be a “make or break” because I don’t really believe in that kind of thing outside of extremes. You can love someone in spite of their differences, but is that going to take a toll on you over the years? Possibly. I can certainly say I would much rather have someone who agrees with me on not wanting kids and wanting a clean house. I don’t want to have to compromise on those things in particular. I can compromise on what color to paint the bedroom, but not on lifestyle differences that are going to cause me internal stress I think.

I’ve also never had an on-again-off-again relationship with someone: but I imagine if I did I would want to keep them around unless I was the one breaking things off because they kept hurting me- but even then I know that I have unhealthy tendencies to want to be with people who aren’t the best. I can break things off with someone if it gets to be too bad, but it’s permanent when I do. If I’m breaking up with someone, I’m blocking them. If they break up with me, I’m blocking them. I’ve never gone back to someone I’ve broken up with. I can’t let myself get into a cycle like that because it’s too unhealthy for me. If I’m going to marry someone, I really can’t see it being someone I’ve had to break up with or who felt the need to break up with me multiple times. But that’s just me.

[neganium]

Me: Kind of would like to do some writing maybe, at some point.

Brain: If it isn't immediately profitable to even offer, it's not worth doing right now. We're on a deadline, remember?

Me: Ah, no, you're right, that's a fair point. I sure would like to shower, though.

Brain: Time spent to take a shower and do everything involved with that would take away valuable time from potentially producing something profitable.

Me: I get that, but I'm so uncomfortable... Most days I kind of just sit here doing fun but ultimately useless drawings, anyways, bc I have a hard time drawing without distractions but I have a very limited pool of material on Youtube that doesn't require me to at least glance at it on occasion, when I only have the one screen. Also the digital art ergonomic situation kind of sucks even outside of that. What's the point?

Brain: You have to at least try. Possibly wasting your time is still not as bad as wasting your time for sure. You need to work harder; surely everything else can wait until you succeed?

Me: At this point, I really don't think that success is possible anymore.

Brain: Whether you succeed or fail, you can worry about addressing something else when time runs out. There's still hope right up until the last second on the timer, even if it's someone taking pity on us. You can worry about taking care of other needs after this one is no longer a pressing concern, for good or for ill.

Me: Ugh, I fucking hate this. This fucking sucks.

Brain: It's also entirely your own fault for not trying harder, sooner. You're obviously also repugnant in other ways we cannot yet divine, otherwise surely someone would have helped us by now? People probably think you're a scam artist due to that other thing, even if that's not your fault. You can at least try to work around it, though, and get off of your lazy ass and stop wasting so much time. Speaking of...

Me: Yeah, yeah, I get it. Piss off.