#bad timing that family's on vacation this week orz

[furshrimps]

Sammy isn't doing so well today and I made an appointment with the vet later today 😖 Not fun.

[tsariroti]

So I tried translating this week’s omake

There are many kanjis that I can’t see clearly from the RAW so I went with my gut. I also can’t guarantee that my translation is accurate.

If you’re okay with that, here you go.

P1

Reigen : Hot~~ Students are having summer vacation, huh. How nice... I also want to go back to being a grade-schooler... Oh, Teru. What's up? It's rare for you to come here.

Teru   : Well... it's summer vacation...

 P2

Teru   : I finished my homework on the first day and I got nothing to do so I came here. The cooler here is weak...

Mob    : Hanazawa-kun is living alone, right? you're not going to your parents’ house? It's not often that you go out with your family.

Teru   : My parents has been working overseas these past few years... I haven't had any family outing for a long time. Summer vacation is really long. Being alone for a long time is boring, its not good. I don't know how to spend my time. .. I can't understand why people are so happy about it. I want summer to be over sooner. I'm not doing anything so is it okay if I help out with Reigen-san's work?

Mob    : Master?

Reigen : It’s fine. A troublesome work came up and I need more manpower. You too, eat some watermelon ice.

Reigen : Mob, can you call your brother too?

Mob    : Ritsu too? it's so sudden, but I'll try calling him.

 P3

Ritsu  : what's with this thing (i can't see the kanji clearly so I can't search for it orz)

Reigen : There's a cursed Ookuugata (A type of bug/beetle, I think?) that's supposed to appear around here. We'll deal with it (super hard to read kanji, i just went with my gut..)

Reigen : Oh! a nokogiri kuugata!!

Teru   : There's a tiny beetle here.

Ritsu  : That's a canaven (??)

Reigen : OOO!! I FOUND A MIYAMA KUUGATA!!!

Teru   : um, this... could this be the Ookugata, Reigen-san?

Reigen : hmm, that's a kokugata. That's too bad.

 P4

Reigen : UWAA A COCKROACH. MOB DO SOMETHING!!! THERE ARE MOSQUITOES TOO SO LET'S MOVE TO THE NEXT PLACE!!

(sound of wave crashing?)

Reigen : There's an info about a spirit of a big-breasted woman who wears bikini. It will disguise itself as a human so you guys might not be able to notice... If you see something like that, be sure to report to me. Well, if the spirit's not appearing, you're free to play around.

 P5

Reigen : The last one's this amusement park. Apparently in this park's haunted house, a real ghost appears. Go investigate immediately.

Mob    : There's no real ghost.

Reigen : Okay. Next, go ride every ride here. The evil spirit might be moving through the attractions. Also not to waste the precious tickets I bought.

THERE'S ONLY 40 MINUTES UNTIL THE PARK CLOSES SO HURRY UP!!! TAKE IT BACK, TAKE IT!! (I think this means 'GO GET MY MONEY'S WORTH' or something)

Ritsu  : In the end, there’s no particular outcome.

Reigen : Nah, you guys saved me. I can’t move around too much by myself. I’ll send the investigation report to the client.

 P6

Teru   : Reigen-san... ended up taking care of everything...

Reigen : What’s this about? Speaking of which, you said something about not knowing how to spend your summer vacation, right?

Teru   : ?? Yes...

Reigen : Listen, Teru. It’s simple. The way to spend summer is... To laze around. It’s not necessary to think about having to be doing something. Take more time to rest. If you can’t relax at home, you can visit the office. Take Mob as an example.

Mob    : Master laze around even when it’s not summer vacation, though...

Teru   : Then, I’ll come to cool down with the weak cooler again.

Reigen : Ou. How about ramen before going home?

Ritsu  : Ah. Yakiniku would be nice.

Reigen : NONONO let’s just end the day peacefully, shall we?

T/N: 

> I AM SO GLAD TERU HAS FRIENDS HE CAN SPEND HIS SUMMER WITH HNGHGHNH

> Reigen is so relatable. I want to go back to being a kid, too........

> Teru holding his hat nervously is... so cute? 

> From Teru’s interaction with Ritsu, it kinda feels like Teru’s a little bit sheltered? Either way, I’m happy that there’s more Teru and Ritsu interactions.

> Reigen strikes again with his wisdom. I guess it’s the second time Reigen give ice cream to Teru? (if you count the anthology, lol)

> Teru, son, why didn’t you just say you’ll visit the office again? There’s no need for the ‘i come here bc I need to cool down’ schmucks.

> I’M STILL SAD ABOUT TERU OK HOLD ME

[flower-guro]

Get to know me~

I was tagged by @simsparadise3​

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

Last: 1. Drink: Water :/ 2. Phone call: My dad? i think?? 3. Text message: My best friends uwu 4. Song you listened to: Business Man - Mother Mother 5. Time you cried: Its been a while... maybe a couple weeks??

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: I’ve... never dated orz 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Also ... never happened 8. Been cheated on: Pls refer to #6 9. Lost someone special: Yeah, some family members and pets i rlly loved 10. Been depressed: 24/7 my dude 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I’ve never intentionally drank alcohol

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14. Peach, light pink, maroon

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Some really important ones~ 16. Fallen out of love: ....Yes. 17. Laughed until you cried: Yeah i have ;u; 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Not in a bad way 19. Met someone who changed you: Yeah 20. Found out who your friends are: Yes, and i love them 21. Kissed someone on your  Facebook list: Who uses facebook?? (also nvr kissed)

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I only friend ppl on facebook that ive met and know 23. Do you have any pets: You bet! I have my kitten Nelly, an Old (TM) cat named Spike, and a big golden retriever pupper named Odin 24. Do you want to change your name: Hmmm... kinda?? I don’t mind my name but I like Ken better 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Went to a nice restaurant.. i think that’s it?? 26. What time did you wake up: 10:30 ish 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Playing tf2 28. Name something you can’t wait for: The anime convention that’s coming up ohoho 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: *looks to the right* there she is 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Wish I could’ve done better my first year of college 31. Listening right now: The news is on right now? 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I went to high school with a Tom, he was a goof 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: The fact that some ppl dont like Osomatsu-san lmaO 34. Most visited website: Youtube....

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: A b u n ch on my shoulders and neck 36. Mark/s: Stretch marks, scars 37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be a marine biologist 38. Hair color: Brown~ 39. Long or short hair: Short! Shorter than chin length 40. Do you have a crush on someone: mmmmm not right now (for once) 41. What do you like about yourself: My personality?  42. Piercings: Just my ears, tho I want a nape piercing... 43. Blood type: B+... *insert depression joke* 44. Nickname: Ken, Nekka, Kenni 45. Relationship status: Single as heck 46. Zodiac: Gemini 47. Pronouns: They/them 48. Favorite TV Show: Does Osomatsu-san count or 49. Tattoos: Nope :/ 50. Right or left hand: Right 51. Surgery: None, somehow 52. Hair dyed in different color: It was orange/ginger but i just dyed it back to its natural color 53. Sport: I used to play softball, even got a scholarship for it hahaha,,,  55. Vacation: Pls kick my ass to Washington or anywhere cooler than this tbh 56. Pair of trainers: Wtf is this foreign lingo (but yes i have some gym shoes)

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: An omelette 58. Drinking: Wish i was drinking coffee.... 59. I’m about to: Go to the river with a friend? 61. Waiting for: The sweet release of death 62. Want: $$ for the convention coming up 63. Get married: I’d like to 64. Career: I’d like to design prosthetics

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs and cuddles pls 66. Lips or eyes: I rlly love eyes 67. Shorter or taller: Each has its charm~ 68. Older or younger: I tend to get along better with people younger than me?? 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: ???? idk my guy, i guess tummies r cute 71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive?? 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship def 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: More hesitant i guess??

