#basically I wrote an essay about this because I can't ever keep anything short

[oh-snapperss]

laughing, giggling, kicking my fits ohh my fuckingg god i can't get enough! so, im writing it while im reading sooo just keep that in mind why i might not grab all of the stuff quicly.

okay, so, first of all, it really pains me to see how etho thinks he NEED to be useful. like it's such a basic thing, but i really need him to lie down and take a breath. the whole scene after the advisor's meeting left something in my chest and i really can't explain what exactly, certainly not the bad thing! but the whole premiss, this deep feeling of "i'll do anything you'll tell me". aaaand ren is lifthing etho up. okay, my brain short-circuited just now ma gad.(i don't exactly remember my previous ask and idk if you saw it, but it was something along the line, that for ren etho is becoming the reason to continue fighting AND IDK I MIGHT BE WRONG or i might see what i want and not what both of you wanted to say, but oh my god i see it so clearly now). for etho it was near religious experience, but for ren etho is the human ever, not in way "just another one", but in a "the human". etho is so alive and ren want to keep it that way to hide him from harm. omg pov switch im dying. i cannot express how much i feel reading rens part. im not joking. and it echoes so much with what i said about how human etho is in rens eyes. :( "good night, my lord Ren" im jumping into the river. "There is no one to see the love on his face" im drowning. i would comment on chess part but i am in the river, drowned. sry. "I'm calling you, Ren, a liar" millions cheered. but i am so afraid of where this all going, seriously. the whole wine scene was so,,, peaceful, it was so soft and it felt like home, i smiled like an idiot reading it. :( "hes someone has king's eyes" is such i simple phrase yet i can't think about anything anymore. OHH etho want his walls back, he want to see ren the king, because it is so so much to see just ren. because it is hard, because they both want more so bad, but just can't. the final part is something so big i cannot express.

im so fucking sorry for this 400 words essay, honestly, but oh my god this is too good, this is amazing work and you both are so talented and good with your words it never ceases to amaze me.

ALRIGHT i'm gonna try and respond to this so osososoosoooo normally

first of all you're so right. etho so needs to sit down and breathe but he's so very lost in the fact he's meant to serve and die he can't stop enough to rest:D

ren lifting etho up was by far one of the gayest things i've ever seen written with my two eyes<33 (theo wrote that) and i remember looking at the words and looking at the call and then going YOU WANT ME TO FOLLOW THAT UP?? and then i made it gayer myself so. WOO

you're absolutely so so so right about that point!! i just now got to answer it but you hit the nail on the head with it and i'm honestly floored by how you said it!!

the scene with ren carrying him back was also one of the gayest things i've ever written or seen!! honestly the majority of the fic is like this LMAOOOO

"his someone has the king's eyes" was a fun phrase to think of!! that section where etho talks about what he wants to do after the war made both of us cry, and the ending to the chapter was. hhhh made me cry writing it /pos KSJDHFSKHFJD

thank you SO much for this ask dude holy shit!!!

[inawickedlittletown]

9-1-1 Meta: The Lawsuit

Note: this is over 2k of meta on the lawsuit as inspired by some discussion on the buddie discord. 

So I think there are definitely a few sides to the story when it comes to the lawsuit and why a lawsuit was necessary. I think that Buck was absolutely right to do it. He was in a corner at the point where the lawsuit happens and I don't think he actually had any other choice. Should he have talked to any of the others? Yeah, probably. 

But here's why I don't think Buck thought that it actually mattered: Buck is depressed and upset prior to the tsunami and yet afterwards he pulls himself out of that and he actually goes and takes the fire marshal job and he might not want it but he's there doing it and I think he was content doing that as long as he needed to because he absolutely felt that eventually when the fire department decided he was ready or he got off the blood thinners that he would be cleared to work. 

Buck even has this idea that hey maybe if his friends/coworkers and captain write a letter pleading his case that it might help change the minds of the department or fire chief or whoever decided that he was a liability while on blood thinners. Buck is so sure that he has their loyalty and their friendship that he fudges their numbers for the drill and that he tells the lawyer that he is absolutely not going to help him sue the city or the first responders. And the lawyer sees him as a victim, he sees Buck as someone that is wrongfully kept from his job and yet despite Buck agreeing with that, Buck in that moment defends the department and his friends and essentially says that they have his back and he has their backs too. That Buck is willing to wait to get back to his job and yet in yearning for it back and in seeing the way that the others are working and seeing Bosko, Buck comes up with a plan. It’s what he does. And he thinks that maybe he just needs the support of the 118 to get the department to let him return to work. 

I don’t think that Buck even fully believes that something as little as a letter would help, but he wants to be active and he wants to do something and that’s the only thing to him that he can do. 

