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heyidkyay · 11 months ago

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And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Ten

Matty Healy x reader

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way?

Authors Note: It was in the drafts and it's been a while so I thought I'd post. Might not hear from me for a bit though after this, so I hope you like the next part. Thank you for all the love on this one.

Masterlist

A warm bout of light filtered into the bedroom through a small gap in the curtains. It gave the space a sepia feel, tinting the light bedding and walls a warm hazel colour. Creating a haze of skittering beams above me.

It wasn't much, the room. It simply held the necessities I thought I needed seeing as I didn't spend too much of my time in it, other than when I needed to dress or sleep. I’ve really had too many other things occupying my time during the past few years that have kept me from worrying over the state of it.

There was a rickety old dresser, which sat in the far corner and had been something I'd picked up during my time at uni. Student accommodation had been lacking and so Finn had decided, quite early on I might add, that it would be in our best interest to find ourselves some cheap furniture to fill it with.

In truth, we’d actually had to lug the pesky thing all the way down a dual-carriageway and across a roundabout, after having spotted it advertised in the window of our local offy. It held a good few memories though, like when the pair of us had jumped up onto it at the first sight of an eight-legged pal, or the time I’d walked in to find him getting railed over its top.

Then there was the large mahogany wardrobe that had been purchased from a wholesaler not very long after I had finally gotten a newly born Teddy settled into the tiny flat I'd rented out in Hackney.

It had been cramped, what with the bathroom having been the size of a broom cupboard and the only bedroom having led straight into our ‘fun-sized’ kitchen. But we'd made it work. In fact, it had practically been a Godsend during those nightly feeds- six steps and I’d been right by the cooker!

The wardrobe had been a much needed purchase though, and one of the first things I had bought solely for myself since I’d moved out of mam’s.

Then there was the side table, sat next to the one edge of my bed that hadn't been backed into a wall, which held a reading light, a three wicked candle and a couple of novels with folded and refolded receipts sticking out the sides as page markers.

I had garnered quite the collection of books, I could admit, all of which seemed to line up haphazardly on the opposite wall. I tended to smile whenever I caught sight of its heavy shelves, a reminder of all the havoc that had gone into them whilst putting them up. It had taken me three whole days, and even though they were still a tad lopsided, I still gazed upon them in pride.

A woeful plant burdened my windowsill, a slither of its olive coloured pot barely seen from behind the billowing beige curtains. Whilst cushions sat in disarray across the hardwood floor below, having been tossed every which way the night previous.

There were dirty clothes in the hamper by the half-opened door and a basket of clean, partially folded, washing in a chair sitting beside the wardrobe.

The room wasn't completely tidy, but not a tip either.

Humming groggily to myself, I began to stir from the deep sleep I’d lost myself in and used the ball of my palm to rub tiredly at my eye just as a furrowed line creased between my brows.

It was far too quiet, I deemed, and must've been later than usual too because Teddy normally had us both up long before the crack arse of dawn. So I sniffed once and then went to turn over, just to check the time as I always did, but couldn't stop the way I stilled completely at the sight that greeted me.

Because in bed, right beside me, laid another body. One hidden deep beneath the weighted duvet and my favoured blanket, but a body nonetheless.

Shit.

It appeared in the remaining foggy haze of last night, I had quite simply forgotten about the man I'd invited back home. And into my bed, it seemed. As well as the ill-timed events that had led up to it, too.

My breath hitched when the man suddenly moved in his sleep and I did my very fucking best not to express any of my thoughts or feelings outwardly. Desperate not to actually rouse the sleeper.

Instead, I inhaled. Once, then twice. Before finally, I gathered enough courage and strength to slowly inch myself all the way down to the very end of the bed. Mindful not to drag the duvet down with me.

Once I was standing- still fully clothed, I might tack on (thank you to small miracles!)- I allowed myself a second to just peer down and admire the dark, curling locks that now sprawled across my pale pillowcase. As well as the slither of skin which poked out from beneath the bed sheets.

In all honesty, I couldn't actually recall the last time I'd shared my space like this, so freely it almost felt effortless.

Quickly though, I blinked myself out of those sorts of thoughts and took another, much needed, deep breath. The flat was still as quiet as it had been a moment prior, but I was careful to tread incredibly lightly when I turned to grab the nearest set of clean clothes. Then, cautiously, I started to tiptoe my way out of the bedroom.

Standing in the hallway, with a wooden door now planted firmly between me and my overnight guest, I threw my head back in silent ire. Questioning just how, why! I had gotten myself into a situation this stress inducing, a situation I had not been in since my days at uni. I could only just begin to imagine how this would all pan out once everyone was finally wide awake and Teddy had-

Oh God, Teddy!

It was painfully embarrassing to admit that I had just about worked myself into a right state before it finally hit me that Teddy was, in fact, still with Finn. At his flat, not even ten minutes away, and not down the hall, sleeping in the same space as a fucking strange bloke he’d never even set eyes on.

So with that anxiety riddled train of thought now settled, I found that I was ultimately calmer and took a deep breath before resolving to head off to the loo before anything else happened to occur. Or before I sent myself into another full blown panic attack.

I wandered down the rest of the hall into the bathroom and went about my business before stripping out of last night’s clothes. I couldn't stop myself from wincing at the laddered tights I’d since tugged off, those which would surely have to go straight in the bin, and then stepped into a pair of well-worn joggers as well as a newer jumper I’d found during the early summer sales.

It was a long and thoughtful process that had me deciding that I should start on a pot of tea, because if I couldn't sneak my way out of this entire affair via the front door, then tea would simply have to do. Us Brits, hey?

But first, I needed to find my phone.

The thing wasn't too hard to locate. I found it lying on the kitchen counter when I walked in, charging, and did my best to recall the events of the previous night as I puttered around to fill the kettle.

There had been the phone call.

Then Finn taking Teddy.

The tube ride to the bar.

Ronan... As well as everyone else.

And then, Matty had appeared out of nowhere and turned my entire sodding night on its head.

"Christ." I heard myself grumble under my breath, feeling as though I had aged an entire year in a single night.