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: N o pe 75. Drank hard liquor: Nah  76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I dont own either lmao 77. Turned someone down: Y eah,,, 78. Sex on the first date: No thanks  79. Broken someone’s heart: *Soft cough* yeah 80. Had your heart broken: yep yep yep 81. Been arrested: No thank u 82. Cried when someone died: Yeah,,,, 83. Fallen for a friend: Ugh dont remind me

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: Usually no 85. Miracles: Mmmm no 86. Love at first sight: Maybe, but not for me 87. Santa Claus: I was one of the last ones to think so in my 5th grade class lmao 88. Kiss on the first date: Sure?? No?? idk my guy

OTHER: 90. Current best friend(s) name: (not in any specific order) Trica, Leah, Maisie, Sire 91. Eye color: Brownnn 92. Favorite movie: Oooo I think its still Colorful (anime movie)

Time to tag some friends~ @hibiyamorelikehebiya @shadylamb @tapiocachica @ghostjab9 @pasteddreams and anyone else who wants to!

[syua]

92 qs tag + 30 qs tag!

tagged by @soonsyoung and @y0ungmins for each of these !!!! thank u

/first game/

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (its?? not?? 92 questions??? lol)

THE LAST:

drink: bai peach juice

phone call: idr probably my mom?

text message: i’m about to leave home & have dinner with ryan downtown

song you listened to: uhhhh ive been listening to youtube videos all day but maybe vibrato by stellar

time you cried: uhh i think i cried out of pain when i came home from getting my wisdom teeth out friday or if not i def cried cos my sunburn hurt so much like a week ago

date someone twice: no

kissed someone and regretted it: ehhhgfhghhhh 

been cheated on: i mean not that i’m aware of but that’s not always something ur made aware of u know.

lost someone special: lost like died? no but if like lost contact then yes lol

been depressed: yes son

gotten drunk and thrown up: no ive never thrown up from alcohol hhhaha 

LIST 3 COLOURS

12. yellow

13. pink

14. black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. made friends: ummmm closeish lasting irl friends? no…

16. fallen out of love: thats uh

17. laughed until you cried: i can’t remember a particular time but probs lol??

18. found out someone was talking about you: not that i can think of? no one knows me they wouldn’t have anything to say lol

19. met someone who changed you: guess nottt

20. found out who your friends are: ?? not to repeat myself but i don’t have any

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: i don’t haaave one

GENERAL:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: again lol don’t have one

23. do you have any pets: a dog (ginny) & a cat (phoebe)

24. do you want to change your name: yeah i never liked my name i always wanted to be named austin???

25. what did you do for your last birthday: umm took a final moved out of my dorm and bought myself chinese takeout

26. what time did you wake up: 1pm

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: i think i was just laying in bed watching buzzfeed unsolved over and over

28. name something you can’t wait for: when my mouth doesn’t HURT 24/7 and i can chew anything

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like 3 hours ago

30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i didn’t give up art after high school & i actually tried to get into art schools?

31. what are you listening to right now: still youtube in the background

32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: uhmmm i think

33. something that is getting on your nerves: everything really

34. most visited website: tumblr or youtube

35-37. well these questions dont exist apparently

38. hair color: blonde

39. long or short hair: longg i wish my hair was longer rn

40. do you have a crush on someone: i guesss

41. what do you like about yourself: ?

42. piercings: just one in each ear but i want more

43. blood type: noo idea

44. nickname: none

45. relationship status: single

46. Zodiac: taurus

47. pronouns: she/her

48. favorite tv show: game of thrones BUT i haven’t watched the start of s7 yet so shhh

49. tattoos: none but im trying to get one if i can get my shit together before school

50. right or left handed: right

51. surgery: wisdom teeth just friday like i mentioned;;

52. piercing: u already asssked

53. sport: none man

54. vacation: ?last vacation favorite vacation??? i just went to st augustine florida w my family but my best trip ever was suzhou/shanghai/beijing at the beginning of the summer

55. pair of trainers: what about them??? i never wear sneakers

MORE GENERAL:

56. eating: nothinnn the last thing i had was ice cream since that’s 50% of my diet in the last week (the other 50% is mac n cheese)

57. drinking: water

58. I’m about to: maybe sleep lol

59. waiting for: once again just until im not in pain

60. want to: literally nothing just lay in bed

61. get married: probabbbly

62. career: ?? art director or maybe something like front of house manager in a theatre or something in film production or ui eng

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. hugs or kisses: hugs

64. lips or eyes: eyes

65. shorter or taller: tall but most ppl are taller than me lol

66. older or younger: uhhh i guess either as long as it’s within a couple years of me, tho since im 18 right now i guess not younger. i guess for guys it would always be older but i. dont think i want to date guys

67. nice arms or nice stomach: well for ME i have neither and i would prefer to magically gain a nice stomach so

68. hook up or relationship: relationship

69. troublemaker or hesitant: ??? i don’t like loud annoying people so hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

70. kissed a stranger: no

71. drank hard liquor: yes

72. lost glasses/contact lenses: no ive never had them lol

73. turned someone down: yes

74. sex on the first date: excuse u im 12

75. broken someone’s hear: i don’t think so ive never been the one doing the breaking up so

76. had your heart broken: i dunno that’s a strong phrase

77. been arrested: nope

78. cried when someone died: not that i remember

79. fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. yourself: ehhhhhhghfhhhhh

81. miracles: no

82. love at first sight: it’s a strong no from me

83. santa claus: i wysh

84. kiss on the first date: sure

85. angels: no

86-89. there were no questions asked…

OTHER:

90. current best friend’s name: current What

91. eye color: blue green

92. favorite movie: the fall or only god forgives

/neeeext game/

Rules: answer 30 questions then tag 20 blogs you would like to know better.