I’ll pause here to talk about Bobby. I don’t believe 100% that Bobby wanted to keep his decision to keep Buck from working from Buck. I will always be left wondering if Bobby was going to talk to Buck in that moment at the station before the call comes in and they all leave Buck at the station because it does seem like Bobby wants to talk to Buck about something...it just doesn’t happen. I just have to wonder about when Bobby was asked his opinion and how much time passes between that and Buck finding out. 

Instead, Athena invites Buck over to their house for dinner and Bobby isn’t too happy with that and he’s especially not happy about it once Buck starts talking about his plan. It’s interesting to me that Bobby didn’t have to say anything to Buck about his part in keeping Buck from returning. He could have just let Buck go on and on about what he hoped to do with the help of the team. Maybe he could have told Buck that it was a long shot or he could have explained that it wouldn’t work. Instead, Bobby admits that he’s the one keeping Buck from returning to work and Bobby explains his reasoning behind it. So I actually don’t really see this as lack of communication or clarity as much as Buck finding out at the wrong moment and Bobby not giving him all the info. 

So for me the problem is not that Bobby made that decision and didn’t tell Buck...it’s the way that Bobby delivers the information to Buck. It’s the way that he isn’t exactly gentle with Buck or explains himself — he sort of treats Buck like a child that’s done something wrong and the worst thing is that Bobby is making excuses to rationalize his decision instead of admitting that it’s entirely an emotional response. Bobby is scared and he’s probably guilty because the kid involved in the bombing was after him and he’s also afraid of losing Buck and we see this fear the moment that he gets that call about Buck at the hospital during the Halloween episode. None of this makes Bobby any less guilty, but I think his part in this isn’t as bad as everyone makes it out and Bobby’s mistake is in that he doesn’t share his feelings with Buck — he isn’t open about his real reasons for not wanting Buck back at work and instead makes it about the job and about his duty as a Captain and that’s not what Buck needs not when Buck is someone that is very open with his heart and his feelings as we see in the Christmas episode where he tells Bobby how much he cares about him. 

The reason that Buck is so shocked and upset is because Bobby goes against everything he believed — Bobby does the exact thing that Buck never expected from him. He expected Bobby to support him and for Bobby to be just as eager to have Buck back at work. And the thing is that no one seems to fully understand why Buck is so eager to have his job back. Maddie doesn’t get it. Ali left him over it. And he’s seen his team working with someone new and seemingly not missing him. Because despite how much Bobby cares and how he tells the others that Buck has them no one but Eddie actually makes it clear to Buck that Buck has them. (Although Buck is pretty sure that they’re in his corner too) Eddie is the one that reaches out and pulls Buck out of bed and forces him to watch Chris and while we know how that ends, it does seem to make a difference to Buck in that after all of that is done, he does take the fire marshal job. 

I also see a lot of mention of Eddie not being there for Buck, but he was. He went and tried to help in the only way that Eddie could. And after the tsunami we get that amazing scene where Eddie tells him that he trusts Buck with Christopher — with the most important person in Eddie’s life. But we then have to remember that Christopher went through a trauma and that Eddie is dealing with a lot post-tsunami and he can’t worry about Buck because Chris comes first. Not to mention that since Buck got back to work (even as a fire marshal) that Eddie probably figured he was okay and over it. The others probably felt that Buck was okay too. And life is busy so it’s perfectly understandable why they might not be constantly checking up on Buck. 

But let’s also take note that Athena invites Buck over perhaps because she feels like checking in on him or just because she cares about him and she knows that he isn’t around his friends often and I think also because she knows what Bobby’s done and she assumes that Buck already knows and she likely wanted to clear the air or at least make sure they were okay except that Bobby didn’t tell Buck and then there’s just drama at her dinner table and you can tell in that scene how much she feels for Buck. Bobby did not handle that well at all and Athena is well aware of it. 

But now as to the lawsuit. So Buck leaves Bobby and Athena’s and he feels betrayed and I think that had Buck not met that lawyer, it wouldn’t have even been a thought to him. He probably would have quit being a fire marshal though...or maybe he would have spoken to the department directly. But Buck is completely worried about himself and his job only. He had no time to think about anyone else or to presume that anyone else on the team would be on his side (or maybe he expected the rest of them to be and for them to just understand and accept what Buck is doing and not hold the lawsuit against him) or be able to do anything about it past commiserate with him. But the lawyer...now he can absolutely do something for Buck. And I think Buck absolutely feels like it is his only option. Bobby has after all told him that he won’t be approving Buck coming back until he is no longer on blood thinners but now Buck has some idea that the department might think otherwise and Buck can be a bit impatient and he’s also desperate and he’s really doing what he needs to do and what he feels to be his only option. 

