#bc I saw a reddit post about someone else's lizard
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#grief is such a fucking pain man#the way it just. is until it isn't#the way that when the ball hits the button there's nothing you can do#like. I was having a perfectly nice evening#& now I’m sitting in the tub working very diligently not to cry about my lizard that died 4 months ago#bc I saw a reddit post about someone else's lizard#& it's like!!!!#it's so hard because it's not dysfunctional#it's not something you need to get over#it just Is#& ive been through this process before & I know how it works#but it's still like. annoying. almost.#on top of the other pain#bc it hits you so out of nowhere & with absolutely no regard for your feelings at the moment#it doesn't matter what you were thinking or feeling before. now it's Grief & thats all there is#& it does really help that it's universal. that everyone experiences this to some degree at least once in their life#& I know i'll experience it Way Way Worse in the future (bc all ive had up to this point is pet death)#but man.#I didn't want to be crying right now#I didn't want to ffeel it so heavy in my chest I didn't want to be reminded I have so little control over it#but. to love anything is to one day feel like this#& we are all holding hands & feeling it together#so that's nice#vent
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