#bandana wholesale

[sev-on-kamino]

Cadet Daze: It’s Always The Quiet Ones

while we’re talking about Crosshair’s lack of fighting prowess please enjoy this flashback to their cadet days courtesy of my Tech is the protector platform.

warnings; violence, bullying, hurt/comfort

Crosshair has held a strong disdain for regs since the day it became apparent they were different

in a city where sameness is the rule, being the exception just made them targets

after outscoring some cadets that fancied themselves the best of the best, they ambushed him and shined the brightest torch they could find right in his eyes

Tech heard him screaming, and proceeded to kick wholesale ass

Wrecker wasn’t far behind, joining in with no questions asked

Hunter immediately whipped off his bandana to tie it over Crosshair’s eyes, and held him close whispering that it would be ok

Two older clones heard the commotion, and pulled Tech and Wrecker off the other two

As they were being carted to the med bay Tech yelled “If you touch my brother again, you’re going to be ingesting all future meals through a tube!”

And Wrecker co-signed immediately.

Hearing Tech beat someone up for him, and threaten them on top of it almost made the migraine worth it for Crosshair

Plus they proceeded to baby him for a few days afterwards, which he secretly loved

taglist: @secondaryrealm @dystopicjumpsuit @iamburdened

[jenroses]

One of my favorite sensory coping tools lately is a cheap silk scarf. I get habotai bandana blanks from Dharma Trading, they're lightweight silk squares that fit tied diagonally around my head. They are a little layer of warmth between my very short, very thin hair and the straps of my CPAP at night, to prevent breakage.

I also get black silk lengths to fold and tuck into the CPAP frame to block light, a sleep mask that weighs almost nothing and keeps the air from bothering my eyes if the mask leaks. Unlike most sleep masks there is no Velcro to bother my head, nor pressure.

These are wholesale things meant for people to do silk art on, painting and dyeing, so they are not at all spending, like 3 bucks or something each.

The scarves work also to protect the bedding from the vivid hair dye I use, and over time they turn purple or pale blue depending. They're better than a silk pillowcase for stopping breakage.

Anyway, between these, the quiet contour ear plugs and my tendency to completely turtle under the covers, I think I sleep like a parrot... Turn off the lights and I think it's bedtime, whenever.

[bellshazes]

do it again directors commentary part 2

He and Etho had shown up at her favorite diner for takeout midnight breakfast while she had been hanging out at the bar, chatting with Scott, and without even thinking about it she’d joined their argument, switching sides periodically to keep it going. Years enough have passed that she can’t remember now what it had even been about, but she remembers Bdubs’ instant adoption of her as an ally and the wounded look he gave her when she conceded Etho had some good points, too. Etho had smiled brightly with his eyes and given her the faintest nod of approval, opening up the takeout boxes and settling down on the seat next to her.

this is very explicitly inspired by all the times i've gone to waffle house and the encounters i've had meeting old friends there who i never expected to see again. it's about the familiarity but also the capacity to shift and surprise and change the dynamic if it's funny. so it goes

Bdubs smiles knowingly at her. He heard all the goings-on of her tabletop campaigns and knows exactly what happened to her old D&D group. He’d been an exceptionally good sport about it, showing up for many late-night dinners to let her vent, as if it were a recap of his favorite TV show.

this and other things allude to the cleo-big b breakup that i never found a good place to make more explicit. i like the idea of it being some nebulous D&D situation partially because i despise D&D and because i think it's fun that since cleo continues to care that big b betrayed them, it should show up in silly ways, because it's fundamentally a betrayal in the specific context of a game. but it matters, what we did or didn't do, etc.

Cleo pauses and holds eye contact. For half a second she imagines a red bandana around Bdubs’ head, but it’s only the force of Bdubs’ belief that snares her.

another thing i never quite made explicit but is true: cleo received an unusually high number of lives, as did bdubs, and it's that fact that makes her more susceptible to remembering. if i had got to make it more explicit, i could've got into the exchange of lives as memory and as permanency, as debts and owing and relationships built across lifetimes... but I didn't. so this is what you get.