The hangover I was now supposed to be nursing was teetering around the edges of my mind, a headache oncoming I reckoned seeing as though my shock had hit it clean off onto the verge upon waking up. But still, I found myself rubbing at my temples for a brief second before splaying my palms out on the cold counter in an attempt to calm my brewing emotions.

"Could tell you a few ways to reach him, but I don't reckon he's the sort to make house calls..."

I startled at the sound of the unexpected voice and snapped my head straight up to find Matty standing in the doorway to my kitchen. The man had apparently foregone trousers, choosing instead to make up for the lack of material on his bottom half with a pair of thick socks and an oversized jumper I knew had been draped across my dresser only moments earlier.

I couldn't find it in himself to complain though, not that I would've. Matty looked far too indecent standing there, morning light illuminating his milky skin and shadowing his already dark, tousled hair, watching me through bleary eyes.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" Is what I chose to reply with, heartbeat still a little erratic, pulsing in the curve of my throat. I reached a hand up to tug on an earring, the other arm moving to wrap its way around my torso.

Matty’s lip quirked upwards when he stepped further into the room, just as the kettle whistled away to a boil.

"You're alright." He waved off, and shook his head lightly as he made his way over to where two mugs had since been placed on the counter. Two mugs I’d put down without much thought as to whether or not he was sticking around long enough for a brew.

Still, I hadn’t needed to fret over it, seeing as I was forced to watch on as Matty brewed the tea himself; popping a tea bag into each cup and steeping them in hot water. He then cocked a questioning brow in my direction which startled me into motion.

"Sugar’s in the tin.” I told him softly, pointing in its direction, “You'll have to make do with skimmed milk though I'm afraid, got none of that oat shit."

Matty snorted in retort and crossed the floor to open the fridge, looking almost too at home in my austere, little kitchen. Especially when the jumper he wore rid high enough up his thighs to expose the edging of his tight, black boxers.

I looked away.

"Might be a bigshot, babe, but a decent cuppa means actual milk." Matty tutted, paying no mind to the homage of colourful drawings on my fridge door as it rattled shut, and then returned to his station to pour an ungodly amount of milk into one mug. He hovered the bottle over the other.

"Just a splash, please. No sugar." I told him quietly and he hummed in turn, stirring methodically before he fished the teabags out and into the bin.

I took my mug rather cautiously once Matty had picked up his own and taken perch on top of my countertop, feeling a bout of unease at seeing the singer so comfortable in my humble home. What must he think of it all?

I tried not to stress anymore than I already had and took a small sip instead, looking at the way the man opposite fiddled with the old school radio that resided on the closest shelf. It was something I'd brought along with me from back home, it had belonged to one of my grandfathers, I wasn't sure which, but it tended to soothe me whenever I cooked in the late evenings, or during the long nights when Teddy was up all hours.

The warm tea soothed my dry throat and eased some of that tension I still had coiled in the line of my shoulders, enough so that I felt the need to start up another conversation just to fill the lingering silence.

My tongue darted out to wet my bottom lip and then I cleared my throat, cradling the hot mug in my hands.

"So, about last night..."

I was overall quite surprised to see the way Matty's entire mood immediately shifted upon hearing my opener. His lethargic demeanour- mostly down to having just woken up- stiffened entirely and sharpened his tired eyes and soft lips.

"Last night." Parroted Matty, voice low and tinged with a slight rasp that I hadn't paid much attention to a minute ago. It held power, though toneless.

I paused, if only for a moment to weigh my next words. It was important that Matty understood that last night had been a bit of an overreaction on my part, that I’d misstepped whilst drunk, and not something other. I couldn’t deal with any of that right now, if ever. No one needed to know the extent of what had gone down.

"Ronan, he's... well, he's just always been a bit protective."

Matty stared back at me, his face utterly blank. Enough so that I actually startled slightly when he scoffed. It was a loud sound that echoed off the tiles, before his jaw set sternly and his narrowed eyes met my own. “Hang on, you're actually choosing to defend that dickhead?"

I blinked in return, gaping in truth, at the realisation that I’d completely forgotten the fact that I'd explained much of what had happened, drunkenly, to Matty on the cab ride home. The same journey which had ended with not only Matty escorting me up to my front door but me also inviting him inside.

Couldn’t he have just been a gentleman and declined? Left me to choke on my own sick and perhaps allow me to die with the little dignity I’d had left?

It wasn't anything like most would've probably imagined though, the whole me asking him up thing, that much I knew. My intentions hadn't been anywhere near illustrious and I certainly hadn't set out to lure the illusive singer into my bed. I’d merely wanted some company after all that had happened that night is all, scared to be alone with the guilt, even.

Which was honestly a first for me. It had always been so much easier for me to just deal with my many thoughts and complicated emotions alone, behind closed doors and far, far from judgement.

It seemed that the alcohol had addled my mind slightly.

I couldn’t help the sigh I gave then, nor the way I curled up further into the wooden chair I’d since sat in.

"No, just-"

Matty scoffed again, this time cutting me off completely. "Well, it sounds as though you are, darling."

I went to argue but found I couldn't- not that Matty gave me much of an opportunity to though. No, the man simply stampeded on, didn’t he?

Were all rock stars this pigheaded?

"I mean, for fucks sake, Mouse! What were you thinking? I've met my fair share of arseholes but he was no doubt one of the biggest, toed right in line beside me when I was off my face, in truth. He was so fucking arrogant, controlling and- moody! My God, he was a downright moody prick, too. And those were just my thoughts before seeing the aftermath of what went down at the end of the night!”

He shook his head vehemently.

"And protective, really Squeaks? I'm sorry to say this, babe, honest I am, but you might need a reality check, mate. He was downright possessive. Glaring at you the entire night only to try and stake his claim the second you were alone."

I gritted my teeth, unhappy with the way Matty had portrayed everything.

"He's a friend!" I tried to defend but Matty, who had since quietly settled his mug down in spite of his obvious anger, jumped off the counter and stepped forward.

"More like deranged!" He spat back, "I saw you! I was fucking there! I had to look into your eyes, see the blinding panic, the fear. Don't tell me that he's a friend, not when he caused a reaction like that. I mean, you can be intimidating when you want to be- all sweet like, subdued, and intelligent. You're all these fascinating things rolled up into one oversized jumper, and yet, you let someone like him walk all over you? Treat you like you're his property or something." He scoffed once more, shaking his head like he couldn’t believe the words he was having to spew.