1. Nicknames: noneee

2. Gender: female

3. Star sign: taurus

4. Height: 5'1″ / 157cm

5. Time: 7:37pm

6. Birthday: may 4

7. Favorite Bands/Groups: uhhm for kpop it’s svt, omg, loona, wjsn, etc... english it’s brand new, bad suns, stop light observations

8. Favorite solo artists: suran, heize, dean, childish gambino, hyuna, bruno mars

9. Song stuck in my head: vibrato by stellar 

10. Last movie watched: uhhhh i think i watched like half of the grand budapest hotel lol

11. Last show watched: game of thrones (tho once again not the 7th season yet lol)

12. When did i create my blog: this acct is just about to be a year old but my first one was from probably summer 2012 or 11

13. What do I post: nothin exciting, kpop + whatever pictures i like

14. Last thing googled: “red velvet red flavor” idr what i was looking for tho lol??

15. Do you have other blogs?:  too manyyy orz

16. Do you get asks?: yahuhh some

17. Why did u choose your url?: i just wanted smth short like i was surprised this wasn’t taken less than a year ago hhhu

18. Following: ~120

19. Followers: an amount;;

20. Favorite colors: yelloooow, pink, black, plus lately i like red more

21. Average hours of sleep: in the summer like 12-14 a day ha

22. Lucky number: 27

23. Instruments: nooone

24. What am I wearing: tshirt and boxers the only thing i ever wear

25. How many blankets I sleep with: just 1 comforter (+ the fan on tho)

26. Dream job: answered in the other game^^

27. Dream trip: baaack to suzhou

28. Favorite food(s): steak, shrimp, mac n cheese, red velvet cake, smoothies

29. Nationality:  american

30. Favorite song now: uhhh i’ve been listening to 1+1=0 by suran and that’s what i like by bruno mars a lot. all time favs r wishing well by blink 182, jude law and a semester abroad by brand new, and shark attack by grouplove

okiee that’s more than u ever wanted to know about me!!! tagging anyone who read this far cause this was really far so u yes u i tag u

[isadorator]

A Fic Year in Review - 2016

It's that time again~ And I wrote so much this year, holy shit. As usual, any concrit and comments are welcome~~ (as are requests, when open lol)

January

what are THOOOOSE a superhero's holiday

Oh jeez. Both these fics got way more attention than I thought they would. But I keep underestimating the ML fandom tbh. The first was basically me goofing around and I somehow ended up promising to write a sequel since everyone wanted one (which I...still need to do.....). The second was a flag for both my descent into ladrien hell and also a return to my nsfw ways orz;;;;

February

you are gold and silver (1/2)

IT TOOK. SO. L O N G. TO WRITE THIS. Although this fic is firmly in AU territory now thanks to being beautifully jossed by canon, it helped me realize just how much I needed to grow in order to write romantic intimacy in a believable way. So, I made it my goal to work on it until it was up to my own standards.

(I...still need to finish this fic too......)

March

jackady ladrien drabble prompts (1/2):

ribbons

fan merchandise

artistic muse

make-outs

stuck in a small place

rain

smiles

croissants

never have i ever

i want to touch them

jackady ladrien drabble prompts (2/2):

damsel in distress

beauty facial masks

visible marks

ice cream sandwiches

volpina ladrien drabble prompts (1/9):

the 4 times adrien pretended to shower to hide from ladybug (and the 1 time he was actually showering when she calls out his bullshit)

disney

halloween

tried to kiss your lips but i missed

magic

staring into each other’s eyes

Ah, the plan being put into action! With the release of actual ladrien eps, I had the perfect excuse to write romantic scenario after romantic scenario using submitted prompts. Which also meant I accidentally created a secret love affair AU and wrote more smut whoops. Still, they were super fun! I took a break halfway through to write some Inuyasha-inspired marichat that just would not leave me alone (also fun).

(....I promised to write a continuation of the 'never have i ever' prompt, didn't I alrjkdsflaks. AND TANGLED AU SHIT I ALMOST FORGOT)

April

volpina ladrien drabble prompts (2/9):

music

moaning

sweat

bath

they go on a date together

soulmate au

photographs

“i love you. i’m completely and utterly in love with you. please don’t get married.”

the one time ladybug actually catches adrien in the shower

ACTUALLY in the shower

“of all the people i could’ve gotten stuck in an elevator with and it just had to be you.”

mirror

More ladrien prompts/romance practice~ The music prompt is still one the most cracktastic things I've ever written lol. Managed to make two more AUs with this batch that I've already started to expand on: the soulmate AU and the auteur AU. Lastly, in a surprise twist, the fucking elevator prompt managed to gather over 1k in notes. Probably because I ripped off Sailor Moon but. Still.

May

volpina ladrien drabble prompts (3/9):

another shower scene

porn

away from home

“you have mom’s smile.” he said this to ladybug once, but he thinks it again and again and again. but ladybug is better: she is real.

calling bullshit

untitled continuation of a comic by pozolegirl

volpina ladrien drabble prompts (4/9):

under the covers

eyelashes

mega nachos

“i heard that the spots on your bodysuit corresponds to chakra points? so… what happens if i touch this?”

cute nose/forehead kisses

their first time

happiness

“i need you to pretend we’re dating…”

“is there anything you’re not good at?”

More Volpina prompts! Again, I like experimenting with them :D Also wrote a continuation of that Christmas comic because it was just way too cute~~

June

ladrien june 2016 drabble prompts (1/6):

love poem

awkwardness

games

i can show you the world

first love

everyone can see it

shower scene

jealousy

it’s a trap

insecurities

sins cannot be undone

ladrien june 2016 drabble prompts (2/6):

jealous fangirls/boys

“you have her smile”

gabriel | hawkmoth’s reaction

it’s not you, it’s my enemies

secret dating

window kisses

Oooooh boy. The triple whammy of Ladrien June, Ramadan, and starting my summer job. I was excited to have a month dedicated to just ladrien (as if I hadn't already dedicated most of my year to it lol) but fell behind pretty quickly thanks to my lack of free time. I aim to finish them this year!

And Ramadan. Man. It always sends my mental health straight into the toilet. Not because of the holiday itself, but because of the way my family treats it. Idk. I tried to flush away the bad feelings by punching out 'sins cannot be undone' in one night. And it helped, I suppose. It's definitely the rawest thing I wrote this year and I still have very strong feelings about it.

July

three sentence prompts:

ladynoir, spy au

nino and marinette, karaoke au

ladrien, bodyguard au

ladrien, superman/lois lane au

adrien and tikki, baking au

alix and kim, and the one-time-max-actually-won au

alya and marinette, vigilante au

adrienette, foreign countries

ladynoir, and the elevator game/ritual

Between work and writing various wips that I still haven't posted yet (*coughcoughconjugalvisitcough*), I only posted stuff from this meme. I had fun (the goal) and the adrien&tikki kwamiswap AU one is still my fave |D *slams fists on table* LET ADRIEN BE A BAKER!!!!

August

untitled continuation of a comic by geek-fashionista insomaniac and the chaton pile

UMMMM My summer job ended by this point, so my only excuse for not posting much is it's all tied up in unpublished wips and...I was freaking out about starting school next month for the first time in y e a r s;;; Just some drabbles for the sidekick AU (not mine) and my own, sleep-deprived ideas (that I...still find hilarious alkdjfhalksd I DID NOT EXPECT ANYONE ELSE TO???)