“That is a lot to ask of a guy, Cleo,” he says, but he stands up when she does. “If I for some reason am prevented from talking to Etho by such things as him being asleep all day, or un-overcomeable anxiety -”

i hate this line? i think i nailed bdubs' voice in the first half but i've spent so long trying to come up with something better than "un-overcomeable anxiety" and never did. i think he says things in super fucking weird ways but that's not right. it was worth leaving because i do believe in the dynamic of cleo playing mediator insofar as it's funny to them, and in cleo chastising bdubs, and their back and forth.

“Bdubs,” he says. “Hey, Bdubs.” He squeezes his hand again. “I wanted you to know. I’m so glad you were my partner.”

this whole Death Coffee Incident is borrowed wholesale from opera25's mll au, but it was fun making something kind of fantastical work. etho never was given any lives, and only gave one up to tango for the you bet your life game; he remembers here solely due to the life-threatening duress of consuming wayyyyyy too much caffeine. it was fun to write but also the pivotal moment in bdubs becoming convinced etho always had remembered and thinking then that the only reason he'd behave the way he did if he remembered was out of bloodlust... not that bdubs had yet unlocked memories of enjoying that murderousness and play back and forth.

there's a level to which this misunderstanding is a satirization/playing with fandom conceptions of if you view LL in a vacuum you get some crazy interpretations. but as they both learn, the threats were fun BECAUSE they had history and both enjoyed it. four more chapters for that to sink in though.

The process of checking into the ER is as onerous as he expected – trying to fill out the paperwork for Etho, who is still more out of it than Bdubs was when he had a head injury, having to put his foot down that he’d like to stay with his partner as much as possible and yes he had the paperwork to back him up, because Etho had made him keep a copy of important things in his wallet after he fell of the roof in case of something like this.

this part is in spite of my severe medical phobia, but also because of me working in insurance-related fields for the last 4 years. this document is called an advance directive or living will and if you live in the USA you should complete one by searching "advance directive [your state]" and filling it out and filing it according to the directions on your attorney general's website or whatever. it's genuinely imporant esp if you're not married and queer in any way. this is my one genuine PSA of the fic. but also they would. etho requesting to dot Is and cross Ts bc he thinks bdubs will be the one who needs and and then needing it himself... well. anyway.

He remembers fragments from his last death: that he had made some promise that didn’t save him, that cost him his last life. That he died calling Etho’s name, calling out to an Etho who took great joy in menacing him and making him paranoid, who had attacked him in that long dark stairway. It does not comfort him to know Etho thinks he’s responsible for whatever happened.

this chapter ends with bdubs trying and sort of succeeeding in believing in etho, but that last sentence is the lynchpin of what comes after: etho feeling even a little responsible for bdubs permadying - esp when bdubs remembers being a ghost for session 7 but was not present for etho's permadeath in session 8 - makes him think etho knows more than he does, and holds him accordingly responsible. the metacommentary is there but it wasn't the point; it's true, but incidental. the reveal eventually is that the trust was there, and that bdubs' permadeath was stupid and willing because it's about the novelty and the endless beginnings. spoilers but whatever if you're reading this you must not care by now.

chapter 4

He can feel his heart beating in his chest, and he has a sense-memory of falling down with all the vivid, terrifying sensation of jumping from the height of a swing in the park as a child, down to the faint awareness that the intervening years meant it was no longer quite the same body, that something had been knocked out of alignment by time.

it's a little tonally dissonant, but i'm still proud of this. you can tell later on i floundered for plot in this chapter, but the image of being both in the past and in the present and the overlay is important to me. it's very poetic.

Etho snagged a nametag off the apron that had been draped over the drinks counter, presumably in a now-ruined hope of ending the shift quickly, and slipped it into his pocket before turning back to smile placidly over Bdubs’ shoulder.

etho stealing the nametags is another MLL AU concept i stole and can't take credit for, but again trying to find a plausible concrete explanation for it was really fun and was the impetus for this whole chapter. grateful for it, and he's an ass and also nosy like that. he would.