I stared long and hard into his dark eyes before I couldn't stand to any longer, instead I turned away to blow out an unsteady breath.

Matty was right, I knew that much, alright? But it didn't mean I had to enjoy having to admit to that. Having someone else in on a secret I’d kept for so long, one I hadn't even realised I’d been keeping, not really. It all just felt like a little too much to be dealing with all at once and so early in the morning to boot. Because in actuality, I didn't want to face up to the fact that I had actually allowed someone to treat me that way. To know that other people had finally been a witness to it. Seen me that weak.

I had vowed long ago to never let another person put me in such a state of vulnerability. But here I was, a-fucking-gain.

I heard Matty sigh before socked feet dragged closer and I felt a gentle hand come to rest at the bow of my elbow. He sighed again, softer this time though, when I only continued to stare resolutely out of the kitchen window.

"I'm sorry for blowing my top, yeah? I just- it annoys me, to see you wash your hands of it so easily. As though you believed what he'd done was okay."

I swallowed thickly.

"You deserve better than that, okay?" Matty added.

I had to glance up at the ceiling to blink away the mist in my eyes, but did finally dip my head in silent acknowledgement, pulling away slightly so that I could take a moment to gather myself.

Matty didn't move when I crossed the kitchen floor to riffle through my cupboards, rooted to the ground almost, but he was spurred into action only a few seconds later.

I’d just placed a carton of eggs on the side and moved to turn on the hob when the old radio stuttered to a start. It let that silence I so hated fade away, and gave me the kick I needed to carry on.

"How'd you like your eggs?" I asked, and felt more than saw Matty’s relieved smile. He just had a way of taking up all the space in a room, as though he were its own gravitational pull and everyone else just had to be aware of his every cue.

I hid my own, however tiny smile, as best I could.

"Fried. Got any bacon?"

And just like that, things evened out and our 'talk' was seemingly long forgotten. To be honest, I actually got so caught up in the normality of it all, the radio playing, the sidestepping, the easy smiles, that I completely forgot about the world around us. Everyone else that lived beyond these four walls.

It was just as we’d finished up eating and Matty had jumped up to grab our plates, that a familiar alert sounded. I glanced away and was reminded that life had in fact continued on without us.

I hurried over to where my phone was still sat on the side and worried at my lower lip when I saw the many notifications which lined the dimming screen. The newest was from Finn.

Messages now Finnleyyy Awake yet drunkard? Got a little man here ready to head home, well fed and only a little dirty!

It was instantaneous the way my gaze darted up to where Matty was now standing by the sink, only a tad surprised to find him making an attempt at the washing up. He must've felt my eyes on him though because he turned to flash me a grin over his right shoulder a second later. I tried my best to smile back, but the thought of Teddy meeting Matty, and of Matty meeting Teddy... just didn't sit quite well with me.

My thumbs flew their way across the screen to type up a speedy reply.

Messages now Just woke up Sort of got a visitor? And before you start, no it wasn't like that, but I promise to tell you more when you get here Can you give me half hour??

It was only a little embarrassing, having to mention my overnight guest, especially whilst knowing it was the same man Finn had been blatantly teasing me about these past few weeks, but I really didn't want to have these two parts of my life crossover. Not right now.

With everything I understood about Matty and his past, I had to be certain that he was the kind of person I wanted my son to be around. The kind of person my son was safe to be around. And I was nowhere near sure where I currently was on that scale.

Matty was unreliable. His job had him everywhere and nowhere at once, up all hours of the day, and on a bus most months out of the year. That was something I really had to consider here.

Because I really was just trying to be brutally honest with myself. No matter how genuine Matty might've seemed in his recent efforts, I also knew that he was bound to get bored of our dubious friendship sooner or later, and that Teddy tended to get rather attached quite quickly. And I wouldn't stand by and watch my son get hurt when Matty finally chose to walk away. It was tough, him only having so few people constantly around, I wished so greatly that I could give him the big family I’d always dreamed of, but new people always had me so weary.

I breathed out a quiet sigh of relief when Finn finally messaged back giving me the okay, as well as the expected hard time.

Messages now Finnleyyy Ah I'll be sure to rinse you of every detail, you lazy sod! And Teds will be fine, we'll stop off at the park on our way over

Matty popped up right beside me then, just as I exited my messages, and I was merely thankful that I'd managed to avoid him seeing anything that could have led to questions. In an attempt to both evade and act casual, I scrolled down further to see who else had texted.

"Anything interesting?"

I blinked up at him, mouth now suddenly agape, then to my screen, then back up at him.

"Erm, you might want to see this." I told Matty as I all but threw my mobile into his hands.

The Sun 07:34 HOTHEAD HEALY IS BACK AND MAKING HEADLINES WITH DARK HAIRED BEAUTY

MTV 08:02 MATTY HEALY SPOTTED AT LONDON BAR WITH NEW FLING!

The Mirror 08:11 A WILD NIGHT OUT ON THE TOWN FOR 1975 SINGER AND FRIENDS TURNS SOUR

In all the new texts I’d gotten Jamie had been the one to send the first few articles, but one seemingly spiralled into another, like a spider spinning its deceitful web.

Matty’s sudden bout of boisterous laughter startled me though, the sound so unexpected, and I shot a hasty look over to find an amused smile dancing on his lips whilst he shook his head.

"Erm," I attempted, but stopped there when I realised I didn't quite have the words, or rather no actual clue on what to say.

"Same old story." Matty told me, shrugging it off as though him being pictured simply standing next to Indra, the friend of a friend from last night, in a crowded bar was enough to warrant such a spectacle.

"But you barely said two words to her!" I retorted when Matty handed me back my phone, surprised by his utter nonchalance.

He only shrugged again! "All publicity's good publicity, and all that crap. Besides, I know the truth, the people who matter know the truth," He dipped his chin over at me then for some reason, "And so does she. They'll find something, or someone else, to hound soon enough."

"What, so it really doesn't bother you then? Being made out to be this person you're not."

"A slag, you mean?" Matty teased as a mischievous smile limned his lips.