September

volpina ladrien drabble prompts (5/9):

embarrassing hobbies (aka: adrien is secretly a popular ladynoir fanfic writer)

water

mlnsfweek prompts (1/3):

laughter

roleplay

make 'em blush

we've got time

"i can’t believe we survived" sex

wet dreams

virginity

STILL REALLY STRESSED ABOUT SCHOOL, which translated into a lot of writing. Did a couple of Volpina prompts, including time ≠ water. Which. Got way more attention than I expected;;;; And that I...also promised to expand on......;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

And then #mlnsfweek hit and I'm actually really proud of myself for finishing the whole week, even if it was late~ /o/ Did some random scenarios, including some futurefic for the timebreaker AU. I still cackle every time I think of the wet dreams prompt tbh XDDD

October

volpina ladrien drabble prompts (6/9):

inside a video game

horror movies

“who crawls through someone’s window at 4 am to go for ice cream?!”

aching muscles from running all over the city, and then: "would a massage help?"

chocolate

discovering their sensitive spots

“so close” from enchanted

As usual, more Volpina prompts in between school and wips. Not really much to say except it was around now (or maybe September? My memory is horrible) that I realized I had developed a pretty good grasp on romance and could start working on upping my daily wordcount. I really want the mental stamina to complete a chapter fic one day...

November

mlnsfweek prompts (2/3):

marks

School REALLY started to pick up in difficulty and I signed up for a fic exchange and a fanzine. Despite really wanting to, I didn't have time or energy to do more than one prompt for the #mlnsfweek redux, but I plan to complete it~ I have Ideas.

December

oh, the things i do for you (the bubbler remix)

volpina ladrien drabble prompts (7/9):

bruises and scars

cold hands, warm hearts

I'm never, ever committing to more than one fic deadline near exam time ever again. I nearly died last month as I rushed to complete these fics, my studying, and prep for my vacation that started right after exams (I'm still recovering;;;). The remix is currently the longest fic I've written to date, including my wips! Holy shit!!!

Both were done very last minute, but I'm pretty happy with how they turned out. I tried to finish the last of the Volpina prompts before the end of the year, but alas, time was not on my side. Better luck next year~ :'D

Total Year’s Output: ....58,718 words;;;

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?

.......This is almost twice as much as I did last year. I actually passed the NaNoWriMo standard. Oh my god. There is no fucking way I would have predicted this last year. And that's not counting all the wips aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH—

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January 2016?

Uhhhh, Bustier/Mendeleiev, definitely. Also DjWifi?? I just wasn't into it at all last year, but now I'm rooting for them. Also, I did not expect to write this much smut, but here we are. ALSO MARIE/ADRIEN/MARINETTE AKA THE OT3 AKA LOVE SQUARED (the homestuck in me will never die)

What’s your favourite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest.

Happy...? Hmmmm....There's stuff that makes me laugh, that I'm proud of...

...I know it's not published yet or even done, but...probably conjugal visit. Not only is it chock full of my favourite type of ladrien, it's...sort of my thesis on emotional intimacy? It's proof of my progress. I look at it and I can feel my determination to grow and to move on from the mental rut I was stuck in for most of my life, that I won't let my past keep my from recognizing my own emotions and learning empathy, not forever.

(Maybe that's pride and contentment and hope more than happiness, but I'll damn well take it)

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year?

I ALWAYS SAY THIS but...I really want to finish my wips.....and I want to start an actual chaptered fic. Not a one-shot collection or a drabble collection. Long, plotty, gen or romance (or both!!), chapter fic. I want to write something that will keep people up all night, lying to themselves when they say 'just one more chapter'. I think I actually have a shot at completing one now, at my current skill and confidence level |D

[linssikeittomies]

Apocalypse. In 50 Years. Chapter 1: Virgin Allison

I’m lucky. Always have been. Me, my parents, their parents, and their parents as far back as we can remember have always been lucky: none of them have been seriously ill, gotten into a serious accident, or suffered major financial setbacks. We don’t have any hereditary diseases. No one has died before their 80th birthday. There hasn’t been a single divorce.

I had a good upbringing, a stable family situation and a healthy diet. My parents bought me an apartment, I got in to college on my first try, I have hobbies I love and time for them, summer is just around the corner and we’re planning a vacation to Hawaii, everything is great and I should have nothing to worry about.

But every second of the day I feel this anxious tension in my chest.

I always feel like I’m doing something wrong, or I’m supposed to be doing something else. Something is not correct, and I don’t know how to correct it. Something’s expected of me, but I don’t know what. I’ve tried going to church and mosque more, I’ve tried doing more sports, I’ve tried volunteer work, arts, science, philosophy, psychology, travelling, soul searching, nothing works. That nagging feeling just won’t go away! Sometimes it’s right there on the surface, sometimes it sinks to the background, but it’s there every second of the day and my sanity can’t take another month of this feeling! I might be the first person in my family line to have a mental breakdown.

--

There’s some kind of sound… What is that, I don’t like it, I don’t like beeping when it’s so warm. Just let me find that last bunny. It got scared of the sound. Aww, I found it, right on my desk, the alarm…

Oh, the sound was my alarm clock. Damn brilliant, time to wake up already. Whose bright idea was it to force people up before they were ready? The professors can’t like being woken at the ass crack of dawn either. Just stop having morning lectures, people! Nobody wants them! I’m the nicest girl this country has ever seen and I’m getting an impulse to murder a guy. I’ve been getting up at 5:45 the whole week, maybe I should’ve gone the other route and just not slept at all. Would’ve made it easier to drag myself out of my soft, warm, loving bed… I’ve been trying to clean up my language, but I just have to curse some right now. Gives me enough anger to push myself up. Makes me feel bad about myself, too.

The classic white and blue sailor fuku has seen a lot of use this past month, but since it still feels marginally less wrong than all my other clothes, it’ll see a little more. I brush my hair while I wait for the frying pan to heat up enough fry my omelet, then pick at it and end up only eating half. Ughhh, why did I stay up reading that fanfic last night, again? I’ve read it like ten times already, I already know damn well what’s gonna happen! I get so queasy when I’m tired… I should probably pack the rest of this omelet up and take it to school ‘cause I’ll just get hungry an hour later.

I manage to cover the bags under my eyes with make-up, and since for once I was smart and packed my bag ready last night, I just grab it and get out the door. I’ve barely closed it when my next door neighbor Ricky comes out his. He’s really nice and kinda cute, but his obvious crush on me makes our relationship a little awkward. Not that I don’t reciprocate – he’s easy on the eyes, super cute with all those freckles and dimples and supposedly carefree hair combined with a caring and shy personality. So yeah, I once considered dating him, but the overwhelming sense of WRONG! WRONG! had unfortunately made that impossible. It always flares up particularly bad when something romance-related comes to my mind, maybe I’m just extremely aromantic without realizing it? It seems being friends with him is a-ok, however. And it’s got its perks.

“Oh, morning, Ally. Did you like the cookies I gave you yesterday?” he asks, as if there was ever any doubt. “I think the cinnamon made them a little too Christmassy.”

“Not at all, they were great! I don’t get how you make them soft in the center, whenever I try they just dry up.”

