#awareness? except i am aware. i am acutely aware that im simply doing for the sake of doing and passing time slowly and not in a soothing
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I have been having a hard time falling asleep lately like not as bad as pre-taking sleeping meds ... it only takes an hour to be snorking and mimiming but my body hurts all over and I toss and turn and I can't get my brain to Shut UP no matter how exhausted I am it's the worst like I just have to wait for the sleeping pills to take over bc otherwise I could probably stay up for 3 hours trying to sleep without them
#-_-#also today i was thinking in circles in the shower. i was in there for FORTY MINUTES i exited feeling dehydrated as fuck lol#it's all just 'im so tired. why am I trying so hard. this is trying? all i do is try to be normal and i call this trying hard? but it is'#'it is hard. for me right now it's hard. and im trying. but it sucks because it all feels so wishy washy lackluster slowed down bleak dull'#'like. it's like I'm going through the motions except im very aware of the motions so im forcing myself to go through them but then that#wouldnt be going through the motions would it? because doesn't that expression imply a sort of mindlessness and robotic behaviour lacking#awareness? except i am aware. i am acutely aware that im simply doing for the sake of doing and passing time slowly and not in a soothing#way but rather in a way that feels draining and exhausting#and im almost always dreading the next task and almost always unsatisfied at the end of each day'#good grief.#z.post
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OOF BESTIE. 70 FROM THAT PROMPT LIST FOR STEVE???? IM 🫠🫠🫠🫠
#70 from this prompt list coming up bestie. I am...thirsty and so is he apparently. Also the amount of time I spent sitting here looking at #70 like tf do I write is embarrassing.
pairing: Steve Harrington/Female Reader
warnings/extra tags: explicit smut, MINORS DNI, oral/female receiving, beta read for the validation i crave by the literal requester :') , consensual morning sex if it wasn't clear I apologize
You were having a pretty pleasant dream, something about a beach day with your family and your boyfriend. It was weird, considering you have been to the beach only once as a kid on your first and only vacation to California.
In your dream, you were laying in the sand, burying your fingers and curling your toes into the warm grains of sand beneath you while you listened to the waves crashing against the shore. The sun beaming above you had engulfed you in a blissful warmth, and it caused pleasant tremors to erupt across your skin.
It made you sigh, and stretch your legs out more, causing the sand to rub against your skin. Then, there was a different sensation, and your body twitched upward as it started in the space between your legs.
Your body shuddered again, and you were pulled from your dreamscape slowly, the waves of the beach fading in the distance and the hot sand underneath you turning into a bed instead.
Now, your back was against the once cool sheets of Steve's bed, your head buried into one of his comfortable pillows and your hands were gripping at the fabric beneath you instead of the sand, crinkling it beneath your finger tips as you felt the sensation of licking between your legs.
You released a breathy moan then, your eyes fluttering open and casting downward to see the familiar, messy brown hair that belonged to Steve between your thighs.
His wet tongue was flat against your cunt, lapping at your folds in a languid and relaxed pace.
"Steve," you hummed sleepily.
He lifted his head up then, his lips were wet and shiny in the half-lit up room from the sun peeking through his curtains.
"Oh, good morning," he told you with a small smirk, "Did I wake you?"
You scoffed softly, but smiled sleepily regardless, "I was having this dream..."
"Oh really?" he replied before he began to place delicate kisses onto your inner thighs now, eyes remaining on yours as you laid back, "What was it about?"
"I was on the beach," you told him after a long sigh as he sucked onto the skin of your thighs, "You were there for like a second, but I was mostly laying in the sand and enjoying the warmth."
"That sounds nice," Steve replied as he gave the same attention to your other leg.
"Yeah, but not as nice as this," you admitted, making Steve chuckle softly. You and Steve had discussed things like this before, if waking each other up with sex was okay, he'd even tell you when he was planning on doing it and you remembered the night before he had asked you if he could.
He latched his lips back onto your dripping cunt then. You moaned quietly, capturing your bottom lip between your teeth as he worked his tongue between your folds.
Your toes curled like they had in the sand in your dream, and your legs twitched, gently locking Steve's head between your thighs because you knew he never minded it, in fact, he actually encouraged it.
You knew he was in the mood to take his time with you with how slow he was licking you, that right now he simply wanted to drink you up and taste you on his lips. He's made it clear how much he loved to eat your pussy, as you've spent many nights with just him tearing orgasm after orgasm from you with just his mouth and tongue.
Except, you were acutely aware that there were things you needed to do today, important things that involved working and getting a paycheck, but as his tongue circled around your clit before diving back into your pussy, you were perfectly content with being just a little late.