Tutting, I could only roll my eyes at him before I forced myself to my feet and wandered over to the sink. The bigshot singer made an abrupt noise of indignation when he realised that I really did intend to redo all of his hard work.

"Oi, I already did those!"

I couldn’t hide my smirk as I rinsed the plates off properly, honestly glad for the distraction. "And you did quite well, what with it being your first try."

Matty scowled halfheartedly, but I took note of the faint blush that flushed the back of his neck. Seemed like I wasn't too far off in my assumption.

"So, what did Jamie have to say about it all then?" Matty quipped, swiftly changing the subject.

I let him have it, not saying a word more on the topic before I went to dry my hands. "What I think you mean to ask is, why did he text me?"

"Well, yeah." Matty replied with another single shoulder shrug, "How did he even know that we were together?"

"Made a good guess?" I supplied simply when I found that I didn't really have the answer to that particular question.

But privately, I reckoned that maybe Jamie hadn't realised that Matty and I had been together at all. I hadn't been photographed in any articles, from what I'd seen at least, and neither me nor Matty had had any contact with him until right now.

Maybe Jamie had just wanted to let me in on what was happening, on the know, perhaps he'd wanted someone to rant or share his frustrations with. It wouldn't have been the first time.

So I made a mental note to message him again later, when Matty was long gone and I had time to stew on all of this.

"Enough about him anyway, what are you up to today?" Matty asked me as he jumped backup into the counter. I consciously avoided looking at the way his thighs pressed against the granite, the tattoos that marked the length of his skin.

"Apart from bleaching your arse off of my countertops?" I snarked back and snorted when Matty merely wiggled his arse in retort, "I've got a couple of things to sort today."

"Work things?"

I hummed my general assent but avoided meeting Matty’s eye, not wanting to outright lie. I really did have plans though, plans to waste the day away with Teddy, grab a late lunch, and maybe head off to the cinema to watch that new superhero film he'd been yapping on about for the past two weeks. Only, I couldn't tell any of that to Matty.

"What about you?" I asked instead (always so polite!) as I went about the kitchen, clearing away what remained of our cooking session. I'd rather get the majority done now, than fret over it later.

"Not much." Matty mumbled as he ran a fingertip along the edge of a nearby cupboard, kicking his feet up when I swept past. "Avoid Jamie, dodge a couple calls, maybe meet up with some friends. Think Ross got the new FIFA, so might bug him for a bit."

I hummed around a small smile, returning the dry cutlery back to its rightful drawer, "That Danny guy?"

Matty flashed me a knowing smile. "Mayhaps."

"Mayhaps?" I mimicked, shooting him a questioning brow.

"It's a combination of words, Squeaks. Emphasises the meaning!"

I snorted. "I'm sure."

Matty chuckled quietly to himself before he finally pushed himself off of my kitchen side and back onto his feet. "Well, I'd best get out of your hair then. Leave you to do your important work and what not."

I faked a sigh of evident relief and dodged the swat he aimed at my arm, grinning as I rounded a table chair.

"Don't act like you won't miss my Godlike presence, darling." Matty looked down his nose at me mockingly as he made his way over to the doorway.

A belly laugh bubbled up out of me upon hearing that and Matty all but lit up at the sound. "Godlike? Wow, it's nice to know that fame really does get to some people’s heads."

Matty cut his eyes at me and with a mirthful smile, flipped me off. "Dick. I'm just gonna head up and get changed. That alright?"

I dipped my head, feigning wiping down the table before I glanced up to watch him walk away, finding my smile never faltering even after Matty had disappeared from sight.

It wasn't too long later when he popped back up again though, all dressed up in a pair of expensive boots and the tight trousers he'd been wearing last night. I didn’t miss the flash of my jumper that had been hidden somewhere behind the zip of his jacket though, but I didn’t say anything, pleased that he’d taken a liking to it.

Looking at him, it didn't even seem as though he'd been out drinking all night, or that he'd just rolled out of the bed of some other. He looked rather lovely like this, still a tad bit sleepy- it was all in the crook of his smile, you see- and soft.

"Well, I'd best be off then." Matty announced from where he was now stood idling waiting in the hallway.

I propped myself up against the bannister and found myself wearing an amused smile, drinking him in. "Best be."

He grinned back over at me and just when it felt as though he was about to reach out, he stuffed one hand into his jacket pocket and pointed at me with the other. "I'll text you later, yeah? So make sure to actually reply this time, all right?"

Rather dramatically, I blew out a large breath and crossed my arms over the ball that sat atop the bannister’s wooden beam. "Seems like a hard task..."

I laughed when Matty shot me a particularly nasty glare, but relented.

"I'll be waiting on your many messages, my dear." I corrected, doing my best to feign the doting wife sending her husband off to war, even going as far as to clutch at my jumper in a pained goodbye.

"You’d better." Matty smirked and when I took a step away from the staircase, he decided to take that as his leave.

Though it was just as he was halfway out the front door that he paused and turned back to chance a glance at me, ring clad fingers toying with the latch on the inside lock.

"We might've dropped the subject but, just know, if I ever see that ginger prick near you again I will put my fist through his face hard enough that he'll be shitting out my rings." And with that Matty dipped his chin at me once and let the door swing shut behind him.

I wasn’t ashamed to say that I stood there in the silence that encompassed the house for a very long moment, before my lips finally quirked upwards and I let myself laugh.

It seemed that everyone was right, Matty Healy truly did have a way with words. Only, the wrong kind.

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ottiliere · 2 years ago

Note

what are your go-to resources for phantom blood fashion historical accuracy...... ...

ok I'm glad you asked this because I've been writing up a whole other post on dio's fashion sense and i wasn't sure how much of the period's fashion trends to explain since I didn't want to make an assumption that nobody knows anything about late victorian fashion. this will be a good reference post for me...and you... and anyone else who wants to use it.

regardless; I hate to say it but the best way to start drawing period clothing is to do a little reading on the fundamentals of [late] victorian dress because it will seriously assist you in the long run, e.g., you won't have to scratch your head and spend time wondering why you keep coming across two different lapel types on tailcoat fashion plates if you're aware that both peak tips and shawl collars were in vogue in the late 1880s and the '90s.