Etho punched the crosswalk button and tried to remember that conversation but couldn’t. He remembered getting coffee, and that he’d almost finished it off by the time he’d gotten home. [...] “No,” he said, sounding strangled. “That hadn’t come up, actually.”

the limited alternating third person POV is restricting at times, but i really enjoy the contrast between what we already know of bdubs' perception of the Death Coffee Incident re: etho's knowledge and etho's POV making clear he doesn't know jack shit, but he cares. bdubs is reacting this way because etho saying he took the crazy coffee to stay up to see bdubs sounds like a threat, but it's also an expression of caring and not knowing how to bridge a distance.

if theres anything i believe it's that these two motherfuckers don't capital-T talk. they exclusively communicate through threats and shenanigans and team-ups and every time they mention talking outside of Events it shocks me. and yet their friendship persists over more than a decade! what miracles.

“You can’t take dreams too seriously,” Etho said, cat purring loudly under his hands, a soothing anchor. “It’s just your brain picking up on whatever’s going in your life and making up stories about it. No good worrying too much about them.”

this is mine own opinion on dreams, despite my sincere involuntary belief in signs and omens, but more importantly it is another point at which bdubs is implicitly in his own POV goign oh my god this son of a bitch is manipulating me. miscommunication for ages.

 He spends a few nights on the couch, methodically trying to rule the variables out: the quality of moonlight through his bedroom window, some oppressive sense of confinement, embracing the possibility his roommate is testing him and trying to prove to his subconscious that fishing rods are nothing to be worried about.

etho being experimental and scientific about this all is important to me. almost as much as half-remembering bdubs misinterprets this exacting need to know as being meaningful and knowing when it's not, especially when he was trying to elicit some response. guy gets a response and thinks the worst even though he's causing his own problems? there's a thesis in that

Etho bites back a comment about Bdubs’ dedication to sleep schedules and waves the criticism off instead. “I’m trying to sleep right now,” he lies. “Not my problem if you want to haunt me.”

if i ever let myself revise this chapter (and this chapter is the one i want to revise most) i want to include the detail from beau's comic of this passage of etho having his glasses on when he says this. my dude was definitely not tryign to sleep AT ALL and i forever wish i'd thought of that indicator myself.

When he sits down to start his own work for the day, he thinks about the drawing and decides then and there what his plan is to fix all this.

i wrote this line bc i have such a sense that chapter endings, like the endings of short stories, should have a paritcular cadence and effect - but neither etho nor i knew how "to fix all this" and in fact the subsequent chapters indicate he definitely was not laying his final plans yet. i've let it stay because putting this line in let me move on to write the rest of the fic... but it's untrue and a red herring and i hate it. i will fix you eventually. but not yet because i still dont' know how to satisfyingly transition.

etho doesn't get his next POV chapter until the second half of chapter 6 at the diner with cleo, where he finally confronts that his dreams might be real enough to have to deal with, and even then he goes through great lengths to validate cleo's theories by messing with tango... so who knows. but it's fine. it's fine. i hate it. it's fine

[tsyllaes]

Water Infused with Desert Lime and Muntries

TITLE Water Infused with Desert Lime and Muntries AUTHOR @annarti DISCLAIMER All mine PART 5 of 5 (771 words) (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) ABOUT Last part of the meeting for two of my characters in my upcoming porny NaNo. Yay!

When they finally left, Sita with a little wooden box of fish hooks and a deal that only needed her father’s approval in her pocket, Uli bent over to her ear. ‘Awfully captain-like negotiations, there. Did you really want a sword?’

Sita covered a giggle with the back of her hand. ‘I hoped? But I did not think it would happen, no. The wholesale deal was my backup, though. I came up with that looking at your kitchen. I have seen my fair share of iron, believe it or not. Your mother’s is up with anything I have seen from Ni-Yana—and much more convenient, too. Sailing up the Ra-Lin is such a hassle.’

‘Well, thank you. It’ll mean a lot to her—and to Papa, too, but he’s more about the craft. He doesn’t care so much who uses it and he hates the salesman part.’

‘I did not see him at all the whole time! But your mother seems to thrive on it.’ She bumped him with her shoulder again. ‘You, I think, are a mix of both. You love to cook, but you were out in the common room plenty.’