You writhed underneath Steve, moaning out his name in quiet pants that were no more louder than the filthy sound of him eating your pussy.
You felt yourself reaching that peak with every glide of tongue, and released the sheets to go to your clit, determined to reach your orgasm when your hand was slapped away.
You whimpered in discontent, and confusion and looked down at Steve to see him shooting you a little playful glare.
"No," he told you firmly, "I'm supposed to make you feel good."
You were going to respond, but his lips were on your clit, circling it with the tip of his tongue. Your hand returned to grip the sheets as his talented tongue stimulated your clit and your back arched upwards.
You gradually got louder, your once quiet moans of his name now louder as he got you closer to your release and it only urged him to work his tongue faster until you were coming undone underneath him, especially when he sunk a single finger into your cunt.
You were coming on his mouth before you knew it, and Steve's attention left your clit to drink up your release like he always did. You were breathing heavily then, as your satisfied body relaxed and came down from your orgasm. You released the sheets to instead run your hand through your boyfriend's brown hair.
"...good morning," you finally told him as he looked up at you again, this time it was only his lips wet but his chin too, a sight that had you shuddering, "Very good morning."
He grinned almost smugly at you, and licked his lips before saying, "It's still early enough to make it an even better one."
You laughed at him, flashing your eyes toward the clock while not stopping him from kissing your thighs again. You settled back comfortably into his bed once you saw what time it was, and moaned when his mouth was back on you.
#not me listening to ariana grande because of our convo while writing this LMAO#steve said god is a woman still has me alsjslkajsalkj#catch me swooning at my own work???#steve harrington#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x you#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington smut
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Derek would ask Spencer to explain how he feels about u to try and get him to understand that he’s in love with you but Spencer would just be like... is that not friendship?
god this idea is so fucking good but. i didn’t do it justice cause i went down a way more serious route :p 1.4k words, gn!reader
the team have been trying tirelessly to get spencer to just... see. what the rest of them see. the longing, lingering looks and requests to work together, the subtle touches that are so sweet in themselves but, with the added knowledge that spencer is Spencer, its...well, the team knows what they see. spencer is just lagging behind a little.
they try a whole plethora of methods. everyone talks to him and spencer either doesn’t connect the dots or simply says “we’re just friends!” and emily gets so frustrated she flicks spencer on the forehead and leaves a mark (i ask you picture pure, innocent spencer sat at his desk, watching emily’s retreating form with nothing but a puppy-dog confused expression and a red dent in the middle of his forehead).
penelope is at her wits end, so derek decides to step up and retry a very basic method: talking spencer through how he feels for you. surely he’s self-aware enough that he’ll hear himself and hear how un-friendlike it all sounds and... tada! love.
but it’s never quite as easy as you’ll think it’ll be, is it?
spencer should’ve known something was amiss when derek asked him if he wanted to hang out and let him choose where they would go - spencer? being allowed to choose where to hang out after work? have you ever heard of something called a red flag?
so spencer chooses a cafe which - immediately, the second they step through the doorway - spencer has a joy to him, telling derek about the last time you and him came here and what you ordered and what you thought of it and all these details that even the most attentive best friend wouldn’t think were anything more than trivial matters. he remembers the shape you tore your napkin into, for goodness sake. in what realm is that friendly behaviour?
then, to make matters worse, spencer, mid-walk to a table in the corner by a large window, abruptly changes directions, making derek almost spill his coffee. spencer apologies, then says they can’t sit in that booth cause that’s where you and spencer sit and - well. that’s your and spencer’s place, you can’t disrupt that! friends! friendly things and friends doing friendly stuff. friendship.
derek gives this scoff that spencer is so used to he barely reacts. when they sit, spencer is acutely aware that derek is staring - furrowed brows and this intense, firm gaze that only appears when he’s thinking. spencer’s only slightly intimidated.
he’s never been able to lie to derek. he’s never been a good liar, period. he’s good at omissions and burying himself and his emotions but, god, if someone asks just the right question, he’ll fold like the cheap deckchair he truly is.
and derek... derek knows spencer better than he knows himself sometimes.
(is there anyone else that has similar qualities? no. of course not. only his best pal derek and not a colleague/very pretty person known as You)
a question. a question is all it takes.
“so, you and y/n come here a lot?”
derek’s starting light and spencer is so enthralled at the mention of you every worry he had about why he’s here with derek and why derek is looking at him like that flies out the window.