I'll put some basic information that I've collected for myself here so you don't have to go looking for it; I'm going to write this assuming you're a newborn baby deer poking your nose into the victorian era for the first time in your life fully unaware of the customs.

reference links for the wayfarer so you don't have to scroll all the way to the bottom:

Etiquette books. Look for anything written in the 80s/90s; again, period trends change. There's usually always a section on how men should be dressing on different occasions (weddings, funerals, daily casual travel, etc.) in these. In an ideal world one would only have to reference books written/published in London, however I've found that there are many more from US. This is fine though IMO, there was a lot of cross-talk between countries due to the implementation of the telegraph and hence a lot of etiquette standards are "universal" (it's why fashion between EU/US/AU can look pretty similar at the same time--they were all talking to each other). If there's a difference between the "New York" way of doing things and the "London" way of doing things, the authors usually point this out. kind of funny. I love reading these, they're also very good for understanding the general quirks of late Victorian society and how the standards at the time characterize their behavior.

The National Portrait Gallery (link is an advanced search; you can change the dates. I set the results to be located in "london")

Victoria & Albert museum online gallery

The Met museum online gallery (in general for clothes on mannequins, but they also list an archive of fashion plates here, separated by year. A lot of them are misfiled though so be wary of that)

Alamy website. genuinely one of the most all-encompassing resources I've used, I use it for everything and especially when I'm into period pieces. "boy 188*" "man 1880s portrait" "man 188* suit" etc. you find a lot of illustrations from the time period this way too. it fucking rules. my computer is on the brink of crashing 24/7 because I keep too many alamy tabs open at all times. A lot of really good Vanity Fair illustrations are on here too, just plug it in with a year and see what pops up.

Sites like this (Gentleman's Gazette) with little articles giving a run-down of period clothing can be helpful...... to an extent. idk. I don't really trust them. GG is solid for the most part and so is The Black Tie Blog and Victorian Web, but I've spotted too many errors on other sites to trust anything they say wholesale. Fashion Institute of Technology is worth mentioning as well, though, despite their coverage on men's fashion being pretty brief. Goes by decade, though, with a lot of information on women/children's fashion, too (it's very interesting! I linked their 1880s fashion rundown, highly recommend going through it, especially the Aestheticism segment). TL;DR: My advice when it comes to website hopping is "stick with primary sources".

How to Read a Suit (A Guide to Changing Men’s Fashion from the 17th to the 20th Century) by Lydia Edwards. Look this up on libgen. It's broken down into chunks of decades; REAAALLLYY recommend reading the introduction to "Chapter 4: 1860-1899". Probably the most historically informative consolidation of relevant fashion information in one place. Very interesting writing, pretty short too. If you're gonna read one thing out of this whole list, make it this.

The Dictionary of Fashion History by Valerie Cumming. look this up on libgen. for when you don't understand what some article or book is talking about and google will not give you answers. as it is it wont to do. (could not wrap my head around top frocks until this point; the wikipedia article for it is quite frankly embarrassing.)

here's my google drive of fashion for this time period, I had just been keeping these on local folders but I think drive would be better so I started transferring them here... compiled myself. this is a "work in progress" and will be updated.

I am going to write a bit about men's fashion at the time period under the cut because I think it's important to understand, if you don't know much about the victorian period, that the dress decorum was heavily emphasized and if you wore the wrong ensemble in the wrong setting everyone WOULD think you were ill-bred and would not invite you back into their home again. because just seeing you exist like that was impolite and quite frankly very embarrassing to witness. these resources are great but not if you don't know where and when these guys would be wearing these things... for instance i know the fashion plate archive there are some drawings of men in livery and you may be tempted to put dio in something like this because WOW! they do look kind of cool. with the big brass buttons... but I think he would more readily batter another human being physically than dress up like a butler at a dinner party and get mistaken for a butler. it's the little things.

first thing: you were expected to dress differently for different times of day. This consists of: morning dress, afternoon dress (semi-formal; not really "mandatory" except at special events, like weddings, at least for men), and evening dress (anything past 6 o'clock or "by candle light" is the general rule).

here are overview excerpts from Modern Etiquette in Public and Private published by Frederick Warne and Co. in 1887:

and excerpts from The Complete Bachelor: Manners for Men by Walter Germain, written in 1896:

Cecil B. Hartley states in his Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness (1860) that "by dress we show our respect for society at large, or the persons with whom we are to mingle".

He advised men that there were “shades of being ‘dressed;’ and a man is called ‘little dressed,’ ‘well dressed,’ and ‘much dressed,’ not according to the quantity but the quality of his coverings.”

Black was "the" color. As Lydia Edwards writes in How to Read a Suit (2020), "while it is unrealistic to imagine that all men everywhere only wore black, the acceptable color palette was certainly more limited at this point than it had been for the first half of the century. The rising professional middle classes seemed to embrace a centuries-old association with black for certain professions, which perhaps made this an inevitable choice for the evolving and expanding world of work in the nineteenth century."

I'm going to add illustrations now; humbly request you ignore how terrible the paint canvases i threw things in. Things to note moving forward:

there were three different types of shirt collars in vogue at the time: stiff, high stand collars that hugged your neck, wing-tip collars, and one that's closer to the "regular" collars you typically see nowadays (banker collar). don't really see the last one in any of the fashion plates but you do see it in portraits.

Do note that walking sticks were commonplace and in fact expected to be touted around, hence why they (in addition to umbrellas) keep reappearing in the illustrations;

(1890)

Frock coats were the most "formal" of the daywear. When going through the National Portrait Gallery website you'll notice that most men are wearing either a morning coat or frock coat; the lounge coat was still too informal to be considered for how much money you'd spend to get a photograph taken. Don't you want to look nice?