‘Well, of course,’ Uli agreed with a shrug. ‘Seeing the enjoyment people have when they’re eating my food, that’s why I do it. I know for you, for Tsaythis, food is just something to keep you going, but it can be so much more. It’s a connection to the place you’re in, to the beach and the ocean and the river, to the people you learned from. I think of my mother, who made my knife, when I’m cutting up a nira fillet. I think of my father, who made all the bread ovens, when I bake a loaf. My sister and her husband grow a lot of the vegetables and they come in every morning with their produce. We bake damper on the beach at sunset and eat it all together with bush tomato jam my mother made, or a stew we all went cockling for that morning. Food isn’t just something to keep you alive. Food is life.’

In the middle of he street, with the prevailing sou-easterly whistling between buildings and the sound of the ocean a constant echo off the walls, Sita held a hand to Uli’s jaw and kissed him.

Uli’s lips were only firm for a moment, but it was long enough for Sita to hesitate and break away.

‘I am sorry, did I—’

Ulindu kissed her back. He rested his hands on her hips to pull her closer, coaxed her lips apart with his and delighted in her little squeak as she invited him in. Her hands held his shoulders, brushed down his arms to clasp his elbows. Her thumbs caressed the soft skin on the inside of his elbow, sending goosebumps up his spine as she kissed him.

‘I have never kissed anyone but Nedu before.’

Ulindu didn’t know how to respond to that. She wasn’t anywhere near his first. ‘Don’t judge me too harshly against him, then.’

Sita gave a hushed giggle with a little shake of her head. ‘I love you talking about your life and your cooking like you did just then. You—you have Nedu’s passion.’ She released his arms to snake them around him in a hug. Her chin rested against his shoulder, cheek to cheek so she could murmur in his ear. ‘And you smell far more delicious.’

He felt her chest expand against his and wondered what she might smell on him. Smoke from the cookfire, probably with a hint of the fatty sea duck he had been smoking in it this morning. Her body was warm against his, a shield, a blanket against the stiff sea breeze. Uli breathed her in, the salt in her bandana, the smell of hard work on her skin. She smelt terrible, if he were to be honest.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever been so attracted to someone before,’ he whispered instead and pulled her into another kiss. His ears warmed at the admission and he squeezed his hands into her hips, pulling her pelvis against his. He tentatively flicked his tongue against her teeth. Sita slipped her tongue against his and kissed him even more deeply, fingers tangling in his hair.

Some detached part of Uli’s brain watched on, whispering, there’s something special about this one.

But she was a Tsaythi, a sailor born for a life at sea. A whimper escaped his throat. She would be gone in two days.

Best make the most of those days, then.

Sita broke their kiss to whisper against his lips, in Tsaythi, she was so lost in the moment herself. ‘Come back to my ship.’

Uli rested his forehead against hers, eyes level with her bright grey, crinkled at the edges in a grin. ‘Time for some fun.’

---

And now kiss :D

I may or may not write the Fun. Idk. We'll see if this gets any response first, but the purpose here is to get to know Sita and their relationship, so when she inevitably gatecrashes the NaNo so feels like a proper character, not a shoehorned in conflict. Unless I get an overwhelming response, I'll probably just move onto other fics.

[mitchellscaps]

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Source - https://mitchellscapsgmail.wordpress.com/2024/04/10/cap-it-off-elevating-your-style-with-trendsetting-trucker-caps/

[dogcollarleash]

High Quality Nylon Rainbow Dog Webbing Collars

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Changshu Xiaoma Pet Products Co., LTD. is a professional manufacturer of high-quality pet products in Suzhou, China. We are Wholesale bulk High Quality Nylon Rainbow Dog Webbing Collars Suppliers and High Quality Nylon Rainbow Dog Webbing Collars Factory.

It is a privately owned enterprise with advanced equipment, which was founded in 2007. Main products are pet collars, leashes/leads, harnesses, clothes (Hoodies, Puffer Jacket, Shirt, raincoats, Life jackets, Sweater, etc.), pet accessories(bandanas, bowties, hats, etc.), Pet beds/mats, also specialized in all kinds of webbing. Over 16 years period of time, now we have over 200 workers and 15,000 square meters production area. Everyone in our factory loves pets because they are loyal, friendly, lovely, innocent, and simple. We hope our life is full of these features just like they give us. Pets make us happy and our aim is to make your pets happy.

[okeypetsdogharness]

Pet Dog Cat Harness Wholesale No Pull Puppy Dog Safety With Collar Leash Lead Poop Bag Holder Bow Tie Bandana With Logo Made from soft breathable neoprene. Form-fitting and quick-dry capabilities. Washable and durable.