“we do! actually, it’s the perfect meeting spot; the most convenient distance between our apartments and we both have favourite drinks here. we’ve become regulars, actually, so we make a habit of coming at least once a week at a minimum-“
and he keeps going, sweetly reminiscing about the first time you visited to the silly games you’ve created - because you’ll spend that long here, sitting opposite each other and just each other - and derek wonders how spencer doesn’t see it. doesn’t see the way he lights up at the mention of you, rambles like you’re a statistic spencer’s known for years and can’t help but��bestow on everyone at every opportunity, not to mention the physical reaction he has to you. you’re not even present and spencer is wide-eyed, rosy cheeked, permanent curl to either side of his lips that looks involuntary.
he’s in love with you. his entire self, from head to toe, from mind to soul. everyone can see it, except you and him, apparently.
“they make you happy, huh?”
“well, obviously,” spencer hehs, “they’re my best friend.”
there’s an opportunity here, shyly gleaming from the corner of the conversation and derek digs it out. “you got a definition for best friend, reid?”
spencer’s taking a sip of his drink, but is happy to share his knowledge. he’s not quite as bright when he’s saying it. “a best friend has many definitions. friendship itself is usually defined as a relationship of mutual affection between people - it is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association, and has been studied in multiple academic fields-“
derek hums, encouraging him to keep going. he’ll get there.
and he does, after delving a little too far into the nature versus nurture debate.
“id consider you a best friend. jj, too. and garcia, of course. except... except with y/n it’s- it’s different.”
derek pretends to be shocked. “how’s that?”
“well... they have all the qualities id want in a friend - honesty, generosity, empathy...humour-“ spencer smiles to himself, small and intimate, remembering an inside joke between the two of you. “but they’re more than that, too. they’re there for me - not-not that you guys aren’t there for me too-“ derek just raises an eyebrow. “but...it’s different, with them. it always is.”
the shift of topic from friendship to you has spencer unfocused on his surroundings, eyes glazed over as he stares to the side of derek, who feels like he’s intruding - he rarely understands what goes on in that big head of spencer’s, vast in it’s knowledge and memories and self-perception, but right now he’s confident he does.
it’s you. he’s thinking of you, the moments you have together - perhaps in this very cafe - that are reserved for spencer and spencer alone, a side of you derek will never know because it’s not his to know; it’s spencer’s, just as spencer is yours.
his voice is level but distant, the warning signs of that magnificent mind finding the pieces and putting them together. “i think-i think about them often. how they are, what they’re doing, if they’re thinking of me too. i know they’re only a text message away or-or, on cases, a few feet away... i guess i don’t want to seem clingy. or desperate.”
“they’d never think that. you know that, right?”
“i know. i-i know that. but-i don’t... i can’t.. i don’t want to risk losing them, i guess. one wrong move and they’ll realise what a-what a complete mess i am. ill unravel and they’ll see all the dark inside and they... they don’t deserve that.”
derek goes to interrupt, because god is spencer wrong, but he doesn’t have the chance.
“they deserve love and laughter and everything i can’t give them if they... if they get too close.” now, spencer brings himself to look derek in the eye. there’s a seriousness there, a solemn stand that spencer doesn’t often take. “i can’t lose them, morgan. i can’t.” his hands tighten around his coffee cup. “i want them here, with me, for as long as i can convince them to stay. i don’t want to be selfish, i don’t- i don’t mean to be, but. i want this. i want them. every day for the rest of my life, i want them. i choose them. im just terrified they’ll see me and... they won’t choose me.”
there’s an expected silence that befalls the two of them, the busting background noise of the cafe the only moving piece. does he get it now? does he understand what has motivated every thought and feeling? every worry and action?
“reid,” derek says, softly, in a tone that has spencer straightening his back. “that’s not... that’s not just friendship. you know that, right? you can see that?”
spencer blinks.
no. you’re friends - close friends, yes, but friends nonetheless.
but he thinks back to what he’s just said -
he’d say the same for jj, right? for penelope, and for derek. even gideon, perhaps.
except... no. he wouldn’t. it’s for you, he’s for you, all of it and all of him.
and then the picture is as clear as day. no fog, no obscurity, no hesitance - and spencer’s relieved. relieved that finally, finally, he can put all of his feelings into one simple sentence.
“im in love with them.”
“yeah,” derek says, leaning back against the booth. “yeah, reid, you are.”
#headcanons#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you#criminal minds x reader#spencer reid fanfiction#i did not.. expect this to be over 1000 words my deepest condolences#mine#i hope at least one person likes this#india if u see this im sorry u had to put up with my breakdown over this woukd u like me to send u flowers#q
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