The real problem with the lawsuit is the lawyer. He’s sleazy and he’s basically out for a payday and nothing more. We actually don’t fully know how much Buck tells him and how much he already knows or finds out on his own. After all, we do know that he’s looked into Buck before he even tries to talk Buck into suing. This lawyer doesn’t care about Buck or what Buck wants and I think it’s important to note that Buck does end up refusing the money and also that the city and the department felt that they needed to settle the lawsuit rather than take it to court. 

I could argue that the city doesn’t want to deal with a lawsuit and the press and all of that and that’s why they decide to settle and it’s sort of what Bobby tells Buck when he tells him he can return to work, but I think it can be equally true that they settle because they feel that they might lose if they go to court and that will make things worse than just giving Buck a payday. But that’s not what Buck wants...he wants his job back. And if they can admit that he’s right through settling then clearly Buck is right about how he should have been back at work long before this. And it isn’t in some ways about Buck winning or being right as much as it is about Buck being treated equally and how Buck’s decision to take the risk and work while on blood thinners is being taken away. It speaks to anyone that’s had their workplace refuse to let them return to work because they’re unwilling to work with their disabilities or their injuries or their medical conditions. And using examples about the others and how quickly they were allowed to get back to work in comparison despite perhaps not being fully ready in a mental or physical capacity was an important thing for the case even if it brought up personal things that clearly upset the others a little. 

I get why people were upset about Buck going through with the lawsuit. I get why Eddie was upset and why Bobby didn’t want Buck back at work, but I don’t feel that any of that negates how important and how necessary it was for Buck to go through with the lawsuit because he clearly had a winning chance and because Bobby’s reasons for not allowing Buck to return to work were personal and emotion based and shouldn’t have played a part in spite of the blood thinners clearly being a setback and being a concern and a risk. But it’s a high risk job anyway and something that Buck has already signed up for. 

It’s just interesting that Buck goes and tells Bobby directly what he’s done and that Hen and Chim aren’t too bothered by it. Hen is probably the most understanding of all of them because she knows how little Buck has outside of the 118 and because she doesn’t take any of it personally. Chim understands what it’s like to not be at work and I think he recognizes that things were handled differently for Buck than him. They both welcome him back in their own ways and don’t hold the lawsuit against him. Bobby is clearly just worried about Buck but he doesn’t ever share that with Buck and instead does everything he can to keep Buck out of danger. And Eddie...well to Eddie it felt like being left and abandoned and especially so when he can’t even call Buck to bail him out of jail. He’s definitely having his own issues and projecting and not really understanding Buck’s side of it at all because he just doesn’t think that Buck’s problems are important or at least not worth a lawsuit and to Eddie that feels like betrayal but that all goes back to his issues with being left by Shannon. 

All of this to say that Buck was absolutely in the right to do what he needed to do for himself and to get what he wanted which is his job and his family back.

[mkstrigidae]

apocalyptic, historical fantasy, and magical realism

Hi anon!!! I'm so sorry i'm late with these- school is kicking me in the butt currently, but these were so fun! Thanks so much for the ask!!!

Under a cut bc I'm incapable of writing short responses- i am so sorry, but i wrote u an essay on Tchaikovsky and part of the Napoleonic Wars. My bad.

historical fantasy - tell us a weird historical fact you love

Okay so I find Russian history in general to be really interesting for some reason, so you know how Napoleon committed one of the classic blunders of Running A Successful Military Campaign? He decided to invade Russia in the winter. Absolutely terrible idea. The Russians were just burning cities and abandoning them as his army traveled (just to keep Napoleon's troops from getting their hands on food/anything that might keep them alive). We never learn. ANYWAYS, if you're not familiar with Napoleon's military tactics, he had this big thing about CANNONS. Like he was BIG on artillery, and was actually really smart in how he took advantage of it, to the point where it was like, his Big Thing, and he was constantly winning battles because he knew how to handle his resources.

So FAST FORWARD to Russia in 1812: Napoleon was actually doing okay, (despite Russia basically burning everything behind them and giving him the finger right before they would retreat), he was winning a little after the battle of Borodino, and finally occupied Moscow with some guys. But those tricky Russians had abandoned the city already, and as soon as Napoleon showed up, they set it on FIRE. The whole city basically burned down (which is why it's generally a bad idea to play chicken with the Russian army, pre WWI), Napoleon's men were both starving AND freezing to death at the same time, as were the horses, and Russian peasants/Cossacks were basically popping up behind buildings every five minutes to beat the shit out of the French army.

Now, at this point, Napoleon's like 'ah fuck, i can't believe we've done this', and through a series of increasingly unfortunate events, loses all his horses, his cavalry, everything the horses were pulling, like supplies and Napoleon's artillery (his cannons) which, remember, are basically how he's been winning everything up to this point. His men are still freezing to death, but now they're getting sick, too, and to add insult to injury, by the time he gets back to France, Napoleon Dynamite over here finds out that this one asshole general had tried to stage a coup in his absence. Everything he loses in Russia is kind of the reason he starts losing battles and power later.