“Might be too much flour”, he theorizes as we go down the stairs. He moves his messenger bag from his free side to between the two us – I’ve noticed he does that a lot, I think it’s some kind of unconscious attempt at putting up a barrier because he feels so self-conscious around me. “Or maybe you keep the oven on for too long. I always turn it off when they’re close to ready.”

I almost ask for a baking lesson, but again the WRONG flares up so I give up on the idea.

“You might be on to something, I’ll try that next time.”

He’s bad with words, so he tries to find something to say but can’t. He scratches his arm absently and opens his mouth only to close it immediately. Our conversations are rarely smooth, and these kinds of pauses are the norm. I don’t mind them that much – no point in saying words solely for the sake of making noise, after all. But Ricky seems to find them incredibly uncomfortable and a sign of failure, so often I just say something completely meaningless to help him out, give him some ideas.

“How’s school been lately?”

Ricky’s a journalism major, and has a huge collection of magazines and newspapers at his place. I wonder why he didn’t go into confectionary since he’s so good at it already. Maybe he prefers to keep it a hobby? Not even with a gun to my head would I animate for a living, even though I spend like 90 percent of my free time staring at anime.

“Nothing special”, he mumbles. “A lot of work… It, uhh, might get a little worse now that my computer broke…”

“Aww crap, I feel for you!”

“Thanks… I… spilled milk on it last night”, he admits embarrassed. He likes drinking milk with cookies, he must’ve been eating those cinnamon cookies while working on something. “It’s probably busted even if I can get it dry.”

“I can lend you my tablet if it’s any help.”

“Thanks, but… all my files were on the hard drive.”

Oh jeez, he didn’t even save the most important ones to a cloud? This guy’s just hopeless. I don’t get how he’s managed to stay alive living on his own for two years. A cute face doesn’t help much with keeping track of bills and switching fuses.

We part ways on the street and I dig out my headphones. My bus route is noisy as hell, thanks to all the “edgy” teens going to high school. For some incomprehensible reason so many of them think it’s entirely necessary to loudly laugh at the worst non-jokes and gossip about this bitch and that bitch and those assholes, while also apparently hating each other judging by the amount insults they throw at each other, but still they hang out together so I guess they really are friends…? I just don’t get them. I was never like that in high school, I actually liked my friends.

Speaking of which, I get a new message from ~BFF~.

Good morning! Saida says, and sends a selfie. Seems she’s been clothes shopping, as I’ve never seen that tunic before. The hijab is old, but it’s draped pretty elaborately. It looks really good on her, red’s really her color, and the tunic’s greenish gray complements it surprisingly well.

Woah nice! Looks great on u (^o^)b

Thanks^^ Took ten tries to drape it good, I’m thinking wearing it like this for the premiere. Only a week from now! SO excited! >o<

Grrrrreat peeps gonna luv it \(^-<)

Keep both thumbs up for me^^

Saida’s an aspiring playwright and works on a lot of amateur productions. This will the first play she wrote completely on her own. I’ve been to a couple of their rehearsals, so I know the story is about a woman whose father is murdered and she vows to catch the perp – but in the process learns that her father was actually a terrible person and was killed in revenge. I didn’t want too many spoilers so I haven’t read the script.

Can we go togthr im so proud of u (/>3>)/

Of course! We’re going for a dinner afterwards so you can come with us too

Aww, I wanted u all to myself orz

If only you were a guy you couldXD Too bad :p

Deciding to tease her about this raises the wrong feeling back to the surface, but the opportunity is just too delicious.

Ill keep that in mind (^3^)b

Oh jeez, in hindsight that was a bad joke (/-_-\)

U get im gonna teez u about this all ur life k:DDDD

In hindsight that was a REALLY bad joke -_- Have fun AT SCHOOL you little devil!>:D

Aww orz

She barely has classes this week, not that it means she actually has less work – just that she’s supposed to working on assignments at home. Unlike me, she’s really diligent and actually does her homework over a few days instead of the previous night.

--

The professor is late, as usual. Students don’t have keys for the classrooms, so we have to wait outside. It can get pretty cramped, especially at places like this: at the end of a narrow hallway, with the smelliest toilet in the building at the other end. Everyone tries their hardest to squeeze out of the way of the stench. At least in the summer it gets a little better – in the winter the pipes get frozen, and when the water doesn’t flow, the smell really starts melting off faces.

I fail at stifling a yawn, and a classmate gives me a sympathetic look. It’s so hard to stay awake when I’m not on the move, any small break just reminds my brain of how tired I am, and then it wants to go back to sleep. It even forgets about the horrible stink floating in the hallway, if only for a moment. When my head drops and I snap back to attention, it suddenly fills my nose again. I’ve repeated the process about five times already.

In fact, I’m right in the process of drifting back to sleep again when I notice her. The pale, young woman dressed all in black, sporting abyssal black hair and glowing, ember-like eyes. She stares at me intently, like a hawk hunting a rabbit, and emanates a malicious aura. Everything about her is… dark, somehow. Like she’s hard to make out, and even the bright lamps seem dimmer around her. She looks human, but in an… elongated way. Her face, her body, and especially her fingers, look a little too long and a little too spindly. She looks like a daddy long legs. I can’t shake the mental image of her creeping up the wall and skittering away in to some slight crack. I’m not used to being nervous – I consider myself a particularly brave person, but this lady is giving me the creeps! I find myself crossing my arms at my chest to get at least some kind of barrier between us, despite her standing several meters away. It’s not far enough. If possible, I would rather put several countries between us – but as it stands, all I have is half a meter of hallway.

Her eyes stare at me unblinkingly as I squeeze closer to the door, their dim glimmer drowning out all other light. I can’t look away – her gaze holds me prisoner, and laughs at my fear.

Then a light weight settles on my shoulder, and her thin lips curve into a sharp, sadistic facsimile of a smile and she whispers

                                                  FOUND YOU

before turning around and walking out. All feelings of dread melt away with her gone, and I turn to look at whoever defended me.

It’s a hand. A translucent, poorly defined, watery hand that peters out of existence at the wrist. Seeing it floods me with tranquility. It twinkles like moonwake and grips my shoulder reassuringly before fading away.

…

Wow, I must be really tired! Guess those five hour nights finally caught up with me! As interesting as this awake-sleeping was, I’d rather not repeat it anytime soon. Or, like, ever. I have got to catch up on sleepy times this weekend.

--

By afternoon I’ve almost forgotten about the creepy lady and disembodied hand. It’s Friday, I’m too excited about finally having the time to finish my Ayato cosplay to think about sleep deprivation hallucination thingies. If I hurry, I should be able to finish the coat, maybe work on the pants some more. I need to get some more glue and find the right kind of buttons, the crafts store is still open so I’ll stop by there before going to my parents’ –

“Hey, Ally!”

A classmate drags me out of my thoughts.

“Ellie decided to throw an impromptu birthday party to herself tomorrow at her place, wanna come with us?” Lisa continues. Bryan is at her side, while Lotte and Yao come up on my right.