[cryptidroots]

Getting Wholesale clients

Another small business PSA because Cryptids don't gatekeep, especially from other small business colleagues!

You're business has gotten a few sales, your product photos are looking good, the 5-star reviews are rolling in; but now you wanna shoot for the stars, you wanna go big, you wanna get a wholesale order.

First step; Tell. People. You. Do. Wholesale. Orders.

Say it everywhere. On Etsy I even mention it in the bottom of each item listing, write it in your about section, under FAQs write a little bit about where to reach out for wholesale orders - My first wholesale order, and half of them in total, all came from other people contacting me about it first. People are looking, and if you mention you'll do a wholesale order, they're more likely to reach out and ask.

second step; reaching out to other people.

Your best bet, especially as a small business owner yourself, is probably going to be a wholesale order from another small business - the type depends on what products you sell.

You sell clothing, especially handmade, or featuring cool art you made? You're probably gonna be aiming at Boutiques. Same with some jewelry brands.

You sell bone art, creepy art prints, handmade coffin furniture? You're going to be looking at Oddities shops and other goth small businesses.

Cups and mugs with funny seasonal sayings? A local coffee shop/bar (not a big retail chain like starbucks)

personalized doggy bandanas? You're gonna look at partnering up with some local shelters (some have small shops to make money to support their work) and those bougie doggie daycare centers - preferably in the richer part of town.

Once you find out which places you should reach out to, then it's time to actually reach out to them about it. Generally Email is preferred, but some new and smaller places don't have a professional email yet and will be fine talking on social media about it (before you assume to reach out on social media though, it does look more professional to email, so ask if there is an email you can use to send them wholesale pricing info, etc.)

If you can talk and interact with someone beforehand, even better. Follow the accounts of your target shops, interact with their posts (genuinely! don't be all fake and sales-pitchy) really think about if your stuff would work well with their store.

sometimes just doing this will make them reach out to you first (refer to step one) but if not then again, email.

For starting an email the title can normally be (-your business name- wholesale order for -their business name-). Give a nice greeting, say a -brief!- thing about your business, about their business, about why your stuff might be a good fit. Include some photos of things you specifically think would be a good fit for them.

The worst thing that could happen is that they don't carry your stuff - which is already what is happening.

So go forth! Expand your business! Make money! And don't forget to help support the other small/local businesses around you as you grow.

Love,

-Cryptid

[englishcreationscraze]

Types of Scarves You Can Wear As a Fashion Statement in Denmark

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men’s pashmina Scarves

This is a very exclusive collection of  Men Pashmina scarf bulk

scarves and high quality Men Pashmina scarf bulk

are also rare these days. pashmina scarf bulk are made from pure cashmere wools which come from the Himalayan goat. Pashmina scarf have a very soft texture and when worn one can feel really comfortable. Pashmina scarf provide a lot of warmth during winter and sometimes the wool is mixed with a bit of silk and then the scarf becomes made of pashmina silk. They are also unique that one can make an exclusive style statement by wearing it. They look really classy.

Bandana Scarves

They look like a big handkerchief and they can be easily tied near the head or just around the neck. They have a very casual and printed looks and so one can wear them on a summer afternoon or at the beach holidays. In fact one can wear then around head to stay protected from strong sunlight.

Muffler Scarves

buy scarves wholesale from ECC which has particular variety of scarf which is clearly very popular among women. They have a square shape mostly and one can tie it up creatively on their neck. They can pair them up with wide necked tops and long dresses. They look really trendy.

Pareo Sarong Scarves

They have their origin from Tahiti and this is a type which can be easily worn by men, women and children. They do have a universal style and they look so versatile that women can easily wrap them the way they want to wrap it. In fact, instead of wrapping it around the neck or the head one can also wear them as a sarong by tying it along their waist. They look so classy and modern that one can never go wrong with it.

Silk Scarves

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How to choose a perfect sized wholesale handbag from bags wholesalers

?

Females always generally get confused while picking the right handbag. They usually get confused that they require a bag of huge, medium or small size. It is crucial to note that depending on the occasion and purpose for which they want to use the bag must decide to purchase it. For example, in case you want to purchase a bag for regular use for going to the office then you must go for long sized bags whereas in case you want a handbag for the party or wedding then you need to go for small sized or medium sized handbags.