Lounge suits, again, were the ultimate "informal"; they were viewed with distain by the frock-coat. (here's a good thread on this, actually; i love this fucking guy lol). really, really don't think Dio would be wearing one that often. maybe a double-breasted one? i really think he's too much of a snob to wear what he sees as filthy poor people rags. appearance is everything, etc.

~~~

waistcoats you have a lot of freedom/liberty with, at least in regard to design (except for evening waistcoats). different lapel shapes, no lapels... unfortunately shifting into the later decades of the 19th century it was pretty much expected that the fabric of your waistcoat match the fabric of your suit (along with your trousers; called a "ditto suit"). jonathan would conform to this mode IMO, i don't think it stops dio. he has a vision & his waistcoats are likely very extensively detailed. actually I just remembered that we do see one as depicted by araki's tenuous grasp of historical fashion and it is. awesome. i, too, love to wear cravats directly underneath my shirt

(1891 / 1892)

~~~

Evening dress is (comparatively) much more simple & men had much less artistic freedom in their choice of dress: black tailcoat, white gloves, white tie, waistcoat in either black or white, black button boots. Regardless, it was its own beast in the fact that this was something that you really weren't supposed to dick around with. (Dio would've found a way, but that's a discussion for a post that isn't crashing every 3 minutes.) From A Gentleman by Maurice Francis Egan (1893):

If a young man is invited to a dinner or to a great assembly in any large city, he must wear a black coat. A gray or colored coat worn after six o’clock in the evening, at any assembly where there are ladies, would imply either disrespect or ignorance on the part of the wearer. In most cities he is expected to wear the regulation evening dress, the “swallow-tail” coat of our grandfathers, and, of course, black trousers and a white tie. In London or New York or Chicago a man must follow this last custom or stay at home. He has his choice. The “swallow-tail” coat is worn after six o’clock in the evening, never earlier, in all English-speaking countries.

(1885 (misfiled) / 1888 / 1888 / 1890)

MET evening suit ca. 1888; different aspects of the ensemble displayed solo at this link.

In the 80s the "dinner jacket" ("tuxedo" in US) was introduced. It was used for more informal occasions.

final evening dress "tips":

~~~

Outerwear was pretty varied… you can get a pretty wide dynamic of form depending on choice of coat, so keep that in mind. chesterfields tended to be pretty formless, top frocks a bit more fitted. Length/density would change depending on season, too.

~~~

Children's fashion:

end notes:

everyone would be wearing suspenders, not belts; belts were pretty much only worn with military uniform at this time (except in america)

sweater vests were really only considered sportswear until the first few decades of the 1900s. they would not be wearing these casually under jackets, they'd be wearing waistcoats

button boots were buttoned using a special button hook. video demonstration

NOTE: trousers being "creased" began to be more in vogue in the 90s; this is because they finally invented the trouser press. read article for more information--you sometimes see creases in the 80s, really not before then though. look at how they bunch at the knee (c.1880s)!

When it comes to gloves, different colors denoted different occasions to wear them. In the text screenshots provided in previous sections, it usually states which colors are appropriate for whichever situation. The paragraph I am about to end this on is relatively useless, but I thought I'd include it anyway:

#ask #dio brando #jonathan joestar #phantom blood #I make myself sick going through fashion plates and the costume archives on museum websites identifying dio outfits regularly #that one image in the frock coat graphic reminds me so much of jeremy strong...kendall will get his day on ottiliere someday. but not today #I'll probably add to this post as I remember or discover more things to add. we're all on a journey of learning...together #posts that crashed one million times while editing #there was a lot more I wanted to add to this but every time i click something in here the entire post crashes. so i am leaving it #also FYI: i don't have a degree in this or nothing. I am a hobbyist victorian enthusiast. don't think anything is wrong in here especially #considering I cite sources but yaknow. <-disclaimer

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myriadium · 2 years ago

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If you can't read the notes, I'll write them here:

terrible eyesight

shoulder length hair (naturally black)

modern hanfu (w/ pockets!)

roots growing in

1 mole below right eye

flower hairclip (gifted by jo)

Chan Lee's appearance in the original show pissed me off; the writers went crazy with the stereotypes (Trope Bingo), I half expected them to make a dog eating joke in the show. Also the way her name is so similar to Chun-Li? Her name is so unnatural and I think I'm gonna go crazy if I talk about it any more.

Anyway here is her character info: Chansheng Li, she/her, 20, pan, 5'2'', chinese.

Since her Bakugan is based off of the Asura in Buddhism, I think it'd be cool if she was Buddhist. I have yet to do research on the Buddhism religion so I won't say anything about that right now.

I know I mentioned martial arts as a negative for Chan, but I really really want Shun and Chan to fight, so I'm gonna have her know martial arts, but I'll have to do the research to make it a well fleshed out character trait, rather than a nebulous "she knows kung fu" kinda trait. Imma have her know Southern Praying Mantis style, which you might also know as Toph Bei Fong's bending style in Avatar: the Last Airbender. I also don't know anything about martial arts, but mark my words, Shun and Chan will fight!

I haven't given much thought on her job but someone who becomes one of the top international players probably don't have a life, so I'm making her a trust fund baby who spends her free time playing Bakugan and gardening.

SO! I've decided to do some more research and rework her character. Chan wears a qi pao in the original show, which is mostly to accentuate her curves. Sexism in Bakugan strikes again. I prefer hanfus anyway, so because I want to maintain the modern and traditional vibe, she's getting a plain button up with a hanfu dress. I wanted to give her a flower motif, and I had initially decided on a peony, but since her surname, 李, means plum, I might change into a plum blossom.

I stole the outfit wholesale from this amazing photo:

Speaking of her name, buckle up because I spent way too long nitpicking different characters for her name.

Chan's name is Chansheng Li. Written as 李婵胜, pronounced lǐ chán shèng (In Chinese, the surname is said first).

李 is a very common surname. I think Li is a more common romanization of the character in mainland China, while Lee used in places that don't really abide by pinyin rules (in Canto speaking places you can also write her name as 李嬋勝). So if you write Chansheng Lee it is also correct!

婵 (chán) is what's known as a "meaningless bound form", which means it doesn't mean a specific word by itself, only when it's paired with other characters. The sign on the left, 女, means girl, so this character is very feminine, and anyone reading this name would know that she's a girl. General vibes mean "graceful" or "lovely".

胜 (shèng) means victory. It's quite a masculine name, but paired with 婵 it provides a nice balance, I think. Due to this, just by hearing her name, you would have no idea that Chan is a woman.

婵胜 (chán shèng) sounds like 常胜 (cháng shèng), which loosely translates to "often suceeds". Chinese parents like naming kids like good luck charms, so I think this is a realistic thing to name Chan.