NOW, fast-forward to 1880. Alexander I had decided to build this BIG ass church to commemorate the russian victory, and this one dude (you might know him) called Tchaikovsky got sort of badgered into writing a celebratory piece that could be played when the church was finished. Alexander II kind of delayed the whole thing by going and getting himself assassinated, but they played the piece in a tent next to the unfinished church anyways in like, 1882 I think?

Tchaikovsky, in the grand tradition of temperamental musicians, actually hated writing the piece, complaining that it would be loud and tasteless, and finished it in six weeks because he didn't want to write 'festival music'. You might be familiar with it- it's called the 'The Year 1812 Solemn Overture, Op. 49', more commonly known as the 1812 Overture.

If you've ever seen the sheet music for this piece, you'll know it has all the usual instrumentation- parts for violin, clarinet, trumpets, and so on. But if you've ever played the 1812 overture with an orchestra, you're aware that Tchaikovsky also wrote in a cannon part.

Yes, you read that correctly. The sheet music for this piece has a part written in for CANNONS.

Now, if you'll recall earlier, Napoleon's big, winning strategy was artillery. None of his victories would have been possible without cannons. But he failed to come home from Russia victorious, suffering probably the most well-known military defeat of all time. Now was the cannon part in the 1812 overture written as a blatant 'fuck you' to Napoleon and the French? Most composers aren't big on instruments that can blow up the concert hall they're playing in, so... most likely, which is absolutely fucking hilarious in every conceivable way.

It's like your ex always wanted to go to LA, and then you break up in this HUGE explosive and nasty way, and then as an additional 'fuck you', you take your new partner to LA with you as soon as you get time off, and post ALL your pictures on every social network imaginable with really passive aggressive captions.

Anyways, the piece is undoubtedly Tchaikovsky's most well known work, and the one that's performed most often (and yes, orchestras will ABSOLUTELY use live cannons if they're playing outside, although you have to use modern ones- or musket rifles i think- because the loading time for anything old is a pain in the ass to time with the music). This irritated Tchaikovsky- who thought the piece "Lacked any artistic merit" and absolutely hated it, to no end, and led him to believe that audiences just didn't 'appreciate' or 'understand' the artistry of the rest of his work.

(In fairness, the dude kind of had a lot going on in his life, so he gets to be a bit grumpy about this).

I'm sorry I wrote u an essay but all my other favorite historical facts are about gruesome and disgusting medical/scientific/infectious disease history, and typically people are not interested in hearing them lmaooo.

magical realism - what’s the most surreal thing to happen to you in the last month?

My sister texted me a few weeks ago and was like 'do you know who [specific non-fiction author whose books i own all of and who was a formative influence on my career choices]' and i was like 'oh boy do I'. Apparently, when she moved halfway around the world, she met this author's protégé? Like they're friends?? She was like 'i'm going to try and finagle you an introduction after i've known this dude for longer' and so that was kind of wild.

The other surreal thing is that this boy I used to work with keeps calling me and my friends think he's flirting which is something I was not expecting at all whatsoever, but i'm also very oblivious.

apocalyptic - how long would you survive in a zombie apocalypse?

CW: Brief animal death/gore mentions ahead

I have this weird thing where, immediately, when there's a crisis going on, I'm usually fairly calm, and can parse out logical next steps to take and how to handle things, but then a specified amount of time later when nothing is happening, experience the freak out I should have had during the crisis. it's like, delayed onset panic. So I feel like that would help haha. I'm not a good runner at all, but i think I'm smart enough to figure out where to hide if being chased by said zombie.

Also, i'm good with making myself useful, and sort of taking care of people and being the voice of reason- i'm the mom friend- So i might be able to sneak my way into a group of people who know how to get rid of the zombies by being the only one who knows basic first aid or how to sew or cook (I also have an obscenely strong stomach, and like, nothing gory upsets me at all, ever, like a friend of mine who hunts once showed me how to basically vivisect a deer and set aside and prepare all of the meat, and his big tough military friends who had all been like 'oh, emily, you sure you're gonna be able to handle this- it's pretty gross' couldn't deal with even being close to the carcass- one even threw up when he tried helping (which is a perfectly normal reaction and not one to be ashamed of, but it did make their patronizing remarks earlier a lot more satisfying)(my friend had refuted them earlier like 'she's a lot tougher than you jackasses think') and anyways, i feel like having a strong stomach/zero response to blood/gore is a useful thing during a zombie apocalypse.

But also, if i couldn't get my antidepressants during the zombie apocalypse, I'd be fucked anyways tbh 😂

[exit, pursued by zombie].