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[kozenbijoux]

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[tiikerikani]

A crack in the glass

This post is incredibly difficult to write, there's just so much to process. Except for putting on the radio this morning with my alarm, I haven't had any music on since Saturday night...

I didn't even make coffee this morning. Today I worked while putting together the Lego I got for my birthday and making some paintings. (You already saw one in the previous post, there's another I'll post after this one, after which this title will make more sense.)

2023.05.06 Logomo-sali, Turku

I guess we can start with some nice stuff.

The Viking look is kind of my thing now? All of the pieces of random medieval/Viking garb stuff I'd ordered arrived just in time for this magnificent outfit inspired by the album cover colors.

(I also had a blue bandana over my hair which isn't in this picture, and it was cold so I ditched the hand fan.)

The gaggle (again)

I noticed the gaggle almost right away upon getting my stuff dropped off at the coat check, so, as had been suggested, went over to say hi. So who are they really? The gaggle consists of a Finnish couple and a German couple. They were suuuuuuper wasted that other time in Tampere (which explains a LOT, really) and yeah they seem the party type (which isn't MY type, but I've had a lot of practice awkwardly bullshitting along in undergrad).

The Finnish woman was like "yeah we've spoken crappy English with each other for 10 years"; at least she has not found that to be a barrier to making friends... The German guy was going on about how they've gotten sometimes to hang out and get drinks and other goodies with the band after shows and I'm thinking what if I glommed myself onto these people but I really can't do the party personality thing.

The number of chairs in this room is too damn high

That is, way over 1000 seats. I was close to the middle, so you're seeing only like half the width of the room here. Kinda sucked that the floor was just folding chairs but at least there's more elbow room than if we were jammed into a crowd.

Fanclub Founder was next to me (again! what are the chances?? she's local though).

Before I forget, the music stuff

The performance was being taped for their next live album (yay!). They didn't mention this until a number of songs in, but it had the effect of emboldening people to sing along more loudly.

I hope they don't use this take of Samaan mutkaan kaatunut though, because there were some things I didn't like about it. (For one, there's a minor goof in the intro and for two, they kinda went straight into the preprogrammed transition track rather than letting the song end on the piano motif.)

Fanclub Founder doesn't know this (and I think she may have thought my reaction interesting) but Senpai can REALLY STOP MOTIONING AT ME ON THE ONE LINE ANY TIME NOW

Exodus got the backing vocals, well, back (all 4 of them)

I am still not entirely convinced about the extra brass parts but ok

I'd already pointed this out on my Instagram last time but Markus has fun 🍄 socks that you can only see when he's on the cello :P He's also got a cheat sheet on the floor in front of him for this song, for whatever reason.

(Been a while since I last took pictures of the acrobatics routine.)

Fanclub Founder handed up a wholesale box of mints before they lined up for bows, which made Very Serious Security Staff a little nervous (it's not the first time I have seen somebody make this offering).

Hey this wide-angle thing on my phone is great, I can actually get all 18 of them into the picture from the first row. (Also, that is TOO MANY!!)

The aftermath

The gaggle went almost immediately to the adjoining bar after the performance. At some point a gaggle guy popped out to ask me whether I'd seen any of the band members yet. I hadn't, so he went back to the bar.

The bathroom queue was easing up—and as I returned to the lobby after, I heard the final strains (again!) of Happy Birthday from one corner and it turned out the whole ladies' quartet was there with somebody, who was shedding tears of joy. [1]

I should probably further point out here that at least Heini and Jepa have also solo careers independent of the band so they have a bit of their own cult followings. (They are also incredibly friendly, so there's that.)

So yeah I missed my chance there... but I did catch the two of them to get their playing card pictures signed.

Blonde fangirl appears to attended alone (minus second blonde fangirl), and tells me I'm not the first person to collect signatures on the cards, but how would I know, I don't come from the kind of background that would enable me to go to art school AND for all intents and purposes LITERALLY follow them around to EVERY show. But in the interest of fairness I asked her to sign the card with her dedication note on it too.