A fun side note, I had originally considered 嫦 (cháng), which is the same first character as the Chinese moon goddess Chang'e (嫦娥). Funnily enough, 胜 (shèng)'s left character, 月, means moon! Additionally, 嫦's right character, 常, also means "often", which is what I used in the previous point!

With a name as long as Chansheng, some people might shorten it and call her Chan, but I remember the original show only referring her with her full name, and also Chan sounds kinda weird on its own. As such, I will refer to her as Chan, but realistically the characters would call her her full given name.

I'd also like to add a disclaimer that, even though I did my best with research, I'm not very connected to Chinese culture, so please let me know if any of these things are inaccurate (I would love to see sources as well lmao)! Also note that China is a very diverse place, so do not take my characterization of Chan as a representation of the whole country!!

#bakugan #chan lee

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brattyvice · 24 days ago

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SPOTTED 📸: Kim Kardashian cheapening another event and archived Mugler…

Fashion Icon or Fluke? Kim Kardashian stepped onto the pop culture scene as one of the most hated socialites in Hollywood. From being Paris Hilton’s closet cleaner and shunned from fashion’s elite spaces, to becoming the muse of one of hip-hop’s most decorated artists and gracing the cover of Vogue — Kim has clearly come a long way from her boutique days.

With the help of Black culture and it's men, Kim went from Hervé Léger bodycon dresses and platform Louboutins, to being the most copied figure in the late-2010s. Fast forward to her divorce, and we’re being shown that Kim was never the mastermind behind her iconic fashions, which makes me question why she’s still allowed to touch precious pieces from legacy designers like Mugler.

Kim was cute when Kanye knew what to do with her, but now, with him gone, it’s like she cheapens everything she puts on her body. It’s almost as if she lacks the creativity, vision, and substance needed to bring such looks to life.

Fashion designer or wholesaler? She isn’t a fashion designer; she’s the face of a clothing brand. Traditional fashion designers are hands-on with sketches, fabric selection, and the overall creative direction.

Though Kim has built a successful fashion brand with Skims, let’s be clear: her role in the creative process is minimal if not nonexistent.

Kim is involved in the branding process and business strategy of Skims. Her success can largely be credited to her partnerships with vendors and design teams who execute these visions. No matter who is responsible, just know it isn't Kim. There's this constant issue of her not having ideas of her own to use, contributing to public's view of her being 'worthless'.

Her branding what is in my opinion, knock off Naked Wardrobe pieces, was fking genius. But not in a way that relates to fashion, further pushing her away from the genre.

Law Career… Kim Kardashian’s odd era of trying to enter the legal world has sparked admiration from heauxs and skepticism from those with common sense. While she has passed the California "baby bar" exam and is working toward becoming a lawyer, many critics argue that her hunger to be in front of a camera and lack of personality, will hinder her legal efforts in the courtroom.

Her insistent involvement in high-profile criminal justice reform cases, are nothing but P.R. stunts to get her name into the justice spaces.

Outside of running her mouth and attaching herself to more of Black people’s business, let’s be clear: it was the efforts of real legal teams, activists, and others who were responsible for the positive outcomes of these cases. Kim was, once again, merely a face.

Kim's burning desire to be a figure the public takes seriously will never be achieved because she came out of the gate with a sullied image.

It’s been how long since her infamous sex tape? Doesn’t matter, people still regard her as a wh*re with no talent.

Not only is she a prime example of why you should never heaux yourself out for fame, she also represents what happens when you do nothing but take ideas from others to succeed. You must have something of your own if you want to sustain an image that will allow you to switch lanes from a pointless socialite who blew up off a sextape, to a lawyer people will take seriously. This isn't a personal opinion, it's how society is.

She has what most would call an 'unnecessary' amount of money and still she can’t get the one thing she wants the most; To be taken seriously by the public.

#brattyvice #fashion #fashion designer #pink blog #pink aesthetic #pop culture #kim kardashian #keeping up with the kardashians

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luluclothes03 · 7 months ago

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Wholesale Back to School Dresses for Girls | Lulu Clothes

Find stylish and affordable wholesale back-to-school dresses for girls at Lulu Clothes. Explore our collection for trendy options perfect for the new school year!

#wholesale clothing #baby boutique online #wholesale girl dresses

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sebengineer101 · 1 month ago

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The Queen of the Huggies Pull-Ups

The Queen of the Huggies Pull-Ups has recently bought 3 boxes of Huggies Pull-Ups Plus+ training pants for Girls (4T-5T, 102 count) with exclusive Disney Princess designs from Costco, one of North America's largest wholesalers. This beautiful little girl is none other than Cuban-American singer, songwriter and member of Fifth Harmony, the iconic and legendary Camila Cabello. The 27-year-old popstar known for the 2016 hit Havana mostly wears Huggies Pull-Ups whenever she has her period.

Camila also wears size 6 Pampers at night to prevent any bedwetting accidents and also wears the Lion King Huggies diapers when she flies with Qantas as the toilets inside their planes are an absolute germaphobe. Camila's partner would even dress her up as a baby, make her suck on a pacifier, change her diaper and treat her like a 4-year-old. Camila likes to wear kids' clothes (mostly for 8-14 year olds) because she likes the feel of the tight fittings. However, she sometimes would wear adult-sized diapers and Goodnites for extra protection. Camila actually reminds me of a little 12-year-old girl who will come up to you and tap on your shoulder.

#camila cabello #pull ups #ab/dl diaper #ab/dl girl #ab/dl #huggies #diaper little #little girl #singer #fifth harmony #havana #c xoxo

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miraculosus · 2 years ago

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Fandom Response to Miraculous Ladybug 514 “Derision”

Reception of the episode “Derision” upon airing appears mostly positive. That means it won’t create a dramatic rift as some of those who saw the leaks had feared, and the status quo of the fandom seems more or less undisturbed on the surface. Perhaps it pumps a bit more gas into the righteousness tanks of some and sours opinions of Kim (but those who really cared about him were few to begin with). Most are integrating the new information into their understanding of the characters, which may be a bad thing if you don’t like this new information and prefer to stick to “earlier versions” of them.

