#basically trying to trick myself into thinking i'm more slutty than i am

[jazz-downtown]

It's a week of late starts for me

[fragile-wisp]

Lies

lies lies all lies

if you didn't want something serious then why are you celebrating her birthday with friends and family?

Fine whatever you're a fat old man anyway I could do much better than some 43 year old sleezebag who clearly can't make up his fucking mind

what is wrong with me I just let stupid boys who pretend to men trick me into making a fool of myself and they're just out there shoving their dicks in whatever they can find meanwhile if I want to sleep with some guy just to stop feeling sorry for myself, oh suddenly it's a problem so you step up the pain game and do something public just to hurt and humiliate me further well thank fucking you giant bald dumbass with no respect for himself or anyone else around him, just destroy my life and use me and toss me aside like every other guy

I can't do it anymore I can't

being so angry all day and so sleepless at night is just not working for me anymore gang idk what to do

This is just stupid guy drama and it'll blow over soon... it just feels like forever and I can't seem to stop my life from spiraling out of control away from me... everything just slips through my disgusting fingers

what even is my life right now I just want to keep a decent job so I can get a new car and move out of my mom's basement...

of course I'm only stuck in this basement because my LAST relationship ended with someone who LIED to me for almost TEN YEARS about how he really felt, and basically just used me in every way imaginable. You name it, it probably happened.

Not that I was even trying to really date this dude! I just like him, maybe way too much, and he's just good for a bang once in a while... now I'm pretty sure he's dating someone two years older than him... ugh what the fuck is wrong with guys? Of course maybe it's weird that I'm only like shy of 30 and he's 43, but my bff from HS is married to a dude 25 YEARS older than her! AND THEY'RE HAVING A BABY!

A MFKIN BABY YO.

I AIN'T LOOKIN FOR BABIES OR A RING💍

I JUST WANNA HAWK'TUA THAT THANG💦

listen maybe this is just my ego trying to preserve life so I don't throw myself off a bridge but maybe he's just intimidated an attractive young woman who obviously likes him? Noted prominently by how nervous I am around him, and my lack of direction in bed probably doesn't help... I know what I wanna do, but sometimes they want something else and it takes me a few seconds to- I guess- position myself properly? I don't know. I feel like a slutty Barbie, that fell for GI Joe, and now's running his Jeep all over my stupid baby heart

I was literally sobbing like an infant the other day it was the worst

it was like primal lizard brain needs

no one was around so I could just cry as much as I wanted

as loud as I wanted... needed?

then I went out

got a drink

took a shower and shaved

then drove 4 hours out and back to get FUCKED 🍆

because I need to stop feeling sorry for myself

stop liking these fucking losers

do what I wanna do

make myself happy

just sucks that for the most part I need more money

so I can have gas in my car / get a better car

THEN DRIVE OUT FOR MORE DICK 🍆

which will be free, more or less

the price is in the travel really, if you think about it

I just wanna go to the beach tbh

why is summer so short

This summer consisted of being dumped, moving because my landlord kicked me out, being alone and trying to connect with old friends- which was bittersweet... because well, we went on three dates, but hooked up on the two dates after... so I probably fucked something up. Maybe he's just an asshole, I don't know. We have a history so it wasn't like "new", he's probably just bored of me. Scratched an itch, moving on? I just feel so useless. Men suck.