#back then I struggled heavily with self worth because there wasn't any system in which I could get ranked that affirmed
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Nihilism is a positive, life affirming philosophy. Something my christian mother couldn't, or didn't want to, understand
And Schoppenhauer is interesting but only worth anything when you conclude he is wrong
Berserk as a Nietzschean Tragedy — Art, Morality, Affirmation by Jonas Čeika
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#when I was 16 in the face of my friends still being close to christian morality and therefore by extension fascist thought (something I was#incapable of naming back then and only fully getting out of in my 20s after falling out with all of them)#I invented the term of ''positive Nihilism'' on my own. this in turn was a thought that spread throughout our very depressed and more#hopeless shunned by other students friend group and synergized well with the hedonistic freedom we gained by getting old enough to buy#alcohol and other drugs. but didn't lead to all of us moving away from moralistic and judgy world views. for most it only changed#what the rules and who worthy targets of morality and judginess were#and influenced by this bad philosophy taught in school and right wing influencers having the biggest presence online I also#didn't manage to free myself from christian moralistic and fascist world views. even if I developed an#understanding of how racism and science were related at the time and thought myself to be a true liberal (I wasn't) ( andthat's kinda true#for essentially all liberals. because they denie collective action for the greater good. and thereby denie that collective action for the#bad can already exist. implicitly without any great plot to be necessary#and I used the terms bad and good here. but not to describe any conviction of anyone. to describe a result of action/inaction taken#back then I struggled heavily with self worth because there wasn't any system in which I could get ranked that affirmed#my worth or my virtues. my talents. because it can't. and if there was it would need to denie someone else's value#that's inevitable. being good at something is great but has no implications on other people#alone for the fact that they might have different standards. different goals#the complexity of humanity and the inability of us to weigh one another against each other. to compare ourselves amongst one another#is what truly reveals the worth of each and every one of us. we're alive and nothing can be worth more. so we should strive to keep everyon#around as long as they want to be around. and we should always denie anyone who wants to denie others ability and right to live#and I'm not some Kantian Idiot believing that the laws of nature mandate you aren't allowed to kill yourself or something#I'm just here to say even if I hate you I'd rather you're alive so that I can decide not to talk to you than for you to be dead.#someone else will love you and cherish every moment with you and I'll love that you're spending that time together.#I kinda lost the thread and my brain is producing thoughts I wanna write down but can't make sense off or put into words.#I don't know what the thoughts are myself. I forgot at least one of them after formulating it correctly because there were so many#kissing you (only if you want to/allow it)#Youtube
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