My own personal feelings on the matter are neither here nor there because the discourse is the main course. I’ve written three mock-reviews based on all the posts I’ve seen: positive, negative, and mixed. Let’s go!

Positive

What an enlightening look into Marinette’s past. My poor baby girl! I love her so much, and it hurt my heart to see how much she suffered in the past. This was a deeply moving and impactful depiction of the horrors and effects of school bullying, and even the systemic inadequacy of the adults response was realistic. Some parts hit a little too close to home, haha! It recontextualizes so many of Marinette’s past behaviors big and small all the way back to Origins in an amazing way. Her view of Chat Noir in season 1! Her reaction to Adrien in Puppeteer 2?! So many dots are connecting I’m going crazy! How can people say these writers aren’t good at long complex plots and foreshadowing? I’m eating this up!

Adrien’s responses really blew me away. I’ve always wanted to see him stand up and fight like that, and for it to be out of protectiveness for Marinette? So romantic! I love when a character is so devoted that they’ll go murder-mode instantly on anyone who tries to hurt their beloved. This dark side of Adrien is awesome! Seeing him finally cut off Chloe once and for all was super satisfying too. And in the end, he was just so patient and understanding of Marinette. That’s true love! Who could ask for a better boyfriend?

Socqueline was super cool, and it’s adorable how Marinette got her pigtails from her. That makes Socqueline dressing up as Ladybug such a sweet full circle moment!

This episode added a lot of depth to both Marinette and Adrien, and showed great development for Adrinette. They are so cute, and things are only getting better for them!

Negative

It’s glaringly obvious that this episode was a late-stage retcon created predominantly out of spite, and boy is it ugly. Somehow, they managed to ruin every character.

With Marinette, they try to prove her haters wrong and make us feel bad for her by showing her past actions were due to trauma, but all this does is tell us those things we laughed about as comedic cartoon exaggeration like her Adrien calendar, obsessive celebrity research, keeping his hair as a souvenir, sneaking into his house and sniffing his pillow, stuff like that… was actually genuinely problematic, creepy, and bad. Then they say don’t blame her for it, blame Chloe!

Could they leave Chloe out of it for once? I’m so sick and tired of the weird vendetta the writers seem to have against Chloe and her fans. They made her sympathetic by giving her that backstory and those genuine moments, now they punish us for not buying wholesale that this 14-year-old abused child who was never equipped to learn to be a decent person, is the root of all evil? We get it! Shes fucking sociopathic and malicious from womb to tomb! She’s worse than Gabriel ShadowHawkMothNarc Righteously-Enslaves-His-Son Agreste! I can accept the show will never give her a redemption arc, but this is exhausting. Love or hate Chloe, wouldn’t we all be better off if they just left her alone and wrote her out already? Every Chloe focus episode gets worse and worse.

Moving on, now they’ll make everyone hate Kim which was completely unwarranted. He already had his background arc from being a bumbling insensitive twat to a lovable goofy himbo. He may have been worse last year, but he denounced Chloe already after Dark Cupid. Plus, Kim and Marinette always got along just fine! Don’t try and tell me her trauma with him was just repressed until now? Kim was a great and fun side character that subverted the bully jock trope, and they had to go and ruin that for cheap points.

Adrien already had realistic and compelling character flaws they now refuse to address, instead going with the edgy murderous rage angle that completely goes against his whole established character and should have been left behind in bad OOC gender-roley fanfiction. Of course the Adrien Salters will never let this go, and then there are the Stans who think this glaring red flag is romantic. I get that some like the violently overprotective boyfriend trope, the guy who abandons principles of human decency out of passion and love, and takes care of all the girl’s emotional needs so she never needs to worry about anything, but it came out of nowhere. That’s not the kind of character or romance that made me like this show.

Finally, we have to mention how horrifically incompetent literally every adult looks here. Tom and Sabine didn’t do anything about Marinette’s suffering at school for years. Neither did any of the teachers or the Principal. They’re all rotten!

An utterly unnecessary and trash episode that proves the writers completely lost the plot and devolved into petty vengeance against insatiable fans they never should have paid any mind.

Mixed

School bullying can absolutely be traumatic and its effects should be taken seriously, and this backstory for Marinette does flesh out her character in some interesting ways. However, this episode or any involving Marinette’s past would work better earlier in the series. When placed this late, it can seem more like a response to a certain sect of Marinette critics in the fandom, which diminishes its value as part of the story. With all the other high-stakes plot left hanging, another one about the mean girl doesn’t feel like the most effective use of airtime. Moreover, a different one-off character (Gorgeous Nathan from the Gym Club, anyone? Or maybe one of the others shown in last year’s picture from Reflekta) would have worked fine in Kim’s role in the episode, and wouldn’t create the continuity issues that using Kim here does. But the contrast between his apology and promise to change and Chloe’s refusal and doubling down worked for the lesson.

There wasn’t buildup to Socqueline having such a major role in Marinette’s past, so that makes it feel shoehorned in as well.

Many apparent inconsistencies can be explained though. Marinette’s hang up is not about falling in love but about confessing and saying “I love you”. Luka never asked that of her. At first, Chat Noir was not a viable option because she could never know him the way she told herself she had to, but later, she realized she truly knew him through all the trials they endured together. But Adrien is a uniquely difficult target because he was friends with Chloe. The circumstances of their meeting was enough to sow seeds of doubt that were difficult to shake deep down. Marinette gave her all, but things kept going wrong. Now that she finally knows why, she and Adrien can work through it together. He already knows she loves him and will patiently accept whatever affection she’s able to express, so it’s not the end of the world.

As for Adrien’s violent outburst, as far as he knows, Monarch is still in ok condition. So he may believe on some level that cataclysm is not an instant kill but something rather less severe than that. He did lose control of his emotions for a moment, but it’s good for a character to have such flaws, especially one like Adrien who has repressed his negative emotions to be a “perfect son” in the past. His anger management issue and impulsivity could be building to something truly dramatic. It could be something that gets addressed in his character arc.

So there are things that bothered me about this episode, and it does seem to have been inserted fairly late, but overall it was alright and not nearly as awful as the reactions to the leaks made it seem.

#ml derision #ml spoilers #ml meta #ml meta meta #lol

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