I managed to flag down a couple more people for their signatures, but after that, the whole place was pretty much cleared out and the folks working the merch table even put everything away already before Pate showed up to take the stuff out back. He offered to take my stack of cards and get them signed by whoever was still around. The building is absolutely massive so it took a while and I'm loitering awkwardly waiting for him to come back because by this point the place was deserted and it was just Very Serious Security Staff watching me impatiently wondering when I was gonna get the heck out of there.

Anyway, he suggested I could talk to merch lady next time before the show and she could help get the last two signatures sorted. [2]

__________

[1] Incidentally it was also the birthday for one of the "regular" pair of ladies who, well, at least the one of them, is friendly and invites me to have a coffee or drink with them before we're let into the room.

[2] He had forgotten that Jukka-Pekka is even on a card and as a roadie of course he was still there but it didn't make sense to run all the way back again just for one card.

The after-aftermath

I'm sad I didn't get to talk to Senpai, especially since it was (almost) my birthday. I know it's just life and I'm nothing more than just one random fangirl and I shouldn't intrude on their (professional) lives nor expect anything special.

But on the other hand... some of the other groupies HAVE had special treatment? Like blonde fangirl and her illustrations on the cards? And the gaggle have had the privilege of partying with them? How do I earn this?? Is it like a five-year groupie privilege or something (I'm making this up)??

They weren't going straight home either; I'd asked Pate and got a little clingy about it and was politely told to go away. The rest of the players had left after he got the signatures for me, and it was just him and the roadies who were still there packing stuff. The gaggle reappeared from the bar and he also sent them away after a few words. Next time I'm around it will be the end of the spring tour so if it were me, I certainly wouldn't want any outsiders crashing THAT party (and it wouldn't be my birthday anymore anyway).

So I went back to my lodgings and cried for half an hour, left an apology on his Instagram, and ate Hesburger on the floor while crying for another half hour:

...I know I'm being a little unreasonable. I desperately want to be around people who care that I'm having fun, who value my presence and enthusiasm, and who kind of see me as an individual on some level (however superficially), and those rare occasions when I am, I never want them to end.

Because I can feel it:

This fire is going to die if I keep just feeling so bitter and alone after these shows. The whole run this spring of what will be 5 shows in 3 months is a bit…mentally taxing, tbh. Especially so because of this. But for now seeing Senpai is still worth it for its own sake, and I would lose even more if I stopped going and just stayed home. [3]

As a small consolation (OK it was not actually the intention but let's call it that) I had organized a small birthday meetup for geocachers Sunday afternoon (which was my birthday proper anyway). I don't even geocache all that much anymore, and I was hoping I'd have cool "shenanigans with Senpai" stories to tell, but at least it was 45 minutes of things actually being "officially" about me. (Also, there were Swedish-speakers!)

__________

[3] Incidentally the Fall tour schedule was published today and the only date I kinda even feel like going to is in December. They're Kind of a Big Deal enough now that they're booking a lot of arena and resort shows and I'm just trying to avoid those for as long as I can, because like this one felt like way too many people. even if I didn't need to look at them from the first row.

Fanclub stuff

From last time: Very Serious Security Staff walked over to get somebody to put their (small) paper sign away (and at another point mistook somebody's white phone case as one) Turns out the latter was actually Very Serious Security Staff being (mistakenly) Very Serious against people filming the performance. They were either misinformed or simply didn't ask the band whether this was allowed, because they have never forbidden it, and have even encouraged it, so people who weren't there can enjoy it too. (But OK be reasonable and don't just film the whole thing???) I mean heck, even boyfriend and I both filmed a few clips.

There was some debate over whether it was appropriate that people sang along and stood and danced (at an ostensibly sit-down show), especially for those on the floor level where we were just chairs instead of tiered seating. This is a bit of a tough one, since they were also kind of encouraging this (considering you usually want crowd noises on a live recording). I don't (really) dance but I certainly sing/shout to everything I'm confident to the words for and dramatically gesticulate (what I lack in vocal technique I compensate with body language), and it was nice to learn that Fanclub Founder actually appreciates the latter. (Feelings seemed a bit ... cold the last time we met.)

In my latest bid to try to be relevant, I decided to follow a few of the regular groupies on Instagram, or at least some of those who seem to tend to go through the tags.

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