“She’s invited a lot of her other friends, too! Place is gonna be crawling with cute chicks!” Brian informs me as he pumps his fists. He then seems to remember he’s talking to a girl. “…Or guys, if that’s your thing”, he adds meekly.

Lisa firmly shakes her head.

“Her place can’t fit more than twenty people, and our class is gonna be at least thirteen of those people.”

“Yeah, the afterparty is what’s filled with hotties!” Lotte pipes in with stars in her eyes. Our class doesn’t actually share a lot of courses, but we try to stay in contact with each other. We have a whatsapp group, and sometimes we plan parties or get-togethers. I try to take part every now and then, but so often everyone just wants to go drinking I don’t see the point in going.

“Don’t worry, Ellie said her place is an alcohol-free zone for tonight because she doesn’t want a repeat of last year!” Lisa assures me. “It’s just gonna be music and games until we go clubbing.”

Ellie is pretty nice, and the only person I kind of consider to be a friend other than Saida. I might make friends easily, but keeping them is a genuine problem. If we hadn’t been neighbors all our lives, I don’t think I would still be friends with even Saida, either. So I’d like to at least try and hold on to Ellie while we’re still in the same school.

“Alright, I’ll be there!”

“WOOOO!!!” Lotte screams and everyone else flinches.

“Jesus Christ Lotte, control yourself!” Yao snaps at her, but of course she doesn’t give a damn. Instead, she starts dancing right there in the hallway and singing some pop song off-key. I know for a fact she’s not drunk because she acts like that even in class, but it’s still almost impossible to believe. Yao grumbles quietly and facepalms in shame before walking off without another word.

“See you tomorrow!” are Lisa’s parting words, and she smiles brightly as she waves bye. Bryan punches her lightly on the shoulder and she silently pumps her fist. They’re so happy that most of the class will be there. We used to this kind of stuff a lot more often in our first year, but then summer break came and everyone drifted apart.

“Wear something nice... but not too nice”, Lotte advises, winking conspicuously. “That’d be a bit too scary.”

“Scary how?” I ask puzzled. She just blows me a kiss before WOOTing again and pseudo-dancing out the door. In a way I almost envy her utter indifference towards social norms, being her must be so freeing. I can’t imagine the tiniest worry ever enters her head. For sure she never feels anything she does is wrong.

I popped in the crafts store on the way to my parents’ – on Friday’s we always have dinner together. This week it was dad’s turn to cook, so I helped him make the asam laksa, after hiding the curry- he always tries to put in too much, and mom’s so white she can barely salt her food.

“Bismillah”, dad and I say.

“God is great, by his hand we are all fed. Amen”, mom and I say.

My parents are great at working around their faiths. They both let the other do their own thing while holding onto their own. They never tried to teach me one faith was wrong. I came to think of God and Allah as different aspects of the same entity, in a way, and had no problems growing up bi-religious. As a child God felt closer, but after graduating middle school I became more drawn to Allah, maybe partly because of Saida. That’s when we really started being good friends, despite being neighbors since birth and always being in the same class. I even wore a hijab for a while, like her, though only for, like, ten months maybe? It wouldn’t have been even that long had my parents not been kind of worried, and had I not been a rebellious little shit. I wanted to make them squirm a bit. Imagine that, an Ally who wasn’t a total goody two shoes.

“We’ve been thinking about getting a dog”, dad tells me. “I think a Maltese would be best, they’re small and playful. A dog should be social and playful, right? Real companions. I have some breeders scouted already.”

He’s super excited about this dog. One might even say suspiciously excited…

“You’re suffering from empty nest syndrome”, I quip and chuckle.

“Nonsense, I’ve always wanted a dog.”

“You never mentioned dogs before Ally moved out, honey”, mom reminds playfully.

“What? Sure I did. The house was just too small.”

Mom rubs her chin mock-thoughtfully.

“The man doth protest too much, methinks.”

“He really doth.”

Dad gets flustered and still tries to claim he’s doing no such thing. Everyone and their grandma knows he has a soft spot for anything cute and fluffy but he still likes to pretend he doesn’t. Oh, that pink teddy bear on that shelf? It was a gift for my wife, she loves things like that. I heard your cat had kittens, can I bring my daughter over to see them? What’s a few mice, they’ll be gone by winter, getting mouse traps is too much hassle.

We had to call an exterminator for the mice. In a few months they had taken over most of the kitchen.

“Well now neither will get to name the puppy.”

Aww, and I was so looking forward to that yappy little shedding machine. I would have named it Fluffy of the Incessant Noise.

“I’m thinking O’Malley. That could then be shortened to either Max or Madsie.”

“He hasn’t been this excited since your youngest cousin was born”, mom says while nudging dad with her elbow. Dad claims the dog would be mostly for mom, so she won’t get lonely while dad’s at work. Mom says Of course, honey, and lets it slide. She has a part-time job, she’s only home alone for nine hours a few days a week.

--

I leave when it starts getting dark outside. I live close to my parents, so I decide to walk home. It’s getting a little chilly outside, but that only means the air is fresh and getting under the warm covers will feel that much better. It’s quiet – oddly quiet, it’s only quarter past eight. Why are all the lights already off? I could get a few people being asleep already, but the whole neighborhood? It’s not a blackout, the streetlights are on. Weird.

I’m starting to get a little nervous. Logically thinking there’s nothing worrying around, but my gut keeps telling me something is wrong more insistently than usually. And it’s a dangerous wrong, not the this-is-not-expected-of-you-wrong.

I pick up my pace a bit, and that’s when the streetlamps start going out, too. Each one I pass under fizzles out after me. The feeling of wrong is replaced by GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!! In a blind panic I start running, but then the lamps start breaking before I even reach them! Hot glass shards rain over me as I’m left in total darkness in a large city that never sleeps!

No, that not entirely correct… There is still one light on. A single streetlamp a dozen meters away illuminates a small patch of sidewalk. Something is standing under it. Some kind of dark creature, with long talons and glinting fangs. I can hear it chuckling darkly… and it charges at me!

On instinct I put up my dukes, only realizing after the fact that it’s probably the one choice even worse than simply running – I’ve never hit anyone in my life and would just break each of my fingers before getting mauled to death… Shit! Okay, okay – but at least this way, I can die on my own terms – bring it on, bitch!

But just as quickly as it attacked, it is defeated. A blindingly bright spear of light shoots down from the sky, piercing the creature’s head clean in the center and nailing it to the asphalt. The resulting shockwave drops me on my ass on the ground. The spear stays standing, unbearably bright to look at but barely illuminating the surroundings at all. And the creature lies there motionless, not bleeding, but it’s so obviously dead I almost want to go up to it and investigate a little. My wrong radar goes off, though, so I give up the idea.

And, well, I wouldn’t have gotten that far anyway, since now a watery, half-there hand fades into view around the hilt of the spear – the same hand from school. This doesn’t feel like a dream, and in a dream I sure wouldn’t wonder if this was all a dream, but I just have to consider the possibility. Because if this is reality, I’ll have to readjust my beliefs on ghosts and I really, really don’t want them to be real!

A faint sound of flutes drifts in as the hand lifts up the spear and offers it to someone invisible. The corpse of the demonic beast quietly crumbles to dust, and all the lights flicker back on. The invisible someone starts forming a body – at first as poorly defined as the watery hand, like a half-remembered memory, but soon solidifying into a slender, paper white arm, alabaster robe, platinum blonde curls… and massive, pure white feathery wings flaring out from this picture perfect woman’s back. A softly glowing halo hums into life above her head as a single, clear ring of a church bell tolls.

If – if this isn’t an angel, nothing is. There I am, on my ass on the pavement before an emissary of God, and I can’t even manage to not gawk at her like some fucking moron!

The angel takes the spear in her hand, the watery hand waves to me and disappears, and still I can’t manage to even close my fucking mouth!

“I take it you are unharmed?” the angel asks me, her voice pure and melodic and all that poetic crap, and all I say is “Praise be to God”, like some generic and zero-thought-process and out-of-habit phrase like that is going to do any good in this situation. THINK OF SOMETHING TO SAY, DAMN YOU BRAIN!

“Get off your ass already!” a new voice huffs and startles me enough to actually make me jump despite not even standing. On my left, there is a lesbian – honestly, that’s what best describes her! She’s wearing red flannel, for fuck’s sake! A super short lesbian, she’s almost a head shorter than even me… What the hell – heck is she doing here? Can’t she see the angel standing right there? Why isn’t she boggled out of her mind at the incredible sight?! It feels so right to be in awe of her – wait… It feels… right? Why… why isn’t anything wrong now? I… This is so confusing. Where did the wrong go?

The angel graciously offers her hand to this idiotic creature, and all I can do is stutter out a simple thank you. Partly it’s my confusion at the inexplicable disappearance of wrong, and partly because she is - and I’m not shitting or embellishing this in the slightest - the most beautiful woman I could have imagined even in my wildest dreams. It’s not just how she looks, it’s also how she feels – and yes, she does look stunning, but she also emanates this aura of peace, reverence and contentment. That aura, combined with her perfectly symmetrical, slim face, large eyes in multiple hues of blue and nearly translucent, evenly toned skin puts Aphrodite, Venus and Istar all to shame.

“Thank you”, I say automatically. The angel smiles and I swear my heart skips like ten beats. Not only is she indescribably beautiful, she’s also insanely tall – I don’t even reach her armpit. As I stare up at her like some love-struck idiot, her face subtly changes – her eyes go from double-lid to monolid, her nose flattens a bit, and her cheekbones travel upwards. She’s turned from completely Caucasian to part East Asian – like me. She skin still stays just as pale, though, it even faintly glows a white light.

“We need to go, asshats!” the lesbian snaps. I reluctantly turn to look at her instead of the wonder in front of me. Her hair is blonde as well, but instead of freely flowing long waves, it’s a straight, long bob and pulled into a ponytail. Her eyes are an even turquoise, and that’s one of the only two things worth mentioning about her looks – she’s impossibly plain. She’s so plain you can’t call her ugly, not even standing next to the angel. The other thing worth mention is that bitch face of epic proportions. How she can be anything but awestruck around the angel is beyond me, but that look makes it pretty clear she despises nothing on this planet as much as she does me.

I thought the angel would be incapable of negative emotions, but even she gives a slight glare at the lesbian, like she’s being inappropriate.

“Yes, it would be best to move on before more demons arrive.”

That thing was really a demon? Not just some monster? Why was it after me? And why am I important to warrant an honest to God angel to save me? Not that I don’t appreciate it, it’s just weird that a nobody like me gets special treatment. My family’s not important, and I’m not even planning a religious career.

The angel and the lesbian start walking towards my place, and I don’t question how they know where I live. I just follow, legs weak, suddenly noticing how funny the short lesbian looks next to the giant angel. As I stifle the chuckle, I realize how rude I’m being, and to a celestial being at that!

“Ah! My name’s Ally binti Badraan! Nice to meet you!”

Both women turn to look at me, but keep walking.

“We knew that”, the angel replies smiling gently. “You may call me Rapture.”

We both look at the lesbian expectantly, and she blanks for a good five seconds. What, doesn’t she know her own name?

“…Meta. Got any smokes?”

Rapture looks like she wants to facepalm, but it wouldn’t fit her image.

“Uhh, sorry, no. I don’t smoke.”

“What are you even good for?” Meta huffs. Excuse me? What the hell kind of manners are those?! She was totally raised in a barn!

“I apologize for my subordinate”, Rapture grumbles. “It may be difficult to believe she is also an angel, but she is capable despite her personality.”

What?! The lesbian is also an angel? But – she’s nothing like Rapture! She seems like the furthest thing from angel excluding demons! Rapture, yeah, she could only be an angel, but you can’t tell me that Plain McBitchy belongs in the same genus!

“I’m here to fight demons, not to baby these bonebags”, Meta comments with a sneer. I decide not to bother with her, and address Rapture.

“So you’re powers, am I correct?”

Rapture smiles so bright I swear the whole street lights up. I hate being a broken record, but she is so beautiful! I might have to look away soon, wouldn’t want my eyes to overload.

“Oh, good to see you have read your Bible! It has been very long since I met a true believer!”

I don’t have the heart to tell her I haven’t even read the whole Bible… I skipped like 70 percent of the Old Testament. I read all the angel stuff on Wikipedia.

Come to think of it, does this prove Christianity to be the only true religion? What am I going to tell dad and Saida?

I’m just about to ask, when the angels – no, I just can’t consider the lesbian an actual angel – suddenly turn invisible. We’re right at the corner of my apartment building, and I hear someone walking towards us. I don’t want to panic, because for sure Rapture wouldn’t have left me to fend for myself if it was a demon, but can you blame me for imagining the worst when I was a second away from death mere minutes ago?

I couldn’t hide behind the dumpster fast enough, and Ricky caught me at a very embarrassing situation.

“Did you drop something?” he asks. I feel my face growing red as I try to nonchalantly brush my clothes clean and look like I didn’t just dive on the ground.

“Oh, yeah, my… thing. Girl thing.”

“I have two sisters, you can say tampon”, he laughs as he throws in his trash. I am so glad he doesn’t realize I made it sound like my tampon just fell out. “Nice evening, right? If it weren’t for the lights, you could see the stars clearly.”

Yeah, the sky is clear and there’s only a light breeze in the air. I look up at the sky, but can only see a few dots here and there. I’ve always wanted to go in the countryside somewhere at night so I could see the starry sky in all its glory. It’s just that driving in complete darkness in a strange place would be a little too scary, and I am not sleeping in a car.

I catch Ricky looking at me with a slight blush on his face, and wait for the wrong to set in to discourage any kind of romantic notion. But it doesn’t come. What happened to it? It always comes at moments like this!

“Um…” Ricky starts, wrings his hands, looks at the ground, looks at me, and starts again. “I – I cooked up something really good, if you’d, maybe, like to come in and, I don’t know, watch some anime?”

Where is that sense of wrong? I feel completely fine with saying yes to this ridiculously obvious date. It’s like it’s suddenly okay to like someone.

I – I kind of want to see what happens. It doesn’t have to lead to anything serious, I can just leave if wrong returns. Claim I didn’t realize this is a date.

I’m gonna do it!

“Yeah, okay! I got some mochi at my place, you liked the green tea ones, right?”

Ricky can’t believe I just said yes. His smile is so wide you could fit a camel in his mouth, despite him clearly trying to play it cool, like he’s a smooth player.

“Those were the kind you got me for Christmas? Where did you buy them?” Aww, he remembered! He hadn’t looked too happy with his first taste of mochi, but I guess they grew on him.

“The Chinese store on West street, they got many kinds.”

“Never thought I’d say I like green tea”, Ricky jokes and stops even trying to hide his joy.

“My favorite is durian, smells horrible but tastes heavenly.”

Does that count as an accidental pun? Rapture and Meta are still around, aren’t they? Just invisible. What’s up with that, anyway?

“Was that the purple one, or –“

Ricky is cut off by Meta suddenly appearing right at his side and making him jump away in surprise.

“Will you two just get ON WITH IT!” she yells exasperated. “I’m TIRED, I need my SMOKES, and I’m not getting EITHER while you two keep standing here FLIRTING WITH EACH OTHER!”

Ricky stares at her in terrified silence, and I can’t think of anything to say either. Meta huffs again – seems to be her thing.

“Do you at least have smokes?”

Ricky shakes his head timidly.

“Well of FUCKING COURSE you don’t! Fucking useless garbage! Thirsty little bitch who probably still wets the bed…”

“What the hell Meta?!” I yell. Yeah, I’m a nice person, but I’m not gonna just stand there while this bitch insults my friend! Angel or not, she needs to show some basic respect! “You can’t just blow up like that! Apologize!”

She stares at me in stunned silence, and I can just hear the Did this bitch honestly-! Uh-huh, you bet your ass I did! “Ricky’s a nice guy, he doesn’t deserve you giving him shit for not enabling your bad habits!”

Uh-oh, bad move. Meta goes from disbelief to fite me! in under a second.

“You realize he probably beats off to you every single night? Nice guys like him watch the most fucked up Asian bondage porn”, Meta shoots, and stomps inside.

“She’s wrong!” Ricky instantly squeaks. “I don’t even watch normal person! I swear! SHE’S LYING!”

…and he escapes. I doubt this date is happening anymore.

When I get inside, Meta is already sprawled out on the couch. Rapture becomes visible the second I close the door. She begins a long, furious rant that same second.

“Meta! Your work ethics are deplorable! We are under strict orders not to show ourselves to normal humans! You mouth off any human you meet and spend your time smoking and rotting your brain with TV and lazing around and drinking and nothing I say ever gets through to you! Get up! What a fine image you are giving your client!”

Rapture is a lot less angelic when she rants at someone she clearly considers beneath her. That feel-good aura is completely gone and her face contorts in inhuman ways. Her voice also is also slowly losing its melodic qualities and turning more and more shrill every ten seconds. And she talks for many ten seconds. Wow, can she flap her lips! She just keeps going and going and going about the innumerable flaws Meta has, while the object of this rant does nothing to hide her prissiness though she never defends herself, either. Guess she’s used to this, and knows the fastest way to get it over with is not to argue. I may not like her, and maybe I do agree with Rapture on many points, but it’s still overkill to put someone down for almost ten minutes.

“Please calm down, Rapture, I’m sure she got the message.”

Despite this being such a meek protest, she actually turns to face me – her eyes have turned black and her face is considerably more angular and sharp than earlier. She returns back to normal in seconds, like she forgot I was here and tries to pretend she didn’t just chew out her partner. Her huge wings knock off two glasses on my table, which thankfully don’t break, and after some deliberation she decides her visage is angelic enough without the wings. She sheds them by letting the feathers fall of in a dramatic cascade. Fortunately they fall through the floor and don’t just pile up for me to clean up.

“I assume you would like an explanation of the situation?” she asks, and I nod. Behind her back Meta rolls her eyes and drops back on the couch. “Your grandchild will be the second coming of the messiah.”

Messiah? As in, Jesus Christ? And his second coming? Woah, seems Christianity is the only religion. Am I gonna have to give up Allah?

“We will stay here to protect you, to ensure the bloodline keeps going.”

“Have you been protecting me my whole life? But – why would you never show yourselves?”

You’d think protecting me was a little easier if I knew what could happen to me. I could, you know, maybe try and prepare, instead of freezing and trying to fistfight a demon. Plus I probably would have gone to church a lot more often. God likes it when people go to church.

“Oh, no, we were assigned to this task today. Powers are much too conspicuous – before this, a guardian angel was more suited to the task. They are everywhere and have very little power, so they do not attract attention. But now that you have been discovered, Satan will do all in his power to break the bloodline. He will do anything to escape judgment.”

She smiles reassuringly, but suddenly her smile doesn’t captivate me like it just minutes before. Yeah, she’s still super beautiful, but hearing her nag so passionately didn’t exactly earn her points in my book.

“Not to worry, we can take anything the enemy throws at you.”

Right, yeah, I guess I should be worried about my own life, now that she mentioned it.

“So Christianity’s God is the only true god?” I blurt out. Rapture smiles brightly, while Meta vigorously shakes her head behind her back.

“So… is He or isn’t He?”

“Of course He is! What else would He be?” Rapture barks.

“He’s so far from the only one he’s not even a decimal”, Meta comments. Rapture shoots her a truly venomous look, and clearly plans to lecture her some more later.

This is all a bit much to take in… I’m the grandmother of Jesus, and angels can’t agree on whether God is the only god or not, and I’m gonna have to tell mom and dad all this craziness… Oh and my life is gonna be in danger basically 24/7 now.

“Okay guys, I need some alone time. Good night, sorry but I only have that one couch… Try and share it or something.”

Rapture lets out an indignant scoff, but I don’t look at her. I just close the bedroom door and fall on the bed. I should do my evening prayers, but what can I even say tonight? Should I pray to both my Gods, or just one? Should I address one to all the possible deities, since Meta said there’s a whole lot? Would just one shared prayer do or am I gonna have to sit here ‘til I faint from hunger?

Eventually I settle on praying to both God and Allah, as I do every evening. I simply pray for guidance. As predicted, Rapture nags at Meta, but at least she’s doing it quietly, and lets me fall asleep.

--

Crumbs… Crumbs everywhere… Poor sandwiches, can’t be easy going to school when you shed all over the floors and eat yourself for lunch, and Ham can’t even find its cow.

“BLESSED SILENCE!”

I hear a confused groan and it takes a few seconds to realize I’m the one who made it. It’s pitch black in my room.

“Sorry, it got a little too quiet”, Meta explains. I groan again. This is just great, she woke up in the fucking dead of night because it was too quiet? That’s the ideal for night!

At least I fall asleep again reasonably quick.